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A Tale of Two Scrotes
24 Plays1 year ago
The queens recount and dissect two tales of scrotery from their listeners.
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Transcript
Introduction and Overwhelming Response
00:00:00
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:04
Speaker
I'm Maro.
00:00:05
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:00:07
Speaker
And before we get into this episode, I just want to say we were absolutely overwhelmed by the number of responses that we had to our call-out for new podcast hosts.
00:00:17
Speaker
It was really cool to see such a range of applications from different women from different backgrounds.
00:00:24
Speaker
So we are working through the application.
00:00:27
Speaker
So if you have applied, please look out for an email from Ro and myself regarding the next steps.
00:00:33
Speaker
But it's all really exciting.
00:00:34
Speaker
I'm really excited.
00:00:36
Speaker
Yes.
00:00:36
Speaker
So we'll be following up with some people who've applied in the next few weeks or so.
00:00:41
Speaker
So stay tuned if you did apply.
Patreon Submissions Discussion
00:00:44
Speaker
Okay, welcome to another roast to scrote slash follow up slash queen shit slash I don't know.
00:00:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:52
Speaker
Patreon subscriber submissions.
00:00:54
Speaker
Grab bag.
00:00:55
Speaker
These are always one of my favorite episodes to do because it's nice to hear from our audience about, I guess, their
NILF Story and Family Dynamics
00:01:01
Speaker
FDS streamlines.
00:01:01
Speaker
triumphs and FDS woes as well because none of us are perfect so if you do have an L that we share on the podcast it's life we've all been there so thank you all for sharing your stories with us it's humbly all right so the first story we have is actually a follow-up to our fourth of July barbecue where we barbecued the skirt yeah we barbecued the skirt because he was trying to explain from his point of view how he ended up in a neat and a coomer
00:01:30
Speaker
Yes.
00:01:31
Speaker
So just to follow up, here's an update about that person.
00:01:35
Speaker
I'm trying to remember all the details of that specific story.
00:01:39
Speaker
I remember the gist of it when he was like, I don't understand why my family was so mean to me.
00:01:45
Speaker
He was a Nilf.
00:01:46
Speaker
That's what it was.
00:01:47
Speaker
I found the old roast-a-scrote that we did.
00:01:49
Speaker
So this guy, just to jog everyone's memory, listened to our bonus content about being a Nilf and then wanted to clear up some of the questions about how a lot of young men today are ending up Nilfs because there's obviously a growing rise of men who are not in education, not in the labor force, not
00:02:06
Speaker
basically doing anything and question was like what happened and a lot of the research that we were finding was pretty inconclusive it looks like a lot of the social sciences are just trying to drill down and figure out what happened right now but this guy's basically lived the nilf life was trying to give us some quote insight about his behavior and his motivations for being in a nilf and this is the one where his family was yelling at him and stuff like that so okay so yes so he starts with
00:02:34
Speaker
and says, I just listened to the 4th of July barbecue episode.
00:02:37
Speaker
You two were super sweet and nice.
00:02:40
Speaker
I appreciate all of the advice and criticism, and thank you for taking it easy on me.
Media Addiction and Motivation Solutions
00:02:44
Speaker
I took some notes and have some responses.
00:02:46
Speaker
See, this is why men can take quite an emotional battering
00:02:51
Speaker
See, look at this, man.
00:02:53
Speaker
I'm proud of you.
00:02:54
Speaker
Getting pen and paper out, writing notes.
00:02:56
Speaker
Listen, taking it seriously because we are here to help, by the way.
00:03:00
Speaker
It doesn't help anybody for this to be a bunch of nilfs running around like that.
00:03:03
Speaker
Go ahead.
00:03:04
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:03:05
Speaker
And I've always maintained like if like men were actually smart and not in their feels, something like FDS would actually help them because it's like the cheat sheet to having a happy relationship and getting a woman that they actually want.
00:03:18
Speaker
But that's an aside.
00:03:19
Speaker
And he does timestamps, each referring to each point that we made during the original episode.
00:03:27
Speaker
So at 10.40, he asked, so how did I burn the bridges?
00:03:31
Speaker
I don't do any drugs.
00:03:32
Speaker
Yeah, but doing drugs isn't the only way to burn a bridge if you're a male.
00:03:36
Speaker
That's one thing.
00:03:37
Speaker
Like, I don't know why people seem to think you have to be a drug dealer before no one wants to deal with you anymore.
00:03:42
Speaker
But I did consider myself a porn addict, a YouTube addict, a video game addict, and emotional binge eater.
00:03:48
Speaker
It's like a dopamine addict.
00:03:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:51
Speaker
And ultimately, I don't know why men don't understand this, but if somebody is a kuma, it comes out in the way they behave.
00:03:58
Speaker
Like they just have this energy and this outlook on life that is deeply, deeply unappealing and unattractive as well.
00:04:05
Speaker
I think a lot of men are legitimately unable to mentally process the modern world at this point.
00:04:14
Speaker
I might seem morbid, but in the sense that it's so easy for them to get into these
00:04:21
Speaker
rabbit holes of just dopamine hits constantly, constantly, constantly and never shake themselves out of it.
00:04:27
Speaker
So when you hear someone who's like an addict to all sorts of types of media, and an emotional binge eater, like this is a person on an off switch, and probably honestly needs to be medicated.
00:04:36
Speaker
I mean, that was like a dig.
00:04:38
Speaker
I mean, that is a generally like at this point, if you can't do it through sheer willpower, you probably need some kind of medication to help your brain reset itself and for you to be able to
00:04:49
Speaker
stop falling down
Family Perceptions and Personal Responsibility
00:04:50
Speaker
all these rabbit holes.
00:04:50
Speaker
Like, you know, maybe you have ADHD or something.
00:04:53
Speaker
And
00:04:54
Speaker
You know, purely from a family standpoint, people want to be around other people they can socialise with, especially in a family unit where even though you may not have been actively, I guess, like contributing to distress, by you being then sort of being a non-entity in the household, that's also going to drag them down as well.
00:05:17
Speaker
And it's not going to make them think very highly of you either.
00:05:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:21
Speaker
And the other thing too, and kind of go back to my earlier point where I think it's specifically bad with men, is that any one of these things, if they were taking over your life like this, most people would just delete the app and then make sure like, man, this is taking too much of my time.
00:05:34
Speaker
Let me do something else.
00:05:35
Speaker
Because that's how I've reacted.
00:05:37
Speaker
Like when Twitter started to get kind of nuts, I just basically stopped going on Twitter.
00:05:41
Speaker
Yeah, just logged off.
00:05:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:43
Speaker
It does seem like guys like this, like they can't really turn it off.
00:05:46
Speaker
I don't know.
00:05:46
Speaker
I've kind of been in places like that where I've just been really emotionally invested in something I couldn't, but I shouldn't be.
