Transcript
Speaker: This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
Speaker: Ivana Maria Mendez Bubble as Chad Boers. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
Speaker: Oh boy. Last one was a really interesting adventure. Uh, after the gang found out that trixty seal and Jackie Swench were throwing a homecoming party, the gang decided that the best way to stop people from attending would be to throw their own rival party, um, through a number of exploits consisting of meeting sloppy Joe, the janitor and coordinating with, uh,
Speaker: the core four football team, ah the players eventually threw a fairly successful party at Alfie's and even prevented any kind of real disaster. No damage. You caught people trying to steal the coloring book that was hidden in your room. You lost some watches, but hey,
Speaker: Breakage was being expected. um As the party was ending, though, ah you heard somebody came to the door. It was Trixie Steele announcing that some weird stuff was going on at Jackie Swench's party, that her father was there and he was capturing people.
Speaker: ah You guys decided the best course of action was going to be heading over there right away. But rather than taking your bikes, you were going to take Trixie Steele's hot pink Corvette. ah So we find you guys now walking to her car.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. that That seems fair. I don't think anyone was going to try to fight you for that one, Chad. Yeah, I don't want to sit next to Trixie. That's all you, Chad. And I don't think Trixie wants to sit next to me.
Speaker: You know, we all we all fit where where we need to go.
Speaker: Just, I want to be in charge of ah playing some twos. I believe that the last thing that Trixie literally said to us was that she's picking the music. Yeah, but I'm gonna convince her. Hey, Trixie.
Speaker: Hey, girl. Yeah, Chad. ah So you said you wanted to pick the music. Yeah, literally the last thing I said. So I want to pick the music. No, you're gonna sit in the back with the other two.
Speaker: No, wait, wait, wait. Okay, I won't pick the music. I'll say i'm shotgun. I called it. I called it, Trixie. Yeah, we do not have room back here for a third, especially Chad. Like you're a chauffeur?
Speaker: That's what you want, Trixie? I don't... i She sits and thinks her for while. She's like, I don't really have any options right now, and you're the only one who was gross enough to date Jackie, so I figured you would be the kind of freakazoid who would know their way into her house. I didn't date Jackie. We never... Also...
Speaker: Wait, you freakazoid, you had her ah party, your house, you're the you freakazoid. Me, that's not true. I'm a freakazoid. That's fair. But also, did she say date? Like, what did Jackie say? I'm not going to talk about that right now. Whatever Jackie said about you is none your business. That was girl talk. I feel like that's if it's it's literally my business. Never mind. Are we in um in an emergency hurry?
Speaker: Probably. right, get in the car. We do that. It's a convertible, right? It's a convertible. Great. Chat's not going to open the door and just like jump in. Definitely the kind of car you would not be driving in a mountain town in Colorado, though. Especially this time year. But so many hills and turnbacks.
Speaker: ah Switchbacks. So, yeah, you guys pop in the car. She revs the engine. What is the hit? Oh, no, it's the Background Boys has been established as the hit boy band group. Oh, no, I totally forgot about that.
Speaker: Tuck of the winger eyes whining. Ivana, what is the hit song ah that the Background Boys ah let out recently? Feeling your heart.
Speaker: Because the lead, Thielen, because the lead singer is Thiel, that's his name. ah sir So it's called Feeling Your Heart. Okay. ah Yeah, Feeling Your Heart is blasting on the radio.
Speaker: You guys are driving the car and you're going downtown. It's not a long distance from the Alfie Mansion to Jackie Swenches. ah What is going through your head right now, Janet, as you're in ah Trixie Steele's car? You're kind of your rival's car. Yeah, well, I was going to say...
Speaker: I kind of want like look around the backseat just see can you like describe the backseat to me anything jumping out at me here ah that's a great ah question Trixie Steel keeps a very clean car ah very pristine it's like one of her really nice things so she's got ah her little backpack is tucked there she's got a purse ah she's got shoes she's got a different outfit that she wears usually after school um Make a brains roll of eight.
Speaker: Just find my brains here.
Speaker: That is a six. I will use two adversity tokens. Fuck it. Oh, dang. ah You find ah Tucked in the um like Pocket of the Chair in front of you Is a college Rejection letter for Trixie Steele I'm going to take it and put it in my bag ah Make a Flight roll can i i Sorry let me let me change our mind here I just want to see what school rejected her
Speaker: She got ah rejected from just Colorado State Universities and stuff like that. Tucker, be nice. to tucker be nice i i will i will tease.
Speaker: i will dangle ah redangle that um I have a mystery item that I was able to take from her bedroom. So I'm just like stockpiling mean girl shit against Trixie Steele. Oh my God.
Speaker: That's so funny. That's so fun i will also I will also take her spare pair of pants and ah throw it out of the car when no one's looking.
Speaker: I'm just going to drop it on the side of the road. Okay.
Speaker: ah You will- you'll have to do a flight roll. can't- I can't fully be ah focused on the alien invasion right now. My arch nemesis, you know, these are opportunities that rear their head once in a lifetime.
Speaker: What am I rolling? Let's do this. This is a flight roll of four. Two, she's driving for you to like stealthfully ditch.
Speaker: Damn it. I rolled a two. And I used all my adversity tokens already. Immediately. Um, she, uh, sees you.
