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Ep. 7: Emma Bradley on Being Hospitalised as a Teen with Mental Health Problems
113 Plays4 years ago
Emma Bradley is a Parenting Expert and mum of three. She has a long career as a teacher behind her expertise, but what's really given her the title is her ability to empathise with young people. And that comes from her own personal experiences as much as from her work.
Emma didn't get the GCSE grade she'd been predicted, and this started a course of events that saw her spiral into depression. Eventually she was hospitalised for mental health problems, and had to continue her studies from her hospital ward.
Emma explains how she got through her exams and treatment to go on to university, but not before going through some quite scary moments.
If you think your child or teenager has clinical depression, or is struggling with anxiety or other mental health issues, your first step should be to call your GP. They will signpost you to further support, or arrange an appointment for you with a specialist child and adolescent mental health service (CAMHS).
Useful Links:
- NHS
- CAMHS
- Mind - the mental health charity
- Young Minds - children and young people's mental health charity
You can find Emma here:
- On her blog Emma and 3
- @Emmaand3 on Twitter and Instagram
Thank you so much for listening! Subscribe now to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear all my new episodes. I'll be talking to some fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent, becoming disabled, and being hospitalised with mental health problems - and how they overcame things to move on with their lives.
I'd love it if you'd rate and review the podcast on iTunes too - it would really help other people to find it. You can also find more from me on parenting teenagers on my blog Actually Mummy, and on Instagram and Twitter @iamhelenwills.
This episode is sponsored by Blue Microphones, who gave me the brilliant Yeticaster for the recording of the podcast.
For information on your data privacy please visit Podcast.co. Please note that I am not a medical expert, and nothing in the podcast should be taken as medical advice.
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Transcript
Introduction to Teenage Kicks podcast
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast where we take the fear out of parenting or becoming a teenager. I'm Helen Wills and every week I talk to someone who had a difficult experience in their teens but came out the other side in a good place and went on to make a real success of their life.
Teenage pressures and importance of support
00:00:24
Speaker
Are you worried about your teenager's mental health?
00:00:27
Speaker
There's such a lot of pressure on young people today and I think all of them at some point struggle a bit. Most of them get through it with the support of parents, teachers and friends but in some cases even the most together kids can end up dealing with something a bit more scary.
Emma Bradley's academic struggles and mental health journey
00:00:45
Speaker
My guest this week is Emma Bradley. She was on track to pretty solid academic success until something suddenly flipped for her and things very quickly became quite difficult.
00:00:57
Speaker
And I remember she just looked at me and said, are you feeling suicidal? And I said, yes. Despite eventually being hospitalised due to mental health problems, Emma still managed to get good grades for her GCSEs and A levels. I absolutely loved hearing this story about how she left her hospital to sit her exams and then returned to treatment.
00:01:22
Speaker
You know, I was going through crisis in one section but I also knew I wanted my results, I wanted to go to university and I wanted to get out of it all. Emma is now a parenting expert who quite clearly has a real empathy with teenagers who are going through some tough things or who are vulnerable and it's so easy to see why.
00:01:45
Speaker
She has a lovely take on so-called troublesome kids, and I'm doing air quotes here. And I think if I was struggling, I'd definitely want her as my mum. Have a listen to her tips for supporting teenage mental health. I especially loved this one about writing down the things you're not strong enough to say out loud.
00:02:06
Speaker
I feel like killing myself. I feel suicidal. Those words do not come out of your mouth easily. But you can write it on a piece of paper. We had a few interruptions from Lily, Emma's super cute and very friendly dog.
Sponsorship and episode interruptions
00:02:24
Speaker
It was an interesting recording and I loved cuddling Lily while we chatted. I think it all adds to the fun of the episode.
00:02:31
Speaker
Before we get started, I'd like to ask a favour. If you've liked the podcast, please head over to iTunes and rate and subscribe. I'd be thrilled if you'd leave a review too. It just helps to boost it in the charts so that other people can find it.
00:02:46
Speaker
This series is sponsored by Blue Microphones. If you're thinking of making a podcast or any kind of audio recording, their YetiCaster mic is fantastic. Honestly, especially for beginners like me, it's made recording and editing really simple and it makes me look like a professional when I'm on my travels with my guests.
Emma's work with vulnerable teens and societal judgments
00:03:07
Speaker
Have a look on blue-designs.co.uk. Here's my chat with Emma.
00:03:13
Speaker
So Emma, tell me a little bit about all your past with parenting, what you've picked up and how you've picked it up, where from?
00:03:21
Speaker
So I am a qualified teacher, I'm qualified in English but my degree is actually in social policy and I have always worked with young people and I've often worked with young people on the edges and I think a lot of that is down to my own experiences as a teenager and how I was
00:03:44
Speaker
to the type of teenagers that i wanted to work with so i've always picked the underdogs and those on the edges and they were the focus in my career so i worked initially i worked in a children's home with life limited children i worked
00:04:01
Speaker
then in an inclusion unit with teenagers and mostly boys that were being permanently excluded from school and we were doing everything to keep them somewhere on reduced timetables. Then I qualified as a teacher and taught everybody
00:04:18
Speaker
But my heart was always in inclusion and working with the most vulnerable. So I did a lot of charity work around that as well. And I'm also a school governor. So yes, I've got a lot of experience working with a lot of young people in quite different settings, actually, which gives you a really good understanding of different groups of teenagers. So you worked in a pastoral role, I'm thinking, as well as a teacher.
