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MotWEU Oculus Bravo 4-1: Future Dimperfect
171 Plays3 years ago
Today, the Ocu-lus Bravo Team finds themselves in the past, but also the future? Maybe it's just one or the other. I dunno. There's an evil guy and some undead things... Anyway, here's the rundown: Carlton gets a nasty inheritance from his Dummy cohort, Slappy embraces a new dark presence, Lou makes a shocking admission, and Jim John gives a whole new meaning to the word "pacifist."
Onixrobot/Daniel (Jim John) He has a twitter and other links to click! Do it!
Twitter: @Readysetroll20 https://readysetroll1.podbean.com/ https://thezeeteam.podbean.com/
Sero (Lou) She's alright, I guess. You can't keep her from the MotWEU!
Twitter for Sero: @seroRPG Twitter for Redgate and Wolf: @RedgateAndWolf Redgate and Wolf links: https://pod.link/1553894109
Rosi (Carlton) Rosi makes pretty PDF's and has ten thousand new character ideas. Check out his MotW supplement here! https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/323526/Grandmothers-Nursery
Justin (Slappy Pete) Twitter: @funinstallers
And me (Adam and every other character) @rollplayerswin
Also, if you wouldn't mind, go leave us a review if you actually give a shit! Leave a good one, please... not a bad one. https://podchaser.com/rollplayers
Fun fact about Adam: The first time he got to second base was on an amusement park ride in Kennywood called "The Log Jammer."
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Transcript
Introduction and Character Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
you
00:00:49
Speaker
There we go, easy countdown. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. My name is Adam, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary is out there in the universe. This is Role Players, and today we are bringing back the Oculus Bravo team, the time travelers themselves. We're just gonna get right into it because there's a lot of shit to do, so let's introduce our characters. Let's start with Rosie. Who the fuck are you? Hey everybody, it's Rosie, and I am playing Curlton Mary with her.
00:01:15
Speaker
There you go, see? Easy peasy. Professionally done. Well done. All right, let's see if Justin can do as equally or better of a good job. Better job? I better have a good job. Do it. Man, why am I always going to be critiquing how I introduce myself? I'm just trying to say hello. I'm just trying to be myself. Hello? I'm slightly Pete. I'm a dummy and such. And I'm professional. God damn it. Yeah, you are. Good job, bud. All right, let's move over to, well, what's her name? From Red Gate and Wolf. It's Sarah. That's it. Who are you playing?
00:01:45
Speaker
I'm playing Lou, the initiate. Who's like barefoot and like missing items of clothing? And almost down. I'm gonna die. And last but definitely second, we've got Onyx playing Gymdong. Go for it.
00:02:07
Speaker
Hey, y'all. It's Dan, Onyx. Not that Dan, the other Dan. And I'm playing Jim John Smith, the moon dane. The moon dane. Did you say moon dane? The moon dane. I do my best to give a show and get into character. There you go. Pulling up Daisy Duke's all the way up.
00:02:34
Speaker
Okie dokie, artichokey. So, last we left you heroes?
Time Travelers in a War Zone
00:02:40
Speaker
We have. You guys jumped into a portal after dealing with old Chuck Babies in the Wawa West and you step through the portal and you guys ended up in a war zone with skeletons all around you.
00:02:55
Speaker
People of all races sizes and creeds fighting with the skeletons and just in the background you heard a loud voice that yelled we gotta go they have a god damn dragon. Now there you are in the middle of a war zone what do you do. So as jim jon stands in the middle of the battlefield making his mind oh shit wearing some.
00:03:22
Speaker
Deep. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I have. I thought of a very good ghetto. Where's my one liner book? Where is it? What in the holy medieval fuckery? I'll give it to you. That's good. He's looking left. He's looking right. It's like, OK, we need to get out of here. Lose hurt. Slap his part. Carlton, not that hurt. I'm running without shoes. I'm going to use panic button.
00:03:49
Speaker
What is panic button? So, panic button, on the moon dame, fucking damn it, playbook is when you need to escape, name the route you'll try and roll plus sharp. On a tip plus, you're out of danger, no problem. Seven to nine, you can go or stay, but if you go, it'll cost you. You leave something behind or something comes with you. Do not leave low behind. I knew I was forgetting something.
00:04:16
Speaker
May my arms got light also on a miss you are caught halfway out so i'm using panic button. Two okay so the battlefield there in retreat right the not the not the flesh bags and non skeletal folks.
00:04:34
Speaker
are currently in retreat to the best of their ability some of them are still fighting of fireballs flinging arrows and stuff but yeah you see after you heard that voice call out you see people that are farther in the back already starting to make their way away from the battlefield are they moving to like a fortress or something or
00:04:53
Speaker
There isn't one that you can see in the immediate area But I mean you could assume they're moving to some sort of safer Zone because I mean where the fuck else they all gonna go. Okay, I'm going to fall back with their army Kind of using remove kind of using the armored people as cover Okay, here comes the panic button
00:05:14
Speaker
Here it comes, baby.
Escaping the Battlefield
00:05:17
Speaker
None of you all do anything. I've got this. You still got them in your arms? I've got this. I'm using luck. I don't got this. No, no, no. No, if I do jack shit, I'm using luck to make it a 12.
00:05:31
Speaker
Isn't your luck special when you also find something like it's two good things, so you find something interesting or useful? Yeah, so mark luck to change your role to a 12. When you mark luck, you trigger your playbooks. Wait, where's my luck special? Here it is. When you spin luck, you'll find something weird, maybe even useful. Also, I'm going to use oops to stumble across something important.
00:05:56
Speaker
as well. So you will find something important and useful, although not necessarily related to your problems. I want boots and a sword.
00:06:06
Speaker
Here's what you find. You find as you start running with these people who are in full retreat at this point, you see a slew just over the hill as you guys start running. You see a cavalry of green
00:06:29
Speaker
Green 4x4 F-150s, they're Ford Raptors, they're green and black, the engines are revved, they're all facing away from the battlefield and you see people jumping into the back and you see one that's currently running but no one is in the driver's seat at the moment.
00:06:47
Speaker
But as you're running also as you're taking cover from one of these other fellas One of them as they're running you see a few yards ahead You see like glass bottles start falling out of one of the per the lady satchels and you see these blue These these blue glowing liquids inside of these bottles that that are falling out of their satchels as they run That's that's that's what you get
00:07:09
Speaker
Tim John takes as he's running, he like takes his toes and hip. He steps on some of the glass. Oh my gosh. Thank God. I got tough feet, callous and shit.
00:07:21
Speaker
As he puts him in the lose arms as he runs to the truck, tosses the party in, and gets in the driver's seat. Okay. As you guys, as you're getting in the car and you're putting everybody in the car, you feel like, as more people are jumping into the back, they're tapping on the truck, let's go, go, go, go, go. Stick shift.
00:07:43
Speaker
Sure. I bang on the window. I opened a little like the back cab window. I say, look, Jim, you finally got your truck. I know, and I fucking love it. As you do that, you see in the rear view mirror and anybody who's not in the immediate front seat, you see this massive skeletal dragon with all these other
00:08:08
Speaker
Smaller skeletal warriors taking down some of your some of the other flesh bags. You see this huge skeletal dragon With like this purple goop this purple and black goop like dripping from its mouth and it's spitting all this like gauze everywhere all over the battlefield and you see people are just Disintegrating as the stuff touches them as you see all the rest of the four Raptors just peel out and just fucking
00:08:34
Speaker
and you see right to your right as you guys are fleeing, you see another truck that's starting to overtake you and you see this kind of bushy bearded dwarven fella with like, it's a real gross sticky looking beard and a big ol' scar across his neck and wounds all over his face. And a little exciting he goes, I don't know where to fuck you on but follow me. And he just like tears off ahead of you. As he sees you have a bunch of his mates on the back of your truck.
00:09:03
Speaker
So that's what you got going on. So you punch it. As you do that, you hear him start to honk the horn in almost like a melodic manner. And then up over the other horizon, as you guys are jetting down this big old field, you see another dragon come over the horizon. It's black, and it's got yellow spots all over it. And it flies in the opposite direction of where you guys are going. You see it slam into this skeletal dragon behind you.
00:09:28
Speaker
and both dragons just start toppling to the ground and you feel the earth shake behind you as all these trucks pick up speed and continue speeding away from the battlefield.
00:09:38
Speaker
And after a few moments of just continuous just trucking it across this field, you see just like a really small encampment with like some makeshift, like aluminum siding shacks and like little campfires and like a couple of old little shit houses off to the sides of the camp. And you see a few people tending to the wounded as these old trucks start to come to a stop.
Finding Encampment and Healing
00:10:04
Speaker
And the one in front pills off first and hops out of his truck very quickly and then stands with his arms crossed looking at you guys as you pull up Well, this looks like it's gonna hold against a dragon. I think we found our safe haven you guys Jim John kicks the door open of the raptor and pulls Lou out and holds her in her arms says I need a medic All is that what you need just gonna show up in your weird fucking funky clothes from the past and just think you're gonna get What you want there? Yeah Jim John shirtless and bootless
00:10:35
Speaker
I like your shorts. Thanks, but this is urgent. She's dying. Well, don't tell me about urgent. We just got done almost getting bloody spit on by a golfing dragon.
00:10:48
Speaker
Who the fuck are you? You're not getting any of these supplies. He got something you're fucking mean out to, so shut the fuck up and kick me somewhere. He reaches into the fort, he reaches into his fort after he pulls out this massive hammer that was riding shotgun with him. And he kind of like leans on top. He goes, I don't know who you are, but I mean, do you see what we're dealing with here? So maybe you just start making nice with me, then maybe we'll make nice with you back, eh? Explain yourselves.
00:11:16
Speaker
I'm Jim John Smith and I need a medic. Who's the weird guy with the with the specs on back there? It's looking at me funny. Carlton main weather. He also need he doesn't need a medic. He just he needs to see something. I have sloppy Pete. Oh, I wouldn't hand up to him. Yeah, it's just cleaning off his glasses. Did you say sloppy Pete?
00:11:45
Speaker
Yeah, that's my name. You see these big crocodile tears start to come down his dude's face. No. And he says, I just lost me, Slappy P. Are you Slappy P in count?
00:12:00
Speaker
No. No! Say yes! I slap it in common! I knew it! And he runs over and he picks you up and squeezes your wooden body and you hear his wooden body start to crackle. Like, I knew it was you! I knew you wouldn't leave me, you magical bastard! This is the worst day of my life. Where did you find them? Why do you look like? Oh my god, you got a big old hole in your brain. How'd you do that? Oh, you know, it's just the dragon bit me right in the head.
00:12:30
Speaker
You got little fingers too. You haven't had hands in forever. How's it feel to have little digits? They're pretty shit. I lost one here today. Do you prefer to have the little hooks that you used to have? I don't know what that is. You must be taking a while to get all your noodles back, but am I happy to see you? I thought when the dragon got you, I wouldn't see you anymore, but here you are.
00:13:00
Speaker
I'm so happy to see you. Come on in, everybody. Thank you for bringing me, my friend. Yeah, uh, medic. Bad. Oh, yeah. He calls out and he says, all right, any of you magical pricks that aren't currently working on somebody, come here. And you see an elven gal comes out, rolled tall, long legs, dark hair, very, very bright green eyes. And she's kind of has a, she has a little like a septum. And she says,
00:13:30
Speaker
Oh my, you do not seem to be from around here, but hey, as long as you still have flesh on your bones, I'm happy to help. What can I do? She got burned real bad. Do me. Do me. You gotta wait. You need to heal before you can do that side of things again. No strenuous activity for three weeks. You're not the boss of me. Shut the fuck up.
00:13:57
Speaker
Well, you're not exactly my type, if that's what you're trying to say. But I'm flattered, thank you. All right, can you just put her... We don't really have any beds, we just have sheets. So just put her on a sheet and I'll do my best with her. We'll put her in the bed of the truck, the most spacious part of the truck. I guess that's fine, whatever works. On this fabulous Ford Raptor all-wheel drive. Get your 2020 Ford Raptor.
00:14:26
Speaker
Yeah, I'm quite surprised we were able to feel the dragons hit the ground. Yeah, with a great shots of the photograph. Yeah. Tony Fessy, a what? 3034. You can use my a plan to get 20% off. He's good role players. They have to type in it wrong.
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah. So as you layer in the bed of the truck, this elven lady comes around and she does a couple little incantations with her scepter and then rests it down near her feet, near Lou's feet, and then starts casting a spell. Lou, why don't you go ahead and roll a d6 for me? You want me to.
00:15:18
Speaker
Yeah, just to see how effective her healing spell is. Yeah, why not? It's five. What's a five? Can I heal five? That's five points of your health back. Oh, very, very effective. Oh, Lou jumps up. Right. Whoa. No, no, no, don't jump up. No, no, no, don't jump up. The effects don't stay permanent for like another half an hour. So just chill out for a minute, okay?
00:15:43
Speaker
Don't go getting yourself ripped up, because then all the things that I just did will be undone. So just chill out for a half hour, right? Just go rest. OK. Sit back down. Definitely don't do that. Very slowly. Yes, please, please do not do what you are about to do. You're fragile like a little egg.
00:16:01
Speaker
I don't know how you think magic works around here, but it takes time to set. So just stop. And as you do that, you can hear like this dwarven guys like all around the camp screaming a bunch of like incoherent shit to whoever's left, even at the people that are wounded on the ground, as you see more Ford Raptors pulling up. And you see this mustachioed guy hop out of his Ford Raptor and come over and he starts talking to
00:16:29
Speaker
to this little dwarven guy across. They look like they're getting into a heated argument as this elven will then steps away from you guys. Hey lady, come back here. Come back here. Me and Jim John need something. We need some love and two. Oh, you don't look like you... I don't mean to be rude, but you don't look like you're alive. Yeah, I don't fit in anywhere I go. Just give me, just like, slap some sort of magical mumbo jumbo on me and...
00:16:55
Speaker
Well, my healing magics work on people of the flesh. I don't really know. I guess I could try some type of mending spell. I guess somebody knows mending or something. Come on. Yeah, we do have a wizard that could maybe try, but I don't know if he's kind of cranky, but I mean, we could ask him. Oh, I love to deal with him. Okay, well, come with me then. Jim John gives Lou a big old hug.
00:17:26
Speaker
Sorry, sorry. Well, now you only heal for four. I'm getting it. Gentle hug, gentle, big. Yeah, right. Of course. I'm glad you're all right. Okay. That was a close one. Yeah.
00:17:48
Speaker
I got glass shards in my feet, so I'm gonna need to take care of them. Why? Where are your clothes? I mean, I know where mine. I took off those clothes to leave them in the past, so I didn't mess up the timeline. Obviously, as Jim Jones looking around, we fucked up somewhere. So, yeah.
00:18:08
Speaker
Uh, so I need to, he pulls out his dollar general bag and puts on his flannel. Uh, are you a size? Well, I don't, I don't know if your feet will fit my boots all that well. I'm an eight. No, I'm bigger than that. Um, no, I'd say you're about a $7. Shut the fuck up. You don't know anything about my feet. I've also got about your feet there.
00:18:37
Speaker
I've also got like a wide foot, so it might also make it a little different as well.
00:18:42
Speaker
Can I throw something at the dwarf? No, my boots. You can certainly try. So are you wearing your armor but not a shirt? Is that right? Yeah, armor jeans and, yep, that's about it. I'm an underwear guest, maybe. Gotcha. Maybe we'll see who it is. Yeah, roll for underwear. Top underwear, not bottom underwear. Okay. Roll for bra.
00:19:08
Speaker
Carlton, so you were just cleaning your glasses. What are you doing now, as all this was happening? So now Carlton has seen that Lou now has to lay there for a while through the healing process and feels that it would be kind of a nice saying to do to just kind of keep her company. So I'm going to pull up a chair and I've grabbed the owner's manual from the Ford Raptor. I'm just going to start it next week from it.
00:19:37
Speaker
I grab the owner's manual and I throw that at the door. It's like classic Carlton. Chapter one. What do the buttons do? All right. Why don't you guys both roll an act under pressure to see if Luke can get the book.
00:20:06
Speaker
We'll just have an act under pressure off, a cool off, if you will. That's an eight from Lou. Oh, it's a seven from Carlton. Carlton is not as cool as he thinks he is. Oh, wait, can I hex? Oh, it's too late to hex. Too late to hex. Damn. Should I? Power of heart, Carlton. Should you? Do you want to? It is for Lou's recovery. It's true. It's for her own good. He's trying to read her a bedtime story to help her feel better.
