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Forkers 1-9: How to Hugh a Dragon (Cass BDay Special)
152 Plays1 year ago
We celebrate Cass's birthday by taking a dive into the final level of Sasha's favorite video game: how to hug a dragon!
Special appearance from Danny Guarantee!!
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Transcript
Welcome and Introduction to Roll Players
00:00:04
Speaker
Hang tight. Twirl to belong. Hold up and keep your socks on. Get ready for the forked theme song. All right, part of me, do you have some brains to part in? Don't get ready for the forked theme song. No, can't remember if I left the oven hot. Get ready for the forked theme song. No time to run, America. Gotta end the mother forked theme song. Woo! Farting has begun. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, ladies, gentlemen, not binary folks, if universe is known. And unknown, this is Roll Players, and welcome back to Forkers. I fought it.
00:00:23
Speaker
You ready for a theme song?
Humorous Banter on Cass's Age
00:00:34
Speaker
Adrian farted on microphone, but you didn't hear it because of good noise suppression So we are going to do something a little bit different today for Cass's birthday Happy birthday Cass Old enough to be everyone's mother. No, I'm just kidding. I could I could be
00:00:59
Speaker
You could have had me at 10. Adrian's babysitter. I was going to say, maybe for Adrian. Definitely not for me. No, I'm just kidding. I'm not that old. I was going to say, yeah, she's like... Cas is 15. He's 7 and 8. No, no, no, no. That's his mommy. 25. Got it. Wow. Yep. I'm 25 for life. That's fine. It's the 15th anniversary of her 25th birthday. Yeah.
00:01:27
Speaker
Um, so we are going to do something a little bit different. And so it's going to be, you know, we'll just find out, but
Recap of Previous Adventures
00:01:34
Speaker
let's real quick. What happened last time was battle Mondo world where they did battle Mondo's, um, together. Um, and they crushed the child's dreams and then he gave up on his dream and then decided I'll just do it next year anyway. So everything was right with the world. Um,
00:01:51
Speaker
Sasha got a new battle Mondo on the ship named sexy made man bear pig is still amongst your things to I think BX five has him and I forgot the beginning he got a frog I think oh yeah he did get a froge
Baxter and Mondo's Battle Discussion
00:02:07
Speaker
boy or frog all right yeah he was called
00:02:09
Speaker
Yeah, you did kick catch frog boy in the beginning and then Baxter did have nacho nose, but nacho nose was absorbed by by blub blub. And now looks like he is dead. He is dead. That battle mondo is no more eat. Blah, blah, more Pokemon's. Hey, hey, they're not Pokemon. They're battle mondo's. They're not the same. Oh, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.
00:02:34
Speaker
Um, so just, I think that's pretty much adjusted that you can, oh yeah. And, uh, yeah, not Cass, uh, Sasha and, um, the other one, the robot one, Ruby X five had a, had a battle, had a battle Mondo fight. And then she turned him into a pancake. Yeah. And then he blasted off again, just like those other guys, teams. Sound.
00:03:00
Speaker
So that is all you need to know about what happened before. And now on to what's happening now. So BX5, Sasha Rocket. Actually, you know, I'm going to leave Sasha for last. BX5 and Baxter 5. You guys had a long adventure and you had a little snoozy-rooney after your battle-monding.
New Adventures in Colorful Worlds
00:03:23
Speaker
And yes, IQ sleep noises here. Adrian, what does BX5 sound like when you're sleeping?
00:03:31
Speaker
Oh, I got the disability right down somewhere. I got the fixed BXs whistling motors gone. Oh my God. When he goes to sleep mode, he's so annoying. So you got, yeah, yeah. I like it. Uh, running snore.exe. Why they download that then snoring app. So you both awaken in a very bright colored
00:03:56
Speaker
world. I should say that I planned very little in this episode, so it's going to be almost like an episode of Time Jail, but with a VR headset instead. So you guys wake up and in case you can't tell how much I'm bullshitting and hemming and hawing right now, you wake up in a brightly colored world. There's volcanoes everywhere, but they're kind of like they look like cotton candy volcanoes. They're blue and they're green and they're pink.
00:04:21
Speaker
They're in the mountains in the distance or also they look like delicious little candy corns. And yeah, and then you see this is weird dream. Yeah, you guys kind of.
00:04:36
Speaker
look a little bit like yourselves, but you're also kind of partially animated. And you see Sasha with her unicorn Frank. Sasha, is Frank a stuffy or is he a steed right now? He is my steed right now because, you know, we we just got the carrot on the stick and fuck walking everywhere.
Dream-like World Exploration
00:05:02
Speaker
You got the carrot on the stick and fuck.
00:05:05
Speaker
I mean, you say that, my lady, but I am still walking everywhere. Yeah, that's because that's what you made for. It is true. I was built for this. And you guys see a talking unicorn that's sitting with rain.
00:05:29
Speaker
I didn't do nothing. I hate when you guys get in my dreams. Smart
Game of Hugging Dragons
00:05:38
Speaker
dream. Here's the thing guys, you're gonna help me hug a dragon. Were you talking about this before I went to bed? I don't want to dream about your stupid games.
00:05:49
Speaker
It's not a dream, Bxster. I like put the VR stuff in your brains while you were sleeping, and I plugged into Bx's butt. I don't have themes, this can't be a dream. Okay, that's minimally invasive for Bx, but I'm an organic life form. I plugged into Bx's butt. Well, certainly, what did you do to me?
00:06:15
Speaker
I just you know I was having such troubles like getting to my dragon level and like being able to hug my dragon and I just want to hug my dragon okay so like I stole you you put like a chip in my brain this is a big
00:06:31
Speaker
No, you didn't put a chip in your brain. I just put the VR over your head while you were sleeping. That's not like you put it in my head to what you just said. I was going to say, we got a battery you should talk about here. No, no, no. I did plug into BX though. He can't go nowhere. I mean, he's probably got a kick out of that. He probably liked it to freak.
00:06:50
Speaker
I mean, you're not wrong. He did make this funny noise when I did it. Something woke me up. I thought I heard something. I'm going to take this off then. I can't. What did you do to me? I mean, nothing. You're fine. Let's go hug a dragon. Do not fear, Baxter. All you must do is hug the dragon. What the hell is that?
00:07:20
Speaker
It's Frank, my unicorn. The pleasure is mine, Sir Baxter. Yeah, it certainly is not mine. So let's go fight this dragon, whatever you say we got to do here. You better not fight my dragon. You want to love it and hug it and love it. But I want to be called BX the dragon slayer. BX, you kill my dragon and I swear to gods I'm going to leave you in this world.
00:07:50
Speaker
Maybe I won't be in this world. Trust me. Trust me, BX5. You do not want to be in this world. Can I download myself something cool to use? What do I have on me? What's my equipment, Sasha? What do I have? You can pick whatever you want. It's like a game. If you want to change whatever you're in or whatever you have, you can pick whatever. There's all sorts of stuff.
00:08:19
Speaker
Can I be like a giant Moroccan Golem creature? I mean, if you want to, that's up to you. There's a menu button up on the side there. There's the spinny wheel type thing. You just click it and you can change your character. I'm waving my hands around. You may have to hit the Y button. Blink your eyes twice, Baxter.
00:08:48
Speaker
Worlds within worlds.
Character Customization and Whimsy
00:08:50
Speaker
This is amazing. Oh, look at me. I'm so big and made of stone. You know, it's so hard. It's there. I am very, I'm hard. It's like a rock. Yeah. Of course you are rock. All right. Is there something we can fight in this game? Like I know what you said, it's about hugging and stupid stuff like that, but can I fight? Is there anything that's going to stop us? We had to punch it in his face.
00:09:15
Speaker
I mean, there's like many games where we can like fight goblins and stuff and like weird things, but like normally it's just to get to like the main person and then you hug it. All right, I guess just let's go to death. Not to death BX, I swear to God.
