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Final Recap: The Gospel of Peace with Holly Fortune
57 Plays9 days ago
In today's episode, the sisters and Holly get real about the personal struggles we face in consistently going to our secret place with God — the distractions, resistance, and spiritual battles — and what it truly looks like to make Him the center of our lives in the midst of it all.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the girl I slept in my makeup podcast by three sisters who live in three different cities are at three different life stages and have three different perspectives.
00:00:10
Speaker
They are excited to learn and grow alongside of you. This is a space full of love and acceptance. No judgment because let's face it. We all sleep in our makeup. Please welcome Lauren, Megan and Kristen.
00:00:25
Speaker
Hey
Grief and Seeking God's Peace
00:00:26
Speaker
sisters. Hi. Welcome back, Holly. hi ladies. I was giggling because we lied to y'all. We said it was our last episode on the gospel of peace. Well, technically it was as far as teaching, but today we just wanted to recap and have more conversation ah about the last six weeks of learning. One thing I'll just start us off with that I was in my secret place this morning and thinking about just the whole gospel of peace and how grateful I am for it. But I was thinking about how grief really was something that led me to want to understand God's peace. So wherever
Questioning Trust in God
00:01:04
Speaker
anyone's at, if they're not there yet where they haven't even thought about what is God's peace or they're really craving it, I feel like there's a message for everyone.
00:01:13
Speaker
And I think for me, what that led me to is, okay, my secret place is how I experienced God's peace. And then i had to go back and make a decision if I trusted God or not.
00:01:24
Speaker
So I just thought I'd share that because think it's a, we walked through so much detailed information, but the overarching message from my heart and from all the learnings was just, I had to decide if I trusted God or not. And then I've been on a journey of how do I experience this peace? And this is like a piece of that.
00:01:44
Speaker
So good. And Megan, I think you've shared your testimony here before. Our our lives kind of exist like pre-mom's death and post-mom's death, I think, for all of us in different ways. yeah
Coping with Loss and Overwhelm
00:01:54
Speaker
But one cool thing that you've shared in your testimony, and I think it's really relatable probably to so many, is that you say that you kind of had one foot in and one foot out.
00:02:05
Speaker
What that looked like before compared the differences in your daily life now. Obviously, mindset is a huge piece of that and actions as well. But I think that that's just really relatable to this too, because back to your question is, do I trust God or not?
00:02:22
Speaker
Funny enough, I'm not really the personality type of all or nothing. However, when it comes to this, for me, I do ask myself every day if I'm struggling with anxiety or whatever, you know, if I think somebody's mad at me, or if i yeah said something kind of came out of my mouth that I wish it didn't, it's like pulling yourself back to, ok Lauren, do it's either yes or no.
00:02:47
Speaker
There's no in-between on that answer, you know, of do I trust God in this? And do I believe he says who he is? Like every question I asked myself about my relationship with God or who he is,
00:02:59
Speaker
It's a very black and white answer for me. And I think that that helps the way that you continue next moments, you know? Yes, a hundred percent. And I think in that regard, like we're all on different parts of our journey. We all have different
Challenges of Finding Balance
00:03:15
Speaker
personalities. Kristen, I would love to hear from you on how this whole series has gone for you.
00:03:22
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of really great information. i think at points, you know, as I told you, like I felt like I didn't have much to contribute. And at some points it felt a little overwhelming for me.
00:03:35
Speaker
i think I'm just in a season of life where My life just feels full of chores. And I think that sometimes my personality runs away from chores.
00:03:46
Speaker
And for me, for some reason, if I'm being fully honest, the secret place feels like a chore to me, which I feel like because I'm in such a season of chores, like I'm like, it feels like another thing on my plate that I don't want to do. and i I feel like that sounds terrible, but it's just my honest feelings. Yeah.
00:04:04
Speaker
Um, and I think, you know, in my soul balance has always felt very good to me. And sometimes when I get immersed stuff, I feel like almost like, I know this is going to sound bad.
00:04:19
Speaker
Sometimes I feel like there shouldn't be too much of one thing. And I even feel that way about like my Christianity about God. And I'm like, I feel like that's probably wrong. But sometimes I'm like, I'm supposed to just like,
00:04:33
Speaker
be fully immersed, but then that doesn't feel like balance and balance feels really good to me and my soul. Does that make sense? It a hundred percent makes sense to me. I feel a lot of the things you're describing. I feel.
00:04:47
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So like there's been Megan knows this. I there's times where the secret place or finding that intimacy with God feels like a chore. Like it feels like like I got to make myself do it, which then, then you feel guilty about that. and Yeah.
00:05:03
Speaker
Like, like what's what wrong with me? Why do I have to make myself do it? But what I wrote down, I was just kind of asking the Holy Spirit to help us like unpack this, which the Holy Spirit is so good at this.
