Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
S2 E7: 'The Ballad of Alexander Peepsie' | Triangle Agency Campaign
1 Playsin 9 hours
Gather round children and I'll sing you the tale of Alexander Peepsie and his Remembear. Oh you heard that one already? Well what about this one, it involves a photocopier demon.
These are the 'Triangle Stories'.
This an improvised comedy actual play podcast using the 'Triangle Agency' system by Caleb Zane Huett & Sean Ireland. Music provided by 'Blood Boy', find them on Spotify.
- Nate Valentine as 'Felix Fuzzworth'
- Ivana Mendez as 'Barabelle'
- Tucker Dally Johnston as 'Stewbert Bertmire'
- Paul Emrich as 'The General Manager'
Email us at BeatOurQuest@Gmail.com or find us on most social media @BeatOurQuest.
Join our Discord at: https://discord.gg/3GAJ8NPvvF
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Beat Our Quest'
00:00:00
Speaker
This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the triangle agency system. And if you've never used a D4 before, get ready, buddy!
00:00:15
Speaker
Alexander Peepsie. Alexander Peepsie. His name is Alexander Peepsie.
The Tale of Alexander Peepsie
00:00:20
Speaker
Oh, man, I wish we did intro shit. I wish we did intro shit. There's a million things he has to to He's Peepsie.
00:00:27
Speaker
He's Peepsie.
00:00:32
Speaker
How does a lonely orphan, son of a clown and a businessman, dropped in the middle of the circus tent, abandoned center stage, curtains down by his father and his mother, grow up to call his bear his little brother with ten dollars? And a locket jumped in his pocket, said, okay, suck it, I'ma take my pain and lock it. Wish he had his own rocket to escape his pain. Clocket, a scared tween in his bear's eyes. he found a prophet And every day while families were being entertained away, all in display with balloons and cotton candy. Inside he was broken but appeared just fine and dandy. Then he started to forget his grasp on time was sandy.
00:01:17
Speaker
The bear under his skin, all the visions flooding in. Brother bear, please don't hurt me. You are my only kin, shifting all his memories, taking his brain for a spin.
00:01:28
Speaker
Bear whispered, raise your chin the throne. Alexander Peepsie. My name is Alexander Peepsie.
00:01:37
Speaker
so a numbermbly not knowing wanted head man he's confusing him but where to place the blame hey the world know your your name kid alexander peepy my name is alexander peep see And there's a million things for you to see. But just you wait. Just you wait.
00:02:05
Speaker
Tucker Dally Johnston as Stuart Stuart Burtmeyer. Kate Valentine as Felix Fuzzworth. Ana Maria Mendez-Babon as Barabel.
Exploring Alexander's Dream
00:02:21
Speaker
Last time, our agents met went into the dream world of a young Alexander Peepsy, a surreal and unusual memory-filled circus where the players had to use various memories and barter with them in order to solve the tragedy the tragedy that spawned his anomalies.
00:02:42
Speaker
ah After solving that, we eventually learned that it was a bear-like creature that was brought about by him being abandoned by his parents. And this bear absorbed and took away bad and good memories. Eventually, the party got almost every all of their memories back. The only thing that was lost was that Stubert no longer remembers any siblings that he maybe did or did not have.
Mission Reflection and Morals
00:03:07
Speaker
Who? We are now back to our characters in the office waiting to be called into their general manager for the review after that mission. yeah Gosh, you guys, you know, that was a lot.
00:03:22
Speaker
That was a lot that we did. I think we grew as a team. No. Felt a lot of things. Yeah. Did a lot of stuff. Felt like our teamwork was really starting to gel.
00:03:33
Speaker
You know, we we went in there and we just bashed that guy. You know, we took him right out, just like the boss wanted. it was great. Yeah, i don't. Yeah, I don't.
00:03:44
Speaker
Yeah, we should. work Yeah, I don't feel that great about it. You know, you know what I mean? You know, just like. You don't feel great about it, but we succeeded. Sure, but do the ends justify the means? And the means were're were kind of mean, you know? You know what I'm saying?
00:04:02
Speaker
What does that it mean? Well, that means um that um I thought maybe we could have talked to the bear. And listen, I get it. You all saw him eat and digest and shimmy out and maybe I died or not. But, you know, who's to say? Yeah.
00:04:20
Speaker
You know, I thought we could have given him a little bit more time, though. to that Man, i don't I don't get that. I mean, you were the one he was chewing up. We were doing it for you, man. That is true. We were doing it for you. You became that bear's gum. thanks Yeah, yeah. still Still don't like talking about gum. You hear that, and the door creaks open silently.
00:04:44
Speaker
silent creak.
00:04:47
Speaker
I realize how dumb the word silent Greek is. And the secretary ah pops her head out and he goes, um the manager will see you now. Woo! Someone had a tuna sandwich today.
00:04:58
Speaker
it was like...
00:05:01
Speaker
I wish we had an HR department. Me too. Oh, okay. And she lets you guys in. Well, Barabal, you got the hearing of the bat and the sniffers of a bloodhound you do. I tell you what. Yeah, I thought she smelled great.
00:05:15
Speaker
Heard that silent creak? Smelled that tuna fish in between her gums? Oh, there it goes saying gum again. the The manager's office is, you catch it, it evokes the feeling of a nightly newsroom.
