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Season 1 Episode 14: Party Fouls & Teddy Bears
29 Plays28 days ago
We weren't even invited to this party and now we're in charge of saving it? What kind of party fouls are we going to run into? Join us for our penultimate episode this season!
This is a fully improvised TTRPG campaign using the Kids on Bikes system where we test the limits on how much flexibility our players can have.
Starring:
- Tucker Dally Johnston as 'Alfie Towers'
- Ivana Mendez as 'Chad Brewers'
- Nate Valentine as 'Janet JC. Cromwell'
- Paul Emrich as 'Game Master'.
- Music provided by 'Rebel Kicks'.
Email us at BeatOurQuest@Gmail.com or find us on most social media @BeatOurQuest.
Join our Discord at: https://discord.gg/3GAJ8NPvvF
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Transcript
Intro to Beat Our Quest
00:00:11
Speaker
This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
00:00:23
Speaker
Ivana Maria Mendez Bubble as Chad Boers. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
00:00:37
Speaker
Let's get right
Nightmare Parent Party
00:00:38
Speaker
into it. Last time, the Still Life Photography Club, I guess we're calling you that, went with Trixie Steele to Jackie Swunch's house to help out with some kind of a nightmare parent party situation. They get there, they find that people are being captured by a machine, and they're being turned into these small placards and glowing orbs.
00:00:56
Speaker
um This is because they are make passing some kind of violations or party fouls, according to this robotic chaperone that Jackie built, who's capturing their fellow classmates.
Captured by the Machine
00:01:06
Speaker
We join you now discussing if you wanted to step outside to find out who the chaperone just captured.
00:01:14
Speaker
We could probably deal with that one, like, last, maybe? Last! Last. last I agree. Well, I mean, we know... know something happened out there. We're just going to walk around blindly until we find somebody else?
00:01:32
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds good to me. I mean, we know he's going upstairs. So I think we're okay downstairs. Might be a good time to sneak outside while he's distracted upstairs.
00:01:45
Speaker
That's also a good point. Fine. Okay, we can go
Car Search for Clues
00:01:50
Speaker
outside. But we're going to tell her that you wanted to save her first. She won't she won't believe you. It's fine. Tell her you want Yeah, let's go outside and look looks through the wreckage of Trixie's car to see if we can find a ah placard around the surrounding area.
00:02:13
Speaker
Question for us out of game, but in game, how sure are we that there's no one else in this house? Do we know? Not even a little bit. You players don't know ah character like they characters. I did give you the promise because Nate asked if he could get on his armor.
00:02:30
Speaker
um And the idea being like to conceal you guys from wandering around. And the the kind of out of meta promise I gave you guys was that nobody was going to see you ah as yourselves wandering around.
00:02:45
Speaker
um You don't know that there's nobody else hiding. Exactly. No, I mean like another bad being or like another ghost robot or whatever that is. Nothing outside of the trust that Jackie Swunch wouldn't deceive you.
00:03:04
Speaker
She's kind of asked you to help her. You do see the car that has been compacted. You would have to snoop around and examine it and look around to see if you want to try to find a placard. Yes.
00:03:18
Speaker
I would like to move quickly and do that before that thing comes downstairs.
Interrogating the Microwave
00:03:23
Speaker
And I'm keeping watch at the door. I'm going to run to the car and inspect it. Great. Make a brains roll of six.
00:03:29
Speaker
Great. Let me look at my brains. Brains roll of six. I will roll my d twenty And I rolled a three. you Brains roll. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Brains roll of six, you said? Yep.
00:03:44
Speaker
I'm going to blow all three of my adversity tokens that I have from last session and find that dang placard. you You go through. What you do know is there is no placard inside of the car.
00:03:54
Speaker
In fact, what you note is you do see that the glove compartment has, in fact, been left open. And Chad did almost assuredly take Trixie's driver's registration, like he said he did, directly out of that car. That's that's the only joy I can bring you from that that search.
00:04:14
Speaker
Okay. there's ah There's no placard, guys. Chad, are you hanging out by the door? Yeah. Can you make a brains roll of six? No. No. Alphie, are you with... Chad, are you with Alphie?
00:04:26
Speaker
Yeah, I'd say I'm probably with Chad if Janet went to go... Are you... What are you doing? Are you making... Are you looking out or are you... ah ah watching what is what is alfie doing in this moment i think he because when we entered the back we immediately were in like the kitchen area he's kind of just eyeing the microwave great to remind you the microwave has a bag of chips in it that you put for 20 minutes oh no and it's got these big googly eyes watching you did alfie start another fire
00:05:00
Speaker
First of all, there was definitely Chad. But thank you for- No, didn't you get in fire in home ec? No, bernie well, i did I did do that. I'm saying Chad put the chips in. Oh, I see. I see. Yeah, but no fire has been had yet. I think yet is the operative word there. Yeah.
00:05:22
Speaker
Oh. I rolled a two. Yeah. Chad, you don't see anything as
Descent into the Basement
00:05:30
Speaker
you're as you're watching Janet surveying the outside. You don't see anything out of the ordinary. And eventually. But it's. Wait. And the outside or on the inside? Well, I assume you were watching the outside, right? Like Alfie's watching the inside with the kitchen.
00:05:45
Speaker
Yeah. ah So as you're surveilling the outside, you don't see anything. You don't you don't notice anything either. It's a beautiful night. Should we go back in and and just keep searching?
00:05:56
Speaker
You know, as quick as possible so we can interact as little as possible with the um the creepy chaperone man. Let's do that. ah And we go back into the the kitchen?
00:06:10
Speaker
um I'm going to treat this like a surprise game where I'm going to have the chaperone slowly wandering around in rooms, checking out the building. If you run into him, you get to have a friendly conversation with him and maybe explain why you're still there. no um You might not pick the same room he's in.
