Transcript
Speaker: oh
Speaker: This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
Speaker: Ivana Maria Mendez Bubble as Chad Boers. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
Speaker: So ah last time was very exciting as the players dealt with the ramifications of the fight at the Beeper Baby Battle Tournament with Tabitha Mealy after defeating her.
Speaker: The party pulled Alfie out of that strange black and white notebook where he saw a weird animal town and things like that. um The party reached out to Omlet, updated some information about being a member of the Galactic you ah Unity Division. And then eventually, after going back to Alfie's house and exploring his wonderful mansion, had a football practice where Alfie had his first chance at really showing his value on the team.
Speaker: It had a great showing, but it was unfortunately interrupted when Trixie Steele and Jackie Swant showed up, who not only bullied Janet's cheer routine, but also offered it that if they could have a place on the cheer squad and people wanted to come to their homecoming party. That was happening later that week.
Speaker: And we find the party now standing on the sidelines of the football stadium, football field. That burn was good, Alfie.
Speaker: That burn was good. It was not. she okay? Oh, I'm sorry, Janet. You're right here. I'm sorry. You were right behind me. Didn't see Did not see you. My bad.
Speaker: It was not. It was really lame. She's a super loser. Yeah. yeah If I have anything to say about it, she is not going to be on the cheerleading team.
Speaker: Yeah. And Jackie Swanch, forget about it. No. Not a chance. you have and Do you have the power to to say yay or nay for that? Do you have like authoritative voting rights? Or is it like power by committee? or like What's the hierarchy for for the cheerleading squad?
Speaker: um Well, how much time do you have? Not a lot. yeah he um Practice is over. Yeah. I can't remember if there is a canonical cheerleader captain or not. I'm about to fuck everything I don't think there's a a captain that's established. I think there is. I just like the idea of there being some kind of like a, well, let me consult the ancient cheer manual. And there's some huge like notebook that like has all these provisions and bylaws for like new people joining. I don't think... Well, we don't necessarily all vote, Alfie. We do have a ah teacher representative, Mrs. Adams, and she ultimately makes the decisions, but she listens to all of us.
Speaker: I'm not the captain. The captain is Jessica Pigeons. But Jessica is a good friend of mine. I would say as a junior, you know, it's it's kind of a seniority thing. Jessica is a senior, so she's kind of the captain by default. Next year, it could be me.
Speaker: um But, you know, people listen to me. I'm not a I'm not a freshie. I'm not a rookie. And we all have we all have say. It's a team of sisters, Alfie. Yeah. just Yeah. Sisterhood.
Speaker: Right? go Go sisters. and And also your shorts um that move around. You guys... um So basically what I'm asking is... ah Don't worry about it. That's a reference that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker: um Do you... think that um I'm gonna have to look at Jackie Swunch every single day for the rest of my life because I've been really good at avoiding her roots through class in the hallway and I mean I do have to duck into the janitor's closet for about 10 minutes ah during a certain passing period but you know that's fine I just don't cut to the third time that the janitor has walked in on Alfie hiding in the closet Ivana can you play the janitor Right second floor and I can go home and see my- Whoa!
Speaker: Oh, um, hey. Whoa. Hey, Sloppy Joe, sorry. I, um, I, I was, um. Alferino!
Speaker: alcarino
Speaker: It's the second time I found you here. Wow, is this? Sorry. so i thought this yeah number I thought this was biochem. um you know And now I realize yep and now i realize that that's a mop in the corner.
Speaker: Wow. They got you guys studying late. 7 p.m. Oh, God, I gotta go. We can come back. Jesus Christ, Tucker. we could we can come back jesus christ tocker i I had seltzer blow out my nose when you said sloppy joe and it hurt really bad.
Speaker: case anyone was wondering. Okay, we can cut back to
Speaker: to whatever conversation you guys are having. Avoiding Jackie Swunch. um I do not want her on the team. i will do everything in my power to make sure that you do not have to see more of her, Alfie.
Speaker: Great, because um Trixie Steele is the most popular girl in the school, and so I think it's hard. Hot. She's not hot, Chad.
Speaker: but She is. She is literally the hottest girl in school. Like, when you touch her, she has a temperature of 99.1 naturally. And she's also smoking hot in the other, more correct way.
Speaker: Whatever. Chad, are you a human thermometer? What temperature, touch me right now, what temperature am I? Oh, ah you are human temperature. um No, it's just, they they actually, when we were in fifth grade in science class, she got a thermometer in her mouth and she would do it like every class and every class it would say the same.
Speaker: And then the teacher got concerned and then they she had to go out for tests and stuff. And so it's a condition we're all aware of. Be a little sensitive, Alfie, come on.
Speaker: Okay, follow-up question.
Speaker: How do we get into that party? Yeah.
Speaker: Oh. I'm not going to that party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are definitely not going to that party. Chad, are you going to go to the party without it What?
Speaker: I mean, i was invited. What? You were? Wait. We just heard about it all now, collectively, together right now at this at this second in time. we Right? And this was the first time we all heard that? Yeah, know.
Speaker: I had a note in my locker. I get notes in my locker all the time, but I have to turn those into the principal because they're threats. Oh, Jesus. What kind of threats are you getting? They're mostly from anonymous teachers that still call me Sprout.