00:04:46
Speaker
Yes, so I, one of my roles was as an inclusion manager, so I worked in... We're having a bit of a... We are, who comes with the dog. The dogs' jokes in this moment are really unique at all. So I worked with teenagers that were too disruptive to be in the classroom. Right. And so they were still within our mainstream school, but they were on reduced timetables,
00:05:11
Speaker
or having alternative provisions. So I taught a lot about life skills as well to that group. So we did self-confidence workshops. I was actually involved in writing and managing pastoral support plans for young people that were being excluded and pulling in the agencies that could help and sort of quite a family-led approach as well.
00:05:34
Speaker
So yeah, so you've, I mean you really are qualified through experience to talk about teenagers and what they're dealing with today and that's why I think this talk is, I'm really looking forward to this talk and we will get on to you in a minute, but I'm interested because there's always a judgment and a prejudice about kids who are in that situation. I still, in my local Facebook group, I still see posts occasionally like, oh god there's a bunch of teenagers hanging out in hoodies on bikes on the corner of
00:06:03
Speaker
I'm like, well, yeah, because they've got nowhere else to go. Hoodies are quite cool and it's cold so they've got the hoods up. Oh, that's just the way that the fashion dictates and they're out on their bikes. Are they actually breaking into your house or tripping up old lady? You know?
00:06:20
Speaker
No, that's it. And I always sort of, as I walk past a group of teenagers, no matter who they would be, I always say hello. You know, I get a reply sometimes. A lot of times you just get a shocked look that you've even bothered to say hi. You know, but I just think it's really important. Just speak and treat everybody the same. Yeah. Yeah. And assume that they're decent and they're at heart. And actually, at heart, everybody's just trying to do the right thing for them. Yeah.
00:06:45
Speaker
It just gets a bit misguided sometimes. So were those kids particularly difficult? Did you ever feel like you didn't want to be around
Emma's teenage struggles and health decline
00:06:53
Speaker
them? No, there has never, never been any that gave me that feeling at all. Every one of them individually.
00:07:01
Speaker
taken out of a situation where they felt uncomfortable has so much to give and I love it when I see them now you know I still live in the town that I taught in and I quite often see my ex-students and you know they're all like my husband taught he still teaches at the same school and like here we'll walk past kids it's like hey miss hey sir
00:07:23
Speaker
We saw some of them say they're 13. My favourite year group and they know who they are. I taught from year seven. They were my first group that I saw all the way through the whole secondary school. And they see us and they're like, hey miss, who's her? And they're all turning 30. I see on their Facebooks now, their birthdays, and they're all turning 30. It's just like, God does that make you feel old.
00:07:48
Speaker
Yeah, they were 11 when I knew them. So really, the sense that I'm getting is that if you figure an individual out, and this is effectively true for humanity all over the world, if you try and figure out what's going on with a person, what their motivation is and why they're doing what they're doing,
00:08:09
Speaker
generally you find a good person underneath. Would that be a fair? Yeah, absolutely. And you know, even some that have got it really wrong and you know, some of our ex-students have ended up in prison for short sentences mostly. And when I've seen them after, you know, there's still that child that I know and they're still in there, you know, and I've had to walk past a girl that I mentored and worked really closely with, homeless.
00:08:37
Speaker
And that's hard. You know, that is really hard. This child was in and out of care all through the time I was working with her. And I always used to say, because I worked with some of the most challenging, that I necessarily won't ever get that thank you. I don't do it to be thanked. But I never, a lot of the time, it would never be me that would see the work I put in. But I always used to think, you know, in the future,
00:09:02
Speaker
they will look back and know that everything I did I did for a reason even if they didn't know or understand the reason at the time and equally if they were in a place to accept any of that at the time I just have to hope that when they got to 30 you know that then they will go
00:09:19
Speaker
I remember the people that influenced them. And it would change their life going forward, you know, even if you can't change their life going backwards, that how they then interact with others is because of what we tried to do back then. Yeah, all their experiences. And I think we often forget that they may look like adults, especially the boys when they get to 15,
00:09:43
Speaker
But they're still kids. Yeah, that's it. They're still just kids. They're so young at that age. And even if they don't think they need help, they still need people around them. Yeah, most definitely.
00:09:53
Speaker
Okay, so let's talk about you because that's what we need to talk about. There are so many different conversations we could have over there. We get that on every recording. There's always another podcast that could come out of the one that we're actually recording. Tell us, I mean obviously we want to talk about what happened with your mental health issues when you were young.
