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MotWEU Ocu-lus Bravo 2-1: You Exhume Too Much
171 Plays3 years ago
It's a freakin' weird episode today...I'm not sure what I can say that won't already spoil a ton of the weirdness for you. Hey, first thing: Content Warning! Highly sexual content, lots of curse words, there's sort of a feline death/body swap, and some Furry Action that you won't believe. Actually...ya know what? That pretty much sums up the episode. Oh, there's a monster or two at some point and some churches got a bunch of graves robbed. Slappy is the Last Action Hero, Carlton does a thing, Jim John gets a cup, and uh... a lotta people fall "for" Lou. Yeah there we go.
Happy Halloween, nerds.
Onixrobot/Daniel (Jim John) He has a twitter and other links to click! Do it!
Twitter: @Readysetroll20 https://readysetroll1.podbean.com/ https://thezeeteam.podbean.com/
Sero (Lou) She's alright, I guess. You can't keep her from the MotWEU!
Twitter for Sero: @seroRPG Twitter for Redgate and Wolf: @RedgateAndWolf Redgate and Wolf links: https://pod.link/1553894109
Rosi (Carlton) Rosi makes pretty PDF's and has ten thousand new character ideas. Check out his MotW supplement here! https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/323526/Grandmothers-Nursery
Justin (Slappy Pete) Twitter: @funinstallers
And me (Adam and every other character) @rollplayerswin
Also, if you wouldn't mind, go leave us a review if you actually give a shit! Leave a good one, please... not a bad one. https://podchaser.com/rollplayers
Psst. Here's a fun Adam fact. As a teenager, He lost his virginity to a yellow cup filled with warm water when he was in the shower.
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Transcript
Content Warning & Introductions
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi friends, it's your best buddy Adam here. Before we get started, I just needed to give you a little warning. Hey, remember when I didn't have to give warnings on this show? And all I had to really tell you before an episode was like, what happened or, you know, what our schedule was gonna be? Well, hey, listen.
00:00:17
Speaker
uh the following episode gets pretty dirty uh there's an animal that kind of dies at one point i don't want to spoil too much uh and there's some furry shit that happens and um yeah just lots of sexual innuendo so that's
00:00:36
Speaker
Your thing or not your thing or whatever just you know, maybe just turn back now even if it is your thing Maybe consider just listening to one of the other many podcasts that I'll link down below in the description anyway, if you stuck around this long enjoy the theme song and I'm sorry
00:02:03
Speaker
And hey before I get started guys, would you please go to the role
The Mission Begins: Grave Robbing in New Alola
00:02:07
Speaker
players podchaser link and just give us a review? I don't even care if it's a bad one. I just want to know people are listening That's all go do that right fucking now pause this and go leave the review base it off the last 35 seconds
00:02:07
Speaker
Go, go, go.
00:02:19
Speaker
Anyway, so joining me is part of the Oculus team. I believe this is Team Bravo. We don't know what happened to Alpha. We just went straight to Bravo. So joining me first, returning from Redgate and Wolf, we have Sarah. Hi, I'm Sarah. I'm from Redgate and Wolf, and I will be playing Luv the Initiate. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:02:44
Speaker
And then following that tough act is my good pal Justin returning from role players playing someone.
00:02:57
Speaker
Yeah, well, all right. So then there's my pal Dan Onyx coming from all over the internet. So I'll just let him tell you where he's from. What's up? I'm another Dan. Not that Dan, but this Dan. You can catch me on Ready Set Roll and the Z Team. And today I'm playing Jim John Smith, the mundane. That's how you do it. That's an intro right there.
00:03:21
Speaker
And then last but certainly not least is Rosie from other things on the internet in places. Hello, everyone. It's your boy, Rosenbagger here, aka Rosie. I'm playing Curtain Mary way there tonight. And of course, you can find me on various podcasts throughout the Monster of the Week extended universe. Hashtag M-O-T-W-E-U. Ciao, boy.
00:03:47
Speaker
Yeah, okay, so last time things happened We don't need to do a recap because these things are somewhat unrelated But things happen you guys did a thing at places and met people And now you guys are Yeah, lots of yes, just a lot of people messes and so you guys are now back at the
00:04:11
Speaker
No, no, not in the copter. That's a big no-no. So you guys are back in the Oculus headquarters.
00:04:19
Speaker
where you've been called for another mission by your good old friend, Nikolai the Revenant, who is standing there next to his computer as you guys enter into the room. And he has his kind of intern person standing there with him. You know, a dark haired girl with with like real thick specs. And he says, well, it took you long enough. What the hell? Hey, Nikki.
00:04:47
Speaker
No, don't be taking inspiration from that shaved head twat over there. I don't know who you're talking about, Nikki. Yeah, okay, Luisa. Whatever you say. I picked the dummy up and throw him through. I'm going to bite you one of these days, lady. You've got to be quick.
00:05:11
Speaker
All right, so let's see here we have Louisa, Slappy Pete is it, Jim John, a redneck guy, and Mumbly Boy. Yes, me too. Curtain Merryweather. I see you've completed your videos here. Yes, I have.
00:05:37
Speaker
It doesn't have auto play on like I prefer, so I'm just stuck looking at the ending thumbnails, but that's okay. That's all I need. Better than hail, I suppose. Well, Nicola, you got your intern there. Does she also look up porn for you?
00:05:55
Speaker
There has been some discrepancies on what I'm allowed to ask her to do, and that is not one of them. So I just need someone to do it on the DL, and that is not her job. Yeah, Nikki's beholden to the policies of HR and like some people. Well, as a fellow intern, I would love to bounce notes.
00:06:20
Speaker
Well, you cannot bounce the notes off of my intern. I don't... Just stay away from her. She's a special girl. Anyways, I have a mission for
Logistics and Laughter: Preparing for the Mission
00:06:29
Speaker
you. Do you guys want to just know what you're supposed to be doing or what? I suppose. Yeah, sure. Why not? Alright, he's slapping me. Get out of my ass. I'm learning walking away, guy. Leave me alone. I'm walking. I'm walking it.
00:06:49
Speaker
All right, listen, there's a place in Nevada about 10 miles north of the Hoover Dam called New Alola. That is L-O-E-L-A-H for the people listening at home. So it's a small town. It's about 400, excuse me, 4,000 people, a few churches, mom and pop shops, you know, just a little place.
00:07:10
Speaker
What's the reason why i think we need to go and investigate is because that one of the churches shortly after the great earth shaking that happened a few days ago. These graves are all robbed. But the bodies are still in there all in weird positions and some of them are a little bit out of the graves but none of the jewelry is there right but it was a mass grave robbing and no one even saw any witnesses which leads me to believe that this was something more than just a group of.
00:07:38
Speaker
teenagers trying to steal a few rings from some more dead people. So that's where we come in. Have they checked to make sure it wasn't like the gravediggers or the embalmers or a pool boy or something?
00:07:53
Speaker
Filching these jewels before the bodies have been going in the ground Well, I don't know anything about them filleting their jewels, but as far as far as I know Nobody's has been going and you know the investigation is pretty much still ongoing and no one has told me anything other than that There has been mass grave robbing. So that's questions for you to figure out not me So any any other not stupid questions
00:08:22
Speaker
Does your own tune have a name? I could tell you, but I don't want to. No, with the grave ravines, what did they take? Are the bodies still there? Yes, everybody is there, every single one. Everyone. Everyone. All gangs in town.
00:08:48
Speaker
Yes, everybody. Yes, the only thing, assortments of things like necklaces, rings that were left behind, any pictures, frames that people might have been buried with. These are some that people died recently, some are a couple hundred years old. All we know is that anything of value that was inside was taken, but all of the bodies were in weird positions, but all still left behind.
00:09:13
Speaker
You know, it is quite a tragedy, but I can only imagine the sort of picture frames that you could find from graves that old. It was a shame to bury them the way they were just such a cruel attribute. Yeah, it's really, really sad there. All right, Nikolai, thanks for the information, I guess. So we shouldn't pose as FBI. We were marshals, you were marshals last time.
00:09:39
Speaker
Yeah, because Hoover Dam, you know, J. Edgar Hoover. Ah, thank you. Gotcha. He invented the vacuum cleaner. Sure. That's it. The guy who made one of the alphabet organizations. Indubitably. To smack on Al Capone.
00:09:59
Speaker
Oh, yes. What? Okay. Yeah, they do a decimal system, right? So look, just go and investigate. If you guys need supplies before you leave, you know how to do this. If you need like a badge or some sort of clearances in case they need to make calls, you just have to tell us ahead of time. It's a risk if you just go say you're people that are not. If you get caught, you're in big trouble. Yeah, were you US Marshals?
00:10:24
Speaker
Okay. Do you need me to give you anything for that? No, I already have a badge, I mean. No? All right. I'll just flash people. Don't worry. Don't worry, Nicole. We're gonna get everything we need from the nice lady to whatever it's called, quarter master bloat is what it's called. Pick a place where we get stuff. The warehouse? Whatever we go to when we sign out the little paper and she doesn't get a stool for me and all that shit.
00:10:51
Speaker
Elweza. Elweza. Elweza, yes. Elweza. She is the, yes, down in the warehouse, in the basement, yeah, that's where you go get all your equipment. It doesn't have a fancy name, and I don't know why you think that. Well, not on the way. Well, we should probably get the engine, uh, some, a codpiece. Oh god, somebody knocked over my computer, no!
00:11:18
Speaker
in turn pick it up looks like you have a memory leak all the files got on your computer you gotta get a new one now oh man the memory is leaking all over the floor look at all that pool and spilling everywhere Nikki oh you should do something about that I don't like it well would you guys just go fuck off now and go down
Transport Troubles and Equipment Banter
00:11:40
Speaker
into the basement please yeah sure
00:11:44
Speaker
Bloomins will be your pilot today. Just go onto the helipad when you're ready. I love that guy. So the treat he is... I know, I like him. Let's go on. Somebody press the button on the elevator. I can't reach it. Oh yeah, we had this problem last time. Oh, thanks. Hey, thanks Dan. Hopefully they put in my request order for a truck and not a fucking beetle.
00:12:12
Speaker
You have to check with Eloise about that. By the way, what's our harm levels at? Are we back to fresh? Yeah, I would say it's been a little bit since you guys had your mission. Like I said, they don't have a ton of missions all the time. So it's probably been a few weeks since you guys had your last one.
00:12:31
Speaker
So it's a monster of the every three weeks. So a notable event that you don't necessarily have to use here but something that you would all know about was sometime in the past three days like the whole world, everybody around the world felt like a
00:12:50
Speaker
like a push or a shift. The entire world felt it. They don't know what it is. Well, most people don't know what it is, except for, you know, Oculus kind of has an idea. And Sierra kind of has an idea. But that's just like a big happening that so when he was mentioning how the world just shook three days ago, everybody on planet Earth felt it.
00:13:12
Speaker
But then now everybody's going about their usual life. They just think this was like a massive tectonic shift or like an asteroid or something. And so, you know, for the most part, people forgot about it because it's like been 24 hours and Twitter moves very quickly. They say that if everyone jumps at the same time in China, they could knock the world off. Yes.
00:13:35
Speaker
The premonitions, oh yes, at the start of the mystery, roll plus weird and 10 plus, you get a detailed version of something bad that has yet to happen. Okay, you want to do that roll? I definitely do. Fucking hit it and quit it. So I imagine this is all happening as Carlton trails off thinking about all the different picture frames that come from like the 17 to 18 to 1900, early 1900 periods.
00:14:02
Speaker
Uh, yeah, so you get, um, you get visions of, um, let's see, what does it say? You get a plus one for prevent it from coming true and mark experience. If you stop it. What the fuck does that mean? All right. So, um, yeah, so you get, um, like these visions of this place in a Lowell, Nevada, new Lowell, Nevada. Um, and there's a bunch of three churches that, that are kind of, um,
00:14:31
Speaker
you see different signs for. You see one called the New Lola Church of Grace, you see one called the Church of Awakening, and you see one called the Radiance of God. And they just keep flashing back and forth in your mind. And when you see the graves, you see that some of the bodies are
00:14:49
Speaker
Climbing look like they climb out like they were leaning upwards and like their arms and partner torso is leaning out of the grave there are some that are laying like with their feet still like in the grave like. Like it's a pool and they're laying back on the you know on the stone or whatever like they're all like interesting positions.
00:15:10
Speaker
You know, uh, even though all their stuff was stolen, it just seems like a lot of work for someone or something to do just to get jewelry or a picture frame or some glasses. Um, so yeah, so that's, that's kind of what you, what you see. And you see a quick flash for a brief moment of, of a black hood. And then the vision fades. What was the first church? Cause we've got great church of grace, the awakening of radiance and the church of God. Is that right?
00:15:40
Speaker
Yes, it is. Yeah, the New Lola Church of grace, the Church of awakening and the radiance of God. Yeah. That is that is the that are that are that are the churches. Okey-dokey Artichoke. So you guys are heading down to the basement to go to the to the warehouse basement to get whatever things that you want. Yeah, yeah, that sounds about right. Excellent. Oh,
00:16:10
Speaker
So you guys go down there and of course you see Eloise. She is down there by the desk and she has the stool already for Slappy Pete. She says, oh hey guys, I'm out on another one, huh? It's been almost a month. I was wondering if they put you up on the shelves. Maybe that was a joke. What do y'all need? It's a bit racist, I mean, because he can be put up on a shelf. Is it racist? Because Slappy Pete is a wooden object.
00:16:37
Speaker
It's something and I just ignore it. Well, what else is a puppet? Who the fuck has a train going?
00:16:54
Speaker
I'm sorry, guys. Is it bring your kid to work day? Have the train set out? No, guys, I'm sorry. I have the documentary called Lots and Lots of Trains on my computer. I thought I had it muted. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about that. It's embarrassing. I am. I just love a speeding locomotive. I love it. Do you like it when they go in the tunnels?
00:17:17
Speaker
In the tunnels around the trees past the tall grass, you know what? I even like when they hit a cow with the cow catcher. That's kind of fun Yeah, clear the clock down the track. Yeah, let me climb on this here. It's gonna go right. Yeah Slappy pee. Give me my gun my 38 and you know I've been hearing a lot talk about a water cooler that somebody other team has been getting magic amulets I want one of them
00:17:43
Speaker
Oh, you must be referencing the teleporting ambulance. Yeah, Antonio is one of the one of the people in the magic division. And so they need those to kind of counteract other forces of magic, you guys are investigating more so, you know, on death and phantoms and things of that nature, usually. So it wouldn't really provide you with much
00:18:13
Speaker
help as you need to have some type of magical dominion to even properly use them. What do you say, perhaps mental dominion? Slappy, don't you dare. Slappy, don't you dare use that on me. I know. I know. I'm not going to put back in the crate again. I'm not going to do anything wrong in the building. I got like 15 cameras on me. You got any grenades?
00:18:43
Speaker
Like standard frag grenades, yeah. Or like holy hand grenades. I've been recently watching this Monty Python stuff and they had one of those. Be sure to grab the instructions.
00:18:57
Speaker
Yes, we can absolutely get the instructions and read them aloud. Country three? No, no, no more, no less. Yes, we don't exactly... Yes, we don't exactly have the... It's not a holy hand grenade, but the equivalent is sun in a bottle. We have that for when there's vampires involved or
00:19:23
Speaker
If you just want to make a loud, really bright flash and a loud boom. Um, we may be messing with potential undead because of the whole graveyard thing. So, uh, you know, I'll just take my shotgun and, uh, load it up with standard, uh, buckshot buckshot, birdshot, salt shot. No, we ain't going to need no salt. This ain't no ghost or specter. It's going to be like one of them, uh, one of them shit.
00:19:53
Speaker
Quentin Tarantino movies. Oh, I'm not familiar. I haven't seen anything, any new movies in a while. Is he new? No. Oh, what did he was he popped? Did he do rose? Did he do that movie? You know, with the rosebud sled? What's that? Oh, what's that? Was it St. Cain? That was him. He also makes the train movies. So just watch your train. We just watch your train movies. Anybody else need anything? Always. How old are you?
00:20:23
Speaker
Yes. Right. Thought so. In turn, maybe not flirt with her. She's in another league. I have no idea what you mean on that. There is no such thing as out of your league. You wouldn't let children play baseball against adults as they're different leagues.