Speaker: but Well, if if Jackie's trying to get onto the cheerleading squad, she might have an ulterior motive.
Speaker: that means That means she might secretly want to do it for a different reason than the reason she's saying, Chad. Oh. oh Hmm. She would also look good as a cheerleader, though.
Speaker: Chad, stop. That's not the point. What? you We are talking about girls becoming cheerleaders. You can't tap into that hate you have for Jackie for one second here.
Speaker: I despise her, but she might be a great cheerleader. I can hate someone and still admire them doing their job, Janet. Don't hate the art hate the artist.
Speaker: Yeah, I guess. All right, so we either get you guys into that party
Speaker: or we figure something else out. But right now, that's all I have. I mean, they just invited all of us. they want there Trixie's trying to suck up to the cheerleading squad. She's kissing up to us because she wants to buy her way into the team just because her parents are rich and she can throw a big party at her big house. No offense, Alfie.
Speaker: I can't buy my way into popularity and i I feel like we have a lot more money than... i get i'm I'm saying too much about my money. um This was a great sidebar. Should we respond to Trixie personally?
Speaker: Wait. Wait, wait, wait a minute. You're absolutely right. Your house is the best house I've ever seen in my life. Oh, no, no, no, no. no no no no no no no no um I think we shift gears here.
Speaker: Janet, are you thinking what I'm thinking? I know what you're saying, but I still don't want Trixie Steele there. Well, she doesn't have to be there. We can have a bodyguard. Meatball. Okay. Give him a picture Trixie Steele.
Speaker: I think he knows what she looks like. I think he knows. Yeah, come on, Janet. Like, she's like the hottest girl. Maybe don't give him a picture of her. It's not going to affect Meatball.
Speaker: Don't worry about it. Yeah, we shouldn't. He has too many. um He wouldn't have a picture of her. No, he does. Just, he doesn't.
Speaker: Finish that sentence. base that sentence Finish that sentence without using your eyebrows. he he doesn't look at them passionately.
Speaker: She got us there, guys. We, we, now we're the ones in trouble. They're just for, like, style inspo. He looks at them as a good cover. Ha ha ha ha
Speaker: Well, that's what I'm thinking.
Speaker: There's no way. We can't. We can't have a party at my house. My parents would murder me or probably have me disappeared. That's more their style. um You say your dad was going to New York.
Speaker: Well, yeah. I mean, i think so. He's always somewhere and never home. And might I really hardly ever see them. But that's not the point. They would know. They would know. They have spies in the walls. I think literally, i think literally there's a person who lives in the walls, but I can't be sure about that. More weird notes I have to take about Alfie's house.
Speaker: We'll just make sure to clean up afterwards. I mean, we'll make, you know, we'll tell everyone not to get out of hand. They will be respectful of your parents' house and it'll be fine.
Speaker: What could possibly go wrong? Why would you say that? Why would you say that out loud? Smash cut. Smash cut. To a bunch of ambulances going on down a street and there's a fire truck putting out a mansion.
Speaker: And then the camera pulls back to see Alfie standing in front of a television set, angrily gesturing, going, this. ah
Speaker: Um, well, I think a lot of people are going up to Trixie and Jackie right now and and asking questions about their party. So I guess, um, I guess it's now or never. so this is your moment. My moment.
Speaker: I have to be the one to say it? I don't think I can be the one to say it. I'm going to clear my throat and raise my voice and say, excuse me, everyone. Excuse me. Can I have your attention? And I'm waving my cheerleader pom poms around.
Speaker: And once everyone is looking at me and not Trixie Steele and Jackie Swanch, I'm going to say, Alfie here has an announcement. Here you Alfie, and I'm just going to push him forward into the middle of the group.
Speaker: Oh, um, hey. oh Uh, yeah, sorry, everyone. Um, I just wanted to let you all know that, that the captain of the football team and a lot of us other, you know, football, uh, hunks are definitely not going to be able to make it. I'm so sorry. So sorry. To, uh, your small little, um, homecoming party because God is, um, super awkward, but, um,
Speaker: I'm throwing a party oh my place on the same night. It's crazy coincidence. And the whole cheerleading squad's going to be there. All us are going to be there.
Speaker: Oh my God. Oh my gosh. The whole team. And whatever the reverence, whatever his name sounds like. What was his name? John the Apostle. Not the Reverend. The Reverend Rev is from Reverend the Titans.
Speaker: We're going to have Alfie make a charm roll of six. ah Oh, no. You got this. Do these, um within the Kids on Bikes rule set, yeah and look at me, are there are they separated into children, teens, and adults, or just children and adults? ah I think we're either going to have children or adults.
Speaker: Great. With my rebellious... perk. I can add three to rolls when persuading or resisting persuasion from children. Okay.
Speaker: I think that's fair. I think that's a fair use of that ability that probably will only come into play very rarely. um ne Yeah, why not? How dare you use your rules?
Speaker: Do it. Well, I rolled a one, so I get to add three to that. That's a four. How much does he need to roll? Six. Six? I'll give you two. Adversity tokens.
Speaker: Oh, because you can do that one-to-one, right? Yeah. Yeah. Boom. There's this moment and eventually, like, the football teams are all in kind of get together because they're like, oh God, the new guy's gonna do a throw party. Oh, yeah, I can't wait to go to party. Oh, my God, haven't been to a party since Meatball's house.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, you totally crashed my house. I can't believe it. I'm going to do a party somebody else's house. Wait, what? You guys are going to throw a rival party, I guess, on the night of ah before the homecoming game. Oh, God.
