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Graceful Parenting with Amy Hayes
200 Plays11 months ago
The sister's have Amy Hayes back on for an unforgettable episode about how we can parent from the Tree of Life.
"The Church has taught a behavior-focused parenting approach. Yet the Bible tells us over and over that all behavior begins in the heart. Until we address the heart, parents get stuck in an endless cycle of behavior management."
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Transcript
Introduction: Meet the Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the girl I slept in my makeup podcast by three sisters who live in three different cities are at three different life stages and have three different perspectives. They are excited to learn and grow alongside of you. This is a space full of love and acceptance. No judgment because let's face it. We all sleep in our makeup. Please welcome Lauren, Megan and Kristen.
Mindset Coaching with Megan
00:00:25
Speaker
So y'all have heard me talk about mindset with Megan and how I'm so passionate about helping people break free from thought patterns that have created strongholds in their life. And I wanted to share the company that has really helped empower me to get to this point of wanting to help other people change their lives like they've helped change mine. The company is called Voss Coaching Co. Their mission is to arm people with the information to change their lives
00:00:51
Speaker
and infuse them with the belief that anything is possible. They give specific step-by-step instruction holding you accountable to actually do the work and help you live a life of excellence consistently and long-term.
00:01:06
Speaker
They are passionate about helping you live your best life and I'd love for you to check them out. You can find them at VossCoachingCo.com and I hope you join some of their free webinars. They also offer personal mentorship, elite group coaching and corporate coaching. So check them out and let me know what you think. I hope you guys enjoy today's episode.
Introduction to 'Graceful Parenting' by Amy Hayes
00:01:27
Speaker
Hey sisters.
00:01:29
Speaker
Hi. Welcome to another week. We're so excited to have a guest back for the second time. I know we ended last episode with you, Amy, just being like, well, I feel like we need to have another conversation. So welcome back. This is Amy Hayes. Thank you. It's so good to be back. Yeah, I'm excited to share some more.
00:01:51
Speaker
Yay. And yeah, huge announcement since you have been away from us, you wrote a whole book called Graceful Parenting. And I can't wait to get into what it's about. Right. Well, you know, since we last talked, I did finish the book, but this book has been in the works for about six years, to be honest.
Questioning Christian Parenting Paradigms
00:02:13
Speaker
So it was back in 2017, through a personal experience in my life that the Lord
00:02:19
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literally commissioned me to write a book about parenting for the church. So I had been researching scripture for a while and that just took me really deep and too deep for a parenting book. And so, but I learned so much and I discovered that there is a blueprint in the scriptures for parenting because at first glance, it really doesn't look like there's much in the Bible about parenting, right? And that always kind of bothered me
00:02:48
Speaker
But I never really did anything about it until this experience. And then the Lord saying, I want you to write a book for the church. And prior to that, I just felt like that the paradigm around parenting in the church was so ingrained that there was no way I wanted to challenge that. But I felt like that what we've understood about Christian parenting for as long as I've been around,
00:03:18
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was very flawed and that it was not producing, you know, children who knew and loved God and, you know, statistically bears that out because
00:03:28
Speaker
For a long time now, decades, the statistics have shown that two out of three children raised in traditional Christian homes walk away from the faith as young adults. So the church has tried to address this issue, but the statistic itself tells us where the problem is coming from. It's from the home raised in Christian homes. It wasn't two out of three children who go to church.
00:03:51
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It's two out of three children raised in
Heart-Focused Parenting
00:03:53
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Christian homes. Now I will say the church has taught us how to parent. So, you know, it is the church that has this perspective on parenting that I never felt was father's heart. You know, I didn't get saved till I was 34 and I already had five kids and I had learned to parent peacefully from secular parenting classes. And to me, it's kind of sad that oftentimes
00:04:18
Speaker
the world progresses forward in understanding and the church stays stuck in traditions. And, you know, Jesus warned about that, that the traditions of men kept people from knowing Him. I mean, so we have to be really careful about, you know, why are we doing what we're doing? Why are we parenting the way we're parenting? Where did it come from?
00:04:41
Speaker
And have we really searched it out ourselves? And so I started this study at the Lord's Urging, and it was one condition. I said, Lord, I will write about parenting for the church. But I said, you're going to have to show me in the scriptures what I know your heart is. Because I knew that this overbearing, heavy-handed, my way or the highway authoritarian form of parenting was not the father.
00:05:08
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But sadly, that's the picture of the Father that so many Christians have. And it probably is because we tend to create our view of God the Father from how we're parented. So our earthly parents are the mirror as children through which we see and develop our view of our Heavenly Father. And so this book is interesting because
Impact of Parental Words on Identity
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Speaker
I've had several older people read it. They bought it for either their children to use with their grandchildren or a friend or something.