00:05:52
Speaker
But yeah, this sounds like maybe you need some chemical help.
00:05:56
Speaker
Then he continues.
00:05:58
Speaker
And so I never did anything illegal and I was never violent.
00:06:01
Speaker
In fact, I'll just be in my room and never come out because of shame.
00:06:05
Speaker
Again, like being around an addict is very, very draining and distressing for the people around said addicts.
00:06:11
Speaker
Like it's not about whether you were violent or doing something illegal.
00:06:15
Speaker
It's just the fact that you don't really seem to be understanding the impact your addictions, your multiple addictions that had on your family members.
00:06:25
Speaker
And the impact can be profound as well.
00:06:27
Speaker
I would always eat alone in my room because I didn't want them to see me.
00:06:30
Speaker
And my family would often joke that we thought that maybe you were a rotting corpse in there because we haven't seen you in a week.
00:06:37
Speaker
And they would all be laughing at me, lol.
00:06:39
Speaker
And I would never even speak.
00:06:41
Speaker
They would be yelling at me and I would just take it.
00:06:44
Speaker
I never responded and I never said a word back.
00:06:47
Speaker
But basically they gave me chance after chance after chance and I would fail each time for years.
00:06:52
Speaker
And you wonder why they don't want to speak to you anymore.
00:06:55
Speaker
I mean, I feel like if he was actively engaged with his family, maybe they'd be a little bit more forgiving.
00:07:00
Speaker
It's just that he's just kind of in his room not dealing with life or not dealing with his family
The Gender Gap in Accountability
00:07:05
Speaker
members.
00:07:05
Speaker
Now, I mean, it's tough because on one hand, like I said, I feel bad for anybody who comes from a toxic family.
00:07:11
Speaker
It doesn't sound like they're overly toxic, at least from this description.
00:07:14
Speaker
It sounds like they're just sort of tired of you just being a leech on everybody.
00:07:18
Speaker
It's clear for whatever reason you didn't enjoy the environment you're in, but then it was kind of up to you to find a way to get out of there.
00:07:24
Speaker
And you didn't take those opportunities.
00:07:28
Speaker
So I think, again, just to juxtapose this guy versus another queen shit actually got from a Patreon subscriber who had a very similar family dynamic where they were just kind of picking on her like that motivated her to get her shit together and get her own place.
00:07:39
Speaker
where it just seems like this guy just decided to just retreat and do nothing and like almost like a learned helplessness.
00:07:45
Speaker
A lot of these things, like you definitely probably need a therapist for to figure out what happened.
00:07:50
Speaker
Like I said, it's probably a mixture of just, I mean, again, I'm not a biologist, but I mean, people that talk about dopamine depletion being a chemical thing, as well as like really, really poor social skills and emotional coping skills, which I don't think anybody's gonna be able to teach you outside of a professional.
00:08:07
Speaker
and or like just trial and error i mean you gotta throw yourself with a bunch of stuff until you figure it out but i think a therapist and some i don't know balls would help you sack up my friend actually yeah no fuck balls they're like whatever squishy and annoying ovary up and i would fail each time for years because i would be like okay i'm gonna start looking for a job this month
00:08:32
Speaker
And then when the month was up, I still didn't do it.
00:08:35
Speaker
So what I meant by I burned all my bridges was that they were tired of giving me chances for multiple years.
00:08:41
Speaker
They had no more patience and wanted me gone.
00:08:43
Speaker
And I am not young either.
00:08:45
Speaker
But luckily, I'm not like the 40 year old neat though.
00:08:47
Speaker
Yeah, sounds like you weren't far off.
00:08:49
Speaker
I'm trying to figure out how many years this is too.
00:08:51
Speaker
I wish it was... But this is what I mean.
00:08:54
Speaker
Again, as I said in the original episode, most family members, especially their male children, they don't just cut them off willy-nilly.
00:09:02
Speaker
There's usually a lot more to the story.
00:09:05
Speaker
And the OP has even said himself they gave him chance after chance for many, many years until they just had enough time.
00:09:14
Speaker
I really want to know how old this guy is specifically because I think there's a difference between the job market for millennials and the job market for Gen Z. Both are bad.
00:09:24
Speaker
Don't get me wrong.
00:09:26
Speaker
But at least I feel like with millennials, there was hope at the time that like, hey, if you work hard, you can get your own place.
00:09:32
Speaker
You can do this for yourself.
00:09:34
Speaker
It feels like a lot of Gen Z is just giving up and that like they feel like, oh, the deck stacks against me.
00:09:38
Speaker
So I'm not trying.
00:09:39
Speaker
I'm not going to do anything.
00:09:41
Speaker
And it almost seems like this guy just decided nothing was going to work before he even tried.
00:09:45
Speaker
And or just has
Critique of Hypothetical Success Plans
00:09:46
Speaker
no follow through, no discipline or anything.
00:09:49
Speaker
And I'm not saying any of those things are easy.
00:09:50
Speaker
But I'm also saying like, this is like, very, very bad.
00:09:54
Speaker
And you won't be able to take care of yourself at all and survive as an adult.
00:09:58
Speaker
I mean, it's not easy, but it's also basic adulting as well.
00:10:01
Speaker
I mean, obviously, people might be neurodivergent and that's fine.
00:10:06
Speaker
But what I often find in the discourse around being neurodivergent, it's very often used as an excuse for men, whereas women are just expected to just get on with it and to be able to keep a job and to do everything that they're supposed to do, regardless of if they're neurodivergent or not.
00:10:23
Speaker
So whilst that could potentially be a reason, it's not an excuse.
00:10:28
Speaker
Okay, so he refers to what we said at 12.50 in the previous episode and says that I had plans and to be honest, I had everything I needed because I was a college dropout with a 4.0 GPA.
00:10:42
Speaker
So I could pick any sort of study I wanted and I would have passed the perfect grades.
00:10:47
Speaker
I just never acted on my plans.
00:10:49
Speaker
This is all hypothetically speaking, like unless you actually went to college and did the course, you don't actually know if you would have been able to pass all of them.
00:10:58
Speaker
And sometimes that's the more attractive option is that when you say, oh, I had plans, but I just didn't do them.
00:11:04
Speaker
We can then fill in the gaps as to what would have happened had we actually pursued that plans.
00:11:09
Speaker
I mean, it just feels like this guy, once again, he doesn't have any follow through.
00:11:14
Speaker
He might be struggling with fear of success or fear of failure.
00:11:19
Speaker
Or fear of failure or just feeling overwhelmed by just getting
Ownership and Learning Through Failure
00:11:23
Speaker
started.
00:11:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:24
Speaker
Because I feel like that is a very common thing.
00:11:27
Speaker
Once again, my thing, though, is like this doesn't just start when you're 18.
00:11:30
Speaker
Like he must have been just like this for most of his life.