Speaker: I'll say you have three days. And I'm going to give each one of you a good action and a bad action. Basically, I'm letting you come up with a good thing that you're going to contribute to making your party good. And then maybe something that you're doing to this do damage to ah Jackie and Trixie's party.
Speaker: Hell yeah. Okay, does that sound fair? We're going to run through six yeah little scenes between each of you where going to be either setting up for the party or trying to sabotage Jackie's.
Speaker: Is the party happening at Jackie's or Trixie's? The party is happening at Jackie Swunch's house. And here's something I'll let you catch through the grapevine. that You hear her saying her dad is going to be there to chaperone. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, her dad, the most wanted man in the galaxy.
Speaker: i I, I, all I'm going to say is she said her dad is there to chaperone. Maybe we should go to that party to investigate. ah wait Or to arrest them. Like the DM wanted us to.
Speaker: I'm honestly fine with anything. No, I know, I know. No, we can invite them. Oh, no, we can't. We don't want to do that. I would like to start with my bad thing. I'm ready.
Speaker: I've got to write it. This is what I want to do. i want re-traumatize Trixie Steele from her beeper baby invasion. Yes! And I want to put... I guess I was thinking of like breaking back into her house, which is a little much and a little repetitive.
Speaker: Maybe I'll like take a photo of myself in the mask, in this outfit. of the beeper baby and write homecoming on it in scratchy letters and like slide it in her locker. That's so insane. love it.
Speaker: I don't like Trixie Steele. yeah ah ah Let's have you roll ah flight roll of six to pull off like sneaking this into her locker without anyone seeing you.
Speaker: Okay, great. ah Oh boy. This is a D10. So what is the... I rolled a one. Oh no.
Speaker: You ah slide this note into her locker um and we are going to leave it at that. You don't know.
Speaker: who sees, ah you think you get away with it. Oh, okay. So as far as you know, um but somebody outside of your knowledge is with it. Pulled it off. Perfect. Chad, Alfie, you have something, some kind of a scheme or plot that you want to pull off? I have both of mine.
Speaker: have both of mine in mind. i just would like to separate them because they are of a similar nature. Okay. Whatever that means. ah So let's start with the first one.
Speaker: okay Where do you, what do you need to have happen? So, uh, Chad is going to approach Trixie's best friend, Heather, and he's going to just come really suave and and flirty and be like, Hey Heather, uh, so you know that new kid Alfie, you know, that party he's throwing?
Speaker: Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's Southern Meatball. Let me think for a second. I'm very self-conscious of the conversation we had about women. um it' like, wow, Meatball has a twin.
Speaker: ah Oh, hey, Chad. Hey, Heather. So, you know that other party that's happening? I don't think and don't think I'm going to make it to that. I think I'm coming to yours.
Speaker: Oh, i I would have thought that because you were spending so much time with Alfie. With that loser? ah Come on. ah Make a charm roll of four.
Speaker: Right then Alfie walks her around the corner and hears it. No. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Classic high school drama trope. Oh my God. Hearing the one part of the conversation. If she fails, that's what happens.
Speaker: Oh no. Wait, that's a no. That's not the right diet. that's It's a three. and and you just gave up your adversity tokens to help. Yeah, I have my extra D6.
Speaker: What do you need? You technically shouldn't be able to use adversity tokens to help somebody if you're not physically there with them. I believe that is one of the rules. was with him. Oh, right. So unless he was in the scene... I guess I can use my D6, my pocket D6. You can use your... ah you can you i will let you for this chapter, I guess I will be referring to this. Okay, so here's how i'm thinking about these. at Each chapter, as we've kind of discussed, like we had the Beeper Baby arc.
Speaker: This is a the Homecoming arc. I will let you... This is you using your magic D6. You'll also have your character power once being able to reuse two, okay? And we'll do your Adversity Tokens reset in the same way that we kind of were doing at the start.
Speaker: So that seemed like a fair use of how your powers can come up. Reset at the start of the arc. Remember how we like started with you guys resetting your adversity tokens every single time, and it was like, well, that was too much. yeah And so now every arc, you get your So if you want to use your D6 to use your magic god powers. No, I shouldn't.
Speaker: I shouldn't use it. It's fine. make space I rolled a three. i failed my roll. I rolled three. So, Alfie, you overhear this whole conversation. Cool. Yeah, just because, like, I feel like those losers can't even, like, get real booze, you know? Like, who's getting yours?
Speaker: Oh. Uh, you know, i hadn't really thought about that. I bet. I mean, Trixie's got a lot of money, and but Jackie's hosting it. Maybe Jackie's got a cool dad. and Would that be a deal breaker? Oh my God, Chad.
Speaker: Let's do this. Find out for me who's getting your booze and and then I'll make it. And maybe I'll ah save something special for you too. Okay, let's have you make another charm roll of a D6 though.
Speaker: I love the idea of ah Ivana coming on to Paul as Chad while Chad plays a woman. It's something about his... It definitely makes me feel more comfortable than when I was hitting on Tucker for the first three episodes.