Speaker: How are you trying to get the pants out of the car? Well, it's a convertible, so I was just going to kind of You want to come out of the... Just like lift them and... Yeah, well, over the edge. Yeah, over the side. As she's turning, she sees you literally pick the pants up and thought and she's like, what the hell are you doing?
Speaker: I was just trying to see what brand these are. they They looked familiar. is this um though Is this Wide Open Spaces brand jeans?
Speaker: just You just drop them on the street, grosso. Yeah, well, maybe if you weren't driving so fast. Sorry. Hey, Trixie, what do you say ah we just leave these two losers and just go to KP? You know?
Speaker: What? but Chat. She pulls the car over. Oh, my God. and And I do not know how to handle this episode. She kicks...
Speaker: ah yeah just Janet out of the car um She refuses to go any further She's like I don't want her going there She can't come Well no she wouldn't come with us to KP You know kissers peak I know what KP is Chad You tried to take me there a couple months ago i know want to go again But by that, I mean the first time because we didn't make it the last time. i mean Yeah, but not with Alfie. He needs to learn. He can watch from the back.
Speaker: What? Remember when we talked about things that weren't my business? This is definitely, definitely one of those things that is not my business. But also maybe, maybe wrong place, wrong time. Maybe that. Maybe, maybe we go. Maybe we all go.
Speaker: We all go to Jackie's like we planned, you know? Trixie, the savior of of everyone, gonna be going to be so so good for your swag rep.
Speaker: I'm not going if Janet's in my car. She can walk and meet us there. Real quick, how far are we from Jackie's sponsors? ah It's a small enough distance that you could probably walk it, but you wouldn't be able to help if there was something urgent happening at Jackie's house. all right ah Look, Trixie, I'm rolling my eyes very dramatically. Trixie, I'm really sorry about your genes, but you came to us crying asking for help.
Speaker: You need us to to come help you with Mr. Swanch, and i will... make the jeans up to you That was an honest mistake. I'm sorry. I'm rolling my eyes still.
Speaker: I'm being very sarcastic right now. um But let's just let's just get there. You're going to have to pay for it. You don't have to be petty right now. Yeah, sure. I'll i'll pay.
Speaker: Petty, you threw my pants out the car as I was driving. you I was looking at them and you were driving too fast and the wind snatched them up, Trixie. It wasn't on purpose. Make a charm roll of it of six. Charm roll of six.
Speaker: How is my charm? Okay. D12 is right here. 12. twelve oh I explode.
Speaker: go. I'm going to schmooze the pants off you. 13. I'm going to schmooze the pants out the window. for choice of words. Um, how, what, what is what are you doing that finally gets her to break? Like, what is, what is, ah Janet's like go-to pro, uh, like, you know, try to get what she wants?
Speaker: Um, yeah, I guess, I guess, you know, even, even if as I started with rolling my eyes, um, It is very, very deeply ingrained in ah in Janet to kind of start talking in the tone that she would use if she was like, she's not really a grade grubber, but the way that she would like kiss up to a teacher and be like, oh, you know, I'm so sorry, or you're so right about this homework or extra credit, um and just started like acts almost accidentally affecting this very deferential tone that Trixie picked up on. And since she's just a power-tripping monster, she you know she felt better for me having acted that way.
Speaker: I think you managed to wear her down, and eventually she's like, you're going to have to repay you're gonna have to pay me back for those. Yeah, we can talk about it on Monday. If your poor mom can pay for it. And then she, like, peels off and starts driving to Jackie's house.
Speaker: She's... she's ah Accept your apology, but not enough to not take another shot at you and your family. Yeah, yeah. You guys pull up to Jackie's house. ah You see a bunch of cars. all all around the neighborhood. It's very clear, like, somebody was throwing a party. It's one of those kinds of high school parties where pull up.
Speaker: ah Eventually, she's, like, a block away, and you guys have to walk up. But as you guys notice, like, there's still a ton of cars here, but that house is quiet. Mm-hmm. Um... Trixie, when you left the house, did you go out the front door or did you go out like a different entrance? I'm just trying to trying to figure out what our best way to like, I don't know, because I feel like we might have to sneak in or something. and I'm not very familiar with the layout.
Speaker: I was out in the back with the boys and they were smoking the devil's lettuce. And that's when Mr. Swans saw us and he just started screaming things at us. And then I saw a bunch of lights just erupt from his hands like a weird flashlight. And we all just started running away screaming.
Speaker: Okay, let's check out the backyard first, maybe. You guys should go ahead. um I'll be right with you. I just have to pee. Again? What? Yeah. i have a small bladder. We were drinking.
Speaker: I broke the seal. Okay. Um, sure, Janet, why don't you and i go, Trixie, stay with...
Speaker: Chad. I don't want to stay with Chad while he Trixie should go with you. No, no, no. he should She shouldn't. No. Trixie should definitely go with you. should definitely go with you. She doesn't want to see this. going be nasty.
Speaker: It's going to be nasty. I don't. It's going to be nasty. I have no follow up questions. let's Let's go rescue our friends and most probably all of the bullies. Janet, boys are gross.
Speaker: boys are girl Okay, whatever, Trixie. um let's go Let's go look around the backyard. We're not going to go in. We're going to wait for you, Chad, okay? so Okay, thank you. Thank you so much. all right, great. um As they go to leave, Chad is going to go into Trixie's glove compartment and take out the registration from her car and put it in his pocket.