00:11:34
Speaker
And now he just has no adulting skills like you.
00:11:37
Speaker
I mean, it's tough because I'm not going to blame anybody.
00:11:41
Speaker
Nobody is responsible for your failures in life after a certain point except for you.
00:11:45
Speaker
But I do feel like at some point you should have taken ownership sometime in high school of your own life, right?
00:11:51
Speaker
Like that's the time when most people start to do it.
00:11:54
Speaker
That's when you are getting really, really close to adulthood and you start to make plans for the future, figuring out like how you're going to survive in the world.
00:12:00
Speaker
And it seems like you just never did any of that.
00:12:02
Speaker
It feels like almost like where you were is too comfortable.
00:12:05
Speaker
You didn't see anything that was motivating enough for you to do anything.
00:12:09
Speaker
You feel entitled to leech off your family forever.
00:12:12
Speaker
And it just never really registered, like to the extent that they make a lot of accommodations and sacrifices for you.
00:12:17
Speaker
But between all of those different reasons, like you got to figure out what it is and then find your own intrinsic motivation to get it going.
00:12:24
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:12:25
Speaker
I mean, besides that 40 year old neat, like I've just met enough of these guys and have enough of these type of guys in my family where they just never figure it out.
00:12:32
Speaker
And it's bizarre to me because it's not like they're the only person in the family.
00:12:35
Speaker
And yet, you know, the rest of the family will be really self effective and go after what they want and try and fail.
00:12:43
Speaker
And the family is supportive when they fail.
Transition to Adulthood and Family Impact
00:12:45
Speaker
But they're trying, right?
00:12:46
Speaker
Whereas it feels like there's other members and mostly men, almost entirely men, by the way, that just don't do shit.
00:12:53
Speaker
And I don't know why boys in particular have such a problem with launching.
00:12:59
Speaker
Because for some of them, talking about it is as good as doing it.
00:13:02
Speaker
And it's something that I personally find deeply attractive in anyone, but especially guys, is if they're constantly talking about an idea, you know, just like how every guy wants to be like a podcaster like Joe Rogan or release a rap album, for example, and it just never happens.
00:13:19
Speaker
I just find that really off-putting.
00:13:21
Speaker
Okay, even guys who want to be a podcaster and be rappers, like, listen, not every rapper is going to make it, but there's a lot of guys who wrap that hustle, right?
00:13:29
Speaker
Like they work so they can scrounge up money.
00:13:31
Speaker
Or just try.
00:13:33
Speaker
Just try.
00:13:33
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:13:34
Speaker
They scrounge up money to record.
00:13:36
Speaker
They're selling their mixtapes.
00:13:38
Speaker
You know, they're trying to get booked at shows.
00:13:40
Speaker
And if they fail, like, at least they show follow through.
00:13:44
Speaker
This guy's doing none of that.
00:13:45
Speaker
Like he's not trying at anything.
00:13:47
Speaker
Like trying and failing to me is completely different from not trying.
00:13:51
Speaker
Right.
00:13:51
Speaker
Like this guy's not trying.
00:13:53
Speaker
And what I'm confused about is the guys that just don't try because it's not the same as the guys who try but keep kind of fucking up or not doing well because we'll still make fun of you for being a fuck up.
00:14:03
Speaker
But at the same time, it's like, listen, people.
00:14:06
Speaker
I mean, it is FDS, by the way.
00:14:09
Speaker
Yeah, we'd still be making it funny if you were failing all the time, but like, at the same time, it's still like, yeah.
00:14:14
Speaker
But at least you tried.
00:14:16
Speaker
It's that follow through.
00:14:17
Speaker
Like, at least you said, I'm going to try this and you go out and do it.
00:14:20
Speaker
That is really attractive in a guy.
00:14:22
Speaker
But when I just don't like it when they just keep talking,
00:14:25
Speaker
A year later, oh yeah, I'm aspiring to do this business.
00:14:28
Speaker
A year later, it's the same story.
00:14:30
Speaker
Or, you know, I'm still looking for a job.
00:14:32
Speaker
I'm still looking for a job.
00:14:33
Speaker
And they're just not doing it.
00:14:34
Speaker
Like, it's just very, very off-putting.
00:14:38
Speaker
There's something noble in failure, at least.
00:14:40
Speaker
Or at least...
00:14:41
Speaker
you'll learn a lot of things from failure that can help you be successful in the future.
00:14:44
Speaker
When you don't do anything, you learn nothing and your life is really in suspense.
00:14:49
Speaker
And I'm not saying failure is easy.
00:14:50
Speaker
But at the same time, I guess it's just like, I don't understand the psychology.
00:14:54
Speaker
And maybe this guy wants to like, follow up with more insight after this discussion.
00:14:58
Speaker
Like I don't understand the psychology of men who just sit in their mama house and do nothing for like
00:15:04
Speaker
decades sometimes decades like that's wild to me so I don't know I don't get it either like I said maybe it's their mom coddled them too much maybe they're a boy mom or they just are way too comfortable because no one like lights a fire and they're asked to do anything
00:15:19
Speaker
Yeah, I can remember actually when my brother had just graduated high school and he was looking for his job.
00:15:25
Speaker
Like my mum like went in every single day and it wasn't like he wasn't trying to get a job, but she sort of didn't let him rest until he got a job and he found one very, very quickly and he's been employed ever since.
00:15:38
Speaker
So that might be part of it as well is that sometimes family members can let other family members get too comfortable, especially if they're not doing a lot.
00:15:47
Speaker
Like my brother was telling me that that was a big reason why I just wanted to get a job just to get my mum off his back, basically.
00:15:55
Speaker
Yeah, your mom need to have like rode your ass like a lot harder prior to even turning 18.
00:16:00
Speaker
Not blaming her.
00:16:01
Speaker
But at the same time, I feel like this is how sometimes sons end up failing because I don't know if you just have a highly unmotivated.
00:16:08
Speaker
Although, like I said, like I think I've said in prior episodes, I know some nilfs like this who are nilfs and needs whose mom have been riding their ass and then finally just and their dads for that matter.
00:16:18
Speaker
So it's not even just a mom problem.
00:16:20
Speaker
It's actually like what was that guy that had that Coomer collection?
00:16:23
Speaker
Remember that like collection of porn that was like $80,000 that he sued his parents for?
00:16:27
Speaker
I remember we did that way back when.
00:16:29
Speaker
Yeah, they deleted it.
00:16:30
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, they deleted it.
00:16:32
Speaker
And he sued them.
00:16:33
Speaker
Both his parents are riding his ass and like they let him back in their house after he got divorced and they were basically like, get a job, you mother, like get a job.
00:16:42
Speaker
you lazy fuck and he just couldn't do it he just decided to create a porn collection so i don't know despite some parents best efforts some sons just turn out like fugazi just failure to look just failure yeah yeah
00:16:57
Speaker
Honestly, like, yeah, anyways, let's keep going.
