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Episode 9: Beeper Baby Bitemarks
21 Plays12 days ago
Chad got BIT! CHAD GOT BIT BAD! Do you think Jared had his rabies shot?
This is a fully improvised TTRPG campaign where we test the limits on how much flexibility our players can have.
Starring:
- Tucker Dally Johnston as 'Alfie Towers'
- Ivana Mendez as 'Chad Brewers'
- Nate Valentine as 'Janet JC. Cromwell'
- Paul Emrich as 'Game Master'.
- Music provided by 'Rebel Kicks'.
Email us at BeatOurQuest@Gmail.com or find us on most social media @BeatOurQuest.
Join our Discord at: https://discord.gg/3GAJ8NPvvF
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Character Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
a ah
00:00:11
Speaker
This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
00:00:23
Speaker
Ivana Maria Mendez Bubble as Chad Boers. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
The Beeper Baby Mystery Begins
00:00:38
Speaker
Last time was a very exciting session as the players continued looking into the beeper baby mystery. Unfortunately, after testing their luck with another beeper baby battle, the party watched as the nerdy kid Jared Dumplin, who worked at the video game store where they heard about beeper babies, violently latched onto Chad Brewer's neck.
00:00:57
Speaker
I've heard of a hickey, but this is ridiculous. Uh, Jesus, pull pull him off. God, get him. yeah Jared, no! Chad is going to Hulk out, essentially, and hickey.
00:01:10
Speaker
Jared away from him. Just singular kick. He didn't get accepted as the kicker for the team because his kicks were too strong. So... Oh, that's a thing? Yeah, that's a thing.
00:01:24
Speaker
Damn it, Chad, you keep popping the... Okay, well, now we gotta cut away to this right now. My dad said I need to use less strength. Less strength. So I just run, and I kick it...
00:01:37
Speaker
And I kick it like if it was just a tiny little puppy. You don't want to hurt a puppy, right, Chad? No, I don't want to hurt a puppy. Puppy, tiny little puppy. Just a little push. A little push. Kick Zoom.
00:01:48
Speaker
No, the puppy died! I still want to kick Jared away from me. Great. great So make a... Are you... Pushing him away?
00:01:59
Speaker
are you like... Kicking him in the stomach. Groin. So this is going to be a brawn roll against his grit. No, against his brawn. This is him fighting back against you.
00:02:11
Speaker
That's 13. ah thirteen Is a kick a
Understanding Beeper Baby Influence
00:02:15
Speaker
sports thing? No. I think a... You're, like, kicking him away from me Yeah.
00:02:21
Speaker
I don't think of that as, like, a... I don't think there's a lot of sports where you, like, kick something off. if Unless one of you can think of something. Judo? No. No. Because then you would just use that for all fighting. Kickboxing. Unless one of you can think of a a sport that you can, like, you know, 300 kick something in.
00:02:40
Speaker
I'm not going to give you the plus three. I mean, it's kind of isn't isn't it isn't it just you jump in the air and then do a horizontal, like, you know, like a vertical jump, like in ah in a combine. you so You stand still, you jump, you're just kicking out your legs.
00:02:56
Speaker
What is a kick if not a jump without the ground under your foot? There you go. What is a kick if not jumping with only one leg? Exactly. Okay, I'm not going to to I'll let you know he rolled a two on his brawn. So you beat him by ten.
00:03:10
Speaker
What would you like you kick him where what would like would you like to have happen? I want him to get kicked into the cups, um into all the cup tower of all the cups at Gurley's Surly's, and all of them tumble upon him, and he's just like sitting on the ground, like ah and all the cups are all over him. Exactly that happens.
00:03:30
Speaker
He's flailing and trying to get them off of him. You hear him going... ah
00:03:36
Speaker
gonna get you but he's like way too preoccupied trying to knock the cups off of his body you see alice bernadetto come wheeling around the corner and yelling like what is happening kids oh my god chad what is on your neck and she sees and you've got quite a horrible bite in your neck and you feel it i just got bit by a boy named jared
Personal Encounters and Family Dynamics
00:03:56
Speaker
sorry i thought you were about to start a rap i didn't uh
00:04:02
Speaker
he bit to jared
00:04:05
Speaker
um i will I will run outside ah to my bike and use, just because it exists and I feel like I have to my bikes ah my bike has a first aid kit in it and I'm going to look up real quick. Yes.
00:04:20
Speaker
Do you have the basket that you can pull random items out of or do you have a first aid kit? No, that's me. My bike explicitly has a first aid kit. I don't remember why I made this decision, but I do. Holy shit. So I'm going to grab it and come in and say, Holy shit. Oh God, Chad, that looks really bad.
00:04:38
Speaker
It's not that bad. It's not that Sit down. Can I touch it to see how much blood is coming out of it? ah you It is a shocking amount of blood. When you put your in your hand, it's very wet. Chad is going to like almost faint. like oh I'm going to catch Chad.
00:04:56
Speaker
Make a brawn roll of um six. oh three You try to, but you have a kind of a good grip on him, but then you see the blood and it kind of like spurts and gets you little, and you immediately drop him as you're like, oh my God, oh my God. Janet!
00:05:13
Speaker
Rocky, where'd you go? Rocky! Janet!
00:05:17
Speaker
I'm dying here. I'm dying here, Affie. Affie, this is it. If I can't make it as captain tomorrow, it's you, buddy. It's you. You're the new captain. I don't think that's how captaining works. This is it for me. Tell my dad I love you. Chad, listen to me.
