Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 76: Parenting that Heals with Dr. Sandy Gluckman
205 Plays3 years ago
Today the sister's continue with Mental Health Awareness Month and chat with Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a learning, Behavior and Mood Specialist, Author, Educator and International Speaker.
Dr. Sandy Gluckman describes her quest as saving the next generation from a growing explosion of learning, behavior and mood problems. Her work is rooted in the science that shows that children will thrive when parents thrive. Dr Sandy empowers parents to raise healthy, resilient, confident children primed for success, by showing them how to first heal themselves.
Dr Gluckman is sought after for her expertise on a range of children’s challenges such as Anxiety, Defiance, Emotional Resilience, Self-Worth, Screen Addiction, Stress as a Survival Mechanism and the Sensitive Child.
She is the founder of a private practice, Parenting That Heals, where she consults with couples, families and children. Dr Sandy’s work is based on her unique blend of her studies in Functional Medicine, Interpersonal Neurobiology and Psychology, woven together with her own insights and experience.
Dr Sandy is the author of, Parents Take Charge: Healing Learning, Behavior and Mood Challenges Without Medication, and, Who’s in the Driver’s Seat: Leading with Spirit.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Girl I Slept In My Makeup' Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the girl I slept in my makeup podcast by three sisters who live in three different cities are at three different life stages and have three different perspectives. They are excited to learn and grow alongside of you. This is a space full of love and acceptance. No judgment because let's face it. We all sleep in our makeup. Please welcome Lauren, Megan and Kristen.
Dr. Sandy Gluckman's Approach to Healing Parents and Children
00:00:25
Speaker
Hello everybody, welcome to another week. Today we have an amazing guest, Dr. Sandy Gluckman joining us.
00:00:32
Speaker
She is a learning behavior and mood specialist, author, educator, and international speaker. She describes her quest as saving the next generation from a growing explosion of learning behavior and mood problems. Her work is rooted in the science that shows that children will thrive when parents thrive. Dr. Sandi empowers parents to raise healthy, resilient, confident children primed for success by showing them how to first heal themselves.
00:00:58
Speaker
She is the founder of a private practice, Parenting That Heals, where she consults with couples, families, and children. Dr. Sandy's work is based on her unique blend of her studies in functional medicine, interpersonal neurobiology, and psychology, woven together with her own insights and experience. We were so blessed and honored by this conversation. Lauren and I both afterwards were like, wow.
00:01:21
Speaker
I feel like we just scratched the surface with Dr. Sandy, but also learned so much. So we're super excited for you guys to hear from her as well. And we hope you enjoy. Hi, Lauren. Hey, sister. How are you? I'm good. Thank you. I just felt weird because I usually say hi, Lulu. And I'm like, I could just call you Lauren. It's like I'm mad at you or something. Yeah, I know. Don't normally call you your real name. My strict name.
00:01:48
Speaker
Yeah, it just like came out. Anyways, well, welcome to another week. As we have said every week this month, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. And we are super excited to bring you a special guest today, Dr. Sandy Gluckman. So welcome Dr. Sandy.
Dr. Sandy's Journey and Philosophy on Spirit Healing
00:02:04
Speaker
Thank you so much, ladies. We're so excited to have you and learn so much wisdom. Both Megan and I are mamas and we're just learning every day and our kids are great teachers. So we can't wait to just get your expertise. I always say our children come to teach us and there's no coincidence in who our children are.
00:02:27
Speaker
because they know what they've come to teach us and what we need to learn personally. Oh my gosh. My mom always said that. Our mom always said that. That's so crazy. I love it. Just a background when I met Dr. Sandy because she's local in Frisco, Texas and we're doing a feature on her for the blog that I run, Frisco Airy Moms. It was weird the second she started talking, I was like, I feel like
00:02:50
Speaker
mom like put us together and I can't wait to learn from you. So I'd love to just get started and kind of learn your background, you know, where you're from and how you got to where you are today if you wanted to take us on a journey. It is quite some journey. So I'll keep it as short as possible because I want to do as much teaching as I can.
00:03:12
Speaker
So as you can hear from this accent, I wasn't born in Texas. I was born in South Africa in Johannesburg and I spent the largest part of my life there. And then I've been in the US in Dallas for 22 years and I love, I love it here. My journey has been a, wow, I don't know where to start. Well, first of all, I was born during the apartheid era and I am a very sensitive soul.
