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Is My Friend Giving Me The Evil Eye?: How to Curate Your Life's Board of Directors
174 Plays1 year ago
On this episode, Eleanor and LD talk about the evil eye, how to deal with friends who don't always want the best for you, and making peace with the fact that bumps in the road are bound to happen in any long-lasting friendship, but the most important thing you can do is curate your energetic circle to be compatible with the vibration of your dream life. This episode's a little bit more lighthearted and gossipy as we get into our own life drama, our triggers, and how we deal with jealousy ;)
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Transcript
Introduction to Pretty Invested Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Pretty Invested. I'm Eleanor, and this is Elsie. Presented by your favorite ex-finance bros. We talk about the money things you actually care about.
Cultural Significance of the Evil Eye
00:00:12
Speaker
Hi, guys. Welcome to the Pretty Invested podcast. Presented by your two favorite ex-finance bros, Ladina, how are you? I'm good. I'm doing good. How are you?
00:00:24
Speaker
I really well. I want to show you my new earring. So I just got the top of my ear pierced. I got this like, if you can see on video, it's an evil eye icon. Thank you. And you're one of the first people to really like tell me and introduce me to the evil eye. And I know you wear it one on your neck. Yes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Yeah, I always I always have protection. So I'll give you like the Albanian perspective, but it's definitely like on a case by case basis, depending on the culture that it's coming from.
Jewelry and Protective Symbolism
00:01:00
Speaker
But basically, we are very paranoid about energy. It's a little woo woo and it's become I think more popular in American culture.
00:01:09
Speaker
recently, but the evil eye has always been a huge thing for me growing up. And it's basically like a fear of other people being jealous of you or being a little salty that like you are doing a little bit too well for yourself to the point where when we would go to parties with my parents as children, my mom would like put stuff in our clothing to protect us from the evil eye. Yeah.
00:01:38
Speaker
You take it super seriously. I have like an evil eye cleanse that I posted about on TikTok like a month ago when I felt like someone was giving me the evil eye.
Cultural Appropriation and Positive Energy
00:01:47
Speaker
But jewelry is very important and one of the signs that someone has given you the evil eye and that your jewelry is working is the jewelry will break because it quote-unquote absorbed the bad energy. Wow.
00:02:00
Speaker
Okay, I didn't know, I thought, because the first time I think I saw it was like when traveling, for instance, in Greece, and on a lot of the stores, they'll have like evil eye jewelry and stuff. How do you feel about like Westerners now wearing it? Do you think they understand it? Or are they just like a cute little icon to have? I'm not super sensitive about people like appropriating my culture. I really can go for it, like have fun with it, even if you don't understand it.
00:02:26
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's cool to learn like how seriously people take it and the power of it, right? I think I kind of wanted and had like the urge for the first time to wear something because I've been getting weird vibes from people and you know, there's a lot of like things that I'm happy about in my life. And you know, when like,
00:02:53
Speaker
something good might be happening but you don't really tell certain people because you're kind of afraid of jinxing it or they're gonna like wish you negative thoughts so they're gonna sabotage it a little bit of you know superstitious paranoia but i kind of get that vibe recently where i feel like there's been some friends in the past and you know in little ways now that i feel the evil eye in some jealousy and it's not even
00:03:21
Speaker
something that needs to be said, but just a vibe that you get from people, right? Like, yeah, in like, well, let's say you tell someone some good news, like I got this job promotion, this thing happened, I have like, something's happening positively and like this relationship.
Jealousy in Friendships and Sharing Successes
00:03:39
Speaker
And
00:03:41
Speaker
in the millisecond that someone has to be like, oh my God, amazing. I'm so happy for you. That's awesome. The brief period that they have to calibrate in their head, like, oh, I should be a supportive friend and say something nice. You can feel that. It's not their initial reaction. And they have to adjust. And I get that vibe from some people every once in a while. And so I just bought this evil eye to,
00:04:08
Speaker
Protect myself as a you know insurance policy just for extra protection because I think sometimes
00:04:18
Speaker
People who don't have the best energy for you can make you act so differently, like dull your own shine, not talk about the good things that are happening in your life. And at a certain point, you have to ask yourself, should I just cut this person off? That's spicy. I totally get what you mean. There's a difference in giving someone a good piece of news and then being like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. And then being like,
00:04:48
Speaker
Oh! Yeah! It's a thing. I've had a lot of that throughout my life and like the cleanse that I was talking about earlier. I've talked about this on my TikTok and I haven't talked about it on the podcast yet but I'm gonna be moving to Bermuda like you know I've been like super freaked out about this for like a while and I was telling a friend about it
00:05:12
Speaker
like right as it was happening, they're like, Oh, you know, you're lucky I'm not a bitch because a bitch would give you the evil eye right now. Basically being like, wow, like so much is going well for you right now. Like you're very lucky that I'm not jealous. Like, who says something go there? Yeah, who says something like that? So it's like a very close friend of mine. Like, I am like a confrontational person with my close friend. So I will be bringing it up once we're
00:05:40
Speaker
in person and be like, yo, what's the deal? Is there weird energy between us? Why'd you say that?