00:05:31
Speaker
lizzie You keep your eyes open, Chad. Listen. I don't know if I can. I'm going into nap. I'm going into a nap. I see the light. I see the light. All right. All right. Guys, guys, I got everyone.
00:05:43
Speaker
Stop panicking. Stop panicking. Someone turn off the lights! I'm seeing too many lights! I'm gonna i'm gonna slap Chad in the face. but ah Now, brace yourself, because this is going to hurt.
00:05:55
Speaker
And I'm going to do what I assume would be medically responsible thing to do right now and just dump some rubbing alcohol on Chad's neck. don't know if it're going to hurt as much as it did in 1980. Janet, can I'm going to give you a brains roar. um And I'm going to give you advantage on this because of the first aid kit. I feel like this is a good opportunity for you to be like, ah let's say eight.
00:06:16
Speaker
Okay. And I'm sorry, what am i what am I, this is for the administration of first aid? Taking care of Chad's wound. o Thank God that was with advantage. I rolled a 14 and a 1 on my ignored die. I said 8.
00:06:29
Speaker
So also, you beat it by 5. this' ah You know how to tend a wound. Thank goodness. Almost specifically, you know how to tend a bite mark. what what Why does Janet know how to tend a bite mark?
00:06:41
Speaker
I have an 11-year-old sister, so I've been bitten a number of times by her. Jeannie's a biter? Well, she was a biter. and so she got old enough that I didn't feel bad hitting her back.
00:06:52
Speaker
oh It's what its to sister, sister, sister, you know, sibling stuff. Classic sibling stuff. And she looks up to me now, so maybe let's use that take. ah She stopped biting me because she started looking up to me. Once I became a teenager, she, you know, she's now she just steals all my music and like tries to steal my clothes and all that.
00:07:12
Speaker
History will remember you hit her. but Frankly, frankly, I'd prefer the biting to the stealing of my thing. Okay, great. Good to know about Jeannie. um Definitely think there's a reason to bring call back to her biting.
00:07:27
Speaker
Great. So you tend to the wound on Chad. You've got a bandage that fits perfectly across his neck. How much did hurt? You were passing out. You don't notice. ah um Miss Alice, I think we're going to need um maybe someone to restrain Jared.
00:07:47
Speaker
Usually we have Chad do citizen's arrests, but I don't think he's up for it right now. but I'm up for it, buddy. I'm up for it right now. Chad, stay seeing. Chad hears citizen's arrest and it hits him like a smelling salt. He's back in action. Hold me back, Janet. Hold me back. I swear.
00:08:07
Speaker
i swear I'll make him a girly swirly. I'm gonna swirly him into a girly. Can i gently just tap chat on the on the shoulder or on the chest and push him back to lie down because he's so clearly talking a bigger game than he can keep up with right now. Oh, Janet!
00:08:25
Speaker
Alice Bernadetta, with a shocking amount of swiftness, sort of like a green beret, dives over the desk while pulling out a rope of girly, swirly brand twine, and she begins to wrap up Jared Dumplin.
00:08:38
Speaker
ah that The rope has the same white and pink sort of speckled pattern as the ice cream that she sells. so yeah Yeah, we haven't mentioned we haven't mentioned in game that they also sell twine next to ice. course.
00:08:51
Speaker
Twine, twine and rope. um I'm looking for a sweet rope sponsorship for this podcast. OK, great. So, yeah, she she ties him up. And eventually, yeah, Jared is ah kind of slowly after like gnashing his teeth kind of comes to. What happened?
00:09:05
Speaker
Where was I? Did I lose? Can I take his watch off him? ah Sure. Or did we do that already? ah so I don't think so. he did You didn't have a chance to take it off. right So I'm going to take his watch off and... My baby!
00:09:19
Speaker
Somebody skip me back! My baby! but You are never going to see this thing again after biting Chad. These are dangerous. They are causing violence. Alfie, I'm going to like kind of take Alfie and huddle him over into the corner where Chad has passed out like, when I was battling Jared, i
School Assembly and New Policies
00:09:39
Speaker
heard something in my head that was saying like, obey and two other words that I forgot already.
00:09:47
Speaker
um Okay, Paul's not going to throw me bone here. It was telling me to obey. Obey, obey fight, consume. It was telling me to obey and fight and consume. And I was able to resist it, but obviously Jared wasn't. And this must be why people are getting so violent and biting each other and sending each other the hospital.
00:10:05
Speaker
They're trying to eat each other's flesh. It's not just a fight reaction. That guy was trying to eat Chad. Chad is going to wake up like just for a second and go, that boy is possessed by the devil.
00:10:18
Speaker
And then lay back down. um Yeah. yeah I mean, it said consume. i didn't, it didn't. get You get to me, but I can't think of that many ways to interpret that.
00:10:31
Speaker
Fight, consume. And you haven't heard that in any of the other baby beep beeps battles. This was the first time. So does it it's probably it's definitely to do with his you know holy deer pope thing.
00:10:45
Speaker
Do you think that that one makes everyone crazy, or is it specifically between our aunt guy and the the Pope baby? I don't know, but I don't think it's worth taking the risk.
00:10:58
Speaker
I think we should tell all of our student colleagues to take... I think we should tell all of our classmates... Student colleagues. dude Student colleagues.
00:11:09
Speaker
Such a Janet thing to say. I'm old, okay? It's been a while since was in the high school, guys. I forget what we call each other. um We should tell all of our fellow kids to take these watches off.