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and they read it and they experienced as grown adults with grown children.
00:05:43
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They experienced healing in their own heart because it undid some of that harsh parenting that they experienced as children when they understood that wasn't the father's heart. And I think you explain it. The church has taught a behavior-focused parenting, but the Bible tells us over and over again, it begins with the heart. And I just love that so much. Where in your study did that kind of come to you? Because that's like my favorite summary of the whole book.
00:06:11
Speaker
It is true. Well, God always works from the inside out. And I mean, I studied so many scriptures and it all kind of once you understand it, you're like, oh, that's the whole Bible. But we've gotten so focused on little verses. We miss the forest for the trees. But but, you know, first Samuel 16, seven tells us that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. And, you know, that Solomon told us above all else, guard your heart for out of it. Flow the issues of life as a man thinks in his heart. So is he.
00:06:41
Speaker
And out of the good treasure of his heart, a good man brings forth good things and an evil man, evil things. So, you know, the theme of the heart is all through the Bible. And then another thing that I discovered is that, you know, God never even addresses behavior. He always looks past our behavior and addresses our true identity. And, you know, the heart is, you know, another way to put it is the inner man. It's who we really are. You know, our body and our brain is, you know, personality is part of who we are, but our true
00:07:11
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identity is in our heart. And so addressing the heart is really addressing the true you. That's where the true you is. And so God always does that. He always sees us as the finished product and addresses us that way. So he sees from the scripture says he sees the end from the beginning. So he sees who he created you to be. And he speaks that into your heart. That was just a huge revelation when I saw that from the beginning to the end of scriptures that
00:07:40
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You know, you take Abraham, for example, he looked at a childless man, you know, unable to have children and called him the father of many nations. So rather than addressing his circumstances, he addressed his true identity, who God created him to be. And then you go all through scripture. You see, Moses was hiding on the backside of a mountain and he comes to him and he
00:08:01
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You're the deliverer of Israel. And he's like, I said, or don't know, don't send me. He sees himself differently than God. God never addressed the murder that Moses, he didn't, he never addressed the fact that he fled. He didn't even own up. He just, he's hiding, he's being a coward. He did that with Gideon as well. You go to the New Testament and there's Saul who was murdering Christians. And God never addresses his behavior. He encounters him and he reveals his true identity
00:08:32
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Saul. And then he begins to show Saul who he really is. And oftentimes he'll change the name to signify that new identity. But it's so powerful when you realize, I mean, we don't, we don't behave our way into favor with God. We don't behave our way into heaven. But as parents, we're so focused on behavior that we communicate to our children that their identity is tied to their behavior. And then they become performance oriented, become
00:09:02
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Oh, I have to be good so God will accept me, because that's the message they're getting from the traditional Christian parenting. Yeah, it's so beautiful. A couple weeks ago in church, ironically, he was talking about the Apostle Paul in Romans and how he changed his identity to believe in Christ. And he just mentioned that our identity, like what you're saying, determines everything we do. It determines what we think, what we speak.
00:09:30
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all of that. And so in theory, it sounds so simple, but I just feel in daily life, you know, just with everything, it's just, we, like you said, I loved that. I've never heard this, that analogy that you said we're so focused on the forest or I'm sorry, we miss the forest because we're so focused on the trees, but that's so true in so many areas of life, really. But yeah, just in parenting specifically, it's so easy that it's hard, you know,
00:09:57
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Yes. Well, and, you know, identity does determine behavior. Think about it. You know, a king acts like a king and a beggar acts like a beggar. But if the king doesn't know he's a king and thinks he's a beggar, he's going to act like a beggar. So whatever we think we are, we will be. And, you know, it's a very subtle shift when you begin addressing your child's identity. And, you know, identity doesn't have to be this big, huge spiritual thing.
00:10:25
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But it can be something as simple as making your bed. You're someone who
Spiritual Rebirth and Parenting
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always makes your bed. You're someone who always eats your vegetables. You know, I mean, because you think about it that we're created in God's image. Well, God has.
00:10:39
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you know, perfect character, perfect habits, you know, he doesn't have a body to take care of, but Jesus did. And so we're created to be just like him. And that includes the little things that you deal with on a day to day basis with your children. And so it's a real subtle shift. Like when I learned, when the Lord taught me this and I told my son, he was obedient rather than telling him to obey, it doesn't seem like it would make a big difference.
00:11:07
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It seems like, well, how is that even gonna work? And it's incredible because what I discovered was that our children, like we created their body and their brain, but there's that inner person that still, you know, needs to be molded. And if they don't know who they are, then it just kind of sits there dormant. And so when I told my son he was obedient, I could see him come to life.