00:20:53
Speaker
One time we had to have somebody fill in for the t-ball game and they just knocked that shit out the park. Oh, little kids were crying as the home run was it. Yeah, that sure does sound hilarious. I love children crying. That's a good story. In turn, there are cougars and then there are liches and you're looking probably at the ladder. Wow, who you call a latch? Latch. Dang.
00:21:25
Speaker
Anyway, it's just a bad word. I'm sorry, you wanted your shotgun? And a cup. A cup? What kind of cup? For his balls. A codpiece, lady. Oh, yeah, codpiece. Probably get a guy one too.
00:21:44
Speaker
Always now you should stop flirting with my intern. I thought I was just trying to make an anatomical guess. I thought one cup's ass fits all. Well, on the contrary to popular belief, there's actually a different mode you can get, as he says it, the pelvis tends to be a little... I'm going to need to go to the changing room to find my right specific cup's ass. Yeah, you also got one of the blood dick or meat dick, get in there.
00:22:15
Speaker
So, I'm going to be having a plus one armor to my balls. Yes, you'll have a plus one armor ongoing if you're nuts in particular and are targeted. Which they will be. Yep, they will. Definitely. Plus one ball armor. Eloise is my collapsible bow staff arrive.
00:22:41
Speaker
Yeah, we we have it at somewhere around here. I'm sure you can find it. Yeah, it's it's around I'll just just sign out that that's what you're taking and that way we know no one else took it sure Lou will sign her name and go looking for it and maybe pocket a few other things when no one's looking Everyone's always looking I know there's 15 cameras, but they're all on Eloise. She said so Because she's so because she's so attractive
00:23:07
Speaker
Um, so, uh, yeah, that's fine. You can go do that. Um, hey, you, uh, wrote Rosie, um, that's fine.
Museum Visit: Alien Artifacts and Folklore
00:23:15
Speaker
Your name is Carlton Carlton. Did you want anything?
00:23:20
Speaker
Yes, let's go ahead and get a few more of my tech cases as usual. But this time, let me get a few of those more more luminous lights. I want something very bright. I imagine it will be breaking out dark quite a bit.
00:23:38
Speaker
Let's see what else. So yes, that once again, I would like a camera, some SD cards, a flamethrower. Will it be cold out there? I think I'll take a sweater. It's Nevada. Of course, the usual suits. I'm going to call it night, I guess. Yeah, it does get a little chilly at night since you're close to the desert, but during the day, it's very hot. Did you say you wanted a flamethrower? Correct. Oh, yeah.
00:24:07
Speaker
Don't give him that. Don't give him that. We don't need that. We don't need that. We won't be needing that. I know you don't like fire, Slappy, but sometimes you still need fire for things. No, you don't. Can we get some fireproof clothing or perhaps like a fireproof transportation unit for Slappy people? I mean, you can pop some holes in, like little sleeves in it. I can wear that. Yeah, we could probably get you something that's
00:24:37
Speaker
that's resistant to fire, maybe a nice new coating, maybe some sort of flame-resistant mixture that we can coat all over you. Oh, yeah. Give me a good spray down or something. Just right on my little sign, I should spray down with everything that's good for me. Yeah. You got it. She pulls out a couple of cans right away and just starts shaking them like spray paint cans.
00:24:59
Speaker
Mmm, come right behind the desk there buddy boy. I'll take care of ya. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click
00:25:28
Speaker
I'm starting to get the idea that Oculus likes employing a bunch of timeless beings that way they can use them for freaking employment for eternity. Like old Nikolai. We here at Oculus are trying to keep the world safe. While we love all of our human employees who have children and their children's children, we can't guarantee that all those children will want to come back and work for Oculus. We need to be around for as long as possible so we can keep the world safe.
00:25:57
Speaker
Right? Jim John comes out in his boots and just the jock strap and everything. Does this look like it's fitting right? I give him a slap on the front. I didn't feel a thing. Me neither. I'm feeling all the things. Feels like a speedo though.
00:26:16
Speaker
Lou comes running down the corridor and just kind of straight into a punch fist. Lou, no! Did you just say that Lou comes straight into a fist? Yeah, sorry. My words got unordered and that was the order they came out of.
00:26:35
Speaker
Would you roll licks of ass, please? Wait, what? No asses involved and there's no licking, so... I don't know what you heard. I said kick some ass, you dirty birdie. I heard licks of ass, sorry. You're all dirty. 12. You're all... Oh, please, no. What's your damage on a punch? Well, I don't have any special effects there, so...
00:27:01
Speaker
Alright, so you land the hit square in the jungle region, but all it does is just sends a little vibration into the bits of our- I do feel somewhere I want him, so I want him to go flying backwards and land on his back. All right. Eloise rushes over right away with Kan still in hand. Oh, are you okay? Yeah. I'll get you back to health. No, I got a job to do.
00:27:29
Speaker
You're going into shock, I need to cuddle you for warmth. Oh my god, Eloise, get away from my intern! Fine, I gotta finish spraying down Slappy anyway. Yeah, you did that. I'm gonna go put my pants on. Good idea. Alright, so you guys gonna go grab all of your items? Yep, I'm loaded.
00:27:51
Speaker
Get all her things. Yeah, but yeah, but did you get your items too? We'll just check. Eloise, did you, you were, yeah, you're not Eloise, you're Lou. Lou, did you grab any, did you grab, you grabbed, what now, a bo staff? Classful staff?
00:28:07
Speaker
Yep, yep. I also want to have stolen their amulet they were talking about. When we get out, I'll pass it over to Slappy. Why don't you roll a sharp roll first so you can find them? They're not just out and about for any way to see.
00:28:26
Speaker
Let's just see a nice sharp roll just to see. You're bringing back a rock. Can I give it to Slappy and I'll wink at him and I'll be like, you owe me. This is a rock. Is this magic? Is this a magic rock? Rock activate. Activate rock.
00:28:51
Speaker
It glows red. I think you need one of those special passcodes or whatever. It glows red and says, hi Slappy. Hey, what's up? Hey. I'm your new gem companion. Did I just get you a porn rock? Not everything's about porn, Lou. God damn it. What's up, Lou? I am an advanced race known as a pet rock. I will be your best friend from now to eternity.
00:29:21
Speaker
That's kind of nice. It is. I'm so happy to have met you. You're my favorite. All right, cool. I'm going to put you in my pocket now. That's fine. I love darkness. We can talk later. All right, fine. I'll see you then. I'll put him in my little tiny jacket pocket. See, I got you a friend. So next time they lock you up in a crate or something, you've got someone to talk to.
00:29:45
Speaker
You did roll five. You got all your gear, you're all strapped in, strapped up, strapped on, and you're ready to go. You guys head to the helipad where Blumen's is waiting outside with the propellers already ready to go. Thank God. Don't anybody put your headphones on so we can't hear them. Just get on a helicopter.
00:30:13
Speaker
Let's get to where we got to go. Welcome back to the Bravo Squad. How are you guys? I just walked by, nope, nope, nope, nope. I yanked myself into the thing. He put his hands up for a high five as Lou gets closer. Lou, how the heck are you? I punched him in the face. Oh. Why did you give your brother my phone number? I don't...
00:30:41
Speaker
Well, he asked if I knew any hot chicks, okay? Sorry for the compliment. Yeah, sorry for the compliment. I thought maybe you was looking for, I don't know, a night out or something. Not with him. You don't even know Redmond. He's a good guy. He sounds almost exactly like you.
00:31:07
Speaker
Well, we are brothers. Yeah. And I don't sound anything like my brothers, so... Yeah, well, maybe you're adopted. You ever think of that? Just get on there, Ellie. Oh, I wish. Do the Hoover Dam so we can land on the dam landing pad. Yeah, on the dam landing pad. This guy, you know, you're not going to the Hoover Dam. It's 10 miles away from the Hoover Dam. Damn it. I wanted to ride in the dam elevator and get some damn ice cream.
00:31:35
Speaker
I mean, we can stop on the way if you like, but I mean, you're going to be late to... Well, I guess you don't have a time you're supposed to arrive, but you should work with this little daylight, you know? Can we at least fly by? Absolutely. That's all I want is a little bit of politeness around here. See, Lou, you can learn a thing or two. Yeah, Lou. I can't wait to see the damn sights. Oh, me too.
00:31:59
Speaker
that. Anyway, let's just get going. Hi, what's up? What's up, Carlton? My brother actually got in trouble by our dad by doing that shit. He's like, can we go ride in the damn elevator? Get some damn popcorn? Damn ice cream. It seems to be damaged by that pun exchange. Oh my god.
00:32:25
Speaker
Yes, I'm not as witty as I want to be, but I'm working on it. I got a book and everything. That's okay. We press on. And he shuts the door behind you all, the big old drop door, and he goes up, and he goes, all right, buckle in. It's going to be a little bumpy as we take off. There we go.
00:32:56
Speaker
Hey! Hey! Hey, I hear crunchin'! Hey, do you know one of them carrots? Hey! No? Hey! I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I look at him, I
00:33:26
Speaker
This bird will land. Much like my brother, I don't like people messes on my ship. You sound like a good guy, Carlton. I think I can trust you. You would tell me if there was people messes going on back there, wouldn't you?
00:33:50
Speaker
No people making messes back here, sir. It's just, you know. Okay, we'll be in Nevada in about two hours. This bad boy's gonna go quick, so hold on tight. Make your peas and poops now or forever hold your peas. Oh, man, I messed up the joke. That sounds like people messes. It is, but there's a bathroom for that. And a helicopter holds the fucking phone. Yeah. What are we in, like, Air Chopper 1? Sure.
00:34:21
Speaker
I haven't named it yet. I'll consider that as one of the ones in the running. Yeah, presidential helicopters up in here. Yeah, you know, I was just thinking calling it like the flying Blumens. But I don't know. I'm still thinking of something. Blumens shut your damn mouth. Get us where we're going. To the graveyard. I like you better when you're not talking. I'm going to tell your mom. Are you making helicopter noises, sir?
00:34:52
Speaker
Yes, because my bird is silent and I miss the sound of the propellers. You can tell my mum if you want, but she's still in a coma. Yeah, well, once she wakes up, I'll tell her how much of an arsehole you've been. Sure. You're abusing your power. Don't think that hasn't been reported, by the way. Whatever. Yeah. I'm gonna drop you in the ocean.
00:35:19
Speaker
So about an hour and a half in, unless you guys have any acting that you want to do, any scenes you want to have together. Can we take turns doing our helicopter noises? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, about an hour, about an hour in, you see Blubins comes back, you know, and he's like, guys, I'm sorry, I was just a little cranky. I haven't eaten anything today. This cares about the floor if you're hungry. Carlton offers a carrot.
00:35:46
Speaker
Why are you all eating ch- Oh, man, I was gonna come back to see if y'all wanna take turns making helicopter noises with me. Just playing autopilot, man, what are you doing? No, there's no autopilot. I just left it on the straight and there. It's pretty good, Colin. Oh, wow. Thank you, dude. Oh, wow. Was that you, Jim Jones? Yeah, I'm trying.
00:36:13
Speaker
Anyway, Lou, did they ever figure out the culprit of your milk spill? What? Wait, what? Yeah, in our mini fridge. Oh, the mini fridge spill. Oh, yeah, we heard about that. Okay, I was just curious. Yes, I reckon it was one of my brothers. That's why I had you put that dead roadkill in his fake ceiling in his office. He should be smelling that soon. I do that with expert timing.
00:36:43
Speaker
Much like the eraser that sits upon a door to fall on the teacher's head. Luke, do you have a cell phone? Sure. You get a picture message. Is it from Chad? Yeah, it's Chad. What's it of? It's a picture of him. Somebody took the picture for him, but he's sitting bare-assed on your desk, and he has a thumbs up.
00:37:15
Speaker
It's okay. I've got another idea and I wrote Slappy Pete. I was thinking of something a bit more embarrassing involving your mental dominion move, but surely you'd bite him in the ass if you want.
00:37:34
Speaker
Okay, so about an hour later you guys get to you guys I was I'd say it's about 50 more minutes later You guys pass over the Hoover Dam in its glorious and you can see the Transformers hiding out down in there The movie Artemis Prime there's a who is that? It's it's Rhett trip from Beast Bowls Well, damn, this is Warren anyway to the job
00:38:02
Speaker
And he lands you guys at a little in a field not far from maybe about a mile out from where the town is.
Investigations in New Alola: Church and Cemetery
00:38:12
Speaker
And he blew and jumps back and goes, boy, by the way, your vehicle's in the back of the chopper. You might want to go back and get ready to take it down the ramp. Shotgun. No, no shotguns until you get off the plane, Missy. You know, I think I might be the one to drive this time.
00:38:32
Speaker
Good calling, dude. Are you sure? Well, it depends what vehicle comes out of the back as he goes to check what vehicles in the ramp. Slappy Pete, if you had to make a vehicle, what would it be? Are you saying that Slappy put a request for a vehicle in also? Yeah.
00:38:58
Speaker
I guess we can't fit everybody in one of the four-seater of one of those really small micro cars. Oh, for fuck's sakes! What's up with the tiny cars? What do you think I'm going to fit a goddamn monster truck in there? I like how I've done it. That's the first request I ever put in to actually the owner. I can't believe it. That was just a joke. Did you have to take the Kego space to put it in the bathroom?
00:39:28
Speaker
Yeah, you know, it's just because I want my people to fly in luxury. So, you know, I put in the bathroom so we can only fit smaller vehicles back there. We can always strap the dummy to the roof. All right, get in. This car has no roof. I can fit the little tiny cargo hole in the back, it's fine. Okay. Well, the little clamsons shotgun, I guess.
00:40:00
Speaker
Okay, and Jim John, you take it down the ramp. It's a hybrid car. No, it's electric. It's electric. Oh my god. This is what he's talking about a four door micro car. This thing is small as shit. I'm thinking one of those little things that kids ride in, right? Something that would be like a normal sized car. It's about damn close.
00:40:30
Speaker
So we're all sitting in there with our knees basically up by our faces next to each other, granted to this tiny car that has the surprising amount of get up and go. Rolling in that amount of 4,000 feet. That was just tiny tires. I don't know what you guys are complaining about. I feel like the only helicopter they've only seen. I felt safer in my homemade box cart than I did this, and that thing had red box wheels. All right, is it a stick shift at least? Sure.
00:41:05
Speaker
Slappy that's up to you. These are questions Justin that you would know. Is there a stick shift and is there a color for its teeth? It's automatic and it's got loads of couplers. Oh my god, it's an automatic too? What the hell have you done to me? Yeah, he revs the engine a couple times.
00:41:26
Speaker
Me, me, me. Yes, he's driving. Get the damn car. I'm in. Make sure to pack things in the trunk with that little ass trunk space. I step into the car. Slapipede, I'm going to move my seat back because you're short. That's fine. It like goes back one click because that's all it can go. Yuck.
00:41:49
Speaker
Yeah, your knees still bounce off the steering wheel a little bit. He drives with his legs at some point while he eats a sandwich and drinks. Nice. Joe will reach over and steady the steering wheel window. It's actually not that hard to drive a steering wheel with just your legs. Hey, why don't you roll help out since you're grabbing a hold of the wheel.
00:42:12
Speaker
Oh, great. So he's not, like, rolling to drive with his knees, but I have to roll it out. Nah, he's a country boy. He's probably done this a thousand times. Oh, well, we crashed because that's the three. Oh, well. Lou, you didn't grab the steering wheel. Oh, he's doing a code piece. You got to be a backseat driver, but you are getting dangerously close to the center lane. I like driving the center line so I don't go off the road, silly.
00:42:42
Speaker
I thought this wasn't a stick shift. Let me see. Lou, that's not the span anyway. I'm just going to keep driving. You do what you do. Come on. This car is too small to do anything anyway. Willie's a little bit wet. So I feel there's a car in the back. It's like they think we're a couple of coat racks or something. We're right here looking at you. Stop doing this, dude.
00:43:17
Speaker
That's the car also saying, yeah, I'm here too. You guys see a sign for a new Lola Nevada population, 3,862 people. You guys pull in, it's a nice little town. You're on the main street right now. You drive right into the business district. You can see in the horizon, there's the residential area. Right now, you guys are in what they would call their downtown.
00:43:43
Speaker
Um, and, um, yeah, you guys are free to rain wherever you want. The sandbox is yours. What do you want to do? I get out of the car while it's driving. I kicked the back of a tuck and roll. We're not going that fast.