00:20:36
Speaker
Luke, you don't need to be throwing books around. You need your bed rest, and this will help put you to sleep. I got like bullet holes in me. Can I get somebody to banage me? I took the lady left with me. Yeah, I know.
00:21:07
Speaker
Carlton, you have a move that you use at the beginning of a mystery, don't you? I do. It's premonitions. Yeah, do you want to do that real quick before you forget? Yeah, I'm trying to be better about your skill. Let's see how to do. I think what is it? It's not bad. Yeah, so what is the verbiage of that one?
00:21:30
Speaker
On a seven to nine, you get clouded images of something bad that is yet to happen. Mark your experience if you stop. On a miss? Wait, no, I don't have to worry about this. Yes, you know how to remember. You got a nine.
00:21:43
Speaker
Yeah, so as you're looking through this book, you start to see images on the pages for a minute, almost as if it's like a TV that's flickering on and off, or an old-timey cathode tube-ray TV.
Visions and Revelations
00:21:59
Speaker
And you see flickering images of a guy who's got very sharp features, long dark hair, spectacles,
00:22:05
Speaker
I'm in a white jacket that has red stripes all over it red markings i should say all over it and you see he standing at some type of in some type of cave and some type of bright light is coming out of his hands.
00:22:23
Speaker
as he points them into the cave's direction. And before you can see what happens, the TV flickers more and then it goes, and then the pages go back to normal and you see the words from the Ford Raptor on the pages. Fabulous Ford Raptor. The fabulous Ford Raptor, the Raptor, yeah, the Raptor and the Ford Raptor, the 3034 Ford Raptor. Yes, that's what you get.
00:22:49
Speaker
Sword raptor is a raptor wrapper. Yes. So over to Slappy real quick since you're following the beautiful elephant healer. She says, so you're Slappy Pete, huh? Yeah, that's me. Do you remember me? I'm a little fuzzy. You're not the Slappy Pete, are you?
00:23:20
Speaker
Nope. Yeah. I mean, you can, you would really help him out if you just kept up the facade for a little while longer. That guy's name is Dim. He's dumb. He's not bright. Yeah. That's his name. He doesn't seem very brave. He has a fitting name. Hey, Dim. Keep on keeping on.
00:23:46
Speaker
I give him a thumbs up. Are you a gnome? Is that what you are? Do you already forget? He thinks I'm his friend. I'm not a gnome. What an idiot. He's not always the brightest guy.
00:24:06
Speaker
All right, yeah So this guy I'm gonna take you to he's a little grumpy because he's been having a lot of memory issues So he doesn't remember a whole lot But he knows he knows magic so he gets real grumpy so just We're just gonna try to get in it out as fast. We can okay. I should be fine I'm very often in control of my own anger, so I'm gonna be very calm in this situation. I imagine I
00:24:33
Speaker
Oh, well, that's fantastic. Come right, come right this way then. And she walks you into this this kind of like, it's, it's made of like a bunch of aluminum siding and you know, a bunch of old like shitty pieces of wood that they found and sticks and stuff just kind of hold it all together and rope. And there's a little fire in there. And this person just like sitting there staring at the fire. And they got kind of like this, um,
00:25:02
Speaker
like a really long beardy face, like the beard goes down to their chest and they're white and their skin is kind of cracked and their eyes are just real tired looking. God, is this the high wizard? Sheila, she walks up and she says,
00:25:26
Speaker
Hey, I'm so sorry to bother you, but are you familiar with any sort of mending spells or fixing spells for physical objects? This is Slappy Pete in a wooden body who needs it fixed. Hey, I'm Slappy Pete. I'm not that Slappy Pete, but I'm Slappy Pete. I don't care. I don't care who you are.
00:25:52
Speaker
Okay, cool. He's got my, got my house. No, I need to fix it up there, guy. So do I. Well, maybe... So do I. No, I just, just lay on hands real quick and I'll be out of your hair. I have a lot of hair. You do. It's really amazing beer you got there. Why don't you go ahead and heal me? What's your name, son? Sloppy Pit.
00:26:21
Speaker
All right, cool. Sloppy Pit, get the hell out of my house before I smite you with some sort of lightning bolt or a fireball. Wait, what? What's the spell? I like to cast a lot. I'm ending.
00:26:34
Speaker
I was out when it was. That really would do me in if you hit me with that one, I bet. Well, you best believe it's coming at you, you little bastard. Oh, no, don't hit me with it. I walk close through. Oh, I'm doing it. You just hold still, you little shit. And you see that the Alvin woman's kind of like she cracks a smile for the first time since you got here. She's kind of grinning, covering up her mouth.
00:26:55
Speaker
Just come here, you little bastard. And he shoves his hands into the hole of your face. And starts like your body starts to quiver with this weird magical energy. Why don't you go ahead and roll a d6 as well. We'll see what you get. Oh no, you're healing me. I hate it. I mean, you're hurting me. There you go. We got five of your hit points back. Or whatever they call it. That's all of them. Am I stable?
00:27:22
Speaker
I guess so, yeah. Woohoo! I feel stable again. As he does that, the only thing that doesn't heal in your head is like where his finger is. This is like a little hole the size of his middle finger. Does he pull it out with a pop? Yeah, he pulls it out with a pop. He's like, let me show you a little shit. Get out of here. Oh, you really got me there, guy. Good job. There we go. Yeah, I fucking got him. Mm-hmm. Thanks.
00:27:45
Speaker
She says, yes, High Wizard, you you have done a great job. I will see this person out now. Yes, do that. And then he just kind of sits back down on his chair and just stares at his fire as his beard kind of as he leans closer to it, his beard just like sways towards the flames. Yeah, and then she ushers you out. She's much taller than you. So she's like kind of barely has a finger resting atop your head as she ushers you out of the out of the room. She's like,
00:28:16
Speaker
I'm sorry about that. He's pretty much the only thing left of the old place. So we keep around just as like a beacon of hope, hopefully. That's no problem. Yeah, I know it's all good. Hey, so if you don't mind me asking, you seem to be the more level-headed of everybody, except for that one that doesn't wear a shirt. He's actually, he's kind of like our dim.
00:28:41
Speaker
Oh, is that right? He's the dumb one? Yeah, I'm pretty much, I might be the dummy, but I'm kind of like the big honcho around here. Gotcha. Well, I'll make sure to talk to him a little slower when... Oh, and if you really also... Let me... We didn't introduce ourselves, everybody. The lady over there, her name's Louisa, so you call her Louisa. Okay. And then the shirtless guy, his name's... Funny enough, his name is Jim, like Dim.
00:29:05
Speaker
That's his only name he has, Jim. And then the other guy, it's old, old Platy Magoo. That's what his name is. Well, you guys come from a strange land. I've never heard of anyone named Platy Magoo. Yeah, he's a pretty interesting fella. Oh, all right. Well, I'll be sure to go talk to him. He certainly looks interesting. He has a very interesting aura of coming off of him. Yeah, you should ask him about like picture frames or spoons or even like anything really. Oh, he likes spoons? I love spoons. I have a collection.
00:29:36
Speaker
He's all about it. Oh, well, that's great. Well, I'll make sure to talk to him later. She kind of starts playing with her hair a bit. She's like, it's nice to have something nice to talk about, for once. Yeah, I bet. All right, anyway, yeah. Well, hey, I got to go tend to some more people, so. Hey, didn't you want to ask me something because I'm so smart? Oh, yeah, right. Sorry, I got distracted by the spoons. Yeah, so where did you guys come from? That's a really funny story.
00:30:05
Speaker
Do your magics involve time travel? You ever learn about that before? I know of it, but I don't know anyone who can do it. Oh, interesting, interesting. Well, we met, there was this real dickhead of a, he was a preacher, I don't know, he was one of them kind of things.
00:30:22
Speaker
And I went to show him through the head cause he was a real jerk wad or jerk off. He was like, here's all the jerks really. Um, and then he stayed alive and he sent us into the past and I got to sleep for a couple of seconds. That was pretty good. Um, and then, uh, we killed a zombie couple of zombies and then we were in the wild. We ever heard about the wild West. You got wild West's where you guys are from in this place.
00:30:47
Speaker
I mean, we're kind of still in the West, I guess, so it's pretty wild. Interesting. Yeah, we were there. We killed some zombies. And then we just kind of walked through this big glowing door. We came here and now we're going to maybe fight some dragons, I think. Oh, God, it would be so nice if we get rid of the Void Dragon. Yeah. Oh, my God, that thing showing up really just ruined everything. Oh, gosh.
00:31:17
Speaker
All right, well, you guys should probably go talk to Dim when you all get a chance to get your heads together. And she pointed a little hole in your head. No, I didn't. No pun intended. And she says, well, I got to go take care of some of the other people. So just stay around the camp, because we're probably not going to stay here very long since the monsters are moving inward towards us. So yeah, be ready to leave in probably a couple hours.
00:31:40
Speaker
Okay, that's great. Not to rush you. I'm pretty sure my friend Jim John over there... Oh, he has two names. I forgot Jim John. He needs some help too. He's got a lot of bullet holes in him. You guys know about bullets? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's not something that we've encountered much anymore, but there are still some relics of firearms. Did somebody...
00:32:07
Speaker
Did somebody find a flamethrower or something? You learned how to use guns in the medieval times or something here? Medieval times? Yeah. Medieval times. We know medieval times as like when people were on screens all the time and there were cars everywhere in planes. We don't really have much of those anymore, except for the raptors, of course. We restored those.
00:32:34
Speaker
Yeah, you're right. Of course, I was a little confused. Anyway, that's great. Okay, yeah, go give Jim John a nice, good touch, and then we'll be all set. I mean, no offense, but he looks like he's pretty all right. I mean, there's a lot of people here that are missing limbs and tend to, so... Oh, God. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.
00:32:53
Speaker
Yeah, so let me, I'm gonna go take care of them. Just have him stop by. Maybe check, I don't know if we have any more potions left. Maybe he can see if the Apothecary has any more healing potions. I saw him guard a bunch with his little monkey feet earlier. He's got a little hobby feet. He was stepping on glass like it was none. What do they look like? They were blue, I think. Oh yeah, there's like a 90% chance that's a healing potion. Just have him drink that. All right, cool. All right, right on. Good stuff. Okay, well, I'm gonna go take care of these dying people now. Thanks. Thanks, lady. Oh, it's Esmeralda, by the way.
00:33:23
Speaker
Oh, thanks lady. I walk away. Okay. Over to Lou. Lou, what are you doing as Carlton continues to read to you?
00:33:35
Speaker
banging the back of her head against the inner sidewall of the Ford Raptor, repeatedly. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Good. Now I don't have to put in the sound effects. You're doing it for me. Thunk. Oh, it's thunk. Okay, good. Thunk. Good. What you doing?
00:34:01
Speaker
I thought you were saying donk. Carlton's just going to move the pillow between her head and the sides of that. Wally's doing that. Can I grab the book again? Turns the page. Yeah, go ahead and grab the book again. Why don't you roll another act under pressure to see if you can take the book from Carlton. If you really must, if you re-enter yourself over a book,
00:34:28
Speaker
I clicked on it. Oh, there we go. Steven took him off the chin to seven Carlton. She's grabbing at the book getting her grubby hands all over So there's a tug of war for a book going on back of a Ford Raptor What is going on over here I leave you guys alone for two minutes kids can't even play nice with each other
00:34:52
Speaker
Imagine just seeing the Fort Raptor just rocking back and forth as we're pulling the book. Oh, someone's getting nasty in the Raptor. A bit of granting is to, you know, a free sleep for it. Hey, you see like, please, please give me back the book. It's showing me visions. I've seen
00:35:17
Speaker
I've seen a tall man in a white coat pointing to a cave. Can we check in the glove box to see if there's any maps of the area? Yeah, I'm going to go right up in there. Perhaps I could just turn it on and use the in-dash screen. Oh, look, I have to go. You go to that. You sit right there, Rosie. No, you're not Rosie. It's fair enough. You sit right there, Carlton. I was reading your sting on the screen.
00:35:48
Speaker
or your cool roll, or is this rosy at the end of it? Can you stay right there, Carlton? Oh, Jim John, by the way, they said that you're not an important case right now. They got many other people in front of you in line. Yeah, fuck me, right? I'm just bleeding. That's fine, right? Just sit in the waiting room. You'll be fine. Oh, drink those potions. They're 100% healing potions. Oh, Jim John looks at the three potions he got, and he's like, I think I'm going to save these for later. She said you should probably drink all three of them right now.
00:36:15
Speaker
I didn't say I got three. You got two. You got two. Luke's got a barefoot on Carlton's face as he's still trying to yank him out of his grasp. Luke, you're not supposed to exacerbate yourself. I just want him to shut the fuck up. No, I understand that, but, you know, yes. Yeah, Luke, can you roll plus tough, please?
00:36:46
Speaker
Cause you're, you're fussing around. You're going to pop your stitches. Nine magical stitches. All right. Jim, John will help her out and just like, he'll like rub the wounds and everything's like, Lou, you gotta calm down. Good.
00:37:02
Speaker
Good thing you got the power of heart guy here. Yeah, I know, right? Shit. As he bleeds all over the place. You're not unstable, are you? No, you're just a point above. That's perfect. Yeah, I'm just a point before unstable, so I'm fine.
00:37:17
Speaker
Okay, good. So she's fine. She doesn't, she doesn't exacerbate her condition. Good. Um, and so, uh, as you guys are doing all that, um, you, um, you hear, uh, another yell, it's like, I'm telling you, Dib, these people should not be here. They are a threat to our mission. I don't know who they are. They should have out of nowhere and they need to go. Hey, you guys think he's talking about us? I don't give a shit.
00:37:46
Speaker
I'm gonna give him a piece of my line. Hey buddy, hey mustache. What do you want your little name? What do you want? I'm a big old tall, big old brown mustache. He's like all filth up and he has kind of like a cop looking uniform on. He's like, I don't know who the hell you are, but you're not going to get any closer to dim. Thank you for that. First of all, he gave me a big hugger. I didn't like it. He never hugs me.
00:38:14
Speaker
I'll be glad of that. Anyway, second of all, quit talking shit. I don't know what talking shit means. Oh, they don't have that in the future, but for records, oh. Some lingo dies as time goes on. What is that, like an old timey phrase or something that you pitch use?
00:38:43
Speaker
Yes, it gets come back in popularity among us small wooden children. Excellent. Anyways, get the fuck out. Well, hold on. We maybe could use just a little help to point us on the right path. We're trying to find... I don't actually know what we're... Guys, what are we trying to do? We're trying to get back, Slappy. Oh, you guys got any magical portals or people that can do time travel?
00:39:13
Speaker
Yes. Our High Wizard can make you a portal that'll send you anywhere but here. I already... That guy, he barely healed me, so I don't believe that I'm going to get him to do anything else. I'm sure he will. He's very easy to fool. Just go tell him you don't want to be teleported. He might be burning a light. Whenever I left him, his beer was touching the flames in his little fireplace, so... Well, good, because it's fucking atrocious on him, and it keeps getting all the filth, and we're using all of our water to keep it clean from stinking. It's fine. What the fuck?
00:39:44
Speaker
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you have a better way to clean an old dirty Wizards beard? No. Just cut it off. Just need some conditioner. Well, yes, you you're hired fine. You could stay until you clean the Wizards beard and then you got to go.
00:40:10
Speaker
Okay, let's start with the map of the area. I'm going to need a few ingredients. Once you're all manipulated on one. All right. Is that cool, sharp or charm? That's what you got to be plus charm. Unless you have a skill that says otherwise. That's a niner.
00:40:32
Speaker
Alright fine, I'll show you the map of the area but you've... Listen, I need you to take care to do something with his beard before you go because it is getting rancid and everybody just wants to keep him around because he's one of the only people left from Atlanta but I just want to throw him and leave him behind for the dragon. Fucking Atlanta. You said what is the few people from where?
00:41:01
Speaker
Atlanta, where the fuck are you from? I imagine I should start working right away. Can you take me to him?
00:41:11
Speaker
Oh, okay. Don't answer my question. Yeah, fine. Right this way. I don't have time for such smell attack when such pressing matters are tanned. Whatever. He grabs your hand and like drags you towards the tent. And he says, Oh, your hands are kind of nice, actually. Anyways, he's right in here. He takes you in and you see at this point, like a little bit of smoke is and cinders are on the bottom of this wizard's beard is like half asleep leaning over his little lawn chair.
