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Episode 8: Beeper Baby Battles
14 Plays3 days ago
Nothing worse than seeing your ex in school. Well...maybe if the last time you saw her was on a field trip and she knocked you unconscious. What's Jackie doing here, and what does she know about Beeper Babies?
This is a fully improvised TTRPG campaign where we test the limits on how much flexibility our players can have.
Starring:
- Tucker Dally Johnston as 'Alfie Towers'
- Ivana Mendez as 'Chad Brewers'
- Nate Valentine as 'Janet JC. Cromwell'
- Paul Emrich as 'Game Master'.
- Music provided by 'Rebel Kicks'.
Email us at BeatOurQuest@Gmail.com or find us on most social media @BeatOurQuest.
Join our Discord at: https://discord.gg/3GAJ8NPvvF
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
la
00:00:11
Speaker
This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
00:00:23
Speaker
Ivana Maria Mendez Bubble as Chad Boers. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
00:00:38
Speaker
Okay, cool.
Lunchroom Chaos Begins
00:00:39
Speaker
So you guys are in the lunchroom. It's Monday morning, and there she is. Pixie nightmare dream girl, Jackie Swunch. She's talking with a couple of the kids and pointing and gesturing at, it's it's pretty clear that she's talking about the Bieber babies that are on their wrists.
00:00:56
Speaker
How do you feel? feel not good. I feel my heart go pitter-pat against my blackened soul. Janet, I need you to hold me back.
00:01:08
Speaker
Janet? I'm going to Alfie's shirt, I guess. He's saying hold me back, but he's holding himself back from running away. He's not He wouldn't attack her. Not ever.
00:01:22
Speaker
He just doesn't know what to do with his emotions and he's sort of bouncing around inside of himself like a little hamster of sadness. Can I have you make a grit roll of five? Just to see if you can emotionally keep it together.
00:01:37
Speaker
Real quick, don't forget that you have that thing where you can take half if it's less than... oh Exactly five. Great. So you whatever feelings you have, you keep it together when she looks up and makes eye contact with you and gives you a little finger-wiggling wave and then goes back to talking to the other people with the Bieber babies.
00:01:58
Speaker
Guys, what do we do? What are we do with Jackie? She's a literal millennial old alien person. God, she's still beautiful. i can't believe she came back to the school.
00:02:10
Speaker
The little waving pushed me over the edge. I'm going to grab an apple and throw it above her. Not at her. I want it to go i like almost at her, but just misses her. Okay.
00:02:23
Speaker
I did forget about your ah extreme animosity towards her even before the reveal. What? but Make a brawn roll of two. How are you really trying to like whiz it right by her head? Yeah.
00:02:37
Speaker
Say a brawn roll of 10. Okay, but this is a sports thing. Yes, this is a sport thing. That is a 13. thirteen Nice. nice Describe this. ah Yeah, I grab an apple that doesn't belong to me. That's just sitting there on a table. Potentially someone else was going to eat it, but I grabbed it first and I just chuck it. My apples.
00:03:00
Speaker
You just chuck it directly above her. ah You do that. It goes sailing and it smashes in the wall just bursts. Neil, you don't need to eat more apples, okay? Okay. Go get some french fries. let's just tried to lose my last tooth.
00:03:12
Speaker
Wait. I skipped a bunch of grades. Oh. ah The apple splats against the wall. and ah Jackie Swunch does flinch and she drops to the ground. ah You've clearly embarrassed her in front of everyone.
00:03:24
Speaker
And a bunch of people laugh. Chad, can you roll, ah make a charm roll of eight? Oh, it's going be hard. I'm going to use two of my adversity tokens, and that is an eight.
Reactions to the Food Fight
00:03:39
Speaker
If you want to, I'm going to let you start a food fight. Really? real
00:03:48
Speaker
Okay, then I'm going look at Camille's tray again and grab the celery sticks she has on there. She's really going for crunchy things to remove those teeth. So I'm going to go for the celery sticks and just start throwing them at every table while yelling, FOOD FOOD!
00:04:05
Speaker
The whole, lunchroom just bursts into chaos. The cellar sticks are flying around. ah Janet, what do you want to do? Um, I say not again, and then I'm gonna, uh, I guess jump under a table and cover my head. I don't want to get tomatoes in my hair. Again, Chad. Make a a flight roll of six to make sure that you, uh, can avoid anything that's coming at you. I think you'd be better as a redhead, Janet.
00:04:31
Speaker
That's why I think you need more tomato in your hair. Oh, no! Ha ha ha ha ha! That is the most sexist thing Chad has said to date. That's a seven. Okay.
00:04:43
Speaker
You say that and you just watch as a bunch of tomato soup goes careening past your head where you were just standing and you dive under with your backpack. Alfie, what do you do in this moment? Through all the chaos, I'm going to use a skill I haven't been able to use, I don't think since we started or in a while. I have the unassuming trait.
00:05:03
Speaker
I can spend two adversary two adversity
Alfie's Private Conversation with Jackie
00:05:05
Speaker
tokens to not be seen. Okay. So I'm going to do that, and I am going to sneak away now that Janet's no longer holding me back, and I don't know what I'm going to do.
00:05:16
Speaker
Okay. But I need to sneak through unseen as all of the food goes whizzing past my head. Nothing hits you. You watch as bananas, pizza, yogurt all fly by you. yeah And doesn't touch as you cloakedly travel across the lunchroom. I'm going to cloakedly travel to Jackie's lunch.
00:05:36
Speaker
Can I notice that Alfie did that and try to follow him? Or is his unassuming going to make it so I would not even notice him slip away? I'll say if he wants to let you see him, he can.
00:05:47
Speaker
You won't gain any benefit sneaking along with him. This is sort of like, I guess psychically he is so unassuming and unnoticed that people don't even like recognize him in a crowd is kind of how this works, right? Like I'm wearing such a black shirt. I just blend into the shadows.
