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12. The One About Raising Body-Confident Kids
11 Plays2 days ago
In this episode, Victoria is joined by Jemma Haythorne, a body and confidence coach, who shares her journey of healing from a poor relationship with food and body image, and how she now helps women cultivate self-love, body acceptance, and food freedom. Jemma discusses the importance of addressing internal struggles to create a healthier relationship with your body and food, and how this journey leads to greater confidence in all areas of life.
Key Topics Discussed:
- The Role of a Body and Confidence Coach: Jemma explains how her work focuses on helping women build a positive relationship with their bodies, free from dieting, guilt, and shame. She dives into the link between body acceptance and confidence, and why they go hand-in-hand.
- Jemma's Personal Journey: Jemma shares her struggles starting from a young age with body image, including the harmful impact of dieting and over-exercising. She talks about how this led to depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder, and how she finally overcame these challenges through self-work.
- The Impact of Body Image on Mental Health: The conversation covers the dangerous cycle of dieting and body dissatisfaction, how external appearance can’t determine inner happiness, and why self-love and body neutrality are key to healing.
- Healing Practices: Jemma provides valuable tools and exercises to help overcome body shame, including the Mirror Exercise, a simple yet powerful tool to improve body image. The exercise encourages you to look at yourself in the mirror without judgment and celebrate the parts of your body you love.
- Raising Body-Confident Kids: Jemma shares tips for parents to help their children develop healthy body image and confidence from a young age. She discusses how important it is to monitor the language used around kids, particularly regarding food and body size, and the importance of leading by example.
- Recommended Resources: For those seeking more guidance, Jemma shares some of her favourite resources and people to follow, including Kate Jones, The Bodzilla (April Helene Horton), and Jamila Jamil, who advocate for body diversity and self-love.
Takeaways:
- Self-love and body neutrality are powerful tools for building confidence.
- The journey to body acceptance and food freedom is unique for everyone, but with consistent practice and the right mindset, change is possible.
- Teaching children healthy body image and self-love starts with modelling positive behaviours at home.
Resources Mentioned:
- Embrace Kids – A great documentary and Instagram page for fostering body positivity in children.
- Finding Freedom with Inspire Wellness – Gemma’s podcast, where she talks more about these topics. Specific episode mentioned - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2pfR8dTKrdj5J3bXTKKvvG?si=0a8504803c7f40c7
Follow Gemma:
- Instagram: @inspire__wellness
- Podcast: Finding Freedom with Inspire Wellness
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Gemma from Inspire Wellness
00:00:37
Speaker
What's up? Okay. All right. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Mindful Educator podcast. I am joined by ah with Gemma, I should say, um from Inspire Wellness. So thank you for jumping on, Gemma, and joining us today. Thank you for having me. I am stoked to be here.
00:00:55
Speaker
So good. And we did have a little technical difficulty. So I'm really hoping that this will work out.
Gemma's Journey with Body Image and Food Freedom
00:01:00
Speaker
and we're run so um But so Gemma, you are a body and confidence coach, and I'd love you to start off just by telling us a little bit about what that actually means and kind of how you got into this and yeah kind of what led you into this path.
00:01:15
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, basically I work with women on body image, on confidence, on food freedom as well. So having a great relationship with food, which what it all kind of boils down to is just having a good relationship with yourself. So for me, that looks like body acceptance, being able to love and accept our bodies, no matter what it looks like.
00:01:35
Speaker
It's having a good relationship with food where you don't need to diet. You don't need to restrict. You don't have guilt or shame attached to food. And then the confidence piece comes into it because the definition of confidence is self-trust and self-belief. And I feel like you really need those things in order to have those good relationships with your body and with food.
00:01:51
Speaker
And also just because I've seen what having that good relationship with your body and food can do to the rest of your life, which is why I really bring in the confidence piece as well, because it's People think it's just about their body or they think it's just about food. But then once you work on those things, it's like everything opens up and everything gets better, which is amazing.
00:02:10
Speaker
But I got into this area because i feel like like most people, when we get into something, it's because we've struggled with it ourselves in the past. So for me, I started struggling with my body when I was 10 years old. As, you know, kids do at that age, I put on a little bit of weight, I shot up, I'm quite tall. So I became quite a lot taller than kids in my class and didn't like it. Started to kind of learn at that age that actually it's not good to stand out. It's not good to be, you know, too big or too loud or too much or all of those things that I think many of us can probably relate to being called.
00:02:45
Speaker
And that kind of journey, I guess, over the next 16 years really delved into a really poor relationship with food, particularly across my teenage years and then into my twenties. And the whole time, everything I did was coming back to my body. Like everything I did was about changing my body, thinking that that would make me happy, thinking that would make me confident,
00:03:04
Speaker
Instead, getting my ideal body, because I did get there. i did it. Did not lead to the happiness and confidence that I thought it would. And it did for about five minutes. For five minutes, I was like, this is great. I love it And then it was like, oh, my God, now I have to do everything still that I've been doing to keep myself here. And none of that was fun. i was dieting.
00:03:23
Speaker
I was restricting. i was overexercising through illness and injury. I was looking at myself every day in the mirror and just clawing. calling myself the worst things that you wouldn't call anyone else. I was drinking skinny teas. I was having like apple cider vinegar every morning. Like I was doing all those things that are just not fun, not a good time.
00:03:42
Speaker
And really just didn't kind of get me that long-term result of happiness and confidence that I was hoping for. So I ended up with depression. i ended up with anxiety. I ended up with an eating disorder and just in a much darker place than ever really. And that was all down to trying to change my body.