Speaker: what ah so I support this Have you ever Okay i In the movie Revenge of the Nerds The nerds like Get bullied and a little abused And then they take it so much further On the way back that they are not The victims I feel like the things you do to her Are so much worse than like Her screwing up your classes Um Just kidding you know maybe wrong You're wrong
Speaker: She brought it upon herself. She did way worse stuff the last three years. We just weren't there for it. We'll flash back to a bunch of it. Chad, as you're digging through Trixie's glove compartment, how familiar is Chad with driving? How close is he to getting his driver's license?
Speaker: Oh, he doesn't have one, but his dad has been stopped so many times by the cops because they like to go out into like the parking lot of the grocery store and make eights, crazy eights with the car.
Speaker: So we've had a couple of like run-ins with the cops, but they're our friends now. So I know what the paper looks like. Okay, i'm good it I was curious if Chad knew what the registration was. Otherwise, you were going to steal, like, a coupon. Now the the cops just pull him over to be like, yo, sick, crazy eights you guys are throwing today.
Speaker: You kids are mad cool. Okay, so then that you guys are there in the backyard. You're looking around. ah You find, like... you know, ah like a joint or what's left of the joint, like sitting sort of sitting in like a little like ashy pile ah on that other the ah side of a, like a deck.
Speaker: But there isn't any, anyone there or any evidence? Are all the lights in the house off or on? They're on. Um... and we I'm gonna tiptoe up to the door and peek in.
Speaker: Janet, I wouldn't knock if I were you. just in case. i mean You're a very polite girl. so Thanks. yeah i ah I wasn't going knock, but that's a good point. You open the door.
Speaker: and you you like there's like you don't see anything, but off in the distance, down when it looks like a hallway, you eventually see like an eerily tall figure kind of like swoop past the light um a little bit as it entered from one door to the next.
Speaker: um Very lean, ah with legs that kind of extend far higher up on its body than a normal human would maybe have. Yeah, I don't like that at all. um And it just sort of slides past the doorframe.
Speaker: um Maybe fifteen twenty feet away. i think I think that was Mr. Swanch. i Did you see him at all? we I think we all did, right? We all did.
Speaker: I think you would have all seen him at some point in time. I'll let you know this. Almost impossible for him to have the same build as the guy you saw. He looked like a big, massive... Right. So this was not... You're saying that the the thing you just described was like definitely not...
Speaker: It almost, it couldn't have been, ah his name is Paragol. Paragol. Paragol. But, since you guys, i Mr. Swunch also works. Yes, I'm probably gonna roll with Mr. Swunch. It's more proper.
Speaker: It's polite. I actually think Omelette recognized him as Mr. Swunch, and so canonically that is her, her legal space name. It's Swunch. Paragol Swunch. Pff.
Speaker: Um, so, yeah, you clocked that couldn't have been him. Okay. So I don't say that. Um, Chad. What? Chad, why don't you lead the way? come You're bigger and stronger. We've been over this. Okay. I can't be the first to go in.
Speaker: Alfie can't be the first to go in. No offense, Alfie. The most accurate thing you've ever said. We should all go by height. Chad first. Chad. then Trixie, then Janet, then me.
Speaker: I am tall. I mean, shut up, Alfie. Be brave. Uh-uh.
Speaker: Right. But if going to be first, I'm going to need like a weapon or something. Like, is there a stick, a broom, something you can give me, something out reach right now?
Speaker: Wait. There's a, there's a wet mop right here. Yeah, that. Give me that
Speaker: No, we're where i mean I'm looking in the door. I pulled it from the closet. ah Yeah, Chad, you you're wielding a mop. Excellent. A wet mop. It's got to be wet, Paul. A wet mop. And I'll grab a metal dustpan and wield that.
Speaker: Tippy-toe, tippy-toe. ah You are tippy-toeing in, but I want to point out the lights are still on. So this is really more about staying quiet. You are entering what I would describe, ah without giving up any floor plans, as a conventional home.
Speaker: So if you guys mention a conventional room, i will presumably have designed it. And if it's one that is maybe not made up, we'll we'll go with it. um So I will let you guys decide essentially what room you guys are going to.
Speaker: ah so you guys, I'll say this. You open your way up. ah Into the house, um through the back door, it's some kind of a like very generic mudroom. there's there There are a bunch of things that look like they would be hooks that you would hang things from, um but they're just facing the wrong direction.
Speaker: There are a bunch of their shoes, but they're just like just scattered around the floor non-recognizably. And as you make your way in, you see a head pop out from the hallway and wave at you excitedly.
Speaker: And it is... it is Heather, Heather McGregor, yes I've decided, um who's ah who's Trixie's best friend, waves, he goes, oh my god, Chad!
Speaker: Chad! You're here to rescue me! Heather! Heather, come here! Come here, Heather! She gets up, and she... I'm gonna have her make a flight roll, actually. Has to be the four...
Speaker: She did not. um Heather gets up and starts trying to sneak over to you. And she steps on an empty can no no that crunches and slides across the floor dramatically and knocks over a huge pile of aluminum can pyramids that people put together. me? You really failed. As people do at a party. Very Final Destination style.
Speaker: As she keeps mind, she goes, Oh, fuck! um And you see this really slender figure that looks like it's human only in the sense that it has a human build.
Speaker: But it quickly slides into frame. You hear it yell, violation! And it reaches its hand up and lights beam from a small little orb on its palm and encapture her.