00:44:05
Speaker
Yeah, the speedometer only goes up to 40. No, no. It's in kilometers. Oh my god. Yep. Fucking sick contraption is this. Where do y'all think we should stop in at? Should we go to the local taverning hole? Should we just go straight to the graveyard, figure out what's going on there? Let's go look at the deep bodies. I heard of a wonderful museum of local culture. No, no.
00:44:35
Speaker
We always drop them off. Yeah, okay. We could have some information on what's going on here. A small town in Nevada, man, it's probably going to be an alien museum or something like that. Three churches? It might help. We did consider that there could be aliens doing this. We thought about zombies and ghosts and vampires. We didn't think about aliens. I've heard exchange of things. We'll drop you off at the museum.
00:45:05
Speaker
I too have heard of stranger things. Let's see, where else could we gather information in a small town? The bar. You go to the bar if you want. Strip club slash bar. Yeah. Like church, because it's like three churches. Yeah, it's called the Grubbin Tug. Three churches has a nice breakfast menu option in the mornings.
00:45:34
Speaker
Yeah, the three churches, breakfast and bed and breakfast. Is that what we're saying? Just so happens, there's a sign saying it's breakfast at Breastfest. Look, hopefully we don't have to spend more than a day here. Mass at seven. Mass at nine.
00:46:04
Speaker
All right, so Carlton's going to the museum. Lou, where do you want to go? Look at the graves, the dead bodies. All right, we'll stop at the graves, then we'll stop it back in if we can't really get anything.
00:46:21
Speaker
Yeah, so the church, you guys, I don't really say this, but like you usually get like some sort of like file that says like the information that Nikolai gave you that you guys would have on you just to kind of as like a little reference sheet. And you guys would know that the church that was attacked, or that that that was like robbed and was new Lola Church of Grace. Well,
00:46:53
Speaker
Let's go check it out. Slappy, this is where your determination is going to come in. Are you going to stay in the car again, getting attacked by a dog? No, I'm going to make sure these nuns don't try and hold information from us or whatever. Are you going to dominate the mind of these sweet, innocent churchgoers? Well, he wants to be a master of none. Oh, my gosh.
00:47:20
Speaker
All right, so you guys are going to drop Carlton off at the museum? Yes. The Museum of Local History. Yeah, this little smart car has a little screen on the dash and it has a little GPS in it. You can GPS your way to the local museum. It's just called the New Lola Museum of Aliens. Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl.
00:47:46
Speaker
Yeah, it also says, oh, did you mean to search for Lola the showgirl at the grubbin tug? No, I know how that story ends. So you're going to go to the Museum of aliens aliens? Wait, is it the Museum of aliens? That's what we've already kicked you out. The cards driven off calcium is there.
00:48:16
Speaker
Of course, obviously the first thing you do when you give it to a museum is you start, you know, admiring the architecture of the building. So you're always doing something cool with these hands, right? So what do I see?
00:48:28
Speaker
Oh, what do you see? Boy, it looks like a big barn. It's a big old rustic barn that's got like, you know, hay everywhere, but in nice bales and barley too. And there's windows that says there's a sign that says open all day. And it's real sturdy looking bar and the Amish probably built it. All right, so I get in line.
00:48:55
Speaker
uh yeah uh surprisingly there's no line you know you you get in line and you wait and someone comes out and says oh yes dear right in here come in to see the aliens i step this way oh very good it's free today it's monday he doesn't show this or like express this verbally or but like he like inside he is ecstatic like this is fantastic
00:49:25
Speaker
Yeah, so you go in and there are like these immaculate paintings. That's the first thing you see is like a big wall filled with paintings and you see a man, blonde hair in a very good tan in a red uniform. It kind of looks like a skirt that cuts off right above, you know, right below the thigh and he's fighting a bunch of these aliens and robots.
00:49:51
Speaker
And you can see it says zap, zap, zap, zap all over it. And then the lady says, oh yes, if you like the paintings, you can continue here to see the paintings. But if you want to see the actual aliens, we have one right here in town. Well, I would love to see the aliens, but do tell me on our way there, how long have you been in this here town?
00:50:18
Speaker
Oh dear, as long as I can remember, which I have a little bit of short-term memory loss. So as long as I can remember, it was, what's today? Today is Sunday, Monday. Ah yes. Monday. Did we say Monday? Oh, is it Monday? If you look at your smartphone, it's Thursday. Okay. Ah yes, Monday. Monday is the free day. Yes, come on in.
00:50:48
Speaker
Have you seen the painting? I've seen that. Yes, ma'am. I've seen the paintings. Do you know many of the people here in town? You said maybe a short-term memory is bad. Perhaps long-term memory is still intact. Yes, there's Derek. Have you seen the paintings, dear? I've seen the paintings, ma'am. Have you seen anyone strange in town lately?
00:51:19
Speaker
There was a man that came in here just a few minutes ago. He was standing in line. You'll probably see him if you continue and do the museum. Have you seen the paintings?
00:51:32
Speaker
Oh my gosh, they're so nice. Did you make these? They're very well done. You are quite the craftsman. Have I seen the patrons? Oh yes, I have. She just wanders off on her own talking to herself.
00:51:54
Speaker
She may not even work there. You walk through the museum and yeah, there's like a bunch of like little mini exhibits. Like it's a barn, but it's just like one big room. It's just a barn. And kind of they repurpose some of the stalls where like horses would be. They repurpose them as like little exhibits of like
00:52:25
Speaker
traditional-looking UFOs or little green men, and some of them have pictures of the grayed out black and white versions that people say were Nessie. And you see in big font letters, I say, was Nessie an alien? And then there's a bunch of font that can be text that continues to go on about why the author thinks that Nessie is an alien and not from this earth. Or a dinosaur, as scientists think that it is.
00:52:53
Speaker
And then you see a bunch of other just kind of interesting stuff like that. And you see Roswell is there, obviously, is one of our most famous ones are talking about the first sighting of aliens. And they have like little, like, similar things like pictures and like font of just, you know, theories and shit about the aliens and all that. Question. Yes. Do do they list any specific dates and times?
00:53:22
Speaker
They don't. They're very, it's almost as if whoever made this just took like all of the buzzwords from the internet and then just made it into an exhibit as opposed to doing any research whatsoever. It's all like BuzzFeed style articles.
00:53:44
Speaker
Ma'am, I love the paintings here, and I love many of the articles you have, but I am just craving more information. Do you perhaps have a library of sorts where you keep more information? Oh, welcome in, dearie! Welcome! What? I'm sorry, do you work here, dearie? Yes, I've seen two of Lost My Keys. Have you found them?
00:54:13
Speaker
Oh my, yes, of course. I don't know why I have them. You work here. Yes, ma'am. Now we are beginning to see if you would make your way towards the exit. Thank you for finding us here. Yes. You can pick you something up on the gift shop on your way out. Thank you. Oh, I will. Thank you so much, dear. I'm so happy I got here on free day. Happy Friday weekend, everyone. Then she walks out.
00:54:42
Speaker
Didn't street without looking both ways and just keep like I'm sure I'll figure out what to do soon. Okay, as you're doing that we cut to the electromobile. I put it in park and I get out as we pull up to the church. Lou pulls a hand a nice day.
00:55:10
Speaker
10 was there the whole time? She was just daring me to say Louisa. She's just daring it. I was just rapping my knuckles on that cut face every so often. Wow, you need to report that to HR. The fear was if she broke the cup. Just like Tynair grabbing the cup like cracks and it's like, well, uh, hmm.
00:55:40
Speaker
Well, you're going to go into the church, go find a church. Yeah. Going to park at, see if it's the church. Which church were we going to again? It was the new Lola church of grace. New Lola church of grace. Yep. He'll pull up to the new Lola church of grace. After Lou removes her hand, he will step out the car. Get the door for Lou. She'll late him. Okay. And I slip out while I go holding that door open.
00:56:10
Speaker
Jim John holds out his hand for a tip from Slappy. I give him a high five. I was hoping you had pocket mince or something. I don't have any belongings. If it is old here, I'd pull out my .38. And your pit rock. I'm like, I'm going to flash that around. That's my little buddy. Obviously, that's what you call it. I am waving a gun around in front of a church, though.
00:56:39
Speaker
Yeah, back when I went to church with my grandma, she used to have like purse mints. That's nice memory you got there. It was really nice. Sometimes you need that mint of freshness and it like perch you up and
00:56:52
Speaker
Keeps you awake during church. Yeah. You guys also see that this is one of those like mega churches. It's a massive. Oh, shit. Church. Been in one of those before. It is huge. It is. It is. I mean, maybe a mega church is like too big, but like it's on the way like you can it's it's absurdly big for how small this town is. Jim John enter in.
Church Intrigues: Suspicions and Tensions
00:57:18
Speaker
So you walk up and it's a big old building. It's like the doors are doors big enough that like a fucking giant could walk into like and not bump his head. They're massive, massive doors. And as you get up to them, you go to open them and they kind of, you see somebody standing outside. He's like, I wouldn't exactly call him a security guard, but like he's kind of standing there as like a type of security. And he says, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:57:45
Speaker
You see the yellow line there? Stay there because the door is open outward. You could get hurt. Why would the doors open outward? Why wouldn't you have like two separate doors? One opens outward and one opens inward. Hey, listen, listen, dude, I didn't make the church. I just work here. And I'm just trying to keep you from getting hurt. Right. Well, thanks for the tip buckle. Hey, you're welcome. You guys going in? Yeah.
00:58:14
Speaker
All right. Open, please. And then you hear like a bunch of... And it opens up in here. God damn. Jesus. Yeah, I've been practicing my singing. Thank you. Would you mind not taking the Lord's name Vayne while we're right next to a church? Good Lord. I'll hear from my gun away. You're not going to burst into flames or anything, are you, Slappy? If we go. I hope not.
00:58:43
Speaker
I mean, it's up to you if you want your kid to be dressed up or whatever, but I mean, Halloween ain't for a little while. I'm not a kid. I'm a fully grown man. What, you don't like his little suit we have him in? He's all dressed up for the occasion to show up to church. No, it's quite dapper. I just don't think he needs a mask on. Hey, he's special, okay?
00:59:08
Speaker
Yeah, he's our special little boy and you will regard him as such. Thank you. We will now be entering. God made him this way. As we walk in, I just keep my head turning around and looking at him until it's like fully behind me. He does the cross on his chest. Try not to pull any of that omen shit in here. No promises.
00:59:38
Speaker
You guys walk in and you're immediately in the chapel area, and it's a big, long walk. There's pew everywhere. There's pews everywhere. There's rafters that people can set up, and you can see that lining the inside of this particular room. There's rafters that people can look down on. There's big old spotlights. There's a big ass stage on the far end with
01:00:07
Speaker
There's already a band set up and stuff like that for when they have musical things, a big stage area where people can stand by the stage. Actually, you see a guy who's dressed in black and he's got a white shirt underneath and a collar. He doesn't have the collar. I take it back. He's not a priest. He's a pastor. He's got an open button-up shirt and he's standing up there and he's tapping on the mic. He goes,
01:00:35
Speaker
Mic check, mic check, mic check. Mike's not here. Lord, is the mic working? Oh, hello? Why am I yelling? I got a mic. Hello, people back there. How are you? We're good. Afternoon, Father. Oh, yes, afternoon, son. How are you? You two related? No, that's just how you refer to the pastor sometimes. I'm joking. I'm joking.
01:01:03
Speaker
Please, please. Call me, call me Pastor Tim. Alright, Pastor Tim, uh... Come on up, let me get a good look at you. Come on up. Yeah, Jim John walks forward. Okay. So what can I do you for? You new in town? Indeed we are. Yeah, I don't recognize you and I know pretty much everybody in the town. We have come here to help you with your, um...
01:01:31
Speaker
grave robin situation uh... yes yes you'll see when you go around back with a cemetery is it still got the yellow tape up uh... it's quite embarrassing for the type of you know i'm trying to run a holy clean uh... sanctified place and uh... that has really been just rocked me in the community something fierce it's embarrassing and sad really quite understandable exhuming of corpses can be
01:02:01
Speaker
bit daunting. Of course. Yes, absolutely. So are you guys with some sort of organization? I don't you don't look like cops. I start climbing up the steps like hey, hey, I can't stand next to Jimmy Ron's legs. Uh huh. Are y'all cops or marshals? Marshals? Yeah.
01:02:29
Speaker
We've had other cases of this happen people chain of grave robins across Nevada and we're looking into it. Is it normal for one of your people to be have a have a large watch your body back. Oh, hey, I was not expecting that. Thank you, sir. Oh, good God. What is that? Oh, there it is. God damn it. This one of our ride alongs.
01:02:57
Speaker
Oh, is this like Make-A-Wish or something? I'm just a little boy. Can I have a chocolate? Uh, yes, yes, son. You can have whatever you want. Bless your heart. Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. I sort of open it up, close my hand, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. That's one heck of a skin condition you got there, kid. I'm so sorry. I don't got long. Sorry about that chocolate. Come on. Yeah. It's quite sad. Yeah. Yeah. Hang on. Yeah. I'll send you to the...
01:03:24
Speaker
You know what I'll send word and he pushes a button like on unlike what don't make me walk. I'm dying. Come on He presses he presses a button on the like where the mic is. He says hey, um Hey, Eleanor. Can you bring? Just whatever chocolates from the kitchen area, please just all of it. Just I mean, I don't whatever it is. Just can you bring it? We got one of those make-a-wish kids here and You know their last wishes for chocolate or something. Can you bring when you bring some out? Thanks? Holy chocolate in a church
01:03:53
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. I know it sounds a little weird, but I try to bless everything. So it is actually holy chocolate. So yeah. And you see off to your left, Slappy, another set of doors opens. And so they're like gold-trimmed, gilded doors. And you see this lady walks out. She's a stunning, stunning woman, probably in her late 30s, early 40s.
01:04:23
Speaker
darker skin, long jet black hair, very soft features and she's like, oh, where's the Make-A-Wish kid? I turn around and look at her.
01:04:38
Speaker
Well, here you are, young one. And she kneels down and she has a whole big old basket full of like, you know, just looks like an old Easter basket with the grass still in it, the Easter grass. There's a bunch of like candy eggs in there and, you know, lollipops and assorted chocolates and Milky Way's and all that good stuff. Yeah, you can have whatever you like. Yeah, please. I grabbed the whole basket. Bless your heart. Oh, thanks, lady. Oh, I tell an orbit. You're welcome.
01:05:07
Speaker
All right, I turn around and look back at you faster. Well, is everything okay, Pastor Tim? And he looks over and says, oh, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to grant this young boy his last wish. And also, these people are here to help us with the grave robbing situation.
01:05:27
Speaker
She says, Oh, oh my yeah, well, as you know, I'm not as comfortable talking about the dead as you are. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna go. And she swiftly goes to the doors and disappears on the other end of them. And he comes down off the stage to greet you guys. And he has like a very
01:05:44
Speaker
pompous like walk as he comes down to see you You know, he's not even trying to hide it It's just probably built into him ingrained and he's like yeah, so you all are here about the the graves I mean I can take you to the cemetery if you want. Yep. Let's go dead bodies. Oh Yeah, it's I should warn you it smells a little back there. We were told not to do anything to contaminate the scene
01:06:11
Speaker
Um, and, um, he leads you, he leads you through a door. Um, before we go, um, I'm gonna say, um, I'm afraid of looking at the dead bodies. Can I go talk with a nice lady who gave me the chocolates? Why? Of course, young man. That's Eleanor right through the door over there. She'll be happy to talk to you here. Mars from Jimmy John Smith. Take this chocolate for me. It's yours now. I noticed you didn't need any of the chocolate, son. You want to put some in your pocket or no, it'll melt. I'll have it later.
01:06:41
Speaker
I guess we'll put this in a fridge at some point. No, you hold on that there. You can be telling that's yours now. And to carry the damn basket. Jim John Smith will carry the damn basket. Okay. And Mark experience.
01:06:59
Speaker
Yes, of course, you can work experience. I'm one away from a level up. It's gonna be my second one, I think. Okay, so as you go into the doors to follow Eleanor, these two will follow Pastor Tim.