00:10:16
Speaker
But I think it's good to understand a little bit about your family. Tell us a little bit about growing up and what Emma was all about and what family life was like when you were little. So I've always had the idyllic family life, you know, lived and raised by my parents, 40 kids, played hockey, played the clarinet, you know, went on all the school trips, did everything. Everything was hunky-dory, went to the local comp, had
00:10:46
Speaker
brilliant time through school then until year 11 and then it all went wrong. Year 11, so you got as far as GCSE year. Yep and I was expected to pass my GCSEs and go straight on to fly through to A levels
00:11:05
Speaker
And I missed my GCSEs by pretty much a grade on everything. I put that down just to the fact that I didn't, I revised as well. This is the thing, and I was academically top set. But for some reason, my exams just didn't work. Obviously what I was doing, I was doing wrong. And I put that down to the fact that we weren't taught how to pass exams.
00:11:31
Speaker
we weren't taught and no this is it we weren't we didn't do practice papers like children do now we weren't taught to an exam syllabus like I have taught since you know teaching has changed dramatically my my school in I was taught you know and that was I was never pushed really hard but I was I was never underperforming either but I just missed the mark on my GCSEs so I couldn't go on to do my A levels
00:12:00
Speaker
So were you particularly stressed during? No, no, no. You just went through it and it just didn't work. Yeah and also at that time totally unrelated but everything does end up relating. I, being very sporty, I was
00:12:16
Speaker
Champion in my feminism and I put in a complaint to the school that girls couldn't play indoor football in year 11 in RP options And so I got the rule changed and I went along Yeah with a couple of the other girls and we played indoor football with the lads freak accident And I mean totally freaky. I could have been a boy made no difference. I got elbows and it caught me on
00:12:44
Speaker
the right of my eye. I literally put my hand over my eye and felt the swelling come up. It was that immediate. I had also been stood by a wall so I'd hit my head on the left hand side at the same time. As I felt this lump coming up, I passed out, hit my head on the floor and knocked myself unconscious. I was admitted to hospital with concussion where I saved for a few days.
00:13:14
Speaker
after that i started having blackouts and this was at the same time my results didn't work out and so everything then went wrong for me in sixth form um i had to change school because my school didn't have a sixth form either so i had to go to another school for sixth form which most people went to but i went from a small school where i was captain of the hockey team well known well liked yep
00:13:41
Speaker
to a much larger sixth-world centre that already had a hockey team that didn't want anybody else taking the places of their established players and yeah we were anyone that came to that school were second-class citizens
00:13:57
Speaker
And that coupled together with having to do an extra year to reset my GCSEs. It says that what you did. So you were at sixth form, but you were doing GCSE work again. I did another year to do a GCSEs in a year. That then coupled with this concussion that then led to epilepsy and blackouts leading to depression because everything in my world changed and made me very, very poorly.
00:14:23
Speaker
Um, yeah, very poorly. So it started off by me fainting. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, which was always a label, especially in those days. I remember a girl, I remember a girl in our sixth form being diagnosed with um,
00:14:40
Speaker
Not CFS but, oh god, what's it called? Emmy? No. Glandula fever. I had Glandula fever. And being off of flipping ages and as, you know, bratish teenagers who don't really think about other people's needs, we're just like, oh yeah, she's just, you know, she's just taking, she's bonking. Yeah.
00:14:59
Speaker
Which doesn't help. No, I had all of those labels and more over the next couple of years. And that coupled together with not having any good friendships then at school, I
00:15:15
Speaker
wasn't encouraged by the teachers at that school at all because they hadn't known me. They only ever saw me after all this change had happened. Yeah so they knew nothing about. No and again you know I look back and I think had my older teachers they would have been like something is seriously going on because they would have spotted the signs that
00:15:36
Speaker
were not ever picked up in a new school. I was just a pain in the ass to the school there. So just a horrible set of circumstances all coming together at the wrong time to set you on a different path. So what did that path look like? So I hardly went into sixth form.
00:15:56
Speaker
Let's get back a step. I really sat those GCSEs and smashed them. Oh, brilliant. I did subjects that I really wanted to do, psychology, sociology, communication studies, which were the three subjects that I look at now that are there, the ones that I specially use. That's what I've done.
00:16:14
Speaker
and I got Bs in a year, so I did the whole GCSEs in a year. So these were new subjects to you? Ran new subjects, did them in a year, and I knew what I had to do that time. So I passed those and it was, at that point it wasn't too poorly and it was as I went into A levels that my health was deteriorating even more.
00:16:40
Speaker
That really caused us to speak on the volume levels.
Mental health challenges and family involvement
00:16:45
Speaker
That's Lily. I guess you could say I probably started self-medicating a bit. I was taking illegal substances. I was drinking. So from having been properly well behaved and popular and sporty and academic, you see, I wonder where that comes from.
00:17:07
Speaker
I'm a bit numbness, illegal substances. What was going through your head? Well, this is it. I started off just smoking, just normal cigarettes. Um, I started going out with somebody that was probably pretty unsuitable. He'd say majorly had been to my previous school, um, was actually in care himself. Right.