00:05:51
Speaker
Yeah, it's very scary and it makes you feel like you're constantly looking over your shoulder. And even if the evil eye wasn't real, once you're aware of potential bad things that can happen from people being jealous, you're more likely to mess up because you're thinking about the fact that people are giving you bad energy.
Scarcity Mindset and Friendship Dynamics
00:06:12
Speaker
Yeah and it's it's even like in the way that you interact with that person like now I don't really want to tell you good news and and sometimes people I think it comes from maybe a scarcity mindset like if someone else is doing well in their life what does that say about what I'm doing or like or oh I like this is my thing and now you're doing this too or like
00:06:35
Speaker
I think this happens a lot with sometimes older friends, I don't know what your case was, where there's an established dynamic of like, well, I'm this, this is our dynamic. And when there's a shift, like you start doing better, or they they're just like,
00:06:50
Speaker
discomfort there um and i find that a lot of the times people take it more personally when you're like more similar and they're like well you know we both came from the same the same high school and you've been able to do this and like i have it there's just some sort of jealousy and it's tough because like listen we all have things that
00:07:16
Speaker
you know, we're protective over and it doesn't mean that they're not a good friend. And now I'm at the point of like, I got the evil eye icon, but like, at what point do you just say, this is not a good person to have in my life and you don't get access to me anymore? Yeah, I think you mentioned something that reminds me a lot of like dynamics that I've had with other women in the field.
00:07:44
Speaker
Because you were talking about this concept of a scarcity mindset, or it's like, if you have something that means that there's less of it to go around for me, and like working with other women in finance that are older, beyond just like friends that are older, like women in finance that are older, I think almost don't
00:08:07
Speaker
like that women of our generation have it a little bit easier and like I'm speaking from my personal experience I've had incredibly negative experiences with some women that are older and honestly like some of my most negative experiences
00:08:24
Speaker
in the industry have been with women because they see you as like it is it's so sad it's so sad but they see you as this like honestly i don't even know what it is in me that like is triggering to them but i always have felt like it was women that sometimes would
00:08:39
Speaker
say like more negative things against my deals or that would like ask more questions about like what was the ROI of you going to this conference or just being like oh like okay like you're at this event like who are you gonna talk to who can you introduce me to blah blah blah like just being like more like up my ass for lack of a better term. And it's frustrating because
00:09:01
Speaker
I know we've talked about being a girl's girl, and in an industry where there are so few of us, I go out of my way to mentor younger women. And I've always been frustrated when someone who is in a position of power that has the potential to relate so much to me chooses to use that relatability and see it in a negative way.
00:09:27
Speaker
Yeah. I'm so sorry that you've had those experiences. I think, you know, it's a virtue of also the patriarchy and the notion that there can only be one female
Generational Shifts in Workplace Support
00:09:41
Speaker
board member. There can only be one investment team member that's like a woman or, you know, I'm the, you know, smart, pretty finance girl. Like I think that's maybe
00:09:54
Speaker
something that was more common I'm hopeful to say more common in older generations and our younger generation we tend to be a little bit more supportive of one another it's like actually how about we make more room for more women and then it's also like a case-by-case basis like some people just grow up with the scarcity mindset and it's like
00:10:14
Speaker
a zero-sum game. If you have something, then I have less. If you have this opportunity, then I have less opportunity. And I think you and I get along, because I don't think we have that mindset. I think we can all rise together. And I don't know what the solution is. And at least in terms of friends and mentors, you don't want someone who doesn't actually want the best for you, or want the best for you as long as you don't go into their arena, or you don't go into their lane.
00:10:42
Speaker
Yes, it's really hard once like I've seen this happen with friend groups that have been established for like years and years like everyone starts to own an archetype. Like one person is the party person. One person is the hardo at work. One person is like the hot gym person. And so as people's identities shift throughout the years and like
00:11:06
Speaker
all of a sudden the party person isn't doing the most partying that year and someone else is out partying them, then they become a little salty because like, it's infringing on their identity. Or like if a hot person like happens to gain a little bit of weight that year and like someone else like looks a little bit hotter than them in the friend group and it's like
00:11:27
Speaker
That will literally destroy the dynamic in a friend group. It is weird. Especially for a lot of high school relationships, in high school, middle school, we're a little nerdy. It's not like today where there's all these makeup tutorials.