00:11:37
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I could see his inner, his spirit kind of react. And I feel like, you know, the scripture tells us that in Adam, we all died, right? Well, we didn't die physically. We died spiritually in Adam. So our identity was lost. Adam and Eve lost their identity. They lost their spiritual identity because their spirits died. God said, in the day you eat that fruit, you will die.
00:12:00
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So something died that day. And if you go back and this is one of the things I studied out and that the Lord showed me, it was a spiritual death. So we all died spiritually. So our true identity, our spiritual identity is dead. It's dormant. And that's why Jesus said, you have to be born again. And it's a spiritual rebirth. Well, parents have the ability to assist or co-labor with God to bring that true spiritual identity back to life. And so when you speak to your young child and even older children who have never
00:12:29
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been affirmed in their true identity, love to hear you tell them who they really are. I put it this way. Your kids are waiting for you to tell them who they really are. But what we do is we tell them who they aren't. You're not that you're not doing that. You don't do that. You know, and we're reacting to their behavior instead of creating that identity that they will live from. So when I shifted from the behavior, like he's not obeying me, he's standing there defiantly, you know, I told him to come over here and he's not focusing on that behavior of the external,
00:12:59
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And I said to him, you're so obedient. And this was just, you know, led by the spirit. The Lord just walked me through this. And he immediately responded. Now he was not even two years old. And the younger the child is, in fact, Kristen, you just had a baby. So you need to start this now. You literally are speaking directly into that heart because a child doesn't have the cognitive stuff going on where he decides if he's going to believe what you tell him or not.
00:13:29
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He doesn't even have the ability to. So he believes everything you tell him. That's why small children believe in Santa Claus. It's the most ludicrous idea on the earth and no one with any common sense would believe it. But little children do because their parents tell them. So when you tell your small child anything, he'll believe it. So you really need to watch that you're not giving him negative messages. So by telling him at this young age that he was obedient,
00:13:56
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he immediately received that and it resonated with him because that is his true identity.
Conscious Parenting and Spiritual Perception
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We are all created in God's image to be just like Jesus. And so it's like calling Lazarus back from the dead. I mean, literally I could see something come to life in him when I began speaking. So, you know, I know that Lauren, your son is older, maybe a little more difficult, but I'm telling you, I've seen,
00:14:24
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teenagers respond when their parents started seeing them differently because we really have to do that first. We have to get a new mindset and get rid of this old mindset that the church has given us that our children are sinful and that they're driven by their sin nature. They're not, they're kind of in neutral and we decide which are we going to feed their sin nature or their true identity, their spiritual nature by how we speak to them.
00:14:53
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And the reality is the tree that caused the spiritual death and the separation of Adam and Eve from God aroused their sinful nature was knowing good and evil, knowing right and wrong, addressing your children through that judgmental, you're doing something right, you're doing something wrong. Whether we say it or not, if we have that mindset, we're feeding them that fruit of death, the tree of death that God said, don't eat that and the day you eat that you'll die. And it still causes spiritual death.
00:15:22
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So we have to switch our mindset to realizing that death and life are literally those two trees are in our mouth, in our mouths. And when we speak to their true identity, we're watering their spirit and we're calling their spirit back to life because remember in Adam, we all guide, we all are living from our fallen identity, but children,
00:15:44
Speaker
You know, really, like I said, I believe they're in neutral and it depends on how the parent addresses them, which one of those trees will grow in their heart and which one they'll live from, either the tree of life or the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which I call the tree of death, which is what it was. So I don't know if that's a long answer to your question.
00:16:02
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No, I love all of that. And I'm so glad that you
Strategies for Identity-Focused Parenting
00:16:05
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mentioned my son will be 13 this year. And I've watched a lot of, by the way, listeners, Amy has so many incredible free informational videos on her social media outlets. And we'll share those at the end. But I was watching some of your videos and going along with what you just shared in one of your videos, you mentioned that that part of the brain doesn't quite develop until the age of eight.
00:16:30
Speaker
And of course, being a mom of one who's almost 13, you know, it stung a little bit because I'm like, well, crap, did I miss my opportunity? But instead of, you know, sitting there and beating myself up over it, can you go into that a little bit more? Just reassurance that it's not too late for any mom out there or dad out there that has older kids? Absolutely. Yeah. So once you
00:16:56
Speaker
get the understanding and you realize, you know, what your role is as a parent, which is to help your child know who he is in Christ. That's the whole goal of parenting. And that's another problem. We've never even defined the goal of parenting. We end up reacting and that's why we end up in the behavior focus. But once you change your mindset, you have to do that first and you begin seeing your child differently, then your thoughts and words will change.