00:17:02
Speaker
I said, in my head, there will be excuses like this all the time.
00:17:05
Speaker
I'll start tomorrow.
00:17:06
Speaker
Today was a bad day crap.
00:17:08
Speaker
And then I would ask myself, you know, why I played video games for 24 hours straight.
00:17:13
Speaker
I'm so hungry and sleepy, so I might as well binge a large pizza and start tomorrow.
00:17:18
Speaker
I was extremely irrational, emotional, and just chasing simple lizard brain pleasure.
00:17:22
Speaker
So yeah, I agree with Roe.
00:17:24
Speaker
Assessment on what might be going on there.
00:17:27
Speaker
It's kind of like when you're trying to be on a diet, being on a diet sucks, but you need to eat healthy in order to not, you know, die of obesity or all your teeth rot out of your head because all you do is eat candy.
00:17:39
Speaker
I mean, I sympathize in the sense of like, yeah, it's sometimes it's really hard to get started with something hard.
00:17:44
Speaker
But on the other hand, it's like, man, you got to do something like, I don't know, bring back shame.
00:17:49
Speaker
Were you shamed enough as a child?
00:17:52
Speaker
That's another thing
Professional Help and Military Discipline
00:17:53
Speaker
as well.
00:17:53
Speaker
Like shame.
00:17:54
Speaker
I don't know why people try to avoid it.
00:17:56
Speaker
Shame is sometimes necessary for positive change.
00:18:00
Speaker
So it continues.
00:18:02
Speaker
The plan was always to get a decent entry level job.
00:18:05
Speaker
Let's save up some money for a few months.
00:18:07
Speaker
Go back to school for a quick degree to get a decent job.
00:18:10
Speaker
And then go back to school and continue the science degree that I did for two years.
00:18:14
Speaker
I just never acted on it.
00:18:16
Speaker
At 14.24, he responds.
00:18:19
Speaker
I wasn't blaming my family for my problems.
00:18:22
Speaker
Like I was just saying that if they wanted to help, being mean wasn't the right way.
00:18:26
Speaker
But your point is taken and I agree with you because I was no different than a typical scrote when I said that and you gave a good analogy.
00:18:32
Speaker
It was the analogy of the scrote blaming his girlfriend and saying it was her fault we cheated on her.
00:18:38
Speaker
So I take those words back.
00:18:39
Speaker
Good.
00:18:40
Speaker
I think also just pausing here, I think at this point, legit, just me legit trying to help like you need outside help, meaning it's clear for whatever reason, you don't have the mental, emotional, physical skills to achieve the things that you want currently.
00:18:56
Speaker
And that's fine.
00:18:57
Speaker
Yeah, now your job is to find the resources that can help you to get to the places that you want.
00:19:02
Speaker
Focus on that first, because I think what you've been focusing on is like trying to will yourself into having all these emotional and social and life coping skills you clearly haven't developed.
00:19:12
Speaker
So the next to me, like the step one before you get to that is find people who either do have them and can coach you or try to find a way to find get professional help so that they can help support you in this direction.
00:19:24
Speaker
Because I think it's the same thing as like trying to find a personal trainer, a nutritionist, when you just can't get your diet together, you don't understand what to eat.
00:19:29
Speaker
Like, I think you don't have the skills, you're probably a little bit far behind in developing the skills if you've been doing this for years.
00:19:36
Speaker
And so you're going to need professional intervention of some kind.
00:19:39
Speaker
And that's not a bad thing, but I've just noticed that a lot of people and men in particular, they're just very averse to asking people for help.
00:19:48
Speaker
And it's like behind every successful person is a village of people behind them who are adding their skills, supporting them in different ways.
00:19:57
Speaker
Like nobody knows everything.
00:20:00
Speaker
you know, when it comes to being successful.
00:20:01
Speaker
So there's no shame in asking for help.
00:20:04
Speaker
And relying on motivation, because I've struggled with binge eating as well, in an arena like that, relying on just like sheer motivation and wanting to do it is not really going to get you far.
00:20:14
Speaker
What you need is routine.
00:20:16
Speaker
And when you don't have, you know, something like a job or something like
00:20:20
Speaker
a degree or a course that you're studying to give you that routine, it becomes a lot more difficult to stick to any kind of healthy routine as well.
00:20:30
Speaker
So yeah, so that's something that I would also consider adding is basically need structure to your day.
00:20:35
Speaker
You need structure.
00:20:36
Speaker
Join the military.
00:20:37
Speaker
I don't know.
00:20:39
Speaker
I mean, not a bad option, to be honest.
00:20:41
Speaker
You get free health care, definitely get disciplined in the military.
00:20:45
Speaker
Do get fit, though.
00:20:46
Speaker
You can't afford any of these other types of options, like literally just throw yourself at something hard.
00:20:52
Speaker
And then just if you fail and you don't do well, you'll still have picked up some skills.
00:20:56
Speaker
It's better to fail and, you know, maybe pick up a few skills and to not try at all.
00:21:01
Speaker
So at 1535, I don't really know what he's responding to here, but he says, no, I had everything I needed.
00:21:09
Speaker
I knew what to do and I had the skills to do it.
00:21:11
Speaker
And my family gave me the time, support and multiple chances for multiple years.
00:21:16
Speaker
There was some BS for my family too.
00:21:18
Speaker
For example,
00:21:19
Speaker
And they said, a marriage will fix you.
00:21:21
Speaker
That's what you need, okay?
00:21:22
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:21:23
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:21:24
Speaker
Don't be pawning your scrote sons off on the female populace.
00:21:27
Speaker
Okay, I low-key think now, you know when I said in the previous episode that I low-key think his family are slightly tapped?
00:21:35
Speaker
Because if they're suggesting something like this, knowing that their son was like this, that they want to then palm him off to some poor, unsuspected woman, then they're low-key trashed themselves.
00:21:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:48
Speaker
unfair don't yeah don't i feel like this is what happens when they realize like damn we fucked up with this one we need some woman to fix him for us like oh god this is what women talk about when we talk about hidden emotional labor and like the hidden economy it's basically taking ownership of y'all's fuck up son so they don't shoot up the place all
Navigating Family Dynamics for Independence
00:22:08
Speaker
right like
00:22:10
Speaker
It's like, so they don't end up in the prison system, they stop leeching off their families, etc.
00:22:14
Speaker
Like make some guys feel accomplished.
00:22:17
Speaker
But then their wife spends basically her entire life trying to make him less of a scrote, but at her great personal expense.
00:22:23
Speaker
So like, his family is very typical in that like, we know that this is what families do when they just realize like, Oh, our son is just never gonna, he's just never gonna be anything.
00:22:33
Speaker
But the answer then isn't to then force them off into some poor unsuspecting woman to make her life hell.