01:07:21
Speaker
So you guys go with Pastor Tim, and Pastor Tim takes you guys to a door opposite of where Slappy Pete went. And it leads on to this big courtyard. It's really a massive place with all sorts of statues and decorations and stone tables, lots of benches, seating area, and a lot of hedges. And he walks out and he says, yeah, it's a bit of a walk, but we just don't like the dead to be near the road.
01:07:51
Speaker
As to have people think of us as a cemetery first and a church second. We want people to notice the building. Yeah, you can't miss it. It's fucking huge. The building.
01:08:06
Speaker
Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's right. And so he leads you guys to the cemetery. It's probably like a good 150 yards out before you guys see the cemetery. And you smell it before you see it. It's definitely got like an odor of like must and like rot. And he says, oh my, I always forget, you know, because you don't smell it till you get right up on it. But yeah.
01:08:30
Speaker
My apologies is yeah you're welcome to investigate whatever you want just again please don't move anything don't take anything. I know that your marshals but the police also need to know they have certain things already logged so you know just try not to yeah yeah yeah yeah so is this exactly how it was found.
01:08:52
Speaker
Yes, that's exactly how it was found. This was what our groundskeeper discovered, at least so we feel. We haven't been able to talk to him, but he was the only one on the scene when this could have happened, but unfortunately, he's in hospital right now.
01:09:08
Speaker
Why taking after taking a nasty we assume a nasty fall. He has quite a quite a bruise on his head. So they tell me and poor guy. So we don't have any account of it right now, but you're welcome to check the scene if you like. Does the dude in the hospital have a name? Yeah, Garrett. He's groundskeeper Garrett.
01:09:33
Speaker
Very, very, very good friend. Long time groundskeeper here. Good man. Everybody loves Garrett. All right. Yeah, we'll look around. You can go. Yeah, OK. I got a show to prepare for later anyway. So yeah, thanks, OK. And he scurries off back towards the mega church. Break the leg. OK.
01:10:01
Speaker
And you just keep your speed walking away. We are an unlikable bunch. Well, he said it shows, so she said, break your leg. I mean. Yeah, but the tone of that. Break your leg. So you guys, you guys are going to check out the scene? Yeah. Oh yeah. What do you think we're looking for here, Lou? Dude bodies. Look, there's one. Found one. Check that one off our scavenger hunt. Oh look, there's another.
01:10:32
Speaker
Oh, bonus points. The intern is more proficient in the job than she is. She don't want the job. It's because she's a fucking slacker. She's a fucking narcissism. It's such a funny dynamic. Or a nepotism. Yeah, it's nepotism. She doesn't want to work here. I guess.
01:10:57
Speaker
What do you want to do? I guess Jim John's going to investigate a mystery. He's everywhere. Blumen is always with us in spirit. Yeah, so you can you can investigate a mystery if you like. Yeah. Go for it. Mystery. That would be plus sharp. That's a six. Okay, I will try and help out. All right, so this is either going to this is either going to level me up or not.
01:11:25
Speaker
Ah, look, we both live alone! Yay! We both live alone! Oh, she's gonna have to pick the list. Blue, my eyes are up here. Ah, sorry. What? So, quick question. Yeah, guide. We do not pick booze from...
01:11:54
Speaker
How does picking like moves from another playbook work? You do that. Okay, so there's no restrictions. All right. You just picked the one that you want. As long as it's like one of the basic moves. Yeah, you can take it. Let's see.
01:12:10
Speaker
Okay, well I don't understand anything about what's going on here. Do you guys want me to cut to Slappy Pete so you guys can do your level up? Yeah, yeah, that'd be great, that'd be great. I can see you're all distracted now because you want to level up and so to continue. We also both didn't check Jack Diddley's shit. No, I didn't think I'd do it this quick.
01:12:29
Speaker
All right, we got over to Sir Pete Slappington over in the kitchen area. You see Eleanor over in his big immaculate kitchen, and there's a dining area on the other end. You can see a bunch of glass windows, big glass windows.
01:12:46
Speaker
She's sitting at one of the tables in the kitchen. I'd say you could smell something, but you can't, but you can see that one of the ovens are on. She's just sitting there with a book in her hand and she's reading. This lady. She's going to see, she's going to make me, oh, is there like a, let me roll. What can I do to try and be quiet? What kind of roll are we trying to do? Act under pressure. Act under pressure, okay. Yeah, it'd be cool.
01:13:14
Speaker
drop down my 100 moves, act under pressure, roll. Yep. Under Prussia. It's a seven. Well, tell me what you're trying to accomplish here, and then I'll tell you that. I just want to not let my little dummy feet cleavey-clack so loud on the tiles. I'm trying to set up a scene for this lady. And for the listeners.
01:13:42
Speaker
So what you can do is I'll say that you are. How about this you there's like a little carpeted area like a little area rug that's kind of in there was I'd say that you can walk along that the two.
01:14:00
Speaker
uh, stifle the noises of your feet, but you have to take a few clicky clack steps to get there. And then you can silence this. You can scoop around her, but she'll, she'll hear you, but she won't see where you are. Um, so like someone there.
01:14:15
Speaker
So I didn't want to walk behind. I want to go to the opposite side of the table if she's on. I'm going to try and just pull the chair out without her knowing I'm missing. I'll click a little bit, and then I'll walk on whatever carpet I can to reach the edge. So you're going to pull another chair out? Yeah. I want to just pull the chair across from her out without her knowing anyone's there to creep her out. I don't want to get into it. OK. Is someone there? Hello?
01:14:38
Speaker
Hello? You see my head come up. Hello, baby. Oh. Oh, hello, little boy. I'm so sorry. You scared me. I didn't know you're in here. Do your parents? Oh, I guess they're not your parents. Do your guardians know you're here? Yes, they're going to look at the dead bodies. Oh, poor thing. You poor thing. You probably don't want to go and see the dead bodies either.
01:15:09
Speaker
No, they wouldn't let me. I really wanted to see them. I'm just staring at the centerpiece on the table. Yeah. Did you need something? I look her in the eyes. I say, yes. Look into my dead, lifeless eyes, lady. OK, you little boy. OK, go for it.
01:15:39
Speaker
Uh, was it fucking charm from it? I forgot it was charm. Well, hopefully I get a good role on this. Mental Dominion. Oh, I think I can roll from the ability actually. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I think you can, or you can just hit it from where your stats are. Uh, mixed success. So mental dominion. So what is that one order? One thing. That's perfect. That's all I need. Okay. She says, what do you need? Sire. Tell me everything about the grave robberies that you know.
01:16:10
Speaker
and that you're not allowed to tell me. Oh, um, well, I know that, uh, the police were very perplexed about, uh, the state of the graves and, and they were very, I know this seems, this seems a little weird, but, uh,
01:16:35
Speaker
It seems a little weird, but they seem to think that somehow the coffins were pushed open from the inside, but that's impossible because they're dead. That's strange. Yeah, but they're kind of keeping it on the down low, but Pastor Tim heard them saying that and confided that in me.
01:17:01
Speaker
Oh, I just, I don't know. That just sounds like a bunch of hootenanny, you know, just a lot of poppycock. Pardon my language. Yeah, that's a lot of hooey. Yeah, a lot of hooey. That's a great word. Um, yeah. And, uh, it's just, you know, but I don't know. I guess the police are also looking after the two other churches to see if there's any, um, any, any other,
01:17:31
Speaker
Goings on in this in this manner, but that's that's really that's really all I know although I will say Something that pastor Tim has been saying is that he thinks that it was it was some ruffians from from one of the other churches because you know ours is the biggest church and The Church of Awakening is kind of small and he thinks it was some kind of prank from the people that go there I don't know anything about that though. I think that's all
01:18:01
Speaker
Nonsense who he might say huh who he even yeah, then she wipes the drool former mouth And I'm sorry, I just kind of blacked out there for I sort of just like sitting at the tables of nuns differently So this uh this pastor he seems to really take the image of this church very seriously Is that is that when you is that someone's understanding here miss well your voice sounds so different. Yeah Like a big boy
01:18:30
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I just I want to you know, I don't got a lot time left So I want to try and pretend I'm a big boy as long as I can. Oh, that's bless your heart So yeah, okay Yeah, um, well Yeah, he really cares about the image of the place, you know because we're trying to get younger people in here You know the youth are the future and you know people are seeming to rebel against religion and the internet and tick-tock are really making people be
01:18:59
Speaker
He calls them godless, but I think they're just misguided. Go ahead, you continue, man. I'm sorry. I was just going to say that the appearance is very important because if it looks appealing, the young people will come.
Museum Mysteries: Reanimation Attempts
01:19:17
Speaker
Is there anybody in town that you guys noticed that was a little godless? Is anybody that's making him worry about their
01:19:29
Speaker
He really doesn't like Father Levi over at the Church of Awakening. He's been telling me that he's had a bad feeling about him since he took over the place a few months ago.
01:19:41
Speaker
Again, but how could you doubt someone of the cloth? He's a priest. That's just nonsense. He's probably a great guy. You know what? That was really... Where's the bathroom in this place? Oh, it's right down the hall over there. Those glass doors, if you go to the left, you know which way left is. Yeah, I know my left and my right. I walk out the door that came in through and I leave the church. Okay. Bye, little boy. I didn't get your name.
01:20:11
Speaker
I was never going to name him. Okay, so as you do that, we cut over to Carlton Merryweather in the church museum of the aliens, people. Carlton, what are you doing? So Carlton's got the keys to the house. I'm basically king of the castle right now. It's true. So I'm going to look over some of the other exhibits. I imagine there's some like,
01:20:41
Speaker
photography, there's some like artifacts, possibly some screenshots, some of that, you know, Indiana Jones and the crystal skull, uh, there was an alien body. So I'm going to go to it. Okay. Um, you go, you go to this, uh, body that they have on display and it looks like a big cat person. Um, it looks like.
01:21:12
Speaker
It looks like a preserved, wrinkly person. It looks like something out of the shitty movie Cats, but real and not badly CGI'd.
01:21:26
Speaker
It's just this this kind of faded calico color. And they look to be probably about like little almost six feet tall and they're laying on this. It's like the grand exhibit on the far end of the barn with, you know, like these like kind of spooky green lights kind of giving it like an effect as it hits off of the glass that it's laying in. Yeah, and it says, it says, the cat from outer space.
01:21:54
Speaker
All right, well, here's what gets interesting. Um, I want to use magic. Okay. Well, let's get there in a second. I feel like part of what I'm doing.
01:22:11
Speaker
Carlton truly believes is to solve the mystery and to prevent what his premonition presented to him. Okay. So I feel like I get that plus one forward, right? Sure. This would be the forward though that you're using. All right. So my goal was to do something beyond, uh, what does it say? Limitations. And that means I'm bringing this cat to life.
01:22:38
Speaker
Well, I feel like something about human limitations is more like some sort of physical act, but okay. Yeah, we could do that. We could do that. So you're going to try to reanimate this fucking thing? Now, when you say bring it to life, you're trying to reanimate it as it is, yes? Ooh. I mean...
01:23:06
Speaker
Yeah, it feels like it. I just want to be clear what you're trying to do. Unless there is more that needs to be gathered to fully bring this cat to true life. Oh, definitely. Then what kind of things when I need to be able to fully pull this off to get a truly knowledgeable cat? Do you have some sort of holy or Necronomicon-like book that shows you how to bring people back to life?
01:23:39
Speaker
You know what, you know what, here, you know what, I'll make you a deal. You, I'm gonna say first this has to be big magic. If you're trying to reanimate it as it is, or like as it was before it became all shriveled and decrepit. Then first of all, it's gonna be big magic and you're gonna need another person there to pull life force from to do it. Old lady. Second. She doesn't even know where she is right now.
01:24:02
Speaker
I have the internet.
01:24:08
Speaker
Second, I'm gonna have you do a sharp roll to see if you can find anything that will remotely match what you're looking for on the internet, on the dark web. Something I let you fucking bring back to life a dead alien cat. Go for it. All right, let's do it. Let's go for sharp. Let's go to the sharp first, all right? Okay. Once again, this is two.
01:24:35
Speaker
Wow. This is happening. You see a leaked email on the dark Reddit from someone named Boomtown9000.
01:24:53
Speaker
And he put it, this was just a misnomer that somebody screenshotted and kept going out. It was a mistake from this person who lives on the dark web. And there's this kind of weird little spell that you can cast called the, fuck, my brain is not summoning the one from Cats of Cthulhu. What is it, the Niko-Namacon? Something like that. Niko-Namacon. Well, the Niko-Namacon. The Niko-Namacon.
01:25:26
Speaker
And there's a spell on there that you comprehend. And essentially, it's just what you need. It's instructions on how to bring back something to life. And it definitely says you need a life for a life. It's alchemy rules. The laws of equivalent exchange. The laws of equivalent exchange. So you need to sacrifice a life to give this thing life. I'm trying to bring your mom back or your brother returned too, nothing.
01:25:51
Speaker
and he'll be in a suit of armor. Now, we all know that Carlton is a stickler for rules. How specific were they on life? It just had to be someone living. If you want to trade life for life, it has to be something sentient for something sentient. The intelligence have to be somewhere nearby. It's kind of like the fusion dance in Dragon Ball Z. There has to be some similarities, otherwise it could go awry.
01:26:18
Speaker
All right, here's where our podcast takes a little bit of a turn. We're going to go ahead and open up the floor for discussion. What exactly is sentient? Happy Pete, go ahead. Is a butterfly sentient? We don't know.
01:26:39
Speaker
Who's to say, really? It's anything they can feel. If they can feel. They taste with their feet. So is that... I taste with my feet. I like to taste feet. Oh. All right. Here's another rare moment in the podcast. Hey, Google. What's the definition of sentient?
01:27:02
Speaker
It says there was a glitch. Try again. So we don't know. Oh my goodness. The machine knows. It knows. It's like, don't answer. I pulled my cell phone out. No. So I imagine that's probably the rock. What? The rock that Slappy has. Well, no, it's too late for the rock. I'm by myself. Slappy has it. That's my best friend in the whole world. Oh. Did the old lady keep any pets? No. In the barn. I am in a barn.
01:27:32
Speaker
uh why don't you do you know what let's just do another sharp roll yeah let's just see see if he's got another living up his sleeve oh it's a six that's a failure uh you you know what it smells like animal in here but you don't see animals in here you know what i'm just gonna use that luck point
01:28:01
Speaker
Okay, what is your luck special when you use luck? Let's see. Mark luck to change. Oh, actually, that should be a mixed success, because this is once again to help out, right? I forgot to put the plus one. Yeah, but it's a forward, not ongoing, so you get it one time. Oh, yeah, you're right. So in that case, Mark luck to change, it rolled 12. Let's see, luck special. When you spend luck, your dark side's needs will get nice here.
01:28:28
Speaker
Excellent. What exactly are you going to do to this cat creature once it is animated? Well, part of that's up to me now. That probably lines up with one of my jokes. I have exactly in mind, I have exactly... I don't know if you want to read those or not. I know exactly what I'm going to do. I know exactly what you want. I'm glad he's aligned with this.
01:28:55
Speaker
The tables have turned. The turns have tabled. So he's got lust, dark bargain, and poor and false control. Yeah, hey, you know what? You actually find another cat. You find a little quadrupedal cat. It's a black cat with piercing green eyes. He goes, meow.
01:29:28
Speaker
Just I'm kidding sacrifice it sacrifice it right the fuck now Caught it just goes and puts his hand out and does that thing you know? Yeah, it presses it presses the corner of its eyes and you know rubs its eyes. You know I face against your knuckles Sacrifice a cat Pick them up start patting them saying
01:29:54
Speaker
I hope you're not down to, excuse me, I hope you're not down to your last one. This is a really dark episode, oh my god.
01:30:05
Speaker
got a tear comes to the eye a tear comes to the eye the cat starts to cry too the cat starts to cry too okay well that's cold now I got to deal with that doctor is it just a manipulation rule here no no I'm not gonna interfere I'm gonna let Carlton do what Carlton do I won't lose any sleep at night if you sacrifice a cat to wake up another cat
01:30:34
Speaker
Well, here we go. So you're going to roll big magic? Big magic. Oh, you rolled, when I didn't roll yet, sorry. Well, roll used magic was an 11, but I guess have to do it again because of the big magic. Yeah, yeah, he's trying to roll big magic.