00:41:41
Speaker
And he says, yes, do you see what I mean? I can't let that happen because everybody's like, oh, Daniel's. Oh, oh, that's all your fault. You're supposed to be watching him. Bullshit. So you'll take care of him, right? Oh, no chap. Oh, of course. I'm sure I can handle this.
00:42:02
Speaker
All right, well, I'll go get you a map while you take care of the wizard. Perfect. Hi, wizard. Thank you. Shut up. He runs out the runs out the tent or the shack, I should say. What do you do while you're in there with the wizard? So he's asleep, right? He's like he's like half asleep. He's like leaning towards the fire as if like once he falls completely unconscious, he's going to fall in the fire. He's kind of like dozing in and out like like a cartoon bear.
00:42:33
Speaker
What things do I see in the room? I kind of want to see if there's anything useful. Well, there's a little fire in the middle of the room that he's setting on a lawn chair that's in front of. There's a few baubles here and there like a little like an old timey one of a
00:42:49
Speaker
A culin' dresser in there. It's old, shitty looking and dilapidated. There's a couple of drawers in there that you could open to see if there were things in there. Then there's a pot and some pans that are all dirty and filled up on the side of the room. But other than that, not a whole lot. They're just leaving them in here.
00:43:08
Speaker
All right, well, Carlton's going to, after walking around, he's going to sit down in front of him and pick up a rock and just kind of throw it at his head to wake him up. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to make you roll. That's an easy enough thing. You pelt him in the head. He goes, hey, who's casting stone on me? Who's there? Is it a basilisk? He starts looking at his hands all tiredly.
00:43:38
Speaker
Who's there? It is... just... a friend. I'm... Carlton Merriwitter, and... I hear you're from Atlanta. Oh yes, I am... I am from Atlanta, Mr. Carlton Merriwitter. What? Where are you from? I'm sorry, are you making fun of my voice? What? No, I just want to pronounce it correctly.
00:44:09
Speaker
Fair enough. Yes, see, my friends are also from a faraway land, and we're wondering what exactly is going on with this world. Oh! Oh, the world ended, that's what. No one believes me, even though the bodies are there. They all think I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy when a crazy person shit in his own hands.
00:44:36
Speaker
No, no, I'm sure you're just a little unwell. Yeah, I know right now you can't tell, but... Stay a while, maybe we'll see. Yes, but I'm just a little sleepy as all. They don't let me go to sleep for some reason. Why do they keep you awake?
00:45:04
Speaker
I don't know, I told you it's for some reason. I think I'm crazy. Would a crazy person shit in his own hand? No, but they would repeat the same story. It may matter, no matter how crazy you may or may not be. I believe you may have some information that could be most beneficial to my friends and I... You see, I don't think you're crazy.
00:45:33
Speaker
Oh. At least in the sense of what happened. Excellent. He starts to doze off again, fall towards the fire. Uh-huh. Yes. I'm not crazy. What a crazy person sleeping in a fire. As he leans close to the fire, his beard starts to catch. Could I?
00:45:57
Speaker
use my telepathy to investigate a mystery by reading this person's thoughts. Sure. Sure. Absolutely. That would be, I guess it's still, it's still sharp, right? You're just doing it without having to say anything, right? Or is it a different skill? Uh, it would be, it would be a sharp. Okay. Go for it. Plus sharp thing. We'll see what you get. See,
00:46:30
Speaker
That's a 10, so you get two questions you may ask for an investigative mystery. What would you like to know? What happened here? What sort of creature is it? What can it do? What can hurt it? What was it going to do? And what's being concealed here? Let's see. What happened here? This is the first question I would like answered.
00:46:53
Speaker
Um, would you, before I answer that question, would you like to describe what, what your power looks like? Does it look like anything when you cast it to read minds or do you just do it? I'd say that I just do it. Okay. So you just look at him and just like adjust his glasses a little bit. Uh, and that's about it. Nice. All right. Keeping it simple. Um, so yeah, you kind of, you start to tear into his mind a little bit and kind of go for a bit of a ride and you hear,
00:47:21
Speaker
You hear thoughts and see little clips of little kind of flashes, Polaroids in your head of things that he saw. And you see at one point, he was keeping his large monstrous hulking beast at bay locked up in his castle. And then an earthquake happened. And then you see another picture of the of the castle that he was in in ruin. Then you see another one.
00:47:48
Speaker
of the dragon you guys saw as you were fleeing the battle coming out of this portal and you see that man again from your vision the first time, who was standing there at the scene, summoning it, ripping reality open for this thing to come through, and it decimates the city of Atlanta, which is called Ye Olde Atlanta, you know, because that's what he knows it as.
Teleportation Mishaps
00:48:11
Speaker
And Yield of Atlanta falls to the ground and crumbles and thousands die of what was left of the population as everybody else fled the city. And then you see him twitch a bit and he gets up as a beard starts to singe again and goes, are you having fun in there? I mean, you could have just asked, I suppose. Don't you think it's much more fun to sit in sedents?
00:48:40
Speaker
Well, I mean, I shit in silence all the time. Would a crazy person shit in his own hand? Yes. Perhaps. Do you want to ask your other question or no? What was it going to do? Regards to what specifically? Specifically the individual that led the dragon.
00:49:10
Speaker
I guess, okay, here's how you'll get this information. So like back through these images that you were seeing, you see kind of like a real playing for like about 15 seconds as you see this person has a habit of after casting a spell or summoning this creature.
00:49:34
Speaker
He rubs his hands together a lot almost like a praying mantis or like or like he has a bunch of hand sanitizer on his hands and he's always rubbing them on each hand. He's just always doing that as he watches the city burn and he has a big old smile on his face and you get the impression that he's trying. He gets off funds. He likes he's a clean person. He looks like he's trying to baptize his place by fire.
00:50:04
Speaker
Does that make sense? That's pretty much what you get as what was it going to do is the intention was what you saw was to was to wreck, wreck Atlanta, yield Atlanta. Yield Atlanta, correct. Yeah, that definitely answers it. Yeah. My good sir, have you do you know who this this individual is? Oh, this dragon.
00:50:30
Speaker
Oh, it's a son of a bitch, Rasputin. He stole some of my things and locked up at my tower. But I was away, keeping the city safe from monsters. He took everything from me and no one believes me. Well, I assure you, Maggotsir, I believe what you are saying is real, as you can say. You cannot create your own memories.
00:51:01
Speaker
What? What does that mean? How old are you? Well, I was, uh, I was kind of imagining that when I looked into his head, I was seeing stuff that he saw. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, he doesn't know he's, he's, he's sleepy. I don't know what you're talking about.
00:51:24
Speaker
Just let me die." And he leans closer to the fire. As you do that, you see Daniels comes back in, the must-have show guy, and he says, Oh my God, he's done it again, hasn't he?
00:51:37
Speaker
Well, here's your wizard, high wizard, and he grabs him again and inches the chair back a few feet towards the wall. He hands you a map and he says, there's the map of what we have of the area. I don't know what you're looking for exactly, but it's there, whatever it would be. But now you're going to clean this fellow, right? Yes. Yes. Thank you. Now do leave beauty takes time.
00:52:02
Speaker
Oh, yes, of course. And he starts stroking his mustache. Don't I know it. And he walks out and he says, damn, the other three fuckers gotta go. As he walks out, Jim, John, what are you doing? Jim, John has not basically left the side of the truck. He is playing dutiful guard right now, making sure that his boss is perfectly safe.
00:52:30
Speaker
As you do that as you're sitting there Staying at her side now you see the dwarf comes back up and he says All right, I think I've been giving you some good hospitality here, but I'd like to know some answers now, please Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead and ask questions
00:52:55
Speaker
Who are you? And I don't want your names. I want to know, like, who do you work for? Where'd you come from? What kind of creature is that? You know, just whatever it is I need to do to know that I'm not dealing with some sort of spy. We are from the US Marshals. I'm sorry, the what? I'm agent Jim John Smith. US Marshals. What is the US Marshals? We are a force of law enforcement.
00:53:25
Speaker
that is able to cross state lines to handle individuals of noteworthy evil. Well, that's good and everything, but it's the first time hearing of it. It sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me. That was a very real organization. Show them the bitch. Oh, is it? No. There haven't really been much in the way of laws around here for quite some time. That sounds like a you problem.
00:53:51
Speaker
It's an everyone problem. Did you see the dragon? Yeah speaking of which the fuck? Yeah, that's what I'm saying So did you is that you're doing and you're here to clean up your mess. I don't know What the dragon is not our not our dealing We're just looking to get back to where we're from We just got here. Yeah, I'm pretty much seriously. We thought the dragon was yours. Oh
00:54:21
Speaker
Yeah. Well, one of them is my- What are you doing bringing the dragon in here? I mean, seriously, what are you thinking? Well, one of them is my dragon, but the other one's not my dragon. Well, he's more like my lizard, but I mean, he's a dragon, technically, but- I don't care what's in here. When I met him, he was little. Aye.
00:54:43
Speaker
I don't care what's in your pants. We're talking about the giant. No, not the lizard. The lizard. In the sky. It was made of bones. Oh, I see how you got confused there. Yeah. Well, somebody need to put some panties on her. Listen.
00:55:03
Speaker
I'm talking about the large, flying, aviating creatures that are fighting each other earlier. The one that's got no flesh on it. That's not mine. That's not ours either. That's not ours. Nope. We've got flesh too, you see. Well, you do, but so does the guy who's raising all of the skeletons has skin too. Does he? Yeah.
00:55:27
Speaker
Sounds like a real weirdo. Yeah, I fucking hate him. He killed my friend. Well, he killed a lot of my friends and now he's raising the dead. Oh, and he chooses me dead friends too. So that's cool. Uh, I didn't even know he could do that. And now he starts getting new powers. Does he like kill your friends and then resurrect them and then you have to kill your friends? Cause that would be really fucked up.
00:55:48
Speaker
Yeah, it's absolutely fucked up. Imagine if your little boyfriend here got killed and raised as a zombie, you'd have to chop his fucking head off. He's not my boyfriend. I'm an intern. Mine, your brother, whatever. He's my intern. I don't know what that means. I'd ask him, I'd tell him to do things and he does them. You're also like your sex slave. I see how this goes. Okay. Yeah, I gotta get me an intern. It's my elder. You gotta be an intern.
00:56:18
Speaker
No, thank you, though. She doesn't want to. Anyway, so you want to go home? Okay, well, where's home? Nevada. Nevada? No, Jim, we made it up. We're from Arizona, I think, I guess. Well, this is Arizona last I checked. Okay. What year is it?
00:56:48
Speaker
I have no fucking idea. Calendars aren't really in my strong suit. Yeah, I'm getting the vibe that a lot of things aren't in your strong suit. He picks up his hammer that's like, he's got a massive head on it and he's like, no, this is more of my strong suit, really? Actually, that's pretty sweet. It's big. I kind of like that. Can I hold it?
00:57:14
Speaker
Fuck no, you can't touch Gabriella. Only I put my hands on Gabriella, thank you. Gabriella? Yeah. Every good warrior names our weapon, honey. Yeah, I know. I mean, I- Do John Rax's shotgun. This is Bessie. Oh, nice to meet you, Bessie. This is Gabriella. I'm team. Excuse me. I'm team. And this is Gabriella. Yeah, I'm team two, right? Well, you know, it's pretty dark out. I haven't seen the sun in like a week.
00:57:44
Speaker
So, I mean, then just go home. If you're from around here, just leave. But you can't have the truck. Those are mine. Oh, come on, man. I had to go all the way to the Neverglades to get those. The Neverglades? Holy fuck. What the fu-? He's just gonna show up and take me trucks? You know how hard it was to procure and fix those? Getting met with a swamp? There was a goddamn shapeshifter I had to kill.
00:58:12
Speaker
A shape shifter. There's a whole fucking thing, man. That's not my accent. It was a whole fucking thing, man. What kind of a shape shifter? Because they come in many different flavors. I don't want to talk about it. Like it turns out he was all right, but it was kind of a pride thing at that point. What? Oh. LGB2QIA+, I dig it. I don't think that's how the alphabet goes.
00:58:40
Speaker
I mean, I'm no, I'm no book learning man, but I don't think that's how that goes. All right, but we just need to get back to 21. Wait, no, no. We need to get back to 2021. A year. You want to. I don't know where that is. I don't know what you're telling me. At this point, Esmeralda walks over and she sits on the back of the Ford Raptor. She's like, maybe I can be of assistance to him if that's OK. I. And she looks at all of you, she says, you're from another time, yes.
00:59:10
Speaker
Yeah. Aye, yeah. You're from a different time period, assuming you're from the past, because you don't know about what's going on here. Well, it looks like Lord of the Rings shit to me. I don't know what that is. Plus a fabulous four raptor. I always have one. At least they get the mortar real quick. Well, the four raptor really is wonderful. Just could've taken the birds and gotten there real quicker.
00:59:38
Speaker
It's got all wheel drive. It's a wonderful vehicle and it takes a look and keeps on ticking and has a warranty. We don't have to talk about that right now. Look, I don't know how to get you back there. What about me? I was just going to say, do you take a look and keep on ticking?
01:00:01
Speaker
Yeah, but not from not from you know, I prefer Harrier people or people who share similar interests and you look like you're the the fighting type and I'm more of a you know, a pacifist collector type I
01:00:26
Speaker
I'm sorry. Daniel! Sorry. I'm tired. I've been up all day. Oh my god. Well, you can really see to that then. Oh my god. Hey, Mark experienced. Mark experienced that. Everybody gets experience seeing that.
01:00:49
Speaker
Yeah. Seeing. Feeling it. Anybody volunteers? Let's lappy do it. His hands are smaller. So listen, no one's going to be passing any fists up anything. I don't know how to get you back, but I have a hypothesis if you care to hear it. Shoot. So just not even a week ago, all of this went down.
01:01:18
Speaker
where the dragon really just started tearing loose. And then within that time, you all show up looking nothing like what we how we dress. You don't know anything about this place. So you're from another time. At least we do believe that maybe. I mean, it's all theory, but. Maybe something got messed up in the timeline somewhere. You know, maybe maybe you guys aren't supposed to be here. Maybe that dragon's not supposed to be here. We're the fuckers counting. This is all his fault. I can't confirm I'm not supposed to be here.
01:01:49
Speaker
Do you mean Plattie Magoo? I mean him. What? That's his name you guys, right Plattie Magoo.
01:01:59
Speaker
Yeah, you're Louisa, this is Jim, I'm fighting the goo. She didn't want the fist. Why don't you go ahead and roll kick some ass, I guess. She doesn't have nuts, but you can certainly try. Well, that's a five. This is what happens, you're too tired. Yeah, you're experienced at trying to fist it, but sure.
01:02:29
Speaker
Yeah, you take a swing and she says, well, I'm not a pass. I'm a pacifist. I'm not somebody who likes to fight, but I don't have to give you my healing either. No, please, God, I need it. I got bullet holes in me. She waves her wand and takes three harm. She gives you three more harm. And she says, oh, did you want me to heal your bullet holes with that? Here you go. And she transfers that three to you, Jim John.
01:02:57
Speaker
And she just waves the wand around and all your bullet holes start to heal and the bullets pop out. The buckshot and all that pops out. And you see some of Louise, Lou's wounds start to kind of show back up and her bruises start to come a little bit more. And she's like, well, hey, maybe don't reach out and try to hit the person. I didn't do anything to you. I healed you. No, no, no. My name is Lou.
01:03:20
Speaker
Look, ma'am, this this little kid told me that your name is no, no, no, that is her. That is her name. But she has this thing where whenever anybody it's a curse when anybody says her full name, she strikes out at the crotch area.
01:03:36
Speaker
Now, is it actually a curse, or do you just not like your name? It is. It's an absolute hundred percent curse. I come out from behind the tire. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that, didn't I? It's just been a long day. I got a hole in my head. Slap me! Look. Look, uh, Lou, I appreciate that you have an identity and you want to be known as such, but Luisa is a very pretty name. You should be proud of it. She's just trying to reach for it and just, like, holding her arm. Nope. Nope.
01:04:06
Speaker
I understand. Just don't. It's a pretty name. Just accept it. You're a beautiful woman with a nice name. I'm sure that some man or woman or whatever your type is would love it. Just accept all of it, Luisa, and we'll just... Okay, that one was on purpose. It's all on purpose. I think Luisa's a beautiful name. God damn it. Why would you not want to be called by the name you were born with?