Speaker: Yeah, fair. That made me feel really good about myself. I'm just letting you know. And then it turned out to be a honey trap, so... Maybe that was why. It was like I just already had to grease the pot. Uh, what'd you say, baby?
Speaker: Seven. So she gets a little rosy-cheeked and gets up close to you. I'll do that, Chad. Can you maybe make sure that you try to find me there? course, baby. um She giggles and grabs her books, and as she's, like, walking away, she drops her books and gets, like, really embarrassed and, like, picks her books up again and runs down the hall.
Speaker: And then she sees you, like, her, like, stick her head out one more time and sees you and then, like, runs away. Excellent. So that's part one of my negative operation. Alpha, you did overhear some of this, so I'm gonna, like, maybe let you think about this as you go to your part of your plan.
Speaker: Chad thinks I'm a loser, can't get alcohol. I know exactly what I'm gonna do. I am going to sneak into my dad's office. Oh, shit.
Speaker: And grab his checkbook. Oh, less badass. And I'm going to call ah the biggest liquor supplier whoa in Silver Ridge, Colorado. I take that back. That is hardy as fuck.
Speaker: And I'm going to pretend to be my father. Let's take that phone call and we'll see, i guess. I wonder what Alfie's charm is. I don't remember. We'll find out.
Speaker: um Great. Let's go. Putzky's and Sons Beer Emporium. What can I help you with? Hello, Mr. Putzky. This is George. Oh, Mr. Putzky's my dad. I'm Leon Putzky. Hello, Putzky Jr. This is George Thermopylae Towers.
Speaker: I didn't mean to laugh. That's just thats that's such an interesting middle name. Most people don't introduce themselves with their middle name on the phone. Most people don't have their full names printed on all the billboards outside of the town.
Speaker: I wanted you to know who you were dealing with while I ask you for this big important party that I'm throwing for my 50 anniversary. Oh, you you sound fairly young.
Speaker: Um, for a 50-year anniversary. 15-year anniversary. You misheard me. I must have. Well, Mr. Thermopylae. Towers. oh Um, sorry. The middle name really throws me off.
Speaker: Uh, okay, let's... What can I put you down for, sir? I'm going to need to know the price for... 100 bottles of every type of alcohol.
Speaker: Oh my god. We don't... We don't carry every type. um We can... my god, I'm gonna call my dad. I'm gonna make so much money.
Speaker: Oh my god. All right, sir. I've got to put my phone voice on for this serious transaction. oh god, I'm trying to do the same thing Tucker's doing. It's hard, isn't it? It's hard.
Speaker: Um, well, for that kind of transaction, I'll need you to provide us with an address and a down payment.
Speaker: Absolutely. I'll make the checkout to...
Speaker: Can I have you make a um ah brains roll of eight to basically be like how effectively you can fill out this check and have done this? Oh my God.
Speaker: It's so hard. And then it's going to inform what kind of a bonus you'll have on the charm roll to convince this guy that this is all up to snuff. Nine on the brain. Great. You, you, why does Alfie know how to fill out a check?
Speaker: Alfie knows how to fill out a check because when Alfie was four, instead of getting ah coloring books, his dad ah had him balance checkbooks.
Speaker: Of course. Because he thought it would make him a stronger man. Wow, you must be so good with you with your money. Every time I open up the Alfie history book, it just makes me sad. yes Goodness.
Speaker: Can I have you make a charm roll with advantage of six? So with advantage, I got three. um But is this persuading ah child? No. This is just a man with an unfortunate voice. So he is.
Speaker: Oh, because I can add three to rolls when resisting persuasion from adults, but not. No, you're persuading him that you're an adult. Okay. I got three. I have two adversity tokens. can get myself to five. Okay. So, unfortunately, he starts asking questions about, have driver's license and ID, and you have you don't have your dad's ID and stuff like that.
Speaker: and he's But he's he's sweating because he's like, well, I'd really like to make this sale. Okay. um can you come Can you come down to our shop? And then we can um just... do Just hand it over really quickly.
Speaker: i can't come in. I'm overseas in Korea. I can send my only son, though.
Speaker: Okay, I'm going to make you make a charm roll of four to see if you can pull that off. Because that's very clever. It's a one. I rolled a one. You guys have rolled the worst things ever.
Speaker: um Technically, the ID has to be the age of the person there. um I can't help you with this. I'm really sorry. mr thhu Don't yell at me. Here's the thing.
Speaker: Little Potsky. My wife deserves the best anniversary that I can give her, and I'm going to give it to her, so either I can hand you this blank check or made out to you.
Speaker: For cash? For cash. Or I can start my own liquor company and take you and Daddy Potsky down.
Speaker: I just, I can't, I just need you or your- And I told you I have so much business to do.
Speaker: That I cannot possibly deign to come down to your small establishment. But I will send the boy. um I'm sorry, sir. I think I could get in real trouble selling alcohol to the boy.
Speaker: You've just made yourself a grave enemy. ah Yeah, unfortunately, i gave you a few openings and you've managed to fail. You guys have failed a lot of dice rolls to setting up for this party. Yeah. Alfie, how are you feeling after this? You just got called a loser.
Speaker: You stole your dad's check. You doing okay there, buddy? feel not great, but ah I now have a different plan, which turns my good plan into a bad plan. Okay. Well, we'll come back to that, because that is ominous.
