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13. Familierelasjoner, traumer og jul
106 Plays7 days ago
I denne episoden snakker Jannicke Wiel med NARM traumeterapeut Anneli Mjøen om hvordan manglende trygghet og kontakt i barndommen kan gi oss utviklingstraumer som påvirker oss som voksne. Hvordan kan vi hele oss selv? Og hvordan kan vi styrke oss selv for å håndtere julen og de tidene på året der sosiale sammenkomster, gamle mønstre og minner lett kan trigge oss.
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:00:13
Speaker
Welcome to a new episode of For Lyssenpodden. I'm Janneke Wiel and I'm glad to have with me Anneli Mjøen.
Understanding Trauma and 'Traume Fri'
00:00:21
Speaker
She will talk about the a year has been the most traumatic trauma you've worked with.
00:00:42
Speaker
You have given a book called Traume Fri, which is both useful for those who experience trauma, but also useful for all men. For when I read the book, I had to learn much about to understand myself better, and to understand others better than I meet.
00:01:00
Speaker
or for the first store i' going to be able to some yeahlu it me or melted Anneli, I to the
00:01:28
Speaker
I had very very good, very good, and very good situation in my whole life. So when I go back, started my work very early, and it had been a bit of a while at my mother woke up in the past year. So from 10, 11, 12 years ago,
00:01:41
Speaker
wochnit or se elleav the ti le barno or nasora contrava on t el vi tusa So while she found out and and and in very early.
00:02:09
Speaker
Both that it was going things that were regulerable traumasystems, which made better so. I could have to go back her when I was afraid. She did some exercises, and this is fascinating.
00:02:23
Speaker
Some of the exercises she made with me are exercises I do with my clients today. She did with when was a child, when I woke and was afraid. She got me to go around and be careful. And gave them to the night. She just sprach up and said, take on the bed, take on lamp, take on the lamp.
00:02:43
Speaker
toppo lum then topwa then last some mo disco out eye fi long e hi oro or she or sons or cob formi <unk> ga and a threeri gira The colipo i don know yaamroen does hearian in and and and know, know, and and know, and and know, and and and and and know, and because she was there and gave it meaning on
00:03:26
Speaker
So
00:03:35
Speaker
It started so early that I almost didn't dash sure tilia the dr soillia and nikicom It's not woke up very, very early. And so I've obviously done all the mistakes that
00:04:03
Speaker
And I started cursing. When I I is and So so
00:04:36
Speaker
but a both in the maly amongg uli inangng erodaneop more that some huli diska i and motan du i read ta leave for yahoo sanai amongo or or said were mong yeah uli vata do hunted for uli yeah tradi or ablechi sub verdi or verraquita dub bla lemi holis franciscoberno sallo meti duanno octat melon after art some resonated body photo it anga shaman yeah mil or e ecologgi or in naur medicine or ah this early kety i mean and
00:05:15
Speaker
Now I
00:05:41
Speaker
for en ulykke, eller noe som kan være...
What is PTSD?
00:05:54
Speaker
Can you explain what it is? The connection trauma trauma is what I'm doing today. It's a clear thing for PTSD. When you refer to PTSD, post-traumatic stress syndrome, it's more
00:06:11
Speaker
so mad concha very, very, so-called, so-called, so-called,
00:06:16
Speaker
example itly shockktra rovera so a don c forron something complex theirroio t le ravi off clever or gava omried conlucy of andrigue a lordly vox and paons and commandres it air get nervous system So they can go back to foster-stadium and further.
00:06:42
Speaker
So for example, a person is maybe a mother the so
00:07:05
Speaker
poor vique a then summons merry and a op fatul suason complexit here liy at vikilaru shi the elm of fra andrevi the of iste ma the the the the a
00:07:33
Speaker
hey and the whole dynamic in the situation we are in. So so complex. And
00:07:50
Speaker
Who am What am I? Who am I? Without the dynamic of family. There are many different ways to try to do it on.