01:04:35
Speaker
Can you put the healing back? Do you want to talk about that? I'll tell you what, you tell me why you don't want to be called Luisa and I'll heal you. What don't you like about your name? We're stopping everything right now, I need to know. Because you accosted me just now, ma'am. So I don't owe you anything. Why don't you like the name Luisa? I think that is my pleasure. I'm sorry, you want to speak up for everyone else to hear? No.
01:05:02
Speaker
Well, maybe you should, because... No. Well, maybe you should, because I don't think, you know, if my magic wand here can't hear it, it can't heal you. Can I just whisper it in your ear? She holds the magic wand up like a microphone to your mouth. Speaking to the microphone, please. Think I'll hear you in the cheap sheets, Lou. In the cheap sheets.
01:05:27
Speaker
Why don't you like the name Louisa? Come on, share with us. Share with me, I'm your friend. You're not my friend? Why, I could be. Sorry, we can't just leave. Cause you're what? Who did what now? Your father did what? Don't make me cast a talking spell on you to make you say things. Jim Jones on like pins and needles right now wanting to hear the truth. He's like, yes, yes.
01:05:56
Speaker
You see like the wand starts to pulse a little bit. She's like, we're so close. Just get it out because I was named after my dad's childhood dog.
01:06:14
Speaker
You were named after your child's dog? And my brother's... My dad's dog. And my brother's... Your dad's dog. Do not let me forget it. And also like to say, Louisa, spoo-ee-za. Okay, you happy now? I fuckin' said it. Oh, that's so... That's so mean, Louisa, spoo-ee-za. That's not even a word. No, it's spoo-ee-za, you know? Like, you're throwing up. Spoo. Oh.
01:06:42
Speaker
Well, you should one time. On a stage. Well, if it makes you feel better, I was I was named after like an old movie from like the 1900s. Oh, so long. That's so ancient. Yeah, it's a very ancient name. Yeah. I was told that the character was really ugly and lived in a bell tower. So you know what? Actually, here's a real quick question. How did elves come about?
01:07:11
Speaker
Oh, that's a long story. Um, probably not, probably not something I can tell you in a one shot, but, uh, but I mean, we've been around for gosh. Um, well, the truth is, um, there was a, some sort of cataclysmic event that happened a long time ago. And I know things really started to get funky from there. They, a lot of the history was lost, but, um,
01:07:40
Speaker
All I know is that the Earth almost died a couple of times, and then other magical creatures showed up. And I'm one of those. So, well, I mean, I'm sure there's more of us out there somewhere, but I haven't left Arizona in a long time, so, yeah. Actually, I'm a little bit new to the area, or new to the team, I should say. Ooh, ooh. I gotta find Carl. Oh, do you have a boo-boo? Oh, there he goes.
01:08:09
Speaker
All right, and she she puts puts all the healing back on you takes it from from Jim John Oh, oh, did you want me to oh, I thought you wanted me to give it back what you what I go just Just fucking healer normal. Oh My apologies. I've been hanging around dim too long. Yeah, really. Yeah, that'll happen Yeah, so I'm sorry about that. Yeah, sure
01:08:37
Speaker
All right, she points the wand to you and turns it in a direction. Go ahead and roll a d6. See what you get. And then whatever you roll, that's what you have. And then everybody should be feeling pretty good, I think. Talking about for Lou. No, for you. Lou gets her healing back from you. I'm fine. Oh, fuck. Oh, god. I just got drained.
01:09:06
Speaker
Oh shit! She's like, oh yeah, I'm giving you the extra juices. I'm gonna pass this right up your ass. Oh god. Damn, darling. I won't lie, I find that hot. Yeah, me too, actually. Oh, we have something in common, see? Yeah, I like guys who are into pegging. Damn it. Is that a thing in your time? No.
01:09:35
Speaker
Yes. Picket is nothing. Nothing comes between these cheeks, ever. Not even poop. I use the power of heart to make it come out of other places. I sweat it out because I'm a man. Okay.
01:10:00
Speaker
Yes. So while you guys are talking to Esmerald, Slurpy Pete runs back to where Carlton was. I throw a door open. I say, Carlton. OK, so let's go over there to the bearded guy right now. No, Carlton would be sitting there with the map open with the guy probably leaning in and out of the fire still. Did I say, Carlton? Yes, Slurpy.
01:10:29
Speaker
We gotta go find Oculus, let's go, me and you. Wait a minute, I have a map right here, why don't you come have a seat? Oh look, I thought we could just teleport like before, but it's actually gonna be there now, and there aren't gonna be any Native American wars happening right now, cause...
01:10:43
Speaker
God said when the dimension of the Native Americans just like looks to the side real quick, like, Oh, what, what, what, what are you talking about? Nothing happened, Carl. Obviously, um, I don't give a shit. I don't care. We fucked up. We fucked up. History fucked up. History. I don't care. Anyway, all I'm trying to say is we're in the past and we're in the future now. So our present is the past. So we can go back and see what's happening at the headquarters. If it's there still, or if it's ruins, I mean, I'm just curious either way. Kind of, it's kind of boring out there.
01:11:15
Speaker
Slappy, have you ever been to Atlanta? Yeah, one time. Before I died. It was alright. And this man right here claims to have been from Atlanta as well. I think we should take him with us. Oh, we're going to Atlanta now?
01:11:35
Speaker
I mean, that is one place we could go to check things out. Well, I guess we need to do some road trip and it's really, they're just out there freaking like, it's just back and forth. Oh, what's your name? What's named after a dog? Oh, heal me. No, heal me. It's just, I can't handle it. Carlton. Carlton, just go ahead and grab both of them and let's go ahead and use Angelings. All right. Roll plus weird. Are you going, you're going to ye olde Atlanta? Ye olde Atlanta.
01:12:01
Speaker
I imagine that I will be going to a place that most people would go to in Atlanta. There's a park where the aquarium is and the world of coke. Boy, do I have a place for you. Just like the craftsmanship that goes into the tasting room where they have so many different coke hooks.
01:12:24
Speaker
All put together. To be able to take a look behind the curtain to see the tubes and how they're placed in order to get all this look in one place together. All right, so that's plus weird if you're going to take up to one or two people with you doing angel wings. So roll that beautiful beam footage. That's an eight. I think you get somewhat what you're looking for, but I think everybody gets split up or something. I think there's options. Moving to the world of Pepsi in North Carolina.
01:12:56
Speaker
It's funny you say that you guys really should listen to season one of role players Can we cover that? Yeah, okay, so it works in perfectly but you still get there so you grab a hold of them you poof to Somewhere and have you been to Atlanta? Yes as Carlton as he's been to Atlanta, okay has been to okay, I'm gonna say you teleport to the
01:13:26
Speaker
You teleport to ruins. So you teleport. Slappy Pete's not with you. The High Wizard's not with you. You're there. And you show up without any of your compatriots, and you're standing in the middle of a deserted town. There are still embers, some fires that used to be lit, and there's a toxicity around you of
01:13:49
Speaker
Like these kind of weird sludges that are kind of hardening and crumbling that are covering these buildings.
Exploration of Ruins and Eerie Discoveries
01:13:57
Speaker
And you see the remnants of a sign that says the Conka Cola Club at your feet. And the only thing left of it is like an old rusted bell where the doorway used to be.
01:14:10
Speaker
And all you see is bodies covered in sludge. You see holes that are sank in the city. Big old craters that go so deep you can't see the bottom. And just the smell of death around you. It appears that...
01:14:31
Speaker
Something quite bad has happened here. Confirming that my visions were correct. Don't bend. Are you familiar with where we are? You look to your right, you look to your left as you're talking and you see there's no one there. I pull out a film camera that I had in my pocket and I start taking pictures and walking around.
01:14:59
Speaker
As you're doing that, we go to Slappy Pete, you have been flung from this teleportation. So as you're as you're teleported, you end up like
01:15:17
Speaker
Teleported next to like an old little like shack made of like little also sheet metal aluminum siding You know, there are a bunch of pots and pans all over the place And it's it's collapsed on top or it's a collapsed inward And you can see that some of it fell into like a trapdoor that goes farther underground And that's where you are car oh Shit here we go again
01:15:47
Speaker
No, here it goes. Is there a door to this plate, like a front door? It's caved in. It's just like a little piece of shit. Most of it's fallen inward. Can I see outside at all?
01:16:00
Speaker
Yeah, you can walk right out. There's barely anything there. I kind of just peer around the street, see what's going on in the outside of this little shithole I found myself in. You see the things that I've described. Okay. But then way across the town, you can just see a glint of embers flash across the glasses of one Carlton Mayweather. And he's taking flash photography across the street. Carlton, what are you doing?
01:16:32
Speaker
Oh Slappy, come here, come here, you must see, you must see these, these, I, I'm not quite sure, there seems to be some sort of sludge all about. Oh, oh yeah, I'm stepping in some right now, I'm inside some guy's ribcage. Hey, sorry pal. It's okay, bro. Oh, I pulled my gun out. That thing should stay dead. I agree, bro.
01:17:00
Speaker
I'm not going to waste another bullet on you. I have indeterminate amount though, so I could just keep shooting you. You're in a magical world right now. Okay, I walk over to... Oh, what's his face? Carlton. Okay, so you're taking pictures of Sludge Carlton? Yes. Do you have your band with you, Slappy?
01:17:21
Speaker
I'm pretty sure he's probably dead. Hey, back in that place where I was at, there was a trap door. I feel like since I arrived there where there's a trap door and I was told about it through my eyes that saw it, it's probably interesting, I bet. You mean there's a trap door here, over here? Yeah, back in that building, I was just standing back there. Well, where there's a trap door, we might as well explore it.
01:17:48
Speaker
Man, Karth, we should hang out more often. I don't know why. Ever since we played poker, you're a pretty cool guy. Thank you, Snappy. It's quite a shame that our departments don't interact more often. Yeah. I mean, I'm not really having a department. I'm just kind of living in a trunk. This is the spin-off right here. Next time I level up, my trunk's going to finally be in canon. It's like a little place I live in. It's like a little house. I'm just going to have two rooms.
01:18:17
Speaker
No, we haven't seen any movie none of it. Are we going to do small talks for the entire 20 minute walk back to the trap door? We're just walking over there like, I'm trying to get them to like, I'm trying to get them to enchant my trunk, Carlos. I'm like, you know, cause they just dumped me in there. Like just, you know, I mean, they let me out lately cause you know, I've been like behaving. I haven't been like going on murder and sprees, but I better forget back and I tell them I killed that guy. And it said this whole crazy events in the motion. They're probably going to put me back in the trunk for a little while. Um,
Monster Chase and Magical Interference
01:18:45
Speaker
Yeah, hopefully I've done enough good stuff to get me in shape on my trunk. No, Slappy, I know I've only known you for so long, but I gotta say I do quite enjoy spending time with you. Perhaps we can get you some sort of telegram service so that we can conspire over a period of time together.
01:19:09
Speaker
all conspired like we can play we can we can fuck with people and do do weird things to them right they're talking about yeah we can we can do all sorts of weird things without fucking with people that's cool anyway yeah watch out for this guy's sludge chest uh he might try and if he tries talking just just shoot him in the head he'll be fine uh as you say that as you say that you hear
01:19:32
Speaker
As you hear somebody running through the sludge on the ground, and you hear, run away, run away, run away, run away, run away, run away. You see the high wizard bolting down the street, jumping over holes and dodging over shit. He trips and falls into the mud and goes, oh no, my favorite beard.
01:19:52
Speaker
and he turns over and you see like way across the distance you hear like a coo coo coo coo coo coo. You see this big gray hulking figure with like rotting skin and cracks all through it and kind of big old teeth that like bulldog teeth that stick up over its lips. It's like rawr. It's like charging after the high wizard. I'm like, well, it's all you, it's all you Carter. Plank. I tend to pretend to be a dummy.
01:20:22
Speaker
I just go limp. Yeah, the high wizard as he scurries. Run away! Run away! Run away! So, I am going to jinx this thing. Okay. Roll a jinx. That's plus weird. I believe. Yes. I believe, yeah. On a ten plus. You got a ten. On a ten plus. Hold two.
01:20:49
Speaker
So first thing is the target is going to lose something that I will soon find Okay And what is yours and then the other one is I'm going to interfere with what a monster minion or bystander is trying to do Okay. Well, why don't you resolve that one first because I think that'll help resolve the first one I think so. What are you interfering with? What do you what are you trying to do?
01:21:15
Speaker
So this being that is in pursuit of the, uh, the beard guy, his name is forgotten. The high wizard, the high wizard. Uh, yeah. So the high wizard is going to be able to escape because I am interfering with the pursuit by, is this saying like walking fine running? Oh, it's no, yeah, it's charging. It's like bull rushing him. I would say it's on two legs. It looks like a, it looks like a, it looks like a, it looks like a, an off brand incredible Hulk.
01:21:45
Speaker
I would like to say that I knock over a building. What's left of a building? Sure. Yeah.
01:21:54
Speaker
It charges like, and as it's coming down the street, what's left of one of the signage of the signs on one of the businesses falls off and crashes on top of the sink and knocks his balance off and he falls. And as he does that, one of his big old teeth, he bites too hard on him. One of his big old teeth fly off in your direction and lands perfectly like a golf tee in the mud next to you. And he starts kind of scrambling. What do you guys do?
01:22:24
Speaker
I stand up and I say, oh wow, good teamwork that we did cars and I really, we did it, I knew we could do it. Run away, run away, run away, run away. Yeah, sticky for your hemp, I say, as I pick up the tooth. I feel like that old man's probably, he's dead. Again, I feel like he's just dead. So he's just got your media to teleport out here. Or maybe you can teleport me out of here and you teleport back to him and you can get him out of here.
01:22:52
Speaker
Yeah, we came on now Slappy. I pick up Slappy and we walk to the old man. We're not going to walk to the old man still sprinting. As you were casting his spell, he fucking be bailed out. He's like, he's trying to leave the city right now. We can't leave him behind, Slappy. We did take him here. I believe he has information that may benefit us in the long term.
01:23:18
Speaker
I would just start walking towards the running person. The direction in which the person that's running away, I start walking. Okay, he's just going to walk slowly as he's running away. He'll tire out eventually. As you do that, you hear the beast starts beating his fist into the ground, and you feel him getting closer as the ground shakes behind you.
01:23:49
Speaker
So as we're walking, we're walking towards like, like straight towards a brick wall. Okay. Okay. Uh, and, uh, uh, it's, I'm sitting there. I'm just like, take off my glasses. I'm holding so happy and I'm just kind of like, uh, cleaning them with one of my hands. And I think last minute I want to like, cause I imagine the saints charging at me, right? Sure is.
01:24:17
Speaker
I would like to angel wings just behind it at the last minute. Okay. Are you taking a slide with you?
01:24:26
Speaker
Hey Corks, I see what you're trying to play in here. Just drop me. Don't worry about it. I'm just, I'm tiny. I'm jumping out of the way. Let's go throw Slappy straight up in the air. All right, your angel wings right behind it as it crashes into the wall. Slappy Pete, once you roll an act under pressure blades that you've been flung into the air. If I succeed, I want to try and turn myself face downwards and bite it on top of the head. All right. That's plus cool for the listeners at home.
01:24:56
Speaker
That's a 10. Yeah, it crashes into the brick wall and like breaks part of it and stuns itself. And as you come down, you bite it. Kick some weird ass. No, I'm just kidding. That's a 12. Fucking hell. Okay. What do you want your extra effect to be? Let me look at what they are. They are. Gave me advantage. Take plus one forward. You got it. Inflict terrible harm. You suffer less harm and you force them where you want them.
01:25:27
Speaker
Okay, I want to say I bite into its neck and I feel myself chomp on its spinal cord and I gnaw a little extra and I bash its head against the wall for another plus one harm. Okay, so that's what, four total? Yeah.
01:25:43
Speaker
That's a lot. Yeah, you take a big old chunk out of this big old thing and it's like, oh! And it starts to stagger like it's doing a pirouette because its neck starts to cave to the right. It's trying to keep its brain from falling out of its ears. Take that monster! As he does that, it grabs you and it takes you and it just holds onto you like it's doing a big bear hug and then falls down on top of you for three harm.