00:17:23
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And as you begin to speak to your child differently, you know, they'll notice and, and it'll be obvious to them because they're old enough to, to recognize, Oh, you know, there was, she was talking to me this way and now she's not, you know, complaining about my room always being messy or that I, that I'm always late or that I forget my lunch or whatever it is, you know, the practical things that 12 year old boys do, check my house, whatever. Yeah.
00:17:50
Speaker
But as you begin to speak to who he truly is and showing that approval and love before he deserves it, it will change him. I had an incident with one of my adult children who grown and married with her own family. And here's the reality is that in the spirit, there's no time or distance. So I can speak to my child's spirit, regardless of she's living halfway across the country or
00:18:18
Speaker
five minutes away or in the next room. And so one of the strategies that the Lord taught me was that I can, and as her mother, there's a biological connection with anyone who has your DNA. And the studies on DNA are fascinating. I won't get into that because, you know, but quantum physics is proving a lot of these scriptural concepts, like as a man thinks in his heart. So is he, you know, you can measure electromagnetic signals being emitted by the heart.
00:18:47
Speaker
And it's, it's just the things they've discovered from that and, and DNA and how your DNA responds to you, even when it's, you know, a hundred miles away from you. So your child has your DNA. And so as you speak to there, but, but just from a purely spiritual perspective, um, I just love it that science, you know, I love the science that it, that it, I love it too. Yeah. Yeah. It lays it out in there. But anyway, in the spirit realm, we know there's no time or distance, you know,
00:19:17
Speaker
that God is right here with us. It's another reality that's right here that we can't see. So I can speak to my child's spirit, even though they're not present. So one of the things that I did was I wrote out a declaration about my daughter's true identity. And I began speaking that over her spirit, just in my house, in my quiet time, just really seeing myself as seated in Christ, like I'm speaking as Christ. I'm not speaking what I want. I'm speaking what God says.
00:19:46
Speaker
And I tell you, within two weeks, her attitude towards me turned around 180 degrees. And she'd been at odds with me for many years. And it was the most powerful thing I've ever experienced. So even if when your son's at school, you can just be speaking things. And I heard one preacher say that the kingdom is voice activated.
00:20:11
Speaker
And if you think about it, that human beings are the only creatures that have language, that we can take thoughts and put them into words. And we literally create with our words. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, but God created through words and we're created in His image. And I don't think that we realize how powerful our words are. But as you listen to yourself and just take note, am I really speaking life or am I pointing out
00:20:40
Speaker
Everywhere my child, you know, falls short, doesn't listen, forgets, yada, yada. Because anytime you define a failure, a fault, a wrong, you are operating in the law because that's what the law did. The old covenant, it defined sin. And so you're defining it. And the only thing that the law did was bring condemnation. Once something happens, you can't undo it. If I say, oh, you forgot your lunch, it's something very,
00:21:09
Speaker
small, but just for a simple example, it's in the past, you know, your child's already at school, forgot his lunch. Well, you know, I can define that and then the verdict is then, you know, you did it, you forgot it, you can't change it, but, or I can create the future by saying, here's your lunch. I know you'll remember it tomorrow, you know, or whatever. But that's a very simplistic example. But you know, the things that we deal with our kids with our kids are usually pretty simple up until they
00:21:39
Speaker
maybe get to be, you know, after puberty and things get a little complicated. Yeah. I actually have a question for you and I want to take it back. You said something that really struck me. You were saying, you know, a lot of kids that grew up in Christian homes are no longer Christians as adults. And it's so funny because I was literally thinking at 3.30 AM while I was pumping for my child, my baby, my 11 week old, I was thinking about how I always admired my mom's
00:22:07
Speaker
her beliefs and her Christianity and her relationship with God. But it always felt like a disconnect. Like I was watching her and with me, it was like my Christianity was through her. And it wasn't until I lost her that I felt my own connection with God myself.
00:22:24
Speaker
and that was at 31 years old. Christianity was always at the backbone of my life, but I never pursued God. I never pursued Christ until I lost my mom, which I hate that it took that to do that. So I was thinking, I was like, how can I really give my child to where he can pursue God and not
00:22:45
Speaker
like live through me, if that makes sense, you know, and I think, you know, as a kid, I just remember we grew up in the Catholic church and I just remember feeling like they were speaking a different language. Like I was like, I have no idea what the heck they're talking about. So it was like, I had a really hard time
00:23:01
Speaker
connecting to God in my own way. And I think that's why people like you and your books are so powerful. But I guess what I'm asking is like, what can I do to promote and encourage my son who's 11 weeks old, Kinder, to do that? I mean, my mom lived by example and her relationship with God was so beautiful. So for me, not with what I'm saying, does it make sense? Yeah, it totally makes sense. I totally understand what you're saying. Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker
So what you can do with your baby is, see, a lot of times parents start telling their children about God, but they miss that part of who your child is. And here's the reality. Babies are designed by God to know Him. I've experienced holding my two week old granddaughter in my arms and asking her if she knows Jesus and watching her respond with every fiber of her being. They have a connection to the spirit realm.