00:06:27
Speaker
In fact, you might pick a room he's not going to at all. So you should be okay. But there's a chance you run into them based on what room you decide to go in. I don't feel like making you guys do flight rolls over and over and over again. but Maybe if you guys try to do something insane to try to sneak around, or if it goes on too long.
00:06:42
Speaker
We would never. We're always so decisive. So
Escape and Heroics
00:06:47
Speaker
we're... That is we're in the kitchen quality. Hey, um... hey um miss Mr. Microwave?
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah? Um, did you, is there a, did you see a a kid get, like, zapped into a ball in here, around here? Can I take this out of my mouth?
00:07:06
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to press cancel because I'm terrified of the house fire here. Pops the thing out and he goes, huh ah Yeah, I did! And then all the kids ran! Yep, that makes that makes sense. Did you see a little a little placard that the chaperone dropped somewhere?
00:07:24
Speaker
Maybe! Do you... will you... tell us for free?
00:07:34
Speaker
I don't know. You took away the one thing I wanted, which was something in my food tummy hole. So. All right, guys. It's okay. I got this.
00:07:45
Speaker
Chad's going to slam the door close and put it for two minutes. Nothing in it. No, with the chips that are still in it. Sorry, the fuck bag of chips that is still in it. Flamin' hot heatos are the... The flaming hot heatos that are in it. We have lore-approved chips. Yeah. I think, wait, what is... You made some other version that was like... Flaming hot sour cream or something. Oh, yeah.
00:08:15
Speaker
Mmm. I didn't know I wanted this fantasy snack food until now, but yeah, no, that was real. Oh, wait, no, the wrapping is still on this. Oh, it's got to, oh, this starting to hurt. There you Alfie. Now he's on a timer. Question him harder. Um, we're gonna, um, you, hey you better tell us where the placard is or, or it's, it's curtains for, it's short circuits for you. Yeah.
00:08:43
Speaker
Okay, make a charm roll of four against this microwave. Things you never thought you'd say, even as a DM, huh, Paul? God, i love I love DMing. That's a two.
00:08:56
Speaker
Just going to add that failure to my adversity tokens. rather die um and then he just starts speeding the microwave up more and more and starting to make more noise okay so we better start looking around the kitchen for a placard immediately and then get the fuck out of there uh to remind you ah some of the the one things that was odd about the kitchen um was the uh inconsistent amount of dip they're these old school wooden barrels of chips that are out and about and they're overflowing and then there's a single bowl of dip that has been scraped completely clean Can I check around the oddly empty dip for a placard? Again, make another brains roll a five to look for it. My brains. Oh, I will also take my D20. Hefty D20. Brainy, brainy, brainy.
00:09:45
Speaker
Eighteen. Wow. Impressive. Very quickly as you're digging up these things and you move some away, you eventually pick up the bowl and underneath the bowl... ah you find one of the placards with the words, unsanitary biological contamination via reuse.
00:10:02
Speaker
Ah. Someone's been double dipping. Also, a classic party foul. He got so whoever this was double dipped and got turned into a ball. These rules are hardcore, you guys. Yeah, I don't know if I would lock someone up in jail for double dipping. I mean, i don't really like it, but.
00:10:24
Speaker
That's very reasonable. I would have been in jail a long time ago. Well, is it still double dipping if you like take the chip and you dip it and then you reverse the chip and then you put it back in, but it's on a different side that hasn't touched me. That's still double dipping. Like what are the rules? You know? Absolutely not. That's why I just ah always bring my own dip wherever I go.
00:10:43
Speaker
What flavor did you bring today? Today, I take out a little ah sandwich baggie of dip. Jesus Christ. That's not just loose in your pocket, Salphie? Every now and then you've earned pity, and then another episode you deserve nothing. Yeah, bully him harder. Bullying harder. Salphie, that kid who showed up with the Ziploc bag full of ketchup... Gross. There is ketchup in here. It's my special sauce. It's ah ketchup and mayonnaise and ah ah my secret ingredient is hoisin.
00:11:20
Speaker
What? That's how delicious. I know, right? You guys want some dip? Hoisin? Yeah. Wait a second. Chad's going to unplug the microwave. No, wait. I had a family.
00:11:33
Speaker
Holy shit. Damn. You killed him. He's going to take out his chips and dip them in the dip. Considered anyone who's just going to unplug the microwave.
00:11:45
Speaker
i didn't think about it. i fucking love this game. Okay, good, go on. um Anyway, that was a fun ah shit tangy dip tangent, but let's keep searching for more missing children.
Placards and Rituals
00:12:01
Speaker
All right, so we have two. Yep. Have we gone into the living room yet? No, let's go in there. It was really scary, right? Because there was like the TV was like crackling or something or there was radio. Yeah.
00:12:18
Speaker
And the floor is carpet, but they also have a rug above that. Why? Weird. Super weird. That's how you know they're aliens. but Great.
00:12:29
Speaker
I don't like the way you said great. The living room has been adjusted. All of the chairs, there's like chairs that are all different types because you've got like chairs from the 50s, you've got wooden chairs, you've got beer, not beer stairs, but like bar stools and like that. They've all been pushed aside and they're all eclectic because somebody has set up ah the only table that anyone can find to set up for beer pong.
00:12:50
Speaker
The one thing you do note is that the beer pong table is over a shag rug, which is just like the worst idea that somebody had. Yeah. And you watch it as somebody, as one of you guys walks by, one of the cups drops onto the shag rug and it kind of envelops it and pulls it into itself. Oh no.
00:13:08
Speaker
So, oh sorry, are there kids playing beer pong? No, clearly people were playing beer pong at some place in this room. It's kind of the scene of like, have you ever seen those videos of like abandoned grocery stores or malls?
00:13:20
Speaker
Sure. there's there' they're like There's like a weird spooky energy of like going into a house that's been abandoned where like people just left because there are like purses still there and there are like...
