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Episode 11: "It's Not Your Fault"
22 Plays23 days ago
Now that they stopped the devious Beeper Babies, the players go...back to class?
This is a fully improvised TTRPG campaign using the Kids on Bikes system where we test the limits on how much flexibility our players can have.
Starring:
- Tucker Dally Johnston as 'Alfie Towers'
- Ivana Mendez as 'Chad Brewers'
- Nate Valentine as 'Janet JC. Cromwell'
- Paul Emrich as 'Game Master'.
- Music provided by 'Rebel Kicks'.
Email us at BeatOurQuest@Gmail.com or find us on most social media @BeatOurQuest.
Join our Discord at: https://discord.gg/3GAJ8NPvvF
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Beat Our Quest'
00:00:00
Speaker
so ah
00:00:11
Speaker
This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
00:00:24
Speaker
Ivana Maria Mendez Bubble as Chad Moores. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
Encounter at Gamosaurus Rex
00:00:38
Speaker
Last time, our heroes went on a ah went to the Beeper Baby Battle Tournament that was hosted at Gamosaurus Rex, where they ran into Tabitha Mealy, the ah representative of from the Heart and Hand Corporation that was working on the new generation of Beeper Babies.
00:00:56
Speaker
At the tournament, eventually she transformed into a monster. The team activated their galactic power armor, or GPA, and eventually managed to defeat her, destroying her as well as finding a mysterious notebook ah that had a very colorful and vibrant pattern on the outside.
00:01:13
Speaker
But when they looked inside of it, um they saw that it was a bleak... What's the phrase I'm looking for? Bleak... Ray scale. grayscale image.
00:01:24
Speaker
After fighting, eventually Alfie was tackled halfway into this notebook, and that's where our players are now.
Alfie's Notebook Adventure
00:01:32
Speaker
Yeah, ah sure. One, can I see anything from my perspective?
00:01:37
Speaker
You have a bird's eye view ah what looks to be a woodland cityscape, a grayscale city that has been carved into trees and things like that.
00:01:49
Speaker
ah There's a diner, that but it's like made out of logs. ah There's a hot dog stand, and there's a crosswalk guard at an intersection that's just a bunch of broken up leaves. ah But rather than human beings wandering around, it's all cuddly looking animals.
00:02:04
Speaker
It's not a human at the crosswalk. It's an octopus that's conducting. There's a raccoon ah detective sitting in the diner. He's smoking little cigarette, and he's got a cap on. A tiger waitress kind of saddles on next to him. She delivers him a slice of pie.
00:02:17
Speaker
ah But it's all still very stormy in a rain-slicked woodland
Emotional Turmoil and Rescue
00:02:23
Speaker
city. Am I just i'm hanging in the air? You are hanging in the air, like essentially like out of the a cartoon sun.
00:02:30
Speaker
Wait, if the tiger serves the raccoon the pie, what's the pie made out of? I don't understand how the natural order of animals works here. You guys, you get me out of here. man it Oh my goodness. I just came out of the weirdest emotional state.
00:02:47
Speaker
I was just angry. I was angry. And now, not feeling like myself, did I say mean things? Was I mean? Would you tell me the truth? Yeah, you were you or mean.
00:02:58
Speaker
You were being extremely... You were, like, very possessive of that book. ah Paul, what are we what are we seeing right now? Because Alfie just, what, fell into this book? ah You see there's, like, a notebook on the ground that you guys are standing over, and Alfie's legs are kind of flailing waist down.
00:03:18
Speaker
are hanging out of this notebook. The way it's sitting, ah he it's not falling into it, but you kind of see his legs slowly wriggling further and further in. All right, Chad, help me get him out of this.
00:03:29
Speaker
Oh, oh, no! Oh, Alfie, I'm sorry, I didn't see you! Yeah, so I'm going to grab the composition notebook or whatever it is and and kind of try to pull it in the opposite direction to to get him out of it. Can I have the two of you make a brawn roll of ten, cumulatively?
00:03:45
Speaker
All right, bring us home. I rolled two. I rolled a nine. That's 11. and Oh, shit. Thank God. All right. Boy, sometimes I but don't plan for an episode over something really stupid. um Great. You guys have a moment. You both get your feet and you pull him out.
00:04:02
Speaker
I hope he's complete. I hope he's complete. I hope he's complete. With my eyes fully closed. Not again. Not again. ah weve We've been to space. We've been to Baby Tournament. Like all this crazy shit, man.
00:04:18
Speaker
Oh, God. oh my God. you guys. There's a whole, there's like a whole world in there.
Observations and Intrigue
00:04:26
Speaker
I'm going to let you know this. is tucker afi As you're getting pulled out, you catch for a second, you look in the corner of your eye, you see a glint of glass, which is like an unfamiliar texture, and you look over and you see a human being in a tattered lab coat.
00:04:43
Speaker
looking at you through a pair of binoculars and pointing frantically. And then you get sucked out. And the little raccoon is like, looked over the sun and the tiger's like, do you need anything, darling? And he's like, nah, I'm fine. He goes back to eating his little pie.
00:04:56
Speaker
Oh, I have so many more questions about all the accents. Ah, where is this place? Oh, um, okay. I don't know how to explain that.
00:05:08
Speaker
Okay, let me list off bullet points. World is gray. Cute animals doing service jobs. Some guy, a real guy, not a cute service animal, was looking at me yeah through binoculars and, um, uh, raccoon's e-pie.
00:05:25
Speaker
I think I summed it all up. Are you alright, Alfie? No, not even a little bit. Chad, did he hit his head when we were in the Beeper Baby tournament? Chad's going to climb on top of Alfie and, like, hold his torso and check if he has a fever and, like, put his chin to his forehead to see if he's warm, the temperature. Like, are you okay?
00:05:46
Speaker
Are you okay, buddy? Are you okay? Are you here with us? and Can you hear me? i think you're sitting on my lungs. Oh, I'm sorry. Janet, you check him. You're better at that. ah Alfie, well, before I do that, and can i can I grab the broken suitcase and kind of close the notebook in it? Because I did see how Chad behaved when he was holding it. Yes. Janet tried to suck Alfie into it.