00:23:56
Speaker
because their brains are not conscious yet and they won't be for seven years. I mean, they're in, so you're a newborn baby. The only brain waves he has right now are Delta brainwaves. And those are the same ones that you and I have in a deep sleep. So even when his eyes are open, it's as if he's asleep. His brain is asleep. And so the brain develops in levels. And so then there's theta brainwaves. Well, those are the predominant theta and delta
00:24:24
Speaker
up to age seven. So those are the brainwaves that you have when you're in a very deep meditation, like not even conscious of your surrounding. So up until age seven, your child is not thinking he's simply in a receptive mode. And so like I said before, he's going, he's got this natural connection to the spirit realm because why do people meditate? Why do they try to quiet their conscious mind? This frontal lobe doesn't come on lines
00:24:53
Speaker
till about age 13 where you can make decisions and problem solve and that sort of thing. And so that's what gets in the way of us connecting with God. When we pray, what do we do? We try to quiet our mind, different techniques, music, praying in tongues, whatever, quiet your mind so that you can now connect with your heart. Well, kids are all hard. They don't have this carnal mind in the way. And so what you, I would do if I were you,
00:25:22
Speaker
is begin talking to your little baby as if he knows Jesus, because he does. And talk to him about what he sees, because he sees. He sees angels, he sees in the spirit realm, and all these things are normal for a baby, but they can't communicate it. And because we begin, we don't address those things, and we start talking to them and relating to them through the natural realm and their carnal behavior.
00:25:50
Speaker
then it shuts that down over time. So nurturing their connection with the spirit realm is the most important thing you can do. And instead of, you know, like just asking, do you know Jesus? Oh, what is Jesus doing now? You know, talking to him about who he is that God put you on earth here to do something really special. And I wonder what that is. And you know, just, you know, every one of our days is written in God's books before there was one of them. And so we know that everything that God has for us is good.
00:26:19
Speaker
So there's nothing bad written in your son's book that's in heaven. And anything that we can imagine or hope for for our children, God can do beyond that. In fact, I have seen that. The way God has set it up is that they should go far beyond anything we can ask, think, or imagine.
Understanding Identity in Christ
00:26:38
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And so I put it this way, our greatest imagination is God's starting place. So anything you can imagine your son being, like he has a great relationship with God, talk to him about his relationship with God. What's the father saying to you right now? What is he showing you? He instructs you in the night. What did you learn last night? You know, and talk to him about truths about his relationship with God, rather than just
00:27:04
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Oh, God loves you. God is good. And it's true. You can say those things. God has a purpose for your life. But talk to him about your relationship with God as if he understands because he does. And so you'll grow up. He'll grow up with you guys having this natural communication about this common denominator, this common relationship that you have with God. I knew a family who they decided before they had kids, this couple,
00:27:33
Speaker
that they were gonna raise their children to believe that everything that is in the scriptures is just normal, like healing the sick, raising the dead. And their kids would be eight years old and they'd see someone in the grocery store with a brace on their new and say, oh, mom, let's go pray for them. They need healing. And so these kids are incredible. Now they're all young adults, but that was their norm. It was like, we heal the sick, we raise the dead, we cast out demons. Jesus said we would do it.
00:28:00
Speaker
Jesus said we would do greater things. So I would just be begin talking to him, you know, as you read the scriptures each day, go, Oh, okay. That's, you're the salt of the earth. You're the light of the world. You know, that's who Jesus said we are. And just begin talking to him about his identity. And what does that mean? Well, that's, this is what we do because this is who we are. We heal the sick, we cast out demons. You're just like Jesus. Look at you. You love, you love your enemies. You,
00:28:29
Speaker
And so you're talking to him in this, you know, it seems like ideal, but it's the truth of who God made us to be. And then he'll grow up knowing who he is. And here's the reality for making God's image. If we know who we are, we know who God is, but just bringing God into your conversation with him. And I want to, I want to share something else with you because you just had this baby is that in the third trimester of pregnancy, the heart is capable of receiving language.
00:28:59
Speaker
not the brain, the heart. And so the language goes into their heart at this young age where they're not online yet up here. And that's powerful because that's where what the, what the Bible calls the heart science calls a subconscious mind. And so if that's what drives our life. So you're encoding, it's like you're writing software that's going to run their life. Cause we all know that 95% of our thoughts are unconscious, subconscious thoughts. And that's what's driving our life.