Speaker: You watch as it creates a sphere around her, shrinks her down, into a little tiny light, like a white glowing orb. You watch the thing pick it up, turn around, print out a tiny little placard, and set it on the ground, and roll away. Nope, I'm out.
Speaker: ah Can we read the placard from where we are? You would have to sneak up and go grab it, yeah. And the thing, the the man thing went away. Yeah, it slid down the hallway to go somewhere else.
Speaker: Presumably to drop off the orb. Oh my god. oh It took the orb with Heather in it and left the placard where it was. Okay. Ah, shitballs. I want to sneak up to the thing and try to read the placard.
Speaker: That's all you, Alfie. That's all you, Alfie. I will let you make a flight roll of three.
Speaker: ah Seven. How does Alfie get Alfie gets down onto his belly and tries to army crawl, but it's more like he just kind of puts his hands in front of him and drags the rest of his body after him.
Speaker: to get over there because he knows that if he tries to walk, he's going to he's going to trip. just That's going to happen. And all of his chains and things are going to make the most noise.
Speaker: Smart. um you you You inch your way up and eventually you find that little like index card size note. um And it just has the words, Community Volume Violation. written on it and a bunch of other like indexing and fees and like dates and stuff like that. But that's the most notable thing. I'm going to grab the note card and...
Speaker: reverse slide back just to give you just to give you an idea of maybe a room that you pass because heather came in from what have maybe been the living room in the living room and i'm just saying there's a few things you see it still like looks like a place where they were playing beer pong or stuff like that like a chairs have been pushed to the side there's like a weird rug where everything has kind of been avoided from as well okay and there's no one in that room in the living room ah You don't see anyone else.
Speaker: Alright, yeah, I'm gonna come back to the the group. Guys, something really super freaking strange is going on here. um It says that this is a community noise violation.
Speaker: But, like, that's a really harsh punishment for, like, being a little loud. i I don't know what the rules are. Yeah, I don't know. it's Trixie.
Speaker: You said that the person or the the thing came outside to you guys, right? Yeah. I have what Janet would call a dumb idea. Oh, no.
Speaker: So what if we put your car... In the backyard and blast some music.
Speaker: Have them come out. And then we lock the door from the inside. that's a i don't want to risk my car. Come on, Trixie. I don't hate that. You don't hate it. You don't own a car. Sure, I don't own a car. That's fine. I mean, yeah, don't own It's stupid.
Speaker: but is What if it destroys my car? Trixie, your car's insured, and we might be saving everyone from that monster. Yeah. Which is why we're here. If I had a car, I would do it.
Speaker: Exactly. Especially if you have all your paperwork in order. I'm gonna have you guys make a, uh, make a charm roll of, communally make a charm roll of 14. Oh my god.
Speaker: Oh, easy peasy. Alfie got a four. I rolled a ten. Five. Okay, great. She sighs. He goes, can I just stay in the car and drive away when it comes out?
Speaker: You get to pick the music, baby. i mean, if you want to be the bait, sure. Yeah, i'd I'd rather not be in the car that is pissing off the monster, Trixie, but...
Speaker: Yeah, you do whatever you want. I want it to ruin my car. The only thing I've got going for me right now. Oh, no. Oh, no. Trixie's becoming a likable character, and we're the bad guys. Paul's flipping it.
Speaker: Okay. If if you what you think is right, I'll do it. um So she does that. You guys are in the little entryway. And guess here's my question.
Speaker: So are you thinking that she then turns the car on and then runs to you guys? I would think she would run into behind a tree or just like literally anywhere, not towards the door. So she'd be, but she would be locked out there with it, right? Unless she came in with us.
Speaker: How would she do that and turn the car on and leave the music? Real fast. She probably has a remote clicker, right? I want you guys to decide what she does. You guys beat her by five.
Speaker: You get to decide what Trixie Steele does. She should stay with us. It'll be safer. How would she stay with it? She's got she's either going to have to run to the car after she does it, or one of you guys going to have to help her. doesn't Don't remote remote ignition starters exist in the 90s, didn't they? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: In NASA. In NASA.
Speaker: Is it that modern? Ooh. Nate, when my dad got like a thing that he could open the car from from a distance, it was like a huge deal. I think it was like 99. 99. Wait, Kyle's car is here. What?
Speaker: car is here what I saw Kyle's car outside. You know, Kyle, the student that goes to school with us. Right. Because James' student has a car? Yeah, Kyle.
Speaker: um He's renting. It's a rental. But because he's renting, he, like, forgets but his keys, so he just leaves his key inside of it. So why don't you turn on the car, blast the music, and run and hide in Kyle's car, which is unlocked.
Speaker: Great. That's what she's going to do. if you guys You don't have to convince her. She's going to go do that. I'm asking the team if they think it's a good idea. That's the deal. That's what we're doing.
Speaker: That's the whole plan now. It's Kyle's door. She does that. So she sets up her car. um She looks to you guys.
Speaker: She's like, what's the signal that you give to her? Um... Okay, go. You say it? Nope. She does it. She turns the car on, blasts the radio.
Speaker: She leans on the horn for a couple of seconds and then hops over the the thing. I'm going to have her make a flight roll ah five. Oh, gosh. i would I would draw the line and feel bad if she, like, tripped and got eaten by this monster or whatever's happening. She collects herself for a few seconds and then you watch as she runs through the door and hurries to the car at the end of the road.
