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Weight loss and Mental Health
149 Plays1 year ago
Do you think it’s ever possible to want to lose weight in a way that doesn’t completely tank your mental health? Is it possible to love your body AND want to change it? Let’s talk!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Outside of Session'
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to outside of session. I'm your host, licensed clinical social worker and therapist BFF, Julie Hilton. We're going to cover all the things here, whether it's mental health, entrepreneurship, relationships, trauma, or just life. Nothing is off limits. Hopefully you'll laugh a little and learn a lot, but most importantly, feel encouraged on your journey to live empowered.
00:00:32
Speaker
Hey everyone, happy hump day.
Weight Loss and Mental Health Relationship
00:00:35
Speaker
I am super excited about today because today we are talking about weight loss and mental health. We are going there today. I feel like this is going to be a real outside of session convo because A, I feel like I talk about this a lot with my girls.
00:00:57
Speaker
And B, it does come up in therapy a lot, but obviously I try to keep my opinions outside of the room. Like I try to keep my opinions to myself, but outside of session, I don't have to. So today I feel like I can give a lot of just my thoughts and opinions on the topic of weight loss.
00:01:16
Speaker
And I also have a feeling that this topic, like lots of you are going to want to talk about it based on the feedback that I got on my Instagram a couple of days ago when I posted that this podcast was going to be coming out. So this is just going to be episode number one. There are lots more of these coming. So let's just jump in. Here is like the million dollar question that I want to talk about today.
00:01:41
Speaker
can weight loss or being on like a weight loss journey ever not be bad for your mental health? And I'm going to go ahead and go throw out my answer here to that is yes, it's possible. But it's yes with a big old comma after that. So like, yes, comma, for some people,
00:02:07
Speaker
at some stages of life with some very specific boundaries. So I know that ends up not being a very clear answer, I know. But today I really want to just look at three different like scenarios or categories that I think are really important when you think about whether or not this is something that could be potentially done in a healthy way.
Personalization in Mental Health and Weight Loss
00:02:33
Speaker
But you know, before I go there,
00:02:36
Speaker
I just want to start out by talking about a very like a pet peeve of mine. And that's that we we never pretty much never individualize anything enough in our society. So what's good for one person is never automatically good for another person.
00:02:56
Speaker
So when you hear someone say like, this is the way that you need to do it, or this is like a very black and white answer to something, just I always encourage you to have that little voice in the back of your mind that says, I'll be the judge of what's best for me. Thank you.
00:03:14
Speaker
and listen to that voice. Like even on this episode today, if I say something that doesn't apply to you, know that you are very much a better expert on yourself than I will ever be.
00:03:30
Speaker
So always, whether it's with me or with a doctor or with some kind of influencer online, or with like listening to your friends, listening to your mom, whatever it is, just always take what you will and leave the rest.
Societal Perceptions on Weight Loss
00:03:46
Speaker
And the reason that I even bring that up is that like I have seen I see a lot, especially lately, even therapists, even like fellow therapists saying,
00:03:57
Speaker
that wanting to lose weight loss is automatically bad for mental health, and that it's automatically fat phobic. And that if you want to lose weight, or if you want to change your body, that it automatically means that that is a sign of like self hatred. And no,
00:04:17
Speaker
No, just it's not. It's just not that that line of thinking might be someone else's truth, maybe for them, like maybe that's their lived experience. But that is their honest opinion. And we have confused that with fact.
00:04:33
Speaker
So if for you that is true, that's totally okay. Like if at any point in your life that you have realized that you wanted to be on a weight loss journey and you have realized that that was not good for you, that's okay. But don't put that on other people.
00:04:49
Speaker
And this has a lot to do with like, on one end you have diet culture being so extreme and toxic. And then finally another group of people came along and like started calling it out and recognizing how toxic it is.