01:26:18
Speaker
And Carlton you angel wings right behind it as it does that but then you don't see sloppy Pete But you see this thing is like gushing like this kind of purple purple and black goop out of its out of its neck As it's on the ground riding. What do you do? I feel like this is a good opportunity to read bad situation Okay, go for it. Oh, that's plus sharp
01:26:43
Speaker
Yeah. Not me yet, Denny. Oh, fuck yeah. Jesus Christ. That's three questions you may ask. You guys are having a good time right now. You guys are handling this right now. Did I advance this one? What'd you say? I'm trying to see if I advance any of these. I did advance investigative. Oh, investigative mystery and use magic. Fuck me. Should have investigated the mystery instead. Dang it.
01:27:11
Speaker
Really bad situation. What's my best way in? Out? Any dangers we haven't noticed? Biggest vulnerable to me? What's the best way to protect the victims? If you get a plus one ongoing while the information is relevant. Are there any dangers we haven't noticed?
01:27:29
Speaker
As far as creatures are concerned, not that you can sense or see or hear, like this seems to be like pretty much what's the only resident left in this town. As far as dangers in general though, you're getting a pretty bad vibe from all that crusty goop all over the place, maybe don't get in that. But outside of that, no. What's the best way to protect the victims?
01:27:54
Speaker
Well, the High Wizard is gone. He peaced right the fuck out. So right now Slappy Pete is underneath the creature. You can hear him kind of mumbling and trying to bite his way out. So you need to get the creature off of Slappy Pete. What is the best way out? The way that the High Wizard went because he knows this place.
01:28:15
Speaker
Follow the Eye Wizard, he knows the way. Uh, let's see. I feel like I'm abusing Angel Wings, but I feel like I would have run up, touched the monster. Here's the thing.
Confrontations and Magical Backlash
01:28:25
Speaker
Angel Wings is completely abusable. It is. As long as you've been, as long as you've been where your Angel Wings in two, you can use it whenever you want. Yeah. So you've been in that vicinity running around so you could reasonably, you know, teleport to any of those little locations you've walked on already. Teleport into the sky. Yeah.
01:28:45
Speaker
Has Carlton been in the sky though? Carlton has traveled a bit. I remember I was in a plane once over in Lenta. I was up there.
01:28:58
Speaker
So yeah, actually, Carlton was on a plane one time at any point. So Carlton is, well, I guess Carlton can't teleport. Well, yeah, he can't. Carlton's sort of teleported. Were you in the air directly above this particular location? Well, not necessarily. There's no airport here. That particular location doesn't really matter as long as I'm 10,000 feet up, right? I guess. I'm going to run up, grab this monster, teleport 10,000 feet up,
01:29:28
Speaker
Okay over someone's close location. All right roll plus weird because you're trying to take something with you. All right, so tonight Okay, yeah, you grab a hold of it you're gonna teleport to some unknown location where you're on a plane once in the past Looking down and seeing the this is what I was flying in for the first time to interview with Oculus We're flying in over the desert
01:29:56
Speaker
Oh, perfect. Okay, so you fear over the deserts of Arizona with this creature. Are you trying to let it go? Please don't. He takes it to the camp. I imagine with a mixed success, I did not get an exit row, so I did not get the extra leg room. But yeah, I'm pretty much going to let go. And Angel leads back to Slappy.
01:30:19
Speaker
All right, but not before this thing rips into you as it falls, and it bites you clean in the leg for forearm, and it takes a big chunk of your flesh with you as it falls, and it disappears as you start to fall with it, but it's much heavier than you, and it starts to disappear a little bit farther as you disappear back to Slappy. And Slappy, you see Carlton appears with a bunch of his leg missing. Oh, no.
01:30:50
Speaker
You all right, Carlton? Uh, it's just to be a flesh wound. Oh, let me, uh, I want to try and roll weird again and pass some of my quenchable vitality into him and give him a healing if I can. Sure. Do something. Don't make it worse. That's plus weird. Ah, seven. Pick your effect and your glitch, sir. Uh, Oh my goodness. So the effect is heal them. He's going to heal. He's going to heal a harm.
01:31:20
Speaker
I think that makes you stable. Oh, do we want the magic to draw immediate? I don't want my attention, or do we want it to have a problematic side effect for Carl? I feel like we probably had to fight enough already, so let's just say it has a problematic side effect. Okay.
01:31:41
Speaker
Okay. I got the good stuff for your card. Here you go. I got to look at your character sheet. That might have an idea for what that problematic side effect could be. I'm going to say that you inherit some of Slappy Pete's rage.
01:31:57
Speaker
as part of your side effects. So for your time, you have lost dark bargain for impulse control and rage. So slap your feet as he heals you. The glitch is that some of his rage pours into your wound as he heals you.
01:32:14
Speaker
Something tells me that it's going to be doing a lot more exasperating later. Yeah, so you have completed that thing I suppose. What are you doing? We're going to let you do one or two more moves before we cut back to the dim camp. I mentioned I want to do some magic to see if I can
01:32:39
Speaker
still tune in. Well, actually, hold on. Well, it's not a monster or a minion. Yeah, actually, I do want to tune in. I want to tune my mind to a monster or a minion. To what monster are you referring? The one from my vision earlier. The dragon? No, no, no. The guy with the coat. Well, he's not really the monster or a minion per se. You know what? Why don't...
01:33:07
Speaker
You know, just roll weird anyway. We'll see what your results are. And we'll just kind of, we'll go through that. We'll see. Oh, fuck me. Someone's trying to find a Ford wrapper just now. I could have cut the commercial brakes. Carlton dies. As his brain explodes from using magic. So yeah, so, so you try to tune into this person and as you're trying to get some sort of,
01:33:36
Speaker
Oh, so you find yourself in a black room with a single torch on a table in the middle of the room just sitting there in like a little sconce, a little metal sconce sitting on top of the table.
01:33:50
Speaker
And you see the guy in white, in the white jacket and with the red stripes and specs all over. He says, and who might you be? Oh, hello there. I'm Carlton Mayweather. I am a data entry specialist with the Oculus Bravo team. I come from a very small town in a Northwestern. Uh-huh.
01:34:18
Speaker
Well, I don't particularly enjoy when people who think they know what magic is. I don't enjoy when they try to wield it against me, especially when I and the Supreme Sorcerer are around here. So what do you want? You have one chance to explain yourself before I smite your brain.
01:34:40
Speaker
Now, I think we can both agree that I do not belong here, and neither do my friends, and I am seeing just merely trying to get back to where I belong. And where might that be? I imagine that's part of the journey of life, is finding where you belong, I suppose. Yes. Well, I do suppose
Planning Against Rasputin
01:35:02
Speaker
that you are correct.
01:35:05
Speaker
And having said that, I've got a fountain to find, so I guess I'll be seeing you never. And he snaps his fingers, and then you're back with Slappy Pete, and you get this searing pain in your head for one harm, ignoring armor. As you feel like a bunch of daggers, like a bunch of daggers just start gnawing at your brain.
01:35:27
Speaker
And then slap you see you you just see that kind of Carlton just kind of stood there for a while Unanimated for like a minute didn't move. Hey buddy. Where'd you go there?
01:35:39
Speaker
Yeah, with the air pal. Oh, please, not so loud. Oh, my head is in so much pain. Man, you must have lost a lot of blood from that leg wound. Yeah, it's still gushing blood. Maybe we ought to sit you down here. Hey, doctor, I mean, hi, wizard. Oh, that guy fucked all off. What a dick. God, I don't... Maybe I should just push some of this sledge into your wound. Maybe that'll hold up to plug it up. Do you think? Exactly. I think I may need to rest for a little while.
01:36:04
Speaker
Okay, you just have a little nap to do, I guess. I'll try and find some clean bandages. Probably gonna be a long shot. How do you feel about maybe getting a potential infection but not having blood loss?
01:36:18
Speaker
Sound cool to you? I perhaps could try some things. Could I do some magic? Do you heal myself? Yeah, you could do one more move before we cut. Yes, use more magic. This is going to go well. Sure, go for it. That's a nine. Nine. All right, so to heal yourself one harm, is that what you're doing?
01:36:42
Speaker
Yeah. What glitch would you like, sir? The glitch is that it just multiplies everything. So I held myself a bunch.
01:36:52
Speaker
Oh, is that how it works? Okay, cool. Yeah, so yeah. Hey, you know what? Yeah, let's go. Let's do that. Okay, so it multiplies a bunch of things. Yeah. No, no, it's good. Two slippets. No! Yeah, so you find your body start to turn into wood and you realize that you're getting shorter. No, no. The magic draws from me and unwanted attention. I regret everything.
01:37:22
Speaker
The magic draws me and I wanted attention. You hear somewhere from the distance, check that you piece of shit monster! And you see a big fireball careening up into the sky and suddenly come down on top of your happy feet. I don't like fire, I run.
01:37:39
Speaker
Roll act under pressure as a big-ass fireball is coming to melt the rest of Atlanta. Oh god. Carlton, would you also care to flee from the magic or what are you doing? Oh no. Well, I told you I might kill someone today. I didn't know they were going to go and land and fuck around. You fucking idiots.
01:38:07
Speaker
Uh, I just wanted to see the ruins of oculus. Yeah. How's that going for you? Um, you take one harm as you manage to get like under all that sheet metal for a second and like take some, uh, you know, from some of the blast, you take one harm. Um, which I guess would be too harmful. Well, hey, remember how I started out with five damage. I lost it earlier.
01:38:34
Speaker
It's over. Carlton, you take three fire damage, three fire harm, as this big ass thing lands almost directly on top of you and sends you careening over that brick wall on the other side of town and crashing through a few buildings, landing with singes all over your body. You're like, that's your bitch.
01:39:00
Speaker
Let's cut back over to Dim Camp. Hey, we all still alive over here in Dim Camp. Yeah, that's right. Hey, we're all alive in Atlanta, too. We wish we were dead, but we're alive. We wish we were dead, man. Yeah, so what's happened over there in Dim Camp while all this was going on? It's been long enough, Louisa, that your wounds are healed. Excuse me, I need to punch the keeper.
01:39:29
Speaker
Well, but see, but we're trying to help you. No, don't do that, because then the wizard will take her healing away. She's a cleric, right? No, the wizard. Yes. Hey, a cleric is just a wizard that heals, okay? So... Correct. So, Esmeralda says... Yeah, well, I mean, it seems like maybe... Oh, by the way,
Battle with Rasputin's Minions
01:39:55
Speaker
Louie.
01:39:56
Speaker
I'll call you Lou. Lou, thank you for sharing, by the way. You should be able to be moving around by now. Your wound should be fine. Oh, thank God. No, thank me. I did it. Man, that's some pretty good rations. Yeah, they're not bad for just what you find lying around in the desert. Yeah. Yeah. Never had it. Awesome.
01:40:23
Speaker
Oh, no, I've never had possum, but I mean, I definitely try it. Hey, listen, so when I don't know, would you guys like, I mean, I don't know how to get you back to your time, but I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, if my theory is correct, that perhaps we just need to go kill the fucking dragon already, get Rasputin while we're at it.
01:40:44
Speaker
Well, yeah, actually I was gonna say one of those things. Yeah, let's go get the wizard who's causing all this and maybe... I don't know. How did you guys get here? Can you guys just travel? Whenever you want? No. Well, how did you get here? I walked through a mysterious portal. We had no idea what was behind it. Well, how did you summon the portal? Did your bespectacled man summon it? Uh, Platy Magoo? I've got no idea.
01:41:13
Speaker
So it wasn't Playa Magoo, then who did it? Just the beard. Yeah, pretty much. Tell me what happened before the portal showed up. Well, we were shooting a bunch of zombies with our guns and... There was fire. Fire everywhere. You jumped on the dummy. I jumped on you. We ended up in water. Wait, so you were fighting zombies? Yeah.
01:41:42
Speaker
So you were dealing with the undead, just like we're dealing with now? Yes. Yeah, but you got skeletons. We had flesh. Fleshy boars. Right, but they still fall under the umbrella term of undead. I mean, if you want to put it like that, yeah. Yeah, I would like to put it like that. That's just what we learn. So you were fighting zombies.
01:42:10
Speaker
Were there any Were there any particular type of zombies? Was there a particular type of person? Was there a another spellcaster a time traveler? Was there a machine? Anything around that you bumped into that you destroyed? Yeah, yeah, there was a slight people's fighting the guy who was named after babies. I Don't Okay Was it tell me about this guy and after babies what tell me about him?
01:42:39
Speaker
I don't know, he threw babies or something. I don't fucking know. I just sit, don't fight. I didn't fight and I threw a mullet of cocktails and... He was the one controlling the undead, yes. Okay. How did you get to... You said... Your little friend said something about the Wild West? Yep, yes. That's where we were. What is that comparison to you? Was that in the past, in the future? Past. So you guys... Was that your first time traveling?
01:43:08
Speaker
Yes. So the first time you went to the past and now you're here in the future. Correct. What happened the first time that sent you to the past? Well, Slappy put a bullet in that guy's head when he was on the crucifix. And my then next thing I remember is we woke up in the sheriff's jail.
01:43:36
Speaker
Okay, well, who was this person that you murdered on the crucifix? I didn't do that. That was that was the dummy. Okay, we're trying to figure out how to get you home. Let's focus here. Okay. In general, the person killed. Who was he? Keep it. Did he ever tell us? Because out of character, I know in character, I don't think Lou had. Did whoever tell you what?
01:44:02
Speaker
I never told us that he was a priest we just thought he was some random asshole Okay, actually yeah, so maybe you don't know he was the path that was a pastor, but you knew he was there yes
01:44:17
Speaker
But you do know what his powers were. I think that's what she's asking you. Oh, he summoned like, he put his hands together and did this rotation. Jim John does an example. He puts his left hand to his left and his right hand above him. And then he switches the positions to where the left hand's there. And then he puts both hands behind him. And then he puts out both his hands in a dragon.
01:44:43
Speaker
And then boom, a dragon came out. Can you roll plus charm? Yeah, sure. It's like one of them animates. Yeah, I got that. That's an eight. Okay.
01:45:01
Speaker
Oh, wow, that's very impressive. You could make a good wizard someday. Look at you move. Makeover lady. He's my turn. Yeah, I bought that. No, dim. I don't want to be your intern. OK, look, so this person was summoning dragons and creatures. Yeah.
01:45:23
Speaker
What other kind of creatures? Undead zombies. Yeah. Also zombies. So you guys have twice in your... Since you fought this person, you won't... Okay, let me get this straight. You fought a necromancer. That's what those are called if you didn't know that, by the way. If there's someone in the undead, those are necromancers. People like me, we don't like that because we believe in a holy power, not in necromantic powers. But that's a whole other thing. Anyway, look. Well, it's still exist, even if you don't believe in it.
01:45:54
Speaker
I'm not, we don't believe in the practices. So if you were fighting a necromancer and you slayed him, for some reason you guys were sent to the past. And then when you were there, you were fighting the undead there. And now you guys are here and we are fighting a bunch of undead again. Yep.
01:46:16
Speaker
So I'm not putting the two and two together. I'm still figuring it out. I don't understand either. But there's a correlation there. You have so far said undead every time. Yes. But what could that mean? But there's no dragon when we were in the west. Was there? Did you see a dragon? No. No, he didn't do the dragon powers in the west. I think we killed him too quick again for there really to be a dragon issue. There's no such thing as killing a necromancer too quickly.
01:46:44
Speaker
I agree, I can't wait to bash his head in. Yeah, we really should go bash that guy's head in. I agree with Dim on that one. Right. Yeah. We're going to need to launch an assault, because right now we're in full retreat, and they're going to be honest probably pretty soon. So we need to get to them before they get to us. I don't know how Jack's doing fighting that dragon, but I can't imagine it's good. Well, if you get in an assault, you need some pepper.
01:47:12
Speaker
Yeah, and I pass a fist in my ass, right? Lou's just looking at Jim John like, really? Yeah. I'm sorry. I could have done a better joke. Yeah. OK, so we need to find out what Rasputin's plan is. Because all we know is he wants to cleanse everything. Right, his name's Rasputin. Like, rah rah. Rasputin.
01:47:39
Speaker
Yeah. Lover of the Russian Queen. Yeah, okay. I don't know what any of that means, but yes. He might be a Russian Queen. I don't know. There goes a cat. Hey, so we doing this or what? Look, we don't... Wait a minute! Slap, hey! Hey! I'm still a little sore. Maybe don't say his name so much. Carlton? Carlton, where you at?