00:03:41
Speaker
Yes. I guess we'd call me an empath. And I found it very, very painful. As a child, I remember very clearly looking at what was going on and how millions of people's spirits were being destroyed. And I found that really difficult to live with as I didn't know what to do about it as a child. But the issue of having a healthy spirit started for me there. And my work has always been focused on all my research showing that
00:04:11
Speaker
When we have a healthy spirit, and by that I mean that we all have our own energetic vibration that defines who we are and that is our spirit and it's different for everybody. And when we have a healthy, strong, vibrant spirit, we are going to automatically have a healthy body and a healthy brain. And so I began to see the connection there that when people had all kinds of mental health conditions,
00:04:40
Speaker
the really for me, it became evident that they were, they had a hurting spirit.
Understanding ADHD: Beyond Labels to Stress and Healing
00:04:46
Speaker
Yeah. And I think we were all we were going around about it all wrong, all those years back, when trying to treat the problem, so called diagnosis, you know, whether it was schizophrenia, or it was anorexia, or ever whatever it may be, because you can't really treat that issue. For me, that issue is a
00:05:09
Speaker
symptom of something much deeper and the much deeper is that the spirit is hurting. And so when I started to work with healing the spirit, those symptoms actually reversed and went away. Wow. And yeah, there's so much to tell, but yes, the central foundation of my work is when we have a hurting spirit, we will have a hurting body some way or other, because everybody's body is more vulnerable in some places.
00:05:39
Speaker
And we will have a hurting brain in some way or other. So all of these learning behavior and mood challenges that we see in millions of children today, for me, all go back to wisest child spirit hurting.
00:05:55
Speaker
That's so powerful. And I'm like, you're speaking our language. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. The mind, body, soul and how it's just, we're all connected. And so in your work, what, what's kind of the most, I guess,
00:06:10
Speaker
it's just personally in my life right now I have a couple really close friends that are struggling with ADD or ADHD diagnosis and some are at the very beginning stages of that and some you know have teenagers and they've gone like the non-medical route
00:06:26
Speaker
And so I think that I'm totally naive here, but what other than ADD and ADHD, if there's something that's more common, I guess I'm just trying to bring as much value to as many listeners that we can, how do you approach a situation like that? Yes. Well, you know, the ADHD is actually the most prominent diagnosis in the world for children.
00:06:52
Speaker
Wow. And I don't believe, now I'm going to say something really controversial and cause some people to sit up, but I don't believe firstly that the diagnostic label is useful. And secondly, I don't believe that it is actually correct because once again, the ADHD and the symptoms of ADHD that we see
00:07:17
Speaker
are actually stress-related or stress-driven symptoms. So for me, I'm always about the underlying root causes. So if we're going to call it ADHD, fine. We all know what those symptoms look like. So there's a list of stuff, and we've packaged it with a label that says this is ADHD. But nobody's really asking, so what's underneath that? What's behind that? What triggered
00:07:43
Speaker
these kinds of behaviors that we then label as ADHD. And my research and all my work has shown that the trigger is really toxically high levels of stress that are flooding the child's brain and causing an inflamed brain. And an inflamed brain will
00:08:04
Speaker
not be able to perform in the way it's meant to perform and we'll begin to show all the kinds of symptoms that we call ADHD. So why don't we treat the stress and the inflamed brain instead of trying to fix the so-called label of ADHD?
00:08:20
Speaker
Yeah, that's so interesting. And how do you go about that? Or I'm sure it's different for every individual, but do you personally, is your approach like nutrition or like what are some tools that you use?
The Role of Parents in Child's Mental Health
00:08:35
Speaker
Yes. Well, my approach is very integrative. So certainly nutrition and exercise, you know, all the physical issues, the physical stuff that will help the child's body and brain.
00:08:48
Speaker
to function better is definitely at play here. And then on the other side, there is the emotional side. So we need to look at, okay, we can eat all the healthiest food ever. We can really be good with our exercise and maybe even hopefully teach the children to meditate. And yet still, we are stuck with the symptoms that look like ADHD often.
00:09:13
Speaker
And so the other side of the story of the coin is that we need to address what's going on in the spirit of the child. Because if a child has a hurting spirit, then it's going to upset the brain, as I said, and cause all the kind of symptoms that we're seeing. So it's about for me going to the underlying root cause, which is what's stressing this child to such an extent
00:09:43
Speaker
that the child's brain is filled with cortisol and the cortisol is causing the brain to become inflamed. If we can find the answer to that deep underlying root cause question, we can
00:09:58
Speaker
truly remove the child's label of ADHD because the symptoms were reversed. Wow. Thinking like putting myself in the shoes of a parent, you know, because we both are parents. And I would imagine that as a mama that like, I love hearing that I really resonate with that approach and getting to the root cause. But mom guilt is a real big thing. And so
00:10:21
Speaker
And so I'm just picturing myself in your office and just the guilt that even though it's not necessary, it's not the parent's fault or doing anything wrong. But what is your advice to parents? What do you offer to parents just kind of for their emotional self too? Yes.
00:10:40
Speaker
Well, I'm going to take a step back before I come around to answering that, if I may. Yes. And you're making a good point about mom guilt. So whatever I'm going to say now, whoever's listening, please know that it is not a judgment on you. There's no guilt, shame or blame, please. Absolutely not at all. And that having been said, however, what's going on in the mother-child relationship, even in the fetus and all the way going forward.
00:11:09
Speaker
is hugely important in terms of shaping and wiring the child's brain and the way in which the child's brain works. Because when a mum is stressed and anxious about something or maybe not anxious, just very, very stressed, she will show up with a kind of an energy that is felt by the child.
00:11:34
Speaker
And that energy changes the child's chemistry to match the mother's chemistry. So stressed mothers create stressed children. And it is like a huge responsibility to realize that if I'm stressed, I'm actually changing my child's brain. Right. It's like, gosh, pressure's on. And the changes that my stress creates in the child's brain
00:12:04
Speaker
can become a trigger for ADHD, for anxiety, for depression, for defiance and all the things that the children are going through. So I can only tell you for after years of working around the globe with parents and children, that when parents learn how they showing up, I mean, we are energetically vibrating beings. So when we
00:12:31
Speaker
come into the space of our children, they are picking up all our thoughts and our feelings and our beliefs and what we've, you know, what's going on inside of it that's worrying us at that moment in time. And they become the mirrors of what's going on inside of us. So if as moms, we can realize that we have the most incredible opportunity here. If both in terms of prevention, as well as in terms of healing and treating,
00:13:02
Speaker
Because if we can learn how to find that calm, serene, joyful place in the center of our being, that stress less, or at least, yes, a stress less place in the center of our being, and if we can continually show up from there, we are going to change the trajectory of our child's lives because this will translate for them
00:13:30
Speaker
as a happy spirit, a happy body, and a happy brain, and there will be no treatise for all the kinds of challenges that children are going through.
00:13:40
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. And Dr. Sandy, so is it me with a nine year old? I'm just like, so it's not too late, right? I haven't screwed, I haven't screwed up my kid for life, right? No, it's never too late. I've got, I've got parents who come see me whose children are 36 years old. Oh good. Okay. It's never too late because that parent child relationship is so critical, especially the mom child relationship.
00:14:09
Speaker
is if a mum changes at whatever age the child is and whatever age the mum is, the child will
00:14:18
Speaker
reflect those changes in his body and brain. So never, ever, ever too late. Yeah. Well, that's encouraging. Lauren, do you remember mom used to say like, she was like, I feel like as soon as I learned something, all of a sudden my kids are learning it. And we just thought it was like this weird phenomenon. And I'm like, okay, there's actually like kind of science to it. What my mom was always saying. So yeah, it's really interesting.
00:14:42
Speaker
I know for her, it was more of like a spiritual thing. She would always preach, you know, she was like, well, gosh, you know, I guess I got to get through this for myself so that my kids can receive it as well. You know, wow. She must have been an amazing, amazing
Parental Influence on Children's Sensitivity and Development
00:14:59
Speaker
human being.
00:14:59
Speaker
Oh my gosh, she really was. And not just to us, but to so many, but Dr. Sandy, I kind of wanted to just offer a quick little story to you and our listeners. I know I've mentioned it before on our, we had a preemie episode, but it just, when you were talking, it just reminded me of this. And I think that in a way, this experience that I went through was a gift because it kind of gave me this mindset that you're talking about. And of course I'm human and I F up, you know, but, um,
00:15:27
Speaker
But my water broke when I was 24 weeks pregnant with our son who's now 9 and completely healthy, but I was put on hospital bed rest and those first 24 hours were quite chaotic in the hospital. The neonatologist came in to basically tell us that, you know,
00:15:45
Speaker
We needed to name our son for his death certificate and he had a 10% chance at survival and all of this stuff. It was really disheartening. I looked over and I hadn't really ever seen my husband cry very much. Tears were just coming down his cheeks, which then set me off. I was trying to be so strong, but I just lost it and I started bawling.