Speaker: You wait a second, and then you hear the car radio start blaring music. You guys are in um what looks to be a kitchen.
Speaker: When you guys all get in there, that's the room that once you get past that light kind of room and that you guys are going to take cover in.
Speaker: You guys watch this figure fly past you. with shockingly inhuman speed, and you watch it, it's so tall that it has to bend at a weird... i'm going to have it bend at like a weird backwards angle, an inhuman angle, in order to clear the door with a perfect accuracy, like machine-like grace.
Speaker: Do you guys want to watch what happens? Or you guys going to run and close the door and lock it and get to... Is there any windows by there? I was going to lock the door and then also watch what happened.
Speaker: There's... good the Okay, great. You guys um watch as... After you lock the thing, you watch through the window. The three of you scouring through the window. You see this thing staring at this car and it's trying to process what to do.
Speaker: And then at some point in time, it takes its arms... and begins to compress the hood of the car together. Oh my god. Trixie's gonna be pissed.
Speaker: Yikes. Oh shit. And you hear the siren and the horn just begin to like get undone and turn off. And then it retracts its arms back to the normal size of a human. As much as human-like as something of that size can be.
Speaker: And slowly begins wheeling its way to the I'm going to turn around from the window and be like, oh, we gotta go, go, go, go. In case it can figure out another way inside. Let's find who we can and get them out fast.
Speaker: I want to put it out. You guys are in the kitchen and you are here from behind you. You hear, he's going to figure out how to get back What the fuck was that The fuck said that.
Speaker: You turn back around and there's a microwave that's flapping its door like a mouth to talk to you. What the fuck? To us or just to Janet? Is it just to Janet or is it to everyone? Is this part of Janet's powers? Oh, that's a good question. Oh, no, it's talking to all of you. It is not Janet's power.
Speaker: um This is, in fact, just a semi-sentient microwave um that talks back to you guys seconds. I thought knew what was going on and now I have no fucking idea what's going on. Hold the microwave, put it on for an hour.
Speaker: Put something in me. No, so you explode. Where is it keeping that where's it keeping the the high schoolers? Oh, you mean the naughty ones? Sure. Oh, I think he sends them up to ja to Jackie's room. Okay.
Speaker: She got grounded for throwing a party. Okay, thank you. Microwave, um, can you stop- are you part of the house? Can you stop the thing from coming back in? I work here.
Speaker: That- okay, we're gonna go to Jackie's room, can you not tell it where we are? Only if you give me something to eat! Excellent. Chad, Chad, what's in your fanny pack right now? I gotchu.
Speaker: I'm assuming- I mean it's a party, they have chips, right? Uh, yeah. In fact, you look behind you, there's a huge, there's like cartoonishly large bowls and barrels, like way bigger than a normal party should have. What about the bags?
Speaker: You know, the bags that are made. What about bags of chips, closed ones? Uh, there, uh, are whole bags, too, that she must have been, like, dumping out, yeah. Excellent. So gonna look at my pals and say, I'm gonna pull a Johnny Mellon, you guys. Oh, no. And stick a bag.
Speaker: Over those chips, close the microwave, and turn it on for 20 minutes. Om nom nom nom nom! Delicious! Does it catch on fire?
Speaker: Um, yeah, it does. I mean, I don't have to roll for it, that's what happens. yeah It's just gonna run for a while. I guess you guys have set up a time bomb in this house that's gonna go off at some point. Ah, shit!
Speaker: Well, i don't I don't even know how to handle the repercussions. I can put it on for 35 minutes. Oh, yeah, you can do it for whatever you want. Yeah, 20 minutes. It might still be cold in the middle. yeah I also wanted to point out something as you're like looking for things, you find these huge like bags of chips, but you also notice that there's like dips are totally empty.
Speaker: The dips? Like big bags of chips, not a lot of dip. These are weird clues, Paul. like Like, I feel like that's, I feel like there's a sinister reason for that and I can't possibly begin to imagine what it is. Ugh.
Speaker: So the microwave said that everyone's being held up in Jackie's room. um So I guess we go there. um But Janet, you have to go first because I can i can't be ah can't be the first into a girl's room.
Speaker: Fine. Yeah, that that's fine, I guess. I would say Chad should go first, but... I'll go last to protect you since we know the thing is outside and might come in. That's true.
Speaker: That is actually, yeah, that sounds perfect to me. Great. Is there like a secret girl knock that we have to do? I don't want to knock. I don't want anyone to know we're coming. Girls don't knock. But there is a secret girl knock, and I'm not going to tell you. Wait, what? Oh, come on.
Speaker: Jackie Swans knows the knock. Janet, Janet, I even went got this for you. And then he's, Chad's going to hand Janet the car registration for Drake's Steel's car. Oh, shit.
Speaker: Oh, my God. i'll I'll look at it and kind of process what it is and then say, you took this for me? Well, yeah, because she was going to kick you out of the car and I don't like her.
Speaker: That's so mean. yeah Yeah, it was mean. Trixie's kind of bitch. Yeah. I don't use the B word with girls, but yeah. Yeah. That's, i I, I'm having a moment of like really, really liking Chad platonically, but like every, you know, not using the B word, stealing things from Trixie's deal. Yeah.