00:17:29
Speaker
And so I clung to these people that knew me from back then. Yes, irrespective of what they were. And was there anything deliberate in your mind? Were you being rebellious? No, no, it wasn't. No. And my parents didn't know any of this was going on for a long time. Was it just like normal? This is what kids my age do. Yeah. Yeah. And I was clubbing five nights a week.
00:17:53
Speaker
i don't know how i did it on the money we had because i had a part-time job but i didn't have much money and yeah and just self-care was you know there was none what i was just interested literally in having a good time i think that's really normal though at that age yeah i think everybody's just no one's really looking after themselves they're looking at who they want to go out with next and getting through their qualifications as much as they can and
00:18:16
Speaker
Part it's fun. Yeah, and during this I was fainting 10-15 times a day, right? So really you needed self-care. Yeah, and School were not supportive. My mum was coming in 10 or 15 times. Yeah, that would just be really quick and Looking back now again, they now call it pots and
00:18:39
Speaker
I didn't know that at the time it is linked to chronic fatigue syndrome. My blood pressure drops when I stand and that was it so I was surviving or barely any sleep anyway. Probably not eating right. Not eating right and my blood pressure every time I stood up was just falling into my boots and I would pass out. I know that feeling
00:19:02
Speaker
because I have fibromyalgia, so I have low blood pressure. And I know, I don't actually faint, but I know how it feels when you stand up and suddenly go, oh, please sit down now. You need to get that warning. Yeah, this is it. And even now, I can have days where I feel quite dizzy a lot of the time, but I know how to look after myself, you know, but as a young person, no idea. And this is the last thing on your read list as well. This is it.
00:19:26
Speaker
17, 18 year olds are supposed to be out partying. Yeah exactly, so that's rubbish already. Yeah and so I'm passing out and I don't even really remember the first time I took an attempted overdose.
00:19:41
Speaker
I was at home and I had been to doctors, my parents had realised by this point and I was seeing a counsellor through the NHS. Again, and I look back now and I just think, whoa, if
00:19:56
Speaker
If I was falling through the cracks now, I think it could be a hell of a lot worse because there was actually a lot of support out there for me. That's one of the things that's got worse on it. Yeah, I was so well looked after by my own GP service and then the hospital. So it's an interesting age when you've got mental health issues at 17, 18.
00:20:17
Speaker
and you're at school because some more class you as adults some more class you as child I was seeing a child psychiatrist and yet I was the upper age he'd ever worked with so he kept saying to me you know I don't work with people your age yeah but he was an amazing man and he was just
00:20:39
Speaker
so caring and I saw him weekly and and I can't remember the order of things things go a bit hazy for me because I don't remember the order things happened in. I think I was seeing him before I took an overdose but I'm not actually sure because I'd started taking antidepressants through my GP and I'm getting he referred me
00:21:03
Speaker
So you'd obviously spoken already to health care professionals and your family about how you were feeling. Yes. Yeah. And that was more about the chronic fatigue. I was sleeping for hours and hours on end. And it all ties up, obviously. And so, yeah, so then I started anti-depressants and I tried a number of different anti-depressants for Dave and found one that worked.
00:21:28
Speaker
because they used antidepressants to treat chronic fatigue. Yeah and because of my low mood at the time so I think they could see that. But your low mood was presumably because you were having a crap life. Well this is it you know and and that's why I mean I now can't even really remember what order things were
Experience in psychiatric unit and its impact
00:21:45
Speaker
there.
00:21:45
Speaker
really happened in well it's very fast isn't it at that age yeah your life at the pace of your life is mental yeah absolutely yeah absolutely that's not intended to be i look at my daughter she's 15 and she you know burnout is on the cards i think she's fine but i do occasionally go
00:22:04
Speaker
It's fine to go flick through your phone for eight hours for today. If you've not got homework, you need downtime. That's it. Maybe read a book for now. So yeah, so I, I was seeing my GP weekly and again, I remember like looking back now, you know, I know that they're so pressed now you wouldn't even get that. I was having weekly double session, like two slots.
00:22:26
Speaker
They used to tell me booking for next week and booking a double appointment so I was seeing my GP that regularly and he had must have referred me on and I was then seeing a psychiatrist as well.
00:22:42
Speaker
what's interesting I don't know why I got sick and this is the thing and like when people do even now and I've never had a relapse you know which would get to the end of the story um but I've never suffered with my mental health and depression since I got better right
00:22:59
Speaker
So that's really positive. It is. And really encouraging for anybody that does actually manage to access the health that they need. Absolutely. I worried about post-natal depression, you know, having had three children. I never had it. Right. Nothing. And this is the thing, and like, if people say, so what caused your depression back then? I don't know. I had a really good family and I had a lot of support around me. I had a lot of things go wrong, but
00:23:24
Speaker
But that's a shock. I mean, just one of those things would be a shock and would set you back and make you question yourself. And so having multiple things together that then have knock-on effects, that is bound to impact on how you feel about life. Yeah, that's it. That's it. And I think it was quite a gradual decline. And then it was certainly a gradual recovery.
00:23:48
Speaker
But yeah, the decline I think probably took the best part of a year before I was really sick.