00:05:13
Speaker
The Holy Spirit so understands everything you just said. Yeah. And really, really knows how to kind of help us as human beings understand our own soul our own mind will and emotions and why like I want balance but but I don't want to leave something out and this feels like a chore but don't want it to feel like a chore and then I feel guilty
Pain Driving Deeper Faith
00:05:34
Speaker
I feel like this is wrong but this is how I feel like yeah yeah because the guilt takes over and then I just run from it you know you run from it yeah I don't want to feel I don't want to live in this guilt feeling you know yeah and Megan's heard me say this
00:05:48
Speaker
Human beings are, caught we are very complicated. were Especially to our humans, to humans are very complicated, right? we yeah We get really complicated in our, in our mindset. But one thing I wrote down for me was at the end of the day, when it comes to the gospel of peace, that's just the language, right? That's the English language God gave us to understand his love,
00:06:11
Speaker
And what he's given us to bring us back to him. you know, he came from him and he wants us to return to him. And one day will like just where your mom is in total.
00:06:23
Speaker
It says in the scripture that we now see in a mirror dimly, yeah which we do. i don't care how much revelation we think we have. It's still dim. But one day we know as we are known as we are known So one day we'll just know God and know who we are and understand it all in the same way God knows us.
00:06:46
Speaker
But scripture clearly says that's not yet. We're not. And so it's okay that that
Independence and Trust Issues
00:06:52
Speaker
we don't fully get it. and any Christian theologian or pastor, anyone that says they fully get it is wrong.
00:07:00
Speaker
you know We don't fully get it. But what I was going to say earlier, when it comes to like discovering this deeper place with God, Yeah. What is the gospel of peace, like trusting in God and believing his word and the secret place practice?
00:07:17
Speaker
The reason that feels like a chore for any of us, number one, is because our flesh doesn't want to do it. That's the nature that we battle against. But secondly, it's when something's not super familiar.
00:07:32
Speaker
When we don't have the routine and it's not super familiar, then it often will feel like a chore. So think of things that you do during the day, like how many things do we do almost subconsciously?
00:07:43
Speaker
Driving somewhere, like what our morning routine or whatever it is, doesn't feel like a chore, it's just routine. Okay, so... For me, I've learned when I wanted to start drinking more water, initially I had to make myself start drinking more water. And then you get to a point where i just drink more water. and i no longer have to make myself do it So I think what we have to do is we have to decide, like Megan is saying, one really said it too, is we have to get to a point where I have decided that God is good.
00:08:17
Speaker
I've decided I'm going to trust God. he's God. I've decided that Jesus is the son of God. there's I believe Jesus is real. I believe what he did is real.
00:08:29
Speaker
Right. And because I've decided that, then I'm going to decide to keep growing. This is what scripture says. Just keep growing. um which means aim to figure out the secret place, aim to have these type of podcasts, aim to spend time on the word and just keep growing in it because I've already decided God is real. God is good.
00:08:56
Speaker
He sent his son. Like, I believe that and I'm decided I'm not going back on that. There's that song. I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. you been with that Have you ever heard that song?
00:09:07
Speaker
It sounds familiar. I don't follow Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. and Kristen's the singer. We need her to sing it. Okay. Yeah. So we have to get to point where we're decided that weve we're following Jesus, we believe his word. So therefore I'm gonna overcome how I feel about the secret place.
00:09:28
Speaker
It does feel like a chore, but I'm gonna do it anyway. And eventually Kristen, what happens is it becomes familiar. It becomes routine.
Fear of Losing Balance in Faith
00:09:36
Speaker
It doesn't feel as much like a chore anymore.
00:09:39
Speaker
Hopefully that all makes sense, but it's so real what you shared. And I think every single one of us can relate to that. And every listener can relate to that. Reading the Bible can feel like a chore.
00:09:50
Speaker
Going to church can feel like a chore, let's be honest. like going to the It can all feel like a chore until it becomes really familiar and just part of our ah routine. Yeah, it's hard. I found, and this is probably not right, but you know, like working out, right? It can also feel like a chore.
00:10:06
Speaker
And so like, I found myself, like I want, I want to work out three to five times a week. Well, what happened? I'd be like, well, I'm tired today. i have so much going on. I can't get to the gym. But what happened was i discovered pickleball, right?
00:10:19
Speaker
And pickleball is honestly a great workout. And I'm, you know, burning lot of calories. I'm sweating, doing all the things. And instead of feeling like trying to find excuses, to not go work out, I'm trying to find excuses to go play pickleball, right? So it's like, how do I trick my brain? Well, Kristen, I'm glad you shared that analogy because that's exactly what I was about to say. and it's not to compare any other habit that we are sharing with working out or whatever the goal is, but really that's all it is, is deciding what you want and looking at where you're at and where you want to be.
00:10:58
Speaker
And do it just doing it, you know, and so i was trying to think for me personally, kind of when that mindset switched from it feeling like a chore because it certainly did for me at one point to now where I crave it, I have that pickleball feeling it's like,
00:11:16
Speaker
as much as you want to go play pickleball, crave my time with him. And I've never really shared depth kind of, I don't know if you would call it a testimony, but just kind of the depth of the grief with mom. And I have not really processed this into words yet. So I'm just kind of speaking right now as I'm thinking, but When I look, when I think back to those early days, really two years after mom's unexpected death, for
Unique Faith Journeys
00:11:46
Speaker
me, you know, I was kind of like you, Kristen, you just moved to a new city. You're trying to get settled. You have so much on your plate right now. And so many things in the air, so many decisions that you're having to make and a lot of uncertainty and unclarity and that none of that feels good.