00:22:38
Speaker
This is what I don't like.
00:22:39
Speaker
I don't know, just sign them up to the military or something like that.
00:22:42
Speaker
They can go there, you know, let another man whip them into shape.
00:22:45
Speaker
Don't force them onto another woman.
00:22:47
Speaker
So, and they kept saying that I have to accept this marriage, but in the end it's all irrelevant.
00:22:52
Speaker
I put myself in that position.
00:22:54
Speaker
I just feel like I can never speak to my family again, that they will always view me as a loser.
00:22:58
Speaker
And even if I do accomplish my goals and they start being nice to me and saying they're happy for me, to me, it's going to feel fake.
00:23:05
Speaker
If I'd come to them as a homeless person, they would have laughed at me and ridiculed me.
00:23:09
Speaker
And if I go back to them with success, they are proud.
00:23:12
Speaker
I'm like, well... That's how I work.
00:23:17
Speaker
Most parents are proud of their kids who've achieved something.
00:23:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:22
Speaker
laughs in immigrant parents like oh you mean like their love is tied to how well you perform yeah but it's not even that though i don't really know but it seems like again i'm confused by this poster's account of events so he acknowledges that his family gave him chance after chance after chance so it's not like they didn't try and that they just like kicked him out or they were you know super super harsh like some immigrant parents be like if you don't get 100 in a test like it doesn't seem like they were like that at all
00:23:51
Speaker
So I'm starting to think this guy just really needs to humble himself.
00:23:55
Speaker
And what do I mean by that?
00:23:57
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:23:58
Speaker
I know it feels bad to be on like the bottom of the social order or totem pole wherever you are.
00:24:05
Speaker
But unfortunately, in most things in life, we all have to start there.
00:24:10
Speaker
Why does that matter?
00:24:11
Speaker
I think there's an overemphasis in society of like meteoric rises and like instant overnight successes and everybody's figured it out.
00:24:20
Speaker
And sometimes they gloss over the part of a success story where that person was like sleeping on people's couches and like digging through trash cans and etc.
00:24:28
Speaker
Like having to do very, very humbling, humiliating things just to get their feet on the ground.
00:24:33
Speaker
So I guess I look at it like your family being kind of condescending, but still letting you live there.
00:24:38
Speaker
Obviously, it doesn't make you feel good.
00:24:40
Speaker
And I've had similar relationships with where I needed a job or something where some basically I felt like a charity case and I hated it.
00:24:46
Speaker
So I understand the feeling of hating, feeling like you're being a charity case and that everybody is like fake supporting you because they kind of feel bad for you or looking down on you in some way.
00:24:56
Speaker
Having grown up poor and having actually had been a charity case a few times in my life.
00:25:01
Speaker
It feels like shit, right?
00:25:03
Speaker
Like nobody wants to feel like people look down on them for whatever reason, especially for things they are out of your control.
00:25:08
Speaker
In this case, there's a lot of things that are in your control.
00:25:10
Speaker
But let's hypothetically say some of these things are out of your control.
00:25:14
Speaker
But here's the thing.
00:25:16
Speaker
You just got to humble yourself and slog through it.
00:25:18
Speaker
That's just the uncomfortable, unhappy thing that I'm trying to tell you to help you is that like you'll just have to deal with your family being kind of condescending dicks until you get your shit together.
00:25:29
Speaker
And it's better to do that and then get yourself a foothold.
00:25:31
Speaker
And then it's irreparable after that.
00:25:33
Speaker
You can just leave, but at least you'll have some kind of footing.
00:25:37
Speaker
Or once you have better structure in place for your life, you can renegotiate appropriate boundaries with your family.
00:25:43
Speaker
Right now you have none and you can't demand any because you're not, yeah, you're right.
00:25:47
Speaker
You haven't demonstrated any type of success or independence or anything that would cause somebody in your family to have respect for you.
00:25:53
Speaker
And they're being condescending about it because they probably don't know what else to do at this point.
00:25:59
Speaker
So my thing is like, just suck it up, suck it up.
00:26:02
Speaker
They're going to treat you like shit till you get your stuff together and get your shit together.
00:26:05
Speaker
And if you feel like it's irreparable, start demonstrating that you can and you can take care of yourself and then come back and put boundaries in place about some of the ways that they talk to you and treat you.
00:26:15
Speaker
But like right now, you have no legs to stand on.
00:26:18
Speaker
And you're running away from it rather than like trying to work your way through it because you don't want to feel that like sense of shame because there's things about you that are shameful.
00:26:26
Speaker
But the same is that you have to work through that and you have to work on yourself.
00:26:29
Speaker
So, I mean, that's my advice.
00:26:31
Speaker
Like, I think I understand what your problem is like now reading through this, but it's like all of us have had to humble ourselves beyond below where like it's comfortable sometimes to get where we need to go.
00:26:43
Speaker
So just understand you're not special.
00:26:46
Speaker
Your family, for all intents and purposes, they're not like actively abusive towards you.
00:26:49
Speaker
So like, dude, you're lucky.
00:26:51
Speaker
Again, some of the stuff that I've dealt with and other people we've talked to have dealt with, like we were in really bad circumstances for which we had to humble ourselves because you wouldn't be able to take care of yourself at all.
00:26:59
Speaker
Meaning like you won't have a place to sleep, you won't have a place to eat, whatever.
00:27:02
Speaker
You have that.
00:27:03
Speaker
Your family is just a little rude.
00:27:05
Speaker
Like, dude, that's nothing.
00:27:06
Speaker
Like, it's just not that big of a deal.
00:27:08
Speaker
I know it sucks, but like literally, yeah.
00:27:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:11
Speaker
It's like he flip flops between acknowledging that they have a reason to be mad with him and then being upset that they're mad with him.
00:27:18
Speaker
So you're still not fully taking accountability here because it seems like from what you said that this was a long period of you basically being an elf and being a drain on them as well.
00:27:31
Speaker
And so so naturally as well, if they haven't seen evidence of you actually performing and actually succeeding at something, it's not unreasonable for them to lower their expectations of you accordingly.
00:27:43
Speaker
Yeah, nothing about this says that they're wrong.
00:27:44
Speaker
Right.
Integrity and Relationships
00:27:45
Speaker
So it just seems like you just feel shameful about your behavior and like too ashamed to do anything and also too ashamed to humble yourself through it all.
00:27:54
Speaker
And like, listen, like the best thing you can do is let some of those shameful feelings roll off your back and do the hard things anyway.
00:28:00
Speaker
That's the best thing you do for yourself.
00:28:02
Speaker
And so that was basically it.
00:28:03
Speaker
And he acknowledges at the end.
00:28:04
Speaker
So basically because of my actions, my relationship with my family is ruined.
00:28:08
Speaker
And I just want to leave all of it behind and move forward.