00:23:57
Speaker
and then I had taken an overdose one night and then woke up in the night shy of my mum and I was taken to hospital. So you'd taken the overdose and gone to bed and then woken up again? Yeah and my mum ironically had come in to my room and she didn't normally and I remember her saying to me
00:24:20
Speaker
Why is there a bottle of cider there? And there was an empty bottle and I just sort of said, oh, I just had a drink. And that wasn't something I really did in my bedroom, you know. But Ebonoto, I've been washing down paracetamol with that bottle of cider. And she didn't see that side. She didn't see.
00:24:38
Speaker
What were you thinking when you did that? I don't think I was thinking anything. I just wanted it all to go away. I just wanted everything to stop. You know, it was literally sort of that basic. I don't think I was trying to kill myself. Did you want someone to know that that's what you were doing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really think I did. I guess the danger there is that you might go too far. This is it. I mean, I didn't take enough for anything really bad to happen. It was, yes, it was a
00:25:06
Speaker
look i'm feeling crap and i wanted everybody to know and sit up really and i could say that looking back i would never have said that then no right then it meant everything i was going to say could you not did you just feel like you couldn't talk to somebody yeah
00:25:22
Speaker
I think it was. And I was just exhausted. I was just exhausted by everything. And even though I was sleeping loads, I just wanted to sleep even more. You know, I just wanted everything to stop. And it was that sort of basic, really. I think that's really understandable.
00:25:37
Speaker
I mean that's the reason, and I've talked to people about this on the podcast before, that's the reason a lot of us come home after a bad day and have a glass of wine. You just want to numb and zone out of the crap that's going on in your life at that moment, but it's not a healthy way to deal with it. No, no. And after that,
00:25:56
Speaker
Nothing really happened, nothing changed. So you went to hospital? So I went to hospital and then came home again a few hours later and that was the end. And then did you discuss that with the doctors? Was that something that got addressed? No, I don't recall. I think we sort of messaged and talked about it.
00:26:17
Speaker
but I don't really remember. No, block it out. Yeah, and I just sort of carried on. And then it was later. I can't even really remember how long that was before I was hospitalised. It was probably weeks, maybe months.
00:26:32
Speaker
So tell us a bit about that. Do you remember the decision being made to go into hospital? Yes, the first time most definitely. I was with my psychiatrist in a session and I can remember I'd really shut down in this session and I just wasn't speaking and I remember he was just chatting and he said I think you know it would be a good idea
00:26:57
Speaker
to come and stay in hospital for a bit and the hospital was where I was seeing him and it was a psychiatric unit. How did that feel? Again very strange because I don't have children there so I was with adults so I was 17, 18, I was 18 by this point going into a psychiatric unit with adults
00:27:17
Speaker
well and presumably saying goodbye to yeah or putting on pause all your work yes I was still at sixth form my exams were coming up that must have felt quite a shocking decision to make did you realize it was bad enough for that no
00:27:32
Speaker
And I walked out of that appointment and got in the car with my mum and we were driving back home. And my mum said, so, you know, was that a good session? And I didn't really say anything. And then I just said, he wants me to come into hospital. And my mum was gobsmacked. And I remember she just started crying in the car. And she was like, what? Why?
00:27:59
Speaker
because she's not in my appointment with me. She's sitting outside waiting. And they hadn't even said it to her. I had told her. He was making arrangements. Because I was an adult, I was over 16, and it was between me and him. So yeah, so she heard that from me as we're driving in the car. And I remember she just looked at me and said, are you feeling suicidal? And I said, yes. And then she'd write, what's happening? I said, I've got to go home and get a bag, and I've got to come back.
00:28:27
Speaker
And it was that quick and he was making those arrangements. You went in that night. I went in that afternoon. Yeah. Went in that day. So I literally went home, packed my bag and then went in. I know this is about how you felt about everything and how teenagers listening to this might feel about similar, but as a mum of teenagers, I've got goosebumps about how your mum must have felt. Has she ever spoken to you about it?
00:28:55
Speaker
Not in depth, we have talked about it and it's not a secret. It was really interesting because my parents didn't tell anybody that I was going into hospital and my grandparents didn't know. And again, it's that whole stigma of mental health issue, isn't it? Yeah, I can see why. Yeah, so my family didn't know I was going into hospital. It was just my mum and my dad and my brother.
00:29:21
Speaker
and then rang school and told school who were gobsmacked because I think suddenly they thought, oh shit. Actually. Yeah. We've been, you know, doing nothing for this girl and she's in crisis point, you know. And yeah. And I was in hospital that time. I think it was about two and a half months. Right. So you're in an adult ward. Yeah. Psychiatric unit. Yep. And we hear lots of horror stories about that.
00:29:50
Speaker
How tough was that for you, age 17? It's a really bizarre set of circumstances. It's really, really bizarre. There was another girl, similar age to me, who was also in hospital. She was self-harming, which I had never done. So me and her struck up a friendship because we were of similar ages. And yeah, I was with alcoholics,
00:30:17
Speaker
I was with people that were sectioned. I was with adults that are bipolar. You know, I saw an awful lot.
