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The Tinder Swindler is Kinda Mid For A Scammer
25 Plays3 years ago
We break down all the red flags and vetting strategies Pernilla & Cecilie missed in Netflix's Tinder Swindler.
Also, on a totally unrelated note, FDS needs you to send us $75,000 on our patreon. Our enemies...
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Transcript
Introduction to Female Political Strategy Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, ladies, are you looking for a podcast that brazenly advances women's political interests?
00:00:06
Speaker
Check out Female Political Strategy.
00:00:08
Speaker
Female Political Strategy is a politics-focused spinoff brought to you by the ruthless minds behind the female dating strategy.
00:00:15
Speaker
I'm Lilla, a socialist.
00:00:17
Speaker
Elle, a conservative.
00:00:18
Speaker
And I'm Ro, and I'm politically non-binary.
00:00:20
Speaker
Join us as we shatter male-crafted narratives on all sides of the political spectrum and spearhead our agenda for a female-focused future.
00:00:27
Speaker
Tune in to Female Political Strategy wherever podcasts are distributed.
00:00:31
Speaker
You can also find us on Twitter at Female Political.
00:00:35
Speaker
Until next time, Team Female.
00:00:37
Speaker
Hey, queens.
00:00:38
Speaker
Are you ready to level up?
00:00:39
Speaker
Then join our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy where you can find
00:00:45
Speaker
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00:00:52
Speaker
If you just want to listen to the extra bonus content, we have the lurker mode tier on our Patreon.
00:00:57
Speaker
If you want merchandise, access to the private FDS Patreon discord, which also includes a monthly book club with FDS and feminist themed books, as well as FDS merchandise, t-shirts, mugs, and the opportunity to discuss topics with the FDS podcast queens live.
00:01:14
Speaker
as well as submit stories for our Rose to Scope, Queen, and Nasus discussions on the podcast itself.
00:01:20
Speaker
So if you'd like access to all this and more, visit our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
Introduction to Female Dating Strategy Podcast
00:01:33
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:01:34
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:01:38
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:01:38
Speaker
I'm Savannah.
00:01:39
Speaker
And I'm Lilla.
00:01:40
Speaker
Today we're attacking the Tinder swindler.
The Tinder Swindler Documentary Discussion
00:01:43
Speaker
Dun, dun, dun!
00:01:45
Speaker
This has been blowing up on social media, and I finally watched it last night.
00:01:48
Speaker
I want to say straight out of the gates, if these women had FDS...
00:01:52
Speaker
They would have been scammed.
00:01:53
Speaker
They would have never followed for this shit.
00:01:55
Speaker
I see this as a story of why FDS is necessary and as a course correction for society, for women.
00:02:01
Speaker
I don't blame them for following victim to the scam so much as I think that, yes, like we said before, society kind of sets women up to be exploited like this.
00:02:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:13
Speaker
These women were set up to fail by liberal media, by, you know... The Disneyfication of our romantic encounters, which is not lining up with the realities of dating in this market, specifically dating on things like Tinder, which requires betting.
00:02:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:28
Speaker
And I think for me, what also stood out the most is that we often think, like when we think of romance scams, we often think of like a 70-year-old woman, you know, falling in love with a Nigerian prince in Africa who completely scams her.
00:02:43
Speaker
But these were women who were conventionally attractive.
00:02:45
Speaker
They were clearly quite successful.
00:02:48
Speaker
They were intelligent.
00:02:50
Speaker
And they still got scammed.
00:02:51
Speaker
So, you know, I've seen...
00:02:54
Speaker
you know, across like social media saying, you know, people saying, oh, you know, that will never happen to me.
00:02:59
Speaker
And it's like...
00:03:01
Speaker
But these aren't your typical victims of a romance scam.
00:03:05
Speaker
You know, they're, if anything, they're the complete opposite.
00:03:08
Speaker
And I think it's important to bear in mind that, you know, believing that something won't happen to you, it brings the possibility of you having a massive blind spot.
00:03:20
Speaker
Because I'm sure these women thought the same thing as well.
00:03:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:23
Speaker
I will say from my perspective, like, his scamming skills are actually kind of mid-
00:03:29
Speaker
I actually thought it was a very, very elaborate scam.
00:03:33
Speaker
Like, he clearly... The scam was elaborate.
00:03:35
Speaker
His, like, way that he lured the women in was pretty mid.
00:03:39
Speaker
It was pretty mid.
00:03:40
Speaker
But if you think about, like, all the tenants and all the aspects of the scam, it was very, very well, you know, thought out.
00:03:47
Speaker
Like, he thought of every scenario.
00:03:49
Speaker
Like, any, like, resistance they came up with, he had an answer for it.
00:03:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's true.
00:03:55
Speaker
So let's give a brief synopsis of what happened.
00:04:00
Speaker
You know, obviously, spoiler alert, the Netflix show revolves around three women who were scammed by this guy named Simon Levive.
00:04:09
Speaker
Fake name.
00:04:10
Speaker
Fake name.
00:04:11
Speaker
He actually, so I won't get to the big reveal till after the synopsis.
00:04:15
Speaker
So the first girl, Cecilia, she meets him in London on Tinder.
00:04:19
Speaker
He says he's flying out of London the next day and then tells her to come to meet him at a fancy five-star hotel for dinner and drinks, right?
00:04:28
Speaker
So they have dinner and drinks.
00:04:30
Speaker
Eventually he invites her off in his private jet to fly out of London.
00:04:34
Speaker
London, during this flight out of London, she meets his baby mama, the mother of his two-year-old child, where the baby mama apparently says that Simon's a really good guy.
00:04:42
Speaker
He takes care of us.
00:04:43
Speaker
I'm glad you guys are dating.
00:04:45
Speaker
Really butters her up.
00:04:46
Speaker
Then they go to, where did they fly to again?
00:04:49
Speaker
I want to say.
00:04:49
Speaker
It was Bulgaria.
00:04:50
Speaker
It was Bulgaria.
00:04:51
Speaker
Bulgaria.
00:04:52
Speaker
They flew to Bulgaria.
00:04:53
Speaker
They end up having sex.
00:04:56
Speaker
During sex, she notices he has scratches on his back.
00:05:00
Speaker
And he makes up this story, who knows if this is true or not, that he was in a South African prison and he was discriminated against because he was Jewish.
00:05:09
Speaker
And that, like, someone tried to attack, antagonize him on his diamond business,
Manipulation and Financial Exploitation Tactics
00:05:13
Speaker
etc.
00:05:13
Speaker
She flies back home.
00:05:15
Speaker
He basically says, like, oh, the night's over.
00:05:17
Speaker
um i think he made up some fake business he had to do so she flies back home and then uh she's like oh i'm all worried he's gonna if he's gonna see me again and then eventually he does start to see her uh see or at least text her and say like oh i love you relationship yeah they're in a relationship i want you my girlfriend etc um and then he proceeds to fly her all around the world like whining a diner etc and uh eventually he
00:05:43
Speaker
claims that one of his bodyguards, he says he's a diamond, first of all, he says he's the son of a diamond billionaire.
00:05:50
Speaker
And that's how he gets all of his money to wine and dine women.
00:05:52
Speaker
So he claims that somebody's after his family.
00:05:55
Speaker
He has enemies, so to speak, and that they attacked his bodyguard, that he can no longer use his own credit cards and he can only, like he's going into hiding.
00:06:04
Speaker
So then he asks her to open a credit card and open a loan for him so that he can still conduct his business and that he'll pay her back, which of course he doesn't pay her back.
00:06:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:13
Speaker
And the wildest thing is he sends her like fake bank transfers saying that he did pay her back and then just gaslights her when the money doesn't come through kind of thing.
00:06:23
Speaker
And she ends up, she just keeps taking out loans thinking he's going to pay her back and he never does.
00:06:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah, and what's also even like, even crazy is, you know, when she's getting concerned that she's hitting her credit limits and, you know, can't, because I even thought to myself, how is she getting these loans?
00:06:38
Speaker
But then he actually employed her and sent her fake pay slips.
00:06:43
Speaker
Now, I don't think she got the money that was on the pay slips because it said she was being paid like $90,000 a month.
00:06:51
Speaker
And obviously then if you have that as proof of income in the UK, that increases your-
00:06:57
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much.
00:06:58
Speaker
Yeah, if you're earning $90,000 a month.
00:06:59
Speaker
Yeah, so that's what's crazy.
00:07:00
Speaker
Yeah, so she's able to take out $250,000 worth of loans, personal loans and credit card limits.
00:07:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:15
Speaker
Yeah, pretty insane.
00:07:16
Speaker
So obviously she never sees a dime in that money back from Simon, who eventually disappears, breaks up with her, and then runs the same scam on a woman named Pernilla.
00:07:26
Speaker
Although they're not romantically revolved, they're just friends.
00:07:29
Speaker
He basically runs the same thing with Pernilla, pretends that his friend Peter is being attacked.
00:07:33
Speaker
He has to go into hiding, says he wants them to move in together, ask to borrow money, etc., etc.
00:07:39
Speaker
So...
00:07:42
Speaker
That's the scam.
00:07:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:43
Speaker
And then at the end, okay, Eileen, Queen Eileen, she ends up scamming him back.
00:07:48
Speaker
But we'll get there.
00:07:49
Speaker
We'll get there.
00:07:49
Speaker
Let's dissect this story.
00:07:52
Speaker
So first of all, let's talk about what were some of the early tells.
00:07:55
Speaker
What are some of the red flags in the early phases that stood out to you?
00:07:58
Speaker
I think for me, it was in the interview with Cecilia, who was the woman from Norway.
00:08:06
Speaker
And she was talking about her experiences of online dating.
00:08:09
Speaker
And she said that I...
00:08:14
Speaker
or that she used to idolise stories like Beauty and the Beast, where basically a handsome prince would come and save a woman from the life that she was living.
00:08:24
Speaker
Yeah, so it was clear that she was almost like looking for a guy to...
00:08:31
Speaker
to just completely sweep her off her feet.
00:08:33
Speaker
And I remember watching and seeing like when she was talking about Simon in the early days about how he took her to a fancy restaurant in, you know, London.
00:08:42
Speaker
I think it was even for a coffee date as well, which is just definitely sus.
00:08:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:47
Speaker
Yeah, a billionaire thing you had on a coffee date?
00:08:50
Speaker
Coffee date.
00:08:51
Speaker
But then when she was talking about the early days when he, you know, promised that they would get a flat together in London and, you know, gave her like a $15,000 a month rent limit, I could see like her eyes were lighting up and it was clear that she had fully bought into the Disney fantasy where, you know, I guess, I mean, she wasn't like a poor old maid, but, you know, in comparison to the world she thought that Simon had, she basically was.
00:09:16
Speaker
um and just expecting this super rich billionaire to sweep off her feet and unfortunately disney's conditioning it makes you know women extremely vulnerable to this idea that there is a guy who's gonna be on um on a white horse and he will you know come to save you from your problems
00:09:37
Speaker
It also, you know, leads... It also feeds the idea that a woman has to basically struggle and suffer, you know, to get the love and relationship that she wants from the man she's into.
00:09:50
Speaker
If we look at Beatty and the Beast, for example, she had to cohabit with her literal piece-of-shit beast until he saw the light and started treating her well and they lived happily ever after.
00:10:02
Speaker
It's all nonsense.
00:10:03
Speaker
Real life isn't like
Recognizing Red Flags and Setting Boundaries
00:10:04
Speaker
that.
00:10:04
Speaker
If you meet...
00:10:06
Speaker
a rich beast in real life it's they will remain a rich beast there's no happy ending to that story ever so I think too he tried to impress her with his wealth because I think she did say it was the first time she had like caviar and all those types of really fancy things so I've been on a private jet as well first time she'd done that
00:10:24
Speaker
So, and also she's from a small town, so I imagine there's probably not a lot of elaborate wealth around there, or at least like not as many blatant scammers.
00:10:33
Speaker
I thought she was from Oslo.
00:10:34
Speaker
She said she was a small town girl.
00:10:36
Speaker
No, I think her mom lived in Oslo.
00:10:38
Speaker
Mom lived in Oslo.
00:10:39
Speaker
Because she remembers saying, well, I thought I was a small-town girl.
00:10:42
Speaker
Oh, okay.
00:10:42
Speaker
And, like, she gets a member of that part.
00:10:44
Speaker
So I thought – I don't know how big Oslo is.
00:10:46
Speaker
It's like their capital, right?
00:10:47
Speaker
No, no.
00:10:48
Speaker
But, I mean, she might be saying I'm outside of Oslo.
00:10:50
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:50
Speaker
Meaning, like, a person – they say they're from Oslo, but they could be, like, from someplace outside of there.
00:10:54
Speaker
But the way – Maybe.
00:10:55
Speaker
But she seemed very naive and very overly trusting.
00:10:58
Speaker
But, yeah.
00:10:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:59
Speaker
So I'm like, that pretty much makes me feel like maybe she didn't grow up in a more city.
00:11:03
Speaker
Because, like, if you grew up in, like, New York, for example, you know, people are trying –
00:11:06
Speaker
I feel like anybody from New York would have seen this shit like, girl, he run a credit card scams, like what it was within like two minutes.
00:11:15
Speaker
Whereas like a woman who wasn't used to men doing that sort of thing might have like fallen for that.
00:11:21
Speaker
So, so actually, so I'll say my, my, uh, immediate red flags were the two biggest ones.
00:11:27
Speaker
If there's anything that you learned from this podcast, learn these two dating tips and
00:11:32
Speaker
If a man tries to create a sense of urgency by saying, oh, I have to meet up tonight because I'm leaving town, don't go.
00:11:40
Speaker
Like it's either love bombing, it's either bullshit, he's trying to get you into bed, etc.
00:11:45
Speaker
Always suggest another time.
00:11:47
Speaker
Number two, never go to a second location with a man on a first date.
00:11:51
Speaker
This is like kidnapping rules apply here when you're on a first date with a guy.
00:11:54
Speaker
You know how they say if you're being abducted or kidnapped, like fight for your life before you get to that second location because if you get there, like it's over pretty much.
00:12:03
Speaker
I think those rules very much apply on a first date.
00:12:06
Speaker
So don't go to a second location with him.
00:12:09
Speaker
Always wrap up the night at the first location.
00:12:11
Speaker
And this is especially important.
00:12:12
Speaker
This is why we also say don't do bar dates because a lot of times guys try to do the bar crawl thing.
00:12:16
Speaker
where you go to like several different bars, then try to make it look good.
00:12:19
Speaker
First of all, even if he's not a scam artist, it creates a false sense of intimacy.
00:12:24
Speaker
And a lot of the pickup artists and the red pillars suggest taking women to multiple locations on the same date, because it makes it seems like you're taking them on multiple days and speeds up the intimacy process.
00:12:34
Speaker
And it's a part of love bombing you.
00:12:36
Speaker
To try to get you to fuck on the first
00:12:37
Speaker
date yeah yeah try to get you to fuck on the first date but also like love bombing you long term if they're trying to like if they're trying to scam you right like which some of these guys are so the multiple locations thing is always a red flag as well as the like false sense of urgency so immediately the fact that she not only like went that same day to go see the guy and then like went on a jet plane like to some unknown country the guy she just met even after her friends told her like says he could be a literal kidnapper like
00:13:05
Speaker
Like you could be out here being trafficked and she was like, yellow, going anywhere.
00:13:09
Speaker
I'm like, that will really, really, really get you messed up either way.
00:13:12
Speaker
So listen to your friends, sis.
00:13:13
Speaker
Like your friends had some common sense.
00:13:15
Speaker
Like, yeah, those two things right there.
00:13:18
Speaker
I was like, those are, those two are probably the biggest and massive red flags when it comes to dating on an app.
00:13:25
Speaker
False sense of urgency, a guy trying to take you to a second location.
00:13:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:29
Speaker
I want to say the first thing that stood out to me was actually the fact that he's a single dad.
00:13:33
Speaker
And this, hear me out, hear me out, because I think that single dads should be treated like pariahs, especially if their children are very young.
00:13:43
Speaker
First of all, very, I would have, if I was in that situation with the baby mama, I would have asked a lot more questions about why they broke up.
00:13:50
Speaker
You know, why, why didn't it work out?
00:13:52
Speaker
Right.
00:13:52
Speaker
Because most of the time, most women, women with young children generally don't leave a
00:13:58
Speaker
the father of their child unless there's something seriously wrong.
00:14:02
Speaker
It's not like, you know, in the early phases of dating where it's like, oh, you know, we just didn't have any chemistry anymore.
00:14:06
Speaker
Oh, you know, I just didn't think we were compatible or something like small and situational like that.
00:14:11
Speaker
No, generally, once you have a child together, most of the time, the women in that situation are pretty motivated to keep it up unless there's something seriously wrong with him.
00:14:20
Speaker
In the situation with a single dad, either he left her or she left him.
00:14:23
Speaker
for her to leave him, he probably did something really bad.
00:14:26
Speaker
And for him to leave her, that means he's just a deadbeat who just like broke up with his baby mama when with like a young child.
00:14:32
Speaker
Right.
00:14:32
Speaker
So either, either scenario, whether it's his fault or her fault or not fault, but like whether he broke up with her, she broke up with him.
00:14:39
Speaker
Doesn't matter.
00:14:40
Speaker
Both of these situations are red flags.
00:14:41
Speaker
So single dads of young children to me, unless he's like a widower, that is a red flag to me.
00:14:47
Speaker
So I would have definitely asked more questions with the baby mama.
00:14:49
Speaker
And I,
00:14:49
Speaker
Bringing your baby mama with you on a first date with another woman?
00:14:52
Speaker
A date.
00:14:53
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:14:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
00:14:55
Speaker
Even that, I wouldn't even bother asking her anything.
00:14:57
Speaker
I would just turn around and walk out.
00:14:59
Speaker
Like, who brings their ex and child on a first date?
00:15:03
Speaker
And even the fact he even... I'm not actually sure if he actually has kids or not.
00:15:08
Speaker
But the fact he brought a child on a first date as well, a mahusive red flag.
00:15:13
Speaker
Any single parent or any responsible parent would not...
00:15:17
Speaker
would not think that's appropriate behaviour to be introducing your young child to different people that you're dating, like so early on, on the first date.
00:15:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's weird.
00:15:28
Speaker
If you are dating and you have kids, most of the people I know who are generally like sane and good parents, they want to hold off on introducing their child to their date because they want to make sure that they're in it for the long haul, that they have a good relationship and so on.
00:15:42
Speaker
It's not nice to introduce a child to a potential like, you know, parental figure or something if they're not going to be around for very long, right?
Financial Independence and Relationship Dynamics
00:15:50
Speaker
Like I think, in fact, like some of the most toxic people I've met
00:15:54
Speaker
who are parents who date, they introduce their kids to their dates really early on.
00:15:59
Speaker
It's like this revolving door.
00:16:00
Speaker
It ends up, you know, creating issues for the child in terms of like attachment and so on.
00:16:04
Speaker
Right.
00:16:04
Speaker
So I, yeah, I would have definitely, I definitely would have judged this guy for bringing his child on a first date.
00:16:10
Speaker
That's,
00:16:11
Speaker
Weird.
00:16:11
Speaker
For sure.
00:16:12
Speaker
That was like the early, early red flags.
00:16:16
Speaker
So I feel like if she had said, no, I can't meet you today when he first tried to say like, oh, I'm going to be leaving the next day, then he probably would have just abandoned shift and not talked to her after that.
00:16:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:28
Speaker
Which I need people to understand, like, that is a compliance test.
00:16:32
Speaker
And if they stop talking to you, that's probably a good thing.
00:16:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:37
Speaker
Because I mean, because I'm like best case scenario, let's say he actually is serious about leaving, then who knows when you'll see him, you know, months from now anyways.
00:16:44
Speaker
So and then secondly, like you'll be able to weed out like how interested he is in it.
00:16:49
Speaker
If you just say like, oh, you know, I can't make it right now.
00:16:52
Speaker
how about next week or how about when you come back to London or whatever, like give him another option and then see how he responds.
00:16:58
Speaker
He'll either completely, if he's a scam artist, you failed a compliance test, right?
00:17:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:03
Speaker
Which you want to do.
00:17:04
Speaker
If he's like a decent guy and he actually wants to see you, he'll be interested in scheduling for some other time.
00:17:09
Speaker
And then secondly, if you don't go to a second location,
00:17:12
Speaker
Also a compliance test, because if you refuse to go to the second location, then he's realizing like, oh, she just ate my food and left.
00:17:18
Speaker
Right.
00:17:18
Speaker
And he'll start to like panic because you haven't given the indicators that like he's his investment was worth something in the future.
00:17:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:27
Speaker
Yeah, I want to say, like, the best piece of dating advice, and I sort of practiced this even before the Lundy Bancroft episode, but he mentioned this on, Lundy mentioned this in the Lundy Bancroft episode, how one of the best ways of vetting for abusive or just like shitty men in general is just being less cooperative.
00:17:44
Speaker
you know?
00:17:45
Speaker
So saying like, oh no, I can't, I don't want to go to that location or, oh, let's meet at a different time or something like that.
00:17:50
Speaker
And so I find, I've noticed this a lot with women when they meet a guy, especially if he's a guy that they perceive to be high value, like he's really rich, really attractive, or has other qualities that she really likes and that are rare in men.
00:18:02
Speaker
A lot of times women are just, you know, they get into this mentality like, oh, if I set a boundary, if I say no, or if I
00:18:09
Speaker
say i want to meet a different time you know he might lose interest in me and then i'll miss out on a really great guy and it's like ladies like that's not the mentality that you should be having when dating because here's the thing if he is a good guy if he's actually interested in you and i do this all the time where i'll just like even if i'm not actually busy i'll just say that i'm busy just to make him come up with a different time and most of the time like they'll they'll come they'll come back with a counter offer right and
00:18:33
Speaker
They'll try to make it work if they're interested in you.
00:18:36
Speaker
Right.
00:18:36
Speaker
But the shitty guys, the scam artists, keep in mind that con artists, they are doing their own sort of vetting, right?
00:18:41
Speaker
Like they're trying to see how gullible you are, whether you're willing to go along with what they say.
00:18:46
Speaker
And by, you know, going on the second location by, by going along with all their tactics that tells him, oh, this is a really valuable or a good mark kind of thing.
00:18:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:56
Speaker
So the next part of the whole scam, then she gets to Bulgaria with him and has sex with him.
00:19:03
Speaker
And then he has all these scars on his back and then says he went to prison in North Africa.
00:19:09
Speaker
South Africa.
00:19:10
Speaker
Was it South Africa?
00:19:10
Speaker
It says he went to prison in South Africa.
00:19:13
Speaker
Okay, so like massive glaring red flag.
00:19:16
Speaker
This man's been to prison.
00:19:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:18
Speaker
For like kind of undisclosed reasons he's saying is discrimination against him because he's Jewish.
00:19:23
Speaker
If you would like to hear our thoughts about women dating prisoners, please check out our Patreon episode, 10 Tips on Dating a Prisoner.
00:19:30
Speaker
It's actually been released to the general public.
00:19:32
Speaker
But we roast the concept of dating a prisoner or an ex-con because juice ain't worth the squeeze.
00:19:39
Speaker
That should have been another red flag.
00:19:41
Speaker
This is another thing.
00:19:41
Speaker
I get a lot of men, you know, coming up with these sob stories or, oh, I'm discriminating, you know, him saying that he was discriminated against for being Jewish and so on.
00:19:50
Speaker
I mean, a lot of women, because we're very compassionate, will hear that and be like, oh, I'm so sorry that happened to you kind of thing.
00:19:57
Speaker
And I've fallen for that, like, pfft.
00:20:00
Speaker
so many times in my life that kind of emotional manipulation right and it's just made me you know a lot more like savvy and and much more strict with my emotional boundaries right i i get suspicious of men who tell me sad stories or anything that makes me feel like oh poor baby anything that makes me have that feeling early on i start to go into pattern recognition mode and another thing as well is that a
00:20:27
Speaker
like a high value man, he wouldn't find it appropriate to disclose that so early on to a woman he's just met.
00:20:37
Speaker
Even if, I mean, everybody comes with, you know, baggage and their own traumas, but disclosing that on the first date, trying to make you feel sorry for him is a very, is a common tactic of abusive men.
00:20:50
Speaker
Because that is also how they emotionally hook you in.
00:20:54
Speaker
And if you couple that with, you know, women who have sort of a saviour complex, then you've got a really, really, then you've got to set up for a very, very bad relationship dynamic.
00:21:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:08
Speaker
There's actually a really good book on this called The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout.
00:21:12
Speaker
I highly recommend reading it as a woman.
00:21:15
Speaker
It'll help you become more savvy about the tells of psychopaths and sociopaths.
00:21:21
Speaker
And one of the biggest ones, in fact, the number one tell that she says is him trying to make you feel bad for him.
00:21:28
Speaker
A lot of people think that, oh, a sociopath or a psychopath, they're going to go out there and try to make you afraid of them.
00:21:34
Speaker
That's actually not true.
00:21:35
Speaker
Most of the time...
00:21:37
Speaker
their first thing is to try to rope you in using emotional manipulation, rope you in using emotional manipulation, try to get you to feel bad for them, to lower your guard, and it makes you much more mentally pliable, you know, when you feel bad for them.
00:21:52
Speaker
If you look at Ted Bundy's victims, for example, he managed to lure them in by pretending to be disabled.
00:22:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:00
Speaker
Pretending to be injured.
00:22:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:02
Speaker
So the fact that he went to prison and then the vague excuse that he was betrayed.
00:22:07
Speaker
Allegedly went to prison.
00:22:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:08
Speaker
We don't know if that's true.
00:22:09
Speaker
Well, actually, no, he did.
00:22:10
Speaker
Actually, no, he did go to prison.
00:22:12
Speaker
He did.
00:22:12
Speaker
That was... But it was in Finland for scamming.
00:22:15
Speaker
In Finland.
00:22:15
Speaker
Yeah, for scamming.
00:22:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:22
Speaker
So he actually did go to prison, but just not in the circumstances that he claimed.
00:22:27
Speaker
As they say in the Russian proverb, like, a lie is best concealed between two truths.
00:22:33
Speaker
Oh, gosh.
00:22:34
Speaker
Anyway.
00:22:36
Speaker
Anyway.
00:22:36
Speaker
Oh, the other thing is, like, beware of men who say things that it's like, she even says, like, oh, it's like exactly what I wanted to hear.
00:22:44
Speaker
Or he's telling me exactly what I wanted to hear.
00:22:45
Speaker
Right?
00:22:46
Speaker
So if a guy's future, and we talk about future faking on FDS all the time when a man's promising you the world.
00:22:52
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get married.
00:22:53
Speaker
We're going to have babies.
00:22:54
Speaker
All this kind of stuff.
00:22:55
Speaker
That's another thing that sets off my pattern recognition with men, is if they're making all these grandiose promises and stuff, I'm like,
00:23:01
Speaker
What's your agenda?
00:23:02
Speaker
You know?
00:23:02
Speaker
It just makes me suspicious.
00:23:04
Speaker
So be- definitely beware of men.
00:23:06
Speaker
You know, if you feel like it's too good to be true, it probably is.
00:23:09
Speaker
A man who's got good intentions, he might know that he wants to marry you, to have a family with you early on, but he'll never say that because he understands that he also still needs to vet you properly.
00:23:21
Speaker
So even if, I mean, you know, for example, my brother-in-law always said that he knew that he wanted to marry my sister pretty much straight away, but he didn't then go and say, like, let's get married or we'll get married one day.
00:23:35
Speaker
It still took a while before he eventually made the proposal because he was vetting as well.
00:23:41
Speaker
So...
00:23:43
Speaker
So yeah, and also if a guy is coming out with things, because I read the text messages and it was your typical scammer language as well, like honey, I love you, like all that stuff like that.
00:23:54
Speaker
It's quite generic as well.
00:23:57
Speaker
But I mean, if he's willing to say that to you early on, then he's likely said that to other women early on as well.
Dating Advice and Safety Strategies
00:24:05
Speaker
So you need to put that into perspective too.
00:24:09
Speaker
Yeah, he's love.
00:24:09
Speaker
I mean, it's classic love bombing.
00:24:11
Speaker
This entire setup and execution of the scam relied on that early onset love bombing.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:18
Speaker
From whisking her away to a foreign country, whining and dining her, sending her gifts early on.
00:24:23
Speaker
He was sending her like bouquets of flowers, etc., etc.
00:24:26
Speaker
So it's really tough because I know a lot of women want to.
00:24:30
Speaker
they really want the love fantasy and they're really, I mean, and I'm not going to shame women for like, if they want a guy that has money to take them places.
00:24:36
Speaker
Right.
00:24:37
Speaker
So I get why just having the signifiers of being able to provide for her, being able to send her gifts, being attentive is so special because like so many men are just not even.
00:24:47
Speaker
So few men are like that.
00:24:48
Speaker
So few men are like that.
00:24:50
Speaker
And, um, because most of the guys who are trying to have sex with you aren't nearly as suave about it.
00:24:56
Speaker
I suppose I should say like most of them are kind of crass.
00:24:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:00
Speaker
oh, come over to my apartment for Netflix and chill and we'll fuck on the mattress on the floor kind of thing.
00:25:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:05
Speaker
Right.
00:25:06
Speaker
That's like the bar for men is so low that it doesn't take much for a man to seem like, wow, he's this like amazing high value man kind of thing.
00:25:14
Speaker
Right.
00:25:14
Speaker
It's really easy to get swept off your feet in that kind of dating culture.
00:25:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:18
Speaker
Which is why we say don't take low effort dates.
00:25:20
Speaker
Like I don't, I'm not saying every guy's going to be a billionaire who's going to buy you caviar, but it shouldn't be like such a huge deal that a guy takes you to a nice restaurant.
00:25:27
Speaker
Right.
00:25:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:29
Speaker
But didn't he even ask them on a coffee date?
00:25:31
Speaker
Like they went to a fancy hotel to drink coffee.
00:25:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:36
Speaker
Was it coffee?
00:25:37
Speaker
I don't remember if it was like Pernilla.
00:25:39
Speaker
I do remember Cecilia saying that she had never seen like the gold flecked caviar before.
00:25:46
Speaker
Yeah, I think it was... I don't remember if that was the first date or like a couple of dates in.
00:25:50
Speaker
I think it was the second woman who had the coffee date.
00:25:51
Speaker
But still, yeah, like, I mean, even for people criticize FDS a lot, because we tell women to expect men to invest financially.
00:25:59
Speaker
And to be honest, like...
00:26:01
Speaker
a lot of abusive men will use like financial control over women.
00:26:05
Speaker
And so I want to be very clear that like, we like it when a man invests, but just because he invests in you is not automatically, it doesn't automatically put them in the clear, right?
00:26:15
Speaker
When we say high value men, we're not just talking about looks or talking about money.
00:26:18
Speaker
We're also talking about character, right?
00:26:20
Speaker
And so a billionaire who is attractive, but is also cheating on you and scamming you and, you know, doing all this stuff on your back, that man is low value.
00:26:28
Speaker
Billionaire quotation marks.
00:26:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:33
Speaker
Literally negative value.
00:26:34
Speaker
Like, he actually put all of these women in debt, right?
00:26:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:37
Speaker
He's actually negative value because he had such a negative impact on their life, right?
00:26:41
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:26:42
Speaker
I mean, just keep in mind, like, even if he seems too good to be true, if he's doing all these grandiose displays, you know, you definitely appreciate it, I guess.
00:26:51
Speaker
But, like...
00:26:52
Speaker
You know, don't, like, allow yourself to be swept away.
00:26:55
Speaker
Yeah, pace yourself.
00:26:56
Speaker
Like, start setting boundaries and see how he reacts.
00:26:59
Speaker
To me, even just the fact that he was that busy was a red flag.
00:27:04
Speaker
Like, I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who's always flying out and being in different countries and doesn't have any time for me kind of thing.
00:27:10
Speaker
Like, even just being that busy to me was a red flag.
00:27:13
Speaker
And to be fair, that was another tell as well, is that, like, long-distance relationships...
00:27:21
Speaker
Man alive, you have to be careful.
00:27:23
Speaker
You have to be so, so careful.
00:27:25
Speaker
It seemed like they were never in the same place, Cecilia and Simon.
00:27:30
Speaker
You know, for anything longer than a couple of days, he would fly her out.
00:27:36
Speaker
It just seemed like the whole relationship was long distance.
00:27:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:40
Speaker
Just like Lily said, if somebody is just genuinely too busy to be in the same location as you, because there are some jobs, like if they're a pilot or whatever, where they are flying...
00:27:50
Speaker
like around a lot, but you just need to approach such relationships with caution and you need to doubly vet the person that you're with.
00:28:01
Speaker
I think given the intensity and the speed of the relationship, it was way too quick considering that they weren't even in the same place for most of the time.
00:28:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:11
Speaker
And I also, a vetting strategy that I'd strongly, strongly advise women is don't allow men to fly you out.
00:28:20
Speaker
If you want to meet a guy and he lives in a different city than you, especially if he's wealthy, get him to come to you.
00:28:25
Speaker
Like, meet him on your home turf, where you know the city, where, you know, if something happens, you can always bail.
00:28:31
Speaker
You know, you're not trapped in another city kind of thing.
00:28:34
Speaker
And I learned this lesson the hard way.
00:28:36
Speaker
You know, some people, you know, criticize me because I used to be a sugar baby, but
00:28:40
Speaker
I want to be clear that experience is very traumatizing and I wouldn't do it again.
00:28:43
Speaker
And I learned this lesson the hard way that a lot of these rich guys will fly you out to another country, wine and dine you to create a sense of obligation.
00:28:51
Speaker
And it'll make you feel like I can't say no or I have to do what he says because, you know, you know, he spent all this money on me.
00:28:57
Speaker
You know, I don't have a choice kind of thing.
00:28:58
Speaker
Right.
00:28:58
Speaker
And so isn't that what Scrope Portnoy did?
00:29:01
Speaker
Basically, exactly.
00:29:03
Speaker
I think he was fairly cheap.
00:29:04
Speaker
He just invited the girls to his house.
00:29:05
Speaker
So I don't even think he did all that.
00:29:07
Speaker
But like my experience, too, is like in addition to the love bombing aspects of men, just like dropping a lot of cash early on is that it is a tell of guys who are trying to like force you into bed.
00:29:17
Speaker
Like they're trying to create a sense of urgency to have sex with you.
00:29:20
Speaker
And they think of you as like an object to a certain extent.
00:29:24
Speaker
If you let a guy fly you out, if he puts the ticket in your name and you have a return ticket... Even then, I don't know.
00:29:31
Speaker
If there's something about being on your home turf, for me personally, it's something about being in my city where I know everything.
00:29:37
Speaker
If something were to happen, I always know where...
00:29:40
Speaker
You know, I always know I can like bail, like, you know, quickly duck out, you know, if there's like an alley or something like that.
00:29:45
Speaker
If the guy's being shady, I know, you know, the actual physical landscape of the city that I could like escape if something ever happened.
00:29:53
Speaker
Right.
00:29:53
Speaker
But if you're in another city, you don't know the area.
00:29:55
Speaker
It's much more dangerous.
00:29:56
Speaker
You don't know the terrain.
00:29:57
Speaker
You always have him fly out to see you.
00:29:59
Speaker
If you get to the point later, if you're in a relationship and you fly out to see him, then definitely have a destination and a return ticket and make sure it's in your name.
00:30:09
Speaker
even if he pays for it.
00:30:10
Speaker
Even then, it's just because it's risky just because if you stay in the same hotel room, he's going to expect you to have sex with him.
00:30:17
Speaker
That's the other thing.
00:30:17
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:30:18
Speaker
Get your own hotel.
00:30:19
Speaker
That's the other thing.
00:30:20
Speaker
You pay for your own lodging unless he offers to pay for your lodging offer.
00:30:25
Speaker
Even if he pays for your ticket, make sure that you have the ability to have lodging off-site.
00:30:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:30
Speaker
And actually, if he doesn't offer that right away, just say, oh, I'm going to get myself a hotel to just put my stuff or something like that.
00:30:36
Speaker
Make up an excuse about why you need to do it.
00:30:38
Speaker
Even then, I don't know.
00:30:39
Speaker
I just, I don't risk it.
00:30:40
Speaker
For me, it's also a power move.
00:30:41
Speaker
It's like, I want to see if he's willing to come to me.
00:30:44
Speaker
I'm just thinking if you, if he does it in a successful and you want to like switch roles, like how would you do it in a way that would give you the maximum opportunity to escape if it goes bad?
00:30:52
Speaker
I would definitely not on a first encounter, just fly out to see a guy.
00:30:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:56
Speaker
Let's say like, it's actually like legit.
00:30:58
Speaker
How do you protect yourself?
00:30:59
Speaker
I would say get the ticket in your name, make sure you have a place to stay that's not his house.
00:31:05
Speaker
Yeah, don't stay at his house.
00:31:06
Speaker
Just don't do it.
00:31:08
Speaker
And don't stay longer than like two, three days.
00:31:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:11
Speaker
Maximum.
00:31:11
Speaker
If not two, I think two is actually probably max that I would stay.
00:31:15
Speaker
This is actually another huge red flag was that he said he wanted her to be his girlfriend, but then she goes on Tinder and sees that he had changed some of his pictures.
00:31:24
Speaker
He said he's been active.
00:31:26
Speaker
Yes, I forgot.
00:31:27
Speaker
and he was like oh no i deleted the app never give a man an opportunity to lie to you and i see this all the time where like women they see something they see their man doing something shady and it's like they confront him because they hope that there's some kind of explanation other than him being a cheater other than him being a piece of shit or whatever it's like they want it to work out right and so they'll just sit there and the man of course is just gonna lie like he's not gonna tell you the truth
00:31:53
Speaker
If you catch evidence of him cheating or whatever, right?
00:31:55
Speaker
He's not gonna be like, yeah, babe, I'm really sorry I cheated.
00:31:57
Speaker
No, he's gonna lie to you.
00:31:58
Speaker
And here's the thing, if you go into that with the mentality of wanting to work things out, you're gonna believe him, right?
00:32:04
Speaker
Don't let yourself get swindled.
00:32:06
Speaker
Don't give men an opportunity to lie to you, okay?
00:32:08
Speaker
If you have proof of him being shady, like being on Tinder after saying, after he wants you to be his girlfriend...
00:32:15
Speaker
That's your answer, sis.
00:32:16
Speaker
Like, he's on Tinder after you guys defined the relationship.
00:32:19
Speaker
Right?
00:32:20
Speaker
It's about women being able to trust our intuition.
00:32:24
Speaker
Like, something doesn't have to be, like, you don't, you know, need to, you know, catch him in the act like Shaggy before you realize something's off, right?
00:32:33
Speaker
If something makes... It wasn't me.
00:32:35
Speaker
Exactly.
00:32:35
Speaker
Exactly.
00:32:36
Speaker
If something makes you feel deeply, deeply uncomfortable, then that is something that you should listen to, even if you didn't necessarily catch him in quotation marks.
00:32:46
Speaker
But if it's made you double take or if you feel like he's going behind your back, that is reason enough to cut off the relationship.
00:32:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:55
Speaker
Trust your gut, ladies.
00:32:56
Speaker
Like, if your intuition is telling you something isn't right, it's probably not, okay?
00:33:00
Speaker
And I feel like society sets women up to fail all of the time by telling women, oh, it's probably not like that.
00:33:06
Speaker
Oh, you're probably misreading it.
00:33:08
Speaker
You're perceiving it wrong.
00:33:09
Speaker
Whatever, right?
00:33:10
Speaker
There's this, like, widespread and individual... There's, like, the gaslighting that's on the individual level as well as on the widespread societal level.
00:33:18
Speaker
And more and more women need to just
00:33:21
Speaker
embrace their inner intuition because you're probably right.
00:33:23
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:25
Speaker
Every single time I've ignored my intuition when it comes to a guy, it is always ended badly.
00:33:30
Speaker
So the next part of the story is where I feel like 95% of women would have been like, you got me fucked up right now.
00:33:39
Speaker
Which was the whole incident with Peter being attacked and those fake staged pictures.
00:33:46
Speaker
Blood.
00:33:48
Speaker
Peter is such a bad actor.
00:33:50
Speaker
I was watching, I was looking at the pictures like, how did anyone fall for this?
00:33:54
Speaker
Like, he doesn't even look.
00:33:55
Speaker
Peter down.
00:33:56
Speaker
But he looked Peter down.
00:33:58
Speaker
But Peter looked, did he look hurt?
00:34:00
Speaker
Like, he looked like he was so clearly acting in the pictures.
00:34:03
Speaker
Is it just me, or were they really bad?
00:34:06
Speaker
I was cracking up watching the pictures of Peter allegedly suffering.
00:34:12
Speaker
I mean, I do think it's plausible that he could have gotten actually injured.
00:34:16
Speaker
I mean, he had actual scars and stuff, like stitches on his forehead and stuff.
00:34:20
Speaker
So I think most likely... Oh, that can be done with makeup, though.
00:34:23
Speaker
That's not difficult.
00:34:24
Speaker
Like Hollywood.
00:34:25
Speaker
Makeup, yeah.
00:34:25
Speaker
And it looked like makeup blood.
00:34:27
Speaker
I mean, look at Hollywood, for example.
00:34:29
Speaker
I mean, they're in the ambulance.
00:34:30
Speaker
It looked, to me, it looked somewhat realistic, but what I think happened is most likely they got in some kind of physical confrontation, either like at the club or something, unrelated to, it was, you know, they could have gotten into a conflict, but it wasn't because of his enemies, quote-unquote enemies, right?
00:34:45
Speaker
Most likely it was caused by something else, and when it happened, they were like, oh, let's just take pictures, we can use of this later, kind of thing,
Cultural Influences and Vulnerability in Relationships
00:34:51
Speaker
you know?
00:34:51
Speaker
Yeah, maybe.
00:34:52
Speaker
Yeah, I thought the pictures were fake, like, period.
00:34:55
Speaker
But even so,
00:34:57
Speaker
We preach this till we're blue in the face.
00:34:59
Speaker
Like never involve yourself in a man's business, period.
00:35:04
Speaker
Right?
00:35:04
Speaker
Best case scenario is if like he's actually on the up and up, you're still doing like free labor for him.
00:35:11
Speaker
Right.
00:35:11
Speaker
And then also, like, if anything happens, you're now liable.
00:35:15
Speaker
Like what happened with this this credit card scam he ran through Cecilia.
00:35:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:21
Speaker
Like never invest in a man's business until you're married.
00:35:24
Speaker
The money should be flowing in one direction and one direction only.
00:35:27
Speaker
OK.
00:35:28
Speaker
From the man to the woman.
00:35:29
Speaker
Also, of all the friends that this billionaire supposedly has.
00:35:33
Speaker
He has to ask a woman he met off Tinder a month ago to float him like hundreds of thousands of dollars.
00:35:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:40
Speaker
Like that's crazy.
00:35:42
Speaker
Like they were only dating like a month.
00:35:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:44
Speaker
Also, the fact that he said like, oh, my enemies are tracking my credit card statements.
00:35:49
Speaker
Like that is not how things like work.
00:35:52
Speaker
Great!
00:35:53
Speaker
Right?
00:35:53
Speaker
Like, if the police can't even arrest, you know, if the police are so incompetent, they can't even figure out which flight he's on so they can arrest him.
00:36:00
Speaker
There's no fucking way your quote unquote enemies are tracking your credit card.
00:36:03
Speaker
Okay, just get a different credit card.
00:36:05
Speaker
That's on the bank.
00:36:06
Speaker
Like, what is the bank involved in, you know?
00:36:10
Speaker
involved in his uh enemies or whatever like it's just so unbelievable but it was very very odd to me that she didn't ask that many follow-up questions and was just really really scared because of the peter situation i guess he tried to make it seem like she was in danger too yeah so that kind of that was actually part of it i think he got her to feel like oh i'm i'm kind of in on this like i'm in danger too kind of thing and you know keep in mind also that um
00:36:37
Speaker
Fear is a very powerful emotion.
00:36:39
Speaker
And when people are afraid, it actually like shuts down your ability to think critically when you're in that kind of fight or flight mode.
00:36:46
Speaker
And men often do manipulate women's fears against them to cause them to act against their own self-interest.
00:36:53
Speaker
A good example of this, you know, in right-wing women, Andrew Dworkin talks about how the right manipulates women's anxieties and fears, um,
00:37:02
Speaker
in order to, you know, get them to put their own interests last and put, like, basically white men or right-wing men, you know, first.
00:37:10
Speaker
Or to basically prioritize the men in their life over their own interests by manipulating their fears and their anxieties.
00:37:16
Speaker
And so that's another red flag, is if a man is trying to make you feel afraid, either for him or of him, like, or just of other things in general, like, that is another huge red flag.
00:37:28
Speaker
Yeah, he sent her pictures of, like, bullets in the mail.
00:37:32
Speaker
like he said he started saying like they're sending me pictures of bullets in the mail like that's the time you go man you've got a lot going on right now talk to you later yeah that's the thing like i'd strongly advise most women like that's the other thing is like this is why you shouldn't feel a sense of obligation to men just in general because as soon as they start going in with like the oh i'm involved in criminal activity kind of thing that's when you go well
00:37:56
Speaker
That sounds like you're going through a lot right now.
00:37:58
Speaker
Like, you know, best of luck with that.
00:37:59
Speaker
Bye.
00:38:00
Speaker
Right.
00:38:02
Speaker
You know.
00:38:02
Speaker
So another aspect of this, of this scam, obviously the initial scam was with Cecilia, was the scam that he ran on Pernilla.
00:38:10
Speaker
So basically the setback.
00:38:11
Speaker
up was pretty much the same except for he took I think he took Pernilla on the coffee date and then he tried he later brought his baby mama on a vacation that he took no that wasn't a baby mama that was a different woman he brought a Russian model that was another weird fucking thing is he brought a Russian model with him
00:38:28
Speaker
And then, like, this other random woman who's his friend.
00:38:30
Speaker
I don't know.
00:38:30
Speaker
Well, okay.
00:38:31
Speaker
So, Pernilla said she didn't want to be involved because, like, he went out to a club and was, like, buying bottles and was attracting the champagne girls, I think she called them.
00:38:42
Speaker
What did she call them?
00:38:43
Speaker
Basically, like, the... She called them champagne girls, yeah.
00:38:45
Speaker
Yeah, champagne.
00:38:45
Speaker
Like, basically the women that, like, show up when guys are, like, making it rain at rich clubs and, like, are only there to keep drinking and hanging out.
00:38:52
Speaker
And I was like, yes, that's how you do it with men like that.
00:38:56
Speaker
go in there get your dreams champagne girls in this situation we're smart yeah just get your bag they're smart that's how they do it like a lot of these guys some of these guys have the money they're spending other guys don't let me put it that way and then 90 of these guys like you know they're they're tricking money around because like obviously they're trying to attract women and trying to like uh if you're if you're trying to have a relationship with a guy like that and he's doing that he's gonna cheat on you for sure so first of all with the whole for sure like because
00:39:23
Speaker
he's really in the like ostentatious phase and he wants like he wants the attention on him but like the vast majority of these women are there for a good time not for a long time because they know that what these guys are about like they're they're either uh trying to attract women with their money only so they might sit around and like hang out for like a couple of handbags but the only women that are going to keep hanging out with these guys long term are like sex workers who are like trying to get transactional money from them or um gold diggers i honestly know disrespect to gold diggers
00:39:52
Speaker
I honestly think that's a very highly esteemable profession is being a gold digger.
00:39:57
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not mad at them.
00:39:59
Speaker
I'm not mad at gold diggers.
00:40:00
Speaker
I'm saying that that's actually a better strategy than this weird sense of obligation that these other women feel to him, that they need to save him and loan him money.
00:40:11
Speaker
That's just bizarre.
00:40:12
Speaker
And something I saw on Twitter, which was kind of kind of made my heart drop a little bit, but I think is correct, is that it seems like Simon was scamming like the quote unquote regular women so that he could impress the models we actually wanted.
00:40:24
Speaker
So like all of the regular women's purses, they're reached in their purses that he could wine and dine Russian models.
00:40:31
Speaker
So he could get the woman that he wanted, yeah.
00:40:33
Speaker
Because it didn't seem like Polina was scammed.
00:40:35
Speaker
She just dumped him when he got arrested.
00:40:37
Speaker
Exactly.
00:40:37
Speaker
And when she was searching for the women who were scammed by him, and for the first time he went to jail in Finland, they looked like very regular, a few of them looked like older women.
00:40:50
Speaker
So this guy was scamming regular, regular women, and then all his real women he was trying to impress were models.
00:40:58
Speaker
So...
00:41:00
Speaker
This is another way that I think men manipulate women's like insecurities is that, you know, career women, women who are, you know, over the age of 25, you know, women who are maybe not like, you know, 10 out of 10 attractive.
00:41:12
Speaker
A lot of these women feel like that they're are made to feel like they're undesirable and that if they want a man that they have to, you know,
00:41:21
Speaker
kind of go the extra mile, so to speak.
00:41:23
Speaker
I want to maybe do an episode on Dirty John.
00:41:25
Speaker
I've been wanting to do it for a while, but we just haven't gotten around to it.
00:41:28
Speaker
And how John Meehan used a similar tactic with Deborah Newell.
00:41:32
Speaker
And, you know, she was, I think in her 50s and was a career woman.
00:41:37
Speaker
And a lot of career women, a lot of like, you know, women over the age of 25, I guess, are made to feel like,
00:41:44
Speaker
Yeah, they're made to feel undesirable.
00:41:45
Speaker
And so when they do meet a guy who's really into them, and he's reasonably high value, they feel like they kind of latch on and be like, you know, this is my last chance.
00:41:53
Speaker
And they feel like they need to put in more effort into the relationship to impress them.
00:41:56
Speaker
And it's like, nah, sis, don't let your insecurities, you know, society's like devaluation of you allow you to get scammed like this.
00:42:04
Speaker
It's really tragic.
00:42:05
Speaker
Plus, I think both these women came from countries where, like, going Dutch is normal, right?
00:42:09
Speaker
So that was the other subtext, too, is the 50-50 thing where, I don't know, like, it seems like the women are more accustomed to, like, having to pay for things or, like, it's normal for men for them to ask for money.
00:42:22
Speaker
Whereas I feel like women from countries where that's not the norm would have, like, laughed in his face.
00:42:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:27
Speaker
Yeah, there's a saying in Russia, like a man's wallet is for everybody, or is for the group, a community resource, whatever, and the woman's wallet is private.
00:42:35
Speaker
Okay, facts, yeah.
00:42:37
Speaker
Yeah, facts, like, right?
00:42:39
Speaker
Like, if you tried that with, like, a Russian woman, she would have just laughed at his face, right?
00:42:43
Speaker
But it's actually really unfortunate to me, yeah, how, you know, Nordic women, German women, and Dutch women...
00:42:50
Speaker
Yeah, they feel like, you know, if they want to be empowered or if they want to like an equal relationship that they have to financially contribute to the relationship.
00:42:57
Speaker
Right.
00:42:58
Speaker
And so I'm sure these women were thinking like, oh, he's already spent so much money on me and he's a billionaire.
00:43:02
Speaker
You know, I have to contribute financially somehow, too.
00:43:05
Speaker
Right.
00:43:05
Speaker
And that's another thing, like just to stop feeling obligated to men like God, just reject that feeling altogether.
00:43:13
Speaker
I highly recommend women just shift their mindset such that you feel like men owe you shit.
00:43:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:18
Speaker
Like, don't feel like you owe men shit.
00:43:20
Speaker
You don't.
00:43:21
Speaker
Understand that they owe you shit.
00:43:22
Speaker
They're the ones who are trying to impress you.
00:43:25
Speaker
You're the interviewer here.
00:43:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:27
Speaker
You know?
00:43:29
Speaker
And then what was the second thing where he tried to convince her to get an apartment for him for $15,000?
00:43:33
Speaker
Yeah, so he said after a month or so, let's move in together.
00:43:39
Speaker
And he basically gave her a blank check of up to $15,000 per month in rent.
00:43:45
Speaker
So she was going around...
00:43:47
Speaker
all these apartments you know doing viewings and she even put an offer on an apartment i'm not sure how she did that because the houses that she was going around in london are like diplomats quarter basically places that only diplomats who are being funded by their government can afford um i was actually born there just saying just a bit of flex anyway but yeah
00:44:11
Speaker
But yeah, so yeah, and I'm just, and again, it was just that pacing of the relationship was just way too quick.
00:44:20
Speaker
But to be honest, I'm not sure if the documentary left certain things out because I don't know how...
00:44:28
Speaker
She came to believe he could afford a $15,000 apartment, you know, for them to move into.
00:44:35
Speaker
I mean, did he send her money?
00:44:37
Speaker
Did he, I mean, apart from like the private jet and the fancy jeans and all that, but did she get any like, you know, money out of him?
00:44:43
Speaker
I don't know.
00:44:44
Speaker
It was just a bit random.
00:44:46
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:44:47
Speaker
He was spending this money on her, but she didn't actually see cash, right?
00:44:52
Speaker
Did she see any of that money?
00:44:54
Speaker
I'm not sure if she did.
00:44:55
Speaker
It wasn't clear if she did.
00:44:56
Speaker
No, I'm sure he was just using another woman's credit card to buy.
00:44:58
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:44:59
Speaker
Imagine going on a date with a guy and use another woman's credit card to pay for it, right?
00:45:03
Speaker
Well, that's what he did with Pernilla.
00:45:04
Speaker
So all of the money he was using to take Pernilla on trips was Cecilia's money.
00:45:09
Speaker
That was actually the worst part of this show was that when the part where he's in Mykonos and it's like, it's cut the documentary cuts between like Pernilla talking about all the, you know, expensive dinners and clubbing and all this like fun travel experiences that they're having interspersed, you know, cut back and forth with Cecilia like crying over being financially ruined.
00:45:30
Speaker
That gutted me.
00:45:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:32
Speaker
Again, this is why you don't owe, this is why you shouldn't owe shit to men, okay?
00:45:35
Speaker
Because they do shady shit like this.
00:45:37
Speaker
Right?
00:45:38
Speaker
If I was in Pranilla's situation, because Pranilla kind of was fine all the way up until she took out $30,000 of her own money.
00:45:45
Speaker
Like, that's when, like, most of the Russian models would have bounced.
00:45:48
Speaker
Like, oh man, I don't have it.
00:45:49
Speaker
Like, it bounced out of his life.
00:45:51
Speaker
And enjoyed the free meals and everything, right?
00:45:54
Speaker
Because she didn't pay for anything for a while, so he ran a much longer con on her than he did on Cecilia.
00:46:00
Speaker
It seemed like all that happened with Cecilia over the course of a month.
00:46:04
Speaker
Yeah, I think Cecilia, because she mentioned the Disney thing, and she seemed like the...
00:46:09
Speaker
romantic she seemed a lot more gullible maybe so he thought he could afford to do an accelerated pace on her because he saw her as a more you know profitable mark so to speak um whereas pranilla seemed to you know she seemed to have maybe not like necessarily boundaries but like the fact you know the fact that she was like oh you know she didn't get romantically involved with him right so there he couldn't afford to to play the same game with her
00:46:35
Speaker
But that's the danger.
00:46:36
Speaker
And I always say, or I've always believed that just because a guy, he may not be into you sexually, that doesn't mean that he's not using you.
00:46:45
Speaker
You have to be really careful of that.
00:46:48
Speaker
You know, that's just the danger with, I think, with friendships with men is that generally speaking, like men aren't raised to be equitable and fair in their dealings with women.
00:47:00
Speaker
Right.
00:47:01
Speaker
And people can apply this context to relationships, but for some reason they think that men act differently in friendships and they just don't.
00:47:09
Speaker
Like, it's not the same.
00:47:10
Speaker
So, and a lot of women seem to think, oh yeah, well, my male friend, he's great because he doesn't want anything sexually, which may be true, but that doesn't mean that he's not using you in other ways.
00:47:20
Speaker
That doesn't mean that he's not...
00:47:22
Speaker
you know, taking money from you, like in, you know, Polina's case, or he's not using you as a free therapist or a dumping ground for his emotions or an ego boost.
00:47:31
Speaker
Like, you just really, really need to be careful.
00:47:33
Speaker
And you also need to really, really, really, really vet your male friends.
00:47:36
Speaker
I personally can't be bothered to do that on a mass scale.
00:47:40
Speaker
So that's just why I have very, very few of them.
00:47:43
Speaker
See, I have a different strategy for a couple of years.
00:47:44
Speaker
I mean, now I'm in a relationship, so I can't do this anymore.
00:47:47
Speaker
But for a couple of years, I did basically like monetize my male friendships, like my male orbiters.
00:47:52
Speaker
So again, same energy that you would have, same energy that I would have in a relationship, right?
00:47:57
Speaker
It's like, don't.
00:47:59
Speaker
don't have any kind of relationship with men whether it's romantic or otherwise if you're not benefiting from it.
00:48:04
Speaker
Like, duh.
00:48:05
Speaker
But I can say the male friends I do keep around bring immense benefit to me.
Lessons from Scams and Skepticism
00:48:10
Speaker
But I just keep the circle small because generally speaking, if we accept that most men aren't good relationship material, then they're also not good friendship material because a friendship is also a relationship, just a different kind.
00:48:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:24
Speaker
I mean, there's guys that can really afford that lifestyle.
00:48:27
Speaker
Generally, it comes with some kind of price.
00:48:29
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:48:30
Speaker
There are men that are that wealthy, but then there's even men who aren't that wealthy, but they just are like the type of guys that do nice things.
00:48:36
Speaker
So they spend the money and don't mind like your company behind it.
00:48:40
Speaker
The problem is, is first of all, not being able to tell the real guys from the scammers.
00:48:43
Speaker
And then like all of these compliance tests failing them.
00:48:46
Speaker
Like you didn't recognize the compliance test to know that like you were the mark in the situation.
00:48:52
Speaker
Wait, what?
00:48:53
Speaker
Right.
00:48:53
Speaker
I don't get it.
00:48:54
Speaker
Okay.
00:48:54
Speaker
So like, I'm trying to think of like the difference between a rich guy who was not a scammer, who wanted to take you out and wanted to treat you to nice things he has versus a rich, a quote unquote rich guy.
00:49:07
Speaker
A fake rich guy that was trying to scam you.
00:49:08
Speaker
Well, how to tell the difference between a real rich guy and a fake rich guy?
00:49:11
Speaker
A real... Yeah, exactly.
00:49:13
Speaker
Because there are guys that are like, they're deep in credit card debt.
00:49:17
Speaker
They don't have shit.
00:49:17
Speaker
And they're just like, they're fake in the funk, so to speak.
00:49:20
Speaker
And or it's part of a long scam.
00:49:23
Speaker
And it's not just Simon that does this.
00:49:24
Speaker
There's been a couple other like...
00:49:26
Speaker
really high profile Tinder swindlers too, of guys who were essentially like faking that they had a certain lifestyle, but they were actually scamming people.
00:49:35
Speaker
You go through Ponzi schemes or like fake business courses and all this kind of stuff.
00:49:38
Speaker
Oh, like the Fyre Festival.
00:49:39
Speaker
Yeah, stuff like that.
00:49:40
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:49:40
Speaker
But he's a perfect example.
00:49:41
Speaker
He scammed like men and women.
00:49:43
Speaker
He scammed a bunch of people.
00:49:44
Speaker
He scammed everyone.
00:49:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:46
Speaker
Yeah, so many people, like, top investors as well.
00:49:49
Speaker
Elizabeth Holmes is another one.
00:49:50
Speaker
She scammed, like, you know, fucking, you know, is it a five-star general, James Mattis, for goodness sake?
00:49:58
Speaker
Like, in a dating context about, like, how you tell the rich guys that are just, like, treating you nicely to, like... I mean, first of all...
00:50:04
Speaker
If he's really wealthy, he shouldn't be asking you for money.
00:50:07
Speaker
That's like the probably the first red flag.
00:50:09
Speaker
And I don't care what the reasons are.
00:50:11
Speaker
Incredibly wealthy people are generally incredibly well connected with other wealthy people.
00:50:16
Speaker
Right.
00:50:16
Speaker
So the fact that he didn't have any other billionaire friends or millionaire friends or whatever to bail him out to borrow money from him, he's borrowing money from this, like, just, you know, ordinary, like middle class kind of girl.
00:50:27
Speaker
that's a sign of a Splendid Daddy, okay?
00:50:30
Speaker
And if you look at the amount he was borrowing, like, to the average person, it's a lot of money, but to a billionaire, like, $30,000 is chicken change.
00:50:38
Speaker
Like, you can probably find that in the floor of their mansions or in their apartments.
00:50:43
Speaker
Why is he borrowing quite... Their bathtub is probably worth that much, like... Exactly.
00:50:47
Speaker
Why is he borrowing, like... And also, he even said to Penilla, oh, I can give you one of my watches in, you know, to replace the money that I should have sent by transfer.
00:50:57
Speaker
It was fake.
00:50:58
Speaker
But why couldn't he... But if it was real, like, why couldn't he sell the watches in the first place?
00:51:02
Speaker
Right.
00:51:03
Speaker
Exactly.
00:51:04
Speaker
To raise money.
00:51:05
Speaker
Like, why couldn't he just hand her a stack of cash, right?
00:51:09
Speaker
But, I mean, I'm not trying to blame these women for not seeing it, because I think that the way he laid up the con, they were so emotionally invested and so worried about him that they just weren't really thinking it through properly.
00:51:21
Speaker
Because it's true, if your friend is saying, look, I'm going to be killed if, you know, and I need financial help to not die, then you would want to do it.
00:51:30
Speaker
And he just completely preyed upon their caring instinct.
00:51:34
Speaker
That's what I mean.
00:51:34
Speaker
I think if it wasn't for FDS, I could have fallen for this scam, right?
00:51:38
Speaker
Like, I actually see, I'm not blaming these women.
00:51:41
Speaker
I actually identify with them somewhat.
00:51:43
Speaker
I think it's really unfortunate, but I do feel like society sets women up to fail by, you know, insisting women give men the benefit of the doubt.
00:51:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:06
Speaker
Like, your default should be to not trust men, and it's his job to earn your trust.
00:52:13
Speaker
Whereas, you know, again, like, a lot of these women, and I only think that way mostly because of FDS, actually, right?
00:52:19
Speaker
A lot of these women who maybe didn't get that information, or who weren't raised in that way, to be, you know, skeptical of men, right, are so much more easily swindled.
00:52:30
Speaker
And so I don't blame these women, I blame the greater society that allows these sorts of conditions to happen.
00:52:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:36
Speaker
I also want to bring up like his reaction to when she finally did start setting boundaries and how he started like, you don't want to make me into a powerful enemy and like freaking out.
00:52:44
Speaker
Oh, that was fucking terrifying.
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:45
Speaker
So that's what I'm saying.
00:52:46
Speaker
When you're vetting men, if she had set boundaries early on.
00:52:51
Speaker
That would have revealed itself.
00:52:53
Speaker
Again, setting a boundary and then seeing how he reacts because a fake rich guy is trying to do different things to test compliance and your ability to go along with the scam and the ruse.
00:53:04
Speaker
More often, a guy who probably has the wealth, if you turn it down, if you don't want to do something, if you want to go somewhere else, he should be reasonably open to that.
00:53:13
Speaker
Right.
00:53:13
Speaker
There shouldn't be like a sense of urgency or like a poor reaction to you setting boundaries in the way that Simon did.
00:53:21
Speaker
So I feel like that was also like one of the major tells is that like she didn't set any boundaries.
00:53:26
Speaker
It doesn't seem like she set any boundaries with him prior.
00:53:29
Speaker
And so then when she finally did start trying to set boundaries, she saw his true colors.
00:53:32
Speaker
But I'm like, if you would have did that shit like up front, and even if it was a small boundary, like I can't see you tonight.
00:53:38
Speaker
he would have either disappeared or he would have started to show his colors then.
00:53:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:42
Speaker
Like the fact that he, the moment she started to set a boundary, he's like, what the fuck is this bullshit?
00:53:46
Speaker
And started, you know, that's another huge red flag in general.
00:53:49
Speaker
It's like always beware of people and not just, it's not just men who do this.
00:53:53
Speaker
Women do this too sometimes where if they get confronted over a lie or, you know, they feel like they're cornered or something, they'll do this like disproportionate over the top angry response.
00:54:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:04
Speaker
to try to get you to back down, to try to get you to, you know, doubt yourself.
00:54:09
Speaker
That's another thing that always is like a pattern recognition mode thing for me is if I have a relatively minor conflict with someone and they respond by blowing up at me, they're probably wrong, right?
00:54:19
Speaker
But a lot, again, a lot because of female socialization, a lot of women in that situation will be like, oh, am I the bad guy?
00:54:25
Speaker
Am I wrong?
00:54:26
Speaker
Kind of thing, you know, like women are taught to internalize blame.
00:54:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:30
Speaker
And so on, right?
00:54:31
Speaker
So that's the other red flag for women to be aware of.
00:54:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:36
Speaker
So this is like, these are little tells that were there along the way prior to him even asking for money or at least the vetting strategy she could have done to like see how sincere this guy was about her, but also like about his entire life and whether he's a narc.
00:54:51
Speaker
If he'd ever responded with like, oh, this is your last chance or I'm not going to be here tomorrow or any type of like threat, that's not a real rich guy.
00:54:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:01
Speaker
At all.
00:55:02
Speaker
Or even if he is rich, he's a toxic person, right?
00:55:05
Speaker
And you wouldn't want to date him anyways.
00:55:06
Speaker
And in fact, like, a man who is both rich and toxic are the most terrifying of all.
00:55:11
Speaker
Like, a rich guy who's sort of, like, maybe bumbling and, like, you know, not, like, actively toxic generally sort of means, well...
00:55:18
Speaker
he's probably all right.
00:55:19
Speaker
But a man who's both powerful, rich, and a narcissist, fucking run.
00:55:25
Speaker
You cannot win.
00:55:26
Speaker
He's got too much power.
00:55:27
Speaker
You can't win.
00:55:27
Speaker
The only way that you can win is to avoid them altogether.
00:55:30
Speaker
Trust me.
00:55:30
Speaker
This is so heavy.
00:55:33
Speaker
Take my word for it.
00:55:34
Speaker
I learned these things the hard way, okay?
00:55:36
Speaker
By the way, I want to say, I see this as like an educational opportunity.
00:55:41
Speaker
And so when we say like, oh, the woman should have done this or woman should have done that, it's not to blame the woman.
00:55:45
Speaker
It's to be like, oh, these are some things that women should watch out for.
00:55:50
Speaker
Because, you know, these women, they were very brave, actually, in coming forward.
00:55:55
Speaker
And they got a ton of backlash.
00:55:56
Speaker
You know, tons of people calling them gold diggers, gullible, dumb.
00:55:59
Speaker
Oh, she only saw his money.
00:56:00
Speaker
She deserved it.
00:56:01
Speaker
That kind of stuff.
00:56:02
Speaker
So it took a lot of courage for these women to come forward.
00:56:04
Speaker
And I'm really glad they did because...
00:56:07
Speaker
And, you know, they wanted to make it so that other women wouldn't get scammed by him.
00:56:10
Speaker
And I want to sort of take that a step further.
00:56:12
Speaker
And not only do I want women to not get scammed by Simon, I want women to not get scammed by any men, right?
00:56:19
Speaker
Like, this needs to be widespread knowledge for all women.
00:56:22
Speaker
All women need to know these things.
00:56:23
Speaker
And so I'm actually really grateful to these three women for coming forward with their story.
00:56:27
Speaker
Because it's so easy to, you know, to call these women stupid, they were dumb, because the amounts are, you know, very astronomical.
00:56:35
Speaker
But how many people, you know, watching this documentary have, you know, loaned somebody money, whether it be a friend or a boyfriend or a husband or whatever?
00:56:45
Speaker
And they didn't get it back.
00:56:46
Speaker
Like, there are so many women who are basically doing, you know, what these three women did in the documentary for men every single day.
00:56:52
Speaker
And it's only because the amounts are a lot smaller that people aren't talking about it.
00:56:59
Speaker
So I just want to talk about the finance side of it.
00:57:02
Speaker
And, you know, in terms of the fact that Cecilia gave him her credit card, the fact she was taking out loans in his, you know, for him, the fact that they were transferring huge sums of money to him, even though he hadn't paid back the original sum.
00:57:18
Speaker
You know, I worked in finance for an extremely long time.
00:57:22
Speaker
And one of the golden rules was that trust nobody when it comes to money.
00:57:28
Speaker
So I don't tend to loan money.
00:57:31
Speaker
I give money.
00:57:32
Speaker
So if somebody says, you know, can I loan 20 quid?
00:57:35
Speaker
I'll be like, no, you can have it.
00:57:37
Speaker
And this might sound weird, but it allows me to set financial boundaries because if I cannot let that money go, as in if I would be...
00:57:45
Speaker
in trouble if I didn't see that money again I'd just say no.
00:57:48
Speaker
So if a guy did ask me for five thousand pounds I'm not gonna give him five grand so it will be no.
00:57:54
Speaker
Like a high value person that he wouldn't ever be comfortable with you getting into debt on his behalf.
00:58:01
Speaker
asking for money period what kind of man like asked him for money yeah he was asking this woman to pawn her car to sell her house like the audacity period but at the same time he knew in fact he even suggested that she takes out loans uh cecilia that she took out loans after he'd maxed out a credit card a high value man would actually never do that
00:58:22
Speaker
And if a guy is comfortable with you getting into debt to help him, that means he's not planning on sticking around.
00:58:29
Speaker
Because, you know, why would he want to marry somebody that he's just saddled with debt?
00:58:34
Speaker
And unfortunately, Cecilia fell into the trap of believing.
00:58:38
Speaker
And she even said, like, you know, well, I'm his girlfriend.
00:58:41
Speaker
Of course he's going to come to me for money.
00:58:42
Speaker
He's a billionaire, sis.
00:58:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:45
Speaker
But also, that's a dangerous way to think when you are with a man, because ultimately you are taking out the loans in your name.
00:58:53
Speaker
The credit card is in your name.
00:58:55
Speaker
That means the liability for paying back the debt is 100% on you.
00:59:01
Speaker
And the thing is, people were asking on social media, oh, he's not gone to prison yet.
00:59:06
Speaker
Why not?
00:59:06
Speaker
Why not?
00:59:07
Speaker
And it's because the transactions that he got out of these women, so Cecilia's credit card and the transfers, they were done legitimately.
00:59:18
Speaker
As in, he didn't nick her credit card and start using it.
00:59:21
Speaker
She gave him the card.
00:59:23
Speaker
And every bank will tell you not to do that.
00:59:26
Speaker
Because even if you add an additional card holder, which you can do up to four people,
00:59:31
Speaker
the person whose name is on the credit account is 100% responsible for the whole bill.
00:59:38
Speaker
So, you know, you might be thinking that you're doing Bonnie and Clyde, but actually he's just running up debt in your name and he can and often do.
00:59:47
Speaker
They will leave you holding the bag.
00:59:49
Speaker
I mean, I've known so many, I used to see all the time in the bank where...
00:59:53
Speaker
a woman would take out, you know, something like a phone contract for her partner because he couldn't get credit.
01:00:01
Speaker
Which, by the way, if the bank wouldn't loan somebody money or a company wouldn't loan somebody money because they're too high risk, then neither should you, by the way.
01:00:09
Speaker
Neither should you!
01:00:10
Speaker
Then neither should you.
01:00:13
Speaker
That's just a general financial lesson.
01:00:15
Speaker
Because ultimately as well, if people default on their loan to the bank, they've got buffers, they've got the means to pursue somebody and make their life hell for not paying it back.
01:00:25
Speaker
I mean, you don't have those means.
01:00:26
Speaker
You can go to a small claims court, but it's a long process.
01:00:30
Speaker
And ultimately, it's a civil matter because the bank will see that Cecilia authorized the transactions that she did.
01:00:37
Speaker
She said that she did them.
01:00:39
Speaker
If she tried to sue him, there would be all these recordings of her being like, oh, yes, I'm spending this money kind of thing.
01:00:44
Speaker
Like, she would have no case.
01:00:45
Speaker
And also, she gave her card to someone else.
01:00:47
Speaker
Yeah, and I'm like, I said, I would straight up at that point call the credit card company and said it was stolen.
01:00:52
Speaker
Like, just straight up, like, cut your losses.
01:00:54
Speaker
Yes, exactly.
01:00:55
Speaker
That's what she should have did.
01:00:56
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:56
Speaker
You guys just, you just have to be extremely financially savvy and just trust nobody when it comes to your finances.
01:01:03
Speaker
Your credit is, is, is something that belongs to you and only you like don't let any person, whether that's a guy, you know, a family member or whatever, screw that up for you.
01:01:14
Speaker
Because like now Cecilia, she's still got like eight, you know, creditors on her back for the remaining amount because the bank want their money back.
01:01:22
Speaker
Just not a risk that you can afford to take.
01:01:24
Speaker
And personally, I've never seen a scenario where a woman has taken out a loan for a man and it's ended well.
01:01:31
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:32
Speaker
You as an individual never loan someone money unless you're willing to lose that money.
01:01:36
Speaker
If you can't afford to lose that money, don't do it.
01:01:37
Speaker
It's like, where do you... Yeah, I've never heard... Like you said, I've never heard of a situation where...
01:01:43
Speaker
a woman has taken out a loan for a man and it's ended well for her.
01:01:46
Speaker
Like until, the only exception I can think of is if you're married and you get a mortgage together or something like that, that maybe makes sense.
01:01:52
Speaker
But even in cases where you're married and like, you know, she's paying off his student loans or, you know, a lot of guys like that.
01:01:58
Speaker
And, you know, people hate on FDS for saying we don't date broke bums.
01:02:02
Speaker
But here's the reality is like, just due to like male nature, a broke man will exploit you.
01:02:08
Speaker
that's just how they be, right?
01:02:09
Speaker
Like, you know, if you don't want to be financially exploited by a man, like, I mean, you can be financially exploited by a rich man, but you're much, much, much, much more likely to be financially exploited if he's a homosexual.
01:02:21
Speaker
We used to get, like, so much shit from, like, customers who would be, like, if we queried a transaction, they'd be, like, screaming at us down the phone, like,
01:02:30
Speaker
saying, you know, why are you asking me my date of birth?
01:02:33
Speaker
Like, I actually give a shit and not just, I'm just doing my job.
01:02:36
Speaker
But it's to protect you.
01:02:37
Speaker
Like, at one point, American Express, they were blocking the transactions because it was clearly flagging in their system that this is abnormal, you know, activity.
01:02:47
Speaker
So...
01:02:49
Speaker
And she got on the phone being like, no, unblock it.
01:02:51
Speaker
No, raise the limit for money.
01:02:53
Speaker
No, raise the limit.
01:02:53
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:54
Speaker
And it's just, you know, you just have to, you just have to protect your finances so, so well.
01:03:00
Speaker
And don't let any man anywhere near your credit for it.
01:03:04
Speaker
I mean, I don't care if his like pet is going to pass away tomorrow if you don't send him the money.
01:03:09
Speaker
Like you just need to protect yourself.
01:03:12
Speaker
And it's not, some of it's not even true.
01:03:13
Speaker
Like if a guy's in distress and he can't access funds, sometimes it's not always true.
01:03:18
Speaker
Yeah.
01:03:18
Speaker
I'm in distress.
01:03:20
Speaker
My enemies are after me.
01:03:22
Speaker
They're after Peter.
01:03:24
Speaker
Send me $70,000.
01:03:25
Speaker
That honestly sounded like something out of a religious film.
01:03:35
Speaker
Like, you know, like when they're like praying.
01:03:36
Speaker
I don't know if he got this road growing up.
01:03:39
Speaker
Got enemies.
01:03:40
Speaker
Got a lot of enemies.
01:03:41
Speaker
So I went to...
01:03:42
Speaker
Yeah.
01:03:43
Speaker
And they were literally like praying to cast out the devil all night.
01:03:49
Speaker
That's what it reminded me of.
01:03:51
Speaker
Our enemies.
01:03:53
Speaker
Wait, what?
01:03:55
Speaker
Me, non-religious person not understanding the joke.
01:03:57
Speaker
What?
01:03:57
Speaker
Exactly.
01:03:57
Speaker
It's just like, because I grew up in like an evangelical, like Baptist place, there was a lot of almost, I mean, I call it, for example, negative praying, where they pray against their enemies to not destroy them, as opposed to praying for like happy, positive stuff.
01:04:13
Speaker
So they would spend all night casting out demons and anyone... I remember my dad told me this to me.
01:04:27
Speaker
My dad told us this story years ago, somehow.
01:04:32
Speaker
Sorry.
01:04:32
Speaker
I think, I think like one of us like stole one of his drinks, stole one of his drinks or something.
01:04:38
Speaker
And he was like, okay, if no one owns up to it, I'm going to read this verse in the Bible that if I read it, then the person who did it all will like shit themselves in public.
01:04:52
Speaker
What?
01:04:54
Speaker
Wait, so your dad says, if you don't tell me who it is, I'm going to pray, and then the person who did it will shit themselves in public.
01:05:04
Speaker
It was humilication.
01:05:05
Speaker
It was complete bollocks.
01:05:07
Speaker
But yeah, it was stuff like that.
01:05:09
Speaker
There's a lot of stuff in the Bible where like the prophets like curse their enemies and stuff.
01:05:14
Speaker
And so like a lot of... So when it's like my enemies are armed with, just like my enemies, it just reminded me of something out of like the Bible or religion where there's just this like vague conspiracy to destroy him.
01:05:34
Speaker
even now like he's still saying this documentary is my enemy yeah he said i'm gonna sue you for defamation this documentary is my enemy my enemies my enemies is like having it's like having haters right like so just think of like the ridiculousness of being like my haters are after me
01:05:56
Speaker
like hey you're just gonna hate right you gotta get my enemies there's people that like pray for this like pray to god to destroy my enemies oh my god yeah that's why it was funny that's why it was funny but instead of like praying to god he just said my enemies give me 75 000 pounds don't go away my enemies like
01:06:24
Speaker
But that's what I think that's what Roe was referring to when he says his scamming skills were mid.
01:06:29
Speaker
No, but it's just like, I mean, it's kind of like a televangelist, right?
01:06:32
Speaker
Where they're like, if you just buy this blessed water.
01:06:36
Speaker
For $13,000, all of your enemies will be vanquished.
01:06:41
Speaker
The Lord will make sure.
01:06:44
Speaker
No, but televangelists are scammers, right?
01:06:46
Speaker
So that makes sense that they would use the same tactics.
01:06:49
Speaker
I mean, honestly, we laugh, but that's exactly what happens.
01:06:53
Speaker
That happens in churches all the time.
01:06:55
Speaker
It's not even a televangelist.
01:06:56
Speaker
It's just like, that is so common just to hear like, if you pay £5,000, all your problems will go away.
01:07:03
Speaker
It's really, really cool.
01:07:06
Speaker
So they patched the collection plate around and they'd be like, as much as you give, that's how much God is going to vanquish your enemies.
01:07:12
Speaker
Yeah.
01:07:15
Speaker
And did you ever get, like, the priest or the pastors in the church, like, eyeballing how much everyone gave?
01:07:22
Speaker
It was like... Like, judging you for how much you give?
01:07:28
Speaker
It was like, my grandfather used to, for that reason, used to break, like, it was like, for example, like, the equivalent of, like, $100 into, like, $1 notes.
01:07:38
Speaker
I'm just putting like 10 notes.
01:07:40
Speaker
It looked like it was putting in more.
01:07:41
Speaker
It's like, how great is your faith?
01:07:44
Speaker
When it was putting in $10.
01:07:46
Speaker
They always tell it like, if you really believe God, it's great.
01:07:50
Speaker
And he's here to vanquish your enemies and put you up on the mountaintop to you to see your success and be exalted among others.
01:07:58
Speaker
Put $75,000 in the collection place.
01:08:02
Speaker
Yeah, if you really believe in God, you'll drain your bank account.
01:08:05
Speaker
You know, if you're really a Christian, you'll give me your entire paycheck.
01:08:09
Speaker
Legit.
01:08:10
Speaker
That's what people do.
01:08:11
Speaker
To be honest, I think we should do an episode on religious scams, because I can honestly see parallels between what Simon did and, you know, what happens in the church.
01:08:21
Speaker
So they'll often also start with, like, the church sob story.
01:08:24
Speaker
I don't know if you have it as well, Roe, but I went to a church...
01:08:27
Speaker
at my uncle's church when I was in Nigeria, and they had a special priest for offering.
01:08:33
Speaker
So the music went to like that, you know that sad church music?
01:08:38
Speaker
Yeah, the sad church organ music, yeah.
01:08:41
Speaker
And they were saying like, oh, the building's falling down.
01:08:44
Speaker
And, you know, we may not be able to like basically start like the whole like, you know, bullshit pressure.
01:08:50
Speaker
And then, oh, we need, you know, one million naira.
01:08:52
Speaker
So we need to raise it like today.
01:08:55
Speaker
Sense of urgency.
01:08:56
Speaker
Yeah.
01:08:57
Speaker
Yeah, it's the same tactics.
01:08:58
Speaker
If you don't donate money immediately, that ceiling fan above you, that's going to fall.
01:09:04
Speaker
And it's God's way of telling you to donate money.
Empowerment and Solidarity Against Deceptive Practices
01:09:09
Speaker
You know, you have to do it today or else God will be mad at you or something.
01:09:12
Speaker
I don't know.
01:09:13
Speaker
I mean, the last thing I would also like to say on this as well is be aware of the force teaming aspect of when a guy uses the we too quickly.
01:09:23
Speaker
Everything... That was the other thing I noticed actually, and I wrote down, like, him saying, like, everything we're going through, everything we're going through together,
01:09:30
Speaker
together it's gonna pay off later i'll make it up to you it's it's it's really spoken about extensively in the gift of uh fear by gavin de becker which is a very good read but basically like beware of a man um you know quickly using the the we and like doing the force teaming like too soon
01:09:51
Speaker
I get this a lot, actually.
01:09:52
Speaker
Men do this to me all the time, and I'll even just call them out.
01:09:55
Speaker
I'm like, what's we?
01:09:56
Speaker
Who is we?
01:09:58
Speaker
It's essentially to disarm you, and in this case, in the case of the Tinder Swindler, is to make them invested in his, I guess, non-existent problems.
01:10:08
Speaker
So they will be invested in being a part of the solution to it.
01:10:13
Speaker
I want to talk about the ending and why it's so great.
01:10:16
Speaker
I want to talk about why... Okay, first, the only thing that made this not a happy ending for me was the fact that he only spent five months in prison and is apparently now, like, you know, he's back on Instagram flexing and he has an Israeli model, girlfriend kind of thing.
01:10:32
Speaker
And I'm like, girl, like, you know what this guy's like.
01:10:34
Speaker
You know his deal, right?
01:10:36
Speaker
Like, how... Sis, how could you fall for this?
01:10:39
Speaker
She's clout chasing.
01:10:39
Speaker
Maybe, yeah.
01:10:40
Speaker
But still, I'm just like... Yeah.
01:10:42
Speaker
Girl, like, why...
01:10:44
Speaker
I'm kind of pissed off at any woman who would date him at this point just because it's like a betrayal.
01:10:47
Speaker
I see it as a betrayal to female class solidarity.
01:10:50
Speaker
The whole reason why these women came out, these three women, was because they wanted his face to be plastered all over the place so that, you know, other women wouldn't fall for that shit.
01:10:59
Speaker
And so the fact that women are, he's still being rewarded with women dating him, that kind of pisses me off.
01:11:04
Speaker
But I want to talk about
01:11:06
Speaker
why this is a happy ending, mostly, in my opinion.
01:11:10
Speaker
First of all, the part where the three women joined forces against him, I was like, queen?
01:11:16
Speaker
It just makes me feel like
01:11:17
Speaker
It's just a very important reminder that we, as women, individually, we might be weak against men, but together, we will be unstoppable.
01:11:26
Speaker
And it's, to me, just a lesson in the importance of women being able to compare notes.
01:11:31
Speaker
Hey, what the three women did when they finally got together, they did the same thing that we do on FDS, which is like, oh, he did this to me.
01:11:37
Speaker
No way, he did this to me too.
01:11:39
Speaker
It's sort of like a Me Too kind of moment.
01:11:42
Speaker
And once you realize, hey...
01:11:45
Speaker
This guy's playing all of us kind of thing.
01:11:47
Speaker
That's when you kind of like can turn it back on him, right?
01:11:50
Speaker
I want to talk about Eileen and Eileen for selling his clothes.
01:11:54
Speaker
Yeah, so basically with Eileen, she figured out that even though he doesn't actually have the money, so she was dating him this entire time.
01:12:01
Speaker
She'd been dating him for over a year.
01:12:03
Speaker
She was the one who was with him the longest.
01:12:04
Speaker
She was with him for 14 months.
01:12:05
Speaker
Yeah, and she was dating him when he was gallivanting with both Cecilia and Pranilla.
01:12:11
Speaker
And then she finds out that he's a scammer when they publish the article about the Tinder swiddler.
01:12:16
Speaker
And of course, he denies everything, et cetera, et cetera, when she confronts him about it.
01:12:20
Speaker
But because he got cut off from his regular credit card scam, he didn't have any money anymore.
01:12:26
Speaker
So he kept asking Eileen to send him money.
01:12:28
Speaker
And so what she says she's going to do is to sell all of his clothes.
01:12:32
Speaker
She's like, I'm his only person left.
01:12:34
Speaker
He has no one else to turn to.
01:12:35
Speaker
I'm like, power move.
01:12:37
Speaker
100%.
01:12:37
Speaker
So she starts selling his clothes, but she never, she says she's going to send him the money and then never does.
01:12:41
Speaker
Right.
01:12:42
Speaker
And so he starts to get progressively more aggressive, progressively starts freaking out.
01:12:46
Speaker
And then like.
01:12:46
Speaker
And acting like a psycho.
01:12:47
Speaker
Yeah.
01:12:48
Speaker
Going back and forth between like psychotic behavior and then trying to like coax her into like, you know, oh, we're together.
01:12:54
Speaker
Oh baby, I love you so much, et cetera, et cetera.
01:12:56
Speaker
And then he becomes the homeless king.
01:12:58
Speaker
Yeah.
01:12:59
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:00
Speaker
From Prince of Diamonds to Homeless King.
01:13:02
Speaker
I'm Homeless King.
01:13:04
Speaker
Staying in one-star hostels and stuff.
01:13:06
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:07
Speaker
The thing that I thought was the most entertaining was her ability to, like, pretend to be cool with him.
01:13:13
Speaker
And I do this sometimes, too, with men.
01:13:15
Speaker
Often in, like, an office environment is I'll be friendly to guys who are either hostile to me or who I want to destroy.
01:13:25
Speaker
And men are fucking dumb.
01:13:26
Speaker
Like, they just can't tell.
01:13:27
Speaker
Like, I could just be to his face being like, ah, like, that's so funny kind of thing in my head.
01:13:32
Speaker
I'm like, I'm gonna fucking destroy you and you don't even know it kind of thing.
01:13:34
Speaker
And they can't seem to tell, right?
01:13:37
Speaker
So I thought it was really hilarious that she was like, pretending to be cool with him, just to get him to meet up with her so that she could fill three suitcases worth of his clothes and resell them.
01:13:46
Speaker
I don't think because she ended up running up like $140,000 debt for him.
01:13:51
Speaker
So she didn't actually manage to pay back what she had, right?
01:13:56
Speaker
But because she worked in the fashion industry, she was able to resell his clothes for, you know, a decent amount.
01:14:01
Speaker
I think it's kind of a bummer that her scam of him was way more high effort than his scam of these women, right?
01:14:06
Speaker
Like, it's a lot of work, actually, selling all these items online and stuff.
01:14:09
Speaker
And it's like $100 here or $200 here.
01:14:12
Speaker
It added up to maybe a few thousand dollars or whatever, right?
01:14:15
Speaker
But nowhere near what he scammed her of, right?
01:14:17
Speaker
Right.
01:14:18
Speaker
But I do very much like the idea of scamming the scammer kind of thing.
01:14:22
Speaker
I was like, queen.
01:14:24
Speaker
I also love the imagery, just from a cinematography standpoint, of her ironing his clothes to resell while she's reading his phony-ass letter.
01:14:31
Speaker
His letter about, oh, we're in this together, babe.
01:14:34
Speaker
I love you so much.
01:14:35
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah.
01:14:35
Speaker
And at the end, she's like, cry me a river.
01:14:39
Speaker
Queen.
01:14:40
Speaker
Okay.
01:14:41
Speaker
More women need to have this energy.
01:14:42
Speaker
Seriously.
01:14:44
Speaker
All right.
01:14:44
Speaker
So that's our show.
01:14:45
Speaker
Please check out our website, thefemaledatingstrategy.com, as well as our Instagram at underscore thefemaledatingstrategy and our Twitter at femedatstrat.
Closing and Promotions
01:14:53
Speaker
And if you'd like to hear more bonus content and more discussion, check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy.
01:15:01
Speaker
We also will definitely be talking about this probably in the Discord.
01:15:06
Speaker
So check us out.
01:15:07
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:15:09
Speaker
And for Simon, FDS is one of your enemies.
01:15:14
Speaker
Be very, very afraid.
01:15:15
Speaker
We're coming for you.
01:15:16
Speaker
And die mad.
01:15:17
Speaker
Bye.