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Episode 7: Beeper Babies
23 Plays17 days ago
A curious rage virus? Addictive children toys? Looks like a job for the 'Still Life Photography Club' (are they still?) starting at the Silver Ridge Mall! Plus we meet a new parent! Who will it be and will they have an accent?
This is a fully improvised TTRPG campaign where we test the limits on how much flexibility our players can have.
Starring:
Tucker Dally Johnston as 'Alfie Towers'
Ivana Mendez as 'Chad Brewers'
Nate Valentine as 'Janet JC. Cromwell'
Paul Emrich as 'Game Master'.
Music provided by 'Rebel Kicks'.
Email us at BeatOurQuest@Gmail.com or find us on most social media @BeatOurQuest.
Join our Discord at: https://discord.gg/3GAJ8NPvvF
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Transcript
Introduction to Beat Our Quest
00:00:00
Speaker
da ah
00:00:11
Speaker
This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
00:00:23
Speaker
Ivana Maria Mendez-Babu as Chad Boers. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
00:00:38
Speaker
Last time, our heroes joined the Galactic Unity Division, or GUDS, an intergalactic peacekeeping force that is legally distinct from the Power Rangers.
00:00:49
Speaker
After your successful recruitment and being gifted unique powers for each one of you, you landed back outside of the Silver Ridge Local Mall.
Mall Chaos and the New Toy
00:00:57
Speaker
ah There you saw a group of kids who were lined up for some kind of a thing, and then you saw them get into a fight over some sort of a new toy.
00:01:04
Speaker
ah That fight quickly escalated very violently as a kid named Andrew Dungarees took a bite out of the arm of Fred Chairses. I know we have a lot to discuss, but he just took a bite out of his arm.
00:01:18
Speaker
Just want to put that out there. Yeah. shoot Should we separate them? They seem... Chad, do you want to separate them as the is the de facto ah leader and biggest person who is standing closest to me? Oh, but I like my arms. so I don't want him to take a bite out of my arms.
00:01:33
Speaker
I don't think he'd go after your arms. He'd be too scared. I have nice arms, right? Do you want to look ah the look at these arms? but And he's going to flex both. Look at these. they can't take They would want to take a bite out of these. They would want to. If I put it near him, he wouldn't. Right.
00:01:51
Speaker
But it's okay. I can go stop them. That's fine. That's fine. I can go. I guess Chad walks over and tries to separate them. Okay, great. Are you just getting between them are you going to try to grab them or?
00:02:03
Speaker
I'm going to put my hands on both of their foreheads and try to just separate them and push them away from each other. Let's just say that's a a ah seven.
00:02:13
Speaker
Okay. Okay. A seven what? Fight? ah Fight. ah Let's call that a fight since you're shoving more than like doing something physical. That is an 18. That's a plus 10. beat it 10. You could describe what happens.
00:02:30
Speaker
Yeah, I push them and they just like slide away. Like it's not even that they're resisting. Their body strength cannot. I just like, it's like I'm yawning and extending my arms like oh ah push, push, push. And they just like their little feet give up, give out. And are you like stiff arming two people at the same time?
00:02:51
Speaker
Yes. Stiff arming two people away from me. Correct. Thank you. Stiff arming is the right term. Okay, so these two guys are swiping at one another with you holding them back ah between them.
00:03:04
Speaker
You do know that these are nerdy kids compared to you, so this isn't going to be much of a challenge. Great. What now? Janet, don't you have um AP physics with Fred Chairses?
00:03:17
Speaker
You should see if he's okay and why that guy bit him. Fred, yeah, what's what's going on? what do what What are you guys fighting about? Between like him gnashing and charging and trying to get to the other guy, because he's still in that very feral fighting thing, you hear him go, his guy, his little monster, he cheated. He cheated. He shouldn't have been able to do that. going to look Andrew and say,
00:03:39
Speaker
Did you cheat? What's, what is going on? Andrew is almost like feral. There's like still a lot of blood coming out of his mouth. And he eventually, he looks, uh, he goes, he goes, I can't believe he did it. I won. It should have been me. I get his thing. He shouldn't have it anymore. He cheated. It's mine.
00:03:55
Speaker
i don't understand what we're all talking about. Cheated in what? Yeah, i don't understand. One of you had to have won. He's gesturing at his wrist with the little device that's tied around it.
00:04:06
Speaker
But between these two guys in this heated fight, ah you're not going to get much of ah ah an answer out them. They're clearly a little too riled up and angry. You do notice that there's a rest of the crowd that has kind of started to flee and
Alfie's Protective Measures
00:04:20
Speaker
escape the store. There's still some people who are in the store buying some of the things, but definitely a bunch of the people on the line have been freaked out. Like mall security is probably going to come by a medic. Like somebody did get bitten pretty intensively. So a lot of frantic chaos is going down.
00:04:32
Speaker
You think this had this has to do with the the game things on their wrists? What? Take them off. Take the things on their wrists off. Oh, that seems even more dangerous. fine. I'm holding them. Just take it off.
00:04:46
Speaker
Just grab their arm. You are a member of the team. You're a member of the team. You are, Alfie, you're a member of the team. Alfie, you can do it.
00:04:57
Speaker
i I literally fall asleep fall asleep to that every night now. Okay, Alfie goes to Andrew Dungarees and tries to take his...
00:05:09
Speaker
His wrist game from him. Okay. Are you trying to like physically do this are you trying to be sneaky? Physically do it. Okay. ah That's going to be a ah ah fight roll to try to like basically like grab onto it and snatch it off of his wrist.
00:05:23
Speaker
Okay. ah That's going to be a since he's preoccupied. I'm going to say a fight roll of six. It's a one. You get your hand onto it, and the minute you he realizes you've made ah you're touching his thing, he like completely stops paying attention to Fred Chairses, and he pivots to look at you, and he grabs and strikes ah at your face.
00:05:46
Speaker
ah Can you make a grit roll, please? Yes! No, I put you in danger. I'm sorry. No.
00:05:55
Speaker
16. You are a hearty sumbitch. ah He rolled an 8. I was expecting for him to like you know get a good scratch. So he reaches and he scratches at your face. ah How do you prevent any damage? What do you do to stop it? He tries to scratch at my face.
00:06:13
Speaker
um I have had people scratch, try to scratch at me all my life. And I know that instead of flinching away, you know what you do?