00:06:05
Speaker
People don't remember his name. Therefore, they feel weird throwing something at him. um I want to like I'm saying if I were to if I notice him, I would be aware, like recognize that he's heading towards Jackie Swanch. And I want to like big sister him and and either pull him back or support him and follow him, even if it means getting tomato juice in my hair. That is an Alfie decision if he wants you to see him or not. ah Yeah, I'm not trying to sneak away from you guys. I'm trying to kind of sneak up on Jackie to make sure that I can get close and have maybe a private conversation with her while this chaos is going around ah above us because she's already ducked down under the table and I have some damn questions.
00:06:48
Speaker
But... But yeah, I think you'd be able to see me, although I'm kind of ducking and weaving my way through all this food. Well, then I am going to try to follow Alfie.
Confronting Jackie Swunch: Intentions Revealed
00:07:01
Speaker
Great. We're going to have that you make a flight roll of eight. What was the first roll that I had to beat? Six. So it's getting harder. Six is to dodge. Eight is you are traveling behind somebody and sneaking through. That's a six.
00:07:12
Speaker
oh Oh! You're making your way through, and you've got you're within reach of Alfie. You've kept like a good pee, and you're sneaking behind, and you see a bench, and you see a kid with a bunch of spaghetti charging, and he's going to dump the whole pot, and you sneak. You're like, dodge out of the way. You're like, you're you're not going to get spaghetti.
00:07:31
Speaker
But when you do dodge past him, you slip. on a banana peel, and fall to the ground in a bunch of jello. Classic. Not as much as the spaghetti would have, but you do get a bunch of it on your blouse.
00:07:44
Speaker
And because of that, you lose track of Alfie as he gets past whichever kid threw that spaghetti. Ugh. So you you scoot down and slide under the table, and you see her kind of like eyes. She's not looking at you. You are behind her field of vision.
00:07:59
Speaker
And she's looking out and around, trying to kind of avoid all the chaos. Does she have a beeper baby? No.
00:08:07
Speaker
It's a really creepy thing to sneak up behind someone and whisper something. it's She's a villain, she's not a teenage girl. I have to remind myself of this.
00:08:20
Speaker
I'm the victim. I sneak up behind her and go, hey, Jackie. She jumps up and hits her head against the top of the table. You've surprised her. and She lets out a little pain to yelp.
00:08:32
Speaker
ah When she turns around and sees you, you can tell that her heart is racing, and slowly she tries to calm herself down. And then she goes... Oh, hi, Alfie. I didn't know if you even had a heart to beat faster based on the way you've treated me before. Three, technically. Gosh.
00:08:52
Speaker
Three hearts? Never mind. Never mind. I don't care. I don't care. That's physiologically really yeah yeah ah interesting. but it's What are you still doing here? I go to school here. Jackie, you are not a 14, 15-year-old girl. You are a malevolent space criminal. Two of those words are true, but I also have a project due history of alpha alphabets. where're We're moving on to N, so...
00:09:25
Speaker
ah You know, I wanted to, you know, make sure all that effort is pays off. What are you doing here? oh didn't you Didn't you get beamed off to go join the cops or whatever? How do you know about that? What do you know about omelet?
00:09:36
Speaker
What? I don't know what... I don't know... well We know what an omelet is, but I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have to answer to you. You... You don't belong here, and you've got your... got your dad out of prison. He almost killed a bunch of people. We're supposed to stop you, I think. I'm part of i'm part of the gut guys.
00:09:54
Speaker
Oh, yeah, so I was right. I don't want to just give away information without being mad at you. Listen, that's not the point. well you Why are you interested in... i saw you looking at everyone's beeper babies. What's going on?
00:10:08
Speaker
Oh. Yeah, those are weird, right? i I saw a bunch of kids with those, and i look, I'm here to study humans, all right? And when I see something unusual, like a, you know, if there's an unusual animal comes into an ecosystem or or like a virus, it's important to track how a species behaves to it. So whatever these beeper babies are, I'm keeping tabs.
00:10:35
Speaker
I don't trust her for a minute. Can i have found them? Can I have caught up? Yeah, you you you you you didn't roll low enough that you you didn't make it there, but you definitely um have been wounded by the battle. Sure. We're going to also
Blame and Consequences for the Food Fight
00:10:49
Speaker
cut to Chad. Chad, what are you doing?
00:10:51
Speaker
Chad is catching a slice of pepperoni pizza in his mouth like a dog catches a frisbee. And then he's going to rip a piece off of it and eat it.
00:11:03
Speaker
And then throw the slice like a slap directly at Johnny Mellon. That's cool as hell. Are you slapping him with the pizza like a like a like a dueling glove? No, I threw it again like a frisbee, but I'm hoping it hits him like a slap in the face.
00:11:20
Speaker
OK, great. We're going to have you keep throwing me throwing these like crazy brawn rolls. What was the one I had to do with Jackie was a 10. It was a 10. I'm going to just keep it at um improvised food weapon is a 10. OK, that is another 13. OK.
00:11:36
Speaker
oh Nice. ah Johnny Mellon's has. I was a 12. I'm sorry. It was a 12. It wasn't a 10. But I still passed it.
00:11:47
Speaker
Johnny Mellon's opens the cafeteria door to all of this chaos. And just as he's about to like, whoa, this is too much for me. The slice comes flying in and splats him under the chest.
00:11:58
Speaker
And he like drops everything. and he's like, who threw that? Who was it? Who did that? ah But there's too many people throw in and chaos. Chad, you are in the clear, but you definitely know that you nailed Johnny Melons with that slice of pizza. yeah Uh, Janet, you are now made your way onto that table ah with Alfie and Jackie, and she sees you coming in, because I assume you're coming from the same kind of pathway. What are you doing here? And I'm gonna also, at the same time, kind of pull Alfie, like, try to pull Alfie's leg and get him away from her a little bit by dragging him.
00:12:29
Speaker
I go to school here. The same reason you're here, Janet. Don't we have a project due later today? have a diorama. What was the class? Diorama class. But...
00:12:40
Speaker
it's a Diorama, diorama. Yeah. I made a diorama about the history of dioramas. But why are you still here? I thought you were you were trying to bamboozle us all to free your father. Your father's free. Leave us alone.
00:12:54
Speaker
My father is still here, and I got to see him, and it's we're on great terms. Thanks for asking. But the big thing is I'm still here to learn about you guys. The whole reason I came out to this planet in the first place.