00:05:07
Speaker
And so just like in typical fashion, so many people have swung too far the other direction and they have ended up creating creating like an anti diet culture space that calls everything fat phobic. And honestly,
00:05:26
Speaker
It's exhausting to try to navigate that. And it's also not the point of today's topic. But I do want to have that chat eventually about like diet culture versus anti diet culture and how so many of us feel like we get whiplash from trying to figure out like
00:05:42
Speaker
What what am I doing and does this fit more in like am I being? Too far into diet culture right now or am I being too far into like? Anti diet culture right now because we have started to realize that like a lot of that does not align with us either Like I know I have even gone through a phase where I was like shaming myself anytime I wanted to eat healthier and
00:06:06
Speaker
because I was like, Oh, that's a sign that I'm falling into diet culture again. And so I was moving away towards moving away from doing things that I actually felt like would be good for me because I was
00:06:19
Speaker
afraid that I was doing it in a place of like shaming myself and I really and truly wasn't.
Self-Trust in Weight Loss Journey
00:06:25
Speaker
And that's when I had to take a step back and realize that like I have to stop listening to other people. And I have to start trusting myself, which if you have listened to any of my podcasts, you know, that's a really big thing for me to get back to a place of helping women to be able to trust themselves again and to trust their intuition.
00:06:40
Speaker
And so when we think about it being a spectrum, like everything else in life, like figuring out where you fall on that spectrum will help you to figure out what's best for you in the moment. So just keep that in mind. Okay, so I really wanted to start with just talking about like the different considerations or like categories of people that I see. And the first one I want to talk about are the people that I absolutely would say I don't think
00:07:11
Speaker
starting a weight loss journey would be good for you right now. The caveat is that you don't have to stay in that one place forever. It's not like once you're in that category, you're always in that category. It's just that with these considerations, I would say that it's probably not possible for you to do it in a way that's good for your mental health.
00:07:27
Speaker
And then category like two kind of splits off into like an A and B, I guess. And these are where I would initially say yes, potentially it could be okay for you to start a weight loss journey. But it can turn to a no real quick if you don't do certain things to set boundaries for yourself and have some really good safeguards in place as you start your journey.
00:07:54
Speaker
So first I want to start with people who I would, I would say absolutely not a good time to start a weight loss journey. And those are people who don't already have like a solid sense of themselves. And when I say that, what I mean is like self love and a grounded sense of self worth.
00:08:19
Speaker
And here's why. If you don't already have that sorted out, you will be looking to weight loss to give you something that it cannot give you.
00:08:32
Speaker
weight loss cannot give you worth. You know, there's a lot of people that whether they realize it or not, they're telling themselves that if their weight goes down, their value goes up. And that is so not true. Like I think of people who would say things like, if I lose the weight, then I can fill in the blank with something like, then I can be confident, then I'll be able to attract someone or have a healthy relationship or
00:09:02
Speaker
then I'll be able to put myself out there for a raise or you know, whatever it is, like, there's a lot of people that do not have a sense of groundedness in themselves. And they're telling themselves that weight loss is a way to get that sense of groundedness.
00:09:22
Speaker
And the thing is, if you're in this category, and you go on and you start a weight loss journey, and you do in fact lose weight, like if you're successful at it, the finish line will actually feel like a bigger failure. Because you get there and news flash, it didn't give you what you were promising your promising yourself it would. And that's worth like it's not going to give you self worth.
00:09:54
Speaker
And that's like an even more defeating place to be is if for a really long time you tell yourself the reason why you're not lovable is because of your weight. And if you tell yourself,
Self-Worth and Weight Loss Misconceptions
00:10:05
Speaker
you know, if I can just lose the weight, then I'll be lovable. And then you lose the weight and you still don't feel lovable. Like that is such like a rock bottom place to be because it didn't give you what you said it was going to.
00:10:19
Speaker
And like, think about it, how many of us can look back at like an old picture when we were smaller and we say, like, I can't believe I thought I was fat then. I can't believe I thought I needed to lose 10 pounds then. I can't believe I thought I was too big then.
00:10:40
Speaker
And that's just proof that we won't love ourselves more just because we're smaller. And sometimes we have this notion of, well, if I could get back there now, now I would know to appreciate it. And so we have this false sense of, well, I didn't know to appreciate it before and I didn't love myself before. But if I were there now, I would. No, you wouldn't.