00:06:13
Speaker
couple couple bad things emanating from this notebook. right, so going to slam it in the in the briefcase and then... I'll kind of gently nudge Chad off of Alfie's ribcage. Sorry. And I guess also administer some CPR, make sure he's all right.
00:06:31
Speaker
look at his I'm going
Regrouping and Planning
00:06:32
Speaker
look at his eyes and see if he's concussed. I'm fine, Janet. um I'm fine. what day What day of the week is it? ah i Fuck me.
00:06:45
Speaker
i Is it Friday? i don't know. i've I've already gave up doing that. Yes. Yes, it's Friday. Okay, fine. You know the day of the week.
00:06:55
Speaker
ah Just don't go to sleep for a few hours, okay, Alfie? It's like the middle of the day. I wasn't really planning on it. Yeah, well, no one ever is. Oh, okay. Listen, I don't even want to deal with whatever that was.
00:07:09
Speaker
That seemed like a bunch of nonsense, and there's been a lot of ah nonsense that we've already had to deal with.
00:07:19
Speaker
That woman turned into a robot. I know. The heart and hand is even more sinister than we thought. That was that was terrifying. She was pretty hot, though. Why do they have this thing in a briefcase?
00:07:30
Speaker
What is it for? Papers?
00:07:36
Speaker
but That is true. damn it.
00:07:44
Speaker
I don't know, but we have so many questions that we don't know the answers to. think that we... need to go back to home base and talk with Omlet or something.
00:07:58
Speaker
We need to figure out what's going on with Heart and Hand. Also, I'm pretty sure the cops are going to be coming to the scene of the crime really soon. So if we leave now, we might be able to not run into them because we only saw the first couple cops.
00:08:14
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Scoot Magoot. He's pretty bad at his job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot about Officer Scoot Magoot. Yeah! Don't remember what his voice was. Let's not have him come back.
00:08:28
Speaker
um Yeah, that's actually a really good point, Chad. We should probably get out of here. Let's head back to Alfie's house. Oh. My mom's home tonight, so... um and don't know. Can we go to one of your guys' house?
00:08:40
Speaker
We can go to my house. um I'll just have to have to let my dad know not let the maids into the into the wing. Do you live in a bird?
00:08:52
Speaker
Sure! Let's go with that. Let's go with I live in ah in a bird. Um... Yeah, just every- I just- I just, you know, some some house rules. Um, don't... Don't stare.
00:09:05
Speaker
And, um... It's not my fault, okay? Uh, okay. Okay. Don't stare. Don't stare. ah Sure. It's not your fault. Great. Just keep repeating that it's not my fault to me as we ride home.
00:09:19
Speaker
You got it.
Mysterious Pursuers
00:09:21
Speaker
No.
00:09:25
Speaker
As you guys you guys get on your bikes and you're peeling out, there's one thing that, Alfie, you maybe noticed before the others, too, but you're all familiar with it. That very same brand of conspicuous Cadillac that you saw outside of the museum is there.
00:09:42
Speaker
And a couple of figures stand out of the car, and both of them have that same outfit on, and they've got that same blurring effect concealing their face as they're walking around examining the Gamosaurus Rex.
00:09:56
Speaker
Do they see us at all? Do they notice us? ah Make a flight roll of six. Each of you. No! Five.
00:10:08
Speaker
My flight is six. Oh, Christ. This is like asking if there's going to be a pop quiz, Tucker.
00:10:17
Speaker
I rolled a five. Oh, I'm going to use adversity token. So I rolled a six. I rolled a six, exploded a one, and then I get a plus one because that is my added bonus. I rolled a one.
00:10:31
Speaker
So you guys are or moving out and you get going healthy, unfortunately, with that failing by at least five. What happens that stops you from getting away quickly?
00:10:42
Speaker
As I turn, we're getting on our bikes, and as I turn and look and recognize them, um my wet, baggy jeans catch on the bike chain.
00:10:55
Speaker
Oh! And make a really just unmasculine yelping noise as I kind of have to get myself back into gyroscopic stabilization.
00:11:11
Speaker
And I believe they turn and see me. They do. Fuck. Damn it, I knew it. As he walks into the Gamosaurus, one of them looks over and signals to his partner in your direction, and he slowly begins walking towards you all with a very purposeful walk. Hey, everyone, let's just, uh, let's still be casual and remember that it's not my fault, and let's pick up the pace.
School Project Dilemma
00:11:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:33
Speaker
yeah Just a little bit, just a casual picking up the pace. Oh, what fun to be on our bikes. Go, go, go. Are you trying to get back up and hurry away? Yes.
00:11:45
Speaker
It's going to be the same check of of six. If you fail, ah we're going to have to take a direct a different direction with the session than I anticipated. you This is what I get for asking questions. All of us?
00:11:59
Speaker
All of us? No, no, no, no. Just Alfie. No, you can just leave me behind. That's fine. You guys, that's basically what will be happening. This becomes a three-person podcast, so roll good, Tucker.
00:12:10
Speaker
Get out of here. I'm panic rolling.
00:12:14
Speaker
I'm nervous. I've never been more nervous for roll. What do you need? Would you say I need a... Okay, so I've got three plus one gets me to four. I'm going to use my two adversity tokens to get to six.
00:12:25
Speaker
Nice. I can give you one if you want to keep one, just in case. No, it's okay. Okay. Oh, because I already failed that first one, so technically I still have one. Oh, right. um For listeners, for the sake of who are sitting there with their fingers counting how many adversity tokens, we've decided that at the um beginning of every like major arc...
00:12:43
Speaker
ah the players are going to get two free adversity tokens um just to give them, because I think it's fun to give them things that they should be spending. Like money. And I also cheat a lot, so don't try and count mine.
00:12:55
Speaker
Alfie, you're biking away and you feel the wind on the nape of your neck as a hand grabs just past your collar and misses you
Alfie's Luxurious Home
00:13:03
Speaker
just by the smallest amount.