00:13:04
Speaker
Well, besides meeting him. Well, we've got our eye on you, okay? So no more funny business. And we will not be taking you on any more field trips. You bitch. Me?
00:13:15
Speaker
Oh my god. I mean, i'm gonna I'm gonna grab Alfie and storm... Try to storm through this food fight out of the cafeteria. Bye, Alfie.
Plans to Investigate Bieber Babies
00:13:25
Speaker
I'll see you later.
00:13:26
Speaker
ah I don't know what to do with my emotions about this. I need some ice cream.
00:13:38
Speaker
You know, I should have listened to Chad. He was right about Jackie. Chad is going to appear out of nowhere and say that yes? You called me? what You said I was right about something?
00:13:50
Speaker
Yeah, Jackie Swann. She's the worst. Sorry, Alfie, but I've called like I see it. You heard her out there. In there. I said that. Yeah. Yeah!
00:14:01
Speaker
I can't stand her. We're going to to do something about her and her father. Especially now. That sounded really ominous, Janet. Yeah, well, maybe she shouldn't used the B word against another woman.
00:14:17
Speaker
Janet!
00:14:20
Speaker
Why do I feel like Paul is the bad guy suddenly? I don't know how she's involved in this, but um I don't think she knows anything. And I don't think she's responsible for what's going on with the beeper babies.
00:14:35
Speaker
But we should still keep an eye on her. She has to be responsible. as you guys are talking. You see at an end of the lunchroom, Principal Dan Clampers. Principal Dan Clampers slams the All right, you kids. What's going on here?
00:14:51
Speaker
And everyone drops, like shuts up. Like this guy is huge, huge man. Six five. What do you guys do? Are we close enough that I can have a conversation with him? a Not that far away from me, but you'd have to approach him.
00:15:05
Speaker
And he's kind of got that, he's kind of got that energy of like, he's looking for somebody to own up for what happened, who started this. I'm going to hide. I'm going to lean on my sterling reputation at the school and walk up to him.
00:15:16
Speaker
Janet, can you tell me what's going on here? i can. Do you know the new student Jackie Swanch? And I turn and dramatically point at Jackie Swanch. Yeah, I know Miss Swanch. Well, she threw jello all over my shirt and started a whole food fight. And I'm going to turn on my heel, storm out, and say to Jackie Swanch, have fun studying humans in detention, Jackie.
00:15:40
Speaker
Whoa! Um... I don't even think there's any reason for him to make you i like make it charm roll of four. I'm pulling out all the stops on this. I will use every adversity token I've ever had. This feels like kind of a ah gimme in some sense. Like, I can't let you for free throw somebody under the bus, but I think you cashed in that, like, goodwill, good favor, good kid point. So this is the easiest roll I can give you, I think. What'd you say it is? A three?
00:16:12
Speaker
ah four. A two?
00:16:15
Speaker
so i beat I did roll exactly a four, so. And Principal Dan clambers, Jackie Swanch, come to my office right now. And everyone's like, ooh, Swanch is in trouble.
00:16:29
Speaker
Jackie stands with militant coolness. ah She stands and then she makes eye contact with the principal. I'm going to have her make a brains roll to see how she handles herself in this situation.
00:16:40
Speaker
The emotional intelligence is brains, right? Yeah. Yeah. or Or grit. Okay, she rolled really well. ah She's going to calmly, like I said, with militant focus, walks right up to principal clampers.
00:16:52
Speaker
ah While she's on the way, she does walk past the three of you. She looks at Janet and she stares daggers at you. And she nods. I wave at her. That way I wiggle my fingers. Yeah.
00:17:05
Speaker
Bye, Jackie. Alfie, she looks at you. She makes kind of like an extended eye contact with you. Do you want to say or do anything? i Yeah, I make eye contact with her, and then I turn to Janet, and I go, That was so cool.
00:17:19
Speaker
And i i I put my hand on his shoulder and say, I'm sorry i'm sorry this is all happening to you, but she's on she's one of the bad guys now, Alfie. Yeah.
00:17:31
Speaker
I should have known it was too good to be true. It's okay. Still got you guys. You've still got us, and, you know, there are other girls your age out there, Alfie.
00:17:43
Speaker
And you're gonna meet a good one one day. Janet? Chad? Janet. but will you sign my yearbook i mean i know we don't have them yet but like when they when we get them can you could you please could you sign it would mean a lot if you could oh okay i i'll go to to every still live photography club meet every day if you want me there i'll be there every single day i'll be there every day right alfie
00:18:14
Speaker
I'm not. We'll be there. be there. We'll be there every day. Every day. We'll be still. We'll be life. Alfie will be photography. Wait. I mean, we still have to go to football practice, I think.
00:18:28
Speaker
No, it's don't don't even worry about it. You you already signed up for the club. And honestly, that's really where I'm at right now. I don't I don't need you guys to be there. I don't need you to skip football. It's it's great. And I appreciate the gesture, Chad.
00:18:42
Speaker
Thank you. Take a deep breath. Here. Here. Well, here. I'll feed this has never happened to me before. Uh, being starstruck? Yeah.
00:18:54
Speaker
Okay. Wait. Yeah. Yeah? That's okay. It happens to me all the time. Deep breath. It's okay. It's usually you're on the receiving end of this. I understand.
00:19:05
Speaker
Yeah. Um, plant your feet. I'm gonna go run a lap. I'm gonna go run a lap. I'll be right back. All right. Go run a lap. Um... um Chad's gone. Chad's gone.
00:19:16
Speaker
Hey, is Meatball still holding that guy? Just as the food fight went down all around him, he's just standing there. Using him as a shield, just blocking impact.
00:19:29
Speaker
Delta of steel. you You look and there's like an out like a cartoon outline of that guy blocking the food around meat wad's ah Meatball's face and body and the rest of his arms and legs are covered. Mm-hmm.
00:19:42
Speaker
Well, I think we need to get out there and do another beeper baby battle. Yeah, I agree. um Do you think the best time to do that is like right after school, as soon as everyone gets out and meet people as they're funneling home or to their you know extracurriculars? Or we could go back to girly swirlies, see if there are people over there who...