00:09:40
Speaker
Maybe this was a bad idea to bring BX with me. There were total newbies. How did you think we would be a good addition to this? Speak for yourself. I'm a giant rock girl. I'm not a newb. I'm going to- BX5, do you customize your character in the game? I want to be a little schoolgirl.
00:10:07
Speaker
OK, when you say a little schoolgirl, do you mean like a five-year-old go to school for the first time? I think we're talking a bit older than that. We're an ambiguous age, the anime schoolgirl. So anywhere from like 16 to 25 all look the same. Exactly. Like a K-pop girl with a skirt. You're not wrong. Thinking about Japanese, but yes. Sure. A J-pop girl with a skirt. Bix?
00:10:35
Speaker
You look lovely. Thanks. I also was meant to be this way. What weapon do you choose to go with your schoolgirl outfit? A banana that would not miss those bullets. A banana that shoots bullets.
00:10:57
Speaker
Well I did not know that was in the fire, I missed that one, damn! Actually, Maxter, if you wish to change your character again, might I suggest the hugging golem?
00:11:10
Speaker
It is soft and cuddly. Is that going to make us beat the game quicker so I can get out of this nightmare? I do not know. The game is called Hug a Dragon. You're supposed to hug things. I don't like the way that looks. I see it right now. I don't like that. Next. Look at this sink and fluffy. It was. That is correct, yep.
00:11:32
Speaker
Next, though. I'll just use this. You hear you hear music playing all around you. Very kind of old 80s kind of sounding rock is starting to play. And then you hear teenage mutant ninja bunnies, teenage mutant ninja bunnies in the air trying to hit the speaker. I like this song. And then you see a bird drops out of the sky dead.
00:12:02
Speaker
You when you are singing. You hear. And then you see. But what? But what? You see how Jamsi's leaves like these white bunnies with like brown splotches all over their body and they're like ninja outfits and their ears were sticking out of their masks and their ones got a sword and the other ones got nunchucks and the other two have big old fucking bazookas and
00:12:31
Speaker
The ones like, you, you are not allowed to hug the dragon. You do not belong in this world. Be gone, fiends. What? Sasha, I don't think they're very huggable. What is going on here? You are not allowed to hug us. We will hug you to death.
00:12:56
Speaker
Not the death I will get you!
00:13:05
Speaker
I hooked him to death. And so you're going to try to hug one Baxter, a formerly chimp, now in rock column, also going to try to hug one of them. I'm not. Now I'm just going to run over there and try and just uppercut one into the stratosphere. OK. All right. Roll a fighting roll against one of the ninja bunnies. I pulled my character sheet. Hold on one second. I mean, it's loading. Let me scroll. Let me make the thing bigger so I can find my fighting. Let me find fighting. I found it. I'm going to click it now.
00:13:32
Speaker
Five five thing you ever cut one into the stratosphere Say hi to the birds for me up there bitch There's three left and one of them has a rocket launcher and he's like hey that unicorn needs to go He doesn't belong here
00:13:54
Speaker
Yes, he does. He does. Don't even touch that. And she like pulls out her slingshot and she pulls out two fire bolts out of her hand and she shoots at them. And do a multi fireball shot? Mm hmm. One of them or two different ones? One of them. All right. That's a multi action against one of the ninja bunnies.
00:14:21
Speaker
Bx5, get ready on deck as you're going to be doing good things. Six on the first one. That's at a minus two, unless you have a skill that lets you shoot twice without penalty. No, but it's still a four, so I still succeed. It's still a four, and that's still a success. Yeah. The first one hits. What about the next one?
00:14:42
Speaker
That's a seven. That's more than plenty goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then the second one. Boom. Oh, damn. Three. I like to use a Benjamin. Go for it. You can use a Benjamin. Benjamins are what you can use to read your rolls. Seven. Do your damage. It's a technically it's a five, but you still do it. Five. Five. Another one goes. Yeah.
00:15:09
Speaker
And he fucking also falls apart to pieces. And there's just one left with a sword in his hand. And he's like, I am not afraid of you. That dumb unicorn. I am here to take its horn. You bet not. I am poor violence of any kind. Oh, well, that's admirable. But I will still take it from you. I take your horn first. You're going to attack whose horn? What? You're going to attack my horn? Yes. What?
00:15:39
Speaker
Oh no! What are you gonna do VX5? Gonna hug him to death. Hug him to death? Roll a hug roll.
00:15:56
Speaker
Adrian typed in the chat H-U-G-H. It was a typo. And then as you go to do that, Hugh Hefner comes out of you and grabs a hold of the bunny and hugs him. And he turns into a sexy playboy bunny. And he's gorgeous. And she goes,
00:16:23
Speaker
Oh, thank you for freeing me from that body prison. This is who I am for real. Thank you, BH5. I love you so much. I'm a, my, my, my, my, my, my. You're welcome. The summoning school girl. Everyone. Yeah. And then she hugs your little school girl, um, and kisses your little school girl form. And there's a bunch of lipstick marks all over you. And then she disappears. I hope this shows you all that violence is not always the answer.
00:16:52
Speaker
I can save your life. Just shut your mouth. Yes, my lady. So all of them are defeated. You've defeated. They're all dead. You've destroyed them all. What do we do now, Sasha? Well, we got to look around and see if we can find the Dragon Cave.
00:17:21
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's such a hell interactive is the environment in this game. I mean, pretty interactive. OK, I grab a tree. I'm starting. I want to yank it out of it so I can use it as a club. I roll an athletics roll to see how you do with that.
00:17:35
Speaker
I failed. You got to pull it and you see that like two of the branches come down and they turn in the hands and they grip real hard into the dirt and you hear, no, no, I do not want to go with you. Oh, my God, I'm sorry. It's actually going to tell me that today's we're alive. I just molested this one.
00:17:58
Speaker
I mean, if you wanted a club or something, you could have just looked in the weapons menu. Oh, this would have been cool. Okay. You cannot just grab it. You can't just touch my bark that way, and then I think I'm going to come with you. I'm standing in front of it, just waving my hands in the air, not going through the menus.
Humor with Sentient Trees
00:18:19
Speaker
Oh, oh, this is a giant... What? Next? Maybe you first asked out three for our date before you touch her. I'm over to three.
00:18:29
Speaker
Oh well I'm over him too. Fucking, he couldn't handle all this wood anyway. Alright I found the order of the giant tree club right here. It was so sad to see young love broken in such a way.
00:18:44
Speaker
It's so fast. Yeah, well, you know, I'm on I'm on a new app, Flint and Tinder. I'm just going to go on there. What is the three? Come on, where's the dragon? I should go. The dragon, the dragon, the dragon's up that way. He was kidnapped. The dragon was kidnapped, but not a dragon. The dragon was kidnapped? I mean, dragon napped, I guess. But yes, he was captured.
00:19:14
Speaker
Oh my. Oh no. It's messed up. What's his name?
00:19:20
Speaker
Oh, I don't know. We've never really had any pleasantries. Sometimes he spits fire and burns on parts of the forest. We're not really friends. Oh, so he's been he's been abducted and you're worrying what his name is. I want to worry where he what they're doing to him up there. Come on. Let's go find him. Well, if I had his name, then I could be like calling it and then he could be like I'm over here and then we could find them easily for dragon. Yeah, we just say, hey, kidnapped dragon. We're here to help you. We're not saying say call out.
00:19:47
Speaker
Sound is fun you guys. Be like Marco Polo. But what if a different kidnapped dragon answers?
00:19:57
Speaker
Yeah, like what if they have a bunch of them up there, then we're gonna have to like, we're gonna have to save them. Oh, yes. Well, I mean, yeah, well, I would assume we would. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, of course. Because they're real. I'm a kidnapped, I'm a kidnapped dragon.
00:20:21
Speaker
You guys think that's related? I mean, that was really fierce. We haven't even gotten up there yet. I think that's a misdirection. That's a trap coming up. Yeah, fuck that guy. You know what a trap means, you guys? We get to kill something. Let's go.