00:29:25
Speaker
And that's when it's formed in those early years. So you have this huge window of opportunity right now to begin creating that programming in his heart, who he is, who God is, what he knows about God, and just nurturing that so that you guys, I mean, you guys just grow in your knowledge of God together. And it's beautiful and powerful. And can you imagine if every child grew up
00:29:51
Speaker
knowing who they are in Christ, how different the world would be. It is so good. And it is, as I'm listening to you, it is, it does feel like a really big responsibility and could even slip into like overwhelming pressure. But at the same time, there's just as much beauty and opera, like you use the word opportunity. And so if any listeners are feeling
00:30:17
Speaker
a little bit like, oh my gosh, you know, either this is so much pressure or, or did I do it wrong? Just remember that, you know, we can't, or I believe that there, I don't remember the saying, but there's a saying out there that's like,
00:30:30
Speaker
No matter how bad we think we've messed up our kids, like God can do, you know, fix anything greater. So like, we haven't messed
Highlights of 'Graceful Parenting' Book
00:30:38
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our kids up. I was going to say she, just like with our kids, do this with yourself. You don't want to look at the past. You want to look at the future, the future self of you as a mom.
00:30:48
Speaker
You're going to rebuke, okay, yes, that's the truth of the past. Failures are just, I'm grateful for my failures because then I learn from them and I move forward. But I'm going to imagine my future self of my mom and how I'm going to talk to my child and focus on that just like you're trying to teach your child to focus on the future self. I think that is like the message of the Bible and the message of all the mindset work that, you know, Amy has done and I have done too, like all the courses that I've taken.
00:31:18
Speaker
It's teaching me to do with my mind, so it makes sense. It just all goes together. But our mom would always say that, even as us as adults, she was like, as soon as I learned something, it was like y'all magically learned it too. Yeah. Well, and Amy, you're the perfect testament to that too, because I think you shared that.
00:31:36
Speaker
you didn't become a believer until 34 with five kids. And same with our mom. She was actually also 34. So, and already, yeah, and already had all of her kids too. I think Kristin was a newborn. So, so yeah. So like you are a living testament that these things are possible.
00:31:53
Speaker
Yeah. And my kids are not perfect. And I didn't know all this when I was raising them, but I wanted to, uh, you know, tag onto what, what you said, Megan, about not giving yourself grace as well. So I always tell parents there's no condemnation because just as I'm teaching you to look past your child's behavior to his heart intention, then do the same for yourself. If you did the best you could with what you knew in the past, well, God honors that, you know, he,
00:32:22
Speaker
You know, we think, I don't know, the longer I live, the more I realize that parenting is to grow me up. And God's really taking care of my kids. But, you know, just like that 1st Samuel 16, 7, God looks at the heart. He judges it based on our heart. It's with the heart we believe in the salvation, not behaving into it. So if you did, if your behavior was from a heart intention of doing what was good and right for your children, then that's all that God looks at.
00:32:50
Speaker
And here there's mercy to cover our shortcomings. Otherwise we would all be, you know, there wouldn't be help for any of us. So, so yeah, don't condemn yourself any more than you do your kids because, because your heart, if your heart is right and you're doing what you know who to do, I don't know everything. You know, I wasn't a perfect parent and I'm not now, you know, if you're, if you're doing the best you can and your heart intention is to raise your children to know and love God.
00:33:16
Speaker
then that's all that's required. You didn't fail, you actually succeeded and now you've learned something new. And you're like, because we're all on a journey of learning and growing in every area of our life.
00:33:29
Speaker
And we haven't had this information. So, you know, and it kind of circles back to our identity or our own identity. Like who, who are we? What is our identity? So if that's, if that's right, then it falls into place. So I just wanted to remind listeners, cause after all we are a podcast all about giving ourselves grace as well as others. So there you go. Yes, we have to say it.
00:33:55
Speaker
Good. I like it. That sums it up. I love it. Well, I'm so excited to read your book. I'm getting on Amazon and buying it right now. As I don't know, I mentioned in the last podcast, yeah, show us your book, Graceful Parenting, Parenting from the Tree of Life. I love it. Besides Amazon, where all can the listeners find it? Well, that's where the book can be where they can get the book.
00:34:18
Speaker
If you just go to Amazon and search graceful parenting, Amy Hayes, it'll pop right up. And I wanted to mention also that I'm just finishing up a workbook to go along with the book and that will be available on Amazon by the, hopefully by the end of February next
Upcoming Projects by Amy Hayes
00:34:33
Speaker
month. So that's going to help parents a lot because the feedback I was getting was, you know, this is very, uh, a lot of concepts because we haven't understood these concepts. And so really had to,
00:34:46
Speaker
get parents to understand the concepts. And there's some application in their guide to apply the concepts to their parenting. So the workbook will help them do that. And like I said, a lot of adults were getting healing for themselves through these concepts because it's all about who God really is to us. And once we understand that, how he parents us, then we can parent like him. And so we, a lot of us have that, you know, misunderstandings about God as our father.