00:20:02
Speaker
Who want to battle? That's a great idea, but I honestly, i mean, lunch is over. We could do it in the back of class or something. I've seen kids doing it, and the teachers don't even really seem to care. I mean, they probably will soon once they start to catch on, but we could do one. we could do, because I have a timer on it, so if we do one right after lunch, we could do another one at Girly Swirly's this evening.
00:20:25
Speaker
Chad's going to come running back after his lap and be like, who who You guys, look who I found. I found John the Apostle. And he has one of the battle thingies.
00:20:40
Speaker
Stuffs. I never learned the name. Beeper babies. I refuse to learn the name. This is John the Apostle. Nice to meet you. hi They call me John the Apostle because I'm so charismatic.
00:20:51
Speaker
Right. Hey, John. Yeah. John, you make me laugh every ti I'm hilarious. John, um what um what kind of beeper baby do you have? And would you like to battle our Janet?
00:21:09
Speaker
Tucker, I'm going to have you roll a D4. so So you guys know there are seven types of beeper babies. Every time um you have ruled out one just for the sake of not being unreasonable, I'm going to it won't show up again.
00:21:23
Speaker
So so, you know, you've only met the wrestling raccoon, which is what Alice Bernadetto Jr. had Alice Bernadetto Jr. freshman. Nice.
00:21:35
Speaker
ah Roll a D4 depending on what you want. I'll let you know which which beeper baby John the Apostle has. Four. You look on the side of John the Apostle's and it just says the word Fiddlesticks on it. His is is a a broken pile of wood that kind of so like hodgeposes itself together and becomes a little viola with like eyeballs.
00:21:54
Speaker
It looks a lot like Clippy. His name is Fiddlesticks. So, John, have you have you battled yeah the beeper baby before? Yeah, I've done a bunch.
00:22:07
Speaker
My fiddlestick is awesome. Did it ever make you want to, don't know, um, bite another person? You're a weird kid, Alfie. That's, yep, uh-huh.
00:22:18
Speaker
Yeah. No, I don't like, I don't like biting people. Okay, you want battle? More than anything. and would love it. I'm thrilled. I could tell by the... Oh, I'm sorry, Janet, I didn't mean to throw you into ah into a thing. Do you want to battle John the Charismatic here?
00:22:36
Speaker
The Apostle. John the Apostle. It's because I'm charismatic and fun. Alfie, you have to learn the names of your teammates. Come on. Does Alfie have a nickname yet, Chad? Alfie is the nickname. Alfie?
00:22:46
Speaker
ah um and I don't have a nickname yet. We'll find something. Oh, no. oh Oh, no. I was ri i was saying that Alfie is his nickname. I agree. Alfie, I agree with you. It's Alfie. Alfie.
00:22:57
Speaker
Cool. Cool. Hey, Janet, are we going to battle? Let's do it. Okay. Same as the last time. You roll a d6 to see who wins.
00:23:08
Speaker
That's a three. John the Apostle rolled a one. oh Describe ah how Iron Might, this little metallic ant, beats up this this wooden violin.
00:23:22
Speaker
um So in the in the digital animation, i iron Might is, what is it? It's a little ant? like a little metallic ant. All right, so in the animation, um i i mean it's pretty straightforward. it It picks up the violin over its head, kind of like pro-wrestler style.
00:23:41
Speaker
and then smashes it over its middle knee, because it has four knees, because it's an ant, and and then, you know, puts it on the ground, and it kind of like 8-bit music comes and it's like, didterta tooo you won.
00:23:54
Speaker
ah So fun-ducational. Oh no. You broke him. I'm ruined. I think they bounce back after like two hours, John, but thanks for playing with me. Cool.
00:24:06
Speaker
I'm... I feel devastated. I've never felt so hurt emotionally in my life. John, are you okay? No, can't you tell? Do you want to go see the school... the nurse? Yeah, the do we have a school therapist? That's what I really need to talk about.
00:24:21
Speaker
it's My feelings are hurt. It's the 90s, so it's the same as the nurse. Okay, it's the same lady who's going to just give me children's aspirin. Exactly. For your soul.
00:24:32
Speaker
John the Apostle walks away. Rather than like cheerfully dragging up, to you do see him as that like slump and Charlie Brown walk. um Despite the same energy, he's clearly heartbroken as his long series of victories ah has ended.
00:24:45
Speaker
never seem that sad never well i guess that rules out fiddlesticks as the problem beeper baby But we should keep trying to find new ones to battle and see if we can't get to the bottom of this. Sorry, what's our contingency plan for um if you do fight someone and it's the bad one and either you or they um ah ah mouth neck? Mouth neck? Mouth neck. Well, you guys were watching raptly and ready for anything any signs of trouble to get in there and break it up, right, Chad? Right, Alfie?
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah. Right. ah i I'm good at watching. I'm great at the watching part. It's the ah it's the it's the doing and the physically stopping an assault that, um you know, I don't know if ah <unk> know if I'm the best at.
00:25:37
Speaker
You know, I'm feeling like... okay. We just have to find people who are who are on the but on the smaller side. That's why I brought John the Apostle. John, you're gone. You're by the nurse.
00:25:50
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, you guys are two big, strong football players. I i have confidence in you. And maybe I'll have Chad stand near me, Alfie, if you're feeling unable to stop an assault.
00:26:03
Speaker
Yeah, think that's a good plan. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to get beat up by John the Apostle or get in a fight, but... Does this mean I have to, like, what what if you attack the other person?
00:26:14
Speaker
Is holding you back enough? Will I have to hit you? Would I hit a woman? would Would I hit a woman? I think holding me back will be enough. Okay. You know, Chad, that's a question you have to answer for yourself, but maybe like search, search inside yourself a little bit, you know.
00:26:30
Speaker
I'll sleep on it. Yeah. Don't like do an experiment or anything, but yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. I can do that. So we got two hours and then we fight someone else, right?
00:26:41
Speaker
Yeah. We can meet at girly swirlies after classes. Oh, yes, I'm hungry. We just had lunch. Yeah, I know. Well, it's ice cream, so, you know, room for dessert and all that. You guys hear ambulance um coming from outside.
