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FDS Handbook: Advice for High Value Women, Part 2
41 Plays2 years ago
Advice for high value women, continued. Some focus on men, with modifications. Real inspirational.
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Transcript
Introduction and Series Continuation
00:00:04
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:10
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:00:13
Speaker
And this week, we are back with part two of the How to Be a High-Value Woman series.
Understanding Male Mindset for Better Interactions
00:00:19
Speaker
So previously, we touched on aspects around mindset, your approach, relationship management.
00:00:26
Speaker
And this week, we're going to pivot slightly to talk a bit more about the mindset of men.
00:00:32
Speaker
Because whilst we tend to not really care about men, if you are going to date them, it is important that you come in with an understanding of how they behave and how they operate.
00:00:42
Speaker
So you can maximise all your interactions with them to your benefit.
00:00:46
Speaker
I'm not gonna lie.
00:00:47
Speaker
There's some stuff in this that I disagree with, but this is an old school handbook post that someone decided to put in.
00:00:53
Speaker
So we'll go through it and then talk through it.
00:00:55
Speaker
We'll talk through it.
00:00:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:56
Speaker
And this is why I always say like, even though we have things like the FDS handbook, which is a great resource, it's always good to reread with a critical mind as well, because the handbook was compiled from women from all sorts of backgrounds.
00:01:09
Speaker
You know, whilst it is a very, very good resource on the whole,
00:01:12
Speaker
it's still, you know, really, really good to look at it through a critical lens and also pick out the bits that you disagree with as well.
Challenging Performative Expectations in Dating
00:01:19
Speaker
Because like Roy said, even I don't agree with every single post in the handbook, but overall, I think it's a good resource.
00:01:25
Speaker
So the next part is talking about the male mindset.
00:01:29
Speaker
So men, and so it says in the male mindset, men, they love being treated as though they're important and interesting.
00:01:36
Speaker
And they love feeling as though they're engaging with someone who is also important and interesting.
00:01:41
Speaker
Who doesn't though, right?
00:01:43
Speaker
My only thing about this is, yeah, it's important to treat men like that who you actually find important and interesting.
00:01:49
Speaker
I think the patriarchal aspect of it is that women are expected to be wowed by very mediocre basic behavior from men and to a point where it's performative.
00:02:01
Speaker
So I guess I would amend this to say like, don't feel pressure to pretend like you think he's important and interesting if you don't.
00:02:07
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
Reciprocity in Relationships and Emotional Expressions
00:02:09
Speaker
And it also has to be, you know, reciprocal as well.
00:02:12
Speaker
So, you know, how many couples are in a situation where the woman knows everything about the guy down to his middle name and all his allergies, but the guy knows nothing about the woman.
00:02:22
Speaker
That's unfortunately a scenario that is a lot more common than you think as well.
00:02:26
Speaker
But it's true.
00:02:26
Speaker
But generally on the whole, though, men do like feeling useful.
00:02:29
Speaker
Like even in my experience, even the guys who sort of, you know, were 50-50 and whatever, they also didn't like it when I didn't need them or didn't ask them for stuff.
00:02:41
Speaker
It was very weird.
00:02:42
Speaker
I remember like a really, really stupid story.
00:02:45
Speaker
I was going to visit my ex in his country and I asked one of my friends in that country for directions to my ex's.
00:02:53
Speaker
I'm like, house, because I don't want to get lost.
00:02:56
Speaker
And then when my ex found out, he was like, oh, you should have asked me.
00:02:58
Speaker
He wasn't grumpy about it, but he was just like, you should have asked me.
00:03:01
Speaker
I'm like, but I asked someone else.
00:03:02
Speaker
So I don't really know why you're getting so hung up on the fact that I didn't ask you.
00:03:07
Speaker
It was very weird.
00:03:08
Speaker
But yeah, I do find that men like, they like to feel important and they like to feel needed.
00:03:12
Speaker
But that is generally a human thing anyway.
00:03:14
Speaker
Most people like to feel like they are seen and that they are valued at the end of the day.
00:03:18
Speaker
Even low value men.
00:03:19
Speaker
The next one is a bit too gamey for my liking.
00:03:23
Speaker
But I'll read out anyway.
00:03:24
Speaker
The next point, it says that men love a challenge and love, in quotation marks, intermittent attention from the women they're attracted to.
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, whatever.
00:03:35
Speaker
I kind of hate this because it just makes it seem like we have to behave differently then.
00:03:40
Speaker
Yeah, it's a bit too gamey for me.
00:03:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:44
Speaker
And I said in the previous episode, if you have to start playing games to get a guy's attention, you've already lost.
00:03:49
Speaker
It's just not worth it.
00:03:50
Speaker
Yeah, I think a challenge is just a euphemism for women with good boundaries.
00:03:55
Speaker
Women who don't have good boundaries.
00:03:57
Speaker
Well, then again, it's just like women who don't have good boundaries for men who quote love a chase or are emotionally devoid.
00:04:07
Speaker
or in a love bombing are the type of men that like to chase women over and over and over again.
00:04:13
Speaker
And sometimes I feel like when they're saying be a challenge, they're suggesting to like make it seem like you're something you're not rather than just being a woman with like good standards and boundaries.
00:04:25
Speaker
And also this whole idea of a man liking a challenge, that it just doesn't really feel like he is actually seeing the woman that he's with.