00:11:47
Speaker
certain people have glow ups and it like changes the dynamic when like the friend that was just like oh Like you know the whatever friend is now like super hot and then someone is someone gets threatened or something I think that's why sometimes
00:12:03
Speaker
even your longer relationships the ones you've had for a while are the most fragile because there's like a dynamic and it's like you can't threaten the dynamic yeah and the dynamic has had so many years to bake and so if anything it's like more rigid at that point yeah first like you meet a new friend now they they know they see you for who you are at the current present moment they're not going to be so you know so threatened by you i don't know it's it's it's tough because like those
00:12:31
Speaker
At the same time, those friendships are the ones you've invested so much in.
Family Dynamics and Success Comparisons
00:12:36
Speaker
You have all these memories with these people. It's the hardest ones to cut off, but sometimes they can be the most toxic. Yeah. I think 50% of my long relationships evaporated in my 20s because of weird
00:12:54
Speaker
I wouldn't call it straight up jealousy. Like I think at its core it is like people being forced to struggle with their identity because of your achievements, which like, you know, as much as we want everyone to be healed and like evolved and like not be jealous or be triggered by us, like it's just like a human thing that's going to happen. And it's interesting, I think like it's affected a lot of my
00:13:18
Speaker
family dynamics with like extended family or like cousins because that is the most core where it's like we all literally come from the same bloodline like how did you end up here and I ended up here in life and like show them something in themselves like they don't want to see.
Dealing with Unsupportive Friends
00:13:38
Speaker
yeah i think that's tough or like when you know we talk about jobs i think also relationships are a very sensitive thing yeah there was one time i was catching up with a friend and this is when it wasn't just like the millisecond like pause i was like oh my god girl it's so good to see you i i have so much to update you on like i was gonna tell her about like my job and all these other things
00:14:02
Speaker
And before I could even get into my job, she just couldn't help herself and said, don't tell me you have a boyfriend too. What did you mean? I was just kind of taken aback and I was like, I was so excited to catch up with you and just talk to you. Boys weren't even part of the equation in my head. And now I'm like, oh, you would like to think if someone has a partner, that means that
00:14:26
Speaker
They found something they really like and then they are excited about. So why would you not be happy for them? And I think maybe this person had a bunch of people in their life get into relationships recently and was just, you know, was extra sensitive.
00:14:43
Speaker
couldn't help themselves and say like don't tell me you also have a boyfriend because the thing is it really isn't a thing like she and I don't have the same type I would never go after someone that she's interested in I'm a girl I would never freaking do that and me getting into a relationship doesn't
00:15:00
Speaker
mean that like your situation changes at all it's there's so many people in this world but i think it's one of those things where if someone now like i i didn't tell her when they were like positive updates in my romantic life because you know felt weird about it because she literally told me she doesn't she literally said it like
00:15:20
Speaker
I don't really care about you finding romantic partner. It was a very selfish thing to say. And usually people, I think, hide it. I think for her, maybe it was a tipping point where she couldn't hide it. I don't think she and I are very close anymore. But not just because of that. I think that was an example of something. But I think in a lot of ways, it's little things, right? And I don't think you don't sometimes want to just cut someone off. Because I get it.
00:15:50
Speaker
people feel sensitive about things and they're your good friends or you have long-term friendships you don't just throw it away and we're human like and and then it's like at what point do you think actually this is not good for me because not not saying her but there have been people who
00:16:11
Speaker
If you don't wish me well, I then feel the desire to dim my shine. I'm afraid to wish to be like, oh, I want to pursue this relationship because I know someone out there who's a friend of mine doesn't want me to have success in this arena. And having that energy or spending a lot of time with someone who you feel doesn't wish you well, I think is not good just for your mental health,
00:16:40
Speaker
your level of achievement like don't I I'm becoming more unapologetic of like if you're not you know rooting for me and one of my cheerleaders the way that I cheerlead for so many of my friends then like get the f out like I don't need that energy because I want someone people in my life who are like
00:17:01
Speaker
yes achieve everything I want everything for you and those are the best friends to have who support you romantically professionally everything who just have this love for you and those are the people when you have those people in your corner then you're like not afraid to like go for your dreams because you know you have the support system and not someone in the background being like
00:17:24
Speaker
do well but not better than me or like you can get into a relationship after I'm in a relationship my sister used to say you better not get married before me you know like things like that which is why I'm so much older yeah it goes back to your whole family thing I mean I get it she was much older than me but it's one of those things it's like oh why does me getting married affect your time of getting married yeah but I think there is something to that
00:17:49
Speaker
I think like the dimming your shine thing is such a slippery slope.