00:26:59
Speaker
And there's that kind of energy in high school, the same thing when like a police car or fire truck pulls up in the the front lot. That's the focus. Everyone's looking out the windows. Yeah. You guys look out the window and you see Danielle Mintz, who's a member of the cheer squad.
Aftermath of the Beeper Baby Battle
00:27:18
Speaker
You might remember her from who you were helping study um for the Mount Rushmore exam. Throwback. the bus.
00:27:25
Speaker
Yeah. Real fans only. And you look... And you see her and they're wheeling her out and they've got an oxygen mask on her face. The EMTs who are carrying her out. It looks like something really has happened to her and she's been struck and they're trying to reci resuscitate her.
00:27:41
Speaker
It's hard to tell where the injury is from outside. It's clear that something happened to her. And there's going to be a bell and you guys are able to meet out front with your bikes or head to girly swirlies. can See the ambulance?
00:27:51
Speaker
Once we get out there, yeah. Is is the ambulance gone? it's there's It's probably just kind of getting there. It's that packs of kids, and they're probably trying to like get through or get past. But if you want to try to engage or do something or check it out, you you're able to.
00:28:04
Speaker
I'll let you get down there. Sure. Yeah, let's work our way to the front, see what's going on. ah Yeah, I think we should figure it out. You guys ah get down there. A bunch of students are clamoring and talking and they're they're trying to trying to figure it out. The EMTs have kind of pushed students away.
00:28:19
Speaker
The school nurse and the principal are all down. They're trying to talk out and see what happens and sort of sort it out. um But you hear students talking and saying like, Oh my God, did you hear what happened? Like, she went nuts and she just went right at her. She attacked her. Can you believe it? Like, I didn't hear that happen. It happened in class.
00:28:32
Speaker
No, it was in the bathrooms afterwards. And they're all gossiping and trying to have a hard time. ah Sort out what it is. Can you guys make a communal brains roll of 20? No. So that's between the three of you.
00:28:43
Speaker
I need you guys to roll a 20 to see if you can suss out enough information from the gossip of all the students. um I can contribute three. I got a six.
00:28:56
Speaker
Here we go, Janet. I got a nat 20, baby.
00:29:02
Speaker
that's an explosion. Call a 23. really matter.
00:29:08
Speaker
Alright, so you beat it by ah you beat it by plenty. So you're all sitting around and Alfie, you... what Wait, sorry, Alfie, what did you get? ah got a six. So six. You and Chad get nothing.
00:29:19
Speaker
You're like, I heard. It was like a she got attacked by a bee. You know? It's like, I heard. She said Bloody Mary in the mirror three times. But Janet, you you ah you you piece it together really quickly. You go talk to your cheer squad.
00:29:32
Speaker
You find out exactly what happened. Danielle Mintz and Samantha Bringaz... that Got into a beeper baby battle in the girl's bathroom.
00:29:43
Speaker
Who? And at some point in time, Samantha Bringaz went nuts and attacked Danielle Mintz. um She grabbed, like, one of the the hand dryers and, like, clubbed her in the back of the head.
00:29:57
Speaker
She ripped it out of the wall? Wait, she pulled it out? So strong. humans Humans install them. They're not like welded to walls. I'm pretty sure they are. They're like screwed on. Not in the night yes Wait, do men's bathrooms not have the same hand dryers? is we have they're they're like We have one giant hand dryer that we share. It's like a trough, the same way our urinal works.
00:30:22
Speaker
That's true. You've never been in a men's bathroom? You don't know that we have just like a giant pee trough that like Chad agrees. and Yeah.
00:30:33
Speaker
She was on the other foot, guys. but She'll never know. and that's So you piece it together. Exactly what happened. They got in a beeper baby battle and so Samantha bring gas attacked her.
00:30:47
Speaker
Jeez, yeah, I'm going to relay that information. This is getting really dark, guys. We've got to figure out what's going on here, get to the bottom of it, and put an end to this once and for all. Where's Samantha now?
00:30:59
Speaker
That's a good question. With that role, I'll let you know she's in the principal's office, either waiting for her parents or potentially the police. We need to talk to her! That is actually a good idea, Chad.
00:31:11
Speaker
Yes! Can we, ah sorry, I shouldn't say actually every time. It's kind of obnoxious. Although I guess i guess that's the character. No, that's okay. You're not hurting my feelings. It's okay. I like the recognition. yeah I mean, can we, Paul, can we sneak back into the principal's office or or get go back into the principal's office? If you all want to, you can all try. it might be easier for one of you.
00:31:35
Speaker
Or it might, you know, this is a, you can coordinate your way. this is going to be a flight role, essentially, depending on what your plan is. I'd say our initial plan is to walk to the principal's office as students. Yeah. um You are in the, you go back into the school. It's not totally weird for Janet um or even the football players to be so in the building um after hours. So that you're pretty incognito, but the principal's office ah is closed.
00:31:58
Speaker
The way to get into the principal's like facility whatever it is, is currently closed. Darn, it's locked. it It's not locked. It's just the door is closed. so you can't you have to open it up to see. Oh, I open the door. Great. You do.
00:32:12
Speaker
You see the principal. the The principal secretary is sitting there yeah in the back corner office. ah You can kind of tell that's where Samantha Bringaz is. But otherwise, she looks at you goes.
00:32:25
Speaker
Hi, Janet. How you doing? Hey, Miss Gorkenschlag. Jesus Christ, you mother... Gorkenschlag. Hang on, because before we do this, I've been watching a lot of White Collar. i don't know if anyone has ever seen this show. Yes!
00:32:36
Speaker
I'm going to to... ah I'm going to turn to Chad and Alfie and be like, all right, guys, follow my lead. I'm going to distract Ms. Gorgenschlag and you guys go in and chat with Sarah.
00:32:52
Speaker
Is that her name? Samantha Bringas. As I say, oh, hey, Ms. Gorgenschlag. Um, i'm go I'm imagining this room. She's kind of at like an L desk and the one side of the L is facing the the door and the other side of the room, her desk, like is not facing where Sarah would be or where the door is.
00:33:12
Speaker
And I'm going to kind of like walk around to the other side and engage her in conversation and say, like, how are your kids, Miss Gorgenslaw? How have you been? I haven't seen you in weeks. You know, it's been a rough week. My oldest son goes off to college, and now the next kid thinks he's smarter to go to college, too. So my husband runs the largest fax machine emporium in the country, and we were kind of hoping our son would pick up the position and and run the family business of Gorgenschlag's fax machines.
00:33:40
Speaker
You know our jingle. It's not worth faxing if it's not in a Gorgenschlag. That's right. Yeah. miss Missed those on the radio. They were in earful. But yeah, I mean, start to hear about your kids. I hope, you know, well, Georgie Gorgenschlag kind of softens to the idea and hops in on the family business. Yep, Georgie Gorgenschlag, my oldest son. Or asking him to give up his dream of studying the Glockenspiel, and it's hard to tell him he needs to give that up and pick up a serious long-term career that is like selling fax machines.
00:34:15
Speaker
Yeah, well, some you know it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it, right? there It is. ah So what is your plan? You're trying to have kept her distracted long enough for the other two to sneak past? yeah I'd say mission accomplished. i think they'll well Hopefully they've snuck in.
00:34:28
Speaker
Yeah, I think you you got that going. Can you guys just make a flight roll of four? No, not naturally. You don't have flight as like a football all-star? You're not fast? Apparently not.
00:34:39
Speaker
Six plus one, seven. That's a three. I'm going to use my pocket dice. Oh, great. So I'm going to pass it. It doesn't matter. um So you burn that. ah Chad, describe the ah how does this ah powerful space energy, this cosmic power course through describe how it stops you from making noise?
00:35:02
Speaker
So i know there're I know there's an AC on the wall in this room, and I kind of memorized the vibration pattern of it. And I'm like crawling on the ground and every noise I make matches the little noises that the AC is making.
00:35:20
Speaker
And that's how she can't hear me. Yeah, there's this like a pink, to envision it almost like you's you you close your eyes and you're like, this pink aura surrounds you and you pick up the like humming of the machine as you scoot by.
00:35:33
Speaker
And there's even a moment where Alfie knocks something and you catch it to stop any more noise from going. and you guys scoot into the office with Samantha Bringaz. What did I catch? What did I catch? A stapler. I'm going to put it in my fanny pack.
00:35:48
Speaker
you You do. You're fanny pack of knickknacks. um You are in the office and Samantha Bringaz sees you guys scooting in um and she looks really solemn and sad and then keeps her head down.
00:36:01
Speaker
Sam. Samantha. Sammy. Hello, Alfie. Hello, Chad. Sounds Italian. It's it's Chad with an Chad.
00:36:12
Speaker
We're going to work on it. Chad. Samantha. Samantha. Alfie. What happened? Alfie? I'm not entirely sure. I was um challenged by that one girl, Daniel Mintz.
00:36:25
Speaker
And she it made me beeper. we We have the beeper baby battle. And she gestures at the her beeper baby. Which one do you have? ah Very clever. She has the the the deer of the holy grass. And it's like a little, it's a little deer with a pope hat. And then it's got it antlers on the other sides of it.
00:36:45
Speaker
I can't decide if it's that or if it's like the pope hat and the antlers like are through the pope hat. However you want to envision it. But he's got, like, the big cardinal robes on, too, and he's standing on two little deer legs. And you fought, and that made you... Did you lose or win? I'm not entirely sure. remember I remember. was... She snuck me into the bathroom, and we played.
00:37:08
Speaker
And then... And she thinks for a minute, and she's trying to like piece it all together, and goes, I don't remember. And then i someone told me, stop it, stop it, Samantha. You're hurting her.
00:37:20
Speaker
And I woke up, and I was holding the the drawer the hand dryer, the data that they've the thing you put your dewy hands into. Oh, sure, we got something like that in boys' bathrooms, except it's bigger and more trough-like. We only have one, yeah. Oh. Like in Bowling Alley? Yes.
00:37:40
Speaker
Yes. Cool. Yes. Bull, I am cool like other Americans. Is that something they do in your country, Bull? America? Yes. Oh, yeah. American.
00:37:51
Speaker
Bringaz is American name. Do you... Samantha... What? Baby, baby, baby, baby, dead. I'm sorry, Alfie. Can we do that one? Can you say that just one more time for me? Please read the copy that you provided or we don't get paid.
00:38:12
Speaker
I need you guys to roll... ah One of you want to roll a random d6 or just a flip a coin on... Even she will remember on odds, she won't. I should roll, but I guess whatever.
00:38:23
Speaker
i trust you. No, it's more exciting. You trust us, but tell us which one's good before we flip, and we'll tell you which one we got. yeah Yeah. Even, she remembers, and now she doesn't. Definitely even.
00:38:35
Speaker
i trust you. she I didn't roll. It was Tucker. I rolled. It was a three. Oh, she's thinking. An even three. An even three. She thinks it was, I really don't remember. I barely remember the the clubbing with the the dew dryer.
00:38:53
Speaker
Okay, um, well... What if we bring you back there? Will you remember? Sometimes i I've heard that if you bring people back to the scene of the crime, they remember who did it. Ah, Chad, won't let you into girls' bathroom. Not the second time, you sneaky boy. No...
00:39:10
Speaker
I think you're in a little bit more serious of trouble than you think you might be, Samantha! Yeah! I have no, I have nothing to worry. have international protections. I mean,
00:39:23
Speaker
local mine ah Janet, you hear principal Dan Clampers coming and talking to somebody in the hallway. Um, I'm going to say like really loudly, uh, jarringly loudly so that they can hear me in the room.
00:39:41
Speaker
i Anyways, i should i should probably get going soon, but I have one more quick question. so say anything. Say anything? that That's my favorite movie. You were asking what my favorite movie was? Well, yeah, but I have one. Sorry. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah. Say anything. fuck I don't know anything about this movie, Paul. Okay.
00:39:59
Speaker
I don't even think it's a 90s movie, so it's fine. Yeah, it is. Isn't it? Isn't it? Is it? Oh, it's 1989. Holy crap. Never seen it.
00:40:10
Speaker
Don't judge me, universe. That's John Cusack holding the radio, yeah? boom Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I also have never seen I can work with that, though. I can work with that. also have never seen it.
00:40:22
Speaker
Yeah, I i love the the scene with the radio over the head, too. ha! Yeah, it's so romantic the way he stalks her to her home and stands outside late at night and wakes up the whole neighborhood, right?
00:40:35
Speaker
Miss Gorgenspiel? That makes sense. Which is with your least favorite scene, though? That's the question I asked you. My least favorite scene? I mean, this is kind of a cliche answer, but any sign when he's not being romantic with the radio, am I right?
00:40:51
Speaker
Um, definitely dodged. Uh, the door opens and Principal Dan Clampers is So they didn't get, they didn't hear my shout and scamper out. the hint? I don't know, did you?
00:41:03
Speaker
Do we need to roll for that? Um, we're gonna have you guys make a flight roll of eight each to try to sneak out and over, because you overhear something.
00:41:13
Speaker
ah maybe you overhear Dan Clampers say like, Oh, Janet, what are you doing here again? Oh, just talking movies. i rolled a one. Six plus one, seven. um Great. So Dan Clampers says, Janet, I'm going to need you to leave. i have to have a serious conversation with Gerald Bringaz, Samantha's father, please. And he oh he he reaches out, hi, it's nice to meet you. That's Gerald?
00:41:37
Speaker
um But, so, then Clamper starts walking to walk into the door and he looks in and he sees Alfie and Chad in there with Samantha Brewers. All right, Samantha Bringaz.
00:41:48
Speaker
What are you guys doing? Yeah, she'll be Brewers. um What are you two doing here? Anyway, that's, we'll get you that homework so soon, Samantha. And thank you for accepting to go to prom with me.
00:42:02
Speaker
I'm so excited to attend my first American dance. Father, did you hear? I'm popular again. That's great to hear, sweetie. I'm so excited. But we have to have a real conversation with your principal. Yeah, we're really upset. And I realize now I have three people in a scene and it's really going to be difficult. So we're going excuse the other two kids and close the door.
00:42:19
Speaker
Well handled. You guys bike your way to your favorite little retro ice cream shop, Gurley Swirlies. Is it bustling? Is it hopping? Is it totally tubular? It's about as busy as it would be
Concerns at Girly Swirlies
00:42:30
Speaker
on a Monday night. ah There's this weird energy in the air since one of your classmates was hospitalized today.
00:42:35
Speaker
So there aren't a whole lot of kids who are out like having a swinging time, if that makes sense, on a Monday night. Is Mama Alice there? Of course I am, sweetheart. How you doing, Chad? Mama! Hey!
00:42:49
Speaker
hey listen, Mama. Have you heard anything ah about these, uh, you know, the beeper baby battle thingies?
00:43:01
Speaker
The beeper babies? Chad, sweetie. My daughter, little Alice Benedetto, freshman. Oh, yeah. Alice Bernadette, a junior freshman. With the teeth, yeah, yeah. What was that, Chad? They look nothing like yours. You have a perfect smile, Mama. Wait.
00:43:18
Speaker
ah Is that better or worse? I don't really know how to interpret your compliments, Chad. So we'll let that slide. But you... You be careful around my daughter. You be careful what you say about her.
00:43:30
Speaker
But yeah, she's talking my ear off about those beeper babies. She needed a beeper baby. She had have beeper baby. She needed me to buy a beeper baby. She thinks i need to get a beeper baby so that she can beep a baby bar mitzvah. I don't know. Whatever the thing, whatever she wants to do with me.
00:43:44
Speaker
So that's all you've heard about those. What else do want me to say about it? i Well, there was a girl that was sent to the hospital today. I didn't know anything about that. My daughter hasn't told me anything and I've been working selling ice cream.
00:43:56
Speaker
But I'm sorry, do you think it's related to the beeper babies? We do. We think it's related. We're going to just kind of ask around, try and figure out what's going on. But first, I think we'll take three chocolate vanilla swirls. Right, boys? So she slides you guys the ice cream.
00:44:09
Speaker
Hey, kids. Be real with me. i'm I'm scared about this kind of violence happening to my sweet daughter. She's the only one I have. Should I have her take away that beeper baby from her? Is it some kind of a gang-related thing?
00:44:20
Speaker
No. we We should have even... so We're just kids being kids. We're being kooky. Don't worry about it. Wait, but... don jack do Yeah, take it from her. Don't let her wear it. Well, I'm going to turn to Chad and be like, we don't want to worry people. We'll figure it out and we'll put an end to this. That's how we're going to stop this. Janet, Janet, she can't afford to lose any more teeth.
00:44:43
Speaker
All right. but maybe Maybe you should take Junior's beeper baby just to be safe. were so we' It's just a theory, though, but, you know. All right. Now, if she gets mad, I'm going to say this was your idea, though, Janet.
00:44:56
Speaker
No. I shouldn't have even started this conversation. That makes sense. Next to life! Well, we want to go find a group of kids and pick a pick a fight of the beeper baby persuasion. Of the beepers!
00:45:11
Speaker
we're goingnna have you guys make a smart roll of 10. Each one of you can make this roll. You're basically, or brains roll. Make a brains roll of 10. Each one of you has a chance to basically see if you can spot somebody with the right beeper baby.
00:45:27
Speaker
I got 12. I can, ah I'm going to take a 10 because I can do cool under pressure here, right? So I'll use a, an adversity token. Between the two of you.
00:45:38
Speaker
There are, ah i assume you're looking for somebody with the right, the deer. Yes. There are two kids ah that you notice with the deer little watch. that's this ah There's one of them who's like a freshman, ah but he's like really tall and lanky.
The Beeper Baby Showdown
00:45:54
Speaker
there is ah The other one you see there is Jared Dumplin, who is the kid who works at Gamosaurus Rex. Nice. how How big is Jared Dumplin?
00:46:04
Speaker
Wait, we had a whole conversation with him about beeper babies. He didn't tell us he had one? Yeah, I just don't know how big he is. I have a beeper baby. never asked if I had a beeper baby. I was all excited about it. That's true. That's true. we I did not ask you about yourself. They're both gawky and uncomfortable teenage boys.
00:46:20
Speaker
Jared is definitely older, since the other one's a freshman, but you don't know anything about that one. Janet, I'm going to leave it up to you, but, um you know, whoever you think we can take in a fight physically, if this goes sideways, that's who you should fight in the beeper baby fight.
00:46:34
Speaker
Well, Jared's a string bean, and I'm going to say, Alfie, you guard me, and we'll have Chad guard Jared, since he's a little bigger than me.
00:46:47
Speaker
And I'm more worried about myself getting hurt, and Chad seemed to be confident that he could stop him. Right, Chad? I feel more comfortable hitting a man, yes. Ha ha ha! You're not hitting anyone. you're you're You've seen people fight and you like gra put them in a full Nelson. I've seen you full Nelson about 700 kids in my time at this school.
00:47:09
Speaker
Pretend like you're about to give him a noogie. oh I can definitely do that. But don't give him a noogie. Describe your favorite time giving somebody a full Nelson noogie. Oh, I hid in their locker.
00:47:21
Speaker
I locked myself inside of their locker. This is when I was in seventh grade, obviously, because I don't fit in lockers anymore. But I locked myself in their locker and then they opened and it was a noogie surprise.
00:47:34
Speaker
I just pinned them to the ground and noogied them. I look like a spider on top of someone someone. Yeah, you don't have to hit anybody. Just put them in a full Nelson. And same to you, Alfie.
00:47:46
Speaker
Put you in a full Nelson? You want me to put you in a full Nelson? It's not going to come to that, but, you know, subdue. You're not adding to the... This isn't going to turn into a brawl.
00:47:58
Speaker
You're just stopping me if anything happens with these beeper babies. Yeah, I can do that. I just saw you put Jackie Swanch in her place, but yeah, sure, I could probably physically stop you from doing something.
00:48:11
Speaker
Oh, God. So you approach Jared Dumplin? Is there something funny about the last name Dumplin? Yeah. Hey, Jared. The dubs! Oh, hi, Janet! I didn't think you were gonna be here. Yeah, you know, just a classic Monday night swirl.
00:48:26
Speaker
Um, do you wanna battle? And I hold up my beeper baby. Oh! I didn't think... And he, like, starts, like, pulling out his shirt and a couple of years. I didn't... I wasn't really... Um... ah Sure, I'd love to battle.
00:48:39
Speaker
Uh, could we... Could we put a bet on it? A wager, maybe? No, I see where this is going and I don't want to do this.
00:48:51
Speaker
How many fucking creeps are you going to throw at Janet, Paul? i can'tt Why can't a normal dude who doesn't sound like that ever hit on her? High school boys. They're all creeps. Okay.
00:49:05
Speaker
Okay. I probably going to... probably gonna No, I was gonna be a creep. Chad's gonna start chanting, battle, battle, battle, trying to rally other people to... ah You sync up your watches, ah and you you click in. Let's have you roll a d6 to see if you beat Jared's... um I rolled a 2, but can I now, can I add my pocket d6, or can I know what the outcome, or how we doing this?
00:49:35
Speaker
You can add your pocket d6, but I won't tell you what you need to roll. Alright. Pocket D6 is a four, so I rolled a six, Jared. Jared also rolled a six. Oh, wow.
00:49:45
Speaker
your two Beeper Babies are battling ferociously. Iron Might is, like, trying to pick up the deer and, like, yank his little hat off, and the deer is trying to ram the ant. It's really intense, and the battle animations are going on and on, and you feel like you're watching this and, like, just kind of allured into the hypnotic beeps and the rhythms coming from your device.
00:50:08
Speaker
ah Janet. I need you to roll. yeah. Make a grit roll of 12. Grit roll of 12. Crap. Well, everyone cross your fingers for an explosion because my grit is an 8. Oh. Oh.
00:50:22
Speaker
who I rolled an 8. I rolled an 8. I exploded. Whoa. Come on. And I rolled another 8. Oh. so So that's 17.
00:50:34
Speaker
i um I almost wish I had failed, but that was a 17. Woo. Woo.
00:50:39
Speaker
Take that, Paul.
00:50:43
Speaker
Okay. You're watching your beeper baby and twentyine and you hear, subconsciously, there's a little rhythm in beeping ah in the code. And you hear the following words.
00:50:55
Speaker
Obey. Fight. Consume. Obey. Fight. Consume. You're aware of it.
00:51:06
Speaker
It's not hypnotizing you in any sort of way. But Chad, I also need you to roll a brawn roll against Jared. You see his muscles tense up. You've played enough football to know that moment right before the ball is hiked where all of the players sort of activate at the same time.
00:51:21
Speaker
ah You see this dilation in Jared's eyes, and he lunges forward violently at Janet. How do you stop him? I lunge back, but at him. Pin him on the table and he yell, Surprise Snooker!
00:51:33
Speaker
Ha ha! um Can you make ah grit roll? Yeah. Wait. yes Oh, maybe not.
00:51:46
Speaker
Seven. You put him in that noogie headlock, but you feel his body contort and twist in this feral and unnatural way, and his head turns to look at yours, and he surges forward and bites into your neck and pulls away with a big chunk of flesh.
00:52:02
Speaker
What? Oh, God. My neck. My beautiful neck.
00:52:15
Speaker
I think I knew you.
Conclusion and Audience Engagement
00:52:19
Speaker
Ooh, it's a different voice at the end here. Hi, Paul Embridge, Game Master. Tucker was busy, so I had to fill in with the exit monologue. Really hoping you enjoyed what we've been doing so far. Want to give a shout out to the Rebel Kicks for providing us with our intro and outro music?
00:52:35
Speaker
and the rest of my cast. You guys are all so talented. I'm so grateful for your help on this project. If you are enjoying this, please be sure to share it with anyone who might be like-minded.
00:52:46
Speaker
Please give us a review while you're listening. And then even if you want to talk about some of the weird theories you might have about what's going on, check out our Discord. Thank you very much for listening.