00:13:07
Speaker
And he almost grabs you and yanks you off your bike. ah But you manage to pull away. ah You look back. Make a brains roll 12. of twelve and Jesus Christ.
00:13:20
Speaker
That's a five. Great. You didn't get anything from it. So the three of you are biking away. Who's carrying the briefcase, by the way? I am. Smart. Smart. Well, I was holding it, so. Yeah, that's I figured that. It would have made a difference if Alfie had it, actually, I think.
00:13:36
Speaker
I don't think Alfie wants to be anywhere near it. No, not even a little bit, bro. All right, great. Then you guys are walking your way into... It's not your fault. It's not your fault. old It's not your fault, Alfie. It's not your fault.
00:13:51
Speaker
That's the end of the song that I think we could write now um because we've been saying it to you so much as you reminded us throughout the whole ride. Thanks, Chad. I really actually appreciate it You have no idea what it means to me. Anyway, welcome to... um Pretty catchy tune.
00:14:06
Speaker
Welcome to Towers Manor. Oh my God. What?
00:14:11
Speaker
yeah You live here? ah i I survive here. is that an indoor trampoline? yeah Yeah, it is.
00:14:22
Speaker
Wow. wow I haven't been allowed to go in there for three months because I've basically been grounded. Your garage is bigger than our house. Well, yeah, because it has to house the biplane.
00:14:34
Speaker
The what? Don't worry about it. I'm not allowed to touch that either. Again, grounded, literally and figuratively.
00:14:42
Speaker
um So anyway. Master Towers, Master Towers. And you look down the hallway. ah Is your your long, caring butler. Alfie, what is your butler's name?
00:14:55
Speaker
ah It's Mr. Gibbons. given Mr. Mr. Gibbons. ah Mr. Gibbons comes down. He goes, ah, your father won't be in attendance. He's taking the Zeppelin across town.
00:15:09
Speaker
oh thank Oh god, um... Yes, sir. Well, Mr. Gibbons, uh, these are my friends Janet and Chad, and we're just working on a school project, so we're gonna be, um, in my room, just working away on that.
00:15:24
Speaker
Um, there's no need to, uh, tell father anything. Of course, of course, Master Towers. Um, what would the three of you like for dinner? Hello, I'm Chad, and I have had a Zeppelin before. I like them with marinara sauce.
00:15:40
Speaker
A what? If you have some of those, I'll have one um one. One Zeppelin fills with ragu. you guys have, like, anything?
00:15:53
Speaker
Yes. He could literally make you anything you want. Could I have a diet? Buzz. yeah Oh. Can I have a diet Madame's salt?
00:16:05
Speaker
Oh. Soda? The soda we all know? Frankly, it's sexist do you think Dr. Pepper can't be a lady. Wait. I didn't say that. I just cru had to come up with a different title, honorific. Sexist you think a nurse can't be a man.
00:16:21
Speaker
What is happening? I don't know. ah What is a lady butler? A buttress. I'm sorry. It's sexist say you think a lady can't be a butler. Is butler gendered?
00:16:34
Speaker
bet it is. If I had done more research, I would know. Maybe not anymore. Oh, in the 90s, yes. There were only male butlers. I'm Googling. Wait. It's a butler.
00:16:45
Speaker
A female butler. This is what AI is telling me a female butler is typically called a butler, just like her male counterparts. Yeah. It's not a butlet, which is that monster from D&D. A butlet? That sounds terrible.
00:16:58
Speaker
ah The politically correct term is house manager now. Excellent.
Sinister Discoveries
00:17:03
Speaker
Or assistant. Keep this all in, by the way. yeah You want my, my, my butlet, you let joke doesn't gonna, isn't gonna get cut.
00:17:13
Speaker
Well, Mr. Gibbons doesn't really manage the house. He, he really actually just buttles. It's an, we have a house bandager for that. Of course you do. Anyway, I guess just a bit a bunch of spaghetti and meatballs sounds pretty good, so we don't have to keep going down this line of conversation. Of course.
00:17:31
Speaker
I'll bring it up in just a moment. Alfie, you have so many roommates. Uh, yep.
00:17:41
Speaker
It's really cool. They're not roommates. They're not roommates. they work for him. What do you mean they work for him? That's not... that's... Wait. They... What? do You mean they work for... I don't really know if I if i want to explain. i kind of just want to put the briefcase um ah under my bed and hope that no one ever finds it ever again.
00:18:04
Speaker
are you paying people to be in your house? It's your house. Well, they... They clean and and make food and... What?
00:18:16
Speaker
Oh, no. yeah Okay, have some new goals for myself.
00:18:27
Speaker
It's pretty cool, Alfie, pretty cool. Yeah, anyway, my bedroom's over here in the whatever wing I said four episodes ago, ah and it's not in that other one, so take that!
00:18:43
Speaker
It's in A-wing of the house. Chad takes two seconds to look at every painting on the wall leading up to the bedroom. It's just amazed, honestly.
00:18:55
Speaker
Alfie, can you describe your bedroom? Yeah, so um once we get past the very large haunting portrait of ah Grandfather Buford, we come to my room.
00:19:08
Speaker
And ah the door is just a standard oh door. Alfie, can you describe it in a little less detail? When you open the door. I'm kidding.
00:19:21
Speaker
When you open...
00:19:25
Speaker
When you open the door, ah everything in there smells like paint, because he has recently painted his entire room black.
00:19:37
Speaker
Of course. And he he did not do a very good job. It's very streaky, and it just really smells... Awful of paint and 14-year-old boy. Can I envision that you used to have those glow-in-the-dark stars that rather than peel off, you just painted black over them? Oh, for sure. There's a thin glow of the glow-in-the-dark coming through. On, like, the sides where you didn't paint it quite. Also, also this summer, Alfie discovered huffing paint.
00:20:11
Speaker
Yeah, um, I... Had some wild dreams. Yeah, I mean, it it reeks of chemicals in the air. Is there another room that we can do this in? Your room is so messy. Yeah, at that too.