00:16:08
Speaker
And I looked at the doctor who turned out to be a lovely doctor, but I looked at him and I was like, you don't know me like this baby is surviving. And but anyway, in that moment when I started crying, I was hooked up to all the machines. And as I started crying and getting super stressed and tense, my body, Kai, our son, his heart rate was going through the roof. And so in that moment, I got to see because I was hooked up to the machines how much my emotions impacted Kai.
00:16:38
Speaker
And that was so motivating for me as a mom throughout that whole process, but also carried on, you know, for life. So that's a very special story. And thank you for sharing that because it really validates and confirms everything that I say. We are constantly affecting our children's heart rate variability about the things that we do and say and look on our face. The tone of our voice is very important.
00:17:05
Speaker
we're impacting the chemistry in their brain, we're impacting their nervous system. Can I ask you a question about Kai? Of course. Would you say that he's a sensitive-natured boy? He is sensitive, yeah. Yeah, because those children who in the fetus experience the stress of the mother
00:17:25
Speaker
They are born with a much more sensitive nature. Interesting. And then those children, of course, are much more vulnerable to stress. Yes. He definitely, he likes everything kind of like me, like I crave just harmony and peace and calm. And he strives best under those circumstances. So he does not, we, we've always kept our lives very, I guess, simple and, you know, our home life is just calm.
00:17:55
Speaker
Yeah, she runs a very calm home. Yeah, that's great. You know that your mom, bless her, she obviously didn't study neuroscience, but she just knew this spiritually. But there's the science that we're talking about, which is developed by Dr. Daniel Siegel is called interpersonal neurobiology. Okay.
00:18:20
Speaker
which means that what's going on between the well in this case we're talking mom and child that's the interpersonal part is changing the child's neurobiology. Yeah that's amazing. So when she says you know when I learn something my kids learn something she's absolutely right and it's all about what we call mirror neuron.
00:18:41
Speaker
Wow. That's so cool that, yeah, I feel like she just had, and when you talked about Dr. Sandy, you as a child, like that's how my mom actually described herself too. It's just being a super sensitive soul and feeling everything where she almost felt like she was too sensitive for this world a lot of times.
00:19:00
Speaker
And I felt that way a little bit about myself. I don't think I'm quite as like spiritual as she was, but there is that like sensitivity within me that I think I got from her for sure. It's beautiful.
00:19:15
Speaker
And I see it in my kids too, especially Joe, my five year old. So crazy. And you know, we have to know that we need to pair and sensitive children differently. How? How do we do that? Give us some tools. Well, first of all, we need to be able to be conscious and aware that this child has come into this world with a sensitive nature.
00:19:40
Speaker
which means that this child is more vulnerable to experiencing things in a stressful kind of way. So awareness is the very, very first important step. And very often, well, not very often, but in some occasions, parents don't even realize that some of the problems that they're experiencing with a child is really because the child is so sensitive and the parent is not picking that up and therefore causing more stress in the child.
00:20:08
Speaker
So the awareness is important. So you guys have got the awareness. I can hear that. Then the second thing is to be able to validate and honor who that child is on every single level, because these children will tend to sometimes begin to doubt their own self worth. The slightest little thing can be heard by them as I'm not enough, who I am is not good enough.
00:20:37
Speaker
and they could come to that conclusion. So we have to work hard, but authentically so on helping them to identify the incredible strengths and characteristics that they carry inside of it. Definitely. And you work directly with parents. You don't really meet with the children, right? No, that's yes. That's so true because I came to the conclusion after many years
00:21:04
Speaker
I'm working in practice with seeing children and I'm good with children of all ages. And then they walk out of my consulting room, get in the car and then with all the best love and intentions in the world, mum undoes what I just did because mum is stressed. And so, you know, she's like, have you done your homework yet? Yeah. Had to go. What's going on with your brains? And by the time they get home or at the end to the end of that afternoon, the chance back where he was before he got into my room. So
00:21:33
Speaker
that doesn't work. So I asked myself, you know, that's that's when I began to study neuroscience and realize that what's going on inside of the parent of the mom is going on inside of the child. And so I said to myself, well, then that's that doesn't make sense, makes zero sense to me to be seeing the child. I'm better see the parents. And that's when I started to work with parents. And the most phenomenal thing is, you know, Lauren and Megan, is that
00:22:03
Speaker
when, because my work with parents is about healing the parents and we all come to the parent relationship with our own wounds and often unhealed wounds and finished business.