00:20:42
Speaker
I mean, okay. There's definitely lute over here. There are musical instruments that way. Let's go. Many lutes are over here. Lures too. Well, someone's going to lute at us when we get over there. Be careful. All right, let's go see.
00:21:07
Speaker
You follow through the forest, and then you enter into the burnt lands of the volcano, abrupt eruptions, the abruptions. And out from all of the volcanoes, you see spewing a bunch of chocolate and candy canes and unicorn dust. My people! And you see as the unicorn dust comes out, they take the form of a cloud that looks like a unicorn.
00:21:36
Speaker
And you hear. And you see off just like in the middle of just this barren wasteland, you see that there is a cage and there looks like to be some sort of tiny figure in this cage. It's probably maybe two feet tall. And you see there's a goblin over there and he has a stick and he's poking it in the cage, going, hey, don't you see?
00:22:05
Speaker
Oh, hey, get your own. This is my kimono dragon. No, that is not right. You give me that dragon. I will love it to death. No, it's my dragon. Get your own. And she's going to look at Frank and she's going to nod. Like, let's do it. My lady.
00:22:36
Speaker
I know you have given me a knowing nod, but sadly I do not actually know what you ought to do.
00:22:50
Speaker
He's like, I nod as well. Is that what we're doing? He just nods back at you like, of course, and then does nothing. He just sits like a dog. He just puts his ass on the ground. She gives him a kick to charge at the guy who's poking the unicorn with the stick to impale him with his horn.
00:23:19
Speaker
At once, my lady, I detest violence, but this, this is a lowly goblin. They are scum. With that, with that, Frank just darts forward and goes to skewer the goblin with his horn. All right, roll athletics roll, Frank.
00:23:46
Speaker
Let's see how he does a 13. Jesus Christ. He's goblin kebab. The power of being goblinist. Jesus. Sasha, since he's your unicorn, why don't you go ahead and roll like your fireball damage? OK. He's channeling your powers, so.
00:24:04
Speaker
I'll just use whatever. Well, no, it's he he aced on that. So it's six plus nine. Oh, sixty nine. Nice. Oh, he's like. Begot a creature. He's just like my head to throw him off the horn. He roll. He rolls onto the ground into the dirt.
Battle with Ninja Bunnies
00:24:29
Speaker
And with his last gargoyle, he's like, oh, he's fast.
00:24:35
Speaker
Justin. Well, Neil, if you're not racist, you kick pretty good ass there, Frank. And you hear inside the cage, help me, help me. They'll get me out of here.
00:24:46
Speaker
All right, yeah, hold on there, little fella. I grabbed it with my giant rock fingers and tried to pry the door off. Oh, yeah, it pops right off. And you see, there's a very handsome little like Mushu looking dragon in there. And he's wearing this really cute blue kimono over top of his rock hard abbed dragon body. Sasha, how do you get the hell out of here?
00:25:11
Speaker
Come on. Hey, thanks for saving me. She's gonna hug you. Oh, sweet. I'm getting action already. I've been locked up so long. I haven't been touched by someone in a long time. Oh, sure. Lucky me. I didn't know this was like a pervy game. You would be extra freaks. Frank lowers down onto his knees to hug the dragon. Frank lets us off.
00:25:34
Speaker
Oh, he didn't really have to let her down that easily. She's already hopped off and like won her way over to it. She's so safety. She's faggled. Breakfast abandoned. Yeah. You hug him and you see a little counter pops up on your screen. One of three kimono dragons saved. Yes. Yes, ma'am. Congratulations, my lady. Thank you, Frank. This will be a long day, Bix.
00:26:05
Speaker
And then you see in your inventory, you receive blue kimono. Yes. And then the dragon disappears as you hug him. He turns into a beautiful little cloud and floats up into the sky. All right. We got the first one. Let's see if there's another one close. Let's see if we can hear another help cry.
00:26:31
Speaker
BX schoolgirl five. Roll a roll a notice roll. That's a seven. A seven. You hear off in the distance over where the melting ice cream cone statue is. You hear how? Oh, it's captured.
00:26:51
Speaker
I hear something that sounds like a vicious creature. Let's go there. Lead the way back to Bix. Go on! Come, Lady Sasha. We ride! Okie, she like hops up onto her, onto Frank and... on with Steed! Hey Frank, can I ride on you too? No! No!
00:27:23
Speaker
I want to look in the inventory if I have a mount as well. You want to look to see if you have a mount? Yes. You know what? Sure. Why don't you roll? How about a spirit roll? Depending on how you roll, depending on what kind of mount you have in your inventory. That's a five.
00:27:43
Speaker
That's a five. Pretty standard. I would say you have an ostrich in there. An ostrich. Let me see something here. I don't really want to roll. I just want to have a tiny little donkey that I ride around on his giant golem. I'm a tiny little donkey. What? I'll have a donkey. Why can't I get anything else? What the hell, Baxter? My name is... Yes, I have a...
00:28:18
Speaker
And then your your your ostrich goes bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger. It starts like running like the wind at miles per hour. And ostrich speeds. Yeah, he's he's going.
00:28:38
Speaker
So you guys get there. Wait, did you say that you're you're making the donkey? You're it's riding you or you're riding it. I ride it like that guy from out of the ring. I was a tiny little horse. Yeah, it was a little horse. Yeah, but he's using gravity magic so he doesn't crush his horse. Yeah, I don't think Baxter is. Yeah, she's saying, yeah, the donkey is not moving very quickly. They're outpacing you quite, quite fast. My legs are broken. My legs are broken.
00:29:09
Speaker
I weigh nothing in reality. Go on, go. Oh, okay. That's all I needed to know, friend. And he gets really strong and he flexes his back muscles and he sprints with you on him.
00:29:22
Speaker
Um, and you guys make it and you see death traps everywhere. Um, you see just magical arrows shooting back and forth. You see intermittent explosions of fire coming out from the ground. And you see there's another cage with a kimono dragon trap. They hear everything. It's so hot over here.
00:29:50
Speaker
and see if I can disable those traps somehow. Disable the traps? How will you disable the traps? With dexterity. Right, but what are you disabling? There's a hole in the ground that has fire coming out of it. If only we had somebody who was kind of rocks.
00:30:11
Speaker
take a mountain and push the mountain somewhere so that the lava is not there anymore. I'm sorry you're gonna what now? I'm gonna push like a little mountain so it's like you're gonna push a mountain hey hold on hold on he said a little mountain do you mean like do you mean a perhaps a boulder, Adrian? Yes. A little mountain.
00:30:30
Speaker
A little mountain. Is that what it translates to in German? Like the word for boulder is this little mountain? Yo, my name is Little Mountain. What's up? Yo, my name is Little Mountain and I'm here to say I'm going to be... Hey, what are you doing? Don't throw me in there. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This sacrifice, your sacrifice will come towards Sasha because she needs dragons.
00:30:55
Speaker
Listen here, little girl. I don't know why you're picking me up like this, but you didn't pull me down. There's no choice. Your only reason in life is to fall into this hole. Well, that's kind of morbidly obese there, friend. Don't throw me in a hole just because you don't think my life has reading. That's messed up. That's just how life is.
00:31:14
Speaker
Oh, hey, then let me try to hold his rock mouth. He's like, oh, come on, man. Kill you. Like I killed the scissors. I need to shove them in the hole. Yes. All right. And you shove them in the hole and you see a lot of pressure building up underneath them as he gets redder and redder and redder.
00:31:44
Speaker
But for right now, there's no fire shooting up out, but you have a bunch of arrows that are shooting back and forth underneath them. Sasha, what do you do? Oh, my goodness. Oh, I'm going to get my fire bolts and I'm going to shoot at them. You're going to shoot at what? The arrows? Yeah. Oh, well, all right. Excuse me.
00:32:05
Speaker
That's one way to do it. She's just like pulls like, yeah. And then she goes, oh, wait, oh, wait. Oh, I'm so silly. What am I thinking? Oh, and then she reaches into her satchel and tries to pull out her salmon that she had in there that she had forgotten about and she throws it at him. Is it a live salmon? Yep. Oh, hey, Sasha. What's up?