00:13:32
Speaker
Sorry, you said the rug swallowed the cup. You watched a cup. It was one of you guys is walking past the table. um You knock and it kind of like you watch as the shag kind of just grows over it and condenses and pulls the a little plastic cup into it.
00:13:46
Speaker
Are we currently standing on that? No, no, no, no, no. it's it's It's a weird shag rug that kind of, for whatever reason, somebody was like, oh, we'll put the table here. It's like balances on top of it. So nobody touched the shag.
00:13:59
Speaker
Do we think the placard is on the table or in one of the cups? Because beer pong is fun and my dad doesn't like it. I wouldn't think so.
00:14:11
Speaker
They aren't going to be bigger than a cup, so you would be able to see if one of them was sitting out of the top of it. Okay. And it's not on the table. Do we see a placard on the table at all?
00:14:23
Speaker
You'd have to get closer to look. Would we have to touch the shag carpet? Yeah, that is definitely my main question. You can think about it. You can figure out a ways. You're creative.
00:14:34
Speaker
um I am going to take a... i don't have purse, but i have a backpack. I'm going to just take one. the The top thing I have in there is like a little protein bar, snack bar, and I'm going to toss it on the shag rug.
00:14:49
Speaker
ah it does the same thing. It kind of like crutches and crutches and it pulls the wrapper off of the the protein bar and kind of consumes the wrapper. But the protein bar sort of sits there. on house That's so much worse. laughter laughter
00:15:07
Speaker
Um, okay, well, it doesn't really look safe to step on. on i don't know. Chad, you're familiar with Beer Pong. Can you see anything that looks out of place on the table without touching the shed? Wait a second.
00:15:20
Speaker
I have an idea. i think we would be fine to step on it if we don't have our shoes on it. Because Chad is protein, baby. And the protein bar was left alone.
00:15:35
Speaker
ah I don't know, Chad. you got um do you have enough confidence to risk getting swallowed up by the rug? Just wait and see. Chad's going to take off his shoes and step on the rug. no i wasn't ready for everyone to go Tootsie Commando. Chad, you get a couple steps onto the rug and you feel the sensation of the carpet tendrils kind of rubbing and tickling your feet. And they wrap over your feet just for a second. Yeah.
00:16:03
Speaker
And it's almost the feeling of those aquarium videos of the little fish that they use to clean stuff. As your feet are picked entirely clean of any kind of like sock residue or grime. um You were exactly right. the the The carpet doesn't consume living matter.
00:16:25
Speaker
And you're able to walk up to the table. And as you get there, you do see a placard that is lying flat against the table. like me Grab it and bring it back. and Chad is the the brains of the group this week.
00:16:36
Speaker
Well, Janet, I wouldn't. I don't know your diet, so I wouldn't step on the rug. I don't know how much protein you have in you. And there's our Jed. Only I was able to do it. This conversation is bordering on gross, so I'm going to move past it.
00:16:53
Speaker
but To give you a little more of an honest perspective, you find when, Chad, you've been to a lot of parties and stuff like that. This isn't a beer pong party. yeah This is definitely more of a punch bowl party where people are using like a, um what is it? What was it called where you put all the liquor into a big Tupperware bowl? Like Jungle Juice? Jungle Juice. like They're playing like a Jungle Juice drinking game. yeah So when you get up to the... the Like Kink's Cup? Well, it's still probably set up like a drinking game of some kind, but they're not playing with beer cans. They've been playing with some kind of ah like a punch that they put liquor in. Oh, God, that's so much more dangerous. Because when you get up to whatever the punch is, it just stinks of alcohol. Oh, it's poison. And ah you see the the placard says the words nutritional sabotage and caloric tampering.
00:17:38
Speaker
Oh! Nutrition? I don't. So one of you going have to figure it out. But look, look at the placard. Someone, someone spiked the punch. I think the chaperone set out a punch bowl.
00:17:51
Speaker
um And then some, some, you know, straight up dirt bag ah put, put liquor in it. Someone, someone spiked the punch. Why would they do that? What? Why? That's not nice. Someone one put that juice together. The punch. For fun.
00:18:09
Speaker
Well, it is a party. That's why stick to beer, you guys. You gotta to be respectful. Sometimes, if a parent puts out a punch, it's just for you to drink it, like a nice-tasted beverage.
00:18:21
Speaker
Chad, I want you to write a ah book of just, like, your your code of conduct, because it's fascinating. Well, we're up to three or four placards now.
00:18:35
Speaker
Four, right? Four? Three. Oh, because there wasn't one outside. There wasn't one outside. Yeah, okay. We still have to check the garage. And, you know, if we find batteries, cool. And if we don't...
00:18:48
Speaker
You know, no skin off my back, you know what i mean? Like, who cares what Jackie thinks? Anyway, garage. You guys make your way to the garage, or what you would assume is where the garage is located, um because you open a door, and what you would assume would be a garage, it maybe dawns on you as you enter the room that why would they have a car? Heh.
00:19:15
Speaker
Right. Jackie can't drive. Her dad doesn't actually live there. She probably has her spaceship hidden better than in the neighborhood or in her garage. And you walk into a room that feels like there are things like a hammer where the mallet part is only halfway up of the grip and then it continues going on. The saw on the table clearly doesn't have any sharp parts on it. All the objects in the room, they they look like procedurally generated. Or like if somebody had seen a picture of a garage and a bunch of tools and then tried to draw it from memory.
00:19:48
Speaker
Chat, real quick, before we go any further, i think you should put your sock and shoe back on. There are a lot of sharp tools in here. I don't know what the rules... I don't know what the rules are and what the chaperone deems as unacceptable behavior.
00:20:04
Speaker
But, you know, in my book, you know, little little foot sausages are a no-no for me. You know what i mean?
00:20:15
Speaker
Well, that's okay. I can hide them. I can hide my little piggies. They can go back in their blankie. Oh, that made it so much worse. And Chad puts his socks on and then takes unusual long time to tie his shoes.
00:20:33
Speaker
ah What is the song that Chad sings to himself to remember how to tie his shoes? You put one foot in, one foot out, one foot in, and you shake it all about. I see what the problem is. You do the hokey-cokey.
00:20:59
Speaker
That's what it's all. And then he stops and claps.
00:21:05
Speaker
I was gonna say, that's the risky part. You drop both sides to clap and all of a sudden the knock comes on time. As Chad is leaning over, you guys watch as the looming figure of the chaperone wheels in right behind you guys. Oh, no. And stands behind Chad and goes, looks like you're having a little trouble there, sport.
00:21:27
Speaker
Trouble is an unusual word to use here, I would say, because I know how to do it. Yeah? Yeah. yeah that's it Can you show me? you Maybe I can give you a couple of tips. And you feel this hand touch your shoulder and it is wiry and cold.
00:21:50
Speaker
There is the fingers driving just a little more and you look down and they're spindly and long wrapping well over the front of your shoulder. No!
00:22:01
Speaker
Get it off! Get off! It's a mechanical spider and I don't like it! Alfie! Um, uh, Mr. Chaperone, um, you know, we were just, uh, admiring all of the wonderful, uh, tools you had in your collection. I wish, I wish my dad, you know, had, had tools like this and, and taught me how to, how to be a man.
00:22:31
Speaker
Right, Janet? ah Yeah, I guess. I mean, I grew up using tools, too, so I don't know what's what's manly about it. If you don't know how to use them. I asked the wrong person.
00:22:43
Speaker
Well, I've got an idea. Why don't we have a great learning opportunity together? You, keep working on your shoes. You two, come with me.
00:23:01
Speaker
Oh, I don't know, sir. i I think we're actually kind of busy right now for a lesson. I don't think it's a great time, if that's okay.
00:23:12
Speaker
maybe Maybe we can come back another time and spend time with you instead of the kids that we're having a party with. Hey, Janet, you're going make a charm roll of eight on behalf of the team. Eight?
00:23:23
Speaker
That seems pretty high. You're rejecting a gentlemanly offer from the host of the home. Yeah, but I'm doing it so politely, Paul. All right, here we go. I have no adversity tokens. Ooh, can I use my pocket D6? Oh, wait, I can decide afterwards. It's like a bardic.
00:23:43
Speaker
I rolled a seven. You said I had to roll an eight? i can give you token. tokeen And do I need two? No, it's one to one. Okay, great. So I've got... It's one to one. So I hit it. Because I'm one to one kind of guy. The wheels ah in his head spin a little bit.
00:24:03
Speaker
And he starts to struggle with that. Your rejection of his polite offer. All right. Well... I have to respect such a polite young woman rejecting my request. And it struggles. You can see it's struggling internally a little bit, um working against how it's been programmed and and behaving properly and politely.
00:24:27
Speaker
I couldn't possibly tell a guest, no, you you you you should go. do what you need. And he kind of gestures off to let you go back through the house. And he goes back to his tool wall and he kind of starts but grabbing like unusual things and spinning the hammer in his hands. All of a sudden, like watching them in that robot's hands, they're all working in correctly, but you have no idea how they wouldve worked normally. um As we're leaving, do we see any do we see the placard as we slowly back the garage? If you want to try, I'll let you make a brains roll. All three of you can try to make a brains roll of six. No, let's make it an eight because you are trying to do it while you're backing out.
00:25:12
Speaker
ah But all three of you get to try to do it. All right, I'm going. Two. God damn it, I rolled two. My brains are 20. I also rolled a two.
00:25:24
Speaker
Tucker, what'd you get? I rolled a 14.
00:25:28
Speaker
I will let you guys know that not only are you sure there are no placards in there, but almost nobody even went into that room. So you weren't going to find any evidence from the party there. um You do see batteries in the corner. If you want to get batteries, you could try to grab them.
00:25:45
Speaker
But doing it in front of him would probably be a bold-ass move. Nah, I'm not going to do that. Jack can go screw yourself. a My boy. Growing ah what if we What if we go check ah the the bathroom?
00:26:02
Speaker
Can I give you guys a list of other rooms just to kind of give us a general sense of where to go? The bathroom's not waterful. is one of the rooms that's available? Yeah! There's a basement that's available, obviously.
00:26:14
Speaker
ah And I think that's it. As far as... And then there's the outside, where you kind of know there's got to be one.
00:26:26
Speaker
just didn't find it. I don't know. i looked pretty thoroughly. didn't find one. and Not in the car. Right. We checked Jackie's car. Didn't we... Didn't he crush the car into like a... We did. We told... Yeah. We told Trixie to go... did we do? if There was some other kid's car, and he leaves his car unlocked. And so... I think you did say some insane shit like that. she was gonna hide there or something?
00:26:52
Speaker
um I'll let you know, impartially, ah it wasn't in the car. But that they found, clearly the chaperone found somebody else around outside somewhere.
00:27:03
Speaker
So you could maybe go check around outside. ah But there's you still have a bathroom, and you still have a basement, and you have two more placards to find. Does that add up for everyone else? Yeah. yeah Well, let's check the bathroom, like Chad said.
00:27:17
Speaker
Yeah, I also have to go to the bathroom. Oh, do you want to do that first? Like, we should ah not be in there while you do that. But we should search the room first. I'm not going in there after Chad uses it.
00:27:31
Speaker
Okay. That's actually a really good idea. Or I can go in the shower. What? Like hidden. The bathroom is is almost normal.
00:27:43
Speaker
Probably because at some point in time Jackie Swunch had been in the school bathroom and maybe like slowly made updates. There's a handful of things you note. One, the tub full of fish.
00:27:54
Speaker
Oh, ah normal super normal human activity. So close. Like we're almost there, computer. um And the weirdest thing you also note is the sink um is has water in it that's constantly running and it's running in reverse up into the water fo faucets. What the fuck? Okay.
00:28:15
Speaker
don't have to use the bathroom anymore. I was gonna say, that's all you. Um... Any sign of a placard? is going on in this room? Yeah, do you get does anyone see the placard?
00:28:27
Speaker
Um... I don't know, but I'm a little scared of looking into the tub with the fish. Maybe it's there? I look into the tub. Great, it's gonna be a brains roll of six.
00:28:41
Speaker
but Can we all make it, or just... You gotta be close to that tub. 15. can i look can I look in everywhere but the tub? Sure. I rolled an 11. You're looking through the the cabinets. The cabinets open, and as you open it, it's just another cabinet door. It's like kind of one of those like infinite puzzle things. youre like, what the hell? What the hell? What the hell? But they never actually reveal anything on the shelves. Alfie, as you lean up over the tub...
00:29:10
Speaker
And you see fish and fish and you're getting closer and closer. And you kind of see that moment where you see a reflection. You watch. It's a fish with your face. Unacceptable.
00:29:22
Speaker
Is actually what's casting the reflection. And it's this weird, gross, like octopus kind of thing. And then you watch as a tentacle whips up out of the water and goes right for your head.
00:29:35
Speaker
I'll let you know, because you rolled such a high brains roll, you aren't going to get caught. Why does Alfie know so much about animals or aquarium animals or predator things that he would have known he was going to be attacked?
00:29:50
Speaker
Alfie knows a lot about aquatic animals because ah in middle school, when they went to the aquarium for a class field trip, ah his dad never came to pick him up afterwards. So he sat around for hours and just read every single thing he could about all of the aquatic life living there ah until...
00:30:18
Speaker
Mr. Gibbons finally came and got him. Alfie, that is so sad. I'm going to give Alfie permanent plus one on brains on anything related to fish or things that he might have learned at the aquarium. I'm going to try to add so many fish things to this. You are going on so many mountain adventures in Colorado. I'm going to write that into my notes right now.
00:30:46
Speaker
ah Yeah, ah that was that something about that being stuck at the aquarium was devastating. um You watch, the two of you watch as the tentacle whips out of the water and Alfie like falls back away.
00:30:59
Speaker
um There is no placard in the bathroom. ah Let's leave. Let's get out of here. Right. Yeah. I think we close the door, turn off the light. i definitely don't need to use the bathroom or any bathroom ever again, or maybe ever take a bath ever again. Maybe I just don't. Put down the seat. Yeah.
00:31:14
Speaker
I'd like to not have the conversation about you never taking a bath again be over, Alfie, but let's get out of here for now. Listen, I just suffered a traumatic response, okay? And that's how I'm going to react to it. And whatever I choose to do is probably healthy. Alfie, those lightning reflexes that you have now, that's thanks to football.
00:31:35
Speaker
You're welcome. Thanks, Chad. Yeah. Let's go to the basement, I guess. Okay. um do you're correct to think that the basement is the right feeling.
00:31:47
Speaker
You open the door, the last door that you think is going to lead to the basement, and the most unsettling thing is you open it, and you look down thinking there's going to be a staircase, and it's actually one of those old-school, 50s-era, like, hatches that you're going to have to twist open and climb down the ladder to get into the basement.
00:32:09
Speaker
What? You're up, Captain. That's all you. Yeah, I'm with Alfie on this, Chad. You're the biggest and strongest and bravest. Oh, wow. I think it should be you to go first. Okay.
00:32:22
Speaker
Janet, tone it down with the compliments. Too much. I'm just saying. It's fine. I'll do it. And Chad's gonna turn the thing.
00:32:35
Speaker
to but lower the stairs easily you like it out hatches and you work your way down the ladder oh this is so easy to turn janet even you could do it
00:32:51
Speaker
well thank sure sure yeah i'm saying anything right now to placate him because i do not want to be going down that ladder first yeah ah Uh, you're making your way down, Chad, and it's pretty dark. The only source of light is coming from above.
00:33:09
Speaker
Chad, do you have any sources of light on you as a person? I have an answer, but I don't think I like it. I'm very excited. You can do some real character damage to yourself.
00:33:20
Speaker
I think Chad light-up sneakers. Yes! Hell yes! Oh! How has he not been bullied? If he wasn't if he wasn't like a genetic freak, like 220 pounds, he'd be bullied so He made them cool. Everything else about him.
00:33:39
Speaker
Okay, so I envision, Chad, you're trying to sneak, and then every now and then you like stamp a foot or two to get your feet to line Red, flash, flash, flash, flash. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:33:54
Speaker
Stamp, stamp, blah, blah, blah. I'm only going to get you little bits if that's all the visual information. Chad, can you roll a die?
00:34:06
Speaker
Any die. Okay. Tell me what number you got. Two. It's all I've been rolling today. You've rolled lot shitty die. Okay, you're stamping and your eyes are watching your sight line.
00:34:19
Speaker
So the first thing you see are a bunch of animals that are mounted on the walls. Now, because you're stamping, you don't really get a whole lot of visibility on it. You could, because you have to get up close.
00:34:33
Speaker
Sorry, dead, I assume? Great, so no assumption made. Animals, just animals. Didn't say that. I just said there's animals that are mounted on the walls.
00:34:44
Speaker
All right. Could be oh a living deer's head mounted on the wall. You never know. Should keep going down? There are animals on the walls. Yeah. you Yeah, Chad, keep going. You're doing great.
00:34:56
Speaker
oh Okay. And I'm going to start to follow because it's a... janet sandwich where i'm not the last one up there alone and i'm not going to talk to alfie about it i'm just going to go and leave him up there oh alfie are you on watch are you going down i'm i guess i'll be on watch um okay here's my next question are you going to close the door entering into the basement or are you going to keep it open ah so I'm going to keep it open. You're going to keep it open. Talk to them. oh no no. No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is the basement door that leads into the hallway. I'm not talking about the hatch.