01:48:08
Speaker
Carl! Oh, god damn it, she did, this is what I was telling you. Carl! I was thinking Daniel's fucking, like, runs off to the tent. Oh my god, they're all gone! Damn, the high wizard is missing. Oh shit. Well, uh... This is like that flamethrower sitting all over again. But hey, it doesn't matter if we fuck up the future, as long as we don't fuck up the past anymore, right?
01:48:38
Speaker
I guess that's true, but we still need to find them. Man, the High Wizard, we need him. It's like in those stories where people die in the future, but the main character gets attached for some reason, but it doesn't really matter because if we change the past, they're not going to exist anyway. Oh, this is like that Bill and Ted thing where you just got to remember later afterwards to come back and put the trash can on the lead.
01:49:10
Speaker
I knew Bill and Ted. Good guys, good guys. To do that though, we're going to actually need to work out how to manipulate time though, so we can actually do it at the moment. We got no fucking clue. Yeah, we got bubkus. Well, here's what I'm thinking. I think that every time that you guys were able to time travel and involved killing somebody who has an affiliation with the undead. So maybe we just have to go kill Rasputin and that'll send you back home.
01:49:39
Speaker
Right. Let's fucking go. Put me at this thing to kill. Isn't that crazy? Does that make sense? Yes. Sure. Kill it. Well, let's go kill this- Lew, are you telling me to go kill Rasputin? I'm gonna kill Rasputin. I'm gonna kill Rasputin. I'm gonna fucking kill Rasputin. What I
Climactic Showdown with Rasputin
01:49:57
Speaker
fucking need to do that, though, are some fucking shoes. Oh, uh, do you want me to get you some boots? Yes.
01:50:04
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So, um, you, um, as you say that, as you say that you hear, uh, you hear dim dim like, hi, we can get you a boots. There's a bunch of these fuckers wearing sizes too big or too small anyway. And the ales don't even like wearing shoes. Uh, time for me to change playbooks. What did you say to a wizard?
01:50:38
Speaker
You're a wizard. You're a wizard. You're a spell slinger, Jim John. Well, you see, I kept on having my essence. Like, I had Lou's essence put into me and then I got my essence and Lou's essence put back in the Lou. And then this elf put her essence into me. So I think at that point, I somehow become wizard. This weird magical threesome. You've got a magic threesome. We Eiffel Tower the magical healing. Here we go.
01:51:06
Speaker
another Eiffel Tower in an episode. Man, we were just killing it. Huge fans of France here on the Roll20 podcast. Well, Lou does have two for weird, so I guess.
01:51:21
Speaker
I'm just gonna advance to basic moves just cuz it's just everything you can pick a fucking spell slinger move You're an imagine a land of man. Oh, no. No, no, I'm out of I'm out of take move from other pick up fire I'm at the point where I can get advanced improvements. Nice. Yeah Okay, that's what I can do on my next level up. I've already got one experience
01:51:43
Speaker
So dim dim brings over like a box of like sandals socks boots just clogs hugs and just like throws them down he's like this is what we found laying around in some of the nearby things what recommend going there either they're all on fire. Right okay clogs aside exercise.
01:52:03
Speaker
Who's the boots and the shoes and the sandals, I guess. What looks like the light will fit blue. Whatever you would like to find. It's a box of shoes. I'm on the magical boots, man. That's what I want to find. Oh, you want some magical boots, do you? We'll have to go talk to the highway. Oh, wait. He's not here. Fine. I was going to help you out, but he's the only one here that can do it. Well, he's not here, is he?
01:52:30
Speaker
so I could try to infuse them as the boots of healing if you want yes would you like a boots of healing yes if you let me call you if you let me call you your full name I'll try to make you some it's for the boots Lou do it what do you say
01:52:57
Speaker
How bad do you want those boots, Lou? Okay. I'm sorry, what was that for the rest of the class? She holds up the wand. Yes! You couldn't call me Louisa. Just give me my fucking boots of healing. Please. She holds the stick up to her mouth like it's a microphone and all of a sudden everybody can hear her in the camp. She goes, ladies and gentlemen, we have Louisa. And then she starts doing an incantation on the boots.
01:53:26
Speaker
And so what I need you to do We're not going to be able to use luck for this. This is just going to be a lucky roll So just roll 2d6 is for me. No bonuses just straight. We're just relying on her abilities and I'm going to So she got a five so you're gonna give her a two so to get seven slip a finger in there
01:53:51
Speaker
What? It's an aid in the magic healing process. All right. Once per mystery, these boots you can use to roll a d6 to heal yourself. And I heal that much. What? And I heal that much. And you heal that much, but only you. What the fuck?
01:54:19
Speaker
So yeah, so once per mystery, you can use your boots to heal yourself for 1d6, uh, harm back. That's super helpful. Yeah. But you have to click them together and say, by the power of Louisa, I heal myself. You have to say your own name out loud. That's how you heal. You click your boots together and say your name.
01:54:44
Speaker
I'm sorry. You have to click your boots together and then say your name and then you can heal yourself for 1d6harm. Do I have to say the whole sentence or just my name? Just say Louisa and click your heels together. It'll be fine. I hate you. Plus, I think it would be cute to see you click your heels together. That's all.
01:54:59
Speaker
Clickety-clack. Clickety-clack down the tracks. It's lots and lots of trains. Um, okay, so, Lewis has got back. I punch him in the nuts. No! Do you want me to take those boots off of you? You need to stop whacking people in the testicular region. It's fine, I got a cup. Do you? Well, we also have cups here, but I don't see how that's going to help you. Can I get an axe? Just, it doesn't have to be magical. I just want an axe.
01:55:28
Speaker
Yeah, sure. Thank you. Yeah, all good. Take an axe. I'm one of a hammer man myself. This is, this is my girl Gabriella. If you haven't met her yet. So you can make dumber puns with axes than you can with a hammer though. Well, I make dimmer puns. Oh, I'm a funny guy. We're going to go kill Rasputin now. Holy fuck. Yeah, let's go kill Rasputin. We'll put him in the front. Oh, is he related to Nikolai?
01:55:55
Speaker
I don't know who that is, but let's fucking go already. We need to figure out where he is. Are we going to go get the wizard? Because he can try to locate where the hell his bugger is. Yeah. Let's find the wizard real quick. Zoom. How do we do that? Fuck if I don't know. He's gone wherever Carlton and Slappy is gone. Gone to a place no one has ever gone. At that moment, you hear a loud crack of thunder. I am the high wizard.
01:56:21
Speaker
You see in a puff of smoke, like old-school smoke, fucking Wizard of Oz smoke. My wizard shows up looking clean, his beard is clean, his clothes are clean. He's like, I have had an adventure today. Did we fucking revitalize this? I feel like myself. Oh, by the way, I don't know what your friends are.
01:56:52
Speaker
Right. Do we care at this point? Yes, Lou. Yes, we care. But they were with you, is that what you were saying? Oh, I was running away from a giant zombie. And then I decided to face my fears and burn it alive. Okay. I'm feeling really good about myself now. That's all good and everything, but where'd you burn out?
01:57:23
Speaker
in Atlanta. Right. Can you take us back to where you last saw the dummy? Who's all going? Might be a little tough if I take the whole camp. Raise my hand. Yeah, me too. Dim's like, I'll be here when you're ready to go fuck up Rasputin.
01:57:51
Speaker
And he just sits on top of his hammer and just kicks his legs. He's like, I'll be here. And Ezra was like, yeah, I'm going to stay here and keep an eye on him in case the zombies and the skeletons show up any minute. So somebody has to watch the can. Do you guys have fun? Right. Well, if we kill breastfeeding or whatever and we don't see you again,
01:58:14
Speaker
Hope you don't die. Well, I guess you will die. You'll see them again. And he grabs you guys by the scope of your shirts. He just goes bloop. And you guys disappear.
01:58:24
Speaker
Whoa! And you guys appear standing at the broken walled entry of the Yield Atlanta. You see all the ruins I described earlier. And you see a bunch of flames all over the place, fresh flames, shit still burning again. Boy, I did a number on this place, didn't I? You didn't catch your friends, did you, in that? I have no idea.
01:58:48
Speaker
I didn't know if they were actually, oh, oh, oh, maybe. Oh, no. Carlton! Come to think of it, I think I did see them as I was running. Carlton! What's the little one's name? Slappy! Asshole. Carlton Slappy, you may respond if you're not dead. I kind of just like, I can't really respond, I don't think Carlton would be able to. I'm unconscious. I'm fucked
Victory and Reflection
01:59:15
Speaker
up. Carlton using Slappy as a little pillar.
01:59:17
Speaker
You hear probably like a little metal grating of like the shitty, shanty house I'm stuck under. And that's fucking brooding us alive! I'm right here and I have feelings, you know. You see my little snub-nose-reveller point and shoot out from the rubble. I'm gonna fucking shoot him in his face! No, no, no, no, no, no, Carl! Slap it, no. We gotta find Carlton. That's more important. Can somebody take his big piece of sheet metal off of me, please? Yeah, hold on.
01:59:50
Speaker
Yeah, to be fair, I didn't know you were there. I squirm off my underneath. I don't give a shit about you anymore. Uh, yeah, Carlton just flew off over that way. I point a general direction. Wait, he can fly now? Carlton is one harm away from dying, by the way. Wait, no, he can fly now? What the fuck? Yeah, he's the craziest thing. We've been on a crazy adventure, you should see it. Carlton!
02:00:15
Speaker
I am not a healing wizard. I don't give a shit what kind of wizard you are. You're a high wizard, you should know all the spells. Slap it and can you heal him? That's not how sorcery works!
02:00:45
Speaker
No, I can't heal him, Jim John. I tried it earlier and it was kind of... I kind of made it worse on him. Gotcha. Jim John takes one of the three potions he has and shoves it right in his mouth. Drink up! Hold my hand. I crawl over. I'm right here crawling with him. Just drink the delicious liquid that he's poured into your mouth. Drink the juice! Alright, roll 2d4s. Oh, yay! I'll fly my power of heart.
02:01:14
Speaker
But you can't roll your power heart because these aren't like moves to do things. Yeah, that's 7 HP. Yeah, 7 HP back. Damn. Holy cow. Motherfuckers like Red Bull. Carlton stands up, newly invigorated. Yeah, your wounds catch up. Hey, I'm going to use that next time. But your rage is still in there, Carlton. Your rage is still inside of you.
02:01:43
Speaker
I, uh, I, I arise maddened that motherfucking zombie. Well, of course, actually, it wasn't a zombie really. It was just this one. I pulled out of my pocket like a spoon that was bent. Oh, no, not the spoons. Oh, no. Well, you did have a wizard. What the fuck is going on? Vengeance, apparently.
02:02:12
Speaker
I think I infected Cork with some of my rage issues when I tried to get away with it. You think? Sorry, walking off towards wherever I think I need to be going. Where the fuck are you going? I have a hunch about it, possibly. This is how we lose flamethrowers.
02:02:30
Speaker
You have a hunch when something bad is happening or just about to happen somewhere that you aren't, roll plus sharp. But at 10 plus, you knew where you needed to go. All right, roll plus sharp. Oh, it's at 10.
02:02:44
Speaker
Nice. Your newly acquired rage challenges start burning and all your synapses are on fire and they're just boom, boom, boom, one after the other. All these thoughts are racing through your head. Then you see that vision again of Rasputin, the one you know is Rasputin that attacked you in your mind. You see he is right outside of the cave that you saw in your vision. You see these flashes in your mind that he's there right now about to go in. Say that one more time.
02:03:15
Speaker
You see the guy who got inside your brain. He is now outside that cave that you saw him going into in your first vision. He's outside of it right now, about to go inside. I would like to manipulate him. Oh my goodness. Oh, and how would you like to do that? Do you have to be in the same facility? By putting the thought in his mind that
02:03:37
Speaker
He should come and sit down upon his knees before me. On your knees. I don't know if you can do that when you're not in the same vicinity as them to do it. Oh yeah, that's entirely fair. I think you have to be somewhere in the ballpark. Well, you guys are in another state right now.
02:04:05
Speaker
I would like to fuck out to take everybody there with me. You could ask your old friend the High Wizard. I would like to ask the High Wizard, oh yeah, I turned to the High Wizard, bring me to him, and I put the vision of where Rasputin is into the High Wizard's mind. Got it. You want me to go get the people from the camp first?
02:04:32
Speaker
Oh, yes, yes, please. Well, no, no, no, I was just sorry. You burnt me a little bit. Can you please re heal me again? I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're not you're not a people I can do that. Yeah, touch me. Okay, roll a d6. He puts his hand in your finger hole.
02:04:49
Speaker
You always do this yes, I do Yes, it's not it's meant then he's mending him Just all right hang on come with me you guys are back in the camp. I got it back. Yes. We are I gotta go do the thing I'll stay here with the camp. I don't feel like fighting okay
02:05:17
Speaker
All right, so Dem grabs ahold of all you guys. Highway, he goes, blah, blah, blah. You guys put it back. You guys show up outside of a cave where you see some lights coming from inside the cave. As you guys are there, you see there's probably six or seven undead
02:05:39
Speaker
creatures are usually like one of them like an undead boar and there's a couple of skeletons with swords and shields and they're like walking around kind of aimlessly as you see lights flashing from inside of the cave. What do you do? What's our plan of attack here? Get this fucker! And you see Dim like with hammer overhead just fucking runs towards the crowd of skeletons. I'm not saying I'm not surprised, but
02:06:09
Speaker
Last action hero! All right. And the high wizard's like, all right, you guys got it from here. See ya. I'm just kidding. I'm gonna go kill that dragon. Yes, please do.
02:06:37
Speaker
You see as he walks off, you still see these two dragons fighting off in the distance, the sky lighting up with flames and sludge and crackles of thunder as they're banging against each other and spitting on each other and fighting. You see he walks off in the distance and he holds his hand up and you see just a big old
02:06:55
Speaker
Uh, like a big spike of lightning that's about the size of his body and he holds it like a big spear. He's like, well, you, you little shit walking into the distance. We're here to kill a guy. And apparently that'll take us back to maybe our time. Yeah. Fuck you. I'm rather to bite somebody already.
02:07:21
Speaker
Yeah, they're distracting the enemy forces. Um, I think the move would be to get behind their lines and deal with the problem. Okay. So Jim John's gonna sneakily begin moving. Okay. Well, first let's resolve a Slappy Pete charging into white suddenly. I'm going for those boars. I'm going to give me some ham tonight.
02:07:48
Speaker
a 10 10 all right what additional move do you want additional effect i'm gonna be super creative and do extra damage yeah so you bite into this this undead boar and uh
02:08:09
Speaker
This fucking noise is mad. As you do that, three of your fingers get sliced off by the sword of an undead skeleton behind you. What are you talking about? For two harm. Two finger damage harm. Guys, I made a mistake. We're going. Yeah, you look back and the other two are going. This is Carlton's there.
02:08:38
Speaker
Okay, Carlton, what are you doing? Carlton is kind of seen red right now. Oh boy. And is on a one-track mind to finding this individual who which he's seen in a vision, who she's seen presumably in person. Okay. So what are you going to do? I would like to...
02:09:04
Speaker
use magic to trap this person in edge, like in place, like keep them so that they cannot move until I reach them. Okay. Uh, do I, I think you'll probably need to see them first. So you'll probably have to get into the cave. Um, just because like you don't have like, he's in there. Like there was, there were skeletons in front of you, keeping you from getting in there. Did I still try to do that if you want. Um,
02:09:34
Speaker
but you'll have to get past them to do it. Then I'm going to use magic on these minions then to do what? Hurt them. Actually, no, let me summon a monster into the world. Oh, shit. Okay, roll weird. Oh, fuck. I've been avoiding that one. Oh, fucking right then. Summon a monster. That's a 10. He's on fire. What are you summoning into the world?
02:10:03
Speaker
So I imagine this like Lovecraftian monster comes out into the world. Let's say it's like an eye of the beholder type. No. Okay. It comes out with a bunch of tendrils and shit. Yeah, also wearing glasses. And you see Dim goes, Oh, fuck another one. And he starts going and trying to swing his hammer at him.
02:10:29
Speaker
Uh, but as, as he's running towards it, you see this thing just like uses one of its tendrils and picks up one of the skeletons and shucks it like 18 yards over top of his fucking head and fucking just tosses its ass. You see it crumble into a bunch of little pieces all over the place and it goes daddy.
02:10:54
Speaker
It's not loud enough for everyone on the battlefield to hear. I don't know where you guys are, but I'm sure that it didn't have been slappier in it.