00:32:38
Speaker
Go over there. You just gonna throw me? She throws it. You throw the fish and it looks at you and it nods as you throw it and then it lands on the ground. Like what am I supposed to be doing over here?
00:33:01
Speaker
You didn't give me the instruction! What am I doing? I'm scared! There's air trying right now! I hate to say it, but this makes two times now, Lady Sasha, that you've given knowing lives with no instructions. Instructions unclear, activating flop! Everyone really knows what's going on in Sasha's mind anyway. She just expects everyone to read her minds. I don't know what I'm doing over here!
00:33:31
Speaker
Swim, fucker. Oh, when he flops and he digs a hole like a diglett under the ground and he comes back up and he's he comes, he makes another geyser and he's swimming through the lava on the other side and he comes up and he's floating in like a big old lava geyser and the pressure where the rock boy is goes dissipates. He's like, did I do it? I'm swimming like you told me to, Sasha.
00:34:00
Speaker
Good job, now go see if there's the dragon in there. Where? Up in the cave up there, in the volcano. Is there like a cave up there? Alright, yeah, I'll go do that. Okay, alright. Yeah, come and tell me if there's one up there.
00:34:18
Speaker
He jumps out of the lava and he lands on the ground again and just like flops every so many inches like forward. I was like, no, the moment that I see anything. Go. OK, I might call one of my predators if I do that, but. What were you? What did you say, Bixby?
00:34:40
Speaker
I said, and then he grows legs. Oh yeah. And then he grows legs and he starts running like the ostrich that you ride on. You know, this is way better. It's a video game. I recommend you on your use of your followers. I mean, at least it's less work for me at some point.
00:35:00
Speaker
And then Baxter formerly known as Baxter Chimp, now Baxter Gollum. What do you do? There's still arrows firing everywhere and there is a little kimono dragon in a cage.
00:35:13
Speaker
Well, I take it upon faith that my giant rocky exterior will protect me from the arrows and I leap off of Eddie Murphy and I fly through, I roll through there, I roll through there, I ball myself up like a little mountain and I roll through there, right towards the cage. All right, roll a roll roll. Roll a roll roll, yeah, just do that. A roll roll would be good.
Creative Solutions in Adventure
00:35:38
Speaker
Whatever you think a roll roll would look like, perfect.
00:35:41
Speaker
You roll through and as you roll through the arrows follow you as they plink off of you and then you see they all have like little hands and little faces and they reach out and they're slapping onto your heart. Take that you stupid rock. Take that and there's like 15 like little colorful arrows that are just trying to slap you but they're not doing any sort of damage to you. I roll to a stop and I look across the thing as Sasha and I go
00:36:06
Speaker
With the laterals, we can all just be friends. Let me hug you, and I start like slapping all over my body. I'm destroying them, but that's okay with Dexter. Yeah, but you see like a little, you see a little hug counter popping up as you hugged him like, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brrring, brr
00:36:33
Speaker
And all of the little arrows kind of form into like, they all kind of glue themselves together and they form into a little rainbow colored whip that you can hold on to and whip things. This is pretty badass. And every time that it cracks off the ground, you see just leaves like a little rainbow imprint on the ground. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool game, Sasha.
00:37:01
Speaker
Told you, it's like the bestest game in the whole world. Yeah, it is. And then you hear, oh, thank God he got rid of the arrows. Please get me out of here. I can't afford you. Don't worry. Oh.
00:37:23
Speaker
Oh, and he walks out and you see he's wearing a red kimono. And he has a nine pack on his little abdomen body. And he goes, Oh, all right. I didn't know I was going to have so many guests. I heard that somebody want to hug me. I want to hug you.
00:37:43
Speaker
She runs over and hugs him before he even finishes that sentence. When you hug him in here, you receive red kimono. And he dissipates into a little cloud above you, watching over you as you hug him. You see, two out of three kimono dragons rescued.
00:38:11
Speaker
Good job, guys. Thanks for your help, Biaxta. No problem. What about me? Good to play the game better there, Biaxta. Maybe you'll unlock something too. I unlock your rock shell if I need to.
00:38:41
Speaker
Oh, I did read on the shmugold that there's like a like a hidden like a spot over in this level that if we find it there's a treasure chest and you get extra hearts. Do I have hearts right now? Yes. Yeah, your lives. Oh.
00:39:10
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe you'll find a hidden boss there. We'll find treasure. I don't know but let's see here. I remember they said if you went around this pathway here and she like kind of walks around and she like kind of looks to see if there's the hidden cave that I just made up.
Uncovering Hidden Paths
00:39:35
Speaker
As you ride atop your rainbow steed, you can see his horn glows with a bright green hue and out comes a laser. And it laser focuses down on the ground and.
00:39:50
Speaker
What? I think I meant hug. What does that say? Use the typo. Use that in pew. H-U-G-H. Oh, yeah, right, right. I meant hug, yeah. With a green hug, it comes out. And it lasers on the ground, and it reveals the path to the cave of treasure. Oh my goodness. I didn't even know I could do that.
00:40:18
Speaker
I didn't know either until I made it up just now. You hear Frank, you hear your horn goes, hi, I'm Searchy. I can help you search for things. Hi, Frank. Oh, my goodness. It's wonderful to meet you, Searchy. Oh, man, it's so wonderful to have you. You're so big.
00:40:42
Speaker
Why, thank you! I am big and strong and a noble steed! And you, my friend Sergio, are such a magnificent and beautiful horn! Oh, there's a lot more nice things about me. The ability of yours is so helpful and amazing! It's a shame that I must die after you enter the cave. I'm sorry, what? Huh? Wow, that's not talking while we're already running to the cave.
00:41:09
Speaker
He's like, there's loot in there? No, I thought I'd do the cave. BX5 sprints off towards the cave. BX5, you find the cave. You go in the cave? Yes. You go in the cave and you set off a trap. Oh, no.
00:41:38
Speaker
You get you get wrapped up in butt ropes, spider butt ropes, and they spread them all over you and you're covered and your legs are being pulled in different directions and your arms are being pulled in different directions. Oh, step spiders. Hey.
00:41:58
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. We are damn spiders. We're from heck. And that's why we want this treasure for ourselves. You dumb. You're a dumb player and you're clearly a noob. And we don't want you in this game. Get out of here, robot. We're going to pull you pieces. I'm not a robot. And you better be nice to me. We can smell you, robot. We can smell your programming from here. I will be the new god of this place and you better be nice to me otherwise you will die. Your skirt looks stupid.
00:42:27
Speaker
You look stupid. Ow, my feelings are hurt. You see one of his hearts go down. As the rest of you, I have Frank in the middle of your search is like, yeah, as soon as one of you guys enters the cure.
00:42:49
Speaker
And you see that the green hug slowly fades from your beautiful horn. Not the green hug! It's okay, Frank. We can paint it later. Promise? Yeah, I promise. It's okay.
00:43:11
Speaker
So you guys see ahead as you're talking, you see BX5 as a schoolgirl woman is currently webbed up in the entrance of the cave. I don't care. He wanted to cut off my horn anyway. You're a tsundere.
00:43:32
Speaker
Backs through the golem. What do you do? I think this is special similar to going in there to get some treasure and he just brought away it outside He's not even paying any attention. He's like man. I hope they get this stupid treasure pretty soon. This is pretty boring for me I was gonna prove the menu to see if I find anything cool You find you find you find something called the bosses bag and it says do not open. I
00:44:01
Speaker
Oh, gee, I wonder what's about to happen. It opens up and you see a giant fire golem crawls out of the bag and rolls out and he goes.
00:44:21
Speaker
And he goes, only he who is related to me made. Oh, hey, hey, son. I'm not this fiery. You know, I got to do it. No, no, no. Hey, no, no. We're cool. We're cool, homie. What's what? What are we doing here? What's up? I just saw Vegas and not openness. And naturally I open. That's my ads that chip off the old rock.