Changing Societal Attitudes Towards Body Image
00:04:00
Speaker
So for me, it was, you know, I went to therapy and i I did some work in therapy and that totally helped with my depression and anxiety, but didn't help with the food and body stuff particularly. So that for that change, for me to get to the point that I'm at right now, that was kind of a work I did on my own, which is what got me into the business that I'm working in now is to help other women. So they don't have to go through that to hopefully change the kind of my mission is to change the default setting of the way we grow up, the way we exist as people, because I think, I think we are getting better as a society. I think that like my generation,
00:04:36
Speaker
has a better approach to bodies and food than maybe my mum's generation than did and then better than her mum's did. And particularly, I mean, you know, for all the mums listening, for me, it's about for the next generation. I personally don't have kids myself, but that's kind of my mission is to change it for the next generation so that kids grow up as the default, loving and respecting themselves, having a good relationship with food and just not having to deal with any of the stuff that we did.
Do Body Goals Lead to Happiness?
00:05:00
Speaker
Yeah. And isn't that like the ultimate goal? Cause I know like just for myself personally, like, yeah, it is a struggle. Like, it doesn't matter what you look like, or like you said, how much effort and you get, you know, you get to whatever got that goal is. And it's like, oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Really? well That wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
00:05:17
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And it's like, you think that that is the be all and end all. And you're so like, I was focused on it for 16 years and I've got clients in their sixties who were like, yeah, this has been me for 50 years. yeah,
00:05:28
Speaker
and It's not like, this is the thing that I just want to grab the world and shake it and be like, this is not the thing that is going to make you happy. If you're not happy with the, what, like who you are on the inside, then changing your outsides isn't going to make you happy on the inside. It doesn't work. You have to focus on those things.
00:05:47
Speaker
And then you think of all that um wasted mental energy that goes into it. That sends me into a spiral sometimes. I think for my social media posts once I added up all of the hours that I would have spent on food and my body. And it was...
00:06:03
Speaker
terrifying, like genuinely terrifying and made me have a bit of an existential crisis about how much of my life that I've wasted. But anyway, but i think we probably would all be able to relate. Cause I reckon if we all did that, we'd be like, Oh my gosh, I've wasted so much time on this.
00:06:17
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah. So kind of what was, cause let's be honest, like, I know, like you've said that the therapy helped you with your depression, your anxiety, that side of things, but when it does come to learning how to love our bodies and,
00:06:31
Speaker
have that confidence and that, Oh, just that, yeah, that self-love, like it's bloody hard. Like it's not an easy thing to
Challenges of Achieving Self-Love
00:06:40
Speaker
do. So you even start doing that?
00:06:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's, and that's the thing. Like I always feel the need to acknowledge that as well. It is really freaking hard. And if you're finding it hard, like that's normal. There's not something wrong with you. You're not broken for finding it hard because most of us do.
00:06:56
Speaker
So in terms of there's so many different areas to focus on, I suppose, but I think a big the big thing is first of all, understanding what I just said about it's about what's going on on the inside. It's not about what's going on on the outside. So if we're focusing on changing the outside or making changes going, I'm going to start going to the gym.
00:07:15
Speaker
I'm going to eat certain things. going to take all the chocolate out of my house. Like those are those surface level. Yeah. No, no, I'm like, no. No. they're like My form of torture right there. Oh my God. Absolutely. I like one of the things that blows people's minds, which especially if they knew me back in the day, i have always identified as a chocoholic.
00:07:34
Speaker
Like I used to go, i can't eat intuitively, which is what a big part of what I teach. I can't eat intuitively. i can't have food freedom because I need to be controlled because I'm a chocoholic. I don't want to eat broccoli. Like I will always choose pizza over anything else.
00:07:49
Speaker
And I was so like, I love food too much. Therefore I cannot do that side of things. Cause if you gave me the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, I'm not touching a green thing, but like for one thing, that's actually not true.
00:08:00
Speaker
That's so not true. It changes things. But like I've got right next to me, there is a little, like I've got this little bunny statue thing. And the other day I looked in it and I found Easter eggs in it. Those Easter eggs aren't like we're in August now. They're not mean from this year. They're from last Easter.
00:08:15
Speaker
Oh, wow. Like this is how much I forget now about chocolate. I love, still love chocolate. I still eat chocolate. ate chocolate yesterday. But like you release the control over it and you release that like obsession with it to the point where like I've got, yeah, I know I've got chocolate in my pantry as well that I see every day and I go, there's chocolate ba behind me. There's chocolate everywhere in my house. yeah But I actually don't eat that much because I'm not that stressed about it.
00:08:41
Speaker
So I think in terms of like going back to your question, I'm such a tangent person. I'm sorry. That's fine. I'm totally, totally here for it. Okay, good. To go back to your question, in order to like love and accept your body, if that's the goal to have confidence in your body, confidence in yourself, I think a big part is working on your relationship with food and detaching from dieting or, and when I say dieting, a lot of people go, I'm not dieting. So I'm fine.
00:09:06
Speaker
Dieting isn't just like being on, I don't know, the keto diet or being on apppkins or something like that. Dieting is anything that has any kind of like rules and restriction in place.
00:09:17
Speaker
Even if you're going, well, I don't have rules, but I let myself eat whatever I want, but then you eat it and then you feel guilty. And then you're like, I'm going to start again on Monday. I'm going to do better tomorrow. That mental restriction works exactly the same as physical restriction in terms of like your body's responses. Yeah.