00:11:21
Speaker
um Yeah, I think we should tell everyone to to take these off. They're dangerous. But why would they listen to us? Well, there's already been three attacks now. Two biting incidents. One hospital incident.
00:11:35
Speaker
I don't think it's that far-fetched to get people to believe us. All right. Okay. Maybe we should get Chad um home. Oh, God. Coach is going to kill me. Chad gets up again and says, Who names their boy Jared? And then lays back down.
00:11:53
Speaker
Yeah, he's definitely got to go home. Yeah, or or maybe maybe to like an urgent care or something just to make sure. You know, I've dressed a lot of bite wounds before, but I'm not a doctor. You seem like the bite doctor, though. You handled that really swiftly.
00:12:06
Speaker
Yeah, well, thanks. Yeah, I mean, you know, cool under pressure.
00:12:13
Speaker
Shout out to kids ah kids kids on bike rules nerds. No. Well, how the fuck are we going to get him home? ah My legs work.
00:12:24
Speaker
I kicked him, remember? Well, right before you passed out. Well... Chad, are you saying that you're up for getting on your bike right now? Is that what you're saying? I'm always up for getting on my back. I feel like you lost a lot of blood. Alfie, I can ride a bike like riding a bike.
00:12:43
Speaker
Yeah, that's about what I expect you to say after the amount of blood that I think I swallowed that came out of your wound. Oh, God. Hitting a bike is like riding a bike. Well, I don't see that we have many other options. Alfie, can you, we we're going to go really slow.
00:12:58
Speaker
Can you just like ride next to Chad and help his bike stay upright just in case he gets a little woozy again? Yeah, we'll, we like, do it like an elephant train.
00:13:10
Speaker
Like, I'll trunk his tail. It's... it That the analogy doesn't work very well, but I'll hold on i'll make sure you're okay, Jack. Alfie, I've never seen an elephant.
00:13:22
Speaker
You've never seen an elephant? Not in real life, no. But, like, you know what an elephant is, though, right? I do. how many How many elephants am I holding up? a i Well, you just joined the football team. I don't think you can hold any yet, but you keep practicing and you might be able to hold one buddy.
00:13:41
Speaker
I'm going to hold on to him so hard, Janet, I promise. Thank you. Thanks. ah we do We attempt to get, we apologize to Alice. Alice Bernadetto is trying to organize the chaos that is broken out in her shop.
00:13:54
Speaker
you know, escorting kids out and cleaning and mopping up the horrible blood. She looks to you guys and goes, you guys going to be able to get him home okay? We are going to try. best Yeah, we're going to do our best. Alice, I love you.
The Plan Against Trixie Steele
00:14:06
Speaker
Stay young forever. And she goes, what about this guy? And she gestures to Jared, who's kind of conked and passed out in the corner wrapped up. Locked. him in the freezer. maybe call Hang on.
00:14:16
Speaker
Yeah, I was going to say call his parents. I don't think, you know. I mean, I know you would never lock him in the freezer, Alice. Wink. Let's get his parents involved. Yeah, of course.
00:14:28
Speaker
I'll figure out something to do with this kid. yeah I'll see you guys later. Alright. sorry Sorry for all the hassle. Bye, Alice. I don't know how that was interpreted, but i definitely as I said, it was like, oh, that was horrifying. Alice Bernadette doesn't do anything weird. She has a car.
00:14:49
Speaker
She picks up her daughter from cheerleading practice and drives Jared Dumplin to his home. And has a rope business right next to her. cream business. Yeah, yeah. And low-key secret agent chops. Yeah. Green beret, quote-unquote.
00:15:06
Speaker
I may have painted myself into a corner as a dungeon master. um we'll see We'll see what I have to do with Alice Bernadette and her her history. ah As you guys are biking along, I need you guys to cumulatively roll 24 in flight.
00:15:26
Speaker
I have a quick question about the pocket D6. Can we do that retroactively or we have to announce it before we roll? You can do it afterwards. It's like ah it's a bardic inspiration. thank God.
00:15:37
Speaker
Okay, so I got a... Always a great way to start a die roll. Yeah. Okay, so hear me out. I got a seven with the pocket D6.
00:15:48
Speaker
Yeah, that's two plus one plus four.
00:15:53
Speaker
and I rolled a five. And I rolled a one, but I have a plus one when I'm on my bike. So what is that? That brings us like way under, right? so Because I was considering using adversity tokens. I'd even thought about making it like a six, and you guys wouldn't have passed it if each of you had to roll a six. of so and So you guys, you make your way going, and you get 100, 200 feet, and you weeble wobble, and you collapse to the ground.
00:16:21
Speaker
Give me an L. L. Plop. And I fall. we What was he even going to spell? You know what? it's best It's best maybe that we don't know.
00:16:32
Speaker
Maybe. I think we should just call Coach Brewers. He's fine. He's been first-dated, but he's not going to bike his way home here. I don't want to be this person, but how are we going to... Never mind. I'm on the ground.
00:16:47
Speaker
yeah We walk back. We walk up walk our bikes and chat back to girly swirlies. where Miss Bernadetto is mopping up copious amounts of blood.
00:17:00
Speaker
my God. Oh, you kids are ah back. ah Is something wrong? um Hey, ah so chad ah chad can Chad can't gyroscopically move in a straight line right now.
00:17:12
Speaker
um But I can circles. He's so good at circles, we need to call his dad. To have him come pick him up. Oh, that's all right. I, yeah, I was, I probably shouldn't have let you just bike away after that horrible wound, but you guys seem so earnest and you didn't seem to care about your friend. Let's call Brad Brewers.