00:04:34
Speaker
It's more about, you know, the actual act of getting the woman as opposed to actually connecting with an individual woman, if that makes sense as well.
00:04:42
Speaker
So even guys who love a challenge, they should be avoided at all costs.
00:04:47
Speaker
100%.
00:04:47
Speaker
The next bullet point is, men don't care about stuff they dismiss as feminine, even if it's important.
Actions vs. Words in Judging Character
00:04:55
Speaker
Like feelings or stories, aesthetics, domesticity, relationships or caretaking.
00:05:02
Speaker
I actually disagree with this one.
00:05:05
Speaker
I think it's a myth that men don't care about feelings.
00:05:07
Speaker
I just think that the way men are taught to express feelings and the way we interpret men expressing, you know, feelings is just completely off.
00:05:15
Speaker
Like, for example, it's a myth that men aren't allowed to show emotion when, you know, for example, it's the norm for, I don't know what it's like in, for example, sports in the US, but in the UK, like the norm for men to get
00:05:29
Speaker
for example, angry if their team loses or to sulk or to start crying.
00:05:32
Speaker
Like that's the norm.
00:05:33
Speaker
And this whole thing about, you know, men don't feel, I think it ultimately comes back to the way we perceive like male feelings.
00:05:40
Speaker
And we see a man expressing feelings as the default way of expressing feelings.
00:05:46
Speaker
Whereas with women, it's that we are hysterical or that we're illogical, but men express their feelings all the time.
00:05:52
Speaker
They just do it in a different way.
00:05:54
Speaker
Exactly.
00:05:55
Speaker
And yeah, relationships.
00:05:57
Speaker
You know, men, even if you look at the red pill, you know, like seduction techniques and pick-up-artish techniques, like this is all ultimately about getting into a relationship with a woman, not necessarily a healthy relationship.
00:06:10
Speaker
But again, it's a myth that men don't value relationships.
00:06:13
Speaker
Like they know that there is
00:06:15
Speaker
something to be gained by being partnered with a woman.
00:06:18
Speaker
This is why they have all these techniques.
00:06:20
Speaker
This is why Andrew Tate is rinsing, you know, young men and the incels have woken up to the fact that he's profiting off their loneliness.
00:06:27
Speaker
That's why that industry exists.
00:06:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:30
Speaker
The problem is that historically it's been they like these one-sided, exploitative relationships of women.
00:06:35
Speaker
They basically enjoy female slavery.
00:06:37
Speaker
And most of them would be fine with it.
00:06:38
Speaker
These guys are being grifted by the hour, by whatever flavor of the week.
00:06:43
Speaker
Patriarchy supporting Scroat has decided to reappear on the screen.
00:06:47
Speaker
And I do not feel an ounce of sympathy for them, by the way.
00:06:51
Speaker
No, I don't.
00:06:53
Speaker
Make their pockets hurt.
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah, who cares about them?
00:06:55
Speaker
Do-do-do-do-do-do.
00:06:56
Speaker
Ha ha ha.
00:06:58
Speaker
Men use meaningless words, judge them by their actions.
00:07:01
Speaker
Instead, their action should match their words.
00:07:03
Speaker
Yeah, that's pretty accurate.
00:07:05
Speaker
This is what I do agree with.
00:07:06
Speaker
That is like 100%.
00:07:08
Speaker
I agree with that, that statement.
00:07:11
Speaker
Yeah, it's pretty self-explanatory really.
00:07:13
Speaker
And this is what I said in the previous episode is that you won't have to dissect what a guy is saying if you look at his actions, because he will make it very, very clear early on his intentions towards you.
00:07:25
Speaker
Just look at what he's doing.
00:07:27
Speaker
Talk is very cheap, but if you look at their actions, you can't really go wrong.
00:07:30
Speaker
And if there is a mismatch between a guy's words and his actions, that should also be a red flag in itself because that is a big sign that he lacks integrity, which is not what you want in a guy or especially in a life partner.
00:07:45
Speaker
So this next was a bit weird.
00:07:48
Speaker
It says like high quality men only.
Societal Influences and Mutual Pleasure
00:07:50
Speaker
And then it talks about high quality men only love sex when you have your own pleasure in mind instead of his.
00:07:58
Speaker
I mean, I'm not saying that's wrong, but that's not the only quality of a high-value man.
00:08:03
Speaker
But it is an important one, I guess.
00:08:05
Speaker
Yeah, it's just weird.
00:08:06
Speaker
Sex should be reciprocal.
00:08:08
Speaker
And if it's lopsided, it should definitely be lopsided in the favor of women.
00:08:13
Speaker
Society, thanks to porn, has broken a generation of men's dicks and minds, quite frankly, to the point where sex is so lopsidedly male-centric and violent and rapey and...
00:08:27
Speaker
just all around objective filing and not really in a way that women enjoy.
00:08:33
Speaker
So, or at least like not as much as women are being pressured to enjoy.
00:08:37
Speaker
So it's just like, this is a tough one because it's like, yes, I absolutely believe that that's the case that a high value man probably doesn't watch porn or at least like has enough understanding or respect for you to make sure that the experience is actually reciprocal rather than whatever porn sick bullshit they came up with that day.