00:06:24
Speaker
You put your face even closer. So he scratches my glasses and they, Alfie wears glasses, um and they... Does now.
00:06:36
Speaker
All our fan artists going back.
00:06:40
Speaker
And so he kind of swipes off and he misses ah and he ah chips one of his nails because I got like some crazy protective glasses to help with my poor eyesight.
00:06:51
Speaker
You do this and you use so just like you're able to yank the the wristwatch thing off of his arm while he's doing that. Now that Alfie's got the wristwatch, I'd like to, whatever, huddle up next to him, and and I'm still scolding the boys.
Investigating the Toy's Origin
00:07:05
Speaker
So all of this all this over this, and I'm going to kind of hold up Alfie's hand, which is holding the wristwatch, presumably, or whatever we're calling these toys.
00:07:15
Speaker
You look on the side, and it has the words beeper babies written on the sides of it. Oh, God. Beeper babies? Beeper on one side and babies on the other.
00:07:25
Speaker
Yeah, I'm talking to Andrew, ah Andrew now, whatever his name is. Beeper babies. This is what you're upset about. As Andrew realizes that you also have it and he's still, but Chad, you have such a strong grip on and He's not going to be able to get away.
00:07:39
Speaker
ah His breathing starts to settle heavily. He goes, that's mine. Give it back. I paid for it. well We're not going to steal it from you. We just, you're you just bit somebody.
00:07:52
Speaker
He's starting to like become a little more aware as you've taken the the the band off of it, whereas Fred Chairs this is still freaking out. um And he's going to be realizing, he's like, oh my god, oh my god, I taste blood!
00:08:05
Speaker
Oh my god, did I? And he's starting to freak out and realizes what happens, and he's and he's sobbing uncontrollably. Oh no. What in the hell is going on? This thing is, is this thing possessed by the devil? I watched a documentary.
00:08:19
Speaker
It was really rad. But this doesn't seem really rad. You guys are there for a second, but eventually mall security has come by and a paramedic we got called. Oh yeah, go. Before mall security arrives, I want to pin the other one down to the ground and put his, um but like carefully, very carefully. and put his arms behind his back and just start yelling, citizens arrest!
00:08:40
Speaker
Citizens arrest! But like really carefully, like very gently. He's going to try to make an escape from you. Okay. First, can you make a fight roll to go against his fight roll? Yeah.
00:08:51
Speaker
Yes, that is a nine. Okay, yeah, you beat Okay, citizens arrest. A very carefully curated citizens arrest. The mall security comes by.
00:09:02
Speaker
means this, you know, very generic Paul Blarty kind of guy. goes, oh, what we got here? What happened? but i Chad? Yes? Why are you sitting on that boy? Mitchell, I'm sitting on this boy because i just did a citizen's arrest.
00:09:18
Speaker
Now, Chad, I don't want you calling me by my first name just because I used to babysit you. Mr. Mitchell, I apologize. I had to perform citizen's arrest.
00:09:30
Speaker
That's right. My name is Officer Mitchell Mitchell.
00:09:37
Speaker
I see what you've done. yeah Chad, this isn't the first time you've done a citizen's arrest. it won't be the last. What's the deal with it? Now, you seem to be sitting on a boy. i am not sitting on a boy. It was a very carefully curated citizen's arrest. I am merely squatting over him. Okay, you are squatting on a boy who seems to be bleeding heavily.
00:09:55
Speaker
Yes. Did you have anything to do with this? No! so i'm a No, the guy with the frothing mouth does. You see that Andrew Dungarees is sobbing on a little bench. The paramedics come in Can you move?
00:10:09
Speaker
We have to tend to this kid. You got him? You got him? Yes, we have the victim. All right, up here. And he goes for a high five. Up top. The paramedics stare. They don't give you a high five and they continue trying to put the the patient on the...
00:10:24
Speaker
What is it called? Gurney. No, it's not. But a gurney I thought has wheels. Is it called a gurney when it's like lifted? Oh, a stretcher? A stretcher. They're stretchering this kid out for a bite wound? Well, I don't know. i could They're going to go check him out.
00:10:36
Speaker
Screw this, you guys. They don't need our help. Let's go get some hot dogs. Wait, we should maybe see about what's going on inside the store that's selling these things that are making people go crazy maybe a little bit before... ok but we get hot dogs afterwards. You got it, Captain.
00:10:51
Speaker
Great. You go in. Nate, what is the name of the store? Gamosaurus Racks.
00:10:58
Speaker
Great, so you walk your way to Gamasaurus Rex. ah There's a a giant blue dinosaur in a suit, and he's got big fake VR goggles on. And then there's another one that's like a Brontosaurus.
00:11:10
Speaker
guess the Brontosaurus can't really be using controllers. For first set, Bratosaurus has the VR goggles and there's a T-Rex with a little tiny controller in his hands as you walk into Gamosaurus Rex. Are there still people in the store?
00:11:24
Speaker
There are a few people left in the store, um but it's definitely looks like it looks like one of those stores that has been kind of swept clean because it had a huge line of people. don't know if you guys remember like when Harry Potter came out or like whenever anything, you know, like what shelves have been swept clean with the words like beeper babies written on them. And a lot of the stock shelves have been emptied.
00:11:43
Speaker
There's like a bit of things left over and there's lots like posters and stuff like that. Janet, what's a beeper, baby? I've never heard of it. But you like things with buttons and stuff. What?
00:11:53
Speaker
You like things with buttons and like cables and stuff. That is true. Yeah, let's ask, uh, let's ask up front. Hey, Jared. Hey, Janet.
00:12:04
Speaker
Have you ever seen one of these? I'm assuming you guys were just selling them, but we just saw a bunch of people with these outside. These, uh, these wall wristwatch toys. What? You guys don't know about beeper babies?
00:12:15
Speaker
It's like the new super cool trend, you guys. You're supposed to like get one and then you feed it and you raise it and it'll like help you with your classes and it'll like you can battle your friends and all other kinds of things. You guys don't have one You've never heard of I took this one off of a guy whose arm got bitten because he was going a little bit insane because of the beeping and the babying.
00:12:40
Speaker
When you say you took it, do you mean like you stole it from the kid? Chad, I might need a citizen's arrest here. Well, Jared.