Zombie Encounters and Peculiar Events
01:30:58
Speaker
Oh wait, so the first magic didn't really roll for anything? No, it didn't. No, because you were trying to do something before you had the things to do the things. So yeah, so you got an eight on your mixed success. Okay. You know what? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. You know what? What does this look like? How does it, how does your spell work? You tell me. So that's a great question. I didn't even think that far. I didn't think it would work.
01:31:27
Speaker
The spell is more like a, you know, Carlton pulls out his calculator, starts doing some calculations, then pulls out some chalk, starts drawing some diagrams, you know, lines going horizontally, lots of lines going vertically as well. And then sits down with the cat, starts petting the cat, and
01:31:56
Speaker
Basically, it just sits down for a little bit. It waits. Nothing else happens. There's no wind. There's no lights fluttering. It just waits for like three or four minutes. And then the cat just opens up its eyes.
01:32:21
Speaker
Yeah. And the other cat's eyes close slowly and it goes limp in your, in your, in your, on your lap. Um, and the, uh, the one, the one, the big cat person sitting or laying in this big glass case, um, you can see like colors start to come back to their fur and it's more vibrant. They look young, um, you know, and they sit up and they look around and they go. Meow.
01:32:52
Speaker
I suppose I'm going down to the magic again. And he looks to speak to a creature. It looks over at you and it says. Yeah. Boy, you look fucking hot.
01:33:18
Speaker
Oh my god, look at you! How long have I been asleep? Oh yeah, take it all off, baby! Let's fucking do this! And they jump out of the... with wonderful agility to do a front flip out of the glass after they stand up. They land next to you and you see the little tails wagging back and forth behind them. And you see, he grabs a hold of his tail and pulls up between his legs frontwards and starts stroking his own tail. And he says... He says...
01:33:47
Speaker
Baby. Oh my god. Wow. So how are we doing this or what? I mean, you're my savior. I mean, I gotta pay you back, wink. I don't know how to wink for real. But yeah, you wanna do this? We're in a bar and there's hay to roll in. Let's go. I guess I should use my tune in move.
01:34:13
Speaker
your tune in move. You can tune your mind to a monster or minion. Okay, go for it. I think you've already attracted. Oh, I knew exactly what you want. What question would you like to ask?
01:34:37
Speaker
Let's see. Where is the creature right now? What's it planning to do right now? Who is it going to attack next? Who does it regard as the biggest threat and how can I attract its attention? I think you've already got all of those answers, right? There's nothing wrong with crossing your eyes and dotting your T's. He starts massaging your shoulders. Who does it regard as the biggest threat?
01:35:03
Speaker
Who does it regard as the biggest threat? You can sense it's a little, it's for the most part, it's of one mind, but it's a little nervous that it's going to get interrupted. Lock the door. Someone's getting cozy. You could be locked back in that cage.
01:35:25
Speaker
Yeah, but we don't want that now, do we? Unless you want to snuggle in there with me. There's room for two. I'll lay on my side. You can fit. You want to beat a big spoon and a little spoon. How hungry are you right now?
01:35:42
Speaker
Are you famished? I could feed you something. And, Jerry, the cat's got my tongue. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does, big boy. And he starts to, like, rub his hands down your shoulders onto your arms and your biceps and starts giving him a little rub. Like, oh, you're so tense. Relax, that big guy. I'll take care of you. What are you gonna do?
01:36:15
Speaker
Is that licksome ass? Are you trying? Are you gonna fight it? I'm gonna jinx it. You're gonna jinx it? Okay, I'm gonna give you a minus two to that jinx because your dark side's calling real, real hard right now.
01:36:32
Speaker
It's not on its side. Yeah, it's a six. Your spell backfires as you go to cast this jinx, and it kind of careens back into you, and you are overtaken with a huge sense of lust right now. Your beer goggles are on.
01:37:02
Speaker
I apologize if you just give me a few minutes. Yeah, why don't you let me help you up into the casket here. Come on, it's a big display case. The mood lighting's perfect. Come on. It's nice and warm. Yeah. I mean, I suppose I'm consenting to that. All right, we cut back to the graveyard.
01:37:29
Speaker
as the screen fades to black there. Thank God. As we get to the graveyard. So you guys have finished your level ups as you all shout into the sky. I level up. What do you do now that you are at the graveyard? Does that guy look like he was trying to like suck himself off while he was dead?
01:37:57
Speaker
I have no idea. I mean, like, I don't think living guys can quite accomplish filming themselves over and half like that unless they've got a rib removed.
Confrontation at the Church: Suspicious Priests
01:38:10
Speaker
I guess. Again, I don't know. And as Jim John Smith is preparing to like move to a next graveside or something like that, he accidentally trips and falls on Lou.
01:38:24
Speaker
Oh no. This is from the failure earlier, but oops. I want to stumble across something important.
01:38:32
Speaker
And we both end up in the coffin with the dead guy sucking it. Right, go for it. You will find something important and useful, although not necessarily related to your immediate problems. Oh, you fall on top of her... Her back hits the ground. You fall on top of her missionary style. And as you catch yourself, you see... Oh, what's that? The lid of the coffin? There are scratch marks on it and indentations from the inside. What?
01:39:02
Speaker
Well, look at this, Lou. I think we stumbled into a mystery. He points to like the top of the coffin. Oh, right. That's what we're looking at. Sure. Yep. So what do you do? So so there's indentions, but it's like, is there any kind of
01:39:29
Speaker
Do the indentions make any kind of marking or anything like that? I think they stretch their way out of the coffins using their fingernail. So somebody using some kind of necromancy? Are you always this warm? Me? Yeah, I'm a very warm-blooded person. Yeah, I can tell. You need some help up, Lou? Yeah, yeah, that'd be great. All right.
01:39:59
Speaker
Jim John will get up and help me out of the grave. We know the graves weren't robbed. The graves were disturbed by themselves. I mean, well, they were robbed. They are missing things. Just the bodies are still there. Can't rob yourself.
01:40:22
Speaker
So wait, all the bodies are still there, but it looks like they clawed themselves out of their own graves. Yep, that's how it looks. I think we're going to have to do, not time surveillance. Are you guys going to come back at night or are you guys going to go somewhere else?
01:40:41
Speaker
Probably gonna come back at night. Gonna collect Slappy Pete, gonna collect the party to tell him our information. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What happened to the basket of chocolates when you fell on me in the grave? The greatest catastrophe of the whole game. Where is the basket of chocolates? Where is the basket of chocolates? It fell neatly.
01:41:08
Speaker
in the hands of another person, another dead person in a nearby grave with only a few bits of pieces of chocolate here and there. But for the most part, it's all intact. Oh, thank goodness. I'll collect the chocolate, Lou. Good idea. Good idea. I'm sure just kind of kick a little bit of the detritus of chocolate that's flowing out and just push it into the grave.
01:41:32
Speaker
Slappy Pete, at this point, you have made your way from the bathroom area around the building. Would you be going outside or? I'm just leaving at the front door. I'm heading towards whatever the church is that that guy did there. Just gonna walk to the other church. I think we've established since the last mission of now that Slappy Pete is not a perfect team player. Okay. All right. Well, at least you two are kind of working together.
01:42:00
Speaker
Okay, so you're gonna you said you were gonna go try to collect Slappy Pete and get the party together What do we walk in on Well Slappy Pete is nowhere to be seen as you guys go back into the church looking for him he's not anywhere inside Well, we could just leave him here You do see Eleanor who says
01:42:27
Speaker
Yeah, I think your boys he's been in the bathroom for a long time It's like I don't want to go in and I don't want to disturb him But he's been in there a long time. So you guys might want to go check on him Sure, if maybe the chocolate upset his tummy. No, we're just walking to the meanest bathroom Hey Yeah
01:42:53
Speaker
None of your business on my pants. It's just like that kid that was outside. Maybe you should go to get a doctor to look at that. You seen a little boy about this high and she'll just... He pulls his pants up real quick. No, I'm not a pervert or anything. Not for the nose pressers. Yeah, yeah, no kids come in here. I've been in here this whole time trying to get my pants dry.
Supernatural Showdown: Zombies and Magic
01:43:16
Speaker
Uh-huh, okay. Sure. And I'll just walk back out. Alright, bye lady, you pervert.
01:43:23
Speaker
Well, he's not in there. Are you talking to Jimmy John? Sure. Overall, listen. Jimmy John, he's not in there. Sorry, I was deep in thought. I lost my own damn mind. Go again. Go in the bathroom again. I was just in there and he's not in there. Oh, shit. I guess we should ask where we lost our make a wish child.
01:43:50
Speaker
Well, that lady just said he went to the bathroom. He's not in the bathroom. So I mean, I didn't think he needed to go for a shit because, you know, he's just wood. I mean, as someone else, because obviously, well, I asked him in the bathroom. It was like hand drying his nuts. But he didn't seem to me that how does people lose a child so easily? He's not a child.
01:44:14
Speaker
In the eyes of the Lord. Is he a child? What is a child? Come on, let's go find Slappy. If we have to. What in the fuck are you telling me about the dirt? I told you what to do. I'm starving. The frustration of losing Slappy Pete would devastate me. He's an integral part of our team. Who else is going to bite people?
01:44:42
Speaker
Slappy, as you're crossing the road and you're walking across the street, you see...
01:44:54
Speaker
you see there's like over the horizon just a little bit of a ways you can see another big ass church that kind of echoes this one but not quite as big and you can see just actually not far from where you are aside from the megachores you see like his little kind of dumpy ass looking church probably like another 200 yards ahead looks like that's been taken care of in a while it's kind of dilapidated I forget what was the name of the one that she said they don't like the guy from
01:45:22
Speaker
The Great Awakening. The Church of Awakening, yeah. What's the last of the shitty one? That was, yeah, Pastor Levi, or Father Levi, excuse me. And yeah, as you approach closer, you can see kind of like a shitty-looking sign that says, The Church of Awakening. Although the G is missing, so it says, The Church of Awakening. Gives kind of a fun little twang to it.
01:45:50
Speaker
I go up and I go in there. Who's going to go in the church? Okay. All right, cool. Right on. The other two, are you guys just leaving without Slappy? Sure. Yeah, he's in for himself, isn't he? Apparently. You're going to go pick up Carlton? Yeah, we got to pick up Carlton from the museum. Yeah, if we must.
01:46:16
Speaker
got a juice box and a cheese string ready for him. He probably had a big day over there. You guys get over there and as you pull up, you see this older lady with white hair, white fuzzy hair and she's walking around and she sees you guys and she comes over. Hello, dearest. Oh, fuck. Howdy. Hi. Have you been waiting long for me? Are you here to take me to my appointment?
01:46:46
Speaker
No, we're here to pick up the person we left here earlier. Name is Carlton. She opens the back door and sits in. Oh, I love your car. It looks like a toaster. She's sitting in the back seat now talking to you guys.
01:47:06
Speaker
You could take me to the hospital if you want. It's just a few blocks down the street. I'm gonna go inside to get Carlton. Or do you want to go inside to get Carlton? Oh, I'll leave you to deal with this crazy. Yes, ma'am. What are you doing in my car? This is my car. Sure, fair. Drive me to the hospital. I don't know where the hospital is, ma'am. You're fired.
01:47:35
Speaker
Who's fired? I don't know. Jim John Smith already knows how to work this lady to his advantage. He's going to keep that process going. What are you doing in my car? I'm supposed to take you to your doctor's appointment. I'm a bank robber. Oh, no. Give it a second. Are you robbing me? Who's robbing who? I don't know. What's your name?
01:48:06
Speaker
Am I robbing you? Wait, somebody is robbing somebody? Am I in trouble by the cops? Are you the cops? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt anybody. Cut the loop. Cut the loop. I could keep this up for an hour if you wanted to. We'll have to do like the extended cut for a whole other episode. Oh my gosh. It's an hour and 10 minutes of you just talking to this lady.
01:48:37
Speaker
Okay, so you walk into, uh, Lou, you walk into, uh, the, into the place. Oh, you got to walk in door, door, door, door, door, don't budge. It's a bit steamy inside. Wow. Yeah, the windows are foggy. It's the whole van. He steamed up the whole fucking van. Wow. Mm-hmm. The window. Yeah, but there's, they're all foggy there.
01:49:07
Speaker
I just smashed the window. Crap, you smashed the window. Yeah. There's a lot of stank that comes out, a lot of arid. It's very arid, it's very... God. You see a lot of loose hair, flies out with it. What the fuck, Calvin? You in there? Keratin sits up and adjusts his glasses. Are they foggy?
01:49:36
Speaker
Hello. Hold on. Get the fuck out of here. We're going to go find something. I don't have a clue. I honestly don't think anything matters right now. I've brought a fucking alien to life. I have a girlfriend.
01:50:02
Speaker
I guess Chester Cheetos next to me is like smoking a cigarette. What the fuck? You mean to be getting information or some shit? No. What? Oh, is that your wife, bud? Oh, I'm not his fucking wife. Just a coworker of mine. We've actually been investigating a mystery here in town. Tell me, how did you get into a place such as this?
01:50:31
Speaker
I have no idea. I feel like I've been dead forever. I even remember I got here. I crashed in a swamp somewhere. And then... Now I'm here. Were there any strange figures you may have met? Yeah, did you see a squid? It kind of looks like a squid. It's got like a bunch of little tendrils. No, I've seen Squid Game on Netflix, but no, I have not seen a squid individually. Well, fuck that. I have no idea. Now there are rumors of a man in a dark hood.
01:50:59
Speaker
I wouldn't know anything about that. I've been sleeping. Dead. D. E. Hmm. I don't know how to spell dead, but I've been dead. So, um, yeah, I don't know what to tell you, bud. Sorry. Carlton, are you naked? Put your fucking clothes on before you come out. Carlton, what do you do? I guess on the way out, as I'm leaving, I cast a hex on the, uh...
01:51:26
Speaker
On the cat you're not being helpful. Yeah We'll take your XP I'm gonna have this come back later. It was definitely an XP. Yeah, I'm sure
01:51:55
Speaker
I'm going to have this come back later, actually. Oh, this come back? Sure. Yeah. You need a minute, too? Yeah, you know, I just need this stuff right now. I just need one of those blow dryers in the bathroom. So, Carl, did you open the door? Wait, he's clothed, right? Is he clothed?
01:52:22
Speaker
Yes, the door is closed. Oh my god, you know what I mean. Yes, the suit's back on. Still no wrinkles. And you open it back up? Captain, what the fuck? Yep. Exactly. Same character out again. Yes.
01:52:46
Speaker
What did I fuck indeed? This should move on, I guess. The fuck is wrong with you? Oh my god. I need a drink. I need a drink. Hey! Hey guys, am I supposed to come? No! Sounds like you already have.
01:53:13
Speaker
You can always come with me. Oh, excellent. Is that a room in your car? I'm coming. You're not coming in the car. We're there with Slappy Pete. What's a Slappy Pete? Wait, no, not Slappy Pete. There's an extra seat. Jim John has the doors locked. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? What happened to the old lady?
01:53:34
Speaker
And that was the day that I met my granddaughter. She was much older than me at the time. But then when I saw her the next day, she was much younger. I don't understand how it happened.
01:53:47
Speaker
Oh my God. Louisa, Louisa, I need you to go back inside the- I punched him in the nut. There's been a terrible accident inside the museum. I punched him in the nut. I need you to take a look. Here, take the keys. You're punching Carlton in the nuts. He said Louisa. No, no, no, no. I was calling Louisa the person at the museum. Well, you said Louisa, so you activated it. You did. You said Louisa. You said you activated the, you punched in the nut. So I wasn't even talking.
01:54:14
Speaker
So you don't even have to be talking to you if you just say Louisa in the vicinity of you. Yes. What would you roll kick some ass please, Louisa? Activated my trap card. I punched the keeper in the nose, too. Would you roll kick some ass on me after? Do I not have an apprentice as cat-like reflexes to jump in the way? He can roll a helper. So a nine. Okay.
01:54:42
Speaker
Yeah, you go and you punch Carlton in the nuts. But when you do that, this big burly cat that's totally naked, body checks your ass and tosses you on the ground. He says, whoa, whoa, whoa, that is totally uncalled for you. I've only been alive for like 10 minutes. No, 15, 20, 20 minutes. It's been like 20 minutes, 20 really good minutes. And I'm not going to say to watch you
01:55:11
Speaker
Pick all my lover that way. Carl said, what in the sweet shit have you done? I have no idea. We can talk about it later. Oh, that's one big pussycat. Nah, fuck that. Have you been able to visit the church? Put it back. We're not bringing pants around? Can we look back at it all free?