00:09:34
Speaker
So working on your approach to food and bringing in some more freedom, bringing in a bit more intuition, being able to listen to your body, which if you're someone who's been dieting or on a lifestyle change or a health kick, whatever you want to call it for many, many years, you might think, well, can't listen to my body because my body doesn't maybe give me the hunger and fullness cues.
00:09:54
Speaker
Or my body, like, like I used to say, my body will just choose chocolate for every single meal.
Dismantling Diet Mentalities and Embracing Food Freedom
00:10:00
Speaker
And so like, yeah, there's a lot of work that often needs to go in there, but working on your relationship with food is such a huge part of it. And I also think that's the part that a lot of people who help with body image or who help with confidence are missing.
00:10:15
Speaker
Like we see those as separate things. We go, I go to a nutritionist or whatever for food. And then I go to a psychologist for my relationship with my body, but like they're so linked, which is why I'm super passionate about bringing both of them in.
00:10:28
Speaker
And then another big part of it is i think undoing a lot of the conditioning that you've had over your whole lifetime around bodies, around what is good as a body, like those beauty standards that we've all, every time you open Instagram, every time you, you know, but the Daily Mail posts an article, like we see it everywhere.
00:10:47
Speaker
Yeah. And even the and standards that are enforced in terms of like, so I'm a plus size person. I'm at the smaller end of the plus size spectrum, but there are still shops that I can't go into and pick up outfits. It's getting better, but there are many stores that I cannot shop in.
00:11:04
Speaker
And that sends a message to me, even if it's not, I mean, I'm aware of it, but back in the day, that would have sent a message to me that you're not good enough. Your body's not normal. You need to change.
00:11:15
Speaker
And that mess is with your head. Yeah. Recognizing a lot of the condition that you've had. And then the approach that I take is body neutrality. So most people are aware of body positivity, which is all, all bodies are beautiful.
00:11:29
Speaker
Love the way your body looks, all that kind of thing. That is absolutely wonderful for some people, for a lot of people, that's actually not very helpful because if you were in a place where you really don't like your body, you're really unhappy with your body. The idea of loving your body, like going to thinking your body's beautiful, that feels really far away. feels impossible.
00:11:48
Speaker
And also just, I don't think bodies are that important, which for someone who literally works all on bodies, you might be like, what? Your body is just one tiny part of you. Like there are so many other things that are more important about you as a person than your body.
00:12:04
Speaker
So that's to me, the things that we need to be focusing on. So it's about kind of like, so there's a statistic, I think it's Uh, about 80%. So I think it's 82% of Australian women report an overvaluation of weight and body shape. So what that means is 82%.
00:12:18
Speaker
eighty two percent I think that's a statistic. It's within a couple of percent of that of women place all of their worth onto their body as in all of their worth onto their weight or their body shape.
00:12:31
Speaker
So they don't care that they're a good mom. They don't care that they're a nice friend. They don't care that they're raising cool kids. They don't cool kids. I don't mean that. you want to be like kids the cool gang yeah the coolies like they They don't care that they're good at their job. They don't care that they're a nice person. They don't care about any of that stuff because while yes, they care about it. They're like, but it doesn't matter because my body looks like this.
00:12:55
Speaker
And that's the only thing that's dictating their self-worth. Sorry, I just realised I said 83. It's 23% of women. It's the other way around. So it's about one in four. One in five, one in four, one in five. Place all of their worth on that.
00:13:07
Speaker
But it's about 92% of Australian women dislike their bodies. That's the statistic. That's hard, isn't it? Like that that's a big statistic. Like even both of them, even like the one in four, like
Understanding Body Neutrality
00:13:20
Speaker
that's a lot.
00:13:21
Speaker
And just... yeah No, sorry. You go. oh just like when you look at how intense that is, like, like disliking your body, obviously that is also awful, but all of your worth, like when you really think all of your worth, that's ah heartbreaking.
00:13:36
Speaker
It is. It is because, oh, like you said, like, yeah, it's, it's just one part of us. It's, it's our vessel, I suppose. And yes, we can love it. And and it allows us to do this stuff. But what about all the, yeah, like you said, all the other stuff. Oh, that really, yeah Yeah, that's throwing me. That's not.
00:13:55
Speaker
it's It's heartbreaking. And I mean, particularly like with the work that I do, I'm obviously exposed to those types of people more often. So like over in a workshop, I did one last year and I remember I said that statistic and I kind of divided up the room and I was like, OK, so like this percentage of people, that's how they would feel and they that's how you know they would feel.
00:14:12
Speaker
And I said, OK, well, who would be part of the 23 percent? or who No, I think I said who has been part of the 23%. Almost every single hand went up. And I went, okay, who's still part of the 23%. And again, almost every single hand went up.
00:14:26
Speaker
And that just, I think I cried. Like still emotional about this. know that's, yeah, I can totally understand that. And just to think that these intelligent, amazing people are putting all their worth into this one little area and forgetting about all the other goodness that they provide the world. Like that's just, oh, I can understand why you cry.
00:14:52
Speaker
ah It's just heartbreaking. And I mean, yeah, so that's why I focus on body neutrality, which is just about that going, well, your body's just one part of you. It's not that important. The other parts of you are more important.
00:15:03
Speaker
We don't have to love our bodies. We don't have to love the way our bodies look. Like I think sometimes this surprises people. I don't love the way my body looks. Like I'm not often looking in the mirror and being like, oh, yeah look sometimes at And often that I'm oh, hell yes. Like, I love my body. This is the exact way that I would want it to look in, you know, if I could wave a magic wand.
00:15:24
Speaker
No, there are parts of myself that I look at and go, like, not a huge fan of that. Like, my stomach has always been my, like... part that I'm most self-conscious of, but yeah I used to look at my stomach and go, oh, disgusting. I say I look at, I wouldn't even look at it because I was so like, no, so much shame, so much awfulness around that.
00:15:44
Speaker
Now I can look it and be like, it's a stomach, whatever. Like, it's just a tummy. it's Yeah, it's bigger than it used to be. Okay. So ah oh what? Also parts of being me that are bigger than they used to be is my like self-worth, my confidence. Why am I not that? Yeah.
00:16:00
Speaker
Yes. And I love that. I love that little, just that quick little reframe. Cause yeah, you do, you've got all these other amazing things that are bigger and better now as well.
00:16:10
Speaker
And I think as women as well, like our bodies change so frequently, we obviously have our menstrual cycle that we have to take into account, um pregnancy, if we go down that route, like all these different things that are going to affect the way our body is and that will affect it monthly. So, you know, and it's normal for us to kind of have days where we're kind of like, ah and other days we we're like, oh yeah, I'm on file. ah yeah You know, again, that's all part of our cycle and everything. So I guess it's just trying to
The Mirror Exercise for Body Acceptance
00:16:41
Speaker
on those days where we're not feeling so great, remind ourselves that yes, it isn't the be all and the end all of our self-worth that we provide so much more to the world than just that. And
00:16:52
Speaker
Yeah, I guess that's, that's probably a good starting point, isn't it? Just to, to think of those things, like, like, what would you suggest to people, like, especially, i suppose, mums that people that are dealing with those body changes in a significant way, because I know, like, your body's not the same after pregnancy, during pregnancy.
00:17:12
Speaker
So a lot of, I know a lot of women feel like aliens. I know around that time of the month as well, when there's like the extra bloating and fluid retention and, Like what's one little way that you would suggest that people kind of focus on their bodies in a positive way? What would you suggest to them?
00:17:29
Speaker
I think I'm going to suggest one of my favorite exercises. And this, I think, I think it's good for everyone. It's also really great for particularly, like you said, women who've maybe had kids and then, like you said, their bodies have changed after pregnancy. And maybe if you're doing a little bit of the avoiding going, Oh, I don't want to look at that because that looks different from how it used to. And I don't like that.
00:17:48
Speaker
It's an exercise that you can do with five minutes. So it's called the mirror exercise. Kylie Jenner spoke about it on her Instagram stories, like maybe a year or two ago. And I was like, no, that's the thing I always talk about. Now everyone's going to think I stole it from Kylie. I did not. She stole it from you. Thanks Kylie. I'm sure she follows me.
00:18:06
Speaker
Totally. I it. char on write on and But basically, yeah, so it's called the mirror exercise. So best to do this, preferably if maybe someone else has the kids, you don't have them coming in and out. This is kind of something you need to do on your own or maybe when they're in bed. But what you need to do is find a full length mirror, take off all of your clothes, like absolutely everything, underwear, everything.
00:18:27
Speaker
Set a timer for five minutes and then just stand there and look at yourself in the mirror. Like it is, yeah, it's scary, right? Like, I know. Wow.
00:18:37
Speaker
but Looking at yourself and the aim of this is to the aim of it. Part of it is to try not to get stuck in the judgments. The judgments going to come up. You're going to have that voice in your head, you know, telling you, you look like Shrek or whatever, but you should be mine.
00:18:50
Speaker
Like, You're going to have the mean voice is probably going to pop up. Yeah. But the idea is just to look and just see your body. Cause at the start, it's going feel really hard. Your heart rate's probably going to go up You're going to be feeling really anxious or stressed or whatever it is.
00:19:05
Speaker
But the idea is that the longer you do this, the more you realize. It's just a body. Like that's a body. Because in the beginning, you're going to get all, like, say, for example, stomach. I would look at my stomach and I've attached so much meaning to that stomach.
00:19:19
Speaker
I've attached so much power to that stomach, so much shame to that stomach. And when we're ashamed of something, we put it away. We try and put it in a box and we don't look at it. So when we confront it and we look at it, this is about just like bringing that shame into the light, which helps to get rid of it.
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah. So just looking at yourself. Yeah. And just not getting stuck in the thoughts, noticing the thoughts, noticing what comes up, but then trying to just let them go move on and looking at all of your body. So not just zeroing in on the things that you normally look at, like maybe the parts that you're feeling self-conscious of, like really look at all of your body.
00:19:50
Speaker
One thing that I love doing is like looking at my hand. Like how often do we sit there and look at our hands? We don't. That would be kind of weird. for Right. But if you look at your hand, Like all the lines that go across it, I can see my veins underneath. Like how cool is it that I can think move your finger and my finger moves.
00:20:06
Speaker
And when you start doing that and you look at all the different parts of yourself, you start to realize that like, my body's really freaking cool. yeah How amazing is that? And ah again, it can take time. Some people for their first like five minutes is also a really long time to do this. Yeah. Some people was probably like, you know, 30 seconds and like, oh my God, surely we're done. Yeah.
00:20:26
Speaker
But that's why like you intentionally want it to be a long time. So you can get to the point where you can start to be like, all right, I'm calming down a little bit. I'm feeling a bit less heightened. And just looking and noticing things.
00:20:39
Speaker
And then at the end, something I love to get my clients to do is to write down everything they saw that they liked. And like the first time you do this, it might be like, like I've had clients who go, I don't like anything. And then, you know, I've gone, well, you have to put down at least one thing and they go, okay, mike eyelashes, like maybe that's it. ah maybe I had a pimple yesterday and now it's clear. Like, cool. Okay. It's something.
00:21:00
Speaker
Yeah. And then you do it again the next day and then you do it again the next day. And particularly like you saying how bodies change throughout our cycle. If you can try and do this at like different points in your cycle as well, in the times where, you know, your body maybe looks a little bit different.
00:21:14
Speaker
Get to know your body at every stage. Yeah. And then writing down everything you like. And you will notice that the more you do this, the more you'll see that you like. And you're like, what you like might be your smile. It might be your teeth. It might be your legs. It might be like, it might just be your nail polish. Like whatever.
00:21:32
Speaker
But as you go on, you stop feeling so like afraid of your body and ashamed of your body. And you can start to feel a bit more of that neutrality,
Impact of Parental and Societal Messages on Children
00:21:40
Speaker
that acceptance come creeping in. So it's a super simple exercise.
00:21:44
Speaker
Yeah. Not to say it's a super easy exercise. But hot yeah it is so fantastic. still do this occasionally. Like if I notice that I'm having a bit of a like bad body image day or something, i'm like, all right, mirror, let's go. Yeah. Off come the clothes.
00:21:58
Speaker
All right. but Oh, I love it. And that's the thing. Like, I think so many of the exercises that are really good for us are the ones that are really simple. Yep. They can be quite challenging.
00:22:10
Speaker
Oh, okay. I love this. might, I might have to give this one a go. Yes. And you'll have to tell me how you go. It's I will. It's honestly, it changes. I've got clients, like I have a client who she was one of the first clients I ever worked with like five years ago.
00:22:24
Speaker
She still messages me every now and then going, did the mirror exercise today, needed the mirror exercise today. Like it's so good. Oh, love it. Okay. Yep. I'm going to set my own challenge.
00:22:34
Speaker
I think the hardest thing will be actually getting the time alone to do this. I do hear that sometimes. But we'll figure it out. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. So I guess for me as well, like ah I know that there's a lot of kind of teachers and mums and stuff that listen to the podcast when we're dealing with our children and obviously raising them. And we want to obviously raise them to be body confident, to have this self-love, all the rest of it. And I know for me, one of my children is getting to the age where
00:23:06
Speaker
The outside messages are starting to come in. um Taking on, you know, what other people are saying, we're kind of reaching that, yeah this could go either way sort of stage.
00:23:17
Speaker
What would you suggest or recommend or what have you seen work for those of us that do have children or work with children? in terms of helping them with their body confidence, with their self-love, with all these things that we as women, like you said at the start, like we don't want them to have to go through what we've gone through. Like, how do we navigate this?
00:23:39
Speaker
Yeah. I think the first thing is just being super conscious of what you're saying around them, which I know I don't need to tell parents. We all know how important that is, but not even necessarily what you're saying to them, but also what you say about yourself.
00:23:54
Speaker
Like that's almost every single woman who comes and works with me. When I talk about their childhood, they're like oh your mom was all, I always heard mom saying about her own body. Like, Oh, maybe she didn't. I do have clients whose moms would comment on their bodies too, but yeah.
00:24:07
Speaker
Yeah. Even just about her own body or mom, you know, whenever she was like, I've had the client who was like, oh, mom was always a size 14. And I remember being at the shops with her and she was like, oh no, size 16. I can't be that. So when my client became a size 16, she had this huge freak out because she was like, I can't be a size 16. Size 16 is the cutoff bad size because that's what her mom didn't even know. Her mom didn't even know she had modeled that to her.
00:24:31
Speaker
And when she went back and talked to her mom, her mom's like, I never used to do that. what do you mean? I don't remember that. And was like, mm-hmm. You did wasn't important to you, but it was important to me. so just being super conscious of the way you speak around kids, not using language like good and bad around bodies or food or anything like that is a really big part of it.
00:24:52
Speaker
And then if they're picking up things from other people, which, yep, that's going to happen. And then you can do all of the amazing work at home and then they're going to go out in the world and pick things up. If like, for example, I remember having a chat with a mum not that long ago who was saying that her daughter came home from school and was like, I don't want to get fat.
00:25:09
Speaker
And she was like, whoa, okay. Yeah. Where did that, like, that is not something we don't use that kind of thing at home. So, you know what? And she was like, okay, why, why don't you want to get fat? And her daughter was like, well, cause fat is ugly. And she was like, okay, where, you know, where did you hear that? And basically just having a conversation around, not going, no, that's bad. We don't use the word fat and things like that, because that's the way some people go. They go, oh, we don't call people fat. It's like, but then you're just making fat a bad word. Yeah. That doesn't need to be a bad word. Fat can be a neutral descriptor, but just having a conversation around.
00:25:42
Speaker
Bringing, I guess, a bit of that neutrality to it. Like, why do you think that? And just getting them to kind of, obviously this is age dependent as well, yeah but getting them to kind of have their own opinions about things rather than taking on board other people's and just constantly modeling the good behavior.