00:11:03
Speaker
because you didn't change a single thing about your worth by just going backwards in like on the scale, you know, like if you don't actually do the work to change anything about the way that you actually view your value and your worth, then you're not going to feel any differently about yourself. Even if you go back to a size that you say I would know to appreciate it now because you wouldn't
00:11:26
Speaker
Now, I'm also not saying that like, your sense of self has to be perfect, because it never probably will be like, that's an ongoing journey in life, to constantly like work on your relationship with yourself. So I'm not saying that you get to a place of saying like, whoa, okay, now that I fully love myself and fully know my worth, now I can start a weight loss journey. Like I'm not saying that you're ever going to get to that point. But I'm just saying that
00:11:55
Speaker
If you start out at a place of self loathing, self hatred, and y'all that's real. Like if your tank is absolutely on E.
00:12:10
Speaker
and you're hurting and you're looking for a way to get validation and feel that you're worthy and good enough. And if you're not wanting to do the hard work internally, like you're avoiding that work internally, so you're looking for something externally as a way to fill that hole.
00:12:31
Speaker
And you give yourself the message that I can finally feel that way about myself if I look a certain way. Like, honey, that is a terrible plan. It will not give you that. So if this is you, I would say that weight loss is not the most immediate journey that you need to even be worried about.
00:12:52
Speaker
Um, I heard something the other day that I wanted to share with you and it's that healing isn't learning to become the most lovable version of yourself. Healing is learning that the worst version of yourself deserves love too.
00:13:11
Speaker
And damn it, if that doesn't fit here, like perfectly, right? Like if you were starting from a place of saying that I want to become the most lovable version of myself by losing weight. That's, that's not healing. Healing is saying I deserve to be loved right where I am. And weight loss doesn't have a single thing to do with that, because I cannot make myself more lovable by changing my size.
00:13:41
Speaker
I just want you to sit with that and like marinate on that for a second. And by the way, these kind of things need to be worked out in therapy, like 100%. Don't don't go at it alone. You deserve someone to hold that space for you and help guide you in that healing. And it can be
00:14:01
Speaker
hard and messy and painful while also being beautiful and freeing. And the journey just never looks exactly like you expect it to when you start that kind of work in therapy. So absolutely make sure that if you identify with this and you feel like there's some work to be done, do that with a therapist. Don't try to do that on your own.
00:14:23
Speaker
And another thing that I thought about with this group, at least a like a consideration to go with this is that if you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse or really even as an assault or some kind of sexual abuse as an adult, one thing to think about is that and I see this over and over again in my practice is that for a lot of people gaining weight may have been a
00:14:54
Speaker
like a source of protection.
00:15:00
Speaker
There are a lot of people that will say that they realize that they gained weight in an attempt to try to make themselves less vulnerable and less of a target. And even if that was decades ago that you know that that happened, we still have younger parts that kind of like count on that protection. And I'm not going to go into a lot of that here, but I'm just saying
00:15:25
Speaker
You want to take really, really good care of your younger parts and you never want to do anything that's going to make them feel vulnerable or unsafe again. So if you're starting a weight loss journey and you do feel like you've done some of this work on your self worth and self groundedness, that kind of thing, it still is probably a good idea to have a therapist while you go on this journey.
00:15:46
Speaker
just to make sure that you're being really, really protective of your younger parts, and you're not going to make them feel exposed or unsafe or too vulnerable by losing the weight. Because if for so long that was a protection for them, without it, they could feel very uncomfortable. And so you want to do some of that healing work work to help them feel that in the present that you're safe.
00:16:09
Speaker
And that I would definitely recommend when you're working with a therapist. Do some of that parts work. Find a therapist that's either trained in IFS or parts work or healing the inner child. Make sure that you're taking really, really good care of your parts if that's something that is part of your story.
00:16:28
Speaker
And the last thing that I want to say about this category of people that I would may potentially say I don't think a weight loss journey is right for you at this time. Don't be discouraged by that. Like I don't say that as a way of saying like this is not for you. All I'm saying is that
00:16:47
Speaker
you would better serve yourself by putting your energy into a different kind of healing right now. And there is nothing wrong with that. That might be a journey that you go on that helps you realize that weight loss is not actually something that you care about, or that you need in your life or that you need to address down the road. You might realize that once you get a little bit more of a sense of self that
00:17:11
Speaker
you love yourself just the way that you are and that there is no actual desire to change it like you don't know what it's going to look like once you start that journey. So don't be discouraged by the fact that I'm saying there's something that probably needs to be addressed first.