00:28:12
Speaker
Well, I hope that if you manage to get your shit together, that I hope you can reconcile with your family.
00:28:18
Speaker
And yeah, if they're not too toxic.
00:28:19
Speaker
But yeah, it seems like I appreciate the acknowledgement in some areas of your role in it, but I don't think you've gone far enough, to be honest.
00:28:29
Speaker
Humble yourself and do better, you scrote.
00:28:31
Speaker
And she just do something.
00:28:32
Speaker
Showing up is half the battle.
00:28:34
Speaker
And it isn't even just about being successful.
00:28:37
Speaker
It's also about having integrity and demonstrating to the world that your words match your actions.
00:28:43
Speaker
Again, like I've said before, it's deeply unappealing and unattractive when you have somebody who's talking about doing something, but they never do it.
00:28:50
Speaker
It's deeply unattractive.
00:28:52
Speaker
And ultimately, like integrity, I'm not sure you're following FDS if it's because you want a relationship with your family or if you want a relationship with a woman.
00:28:59
Speaker
But having integrity will drastically improve all your relationships across your life because ultimately, people want to be around somebody they feel they can trust.
00:29:08
Speaker
And the easiest and best way to build trust is to show to people that you do what you say you will do.
00:29:15
Speaker
And life gets way harder than this.
00:29:16
Speaker
I hate to break it to you because, in fact, I almost don't want to tell you, listen, I'm going to have faith in you and say you're going to do all the hard things and get all the things that you want.
00:29:25
Speaker
And there's going to be way more complicated interactions to navigate after you just master yourself.
00:29:31
Speaker
Right.
00:29:31
Speaker
So mastering yourself is the number one thing you have to do.
00:29:35
Speaker
And that's just going to help you with self-efficacy and get things that you want.
00:29:38
Speaker
And then after that, life actually gets harder than this, like a lot.
00:29:41
Speaker
So
Anecdote of Dysfunctional Marriage
00:29:42
Speaker
yeah.
00:29:42
Speaker
All right.
00:29:42
Speaker
So sorry for you.
00:29:44
Speaker
Do better.
00:29:46
Speaker
Moving along to our second.
00:29:49
Speaker
On to the next.
00:29:50
Speaker
Yeah, our second story here is from Miriam.
00:29:54
Speaker
Hello there, queens.
00:29:55
Speaker
I hope I'm doing this right, but I'm married to the ultimate man-child and just wanted to share just how ridiculous it can truly be.
00:30:02
Speaker
Put on your helmets and buckle up because this is going to be one hell of a wild ride.
00:30:06
Speaker
Okay.
00:30:08
Speaker
So to begin, my husband claims he can't cook.
00:30:10
Speaker
We have been married for 20 years and in all of that time he has never, not once, cooked a meal.
00:30:15
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:30:16
Speaker
Bro, yeah.
00:30:17
Speaker
Yeah, let's pause.
00:30:19
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:30:20
Speaker
You should let him starve.
00:30:22
Speaker
I'm not kidding.
00:30:23
Speaker
Legit.
00:30:24
Speaker
Just let the man starve.
00:30:25
Speaker
Did you know how to cook before you married him?
00:30:27
Speaker
But that's poor.
00:30:28
Speaker
Like, that is really poor.
00:30:29
Speaker
And I would not be surprised after 20 years, this is just weaponizing competence because he knows that if he doesn't cook, then somebody else will.
00:30:36
Speaker
Browning ground beef for hamburger helper is too complex for this guy.
00:30:41
Speaker
What does he do?
00:30:42
Speaker
Okay.
00:30:42
Speaker
What does the man do when he's not at work?
00:30:45
Speaker
Cause I feel like there's a few life skills that most of us pick up just, you know, for basic self-maintenance.
00:30:52
Speaker
Like you gotta eat, you gotta sleep, you gotta poop, you gotta have shelter.
00:30:58
Speaker
Eating is like life skill.
00:30:59
Speaker
Number one, I think.
00:31:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:02
Speaker
So being able to cook very basic things doesn't have to be fancy, but like, yeah, browning ground beef should be one of the top things you should be able to do as an adult.
00:31:11
Speaker
It's quite literally like put it in a pen, add seasoning if you want.
00:31:15
Speaker
That's it.
00:31:16
Speaker
Wait till it browns.
00:31:17
Speaker
No, no, no, no, not if you want.
00:31:20
Speaker
Adding seasoning is a must.
00:31:22
Speaker
You don't want unseasoned burgers.
00:31:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:25
Speaker
I was trying to be generous.
00:31:28
Speaker
But you know, a couple of times when I've been really hungry, like I've just thrown ground beef in a pan and then like ate it just like it is.
00:31:35
Speaker
No salt or anything.
00:31:36
Speaker
It actually tastes fine.
00:31:38
Speaker
It's high quality.
00:31:39
Speaker
It's quite tasty, actually.
00:31:40
Speaker
I sometimes add a bit of tomato sauce and have like a lazy bolognese with some thyme and spices.
00:31:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:48
Speaker
Poor man's food.
00:31:50
Speaker
Brown and ground beef for hamburger helper is too complex for this guy.
00:31:53
Speaker
He also doesn't know how to pick up after himself.
00:31:56
Speaker
Wherever he takes his shoes off is where they land, and that's where they'll stay until he needs them again.
00:32:01
Speaker
We have all tripped over them, but that makes no difference.
00:32:04
Speaker
If he sits down at the table for lunch and eats some salami and cheese and crackers, he leaves all of that food right there on the table, plus the knife and plate.
00:32:11
Speaker
This guy just sounds like a child.
00:32:12
Speaker
Like, absolute child.
00:32:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:16
Speaker
What's his family of origin like?
00:32:17
Speaker
Like, does mom do everything or?
00:32:20
Speaker
Oh, he sounds like he's used to having a maid or something.
00:32:24
Speaker
When we are finished with the meal that I, of course, always cook, he'll always say that he'll do the cleaning up and gets mad if I start to do it.
00:32:30
Speaker
But then he doesn't actually do it.
00:32:32
Speaker
And he doesn't actually do it.
00:32:34
Speaker
This is what I was saying earlier, that some men see saying they'll do something.
00:32:40
Speaker
It gives them the same like dopamine hit as them actually doing it.
00:32:46
Speaker
In his mind, he's like a noble person who's sacrificing for his family, right?
00:32:52
Speaker
I mean, we laugh.
00:32:53
Speaker
I honestly think I'll have to find a citation.
00:32:56
Speaker
I remember reading it somewhere that this is the reason why if you're trying to start like a new exercise or diet regime that people say don't tell like loads of people about it.
00:33:07
Speaker
Because what it does is that if you tell people that you're going to do something, it sometimes gives you the same validation as if you've actually done it.
00:33:15
Speaker
So then you don't end up doing it.