00:12:03
Speaker
I was much in the same place. We had just moved to Texas seven days prior. I went back to work full time after 10 years of working from home part time for myself. My husband had left corporate and was started a brand new company. We thought, you know, so much of the same of what you're feeling. And then I just felt like I was surviving.
00:12:20
Speaker
When I think back to those days, it was a lot of other things gave, but my time with God a non-negotiable. It was the only thing. It felt like my only lifeline keeping me alive. Truly.
00:12:35
Speaker
i feel like I'm going to cry. ah it's just so real, you know, and I want that for you so bad. And for all of our listeners, like that's just my prayer is that sometimes it takes the deepest of pain to where you have no other choice, you know? and It truly has been the only thing. I mean, a lot of us, you know, we can go to drugs, we can go to alcohol, we can go to food, we can go to working out, we can go to filling our time with even wonderful, positive things.
00:13:08
Speaker
But I think it's just asking or or just finding, getting to that point where you feel, i don't know. And this is just my story, but it's, he's just my best friend. And like, I, as much as I love all of you and my husband and my son and my dog, it's like,
00:13:25
Speaker
there's nothing that fulfills me the way that he does. And so when I go a day without him, it's like, it hurts, you know? So i don't know. I just like, I don't have the answers of how to get there, but I want that so bad.
00:13:40
Speaker
for you, for everybody, you know? i think something you said is really, really important, Lauren. And so like, Kristen, like with you, what I feel with you is a way I used to be.
00:13:51
Speaker
ah feel you're super guarded. You've been hurt. You're very guarded. And I'm, I wouldn used to be that way. So I'm not saying that as like dig, you don't feel safe. That's what I, that's what I feel with you.
00:14:02
Speaker
And I recognize it because it's something I've really had to let the Lord break me free from being a single mom of 25 years. Like I said before, I've been day-grived a couple times. I mean, I've been through things to where my soul got to a point where like, I'm not safe.
00:14:19
Speaker
Like but there's not really a safe place. You know, but he really has my back. I'm in this on my own I'm super independent, which I can see that in you as well. Like I met when I was younger,
00:14:32
Speaker
i mean I gave my I was a handful for my parents because I'm extremely independent. I was climbing on the roof at five years old. And then when you get older, like I could I had no fear, no fear.
00:14:46
Speaker
ah yeah junior That's not a good thing when you're a junior high and high school age and you have zero fear. That's actually not a good thing. I did some of the dumbest stuff. Like, you know, was not tomboyish, but was like, I just, I'm just telling you, i know what it looks like when someone's like independent.
00:15:05
Speaker
Yeah. I got me. i I got me. I'm going to navigate me. And this is where I'm safe. And feel safe, not, and like when I hear you say um balance, like not being too this or too that, because that doesn't feel safe.
00:15:20
Speaker
Yeah. I feel like I hear you saying is I feel safer when I'm not too deep in any one thing. Yeah. That thing can't disappoint me too bad because I
Trusting God Amidst Challenges
00:15:32
Speaker
haven't put too many eggs in that basket. So when we kind of get down to the root, it's so interesting. I i really had no idea the Lord was going to do this when we all started talking with that acronym trust.
00:15:43
Speaker
Yeah. And the reason why the Lord gave that to me, so Not because you needed it, because I needed it. Even at this stage in my journey with the Lord. As he said, Holly, you've got to settle trust once and for all.
00:15:58
Speaker
And I think I said this before, but my first response is, how do I not have that settled? Thank you. there it is How do I not have this settled? was kind of frustrated. I'll be honest with you. And I can feel that sometimes.
00:16:11
Speaker
You remind me of my older daughter. Like I can tell she's a great, she'll listen. She'll let me ramble. She'll listen. I'm like trying to find the door in their heart. And I'm like, no, And she'll let me go on and and on. She really wants to hear and she wants to listen, but I can just kind of feel it's like not, she doesn't feel it personally for her. she Yeah.
00:16:30
Speaker
Okay. And that's kind of where I feel the tug of war for you is, and it's so real. Like you have to feel it personally for you. You can't go to the secret place just because we say go to the secret place. Like it doesn't that way, but here's where I'm trying to land the plane is really what Lauren said is she had to go. She had to get real with God.
00:16:51
Speaker
who it often does come out of total desperation for us where we're like, I don't, for me, i had to, as a single mom, I was extremely wounded, went through divorce.
00:17:03
Speaker
It was really bad with my ex-husband for a few years after that. He was not good with my girls. And there's all these things. And I was like, I needed healing. I needed freedom. I need feeling. I was desperate.
00:17:16
Speaker
And then I got more desperate when I realized as a single mom, I can't protect my two girls. Yeah. yeah I can't. Yeah. I got there when I lost my mom. It really did feel like life or death for me. Felt like literally the amount of pain I was in. I couldn't. Sorry. Now I'm going to cry.
00:17:34
Speaker
The amount of pain I was in. I was like, I can't sustain in this. Yeah. Oh, sweet girl. I just feel it for you guys. You know what? So I'll buy you little time. What's so interesting to me about the Lord. Who's very real, more real than anything is he is the one place that can heal our souls that can set us free. Like he is safety.