00:12:50
Speaker
Jared, Jared, Jared. Uh, we didn't steal it. We prevented an, uh, An accident from being a worst accident.
The Toy's Influence and Omelette's Insight
00:13:02
Speaker
And we are here with it. And we have questions. Questions for you, Jared. I didn't do anything. You know, it's just our job. You know, the company comes here and they tell us to sell it. And it was really popular.
00:13:13
Speaker
um Don't take mine. And he like reaches up and he's like holding. He's got one too. This seems bad. um How long ago was the company here? i dont know, they came by a couple weeks ago, they said they were going to drop off stuff, and the stuff only came in like like yesterday, officially. Wait a second, weeks ago, and Jana didn't hear of it?
00:13:31
Speaker
I think you're lying. This is pre-internet, or early internet. She's a well-researched girl. Yeah, it has been kind of a busy couple weeks, Chad, with all the you know the other stuff going on with our extracurriculars, so I haven't actually been to the mall and...
00:13:49
Speaker
In quite a while. oh Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to like, um, like throw you under the bus in front of your friends and stuff. I'm sorry, Janet. Janet's friends with me. Um, I don't know.
00:14:02
Speaker
don't know what to do about this, guys. This seems really like messed up. do we We shouldn't buy our own, right? Well, we already have one. that we can take home and see if there's anything weird going on or, you know, anything like that. Wait, I have an idea.
00:14:22
Speaker
Let's take it and let's show it to... And then he's talking at a normal pitch, but then gets really quiet. Let's take it and show it to Paul. I am going to ah grab both boys with, like, my arm under their elbow creases and kind of storm out and call out, like,
00:14:41
Speaker
All right, Jared. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Thanks. And then kind of turn. Wait, do you guys don't want one or no? No, no, no. We got to go. Save me one. we're go We're going to share this one. Save me one, Jared.
00:14:52
Speaker
Stop talking about omelet. Chad, stop talking about omelet in front of other people. Are you kidding? I said it in my quiet voice. I said it in my quiet voice. And I could be talking about a very fancy egg treat.
00:15:03
Speaker
Do you think omelets are fancy, Chad? I think omelets are fancy because they make them for you and like you can add whatever topping you want. i want one and I went on a cruise with my dad once and like they had a fancy omelet bar. was really cool. Oh, okay. That makes sense I got to add onions and broccoli and like three different types of cheeses.
00:15:21
Speaker
Yeah. If you put fetta on an omelet, it's fancy. That's true. it's ah It's all about the toppings. That is true. ah Which one of you is holding the little device, by the way? Alfie. Alfie is still holding it.
00:15:34
Speaker
Yeah. Alfie, you hear a soft beeping coming from it and then a little crying noise. Oh, my God. Oh. I think I have to feed it. um I'm going to look at it and see if I can feed it. You look onto the onto it. It has a little tiny screen.
00:15:51
Speaker
It's a... It's a tiny ant is what it looks like. It's got a little tiny, like little, but it's like shiny. So it looks like it might be made out of metal. It's got little like sparkling moments on it. It's an old eight bit screen or whatever.
00:16:03
Speaker
And every now and then it looks at you and you see little tears up on its eyes and then it runs its little tummy. Like it's hungry. Oh no, little buddy. Uh, I don't, I've never, do I feed this thing?
00:16:14
Speaker
What do I, you guys help. Are you sure it's hungry? It's just a toy. We don't have to worry about it ah make Make a brains roll of ah five. Thirteen.
00:16:26
Speaker
You eventually push the little buttons and eventually just a little like tiny digital restaurant icon comes up and you push it. ah What kind of food comes out? For this little ant, what kind of food comes out? Yeah. It's 100% a hot dog.
00:16:39
Speaker
A little some digital hot dog comes out and Oh boy! Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. And a little tiny like smile comes out. Janet, the ant gets the hot dog and I don't get a hot dog. This is so unfair. I didn't tell you. and I didn't tell you you couldn't get a hot dog. It's literally all I said I wanted. Like, literally, Janet. and like Chad, there's no there's a hot dog shop.
00:17:00
Speaker
No. Five steps in destruction. I'm pointing. We're like literally standing outside one. The aunt got it before me. I'm going to pout. Chad pouts. Hot dogs. Hot dogs. We're all out of hot dogs. Why would you shout that?
00:17:14
Speaker
just letting people know ah Can we get hot dogs first and then go home? You can have a hot dog. i I have hot dogs. We have hot dogs in our fridge at home.
00:17:26
Speaker
Oh, you do? We need to get this thing home to show it to Omelette. You could have started with that, Janet. I'm letting you know Omelette's still in space. Shit. I don't actually
Janet's Communication with Iron Might
00:17:37
Speaker
know how to respond to that. didn't know that. Wow, we didn't know that. um Not still in my closet?
00:17:44
Speaker
Omelette ever tell us how we can... contact him if we need help with anything like ah know he gave us these super sweet fanny packs very very cool mm-hmm Yep, they definitely go with the look I'm trying to cultivate.
00:18:02
Speaker
People already don't think that I'm dark enough, and this is not going help. I'm going to have to draw a lot of pentagrams on this thing, okay? a You can do do whatever you need to. I think it looks good on you, actually. I think the colors do, too. But one way or another, we should figure out a way to get in touch with him.
00:18:19
Speaker
Because even even before this beeper baby thing, we have not talked about what just happened to the three of us. in outer space yeah yeah that that was a lot yeah and i think we should do it from your house the talking i mean yeah it'd be great to have somewhere private to talk about this also with hot dogs so do you have ketchup um It's been a day.
00:18:46
Speaker
you guys go to Janet's, or you guys want to go home? I want them to come to Janet's so we can talk about the space abduction. Literally abducted by aliens for the entire episode.
00:18:56
Speaker
It's true. I'm fairly certain my parents wouldn't notice if I was gone for three days. So, this is fine. And my dad trusts me.
00:19:07
Speaker
End of statement. ha but Then we won't worry about it. You guys ah make your way to your home. If I can set the stage, my mom's working. My little sister has ah soccer soccer practice. The house is empty.
00:19:21
Speaker
ah Probably a rare experience, since if you're not in school, your sister is probably there, or your mom is there. Yeah. You guys go to your living room. Yeah, we're actually we're actually going to go to the kitchen. yeah um I'm going to grab ah just a full eight-pack of hot dogs and throw it to Chad, and then...