01:55:34
Speaker
There's an opportunity there. I'm just gonna leave it on the table the cat like the the cat man licks your face with his with his dry tongue Yeah Frickin Jim John's gonna like don't get get out of here. Oh
01:55:57
Speaker
What? You don't want me to come? No! We're on a different job here! Go away! We have other things to deal with right now. Carlton, you cannot bring strays into the business. Now this...
01:56:12
Speaker
Individual has been around for longer than you and I, and really the whole team combined. They've been located in this location, and clearly there's something foul afoot. Perhaps they could be of use. Wait! Do you mind sticking around with us and giving us a hand? Oh yeah, of course. Uh, yeah, you want me to put my clothes back on first, or? You naked?
01:56:40
Speaker
Well, yeah, I'm a cat mostly where it counts it to you. Oh my God. Yeah, I will go put it on. Nobody seems to be uncomfortable with my blood dick just floating around here, so I'll be back. Oh my God. My furtick. And he sprints back through the door and goes and- Yeah, so while it's getting close, Jim Jones is going to say, get a fucking car.
01:57:05
Speaker
Fucking car right now. Get in the car. I'm putting it down. All right. Oh dear. Are you taking me to the doctors? This is unnatural. All right. That thing is unnatural, Carlson. What in the hell were you thinking? I was thinking with this dick, obviously. Look, we found out that the bodies dug themselves out of their own graves and stole their own shit.
01:57:32
Speaker
I'm sorry, say that again. They didn't literally sell their own shit at the jewelry, not their shit. They literally dug themselves out the ground by themselves. Some weird kind of necromancy. What is the old lady still doing in the car? Now necromancy, now I feel like I have something of a knowledge of that myself. That's why we bring you along.
01:58:01
Speaker
Look, we just got to find Slappy. We got to get the information in. And we're camping out these grave sites. Oh my god, I'm covered in cat food. Does anyone have a loot roller? My leg's stuck in my pants. I'll be there in a second. Get the car, Carlton. We are not bringing that thing with us. They are not a thing. They are a bean. They are a talking mixed mash of a cat and whatever the hell else.
01:58:29
Speaker
They were trying to create life together. Carlton's freaking... I'm gonna stand my ground. I'm gonna stand my ground. Oh shit. No, I'm out of the car. I grabbed my suitcase out.
01:58:53
Speaker
I take the keys back from the lady. Her car is literally right next to us.
01:59:02
Speaker
Would you? Let's just make this kick some ass. If you're trying to convince him without forcing him, it could be manipulate someone. Who's doing the manipulating? I would like to say by me standing in my ground saying I'm sane, do you feel like that would be a manipulation towards Jim John? Or would it be more of a threat for you leaving? I feel like
01:59:27
Speaker
skip the team. Carlton is very assured in his actions. Carlton shouldn't be. How about this? How about this? You can role manipulate somebody and we'll see what the results are, but if they're not good enough, then I'm going to let Jim John because he says he's talking about trying to force you in the car.
01:59:45
Speaker
we could probably roll against each other maybe yeah that too you could do that if you like um yeah why don't we roll like so you can be arguing while jim jimmy john's trying to push you into the car so we'll have him do a tough and you do a charm and we'll just see what happens she gets higher whoever gets higher wins the contest damn it oh how bad oh how bad
02:00:09
Speaker
You're going to help out Jimmy John? Yeah. Jimmy and the damn car. That's not fair. They both rolled. It is fair, because she also wants you in the car. I'm on the living. Can I hex? Too late. Can I count her hex? Well, she gave him the 10, so that I'm going to say that there's stuff in you in the car. Now, if you want to hex them while you're in the car, sure. I know come out. I know come out.
02:00:31
Speaker
Well, you already took your turn, now he gets his turn. That was my help out. Okay, you rolled an eight for your hex, how does that work? Yeah, what are you doing against me? Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? I don't think you have a hex move that'll help you here. The target breaks something precious or important.
02:00:56
Speaker
What does an eight do, though, for Hex? Actually, you may pick from the following list. Yeah, it says when you cast... When you cast Spout, use magic. I gotta use magic. Sorry, I rolled the wrong thing. You did use magic. It's okay, you rolled... No, you used magic. Yeah, you rolled dude's magic. You got an eight, you rolled dude's magic. No, I didn't. This is a second roll. No, you already rolled the eight.
02:01:23
Speaker
You already rolled it, you cheater-cheater pumpkin eater. Who are you hexing? Me or him? What are you hexing? The person who put me in the car. Well, Jimmy John was initiating it, then Lou helped. I would like for the initiator to break the keys to the car. To break the keys? So, hold on. The move specifies what gets broken or something? No, it doesn't. No, it's not true. No, it's something important. Jim John's cup gets broken.
02:02:00
Speaker
Well, and then at this point the cat man comes out and he's like shoving him in the car helping. Whoa. Whoa. This is kidnapping. What are you doing? Start the car. Start the car. Not a kid. He's not kidnapping.
02:02:12
Speaker
He's like scratching like a he's scratching like a cat trying to get out like no no no no no he's like scratching at the window I'll start the car and we'll start speeding off at 40 kilometers an hour
02:02:29
Speaker
Alright, we cut the Slappy Pete while this bullshit's going on. And the little old lady's still in the backseat. Oh, hello, dear!
02:02:47
Speaker
Oh, shit. There's three people in the back seat. Well, Louisa. Oh, fuck me. All right, Slappy Pete, we're over to you. You're walking to the church. It's a real dump. A puppet walking to a church.
02:03:03
Speaker
Bubba walks into a church and he catches flame. You walk into a church, Jesus Christ, I can't believe that fucking, I cannot believe that fucking thing. That was some serious gameplay from Slicey Pete.
02:03:19
Speaker
You walk in and you see a gentleman standing over by one of the pews. He's just sitting looking up at a shoddy-looking statue of Jesus. You hear a murmuring, a slight mumble up there as a faint echo amongst the building. It's pretty dilapidated. The stained glass windows are all pretty choppy and chipped. He's just sitting there looking up at this. What's the word? A tarnishing statue of Jesus.
02:03:49
Speaker
Does he look like he's dressed as like a priest or something or anything important? Does he look what? Like he's dressed like a priest or anything, something important to the church? Yeah, he's wearing the black outfit and black pants. You can see faintly, because you're kind of short, but you can see he's got the collar on. And then he's just looking up at the statue sitting alone. I come and sit in the pew behind him. Are you trying to be sneaky? No.
02:04:17
Speaker
Okay. He kind of hears that as you top up on one of the pews and he, yeah, he turns his head slightly and he says, um, I, you are not. Hmm. Excuse me, but this is not normal. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's accurate statement there. Um, well, what are you?
02:04:48
Speaker
My name's Slide Pete. I'm just a guy, man. That's all. Just looking to figure out what's going on in town. He stands up and he turns towards you and he
Reflecting on Chaos: Planning Ahead
02:05:00
Speaker
takes a few paces back and crosses his arms and he says, you must be here about the graves. I stand up on a pew. Yeah, that's what I'm here about. Well, what do you want?
02:05:16
Speaker
I'm just curious if you know anything about it. This was a little lead I'm following that your name came up. I'm assuming you're Father Levi of this place. Your mouth is barely moving yet words are coming from it. What are you? Oh, I can stop that. I'm a ventriloquist. I'm going to stop now. I keep my mouth closed. So anyway, as I was saying,
02:05:39
Speaker
He grabs a hold of his phone and he starts one hand quick texting on it and he looks like he's scrolling and he says, hmm, ventriloquism you say? Interesting. Have you come to pray to get forgiveness? Did you rob the graves? I was kind of having my own prayer here. I wasn't expecting anybody to come in. No one ever comes in.
02:06:09
Speaker
Yeah, you got something against the church over there, that big megalodon church?
02:06:12
Speaker
Yeah. Doesn't everybody? It's gaudy. That's G-A-U-D-Y, not G-O-D-Y. And it is an abomination here. And it's pulling all the people away. And now another one has been built last year. And people are coming from all out of town, but no one comes here to actually preach. It's all marketing. And you know what?
02:06:40
Speaker
I apologize. I am a little bitter, but I've been praying for forgiveness to get all of this malice from my heart. I apologize. Oh, don't worry. I understand malice. Don't you worry about that, boy. I'm actually doing a pretty good job to control my anger. It's actually very surprising. Oh, that's good for you. Have you been having some sort of therapy? Have you let Christ into your life?
02:07:02
Speaker
No, not really. I'm just curious. Do you know anything about those exhumed graves in Saldus? No, I know that somebody robbed a bunch of ones. And he looks up at the statue that was behind him and then he looks back. No, nope. No, I don't know anything.
02:07:31
Speaker
Father, if there's something you need to get off your chest, that's why I've come here. You've said yourself, I'm not normal. I've come here to absorb your sins, Father. Why are you turning into a walk-in? Because I do a good New York accent.
02:07:53
Speaker
Now, I'm here as your angel to make you feel better. That's my serious voice. Yeah, he says, I know you come here under the guise of an angel, but I know- My name's the dad. I'm a bad thing. It's going to take the bad stuff out of you. You're a specter, aren't you? I think the correct term is a ghost.
02:08:21
Speaker
But yeah. A phantom, a specter, a ghost. I mean, it doesn't matter. I work with a guy who's a revenant. I'm sure. But listen, I don't have time for this. How about I just exercise this thing from you and you can go on to the afterlife in peace? I know. How does that sound? That doesn't work, but it doesn't work. That's not that's not right. Listen, listen. Oh, no.
02:08:54
Speaker
You see he's getting uncomfortable and he's fidgeting a bit. He keeps fidgeting with his neck. It looks like there's something jutting out just a little bit under the cloth that he keeps reaching at as he's adjusting his collar, but he's not touching his collar. He's touching below the collar and he keeps grabbing at it.
02:09:15
Speaker
It's like, I think it's time for you to go or I will exercise you now. I know that you are not a human. I know that you are not a man. I know exactly what you are. And if you wish to be able to walk out of here, I suggest you do it now. I put my hands up here. I was like, all right. Trying to have a nice conversation with you. Just do me one last favor, Father. Just look in my eyes. You're all mental dominion on him? Yeah. Okay.
02:09:51
Speaker
It's one good silver lining out of it. He looks at you and kind of sees what you're doing and he smiles a little bit and he goes, I knew it. I knew it. And he starts scrolling through his phone. He says, aha. Yes. You're some type of spirit trapped inside of this dummy. Pathetic. Pathetic. You know one of those pages that's got a lot of information and stuff on it?
02:10:15
Speaker
What are you looking at over there? I don't know what you're talking about. What are you looking at? Hang on one second. He looks at you and his eyes go green, like a bright green. And he says, Henry.
02:10:30
Speaker
Henry Spinkler? What a stupid name. Is that your stage name? Henry Spinkler? Or is that your real name? That's so hilarious.
02:10:47
Speaker
No, I'm curious if I got the thing where I can use weird number kicks mass. I'm curious if that affects the button for kicks mass. Excellent. Let's always try that first. If it does. Yeah, if it does, you can just roll weird. I started so it does stuff. So I'll do your nobody do it.
02:11:05
Speaker
All right, you bite him for how much damage? Three. Okay. What's your extra effect that you want? Do you want to force them where you want them, suffer less harm, inflict terrible harm or give? Well, you can't really give them forward to anybody because there's no one here. I'm going to say I'm just, he's made me angry and I just mentioned that I haven't had any rage yet.
02:11:31
Speaker
You're very, very angry. I'm gonna do extra and terrible harm while I'm invited for a plus one more. Okay. So where do you bite him? I like, I bite, I grab his arm when he's looking at his foot. I, I grab it and I just like, I like him a fricking vicious dog. Oh, you devil.
02:11:47
Speaker
He takes you and he grabs ahold of you by the face and he spikes you on the ground with his other hand for two harm. He grabs ahold of his arm with phone still in hand and he starts murmuring like, I pull out my gun.
02:12:03
Speaker
If you do that he holds his hands up and he says Okay, and you see blood gushing out of like through his through his his his sleeve He says, all right All right now and he tucks his phone in his pocket and he says, okay All right. Clearly. We are both dangerous and you more so than I but this doesn't seem very fair then you start to hear like a
02:12:33
Speaker
And like you see, you hear like these like kind of scratching noises at the door. And then he says, perhaps you might want to focus that pistol on them instead of me. Don't you think? Ben. Did you guys shoot him? Okay. Roll, kick some ass. Oh my God. Plus two. That's a 10.
02:13:04
Speaker
It's a 10. I don't like it as a 1, though. Oh, I know. Just 2. Just 2. Two harm? What do you want your effect to be? I would like two stuff for less harm. I'm going to try and roll underneath the pews after I shoot them.
02:13:20
Speaker
Okay, so you do two harms to him. I'm going to say he doesn't do any damage to you because you duck under and he's at range. So what's he going to do? But as you do that, he's out of sight. He limps into another room and you hit him somewhere in the chest. You can hear he's letting out these writhes of pain as he shuts his door behind him and you hear a bolt lock go
02:13:43
Speaker
You hear them start chanting in there and the ground starts to shake and you hear more of that. I'm going to start trying to get out of the church. You're going to the front door? Yeah. You open up the front door and you are greeted by over probably a dozen of decrepit ghoul-like creatures with flesh dropping off of them. You can see their bones and their eyes are all
02:14:13
Speaker
Their eye sockets are real deep and they have like this white foam dripping from their mouth. And one of them lunges at you. What do you do? I was talking to people, what did you do this time? I guess I want to try and jump out of the way so I act under pressure. Okay. Yeah. Roll plus. Cool.
02:14:37
Speaker
Oh shit. Yeah, one of them jumps on you and pins you to the ground and just starts nomming into the wood of your body. I'm going to say, since you're a little harder than the average human, it's probably only going to do one harm to you right now, since only one's on top of you. If you want to keep this in mind, I do have that immortal where I get minus one harm for anything I take. Okay, well then they're just like nomming on the wood of you right now.
02:15:19
Speaker
So as we're driving through town, do we see this shit happen?
02:15:25
Speaker
I don't think, I don't know if you would see, probably as you get back to the church, you probably don't see this exactly, but as you're coming back- You might have heard a gun going off, because I do want to- Yeah, I'd say that's probably what you heard, is you guys are near the church, like as you guys go back to the big big big. Oh my god. Did you do all 15 of item? Holy fuck. Damn motherfucker. Jesus Christ, no success. Yeah, I was going to say, if you got advanced successes, you probably don't though, huh? You didn't level up with an advanced success. That's shit.
02:15:55
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, so you just bite into his face. I want to force him where I want to bite him and just rip him off, throw him off me. Okay, you chuck him off you with this inhuman strength. And like his brain rolls out the front of his face as you bite the whole front of his face clean off. It just stops moving. I'm gonna run towards one of the windows. I'm gonna shoot the stained glass and try and jump out hopefully.
02:16:21
Speaker
You're gonna have to climb up through the window, right? Yeah, you're a little short. You're gonna have to like do some parkour to get up there, but we'll act under pressure. Sliding Pete, the last action hero. Oh my gosh, no. I jump up and turn sideways, like parallel to the floor to slap off the window sill.
02:16:52
Speaker
This reminds me of many me from us. I get up, I'm like, look around. Do we see the eight churches stained glass windows explode as we drive past?
02:17:11
Speaker
I think the gunshots would be the most prevalent thing. He's just slinging bullets into the air. What the fuck is going on? I think I just found Slappy Pete. Oh my god. I'm going to run to the back room where he boarded himself in. You go to jump off the window and you'll even make it like two feet in the air.