00:44:55
Speaker
You're on fire son you're on fire fire. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
00:45:01
Speaker
No, I want to be. Can you give me fire? That'd be pretty cool. Oh, absolutely. Here, I imbue you with the power of your daddy's flame. Hey, look at my cool whip I got. Whoa, whoa, dude. Here, can you whip this? And he throws up like a fireball in the air with it, son.
00:45:19
Speaker
No other such always playing this game It's on is a great quote Then fire daddy turns around and he bends it with whippet son You know what that's good son
00:45:40
Speaker
What was that, Frank? Is there anything more beautiful than the love between a father and son? Why is he bending over?
00:45:51
Speaker
Hey, pop, you know, pay pop some words like what? What is like some cool enemies? I can go whip with this thing. Oh, do it. Oh, hell. Hell, yeah. Let's go. Oh, sure. You know what? There's a there's a there's a bunch of these fools made out of paper, which you might want to be wary around because, you know, we paper my son. Also, you mean to be extra challenging?
00:46:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's going to be. Yeah, you want to be careful, but you got me. I'm made of fire. And paper is weak to fire. Yeah, that's true, son. That's true. So let's go. Let's go handle those paper boys, huh? Yes, as we're talking about. It's amazing that they incorporate the laws of science and reality into this game. It's still amazing that paper is still burning like fire. Yeah, this game is no ordinary game, my son. It's no ordinary game. I'm aware that I'm in one.
00:46:42
Speaker
Well, I'm sure this is just programming they made for you to say that is okay. You're just men in the blue sports. There's no programming. This is all a magical world created by the delusional brain of your friend over there. I guess she does use magic. This isn't even plugged in. She better never do this again.
00:47:09
Speaker
I'm pretty certain she's some sort of witch. I know what actually happened. Sasha tracked us when we slept. She does throw fireballs, Papa. I know. I am one of those fireballs that killed one of the dub dub blub blub boys.
00:47:34
Speaker
Anything she has ever seen or ever thought can be in this game. Well, they've been in this game for like a long time. Maybe some going on in there. Maybe they may have got some good loot too. I'm maybe missing out on it. Hell yeah, there's hella loot over there.
00:47:51
Speaker
There's hella loon over where the paper boys are to my boy Quick question for for everyone Bx5 your your heart going down cuz I like you're dumb you're dumb you're dumb robot
00:48:15
Speaker
I want to shoot like the nets where I fall down. Your arms and legs are currently being pulled away from your body as if you're going to be split in half by two horses, but they're spiders. I want to use my laser eyes.
00:48:32
Speaker
Oh, your schoolgirl has laser eyes? Yes. Which school are they dancing to? Of course. How stupid of me. Duh, of course. I've seen an anime, I know. Right. You're talking about laser eyes, schoolgirls season two, where they finally get their laser eyes. Season one was very weird with laser eyes, schoolgirls having no laser eyes. Yeah, it was really odd. A lot of people were criticizing it, but they're like, just wait for it. It's about the journey to get the laser eyes, guys.
00:49:01
Speaker
It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. And so, all right. Activate laser eyes. Roll for laser eyes to see if you can get them to work. Do a spirit roll. Oh, that's the right laser. Oh, do you want to write the word laser? Sure. Is it hue again? Are you going to write hue? My spirit isn't rolling.
00:49:20
Speaker
Roll a spirit roll. That's a five. You activate laser eyes. You look like Cyclops. They're just lasers coming out. We hear you're dead. That's why that's I will get to you. All right. Roll shooting. Roll against one of those fighters with your laser face shooting. That's a seven. Oh, oh, no. And he runs away. The one of them runs away because you hit him with fire and he doesn't like that. And he leaves. And so your right side is free.
00:49:49
Speaker
Your left side is still being pulled though. But let's go to Sasha Rocket real quick while you're doing that. Sasha and Frank, what are you doing? Well, we're following Baxter.
00:50:01
Speaker
You're following back towards the paper boys, you guys are leaving the next five times. Well, you see, so far all he has done is killed my horn and wanted to take it. So I am in no rush to help him. I love that. I'm not gonna let him kill my dragon. I swear he can. He killed Sturgie! Sturgie!
00:50:23
Speaker
So so you guys are following the elemental boys and you guys see that there is a large fortress ahead of you made of paper, tons of paper. And you currently see that there are some soldiers standing up front also made of paper and they are folding other warriors out of paper as we speak.
00:50:53
Speaker
What do you do? Oh, those compressors, you're about to get whipped! Whoa! Paper boys, assemble! And you see like a bunch of paper airplanes come flying out of the fortress. And they come flying down, they transform like Autobots and Decepticons into like little warriors made of paper. And they don't have weapons in their hands, because their weapons are paper cuts. And they come running at you. What do you do?
00:51:27
Speaker
Roll a fighting roll with your... Ah, Piss, I'm gonna do a Benny from Benjamin on that one there. Use a Benny. Hey, I'm gonna reroll that one I got there and get a four. Well, they made a paper. They're really easy to hit.
00:51:44
Speaker
You slap one and structurally he just crumbles underneath the force of the paper. Oh, no. Could you bend him in with your imprint of the rainbow and he can't quite get the same velocity anymore? And he crumbles at your feet and he goes, I should be greater against the rock. I step on him. That's my boy. Go get him, my son's friends. Go.
00:52:13
Speaker
My lady, how should we proceed? Please don't nod at me again. I don't know what it means. Also, remember, I abhor violence. Unless it's the Dirty Goblins. You hear from off in the distance, half-half the paper bar is getting cocky. We gotta go over here. You got it, my lady, and I'll do my best to bring her over there.
00:52:44
Speaker
You have to charge through the paper fortress to get inside to get to the kimono dragon. Oh, no, use your horn backster to pierce through the paper. But my lady, that's violent. But it is for you. It's okay. It'll be all right because we'll make it all better. We'll put like some tape on it or something. Of course. You are so benevolent, my lady. I shall charge. Do it now.
00:53:13
Speaker
Clippity Clop! Frank Clippity Clop by using athletics. Go! Clippity Clop! Would you like to use one of Sasha's Benjamins? How many Benjamins do you have, Sasha? I have three more.
00:53:33
Speaker
May I use a Benjamin, Sasha? You can re-roll your... Benjamin! You bust through and you skewer a bunch of other boys on the other side that were guarding the wall. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You look like one of those. You did great!
00:53:51
Speaker
You look like one of those desk needles or like one of those ones that you see at like restaurants where like they put the order like on the on the needle. It's like a bunch of paper on there. You just hear like a bunch of dudes and you see that he's hanging above a a spiky pit of paper. And they're like, you you see one of the guys is like, hey, you.
00:54:17
Speaker
You better not come closer, or I'm gonna drop that... I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get that dragon, Frank. Hmm. Okay, I have an idea. Can I change my character's skin to that of a Pegasus?
00:54:47
Speaker
I think that's a great idea, yes. You can level up Frank, oh my god! Frank turns into a Pegasus with a horn! Da-da-da-da! A unipeg! I am a peg-a-horn! Peg-a-horn! You see all the cheeks of the paper boys get flushed and they go, wow! Peg-a-horn looks like a really kinky shop.
00:55:16
Speaker
I sure do. Come to pick a horn. My lady, I shall fly you to the cage. Yes!
00:55:27
Speaker
Enter minigame, minigame mode activated. And you see all of a sudden you're like 400 yards away from the from the dragon. And you see that, Sasha, you have your your your slingshot with the fire bolts in hand and you see that there are a bunch of paper airplanes flying at you trying to stop you from from getting to the dragon. I don't think so. Not today.
00:55:56
Speaker
So you and Frank have to navigate past all of these paper airplanes to avoid getting paper cut so you could save the dragon. Okay. I'm ready. What do you do? I'm gonna use my spell casting role and I'm going to try to shoot the paper airplanes coming at us. And you hear, would you like to activate machine gun mode? Yes.