Manager's Report and Consequences
00:05:27
Speaker
ah You see him sitting behind his desk. He's like looking over papers and he looks up. He looks up and he sees the secretary go in the corner. He goes, three, two, last night, tragedy struck our little town as one associate and two junior agents were assigned to hunt down and capture the Remember, as well as former agent assigned to it.
00:05:50
Speaker
He puts his hand to his ear like a little earpiece. And shocking news I'm getting right now is that those agents failed to capture both Alexander Peepsy and the Remembeer.
00:06:01
Speaker
They're almost certainly going to get a stern talking to about that and maybe a punishment. But first, let's look at the weather. And he points to the side and you guys see a window.
00:06:13
Speaker
Nate, can you roll a D20 for me? Oh, well a D20. Wow. Do you even have one? That's way too many options. That could be so many threes. I'm free. I rolled a 19, baby. I have been waiting for this.
00:06:31
Speaker
Reverse D&D rules. yeah Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay, so. Oh, no. Love to hear it. Love to hear it. I mentioned this at the end of the last session.
00:06:42
Speaker
Another loose end escape. Meredith makes the 11th loose end to escape. As loose ends exist in the world, they begin to untangle and make the world less ah consistent.
00:06:55
Speaker
You're going to experience some anomalous things in your day-to-day lives as you travel about today. That's Okay, who wants a consistent world? When you rolled a 19, one previously captured or neutralized anomaly has come back as a hollow, an unstable version of the original anomaly that will become stable and permanent if it can kill an agent and absorb the resonance. Oh, no.
00:07:18
Speaker
The holo will be present on the next mission. No. So that's just something for you guys to be aware of on the next hunt. But right now, you guys are going to get to spend a little bit of time, you know, back in the real world, the spending time mechanic in the game. ah So the manager says, Felix.
00:07:35
Speaker
Yes, sir. Really was hoping you were going to make more effort to get that promotion. We'll we're going to we'll talk about that in your next manager's meeting. We'll have you head out. okay ah oh I mean, we did we did kill the anomaly, though. we weren't You weren't proud of that? or well or satisfied?
00:07:52
Speaker
Listen, I'm thrilled that you managed to take down a rogue agent's anomaly. He was causing a lot of damage, and we we weren't happy about it. But here's the problem. We need you to capture these anomalies. We need to harness them and utilize them. Something like that.
00:08:07
Speaker
Think of the power we could have used from that kind of an anomaly. We would be able to prevent wars, any kind of a dangerous action. We could let people think that it was a good thing. We could prevent people from remembering some of the things that the company has done.
00:08:19
Speaker
So... While i'm I'm grateful for the things that you did, we would have preferred you capture that anomaly in the assigned briefcase. Well, you also assigned the gun, which I used really well. You did.
00:08:30
Speaker
You hit him. You know what? You're right. And I assume it was your your intuitive thinking that took down the anomaly? Yes, sir. Okay, good. Is that true, Barabel?
00:08:41
Speaker
So many things can be true at the same time. yeah That being one of them. I'll take what I can get. Then i'm going to keep you in charge of this task force.
00:08:51
Speaker
Thank you, sir. Of course. Thank you. Hold, Bear Bell. Stubert. Yes, sir, your highness. You know, I kind of like that. I want to congratulate you.
00:09:02
Speaker
You are officially off of probation. Oh. Didn't he have, like, a pennant or shameful thing he was required to wear? Something like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's shame sock. He reaches into his desk and grabs a pocket protector, and he pins it proudly onto your front.
00:09:20
Speaker
It has the word, you're a winner. ah printed on the outside of it. I'm really proud of the effort you've made, Stubart, and I want you to see some of the tactile rewards you can get from working for this company.
00:09:33
Speaker
Oh, gee, thank you, Your Honor. It's a real, uh... Puts a real pep in my step there to have this pocket protector ah pinned straight onto my denim shirt. um And he sends it to me and goes, Barabel, will you stay with me for a minute? Do I have an option to not stay?
00:09:59
Speaker
No. Okay, then yeah, I'll stay. Great. Barabel, do you like working here? Do you want to be a part of this company? I'm going to say yes.
00:10:12
Speaker
That was the right answer. But we want you to do more than say it. We want you to show it. You know, you've been spending a lot of time with your family, with your friends, with your little... do you have children?
00:10:24
Speaker
Yes. You do? I don't know where he lives, but yeah, you yeah I do. somewhere How many? I have one child. Oh, wow. That must be so difficult for you.
00:10:37
Speaker
No. that's It's only one kid, and I... Where are you... No. Well, it's just because because, like, you don't leave this place, right? So, like, you don't even see your child. It just says a lot about you as a person. i am not liking the dynamic you took from me as your superior. I'm the one who's Bearbell, let me be clear.
00:11:00
Speaker
If you continue to spend time with your friends and family and your little silly project, we might look into taking away your anomaly. Oh, there's a threat.
00:11:10
Speaker
I don't respond well to threats, sir. We might be looking to take away your anomaly. Oh, that's better. I like that. Okay. Shape up, please.
00:11:21
Speaker
You are an asset to the team. Excuse me? I go to Pilates twice a day. Okay, I can't, you know. Today. We're going to move into the spending time portion of the session. so Which I'm not allowed to do. no you are you get to still. I assume you are still going to. ah Nate?
00:11:42
Speaker
Yes. What do you do after today? What's your character going to do Oh, um... Well, what does Felix do to unwind? How do I unwind?
00:11:54
Speaker
um You know, on the way home, I just take like the the long path through the city and kind of do some people watching and
Felix's Intruder Encounter
00:12:07
Speaker
chatting with people on the sidewalk and kind of meandering back to my studio apartment. Yeah.
00:12:12
Speaker
And there's not lot going on in there It's pretty pretty utilitarian, bare bones I got some like canned food Basically a cot to sleep on and you know Working on a yarn project good but you you're you know You're in your room and you're you're just chilling And then you feel a breeze There's like a cold air And you think for a second, you realize like, well, I didn't, why do I have a draft window of your bedroom has been opened and you definitely didn't leave it open.
00:12:49
Speaker
on dan c And the hair on the back of your neck starts to raise. And the hair on the back of your neck starts to raise. And you feel somebody start moving towards you.
00:13:01
Speaker
In the corner of your room, a burglar has broken into your apartment and he's been ransacking it. The few canned foods. And he looks to you and he pulls a gun. What? What the fuck? and i i I put my hands up. and I say, you can take it all. You can have... There's not much in here, but you can have my canned goods and my yarn and... You, get in the corner.
00:13:24
Speaker
And he gestures at you with a gun. Do what he says. And as he starts loading up your few leftover cans, you see the shape in the darkness. This sort of serpentine black kind of oozing out.
00:13:40
Speaker
And all of a sudden, it coils its way up the man's neck. And you see this serpent with these... This serpent... And you see this cat face get up close to you, wink, and stick its fangs right into the burglar's neck. And you just see the life drain from him. And he quickly... The skin fades away.
00:13:59
Speaker
And it becomes a skeleton. And then ash. And drops to the ground. And your anomaly looks to you and winks and goes, you know I was going to keep you safe, right? Yeah.
00:14:10
Speaker
Jeez, thank you. That was close. How long have you been living in this city, man? You leave your window unlocked?
00:14:19
Speaker
I thought I could have sworn I locked it, but i I am pretty new to the city, so I didn't realize... People would just climb up. I didn't think people were that good at climbing. Yeah, people are very good at climbing. And here's what we're going to do.
00:14:32
Speaker
I need to keep feeding. So we're going to keep that window open. And we're going to make a habit of trying to make this room look as like valuable as possible. Do you have any ideas? ah Okay, I guess.
00:14:46
Speaker
Well, I don't really want all my stuff to be stolen. No, no, no, no, no. I'll keep it safe. It's like one of those like ah those spider traps where they have like valuable things and the animals come in and they like drop it on them.
00:14:57
Speaker
That's what we're after. ah Okay. So, sorry, you asked me for ideas to, what, make it look nice? Exactly. I want to trick burglars and lure them in through the window.
00:15:09
Speaker
Okay. What about, like, a disco ball? I've seen a few of those around. They're pretty cool. I mean, it's just a dingy apartment. and I don't know. Could we get, like, a neon sign with, like, cash for gold next to it or something like that? Like, uh...
00:15:24
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, this is great. Hang on. I'm going to jot this down. Cash for gold. Nice. Nice. And then, like, I don't know, maybe some, like, jazz music. Maybe people think someone fancy lives here. Ooh, there we go. Okay, yeah, this is starting to come together. Okay, great. Okay, now we're clicking. You're an idea, man. You can't let that agency keep all these ideas locked in, man. Well, the agency the agency has really been supporting my career, so I think, you know,
00:15:54
Speaker
They really get a lot of credit for some of these good ideas. I mean, I bring a lot to the table, too. but You bring it all to the table, buddy. wow they They don't bring anything. They're using you. Well, and don't i don't really feel I don't really feel that used by them. I feel like they value me and are good they're good to the team. meet Me mostly. I'm sort of like a high achiever. I'm kind of like a like a golden child a little bit. But...
00:16:20
Speaker
We used to call them kiss-ass. Well, there is a guy the office that called me kiss-ass. And then he's going fade. Okay. Barabel, you just came out of that weird meeting. No.
00:16:35
Speaker
Yes. How do you feel about the idea of you losing you're um little anomaly, your pet? i okay I need to go get a manicure. um are you Are you going alone? Are you going with anyone?
00:16:48
Speaker
I just don't do well with conflict. um And it just, it recharges my energy. So yes, I'll go alone. um we i'm I'm having you, but you're you're doing a scene with one of your relationships though,
Barabel's Nail Salon Reunion
00:17:01
Speaker
right? Wasn't that why how you were spending your time? Yeah, but they can just be there. I didn't plan for them to be there.
00:17:07
Speaker
Do I want Tucker to play the bride of Dracula again? Yes, please. Yes. Yes.
00:17:15
Speaker
Yes. Barabelle, you walk to your your favorite little Manny Petty stu shop. Does it have a fun name? Yes. Mandy's Nails. Mandy's Nails. And Mandy is there. goes, come on in, and sweetheart. Take your usual seat. Mandy, it's been a day. It's been a day.
00:17:32
Speaker
Oh, Barabelle, sweetheart. I'll be right over to help you. See there in the corner in that little shady spot? Yeah. And you look over and there is your former mentor, the Bride of Dracula. Oh!
00:17:44
Speaker
lama I just...
00:17:48
Speaker
do i do oh do and i can tell you want to talk to me as well cause you're doing your slow voice you need to this app very clever of you i just I feel like we've just been going in just separate directions and you and i used to be as tight as these biceps. And it just, it's kind of hurting my feelings because I feel like we've invested so much time and energy. Well, time is relative to you, isn't it? ah But so much of my time into this...
00:18:33
Speaker
friendship, if I'm allowed to call it that way. and And I just, I don't feel that connected to you anymore. And I don't like that. You know, I was thinking that I didn't like it either, but I was still waiting for you to apologize for what happened at the chalet three summers ago.
00:18:56
Speaker
Sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't know that you wanted to drink Dawson's blood. It is not my fault that I found out he was lying about being a middle child and I had him taken care of.
00:19:14
Speaker
That boy would have been my shining... Listen, it's okay. I forgive you, my little leapkin, my little suckling. It's okay. Why don't you come here next to Mama? Sit down here. Okay. see At least no one's gonna... I tried to take care of Dawson the right way. No one's going to find him. He is in that creek and no one no one will ever pick him up. Fucking do it.
00:19:45
Speaker
Nobody's named Dawson. hu you should know
00:19:52
Speaker
All right, sweethearts, why don't you guys sit down? I'll give you guys a little massage. He goes, Hey, and don't forget Barabel. And her eyes kind of glaze over in a white fog. And she says, Your manager would probably be very upset with you for how you've decided to spend your free time on yourself rather than enriching the company. And then her eyes kind of come back together and goes, Oh, but you know, all in all, it's been a really hard summer ever us since my husband left me.
00:20:19
Speaker
And you kind of like this weird moment as like she kind of like faded in and out. Ma, I have to talk to you. a Just tell me everything and then maybe I tell you something. But you first. I might or might not be working for a secret organization that is not the secret organization that you're already in the know of. ah and just not doing as well as I tend to And, like, I'm kind of, like, C-minusing this experience. And, you know, I don't like to C-minus anything. It's A or Fs.
00:20:58
Speaker
This is true. This is true. Have you tried murder? No. Didn't think about that.
00:21:09
Speaker
oh Well, that is always the first option that I go to in my plan book. That is true. i could try murdering my manager. Murder is a good way to get rid of loose ends.
00:21:23
Speaker
Remember what I saw the subtle guiding hand of the DM GM. It straight up says, actually, when you guys have too many loose ends, I'm supposed to take the minds of NPCs and have them remind you to do this shit.
00:21:38
Speaker
Agent relationships will spontaneously remind them of their agency duties and the importance of removing loose ends. It's literally weather event one. That's crazy.
00:21:49
Speaker
This book is beautiful. This is my moment to tell people if you're listening, get this book. Guy's a genius. all right mama Remember the three steps to getting mad. Murder.
00:22:03
Speaker
Adapt. adopt deny Deny. And for you, it's always dinner. Yes, you remember. Of course I remember. I got it monogrammed in all of your tags of your capes. Well,
00:22:19
Speaker
Then just do a little bit more murder. Murder. Okay. Murder ball. Ball. Now that we're fully associating, I have a question for you. was an odd transition, but I'm going to go with it. That's fine. I thought it was flawless, and I have no notes for myself. You're absolutely right. No notes. so sorry. So the Oscar goes me. Oh, okay. They call it Academy Award now, but that's fine.
00:22:46
Speaker
Whatever. I prefer the BAFTAs anyway. BAC. That's a clap.
00:22:55
Speaker
Now, as you know, I might have found myself in a little... This is serious. You're sweating. Am I? yeah A little bit. That's my complexion. I have found myself feeling a little enamored by a certain ex-pro footies ball player.
00:23:16
Speaker
And I just wanted to know, like, have you heard from him in the past couple days? I'm sorry you said football, but you didn't specify between American football and just regular football. And you know I know a lot of people.
00:23:33
Speaker
That is true. That is true. That's on me personally for not being so culturally sensitive. That's okay. And you would think with my thousands of years of being alive, I would have understood that by now. But hey, you know what? Okay, boomers, you know what they say. Okay.
00:23:52
Speaker
You are the original boomer, that's true. Where is Peyton? Oh, ah, um, so, oh, okay, that's the football footballer you were referring to. Um, do you remember how you told me that, um, we do our three steps, starting with murder?
00:24:12
Speaker
We're gonna move along. to i just I know your name is Stubert, but Alfie is so deeply ingrained in my brain. It's so hard. It's so hard. We're episode seven in and still think about Stubert.
00:24:24
Speaker
You said you wanted to spend some time working with your anomaly. Yeah, you know, I got a lot of things I got to work out with my anomaly there, you know. I i got a lot of questions. That last mission brought up a lot of things for me, you know. Oh boy, I don't know who I am right now. It's getting kind of hard to remember where I am.
00:24:43
Speaker
um o spooky. Where do you want to run into, ah is it Abby is the name of your... Yes, Abby. Where would you like to run into Abby?
00:24:53
Speaker
Probably at the night shift at the Inkos. You're working the night shift. You see, you know, you're cleaning things up, sweeping. It's always going to be quiet. You get ah an alert, an email alert that says, like, hey, we need this printed out, correlated bunch of times.
00:25:08
Speaker
And you look over, and it's that same stupid copier that you know is, like, very shiny, and it doesn't matter.
00:25:19
Speaker
oh Oh, gosh. They need this right now 2.53 a.m.? Okay. If I just don't look at it, then, yeah, I can i can i can do that, you know?
00:25:33
Speaker
You know, it's a rush job, so maybe a little sloppy slop is okay. You know, I do like to do a good job, Stuber. You like to do a good job. But just maybe if you look up and look down real quick, and then you look up and you look down real quick... Or maybe if you make it real dirty. It doesn't matter. Okay, here I go a correlating.
00:25:50
Speaker
You open the thing and immediately... hey Stubert. Ah, God. I missed you. Hey, hey, Chauncey. Say it. I... Say it.
00:26:01
Speaker
I missed you too. Oh, you bitch. You skinny little twig of a nobody. I bet I could trick you into polishing my butt with your face again. i bet. And just as it says that, you see the whole printer just plummets through a black hole in the ground. Holy jeez and crackers.
00:26:20
Speaker
And you see your anomaly curls up as a cat and kind of wiggles up to your feet. Oh. Oh, gosh. Was that you, Abby? Did you do that? You made that disappear for me? Yeah, he he seemed like he was bothering you. He seems like a dick.
00:26:37
Speaker
Yeah. yeah he yeah He's a little obsessed with me, and I'm not entirely sure why. And he is a dick, and, uh... Yeah.
00:26:49
Speaker
Hey, uh... Thanks for having my back in that last mission there, uh... Things got a little weird and... Felt some things. Think I might have gotten a little bit digested, but, um... Oh, yeah, that was awful.
00:27:04
Speaker
Also, you like a girl. You like a girl. beat... I'm not entirely sure how old you are, but I am a definitely in my mid-30s probably kind of a guy.
00:27:19
Speaker
So, you know, we don't have to be, you know, childish about it. Also, I... You like a woman. You like a woman. Thank you That's all I was really asking for.
00:27:32
Speaker
Plus, she is back in my old life. She can't see me anymore. It's dangerous. The fact that she was there caused all sorts of complications, and I don't know how to deal with that. No, she's here. She's in this town.
00:27:46
Speaker
She lives here now. you what You brought her here. Well, the bear brought her here in Alexander's memory, and that had to become reality.
00:27:58
Speaker
When an anomaly changes reality, it becomes true. So she had to have been at that circus, and she was there. so she either cramp needed to come there after the bar, or she was there for some small reason beforehand.
Stubert's Anomaly Confession
00:28:17
Speaker
You did that. Well, now, well, aww, geez, that just really puts a big ol' grinder right in my gear, I tell ya what, that's not great, that's not great.
00:28:32
Speaker
Oh, okay, so, I'm gonna have to figure out a way to get her to go back to Ireland. Okay.
00:28:43
Speaker
Sure. Sure, Stuber. You can do that. Sure. Yeah. Sure. We can do that. Yeah, we can. Hey, listen, I just wanted to... The whole point is I want you to know I did not want that to go down the way that it did. Okay? I didn't think...
00:28:57
Speaker
That Felix was gonna shoot ah the Remembear. I wanted to capture it, but you gotta understand, I think that bear needed to be captured. It was causing all sorts of ah problems and kerfuffles and kersplosions.
00:29:12
Speaker
Do you... do Do you think Felix would shoot me if he knew we were talking? No, no, no. No, I am certain that he... See, now you got me all flustered. I am certain that he wouldn't do such a thing, Abby, okay? You know, he's got his own anomaly. We've all got our anomalies. I don't know exactly what his is, but, you know...
00:29:37
Speaker
he He understands that bet there are there are good ones. We're the good ones. Oh, God, that sounds so wrong. ah So much worse. Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry. Listen, listen, listen.
00:29:50
Speaker
Felix is not going to shoot you, okay? And I will make sure of that. You promise? I pinky swear. Okay. And it it lets its little tail up, and it, like, shakes your hand.
00:30:04
Speaker
o Can we watch Jeopardy? Absolutely we can watch Jeopardy. You know I love to watch Jeopardy. I'm all about those port and portables. Okay, then you gotta buy a TV.
00:30:15
Speaker
Crap! okay
00:30:20
Speaker
Felix. Yeah. How do you think you're going to try to, like, earn that promotion? Well... I want to go in and use their like X-Men style training room to learn how to use the suitcase since I got chewed out for using the gun.
00:30:41
Speaker
i was also told that. fucking love that. We're going to let you, we're gonna give me a second to just think this out, and I'm going to have you do like a quick, I'll even give you permission to like, you can use your anomalous powers in this training room. We're going to say that they have like a, like, once you've hit associate level, they're like, all right, we know we tell you not to use your powers, but like, we know that that's how you do it.
00:31:01
Speaker
So you are ah the this is like a ah ah some kind of a like a well, they they use it to like make anomalies. The simulations are still all like generic crime fighting scenarios. So you are like a superhero stopping a bank heist is the like the simulation you were pulled into.
00:31:21
Speaker
Ivana and Tucker, I need you guys to play ah like Tweedledee Tweedledum Bank Robbers as I set the scene, if that makes sense. So, ah Nate, you like enter the simulation and you're there. And these cops are like, oh, we're so glad you're here. We know you're the only one who could save it. He's got a bunch of civilians in there. Can you keep them safe? absolutely i've got everything taken i'll take it over from here don't you worry one bit uh the briefcase can function as like a gun or superpower whatever it is just like similar in like whatever way you want to think of it as sure and you make your way in all right i'm gonna open the door flaunt my big suitcase and take a look around okay everybody get on the ground put the money yeah put the other Let me finish and then you talk.
00:32:11
Speaker
All right, everybody. You put the money on the ground. No, all right. All right, everybody. We talked about this. We talked about this at the lair on Yuma, okay? know, but if we go together, if we do it together, we sell more power. All right, everybody. What?
00:32:28
Speaker
You're not allowed to talk. Who are you? right Wait, who was that? Who are you? Quit, quit. Don't, don't anyone worry one bit. I'm here to save the day. My name is Felix Fuzworth, and I'm going to take care of you two. You robbed your last bank, buddies.
00:32:44
Speaker
Sir Fussworth, I haven't been doing this for too long, but I just want to let you know that usually you don't want to say your first and last name to the bad guys because then we ah can figure out what it Derek, don't tell them. Just shoot them. Oh,
Felix's Anomaly Training Simulation
00:33:01
Speaker
yeah.
00:33:03
Speaker
Here. have a I'm going to use Borrow and... Why not? I'm going to use Borrow and try to take Tweedledee's arms so she can't hold her gun.
00:33:17
Speaker
Holy Jesus Christ! Okay, roll. Is that in this in the... Yes! Yeah, yeah. 64. I rolled... 4d3. 4 threes.
00:33:30
Speaker
four d three fourth threes Uh, so I, hold on, what is the, i forget what I do if I do as additional ones. in Both arms?
00:33:41
Speaker
The effect lasts, it just, oh yeah, so she gets to keep a a flawed version, so she can keep tiny little dinosaur arms, but the fingers are too small to hold the gun, so she drops it. ha ha! And I now have, if I may, my arms and her arms below it, so I look like a Spider-Man variant there.
00:34:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm going to capture her in the bag. I'm to try to open... I don't actually know how to use this. I don't think we've I've successfully used it. or no we had we did it earlier, but I'm going to open a suitcase and try to, don't know, suck her into it.
00:34:18
Speaker
that how works? Sure. Great. How will I make my ma chop? So it's just you and me now, buddy.
00:34:28
Speaker
Um, okay. Listen, that was super fucked up, but I'm going to start over because I never got to finish what I was saying. So I'm going to need you to get on the ground, put all of your money into this bag. Oh, crap. I forgot the bag.
00:34:46
Speaker
Well, hand me your money. I got a bag for you, buddy. Oh, you used a line. Oh, um and And also, I don't have any money. It was all a spider web trap for my anomaly.
00:34:58
Speaker
And I'm going open the bag and try and suck them into that one. And you get pulled in. And everyone, all the people stand up and they're like, Yay, Felix! Felix! And the simulation like fades down and it just cuts to the manager like slow clapping. What?
00:35:14
Speaker
Nice job there, Felix. Thanks. you think, is that kind of what more we had in mind for using the bag? Yeah, I mean, if you're going to use like a cool line when you like capture a bad guy, you got to say with more confidence than that. You got to be like, you know, like, this is it.
00:35:30
Speaker
Bag's over. Or like, you got to get your bag. Or I don't have to do it. It's not my job. You do it next time. Lay off. Sure, yeah. I mean, you're the extra. Those sounded really cool to me, sir. I think you actually better than think about Get um ah That was perfect. We're going to just keep crunching through these.
00:35:48
Speaker
That was Nate's company time. Ivana. ah What's the next relationship? what What do you mean the next relationship? Like, what else do I want to work on? Sure.
00:35:59
Speaker
Well, I mean, you're doing you're doing another you're doing another relationship scene. scene Should I introduce? Okay, I'm going to introduce your god your twist. okay Okay. Okay. this is this is This game is so dumb.
00:36:11
Speaker
I'm at a focaccia making class. You're at a focaccia making class. Yeah. Got it. ah Tucker, can I just have you fill in as the teacher for the time being and then I'll have all show up as the other relationship?
00:36:24
Speaker
Okie dokie, everybody. This is a non-racist version of this voice. Because you don't know where I'm actually from. Shut up about it. Now, this is the fun part. We have all our dope. Ma'am.
00:36:42
Speaker
Ma'am. Yes? Ma'am. I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but I actually, I have a limited time right now. And I need to make a focaccia for my daughter. So I need to make sure it has the ingredients that 15-year-olds will like. Well, it's bread and olive oil. I think all ah children like that. Hippie! He's doing Italian hands. You can't see it in it because it's an audio recording, but he's doing Italian hands. Hey! Hey! Hey! Whoa! He said olive oil. The most Italian of oils.
00:37:17
Speaker
As you're you're working on your focaccia recipe, you eventually hear outside, you hear like a jingling little ice cream truck yeah theme playing outside.
00:37:29
Speaker
There's ice cream. Maybe I can ask them for some sprinkles to put on my focaccia. Well, I don't suggest it, but, you know, it's your money. it's a me, Marley. Nice. Now it's not weird. Oh, so you're Latina. Okay.
00:37:48
Speaker
All right. Give me one second. If you could actually knead my dough because I just got my nails done and I really do not want gluten in my cuticles. It's a That's a focaccia.
00:38:03
Speaker
Okay. Maybe I need to come to more focaccia processes. Clearly, I'm not getting it. Okay, so like, just like put it the oven for a mirror. Like whatever next step needs to... Oh, wait, no, don't put it the oven. I'm going to add sprinkles. Oh my God, I'm so confused. Maria, what are you doing to me? i don't know how to answer that question. You're scaring all of the other 15-year-olds who are here at this home ec class. Oh my gosh, thank you for saying I'm 15.
00:38:32
Speaker
I love you, Maria. Never change. I'm going to go outside and try to get some sprinkles. You make your way. Eventually, you see tons of children flocking to this big ice cream truck. Out of the way! Out of the way!
00:38:45
Speaker
Ew! Go away! I'm going to grab them by the hair and just kick them Out! No! Out! I'm going to pour vodka on you! As you fight your way through the crowd of children, you eventually hear...
00:38:59
Speaker
And one for you, and one for you, and ah I haven't seen you in forever. for anything, it Barabel has... it is a a woman who looks identical to Barabel.
00:39:12
Speaker
No differences. This is... a you said this is a alternate you a evil twin of you from an alternate universe that was brought here yes but because barabelle is evil her all her evil twin would be good oh my god is that is that what this character is great and she's there she's going ice cream for all children we shouldn't give it just to the middle children it should be for all of them I swear, Barabel 2, if you don't shut your mouth right now, I'm going to light everyone on fire. Barabel 1! You told me to call you that!
00:39:55
Speaker
yeah You branded it on my arm. oh my God. But spell it W-O-N because I win all the time. wow i didn't I didn't know you volunteered here. That's so exciting. Oh my God. I need all of your sprinkles right now.
00:40:12
Speaker
Give them out to me. Of course. Right now. course. I would love to. do You wait right now. So it wouldn't be fair to. Wait, you would love to? Absolutely not. I cannot deal with you being happy about this. I'm going to steal all of your sprinkles. Turn around.
00:40:29
Speaker
ah Okay. And she she stops for a second and she turns and then she grabs them and like puts them up at the desk next to the tip jar. I'm going to try to like climb into the ice cream truck window. Just like full, just jump in. Legs are hanging out. I'm like, move. I'm slapping hands. Get out the way. You told me to stand silly. Little goofy beans. I'm going to drown you. my goodness. I know a really cute leg.
00:41:03
Speaker
It's near a creek. I'm helping them solve a murder nearby. by All right. Okay. All right. I'm going to use one of my abilities. Hey, you old witch. It's not your turn for ice cream. We're waiting.
Barabel's Ice Cream Truck Meeting
00:41:21
Speaker
Bucktooth Billy, what did we say about saying things that are obvious about what people look like? Oh, don't unless it's complimentary to them. That's that's right, you little cutie boots. And she's like, the biggest ice cream for you. Thanks, you're the best, Barabel, the one and only. ouch I'm going to grab the ice cream and throw it on the ground.
00:41:48
Speaker
Bear a bell. Run away, little boy. Run away. You should run. You should run. This is nice for this. I'm gonna go find something chew on.
00:42:00
Speaker
ah Listen, I need... Oh, God, I can't even believe I'm saying this. Okay, you did not hear this. Okay? You didn't hear this? And when I ask you again, you're gonna pretend I was not here and this was just a dream. But I might need your...
00:42:17
Speaker
i need When you say this, you feel the word fall out of your mouth in a physical way. Almost like you are so like the kind like throwing up the word. And you feel it being pulled from your throat in like a string.
00:42:35
Speaker
An awful way. No! You've lost the ability to use the letter L. Oh! harna What? Barbie 2. I need your assistance.
00:42:48
Speaker
Oh, good luck keeping that math up. Is it different for each of us? We're gonna find out. Farabelle, you look pale. Can I get you some water or anything?
00:42:59
Speaker
do you want a glass or? I haven't hand in a week, okay? Thank you for pointing at me. I'm sorry, sweetie. Okay, look, I didn't mean to make you upset by coming here. I'll leave. do you want me to leave?
00:43:18
Speaker
Bobby Two, I need your assistance. look Do you want sprinkles? Not anymore. Wow. There's another secret organization.
00:43:33
Speaker
I need to do that stuff that you hate doing. Carpentry? Oh, no, murder! oh look You said it. You said it. It was your idea. Barabelle.
00:43:51
Speaker
ah Barbie. This is so tricky because I want to make you happy, but I hate breaking the law. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. I'll do it for my favorite version of me. And that's not me.
00:44:07
Speaker
i'll do it for my favorite version of me and that's not me that's me and she points at your chest and goes me and then she leaves um we are going to move on to the next scene because i think ivana's brain is going to need a break after that holy shit that was incredible babe that was that was i was more hoping that the words i was choosing didn't have it you can so i'm letting you know it only counts when you're in character you can now talk yeah yeah
00:44:38
Speaker
Oh, thank God. Okay, I lucked out Jesus. Now, if I feel like you guys are abusing it and just talking as yourselves, the anomaly can reach into our world and affect you too.