00:08:01
Speaker
what he a le Can you give me some on and I they
00:08:34
Speaker
As I said, it starts already the warm-women around her, the the of not being on place.
00:08:56
Speaker
For mors del, it And
00:09:16
Speaker
and skitoed out at suki It's a feeling or the to be very popular heards to stanford butla thecuro go in the triular but stress it All this will help the and
00:10:11
Speaker
for my hung i om or to understand what the and to But to empathize the child's needs to be, regardless of everything else,
00:10:29
Speaker
ah men or and part for there the barnnets behove o hang of alta andra the batche but c for stra there monur it best theal man of fuck this snuckkety barna i'm Not it So here it's very many the For example. If they have something else,
00:10:59
Speaker
<unk>ed um barrnahary et lapeport at First of all, you
00:11:29
Speaker
ah for la for sharkki off a store while somebody get baed they bar of february to So here a lot of breaking down if the that the needs they have under the and warm in the meeting with the child.
00:11:56
Speaker
<unk> uruulle of vitamin math nebona and set the same, clear, and try grens. So it's not that they decide, but they will meet like a few. And if it's not that happens, then it will be little bit of new spirit. And what they think? They don't think that they were not horrible person. That's not coming for you in the next year. But when you're little, it's direct link between, have this need here, not needed to meet,
00:12:30
Speaker
then must be my own, and I'm not going to do that. the
00:12:42
Speaker
So, when we try to meet the the Now you have the feeling.
00:12:56
Speaker
Hmm. I'm sorry about it. I'm going to check. I'm going to check. I'm going to check.
00:13:04
Speaker
yeah This is for it are going to walk up.
00:13:29
Speaker
with parents who don't understand and because they don't want to do their time, or
00:13:47
Speaker
ah grata or um This is almost like a folk system. I know many people say that now has a lot of debate in the world. think that we are the first generation that has the opportunity to learn empathic validation. Because these generations back then of course, there was of course no emotion. It was about taking over the head and mat on the board.
00:14:08
Speaker
and cha ne le behove the humly on talk of a hold on mar pabora feisant We follow up with the parents, we ask them if it's good to go to school, pack up and eat, and it's a lot work to be a child. So it's not that.
00:14:22
Speaker
ah So the emotional needs are sometimes completely unsacly and a tight example, for it might not mean much. But just for the child, maybe the child has something else. so it's the worst experience in three seconds.
00:14:45
Speaker
And what is to understand is that are going to the child's reaction of child's reaction that we don't have a gift. We even need to live in how this operates in three-year-old.
00:15:01
Speaker
So when we is have instead, but just to feel they will get and bit the update date four it this message four A little help to regulate the
00:15:31
Speaker
That's the whole difference.
00:15:41
Speaker
or regulate others? yeah and say also the a le among e I there Many think that it's a it. It's a balance of variable andset and madam dam mero bleantmer hey la na knicck exampleboard the the can man vila or feratri guruo concha ica yeahat moatta is the poter all that in obstacle again um like yeah commanding know see of kavabaai to he came ma he and to
00:16:24
Speaker
men mandea okna in quality type u transpose around si de soma and de li sanant model delda so it's not to be stuck in extreme responses.
00:16:38
Speaker
If you when together.
00:16:55
Speaker
you can also free sand a liy for love but beautiful sweet takeki santa hang youloaman so so this ah and extreme response not in the nervous so we need to to a person. had my cats when I was born, so it was so
00:17:26
Speaker
yeah how you custom them in them my avotop the lpi myre address of dash We always look at resources. How we regulate it. What was it we held went on But ideally, it's of course a mother or a father who will provide both some scottil be board there in a warm form of being in contact with someone.
00:17:47
Speaker
Maybe to help to pust on a good way. Or we are children. We can get help from the to be able to Maybe it's a bit more flexible and less extreme.
00:18:15
Speaker
It's not so to
00:18:32
Speaker
also use another word here.
The Role of Validation in Therapy
00:18:33
Speaker
Validering. Can you say more about what it means validate someone?