00:17:32
Speaker
You provide them with your phone, your dad's phone number. ah You wait a little while. Eventually Brad Brewers pulls up in his car. He sees all the bikes. yeah I don't really think I have room for ah all these bikes. i can I can get my boys in the car. ah ah Which one of you is coming with Me!
00:17:50
Speaker
um Yeah, and thank you thank you, son. This isn't the first time he's been like this before. I'm pretty used it. This isn't the first time. been a headfirst tackler kind of kid since he was six. Does he usually lose, like, a gallon of blood?
00:18:03
Speaker
so Well, not when he was six. There wasn't that much in it. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Alfred, do you need a ride home? Um, I'm okay, coach. I can just, I can ride my bike just fine.
00:18:18
Speaker
He might get us chicken tenders if you come with us. I mean, if you're offering chicken tenders, I would love to come with you. Dad? God damn it. Well, all right, I'll get chicken tenders. All right, I'm definitely getting in the car.
00:18:32
Speaker
they Ma'am, um I hate to be unchivalrous, but i don't believe I have room in the car for your bike and the two football boys. That's fine. ah How can I ensure you get home okay? I ride
Trixie's Public Denouncement and Tournament Discovery
00:18:47
Speaker
my bike home every single day. I'll be fine, Coach Burr. Great!
00:18:52
Speaker
I don't mean to be unshublish, but... Let's get chicken nuggets! oh What is the name of the fried chicken joint in Silver Ridge? Anyone got a good name? McClucky's. McClucky's! Nice.
00:19:07
Speaker
We're going to McClucky's, kids! Yay! I mean, thanks. That's cool, I guess. Can I go to the playground, Dad? ah Chad, the last time you got in one of those, you got stuck. I did. I was seven.
00:19:21
Speaker
You were very big seven-year-old. was. Alfred, we've been holding Chad back for several years. more phil ah How old is Chad? And this is Cannon.
00:19:34
Speaker
Hey, we're gonna pull right up to McCluggies and, uh... You make your way to your house, uh, Janet. Is your mom still working the overnight? Uh, you know, i feel like I have, uh, weaseled my way out of my mom being home every single time for the sake of expediting plots, so let's say she's home today.
00:19:54
Speaker
let me look up her name. Yeah, me too. That'd be great. I don't know. ah I wrote Janice. Jesus, you are... You and, like, Mrs. Gorgenschlag or whatever you came up with? Like, originally Tucker was the menace, but I figured it out. Janice?
00:20:11
Speaker
Her name is J-A-N-I-C-E Janice. J-A-N-I-C-E Janice. Jeannie. Is there a problem? Yeah. Yeah, Paul. No, no. Look, I appreciate you having... You're never going to guess what our father's name was. ah Gene?
00:20:24
Speaker
Jack? Gerald?
Outro and Listener Engagement
00:20:26
Speaker
I don't know. ah come ah I'll come up with it on the fly, but... Jared. I know it starts with a J. And you see her, and she's on the phone. She goes, Oh, hey, Janet, your sister's upstairs. Love you. Bye.
00:20:39
Speaker
Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom. I waved to her. Hi. let's two We'll talk in the morning. Fuck yeah, nice. I'm respecting your exposition rules. Yeah, I guess I'd run upstairs. You hear beeping coming from your sister's room, and it seems a little familiar. You can't recognize. Oh, God.
00:20:53
Speaker
Sorry, I didn't mean to shout over you there. No, that's fine. I like it when I evoke emotion. and Yeah, yeah. how do you yeah how do What do you think it is? Well, it sounds like a beeper baby to me or omelet. Oh, wait, that's even worse. I throw open the door to her room and and the suspense is he was happening.
00:21:12
Speaker
You open up the door to her room and Jeannie is playing with a beeper baby that's on her wrist. um She goes, I saw that you had one. So I i asked mom to get me one. I'm going to say at this point that I definitely have taken mine off.
00:21:25
Speaker
Probably and i still have it with me, but I don't think I'm going wear it. but She knows you have one. Yeah, and no, no, i'm I'm just saying for the sake of what I'm about to say. um Oh, Jeannie.
00:21:36
Speaker
Give me that. I'm going to not like grab her wrist, but like look at it. I want to kind of angle it towards myself and see which beeper baby she's pulled. She has the deer of the holy grass.
00:21:49
Speaker
Jeannie, these are... Look, I taught her how to dance. And she just starts pushing the buttons. These are really dangerous. Kids have been getting into huge fights over these. They they they start to take over your mind and make people violent.
00:22:01
Speaker
You can't wear that. Take it off. No, you're just jealous that I got a cool one and you got a lame one. I'm throwing mine out and you should throw yours out too. Good. Fine. I don't want your gross aunt. I've got a cool deer. I'm going to, I'm like evoking some weird unlocked memories of being a teenager right now. I'm going to storm downstairs and say, mom, mom, and try to get her off the phone to resolve this shit.
00:22:25
Speaker
What is it, Janet? I, it's important. Can, I have to talk to you about something Jeannie's doing. This is important too. but What's what is your dogs just mom? It's about Jeannie.
00:22:37
Speaker
She's I'll be right back. Look, I know it was a lot of money, but apparently my daughter has something she needs. So I'll talk to you later. What is that? I don't know what that could possibly have been. um Me either. I'll deal with the repercussions. Jeannie, come down here.
00:22:50
Speaker
Jeannie also comes downstairs. All right. I guess I'm you tried to not do a scene with them. And now I've got to do it. And then Janet leaves.