00:56:26
Speaker
It seems I am not the only one who has leveled up this day. Freak, I have machine gun mode. And then your slingshot turns into like a little fucking, uh, a little oozy.
00:56:38
Speaker
with like little with like little fireballs like loaded into it. Perfect. You hear, uh oh. Yeah, you scared me. I want you to get the fuck out of here. All right. So describe to me how you two are working together to navigate this perilous situation. We could do it like you fly in and I'm shooting.
00:57:06
Speaker
Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm just I'm ducking and weaving and flying and rolling all around all these planes as size is like on my back on. Yeah. And you see just like little ashes are raining from the sky on top of everyone. And you see one of them gets on your six, Frank. He's like, oh, I got you now. I'm on your six. I kick. Oh, damn, I forgot I could do that. Oh, fuck. Never going to do this.
00:57:37
Speaker
And he falls to the ground. And as as he falls to the ground, like, girl gently swaying back and forth in the wind as he touches the ground, you hear an explosion as he explodes. BX or Baxter, you see from below you and your dad see that there's a dog fight going on in the air and there's still paper boys on the ground. What do you do?
00:58:01
Speaker
I'm gonna go into the center of the little area where people are running in the middle of them, and I'm gonna start spinning my dick. I mean my whip around. And your dad grabs a hold of you as you start to spin, and you are imbued with the power of daddy's flame. Oh, spin me, daddy. Spin me. Daddy spins you.
00:58:28
Speaker
And just like heaps of flame erupt as everything starts to crumble beneath you and the paper starts to lose its structural integrity.
00:58:40
Speaker
And before you know it, there's just flames everywhere, and all that's left is dangling above you as a kimono dragon in a cage. Are they rainbow flames? Yes, they are rainbow flames. Oh, it's so beautiful. I love you, Diddy. It's taken me eons to be able to say this to you, son. But I, you too.
00:59:10
Speaker
I'll take it. I never knew my father. I was put in a cage in a very young age. You are imbued with the power of daddy's love.
00:59:25
Speaker
I feel Daddy's love deep inside of me. As you open your eyes, Daddy is gone, but he's also there inside of you. I'm two times as big now because I was Daddy-O-Love. You just had to connect with your other self. Now you have become the fire rock golem, the magma golem you were meant to be. I just started vomiting magma.
00:59:54
Speaker
And Sasha, you and Frankie make it to the cage where the kimono dragon is. He says, oh, it's about time. I'm like, oh, this is so hot here. I'm sorry. I got here as fast as I could. What your horses? I would love to hold your horse. OK. You can't hold my horse. This is my horse. Get out of here. And she goes over and lets him out of the cage. Did you hug him?
01:00:23
Speaker
Yes. You hug him and you get item green kimono. And you see all three kimono dragons have been rescued. The way to the mightiest dragon of all has been unlocked. Oh my goodness. Congratulations, my lady. Frank, let's go back. Did you see this? What? What?
01:00:53
Speaker
Come Baxter, we are going to the mightiest of dragons! Alright, I spin my little whip and I whip on his... Oh god, you're so heavy! I put on a few pairs.
01:01:12
Speaker
So while you're doing that, we smash cut back to BX5. We're struggling against spiders. You just laser beamed one of them with your eyeballs. There's another one that's tugging on you. You're not getting in here. That's my loot. It's my loot. I'm going to lace it the other one's swell. You roll a laser attack. Go BX5.
01:01:32
Speaker
That's a nine. That's a nine. Oh, ow, oh, hot ee, ow. And he looks at all eight of his hands and he goes, ow. I'm going to go tell Mummy Spider on you.
01:01:46
Speaker
Uh, and he scurries away into, uh, into the cave. Um, and you are free to roam. You have been freed to be ex schoolgirl five. I want to head deep into the cave. You want to go deeper into the cave? Yes. Do you walk and you walk deeper? The deepest of deeps you go and you activate another trap and it goes, you're damn. That's about all that happens. And you continue. I'm trying for not doing any damage.
01:02:15
Speaker
Oh, I hurt my feelings and you get an experience point. Yeah. And as you walk up, you see that there is a large pedestal before you and atop this pedestal is what looks like the outline of a box, but you don't quite see a whole
Manifesting Fantastical Elements
01:02:34
Speaker
box. It's just like like just like someone only drew the outline of the treasure chest in there. I'll make it a reality.
01:02:44
Speaker
How will you do that? I'll grab a pen and draw more detail to the chest. All right, let's make that an agility roll.
01:02:59
Speaker
for just general dexterity of drawing. That's a 10. That's a 10. What does this chess look like that you draw into reality, BX5? That's a chess that is red, purple, yellow, green, blue, as I wouldn't frame. And
01:03:19
Speaker
Does it have a keyhole? Yeah, no, it's open. And the box opens and out from it, you see something that just looks like kind of like a little what should I call it? Like a like a little dongle, like a USB dongle. What do you do with this dongle? You hear plug me in, plug me in.
01:03:51
Speaker
I plug it into myself. What? I plug it into myself. You plug it into yourself. When you see the world gets brighter, you start to feel sensations you've never felt before. You start to feel chilly. You start to feel like you're cold, like the cold chill of the cave is finally touching your skin in a way that you never felt before, BX5. I feel the coldness.
01:04:17
Speaker
You feel the coldness of the cave. You smell the dankness of like the moisture trapped in here and the butt ropes that have been spewed everywhere. Your senses are being overloaded. You taste with your little snakey tongue that you installed more than you ever have. You kind of get a sense of flames from somewhere beyond the cave and hints of smoke in your non-existent nostrils.
01:04:42
Speaker
What a strange sensation. Yeah, you start to feel things. What the fuck is this game? It's making me feel things. You hear inside of you where you plugged in the dongle, you hear anything that Sasha has felt, you can feel. Anything Sasha has smelled, you can smell.
01:05:08
Speaker
Let's hope she didn't go to any smelly places. After finding my treasure I want to leave the cave again and try and find where the others went.
01:05:34
Speaker
You leave the cave and you see standing at the cave, you see a spider standing on two legs and her other six legs are like crossed like their arms that she's upset. And she's like, I heard you were fucking with my kids. I heard you were fucking with her body. What?
01:05:52
Speaker
I'm sorry, are you coming on to me right now, lady? No, but they came on to me and I didn't appreciate that. No, my children don't come on to anyone, okay? They're too young for that. They're only 20. So that's only... Oh, well, if there's any comings going on, it's not from my children. It might be from me, though. Either you're in the past now or there will be a lot more coming. Oh.
01:06:17
Speaker
All right. Glad we had this discussion. All right. Hey, see you around campus, I guess, my guy. You unlocked a new skill.
01:06:34
Speaker
the yes yeah and then you feel in your lower region for the first time oil leaks out and it feels good before you felt many things now you're feeling many others yes other things
01:06:55
Speaker
As it comes to times in every robot's life where he starts, there's some changes that happen. You are now an anime school woman. Then you learn, you learn, you learn the skill silver tongue. You get bonuses to persuasion checks. Good job. Hell yeah.
01:07:14
Speaker
And you go and you find the others are not hard to find. There's they're coming back from where you're at. There's fire everywhere. And Baxter looks like a big old fucking magnum golem. Magnum was what I said to my mom. He's a magnum. I missed. You say, what did you miss? Yeah, I let go. I dropped down. Oh, Baxter, I had the most cathartic experience in this game. Baxter. What what?
01:07:43
Speaker
I don't even care, it's the craziest. The old games are great. Are you alright? I think I've been thinking of science for a little while, I just played this game for a while.
01:08:02
Speaker
I think we are losing him. I love how, like, at the movie and he's like, yeah, yeah, great, Sasha. I don't care about your stupid game. And now he's like, I love Escape. That's when that's when Sasha's like, yeah, I'm done with it. I'm a trade in. I finished this game. Oh, wait, we still have a boss to fucking hug.