00:20:25
Speaker
and it smells... I'm going to step into the hallway. Well, I can open the window, I guess. I haven't really done that in a couple of months.
00:20:36
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's it's been beautiful weather for months, but... yeah I kind of like to turn my bed into a little like a little you know hello cocoon. A little Alfie cocoon.
00:20:47
Speaker
Makes me feel safe. But um it's kind of become its own kind of monster going on there. So, you know, we don't really have to go. We can literally go into any room in the house. um Because no one's home.
Room Revelations
00:21:01
Speaker
Except for Mr. Gibbons. And the chef. And the gardener.
00:21:07
Speaker
ah this is This is fine. I'm just going to sit right here if that's okay. And I'm going to sit right next to the window and like basically stick my whole face out to breathe fresh air. I'm going to take the briefcase ah and try to shove it under the bed. There's all kinds of clutter and everything under there. So a lot of noise happens.
00:21:25
Speaker
I want to sit next to the bed so I can start taking things out from under the bed. Potentially. What do you take out? A slice of pizza. Oh, man.
00:21:36
Speaker
That's where that went. Crap. oh How long has that been? Chad's gonna taste it. No, Chad, no. i'm i'm Five days. Five days. Roll a grit roll of four. Five days.
00:21:51
Speaker
Grit. Cheese takes longer than five days. ah Six. Yeah, you holdt you you hold it down, Chad. That can't be the first time Chad has eaten under-the-bed pizza.
00:22:03
Speaker
Under the bed pizza. Not for my room. I make my bed daily. As soon as I get up, my room is tidy, tidy, tidy. Meeple on the other hand, different story. Anyway, so, alright, it's safely hidden. Uh, no one will ever look there. Ever.
00:22:20
Speaker
Literally.
Conservatory Conversations
00:22:21
Speaker
Ever. Um, actually, Chad, I'm really surprised you found, uh, the pizza and that it wasn't, you know, too old. You can tell it's not that old because, uh, it doesn't have paint on it. Because I didn't really move anything, I just sort of painted over everything.
00:22:36
Speaker
Anyway, this is my inner dark sanctum and we never have to go in there and talk about it ever again. Okay, here we go! And we leave and go off to, i don't know, a side study. What do rich people have in their homes?
00:22:49
Speaker
It's fun to pretend. Well, we played a lot of b blueprints. So you find your way to the conservatory. Wow. Nice. And it's like glass panels, and you guys are there.
00:23:00
Speaker
And Mr. Gibbons eventually brings you these little, like, they look like little blips that have been stuffed with ah red sauce and... but Cheese.
00:23:13
Speaker
And he drops them off and he's like, I'll bring your spaghetti and meatballs later. He toddles off. You're the best. I love you. Okay, so let's all take a beat and decompress, yeah?
Contacting Omelette
00:23:27
Speaker
Yeah, oh we have this this suitcase and these fanny packs. I don't know. um can I open up my fanny pack and look inside of it? I'm trying to commune with uh omelet uh uh you do you zip the thing open uh and immediately you see his little like circular face and he's got a bunch of lights he goes did you guys activate the armor and you didn't even fill out your paperwork uh yeah i guess we didn't even get any paperwork
00:24:01
Speaker
It's in the briefcase. No, no, no. not open that Do not open that suitcase, Chad. He's like dabbing his little ah forehead. And he's like, I should be asking for your gun and badge now. Omla, you just left us on Earth and said, go do good things. I think. I think that's what you said. I might be paraphrasing.
00:24:20
Speaker
There were beeper babies, and we had to battle, and there was this woman, her name was Tabitha, and then a bunch of stuff happened, and there's a du and a briefcase, and I went inside a place, and it's not my fault that my parents have a lot of money, okay?
00:24:34
Speaker
He pivots, and he looks to Janet and goes, I'm gonna let you handle that. I'll handle the paperwork, don't worry about it. I'm gonna assume that you all activated your armor for altruistic, good reasons, and it was done to prevent any further possible damages.
00:24:50
Speaker
yeah Yeah, there was a ah giant monster named Tabitha. Alfie was correct about that. Yeah, monsters can be women, too. That's right. Monsters can be women, too. Thank you so much, Chad.
00:25:06
Speaker
she She worked for the Heart and Hand Corporation. Have you ever heard of that, Omelette? um It pauses, and it's like whirring. No, that's unfamiliar, but I can look into it. Okay, I guess where we, you know, it was the first thing we saw when when we landed after the GUD Academy.
00:25:24
Speaker
And it was, you know, these little technology toys, like the pinnacle of technology. i've never seen anything so advanced. And when kids were playing with them, they would, it would take over their minds and make them bite each other and and be really angry.
00:25:43
Speaker
And it seemed like it had to be related to the the mission you gave us. Well, I'll tell you this. Mind control is a property that's used by an invading force on a planet to try to overwhelm them from within.
00:25:57
Speaker
to convert the people to their side without them knowing. Well, weren't we already invaded because Jackie Swunch's dad was here or something and now he's free?
00:26:09
Speaker
She's still here, by the way. She's still going to school. I don't know what to do about
Heart and Hand Corporation Conspiracy
00:26:12
Speaker
that. i i I understand, but you guys, this is your jurisdiction. it's It's up to you to decide how you want to handle Jackie Swunch and her father.
00:26:21
Speaker
That seems like a lot responsibility. Right. Then we have to go talk to them. You guys passed the test. You said you wanted to do it. We have to go talk to them. We got to have a conversation with that demon and her father. Wait. Oh.
00:26:36
Speaker
so
00:26:42
Speaker
Omelette, I have a question. Yeah, Chad. um So when we were out there fighting, I noticed that Alfie could make some water and he threw it.
00:26:53
Speaker
It was really cool. And then Janet, she was talking to things. I don't really know what, but she was like talking to stuff. And I only, i only turned like big and cool. And like, that was it. But like, they did that too. And like, I feel like that's unfair.