00:35:39
Speaker
Like as though like the the access to the basement is like that of like a supply closet in a house, you know, like you open it. And rather than like thinking like there would a downward staircase, it's just like a flat little platform and that little hatch and you would go down into it. So the question I'm asking is, are you keeping the the room, the door to the room you're in open or closed?
00:36:00
Speaker
Open. Janet, do you have a source of light on your person? and Please. I do. I do, but it sounds a little shitty because it didn't really occur to me to, like, help Chad with it. I have a ah a... I have a full-blown mag-white flashlight in my backpack. Oh my 10,000 lumens.
00:36:25
Speaker
And as i I, mean, it's like a small one. ah As I get on the ladder, I will shine it past Chad, like not in his eyeballs, but past his head. so So you had batteries on you this whole time.
00:36:40
Speaker
Well, I didn't have the right, no, no, no. I did not have the correct batteries. ah And also, even if I did, I'm not sure. You open her backpack, there's absolutely D batteries in there.
00:36:52
Speaker
And like three or four placards. Why do we need those? No.
00:36:58
Speaker
ah You are swiveling the things around. ah You see, Janet, you see these animals that are mounted on the walls. You also see some boxes and you also see a strange thing on the ground somewhere pretty close to Chad's feet that he hadn't noticed.
00:37:18
Speaker
Which of those three things do you want to focus the light on to try to examine it more? Yeah. the The look Ivana gave you was so intense. She gave you some wide eyes.
00:37:31
Speaker
I was going to make a joke about trying to determine whether or not the animals were alive or dead, but I do... checked the animals I'm concerned too No, I want to check. i want to look at the bottom of the stairs. I'm very or lader i'm very concerned. there's not no i'm not there's the it's it's Chad went in a little bit because Chad had to like... So we're talking almost like mid to dead center of the room.
00:37:51
Speaker
um You kind of can see something a little out of the sight line. And then also to Chad's left is a box with something written on it. Okay, so the one closer to Chad, the box then. The box?
00:38:02
Speaker
Yes. It has the words toolkit written on it. Another toolkit. More tools. Is it big enough that Shad can grab it it? Small enough that Shad can grab it? It's honestly a huge cardboard box.
00:38:19
Speaker
Like, it's like a box that you would use to, like, ship stuff with as you move. Okay, so... no. So we determined I can't turn... There's no source of light down here, right? No. Okay, but I do want to grab a broom that I see at the corner of the room, and I'm going to take the stick of the broom and push is the top of the box open.
00:38:46
Speaker
To see if anything jumps out because he's a little scared of the box. So he's trying to keep his distance. That's a great idea. You take the broom and you tap it. What looks like would be one of the um arms of the cardboard box. yeah And they're entirely immobile after you tap it for a little while.
00:39:01
Speaker
And you see that it is a in fact, not even an actual box. It is a thing that looks like a cardboard box with the word toolkit written on it. And it is a solid object. You mean it has no hole? There's literally like, it's like if somebody made a giant metal statue of a cardboard box and wrote like toolkit on it. there's It doesn't even open in a way that there would be something inside of it.
00:39:27
Speaker
Like a statue of it, right? Yes. It's like a fake metal. Like, is it cake? ah So you been you do that and you tap at a thing. um And eventually all of you hear this blinking sound, this wet oh noise.
00:39:42
Speaker
And you feel, the and you as you move the light up, you realize all the animals that are mounted have their eyes on you. And they've all been like kind of blinking simultaneously to kind of adjust their eyes. Oh my god.
00:39:56
Speaker
Though it seems really unsettling, the most unsettling thing about them is they're not actual animals. They're all stuffed animals. So they're like a stuffed elephant and it's got like the same like weird cottony elephant thing as though it was mounted on the wall.
00:40:15
Speaker
Does that make sense? So it's not an actual elephant. It's like a giant one that you would win at a fair elephant, head removed, mounted on the wall.
00:40:26
Speaker
Or like a teddy bear, and the teddy bear's head is like cut off and mounted on the wall. And they're staring at us. But they are staring, and their eyes are kind of like blinking as they adjust to the light. Absolutely not.
00:40:39
Speaker
All right, Chad. You guys okay down there? No! wow Chad, let's find the plaque and get the heck out of here. I hate it here! hate it.
00:40:52
Speaker
Alfie, it's been quiet. You just heard them maybe mumbling something, and all you hear is Chad going, I hate it, i hate it here, kind of echoing up. You also hear some steps coming from the hallway.
00:41:05
Speaker
Jesus. What would you like to do? Um... I am going to go towards the edge of the doorway and just kind of stand there with my hands pressed together, looking out, not looking into the basement, looking out towards the rest of the house and just stand there, stock still, hands together. We're going to have you make a flight roll of eight.
00:41:37
Speaker
to do it in such a stealthy way that you are not seen by the chaperone. Okay. ah My goal was not to be unseen. Oh, you wanted to be, you're okay to be seen? I'm okay to be seen.
00:41:49
Speaker
Oh, great. Then you can, you can do exactly that. And eventually you watch the chaperone kind of wheel, like walking around patrolling the house, sweeping up some messes, like putting them on the shag carpet and watching it dissolve.
00:42:02
Speaker
And it sees you with your head peeking out. Oh, hello, sir. Sorry. I didn't see you there. Oh, that's okay. I should have made my presence clear.
00:42:14
Speaker
Can I help you with anything? Oh, um, no, I don't think so. I was just admiring your beautiful home in quiet contemplation.
00:42:25
Speaker
oh yeah? Is there anything you've really liked? I made it myself! And he kind of awkwardly gestures to the whole house. I, it would be very difficult to think of one thing in particular, but, um, I enjoyed the water features in the bathroom.
00:42:45
Speaker
so Well, you should see what we have in the primary bedroom. It's most impressive. Now, I have to ask, what are you doing in our basement?