00:30:28
Speaker
at that age. Yes. Shocking things. Yeah. Yeah. One woman who I had seen around town before screaming at the top of her voice. Right. And she was in there and she's one of the nicest, kindest people to me. And she was like, you're not going to be coming back here. You've got to get yourself sorted. You've got to do your exams. And actually, do you know what? I think quite a lot of teenagers
00:30:52
Speaker
they just take things at face value. As you're saying that, we had a lady like that on our street. She'd go and yell at various houses. And we just used to think it was amusing and not really think too much beyond that. Yeah. And that's it. And these are some of the people I was in hospital with. And then when I saw them afterwards, you know, and I think, again, this is why I've always worked with those type of teenagers going forwards.
00:31:18
Speaker
So yeah, so I was in hospital for I think about two months. Were you doing school work while you were there? Yeah, I was trying to. I was doing it my own way. I was revising. This was May time, so I actually sat my exams by being driven from the hospital into school. Really? Sat my exam and then went back to hospital. And how did those go?
00:31:40
Speaker
I don't know how I passed them, but I did. No, I don't know how I passed them. I got what I needed to go to university. Amazing. Which I was not expecting, you know, especially as how badly my GCSEs are gone. So, but yeah, no, I did great and I got all the results that I needed to. Amazing. So actually, even being in this, what most people would consider a very extreme situation, well, it is an extreme situation.
00:32:08
Speaker
you can still function and be who you need to be. Yeah and I think this is again a whole thing isn't it when people talk about high functioning whatever you know I was going through crisis in one section but I also knew I had wanted my results I wanted to go to university and I wanted to get out of it all.
00:32:29
Speaker
Yeah, you tend to think of people who have been put away in a mental health ward as people who have been removed from something because there's something extreme going on and therefore they're removed from everything their whole life and they're not normal and actually very normal and very real and still doing very normal things just also dealing with mental health issues in a safe place. Yeah, yeah. That's a real revelation actually to me and
00:32:59
Speaker
probably one of the least judgmental people around, given my own experiences, but I still kind of had this idea of what a mental health ward would be in a hospital. Yeah. And this is it. And again, now it's changed 20 years, or longer than that, down the line, 25 years down the line. I'm glad that I'm not suffering now.
00:33:23
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I know isn't the support. Yeah, and there's not the beds and especially for adolescents and that young age and I'm not sure I don't know if the rules have changed and they don't put children with or you know, certainly older teenagers. I think they do. Yeah, I think that's where it gets tough. It is and I think, you know,
00:33:45
Speaker
and I just remember all my nurses sort of saying you're not coming back you're not because the problem is it mental health units become a revolving door for some people yes and that was certainly the case there and it was certainly the case of individuals there they had been in and around that system multiple times
Recovery journey and career inspiration
00:34:07
Speaker
So did you go back? I did once. So, um, the same summer actually. So I kind of say it's all the same episode. So yeah. So I've been home for a few months, weeks, maybe months, no, a couple of months. And my parents had actually gone the holiday, um, with my brother and I got very, very drunk.
00:34:30
Speaker
No intention there, but I got very very drunk, had people back at my house, and I took medicine again, tablets,
00:34:44
Speaker
And I smashed up the house and that's probably the lowest thing I did that I felt really bad. I kicked hold. And I don't even know why that night really, I think it was probably the alcohol. Um, you weren't feeling particularly bad. No, no, my best friends were with me. Um, my two girlfriends, best friends that have been my rock throughout my whole life. I mean, they're my children's godparents now. Um, they were there all the way through all of it.
00:35:13
Speaker
and yeah they were amazing that night because they had to ring an ambulance and I had a knife and they told the operator that on the phone so because I had a knife obviously police are involved
00:35:30
Speaker
so the next thing is in my street there are police, this must have been about two, three o'clock in the morning so you know my parents are on holiday, my neighbour's kind of keeping an eye on everything next thing is there's police vans, cars, because they don't know how many teenagers are in this house and what's going on and the ambulance couldn't come in until the police had come in and all the rest of it
00:35:53
Speaker
And I was taken to A&E for a few hours and then sent home. By yourself? Yes, I came back home to an empty house.
00:36:07
Speaker
that I trashed. How old were you now? So I was 18. My best friends had sorted the house while I'd been gone. So my parents didn't have to. They had rung my parents. My dad was in it. They were on holiday in this country in the UK. So my dad was driving home to come and sort things out. And I was
00:36:29
Speaker
I slept for a few hours and then I don't know whether I rang my consultant or whether somebody else did but I was readmitted to hospital so I went back then and I remember actually my named nurse was on and she lived really cross with me and that was the first time I think and I think that stuck as well because she was like you're not doing this you're not going to be
00:36:56
Speaker
coming in and out, you know, you're better than this. And it's got to stop. And really took a slightly different approach then. And said, no, enough's enough. And I was only, I think I only stayed in a week or so at that time. Yeah, it wasn't long, maybe two weeks. I can't really, again, it's very hazy. So what was different then when you came out?