Generational Stress Patterns and the Pandemic's Impact
00:22:17
Speaker
And so as soon as the parent begins to heal and find that beautiful place of self-acceptance and self-care and self-love and also calm within their being,
00:22:30
Speaker
It's unbelievable to see that within five sessions or, you know, because it's a 10 session program, but within session four, five, we begin to see the children's
00:22:40
Speaker
symptoms unravel and reverse in front of our eyes. And I haven't seen the chart. Wow. That's unbelievable. That is amazing. And cause I was about to say, so far we were just talking about the moms and what a great responsibility we have on our shoulders. And I was like, Hey, what about the dads or the partners? You know, where, where is their play in this? But it sounds like both of both parents come to you and heal. And then,
00:23:09
Speaker
So I love that. And Megan and I were talking, I don't even remember the context of the conversation, but we were talking about just kind of the difference in generation and how, you know, I feel like with right now, with our kids, you know, there's a lot of buzz just about
00:23:26
Speaker
validating your child's feelings. Let them cry. Crying's not wrong. Basically, let them be who they are and validate their feelings and who they are, which I love. But then we were laughing and I was joking, but not really joking. I was like, yeah, it's just interesting because
00:23:45
Speaker
You know, our parents, the way they were raised, it was kind of like more, and obviously this is generalized, but you know, don't cry. You know, don't feel that way. You're not, you know, it's fine. Get over it. And then the generation older than that, you know, our grandparents, it was kind of like,
00:24:04
Speaker
nobody talks about their feelings. We're all just trying to survive. We went through the Great Depression, like suck it up, get out there and work and just survive, you know? So I feel like do you do you find that generational stuff like and then and then though you take my husband who is my age but he was raised in an environment much different than me where like the kids you did not speak unless you were spoken to and you know you
00:24:32
Speaker
respected authority and you were very well mannered in front of anybody and everybody. So there's that too where there's differences within the couple. But I don't know, do you find that generational things play a lot in it as well? I love your question. Thank you. Absolutely. I didn't really start off realizing this, but over the past years, I have realized that I am doing generational work.
00:25:03
Speaker
Because then I started saying that my quest was to save the next generation. Because when we look back at, when I look back at my clients' parents, my clients were saying to me, but my mom was always like me, very, very anxious. And my auntie was the same way. And then my mom's dad, my grandfather was so anxious. And, you know, we didn't go much further back than that.
00:25:31
Speaker
But we can guess that there's behavior of anxiety that is actually inherited. It's not a gene. Well, it's a long story about that. But it's the behavior that's inherited. And that's why when people look back, they can say, well, yeah, my mom was like that. And so I'm like that. So I'm saying, if you're coming to visit with me, I'm going to be working with your generational patterns and your generational program.
00:25:59
Speaker
because otherwise you are passing this on to the fourth generation in front of us. And then your wonderful kiddo will grow up like you will handle life in some way or other, all kinds of coping mechanisms, but we'll always be struggling with that horrible feeling of anxiety inside. So why do we want that for our children when we can actually now say it's enough. I'm not passing this on to my child. Yeah.
00:26:29
Speaker
Yeah and it kind of brings up I know you know mental health and children just has gotten I don't know it almost seems worse with anxiety and all the horrible you know things that are happening even you know with young children
00:26:45
Speaker
And so I know that's something that's really important to you, changing the next generation. Are you seeing lots of changes in kids working with the parents through that issue that we're seeing as well? It's unbelievable what the pandemic has done to millions of children's mental health. We also obviously have to understand that
00:27:10
Speaker
before the pandemic many of these children were already emotionally vulnerable or maybe even just sensitive-natured children and then their response would be much more intense to what the pandemic brought into their lives. The children who were before pandemic kind of emotionally robust and emotionally resilient for all kinds of reasons we can talk about
00:27:40
Speaker
now or another time, these children handled the pandemic much better. So the more vulnerable children have really been so badly battered by the pandemic and the amount of anxiety that we are seeing in children of all ages is just unbelievable. And that having been said, to come back to the foundation of my work,
00:28:08
Speaker
then I have to say, if I'm looking at this, let's say I've got a new client who's telling me about the child's anxiety and that's why they're visiting with me and then I look back and I see that the parent has handled the pandemic with immense anxiety and fear and huge stress. So how would we expect the child not to do exactly the same?