00:42:59
Speaker
I thought that area was off-limits. It is? I'm so sorry I did not see a sign. That's okay. Maybe we should have a talk with my daughter to make sure she made the parameters of her party clear to all of her guests. Um...
00:43:18
Speaker
Yeah, if you need to do that, I could just stand out in the hallway and continue my quiet contemplation. You know, I don't need to bother your daughter.
00:43:29
Speaker
Make a charm roll of four. Oh, oh, oh.
00:43:39
Speaker
Because I'm rebellious, I get to add plus three to rolls when resisting persuasion from adults. Ooh. Let's go. Does this count? oo Ooh.
00:43:52
Speaker
I'll give it to him. Give it to him. It's rebellious. Yeah. If you try and tell me that's not an adult because it's a robot. Yeah, I'll give it to you. He's programmed to be an adult. And goes, I respect that.
00:44:03
Speaker
I should be able to have that conversation alone with my daughter. Will you wait here and I can come find you afterwards? Absolutely. By the way, I rolled a three, so plus three is six.
00:44:15
Speaker
It stands there for a second, and then it looks at this huge, sea heaving sigh of steam and pressure. It looks like it's struggling a bit because it's overheating, and then it stumbles its way in the direction of Jackie's bedroom. Okay, as soon as it's out of earshot, I'm going to, like, belly flop onto the ground and put my head over the hatch and be like...
00:44:39
Speaker
Guys, you got it. We got to go. We got to go right now. Did you get it? Did you get the blackguard? We got to go. Can we roll to quickly search? Yeah, to Google. Sure. or i mean, I guess we're 20, baby. Okay.
00:44:55
Speaker
Three. um Chad? Yeah. You're walking through the room very quietly, trying not to do anything, and eventually you just trip over the thing that's been under your feet the whole time. no my shoelaces?
00:45:11
Speaker
yes
00:45:15
Speaker
Yes. Janet, you watch as you see this wooden thing slide across the room, and it's got these weird symbols and etchings all over it. It's almost indecipherable. It's like an alien language you couldn't possibly recognize.
00:45:30
Speaker
But after it slid across the room, you do see a placard at Chad's feet. ah You alright, Chad? I don't know. don't know, Janet. Let's get out of here. I'm going to bend over and extend my arm and pick up the placard. That was misleading, and I deserve that.
00:45:53
Speaker
That's okay. Okay, okay. I'm picking up the placard, and then I'll offer my left hand chat to Chad to help him up. All right, so the inferior hand, that's okay. Whoa. You don't know if I'm left-handed? We have not established canonically whether i'm left-handed or not. I just assumed the left was inferior because there's left less left-handed desks in our school.
00:46:14
Speaker
That makes us rarer, Chad. Wow. I didn't see it that way. Get up, you big baby. Okay. I want to be a lefty now. Aw. What a little... Just a learning experience every day for Chad.
00:46:26
Speaker
Goofus and gallant. now Now let's get the heck out of here. Okay. Okay. And I want to just beeline without even looking at the plaque up out of ah stuffed animal hell here and climb the ladder.
00:46:41
Speaker
As you start going up, yeah you hear this popping noise as things begin to fly off of the wall at you and start nibbling and trying to bite at each other's feet.
00:46:54
Speaker
Janet? I'm going to have nightmares about this tonight. Good. You're going to have make a Okay, you need to make a flight roll. Okay. Of six. Six? Six.
00:47:07
Speaker
Okay, you almost, you almost negotiated something. Almost, because here's what I'm going to say. For everyone you beat it by, it's going to decrease the amount that Chad has to beat his by. Seven. Seven.
00:47:18
Speaker
Are these things are biting at me are they biting at me before I got the ladder? They're like popping off the wall and you can see them. like I envision it as like one like popping off and you're like swatting it away with your hand as it's coming trying to get to you and they're like landing on the floor and Chad is like slowly trying to get his way up behind you. But how are you you know getting up and delaying them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I kind of like imagine myself kind of high-kneeing through them if there's that many of them on the ground. Really...
00:47:46
Speaker
you know really getting getting uh my feet out of the way and then uh i've got the mini maglite flashlight like in between my teeth and so at this point for chad it is going to be basically pitch black with a beam of light kind of sporadically shooting around the room as i climb and my shoes you made that roll harder for no reason for chad yeah but it's funny The reason is that it's funny, Paul. I've got the placard, i've got the placard so I'm kind of doing that awkward thing that you do when you're irresponsibly trying to climb a ladder one-handed where I'm like throwing up one hand.
00:48:25
Speaker
but I'm holding it in my right hand, I guess we established. I've got my left hand on a rung, and I'm taking my feet up a step, and then I'm throwing my hand up a rung while I hold the placard in the other hand. Does that make sense?
00:48:35
Speaker
so it's a little So it's a little slow going, but I'm also in a panicked frenzy. So I'm definitely going as fast as logistically possible. Chad, you're going to have to roll a 10. But now that's knocked down to a 9.
00:48:46
Speaker
But then Janet said you're going to have to do this in the dark. So now it's an 11. Thank you, Janet. And this is a flight roll? Did I say dark? i Did I not mention that I hit the light switch on the way out? um That's a 4. However,
00:49:01
Speaker
however... however I would like to take part of my action, not necessarily to run away, but to use the broom we've established that I have as a bat to hit these things that are coming at me.
00:49:21
Speaker
Okay. I will let you basically double or nothing on this roll by turning it into a fight roll. Yeah! so you now have to make a fight roll of 11. Okay.
00:49:33
Speaker
eleven
00:49:36
Speaker
22. There you there you go so you beat this by Chad. moment. Yeah.
00:49:47
Speaker
i want you to describe your action hero moment As you beat away these stuffed animals and make your way out of this pit. Chad somehow, he watched a martial arts movie and he picked up a couple of moves from that movie. And so he takes the broom and starts like twisting it in the air, then making it turn and hit the random teddy bears coming at him, defluffing them, making them go squeak.