02:17:37
Speaker
This is what you were totally surrounded these things are like shackling towards you And at this point you guys are rolling up with a little lady in the backseat you guys hear a gun shot They're a cat man following us cuz Rosie did faster than This time is not fast enough. Damn it girl. Wake up! He's sprinting behind you and you get back here with my boyfriend
02:18:01
Speaker
are you under my control carlton power cross bam come on i imagine i'm still knocked out so you're not knocked out he was just he's just he's main handling usually he's just like choking you and slapping you get out of there devil get up off me is the cat person doing that or i'm doing that while the cat person is following us i'm like come on carlton come back to us the sex wasn't that good
02:18:30
Speaker
whenever i manipulate someone yeah yes i will oh my gosh dude i fucking my head hurts from laughing nine oh my god that was the funny i don't know why that was funny you're gonna have to give him something to convince him they're on a mid success i'm a regular john smith oh my god that's so funny yeah on a seven to nine the mark experience
02:18:56
Speaker
Out of seven to nine, they mark experience if they do what you ask, and a 10 plus if they do what you ask, they mark experience, they get one plus one forward. So it's up to Carlton if he wants to acquiesce. Carlton, look. You're our friend. No amount of dick is worth breaking friendships. But that dick could definitely break a friendship.
02:19:29
Speaker
We need you, Carlton. We need your flamethrower. This is why the Monster of the Week extended universe exists, people. This is the kind of shit we can get away with here. Anyone else crying from laughing to her? I am. What the fuck are you saying? Carlton comes to look like he looks around the small cabin of the car.
02:19:59
Speaker
So after he comes a little bit that much. She's a twinkle in the old lady's eye, grabs her hand. Oh dearie, I'm here for you, darling. And understands there's a mission afoot. Speaking of which, Louise, oh shit. Pass the moves violently. I come to the trunk of the car.
02:20:24
Speaker
You know what, that one was actually unintentional. I was like, oh, damn it. My cup's broken. And I say, if we're going to go in there, we're going to need some protection. You don the flamethrower? Yeah. Okay. And then at least, or Lou rolled a 12 to punch him in the nuts. Yep.
02:20:46
Speaker
Uh, that's a nut, that's a nut punch. How much damage does your punch do? Um, just the regular amount, unless I'm, you know, trying to make my fist as ancient fighting ants, but yeah. Okay. Just as the ball hits the fan, um, the, uh, you hear, you hear over, over the horizon, you're the other church, total dilapidated church across the street.
02:21:16
Speaker
And just as you do that, and you see the you hear the gunshot, you see a bunch of like you see these creatures punching their way out of the ground and crawling out of the crawling out of the graves and some of them are crawling towards the front door and some have already made it to the front door and they're just filing into the darkness. Oh, do you have a question? You have a question, Carlton?
02:21:38
Speaker
Yeah, what happens is so like with with part of my kit, I have some extremely bright lights. What happens if I like throw those lights on and you know, point them towards those creatures? Super bright. I don't know. I mean, you could if you want to go try to set one of them up and do that, you could certainly find out. But if you're any sort of expert on the undead, that would probably be more of a of a of a vampire type of
02:22:08
Speaker
blindness and start used to the darkness. You could try something if you're feeling froggy with these undead, but that'd be up to you. I don't think many of them still have eyes. But we could see, right? It's night time, right? No. It's still daytime. No? Yeah, it's still daytime. All right, fuck it. Let's light them up with the flint. Slappy Pete did this in the middle of the day. He sure did. And a boy's slappy. All right, so you guys are going over towards the church.
02:22:38
Speaker
Oh, yeah. After punching and turning the nuts, Louisa would have yanked on the steering wheel to get us across the road to where the other churches probably driven up on the sidewalk and maybe mowed a few of them down with a car. Do I need to roll anything? Yeah. Why don't you roll, kick some ass with the car?
02:23:02
Speaker
I've seen where this can go. Yeah, bumper's some ass. Ten! That's a ten. I knock them over the windshield. That's where I want them to go. Which, yeah, it rolls all the way up, but then it's like a really high ceiling, so it just rolls all the way back down off the front. I've run them over then. Again.
02:23:25
Speaker
And you squish one under the tire. Slide a peep back in the building. You hear, went, went. And you're surrounded by a bunch of zombies. What do you do? So I also have magical force, which is one-har magical close. How much of a...
02:23:50
Speaker
If I was to maybe perhaps say, I would avoid doing the harm if I would try and focus it as more just like a wide of energy rather than like a direct, like a wide of energy. Like a wide of energy. Oh, right. Gotcha. Like a big fan of energy rather than just being like a direct force of harm at somebody, would I be able to maybe perhaps
02:24:17
Speaker
Yeah, sure, yeah. Go for it, roll kicks your ass. If I roll well enough, I would do pushing them all away instead of damage. Go for it! Commit!
02:24:27
Speaker
Oh my god, what are these numbers? You're rolling 2D6, right? Well, I can use a beard now to catch the last. 2D? I've been using 1D this whole time. 2D1D6 to get a 14. Yeah, so you get like a small Kamehameha wave out of your body and tosses all these fools around. Several of them fall over. One of them cracks her head.
02:24:49
Speaker
One of their head falls on a pew, falls in pew, cracks their head, they stop moving. And you can still hear the murmurings like, m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-
02:25:18
Speaker
Yeah, no, it was actually just an app. It was an aftershock from the cat and Carlton. Yeah. So so yeah, so you're running over towards the the door where where the priest is hiding? Yeah. Okay, what do you do? He's locked it. So I guess I could try and shoot the doorknob.
02:25:40
Speaker
You could. I feel like I just want to start blindly firing into the door and the wall, though. Go for it. Okay, roll kick some ass with your... Now, would that still be with the weird, since you're using the gun? I didn't do it the last time I shot my gun. I don't know. I don't know. Because that's unholy strength, right? Yeah, it's not really. My gun finger is so unholy strong.
02:26:05
Speaker
I forgot it's still tough, I didn't do it. Yeah, we could use tougher. I don't know if weird would really work for that. What do I actually hit? Holy water. The church wine. Communion. Yeah, you shoot back, you shoot into the wall a couple of times, pew, pew, pew, pew. But I think you're just so focused on shooting into the wall that you don't notice that all the ghouls have gotten back up.
02:26:33
Speaker
And they they just like that guy. They trust fall back on top of you. One, three, four zombies on top of you. I'm gonna say for a three harm. Okay, is that is that including my minus one I already get just gonna give me a click wheel three.
02:26:54
Speaker
You mean like your armor? And then you subtract after. Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, he doesn't remember what we have. I was curious, each of them was doing two or something. No, no, combined together, it's three harm. So you can subtract your armor. I'll tell you if you wouldn't use it. But yours is just like a supernatural thing. So it'd be hard to ignore the armor on you most of the time. Yeah. So you guys, here's some more gunshots from inside the church. You just ran over a couple zombies. What do you do?
02:27:23
Speaker
Stop the car. Car has stopped. Jim John Smith's going to kick the door open. Boom. Because he already had the shotgun out to put down the cap, but then get an opportunity. Okay. Have a good day, dearie. Have a good day at work. I'll pick you up later. And he's opening up buckshot on him. He's going for headshots. All right, girl, kick some anus. Ass. Bam.
02:27:45
Speaker
12 12 baby what extra effects so shotguns are three harm close messy what does messy mean exactly means it just makes a fucking mess of the person that you shoot I'm gonna take one less harm so you're gonna take one less yeah I'm putting down three harm as I just put it up to one of their mouths I'm like
02:28:07
Speaker
rest in pieces BAM it's just been remote yeah you you definitely remove the head of one very easily and it just drops to the ground like a
02:28:24
Speaker
weird heap. Another one was going to come by and it's going to dig its claws into your leg as it's crawling out of the grave. It was already in the building and it reaches up and grabs into your thigh and digs its nails in for two harm. It's not taking one harm. It'd be one harm since you take one less. Lou, what do you do?
02:28:46
Speaker
Lulu will pull out the collapsible bow staff and un-collapse it, I guess, extend it, and go yell out four and aim for the head of the one biting her into it. Okay, now let's kick some anus. Let's see it. Show us that anus. Here we go. Ten. Ten. All the good rolls. What's your effect that you would like to have? I guess I should suffer less harm too, right?
02:29:18
Speaker
That's up to you. Yeah. I don't need to worry about that. I'm going to do excessive harm. So my staff does too. I do an extra one cause ancient mining fighting arts and the extra one from the team. Plus that's poor.
02:29:36
Speaker
Okay, for a harm. Yeah, you bludgeon that thing straight to hell. It stops moving right away. And out of nowhere you hear, you bastard. And then the big cat guy comes out of nowhere and just checks you again. Steers you to the ground. He goes, you son of a bitch. You're trying to take my man from me. And he wraps his big old kitty cat claws around your neck and starts trying to choke you. I don't fucking want to.
02:30:05
Speaker
Uh, Carlton- Please don't do that, that is my friend. Well, you don't want me to kill her! No, no, definitely not. Not at the moment, we have more pressing matters at hand.
02:30:20
Speaker
Why are you an English butler, all of a sudden? I don't know. I don't know where that accent came from. I don't know where this accent has come from, but we need to do it for the frames. My dear, the frames. We can't forget about the frames. Yeah, OK, whatever. So what do you want me to do? Not kill me.
02:30:45
Speaker
Oh, I'm sorry. Take his hands off your throat. Carl, then it's your turn. What do you want to do? So is there a clear big bad guy here in the room? Or is it just a bunch of zombies? All the zombies are bad guys. Well, yeah, but there's no there's so it's mostly minions. It's what it feels like. You don't see what it's like a pizza. You don't know he's in there. Although you probably know a necromantic thing going on. He just don't know where he is.
02:31:14
Speaker
I feel like I want to know a little bit more about what's going on in this situation. All right, you want to read the bad situation? Oh, yeah, yeah, that sounds like the right thing to do. It sounds like a bad situation that you could probably read.
02:31:30
Speaker
Yeah, in some circumstances, one could read this quite easily. Yeah, that's true. You get a four, so that is another experience point for you. It's a little dazed right now. Yeah, you're a little foggy. Yeah, you didn't have your power bar after. And the cat guy says, Cat guy says, hey, big guy, what am I supposed to do here? Don't want me to fuck up these zombies? I'm not sure.
02:32:00
Speaker
Right on. Cool. Game gets you. Kid speak. Fuck. Yes. Kill the fucking zombies. All right. I'll do that. I'm going to follow his lead though. And he hops off of you. He gets, he unstraddles you and stands next to Carlton. Slide to Pete. Back to you. You are currently by the door and you have a bunch of zombies on top of you dog piling you.
02:32:27
Speaker
I guess I want to try and do my magical force wave again. Okay. Another explosion of energy. That's fine. It's your weapon. You can do whatever you want. All right. Submit. Submit. I can't say I was weird, baby. Did you blast like two of the, you blast them all off. They fly out the fucking window that you tried to jump out the first time.
02:32:57
Speaker
Yeah, they fly out the window, and you rock the door. You put a crack in the door because so much energy explodes from you, and the door gives way a bit. You hurt. Jimmy John. Jimmy John. Jimmy John. What do you do? You used to kill more zombies.
02:33:19
Speaker
Okay. What did that look like? Okay. Kick some ass with your shotgun in a horror flick. It's a boom stick. Take it down. Hot damn, son. Gonna take less harm. Cough. Bam. Another zombie bites the dust. Doosh. Okay.
02:33:43
Speaker
Yeah, you um, you take another ones, you decapitate them real good. I'm gonna say you shoot one that goes out the window that slide the peaches up in the air.
02:33:57
Speaker
Half of it goes outside, half of it stays inside, and a big heap on the ground. I'm not even gonna say, I don't think there's any other ones near you right now. I'm not even gonna say you take any harm. There's nothing. Luisa, or excuse me. Oh no, my balls. You're up. Yeah, can you roll to kick my ass, please? Oh, you may waste this roll on this. You don't lick my bum. Roll kicks of ass on that. An eight.
02:34:26
Speaker
Alright, yeah, I get a little bit of a nut-tamp, it's fine. I gotta pee, though, so it's a little hard to hold it in, though. Do you want to kick some ass on the zombies, too?
02:34:38
Speaker
What are you doing? Right now to set the scene a bit. So in the doorway where you guys are, most of them have already filed inward towards Slappy Pete since he was the immediate threat. Jim John kicked the door in, went to blast a couple that were in the immediate vicinity. You bludgeoned the one that was in the doorway that was grabbing into him. All the rest of them are farther in towards the back of the room where Slappy Pete is. Okay.
02:35:03
Speaker
Just to give you an idea of what to do. I'll run forward then. Well, I'll pick myself up having been unmounted. Um, well, unstraddled rather, and, um, run on in. It's been getting mounted a lot today. Yeah. It's the third time today technically. And, uh, just, uh, I'll attempt to wail on something, but that's a six keeper. Uh, oh, okay. Good. Um, help.
02:35:30
Speaker
Do you want to help out? I can automatically help out on this. I guess that would forego my next kick some ass stuff. So that's up to you. What do you want to do?
02:35:43
Speaker
You want to teach your boss or? I'm going to help. I'm going to help out Lou by taking one of the zombie heads and kicking it towards the zombie that's about to get her and knocking it off balance. OK, it's like it looks it looks it goes. Oh, no, it gets hit and hit. And I give a plus two to help. All right. So that is an exchange of ham. So you do what? Two, three, two harm, three in total, three.
02:36:11
Speaker
So you cracked one of these things across the head. And as you do that, um, one of the, one of the ones that slap your feet fired up in the air finally comes back down, um, and lands on top of you. This is revenge on yesterday's balls and face. Okay. For a to harm. No harm to me because of my armor and my battlefield awareness. Yes. Good job. Yay.
02:36:37
Speaker
Do I end up bleeding on the ground though? You won't rain on these, are we? Um, Carlton Merryweather, your turn. Yes, let's see. Is this, uh, let's see. Let me, uh, can I tune in to these minions, this, these creatures? Uh, sure. Go for it. Oh, wrong button. A lot of minions.
02:37:07
Speaker
There are a lot of them. Wow. You are gross. I can't. You blew all your good rolls on reanimating a cat. Holy fuck. Have you leveled up yet? Someone said it was a win. Yeah. Sure enough. Are you close to leveling yet?
02:37:22
Speaker
I did level, I just level. Oh, fucking like, nice. Yeah, so you try to- Wait a minute while I figure that out. You try to tune into these things and you see the face of an older man probably in his 40s or 50s and he has like jet black eyes and you see him like he's looking right into your soul and he says, boo.
02:37:43
Speaker
And you feel this insane migraine take over your brain in crippling you and bringing you down to your knees and just making it feel really hard to move. And it stings you and starts throbbing into your brain for too harm, making it hard to concentrate and hard to keep your thoughts on your own. And the cat man's like, oh, no, baby, what's going on? What happened to you?
02:38:07
Speaker
Um, and he looks over and he sees the zombies, um, the zombies in the back. He goes, I'm going to go take care of this for you, sweetheart. And he charges into the, into the church. Um, let it be, what are you doing? Um, I'm going to use my teeth, my strongest asset to rip the chip in the door, in the door. So I can rip a hole big enough for myself to squeeze through. It's such a funny scene to see a fucking dummy biting into a door. You bastard.
02:38:37
Speaker
Alright, roll, kick some ass against the door. Alright. I don't want to kill this guy, I don't like him. Eleven. Bam. Yeah, you bust like a little slappy sized hole. You rip it out.
02:38:55
Speaker
I spit it out, don't worry.
Treasure Room Battle: Strategy and Magic
02:38:59
Speaker
He's just making out with it. He gets some wood in you. You rip some of the door off and you get in there. It's a room filled with just a bunch of gold everywhere.
02:39:17
Speaker
you know, necklaces and rings and there's like a bunch of jewelry boxes and all sorts of adornments and necklaces hanging on the wall and find China and frames everywhere. And you see this guy right now, you walk in just as he's like finished donning like this black robe and he's like putting on like on these gauntlets and he has like these giant like shit kicker boots on and you see like the, you know, he has like this little magic aura coming from his hands and he says, ah,
02:39:46
Speaker
Now it'll be a fair fight. And over to Jim John. He's gonna kick the zombie, he's gonna put the shotgun to the zombie on top of Lou and BAM! Holy fuck, don't miss! As I help her out. Are you rolling health out or kicks him ass? What are you doing here?