00:27:10
Speaker
feel like I put my heart in this team as well. And I am one half of the half, no, a part of it.
00:27:20
Speaker
um You got this. Do the math. one There's three. So one of us. Chad, all I can do is promise you that if you remain faithful to your identity, the good power that runs through you will be activated.
00:27:42
Speaker
Just as Janet has her inquisitive mind, and because Alfie's a little wet boy. no If you remain true to your identity, your powers will surely manifest.
00:27:55
Speaker
I guess I don't know who am. Obelette. I'm gonna take some food and stuff it in my mouth. Too angrily. ah Alright, so I guess what you're saying at the end of the day, Ahmed, is that this is up to us to find out. I'll do my part.
00:28:11
Speaker
I'll research the Heart and Hand ho ah Corporation. I can look into that using your technology. But as far as enforcement or how you want to handle things, that's your decision.
00:28:24
Speaker
You're in charge of the planet. oh Technically, it's a galactic region, but I, you know, we're starting you guys small. Far, going for charge.
00:28:37
Speaker
What, Chad? What? we We're in charge! Oh, no, no, no. Is Chad eating mozzarella sticks or whatever? Yeah.
00:28:47
Speaker
No, the... theres ah Oh, God. are they What he brought us. Zeppelottas.
00:28:57
Speaker
I couldn't think of any Italian word that sounded like blimp. All right, Omlet. That's... I mean, that's... I know that you said this before, but now that you say it again, it's still, like, a lot of pressure. Um... I'm... I'm barely passing history... ah History of... Al... Is it alphabet history? Shit. What was the first class we did?
00:29:20
Speaker
Oh, boy. Alphabetical history. Just alphabetical history? Alphabetical history. I'm just barely passing, you know, alphabetical history, and we had to- Oh, no!
00:29:31
Speaker
What? We were supposed to do an u an extra credit project, and then all that oh this stuff happened, and then civil justice got murdered, and then they showed up. Oh, my God, did we ever turn that in? Did we ever turn that in?
00:29:43
Speaker
oh Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, it's technically extra credit, so I don't know that we- Well, it might matter- No, Janet! Janet, you don't understand! but I need
Chad's Musical Dare
00:29:54
Speaker
it to pass the class. oh Oh.
00:29:59
Speaker
That is going to be a problem for you. Maybe we can go in and talk to Professor Teacher. That was his name. You guys did that. I didn't name anyone fucking Professor Teacher. I'm pretty sure maybe maybe we can go in Maybe we can go in and talk to Professor Teacher tomorrow morning and see if there's another extracurricular assignment or something because we were not able to do any actual research when Stuart Justice was murdered. know, because of the guns and the murders. You think if I show her my water pockets, show him my water pockets, but um that they'll just give me a pass?
00:30:41
Speaker
I don't know. yeah Also, if you say water pockets, you're going to be kicked out of the classroom immediately. yeah Wet boy. That makes sense.
00:30:54
Speaker
All right. Then tomorrow... We need to talk to Professor Teacher. You mean Monday, because it canonically it's Friday. because oh it's Friday. a eyess I think. After the weekend. little Right. Two days later.
00:31:17
Speaker
It's the morning before class. You're biking your way in, and kids are all kind of like locking up their bikes, and you're making your way in. ah Do you guys want to go right to professor teacher's office? Well, we have alphabetical history first period, so we should just go there.
00:31:30
Speaker
So you guys are there, and you open the door, and you see... What's up? ah Chad's going to be late. i simply We told Chad to be here at the time that school starts.
00:31:41
Speaker
so What, 8 a.m.? I don't know. I know. I thought... know You know, I usually think that he would he would show up. Sometimes I try to tell him, like, 45 minutes earlier so that he actually shows up on time, but I didn't... That's actually...
00:31:54
Speaker
Yeah. My bike is there and it's locked though. Wait, but Chad's bike is here and it's also locked though. Where's Chad? You would think you would think you would be here. He was the one who made a big stink about this extracurricular.
00:32:08
Speaker
I don't need it I don't want to brag, but my average is, well... You don't have to say. ah Also, it is bragging. It's an applause. All right.
00:32:18
Speaker
Anyway, um I guess we'll just wait here until Professor Teacher shows up for class and or Chad mysteriously comes out of nowhere from wherever Chad is.
Negotiating Extra Credit
00:32:28
Speaker
Do I need to cut away to wherever Chad is located or do we keep the scene moving forward and Chad will inevitably arrive? You find Chad stewing in front of a wall that has the sign-ups for the school's musical, and he cannot make up his mind if he wants a sign-up or not because he's afraid he will be judged.
00:32:47
Speaker
So he's just walking in front of the list, side to side, just looking at it and stewing. and then he finally realizes that Alfie and Janet are there and walks up to them and doesn't sign up.
00:33:00
Speaker
Is Chad Zac Efron's character from High School Musical? I'm sorry, from what?
00:33:06
Speaker
that would That could not have been in the 90s. It was not. Just a regular trope. No, it's because he was good at his monologue. And maybe he wants to help. That's right.
00:33:19
Speaker
What is the ah musical this semester? Blades of Spring. a horror musical in the spring. my god. Chad, are you signing up for Boys of Spring? No. Also, where were you? i I was walking, walking around, just walking and thinking.
00:33:40
Speaker
was thinking. You know, don't you think sometimes? I do. Yeah. But you, you don't. What? You're, you're Chad. You don't think. I, I've asked you this before. I'm like, Chad, what are you thinking about? And you're like, I'm Chad.
00:33:56
Speaker
Yeah, you're right.
00:34:01
Speaker
You're right. I just, I'm not sure if I should sign up for ah for that silly, silly thing over there. Why would you sign up for that? It would bring me joy, but but it just would be silly.