00:50:18
Speaker
And with that's one hand. and then the other hand, he's just climbing up the stairs. You make your way up. you You slam the hatch down and you seal it. And you hear these that like, as these stuffed animals start squeaking their way against the metal hatch.
00:50:35
Speaker
You guys have found all five placards. Janet, you look down at the placard in your hand and it has the words unsupervised interdimensional communication ritual. Oh, someone was in the basement doing a, doing a seance with the, with the squeegee board.
00:50:54
Speaker
couldn't, I was really trying to figure out there's nothing you can do. ah Also, Janet, you came up that ladder I know you were running away, but you looked like Rumbo.
00:51:09
Speaker
it was really cool. Chad's going to be really jealous of that compliment. let's get as far Let's get as far away from here as we can. Did you see whether there's any sights of the shop? Wait, sorry. I'm not letting Tucker get away with Rumbo. Tucker, what's the tagline for Rumbo? And the news coming out, Rumbo 2, let's get ready to Rumbo. Right. Right.
00:51:33
Speaker
ah The tagline for the original Rumbo is... ah It's Rumbo in the Jungle. You need some fresh air.
00:51:44
Speaker
Yeah, and we got to get out of here. Is the coast queer? um Yeah, this the chaperone came by and, you know, he tried to take me and everything's fine. And I was i was real brave.
00:51:58
Speaker
And I said... i I basically was really nice to him when he went away. Anyway, yeah, let's go find that last placard. Right. I'm tired of this. Chats is going to burst it and go to the front door or yeah, front door. I just open it.
00:52:14
Speaker
and stand and look at the stars. It's actually a very cool, brisk night. um It's in October in Colorado. There's a cool wind. There's no wind ah no snow or anything like that.
00:52:26
Speaker
ah The same thing. ah I'll let you make a brains roll of six right now, Chad. Just let you see if you see a a placard anywhere out there. This is not... A one. I rolled a one.
00:52:38
Speaker
um Chad, you look down and you realize your shoes are still lock no! Fifth time's the charm, Chad. You got this. I told Dad I wanted just Velcro ones, but he told me I needed to tie them. I'm going to come up behind Chad and also look, but before I do, I'm going touch Chad's shoulder and be like, Hey, um, I think you got a piece of fluff on you.
00:53:02
Speaker
What is this? Chad's going to shiver. hello
00:53:09
Speaker
Don't remind me, please. Janet's going to throw away all our stuffed animals when she home. oh my god. Traumatizing episode. So a brain's roll? Yeah, brain's roll is six.
00:53:19
Speaker
I rolled a nat 20, then a one. 21. It's the legal roll. I'll give you two things. One, you've gained enough emotional intelligence to learn about Chad that whatever happened with that fluff really affected him.
00:53:36
Speaker
probably in a way that he might have some longer emotional damages related to whatever happened down there in the future that he's going to have to deal with. And you might be the only one who's prepared for it because Janet will equally be affected. You're a therapist now. Yeah, well, what about the placard, Paul? Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it. I'm getting to it.
00:53:54
Speaker
The second thing you see, as you look over, you see right on the windowsill to the main windows.
00:54:07
Speaker
um And stepping on, as you look down, you can see some steps where somebody must have been stepping on the flowers to look into those windows. And you see the words, unpermitted territory entry and visual surveillance.
Chaperone Encounter
00:54:21
Speaker
That makes sense that this person got snatched. um This is it's like peeping Tom, breaking and entering type stuff. Someone was trying. And the flowers. Someone one was trying to get in.
00:54:33
Speaker
Ruin ruined the Patagonias. Okay, um... Oh, I didn't see that. Sorry. I'm gonna pick it up and put it in my bag where I've presumably stashed at least one of the other ones. yeah Um, great. So we have all of the placards now, and we can probably go and get them to Jackie and make sure the chaperone's not there, because I think she said she's in a timeout. I don't think he wants us to see her at all.
00:55:00
Speaker
Um, but listen, before we go in... Chad, if you want to you know, if you don't want to go back in there, you don't have to, buddy. You guys enter, and I'm going to paint you a visual. you You enter, and there's a hallway to your left. That's where you guys had come from.
00:55:20
Speaker
That's where the entrance to the basement eventually was. And then there's a staircase up that goes to Jackie's room.
00:55:28
Speaker
As you enter and start going up the stairs to Jackie Swunch's room,
00:55:35
Speaker
Alfie, you hear a voice coming down from the hallway going, Hey, kiddo, you said you were going to wait for me there. Where do you think you're going?
00:55:46
Speaker
And you see a beam of light emit from his hand and start to flash around you. And we're going to end the session. Fuck! I totally forgot about that! Fuck! Fuck!
00:56:10
Speaker
Oh, no. How's Alfie gonna get out of this one? Find out next time on Beat Our Quest. Uh, sorry, I was trying to do a whole thing, you know, like, in 90s TV.
00:56:27
Speaker
Doesn't matter. um The point is that, hey, you made it to the end of the episode, and, oh man, things are getting pretty heavy, so buckle up. or Or put your helmets on, like like we have.
00:56:41
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's what I say at the intro. don't know, I recorded that like a year ago. Anyway, thank you so much for listening to this episode. We really appreciate that here at Beat Our Quest.
00:56:52
Speaker
I just want to give a shout-out to Rebel Kicks for that awesome intro-outro music you hear. And, as always, I'd like to give a shout-out to our most patient and yet most nefarious Game Master, Paul Emmerich. How dare you put Alfie in this situation. How very dare you. If you liked that episode, please feel free to leave a like or a review on the platform in which you downloaded it or listened to it from. We really appreciate it and it really does help the algorithm know that, hey, we're here.
00:57:23
Speaker
We exist. We have rights. Anyway, um, yeah, thanks. Love you. Bye.