00:08:56
Speaker
But I do think at the same time, it's possible to not have watched porn and still be influenced by porn because it's just everywhere now as well.
00:09:07
Speaker
So that's another thing to consider as well, that not watching the hardcore stuff is a step in the right direction, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's not porn sick.
00:09:17
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know.
00:09:19
Speaker
The sex conversation is in general
Navigating Societal Expectations and Self-Empowerment
00:09:21
Speaker
an issue.
00:09:21
Speaker
And I kind of want to do an episode where we talk about how to get out of uncomfortable sexual situations because you just are going to encounter disgusting porn sick men who don't care about your sexual pleasure, or at least, and they're too stupid to even ask or know that they're fucking up.
00:09:36
Speaker
Or if they do, they don't give a shit.
00:09:37
Speaker
They just don't care.
00:09:39
Speaker
They really just don't care.
00:09:40
Speaker
Right, exactly.
00:09:41
Speaker
Because sex to them is like something they do at women and on women rather than with women.
00:09:46
Speaker
But luckily, though, you can easily spot a porn sick man.
00:09:49
Speaker
Maybe we'll tack this on to the episode that Ro outlined.
00:09:52
Speaker
But there are ways to tell if a man is porn sick, like, in extremely quickly, like, without even asking him, do you watch porn?
00:10:00
Speaker
Because I think that's the worst way to find out if a guy is porn sick, because a lot of men will either lie or massively downplay the amount they consume.
00:10:09
Speaker
But there are always tells that will indicate if a man is porn sick or not.
00:10:13
Speaker
Always.
00:10:13
Speaker
Always.
00:10:14
Speaker
So the next section is about the rules of being a woman.
00:10:18
Speaker
So the first one is make your dreams and passions your priority.
00:10:22
Speaker
Agreed.
00:10:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:24
Speaker
I mean, some of this stuff is just like general self-help, I suppose.
00:10:29
Speaker
Even if you don't make your dreams and passions your priority, I mean, I think everyone should because it makes your life quality.
00:10:34
Speaker
But regardless of any of that, none of this makes you worthy or less worthy of having a man who treats you well.
00:10:41
Speaker
Yeah, of course, especially given the barriers, the numerous barriers that women around the world face and actually pursuing their dreams and passions anyway.
00:10:51
Speaker
That further compounds the fact that if it's not possible for you for whatever way, that doesn't decrease your value.
00:10:57
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like we're getting away from the self health productivity guru type stuff in general.
00:11:03
Speaker
And I think we're going to do a bonus content about that, about like the rise of quiet quitting and lazy girl jobs, because a lot of this like strap for excellence has just become like, oh, you mean get chewed up and spit out by the corporate machine?
00:11:17
Speaker
The next one is don't walk on eggshells and never apologise for being a woman with her own feelings, tastes, desires, needs, standards, requirements and boundaries.
00:11:28
Speaker
As I've always said before, the people that meet your boundaries will have no problem with them.
00:11:33
Speaker
The people complaining about your boundaries and standards or requirements or whatever, they are the ones who aren't able to provide that for you, in which case their opinion literally does not matter.
00:11:44
Speaker
Here's my, once again, asterisk next to this point.
00:11:48
Speaker
The reason why women do this is because there are real world consequences for us not doing it.
00:11:54
Speaker
Meaning like for us not walking on eggshells, for us not apologizing for being strong women, for us not standing in our power.
00:12:01
Speaker
There's consequences socially, there's consequences in the workplace, and there's consequences romantically.
00:12:07
Speaker
I think the key is to find within that the trade-offs that are non-negotiable to your happiness.
00:12:15
Speaker
And don't apologize ever for your presence, but at the same time understanding yourself.
00:12:21
Speaker
the reactions that you're likely to get and how to navigate them and how to protect yourself within them.
00:12:26
Speaker
Because part of the reason women don't act strong is because like people find it off putting suddenly like they're in the out group at work and they're being bullied or something because they spoke up by the wrong time or like,
00:12:39
Speaker
That guy that you went on a date with that you really like just felt like, oh, she's too opinionated and she's too assertive or she has this or like, I don't like the things that she likes and et cetera.
00:12:49
Speaker
Those are all really great things.
00:12:50
Speaker
What will help you to be able to stand on your own two feet is some kind of economic support.
00:12:56
Speaker
And that's just the unfortunate part of capitalism is like, I can just speak for myself when I was younger and broker and felt like I didn't have a lot of options.
00:13:04
Speaker
I put up with a lot more shit.
00:13:05
Speaker
Why?
00:13:05
Speaker
Because I didn't have any money and have anywhere to go.
00:13:08
Speaker
So you end up being kind of beholden to the culture that you're stuck in.
00:13:12
Speaker
So self empowerment is key and self economic empowerment is key, giving yourself the key to be flexible in your job, finding ways to build a network of people that are like you.
00:13:22
Speaker
But when you're first starting out, you're going to take a lot of lumps.
00:13:25
Speaker
And that's just the unfortunate reality for most people, meaning like first couple of years of your career,
00:13:31
Speaker
or in the dating world, even like trying to figure out who you are, and then find the people that are like you, you're going to experience a lot of people trying to force you in a box that don't fit that doesn't fit you and try to find you for you.
00:13:43
Speaker
And the work of life is to completely disregard all of that extra stuff to find the nugget of truth about who you are and who you want to be and how you want to relate to others.
00:13:54
Speaker
Exactly.
00:13:55
Speaker
So the next one is strive to excel at what you do.
00:13:59
Speaker
This is an interesting, you know, one as well, because as we touched on and as we've touched on in our career series, especially if you are in the world of corporate or you are part of the capitalist system, excelling in what you do often can be a lot of effort for little to no reward as well.
00:14:17
Speaker
So what I would suggest instead is...
00:14:22
Speaker
sort of similar to what Roe was saying previously, is sort of understand the environment that you're in and also assess if it is truly in your benefit to excel, so to speak, in that particular environment.
00:14:35
Speaker
Because also just doing your job and not excelling is also enough.
00:14:39
Speaker
This whole term around quiet quitting is really just a way to guilt trip workers into giving a lot more than they actually should for the same amount of money.
00:14:47
Speaker
It's a capitalist side-up, in my opinion.
00:14:50
Speaker
So this again comes with a proviso that, again, you should always be assessing what is actually in your best interest to do as well.
Personal Goals and Self-Validation
00:14:57
Speaker
Yeah, I think you should always strive to be competent and to do things to a level that makes you feel happy and empowered about your life.
00:15:08
Speaker
But yeah, I'm kind of with Savannah on the strive for excellence train is really, really...
00:15:14
Speaker
Sometimes it's a losing battle because the reward for being a great worker is often just more work.
00:15:18
Speaker
So I guess I'm kind of like, I would re pivot to think about your career and your life as like a series of days instead of necessarily like a series of milestones, meaning like your day to day, you have to find a way to be passionate and motivated and feel like you're excelling.
00:15:37
Speaker
And those types of incremental wins and incremental commitments to yourself tend to add up.
00:15:42
Speaker
But if you try to think of it like, oh, I'm going to be happy if I get this title or I get this job or I work for this company and suddenly I'm going to have this, you'll find yourself extremely unhappy.
00:15:52
Speaker
And I think it's more important to understand who you are in the context and who you want to be and not as a title, but like, what do you want to do every day?
00:16:00
Speaker
How do you want to feel every day?
00:16:02
Speaker
And then strive to achieve that every day, because then you'll excel based on things that will actually make you happy rather than like excelling through external markers.
00:16:12
Speaker
Because excelling through external markers can be kind of a mindfuck when you get things that you think you want.
00:16:17
Speaker
And then you're like, why am I so goddamn miserable still?
00:16:20
Speaker
And it's because you are prioritizing excelling in the wrong things.
00:16:23
Speaker
And what it means to excel is very, very personal to you.
00:16:27
Speaker
And finding that is honestly, once you find and align yourself with that, it's just, it's just so much better and so much more satisfying.
00:16:34
Speaker
And you care a lot less about
00:16:36
Speaker
you know, external validation or titles and this and that.
00:16:40
Speaker
Obviously, the money can be a hindrance.
00:16:41
Speaker
So you want to try to pivot yourself in a way you can make enough money.
00:16:45
Speaker
But truthfully, if you find something that you enjoy doing, and you're committed to learning and being good at, then the money often will come after that, because you'll start to build a niche or be known for something that you are already quite good at, because you want to be good at it.
00:17:01
Speaker
It's a lot easier to, this is like stating the obvious, but I feel like there is this desire to chase, I guess, like career paths or, you know, ways of making money that may not actually fit you.
00:17:13
Speaker
So at the moment, for example, tech has been one of the main career paths that people want to pivot onto to make loads of money.
00:17:20
Speaker
When actually...
00:17:22
Speaker
the easiest way to make money is to look at your skill set and to do something that you're good at because like Rose said the money will come a lot easier and if the money is coming easier you can afford to work harder because it won't feel like you're overstretching yourself in that regard so sometimes it can be a false economy to try and turn your hand to something that just doesn't necessarily come naturally to you as well so
00:17:44
Speaker
So the next one is told others responsible for their behavior and then work to solve your own problems.
00:17:52
Speaker
This is a really important point that I've learned during my time in therapy is the way that we tend to internalize the behavior of
00:18:02
Speaker
of other people when actually 99.9 or almost 100% of the time, the way other people behave has got nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
00:18:11
Speaker
Because the way people interact with you didn't actually start with that interaction with you.
00:18:16
Speaker
For example, people come with their own source of history, their own internal working model that have nothing to do with you as well.
00:18:23
Speaker
So yeah,
00:18:24
Speaker
Once I started to internalise that and to understand how people actually work and actually you are oftentimes not the centre of people's lives, so to speak, it becomes a lot easier to separate their actions and their behaviour from your own as well and to not take it personally.
00:18:43
Speaker
I think I said this in the last episode, but how other people treat you is a reflection of them.
00:18:47
Speaker
How you treat other people is a reflection of you.
00:18:49
Speaker
100%.
00:18:51
Speaker
The next one is you only need to prove yourself to yourself.
00:18:56
Speaker
Yeah, I think this kind of goes back to what I said before, just having that internal compass about what types of things you want to do on a day-to-day basis and who you want to be and who you are.
00:19:06
Speaker
Yes.
00:19:07
Speaker
So the other rules, some of these rules have been covered already in the previous episode, but we'll go through them again anyway.
00:19:14
Speaker
So the first one is respect is all and walk away any signs of disrespect.
Setting Boundaries and Resisting Objectification
00:19:20
Speaker
That's in general.
00:19:21
Speaker
And I mean, like literally walk away in the moment.
00:19:23
Speaker
If someone's disrespecting, you just don't have to listen to it.
00:19:26
Speaker
And I mean, anybody, quite frankly, at this point in my career, I really don't give a shit who they are in a company or what title they have.
00:19:33
Speaker
Disrespect is met with silence and disengagement.
00:19:37
Speaker
And that will serve you well over your life and your career.
00:19:40
Speaker
Because quite frankly, if you allow people to talk to you that way, they'll always talk to you that way.
00:19:44
Speaker
It's important to set boundaries with people no matter what their title is and who they are.
00:19:48
Speaker
And like when guys are acting like fucking idiots, they know, right?
00:19:52
Speaker
And to the extent that you sit there and tolerate that is because they're bullies and they feel like, oh, she's just sit here and listen to me because I'm so important.
00:20:00
Speaker
But you don't have to.
00:20:01
Speaker
And like completely never be afraid to do an uno reverse on someone who's being a bully and a dickhead.
00:20:06
Speaker
100%.
00:20:07
Speaker
I will caveat that and say like, if you are experiencing a microaggression, especially in the workplace, I understand why people may not feel comfortable, but I started just calling out because that's also not okay either.
00:20:21
Speaker
And oftentimes, especially disrespect can be quite covert and it's deliberate because the person disrespecting you is hoping that
00:20:31
Speaker
Because they're doing it in a covert way that you will just think it's not a big deal or that they can get away with it or explain it away.
00:20:37
Speaker
But no, covert disrespect is still disrespect.
00:20:41
Speaker
So if you feel comfortable calling it out, then absolutely do, because it's still not okay.
00:20:46
Speaker
And they know what they're doing as well.
00:20:47
Speaker
This is the thing with disrespect is that it's rarely an accident.
00:20:51
Speaker
They know exactly what they're doing every single time.
00:20:53
Speaker
The next one is immediately distance yourself from any man who inappropriately sexualizes a conversation or situation if you're not comfortable.
00:21:03
Speaker
Immediately distance yourself from any man who treats you like a caretaker or therapist.
00:21:07
Speaker
No apology or explanation is necessary.
00:21:10
Speaker
So yeah, I 100% agree with this one, especially the first part of this point where it talks about distancing yourself from men who inappropriately sexualises a conversational situation.
00:21:20
Speaker
This is like one of the number one signs that a guy is porn sick.
00:21:24
Speaker
Kuma.
00:21:25
Speaker
Kuma energy.
00:21:26
Speaker
Kuma.
00:21:27
Speaker
The next one, as we've spoken about, is trust your gut.
00:21:31
Speaker
And this is a huge one as well.
00:21:32
Speaker
We've spoken about how your gut feeling is always there to tell you that something is wrong.
00:21:38
Speaker
And it takes practice to actually honour it because oftentimes when our gut is telling us that something is wrong, it means that we often have to make a decision that doesn't feel good in the moment.
00:21:48
Speaker
And part of being a mature, emotionally healthy adult is recognising that sometimes the best decision doesn't always feel nice in the moment.
00:21:57
Speaker
as well and that can make it difficult to trust our gut feeling if we internalize the idea that every decision that we make has to feel good in the moment or you know we have to fully agree with it we have to you know fully be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel in that moment and it's not always true the next one is i fully believe this one this is like probably my favorite one out of all of them is always believe and act as though you are worthy of kindness respect and love
00:22:22
Speaker
Yeah, it's quite self-explanatory for me.
00:22:24
Speaker
And especially as women, we've been conditioned to pick out the a million and one ways that we might not be worthy of basic kindness, respect and love.
00:22:34
Speaker
Oh, we're too fat.
00:22:35
Speaker
Oh, we're too skinny.
00:22:36
Speaker
You know, oh, we don't have a job.
00:22:38
Speaker
You know, oh, we've been diagnosed with a mental illness.
00:22:40
Speaker
And it's all horseshit.
00:22:41
Speaker
Like ultimately it's difficult to do that when I guess we live in a patriarchal system that is designed to keep us down and designed to make us not feel worthy.
00:22:50
Speaker
Because if we don't feel worthy, that is how we end up in relationships with low value men who are giving us scraps.
00:22:56
Speaker
Right.
00:22:57
Speaker
But you know, one thing that one of my teachers in school, she used to make us do this affirmation from the movie, The Help, I want to say it's called.
00:23:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:06
Speaker
with Viola Davis and basically just stand in front of a mirror and just say, you is kind, you is smart and you're important.
00:23:13
Speaker
And that actually really, really boosted my confidence as a teenager.
00:23:17
Speaker
And I still carry that mantra with me throughout my life as well.
00:23:20
Speaker
Because you are worthy of kindness, respect and love.
00:23:22
Speaker
You shouldn't have to behave in a certain way to get it.
00:23:24
Speaker
You know, men will have you believe that you have to jump through certain hoops in order to get their attention or to get their respect.
00:23:31
Speaker
And such men are not worth getting the respect or attention of, if that is the case.
00:23:36
Speaker
Yeah, believing that you're worthy of kindness, love and respect is truly, truly the beginning of your personal journey towards anything.
00:23:46
Speaker
It's so difficult.
00:23:48
Speaker
It's so difficult to keep that in mind because everything outside of you is invested in telling you that you are not worthy of kindness, respect or love unless you buy our product or you work for our company or you meet these metrics that
00:24:04
Speaker
or anything, right?
00:24:06
Speaker
Everyone is looking to exploit you in some way.
00:24:09
Speaker
And the way that they do that is they convince you that you're not worthy of kindness and respect and love unless you have or do whatever they're asking for.
00:24:18
Speaker
But kindness, love and respect is your birthright as a human being.
00:24:21
Speaker
And anybody that tells you that you're not worth it otherwise is crazy,
Authenticity and Personal Beliefs
00:24:26
Speaker
right?
00:24:26
Speaker
It doesn't mean you're always going to be a good fit for every environment you're in, but it does mean that like people that treat you disrespectfully for no reason and who are unkind to you for no reason, they're mad because they can't exploit you in a way that's important, right?
00:24:39
Speaker
You do something that's worthy of disrespect.
00:24:41
Speaker
That's one thing, but like inherently you're not worthy of that.
00:24:46
Speaker
Exactly.
00:24:46
Speaker
Believing that you're worthy cures neediness and desperation.
00:24:50
Speaker
100%.
00:24:51
Speaker
Because you won't be seeking validation from external sources, you'll be seeking it internally as well.
00:24:57
Speaker
And it sort of ties into the next point as well, when you focus on improving yourself and not on getting the guy as well.
00:25:04
Speaker
It sort of creates the
00:25:06
Speaker
that positive feedback that you are enough on your own, that you are capable, that you are strong.
00:25:11
Speaker
And so you don't necessarily need to rely on a guy to validate your worth as a human being.
00:25:19
Speaker
The next one is improvise and adapt.
00:25:22
Speaker
Don't be constrained by formulas and routines, especially if they don't serve you.
00:25:27
Speaker
Now, this is something that I find quite interesting about just life in general.
00:25:32
Speaker
And this is something that I would encourage people to always be aware of, especially if you grew up in a background where a dogmatic way of thought was preached or religious or any other kind of
00:25:47
Speaker
environment where you had to follow a dogma to be part of the group.
00:25:51
Speaker
And I suppose that the lack of introspection can also affect people who now believe in more enlightened, in quotation marks, theories such as feminism, in that they don't critically analyse what they actually believe and most importantly check if their beliefs actually align with their internal working model.
00:26:11
Speaker
And this is why a lot of people have a lot of cognitive dissonance.
00:26:14
Speaker
in terms of the way they see the world.
00:26:16
Speaker
An example of this is a current battle that is currently raging on, you know, within radical feminists around makeup.
00:26:24
Speaker
Some radical feminists will tell you that if you wear makeup, you cannot be radical feminist.
00:26:28
Speaker
But what they won't tell you is that a lot of them wear makeup themselves, but they just make up a reason as to why, you know, their wearing of makeup is acceptable and other women's isn't.
00:26:38
Speaker
That's an example of cognitive dissonance.
00:26:40
Speaker
And this comes about where people adopt ideologies without actually critically analysing them.
00:26:47
Speaker
You know, just because you are now part of a critical ideology such as feminism, that doesn't necessarily mean that you've actually thought critically about what you personally believe in and what personally aligns with your thought processes as well.
00:27:00
Speaker
So it is important to improvise and adapt and also be willing to question your own belief system on a regular basis.
00:27:08
Speaker
Because it is normal for people's beliefs to change and adapt as they grow older and as they experience life.
00:27:14
Speaker
That is very normal.
00:27:15
Speaker
So in order to ensure that your value system is actually serving you well and you're not a complete hypocrite, because people will not take you seriously if you're hypocritical, it is important to not be constrained by, you know, not only formulas and routines, but also ideologies and thought processes as well.
00:27:33
Speaker
The next one is to elevate your thoughts in order to ascend and level up.
00:27:39
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, positive thoughts.
00:27:40
Speaker
You have to train your brain.
00:27:41
Speaker
It's really difficult, but it's really important.
00:27:43
Speaker
And I feel like it's harder because of the social media age in some respects, because so many of the apps are designed to distract you and make you sad and emotionally reactive.
00:27:52
Speaker
I swear, like Twitter used to be one of my favorite places to go for knowledge, but the algorithms now is just dog shit.
00:27:59
Speaker
Absolute dog shit.
00:28:00
Speaker
And the stuff that's like pushed onto your timeline now is just ridiculous.
00:28:04
Speaker
But that's just the...
00:28:05
Speaker
Yeah, the roast of Elon Musk is long overdue and is coming.
00:28:08
Speaker
Don't worry.
00:28:10
Speaker
The next one is make it fun with men.
00:28:12
Speaker
Don't take them too seriously.
00:28:13
Speaker
There's no need to put on a show or prove yourself.
00:28:17
Speaker
That's true.
00:28:18
Speaker
I do believe that as much as possible, interacting with anyone, but more so men, should be a positive experience for women.
00:28:25
Speaker
And the way to do that is just to not take men that seriously, even though some of them might take themselves seriously.
00:28:32
Speaker
But yeah, just try to have as much fun as you can with them in your interactions.
00:28:37
Speaker
And if you are not having fun, that is your cue to drop them and exit stage left.
00:28:41
Speaker
Imitating someone else's behaviour probably won't work for you.
00:28:45
Speaker
Get comfortable with yourself, improve yourself and be yourself.
00:28:49
Speaker
Authenticity is really important and it is something that people can spot quite quickly.
00:28:55
Speaker
And unfortunately, a lot of the, I guess, dating advice or
00:29:00
Speaker
the hypergamy advice basically encourages people to be something that they're not.
00:29:05
Speaker
So if we look at the marry rich hypergamy advice, you see women asking, oh, you know, how can I come across this way?
00:29:12
Speaker
If I do these hobbies, is a guy going to like me?
00:29:15
Speaker
And all this stuff, people can spot when somebody is inauthentic or being fake very, very quickly.
00:29:22
Speaker
They may not say it to your face, but they will just know.
00:29:25
Speaker
And ultimately, the
00:29:27
Speaker
best way to live a life that is stress-free is just to be yourself because your tribe will naturally gravitate towards you and then you will find that it is a lot less effort to maintain the friendships and connections that you do make because it just comes naturally to you
00:29:43
Speaker
Yeah, man.
Self-Care, Confidence, and Personal Interests
00:29:44
Speaker
There's just something about that that's just so poignant.
00:29:47
Speaker
Because yeah, if you're not yourself, then the right people won't find you.
00:29:50
Speaker
And you really, really need the right people to find you.
00:29:53
Speaker
Meaning the people that resonate with you rather than the people you're trying to be like.
00:29:57
Speaker
It's just so important to, I think, your life happiness.
00:30:01
Speaker
And it's also, it comes with that confidence of recognising that you're not going to be for everyone and that's okay.
00:30:07
Speaker
Just like you don't vibe with everybody that comes across your path and that's also okay.
00:30:13
Speaker
It's almost like paradox when people who are trying to mould themselves into being something that they're not in order to, I guess, beat rejection, they've ultimately rejected themselves.
00:30:25
Speaker
And they are also rejecting, just like Rose said, the people that will actually, you know, really, really like and love them in their natural way as well.
00:30:35
Speaker
So it's a double whammy there.
00:30:36
Speaker
You lose out twice.
00:30:37
Speaker
And ultimately people can't put on an act for very long.
00:30:40
Speaker
The way personality works is that it will come out and people will quickly see that you are not being authentic.
00:30:49
Speaker
And that is off-putting in and of itself.
00:30:51
Speaker
The next one is take care of yourself.
00:30:54
Speaker
Do exercise regularly, eat nutritiously, get enough sleep, take care of business, tidy your home, wear flattering clothes and take care of your skin and hair.
00:31:03
Speaker
This is an interesting one because this year I never used to lay my bed in the morning because I didn't see the point because I just thought we'd just get messed up anyway.
00:31:10
Speaker
But since January this year, I lay my bed every single morning and that tiny change has made such a massive difference.
00:31:17
Speaker
Like not only does my room look tidier, but
00:31:20
Speaker
It also gives me that sense of accomplishment and that feeling of like self-care of like getting into a freshly made bed at the end of a really difficult, like nothing beats it.
00:31:32
Speaker
So that's just my own little anecdote there, taking care of myself.
00:31:36
Speaker
But yeah, it's also about, you know, how you feel on the inside as well.
00:31:41
Speaker
And it isn't necessarily about, you know, exercising to look a certain way.
00:31:46
Speaker
If that is one of your goals, that is absolutely fine.
00:31:49
Speaker
But more so, it's about...
00:31:52
Speaker
I mean, for me, like exercise is a celebration of what my body can do.
00:31:56
Speaker
It's not necessarily a punishment for eating, you know, too much yesterday or it isn't a way to lose a ton of weight.
00:32:04
Speaker
It's just a celebration of, you know, what my body can do as it is at the moment as well.
00:32:08
Speaker
Then the next one is don't give them too much attention.
00:32:12
Speaker
Don't chase, don't always be available and don't double text.
00:32:15
Speaker
Your time is valuable more so than his.
00:32:18
Speaker
If he wants your attention, he will have to schedule plans ahead of time.
00:32:22
Speaker
If he flakes, drop him and let the Pykmishas waste their time on him.
00:32:26
Speaker
You have better things to do.
00:32:28
Speaker
Yeah, man, mic drop.
00:32:29
Speaker
Mic drop.
00:32:31
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, once again, it's not about game playing.
00:32:35
Speaker
It's just about having a full enough life such that like you don't drop everything to pay attention to this one person, right?
00:32:42
Speaker
It's really easy to get into that groove because your brain, especially if you're horny or in love, so you think or have a crush, like your brain hijacks you, it takes you hostage, and then starts to make you overanalyze this person obsessed about this person that's not healthy.
00:32:59
Speaker
And ultimately, that energy sometimes comes across to people anyway.
00:33:03
Speaker
So just, you know, let it go.
00:33:04
Speaker
And this is, you know, why it's also good to build a fulfilling life on your own so that you won't be fixated on every single interaction that you have with this guy.
00:33:15
Speaker
Because if you have other things going on, he will then have to adapt to your life as opposed to you dropping everything to chase after him.