01:08:30
Speaker
A few seconds after Baxter gets down. Frank also kind of half crashes down and is like gasping for air. Then you hear a voice booming across the landscape that says, the way to the dragon has been opened. Yes. That's pretty cool. Yes, we did.
01:08:59
Speaker
And you see beneath you opens up a large, uh, uh, I don't know what you call them, but like there's little slidey platformy things that open up. We fall in love when we die. Yeah, you fall in love when you die. Except for me. Except for Baxter who lives in the game forever now.
01:09:19
Speaker
You see it opens up, you see that there is a large pink dragon under the ground and they are they are cuffed on these different types of shackles. They're different colored shackles on their arms and on their legs and on their neck.
01:09:39
Speaker
And, uh, they look very, very sad. They just look so sad. Um, and you see, you see the strangest thing down there in this big old cave system. Well, it's not really a case system, which is like a drop into like a little secret underground layer, I guess, but like you see working all the gizmos and all the gadgets and hammering on the shackles. Unicorns. Oh.
01:10:08
Speaker
What? Some of them are bipedal unicorns and they have hands and thumbs and they're working and they're wearing lab coats and they're working on some sort of contraptions and you see other rooms. Other rooms is what I said. Other rooms is the name of the dragon. Yes.
01:10:34
Speaker
other rooms McGee is down there. And so you see other rooms in the past other rooms were other of them. We all know this other of them. That's right. And then you see that there are quadrupedal unicorns. And then there are like little baby unicorns and stuffed unicorns. And you see the stuffiest of all down there. He's wearing a black cloak. And he's got like a like a like a little
01:10:58
Speaker
permanent marker drawn on evil smile on his face. And here he goes, time to get rid of other rooms once and for all. No one's going to save you other rooms. What do you do? I want to jump on one of those two lagged unicorns. The NPX was going to say it's perfect time to hug people to death.
01:11:24
Speaker
It was at that time that he had already jumped into the hole. Yes, I'm jumping on this unicorn. Roll an agility roll as you leap into this hole down onto another guy. A bipedal guy. Another one. That's 11. 11. Jesus. You land right on top of one. You break his neck. No, his back instantly. As you land on top of his feet. He's like, OK, giddy up. Let's go.
01:11:54
Speaker
My own people. He's crawling at a snail's face as you're on top of his back. What'd you say, Frank? My people. How could we do that? And we ain't your people. You're a Pegasus now. You ain't one of us, dude. My lady, it is time for us to go down there and end this. Okay, Frank, let's go. We gotta save him. Frank will jump up and fly and do kind of like a half flip and
01:12:24
Speaker
Use that to go from going straight and then half a flip and then down into the hole. Wow, that's so impressive. Good for you, wing guy. Good for you. Thank you. I will now stop you with my lady Sasha. Whatever you say. Whatever you say, my guy, if you kill me, you can't save other rooms. I think my mind is broken.
01:12:52
Speaker
No, no, just keep going, dude. You'll get it. Yeah, just keep trying. You'll get over here eventually. Frank, Frank, I got an idea. I got an idea. Yes, my lady. You fly as far as close as you can to him, and I am going to rock it down, and I'm going to try to hug him. Okay. Understood. He gives you a knowing nod. Okay. She's going to try to do that.
01:13:21
Speaker
And he's going to jump and try to fly just over the evil unicorn. And just as he's passing by, he's going to flip upside down so that Sasha is like perfectly hug level. But OK, let's say let's have you do let's call that an agility role for for Frank. And then we'll see the results of that after we go to Sasha six. That's pretty good. OK, he goes to drop you down, Sasha.
01:13:53
Speaker
Let's call it also an agility roll to see if you can snag onto the evil unicorn. Five. That's a five. You snag onto the unicorn. He goes, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, get off of me. My hugging days are over for me. Get off. She snuggles her face straight into his chest. No, just trust me. I love you.
01:14:17
Speaker
He's like there's a hug. He's like struggling against you trying to pull away. You're like, nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope n
01:14:40
Speaker
You guys can see them like he's slowly like his cloak is starting to dissipate from his body. The more Sasha hugs him. Baxter, what are you doing while she's down there?
01:14:52
Speaker
Um, I jump in, I just start, I just like, from one year, I just, I just like grab my arm, squeeze them until they'd like pop into like a shower or confetti or whatever. Like while you're snuggling, while you're snuggling the, the boss fucking you see in the background, just like magma backsters, like bounding between unicorn dudes and just fucking squeezing them until they explode. Like my big ass arms.
01:15:20
Speaker
Well, I'm covered in rainbow confession. Yeah. BX underneath you here. Just kill me. Just kill me. I just thought I really want to see fan out of this. I mean, I miss school girl Bex as a golem and so such as Sasha. Yes. Anime school girl BX five writing a broken bipedal unicorn man.
01:15:47
Speaker
Yeah, you heard it, listeners. Let's see it. So he's struggling as Baxter's doing doing the hugging thing. And as as Frank is leaving the rainbow trails behind him, as he does streaks through the sky, as he drops you off and BX five continuously doesn't get the hint to get off of the bipedal guy as he's struggling to move.
01:16:15
Speaker
I want to ask him if he knows how to free the dragon. Yeah. And he's like, he passes out. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dying.
01:16:37
Speaker
Please answer that question unless I speak with the dead on you. Roll persuasion or intimidation. That's a seven. That's a seven. The way that you do it is you must all done the cloaks of the kimono dragons and then you must all hunt.
01:16:57
Speaker
What do they call it? Snookums? What the fuck is it? Yissums? What do they call it? Other rooms. Other rooms. Other rooms, that's what it is. And then he dies and turns into just a very sad pile of confetti on the ground underneath you. That's very sad, Al. Shaw held a funeral for you.
01:17:19
Speaker
Oh, thanks. How are you looking? I run by, I step on his head. But actually, of course. Of course. And then you guys see in your notifications your quest marker or your quest log update that says, Don, the kimono dragon kimonos, and hug other rooms.
Final Objective: Hugging Otherums
01:17:43
Speaker
Let's hug everybody, guys. That's hard. You got to put on the kimonos first.
01:17:49
Speaker
Okay, let's get a mind. Let's put on the kimonos. I get the red kimono. I get the red one. Yeah, I get the red one. Who's wearing the blue one? Who's wearing the green one? Bang boom, my steps go hard. I'll take that one. Give me that.
01:18:08
Speaker
So you stretch like a little kimono across your giant magma body. This place put it on my head. Please put it on your head like a handkerchief, like a bandana. Sasha puts on one, puts on the red one, and BX5 puts on the blue one. Frank, do you land next to your compatriots to hug the dragon as well? I do.
01:18:31
Speaker
You land next to your compatriots to hug the dragon as well. And all of the colors glow. And you see the shackles start to disappear from the dragon. And then he says with the the most excitement and a dragon's voice you ever did here. You hear, oh, I just fucking had me already. I hate it. He seems a little sassy.
01:19:02
Speaker
Let's hug everybody, come on, let's get in here. I punch my fist together and I get all coated in magma and I go, here it comes, you son of a bitch. And you guys, you guys hug.
01:19:21
Speaker
the dragon and it glows this beautiful rainbow glow and they fire off into the sky releasing a bunch of treasure and gold and candy and gumdrops. That doesn't bring light to reality.
01:19:36
Speaker
and berries all over the place. And you guys feel your health restored. You feel yourselves feeling really, well, hopefully you feel, at least the game's trying to make you feel good. Hopefully you feel good. And the music plays a triumphant beat as the horns sound. And you see a world complete. But then, Sasha, you are standing in a white void with Frank.
01:20:06
Speaker
And you see Frank is starting to evaporate a little bit. His body is starting to disappear. Where are you going, Frank? My lady, I believe it is time for me to go. I have come to help you and you have accomplished everything you have set out to do. And I am so proud of you. No, you can't leave me. You may squishy outside.