Speaker: um Nate. Yeah. What's your plan? All right, this is my good plan. um I want to work with the cheerleading team, ah obviously Jessica Pigeons, amongst others, ah that you probably, we all, I'm sure, remember the names of, um to put together a special homecoming routine for the party at Alfie's. So we are going to rehearse um this kind of you know kind of like... ah
Speaker: you know think of like a stomp dance like kind of little party thing to do when like the party starts kicking wow just to yeah you know just to really one-up jackie's party we should steal it from the rival school this is jessica pigeons talking um yeah oh okay um steal what from the rival school the dance routine!
Speaker: Well, I mean, we we always we always come up with our own, Jessica. Why don't we, you know, I threw a couple of good ideas. i I don't know you go straight to theft. We've never done that before.
Speaker: Oh, you know, I'm all stressed out trying to get ready to go to college. Yeah, yeah, I hear it's crazy, you know, SATs coming up and everything.
Speaker: But, um I mean, do you want, maybe, do you want to sit this one out? And I could i could run the routine since I'm, you know, kind of up to maybe be the cheer captain next year.
Speaker: ah Make a charm roll of six. Sure. Charm roll of six. You guys are really making requests from these people.
Speaker: Hey, i mean she said she's stressed and doing her favor ah with a plus one as a one plus one equals two Um she gets up right in your face. You're like listen here Janet I know you've been after my job since you joined the team and I've come to respect your your can't do-ness and your hardy attitude But I'm gonna be the captain until the day I graduate
Speaker: ah All right, all right. I want i didn't mean anything by it, Jessica. i'm just You just sound stressed, okay? i was trying to be a good sister. It's okay. I'm a little stressed. Did you want to finish eating your grain that you brought?
Speaker: Yeah. Please. How are you doing, Janet? I, you know, i I hear you, and I'm not gonna take stealing from ah another school off the table, but I was thinking we could just do, like, some regular cheers and a human pyramid. You know, it doesn't have to be anything fancy. It's just for, you know, it's gonna be for, like, a bunch of drunk freshmen. Who cares? You're right.
Speaker: But you know the one rule about the pyramid is I have to be at the top on account of my thin bones. Ha ha ha! that That's right, of course. um You on the top. Obviously, you know, Amelia's on the bottom because she has thick bones. Whoa! Whoa!
Speaker: so whoa yeah I really... Alright, scratch that. I didn't mean anything by that. I was just doing the opposite. No, no, I mean, compared to me, I can say she has thick bones because I have thin bones. But coming from you, know, captain to future captain, that's the kind of terminology she maybe tried to avoid when it comes to, you know, bringing good morale to the cheer squad.
Speaker: You really think I'd be future captain? She puts a little wing on you. She's like, Janet, I think you're be the best. a wing on me is it are we talking about am i talking to a real patient you're a bunch of birds in a human suit
Speaker: What have I done with this character last name? ah Go ahead. We are going to cut ah Chad. Chad has gathered four of the football team members in the locker room. Do you have their names, Chad?
Speaker: We have Meatball. We have John the Apostle. We have Trifle and we have Boo. Trifle and boo Trifle. Kaboom.
Speaker: do you brought us here for, Chad? Okay. Listen up, Core 4. Core, core, core. Core, core, core, core. It's five of us, but it's Core 4 because one of us is always talking to the other four.
Speaker: All right, Meatball, I'm going to meet you in security. hey. You got Chad. You keep my heart safe. You keep us safe from those out there. And I have a special person you need to block out. Who is it? Who do you want me to block?
Speaker: Good old Trixie and Jackie. But you have to let us know if they come. You said one person. You want me to do two things? Oh.
Speaker: You know what? Let Jackie come in. oh Oh, I got you. Just Trixie. Very clever, Chad. All right. All right. And that's all you want me to do is just not let somebody in?
Speaker: Yeah. And then you enjoy that party. Okay. All right. Johnny. Yeah. I need you take those hands, that fake ID and turn that water into wine, baby. think that's kind of blasphemy, but yeah, I could do that.
Speaker: Alright, excellent. Trifle. Yeah! You know what I want from you? Magic tricks? Your mom's mac and cheese. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's the second thing I need from you, and that's happening upstairs in a bedroom that's locked with key.
Speaker: Yeah. And then, kaboom. Kaboom. I just need you to show up for me. That's it. Kaboom! And he poses, he like, he muscles, he's like, uh, flexes and his like, whole shirt just tears. He goes, oh, kaboom!
Speaker: so Great. Thanks, Corphor. I can't believe he's going to Stanford. Biochem. Kaboom's the best of us all. Who hasn't done their locations or setups?
Speaker: I think Tucker's got a second one, right? I got a bad one to do. All right, Tucker. You've stolen your dad's checkbook. What is your other plan? Oh my God. The new plan now is this not knowing that Chad also has has a hookup for alcohol. um al We cut to Alfie once again in the janitor's closet.
Speaker: Uh, but this time he's waiting for old Sloppy Joe. Oh no! NPC's not me! He can do whatever he wants! Oh. Hey, Slop. Can I call you Slop?
Speaker: I didn't see you there. Funny meeting India. a Place like this. That's you, Ivana. You're Sloppy Joe. I'm Freeno! I got my headphones on! Give me one second. What'd you say?