Mentoring Women vs. Men
00:17:54
Speaker
And like, you're one of the more considerate people that I've ever met. And I feel like it's so I mean, it's not easy for me to like be too nice to people. But like, I think you sometimes are like so nice. And it's like,
00:18:12
Speaker
So that we've talked about this, not on the pod, but I think we, we have like very different approaches in our empathy and sympathy for women versus men, especially when it comes to helping them. Yeah. In the work arena. Like,
00:18:31
Speaker
I said like I will go out of my way to like mentor young women but like I find it very hard to be strongly motivated to help a man. It's because I feel like there's like enough to go around. They have they already have so much stacked in their corner like also my advice and my help is much more meaningful to a young woman who has you know similar values and ambitions that I do than like
00:18:58
Speaker
some dude who you know hasn't really been that thoughtful they just want to do finance to make money you know or like because it's prestigious for them i think you and i talked about like there was a lot of thought that went into us wanting to do finance and pursuing it yeah and so i think i just also like care i have more empathy for women like i love women i don't know men like i don't i don't know i just don't
00:19:24
Speaker
have that I don't feel that bad about maybe that's I don't know so this is like an out-of-pocket question but like do you think men see us as people huh I think oh my god this feels like that Julia Fox true do you know that there's no lie detector there's not a lie detector so I can totally lie there are good men I I don't I don't not in the same way that they see other men as people yeah I would agree with that
00:19:54
Speaker
were yeah that's why so many men say like I didn't really you know care about these things until I had a daughter yes you know I didn't really see women or care about women's things until I had a daughter I feel like I have a special sympathy for like young boys because I have such a big age gap with my little brother but if I didn't have that perspective I don't know that I would be as sympathetic and I already like
00:20:23
Speaker
I prioritize women in my interactions when I'm choosing between who to help.
00:20:30
Speaker
Okay, here's an alternative. I don't think it's that we root against men. I'm not trying to or hating on them, but I just feel such an affinity for young women. I just feel this nurturing, I want to help them. I just feel such compassion and empathy for women, and I think women are just such beautiful.
00:20:55
Speaker
Beings and creatures and they're you know, just so like precious and like you want to like help support and protect them I don't know. I just it's not that like I I think I just have this like love for women that There's just I can't replicate that for men especially young women, you know in my age and the older women too like just You just have so much more empathy for them and respect respect and like
00:21:23
Speaker
We're like a little bit more fragile too. We're sensitive and also like emotional and considerate people. So you just want to be a little bit more protective of them. Yeah. And then going back to what you were saying about
00:21:41
Speaker
For me, it's extra detrimental to have someone in my life who I think doesn't wish me well because I will go out of my way to make them feel comfortable. I think, reflecting back, there have been certain friends where I don't pursue things because I know it'll make them uncomfortable.
Territorial Behavior in Friendships
00:22:01
Speaker
this person wants a specific investment banking group. But I'm like, you know what? I didn't, I never want it. Or, you know, someone says they like this, this guy, or, and, you know, I might've had a thing with this guy, but I'm like, you know, it's fine. You know, you, you go for it. Like ultimately, or like I convince myself because it's just,
00:22:16
Speaker
feels more comfortable for me to be like, you know what? I'm going to create my own lane. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. And I don't think that's good because you want to be around people who support you unconditionally. And I think there's a balance, right? Sometimes there are also girls who are like, oh, I want something. And then they're like, oh, I want it. Versus someone's like, I want something. I'm like, oh, I don't want it. Don't worry about it. I want to just keep peace and make everyone happy.
00:22:43
Speaker
And I don't think that's good for me. So it's a balance of you want to still be unapologetically yourself and pursue the things that you want. And it's not a zero-sum game. So a bunch of you guys can pursue something. Not the same.
00:22:58
Speaker
but there are plenty of fish in the sea so that that's kind of just i think i take it to an extreme of oh i just rather not have to deal with it like even hobbies like
00:23:15
Speaker
oh well this person's into rock climbing so I guess that's their thing or they're into like pole dancing so like oh I guess I was curious like it's fine I'll do salsa dancing instead you know stay in my own lane I think I'm extra sensitive to that it's so interesting I feel like I'm like reflecting on the various stages of my life and I think I've encountered more like
00:23:41
Speaker
territorialism amongst female friendships like in a certain wealth class or like status class like I find that women are a little bit more territorial if I've like met them
00:23:58
Speaker
at work or like in the industry that's where it's like you'll get weird comments of oh my god like you did so and so like with the Pilates instructor or oh like interesting like you bought this set like did you see the one that I had last week like I was wearing like the like a similar aloe set or whatever and it's like I don't think I experienced this like with my
00:24:25
Speaker
middle school friendships like in Queens growing up I Don't know. Yeah, people are very territorial and that's like goes back towards what I say like you you and your friend can do the same thing but it's like sometimes people are territorial about it and then you just feel uncomfortable and so you don't want to hang out with people who Feel that way and it's like I'm I think I'm the friend who's like, oh my god I wore this beautiful dress you should wear this dress and then there are other people who are like I
00:24:54
Speaker
actually i wore this dress you couldn't even have like a color in color dress like that whole like kim and courtney thing of like my i had my wedding in italy and she had her wedding in italy i don't know the full situation i just see it on tiktok the whole like i this was my wedding singer then she had this wedding singer it's like who cares but i'm sure like
00:25:14
Speaker
I don't know what side I take but I'm sure like Courtney feels that like oh this girl's giving me the evil eye for like wanting to also get married in Italy like you don't own Italy girl yeah they were both justified but like Courtney was more right okay you tell me I don't know the situation well I I think like again we're talking about rich women problems and I think we have to be realistic about the personalities that are attracted to the field that we work in like
00:25:43
Speaker
We are ambitious. We do have, we're competitive, but also like there is this thing about, I wouldn't call it like a luxury lifestyle per se, but like what's inherent for luxury is scarcity. And so you can have like a growth mindset, but still be living in like a faux scarcity culture because like what's like so sexy to people that can buy anything that they want.
00:26:12
Speaker
It's scarcity. And so then like you inherently are territorial over like a certain status symbol or a part of your identity because like what else is there to life when you can buy everything? And not that we're there yet, but it's like the culture that we simmer in until we get there. Yeah.
00:26:32
Speaker
I actually never thought about it that way. I'm sure it's more predominant in a place where you want to feel special, like, this is how you show your status. It's like, I'm the girl who does salsa dancing classes, or I'm the girl who had this wedding, or this is what I wore, even dresses, clothing, makeup items. That's why people have to gatekeep. Oh my god.
00:27:00
Speaker
going back you know like I don't want you to have what I have because this is my thing and people some things people are willing to not keep and then other things people are like actually this thing I don't want everyone to know about because then if everyone knows about it then it's not special or if like everyone has access to it then it's not special it's fascinating actually
Managing Toxic Relationships
00:27:20
Speaker
I don't know. The thing is, you can't just cut everyone out of your life, especially their family, just because they are a little territorial or things. As much as you would like to. I mean, at the end of the day, no one's a perfect person. Sure, some people are more flawed than others, but it's a hard call to make of when do you cut someone off? Do you let them back into your life after they've tried to make amends? Do you not?
00:27:46
Speaker
You said boundaries. What boundaries can you set to make it okay? Yeah, like how do you communicate your boundaries? I think like where I messed up in my early 20s was like I was like too, what is it? Like gun happy? I don't know. Like I was just like- Trigger happy? Yes, I was too trigger happy with like cutting people off because like- Burning bridges.
00:28:11
Speaker
Yes, and I didn't really appreciate that literally no relationship will survive the length of your life without having like at least one huge blow up. Like normally there will be more than one huge blow up.
00:28:26
Speaker
And learning how to manage that is like one of the most important life skills to having a healthy sized social circle later on in life. And it's usually the people that you've met like earlier on that will have the most meaningful relationships with you. So yeah, I think like one of my bigger regrets really is just like cutting people off too fast.
00:28:49
Speaker
it's true and it's it's easier sometimes to be like instead of trying to create boundaries or figuring it out just like cut off you're done you know but these when there's a reason why it's called burning bridges once you burn that bridge you can't cross it again
00:29:04
Speaker
To rebuild that bridge, it takes so much work. And so, yeah, I think that is something that you do when you're younger, when you first face conflict. But I think as you mature and grow older, it's like figuring ways out, distancing yourself.
00:29:21
Speaker
distancing has to be a friendship breakup you don't have to like sit someone down it's like i don't like that you said this to me and then blah blah blah and so i don't think we should be as close you can just like slowly distance yourself it doesn't have to be this big dramatic affair and confrontation because then once those words escape your mouth
00:29:39
Speaker
It's out there. It's in the ether. And yeah, sometimes some people could be great front, like great party friends or great like work allies or great relationship people. But then they're not good for other things. You know, like someone might be super supportive of my like romantic life.