00:23:02
Speaker
And also, I also call out for that French guy from the episode. Yes, Mitch Blorb. How do you know Mitch Blorb? He's the one I was on the phone with. What? He's alive. He's offered to be Jeannie's French tutor.
00:23:16
Speaker
And that's how much he was going to charge me. Nailed it. Nice. Okay. So mom, Jeannie has a beeper baby and these toys are really dangerous. Look, I took mine off. I'm holding mine up.
00:23:31
Speaker
They're really dangerous. Two kids at school have bitten each other in fights over it. And one even went to the hospital. They're making kids violent. They're getting in their brains and and making them want to attack each other.
00:23:41
Speaker
Janet, look, I don't want to explain this to you, but kids are always weird. You know, like a couple of years ago, a bunch of kids were fighting over who could get a hula hoop and and play with it longer. You remember those those dumb toys that you guys wanted to have on the wrists and you'd spin it around and it was called skipums and you'd count how many times you could spin it on your wrist. And then you used to get in fight. You would spin around and club other kids. So many kids get her kids get her with kids toys all the time.
00:24:05
Speaker
Mom, there there's something wrong with these toys, I'm telling you. there Kids are going to the hospital. this is This is way more serious than Skippums were. Are you being serious with me? Is this really something? I spent a lot of money on that toy for your sister.
00:24:20
Speaker
Yes, I'm being serious. You can go return it to Gamasaurus Rex. They have a great return policy. Seven days. Make a charm roll of ten. Jarrett will be there. Charm, charm, charm. Jarrett won't be there. It will be an adult this time.
00:24:36
Speaker
um and i rolled a twelve. Janice looks at you for a minute and goes, She's going to hate me because of this. You know that, right?
00:24:49
Speaker
I do, but I'm telling you, Mom, this is it's no joke. you know i wouldn't i'm a good I'm a good older sister. I'm a good daughter. i wouldn't be i wouldn't be pushing so hard for this if I didn't think it was serious.
00:25:01
Speaker
I'm going to throw mine out. Look at this, and I take mine and I throw it in the garbage pen. there's something There's something really wrong with these. Okay, I'll go talk to her in her room. You don't have to listen to this. Okay.
00:25:17
Speaker
Nice. ah Okay, that's, ah I guess, i I don't know, at that point, it's kind of end of the day, right? So I'm going to go to sleep. Yeah, that's it. We can cut. Alfie, is there anything you want as they drop you off? of Oh, we'll get to we'll get to Jad.
00:25:32
Speaker
um ah What do you need, baby? Sorry, i shouldn't cut you off. um No, it's okay. I just wanted to say that as we're dropping Alfie off, Chad and Brad are singing the McCluckys theme song.
00:25:45
Speaker
McCluckys, McCluckys, get your chicken frozen, boiled or fried. McCluckys, McCluckys, it's the best chicken I've ever tried.
00:25:56
Speaker
McCluckys.
00:25:59
Speaker
Do you say anything to Alfie? As he gets out of the car. Thank you, nurse. I love you. Oh, yeah. Get some rest, Chad. oh Chad passes out again.
00:26:11
Speaker
I'll see you tomorrow, You better say that to him, Alfred. It's a big deal when he says that. He means Oh. I... i Chad's fully passed out. I love you too, Chad. I'm proud of you.
00:26:22
Speaker
Proud of you, kids. Cool. This is a great interaction. Great. did Thanks. i didn't I didn't expect the first time that an older ah male figure said I love you would be Chad to me.
00:26:37
Speaker
So it's just a weird time. I'm not going to unpack this. Bye, Alfred. Fuck Lucky's. Fuck Lucky's. Get a bowl of bacon fry. Lucky's. Get your chicken. Go to the bowl of fry. Alfred, I don't want to, I don't need to put you through a horrible conversation with your father again if you don't want to have one. I don't want to talk to my horrible father again.
00:26:58
Speaker
no uh we're gonna plug right along uh to tuesday morning at school i'm really having a trying to like keep track of what day of the week it is which is like a new dungeon master challenge like and don't have to keep track of like levels and monsters and shit like that but i keeping track of really new stupid benign garbage like did they eat today um uh so you guys pull up to school I assume you guys have started a ritual of maybe like meeting up and like ditching your bikes in the same space. I know you both might have football practice or whatever, and then you meet up with Janet after cheering.
00:27:31
Speaker
um So we'll catch you guys meeting up before you're walking into school. Chad, how are you? How you feeling? I'm fine. I'm going to take care of that kid, Jared, today. i That sounded more ominous than I've ever heard you speak before in my entire life. What does that mean? I called Meatball last night.
00:27:47
Speaker
He's ready. I'm ready. Chad, don't forget, don't forget, you were kind of out of it last night, but Jared was under the control of his beeper baby.
00:27:58
Speaker
I heard in my voice, I heard obey, fight, consume. In that order, are you sure? No, ah goodbye but... But...
00:28:13
Speaker
i was able to I was able to withstand the voice telling me to do that, and I don't think Jared was. And I think you shouldn't blame him. It's the beeper babies. We really need to get our student colleagues to stop wearing them.
00:28:29
Speaker
You know what, Janet? I think Jared is going to serve as a great example ah to teach these losers to not play with those beeper baby things again. Sorry, i' just I'm just finally cracking at the fact that you called them beeper babies and all three of us have struggled so hard for weeks with not calling them beanie babies. You didn't have picked anything with different alliteration.