02:40:09
Speaker
I don't know. I was hoping to help Lee kill a zombie, but now I'll just kick some ass. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, nine. Oh, that's a nine. So just exchange of harm. Yeah. Oh, you know what? I'll help you out. Okay. Roll plus call. How are you helping? I'll keep my arms and legs under me and just shove this zombie off of me so he's got a bit of
02:40:38
Speaker
Alright, you're gonna shove it off? Go ahead and roll, that's cool. Oh, nine, yeah. That's also a niner. I wish I could help her out back in turn. Just keep tacked, even help out with the trouble of danger. Yeah, you blast it. She pushes it up in time to give it a clear shot, so you can blast it in lefasse. But I'm gonna say that just as
02:41:06
Speaker
Just as you do that, Slappy opens the door and there's a slight murmuring and then you feel a burst of energy erupt from that room and just engulf this whole entire room. You see the cat guy who comes in trying to help get tossed. You get thrown against the wall. Louisa gets thrown. Lou gets thrown against the wall.
02:41:28
Speaker
I'm throwing against the wall. So you guys, I'll hit the wall hard. I'm going to say you each take, you just roll kick some ass on me. Yep, I live in. Okay, good. Excellent. I'll keep that one. I'll keep that for later. I think that's two or three now, isn't it? That's yep. My balls. You get tossed against the wall. Luisa, you get flung in. Actually, you get flung out the window.
02:41:56
Speaker
out the other side. Hey, everybody makes it look so easy. Yeah. You get flung out the window, you'll take three harm as you take impact on the ground. The cat and Jim Jean, you both take two as you're flung against the wall real hard. I'm going to choose to take one less harm because Louisa gave me to a 10. That's okay? Yeah. Or is that not how that works?
02:42:20
Speaker
That's not how it would work, but I'll allow it. Sure. Well, I helped out. I gave him a king, so this is the damage he's getting from his attack. Oh, that's true. He didn't tell me what effect he wanted. Yeah, that's fine. Sure. Take one less horror. Sure. All right. Carlton, what are you doing? I had my ball armor. Carlton is probably in the midst of action.
02:42:46
Speaker
Rosie is trying to figure out what I want to do for my level up. You're still doing that Yeah, I know there's a lot of options I was thinking about choosing another move from another playbook, but it'll take a while. Oh, it's very tight All right. Well, I guess you can do that after if you want. Well, I'll do it after what's cuz Carlton do you used to salt like an eruption of energy like as
02:43:07
Speaker
purple-ish black energy burst through this room and just toss people in here. All right, so I remember I saw that vision, right? Yes, of the guy that says, boo. So I'm imagining that my new move is now Angel Wings. Oh, you're taking Angel Wings? Yeah, I mean, would you have relationships with an alien that you've brought to life? Yeah. OK. Weird things happen.
02:43:38
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. I love that. That's so good. Cat sex gives you things. So you're going to teleport to the cat. Go bang your cats, everybody. To the individual who came to me and said, boo.
02:43:59
Speaker
Well, I believe of how Angel Wings works is it has to be somebody that you know or a place that you've been, that you can teleport to. Yes. I don't know. I'm not going to say that you actually know this person. You just saw his face. If you could argue how you would know this person all of a sudden, then I would say that you could teleport to them. How would you know them intimately enough to be able to poof to them?
02:44:22
Speaker
You just penetrated his mind. They said boo to me. They said boo. You know what? Here, how about this? If you roll a weird and let's just see what your weird does. A niner. Not much. Okay. All right. No, that's fine. I would say that you teleport.
02:44:42
Speaker
Probably not the most advantageous of places. You probably teleport right in front of him as he's casting a spell. But you poof right in front of him. He's like, huh. I'd say boo. Oh, it's you. See you.
02:45:01
Speaker
Okay, he puts his glowing black and purple hands around your neck and starts squeezing. Slidey Pete, your turn. Not again. Do I bite his dick? I bite his dick. That's sort of his weakness.
02:45:21
Speaker
Don't you bite, don't you bite me in my happy. Well, at least I've investigated the mystery. Just bite him in the dick. Maybe I should. Well, since I'm here, I feel like I'm knowing enough as I do about creatures of all this weird shit that we encounter and shit. I feel like he sees Don this magical outfit. He might be hard of a kill now. My little teeth might not be enough. So I want to, I guess, I guess read a bad situation and see if I can pick
02:45:49
Speaker
Definitely harder. Roll plush shop.
02:45:52
Speaker
I have a negative one sharp, so let's see if I don't waste my turn here. You did? I'm blowing up though, so next turn I'm coming back for you, buddy. All right, so you're trying to read a bad situation, and as he's choking Carlton, he sees you trying to examine the room. He says, don't you touch my things? Those are my things. And he casts a black bolt towards you. It engulfs you and picks you up, and you're hovering there. And then he just slams it back to the ground.
02:46:20
Speaker
and hits you for two more harm as you smash into the floor. I'm dying. You already did. Are you actually dying right now? I just clicked over to the unstable side of the... Oh, you're not dying. You're unstable. Okay, the last part is not... Okay, the last part is dying. I'm on the track. Yeah, your little dummy skin starts to crack your wood.
02:46:47
Speaker
You look like the phantom mask like there's a split down the middle of your face my perfect face Jim John there's probably maybe like one zombie left in there. You guys have been laying waste of these turds. So Jim Johnson actually walks shoots the zombie in the head and walks to see what the other situation is with Slappy Pete and the others. All right, roll cool just to see how cool it is. No
02:47:14
Speaker
Please fuck now. I can't help you. I'm out in the building. I was wanting to kick ass now.
02:47:24
Speaker
I just want to see how cool you are. Kick ass with cool. Like kick ass with cool? Nah, just cool. Just cool. Just cool. Okay. Just cool. I'm just curious. Oh, shit. Pretty cool. That's a nine. That's not pretty good. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm going to say you just blot that guy. He drops to the ground. You do a 360 no scope and you just keep walking. You're fine. Okay. I was like, oh, fuck.
02:47:51
Speaker
Hey, y'all almost done here? What in tarnation? Oh, look, a redneck. How original in a backwater town like this. What the fuck do you say? We cut to Lou. Lou, you're laying outside with a glass all around you and a dead zombie not far from you. Pick myself up, jump back in through the window I just came out of.
02:48:22
Speaker
and see no targets, but there's a splintered door. I'll heed for that. Hey, could you do me a favor real quick and roll plus cool? See how you jump back into the window. I'm just curious. Yeah, that sucks.
02:48:42
Speaker
Well, it's not graceful You jump you jump in and your ankle gets caught on the way through on like a stray piece of glass And you follow you leave an indent in the floor cuz you've got this big-ass armor on underneath you Jump back up. I mean to do that Nobody saw that nobody saw that All right, you run over towards the door yeah
02:49:10
Speaker
You trip another time into the door. As Jim John standing there, he's like, what'd you say to me? Carl didn't marry whether you're currently in the grasp of a necromancer grabbing your throat. What do you do? I am going to use magic. In what way?
02:49:34
Speaker
In a way, for, let's see, where's the least magic? Paint me a weird picture. Are you just casting magic? Are you D&D-ing it and just saying I do the thing? Paint me a weird picture. Well, I'm going to cast magic to use a hex. I have to use magic to hex. So you're trying to hex it. Okay, what does hexing look like when he has his hands wrapped around your throat?
02:49:56
Speaker
So I just like the plaid from my plaid suit becomes the plaid onto my skin. I love it. I just become all plaid. That's awesome. Okay. I am glad. That's plus weird. Harder. Yeah. All right. That's an eight. What hex you want? What are you doing? I'm into this. So the target immediately suffers.
02:50:20
Speaker
to accept his harm, to harm magic ignore armor. Okay, so like as you do this, it like sends like a bolt through him. He's like, Oh, God, that's disgusting. And he backs up and he crashes on the floor for a second. He looks at his hand and it's all all like tainted. What did you do to me? You fiend, you devil. That is now. But who's doing it? I forgot. Slapies. Yo, it's your turn.
02:50:49
Speaker
What are you doing there, pal? I'm laying on the floor. I'm unstable. I'm still mad, though. OK. His little wood chips start to fall off your face. Carter, did you run in here with a flamethrower on your back? That is correct. Do I face my...
02:51:18
Speaker
I probably want to grab it off his back and then I wanted I was thinking I want to do something to his stuff since I already got it out of his stuff. I wanted to grab the flamethrower off his back and burn and burn the like sort of spray in the jewel. Not that it would melt but they would at least be burnt charred with the fire. I'd probably piss him off in the least. Okay. That's up to you. Whatever you want to do. What damage does the sign thrower do?
02:51:46
Speaker
I don't know, probably like three. Yeah, okay, if I gotta grab this, I'll grab like the nozzle, the flamethrower, however it works, I'll grab like the gun part of it. I'm gonna point out his stuff and say, how's this for your stupid fucking stuff? Watch your language, you're at a church. What am I gonna roll, kick some ass? Yeah, but I don't think that would be with weird. Yeah. It would just be with a flamethrower, kick some ass. I failed.
02:52:14
Speaker
Oh, yeah you did. Kim Jong is gonna help out. As he grabs Slappy's hands and says, no Slappy, like this. And together they tag-team the stuff with the flamethrower. They Eiffel Tower the flamethrower to get the stuff.
02:52:34
Speaker
Okay, yeah. And you just start to melt all the stuff. Carlton's been in a lot of weird positions this evening. He sure has. And he says, Oh, you bastards. And he lets out like this pulse from his chest. And like this kind of like purple, like spectral dragon comes out of his chest and just like dives at you. Slappy. Fuck.
02:52:57
Speaker
But since Jimmy John was helping it's gonna hit Jim John first since he has a hold of it So Jim John it's gonna it's gonna shoot through you this like spectral like dragon from like Japanese lore And it flies through you dealing dealing three harm Back
02:53:19
Speaker
I'm going to use a luck point to avoid all the harm from the injury. Okay, so it just flies through you and you feel like a... You could. I could. Do you really want to spin your luck point or do you want me to be chasing it? You could tell you what, though. Yeah, whatever's going to happen is either it's going to happen to Lou or it's going to happen to Jim. It's up to you if you want me to spin it.
02:53:43
Speaker
Oh dear. Well you know what? You jump in the way just in time to take three harm ignoring armor as this spectral dragon just flies into your body and just leaves you feeling like your whole innard is on fire. So Lou, you actually get to mark two experience for that because when another hunter uses protect someone to protect me, they mark experience. Good job!
02:54:08
Speaker
Does it also negate my battlefield awareness where you always know what's happening around you and what to watch for? Take plus one armor on top of whatever you get from it again. Ignoring armor. Okay. No matter how many pluses you get. How you feeling, Lou? I'm unstable, but only just. Lou! No! And this is, the cat man comes in at this point, like kind of holding his head, he goes,
02:54:35
Speaker
What in the sweet orgy is happening in here? Over to Carlton. Did anything happen to me? No, you got protected by two different people. Oh, that's great.
02:54:48
Speaker
Carlton probably knows what's going on, but me the player has no idea at this point. It seems like we going after this dragon guy Carlton, what do you do? Also at this point you have like a temporary ally I Forgot what they call it in the game. I think you just call it an ally maybe But you can like use him to like help you with stuff or to order him to do things with you Like he's like pretty much your minion right now
02:55:13
Speaker
Okay. Let's, uh, could, could I, I feel like I want to set up some big magic to stop this person. Okay. In what way? I want to like trap them. Okay. You want to do like a big old, big old magic trap to keep them from doing shit? Yeah. Okay. To, to prevent this premonition that I had earlier. I don't want the zombies rising up. They already had. Hmm. But I feel like it's already happened. Probably too late.
02:55:42
Speaker
Well, you do... normally it's not big magic because you have... like one of the options is trap a specific person minion or monster in your magic repertoire. You know what? I don't think that... I think as long as you got the power of love with this cat, that's more than enough that you need to cast good magic to try to trap another magic user. So it just depends on how well your role goes.
02:56:11
Speaker
So you may use weird. That is an eight, so you can pick your effect and your glitch. Can I help? Can you help cast a magic? Can you explain how? You can do it. Well, actually, yes, I can. Okay. Seeing Lou take the hit for Jim John, when he's really supposed to be the one guarding her, as the dragon went through her, the blood that's dripping from her, it's like,
02:56:40
Speaker
Seal this bastard and send him to hell, Carlton. Are you doing fartic inspiration? Pretty much, yeah. For Lou, for everyone. Okay. And for your chat. I stick my hand out in the center of the group. Yeah. Yeah, we had Chinchon will put his hand on Carlton's hand.
02:57:04
Speaker
The cat man does the same. Is anybody else put their hand in? I'm probably three feet short, but I reach up from the ground where I'm laying. I guess I'm still standing, because I didn't get knocked over. You guys are sending him your energy for a spear bomb. Yeah, pretty much. Why am I the only one laying down for this? It doesn't work without you. I'm sending all my anger through you, that fucker. Lou, do you put out your arm? I'll just lift my arm up and go, yeah, fuck him up.
02:57:33
Speaker
Okay. What's this trap look like? What does it look like? With the power of heart. Yeah. Tell me what this looks like as all your compatriots channel their energy into you. I imagine like we're all glowing and it's like, uh, you know, this like energy is flowing from us. Uh, you know, if there's books open nearby, which I imagine we're in a church, so there's like hymnals and Bibles, the pages are turning back and forth as the wind goes.
02:58:03
Speaker
What does the trap look like? Oh, shit. Are you putting him in something? Are you banishing him somewhere? Are you just like a paralysis kind of trap? Putting him, you know, what does it look like? Put him on a cross. Oh, my God.
02:58:21
Speaker
Yeah, the helping out was he was the cross came into play too. So now we are crucified. So he like starts to, he starts to like this kind of energy surrounds him. He's like, no, no.
02:58:36
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then like his body starts to like, like, compact for a minute, and his body vanishes, and then reappears up on the cross. And then just like he's like, he's pinned to both sides with like the spectral spikes on both sides of his arms. And he just sits and he goes, Oh, irony. And then he just had just drops in shame. He can't move.
02:59:03
Speaker
And you guys are no longer in a battle. His hands stop glowing. You can feel the energy and the dragon that was whipping around the room just like dissipates. And all the books stop, pages stop turning. And you're all free. I'm going to roll cool to act under pressure to see if I can, this is my anger because I want to shoot him right in his head. All right. That's the thing I have to do for it. So we'll see. Okay.
02:59:31
Speaker
Nope. You feel the urge to put a bullet right between his eyes. He's got his head hanging down, so I want to stand right underneath him and point straight up at his eyes. His eyes flutter open, he says. You fucking named Henry Spinkler.
02:59:51
Speaker
him a fucking handgun lobotomy Jesus and you put a bullet in his brain and his head snaps back for a second and falls back down and he is dead.
03:00:11
Speaker
That felt good. The power of heart is so baller. Don't even have to roll. Just here, take my help. I have a plus two help. Fuck you. That's insane. So what do you all do now that this man has been obliterated? Gotta make a phone call for a clean up. Yeah, I was gonna say, you're getting my blood out of the place. Yeah, you put a call in the Oculus headquarters.
03:00:42
Speaker
You know, none of us actually spent luck points. Well, yeah, we did several of us did. Yeah, one of us did. You did. You got lucky. Yeah, he sure did. That's why that's why he had to. That's why he had to fall out with the cat. That was that look. Actually, she spent her harm to make me not spend luck. Mm hmm.
03:01:06
Speaker
and you hear we we we we we we we we we we we all might need to go to the hospital as you guys walk out you hear I'm going to be late for my appointment what are y'all doing there
03:01:27
Speaker
It was just bird. I like how we're going to the hospital and the old lady who wanted to go to the hospital. We don't know if she still wants to go to the hospital. I start to grab her. I mean, you're in my seat. Get out. Oh, hello there, little boy. Would you like a chocolate or maybe a little of this? Get out and give me one. You're over there. Get out. Get out. I had a day. Of course. My grandson has come to visit. Go home, lady. Jeez, this is getting worse.
03:01:57
Speaker
She gets out of the car and says, Oh, I left them here somewhere. And she goes and starts like digging in the corpse of one of the king. No, blame it all on her. But yeah, Jim John Smith will put in a call to Oculus headquarters saying mission accomplished, but needs immediate cleanup of bunch of corpses. One dead preacher on a cross and
03:02:23
Speaker
Can't forget the museum. A missing... Holding for one cat feline creature. Hey, that's me. He's coming back to Vase to be taken well, Carol. Oh, he'll be coming. Oh, get used to live inside of a trunk there, my friend. We're going to spend your first five years. My experience is any indication. Tomorrow he'll get conjugal visits.
03:03:54
Speaker
Does it look good already?