00:17:26
Speaker
So the second group of people that I want to talk about are the people that I would put into the yes category. Like yes, I think that you personally can lose weight or be on a weight loss journey and do it in a healthy way. And these are the people that it's yes, if you have already done some of that work,
00:17:51
Speaker
if you already have like a solid sense of yourself, which again means that you already love yourself and you aren't coming from a place of shame. So your desire and your motivations for wanting to lose weight, they can, that can be your own reasons why you want to do it, but it doesn't have anything to do with coming from a place of shame.
00:18:15
Speaker
And to be honest, I don't have a lot to say about this category because if this is you, wonderful. Happy dieting. Go forth and do your thing.
00:18:30
Speaker
If you find yourself in that category, but here's the thing, lots of people can start here, but then the diet process itself can sling them into the category of, well, it was a yes, but now it's a no because they let diet culture ruin their mental health.
00:18:51
Speaker
And really, they're actually worse off than when they started, even if they lost some weight along the way. And this is the third category that I want to talk about is if you find yourself in this place of to start with, yes, it was okay for your mental health, but now you're finding that it's more of a no, because you started this journey and now that you're aware that it's taking a toll on your mental health.
00:19:18
Speaker
Um, and so I would say for this category of people, you have to take some time off from dieting to reevaluate like what the hell just happened.
Boundaries for Mental Health in Weight Loss
00:19:29
Speaker
Like if you started out in a pretty good place and a pretty good, like coming from a place of self-love and self-compassion and that changed along the way, then you need to like take a break and pause and reassess.
00:19:44
Speaker
And this is what I mean by doing it with boundaries and safeguards in place and being really intentional with the way that you approach it. Because just because you start off in a good place doesn't mean that you'll stay there if you're not really, really mindful. Especially if you know that dieting in the past has been triggering for you.
00:20:06
Speaker
or you fall into really like black or white thinking easily, or if you just know yourself really like you know yourself well enough to know that this could potentially become unhealthy, then I feel like you owe it to yourself to have a plan to protect yourself so that it can be done in a healthy way and not end up in a place that has tanked your mental health.
00:20:31
Speaker
So here are the three things that I think are important that you should consider before you start. Like after you've already cleared yourself to say like, okay, I'm in a good place mentally and like with my self worth. I think I can start a weight loss journey. These are three things that I think you need to consider.
00:20:51
Speaker
First of all, you have to be constantly, actually, no, you know what, let me back up and say the number one thing is that you need to get cleared medically. And I am totally CYA on that one for liability, like making sure like any good therapist will tell you, make sure you get yourself medically cleared first.
00:21:10
Speaker
And you know, another thing that I'll say with that is if you go to your doctor and you say, is there any reason that I shouldn't be on a weight loss journey? Or are there any considerations for me given whatever, like medical issues that you have going on? If your doctor gives you the green light to go ahead, a lot of times they will give their two cents on how you should do it. And I think that you have to like one safeguard that you can put into place is to be really, really protective of yourself of how you receive that information.
00:21:38
Speaker
Because if you listen to episode, I think it was episode four about a dietician that I had a consultation with, that's a really good reminder that even medical professionals and people with licenses, it does not mean that they give very good dieting and weight loss advice that will align with a healthy mental health journal journey.
00:22:03
Speaker
So you'll need to get medically cleared by a physician to start a journey like this. Um, but don't necessarily listen to the pieces of advice that they give. It goes back to the beginning. Like I was saying, like everybody will need something a little bit differently. And just because a doctor said, this is how you should do it, be really, really like aware of what they're saying, because doctors can give really bad advice.
00:22:29
Speaker
They can give advice that's very extreme, that's a very entrenched in diet culture mentality, that's really restrictive and can be really triggering for a lot of people. So just because you are going to get like this medical clearance doesn't mean that you have to do it in a way that they advise you to do it like use your brain.