00:33:17
Speaker
And then for him to get mad, like, how dare you claim out after me and then just walk out of the room?
00:33:23
Speaker
That's really manipulative and quite abusive behavior as well, like trying to make out like I was always going to do it.
00:33:29
Speaker
But then when she starts doing it and probably gets upset, he then makes out that he was going to do it all along.
00:33:34
Speaker
And they always make out that I was going to do it at the same time you start doing it.
00:33:39
Speaker
It's just, it's so manipulative.
00:33:41
Speaker
This is the type of marriage that the last letter writer's mom aspired to give her son.
00:33:46
Speaker
and some poor woman.
00:33:47
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:33:48
Speaker
Like, this is the dynamic that happens when his family's trying to pawn their low-value son.
00:33:52
Speaker
A failure to launch.
00:33:53
Speaker
Yeah, their failure to launch that son off to some unsuspecting woman.
00:33:58
Speaker
This is their assault.
00:33:59
Speaker
Yeah, this is actually a good segue from the last one because that is probably how her husband started off.
00:34:06
Speaker
He started off the failure to launch and then her parents arrived and then his parents realized he should just get married and then he can then become another woman's problem.
00:34:14
Speaker
He always says he'll do the cleaning up and then gets mad if I start to do it, but then he doesn't actually do it.
00:34:18
Speaker
He lets it all get crusty for me to scrub the next day.
00:34:21
Speaker
If I do get frustrated from having to ask him over and over to do the same things, of course, then I'm a nag, according to him.
00:34:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:29
Speaker
I'm nagging.
00:34:30
Speaker
I should be asking as nicely every time as I do the first time.
00:34:33
Speaker
He cannot deal with confrontation of any kind.
00:34:36
Speaker
So if there's an issue with insurance and neighbor utility, I have to be the one to take care of it.
00:34:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:41
Speaker
Last letter writer.
00:34:42
Speaker
This is peering into your future right now.
00:34:45
Speaker
He can't help me at the holidays because he's quote, just not a rapper.
00:34:49
Speaker
He can't wrap presents or anything.
00:34:52
Speaker
Oh, so we can't wrap presents.
00:34:53
Speaker
Okay.
00:34:54
Speaker
I'm not that good at wrapping presents, but then you can still buy a gift bag or, I don't know, you can watch YouTube and just learn.
00:35:01
Speaker
Like, does this guy have a job outside the home?
00:35:04
Speaker
Like, you can just learn how to do it.
00:35:06
Speaker
I don't understand it.
00:35:06
Speaker
Like, Google is free.
00:35:08
Speaker
There's this thing called YouTube and this other thing called Google.
00:35:13
Speaker
You can learn how to do anything.
00:35:16
Speaker
Anything you can think of is on the internet.
00:35:20
Speaker
I have noticed, though, like, I might do an episode on this in the bonus content at some point in the future.
00:35:25
Speaker
But because I'm in quite a few career spaces and discords, which are specific to UK careers, I have noticed that it's always generally the men who ask questions that you can easily Google.
00:35:37
Speaker
So they'll ask something like, oh, oh, my tax code is wrong.
00:35:42
Speaker
You know, what do I do?
00:35:43
Speaker
You call HMRC.
00:35:44
Speaker
Oh, okay.
00:35:45
Speaker
They've asked for a reference.
00:35:47
Speaker
Which email do I put down?
00:35:49
Speaker
Email address of HR.
00:35:50
Speaker
Like, these are just stuff that you could find out the answer in two seconds if you just Googled it, but they'll ask everyone else in the Discord.
00:35:57
Speaker
And it's like, can you not just, I don't know, just so a bit of common sense and just, it's always men asking the dumbest questions in that space.
00:36:07
Speaker
to the point where I'm just like, if you ask these basic questions, how do you even actually have a job?
00:36:11
Speaker
But it's not that they don't have the capacity to think for themselves.
00:36:16
Speaker
They just don't want to.
00:36:17
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I'm noticing.
00:36:19
Speaker
Because I guess I assume that the next generation of people would be infinitesimally smarter than the last generation because of the fact that you can go on the internet and find out anything you want to.
00:36:31
Speaker
Or that I think I assumed like,
00:36:33
Speaker
Yeah, men of a younger generation would be like more self effective, they would be able to do more things because they have an advantage in that like, as children, they had access to the internet to learn how to do very basic things.
00:36:45
Speaker
And instead, the opposite happened.
00:36:46
Speaker
It's like they just don't do it, right?
00:36:49
Speaker
It's weird.
00:36:49
Speaker
It's weird because I didn't realize how motivation in some respects is inherent or an intrinsic to a person's personality because there's a lot of guys, they'll never Google it, they'll never YouTube it, or they'll only Google it and YouTube it and never try anything.
00:37:03
Speaker
And I just realized, oh, that's a personality trait and it's not going to change if you just have vast amounts of information at your fingertips.
00:37:10
Speaker
This seems like that.
00:37:11
Speaker
Okay.
00:37:11
Speaker
My sister had to come put up my Christmas tree because I had COVID.
00:37:14
Speaker
He took that to mean I was obviously well enough to have company over her.
00:37:18
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:37:20
Speaker
This is callous.
00:37:21
Speaker
Clown.
00:37:22
Speaker
He throws tantrums like a two-year-old child when things don't go his way.
00:37:26
Speaker
In fact, he once threw a side table through our dining room chandelier, breaking both items.
00:37:31
Speaker
This guy's abusive.
00:37:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:33
Speaker
Pulling back on the comedy here.
00:37:35
Speaker
On another occasion, he punched our garage door until it would no longer open and close because our air conditioner wasn't working.
00:37:41
Speaker
Yeah, he's bad news.
00:37:43
Speaker
This is a guy that if you think about and I referenced this in our last discussion, think about your emotional social toolbox.
00:37:51
Speaker
This guy has a brick.
00:37:54
Speaker
That's all he's got.
00:37:55
Speaker
He doesn't have a hammer.
00:37:56
Speaker
He doesn't have a wrench.
00:37:57
Speaker
He doesn't have a screwdriver.
00:38:00
Speaker
He doesn't have glue.
00:38:01
Speaker
He doesn't have paint.
00:38:01
Speaker
He doesn't have nails.
00:38:02
Speaker
He has nothing.
00:38:02
Speaker
This guy is trying to do everything in life with a brick.
00:38:05
Speaker
Like, it
Decision to Leave and Age Gap Implications
00:38:06
Speaker
doesn't work.
00:38:06
Speaker
Throw a brick at it.
00:38:08
Speaker
Hey, here's a job that requires a power drill.
00:38:11
Speaker
Well, I only got this brick.
00:38:12
Speaker
So since I'm not a power drill person, then fuck it.
00:38:15
Speaker
Like, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just,
00:38:19
Speaker
Whenever I see these guys who are emotional toddlers, that's what it's like.