00:18:41
Speaker
When someone tries to understand us... I to say that I I
00:19:02
Speaker
it's ra thela for the art yeahing a v second he the I to it is I a and together, want to understand more about your world.
00:19:30
Speaker
So if I don't understand, I'll ask more information, I'll engage myself in moment, I'll be very careful, and I'll get to greater understanding of why
00:19:42
Speaker
piant a le barre vo ondohara so there ado the nest that's in that add or the you that have room for your way to be on,
00:20:08
Speaker
asza Our feelings should not always be logical. Absolutely not. But when we engage ourselves little bit, they can give meaning for us. And the component that makes us feel that we not alone in the world.
00:20:26
Speaker
That there is a learn a little about what happens now. And so can say... orll so on sea It can be like, oh, feel like I'm feeling with You need little bit of
00:21:00
Speaker
So when we feel like we've seen or heard of it,
00:21:05
Speaker
or ibe de default he la forott so fallen i will just about a to mo this skill for the a down And menu before arrantly unard regulating in for for Because it's very good to be understood by another.
00:21:25
Speaker
And so it's very easy to feel that we... It's the same thing. You can also find a claim, but you understand.
00:21:36
Speaker
I think it's fantastic that someone understands where are helps us so much. We as mennesker are social beings. Contact is one of the most attractive ones for us.
00:21:52
Speaker
and di or yeah there would um with a bit of mars and but menaosk say they are ara a availabl person of the rules and they had asael therefore the unlikeerson fra andrai nonir i foremp because that you since point no betterta so i said oh for com yeah that ah ele arm didn know what i'm spending and go it ne and there some as surviv any day able and then try free but that isakiram
00:22:24
Speaker
bardele na a oel or do biqui buddham v e sula ela me especially me soma na us come snakeit thegra mere and first of all so o me at first zioraltiloel um What happens inside us. I can say that I'm in a part of my own. I'm a 5-year-old. I feel like I'm feeling a bit of bit. Or maybe I'm feeling a bit of a bit of a 10-year-old.
00:22:55
Speaker
um um councilmanenalli on or opwi scott oh you know it's an add po tening in a my myself or my har or lissa the deles from the of a ti toilet or home a itti trova here boxna ah cockus seated on the a
00:23:29
Speaker
What is it? This is therapy. therapy Every time we a
00:23:56
Speaker
I don't think that it because they are all uperfekte. We can all be barnsly, and can
00:24:13
Speaker
these... there this ah so in the mayos a I like to set it up as a barn. It means that the barns will never be gone, but they will be able help.
00:24:26
Speaker
So when we address a in a time-old, like for example 10-year-old, where we can find more kraft, opprør, irritation, and smell with So it's the memory, experiences, and soar and dynamic have from the phase. If we a very early time, from first first first, it's often people and clients I have very little language, but they feel very much in the sense field.
00:24:53
Speaker
<unk>skicha oleanteharson um little a spro me up foterelde milia isan of ferta So the and that
00:25:40
Speaker
often think these are coming to development, but it's something that more focused on.
00:25:51
Speaker
i identiteten hvis det er mening.
00:26:08
Speaker
But you can absolutely work with it. And this work is the most effective work they can do. The children will not be apart. They will just be completely bred. They will get what they didn't get the time.
00:26:23
Speaker
So fast and effective as possible. they can mate in the children on many different ways. My work you and have done in past,
00:26:35
Speaker
yoga-terapi, if you can call it that, i saidphon getting some o not getting into that the headache is
00:26:44
Speaker
going keep it up bit so that when we have whole broad part, we need to see how children are when they are free, they have got support they need, they have strength they should have, they try to do something like they should. We call it blueprint, it's not good word for it, it's this thing and some the edl to set skull he colored a blue print blueprint i got no school feman to hidere some eye den paon la mele daniltan le gra and melean then de vievva saw The
00:27:21
Speaker
That's what
Therapeutic Blueprints: Frameworks for Growth
00:27:21
Speaker
we're looking for. If these parts of the parts reparation and the needs of we can't take into more- Of the free power we were meant to have or be.