00:29:59
Speaker
but they might not be supportive of my career. So maybe I just don't go to them for that. And some people are territory about some things and not others. And you kind of have to feel that out and then just not go to them or distance yourself a little bit. Maybe through time we all become more healed and don't have as much of an
Evolving Mentor-Mentee Dynamics
00:30:18
Speaker
issue. Hope that's the goal. But I think my big conclusion is like I have this evil eyes to protect me.
00:30:25
Speaker
and really bad offenders that I just don't feel good around like you are cut off like or I'm gonna really distance myself because there is no way to have it in small quantities like someone doesn't wish you well someone who views you as a threat who like just gives you the evil eye like
00:30:47
Speaker
I don't need that energy.
00:31:00
Speaker
you know a bubbly sweet like warm person people will come into your life and want to be there and not everyone is entitled to your energy it doesn't matter how much history you have like you're not entitled to my friendship my intention any of this stuff and people can be leeches like they can still want to spend time with you and not wish you well i think
00:31:21
Speaker
one of the harder friendship breakups is one in which someone became your friend because they like weren't threatened by you and they kind of saw you as like this person that they could nurture and help and it's like once you do like grow as a person within the relationship and this often happens with like friends that are a little bit older once you do like grow up they
00:31:51
Speaker
I don't know, it's like they discard you because I don't know if it's a weird thing where they can't mother you anymore and it was the mothering in the relationship that was valuable for them or if it's just that they don't like being around people that are their equals and they just see you as an equal now and that doesn't make them feel good about themselves.
00:32:14
Speaker
It's so funny. I have exact examples of that because especially for me, these relationships, first of all, I think either in college or when I first entered the workforce where when you go from zero to two, it's a big difference. When you're a freshman and they're a junior or whatever, even one year age difference, or they had this much more experience in the industry and they can tell you what to do and they can guide you.
00:32:41
Speaker
But then when you're like, you're, you're four and you're five, it's not that big of a difference. And like, now the dynamic has shifted where like, you might also be doing really well. And instead of being like, I'm a mentor to you, you're not a threat to me. Like, like you giving you advice makes me feel good about myself now that we're equals. It's a little bit different.
00:33:05
Speaker
dynamic, you don't give them that same confidence boost. You no longer look at them like, oh my God, how do I break into this industry? Like what do I do to succeed? A lot of my friendships have been able to like jump that and like, you know, we are now like, like they start off as my mentor and now they're like, we're like legit friends and that's great. But sometimes you can't get to that point or it's weird because in any change and dynamic, there's like growing pains. Yeah. Do you have a specific example that you want to share?
00:33:36
Speaker
of my personal life, you don't have to. I mean, honestly, I was thinking about something that happened to us both when we were on that boat, but I don't know that like. Yeah, yeah, yep, yep. Yeah. Yeah.
Personal Triggers for Jealousy
00:33:55
Speaker
Sometimes like, and I really, I like to think I wouldn't be this person, but it's like you see like,
00:34:02
Speaker
a younger prettier version of you. And then you get very excited. Sorry, not sorry. I'm like I like to think I would never be that woman. And I think it just it really it has to do with like your mindset like and also we like we just get the fuck over it. Sorry for cursing. Yes, you have these insecurities but
00:34:30
Speaker
Are you a girl's girl? Are you gonna like really let this little jealousy eat you up and kind of have you like undercut people? Like, get over it, you know? Grow, be a bigger person. It's practice. Practice not being a beotch, you know? And get over yourself. Like, you can't, sometimes, it's that whole practice. Like, at least get to the point where just like a millisecond hesitation instead of like,
00:35:01
Speaker
little digs here and there. I'm trying to figure out what my own triggers would be. I'm having a hard time coming up with them. I think it's because you're a pretty secure person. And you don't derive your identity from one single thing. As much as we're like, oh, we're former finance bros. That's not core to who we are. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care about that part of my identity.