00:22:49
Speaker
And like I said earlier, be able to take what works for you and what you feel like fits for you, but leave the rest of it. Like it's totally okay to walk away saying like, I need to tweak that to make that more appropriate for my style and for my health and for my mental health.
Balancing Mental and Physical Health in Weight Loss
00:23:07
Speaker
So that would be the number one thing that I recommend that you do. Number two is I would say you have to be constantly working on and aware of your mental health along the way. Like you have to be willing to work as hard if not harder on your mental health piece of it as you are on the physical piece of it. And that means having a plan to address your mental health the same way that you have a plan to like
00:23:36
Speaker
how you're going to approach your diet. And the reason I say this is because the entire world of weight loss can be really, really toxic.
00:23:51
Speaker
like the messages that we're given, the extremes that people go to. Um, and it's just become so normalized that if you weren't like, if you don't stay on top of things and be really, really selective with the way that you approach it, it is so easy to fall into like really, um, unhealthy patterns. And so you just have to be really, really protective of yourself. So, um,
00:24:19
Speaker
This includes like examining your goals and your motivations from the very beginning of why you're wanting to lose weight to start with, figuring out how to safeguard yourself against the mistakes that either you've made before with dieting or watched other people make along the way and making sure that you don't repeat those. And a really good example that I used to like, that I like to give is with the scale, right? Like this is a really good example of this.
00:24:49
Speaker
For so many people, the scale is a total mine if. And if you know that, and you know that that's true for you specifically, like you've had a complicated relationship with the scale in the past, then I would just encourage like, make a plan for how you won't let that happen to you again, right? So for me personally, the reason why I have a really healthy relationship with the scale is because I've done the work of not letting it have an emotional impact on me.
00:25:18
Speaker
So for example, I look at the scale and what I weigh as just like one piece of data. And it's nothing more than that. And so one of the ways that I talk with people about this is
00:25:35
Speaker
We give it way too much power, right? Like so many people will determine their entire day, their entire mood, how they see themselves, whether or not they feel like they're being successful on their journey, all by one number.
00:25:53
Speaker
And so what I what has worked for me and what I have shared with other people as well is if you're going to weigh yourself in the morning, let's say, before you step on the scale, decide how you feel about yourself. So if I'm feeling really good, if I have more energy, if I feel like I'm really proud of the decisions that I've been making, I know that I'm sticking to the plan that I've developed for myself.
00:26:19
Speaker
I'm getting eight hours of sleep. I'm getting appropriate movement from my body and I'm feeling like really confident in the way that things are going. I decide that for myself before I see what that number is. Because if the number is not what I think it's going to be and I haven't already decided what I am going to feel about myself, then the number I'm giving it the power to tell me.
00:26:44
Speaker
I'm giving the scale the power to dictate how I'm supposed to feel about myself. And if I go into it feeling confident and then I see a number and I let that change me, then it has the power to like deflate my confidence. And I don't think a scale should have that kind of power over me.
00:26:59
Speaker
On the other hand, like there will be some days where I'm like, you know what? Things have not been going maybe the way I planned for them to and there were some, I don't know, unexpected things that happened over the weekend. I wasn't as conscious of my goals. I don't know whatever it is.
00:27:18
Speaker
If I can decide going into it of saying like, I'm not judging myself for that, I'm not shaming myself for that, but I do know that today I'm just going to focus a little bit more on the plan that I've developed for myself, then again, it doesn't really matter what the scale says.
00:27:34
Speaker
Like I've already decided for myself where I am on my journey and I've decided for myself how I feel about myself Then the scale doesn't have that power over me. And so that's just like one example of on this journey of
00:27:50
Speaker
certain things have the ability to mess with you mentally, have a plan for how you're going to address those things before you start the journey.