00:27:33
Speaker
three yeah craftten some beava and old schoolla ha and nevada It's very nice to and There are many fantastic things to happen from all sun and the children.
00:27:56
Speaker
think that now that it's time to part of the been a lot people who are both enjoying and enjoying themselves bit. butlilia a gru shait tidata among um sit baul ne manavvati and nay and im uaktenson come near up there there is some e famiian kavaa complex that got toy doesn and the see it and of the of
00:28:36
Speaker
eatten for scar and some hat isola sho or andri kibada of makaniamai and so moreutten photo is su cri on ika in the theat praest the non o yeah theai eatten photo and some islama herece scopo ikiha maai ye manly iva the thought de for shot that is set at the hard and gamb we intu vo um take your dr become forberdos To make sure that the and that.
00:29:24
Speaker
When I go to the again.
00:29:37
Speaker
hum ble commutulably vi hard all the other country they on had concept of lebnonitman felt after so me to be or some moments to um mo omiens and what family dynamic, no one of the it c putin doli standinging el lavaldono and naro so and and and
00:30:19
Speaker
but yeah not i don't think i eran therapyan so so example we cant go to call The a are for example we
00:30:44
Speaker
tur puts it you remember name of like some vci are valishly I have so much worse. I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared. not prepared. I'm not prepared.
00:30:57
Speaker
not prepared.
00:31:14
Speaker
and si vaon also come there in the evening, so that I can have the opportunity to be able to stay very long, many, many times.
00:31:53
Speaker
The last time I was in... I was almost 11 times. It's about to prepare myself mentally, and I think it's more like if you go to an exercise.
00:32:18
Speaker
I'm very excited about this to be able to focus on a concentration in situations where we need withanga sir To take a relationship to alcohol, example, when you drank alcohol,
00:32:30
Speaker
dr the alcohol to feel tryggere, I think it's completely different. We the in the and So the våkenness is very important.
00:32:51
Speaker
For me at um all. Bestemme the time you should be there. Rammer also creates trygghet.
00:33:02
Speaker
So if you it's a loop.
00:33:24
Speaker
But if you have a frame, it's coming. This is my plan. I will go like this, because I know from my experience that I can hold energy in hours. So these are very important.
00:33:41
Speaker
The next thing is that everything that happens in the room or in the house, does not mean anything. So if you can have someone you are happy with, or sit beside someone you are happy with, have an eye on where sit, or have an eye on you, for example, a wall behind
Managing Energy in Social Settings
00:34:03
Speaker
you. If there are some possibilities for you to organize yourself in a better way with someone you are happy with, so it will help you very much.
00:34:15
Speaker
sister If you are struggling with different people, and then you suddenly sit on the person you have very bad person, then you increase the burden of the burden. There's There's so much to say about this, so I don't know how much I should say.
00:34:34
Speaker
For example, this one must not be able to of don't know that the information you've used or If you don't know that and
00:35:08
Speaker
It will also be able to take my energy out. during the evening. So it's better to be the
00:35:26
Speaker
It comes a bit different, but understand. I think this is a lot of good advice. I think it's relevant for many. I think about this with maybe taking pause in the middle. We often can be a little fast.
00:35:41
Speaker
But to take a not
00:36:16
Speaker
Og dette med å sette grenser.
00:36:18
Speaker
Ja, helt strålende. Det er mange ting, ikke sant? Dette er jo litt sånn I've spent a out of it. But po butidda had not to left iamaville leo head stop you see leopard vista so the go to toiletta the I bit down to break the pain in your body.
00:36:40
Speaker
get more energy that or for it me and a shi and fle derian santa must into kaadaism you will lift them or that i all go up above around them off a frik loose not too loose vilami grew posted al the hael and northern mia so There of there.
00:37:14
Speaker
tell de sit de i will tank de jean I'm just sitting here. It's and You get a you're not feeling free and free.