00:38:22
Speaker
It's like watching someone who opens a toolbox and all that's in the toolbox is like a brick.
00:38:29
Speaker
Man, you never went out and bought pliers or nails or screws or hinges or whatever else, right?
00:38:38
Speaker
No, this guy was just like, well, I got a brick and that's good enough for me.
00:38:42
Speaker
And this is what this comes across as.
00:38:43
Speaker
So yeah, but this sounds mad abusive, sis.
00:38:46
Speaker
So eventually I got myself a condo three months ago.
00:38:49
Speaker
Okay, good.
00:38:49
Speaker
He was going to go live in his mom's basement.
00:38:51
Speaker
He's 52 for reference.
00:38:53
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:38:54
Speaker
So 52 is like boomers or Gen X, older Gen X. Jesus Christ.
00:38:59
Speaker
Yeah, so this is a generational difference I noticed.
00:39:03
Speaker
The reason why he's so mad is because he has no life skills, but he also comes from a generation where that was expected of men to just like offload all this life skills onto women.
00:39:11
Speaker
So...
00:39:12
Speaker
So gross.
00:39:12
Speaker
Okay, so... But he moved with us over here because we have a small child and he wanted time to figure out what to do.
00:39:19
Speaker
Small child?
00:39:20
Speaker
He's 52.
00:39:21
Speaker
Yeah, curious about that.
00:39:23
Speaker
They've been married for 20 years.
00:39:26
Speaker
Oh.
00:39:27
Speaker
Anyway, poor kid.
00:39:28
Speaker
So I'm assuming they got married sometimes in their 30s.
00:39:31
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know.
00:39:33
Speaker
Maybe they adopted.
00:39:33
Speaker
So meanwhile, he acts like the school yard... Or maybe she's much younger than him.
00:39:38
Speaker
Which, again...
00:39:39
Speaker
I'm going to guess that she's actually much younger than this guy, which once again, this is why we're kind of against age gaps.
00:39:45
Speaker
Well, kind of we are.
00:39:47
Speaker
We are not kind of.
00:39:49
Speaker
We are.
00:39:50
Speaker
Well, I'm like age gaps over a certain point are not that big of a deal.
00:39:54
Speaker
If you were both in your 50s and maybe he's in his 60s, unless like, well, OK, unless he's looking for a nurse or a purse.
00:40:00
Speaker
But like, it's definitely a red flag.
00:40:02
Speaker
This guy's in his 50s and you have a small child like, well, I don't know.
00:40:06
Speaker
Maybe they haven't.
00:40:07
Speaker
OK, maybe she's like five years younger than him.
00:40:09
Speaker
And like they had this kid when he was like 45.
00:40:11
Speaker
Yeah, could be.
00:40:14
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:14
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:15
Speaker
Maybe.
00:40:15
Speaker
Maybe the timing might work out.
00:40:16
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:17
Speaker
If you had this kid when you were like in your late 30s, early 40s.
00:40:20
Speaker
Meanwhile, he acts like the schoolyard bully all while asking me to make him special dinners to help him lose weight.
00:40:24
Speaker
Oh no.
00:40:25
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:40:26
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:40:27
Speaker
Oh wait.
00:40:27
Speaker
Did I mention we haven't had sex in six years?
00:40:30
Speaker
And he's a porno and he's a kuma.
00:40:32
Speaker
We haven't had sex in six years because of erectile dysfunction brought on by his raging porn addiction or that he said he would help me more on the house if I would make him a detailed list of what to do.
00:40:41
Speaker
Jesus Christ.
00:40:43
Speaker
Ladies, please marry a man.
00:40:44
Speaker
This shit is for the birds.
00:40:47
Speaker
It honestly sounds like you have every variety of low value man in this man that you married.
00:40:54
Speaker
I'm so sad for you.
00:40:56
Speaker
And I hope you get out because this just sounds horrific.
00:40:58
Speaker
20 years, 20 years.
00:41:02
Speaker
He's not changing.
00:41:03
Speaker
Like he's not coming out of that.
00:41:05
Speaker
Yeah, it's over.
00:41:06
Speaker
It's over.
00:41:07
Speaker
Abandon ship because that's he's not gonna he's not gonna get better than this.
00:41:12
Speaker
Alright, so, A Tale of Two Scroats.
00:41:16
Speaker
I think I might retitle this episode that.
00:41:19
Speaker
A Tale of Two Scroats.
00:41:21
Speaker
This is like the Scroats of Christmas past and future.
Conclusion: Avoiding Low-Value Futures
00:41:24
Speaker
I think the second one was a glimpse into the future, potentially, of the first one.
00:41:32
Speaker
Yeah, no, no joke.
00:41:33
Speaker
And we didn't plan it like this.
00:41:34
Speaker
It just kind of happened coincidentally.
00:41:36
Speaker
But this is literally like, okay, look, first letter writer, you know, this is like Scrooge getting visited by the three ghosts on Christmas Eve.
00:41:43
Speaker
I'm so serious.
00:41:44
Speaker
Like, this is like looking into your future, my man.
00:41:46
Speaker
Like,
00:41:48
Speaker
This is like, basically, I'm not sure if you've seen the bit in Lord of the Rings where Frodo looks into the Palantir, I want to say it is, and he sees what happens if he doesn't destroy the ring.
00:41:59
Speaker
How basically the hobbits will be enslaved and the orcs will rule the earth, along with Lord Sauron.
00:42:04
Speaker
This is your moment in the Palantir movement to the first OP.
00:42:09
Speaker
That is your future if you don't change course.
00:42:13
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:42:13
Speaker
And I mean, that's assuming you're lucky enough to get a woman to put up with you, to be honest, like for 20 years at that.
00:42:20
Speaker
To be fair, the scrot in the second story benefited from the fact that women aren't as enlightened to deadbeat men as they are now.
00:42:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:27
Speaker
So yeah, you're right, actually.
00:42:29
Speaker
Most women would not put up with this at all anymore, unless they're really desperate to be married for some reason.
Closing and Community Engagement
00:42:37
Speaker
Yeah, you got to develop some life skills before you're in your 50s because it's really hard to make excuses.
00:42:42
Speaker
I don't know how old the original guy was.
00:42:44
Speaker
But anyways, that's our show.
00:42:46
Speaker
Check us out on Patreon, patreon.com forward slash female dating strategy on Twitter for as long as it lasts at fem.strat and also on the female dating strategy website.
00:42:56
Speaker
And check us out on the forum if you want to talk about this episode.
00:42:59
Speaker
Also on Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
00:43:02
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens, and for all you scrotes.
00:43:04
Speaker
No one's coming to save you.
00:43:05
Speaker
Get your shit together.
00:43:06
Speaker
Die mad.
00:43:06
Speaker
See you all next week.