00:35:12
Speaker
So that's awesome. Well, is there any other high points in the book, let's say for any listeners that aren't going to go buy in the book, although we highly recommend you do, for those that aren't, did we kind of touch on the high points that you would love to share with the world or is there another? Well, there's 13 chapters and I would say that there's a pretty solid point in each chapter. Okay.
00:35:38
Speaker
14 day challenge on tiktok where I tried to hit all the topics and the high points in there one of the awesome Yeah, which you can go on tiktok raising amazing kids is my handle on social media And find that on my tiktok Whatever you call it channel page and then it's also on YouTube as well as a playlist so
00:36:04
Speaker
I'll put that, I'll make sure that that's, I know I uploaded it. I need to get that kind of, um, labeled so you can find it there. It's on YouTube. And then you said another point, another point I'll mention before we go off of here, one of the big facets of how do you parent your kids is learning about emotions and connecting with their heart. Um, because, you know, Solomon said that guarding your heart is the most important thing in life. And as we said, because that's where all of our life flows from our heart.
00:36:30
Speaker
Well, we don't realize that we're not only not guarding their hearts, but the way that we've been taught to parent in the church is actually damaging their heart, causing, you know, little wounds in their heart that might be small, but over time, you know, it causes dysfunction in adulthood and also affects every relationship in your life because, you know, psychologists tell us that every relationship we have in our life will be modeled after the one we have for our parents. So if someone's not, you know,
00:36:57
Speaker
Relating to meet my heart not helping me with my emotions not teaching me to guard my heart then I grow up very vulnerable and dysfunctional So that's a huge piece of it as well Creating identity guarding heart are probably the two biggest pieces of the of the puzzle So there's there's a lot in there. There's a chapter on approval. There's a chapter on desire and
00:37:20
Speaker
There's a chapter on, gosh, anyway, a lot of the first few chapters are just understanding what the Bible really says about children. Oh, there's a chapter on there about their developmental stages and all that so that you can have your understanding. And then kind of the second half of the book is then the parenting principles, first the understanding and application.
00:37:40
Speaker
But then another resource that's going to be starting in March, which is a huge, huge deal. I'm so excited about is I'm going to be having a 30 minute television program on Roku TV, starting on the first week in March. It'll be weekly 30 minutes. And on that show, I'm going to go through, it'll be year round, but I'm going to go through the chapters of the book. So what I recommend parents doing is getting the book in the workbook when it comes out. And then as you work through it is then you can follow along with the, with the, um, with me.
00:38:10
Speaker
through the TV show, which will be called Graceful Parenting. But the other thing that I think parents really need in order to walk this out is community. It's very, very, very difficult to do this alone. So if you have some friends, some sisters, or a church group, or I have a Facebook group for that purpose, but it's really good if you have people in your life that you can do this together, because it's not easy to shift gears
00:38:39
Speaker
And to undo those things that were automatically, you know, that we do automatically because it's the way a lot of us were raised.
Overcoming Parenting Challenges
00:38:46
Speaker
And so we just tend to react a certain way because it's what we're familiar with. So I just encourage people to, to go at it that way. It's not, it's simple, but it's not easy. Like you said, Lauren, it's, it's a very, very, the concepts are simple, but it's not easy to do. And I, and I can attest to that. I catch myself all the time still.
00:39:06
Speaker
falling back into old patterns of behavior because I have a, in case your listeners don't know, I know you guys know that I have a 21 year old son with special needs. So he is like a little child and he always will be. So I always have that, that reminder, that practical application in my life.
00:39:21
Speaker
And I think that is the one purpose. He's precious, but I don't ever get the chance to forget what it's like to deal with this. Wow. Okay. Last thing. I have, we've talked about it before, but I have a, now she's five. I can't remember if she was five last time we talked, but she is the pickiest eater. And so what words should I say to her?
00:39:47
Speaker
that the last time. I know it's still bad. Like I was having success, but she still will only eat a certain amount of things. So I feel like I just need to get back like motivated. I think I just like give up and just let her eat the things she will eat. And so I'm trying to figure out. Like I tried to tell her like you're such a good eater. You love healthy food, but she thinks I'm joking. Yeah.