00:17:59
Speaker
His presence is the most safe place there is in the universe. Yeah. Yeah, everything. It takes like that deep of like feeling like life or death for me to feel like I can go there. like because I'm in a really hard season of life right now. Like, i' like Lauren was saying, I'm just, it's just really hard.
00:18:20
Speaker
And but it's like, instead of being at that, like feeling like life or death, and he was my only lifeline, it's now feels like I'm just running from it. Yeah. Yeah. That's real.
00:18:31
Speaker
I mean, I've been through those seasons. That's why I can see it. Cause like, I've literally been through it. have one daughter, I think that's in it right now. And it's when we're like hurt and disappointments and we just, we're trying to sort out our soul and kind of figure out how to stand in the season that we're in.
00:18:51
Speaker
And honestly, just, it can feel like we don't have the energy to. Yeah. I mean, that's what it feels like. I feel like I don't have, like, if again, it feels like another chore that I have to like, and and I just feel like I'm yeah drowning, you know, and to add another thing, it just feels like too much. yeah It's like, I don't want to do anything.
00:19:10
Speaker
I don't know. sounds crazy. It doesn't it sound crazy.
Building Consistent Faith Practices
00:19:14
Speaker
ah I think it's super relatable. And also i think, that with any habit forming thing, i think that if you did kind of like what Holly was saying, if you did just set it, you know, five minutes, as soon as you get kinder to daycare, go sit in your car for five. And before you pull out of the parking lot for five minutes, guard, God already knows your heart, you know, and just be super real with him and just start small, you know, make these small promises to yourself.
00:19:44
Speaker
It's not for the sake of checking something off the list. But I think it just, if you start small and just form a habit, just like you are with pickleball, you know, you're showing up, you're going, you're looking for it. Sure enough. You're looking forward to it now. I think that's going to slowly happen over time. And I think God is going, when we show up with him, so vulnerable and honest and humble, you're going to, you're going to start seeing the fruit, you know, from that And it's not, it's going to flip at some point, you know, it's not going to feel like a tour.
00:20:17
Speaker
And I don't know if I said this before, but when I was spending, you know, i was working full time. I probably should have from home, but like I was going into working hours, you know, but in my mind, it was like something had to give. Was I taking care of my body? No.
00:20:33
Speaker
Was I eating, fueling my body with good food? No. So other areas of my, did I feel like a shitty mom? Yes. Other areas and a wife, I was just hanging on by a thread, but that time with God was literally,
00:20:45
Speaker
the only thing I was not willing to forgo it got me through. and then it reached a point where I was like, I woke up one day he was like, okay, i now I can focus on me and my health and, you know, and all the things. But I think when you just make the choice that like, this is what I'm going to do. and it's just like brushing my teeth. It's a non-negotiable and starting small, then it's not going to feel the way that it feels right now. Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:11
Speaker
I just remember, y'all remember mom talking, you know, I think we've mentioned this plenty of times, how godly and spiritual, she was like the most spiritual person I have ever met or knew. And she would talk about how, but she did feel like in her forty s She like almost dived in too deep.
00:21:30
Speaker
Do you remember this? And I always have that in the back of my mind. And that's where that like balance, hey, this doesn't feel like good balance, you know? And for some reason that scares me.
00:21:41
Speaker
I'm so glad you're saying that because it's just so real. What happens we get, we can get to a stage when I've done this, where you dive in like super, super deep. I've just never come out of the deep.
00:21:54
Speaker
but like But I will have times where it still can feel like a chore depending on what's going on in my soul. But I'm still in the deep, okay? But what happens is you can start to go through phase, and Megan's heard me say this, where you feel like you're in a matrix or you start kind of disassociating the things, like regular temporary things. You can feel that way.
00:22:14
Speaker
God's not causing that. That's not a cause and effect of going deep. That's really more a cause and effect of us kind of hiding in the deep. like Especially as women. Now, this is where I'm going to hide.
00:22:28
Speaker
just going to hide in revelation and hide and spending time with God because that feels better. And instead of like coming out and really associating with people and kind of getting, you know, eye to eye with people.
00:22:41
Speaker
And I went through a phase like that where you feel like you're kind of hiding in it. And that's probably when I hear you you say that with your mom, that can be what, especially with women, I guess that can happen.
00:22:53
Speaker
But the thing I would say is although I'm glad she said that and that you guys are talking about it, still the fruit and the value and the strength and the inner fitness and the peace and the anchor with God that comes out of that outweighs the feelings of being too deep and fighting away in it.
00:23:15
Speaker
That's what would say.
Finding Joy in Faith
00:23:17
Speaker
And I mean, to me, God is balanced, Kristen, you know, and I know with mom, she was a very all or nothing extreme. That was her personality type anyways.
00:23:28
Speaker
And so when she found God and started diving into her journey and faith, I think that She, you know, did go all in and was very extreme. And so other things in her life probably did suffer where once she got a little further down the road and in hindsight could kind of see herself as like, oh man, I wish I would have done some things different there.
00:23:52
Speaker
i think that's very normal because mom was human, just like all of us. And so i think that i guess Why I'm sharing that is because i don't want you to, i want that fear of yours to go away. You know, i don't want that.