00:35:27
Speaker
Honestly, I think I would be, I would feel a little insecure if I saw someone who was
00:35:35
Speaker
as well-rounded, if that makes sense. If they were creative, but also doing strategic something or other here, and then they had equity stakes and a bunch of businesses, and they were also amazing at nurturing their friend groups, and they partied a bunch, but they were also super on top of their work. If someone was more well-rounded than me in all of the
00:36:03
Speaker
in all the ways that I care to be well-rounded. I think if I'm being honest with myself, I'd be like, oh damn, I should take notes. But it wouldn't linger for me. I wouldn't be mean to them. I'd just be like, oh, okay, I'm kind of scared. Because I think you're well-rounded enough or mature enough to be like,
00:36:26
Speaker
No, I'm not going to act out or try and sabotage this person. And like, ultimately, you could, I think it's normal. We can all feel that way. Like, oh shoot, this person is like hella good at what they do. That's impressive. Um, but instead of, you know, getting over that and being like, you know, why do I feel this way? Oh, maybe because I don't feel enough this way, but like not acting upon it, not, you know, doing little digs or like talking,
00:36:52
Speaker
smack behind someone's back, understanding why do I feel weird around this person? And then maybe you can't help do the millisecond like, oh, amazing. But then also don't try and be their best friend if you low key don't wish them the best. And I don't know, it's practice. We're all growing. And I think it's really honest of you to say, hey, I would be low key threatened if someone did these things really well that I care about.
00:37:21
Speaker
You know, I think that's the package that would get to me. And that's on therapy. Yeah, I think for me, it's if like, it would be if someone dated someone who I really loved one of my exes. Oh my god.
Handling Jealousy in Relationships
00:37:34
Speaker
Oh. Well, for because like I there's there's like, there's maybe like one or two exes where like, I still have like hope. And so if someone else were to date them, I would be like,
00:37:47
Speaker
I'm trying to be a girl's girl, but like, I like, you know, because you know, you know that there's all these songs, like Olivia Rodrigo has one, she was like, you want to hate the new girl. But you're like, it's kind of lowkey pretty, like, you know, it's like one of those things like you want to smack talk them in your best friend with your best friend and like feminism goes out the window and you go for the jugular, but you're like, I shouldn't. But like, this is this is only like I'm protective over like my ex that I still have like lingering feelings for or like, oh, maybe some like,
00:38:15
Speaker
the one that got away, like sometimes down the road, to not say something bad about them. Maybe you can say it bad to your girlfriends in a private room when you're drinking a lot of wine and sod about it, that it can come out. But you never don't actually do anything crazy. Don't be crazy. Don't be following her and commenting on all her things and then
00:38:42
Speaker
don't be like in her in her DMS with like a fake account being like, I saw Jason at blah, blah, blah. Were you with him? Yeah, Jason. I don't think either of us or sometimes Oh my god, sometimes people overcompensate like
00:38:58
Speaker
They're like, hi, like, oh, yeah, we both dated. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I don't know. It's a little too much. Don't be cray cray. Try not to. It's OK. We forgive you. Sometimes these things make us a little crazy. And I've had friends do that. I'm like, oh, no. Why did you reach out to her? You don't need to. Wait, are you serious? I think they reached out to her. I know a girl who reached out to the new girl after they both broke up. But I'm like, dude, just let it go. They both broke up.
00:39:27
Speaker
You don't need to like both talk about your breakup with him. I mean, if you want to, you can, but maybe we'll have another connection. It's like Taylor Swift and Sophie. Oh, I mean, that's different. Yeah. Like that could like become really cute or it could be really psycho.
00:39:48
Speaker
Yeah but there are times where it's like just let it go like you don't need to talk to her but we all feel some type of way when an ex dates someone new and some exes it's like who cares because like you're over it but then other exes like they're literally someone who you saw like a future with and then like oh this is the person that you're with now like interesting. I think like if my fiance and I god forbid broke up and then like he moved on with someone else I would like
00:40:17
Speaker
it would not be pretty that's you know that Taylor Swift song like if she has blue eyes I surmise that you'll probably date her like there's also like different people will specifically trigger you more I think
00:40:34
Speaker
I don't know if I would let, I think, you know what, here's what it was. It would upset me if she was better than me. And there's not many people who I would be like, because we all have things that we're good at, we're individuals. But if this person was prettier, smarter, you know. If she were a K-pop star, then I would be, that would break me. I would become a puddle. Because some people, you just can't.
00:41:03
Speaker
But for the most part... Being evolved only goes so far. Like, stuff like that... No. I would not survive. Yeah. I think if she were, like, me but better, that would really hurt me. I don't think I'd be upset if it was, like... I don't know. If she were me but better. I don't... But there's not that many people I would, like... My brain would naturally be like, she's me but better. I can't think of anyone who's, like, me but better.
00:41:31
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. We all have our strengths in other ways. Like, there's only one LD, there's only one L. So, I don't know, that's when people get a little wild because there's real
Professional Insecurities and Identity
00:41:45
Speaker
feelings. But sometimes people feel that way about jobs, about like,
00:41:49
Speaker
other things and you can't control it. Maybe that's how other people are about when you tell them good news about your job. It's just this craziness of like, that's why.