00:28:54
Speaker
You guys make your way into the school, but you're instead ushered into the auditorium rather than your usual classrooms. ah Mr. Cartier from your tie-dye class is up at the front, and he just starts talking at you guys.
00:29:06
Speaker
Hey there, kids. We've got a very special special presentation today. We're going to have a little talk about all some of the incidents that have gone down in the school. So please, come on in. Take a seat. Okay. um I'm going to...
00:29:19
Speaker
guide the three of us to the front row. Are the seats taken in the front row? Literally never in any school event in the history of ever.
00:29:30
Speaker
Where are the seats taken? The first seats that are taken? ah the The first seats that are taken? Back row? it's It's like every school thing where they're definitely filling in from the back and like forcing people forward. Okay, then we're going to go to the back, not the front.
00:29:43
Speaker
We're going to the back to the three filled seats and I'm just going to look at the three kids sitting there and say, move. Oh God. Chad's chad coming out swinging after his injury. You've only met Chad for a week.
00:29:55
Speaker
Chad has various sides to his personality. He is not a one-dimensional character. believe you. I believe you. The group is bunch of-
00:30:08
Speaker
Now he's going to take it out on everyone. Chad was attacked. How do you think teenagers behave? ah the the the The people there are the the theater tech kids who've been hanging out in the back of the auditorium the whole time, probably ditching their class.
00:30:22
Speaker
Bungie Tumpkins is the the like the most recognized. You know Bungie Tumpkins. um He's like the most recognized. of all of the tech guys he's kind of like a gothy kid with long streaky black hair and he's they like always making out with his girlfriend um uh Estee Lee um and they uh uh and they're they're hanging out in the back and eventually you you shove the three of them out of their chairs and there's a third one whose name you don't know because you because he's a loser loser
00:30:53
Speaker
It's a good looking swoop, Bungee. Sorry. we'll oh We'll catch up later. ah We'll talk about... um Yeah, Alfie, you're really killing our vibe anyway. What? What?
00:31:03
Speaker
No. What? What? are Are you making fun of me? No, this is how I this how i talk. No, that's... God, this is... You're weird. God. if He leaves. That didn't go well.
00:31:17
Speaker
First Jackie, now Bungee. Okay. oh my god I have to remember these stupid names! Oh no, why can't I just make a Matt Smith?
00:31:29
Speaker
Um... Mr. Cartier stands up in front and goes, all right there, kiddos, my little jerky wraps. We've got a special speaker here today to talk to you all. A Mr. Matt Smith. Alfie raises his hand to ask Matt Smith a question. You there, boy! It's I, Matt Smith. Quick quick question, Mr. Smith. ah How cool are Fezz's?
00:31:52
Speaker
What? Second question. What? What's for lunch today? Is it fish sticks dipped in pudding? I know what you're doing. Get out of here. I don't think I deal with that every day of my life. I didn't name myself Matt Smith. This guy comes up and he gives a whole talk about how going forward in the school, there's going to be a zero tolerance policy for violence.
00:32:13
Speaker
um Anyone who's caught fighting anymore because of this ah is going to be expelled. They don't want to have any more fighting incidents. um They're just laying down new policy. Okay, guys. so I've been thinking about it for our plan to get everyone to stop playing with beeper bubbles.
00:32:34
Speaker
And here's the thing. um Blood and fighting is cool. I mean, you saw how dumb and terrible that Matt Smith guy was, right? I don't think he made any sort of inroads into getting people to stop fighting.
00:32:51
Speaker
But, Chad, who is the coolest girl you know? Don't... Uh...
00:33:02
Speaker
I mean... In terms of popularity... trick it In terms of popularity, it's Trixie. Trixie. Trixie always wins prom queen. She's been winning prom queen since ninth grade. It's Trixie.
00:33:18
Speaker
Okay, so wait, so you're saying the coolest girl in school is Trixie? It's Trixie. girl... She always wins prom queen. Well, I'm not going to convince Trixie to do anything. She's been nasty to me since we were kids.
00:33:33
Speaker
And frankly, I don't even want to be in the same room as there so I'm out of ideas. Wait, I have an idea that combines both of our ideas. Wait.
00:33:45
Speaker
all three of our ideas, because I'm including mine now as I say it. We take Trixie to a secluded place, and we do some scary, scary stuff to her that makes her think that it is the the beeper babies scaring her that way.
00:34:09
Speaker
We embarrass her and we get her to turn on the beeper babies. You know, I'm actually on board with this. yeah Yes! Yes!
00:34:19
Speaker
Is it just because Chad said scare Trixie Steele? Yes. Oh, right. Okay. Yes. Right. Okay. So we, what's the plan for scaring? Like, do we need to, cause you just kicked, um, Bungie out of his seat and he's one of the best costumers in the tech department that I think exists. So I don't know how we're going to do scary things without a full array of costumes.
00:34:45
Speaker
Oh, he's my friend. Don't worry. I only kicked him because we're working on a thing for acting class that you're not supposed to know that I'm in because no one actually knows except them that I'm in. So ah he we're we're doing some like method acting, him and I. so But it's OK.
00:35:01
Speaker
We're friends. That's fair. All right. How do we scare Trixie? Also, taking her to a secondary location with the three of us seems like that's not going to be something that Trixie wants to do. Janet? Yes?
00:35:12
Speaker
Yes. I think you have to bring Trixie there. Trixie hates me. Yeah, exactly. I have an idea and I'm going to float this and i don't know if it's a good idea, but we could sneak into her room while she's asleep dressed in costumes made by Bungie.