00:24:08
Speaker
Her journey is not your journey, you know? Yeah, I would agree with that. I think. mom had just like what Lauren was saying. She, because she was all or nothing and had that personality, she would kind of shut out the world at times, but I don't see you doing that.
00:24:27
Speaker
And I think that's more what she was talking about from my memory. i wish we could talk to her about it. um But yeah, I told her to escape.
00:24:39
Speaker
Yeah. I'm saying as you hide, you get, you can hide. Yeah. I mean, I heard Heidi Baker say this once, and she talks a lot about the secret place. You know, she's made comments before when you kind of get into this deep place with God, you don't want to come out.
00:24:52
Speaker
who Okay, so because is what we're saying is it does take intentionality to get there because it has to be real. we have to have interactions with God where...
00:25:03
Speaker
We know we heard his voice and then it happens in our life. And that just takes time. was reading this scripture the other day. It says Jesus grew in favor with God and man.
00:25:16
Speaker
was ah said but he what does that mean? He grew in favor with God. Didn't he just have all the favor in the world when he you started, you know, but Jesus grew. He had to grow and evolve. I mean, he didn't step into really what I call like full-time ministry until he's 30.
00:25:31
Speaker
thirty 30 years old. That's a long time. That's 30 years on this earth before the son of God is even like really stepping into like his full identity, so to speak.
00:25:41
Speaker
I understand he's the son of God before, but we just, you've got to give yourself some grace and some patience and just make some decisions, like just decide I'm just going to do some of these things no matter how I feel.
00:25:54
Speaker
And I'm just going to set my heart to just grow. I'm not going to try to figure out all at one time. I don't need to look like yeah and or Megan's or Holly's. I'm just going to I'm just going to know God for me. He's my God.
00:26:07
Speaker
and don't have another God. He's my God. And I just I need to know God and I need to feel safe. And I need to feel like it's real and authentic for me and not on the coattails, you know, of somebody else.
00:26:20
Speaker
And if you'll just set your heart to that and just choose it, you'll get there. And the last thing I have to be obedient to the Holy Spirit, you, you may not feel this way. I have a feeling you don't feel this way, but you tell me this, but I really see a lot of joy.
00:26:34
Speaker
I feel like you're what God made you to carry on this earth is joy. And me and I feel like the enemy is kind of like squatting on it. That's what it feels like. Yeah.
00:26:46
Speaker
Yeah. But you have so much to offer you You really do have like a strength in you, but I also see like a joy. I feel like that's what God wants you to experience.
00:26:58
Speaker
Not what you've heard your mom say that it's going to be come too much and get sucked into some vortex. Like what God is saying you know, what he wants to bring through you as a joy. he wants to release you to have joy. That's what I feel. Yeah.
00:27:12
Speaker
Well, and we've always said, Kristen is just so much fun. So oh there you go you are a joy. so Or some might say Enneagram 7. I never did that. So what is that? What does that mean? Enneagram 7s, they're all about joy.
00:27:27
Speaker
Yeah. There you go. Yeah, basically they want everyone. i was going to say she always, she's so good at like hosting and bringing people together. and she wants everyone to be like having fun and having a good time.
00:27:41
Speaker
and I do think it's always, it's been a little bit hard being the youngest of four. yeah, I think being a younger sibling, like I can relate because I'm a younger sibling too.
00:27:53
Speaker
It's hard not to compare yourself to your older siblings. It's just like natural as kids. And so i think what you said is right on point, Holly, of like what I would want someone to say to Kristen is just do it for you. Like do your version. Like it doesn't have to look like your sisters or your mom or your brother or anyone like You've always been so unique in the best way. Like, I know it sounds silly, but all of us have always seen you as the shining light in our family. Like you're just this, I don't know, but at least i don't know if that's just because I'm right, your older sister, but I see you as like the most amazing person ever. Well, I'm honest. I know that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:34
Speaker
I might be a lot of things, but I will be honest with you. ah Well, yeah and that's what I was going to say is you are real and people have told you that your whole life and you are you, and you're not going to do anything differently. And that's such a gift and it's beautiful.
00:28:50
Speaker
And so I know that your journey, authentic, you know, yeah like, I don't want to feel like I'm faking doing something. Yeah. that make sense? I know. i see Yes, I'm very much that way. I cant i cannot fake. It just kind of like nails on a chalkboard to me.
00:29:06
Speaker
yeah and i want to hone it in just a little bit more. What God wants you to encounter with him in the secret place is joy. Yeah. I feel the readiness of the Lord to meet you in the place that you are familiar, you that is real to who you are.
00:29:21
Speaker
and so it's like, if you'll set your heart to be like, okay, God, teach me all about like the depths of joy, yeah show me more about joy, like just meet him there, then the rest will follow. and I feel like that will be, ah and like, to be totally honest with you, I had to work for that.
00:29:36
Speaker
Yeah. can Go into like, the authority and and like general, whatever. That's my natural, but I've had to learn joy. Yeah.
00:29:48
Speaker
You, you can enter right in Kristen. Like you literally can just enter into the secret place with, and come to know the author of joy. Yeah.
00:30:01
Speaker
He's put in you. I'm excited for you. Yeah. I'm already ahead for you. Sorry. I'm like, i'm like yeah um I'm like down the path having your little secret place encounters in my own head.