Speaker: My little headset! I got myself little... ah little CD player. Oh, no. oh Palfarino!
Speaker: What can I help you with, buddy boy Slop, here's the thing. um I know we go way back. We do. couple weeks ago when you first saw me in here trying to avoid a girl.
Speaker: Uh-huh. But I think we've grown a special bond. And I think the only thing that can transcend that bond is me handing you a lot of money to buy alcohol for underage kids. Okay, how much money?
Speaker: How much money do you want? And now I feel like you're lying to me. I feel like you're lying to me, Alferino. I know you come from parents with a lot of money, but I don't know where you're getting yeah it. Is this money going to be followed? is it dirt money? Is it for one of your Cayman Islands?
Speaker: Where is this money coming from? It's coming from the family personal bank account ah with a check made out to cash. right.
Speaker: I like cash. All right. So, I need like 500 bottles of liquor. Jesus Christ. All right, I'm going to get you five.
Speaker: Definitely going to need more. It's for a homecoming party. Five, take it or leave it. Okay. Five. Do you want one of each? Of the five types of alcohol?
Speaker: Oh, there are five types of alcohol? Then yes, i want if I want one of each. I would prefer 100 of each. Can you tell me what the five the the five types that you want are? Just so I can get them for you, right? You know?
Speaker: Sure. Yeah. um there's i There's a brown one. Mm-hmm. There are... There's the one that has the gold in it.
Speaker: That one. Of course. That's a must-do. Yeah. For this... ah For, you know, the kind of people that we're expecting here. Mm-hmm. I don't know what it's called, but i've I've seen my dad drink it once, and after he did, he went...
Speaker: Ooh, yeah! No, that one will. Okay, alright, great. um I think, you know what, I think I know what you want. Just give me the check first.
Speaker: to Alfie, make a brains roll and Slappy Joe, you have a brains roll of six. Okay.
Speaker: You're comparing brains rolls. Great. I got a five. Sloppy Joe, you agree to his terms. Alfie, you've won the negotiations.
Speaker: Okay. Does that mean that I'm getting five bottles of alcohol? or You're getting five bottles of alcohol and you're not getting in trouble for trying to buy alcohol. And unfortunately, Sloppy Joe is morally too strong to spend more money than he's entitled to on it.
Speaker: Okay, how likely is Sloppy Joe to actually put alcohol in the bottles, though? Would he just send, take the alcohol out, and fill it with, like, juice? Look, I don't know how ready I am for Sloppy Joe to have his own storylines and in existence in this podcast. I'm coming to terms with him.
Speaker: feel like Sloppy Joe is a gentleman. All right, if you want to roll a character sheet, this is going to our first non-offer, is we'll do a Sloppy Joe oner, where you and I will do a Sloppy Joe standalone, and we'll put it as like a filler episode if we ever a run behind. can can I vote? I will i need this. Sloppy Joe.
Speaker: yeah I'll be like, we're really sorry. Like we're ba behind for recording purposes, but Ivana and Paul have agreed to give us the first sloppy Joe winner and we'll do like sloppy Joe, do it through like a D and d dungeon crawl. so Sloppy Joe grabs a briefcase and slaps the demon.
Speaker: Great. That turned out really nice because if it went south, the thing that was bad was he was going to threaten to get him fired. Oh my god. Oh my god. No, Sloppy. Sloppy Joe's short tenure in this series.
Speaker: But explains why he's in a dungeon. ah Looking for gold. Alright, so does that, everyone got their, has everyone had their chance to prep for the party? Alright, coolest people in the world. i got the mac and cheese. Oh.
Speaker: Yeah? Yeah. That's what you think, Chad? Yeah. You think we're the coolest people in the world? Yeah! Thanks, Chad. You're welcome, Janet. That's not what you said to Heather. What do you mean?
Speaker: don't talk to Heather. Nothing, never mind. don't want to talk about it. It's fine.
Speaker: Janet, is something bothering Alfie? It sure seems like it. Alfie? Yeah. This is my natural demeanor. I'm a lot like John the Apostle. Okay, guy.
Speaker: Okay. Yeah, that okay. All right. I just got okay. Sorry. Not not a time period appropriate. ah Alfie, what's going on?
Speaker: Alfie, I mean, I brought... i They're for the party, but I have 10 sleeves of. ah Do you want, do you want or something? Can I not say that? Okay, well, Alfie, are you all right?
Speaker: Do you want, I have like 10 sleeves of Piedrox cookies. Would you like one? You can't just use the discount brand that exists. I said Piedrox. I have no idea what you're talking about. They're like little pies, two little pies with cream filling, chocolate pies.
Speaker: Everyone. That was disgusting. too It's two filled pies with cream. We're not going to spend 20 minutes on the details. they're called pie drugs because they're delicious. Do you want one, Alfie?
Speaker: I mean, I would, but I'm fine, honestly. I'm fine, and it's fine. And, you know, if just one third of us thinks that the other one third of us is a loser, then it doesn't matter. i don't think you're a loser, Alfie.
Speaker: Yeah, you said a lot of numbers, but I don't think you're a loser either, Alfie. That's not what you said to Heather. I overheard you at the locker. You said I was a loser and you were thinking about going to her party. Are you betraying the team? Alfie, did you leave after that?