02:11:11
Speaker
Oh, jeez, Louisa. So, geez, Louisa. All right, so you guys are sneaking off on the battlefield. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, we're trying to. Trying to get to the cave. Roll act under pressure, both of you, please. Yeah. Lou, that'll be at a minus one since you're wearing heavy armor. Oh, boy. I rolled a nine with my minus one.
02:11:38
Speaker
Okay, perfect. What about you, Mr. Jim Jones?
02:11:43
Speaker
Niner as well. Good job. Yeah, that's good enough for I was gonna I was gonna make maybe you'd be noticed at some point But now there's like a beholder in the fucking middle of battle. Yeah, like everything's looking at that. So Let's just assume that him yelling out daddy gave you the plus ones you needed for that to be a 10. Yeah Daddy, so you guys are sneaking around the outside of the battlefield towards the cave Yeah, I want it now
02:12:09
Speaker
Alright, and you see Dim, like, after he hears us say, Daddy, he decides, like, alright! And he swings at another creature and takes out one of the legs and starts, like, stepping on his face. Ya bastard! Slappy, you're up. Uh, did I kill that boar, I bet? Uh, it's not dead, but it's, like, writhing on the ground while it's in your mouth. Oh, god. Um... I guess while I've got it, I'm...
02:12:34
Speaker
I'm gonna I'm just gonna pull I guess while I have it right in my mouth or pull my revolver on try and shoot it Kick some ass and take a plus one on that cuz it's like you can't fuck a move Sure, oh, I know I got the hospital right there
02:13:04
Speaker
the rest of your hand whoops off as a skeleton that you completely ignored your gun and your hand get lopped off flies off into the distance somewhere for three harms
02:13:20
Speaker
Um, I have one less cause I forgot that a couple of times, but, um, I take one less, but I'm going to try and, I'm going to try and roll that. Uh, I got to roll cool. Hopefully I don't make it worse. Oh God. That's an eight. So I, I heal one. So I only take one. Okay.
02:13:40
Speaker
Yeah, so that's perfect. I want to stabilize it. I'm stable. Excellent. That's good. Thank God. Yeah, and the boar slips out of your mouth with a big old chunk, like a big old bite mark on it. And it's like kind of limping away from you. Carlton, you just summoned your creature. Do you want to tell it to do something? What do you want to do?
02:14:02
Speaker
So it is implied that when this creature is summoned that it should just kill all the things that look like should be killed. Carlton has a one-tracked mind and is heading towards that one guy in the cave, so heading into the cave. So he's going directly through while we're taking... So this creature...
02:14:20
Speaker
This creature is going to like it can like it's psychically linked with you so it knows what you want to do so it's like gonna try to protect you while you walk through the battlefield as it does that. How about you roll a plus cool for your creature to see if it's like I know I'm sorry sharp excuse me sharp to see like if it's keeping an eye on all the shit that might be coming after you.
02:14:45
Speaker
It's a little preoccupied with your plaid suit. Daddy. And because of that, Carlton, you take a slash across the back for three harm from another skeleton warrior as you take a sword and it goes, that here. And then it like kind of like gets between you and the creature and it starts tussling with the skeleton.
02:15:20
Speaker
We're on a mission right now. Yeah, I want you to do one more act under pressure and take the plus one because now they're all distracted with Carlton and his monster kid. Does that just negate my minus one because of the armor or you're not hearing?
02:15:36
Speaker
I'm not caring. Just not caring. Oh no. Wow. That was a Jim Johnson. That's the worst show in my life. What is act under pressure doing perfect do? Oh. You do what you set out to do. But on a three, even if you do your power of heart, that's only a five.
02:15:57
Speaker
Um, you, uh, oh, I got, I know what'll happen to you here. Oh shit. Uh, and you, uh, you feel fucking, uh, Lou, you get slammed by dim as he's tossed across the battlefield from one of these wars and he lands on top of you and, and then rolls over you and keeps rolling down the hill. It's like, Oh fuck shit. God damn it. Fuck. Um, and, uh, that's a, that's two harm. But probably zero for you because you're armored, right?
02:16:25
Speaker
Yeah, I've forgotten about that, but yes I have. It's why you're rolling in a negative. I should have. Did I ever get back my battlefield awareness because you said it was for the end of the- Only for that mystery. Yeah. Yeah, so I don't get humdul. Excellent. You just get knocked over.
02:16:46
Speaker
Oh, and then what happens is your club, your weapon, whatever one that you like the most gets flung loose. The only one I've got is the collapsible bow staff. Oh, it falls out of your pocket. Oh, no, wherever it's hiding. It rolls down the hill with them. Oh, no. How the fuck?
02:17:09
Speaker
If I can't hurt you physically, I'll hurt you emotionally. Oh, jeez. Dammit. Is there any available weapon nearby? I'll just grab one. Probably something in Jim Johnson's pockets.
02:17:23
Speaker
That's Chelsea. He's the one who goes into pockets. No, I mean, on the battlefield, any fallen... Oh, yeah, actually, you see a tiny wooden hand gripping a pistol. Not far from you. Wow, I wonder what the fuck happened there. I'll pick that up then.
02:17:56
Speaker
So you guys get towards the edge you guys get towards the edge of the cave about to go in as you see these light Flashes in there and you see Carlton making his way across the battlefield as his son is protecting him. We're trying to We'll go back to Salafi Pete Salafi Pete you see
02:18:14
Speaker
Do you see that boar? There's two boars on the battlefield and the one that you're trying to finish off kind of scurries away. And just as you do that, you see them get tossed by by the other boar and flies over your head down the hill. That's fine. I've been chopping my hand off. Is it still here, isn't it? Yeah, there's several skeletons still here. I'm gonna fucking jump up. I'm gonna try and jump it. I'm gonna see if I can bite inside his ribcage and eat him pretty inside out. Okay. Vicious.
02:18:41
Speaker
I should bite his hand off, but... This'll be the day that you die. Eight! That's eight. He takes three damage and I take some, too! He sure does. Too bad you didn't get it, you know, the only... I don't want to tell you how much harm they could take, but that's a lot of it.
02:18:59
Speaker
So yeah, you bite through and you have a big chunk of them out and you you spit it out and he starts to kind of droop a bit as most of his rib is missing. He drops his sword on the ground and just shield checks you for two harm and knocks you on the ground. But as he shield checks you, as he shield checks you, you feel something leave your back. Can you hear? My friend.
02:19:23
Speaker
No! Well, in that case, I'm not even going to use my concussion. I'm just going to take my two damage and die. I lost my rock. I'm at the time when I have no reason to live. I'll have to live to get my rock back. I got to roll my... I got to roll it and not die. Let's see. Well, don't you have armor? Yeah, you got one armor. Oh, I have one. I rolled a seven, so I can get one HP back. So I take... I take nuns, and I hold myself stable.
02:19:51
Speaker
Take my hand, but you cannot take my rock. Well, you're definitely unstable, by the way. You're over for harm. But unquenchable vitality says you stabilize your... Oh, is that even if you get a one wound? Yeah. Okay, perfect. Well, never mind. I take it back. I keep clinging back and forth. Yeah, but you don't know where you're... You hear it faintly. It's somewhere sunk in the ground nearby, and you hear another crack of thunder and then a downpour.
02:20:20
Speaker
as rain all of a sudden just start showering over all of you. Carlton Merriweather, what are you doing? Yes. So you just got slashed in the back by a skeleton and now your son is trying to keep this thing away from you as you walk towards the cave. What do you do? Continue to walk towards the cave. Okay, roll me another sharp for your son. Okay.
02:20:49
Speaker
Just to make sure he's doing all right. Maybe he's doing better now. That's innate. That's good enough that he's learned his lesson.
02:20:57
Speaker
mmm daddy Mary God and yeah so you see another one another one of the boars the the one that slappy wounded comes up and tries to get an a nashad you be see this thing picks up the hog and just starts biting into it and bites it in a half and all those gore and black glute goop comes falling out of it this is gold daddy
02:21:23
Speaker
And it turns as you get to the edge of the cave and goes back into the battle with Slappy Pete and as you get there as you get there, you see just a faint aura of Lou and and Jim John who get to the edge of the cave and start to progress their way in as you hear dim swearing from the battlefield somewhere down the hill Making his way back up. So Lou, what are you doing? Well, I got my pistol
02:21:51
Speaker
What do I what do I actually see in the cave now that we've been to as you guys get in there? I'm assuming that Jim John you're following with her as you guys come around you see Carlton has made his way towards the edge of the cave as well But you guys are a little farther ways ahead because you weren't getting attacked
02:22:10
Speaker
But as you get in there you see actually you hear something first you hear like some clickety clacks like there's like you can hear the sounds like familiar sounds of skeletal warriors in there but then you hear like you hear the sound of rescue screaming it's like this can't be this can't be they said it would be here it's empty this cannot be
02:22:33
Speaker
And like you see all these flashes of light coming from around the corner and as you peer around you see he's casting all sorts of different lights into like this dilapidated looking like it looks like it was a well at some point like a maybe not exactly a well but like
02:22:49
Speaker
What does found they have at the mall that sometimes i keep a little fish and it looks like that but around is like a little felt like that i like a little mini pond. But it's dried up and cracks all through it and he's he's reaching in and casting all sorts of stuff because i don't understand it's supposed to be right here i.
02:23:10
Speaker
So that's what you see right now. I showed him and you see to you see he has two skeletons on one on both sides of him Kind of like standing at the ready. I don't have brains Okay, roll kick some ass for sheets Justin how much is your gun do to two harms? Yeah, I better pull up my load pull up my character sheet for Rasputin Wow, baby, that's a 12, baby. Oh
02:23:37
Speaker
All right, that's you shoot him for you shoot him for two But as you as you do that he gets he gets rocked a bit and you see your bullet doesn't quite connect You don't see any blood as it starts to ricochet slightly Off to another direction. He staggers. He's like what's in the hell knock him in the pool? All right Once you uh, no, no, no, I'm saying for lose extra effect for the 12. Oh
02:24:05
Speaker
oh yeah you do have an extra effect i'm sorry yeah i didn't ask what did you suggest something push him in the pool yeah push him where i want him um yeah push him in the pool okay he falls in the pool he falls he falls in the pool he's like ow my tailbone uh and says get them you idiots and you see the two skeletons like charge towards your direction um with swords out shields up jim john is going to um
02:24:35
Speaker
run in and do an axe-sweeping motion against the skeletons. Okay. Do you kick some ass? Yeah, kick some ass. The axe is three-harmed, messy. Yes. It's kind of like a fire axe. Yeah. Or any sort of axe. Pig ass axe. Pig axe? I wonder. Yeah, maybe I'm going to do a different move here. All right. Well, what would you like to do? What could go wrong?
02:25:02
Speaker
I don't know what that move does. Whenever you charge into immediate danger without hedging your bets, hold two. So I'm just going to rush in. OK. What do you have that you can do with that? So I can inflict one harm, reduce someone's harm suffered by one, and take plus two on an act under pressure roll. So what are you going to do? So I'm going to take the plus two on an act under pressure roll going forward.
02:25:32
Speaker
And then I'm going to like kind of. See, I think I have to use them. Oh, no, I get to hold these. So Jim John just rushes in and I kind of hold the skeletons back for a moment. OK, but that's just all right. Are you trying to do protect someone for Lou when you say hold them back? Oh, no, no, no, just kind of he's in the pathway. Oh, it's just told to I'm holding the I'm holding one more.
02:26:01
Speaker
So it's more or less just me running into danger for now. OK, well, they're definitely swinging their swords at you. So that's why I was like, are you sure you don't want to do anything else because they have. I don't think I'm allowed to do another move inside of a move. OK. Or do I do I just go ahead and kick some ass if you're charged into danger.
02:26:25
Speaker
I don't really know if this move work. I mean, it seems like it should go in tandem with another move, but what are you holding? What does that battle? Sorry, what was that? So again, it's what could go wrong whenever you charge, inflict one harm, reduce someone's harm, take plus two on an act under pressure role going. Oh, I just assumed that the first two just operate independently in the second one operates from a move. You know, no, you got to pick.
02:26:51
Speaker
out of those holes. No, no, no. What I mean is, like, inflict harm. I think you just do it. You don't have to roll. I think you just inflict one harm on somebody. Yeah. And I think when you do someone's harm, it's just you say, oh, I get in the way and keep them from getting, you know, you just do that. I don't think you have to roll for them. But the third one, if you want the plus forward, that is in tandem with another roll. The other two, you just do. Oh, OK. So I guess I can just inflict one harm on somebody if you want. Yeah, I just headbutt one of the skeletons.
02:27:24
Speaker
And it swings, it's a sword at you and slashes you across your barrel chest for three harm. And I'll block block it away with the battle axe and a quick move. Ha. Okay, yeah, but you already did your move. So that's three harm. No, no, no, the reduce someone's harm. So we did your arm gotcha. So that's minus one. So yeah, you take two, not set of three.
02:27:46
Speaker
Or none, because you have that fucking chosen move, I think. Yeah! Nice. I flexed my pecs and it just... Good shit. Oh, the sword shatters. Oh, no! The skeleton says. What the hell? Yeah, you gave a shit item. Hey, Carl, let's not even work for us, Putin, anymore. He gave us shitty stuff. Yeah, he's gave us shitty swords, man. Yeah, he would get us high-quality stuff. He got us a Walmart brand, great value sword.
02:28:12
Speaker
Okay, well, let's come back to Slappy one more time. Slappy, you're out in the battlefield. Things are happening. You don't have a hand. You lost your rock. There's skeletons, at least three left, and a boar. It's just going wrong. Dim's running up the hill. I'm coming, buddy! I'm not in as good a shape as I used to be. I'm one of a circle lately. And he's running up.
02:28:39
Speaker
Say do it for your old pal Slavic beat them and I'm gonna bite the shell of this fucking skeleton that I hate Okay, go ahead and roll kick some ass with weird 15 Jesus Christ What do you want your extra effect to be man? You gotta take an advance on this you get usually pretty high on your roll. Yeah, Jesus Christ I'm going to Take plus one forward
02:29:07
Speaker
forward to okay okay cool all right um so you want to play three harm with the bite um you bite you bite you through it uh but just as it's about to fall it takes one last swing at east lappy peat oh fuck off and as the sword comes you see a giant hammer
02:29:27
Speaker
cream between the two of you and just smash that sword out of its hand as it crumbles into pieces and Then you hear them go. Can you pick up Gabriella for me? I didn't say what's where she went Just he just lost her wherever he went where he's blocked the weapon. Oh, I didn't know he chucked her across the battlefield because he's too fat to catch you So he just threw it
02:29:51
Speaker
You take no harm, Slappy Pete, as Dim's hammer takes the blow for you. And you've defeated this particular skeleton.
02:30:02
Speaker
I have much more to go. Friend, where are you? I'm called. I follow my hands and knees with my one peg arm has no hand on it. I just kind of like poking into the ground and my other hand slapping around. Where are you? Call out to me. Call out to me. I'm here. Rocky, Rocky. And as you as you're digging in the mud, you see another boar comes charging at you and you see you see this this multi eyed tendril creature pick it up and chucks it again. It goes
02:30:32
Speaker
Daddy And it looks at you with like like a soft look in its eyes like he beats this trying to protect you
02:30:45
Speaker
La-Rocky. Find Rocky, you big weird freak. No wait, kill all of us skeletons. All right, we'll cut over to Carlton. Carlton, you're at the edge of the cave. You heard gunshots fired from within, and you can see skeletons attacking your friends. What do you do? Now's your chance. Head deeper into the cave.
02:31:06
Speaker
Yeah, you get there deep enough, you're in there deep boy, and you see skeletons slashing into your friend, and then one of their sword tips breaks off the chest of Jim Jordan. What do you do? You can see Rasputin dusting himself off as he stands up inside of a little empty pond. I would like to use magic. Okay, to do what? To trap Rasputin.
02:31:32
Speaker
Okay. Roll plus weird to seeing if you can. That's a tenor. That's fucking dope. That's it. Okay. What does this track look like? So it is quite literally just a box. I'm going to put Rasputin in a box. It is a four by four by four cube.
02:31:50
Speaker
Oh, nice.