00:26:01
Speaker
good i just said, don't use good and bad, but you know what I mean? Like positive behavior. yeah Yeah. Model for them because you know, that's what you can control. You can't control what other people are doing, unfortunately, as much as we would like to, but just making sure that at home is a positive environment yeah and instilling those kinds of values that you want them to grow up believing.
00:26:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think, Yes. I mean, obviously i know when we were growing up, there was a lot out in, you know, there was a supermodels and the, you know, all those sorts of things that was very, um very much a thing when I was growing
Curating Positive Social Media and Promoting Body Diversity
00:26:40
Speaker
up. And obviously kind of had your, not only the thin eyebrows, but thin everything else.
00:26:46
Speaker
And that was just like the trend. So I guess, you know, obviously social media has kind of taken over, but I know that there is definitely a lot more, um I say body acceptance out there in terms of this side of things. So I know that there is a change happening. It's it's a slower change, but it is there still, which is great to see.
00:27:06
Speaker
um Would you have any recommendations? Like obviously you're a great person to follow in terms of all this, but for... our children and our tweens and our teens coming through, they are going to do discover social media at some point. They are going to be jumping on there.
00:27:21
Speaker
What would you suggest they look at or follow in regards to this? Is there anything that you can kind of think they go, oh yeah, that's actually a really good account or Anything like that? Oh, there are so many good accounts. I think like the biggest thing is just looking for like body diversity, which is, this is advice for the parents as well. It's not just for the kids. yeah definitely.
00:27:39
Speaker
Just body diversity and creators who promote self-love and acceptance and things like that. So like some of my favorite people to follow who also, I think big, good role models for when I say kids, I mean, I guess, you know, the age who are on social media, I'm not a mom. I don't know what age that is, but different for everyone. Okay.
00:27:58
Speaker
ah People, so some of my favorite people to follow is Kate Jones, who's dedicated lifestyle. She's a really good one to follow, promotes a lot of like self-love content. um She's an influencer.
00:28:09
Speaker
There are people like ah the Bodzilla, her handle is April Helene Horton. She's also an ambassador for the Butterfly Foundation now, one of the newer ambassadors, um another Australian creator. She's fantastic.
00:28:21
Speaker
um all Alex, hang on, what's her handle? Alex London, Alex Light London, I think. Alex Light and something like that. She'll come up. She's very well known. um She's a great one. Jamila Jamil, who was on The Good Place and has a podcast. yeah Oh, yes.
00:28:36
Speaker
yeah Another amazing person who like doesn't. not for the body diversity in terms of like size diversity of looking at her, but she's such a great creator and like such a champion for any marginalized person, basically. Yeah. Um, oh my God, there are so many go through the people I'm following. Okay. right. I'll have a stalk.
00:28:55
Speaker
But no, yeah, if there's any like specific, if anyone wants recommendations and they're like, I specifically would like this type of person or for this type of thing, like DM me on Instagram and I'll send you some. Yeah.
00:29:06
Speaker
All right. Awesome. Thank you. Because I think that's the big thing as well, like what you're kind of saturated with, what you're looking at. And we do have that better control now, I guess. Like I know, you know, back in the day, whatever the ad was that was on TV, that's kind of what you got. The magazines, that was what you saw because we didn't have social media. So yeah.
00:29:24
Speaker
the fact that we can kind of influence that a little bit. um Yeah. That could always be yeah i a good tool to use. A hundred percent. And like, I see the impact of this from myself so often. If I go out and I talk to someone and someone makes a comment about like, I shouldn't be eating this or something like that, or makes a comment about losing weight.
00:29:43
Speaker
It's really jarring for me. Like I go, Oh, what are we, Oh, are we still doing that? Are we still saying that? Like, because my space that I've curated for myself is so supportive and diverse and wonderful.
00:29:56
Speaker
And it genuinely does have a huge impact because now social, like when people go, oh, social media is so toxic. Like social media is not a nice place to be. Social media is a really nice place to be for me. Like I don't feel worse.
00:30:08
Speaker
And I know this, you know, studies show that most people do. I don't feel worse after getting off social media. Most the time I actually feel better. Oh, that's good. I do think it's about the space you cure. And obviously there's always going to be stuff. There's always going to be. I'm trying to go on Facebook. I feel like that's less.
00:30:24
Speaker
Yeah. but There's a block and delete button for a reason. So yeah, I think curating that space for yourself or for your kids is yeah. Fantastic thing to do.
00:30:35
Speaker
Such an underrated. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I know, um, I think another thing that has kind of come up and just in conversations with people as well as it's not necessarily what happens at home or even in social media. Sometimes it's the the friends and the family, the extended um side of things that maybe are holding onto those old beliefs for them that they've had.
00:30:57
Speaker
And then inadvertently saying things, even if you've been like, oh, no, please don't mention this or mention that. Like how do we navigate that as well? Because that's a really tricky one because it's most the time you're dealing with people that you're close to in some way and they are going to be in your children's lives.
00:31:14
Speaker
How do you kind of... if we go from there, like, there a way that we can and say something or, um obviously I know, obviously, don't know if we can't all make them do the work if they don't want to. but yeah love yeah Yeah. How do we, how do we address that? yeah I think it is extra tricky. Like I've got so many ways, I guess when it's yourself, when it's someone making comments to you, obviously that extra layer of when it's your kids is harder because,
00:31:44
Speaker
Yeah, it's, it's trickier. And again, yeah you have less control over what they're absorbing. You can't just like for you, you might be able to go, no, thank you. That's not mine. I'm not taking that one You can't necessarily do that for your kids.