Speaker: Yes, of course I did. Well, what you didn't hear was that I was just trying to find out who's bringing alcohol to their party so we can take it away.
Speaker: Really? I lied to her. Chad can lie too. That's pretty smart, Chad. Oh, thanks. I'm sorry i overreacted and i I walked away too quickly before hearing the entire context of what you were talking about.
Speaker: And I should have known that our relationship wouldn't ever be ah blown up by such a small thing like that. I'm glad we figured this out in one episode.
Speaker: Well, you'll have Things that have happened in zero sitcoms ever. and So it sounds like you guys, i what I do enjoy is all of your plans is to do this party was like, let's get booze and steal the other party's booze. Hey, I made a cheer routine.
Speaker: That's true. There's entertainment. I got mac and cheese. Okay. Okay. Here's how I imagine this is going to work. You're all going to roll a d twenty and that is going to represent how many kids you were taking away from Jackie and Trixie Steele's party. That sounds fair. Ivana, since you were the only one who was really successful with your activities, you're going to get to roll with advantage.
Speaker: So out of a score of 60, this number that you all roll is going to be the percent of kids you get to attend your party over Jackie Swunch. 30 being like the average. Okay? 90-20? Yes.
Speaker: yes We're all rolling D20s. i I rolled a 19. I rolled a 2. I rolled a 4. So that's 25 out of 30, or a possible 60 if you've gotten a perfect score.
Speaker: Not a huge number. So I'll say it you were successful at taking some people away from Jackie Swench's party for sure. Alfie, that's probably more people than you've been able to keep an eye on for the whole night, though, then.
Speaker: ah So I want you to make a brains roll of 10. This is a roll to make sure you can keep your eye out to see if anyone's taking anything or doing anything inappropriate during the party.
Speaker: No. What? High school party. I didn't invite any of my stealing friends. Okay, I rolled a seven, but because of all the things I failed, I have four adversity tokens. Oh my god. So gonna go down to one adversity token. You burn three, you catch some kids who stole some like really clearly like some watches or stuff from your dad's thing. Bitches.
Speaker: And the only thing you really note is that one of them has found the coloring book that you'd hidden underneath your bed. Oh, fuck me. But they're a little drunk and they're being defensive about it. And they're being like, what, man? I just found it. It's cool.
Speaker: Yep. And it's off limits and it's mine. And if you want any Piedrox cookies. I like cookies. Then you're gonna have to give it back. Wait. Okay? Come here. Come here, Freshie.
Speaker: Come here, I need to ask you things. I'm right in front of you. Okay, I don't want to get that close to you. Why is it scary inside and fun on the outside?
Speaker: Like Piedrox. Because... Because this is your brain on drugs. We should burn this. People can't have... Nope, can't do that.
Speaker: Nope, I need it. I'm going to need that back or else I'm going to have to call in ah main man Meatball to, you know... Meet ya. Meatball slowly is encrunching from behind him, ah but the guy ah is holding the the journal, and he's kind of like backing his way up in the living room. He's like, no, I found this. I really wanted to... I found it.
Speaker: It was... I didn't i was gonna say I made it, but I didn't make it. I found it. I didn't want to lie to you, because you guys are my best friends, but I want it. Real bad. You can't have it. You can have so many other things, I'll let you keep the watches.
Speaker: Make a charm roll of five.
Speaker: Five! He looks, he goes, really? Means it? Means about the wopsies? Yep. Means it about the wopsies. And he sets the coloring book down on the table. I kind of feel bad now about it, but I'm still going to keep the watch.
Speaker: I hope that's okay. It's honestly not. Oh, well, I don't feel good about it. I'll talk about it later with some people. he walks he He walks out with the watch on his wrist.
Speaker: It's honestly not. It's such a funny fucking thing to say to somebody. Okay. um
Speaker: Thanks for having my back, Meatball. Really appreciate it. Yeah, course, man. i wouldn't let anyone to take your things. I'm surprised you let him have your watch and you didn't let me just, like, take your watch back. Oh, I mean, if you want to go stop him, feel free.
Speaker: Well, I mean, you made a deal. i feel like kind of a and jerk. It would make me the bag, because then I'm stealing the watch, you know? But you are the strongest, you know, survival of the fittest. It's whatever you want, Meatball, you know?
Speaker: ah really appreciate it. I'm not trying to manipulate it you into anything, okay, big guy? It's whatever I want, because I'm the strongest there is. Oh, no. You might be onto something, Alfie. And he, like, stumbles off through the door.
Speaker: No. Janet. Yeah. What were you doing at the end of the party? um Just cleaning up, you know, trying desperately. Obviously, I mean, I guess you get to decide whether or not i was like an absolute shit show. But I think I naively...
Speaker: actually expected it to be not like not out of control and it was out of control. So I'm like, I'm in like a neurotic cleaning mode, like trying to like re like pick up couches that are like flipped over and tipped over and there's chairs and there's piles of uh, Piedrox cookies and beer spilled and all sorts of shit. So I'm just coin. I'm deep coin it frantically. And with no chance of actually making a dent in this before his parents get home, Mr. Gibbons is there trying to help you put the house back together as much as he can.
Speaker: I'll get it. Mr. Gibbons, just keep helping, ah Janet put the,
Speaker: but the I don't know any fancy furniture, but put that thing that costs weight way too much. Put that armoire that costs way too much money back upright. I'll go get the door. It's made of ivory. That's so wrong.