01:20:36
Speaker
Do not worry, I will still be there with you forever. However, I'm afraid I probably will not be able to communicate with you as I do now. That's what you think!
01:20:58
Speaker
And as the screen fades to black and the credits roll, you just see, like, produced by Sasha Rocket, Key Grip, Sasha Rocket, Graphics, Sasha Rocket.
01:21:17
Speaker
Special thanks to Sasha Rocket. Kids born during production. Sasha Rocket, Sasha Rocket, Sasha Rocket. In memory of Surchie. In memory, in loving memory of Surchie.
01:21:35
Speaker
And then you are released from the whole of the game and you all awaken to be covered in gumdrops and treasures and rainbows and confetti and All sorts of wonderful goodness Baxter you have your rainbow whip in your hands Oh
01:22:01
Speaker
BX5, you awaken, still feeling the chill of the air conditioning in the ship. But you look and you no longer have skin, but you still feel. What is this wizardry?
01:22:20
Speaker
Sasha, you take the VR set off and you still see what you always see is your little stuffy Frank talking to you as he always does. Oh, Frank, that was wonderful. We did it. Good time, Sasha. I'm so glad we got to do that together. You have been so excited. Thank you for doing that with my birthday. You're very welcome. Happy birthday, Sasha. Oh, thanks.
01:22:49
Speaker
And then you guys, you guys here? Oh, I wasn't fucking invited. That's cool. Whatever. All right. Right on.
Humorous Birthday Game Exchange
01:22:56
Speaker
I didn't want to come to your damn birthday game anyway. Fine. Whatever. I'm going to drive us all into a black hole. It's because you got a buzz. Kill me. Oh, I don't kill the buzz. Come on. Yes, you do. Yes. So like this is so boring and bad, bad, bad, bad.
01:23:18
Speaker
Hey, hey, hey, prick. You know what? You guys chose the voice and the personality I have. OK, you made me like this. I didn't. Those guys did. Oh, blame them. Right. Your birthday next. My birthday. Yes. Well, I'm going to be too mean to enjoy it, but I'm fine. I will still take it. I don't want to go to that one.
Celebrations and Gratitude
01:23:46
Speaker
It's OK, Frank. You don't have to go. Wait.
01:23:58
Speaker
Yeah, good job, guys. You all level up. Well done. Thank you all for hanging out. Cass, I hope you have a question ready here soon because it is your turn. Actually, I did, yes. Awesome. But before we get to that, Danny, guarantee, thanks for coming on and being frank for us today, buddy. You're very welcome. Thank you so much for inviting me. Yeah, I know it was almost last minute, so I appreciate the flexibility. I just thought it'd be kind of fun to
01:24:18
Speaker
That's as good as fun as any to end that.
01:24:25
Speaker
Uh, give Frank a different kind of life. So I really appreciate you coming and doing that. No problem. It was a great time. Thanks again.
Danny's Role and Promotions
01:24:32
Speaker
Yeah. Do you want to plug something? We've been doing something new at the end of the episode where we tell people to go do things. So what do you, what are things we're doing? Well, I am Danny guarantee of the role players guild. We, we do, um, Dungeons and dragons, uh, streams over on YouTube. So feel free to check us out. You can watch some of our old bods and stuff like that. Um,
01:24:52
Speaker
You know, just just because it's Cass's birthday as well, I will plug A Secret Society, which I am also in all the time. He's gonna guesty. Yes. I am one of the guesties.
01:25:06
Speaker
Yes. He's one of the guesties. Yeah. And that is role players guild RPG. A little clever. RPG. And it's spelled just like ours. R-O-double-L players. Yep. Happy coincidence. We did not know each other when we made them there. Yeah, that's very true. That's actually how we connected because I was like, hey, wait a minute.
01:25:27
Speaker
I think his wife was like, oh, yeah, we're just in the backyard of the role players with a little fort with like a with a guild fort. We got like a little cardboard box fort. That's just yeah. And we just kind of connected over our shared name. And it's been fun ever since.
01:25:43
Speaker
I'm very happy that it happened. Yeah, what a funny way you make connections. My life has been a whole lot less boring since I met all you guys.
Call for Reviews and New Projects
01:25:53
Speaker
Agreed, seriously. It's so great to hear. Yeah, so Secret Society, I'll put another link in the show note. Danny, if you want to send me a link to something you want me to use, I'll put that there as well.
01:26:07
Speaker
And hey, thanks for the people who are reviewing the show. We'd love to have some more. You can please do that. You can support us for fucking free on either pod chaser dot com slash role players. You can review individual episodes. It would really mean a lot to us. Or you can just review the show entirely and just say, hey, I like it. You can even write shit on there like stuff that you like because people will see it and that can convince them to listen to the show because they'll read those things and be like, oh, shit.
01:26:32
Speaker
because a lot of people go to Podchaser now to get podcast recommendations. So please, even if you don't want to review us on Spotify, even if you don't want to review us on Apple, go to podchaser.com, find role players. It's not that hard. It would mean a ton to us if you would. Please go review the show. It really will help us get a lot of new traction and new listeners. So thank you so much for that.
01:26:54
Speaker
And I think we have a bunch of other stuff we usually plug, like Justin's got maps on drive through RPG. I'll put the link in the show notes for Adrian. Adrian, you still taking commissions for three days, buddy? I could, yeah.
01:27:09
Speaker
He could, he could, he could, he could, if you want to do some commission. I'm pretty different about that. Follow him, if anything, follow him at Smoses Sempai on Twitter, at Smoses underscore Sempai on the Twitters. And then of course, there's a secret society. There's three Bessies and a Gessie that Cass and her buddies run.
01:27:26
Speaker
Talk anything with Cass as well. Finestellersnetwork.com. Please go there. Leave us a note. Our boy Dixon has been leaving us all sorts of fun letters. We'd love to see some more. We got some great suggestions for some future episodes coming up.
01:27:42
Speaker
I'm so please if you already know it when you're a listener and your friend already or if you're a listener and you don't really know us that well. Go to fun and so does that work dot com anyway cast loves to read the notes and it's her birthday guys okay yeah. Let me listen to this it will be your birthday anymore but you get a birthday for a whole week so yeah episode comes out fun and so does that work dot com leave cast a nice little birthday note say something nice tell her she's got a nice.
01:28:08
Speaker
Set a hair on her head or something. Yeah. Tell her she has nice clothes. What's your happy birthday? Write her a poem. You know, something. Your hair is looking particularly hairy today. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You have a nice unicorn. Thanks.
01:28:24
Speaker
My unicorn, you know, I I'm indifferent with him sometimes, but, you know, deep down, I really love him. It's fine. Yeah. You know, just leave nice things to say to Cass. And of course, if you have any suggestions for future worlds you want the forkers to visit, please give us to them. Give us to them. Give them to us is what I meant to say. Jesus Christ, my tongue doesn't want to work today. There's so much excitement going on right now.
01:28:50
Speaker
Please do that. And I believe that is all the things, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. So finally, our question of
Humorous NFL Discussion
01:29:00
Speaker
the day. Let's hit it, Cass. What do you got for us? I'm so lost. Is it NFL just for the US? How does New England have a team? Oh, well, well.
01:29:16
Speaker
Well, old, old England doesn't have the resources. So that's why they had to make New England where they can, you know, too many stone streets in old England. So I don't know enough about sports to dispute that. It comes right to me. It must be true. I mean, what? All I all I know is that whether it's it's sports and geography, you can get I don't know.
01:29:46
Speaker
You can tap dance your way there from old England. You know, I don't have an answer for, hey, you know what? Here's an idea. I don't either.
01:29:57
Speaker
Call Tom Brady. If you know Tom Brady, leave us a note. If you know Tom Brady, leave us a note at funandsellersnetwork.com slash contacts and tell us what our boy Tom Brady had to say about New England, about foosball and about not being a fucking dirty ass cheater. Suck it Tom Brady. Damn.
01:31:36
Speaker
Does it look good already?