00:34:12
Speaker
Well, it it's going to be during the football offseason, so why not? I've heard that it's tearing up. way broad road in broadway can exist it's fine nice can you buzz me one second and tell me not to buzz the next second it's uh tearing up broadway in new york city everyone's going crazy for it let okay well uh maybe maybe i'll just sign up like as a joke you know like like it'll be funny if i'm in it so it'll be a joke i
00:34:44
Speaker
I think that'd be great. yeah I'll do that. I'll do that. You guys dare. Oh, you dared me. You dared me. I have to. i have to do it. You dared me right here, right now. And Chad signs up.
00:34:56
Speaker
Sure. Yeah, we dared you, I guess. But happy to see you doing that. Yeah, if anyone asks, we'll tell you that we dared you. We double dog dared you. Wow.
00:35:07
Speaker
I, yeah. Gotta write my name bigger. Yeah. ah You guys are, you eventually make your way outside a professor teacher's room. ah You hear him inside of there. Knock on the door.
00:35:19
Speaker
Yeah. Janet, you do all the talking. All of it. Yep. And, oh, Janet, remember, I got bit. So, like, that could be part of it. What? Like, I got bit in my neck.
00:35:32
Speaker
Remember? Like, I got hurt. That could be part of why couldn't do it. He doesn't need to know when happened. Okay, I will see if that becomes relevant when we're asking for a new extracurricular assignment. And if it is, that's actually, that's a good idea. Okay.
00:35:50
Speaker
Okay. but li Let's keep me doing the talking now. Yes. Yes. We'll smile. All right, I'm going to let myself in. ah And you see Professor Teacher's there, and he's wiping off the whiteboard, and he's got a big, like, letter thing with all the letters of the alphabet, and he turns the R over to an S, and he still looks over and he starts writing, statue And he looks and goes, oh, Janet!
00:36:18
Speaker
How are you guys? a little early. Come on in. Good morning, Mr. Teacher. Please. Professor Teacher. Good morning. I can't believe... hold the I hold a degree. I'd like to show it off in this high school. yeah I can't believe we're already up to end we We're really ripping through those 26 letters. Well, you guys did ask me to start at P, so it's... That's right. that That was Chad's idea, but yep.
00:36:48
Speaker
um He laughed a lot about that. We we had something. thought it was very funny. Yeah. Number one is pee. Anyways, what were you here for? And he looks over and he sees Chad and Alfie.
00:36:59
Speaker
I guess you two hang out in the doorframe. Oh, yeah, for sure. Chad's smiling. Alfie is attempting to smile. I'm going to turn back and look at them and and kind of give Alfie a look. Like, try try harder.
00:37:18
Speaker
You're just looking like you're in pain. ah i am. um Well, Mr... Professor. Professor. Professor. ah We wanted to ah talk to you about that extra credit assignment that you had us do at the Archaeological Museum because we... ah We were about to be done and...
00:37:45
Speaker
handed in, but, um, Chad got bit and we, uh, we lost, we lost all of our progress. It has become relevant. I'm, I'm, I'm flustering. I'm flustered.
00:38:02
Speaker
I'm flubbing. um Somehow, somehow in the moment, my entire plan of sweet talking to professor teacher has gone to shit and I'm scrounging for an excuse.
00:38:16
Speaker
um So chad got bit and we ah we lost our papers and we were just hoping
Museum Robbery Plans
00:38:26
Speaker
that you might give us a second chance to get extra credit.
00:38:31
Speaker
Because we
00:38:34
Speaker
we weren't able to meet with Stuart Justice. Yeah, why why weren't you? You know, i i like I called a lot of favors in with him that night to let you in. And he said you guys didn't show up.
00:38:46
Speaker
What's the deal with that? um he said And I'm going to turn and look at Chad. Chad's smiling. Oh, um ah Chad walks up and says, well, Professor T. Trey got bit by a boy named Jared.
00:39:00
Speaker
I don't know what to tell you. You want to see? It still itches. ah No, Chad, he like covers his eyes. I'll take it off. I'll take the bandage off. A little peek.
00:39:11
Speaker
Chad, i need to put on my my serious boots as a teacher. um If you aren't passing ah basic history class like alphabets... Of of course. you you You can't participate in any kind of extracurricular activities like football or you know the play or choir or any of those other things.
00:39:32
Speaker
So i I hate to be the person to to hold you from playing and the big game that's coming up, but if you you don't get your grades... Wait, wait, wait, give me one last, just one last chance. I promise I will not let you down. i won't, like, if Jared bites me, I'll take him with me.
00:39:48
Speaker
I promise it will not happen again. i won't let any anyone bite me. Is there anything you guys can think of that you could maybe do for some extracurricular work? Otherwise... Well, um, it's, I guess, kind of history.
00:40:04
Speaker
What month is it? Well, I had a thought that I guess, ah you know, it's because we never got a chance to do H because we started with P. ah Maybe we could do a project on the history of the Heart and Hand Corporation.
00:40:20
Speaker
That's triple h Professor. um History of heart and hand. things for like That's a lot of points. That's very good. You've given me bonus points before for alliteration. That's true, we do. We do give extra points for alliteration in this history class. um we yeah so i don't know if you maybe like know anyone at the corporation that we could kind of interview and talk about the founding of the company, but that would be really helpful if you could
00:40:51
Speaker
You know, I'll be honest, I called in a lot of favors to get you kids into a late night museum tour. You're gonna have to do some research on your own. You're gonna have to do the only thing that existed in the 90s, and that's either go there or go to a library.
00:41:07
Speaker
Can I give you some tie-dye socks? For your serious boots? Uh, these are the... um Didn't you tie-dye all black? They were brown.
00:41:18
Speaker
Canonically, they're brown, Paul. They're actually they're actually worse than black. Sorry, I can't... My brain can only maintain so many of the insane things you guys do, and I didn't really, like, inventory which character made which tie-dye. Come on. I can't believe you. And frankly, I'm disappointed myself for not immediately knowing that Alfie tie-died the black clothing.
00:41:37
Speaker
Yeah. But I did know Chad to his core to know was something dumb. and ccccccc um He begrudgingly takes the socks.
00:41:48
Speaker
Chad, the boots thing is is a metaphor. don't, I don't, it's a, thank you very much, Chad. i appreciate this. You're welcome. And he folds the socks and he puts them on his desk and goes, all right, class is going to start soon.