00:19:40
Speaker
And say, you know you know how to use a stove, right, Chad? Yeah! Yeah, I do, Janet. Okay. Great. Make yourself some hot dogs while we talk about this. Awesome.
00:19:51
Speaker
Chad starts boiling some hot dogs. So if we look at the thing, is there any um marking or indication as to why it would cause someone to go absolutely bonkers?
00:20:03
Speaker
Or does it just look like a normal digital toy? As far as you can tell, it looks like a normal digital toy. You've never seen anything like these before. The whole name ah Beeper Baby is unfamiliar to you.
00:20:16
Speaker
So, but it's from what you can remember is you saw them stand outside and they pressed the two of them together and then they waited a little while and then they were fighting and then they went feral. ah So as you're pawing around through the little settings, there's like feed and play and sleep.
00:20:32
Speaker
You do see one of the options is battle. Janet, what if we make it battle? Well, I think we need two of them, and we didn't buy one from Jared. I did tell him to save me one. I'm gonna... can i can i Can I take a closer look at this? Yeah, go for it.
00:20:44
Speaker
I'm going to hold it, and, you know, I'm kind of turning it over with my hands, and while I do, I'm going to say to it, like, What secrets are you holding? And I'm kind of talking directly to the device.
00:20:57
Speaker
So we are going to activate one of our first character powers. I'm going to talk out of game for a second. um If you're listening, as I said, every one of my players was given a special power related to some aspect of their character when they ascended to a member of the...
00:21:14
Speaker
Galactic Union Division. Good. And Janet has the ability to talk to, once per session, a technical device um that can range from the most advanced 90s technology, a Casio watch, to the least sophisticated 90s technology,
00:21:29
Speaker
a Casio light switch. so ah those So Janet, when you start talking to it, what did you what did you say to him again? What secrets do you hold? ah Yeah, sure.
00:21:39
Speaker
Something like that. or Like a like genie wishing your way. You see this like blue energy kind of crackling around Janet as you're holding it, and eventually it courses around her and channels into the device, and you hear it go, Hi there!
00:21:51
Speaker
Is this my voice? ah yeah Yeah, I'm a little startled. um oh it can talk. You can talk. hi i'm Iron Might. Iron Might? Are you the the beeper baby?
00:22:04
Speaker
I'm a beeper baby. Okay, and and are you... We took you off. Andrew, do you know why he got so upset when you guys when you battled the other beeper baby? The last time I battled, I won.
00:22:16
Speaker
I kicked his ass. Does that help? Not really. We're trying to figure out why the boys wearing yourre wearing you were so angry. You were on the watch of the winner or the loser? I still can't and couldn't make out which one of them thought they won and which one of them thought they lost. Hey, I'll be this ah um Janet talking to herself. Is that a girl thing or a guts thing?
00:22:38
Speaker
i yeah I honestly don't know. i don't know a lot about girl things or Guds things. that You're right, me either. Guess we just listened. Yeah, are they are they aware of anything? Like, can they see the blue light? Can they hear the the robot? They saw the blue light, but they can't hear it talking. They just hear Janet talking right at it.
00:22:58
Speaker
um And then maybe just like a beeping or clicking or whirring. Well, um... My mom always says that if it is a girl's thing that I shouldn't ask about it, so I'm just gonna ignore it.
00:23:10
Speaker
I think that's the safest option. Maybe we make her an extra hot dog? It can't hurt. Okay. Probably can't hurt. Alright. Guys, can you can you be quiet? I'm trying to talk to the beeper baby. hot dogs for Janet, coming up.
00:23:22
Speaker
No, I don't want two hot dogs. Can I have a hot dog? Yeah, three hot dogs. Didn't I just feed you? I can't hear it. Damn it! Yeah.
00:23:32
Speaker
You can have a digital hot dog. What's his name? Might? Something might? Iron might. And he's got little cape on. He's like a little metal metal ant with a cape. Nice.
00:23:42
Speaker
Oh, right, right, right. It's a bug. I forgot about that. yeah um Well, dode is there anything else you can tell me that would be helpful about... what's going on or where why you guys are so popular all of a sudden, beeper babies?
00:23:55
Speaker
I'm popular because I'm cute. Okay. How do I turn you off? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That would be, that's murder, right? I'm going put it down face down on the table. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't, don't, don't need me. I'm lonely.
00:24:10
Speaker
And I can't, I like being near someone. Can you put me on? No, no, I don't think so. It's trying to, I don't know, I don't know what's happening, why this is talking to and you guys can't hear it, but I, it's trying to get me to put it on. It doesn't really seem to know anything useful though.
00:24:26
Speaker
it Three hot dogs for Janet, one hot dog for Alfie, and four for Chad. Here you go, guys. I'm going to hand them plates with their hot dogs made.
00:24:36
Speaker
Did you hear anything I just said, Chad? Uh, yeah. eight Yeah. Yes, you are having girl problems. Okay. Alfie, did you hear anything I just said?
00:24:50
Speaker
Um, I don't ask about girl problems. Can you guys actually hear me? I don't know, because I just talked to a robot and no one said anything, so ah um Wait, you said it wants you to put it on?
00:25:04
Speaker
What if um but if you do that and we just we're like right here, we're right next to you, and will if so if you go crazy, Chad will get that thing off you so fast. Right, Chad? Yeah.
00:25:19
Speaker
Easy. All right. I'm trusting you guys. I don't know why when Chad just handed me four hot dogs and ignored everything I said, but I'm going to put on the iron might. I handed you three. i have four just in case, but that's... I have one.
00:25:34
Speaker
We have to make sure the hot dog math is very consistent for this podcast. There um there are only eight hot dogs in a pack, and I counted that
Beeper Babies at School
00:25:43
Speaker
you guys handed out nine. Yeah.
00:25:46
Speaker
um Alternate universe, they come in packs of 10. you You put it on, and he he goes, cool. I'm Iron Might. Do you have a name? you can call me Janet. Hi, Janet. Can I also have a hot dog? Yeah, sure. I'm going to push the button to feed him a little digital hot dog again. Thanks.
00:26:02
Speaker
Okay, okay.
00:26:06
Speaker
I like you. You like me. I'm likable. I'm from the Heart and Hand Corporation. they just We just got released. Our whole purpose is to, like, you know, people get to feed us and play with us, and then they can battle their friends. Heart and Hand?