00:31:55
Speaker
So for your kids, I guess it depends who the person is. Depends how close you are. Depends what you want to do there. i think setting boundaries if you can is a great thing. And then enforcing those boundaries as well yeah and enforcing those boundaries in At least in the beginning, unless they keep pushing them in a like respectful way, rather than going straight to like, I told you not to say that. Like, don't say that in front of them. Cause also then for the kid that makes them like, whoa, like what, what's going on kind of thing.
00:32:24
Speaker
So just in a, like, you know, saying to them, like, actually like we don't use. good and bad language around food, do we? And then even like getting the kid involved and being like, don't know. I'm trying to think of an example, but if a child has a donut or something like that, and then the grandma's like, oh, they shouldn't be eating that. They shouldn't be eating the sugar or something being like, oh no, we, we have donuts sometimes because donuts make us happy.
00:32:48
Speaker
And the fact that we get to have them occasionally, it's not an everyday thing. And how good is that? It's a special treat. Like, it's kind of reinforcing over the top and then Like that's not the language we use around that.
00:33:01
Speaker
Obviously when it keeps going, which I know for some people it does, maybe the boundary enforcing. water yeah I start switching. Yeah. yeah But yeah, I think that's probably the thing that I know I've had clients find the most effective or just reinforcing it with the child.
00:33:19
Speaker
And then even on
Handling Negative Body Perceptions from Family and Friends
00:33:20
Speaker
the way home, if, Because kids are pretty smart a lot of the time as well. And if they notice that they're intentional, they notice that grandma keeps saying things that don't line up with what they say at home. Like just having the conversation with them and reinforcing like, oh, you know, when grandma said that, like, you know, we don't use that because this is why, like, yeah you know, that's maybe how things are for grandma, but that's actually not how things are for our house. And like, how cool is that, that we get to pick our own way that we think and the way that we approach food or the way we approach bodies.
00:33:49
Speaker
Oh, that's good. Yeah. And that's, yeah. Thank you for that. Because I know that, um, it's something that a lot of people do struggle with. Like, I know just speaking to my friends and stuff, you know, we can do all this stuff ourselves and in our own homes. And then, you know, you get someone visiting and it's like, Oh,
00:34:06
Speaker
It's like, oh no. And so that's where I'm like, okay, so yeah, let's let's look at this one. Okay. No, thank you for that. I do appreciate it because yeah, I think as well, I did do a little bit of research before I jumped on with you. Cause I think it was that butterfly foundation that you mentioned before, and they've got some really good statistics on there. And it's,
00:34:25
Speaker
Also little concerning because it was saying one of the ones was like for 12 to 18 year olds. um So 45%, so nearly half, are dissatisfied with the way that their bodies look.
00:34:36
Speaker
And I'm like, holy moly, that's from 12 onwards. And I mean, there could have been statistics for younger children there as well. I know that that definitely starting younger and younger. yeah. obviously, yeah, we're trying to do what we can as a family or you know, in a family group or in a home setting. And then you're getting the outside influences coming in and it's like, oh, if they're already dissatisfied and then they're getting someone that's close to them that they love saying something, is that going to make them spiral even more? And yeah, so all these thoughts kind of come into my mind when we see these things. And then I think another one that I saw, which was a bit very concerning, is that 90% of teenagers have some level of body concern.
00:35:13
Speaker
And I'm like, no. Yeah. You're beautiful. but But that's it's yeah, it's horrifying, but it's also like that doesn't surprise me yeah at all. Like when I think back to my teenage years, likes how we bonded a lot of the time over like not liking certain parts of us.
00:35:34
Speaker
And it's heartbreaking. Actually, that's another really good resource. um Embrace Kids. I'm not sure. Or Embrace. Yeah. That's Taryn Brumfield, isn't it? Yes. yes' my I'm obsessed with her. I love her. Yeah. Obsessed with her.
00:35:47
Speaker
The stuff they do. So the Embrace Kids documentary, great one to watch. Great one to watch with your kids as well. Anything that, yeah, Taryn does is amazing. But yeah. Yeah. They've got also, I think it's embrace kids on Instagram, another really good one to follow. Um, and they post a lot of wt like the stuff we've been talking about here, like so many different ways about how you can support your kids, what to say around your kids, what not to say, how to handle the family members. Like all of that is on their page as well, specifically around kids.
00:36:14
Speaker
Yeah. Awesome. Because I mean, obviously, yeah, it's like you said, we we don't want our future generations to be having to do all this. And where I know if so many of us are trying to do the work and do what we can. And obviously you're helping so many women and people out there to kind of move through this. So now we just need to let it trickle down into our children and hopefully those statistics will
The Ripple Effect of Self-Acceptance Work
00:36:40
Speaker
change.
00:36:42
Speaker
Fingers crossed. But that's it. Like you, if you were doing the thing for yourself, I think that has more of an impact on your kids than you can even imagine on the next generation. Like, yeah, like I said, I don't even have kids, but I know that the kids in my life, like my best friend's child, I know he's positively impacted from having me in his life.
00:37:04
Speaker
Because yeah, that's what it is. Like that's my whole thing is like the ripple effect. Like yes I help one mom, she helps her kids, she helps the people in her life and it trickles and it goes out that way. So yeah.
00:37:14
Speaker
And I have to ask, do you work with, have you worked with any men or males at all? Like have any of them ever come to you for help or has it been mostly females? Mostly females. I also, my brand is like full pink.