00:28:36
Speaker
Yeah, it makes sense. So I do a lot of work on what I call the higher self and the lower self.
Managing Parental Stress and Setting Healthy Boundaries
00:28:43
Speaker
And just very briefly, the lower self is that part of us which lives on stress hormones, which is constantly seeing the negative or seeing what's not working as opposed to what is working, that is walking around with worst case scenarios in her head.
00:29:03
Speaker
There's a long list, but those are some of the things that we do when we're in our lower self that obviously affects our conversations with our children, affects that energetic vibration that we're showing up with. So my work is really designed to help parents, help moms and dads understand, say, become aware of their lower self.
00:29:25
Speaker
and the kind of ways in which their particular lower self shows up. And then I teach them how to be able to move into the higher self. We're actually talking about different brainwaves because the lower self is a beta brain where it's a very dense form of beta brainwave. And the higher self is the alpha brainwave. So being able to first of all realize, whoops, here comes my lower self again, I'm starting to yell.
00:29:55
Speaker
I'm starting to get frustrated. It's not going to really lower my child's stress level. After the awareness, you need to be able to know how to get out this lower self and go into my higher self where it's just calm and serene and I'm seeing things with all possibilities and I'm being creative.
00:30:15
Speaker
And so, you know, I teach some tools for that. The most, of course, effective tool of all is meditation because it's the transport. It transports us out of the lower self into the higher self. So it like, do you recommend in that moment, you know, when you've asked your child for the 28th time to go brush their teeth or
00:30:37
Speaker
to get dressed or to go to bed or whatever. So do you recommend like in that exact moment, just remove yourself from the situation and do some type of meditation tool? You know, it's not always possible. If it's possible, absolutely. Yes. Even just five minutes or 10 minutes. But sometimes it's not possible. You're in the middle of something and you can't walk out. And walking out could be very detrimental to the child. So what I do is I give them the tools.
00:31:04
Speaker
Once they recognize, and parents are amazing, they'll come back to my next session and they'll go, I stood there and I just watched myself get sucked into the lowest self, and I was doing all the things that you said are going to increase my child's stress. So they become really aware of it. By the way, when we're in the lowest self, we practice what I call inflammatory parenting.
00:31:31
Speaker
because we're yelling. So if you're certain, amongst other things, of course, you know, inflammatory parenting is yelling, it is power struggles, it is consequences or hate consequences. You hate consequences? Yes, I really don't like the use of consequences. Oh, really? So what do you do instead? It's a very lower self tool. Well, ladies, have you got three hours? I guess I need to schedule an appointment.
00:32:01
Speaker
So where was I going? I said, I was going, yes, I realize I'm in my lower self. And then I teach them how to change the conversation in such a way that they are validating. Well, they are recognizing that there is an emotion behind what the child is doing, or there is something going on underneath. So if you find that after the 28th time, the child is still not going into the shower,
00:32:31
Speaker
don't deal with the issue of the shower because where we put our energy is what we will get more of. So you've got to back off because you're putting fuel on the fire and you have to ask yourself, what is the resistance? Why does my child need to resist me in this kind of way? And probably you find there's resistance in other things as well. And it's not just a shower thing. If it's just a shower thing, we need to find out what's going on there.
00:33:00
Speaker
And as soon as you begin to have a conversation about what's behind or underneath this thing that you're watching in front of you that is so frustrating and we start the conversation about it seems to me like you are, I don't know if I'm right but I think that you're feeling really frustrated. Am I right about this?
00:33:26
Speaker
Now it's a whole different conversation. And what you've done is you've connected with a child. Yeah, I find that that's what I have to do with Jo. My five-year-old and Bobby and I, my husband, we've learned that. We used to just get so mad at her about not going to bed, but we never got anywhere. She never started going to bed when we were mad about it.