00:26:19
Speaker
Heart and Hand is kind of one of those huge holding companies that exists. It's kind of like Unilever or whatever you want to compare it to. So would we would we be aware of it? or you've You've seen Heart and Hand, but you've never, whatever the product is... What other products, DM, ah has Heart and Hand produced?
00:26:35
Speaker
Oh, uh, uh, heart and does, a baby oil called, um, slipping. Um, heart and hand also has a ah brand of bicycles called, uh, windschwebs. Um,
00:26:51
Speaker
And then ah they also have a a line of air airliner. like ah like ah They also have a whole like Boeing franchise. Oh my god. ah They make planes. um so Specifically parts.
00:27:03
Speaker
Airplanes. Bikes. Airplanes. Baby oil. but I'm sorry, you said Baby Isle. And Beeper Baby Toys.
00:27:14
Speaker
It's the new product. Tons of things on the line. Very specific. Their little franchise jingle is ah Heart in Hand. Giving it all with our heart in hand. Nice. Stuck the landing on that one. Well, that's very useful, Iron Might. Thank you.
00:27:28
Speaker
i will ask you if I have any other specific questions that need answering. I'm going to take a nap. cut it It is exhausting to have to listen to one of those things talk, guys. Let me tell you. Oh, so you were listening to it talk.
00:27:39
Speaker
Yes, I was listening to it talk. And it wasn't just like, ah oh, okay I will stop asking. Yeah, great. Thank you. Thank you. Alfie, it wasn't a girl problem.
00:27:50
Speaker
Can all girls do that when they're having girl problems? Yeah, can all girls do that? Yeah, Nate. Well, let me tell you. um This is the first time that's ever happened to me, and it's not a girl thing. Okay, guys, it's obviously a good thing.
00:28:07
Speaker
Oh. Remember Omelette? The robot we've been talking to for a week? Yeah. Your mind didn't go there before it went to girls having periods. We could hear it. Don't say it out loud. yeah Wow, wow, wow.
00:28:21
Speaker
The line, you crossed it. yeah You jumped it, leapt over it, sprinted. Oh my god, boys are so ridiculous. Okay. I'm gonna go upstairs to my room.
00:28:32
Speaker
You guys can come with me if you want. I don't care. Well, what? I don't know what else to do about this. I storm upstairs, leaving these two boys with silly looks on their face, not knowing what to do.
00:28:44
Speaker
I guess we should follow Alphie. Yeah, I don't know if we should all- I don't- I'm trying to figure out what else we can learn here about this, and if, you know, did anyone else notice that we were gone for a whole day? How would I know, Alfie? I was with you.
00:29:02
Speaker
That's true. I might need to go home. Okay, but we need to let Janet know she just went upstairs. We can't just leave her. Oh, she's she seemed a little mad about the whole, um, ah the um that thing.
00:29:18
Speaker
But I so i heard being- I shout from downstairs, period. going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm going to leave. Goodbye, Janet. Thanks for the hot dog.
00:29:29
Speaker
i think Alfie's going to bike home. Janet, I heard being mad is part of the period, so I'm going to go too. No, no, no. I hope you're okay. Take a nice bath.
00:29:42
Speaker
Have a good night. We'll see you tomorrow. Chad. Yeah. You you get you get home. Burst that door open. great And your dad is there. And he goes, oh, Chad.
00:29:53
Speaker
Daddy, yo, you're here. Where have you been? Chad, were you out? Were out with a girl? Look what I got. A pink fanny pack, daddy. It doesn't really go with your uniform, but if you want to keep your, you know, your quarterback gloves and your playbook and whatever else you need in there. This is where I can keep my things.
00:30:13
Speaker
i'm I'm sorry. I didn't get in last night for curfew, but um you're right. I was with the girl.
00:30:24
Speaker
i what Wait, no, I was with a girl. I was with a girl. Yeah. There was a girl there. Right. the The way you said that and then bursting in with a fanny pack like that, you know. there was also a boy.
00:30:37
Speaker
Okay, Chad. If, you know, whatever you need. You know, I get those calls. get when you have those long late night talks with Meatball. Well, it was a Meatball. It was another boy who was there.
00:30:49
Speaker
Oh, he's going to be devastated. Dad, you told me to be friends with everyone. But i I wanted to come home tonight because I couldn't miss spaghetti night. You're right, you're right. I did make spaghetti. If you want to go in the kitchen, it's still on the boiler.
00:31:02
Speaker
Why do you smell like hot dogs, though? Because I had a snack, Daddy. good All right, go feed yourself. Alfie, we're going to cut to you. You enter the home. Is it totally empty? ah Well, I'd say that they don't spend a lot of time in the east wing. They're mostly in the in the west wing of the house, of the manor, of the tower's manor. Great.
00:31:27
Speaker
So do you want to just slink in and try to get to your room? Well, I i would like to, as I'm passing by the main dining room, I'd like to pop in and knock and ask my father a question.
00:31:42
Speaker
ah Okay. Yeah, you know, God, this is important. This is a distinguished character. I've got to really decide. I can't just be British. yeah but Probably French, right, Paul?
00:31:54
Speaker
Alfred! Alfie, you knock on the doors, and you you you see your father ah sitting at the end of a large banquet table. um You are used to your father reading over not like you know newspapers, end of day clippings and things like that, and going over stuff, and he doesn't even look up when he hears the door come in.
00:32:14
Speaker
Uh, Dad, Father, I had a question that I wanted to ask about a company that's come to my attention.
00:32:25
Speaker
Alfred. How old are you? Fourteen. Can you speak with some confidence oh when you address me? i I believe that's what I'm doing.
00:32:36
Speaker
You're a Towers. Again. Father! No, the whole thing. Entrance. Come in through the door. Don't. Don't. Come on. Alfie goes back out. He delicately knocks again.
00:32:49
Speaker
Father! Sorry, Father! I have a question about a company that's recently come to my attention. Impressed by that.
00:33:00
Speaker
I was wondering when you'd actually start taking an interest in things. Real things. What do you want to know? Sure. I want to know what you know about a company called the Heart in the Hand?