Speaker: i can't really help with this stuff. I could like sweep, but that probably weighs 200 pounds. I'm a 16-year-old girl. I'm going to ah go to the up to the door and go, sorry, party's over.
Speaker: You hear frantic screaming and yelling from the other side of the door. Please, you guys. Oh, my God, it's not okay. Oh, my God, it's a total freak out at their house. Oh, my God, you guys.
Speaker: i I'll open the door. ah You look to see Trixie Steele. um Her hair is all ruined. um It's hard to tell. It doesn't look like it was raining, but it's like covered in mud and soot and dirt.
Speaker: And she's like, oh, my God, you guys, she's a total freak. I was at her house and it was so I mean, it was fine. It was it was it was fun for a little while. And then people started leaving. And then oh, my God, her dad is so weird. ah jet Jackie's dad.
Speaker: yeah Yeah, dummy. Who else is dad? My dad's cool. oh Okay. I'm sorry, why are you here and what do you want me to do about it?
Speaker: i don't know what to do You could go home. guess I just sort of feel bad. They're stuck there. Who's stuck there? The rest of the party.
Speaker: left them. You left them doing what? They're Jackies. Yeah? Yeah. I don't know, her dad was being weird and he took them all somewhere.
Speaker: He took them? He took them like a... Like, Trixie, are you telling me that Mr. Swunch Pied Piper'd a bunch of teenagers? He was just being so weird.
Speaker: he He shined this light on a bunch of them and then they disappeared. It was so scary, you guys. Chit it, chat. Trixie? good and Gonna need to call an audible on this one. What is she doing here?
Speaker: Chad's going to break the board game he was playing because he thinks everyone's cheating and come join the conversation. Whoa, whoa. Also, Chad, Heather's really mad that you weren't there. Heather who?
Speaker: Heather.
Speaker: Heather who? You know which Heather! And I forgot her last name because if you gave her one, I don't remember what it is! Okay, I know which Heather. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's really mean. i know. I know. It wasn't great of me. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Trixie.
Speaker: I'll make it up to her. That is her last name. Her name's Heather who? Oh, no. Strike that. Fuck no. okay I said, fuck no.
Speaker: Fuck no. So, Heather's been taken Jackie's evil dad? i don't know if evil, he was just weird. Trixie, what did he look like?
Speaker: He was really skinny and he had this weird face and he had, don't know, he's a really tiny guy, honestly. Tiny guy? And he was like, and he kind of like, skinny. He didn't like walk normally and like, sort of rolled. i don't know, he was- He rolled?
Speaker: Alright, Trixie, At least, like, he didn't, like, walk like a normal person. Trixie, what you're saying is not helpful. Let's all hop on our bikes and go over there. Guys, this sounds like an emergency. Wait, Janet!
Speaker: What? We know Trixie is so much better at finger painting class than you. Maybe she can draw us a picture of what happened.
Speaker: Chad?
Speaker: I don't know where to start. She's not better than me at finger painting. I thought you said she was. I guarantee you those words have never, ever left my mouth, Chad.
Speaker: so She's good at finger painting on my finger paintings to ruin them. Okay, then get one of yours. um i don't really think that's the point right now. We know that Jackie Swunch's dad is the secret monster who escaped from laboratory.
Speaker: And it sounds like he's trying to do something to all those students. Fine, I think it's a missed opportunity to expose Trixie and her lack of ability, but that is your loss. That's a fair point, but, you know, there's plenty of opportunity for me to stick it to Trixie Steele.
Speaker: I guess so. how did you get out of there? I ran. ran? When? When everyone else was was getting taken? I don't know. Like, Jackie left the room for a while to have let us hang out with her dad. And and eventually you just started asking these weird questions that made me feel uncomfortable and and talking about how we'd been behaving and saying we were bad. And then he said there was like only, you know, bad kids had to be taught to be good.
Speaker: I don't know. It was really weird. And and it just gave me the creeps. so So I decided to get out and I like went to the bathroom and then I heard a bunch of screaming and then I came out and they were gone except for saw him moving away with like these things in his hand. These like orbs.
Speaker: I don't know. It was really weird. And I ran. and got my car and I drove here. two points, she's got like a really kind of like hot pink Corvette. See? All right. I really like the idea of of all going over there, but we're not taking our bikes.
Speaker: Trixie's gonna take us back. Fine. We're gonna get Trixie's car? Okay, but if we're taking my car, have one rule. Anything. I pick the music.
Speaker: And you guessed it, Trixie is as good a driver as she is a finger painter. I guess next week we'll go to another party, a different house, and fight some monsters or some mean girls. But for right now, presenting a new segment, baby, it's Chad's Locker Room.
Speaker: Chad Cirque. What? We don't have time. oh Okay, then let me just make sure we thank all of our listeners for listening.
Speaker: And thank you for Rebel Kicks for providing all of our music. You're the only CD I own. I'm your number one fan, baby. Check out our social media, beat our quest, and find our Discord link in the bio.
Speaker: We're going be going on a holiday break in December. I think my dad's taking me on a cruise ship. But please be sure to leave a review. And if you have anyone you think would like this show, then share with them.
Speaker: And if you don't, please, please don't. Great. Thanks. Bye.