00:37:27
Speaker
We train on it, and do it, and do it. It's very important to do it. I like to do something, because I think it can be a bit of a lot of conversations with many people who talk about it. I feel comfortable when can help with practical things. Should I sit on the floor or serve the brus? Is it something that needs? Is it not enough? Then I can go to the shop. It's also a way you can get a bit of a sort of a set. When you're sitting, you can go in and get a response and get stuck.
00:38:10
Speaker
When you are the I
00:38:27
Speaker
ota position there comes some mosconsky got since i Now you're right on this with the your it. and in samil tocumber in a good way.
00:38:49
Speaker
You can, as you said, spread it up be good thing because it's your mucs in your family. then it's not necessary to be so pauser and kraft, then it's more like, oh, help, now just go in the game, and there are many people who have it. So I've been in both ways.
00:39:11
Speaker
a how bought the as entien de and the she and more thoroughfully the were the ulterior of extremely weapon in vocanni and larevdor for a letter for the bra for prevofia da o so not I
00:39:39
Speaker
which is the opposite. You go in of the trigger or is it from vowsiness? Because it's a way you find more energy and more good on.
00:40:01
Speaker
So it's a great way to do it. ne and nahi or mo bla but so let's jump on your set It's a very exciting situation, I think, when we're a bit nervous about that it can be barndoms or things from the past and the past that are still in the past. These situations can be difficult. It can be a situation that can give us self-knowledge. If I'm bit more nervous about who for thenmi i add
00:40:35
Speaker
so can learn more about these social relationships or can be difficult to say, oh, me ivo to and if forelti do settle it mend me ab fer no okay that's duke of
00:41:06
Speaker
When I'm aware of this is the old stuff that's triggered. We have viatotain gamer la gaal tokeeper oftaman a
00:41:24
Speaker
Again, fixing it out there. I hope always going to more comfortable here in the room. So when I I center in the not cut to the
00:41:59
Speaker
or that de mass in the call a yourwd in some eye talked there in the la some ya men that are here physiolo gesk noland for obliri for the ya be that all level on the confer list of what shockki is under on gily the like in the fifth i believe the sorry characterta open what a comes on the situation national isna nova And we call shock, and or a trigger, or a traumatization. It means that
00:42:51
Speaker
We have many sensorers in the the
00:43:16
Speaker
Just like our hands. When the sensor is activated, they will signalise a lot of impulse to the body. The body says, you understand, you have try and a good reason under me.
00:43:31
Speaker
um So we suddenly get whole body to explain this with jording. There's much more to say about it. But if we system. And so we can operate from there.
00:43:52
Speaker
is Instead of missing ourselves, we are the fix the fix all the others.
00:44:08
Speaker
So, we can see if we can get more harmonious around us. It's very nice. If you sit down the board, take the penskos, and to take a serviette, to fill little
00:44:43
Speaker
larry hoa i or then snap a lot intrical off the soci i she so no got do a very monkey a field thing and then i said them some then a to para manka with tibaki eup and tras i saying yean there We'll be able to
00:45:05
Speaker
<unk>ian as like mad I um demonelette that to womenmo hopeful have become they fla their podcast episode there but i was not mad um would you I
00:45:35
Speaker
I just want thank you for
Universal Applicability of Discussed Concepts
00:45:36
Speaker
that have do it. I have so much love for all us, and I think this is...
00:45:42
Speaker
ala a lot of smell inroalia through everybody up the taha i It's all about the politicians, the people we see, the people we think have their shit together.
00:45:57
Speaker
have exactly the same. We have all are the grader of how active or tryggest we are. But these things we talk about now are so essential. They are for everyone in all situations. It's just something we can all work together.
00:46:17
Speaker
Should I on and Yeah, very good.
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:46:44
Speaker
I think it's fantastic that you have so many concrete tips on Instagram and social media where get inspiration to both to understand yourself more and for the so
00:47:12
Speaker
I would say thank you, Annelie, for thank you for listening to this episode of ListenPod. We'll see you again.