00:33:50
Speaker
we soon had to just realize we had to really just talk to her and figure out like why she didn't want to go to bed and like come up with a really structured routine for her. And I think going to kindergarten helped because she's just tired now, but what you're saying kind of validates, you know, the work that Bobby and I kind of put in ourselves, but I think we could even take it to like another level of really understanding because we still, you know,
00:34:17
Speaker
I still get mad at times. Yeah, because in the moment, you know, we're tired, we're exhausted. Like, I want to go to bed myself. And and so it takes a lot of work, I mean, to sit there and, you know, try to not only help them understand their own feelings, but, you know, just start that conversation when it's like, all I want to do is go get in bed. That's understandable. Yeah, absolutely. But, you know, we when we are stressed as as moms,
00:34:46
Speaker
or adults, we, you know, the inflamed brain that I spoke about earlier, will cause us to display three kinds of behaviors, which is famously known as fat flat or freeze. So when you're yelling, you're in stress fat mode. When you're withdrawing, you're in stress flat mode. And when you're in freeze, well, you just are totally overwhelmed. So when a mom
00:35:13
Speaker
is in stress mode and in fat mode and is yelling and threatening consequences. That is a stress related response, which is very inflammatory for the child. And so what you're going to get is, guess what? You're going to get fat, flight or freeze back from them. Yeah. Yeah. So we're always the trigger.
00:35:38
Speaker
Yeah. So sorry, I'm hooked on this consequence thing. So even if it's delivered in a calm manner where they know where you communicate the expectation, and if that's not met, then there's a consequence. So you don't recommend that. I don't. Not if it is understood by the child as
00:36:06
Speaker
Uh, if I behave in this way, then I will be loved. And if I behave in this way, I'm going to get a consequence. So I don't even like the talk about consequences, but I like to teach parents how to set healthy boundaries in a healthy way. Got it. So, you know, then you won't need a consequence. Right. Yeah. I like that. And, you know, there's a whole thing I teach them about setting healthy boundaries.
00:36:35
Speaker
And of course, healthy boundaries are always set by a higher self. So when we are setting a healthy boundary from the higher self, we are not triggering our children into our fat, flat or freeze moment. Yeah. Okay. I really want to take your healthy boundary class. I know. Like this is so good, Dr. Sandy. And you know, I know people probably get so tired of us talking about our mom since she passed, but
00:37:03
Speaker
I just can't help but to reflect on, I don't know, I just feel like mom and like her, she instinctively was put here to be a mom because it's like she just, she did all of these things and it just came so natural for her.
00:37:22
Speaker
I know and I do feel we do feel really lucky. Yeah, so lucky. Yeah, but it's lucky that you're paying it all forward. It's beautiful. Oh, well, thank you. We're trying, but we don't feel like we could ever live up to who she was. But yeah, well, this is all such good stuff. What have we not touched on that you want to share with our listeners, Dr. Sandy? I guess if I was to leave the listeners with anything, it would be that one of the most
00:37:52
Speaker
Important.
Fostering Emotional Resilience in Children
00:37:53
Speaker
You remember I spoke a little while back about emotional resilience. Children in this world and the world that's coming up in front of us, our children of all ages really need emotional resilience. They need that to become emotionally robust, to be able to cope with the world in a very positive kind of way. And when a child doesn't have the emotional resilience,
00:38:22
Speaker
life can be really, really hard and challenging for them. So where the emotional resilience comes from, again, underlying root cause, is from a sense of who I am is just so enough. And millions of children today are feeling that who I am is not enough. Yeah, heartbreaking. So, and again, you know, it's about wiring the brain.
00:38:50
Speaker
because these children's brains have been wired unintentionally, absolutely, unconsciously, with all the best love in the world. But when parents are trying so hard to get their children to be the perfect person, or with the greatest grades, or to be popular, or to be athletic, or, you know, all the things, they're telling the child that, well, the way you are is just not good enough, but we need you to
00:39:18
Speaker
to do better here and do more of that there and so on. And children really interpret it as just not good enough. And that is the beginning of enormous industries and a very sad journey. So again, there's a way to wire a child to believe that I'm so enough. And it's not about telling them every minute of the day how wonderful they are because they actually will not believe you and it will destroy the relationship.
00:39:48
Speaker
particular incredible neuroscientific tools that I use to help parents understand how do I start a new neural pathway or how do I start a neural pathway in my brain which is heard by the child as I am so enough without me constantly looking for a moment to compliment.