00:42:02
Speaker
If you three put together some kind of a presentation on the Heart and Hand Corporation, I can give Chad some kind of extra credit. um Hopefully we'll have it by homecoming, sir.
00:42:15
Speaker
Ah, nice. Nice. And he goes, Janet, more extra credit. Chad, try harder. try harder, Chad. have more socks after third period.
00:42:31
Speaker
Opens his drawer. As you guys are leaving, he opens the desk drawer and he like shovels the Tavares socks into the drawer and he puts it back. There's a bunch of other socks that Chad has given. um Sir, do you think that do you think that if we go talk to Mr. Justice, that that would also count as as extra credit? Well, that's what I asked about you guys to do the first time.
00:42:54
Speaker
ah Now we've moved on to a new topic, and I don't want to be wasting time talking about rubies. We've got sapphires, silver, and... Succulents. I think I saw some succulents there. for some Slate.
00:43:06
Speaker
Shit. I'll tighten that up to seem really clever and quick. Yeah, yeah. read off Read off the Wikipedia page. He might have something as well, but, you know, they did receive a large endowment from the Heart and Hand Corporation recently.
00:43:24
Speaker
Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense to me, and I'm going to kind of side-eye the two the two boys. Two birds, one stone. elbow them in the ribs, yeah.
00:43:35
Speaker
That also is a metaphor. See, I'm learning in English class. history? Have we done an English class? We have cheeses and diseases. i don't even know where that falls. That's okay.
00:43:46
Speaker
But I'm learning in English. and i can i have us Can I have us cut to a teacher explaining kill two birds with one stone to Chad? Alright, everyone! Welcome to Advanced all Literal Allegories.
00:44:00
Speaker
Chad, if you'd step down, please. Okay. Would you please grab this slingshot? Jesus. god Wait, I have one just like this at home. Yeah.
00:44:13
Speaker
Wonderful. If you look towards that bullseye and stand on this X, I have gathered two of our rival school's canaries. Oh my God. This is fucked up, Paul.
00:44:26
Speaker
but Scene over. He just wanted to like lightly, emotionally traumatize us by thinking too hard about that figure of speech. maybe Maybe we should just go and kill two birds with one stone and... Chat flinches.
00:44:39
Speaker
but so very ah Talk to the fake Stuart Justice because if Heart in Hand is making donations to the archaeological museum, then it's pretty likely that this is all connected, right?
00:44:54
Speaker
think? Yeah, they might have other cool things we could take. Well, I'm not suggesting we steal from them. I'm just suggesting we go try to figure out what's going on here.
00:45:06
Speaker
You know, Amlet said they might be trying to invade. might be getting invaded. Okay, but it's not stealing. We're taking care of it because we're in charge. That's what Amlet told us. Oh, boy.
00:45:19
Speaker
I think Chad's still on the bank robbery thing. We're not going to do anything evil with these things. Well... Maybe.
00:45:29
Speaker
um Professor Teacher, you said that Stuart Justice called you after we failed to show up, right? What was he, what did he sound like?
00:45:40
Speaker
No, no, he sounded like himself, and I reached out to him. i wanted to make sure you that you kids had shown up, and so I left a message. Okay, have you spoken to him since then?
00:45:51
Speaker
No, no, no, I haven't. Apparently, they they he was telling me that there was maybe a break-in or a robbery. Some people had taken some things. There was an incident. the The police had already stopped by. They're they're looking into it, but I'm sure he would be, you know, would love your opinion.
00:46:06
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds that sounds awful. I can't believe there was a break-in. No. Terrible. Glad we weren't there. okay Okay. Wow. We'll do right by you, and and we'll try to go talk to Mr. Justice.
00:46:21
Speaker
and and get that extra credit to you yeah before homecoming yeah i wanted a timeline some some stakes great
Football and Cheer Rivalries
00:46:32
Speaker
all right well yes i can go but i have to well sorry we have practice later today so we can go after practice do you think those will be open yeah i think they're open pretty late okay Yeah, you know, it's a hopping place, that archaeological museum in this small mining town.
00:46:54
Speaker
Well, there's not that much else to do. That's true. They go there, and then once they're filled with their archaeological knowledge, they go right across the street to girly swirlies.
00:47:05
Speaker
Main Street, baby. It is close enough that you walked. Yeah. But you need a car for McClucky's. It's right outside of town. Nice. We do need a a fourth voice. Oh my god, I gotta start writing this down.
00:47:21
Speaker
um So you guys go through your day. Classes are normal. ah You have your follow-up with your home ec class and things like that. ah As you're a practice...
00:47:33
Speaker
ah You're lining it up. Chad, I need you to just kind of start giving Alfie the ropes of what it's like to be in his first real football practice.
00:47:43
Speaker
Listen, boy, you're going to get sweaty. You're going get down. You're going to get dirty. You're going to have feelings and you're going to shove them down until it's over.
00:47:56
Speaker
And then we can talk about it. We'll do some laps, some drills, and then ah a little fakie game. It's like what I like to call it. A fakie game? A fakie. Yeah. just Does it have a real name that other people would call it out in the real world?
00:48:13
Speaker
Who knows? To me, fakie game. That's honestly, my opinion is the only one that matters right now. Yeah. yeah Thank you. You're the captain.
00:48:25
Speaker
um Hey, coach never really assigned me a spot. What um position do I play in? So um I think John the Apostle is out for the day, so you could take running back if you want.
00:48:41
Speaker
I'm just glad you said an actual ah position in football. Hey, I know them all, okay? I could name them right now.
00:48:52
Speaker
All of them right now? Oh, shit. um Maybe. Chet, how many people on a football team? Oh, come on! That's not fair, because I don't know how many of each there are. I know there's at least, like...
00:49:08
Speaker
Five, four wide receivers playing at the same time. Four to five. Is that crazy? There's one quarterback. There's backups, obviously. Running backs, I don't know, more than two.