Additional Battles and Mystical Challenges
02:31:52
Speaker
Okay. Just floating four feet off the ground. All right. All right. Someone's a magician. Uh, but yeah, he's trapped in a box right now. Uh, okay. So he's in a box. Uh, Lou, you see a Rasputin floating in a box and a skeleton, uh, is currently charging at you while the other one is fighting Jim John. What do you do? You still have Fluffy Pete's gun. I still have Fluffy Pete's gun. Well, I'm going to,
02:32:19
Speaker
Having probably thought forward with Undead before, do I know what works best against skeletons? Yeah, blunt shit. Blunt shit? Okay, I'll turn the pistol around and try and bodge in the- Yeah, pistol weapon. Yeah. Okay, I'll kick some ass.
02:32:42
Speaker
I guess we can still call that in. I don't know. Would it be fair to make that be too harm as well? Because the bullet end does the two harm. Gun Fu. Gun Fu, that's a five. Oh dear. Jim John, that really comes out by sweeping the leg.
02:33:00
Speaker
Okay, that's a plus two. He sweeps the leg as you pistol whip. Yep, he spooks the leg, knocks the skeleton pro, and I go down and smack it over the head. Okay. And the skeleton, as it falls, it looks up at you, and it takes its sword and jams it into your side for three harm. Okay, it's going to take- More armor. Oh, why? Why did this- Because it got through your armor. How? What the hell? How?
02:33:30
Speaker
There are holes in armor, guys. I don't know perfectly understandable, but if you hit me... Most notably at the face. Yeah. And in the face. I think I've seen your midriff maybe, right underneath where the armor is. All right, if you're not imagining the same thing I'm imagining, then they stab you directly in the leg, where I know you don't have a bunch of armor. That's fair. Fair enough. That's 4-3. And you also lose your foot. Oh, man. I lose my hands all the time.
02:33:59
Speaker
I'm just kidding. You get stabbed in the leg for three harm, ignore armor as it's on the ground and it's not swinging at your chest. You should have just let me do that. Maybe I wouldn't concede it, but never mind. You had to fight me. Always. Okay. But yeah, you have a sword sticking into your leg right now, but this thing is on the ground prone where it's super vulnerable to crushing attacks. Jim John, you're up.
02:34:24
Speaker
Jim John seeing that Skeleton's on the ground. You all just have one in your face. Yeah, but he decides to instead swing the axe down onto the one that's on the ground currently. Boy. Oh, geez. I rolled away. I rolled away. Because he wants to help out, Lou. Yeah, go ahead. Well, not help out, but kill it. Kick some anus. Kick some anus. Doesn't have an anus.
02:34:53
Speaker
You don't know that. Do you look at his pants? Kick some ass. It might still have some of it's fleshy, a new slip. Submit. That's another 10. By the way, I have the, oh wait, no, it's not an advanced attack. So I'm just going to suffer less harm as I deal three harm to this thing's skull. Just.
02:35:11
Speaker
Oh yeah, that's plenty to obliterate this thing as you send the axe into its face and it just has no face anymore. And I leave the axe for Lou to take as I pick up the sword from the skeleton.
02:35:28
Speaker
Actually funny you say that you get slashed across the wrist As you go to reach for that sword So you take two harm ignoring armor and your left hand Whatever hand whatever your hand is that you reach for is gonna be pretty fucked up So I take one less harm because I use my advanced move to take less harm. So I take one less harm. Yes Hey Some bitch. Yeah, don't ignore me you and I were fighting Oh
02:35:58
Speaker
I wonder how I'm curious how invincible works by the way is it just my whole bodies are
02:36:05
Speaker
Yeah, I'm guessing it's probably kind of like how AC is like, you can interpret it as like, Oh, I dodged or Oh, it hits the hard part of my armor. You know, so like, I imagine it's like, you're just really good at not getting hit. You know, it hits my hand. Nothing happens. Yeah, I think maybe you're just like, Oh, it only just raised my hand versus I have to be I'm a support tank, Adam, I have to help people.
02:36:29
Speaker
No, no, I know how like invincible works like you're trying to make it in fiction sound like it works. It's just you're getting better at not getting fucked up in battle, I guess. Or maybe since you're in a magical world, you have stone skin. I don't know. Who is up? Slappy penis. I'm just slept around in my logo from arrow. Rocky.
02:36:51
Speaker
What will happen? Want to roll plus sharp? Investigate a mystery maybe? I'm going to investigate. What's this different word? I feel like it's really a bad situation. You can read a bad situation if you want. Although in investigate a mystery, the question is where did it go? Yeah, it doesn't have a right answer probably. So yeah, I'm going to investigate the mystery of where the rock is.
02:37:13
Speaker
That's a fail. I want to roll luck. You don't roll luck? My ghostly fucked up problems are... I need my rock! I need my rock! What is your luck move? Your monster side gains power. Your curse may become stronger. Another breed disadvantage may manifest. Oh, dear.
02:37:43
Speaker
That's why I got the rage last time. Dark Master. As you pick this thing up, it says, I knew you wouldn't leave me. I knew you would find me. Together. Yes, I love you, Rocky. Yes. Together. We will rule everything. Me and you, Slappy Pete. I love you.
02:38:07
Speaker
So you have Dark Master now as another thing you have to deal with. I can't click one at a time, so I'll just write it in my thing. The Rock rules me. One Rock to rule me. One Rock that rules you all.
02:38:22
Speaker
Okay, at that point, yeah, you see dim smashes like two more skeletons, but I have pieces of shit and then he gets stabbed in the back by the one that's left. Right, right, like right above, right above the armor right where the base of the top of the spine is like, and he kind of drops to and he says, Oh, you son of a bitch.
02:38:42
Speaker
Over to who is that over there oh yeah the big guy the big guy after he gets stabbed the Carlton's pet picks it up and rips the skeleton in half And then drops to the ground dead
02:38:55
Speaker
Carlton's son is no more. Carlton, it's your turn. What do you want to do? Carlton would like to make the box that he made smaller. So it's not free, but it's free feet. Oh, fuck me. Can you, I guess that's, is that another weird roll? Is that gonna be Kicks Mass? I guess, yeah, you know what, let's make it Kicks Mass. Squish some ass. Let's do it. Let's make it be Squish some ass. Let's make me pound that ass. Pacifist that ass.
02:39:26
Speaker
That's a niner. So you're like trying to make the box smaller. Mm-hmm. But you do you have like yeah, you have to pick a glitch What do you want your glitch to be you have to pick an effect to I guess technically or Jim John Can help him out you could but I'm starting to wonder if we keep letting Jim John do help out every other turn He's getting more turns than everybody else. So I'm just gonna say that's your turn then. Yeah. No, I won't attack next turn. I
02:39:53
Speaker
Okay. Or do anything. Thanks. I've been realizing you have more moves than everybody else. Could you help a lot? You see, we did this before at the party. I kind of took a step back, but then it's like, oh man, I'm allowed to do a lot of stuff. This is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it just makes, it's more fun in fiction, but if you're going to help him out with a magical spell, I don't know how the fuck you're doing that. Uh, you can use your power plus weird instead of plus tough. The attack is too hard. So you rolled plus weird though, right? Yeah. Yeah. Carl to, uh,
02:40:23
Speaker
Jim John says, Carlton once again, got to remember the power of Jim John friendship and use it as he starts hip thrusting. Okay. All right, so this box starts to get smaller and you hear people like, no, no, no. And he takes two harm.
02:40:47
Speaker
Are we? Oh, indeed. This is quite a problem. My British tailbone. Okay. That's what's happening.
02:41:04
Speaker
Okay, so Lou will pick up the big X and do this whirling dervish move, which is trying to take out as many skeletons as possible with it. So can I use my- Well, there's only the one left. Only the one left? Oh, sad. Yeah, there's only two in there. Fine. Yeah, I lost them outside. Fine, I'll just come running up and come after the one that's left and take my time. Your intern's been putting in work.
02:41:30
Speaker
Yeah. All right. So roll kick some ass. That's an eight or eight. That's an eight. So yeah. So you swing this ax into this, uh, in this, I'm going to say you shatter his sword. Um, as he tries to, you know, he's stupid and he, he forgets that he's left-handed and he puts up because I do for him. Yeah. Yeah. You do. You do do that. Uh, so yeah, he, he falls apart and do a big puddle of,
02:41:59
Speaker
Anus. Why do you do foreharm? Because ancient fighting arts. It's an old-fashioned hand weapon, right? And a big axe? It sure is! You're right! Yeah, you fuck him right up. I don't think he took any other damage except for that. So actually, no, he's not dead. No. The old-fashioned hand... Oh, no, this was the one I headbutted. Oh, no, you're right. You did headbutt him. Oh, yeah, no. I just take it back. Yeah, you splattered him into a bunch of little, bunch of little bony pieces. Yeah, and he falls to the ground.
02:42:28
Speaker
In a bunch of heaps and then you see Carlton is currently trying to squish Rasputin inside of a box Yeah, so that's happening. I think that's the last of all of the critters at least in the immediate area Although then again Rasputin has moves that they just haven't been triggered yet, but cuz he's in a box Yeah, well part of that but also because of other things So let's just do a turn it over one more time. Let's go back around to Sloppy Pete. What are you doing?
02:42:58
Speaker
Who's all left out here? It's just you and dim and your rock Everything in the corpse. Yeah, and the corpse of and the corpse of the tentacle beast Magic ran out and it fell it fell to the ground. That's fine. I pick up one of the skeleton swords Okay, I'm assuming if I will at that my unholy strength will take effect on that cuz it's a melee weapon
02:43:22
Speaker
Sure. Why not? I was just thinking, I mean, I need to change up my gun at some point. I mean, watch your face, keep it because it doesn't help me because I can't wield it because I suckle it. I got a sword right here in the ground. I'm just going to keep this. I pick it up and I start. Oh, it seems like hurt, isn't it?
02:43:41
Speaker
Yeah, he got he got he got wounded pretty good. I'll go fuck actually I got walking in the cave And you see dim collapses on the ground as you walk in yeah, and you go in there to see a bunch of bones all over the ground you see Carlton currently casting a spell on Rasputin
02:44:01
Speaker
Do you take any action? Can I hear, I can probably hear Rasputin in the box going, ah, oh, no. He's not taking it quietly, that's for sure. All right, I'm going to go up and I'm going to stab my sword into that box. Is it a box I can stab or is it like a box made out of metal? I don't know. Carlton, what is your box like? What kind of box is it? Is it a clear box, a cardboard box? It's just kind of an imaginary box. Like a mine box. There's no actually defined borders.
02:44:33
Speaker
I'm going to go look for his face and I'm going to go, I'm going to go tell him, look into my dead lifeless eyes, you son of a bitch. Roll a mental dominion? Okay. I'm going to tell him what to do, but he's in the box, but I was going to try it. 12, you get three. Carl said, what should I tell this dumb bastard to do?
02:44:58
Speaker
I don't know if you'll follow that one. Hey buddy, just relax, okay?
02:45:06
Speaker
He's trying really hard to resist. He's like, I don't. And then his body just starts to relax. And his face is so angry. He's like, what else? You say you pull the rock out? If he was still trying to resist, I was going to be like, do it for this nice rock.
02:45:33
Speaker
Okay, nice rock. I guess I have holes. I'll tell him right away. Okay, Carlton, work your magic. He's not gonna resist. Well, I didn't say that. As far as I think he's relaxing his body, as far as I think he's... Relaxed body. All right. So what are you doing? Carlton, you're up.
02:46:01
Speaker
I would like to make the box smaller to go to like two and a half feet by two and a half feet by two and a half feet. Jesus. Okay. I really don't like this guy. We're all rolling out our kicks of ass with weird, I guess. This dude, he's having a day. Jesus Christ. Oh, that's a little one. The rest of you is getting fucking poned right now. You ever seen somebody in a trash compactor? What do you want your extra effect to be? Oh, wow. Extra effect.
02:46:30
Speaker
Yeah for the kick some ass tree. You're plus one forward. So you're another hunter plus one forward for yourself. Plus one forward. I think a plus one forward. My next one. So as you do that, you see him like he's getting so small and you see his eyes turn black.
02:46:49
Speaker
And he's just
Final Blow and Aftermath
02:46:50
Speaker
like, that's enough. And his hands start to burst with these little crackly bursts. Hey, water guy. Hey, don't do that, please. Hold it too. It's not your turn yet. It's not your turn, David. Yeah, motherfucker, you can't just burn them all when you're still in combat.
02:47:09
Speaker
Um, so yeah, so yeah, now you've triggered the move. Um, so yeah, he started, his fingers start to crack on his eyes, turn black and you see, he starts to bulk up a bit and then you see, you feel the ground rumble beneath you and the earth starts to split. Uh, and you see like more skeletal hands start reaching about for you guys, trying to drag you down under the holes. Um, could all of you roll a plus, uh, cool or tough? I'll let you choose. I don't care. Since you're all in the immediate vicinity.
02:47:39
Speaker
Oh no! That's a 10 for Luke. I need to roll a cool, you said. Cool or tough, your choice. I probably should have gave this guy some more orbs for... He relaxed, just like you told him to. Jim Jones continuing his hip thrust motions.
02:47:57
Speaker
So you're going to do a help out instead of help yourself? Well, I mean, I still have to make the role for myself. Oh, wait, I get a plus one forward on that, don't I? Yeah. You do. So I got a seven. Hey, mix success. I mean, Jim Johnson is still doing the hip thrust.
02:48:13
Speaker
Okay, you feel these things dig into you and then you realize that as these things are coming out of the ground, they're not corporeal. They are like spectral skeletal looking hands and they start climbing up. This will be a move that Justin saw when we filmed our first season, except it was a little different.
02:48:32
Speaker
Any spectral hands are climbing out of the ground, they're crawling up you guys' bodies and they just grab through your chests. Similar to how the dragon went through Liu. And they start squeezing your insides. But since nobody failed completely, it'll be too harm, ignore armor.
02:49:03
Speaker
And you have the power of heart, even without Jim John. What was your question, Slappy Pete? Is that, ignore my one less I get from normal? No, if it's just a move, it's one thing. If it's armor or something else. So it's just ignoring armor. If you just have like a natural thing that says you take one less harm, then that's just what it is. That's not armor. So how much damage again?
02:49:07
Speaker
for anybody who didn't get a 10 plus.
02:49:26
Speaker
Two ignoring armor if you have 10 or less than 10. It would have been worse if you rolled a fail. So I'm glad that Carlton already had the Florida that you were going to do a help. It's a pretty nasty move if you fail it. And as Carlton takes his damage, the block starts to crack as he's trying to break free. Now I believe it is Lou's turn.
02:49:52
Speaker
Who's got no fucking idea? I mean- You still have a gun? Yeah, and an axe. Can she- And an axe. She's just gonna run up and try and kill the bad guy with her axe.
02:50:04
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. Go ahead and roll kick some anus. And since there's a whole lot of cracks in the ground, do I have to like parkour around and shit? Or is it just like? Uh, no, they're not big enough yet that you guys would just drop straight in, but they're getting bigger because these hands are crawling out of them after you. But don't let that stop you from parkouring. Yeah, don't let that stop you from still looking cool. Okay. Well, I've tried my dear deal moves then since I haven't been able to use it yet.
02:50:32
Speaker
What is that for the audience, please? Well, I've got to, you can attempt a tricky high-risk maneuver to gain an advantage on an opponent. Real tough. And then if I get some, if I get high enough, I can hold some thingies. Oh, she's been learning from La Camatura. Yeah, she totally watches her on the Mexican television. I'm the Mexican television. Raw plus tough.
02:51:01
Speaker
Remember when we bought that Mexican tea? Bye! Why? No! Okay. I'm going to spend luck. I'm spending luck.
02:51:12
Speaker
You're liking it? Yeah. No, you wouldn't have given me enough moves. So I'm going to parkour all over the fucking place and then come running up to the dude and smack him with my axe. I'm going to pick, use my usual weapon amount. So that's forearm to him. And I don't suffer harm in return. And I can do one more thing.
02:51:43
Speaker
I will give plus one forward to Jim Jones. Okay. So you smash this axe into the box as he's about to break free, but just as he falls out of the box, the axe smashes into his body, nearly cutting him in twain, and he drops to the ground in a heap.
02:52:12
Speaker
And isn't moving anymore and all of the spectral hands that are reaching out of the ground stop But Lou as he hits the ground blood splatters everywhere The weirdest thing happens
02:52:29
Speaker
You look behind you to see all, you know, all the carnage and to see if your compatriots are okay. But the guy in the shorts... He doesn't look so familiar to you.
02:53:49
Speaker
Does it look good already?