00:35:30
Speaker
Bungie. We can dress as beeper baby characters and scare the living daylights out of her. We'll sneak in while she's asleep.
00:35:41
Speaker
She'll be woken up by three beeper baby characters roaring and shouting and scaring her. We escape out the window and guess who throws out all five of her beeper babies come tomorrow morning because Bungie is going to make them before 8 p.m. tonight.
00:35:58
Speaker
We're going to wrap this all up in one episode. Okay, but I have to be Brokenwood. Called it. Called Brokenwood. and no I won't fight you on Fiddle sticks. Yeah, the broken wood fiddlesticks.
00:36:11
Speaker
Oh, that's little under it. Yeah, fiddlesticks. I call fiddlesticks. You see that the the DM brain is whirring. You're like, is this bullshit? I get Julie, I have to kind of just yes and whatever you say, because that's my job. So we're going to move this along, and you guys have all gotten beautifully well-made costumes of various Beaver babies.
00:36:33
Speaker
Yes! Okay, it is late at night outside of Trixie Steele's house. You guys are wearing enormous... beeper baby mascot costumes you're standing outside of what you assume is the balcony to her bedroom uh there's one those sort of tress sort of things with the vines it's it's the thing that's literally in every single movie from the 90s ever that goes at the side up to somebody's balcony uh okay you guys are going to make a flight roll each of you of six oh no
00:37:08
Speaker
It should probably be higher, what with you wearing giant mascot outfits. Yeah, but Bungie just made them so form-fitting and athletic and austere. Um, you said a six? Yes.
00:37:21
Speaker
I'm gonna use an adversity token to get to a six. Oh, god. i rolled a one. Oh, wait. Flight. Oh, I get a plus one on flight. I'm using, because I failed that other one, and we're starting with two, so I'm using all three of my adversity tokens, uh, to get up to a six.
00:37:38
Speaker
Okay, so the two of you ah make your way to the thing. Unfortunately, Chad, you are not nimble enough to make your way up, so you are sitting at the bottom. The costume's a little tight for me.
00:37:50
Speaker
You guys are outside of Trixie Steele's bedroom. You're on her balcony. as we As we lose Chad, I'm just going say, Chad, it's all right. Just keep watch for us. if if anyone If anyone notices anything, do the do the owl chirp that we practiced earlier.
00:38:07
Speaker
Okay, check this out. Check this out, Janet. Yeah, do it once to be sure we're on the same page. Oh, okay, okay.
00:38:15
Speaker
Perfect. That sounds just like an owl. Yeah. I guess it's late at night. um ah So we're not going to have any stupid bit about you overhearing her parents wishing her goodnight. um You see her asleep in her room.
00:38:27
Speaker
What's your plan? All right. I'm taking control of this situation. I'm going to turn to Alfie. I'm going to put a finger, hold a finger up to the deer mask. Scary deer mask covering my face.
00:38:40
Speaker
And I'm going to slowly open her window and try to crawl in. All right, we're going to make just like a flight roll of five just to have you just four, four, four to just like get a five. You're wearing a giant mascot outfit.
00:38:52
Speaker
can i Can I spend an adversity token to be cool under pressure and just take a five? Yes, yes. And I will just have you. You are in the room. All right. I got a four on my flight if you needed me to roll one.
00:39:05
Speaker
Only if you want in there. I can't, my toast outfit is too big to get through the window. Can I, oh, i I don't have adversity tokens to help him, but can I like physically help him and try to squash his toast outfit or something?
00:39:22
Speaker
Wait, how many do you need? How many adversity tokens? got a four. You said I needed a five. but Okay, so you need two? ah One? Okay, so, uh, chat's just gonna, like, the old grab your foot and try to, like, shove you in and push you from below.
00:39:39
Speaker
there i gave you an adversity token you grab his feet and you shove and janet just as you're walking forward you cover his little mouth hole and so so he doesn't let a peep and you're like you you pull him into the room uh you look around janet we'll talk about consent before we cover anyone's little mouth hole okay mouth hole i'm gonna let you know because we are in the bedroom of your arch enemy Absolutely.
00:40:04
Speaker
you at this point in time can find any embarrassing thing of your choosing
00:40:12
Speaker
that you can blackmail or hold over her head absolutely I will let you even sit on this. I'm not going to make you call it now until the moment you decide to reveal it.
00:40:23
Speaker
Okay. So I can take it. You're saying I can take it and not announce what it is. you can to not You don't have to announce what it is until if even in like the next recording, you, we get to it and you're like, by the way, Trixie, I have blank. Like, so you have this, this is a, this is a, like a magic item.
00:40:37
Speaker
You would essentially, if this were missed, it would be like, like embarrassing item or whatever it is, you know, would show up in your inventory or like, It doesn't even have to be an item. It can be like a thing you find. You could find like, oh my god, Trixie practices blah blah blah. Alright, let me write down what this is because I know what it is. Okay, great.
00:40:56
Speaker
You are both standing in these weird outfits around a a teenage sleeping girl in her bedroom. um Alfie, how do you feel about being in ah a room of a teenage girl like this?
00:41:12
Speaker
ah Great. um I feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like even in my wildest dreams, because you know, everyone's had fantasies about Trixie Steele because she's so popular.
00:41:23
Speaker
ah Even in my wildest dreams, ah she still turns me down and pulls down my pants and everyone laughs at me. So this is the most uncomfortable. That's your wildest dream.
00:41:37
Speaker
you're bullied in your fantasies. Yeah, it's not great. It's going to come up a lot in his late 20s.