00:37:26
Speaker
If that was the last time you did anything? No, well, so the change is I got my A-level results, I came out, I got my A-level results, I knew I had enough to go to university, I was planning to leave Chatham, I was going all the way to Middlesbrough, just because it was a long way away. And that was it. And I remember I picked up my A-level results and my mum drove me straight to the hospital and I went straight, I'm going to get a set.
00:37:52
Speaker
I went straight in to show that nurse and to show this woman with bipolar that had been telling me and she had made me a card. The nurse? No, the lady with bipolar. She knew and she said she knew I was going to pass. Brilliant. Yeah, and that's what I mean. Somebody in that much chaotic life themselves
00:38:18
Speaker
And she was, I'm gonna guess she was around 30 at that time. I've no idea, I can't really age people. You certainly can't age people in that environment either. But she had made me a card and she was like, and now you're gonna go off and smash it. That's so nice. Yeah. And that was the last time I ever went in that hospital.
00:38:41
Speaker
really so literally just like turning a page in the book and it was finished yeah yeah and that was the last time i saw my consultant as well and i turned 18 so i wasn't under his remit anymore and did you not need support after that
00:38:55
Speaker
going to university gave me that fresh start gave me a chance to be different it wasn't straightforward easy there were still a few blips but i met my husband went straight away obviously wasn't my husband then years now but we were freshers living in the same halls of residence so we met and that
00:39:17
Speaker
transformed soma. I was finally diagnosed with epilepsy at that point as well. It was literally like three weeks. So you've not had medication for that before though? No. And so I started taking epilepsy medication as well. So it's a very strange one because I had a, I'll never forget these two words right way round, E E G. That showed
00:39:40
Speaker
they could see the epilepsy. Wow. Looking back what they say now is that I had brain damage from that knock. Scaring. From that initial knock when I played football that all happened and they think it took my brain a long time to recover from that and that that coupled with everything else. Yes. And that to me explains why I've had no relapses since. Yes.
00:40:06
Speaker
because you've had the time to come back to a normal place. Yeah. And who knows? It's one of those things that, you know, I don't know why I got depressed as such. I don't know what healed me. Both had multi facets, isn't it? You know, and it always is something simple. That's it. And that's why it's always so different to get to the bottom of I've had, um,
00:40:33
Speaker
I have a lot of pain, which is largely, but it's taken me years to acknowledge that it's largely related to stress and stressful things that have happened. That's just how I manifest stress. But it's taken, I've had two years of counseling and therapy with somebody who I really clicked with. And it still took two years for me to really get to the bottom of an unravel
00:41:03
Speaker
where that's come from and what I need to do about it. So it is very complex. Yeah, it is. And I think, and this is the thing, you know, there are no quick and easy fixes because we'd all do them, wouldn't we? Yeah. But as a teenager, you want to, well, as an individual, you want to, you want to know what the answer is, you want to know what the pill is and you'll take it and everything will be fine. It doesn't work that way. No, no. But, you know, I then went on and all through uni, didn't have any problems.
00:41:32
Speaker
Amazing. Because your brain had recovered and you were in a happier place. Yes, it is. And that's the bottom line. And I looked after myself better and I wasn't going to let depression define me either. And I find I struggle with that. I struggle saying things like that because when you have depression and when it's that bad,
00:42:01
Speaker
And by bad, I mean, you know, you're being admitted to a psych hospital. That's pretty bad. That's pretty. Yeah, I mean, that's that's a pretty low place to be. Yeah. I struggle with saying you have to choose to be happy because for some people that can't and don't get better, even though they want to, that's just victim blame. Yeah. And I'm not doing that. I'm not saying if you choose to be better, you can make yourself better.
00:42:29
Speaker
because again it's not that straightforward but I do and you certainly can't do that at the time and you might not realise that at the time but I do believe you have to try and change things because otherwise you just stay in the same place you do have a choice yeah you have a choice to wallow yeah or you have a choice to do something about it yeah
00:42:52
Speaker
and they're doing something about it may or may not work out for you and if it doesn't work out for you it's probably the wrong thing and you need to choose something else but you do have a choice. Yeah and you have to fight your way out of it. Yes and it is a fight.
00:43:06
Speaker
And that's probably why some people struggle to do it. Yes. And that's it. And it has to be the right time. And again, the right set of circumstances. I think had I not moved away and gone to university at that time, who knows? Because I would have still been faced with the same issues. I was able to go away and rebuild without people that knew what I've been through. Without all the baggage. Yeah.
00:43:33
Speaker
And I remember, you know, talking from a parent's point of view, I remember that being the lowest point I saw my mum at. I was going to say, how did your mum feel letting you move away from home? And I just remember her crying as she left. I cried when I left my daughter at university. It's pretty emotional. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that. But again, I think it's a whole different
00:43:57
Speaker
it was a whole different thing for my mum because of what I had done and the bad choices that I had made, you know, I didn't have to face any of that with Chloe dropping her off
Advice for teens and parents on seeking help
00:44:06
Speaker
at Plymouth. No, your mum's thinking about your mortality and your safety. She was, yeah, she was. And she says, that's one thing she had said to sit in, she said that drive home was the hardest and she cried the whole way home and was saying to my dad, oh my God, you know, what's next? What's going to be the next phone call that we get?