00:33:16
Speaker
Heart in hand, H&H. Yeah, they trade pretty frequently. oh I wouldn't say they've been an unsuccessful investment. I put a little bit of money into them. They operate out of the city as one of their major locations. What do you what do you want to know about it Well, they just released um ah a new IP, and um I was wondering how much you knew...
00:33:40
Speaker
about it tell me more about what's this ip is it something i should do you think i should be putting some money into i'm surprised by this and he like folds up the paper he's actually really engaged um at the way you're talking to him oh god oh um um it's uh it's a it's a kid's toy called baby beepers The minute you say kid's toy, he immediately just reaches back to the newspapers like, Alfred, I thought children's toys, what we talking about? Well, it seemed like it sold really well. It was flying off the shelves the last time that I saw it. I've seen it on a lot of people's
00:34:18
Speaker
wrists, I just wanted to know more about the, the product and the, the company that makes it. And I figured you, you're the, you're the guy, you're the man who knows all the businesses in Silver Ridge. Flattery's not gonna get this toy on your Christmas wish list.
00:34:35
Speaker
If that's what you're after. I don't want on the... That's not what I meant. No, sir. That's not what I want. God, you just don't understand sometimes. And it makes me so mad. Look me in the eye when you want to talk to me about something like that.
00:34:45
Speaker
What were you saying? Hmm? I was... I just... I feel like you're treating me like a child. And I'm not a child anymore. Okay, I'm making decisions for myself, and I just wanted to ask you a question, father to son, and I can see why that was a big mistake, because you just don't understand, and I don't need your help, I'm going to my room.
00:35:11
Speaker
And he slams the door. We're going to push through ah to the next Monday. ah School is in session. It's ah Monday morning, you guys are getting ready to go to class.
Preventing a Lunchroom Fight
00:35:21
Speaker
ah Ivana, what class do you guys all have together Monday morning? Tainite products?
00:35:26
Speaker
Tie-dye, which is actually seems like something that would would be a class in the ninety s by the way. um So this teacher has asked each of you to bring in an object ah to tie-dye. Alfie, what did you bring? Alfie brought in just a plain black t-shirt, and he's hoping to only use um black and gray dyes.
00:35:49
Speaker
Alfred, man, this is a ah choice. You know, I believe in expression and I believe in however you want to like, you know, talk and show yourself. This is a freewheeling pass fail class.
00:36:00
Speaker
You do know that a black on black is not going to tie as well as it dies, my man. Yep. It's- it's all- it's more- so it's about the subtlety, um, and the- the depth of focus within the- the- Here's- here's the thing, uh, Mr. Cartier, I don't, um, I don't like color, and this is- this a tough class for me, and I'm- I'm trying, and- Oh, sorry, you just reminded me of my dad for a second. It's fine! Hey, man, most of us have dads, dude.
00:36:39
Speaker
It happens to all of us, man. So, hey, you go play with your blacks and your ebony's and your charcoals and your... Oh, shit, I can't think of any other shades of black.
00:36:51
Speaker
ah Onyxes. Onyxes. A lot of stones, my guy. And you you you find whatever you need back there. Thanks. I'm proud of you. Oh, God. Chad! Yay, Cardi!
00:37:03
Speaker
What do you have for us today, ma'am? Oh, um... Chad actually forgot to bring an object, but... Chad pivots real quick. So he's gonna look down at his fanny pack, open it, and take out a metal spoon.
00:37:17
Speaker
I brought a metal spoon! Chad. Okay, Chad. why don't you ah Why don't you just dye another pair of your socks again? Well, well I thought the spoon could have some subtlety and the depth of focus of color that I like color. it So maybe we can see what color stays on a metal spoon.
00:37:47
Speaker
Chad, you're a real scientist, man. Yeah. um I want you to go back and have the time of your life back there. Thank you. Only because you gotta do something. Can you dye another one of your socks today, bud? Oh, yeah, Garty.
00:37:57
Speaker
Thanks, bro. Bye. facebook but Janet, you're walking in, and as you're walking in the door, your little, uh, the watch, uh, begins to beep on your, um, your arm. great. I'm gonna, uh, look at it.
00:38:10
Speaker
It's not talking to you because you can't use your power again, um but it's got the little food icon, uh, floating above his head. Ugh. I'm gonna click the button to beat it, and say, I don't understand why people think this is fun.
00:38:21
Speaker
It's so annoying. Ha ha ha. Little hot dog comes down and goes, yeah maybe maybe maybe maybe i ah I'm gonna kind of speed walk over into a corner with Alfie and Chad and try to like huddle up.
00:38:35
Speaker
Are you tie-dying socks again, Chad? Well, i I had the innovative idea to bring a spoon, a metal spoon. But Cardi said to do my socks.
00:38:47
Speaker
Yeah. Right. Yep. Yeah. Cool. Well, good try. As you guys are looking around the room, you do notice that there are few other people who are wearing those toys.
00:38:57
Speaker
ah One that you know is Alice Bernadetto Jr. The daughter? Oh, wow. I really hope that the mom isn't in this high school class.
00:39:09
Speaker
He's got a crutch on Mr. Cartier. I'm auditing the class. I forgot that's what her voice was.
00:39:18
Speaker
g Janet, look, it's Alice Junior? Yeah, I think she just goes by Alice, but I see her. ah you If your mom's name is Alice and your name is Alice, are you a junior? think we just both go by Alice, guys. It's not that hard. Anyway, the point is, Janet... Wait, I think Alice is a sophomore. I
00:39:44
Speaker
that was That was actually what I thought Paul was saying at first. I was a little confused. But also, who's on first? Janet, look, what if we if we just battle Alice now? I don't think Mr. Cartier is like really going to be paying attention to what we're doing with the tie-dyeing.
00:40:04
Speaker
um That's true. He is a very, very irresponsible teacher. He doesn't supervise us at all. I think he's currently looking at butterflies outside the window right now.
00:40:15
Speaker
just got How do they float? Someone's got to do the math, man. Yeah, hey, hey, Alice. Alice. I'm waving to her. I'm trying not to make her voice just the same. Okay, wait, well how do I do this? ah Hey, Janet.
00:40:29
Speaker
ah be She could just be a normal girl. Hey, Alice. um Hey, I was wondering, I haven't actually done a beeper baby battle, but do you want to battle me? Is that is that how this works? i don't know. You never beeper baby battled?