00:40:10
Speaker
Well, like you crazy mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, if you give her one of the things that she will eat, you can, uh, you know, Oh, thanks for eating that. You know, I know it's not your favorite org. I don't know. I'll have to think about that and get back with you. Maybe just maybe like, I'm so proud of you for eating your dinner. You did such a great job, but just start like, cause I do, I do catch myself in ruts where I'm just like, Oh, you're so picky. You know, and then I'm like, Oh, I shouldn't have said that cause now she's going to be more picky.
00:40:41
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because you're just reinforcing that that's who she is. She's a picky eater. You know, you know, I see parents with newborns all the time. And they think because the baby can't understand the words that it's not affecting them. Yeah, it's affecting them very powerfully. Oh, it's picky picky eater. They've got right here on the shoulders picky eater.
00:41:03
Speaker
They're just telling that baby that's who they are and that's who they are. Yes. Well, Megan, I know Rowan just has the cutest and most hilarious personality, but I would just start just saying the things and let her look at you like you're crazy. Just be like, you're the best five-year-old eater, the best five-year-old who eats so well, blah, blah, blah. But I kind of want to backtrack, Amy, because you just kind of casually breeze through the fact that
00:41:30
Speaker
You have a 30 minute TV show coming out on Raku and I just want to like acknowledge it. We kind of just zip right through that, but congratulations. That's huge as well as your book and in workbook too. So thank you so much for sharing all of this with us. And we're just so, I just feel so lucky to know you and to learn your information. And like you said,
00:41:54
Speaker
all of us as long as we're still breathing or learning and growing. And I hope, I know that all of our goal as moms is to be the best that we can be. And so thank you for giving us tools to actually implement into our lives. Well, thank you for having me again. And yes, I agree with what Lauren said, Megan, about your daughter. Just keep saying it and give yourself grace. Yes. Yes. Thank you. I love it. Yes.
00:42:19
Speaker
Well, Megan, I don't know how we're doing on time, but we can do a price out. I think we said everywhere you can find Amy is at raising amazing kids. Right. Okay. And that's your website as well. Raising amazing kids.com. Yes, ma'am. That's it. Then anything, any final words you want to leave with the listeners, Amy?
00:42:42
Speaker
Just thanks for having me. I really encourage parents to get the book and the workbook. But just give yourself grace. I think that that's a good note to end on that you guys mentioned. And I don't often know that it feels like pressure. So thank you for bringing that up to my attention. Yeah, there is no condemnation and don't put pressure on yourself. This is actually a much easier way to parent.
00:43:07
Speaker
It's like, Oh, I have to do all these things. No, it's not about doing it's about understanding that you can let yourself off the hook. You're not responsible to make your child behave. And it's so easy to speak words of life. And there's a lot there. There are a lot of practical ways and applications for how to do that. Just fun ways making a, you know, a visual to hang up in your child's room and just different
00:43:32
Speaker
uh, resources I have about, you know, instead of saying this, say that. And I mean, you can go through the scriptures and pull out any scripture that describes Christ and that, and speak that of your child. And I had one mom who created a recording and played it for her child when he's going to sleep at night where she was just speaking his identity over him. So it's, it's actually a lot easier and less pressure
00:43:57
Speaker
than, you know, trying to manage behavior, which is an endless hamster wheel. Totally. Well, I personally feel really motivated and I wish I had you every week to just remind me stay with
Conclusion and Prayer
00:44:11
Speaker
it. Stay with it. But I guess that's what your book and in the TV show is for. Yes.
00:44:21
Speaker
Well, thank you so much. And as you probably remember, we love to close out with a prayer. And so if you would do us the honor, we would love for you to pray us out if you're comfortable with that. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. Well, dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this opportunity to spend time with these amazing moms and all the moms listening and dads too, if they're listening. I just pray your blessing on us all as we seek to model your heart to our children through our parenting.
00:44:49
Speaker
And I ask you for grace, wisdom and understanding, and that your Holy Spirit will empower us and lead us and guide us to say the things that need to be said, to do the things that need to be done and to see, most of all, to see our children, God, through your eyes, how you see them so perfect and innocent and full of life and potential. And God, I just bless each listener with that revelation of the
00:45:16
Speaker
incredible, unique gift that each one of their children are to this world, to the body of Christ. And Lord, we just pray blessings over all the parents here and all those who will listen in the future. And we ask all of this in your son's name to your honor and glory. Amen. Amen. Thank you, Amy. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. I love it. All right.
00:45:44
Speaker
Everybody have a great week. Okay. Bye. Thank you for listening to another week of girl I slept in my makeup. If you like us, rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you want to learn more about us or get in touch with us, go to our website, girl, I slept in my makeup.com where you'll also find links to our Instagram and Facebook. Thank you so much for listening. We really appreciate it and make it a great week. God bless.