00:30:12
Speaker
Yeah. Well, it's just exhausting. I feel like I've been in just survival mode for five years. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Well, I think the big thing that I've learned working with other people, because there's so many different personalities, I think we have it, most of us have it backwards on like what we need.
00:30:32
Speaker
And we're convinced where we but have like strong beliefs in our subconscious, what's going to comfort us and help us. And it's because we've built these stories over our life. So we get comfortable in what's helped us in the past, but it might not be what we need going forward. And so to rewire to like getting in that deep subconscious belief that the secret place is where you'll find joy, it also has to start with one little minuscule, even if it's just like, I've had some clients that we go, I'm like just one minute
00:31:06
Speaker
a day to the secret place. Just be still for one minute. Just start there. Don't even go to your secret place. Like sometimes you have to start so small for you that just gets you in the habit of going there. And then once you experience that and become emotionally involved on a subconscious level of like believing that God is who he says he is and the secret place is a safe place for you, you will crave that more and it won't feel like a chore anymore.
00:31:32
Speaker
But it starts with like the one little
Authentic Understanding of God
00:31:34
Speaker
piece, just like over time. Yeah. Well, and I think too, it really, all of this kind of comes back to like, what, what do we want out of this, our time here on earth? You know, it kind of comes back to some basic, basic, but really big questions because you kind of have to want it before you, you know, it's like anything else in life, you know, that it's not going to work if you don't first want it.
00:31:59
Speaker
Yeah. so And that's part of my testimony. i think I shared it. Megan knows where my secret place, we're calling it that, but Megan's right. It's not always like some sit down thing. It's just like interactions with God or whatever really became super personal to me. And it was mine. Like it didn't matter what church I go to, what pastor I have, whatever, like this is now my intimate relationship God.
00:32:24
Speaker
is when i decided, and I don't know how I got there, but I just decided I just want, I desire to know God as he really is. That's what I said to him is, God, I want to know you as you really are.
00:32:39
Speaker
I don't want to know some version of you because the church I go to says you're this way. I don't want to know you as healer in a certain way if you don't actually heal that way anymore.
00:32:51
Speaker
Like I'm okay with that. These bodies are temporary, but I do need to know you as you really are. Like I'm not okay with thinking I know God and like, and, and,
00:33:02
Speaker
When the way I think I know him is not actually how he is, even if I would prefer he was that way. and just, that's that realness that I get with you. Kristen's like, God, I need to know you as you really are. And what's so interesting about that, I was willing to come to know God in ways that I kind of hoped he was another way, but I was going to be so happy if I just knew him as he really is And that prayer, we talk about this, Megan and other podcasts, changed the trajectory of my life. And it's not so much the prayers that I decided I desire this.
00:33:38
Speaker
I want to know my God as he really is. It was just like anchored in me. And ever since then, it's like God just breathed on that. And just began to meet me in those places and show me who he really is and like pulled the cobwebs off my eyes.
00:33:55
Speaker
I remember thinking this one time when I was in worship and praying and in my office and stuff, and I was desperate. I was in a desperate place and that's when I want to know him. and I felt like I didn't have clarity.
00:34:07
Speaker
and just couldn't get like clarity. And after our this particular time, I was just like duking it out with him in my office for like hours and about four hours in.
00:34:19
Speaker
and sometimes you guys, we got to do this. Yes, the little nuggets. But sometimes you just got to just duke it all the way out with God, for lack of a better word. Like I am going to settle this with God today.
00:34:31
Speaker
This is what I'm doing today. Like, God, you are going to have to answer this. It's like Jacob, know, it's like, I'm getting ahold of his, his robe and I'm not letting you go until you solve this confusion in my heart. I'm not okay with this.
00:34:45
Speaker
And about four or five hours in all of sudden I can't explain it except for it felt like I was looking through crystal clear water. That's the experience I started having is I felt like, Oh my gosh, everything felt so clear.
00:34:58
Speaker
My mind just felt clear. It wasn't about having all this theological knowledge or anything like that. It was, I felt something lit. I don't know if I got delivered from something.
00:35:09
Speaker
i don't know if God just cleansed my mind. I really don't know what actually happened, except from that moment on, I just didn't have that confusion and that those blocks that I felt like I was having.
00:35:26
Speaker
So I'm just sharing this with you because it is important. And for your listeners too, that we go after knowing God, he's not making it hard to know but we do have to get to point where we decide, I want to know God.
00:35:39
Speaker
i want freedom. i want peace. I want it to be personal. i want it to be real. And I'm, and that's it. That's what I'm going to do. When we get there, I
Mustard Seed Faith Concept
00:35:49
Speaker
believe God will hundred percent.
00:35:51
Speaker
And for me too, I think it's also wanting more of the desire. like Yeah, that's good. Yeah. And maybe that's your prayer every day, Kristen, for right now. It's like, right when you wake up, God, give me a desire to want you today.
00:36:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. No, I've prayed those. i forgotten Recently, I've prayed like, Lord, you have to re re-energize my prayer life deeper like it used to be. Like that's really good to ask for. is this We need God's help with that.
00:36:21
Speaker
One other thing I want to add in there when Megan said, even if it's a little bit, when you were saying that, Megan, I was thinking about the parable of the mustard seed. Yeah. but We think it's like a little and we need a lot.