00:40:09
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's huge. Cause I don't think I know how to do it beyond complimenting. So that would be really helpful. And where do people, I know you have some online, you know, videos and different, I know you've written a few books. Um, so how do people find you and can they watch your workshops online or do they have to come in person? Yeah. So there's the two options. There's the in-person option and, um,
00:40:39
Speaker
then there is, for those, you know, because I have clients around the world. So that is an online, what I call the video parent coaching program. And that's through video, since it can't be in person. You know, around the world, it's a time problem. They're fast asleep when I'm still working some of them. So they will buy the video parent coaching. Or sometimes people are working and then they can't come to live sessions.
00:41:07
Speaker
So there are those two options. I'm very, very, what's the word, obsessed almost, with getting parents informed and educated about what's going on with children's mental health today. Because it's very, very different what we're dealing with, but also the way in which we need to deal with it. I believe, of course, is very different to what we've been told before in terms of the traditional, old-fashioned parenting.
Resources and Support Offered by Dr. Sandy
00:41:38
Speaker
So I have created a special place on my website, which I call Free Classroom. And if you go there, there's free coaching videos. There's amazing podcasts. This one will go there too. And there are really informative blogs. My Facebook, Dr. Sandy Glagman, my YouTube channel. Got hundreds of YouTube videos. So you can find a video on the topic that you are dealing with with your child. And my videos, I keep them short.
00:42:07
Speaker
I'll give you a piece of information and the how to fix. Awesome. Wow, that is perfect. And what was your website? www.dr.sandygluckman.com Awesome. And we'll put it in the show notes as well. And then I have a book that everybody seems to really love because it's kind of, you keep it by your bedside. It's called Parents Take Charge.
00:42:32
Speaker
And it is available on my homepage right at the bottom. Okay, perfect. Yeah, I definitely need that. Also, what's interesting is that if you really like what you're hearing today and you want to have a chat with me, you can schedule a complimentary session. You'll see on my homepage is a button for a complimentary session. It's a 30 minute. We have a good chat to understand what you're dealing with. I tell you how I would deal with it. And we see where that takes us.
00:42:59
Speaker
Wow, so cool. Well, everybody reach out to Dr. Sandy. We just so appreciate you sharing your wisdom and you obviously have so much to offer and I love your spirit. I can feel your calmness through the computer. And I'm so grateful that Megan and you connected. And so we could share you with not just ourselves, but our listeners. So thank you.
00:43:28
Speaker
And thank you so much, both of you for sharing me with your listeners, because I, one of my hugest goals is to reach as many people around, as many parents around the globe as I can, because then I can know that I've made a change in so many children's lives and I am saving the next. I love that.
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:43:48
Speaker
I love it. Well, I guess if you don't mind, I will close us in prayer. Is that good? Yeah. Okay. Perfect.
00:43:57
Speaker
Dear Heavenly Father, we come to you with such grateful hearts. I thank you so much for Dr. Sandy and you bringing her into our lives and our listeners' lives. And I thank you for her passion, for what she does.
00:44:15
Speaker
We just pray over her for her success and for her knowledge and wisdom and expertise to reach as many that you will for it too. Lord, you know that parenting is so hard and we have a lot on our shoulders as parents. Thank you so much for gifting us with the best gift in life of our children.
00:44:42
Speaker
And I just pray that for us and any other parent listening today that we start with ourselves and that you just remind us that we are enough for ourselves. You've gifted us with our children and it's no coincidence that
00:45:00
Speaker
they are exactly who you meant for them to be and same with us. Just really let us receive that gift from you of wholeness and completion the way that you made us so that we can pass on that gift to our children and just help us, Lord. We can't do this alone.
00:45:23
Speaker
Please stay with us every day and just remind us that you are there right by our side holding our hand and to just be really thoughtful and mindful and raising our wonderful children to be who they are and not who we want them to be, but who they are in the image that you made them. Thank you for everything and we love you so much. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
00:45:48
Speaker
Amen. Amen. So beautiful. Oh, thank you. Well, thanks again, Dr. Sandy. We hope you have a great rest of your week and listeners. Thank you. Thank you for tuning in another week. Just remember that you are enough just as you are, and we will see you next week. Bye. Bye.
00:46:08
Speaker
Thank you for listening to another week of Girl I Slept in My Makeup. If you like us, rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you want to learn more about us or get in touch with us, go to our website, girlisleftinmymakeup.com, where you'll also find links to our Instagram and Facebook. Thank you so much for listening. We really appreciate it. And make it a great week. God bless.