Speaker: Let's go. um Great. So I'm going to go upstairs and I'm going to stand outside of Jackie's door and listen to see if I hear anything from the hall. You get up to her door. There's two things you hear if you sit at the door.
Speaker: You hear like a little soft, like electrical hum that appears to be coming from the door. And then the only other thing you yeah you hear is just sort of this like rhythmic blues coming from, rhythmic harmonica blues coming from the inside of the room.
Speaker: Okay, so the hum is coming from the door? Yeah, there's like a like a little like up like a buzz kind of sound on the door. All right, I'm going to open the door. ah The door swings open. It wasn't locked or anything like that. And immediately you see Jackie Swunch is there. She's playing, um like, blues guitar ah blues harmonica like she's in a jail. What the fuck? Right. And then she looks at you and immediately, like, drops it and looks really embarrassed.
Speaker: It's what are you guys doing here? Alfie? Um, ah hey, we're we're here to save everyone. Hey. Um, what's that thing?
Speaker: That's... Well, I can't help you. it's my I can't say it's my dad. That's what I was telling everyone else. That's the chaperone? Okay. what Why do you have a chaperone?
Speaker: Okay, well, I... When Trixie came to me, had researched a bunch of movies and TV shows and it's tough to find out... What happens at a party?
Speaker: I that you're supposed to have like an adult to chaperone. I made one. Oh, she made one. Chaperone. It stands for cybernetic host and party environment regulator optimizing nightly experiences. oh Oh, great.
Speaker: Yeah, that's totally normal. Totally normal. Totally normal. You misspelled chaperone.
Speaker: I don't need your approval, Alfie. Wait, what? No, I didn't, Chad. man I hate her. Let's leave. Let's just leave. Let's leave. Where are the where are the kids? there ah She stops for a second and she she looks over to her desk and there are a bunch of, as you pull them open, you see a bunch of these white glowing orbs.
Speaker: um that had been brought here that were all the other people that attended the party. Jackie, how do we get them not to be little balls? I don't... Okay, so I didn't think he would use it...
Speaker: ah it I don't know why it gendered the robot. um I don't know why it would decide that this was the right course of action, but it decided that the best way to deal with it delinquent kids was to contain them, and it just kind of changed what it decided was a delinquent kid on its own.
Speaker: So, I don't know, maybe somebody was messing with it. I didn't do it. They're, uh, uh, shut down. You made the thing, right? How do you, how do you stop it with your fancy three million year old, but still in a, in a, in a body?
Speaker: Ageist. It's possible. If I have a lot of the the coding is written on those little indexing cards that the the chaperone makes. um It releases, like, it has all of the ah sequencing and and data.
Speaker: So when i when I match it together with the orb, I can release them. I can put them back together again. We have... We got one of those. who Who was it? Heather. Heather. Heather. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. I can... I could release Heather. We should release everybody. ah Well, I understand what you're getting at. I'm just saying I could do that now, but do we really... She's really... Heather's a little loud, and maybe it's not the right idea to, like, release her.
Speaker: I mean, where where is the chaperone? Did he follow you? We locked it outside, and it destroyed Jackie's car. Jackie is also outside. Trixie's car. Jackie doesn't have a car, because doesn't drive. in I have spaceship, Chad. I don't know who you're trying to impress. I'm up with the stars. I can drive a big metal tube.
Speaker: So you're saying that we have to find all of the little index cards and release everyone at the same time and do some kind of jailbreak? And that that's the best way out of here?
Speaker: There's no shutdown sequence for the horrifying thing you made to pretend to be your father? Alfie, if you want to be so reductive about science, if we were to shut him down, the servers that maintain the data that all of your little friends are on would also get shut down and they'd be gone. So maybe if you were a little less condescending about things you didn't know anything about. i just want to clarify, they're not necessarily his friends because they didn't go to his party. They're your friends.
Speaker: You're right. there You don't have friends. but Wait, wait, no. I'm sorry, Alfie. Yeah, and I just want to clarify, Jackie, that you didn't have to make chaperone that locked up people as prisoners. So let's not act like this is Alfie's fault for not knowing what's going on, okay?
Speaker: Maybe it's not a great idea to let a bunch of strangers into your house when you have a bunch of fancy technology that they shouldn't have their mitts all over. So I had somebody who's able to check around and make sure nobody was doing anything wrong, okay? They didn't even put out dip. There was a lot of dip. Some people were having too much.
Speaker: Too much to- wait.
Speaker: There's no such thing as too much Did the people having the dip eat too much dip and that was a community infraction and got lightballed because they had too much dip? I don't know, Alfie. You'll have to walk around my house to find out I'm grounded. And she walks up and presses her hand against the space where the door would be. And she you clearly can see she can't get through. it And there's a little like blue electrical pulses occur where she starts touching it. She goes, if I knew anything, I would go do it myself.
Speaker: Wait, Janet can fix that, right, Janet? Yeah, um I'm gonna just say to the door, ah let Jackie out and see what happens. What does it look like when you activate your power for the first time, like, deliberately?
Speaker: ah Is this the first time i've activated this power? thought I'd done this. No, you've done it before. um You did it to talk to the beeper baby, but that was done with you. Like, what do I, you were like talking to it. This is the first time you'd like gone up to it.
Speaker: Well, I was going to say, because it is a verbal oral um ability that I almost, the energy comes out a la the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland.