00:44:49
Speaker
Whoa. That is super fun. It's Tucker with his anomaly. It's Tucker! You spent two things with your anomaly. Anubody. Yeah, stupid I felt bad about what happened last time and I wanted to make sure that, you know, everything was okay. And, you know, I i feel like I got the MVP. So, like, maybe that gets the company off my back a little bit.
00:45:13
Speaker
And also sometimes maybe I just want to talk in my real accent. Nice. You decide you're going to go take Abby on a fun activity day. what What is something that you think your anomaly would enjoy doing?
00:45:28
Speaker
Ooh, um, uh, playing hide and seek. that's so cute. That's so cute. You go out to, um, like an activity zone, like kind of one of those places there's like arcades and things like that. Cause you know, like, well, you're to try to, uh, and you're going to explain, ah what the game is to Abby.
00:45:51
Speaker
Okay, Abby, so, listen, um, I feel like we haven't had a lot of time to just spend time to get to know each other, and I feel bad because I had started with the lie, which is, you know, the name Stubart, which we should, you should still call me that in front of others if they can hear you, but it's nice to meet you.
00:46:16
Speaker
My name's Rory, and... I think we should play a game. Okay. I like games. I'm good at Pac-Man. Yeah.
00:46:27
Speaker
You are? That's... alright. I didn't know that. Well, we... and we can do that later, if you want to. Um... but... I thought first, we could play a game called Hide and Seek. Yeah.
00:46:42
Speaker
Do you know this? But you want me to hide, or... ah you You're not trying to get rid of me, are you? No, absolutely not. I would never do that. You're actually the closest friend I have. So, no.
00:46:56
Speaker
i I have other friends. But you're you're you're important to me, too, though. That's... A little hurtful, but, you know, i can't exactly have close relationships right now, you know, with the whole, you know, thing, you know? What about that woman? No, we don't need to talk about her. um So we're gonna, we're gonna, whoop we're just gonna set Meredith aside. There she goes. whoop She's set aside.
Stubert and Abby's Hide and Seek
00:47:22
Speaker
And you and me are gonna play a game. I'm gonna hide first because I don't think I would ever be able to find you. um so I'm gonna go hide.
00:47:36
Speaker
You try to find me. You got it. Okay, I'll close my eyes. Go have fun. Great. And I go, it's whole arcade. I'm gonna, like, go behind the Jumba Juice. You are there for a while.
00:47:55
Speaker
And it it's you don't see your anomaly or anything like that. And you look up at the, what did you say, Jumba Juice? Yeah. And your your brain thinks for minute, you go, Jumba Juice.
00:48:07
Speaker
No. It definitely wasn't that. Something's wrong. something Somebody changed something, right? And you're sitting there for a second, and you smell this awful stink. Yeah.
00:48:21
Speaker
Just like the most putrid, disgusting stench that just sits in the air. Makes you want to vomit. What is that? yeah um And you look down and you see your anomaly. I got you. Oh, gosh.
00:48:40
Speaker
Oh, you smell awful. But that I won, right? We're playing hide and reek. No, no, we were playing hide and... And just when you're about to say that word, and the letter S has been pulled from your vocabulary. hi Yours is so much worse. Abby, I think that... What's that? law
00:49:10
Speaker
I might have a bit of trouble. Talking. Oh, yeah? For a bit. Is it this guy? And the the burglar, he, like, opens a hole in the air, and a burglar comes, like, whipping down, hits the ground in front of you. oh Is he the problem?
00:49:27
Speaker
Great. Googly moogly. Give me your tickets, old man. ah You know what I am just... And you feel a jolt in your hand. like you like It makes you nauseous. like like you Like saying a cursed word. You've evoked an unholy being into existence. And you say that. You utterance of the word just. And your eyes open a little bit. And you look and you see this spindling thread coming out of your mouth. Going upwards into the sky. and you see this huge spider, tremendous. It fills the entire ceiling, not even the ceiling. It looks like it fills the sky as you look out the window. The whole spider is made up of shuffling letters, almost like Scrabble tiles that are flying through the air and coming up to build its body. And you see it pulling the S from your mouth, and putting it into a little box, and weaving it, and tying it up, and placing it up into the stars.
00:50:34
Speaker
For a second, I thought it was going to be Felix with his extra arms. Well, alternate reality. That can't be good.
00:50:47
Speaker
Stupid. Uh-huh. I think that might be a bad thing. When you said that there were bad anomalies? Uh-huh. That might be one of them.
00:51:00
Speaker
Yup. You? Do we want to get help? Yup. You know, I gotta to make a phone call.
00:51:12
Speaker
Barabel, Stubert, and Felix! Is that our next hit song? Find out next episode with special guest Diego Perez.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:51:22
Speaker
Also, we're going to Gen Con! If you're going to be there, let us know on our Discord, beat our quest. And as always, thanks to Blood Boy for providing us with the music. You can find them on Spotify. Also, want to thank Caleb Zane Hewitt and Sean Ireland for the fantastic game. If you're having fun, maybe share it with a loved one or with a friend or your neighbor who might not be a loved one or a friend. And leave us a five-star review wherever you're listening.
00:51:50
Speaker
Bye. Are you still there? No, you hang up.