00:36:34
Speaker
But the truth is, encountering God, even just the amount of a mustard seed is enough. Honestly, that'd be enough for the rest of our life you think about it, that we get to know God, even if it's just a little...
00:36:48
Speaker
But there's so much power and being willing to have a mustard seed moment with God. Just say, even if you're walking to the car or walk, whatever you're doing and just saying, God, I just need you to meet me in this place. Having those mustard seed moments is the way I see them.
00:37:05
Speaker
It literally is like a seed in your soul that will begin to grow and will begin to evolve and begin to. create more desire in you for the Lord. So I will 100% agree with Megan on that. I think that's, yeah. but god I just wanted to add Kristen, you said something, but I think this is good for all of us is maybe, ah maybe I heard it wrong, but I think you said something in the beginning, like this sounds so bad, or i know you know, the, think you know they i think I think maybe we remove that and just, and maybe you're not judging yourself, but I sensed some judgment there and it's, it's truly not our place. And so I just hope that you and all of us can stop judging ourselves, give ourselves grace.
00:37:52
Speaker
Like we said, it doesn't have to look like anybody else's. And so if we can remove the good and the bad and, or i know I should be doing this or,
00:38:04
Speaker
whatever, like just get rid of all that and just be real. You are real. And so just be real with your God. It's so individual for all of us.
00:38:15
Speaker
And yeah, just remove the judgment. He's the only one true judge, right? So I just want to give that. And after all, our podcast is about giving ourselves grace and other people grace. And I think that falls right into that Give ourselves grace and you're doing great.
00:38:32
Speaker
And so is everybody else listening. And so stop being so hard on yourself. It's funny being the youngest kid. I feel like I'm always the one like having to learn, i like can do better. Like, I don't know. It's funny.
00:38:48
Speaker
No, I think you just watch us learn our lessons. And so you feel like you have to learn more, but no, we're just older. We've just had a little more time to like, but we learned them in our own ways too.
00:39:01
Speaker
Like, you
Integrating Faith into Daily Life
00:39:02
Speaker
know, i am more, i internalize a lot. So I don't share as much, which Kristen and Lauren know that when I'm going through a hard time, it's all like, it takes a lot for me to get it out of my mouth.
00:39:14
Speaker
And so like, we all just go through our moments differently. um I try to share more, but I mean, I feel like that message alone is so important because the judgment and the shame is what keeps you from knowing God too, because you're telling yourself,
00:39:31
Speaker
subconsciously, you might not use the words, but you're telling yourself you're not worthy to know God when you do that. And we all do it in different ways. Like I have told myself I was not worthy my entire life. I didn't, I wasn't conscious that I was doing that.
00:39:47
Speaker
And so that's like a huge thing when I talk about, i have this desire for people to see themselves. Like, how does God see you? Because when I, see when he opened up that question to me,
00:39:58
Speaker
it helped me see things in a new way. Like, Oh, how does God see me? Like, I've never even thought of that. Like I have all these false confidences in myself because I've told myself like, Oh, I'm great. but what this But like truly to like strip it all down and really think about how God sees me.
00:40:15
Speaker
It helped get a me away from all the worldly views. And it helped me see how much I cared what people thought of me. And that was like my big, that's my big thing that I've had to learn. Like we all have our own, you know?
00:40:28
Speaker
Yeah. blinders on in different forms. And so I think that shaming and judgment though is kind of across the board also because of social media, the comparison is so easy to do.
00:40:41
Speaker
That's like the part that you have to get all of that away so you can really see what God sees. And then there will be more of a desire to know him because you'll truly believe you're worthy instead of, oh well, I'm just not good enough for that.
00:40:54
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Okay. One little thing to add before we get off. I know we are, but just a practical thing that maybe people can implement. For example, right now for, I've been pretty consistent for a long time.
00:41:07
Speaker
I don't let myself have my coffee in the morning and take until I take my supplements, I drink my water and I eat a piece of protein, you know? So like, it could be as easy as, Hey, before I can look at my morning's I'm going to give myself five minutes before I go pick up my phone and get distracted with the day, you know, whatever you can set these little super easy, but very impactful things to get you started on whatever that is.
00:41:34
Speaker
You can also have it stack. One thing that like could be helpful is anybody who struggles going to their secret place. If there's something that you do every single day. So when you brush your teeth,
00:41:46
Speaker
You can brush your teeth, closing your eyes, close your eyes for 30 seconds, even it's like start there. 30 seconds, close your eyes, brush your teeth, say, God, help me desire to know you.
00:41:58
Speaker
As simple as that. And just start there. i mean, I do talk to God every day. Yeah. I see like, do you have, do you feel closer to him in the evening? I feel closer to him in the shower and then the car.
00:42:11
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. Makes sense. that Those are secret places. and Yeah. Those are, those are kind of your secret places. It's so funny is where you're kind of shut off from other things.
00:42:21
Speaker
But I will add in there. and I think this is really more, and and thank you, Kristen, for letting us dive in with you. This is really for all of us. I mean, easy. Thanks for coming to my therapy session, everyone. Thank you.