Speaker: Awesome! And you know, you can say, what is I'm a fox, right? So maybe it maybe it briefly looks like a fox and then it just kind of poofs out across the door. um Great, and what did you do? You asked it to... Wet Jackie out.
Speaker: Real unsubtle with it. I guess it's not a... I think I let you ask questions. Yeah, so will will you wet Jackie out? okay great great great I just want to be like, because I think I gave you a limit of you can now ask three questions, was it?
Speaker: was we said I don't know if we land on anything, but I'll take three. Like a genie. um What does this jail, electric jail sound like? Gravely.
Speaker: Well, I'd love to let a little missy out, but I got a job to do, you see? So I get three exchanges with this thing? I gotta choose my words carefully. Yeah. We would... Is there something I can for you an exchange for you to let her out?
Speaker: Well, I have no idea what an electrical southern sheriff would desire.
Speaker: yeah Choose your next words carefully. Well, I'll say this. If you could bring me a couple of them big ol' D batteries, I might be plenty impressed enough and possibly aroused in a way I don't care to explain to you, young lady. Uh, Jackie, do you guys have any D batteries in the house?
Speaker: Probably, believe I don't know, maybe in the garage? We're We're aliens. We don't have batteries. You know, probably somewhere get something like that. Well, not going outside to get a car battery with a monster out there. Yeah, like, how do you turn on flashlights?
Speaker: She snaps her finger and a little light comes from the end of her fingertip. and A real original.
Speaker: didn't even mean that. We can try to get out, but the door... but the door The door wants me to bring in D batteries ah in order to let her out.
Speaker: And I think we have to go to the garage. What do you guys think? Jackie, is your garage attached to the house or is it separate? And do we have to go outside to get to the garage? That's actually a good question. There's an attachment to the garage on the house. All right, let's sneak back down.
Speaker: Try to find as many placards as we can and get the thing some freaking batteries, I guess. I hate it here. Wait, Jackie, you've been, like, pretending to be, like, a like a girl, right?
Speaker: I don't see you as anything. I don't know how to answer that question in today's climate. Well, it's not today's climate. a Yeah, I'm pretending to be a girl, Chad. So, like, you have, like, crayons and, and like, paper and stuff and, like, notebooks here.
Speaker: Chad, what do you think girls do? They draw. They do little pretty pictures. Right? Yeah. right finally a question about like what it means to be a woman in the 90s that i don't have to deal with as just have fun paul you guys keep going well i have a blueprint maker over in the corner i have what you guys will some soon know as a 3d printer in the other side of the room but uh more specifically i'm a big fan of stickers and she like opens a whole drawer and there's like a I just think I like that they're fuzzy and the smell ones are kind of cool. You don't have a single notebook in this room?
Speaker: She doesn't. it's just filled with stickers. I don't know what else to use them on. Oh my God. the Okay, a blueprint maker is what you said you have. Can you make us a map of the house?
Speaker: Oh yeah. Here. We have map. guess that is a great reason to give you a list of some of the rooms of the house. So... To the checkout, there's a bathroom.
Speaker: There's the living room. There's the kitchen. There's a basement. There's the garage. There's Jackie's room. And there's the primary bedroom. All right. I think we should go to the garage first, just because ah it'd be better to have ah four people than three, um even if um one of the four is a lying betrayer who betrays and likes to zap you with electricity like a liar.
Speaker: Are you talking to me? i thought you were talking to Janet. who Take it back.
Speaker: I've never zapped anybody with electricity.
Speaker: and um But on on the way out, I am going to take her harmonica and just chuck it on the floor in the hall so she can see it right past her little jail cell.
Speaker: That's so fucked up. Zapping her hands. We'll be back. It might take a while, Jackie. You're monster, Janet! And she's got her hands where the electrical bar should be. um As you walk away from her room, though, you hear the front door smash in as the chaperone has finally made his way back.
Speaker: So I'm going to turn to everyone and be like, shh, gesture everyone to be really quiet because my understanding is that this thing is going to eat us up if we're too loud or or whatever, imprison us.
Speaker: um And then I'm going to gesture down the hall at where we understood the primary bedroom to be and walk in that direction.
Speaker: You want go to go the primary bedroom? Uh, yep. it's Well, it's close by, and, you know, I'm not in a rush to get to the garage anymore, so... It looks like every kind of ah major bedroom that would be in a home um anymore.
Speaker: um There's a few things that seem a little unusual about it. The first is that the bed, which is made with sheets and pillows and everything like that, is still the entirety of it is wobbly.
Speaker: Like, the entire bed is made out of jello or gelatin. Like a water bed. ah Not just... Not the bed itself, but, like, every part of it. So, like, as though the sheets and the bedding are all part of the same ah so mold.
Speaker: um Like, there are not... The sheets and stuff are not, like, separate. and But it still looks like it's been printed that way. The only thing is you do see a closet um that seems unusual, and it's letting out, like, a... Almost like a snake-like hiss of breathing every few seconds. Oh, God.
Speaker: Okay, are we opening closet? i think we mostly just need to find those placard things. I'm sorry. Placards. Yeah. Yeah, but I really want to know what's in the file set.
Speaker: Well, I'll stand behind you if you want to open it, but I'm not going to do it, Chad. and Okay. Okay, I'm brave. Chad's brave. Chad's brave. Chad's brave. Chad can do this.