00:44:25
Speaker
good for your mum though because a lot of people would refuse to facilitate that I think and just want to keep you somewhere that she could keep you safe
00:44:37
Speaker
Yeah, it is. It's really hard, isn't it? And I think bottom line was as well that she probably knew that getting out of Cheltenham was the right thing. Yeah. So I know that you've taken a lot from this that has then since been positive in your life. So just talk, talk us a little bit through
00:44:57
Speaker
what you do now and why your life is better because that happened. Yeah. So again, it is, it just brings so much more self-awareness. I think I don't write anybody off ever. And I think, and that's because I felt written off. Yeah. I was never going to give up on people because again, I think like I said earlier, I don't expect the thank yous. I just think at some point in their life in the future, they will realize why things happened.
00:45:26
Speaker
my door's been an open door to teenagers, it's been an open door to my kids friends. So let's say there's a 16, 17 year old on your sofa now that is in that place that's on the verge of being or calling for help.
00:45:45
Speaker
With mental health, what do you say to that person? What do you say to someone that's listening to this, trying to gain a bit of insight into potentially having to be hospitalised with mental health problems? I think if you're that young person, you just have to talk to somebody. It doesn't matter who it is. It could be a mum.
00:46:05
Speaker
a dad, an aunt, an uncle, a parent's friend, a teacher, you know, somebody from a club you go to just talk to somebody. It's really important. And if you can't talk, write a letter and give that letter to somebody. I did that at one point when I couldn't say it.
00:46:25
Speaker
write it that's such a good idea yeah because it's really hard i'll tell you what to say i feel like killing myself yeah i feel suicidal those words do not come out of your mouth easily no i can imagine but you can write it on a piece of paper
00:46:43
Speaker
and you can show somebody and that can just be that gateway opening a little bit you know and just getting somebody to know is is the most important and you don't have to tell it all you don't have to say why yeah it's important just to say i am feeling yeah so that'll all come later yes you don't have to start the conversation somehow that's it and like i say i don't have an answer for why i got so sick
00:47:08
Speaker
it doesn't matter it doesn't matter why no it doesn't matter if it's because you've broken up with somebody that you really loved it doesn't matter if it's because your exam results were not what you expected it doesn't matter if it's because you know your bloody don't like your color of your hair you know it doesn't matter why you feel like that it matters that you feel like that
00:47:33
Speaker
and that you get help with how you feel. Yeah. And if you're a parent, again, it's getting some help. You can't deal with this yourself. It's too big. So that's always my next question. What would you say to parents whose kids are in this situation? It's too big. It's too big for a parent. And as a parent, you're probably not the right person for your child to tell. And that actually is quite a hard recognition, I would imagine. Yeah.
00:48:00
Speaker
You've always been the person that solved your child's problems. Yeah, that's it. But you will be solving their problem, won't you? Because you'll be getting them and enabling them to have the help. So you are going to be facilitating that recovery that you're not responsible for it because it's probably too big. And you're too close to it. Yeah. You're too invested. Yeah.
00:48:24
Speaker
So it is about, you know, and again, your GP should be the first port of call and they can signpost you in the right place. I love that.
Conclusion and resources
00:48:34
Speaker
Thank you. That's brilliant. Thank you so much. That's a pleasure. I think quite a journey that was.
00:48:44
Speaker
If you'd like to connect with Emma you can find her on her blog that's emmaand3 the number three dot com and she's also emmaand3 on twitter and on instagram
00:48:58
Speaker
If you have kids who are struggling with their mental health it sounds like it's absolutely vital to seek help as quickly as possible as well as to find the right setup for you. I've put some links in the episode notes to organisations who can help. When you finish listening just scroll down and you'll find those. What I did find encouraging was just how recoverable things can be with the right support.
00:49:23
Speaker
Emma has absolutely moved past her difficult experiences as a teenager and even used them to create some of the work that she does today. I loved her story about the lady with bipolar who was still just a normal functioning person, had empathy for her, did nice things for her like people do. I think it's so important to see who the real people are
00:49:50
Speaker
behind the mental health issue that they're dealing with rather than stereotyping. I love that story. There are lots more episodes of the Teenage Kicks podcast. Do have a browse and see if I've covered anything else you might find useful. And if you have a suggestion of something you'd like to see covered on the podcast, please do email me on teenagekickspodcast.com.
00:50:15
Speaker
I have loads more fabulous guests coming up to help families navigate what can be some of the most complicated but also wonderful years of parenting. I've also got some posts on the blog that might help parents with other teenage parenting dilemmas so do pop over to Actually Mommy if you fancy a read. I'll stick a link in the episode notes.
00:50:38
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, I'd love it if you subscribe and come back next week for another brilliant guest. If you feel like giving me a rating and a review, that would be amazing. It all helps other families to find us. This episode of the Teenage Kicks podcast is sponsored by Blue Microphones. Bye for now and I hope to see you next week.