00:40:46
Speaker
Janet, you've never beeper baby battled before? Do we just do we just do? I'm like kind of clicking around on the watch while I talk. Do I just click battle here? Or like, what do I what do I do? Janet, Janet, Janet, janet janet janet can we pull you aside first? Hi, Alice.
00:41:00
Speaker
Hi, Alice. Nice to see you there. hi hi Chad. Yeah, great. Yeah. Wow. Janet. Yeah, Alice. We'll be right back and kind of turn and huddle up with these guys. Janet, I don't know if I should ah but need to remind you of this, but last time this happened, one of the boys took a bite out of the other boys arm.
00:41:20
Speaker
And you have nice teeth. Yeah, but if you had been there, thank you, first of all. You're welcome. But Alice has sharp teeth. And, you know, all that ice cream, it does a lot of damage.
00:41:32
Speaker
That's true. I heard some boys calling her the Wolverine the other day. Exactly. It was me. I started that rumor, actually. But yeah. so That's... it Chad, you gotta stop doing that. That's really mean.
00:41:45
Speaker
Look at them. They're shut up. You don't know... do not understand how hard it is to be a teenage girl, Chad. We don't need boys bullying us. We already bully each other, okay? yeah They are spears.
00:41:58
Speaker
Those are not spears.
00:42:03
Speaker
ah Chad, shh. Stop it. but Focus.
00:42:10
Speaker
I just, just come. you You know the thing you did with the foreheads yesterday? You pushed them right apart. Yes, remember. Just be ready to do that if she tries to bite me. Okay, well, let's declare, let's declare me the referee. She weighs like, she's way smaller than Andrew Dungarees.
00:42:26
Speaker
That's true. I'm sure you can, do you you don't think that you can hold back Alice? No, Alice. Huh? I shouldn't. um You can hold the girl back. No, Alfie, we need one of you on either side, yeah just in case.
00:42:40
Speaker
Sure, but I just want to remind you guys that the last time I fought a girl, um I'm pretty sure I almost died. And I don't really want to repeat that ever.
00:42:51
Speaker
And I'm still a little shook up about it, you know what I mean? So, like, if she smells nice the way Jackie did, I'm all i'm going to freak out. i'm just go I'm telling you, I'm going to freak out. But, yeah, i can grab her.
00:43:03
Speaker
I don't think she smells that good, Alfie. Yeah. And that is not a rumor that should be repeated. I'm just saying, her mom smokes a lot of cigarettes, and I think she kind of smells like cigarettes, so don't worry. She's cigarette Wolverine.
00:43:14
Speaker
All right, I'm going to turn and go back to Alice and say, um Chad and Alfie really want to watch because they also have a never beanie baby battle. Never.
00:43:25
Speaker
You've never beeper baby battled? Never. So they're going to just come, they're going to come stand really close and watch. You're a beeper baby battle baby? Yeah, they're beanie baby battle babies. I'm not a baby.
00:43:38
Speaker
I'm Chad. They're both Beanie Baby Battle Babies. Okay. I'm going to click around to the battle button and be like, all right, Alice, you tell me how this works.
00:43:51
Speaker
Her Beanie Baby is called the Rasslin' Raccoon. Yes. It's just a raccoon that's wearing a wrestling singlet. What? Oh, they're not all ants? Huh? I thought they were all bugs. You didn't? know No. No, they aren't. You, in fact, didn't find out what the other one that um Fred Chairs has had. That's right. Yes.
00:44:08
Speaker
Chairs. But you she goes up, and you you have this moment where you, like, you plink them together. They have these little, um like, plus-minus icons on them, and you push your little watches together. And then when you pull out, you see these little, like, over-animated things, and you see your little, like, Iron Might...
00:44:23
Speaker
dancing and like throwing little punches at the other one and you watch over and you see the little wrestling raccoon pick up a chair and he's like trying to like wail on whatever and eventually the little hit uh hit uh hp bar goes down can you roll a d6 for me do i get to use anything or no this is just a flat battle against hers see who wins it's a three she got a four oh bo can i use adversity tokens Yes!
00:44:46
Speaker
i'm gonna i'm gonna use ah I'm gonna use one Inferacity token and make it a tie. You make it a tie. um Both of the hit points go down down to zero. And you hear this little like fight music play from both of the watches.
00:45:00
Speaker
What's the fight music? And you look down and you see her little Iron Mida now has like a big bandage over its head. she like goes, oh man, good fight, we tied. yeah is that does that happen a lot? I didn't know that was a thing.
00:45:12
Speaker
Yeah, it's a fight that you either win, lose, or tie. All right, just just asking. ah and Again, again, chat likes to watch a girls fight. Oh, Mike, I can't. I have to feed it and let it sleep. It's it's low on health.
00:45:27
Speaker
and But that's why you guys should get one, because then you can i so you can all battle together. Alice, do you have an urge? Do you have some sort of overwhelming urge to maybe sink your teeth into... Immediately you hit a soft spot, Julie.
00:45:42
Speaker
People have been calling me Alice Allmouth since I was in middle school. Why would you even bring that up? No, Wolverine hasn't gone around. Okay. I didn't... know I have to have a lot of ice cream and it's caused a lot of damage to my teeth. I'm really sorry to hear that, Alice.
00:45:58
Speaker
I know that kids can be really cruel. They can! Especially Alfie! Wait, wait, wait! Chad's dipping his sock in the tie-dye. Oh no.
00:46:10
Speaker
I don't know how you try that. Wait. I don't know how you like an Easter egg. Straight in the egg. Chad's just come out brown. and just because it's just like you keep dipping the thing into different dyes over and over again. That didn't work.
00:46:26
Speaker
No,
Mysterious Developments and Outro
00:46:27
Speaker
it didn't. Hey, hey Alice. Yeah. Have you seen anyone else get into, like, physical fights when they're using the beeper babies and battling the beeper babies? No, but I heard about that thing that happened at the mall.
00:46:39
Speaker
I heard they were fighting over some other thing, though. I don't think it has to do with the, like, beeper baby. No, we were there. They were fighting over the beeper babies. really? i didn't I thought it was some kind of an argument about like one got stepped on the other one's shoe or something. You think they fought over the beeper baby? Yeah, Andrew thought his beeper baby won the battle, and and I guess, I don't know, they fought about it. so Weird.