Influence of Social Media on Weight Loss
00:28:00
Speaker
Um, another one to think about is who you are going to let influence you on this journey. So whether it's influencers on social media, um, whether it's your doctor, like I said earlier, whether it's an accountability partner or the people that live in your household, like coming up for a plan for saying like, how do I set myself up to,
00:28:19
Speaker
Feel supported without feeling shamed And making sure that you decide that for yourself So you have to have a mental health plan the same way that you have to have a diet plan Which is also my third tip is to make sure that you actually have a good diet plan that that consists of sustainability
00:28:41
Speaker
And I think that that one's really important because you have to ask yourself like, am I really going to be able to eat this way for the rest of my life? And that's also why I'm not a fan of things like, um, what was that diet that came out not long ago? Optavia, I think is the name of it, where it was just a lot of prepackaged, which is like pre-portioned. Um, but again, like, are you going to be able to buy into this program for the rest of your life? Then that's not actually teaching you any,
00:29:08
Speaker
habit change, how to think for yourself, anything like that. So find something that you feel like is going to be sustainable. I would also say that part of a good diet plan is focusing on slow progress. And that's one thing that I have really learned is that the faster the progress, the probably the more toxic the diet is for your mental health and for your body to like the less likely it is to be something that is sustainable.
00:29:37
Speaker
And then also make sure that you have really realistic expectations and think about like, what am I actually asking myself to do? Now, this category of like, have a good diet plan, I feel like I'm obviously less qualified to speak on because I'm not a dietician. I'm not a nutritionist. I'm not like a personal trainer. So I'll try to stay in my lane here.
00:30:01
Speaker
But I also know that it doesn't take like a rocket scientist to know that eating a stick of butter and calling it a diet is just absurd. Like, yes, I just said that. And I also know that 1200 calories is a great number for a toddler.
00:30:19
Speaker
See where I'm going with this? It's like make sure you're doing it in a way that is not falling into some bogus one size fits all strategy. Make sure you find something that is right for you and find the right people to help you. Whether that is actually working with a dietician or whatever you plan to follow, make sure the people that are guiding you are aligned with your values.
00:30:49
Speaker
So to wrap it up, here's my advice.
Readiness for Weight Loss
00:30:53
Speaker
Think about which category that you're in right now. Whether you are in the first category of weight loss is probably not where you need to start. You need to start with a little bit of self-love, work first. Or are you in the category where it's total green light? In which case you need to have a plan for staying in the green light.
00:31:13
Speaker
Or are you in a place where you have been on a diet recently and you're just realizing that your mindset is just like a hot mess right now and you need to take a break and recenter and put in some of those safeguards.
00:31:27
Speaker
If you note, like I said, like if you know that your worth needs to be addressed, do that first. Get into therapy. If you're solid and you're ready to start, then go ahead and make sure that you devise a plan for your mental health. And if it's a yes, then go ahead and realize that you still have to have a plan so that it doesn't make your mental health worse. Pause and take a break and take a step back if you need to.
Teaser for Next Episode on Self-Sabotage
00:31:53
Speaker
And okay, so the next thing that I wanted to go ahead and let you know is that next week's episode, I'm going to be talking a little bit about what I have found for myself is the reason why I self-sabotaged for a really long time.
00:32:09
Speaker
and some tips on how to navigate that and how to not repeat those patterns. So next week we're gonna be talking a little bit more about self-sabotage when it comes to weight loss. And I'm gonna share a little bit more about my personal story and some of the things that has really, really helped me to learn how to manage this in a more healthy way in my life. And I'll go ahead and say this too for anyone that is wondering is it possible to get to a place where
00:32:38
Speaker
You have more peace with yourself, you have more peace with your body, you can do it in a way that doesn't mean it's perfect, but all in all it's in a much healthier place for your mental health. The answer to that is absolutely. It can take a little bit of work to get there though and a lot of digging through your own stuff to get there, but absolutely it is possible.
00:33:01
Speaker
So I hope today's episode was helpful. I hope you got some nuggets out of it to be able to say like, yeah, I really need to pay attention to that. Um, if you liked this episode, obviously like it, subscribe and make sure you share this episode so that it can reach more people and we'll talk to you next week.
00:33:20
Speaker
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Outside of Session. Remember, while I am a licensed therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for individual therapy. The contents of this episode are for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you are having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 for immediate assistance or dial 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline.