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Ep 51 - Sheba and Divvya A Bhasin share a coffee
94 Plays3 years ago
Presenting a soul conversation with Divvya A Bhasin. Divvya is a Jewelry Designer and Storyteller.
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Transcript
Introduction and Greetings
00:00:02
Speaker
I'm delighted to have you in the podcast where all stories are welcome and the masks come off.
00:00:13
Speaker
Hi, Divya. Hello, Shiva. How are you? I'm very good. Welcome to Soul Brews with Shiva. It's such a delight to host you on Coffee and Soul. Thank you so much for having me and you've been very patient and I've been looking forward to it myself but somehow I guess when it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Absolutely and I'm so glad that I finally caught you.
00:00:38
Speaker
Yes, yes, absolutely.
Toasting to Life and Friendship
00:00:42
Speaker
Wonderful. Thank you so much for making the time. Thank you. So you got your coffee ready with you? All right. So here's to life and friendship and a long way to live. Absolutely. To many more glorious, wonderful, happy years.
00:00:58
Speaker
and look forward to that, cheers. Oh yes, good coffee. Can I ask you to just hold this cup between your hands if it's not too hot? No, it's not, it's perfect. And can you just sit back and relax and breathe and just relax and let the smells waft over you and the feeling of the coffee. Now what comes up for you? If anything comes up for you?
The Magic of Being Present with Coffee
00:01:26
Speaker
It's actually quite a magical moment. I've never done this. I have a coffee every day sometimes with you, never really. But I think today when I did it, I really was in the moment. And I think for me, everything came to a pause. And there was a stillness, there was a very calm stillness and
00:01:45
Speaker
a sense of, you know, contentment, gratitude, I don't know. So it was a very like a calming effect of that whole aroma and the, you know, the flavor in my mouth was just so like, really in the moment. So thank you for making me experience this, actually. Now I'm going to do this every time I have my first sip.
00:02:08
Speaker
It's a pleasure, Divya. What is this being in the moment, being calm? What does it mean for you? What does it mean for you? I think, you know, it's always coffee is always on the go. I've always had like, let me get my caffeine fix and let's get on with it, you know? But I think this is the first time when it said it gave me a little stillness. It made me sort of
00:02:33
Speaker
Literally what they say is stop and smell the coffee is what I actually did and I've really enjoyed that moment and I think it really makes you reflect that why am I, I think I should sit down every day and enjoy my coffee then rather than taking it
00:02:53
Speaker
You know, being, it's like on the go, on the get your fix and let's get going. So I think that's what I meant by in the moment. I think there's, it's, it's coffee, but the joy it's given me about along with being in the moment is that, oh, wow, this is my coffee time. And, you know, I've.
00:03:12
Speaker
had my sip and that how blessed am I to be doing this?
What Stirs the Soul?
00:03:17
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Instead of it just being a tick, no, I have to do this and then get on with the rest. Yeah. And I think it's so magical to experience, you know, the stillness and the calmness, because I think in all this madness, we forget that how what a cup of coffee can do to you can really stir your soul, which it has. I think that's very beautiful. It stirs your soul.
00:03:41
Speaker
Yeah, it's so true. Then we are picking up from that. What else does your soul? Wow. I think there are a couple of things, you know.
00:03:52
Speaker
It's all very Shiva for me. I think what stirs my soul today may not stir my soul tomorrow. And at the moment what stirs my soul is I love being in nature and I actually have started enjoying a lot of me time. That's really stirring my soul. Like I said being in the moment and I genuinely feel that it's like a reflection. I think all along I've always
00:04:20
Speaker
looked out for you know things to do or a company or I think what's stirring my soul these days is a lot of introspection and a lot of me time which is making me also aware of myself and I'm so fine here at the age of 55 I'm discovering myself. And how does that feel? It's fantastic actually because you know we the last person we thank is ourselves
00:04:49
Speaker
And thank the whole world, we thank our, you know, everybody for something or the other, but the last person we do is really thank ourselves. Sit down for half a day and say, okay, wow, I mean, it's 55 years of bliss, or whatever ups, downs, this, that, comes, but how the me has survived me. That's beautiful. Let's underscore that. How the me has survived me.
Travel and New Experiences
00:05:16
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, you know, we put ourselves through and we've lived through it and we've really not patted ourselves or hanged our own self.
00:05:29
Speaker
I think that is what I'm enjoying these days during my soul. That comes with a bit of travel, I have to say. You know, travel is my, it's sort of, you know, when you're out of your home situation, it really does work for me out of sight, out of mind. You forget about so many of your daily chores and everything. So travel, nature, travel,
00:05:54
Speaker
is stirring my soul these days a lot and painting, driving, the things which I never did all my life. So driving and you also did the car expedition, didn't you? Yeah, that was an experience actually, absolutely. So funnily enough, you know, this COVID time in 2020, we had, you know, it taught you a lot, you know,
00:06:21
Speaker
how to accept life and to be really be grateful for whatever you have. And then I made a little, I've never really made a bucket list because I believe, you know, you can keep making a bucket list. You never know when you're going to kick the bucket. So it's, it's something about, but I said to myself, okay, things that I would like to achieve within this year. Now I could not promise myself and I did a very interesting course. And I think you were my coach in that.
Pandemic Reflections and Personal Growth
00:06:50
Speaker
you know where I started the course saying that how I would see myself five years and I really couldn't think because it was through this pandemic we sort of did this and I've said five years oh my lord we don't know what's going to happen they talk about second wave third wave what waves so I really did a little list of okay 2021 is a year what all I want to do so I set myself smaller goals and and God's been kind that I've managed to do quite a few of my those goals and I
00:07:18
Speaker
And then to keep working towards it, of course, you have to work towards it. It's not just going to happen. But so just the goals that I set, that's motivating me to that's turning my soul to the end of this. You know, I said, OK, I have to get this going. And you know, so yes, there's been a couple of fabulous moments that I've had in the last to the pandemic, actually, which has been an eye opener.
00:07:44
Speaker
Sure. I mean, that's amazing. It's amazing that, you know, you dreamt it and you're making it happen, you know? Yeah, yeah. I read somewhere that, you know, if you don't dream it, you'll never, you'll never make it happen. So if you're going to dream it, you have to work your ways around it, prioritize. But I guess all that happens when the time is all right, you know, when your body and soul is aligned, because otherwise it just doesn't happen.
00:08:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's a time, it's a time that kind of everything is all, as you said, in alignment. Yeah, it's fabulous what body, soul, mind alignment does because that really is the whole essence of my 2021. That's amazing. That's so beautiful.
00:08:35
Speaker
You know, when you talk about your, so this is 2021, obviously you spoke about all the things that happened, your journey.
Life Phases and Key Learnings
00:08:44
Speaker
Tell me a little bit about yourself, you know, your ups and downs, some of your high points, some of the key learnings or defining moments you had in your journey, in your life. I would love to hear more about you.
00:08:57
Speaker
Okay. So interesting. It's been, I've led a beautiful, fulfilling life when I look back now and really, and I really truly, I truly feel that I'm blessed even though I had, you know, a couple of hardships, which I'm sure everybody deals with their lifetimes. So I would break my life into three parts. You know, one is from my childhood till I was probably
00:09:26
Speaker
till I lost my mother. So that was part one of my life. So that was, you know, a usual beautiful childhood, you know, reinforced sisters.
00:09:38
Speaker
grew up with adoring parents, traveled a lot, and, you know, we were two years apart. So, you know, there was a lot of runner-up friends, schooling was fun, college was great. Then I got married, that was, you know, lovely. Then, because I married my then boyfriend, against all odds, so that was quite a thing those days. And then, you know, then my mom, I lost my mother in 1991, so that was phase one of my life. So,
00:10:06
Speaker
That part of life taught me a couple of things that really one or two lessons that came to me from that time was that, you know, you just have to be prepared your readiness. And I think that's what my childhood did was meet us ready, the preparedness for any kind of calamity.
00:10:27
Speaker
It's very important to have that stable, good childhood, a good grounding, family value, family closeness, because that really prepares you for the future. And I was blessed, though it came to me as a, you know, we were very young when I lost my mother, but
00:10:47
Speaker
that she sort of prepared us for our life ahead, you know, because nothing can be for granted, you know, and so that was lesson one, you know, that don't take anything, don't take life for granted, just do what you have to do. She was very young. I mean, she was 47, 48 when she lost, when she died.
00:11:07
Speaker
I mean I'm 55 so I've lived longer than her and I feel oh my god I still have haven't achieved one tenth of what she did so that was one part of my life the second part of my life was after that then I got divorced so so that part of my life was another
00:11:24
Speaker
beautiful journey because I explored and really found my calling that it was jewelry. I went to study gemology and I did my jewelry business, started my jewelry
Financial Independence and Relationship Lessons
00:11:36
Speaker
business. So a lot of hard work, passionate. I was single, so I was raring to go. And the lesson that I got out of that phase of my life was that to be financially independent was the most important thing.
00:11:54
Speaker
The first thing was already there in my life. My family backing support was already there in the first phase of my life. The second phase was now to be financially independent. And that was instilled by my father, actually. And though I was in my 30s, I had 20 years of just complete work.
00:12:15
Speaker
mode, travel, work. It was all me, my life, my work, and supported by my family, of course. But, and of course, in between lots of relationships happened, you know, men came, went, whatever. And, and you know, my family was very aware part of my journey.
00:12:33
Speaker
so there's only one thing which everybody used to worry about and my father, oh you must be worried about her because you know she's the only one who's not married and all that so in fact my father said you know he would sit down and tell me so I don't listen to all this if you're financially independent that what that matters the most to me and if you are a happy person and you know if and she says when things will all
00:12:57
Speaker
all in place once you have that stability. So that really was like a big lesson and it stuck to me that I have to make myself financially independent. And that's what I achieved to do for the second phase of my life.
00:13:17
Speaker
I must say with the blessings of my family and with everybody that helped my client, the people I worked with, all my relationships, whether it was the men in my life, I think everybody really, whether it was a good relationship, bad, but everybody sort of groomed me in a way and prepared me and gave me such a huge, it was the most wonderful few 20 years of my life. Amazing.
00:13:45
Speaker
You know, and with broken with everything like not happening happening, but when I look now back at my journey, I think it was just so beautiful because I got the amount of stuff that I did.
00:13:58
Speaker
And that learning cannot be, you have to deal with it, you have to go through it to learn it, you know, to know it. Then the third part of my life so far, I've reached my phase three is when I met my now husband.
Balance and Gratitude
00:14:13
Speaker
And so this has been my phase three of my life, which I have
00:14:18
Speaker
Also, we've been married 10 years. I know you just celebrated your 10th anniversary. That's right. That's right in July. So 10 years and this has been another beautiful part because those have only been married 10 years. It seems like I've been married for 20 years and you know we've done so much in these 10 years. So now that work is important but it's not like my center point of my life. That's about a little bit of me time. It's a little bit of our time.
00:14:48
Speaker
a little bit of indulging in, you know, things that I would sort of, which are not firing things, but it's about living the life that I want to live.
00:14:59
Speaker
I think now with the, also I'm experienced enough to know what works, what doesn't work and take a few daring steps, you know, and so now this is my phase three. So now I'm still in this phase. And in this, the biggest learner has been this teacher has been this Corona virus, actually. So this has taught us the maximum, I think, to each and every one of us.
00:15:24
Speaker
yeah that you know really live your life be grateful for what you have because it's just so much around us that we are not aware and you know and just so blessed to sit and have this coffee and you know have friends and have family who's still around so yeah
00:15:43
Speaker
Lots to be lots and lots to be grateful for. Absolutely. So many learning points, but these are the main thing I think for being a woman and we were four girls. My father was very keen that the financial independence should be our top, one of our priorities.
00:16:00
Speaker
is unless everything else can fall in place. But that is amazing, you know, because as young girls and a lot of the times girls are not taught that. Right. So to be focused on financial independence, to be able to understand the world of money, to be able to work on, it's not taught particularly in the country such as ours. Yeah, exactly. I mean, there's a thing like
00:16:26
Speaker
black money and white money. For the life in me, I actually thought it looked like black and it looked like white. And I made a real blunder and I was told that like, what have you done? And this is this. And I said, okay, now I'm somewhat black money. Whatever, but it was a small thing. I didn't know how electricity bills were paid because like, you know, I thought somebody would come and take the money, how we pay our bills. So it's been a wonderful learning and yeah.
00:16:55
Speaker
Yeah, that's amazing. So Divya, when things are not going well and when things are not going well, what do you fall back on? What's your go-to that gives you the strength to get up and move again? I'm a firm believer of if it's worked up till now, it will work. It will work. If it's worked, if things have gone the way you wanted them to go, you have to be in control of things.
00:17:21
Speaker
and situations may not always be right but I think it's mind over matter and I think it's my go-to is of course my family and I think it's my own self-confidence very honestly. Just as a way that I look at it also it's your ability to see things and accept things as they are I mean it is what it is right.
00:17:40
Speaker
Yeah, that's my favorite time. I have to hear you say it. It really is what it is and you know you can't fight it so you live it and do the best in that situation and what goes down will always come up.
00:17:54
Speaker
I'm a firm believer of that. There's so much nonsense that one's gone through, but things have always looked up and there's always a guardian angel looking after each one of us. And yeah, so I have, I'm a firm believer of that. No, I see that because it reflects in your life. It reflects in the attitude.
00:18:18
Speaker
It reflects in your spirit, in the born honey. And that is so beautiful. Thank you. Yes. Is there anything you feel you could have done differently? I don't mean it in terms of regrets, but is there anything, Emma, you feel that if I had done this, we have been all... How does that work for you? I really haven't thought about it, Shiba, very honestly. I'm a very now person.
00:18:46
Speaker
Like, I mean, they say, so I think one of my biggest, I think it's a blessing is that I forget things very easily. So, you know, I mean, if you ask me what I did three, four days back, it's like kind of, unless it's something really beautiful, like I, so the bad things, unfortunately, I think I've trained my mind or it's happened naturally.
Living in the Moment and Strength
00:19:10
Speaker
I'm not sure. I really have, I really don't dwell in,
00:19:15
Speaker
how it could have been and why wasn't it that. And I'm not like bragging or boasting about this, but I genuinely really forget things very easily. And I don't hold on to any grudges for far too long. And like I said, I really want to live my day. It's, yeah. And I honestly need that. Yeah. And that is such a strength to me. That is such a gift.
00:19:43
Speaker
that is perhaps given to you naturally and, you know, not living in grudges, not grudging, being able to forget, being able to move on, being able to let go. I think these are just amazing qualities to have.
00:19:57
Speaker
And what helps is the company that I keep and also a drink every evening. I say, what, what are you saying? What's your worry? Just have a drink and just relax, you know? So that's like, I'm in high spirits because the spirits help. And good company, music, spirit, everything helps. And I think it's how you train your mind. And it is the proclivity.
00:20:24
Speaker
natural proclivity to be happy, to look for happiness and I think that is amazing. If you were to give a message to somebody who could be in your place say 20 years ago,
00:20:39
Speaker
struggling right now, trying to figure it out. What's the message you would give?
Following Your Heart and Passion
00:20:44
Speaker
You know, the message that I would not to be too preachy, but I think just just for if you follow your heart, if you follow your passion, there is no way not because we sometimes don't even know what our heart wants. So I think we need to like just focus on living a life rather than trying to achieve achieve in life.
00:21:09
Speaker
I think we all get lost in achieving a lot of things in our life and not living our life and then at the end of it we say oh we did all that but did we really live our life so and the things I would tell them is just be passionate about whatever you do and I'm sure things would fall in place. Don't take life too seriously you know it's to be lived and to be
00:21:32
Speaker
made mistakes and don't bash yourself. I think certain values are very important about just being nice, just being nice. What does being nice mean to you? I know it's a very frivolous sort of a word. No, no, no. Just be a good kind human being and I think you need to be able to not put yourself
00:22:01
Speaker
You need to reach out to people and you need to hear them out. You need to talk to people, talk to everybody. You need to, what should I say, not be nice. Just be a helpful in worry, whichever way you can help somebody, you know, be helpful, be kind.
00:22:21
Speaker
Don't be devious, don't be stupid either, but don't be devious, don't be calculative. Just share, share whether it's your happiness. Sharing gives a lot of joy. Share whatever you have. And yeah, so these are the values which I think, you know, which we grew
Core Life Values
00:22:37
Speaker
up with. And I think that really has helped me, you know, in my life. And I see that that's very important to share, to give, to love, to laugh.
00:22:47
Speaker
just to be spread some joy and you know yeah and you do a lot of that I believe that each one of us each individual has something very unique to give back to humankind you know it's a gift that we all have and nobody else will do do what Divya does right because it's so unique to who you are the way that so what do you think your gift is wow
00:23:11
Speaker
I think the time that I spend with people, I want them to remember the time that they had. It should be a good time. I want them to remember that they had a fun time with me. I'm a fun person. I don't want them to take me seriously. I just want to have light moments with people and just have some fun and be the cheerleader and be
00:23:37
Speaker
you know i think a lot of people just take them too seriously and i want them like to just shake them up i say okay let's just get on with it let's just get up and dance or get up and sing or do something so i want people to remember me as a fun person as a happy happy person yeah that they had a good time so it's almost like it's it's like an
00:24:01
Speaker
make life and location to celebrate right exactly every day every day i really believe in that like and you do that you do that i'm not waiting to pop champagnes for a special occasion every day really is a special occasion yeah every moment is so special and and i really uh want to like i said like when this is the first time i really held my coffee and
00:24:26
Speaker
was in the moment and I'm so happy that you made me do this because this is also besides popping champagne. I think the coffee is going to give me that joy now. I'm going to say oh my god I'm going to sit up in the hills and I'm going to say okay my first sip of coffee.
Celebrating Life Daily
00:24:41
Speaker
It's lovely.
00:24:42
Speaker
Yeah, this is so intriguing. You know, when you say I don't wait to a special occasion to celebrate and I'm not waiting for something special to happen and then I'll pop champagne. Is there something that you can pull out of all the things that you said that made you feel this deeply? You say rose every day is a celebration.
00:25:02
Speaker
Nothing's particular, but I think it's just how life has been. Like I lost my mother when I was very young, you know, so like, I mean, I've always, she used to keep, you know, I still have some of her handkerchiefs, which have been nicely wrapped in boxes.
00:25:18
Speaker
or she should keep those things, you know, okay, I'll use this. Because those days were, those times are different also, you know, connecting things and, you know, varying things for special occasions and all. But the way she went in a zip-zap, you know, way, that it's really made me think that, listen, hello, bitch, nothing is for, and in the last few years that we have seen how normal, healthy people have just, you know, left us and gone.
00:25:46
Speaker
so really it's like in a snap of finger so you want to say you know what you have to really start enjoying your life and I think that's the learning I've got from everybody that just enjoy every day because you just don't know how tomorrow is going to pan out and you know you want to just at least
00:26:05
Speaker
When you pop it, you need to have had your coffees, your sparkling wines or whatever you have, had a good laugh and had a nice evening and then you came, you know. Absolutely. I mean, what a way to go. What a way to go. Yeah. And every day you should live your life as really it's your last day. You should really, I truly believe in that, that you should be lived
00:26:29
Speaker
as if it's your last day, no grievances, pick up the phone, talk to that somebody who you need to apologize to or say hi to or whatever, don't have a to-do list. And when people say, I have this list, there are things to do. I said, you used to do that, but I stopped doing that because it's just now, anyway, mentally you do make a list, of course, but I'm not sitting in writing them down because
00:26:55
Speaker
It just stresses me out to follow that then. I said, no stress. I don't know bashing yourself up. Absolutely. That's amazing. And thank you so much for sharing all this with me. Before we close out, is there anything else you'd like to say? I mean, whatever I've had a chat with you, I've heard many conversations of yours, soul brews of yours. They've been all with such
00:27:25
Speaker
personalities and with such people who have had done such meaningful work in their life and I really admire them and I salute them and and I just feel like such a small fry not being able to but yet again I'm not comparing I feel I've also achieved that much in my own life because I don't have I'm
00:27:51
Speaker
I don't need the medals. I feel like I've earned, you know, I've given myself a medal that I said, wow, I've had a great life and I'm not. So when I hear her or your chat says, oh my God, I'm doing this conversation with Sheba. I have nothing like no philanthropy really that I've done besides, you know, in small ways, whatever we do.
00:28:10
Speaker
or I'm not a part of any big organization. But I think in my own small ways, I think this, I'm very happy with what I've achieved in my life. And I think we are all the time, we need to look at ourselves and really appreciate whatever each one of you, you Shiba have done so much in your life.
Contentment and Authenticity
00:28:31
Speaker
I've done so much in our life. And I think we look for people, other people to appreciate us. But I think I'm so happy with all I've done in my life.
00:28:40
Speaker
I just want to say this that being authentic and being yourself and being able to celebrate yourself without feeling constantly the pressure to be something else is one of the greatest gifts that you can have.
00:28:57
Speaker
and greatest thing to embody and to inspire in others. And I think you do that beautifully. So I cannot even for a second say that you have not, my God, if this is, if this, if everybody could achieve this state of being, life is made because most of the time you're running after the next thing, the next curve on the road, that mountain, it's not about that. And you embody that.
00:29:25
Speaker
You know, thank you. Thank you. And I truly believe in it. And I thank you for giving me this opportunity to share my deep thoughts. And I didn't think I was thinking like that. And I had this conversation with you actually. So you really did stir my soul also. And it was so, it was just a lovely chat. I was wondering why we put it off for so many. Exactly. Yeah, I think the timing is, it's all about timing. Exactly.
00:29:54
Speaker
And I hope it's a pleasure and I hope you continue to celebrate yourself and celebrate life. And I look forward to being a part of that celebration and celebrating with you. And you are, you are. Thank you. Thank you. Take care of yourself. Thank you so much. Thank you for your time and attention and for being a part of Soul Brews with Shiva. Until next week, keep the coffee swirling.