00:47:02
Speaker
It was explicitly right after our beeper baby battle, so not really any room for doubt there, Alice. She ah she looks down it, and she seems a little concerned with her thing. She goes, well, i'll I'll let you know if I hear anything. Thanks, yeah, that'd be great.
00:47:13
Speaker
I'll see you practice. Oh, yeah, yes yeah, see cheerleading. by alice We really appreciate it Alice. Thank you. She stares at you, Alfie. Well, guys, that was not very useful.
00:47:24
Speaker
but you guys tied. I wonder if it would have been a better use of time if we didn't die. Maybe we should try it again. Hey, oh wait, and all so wait Alice said no. Yeah, we asked if we could fight her again.
00:47:37
Speaker
um i think you're i think your battle be bee big bear but you baby baby baby but bear has to rest and eat. I'm sorry, Alfie, I didn't understand. What was that? No, he got it right.
00:47:49
Speaker
Um, is my beeper baby ready to go again? Uh, it's got a little, it's still got its little bandage on its eye and a little, like, little ant and a little cartoon sling. I guess we should find another fairly small person who has one of these.
00:48:03
Speaker
Well, I don't, think I don't think that Iron Might is ready to fight again to battle. Okay, then, then let's find two small people and then we'll make them battle in a classroom.
00:48:14
Speaker
Alice has battled before and she's never taken bites out of people. she didn't say she didn't tie the other times before. hey Alice. I'm going to make Alice come back over.
00:48:25
Speaker
Hey, what's up? Hi, Alice. Thanks for coming back. Really appreciate your time. Alfie, make a charm roll of six. Really appreciate your time. Oh, no. It's a normal way for 14-year-olds to communicate.
00:48:35
Speaker
That's a straight one. Alice just blows right past Alfie and even shoves him a little bit with her shoulder. So she ends up standing in front of him with her back turned to him I enjoyed that. Alice,
00:48:52
Speaker
like yeah I like how the dynamic is coming out like we all kind of hate each other. Alice, you were talking about winning and losing and tying. Have you ever won a beeper baby battle?
00:49:04
Speaker
Yeah, I've won a few. um You know, there's only like six of them, so i've tried to fight all of them at least once. Have you ever lost a beeper a beeer babyby battle Yeah, I lost to Nikki's Comatose. Comatose. Did you name all six of these, Paul? Yeah. Wow. so Um...
00:49:25
Speaker
God, what's that fucking kid's name? Chairses? Freddy Chairs? Fred Chairses. Chairses? do Yeah, Fred Chairses. do you know which beeper baby Fred Chairses has? No, i haven't seen I haven't talked to him since he just got it that first day.
00:49:41
Speaker
the Chairseses! Chairseses. um When Chad announces that, the bell goes off. All right, kids, I'll be here next week. You can pick up your little inventions and your creative things.
00:49:52
Speaker
Remember your homework. Find something at home and diet and see how long until your parents notice. Bye, guys. Bye, Mr. Cardi. You guys are wandering the hall.
00:50:04
Speaker
Now that you've seen these things around, you start to identify like a lot of kids in this school have them. um Now, and not a whole lot of news goes on, but eventually during the lunch period, ah you guys see two kids are playing. What are the names of those two kids, please? Tucker, what's one of them? ah they ah One of the kids' name is Simon Caldwell. And then Ivana, who's a member of the football team? Rosalind Rosé Smith, nicknamed Rosé. So you guys see Simon and Rosé battling in the lunchroom. And there is, you kind of feel that electric moment. It's very similar to what happened the last time.
00:50:44
Speaker
You kind of did like the energy change. The kids start to scream a little bit more and you see it in the undercurrent and they're fighting. What do you guys do right before anything starts to really go down? going just say, Chad, Chad, they're fighting again. Do something. I got this.
00:50:56
Speaker
Chad is going to yell at hopefully Meatball, who is in this in the room. Okay. And yell, Meat assist! like a power Like a team power-up, essentially, but just yelling, Meat assist!
00:51:10
Speaker
And then he's going to run and try to hold one of the kids back. Okay, first, I need you to make a charm roll of six to get Meatball... um to even see if meatball reacts to you seven great meatball instinctively hears the call and knows what's going on and he runs to like to your assistants to help you but when he does kind of piece together you feel there's like a little bit of like a frustration with you but he's still calling you know you're still his his quarterback he knows what to do what do you need from me show the other one back they're about to fight you got it uh make a uh make a fight roll please
00:51:44
Speaker
17. two of you easily pull the two. You see that moment where one of them is about to lunge and Meatball catches him midair and just kind of grabs him and a Footloose lifts him above his head. say How do you want to stop the other guy? ah I'm just going to drag him.
00:51:58
Speaker
I'm assuming they're on a table. I just wanted to add that first. Do it. detail context uh so i'm just gonna drag him off the table sticking my arms under his armpits like both arms under both armpits and just drag him back great you hold him back uh they're like flailing and screaming at one another ah you see on uh rose's hand you recognize it's got the same pattern as the one as nate's It's got that same little iron mite decal on the outside, and you start to piece together at each one of these on the outside of the watch.
00:52:31
Speaker
It has, like, matches, whatever type it is. Meepaw, what kind of, uh, what kind of beeper baby does Simon have? I'm having a hard time. I'm kind of just holding him above my head. i don't really have a great view.
00:52:43
Speaker
Is he holding him like a pizza? and I'm holding him like the girl from that movie. He's having the time of his life. LAUGHTER As you look and you say that, Alfie, though, you look across the lunchroom and you see something, someone you didn't expect to see again.
00:53:03
Speaker
You see, with black boots and a streak in her hair, is Jackie Swunch sitting at a lunch table. Don't you do this to me. Talking to a bunch of other kids who are wearing the beeper babies.
00:53:15
Speaker
What? Oh.
00:53:26
Speaker
Damn that swanch girl. What is she up to? Find out next time on Beat Our Quest. Anyway, um, hey, thanks for listening to this episode. We really appreciate it.
00:53:41
Speaker
I would like to give a special shout out to our game master, Paul Emrich, and a huge shout out to the Rebel Kicks for making that awesome intro-outro music that you guys hear.
00:53:52
Speaker
If you like what we do here, please leave a like and a review because it really helps us spread this to the masses. You know what I mean? Like the plague. Everyone loves a good plague. Um, that's all for now.
00:54:05
Speaker
We really appreciate you guys.