Speaker: Chad is going to stand front of the closet, hold on to both doors, and just count three, two, one, RIT! um When you pull it open with such suddenly, it almost lets out of like a painful screech, like you like snapped an animal's mouth a little hard.
Speaker: It lets out a yelp. And then you look on the ground, and there is one of those index card placards. On it are written the words, Accelerated Hormones via Concealment Challenge. Oh no.
Speaker: I don't think I get that one. Wait. Alfie would not get that, but Tucker knows what that is. Accelerated hormones via what?
Speaker: Concealment exercise? Concealment challenge. Alfie or Tucker, do you want to? Yeah, they were playing seven minutes in heaven. They got the, uh... Four or people wanted to go, um, even if they weren't playing Seven Minutes in Heaven, they, uh, wanted to go hide in the closet and make out.
Speaker: Got it, got it. Okay, well, we got this one. Let's go see if we can find any more and avoid avoid the chaperone. All right, uh, are there any other rooms upstairs, Paul, that we can just go to while we're up here? These are the only ones.
Speaker: Okay. Uh... Let's do it. As you're at the top of the stairs, you can finally see the damage from the chaperone as he'd broken in the front door to come back in. And you slowly watch the chaperone make its way across the front entryway, scanning for irregularities.
Speaker: Is it safe to assume that it's going to just keep on keeping on on some sort of route or patrol and we can sneak down behind it? Or is it going to like stand Make a brains roll of ah six to see if you can recognize a pattern. Great.
Speaker: Brains roll of six.
Speaker: I rolled a one. Great. Yep. You know the pattern. Great. um follow it Follow me, guys. Shannon's the smartest one of us. We gotta. to yeah Yep. So i'm gonna head down the stairs.
Speaker: you You guide all three of you down the stairs, and you make your way around the corner. um And just as you turn in and you look left back into that living room, You double back to confirm that Alfie's with you. Alfie, you see Janet and Chad get wide-eyed, and you feel this presence standing right behind you.
Speaker: What do you do? I'm going to assume I know what they are looking at. I'm going to just slowly turn, but not make any noise.
Speaker: ah You turn, and you find yourself staring at, essentially, the waist. Of a very tall man. An unsettlingly tall man. Dressed in just a white button-up and black slacks.
Speaker: And you look down, and this head is tilted at almost like a 90-degree angle with a tremendous smile king ya peeled from ear to ear. and and no no no no And it leans down very close to you, and it goes, Welcome to our home.
Speaker: Please take care of it. and be a nice and courteous guest. I give the thing a thumbs up. It pauses. A real gentleman, and it would swings its hand out, caught would shake my hand.
Speaker: I'm gonna shake its hand and go, yes, sir. Alfie, how is your handshake? Um, it depends on the situation, but my father would describe it as girl-like and clammy.
Speaker: Make a charm roll of four. Five. You ah find that equal level of compression, and you shake this thing's hand, and it slowly leans back up.
Speaker: What a young gentleman. You'll certainly be welcome in this home. Treat my daughter nicely. And then it peers over to Chad and Janet. Would you like to introduce yourselves as well?
Speaker: Uh, hello, sir. I'm Janet. What a polite young lady. How do you know my daughter? ah school.
Speaker: ah So funny. hate it. I hate it so much. And then it pivots to Chad. What a strapping young gentleman you are. You must play sports.
Speaker: You are so right. Thank you for noticing. And it extends its head and goes and it does the same thing and it leans really close and goes, a real gentleman would shake my hand.
Speaker: Sexist. I didn't want to shake Janet's hand. Just saying. Yes. Cancelled. I'm okay with the robot being sexist. No skin off my nose. Chad's gonna extend his hand to shake his hand and and i assume it happens, but as it happens, Chad's gonna say, understand why people were afraid of you? You're so nice.
Speaker: oh God.
Speaker: Chad, make a charm roll of six. It wasn't charm, it's truth. It's truth.
Speaker: It's truth. It's a five, but plus... Plus... I don't have any adversity tokens. have my extra die I'm gonna use!
Speaker: This seems like the right moment. Eight. i Describe... what using your how Chad's GPA power looks like.
Speaker: Easy. He's just going to pat him in the back as he shakes his hand, going for a hug. Little pink lights and illuminations come from Chad's back, of Chad patting the guy on the back.
Speaker: It's genuine. um And it lets out a smile and he goes, so You're a very friendly young man. Maybe I should let you meet my daughter. No comment.
Speaker: And Chad's gonna smile. It was nice to meet you all. I have to go drop something off with my daughter. And you see it has another little white orb, and it makes its way back up to the stairs to Jackie's room to drop off what you assume is Trixie Steel.
Speaker: Oh, no. Oh, shoot. I think I knew
Speaker: Thank you everyone for listening. That's the Rebel Kicks and we want to thank them for providing us with that fantastic intro and outro track that we use every week. We're going to be reaching the end of the season soon before we get to take ourselves a little holiday break.
Speaker: If you want to know what we've got planned, come check out our discord. It's included in the show notes. Be sure to follow us on social media, beat our quest on most platforms. And if you are enjoying this, please,
Speaker: please give us a review on whatever platform you're listening on. You'd be amazed how much that helps us get more visibility out there. Or even share us with a like-minded friend. We hope you've been enjoying Beat Our Quest. I'm Paul Emrich, the Dungeon Master, Editor, and various other things.