00:37:26
Speaker
So not to stereotypical, but I think a lot of men look at me and go, Jesus. Yeah. ah I mean, let's be honest. Cause I mean, a lot of men do have these issues as well. They're just not necessarily as vocal about them.
00:37:38
Speaker
A hundred percent. I've had one male on my podcast before, cause I've got a podcast as well. Yeah. Jake niche. So also if you've got kids like young boy or boys who are on social media, who need someone to follow it, Jake is Follow him. He's Jake Nish, which is K-N-E-E-S-H.
00:37:55
Speaker
Okay. He is, and yeah, my episode with him, he is doing wonderful things. Like he's not like coaching or anything. He's more of like an influencer model kind of thing, but he's doing incredible things in terms of like body image for men, like dismantling the beauty standards for men. Although I think men don't like them. They call beauty standards, which is a whole...
00:38:13
Speaker
Fragile masculinity thing. Anyway, yeah like he also does a lot of stuff with like gender norms. Like he's this big, I think he's like six foot six or something like that. He's this big, like rugby playing looking guy and he wears skirts sometimes and he wears nail polish and stuff like that. And he's just, I'm obsessed with him. I, yeah, he was the first man I ever had on podcast. And I was like, I love you. You're amazing. That's so good. Cause yeah, I think.
00:38:35
Speaker
The males do you get forgotten, the boys do you get forgotten, but I know that this is definitely something that affects them in different ways as well. So it is good to know that there are resources and people out there to help them too. So thank you for that because I've got, um yeah, girls and boys. Yeah.
00:38:53
Speaker
I'm kind of like, oh, okay. I'm navigating both personally with, within our family. So you're trying to ensure that, yeah, we're kind of covered in that regard. So thanks Gemma. I appreciate that. No worries. I've also actually got, um, I can send you the link for this. If you want to pop in the show notes and episode, I did my own podcast with someone about raising body confident and intuitive eating like kids, ah love it boys and girls, um, which is such a great episode. Like I learned so much from it. so I would highly recommend all of your listeners listen to us Yeah, that would be great. up on Because I think if you like, if this is a topic you're interested in, it's such a good one to listen to. Yeah. And I think even if you're not necessarily interested in it as such, it's something that as, as a human, as a parent, as someone with children or working with children, it is definitely relevant to know. Because even just like you said, the language that you use, the way that you communicate with them, that ripple effect, you mentioned it's true. Like, yeah.
00:39:47
Speaker
Yeah. Just the way we can try to change something so slight and it can make such a big difference. So I think anything like that would definitely be beneficial. So thank you. We'll definitely grab that and pop it in the show notes.
00:39:59
Speaker
ah And before we finish up, thank you so much, but okay, I'm going to, I always throw this one and everyone's like, Ooh, but if you could leave the listeners with just one piece of advice, what would have it be?
00:40:11
Speaker
I just nearly went, Oh, exactly. like you said Because it's like ah all these things is like, Oh, I got to choose just one. Okay. My bit of advice would probably be that.
00:40:25
Speaker
You've got to do something like it's all well and good to learn about body image, to learn about the relationship with food stuff, to learn about confidence and to go and like listen to podcasts like this and all that, which is wonderful.
00:40:37
Speaker
But you also actually have to take action for things to change. And I think. particularly at those of us who love personal development, we can get really stuck in the learning and not the doing. So like, for example, confidence, if you want to grow your general confidence, you actually have to do something. You actually have to do something that's out of your, I know, you actually have to do something that's out of your comfort zone.
00:40:58
Speaker
That is how we grow our confidence. If you actually want a better relationship with your body, you have to do the things like the mirror exercise and the, you know, any other tools that there are. If you want a good relationship with food, you have to go and, you know, maybe eat something that currently feels really scary for you. And you actually have to do the work there and not just learn about it and think one day that's going to fix everything.
00:41:18
Speaker
That's probably my, I'll just absorb it and it will just kind of change. Like we laugh, but also I feel like that's what so many, and I did that for years. Like I am not acting like I am above that because I have been there so many times. But, yeah, you actually have to do the thing.
00:41:34
Speaker
yeah And keep doing the thing as well because can't do things once and then hope that everything's going to change. Like these things take practice. These things take work. They take, yeah, intentional repetition action.
00:41:45
Speaker
Love it. Thank you. And, i yeah, I could definitely keep chatting to you, but I'm mindful of time. Yeah. So thank you so much um for jumping on and sharing all this today. It's been really, really good. And yeah, like I said, we'll grab those a few things off you for the show notes and yeah, where can we find you?
00:42:04
Speaker
Best to find me on Instagram. My handle, my handle is currently inspire, inspire underscore underscore wellness. It is going to be changing soon, but that's probably not going to be for about a month. So I'll let you know, Victoria, if it changes before you this, but yeah.
00:42:18
Speaker
but Yeah. Inspire underscore underscore wellness on Instagram. My podcast is called finding freedom with inspire wellness. If you want to come and listen to that, hear me yap on about all of this stuff. think I've got nearly 200 episodes. apart That's so good.
00:42:32
Speaker
I have a lot to say on the topic in case you couldn't tell. yeah out of the epi They're probably the best, best places to find me. Come chat. Sounds good. All right. Thank you so much, Gemma. I really appreciate you coming on today.
00:42:43
Speaker
Thank you so much for having me. Thanks.