00:41:45
Speaker
I think it's just a humiliation kink.
00:41:49
Speaker
event So what do you want to do? What do you want to do to scare Trixie Steel? I'm giving this as you. This was your plan that you came up with. This is, we're going to do exactly what we rehearsed. Obviously, Bungie gave us some stage quality voice modifying boxes.
00:42:05
Speaker
So I'm going to click mine on and I'm going to say, I'm going to shout and make sure she's woken up and say, beeper babies will kill you.
00:42:17
Speaker
babies will kill you. And kind of get up in her face and scare the shit out of her. And Alfie's going to say, coma toasts, uh, uh, catchphrase, which is, You're toast!
00:42:31
Speaker
Flawless.
00:42:34
Speaker
wakes up and sees the two of you standing over. need you to make a... This is so insane. don't even know how to like... I had a list of ideas on how you were going to deal with this problem.
00:42:49
Speaker
I need you to make a charm roll. I need you to beat 10. One of you needs to do it. It's going to be Janet. Can I do cool under pressure and take my last adversity token?
00:43:01
Speaker
This is not a prepared thing. You are... guess. I don't think it has Oh, it doesn't have to be. You can always take it. Right, right. You can always take... It just says spend one adversity token to take half.
00:43:11
Speaker
You... Okay. Okay.
00:43:16
Speaker
She screams in a fit. She grabs her teddy bear and hucks it at comatose and it just bounces off his big stuffy body.
00:43:27
Speaker
And she goes, oh my God, it's the only one I don't even own and it's here to haunt me. She screams again and tries to run out of the room. She grabs the door, pulling and trying to unlock it.
00:43:39
Speaker
She pulls it so hard, she hits herself in the head. She doesn't knock herself unconscious or anything, but she hurts herself. She yells at a yell and starts running down the house and saying, they're coming to get me. The beeper babies are coming to get me.
00:43:51
Speaker
Help mom, help dad. And on that note, we're going to nope the fuck out of the window and make our grand escape Ocean's Eleven style. You hear her yell, release the Doberman, release the Doberman, release the Doberman.
00:44:04
Speaker
Oh, God. Oh, we got gold. Okay. Yeah. So we're running. Chad is nowhere to be found, the way. His bike is still there, but you can't see him.
00:44:19
Speaker
can't wait to know what the hell that is. Saw a hot dog truck drive by or something? Wait, what? What happened? Are you both, did you both make it down?
00:44:31
Speaker
I don't know. Can we make it down? You're both there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then out of a tree, Chad comes out and says, surprise, because his costume blends in with the tree.
00:44:42
Speaker
So he's been standing there not moving in front of a tree. You know you're also a giant violin, right? Like you're not just... Am I not like a wooden board? No, fiddle sticks. Oh, no.
00:44:56
Speaker
It goes wrong! Well, we'll say it pulls off because it's nighttime out and we can't see shit anyways. You guys stay. It's Wednesday. You're coming into school the next day, and as you're walking in, you see Trixie Steele standing out front with a whole bunch of kids gathered around, and she starts making fun of any of the kids who are still wearing a beeper baby on their wrist.
00:45:16
Speaker
She's like, oh my god, you're still wearing those? Those are... They're four babies. They say it. She points at Janet. She goes, Janet even wears it. I've seen Janet wearing one all the time.
00:45:27
Speaker
Trixie, didn't you have five yesterday? Don't try to play it cool. I got original ones. They got it from another country. You had those basic ones that you probably just got from a shop that your mom found for you.
00:45:38
Speaker
Yeah. Well, you're probably right that we should get rid of them anyways, Trixie, because you know what they say. Beeper babies will kill you. She breaks into a cold sweat and kind of gets a little faint.
00:45:51
Speaker
You see her quiver and starts like, yeah, whatever, nerd. And she walks away in a hurry. You watch as a bunch of the kids kind of look at their little beeper babies and they're taking them off and inspecting them and they're tossing them in the trash.
00:46:08
Speaker
And as you guys look into the trash where see a bunch of these beeper babies, you see a flyer that's in there that says beeper baby battle tournament.
00:46:21
Speaker
Oh, God. Hosted at Game of Soros Rex. Okay, of course Jared's there. Meet the new developer.
00:46:38
Speaker
Woo!
00:46:42
Speaker
Well, that one didn't go way that any of us thought it would. Especially not Paul. He was very confused. Oh, man.
00:46:53
Speaker
Hey, anyway, just wanted to say thank you again for listening to this episode of Beat Our Quest. I want to give a special shout-out to the Rebel Kicks for that awesome intro-outro music that you hear in every episode.
00:47:07
Speaker
And, as always, I want to give a shout-out to Paul Emrich, our illustrious yet befuddled Game Master. Now, if you would be so kind, after you hear the dulcet sounds of my voice, to go into the app into which you listen to this podcast and just leave a comment.
00:47:27
Speaker
Maybe you could say, which beeper baby is your favorite? You know what I mean? I'm a big fan of comatose myself. And if you wouldn't mind, and it's going to sound like I'm begging, but I'm not, but I kind of am.
00:47:41
Speaker
If you would leave us a little bit of a rating and maybe... if that rating could be five stars if you really, really enjoyed it. Man, we would appreciate you so much because that way the algorithm knows that we are here and we can get more people to see this.
00:48:01
Speaker
And, you know, maybe once enough people see this, we can get merch. I'm just saying, benefits you too. Anyway, thanks. Bye.