00:49:19
Speaker
Then we have the um that first line that like interacts with the other group and just like stalls them and take them down. And then you obviously have the whole other group, which just the defense team.
00:49:32
Speaker
And then we have our solo The whole other group is my favorite way to describe the defense. You got it. A plus. Solo guy the kicker. I should not be a man asking you to like name all the characters in science fiction if you really like science. going to go for like a solid 36 to No, 40 to 55 range.
00:49:48
Speaker
go higher forty to fifty five range Wow! Actually pretty close. I think it's 53, right? I have no fucking idea. I have no fucking idea. I know there's 11 men on the field. Cut that if it's wrong.
00:50:04
Speaker
the Your practice... We're gonna we're not even going to bother having you run a play, but, Alpha, you're getting your chance to kind of join in with the team. I'm going to have you just do two things. ah You're going to need to roll a grit roll of 10...
00:50:19
Speaker
To just survive the beating that is your first football practice. You're the new guy. They're laying it in on you hard. Crap. Six. You take a beating.
00:50:31
Speaker
They really are hitting you harder. You've never been hit like this. But there's like a weird camaraderie experience that comes from that. um There's a lot of moments when you've been hit really hard and a guy knocks you over and he reaches down and he pulls you up. And there's a there's a sense of brotherhood that I don't think you've ever really experienced. And definitely not coming from your father or anyone else in your family.
00:50:50
Speaker
um What kind of emotions does that evoke as you feel this guy who just wailed on you and then eventually reaches down and pulls you back to your feet? Does that take you back to any childhood memories?
00:51:01
Speaker
Yeah, um, uh, actually, it's not a childhood memory, but, uh, Alfie went to his first mosh pit over the summer.
00:51:13
Speaker
Because he was trying to get into the more heavy music. um You know, things like Colonel with a backwards K. And ah he felt that everyone was screaming and having a good time. But he, you know, he he got knocked the fudgesicles down.
00:51:37
Speaker
um But... Someone with the longest, spikiest hair just picked him right back up, ah gave him a studded bracelet, and clapped him on the back. You have that same kind of feeling.
00:51:49
Speaker
um It's like a bond of ah friendship ah that maybe is very unfamiliar to Alfie. And this means a lot. And Chad, you have the same kind of this weird...
00:52:02
Speaker
feeling of watching you bring somebody into a community and them feeling welcomed. Um, there's nothing worse than inviting people into a community and them feeling and not fitting in. Uh, but Alfie seems to be taking his lumps and not letting it go, but to give him a moment to shine, we're going to let the two of you, it's going to be an athletic check. This is a brawn roll cumulatively 20.
00:52:25
Speaker
of twenty and Alfie's total brawn is a d4, so let's hope for some explosions. yeah Okay, I got a five total. I exploded on my first one and then got a one.
00:52:42
Speaker
22. If it's cumulative and Chad's involved, it's just like
00:52:49
Speaker
just like fine. Got 19 plus three. um Describe this play. ah You beat it by five. Chad grabs the ball immediately and almost fumbles and it almost comes out of his hands.
00:53:04
Speaker
But he catches it and looks at Alfie, gives him a little head nod and mouths, it's not your fault.
00:53:17
Speaker
And throws the ball directly at Alfie for him to catch. Alfie hearing that it's not his fault, um his sweaty, clammy hands firm up, and he's able to accurately get the ball, and he turns, and he's looking as the linemen are coming down at him, and he's like, it's not my fault.
00:53:42
Speaker
It's not my fault. And he screams at the guy rushing him. He goes, it's not my fault!
00:53:51
Speaker
The guy stops for a second, very confused. Alfie's able to run, rush past him, and pick up a first down.
Closing and Appreciation
00:54:00
Speaker
You grind to the ground, there's mud and dirt all over the this and you hear ah from the sidelines cheering.
00:54:07
Speaker
um It's the cheer squad all going off. what did What do they hear? Ridgewood High makes us glad. Go, go, go, quarterback Chad.
00:54:20
Speaker
Ridgewood High's got the power. Run with that ball, Alfie Tower. Whoa! Whoa! People are cheering. The girls throw you. ah Janet, can you make a um a charm roll of eight?
00:54:39
Speaker
No, I roll a three. it's You know, it kind of you you throw the girl and they land and you're kind of hoping to get a more of a response. And from behind, you hear a voice that you have detested for a long time.
00:54:54
Speaker
And you hear the voice go, Don't you mean Silver Ridge? Oh, fuck. How long did you spend working on that? And it's Trixie Steele. And she's standing there looks at the rest of the cheer squad and he goes, is she really the one you want leading this team?
00:55:11
Speaker
That's so embarrassing. He goes, you know who should really invite me and my new friend? No. And Jackie Swunch steps out in those black boots and zippered pants.
00:55:24
Speaker
And Jackie says, and if you let us in, I'll make sure you guys have a great time at the homecoming game party this week.
00:55:42
Speaker
think i bet you all thought we were gonna go straight into that weird world inside the greyscale book, but boom, pfft, ta, twisted it on ya. Don't worry, it's not your fault.
00:55:55
Speaker
I mean, after all, this is a completely improvised game, and even if Paul has set up a bunch of things to lead us in a certain direction, whatever choices we make may not end up in that direction.
00:56:06
Speaker
So we will put whatever that entire quest is aside for a later date. I'm sure that won't come back to bite us in the ass later. Oh, man.
00:56:18
Speaker
Hey, anyway, thank you so much for listening. I just wanted to give a special shout-out, as always, to the Rebel Kicks for that awesome intro-outro music you always get to hear. And a shout-out to our Game Master, Paul Emrich,
00:56:31
Speaker
who so patiently just lets us trample all over the things that he has created for us. If you've liked this episode or any of the podcast up until now, if you wouldn't mind, we'd love it if you could rate and review it on either Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you've listened to this podcast.
00:56:48
Speaker
It goes a long way into getting us to reach more people so that more people can experience the wetness that is Alfie Towers. Right? That's what you guys want, right? Anyway, love you. Bye!