00:42:33
Speaker
It's really for, it's for all of us. Like if we keep it real, it's just, we all, we say things to people that we also need to hear really. isn guilty But that one of the things that did help me a lot, cause I was just, as you ladies are talking, me I was just thinking like, God, how did you get me like on track?
00:42:48
Speaker
Cause it wasn't me just figuring it all out, you know? And one thing that did get me on track, I guess, for lack of a better word, is see, I have a Bible app, and I still have it, actually.
00:43:01
Speaker
I've done different ones, and a verse would come up, and I would go look the verse up, and like, or a certain word would be on my mind. Let's just say joy. Like, I just kept thinking about the word joy.
00:43:11
Speaker
i would go find, consider it all joy. I'd find the Bible verse about joy, and then I'd go in Bible heaven and look at the meaning of words. This was a practice I've had. I still do it. It's one of my favorite things, but this is something that God's reminding me that I was doing.
00:43:27
Speaker
And what happened is ah the word of God is alive and living so that it take, it's not all up to me to fix me. Like the word of God also produces the desire in me.
00:43:40
Speaker
It's, and I just want to say your listeners, there's not a lot that doesn't, important as being in the word, secret place and all that, but especially as we go into end time, it's going to vital, vital, vital that we are in the word of God, that we have our true north.
00:43:55
Speaker
And we're not just leaving it up to ourselves to to do all of this. But that's something that I actually love doing because then you look at meaning of words, it's interesting. And what it would do is like create this like desire, this hunger, this thirst in me for more of God or more of the word.
00:44:13
Speaker
And for whatever reason, that was easier than trying to sit down and have an encounter, you know, yeah with God. So that could be something. and here Yeah, that's good. Well, Holly, thank you for,
00:44:24
Speaker
coming back on and Kristen, thank you for your honest and realness about it all. And I know that you are not alone in how you felt, you know, just through the six part series that we did on the gospel of peace listeners. Thank you for being here. And we hope that,
00:44:45
Speaker
If nothing else, you pull were able to pull one thing out of the past seven weeks now. And um we love you all so much. And we are recording this before Mother's Day is this weekend. Maybe why subconsciously we all got emotional about mom today.
00:45:02
Speaker
But it always feels nice to release and have a good cry. So thank you for listening.
Mother's Day Reflections and Conclusion
00:45:07
Speaker
And happy Mother's Day to everybody, whether you're a mom or not. And whatever emotions that day brings up for you we are praying for you.
00:45:17
Speaker
Holly, we would be so blessed for you to pray us out. Happy to do it. Well, Lord, we just lay this conversation before you, Father. And just for us, for our listeners, we do pray, God, that you would help us to know you, that you would help us to desire you that you would stir that desire in us, that thirst in us for you. We know that that's the greatest desire that we could ever have. The greatest thirst we could ever have is to know you and that you will quench that thirst, that you will meet that desire, Lord, that you will heal our souls, that you will stir a joy in us, that you'll teach us about peace, that you'll teach us about the depths of love. We know that's who you are. So we just pray for us, for our listeners, that you would draw us to you
00:45:59
Speaker
stir that desire in us. We're not just pristine for all of us. And we do need that, God. We need your help to to continually desire you to turn ourselves in, to turn our heart to you. Lord, we pray that the gospel of peace would just make kind of a comeback in our country, in the churches, the whole gospel, Lord, that once again, Lord, that we would just become in awe and in wonder of who you are and what you've done and the gift of your son and the Holy Spirit and the kingdom.
00:46:28
Speaker
Lord, we just ask that you would continue to grow us just as you grew that we would grow. And Lord, we do pray for moms. We pray for moms that it is just like these sisters that it's hard to go through Mother's Day. So we pray for those that are grieving really and facing Mother's Day with a little pain. We pray for the comforter, for the for your Holy Spirit, the comforter to comfort hearts and strengthen us.
00:46:53
Speaker
Lord, we pray for moms that want to have babies. Lord, I just pray right now um for there to be a supernatural blessing on wounds for those that have been wanting and trying to have babies. Lord, we pray that that would come to us.
00:47:06
Speaker
And we pray for mothers that are in the thick of it, that you would give us wisdom and strength and patience as we parent. Lord, as we learn to raise our children in the way that we should raise them, we just ask for all of this. And Lord, again, I speak a blessing over these sisters. Lord, I just pray even this Mother's Day, Lord, for and there just to be just kind of a special blessing that they feel from you each and every Mother's Day, really, that you would meet them in a special way. Just continue to strengthen them and help them to heal um from their mother's passing and go forward, Lord, with the mission that you have for them. Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
00:47:42
Speaker
Amen. Thank you. Y'all. And I was going to say, yeah, the crying must have been in the air. I've cried for like three days straight, but I think I've been. It happens like in waves where you just like can't stop crying. Everything makes you cry. And then you're like, Oh, okay. Yeah.
00:47:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. Good. All right. Love y'all. good youly it's good yeah i good all right love y'all Bye guys. Bye.
00:48:10
Speaker
Thank you for listening to another week of girl. I slept in my makeup. If you like us rate review and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you want to learn more about us or get in touch with us go to our website, girl. I slept in my makeup.com where you'll also find links to our Instagram and Facebook. Thank you so much for listening. We really appreciate it and make it a great week.
00:48:35
Speaker
God bless.