00:33:22
Speaker
So this is also why it's good to be busy and hopefully fulfilled in your own life as well.
00:33:27
Speaker
The next one is learn and adopt confident body language.
00:33:31
Speaker
So weightlifting, dance, especially ballet, yoga, Pilates and martial arts are all effective at teaching body confidence.
00:33:39
Speaker
I do agree with that.
00:33:40
Speaker
I do hot yoga a lot.
00:33:41
Speaker
I've dabbled in Pilates, but it just, yeah, yoga, like hot yoga is just my jam.
00:33:46
Speaker
That's what I like doing.
00:33:48
Speaker
That's what resonates the most with me.
00:33:49
Speaker
And it is true.
00:33:50
Speaker
And again, it's also about celebrating, you know, what your body can do.
00:33:54
Speaker
And it's also a great way to meet other like-minded people as well.
00:33:57
Speaker
They can often be really, really sociable spaces.
00:34:00
Speaker
So yeah, I would definitely agree with that as well.
Taking Charge and Inspirational Conclusion
00:34:03
Speaker
And then the final point of this High Value Woman series is be ambitious and build your ideal life.
00:34:11
Speaker
Your life is a garden, so nurture it lovingly before attending to anything or anyone else.
00:34:17
Speaker
Here's the part where I get real inspirational because I want everyone to know that your life is yours.
00:34:23
Speaker
You only got one life.
00:34:25
Speaker
You only got one shot.
00:34:26
Speaker
Every day you have to get up and run towards happiness.
00:34:30
Speaker
Every day you have to build towards the future you want.
00:34:33
Speaker
And the added benefit is that as you are building efficacy and focusing on your goals, you'll feel better.
00:34:40
Speaker
You'll feel like your life has purpose and meaning.
00:34:43
Speaker
So never, ever quit on you and let temporary problems become a statement on your entire life.
00:34:49
Speaker
Every day is a new day.
00:34:51
Speaker
Every day is a new chance to rebuild.
00:34:53
Speaker
Every day is a new chance to make incremental progress on your goals because no one else is going to do it for you.
00:34:58
Speaker
Nobody else understands your vision.
00:35:00
Speaker
And no one is as invested in your life as you are.
00:35:03
Speaker
This is something else to think about as well.
00:35:05
Speaker
Like I know it almost sounds a bit doomsday, but it doesn't, I hope it doesn't come across that way in the sense that you will be the most invested in your life ambition at the end of the day.
00:35:16
Speaker
Everybody else is focused on, you know, their own stuff, their own ambitions, their own plans.
00:35:21
Speaker
But ultimately, you are the CEO of your life and you are the biggest investor in your life as well.
00:35:27
Speaker
You have the most to gain and the most to lose out of the trajectory of your life as well.
00:35:33
Speaker
And, you know, whilst it is always good to access help along the way, I think that is what behind every successful person in life, there is a whole team behind them.
00:35:42
Speaker
There is a whole team of people that they were able to call upon.
00:35:45
Speaker
But ultimately that individual, they had to be the most invested in their vision.
00:35:49
Speaker
I mean, no one's got more skin in the game than you do in your own life.
00:35:54
Speaker
Get out there and get busy living or get busy dying, FDSers.
00:35:58
Speaker
Yes, because when you're a boss, you can do what you want.
00:36:01
Speaker
Yeah, you're the boss of your own life.
00:36:03
Speaker
Never let temporary setbacks, temporary people, anything.
00:36:07
Speaker
None of them matter.
00:36:09
Speaker
I'm not saying this just for my health or because it sounds good.
00:36:12
Speaker
I'm saying it from lived experience and having learned the hard way about letting things that should never have been as important as I made them be the arbiter of my long-term goals or my long-term value or who I want to be in this world.
00:36:27
Speaker
And that means everybody, family, friends, people you think you can't live without, jobs you think you can't live without, anything.
00:36:35
Speaker
I'm telling you, anything you get when you're not right with yourself won't matter.
00:36:40
Speaker
It'll feel like tasting bitter fruit.
00:36:42
Speaker
In the words of the great Lauryn Hill, how are you going to win if you ain't right within?
00:36:46
Speaker
It's that all the way.
00:36:48
Speaker
So do you, my friends.
00:36:50
Speaker
And
00:36:51
Speaker
Go out there and make space for yourself.
00:36:53
Speaker
Carve out a space just for you.
00:36:55
Speaker
Doesn't have to fit anybody else.
00:36:56
Speaker
Doesn't matter if it fits anybody else.
00:36:58
Speaker
If it fits you, it's right.
00:37:00
Speaker
That's our show.
00:37:01
Speaker
Check us out on Patreon, patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:37:05
Speaker
And of course, we're still looking for a new host.
00:37:08
Speaker
So if you want to email us and send us a little bit about yourself, about why you think you'd make a good FDS host, contact us at contact at the female dating strategy.
00:37:17
Speaker
Check out the website, the female dating strategy.com.
00:37:21
Speaker
Twitter for however long it lasts at femdatstrat and Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
00:37:27
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:37:29
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, you're not kind.
00:37:32
Speaker
You're not smart.
00:37:32
Speaker
Nobody likes you.
00:37:33
Speaker
Die mad.
00:37:35
Speaker
See y'all next week.
00:37:37
Speaker
Bye.