00:42:04
Speaker
If my old job was to hire another female analyst who had a similar background to me and was covering the same scope of work, I'd be like, you guys think you can replace me like that? Even though I quit, I would still be like, yeah.
00:42:23
Speaker
Does that cancel out the girl's girl on me? Cause like, I should be happy for her. Well, actually I wouldn't be happy for her. I would feel like terrible that she's working there. Like, I'm sorry, you're getting my ex. Like, I'm sorry you're at this, like whatever. I'm trying to be intellectually honest and think like what else would threaten me? And I think maybe the key to not being threatened is like self-assuredness and having your identity not come from one thing. Like,
00:42:53
Speaker
I have like, you know, Miami and I have this and I have like my job and I have my friends and I have like, you know, my, my relationships. So that's why I don't think one singular thing would really threaten me. Cause it's like, well, you know, okay. If you want to, I don't know. I don't, maybe that's a cava. I just think like, I just know the X would make me crazy, but I don't know.
00:43:20
Speaker
I mean, not to be like a nerd about it, but I feel like you're hedging your bets by diversifying, if that makes sense, by like diversifying the components of your identity. Because I'm like, well, okay, maybe she has like a better like, like job or she's like got promoted faster. But is she as pretty as me? Is she as well traveled as me? Is she as cultured as me? Like it's not it's not a great way to do that.
00:43:44
Speaker
I think just innately there's so much more to you as an individual than just a few things and yeah it's like hedging your bets like well are they also this this this and this and this and that's why girls are like you know for the new girl they're like
00:44:00
Speaker
But is she as this as me? Is she gonna love them? Is she gonna do this? Is she gonna do that? And that's it's the same type of vibe, you know? Like it's hard because you still at the end of the day like compare and you're like, Oh, well, I'm not bitter. But that's because I'm better.
00:44:15
Speaker
Exactly. So that's the thing. The goal is not to be like, well, thinking these things, it's just an innately just feel so secure that you don't even have to be like, oh, you're like, okay, cool. It's not like, well, it's okay because this isn't this. You don't even need to go there because you just feel comfortable and secure. Yeah.
Unapologetic Self-Expression and Supportive Networks
00:44:31
Speaker
I'm so proud of us. I don't know. I don't want this to be too pound on your back, but I'm sure it is. Well, no, I think we're being so introspective on this podcast.
00:44:44
Speaker
I think so. I mean, I think it's important to be honest with yourself. Like there are things that we're not good at and, and maybe I don't even see it. Right? Like maybe someone else feels like I'm, maybe someone feels like I'm giving them the evil eye and I'm not even aware. Yeah. Same. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe if you asked the girl who gave me the UI, she wouldn't, she would be like, well, I didn't, Oh, I didn't realize actually a guy. Oh.
00:45:12
Speaker
Do you think he realized it? He said it, you know? He should know better, like culturally, like he comes from evil eye culture, so he should absolutely know better. Yeah.
00:45:23
Speaker
I don't know. The whole point is like, listen, I think I'm into an era where I don't want to apologize for who I am. I don't want someone who's there who doesn't support me. And like, I have the privilege of having a lot of friends. And you can make new friends. And don't surround yourself with people who don't want the best for you. If you can't, it's tough when it's family, it's tough when it's long term friends, it's tough when it's a friend in your friend group. But to the degree that you can surround yourself with
00:45:50
Speaker
people who support you, someone gave me this idea like your own personal board of directors like you have people in your life that like are your champions and like someone who has like this you go to for this advice like you want to curate a group of people you are the five people you spend the most you're like what is it you are the you know like the average the average of the five people you spend the most time with yeah
00:46:17
Speaker
That's just like, you know, some saying, but it is true. You are very similar to people you spend time with. And so spend time with people who would for you, who like want the best for you, who you're supportive with, you know, I feel like.
00:46:31
Speaker
One of the warmest feelings in my life is when my friend got this job offer, and I got a call from her one day, and she was like, oh my god, I got this job offer, and I'm like, oh my god, that's amazing. And she was like, you're the first person I told. And I'm like, wait, really? That's so sweet. And I'm like, I'm so happy for you. And there was no millisecond of like, I guess we are in the same industry. We're very similar archetypes, but it's like,
00:46:59
Speaker
she wishes for the best for me, i wish the best for her, we're gonna like rise together and like when you're with someone who like you know is like supporting you like how do you not want to also support them like and so you know if you give off that energy you're gonna get that energy back and so it's so nice to be with people who are like that i agree i think
00:47:22
Speaker
I think for people in their early 20s, they probably are just starting to build out their quote unquote board of directors.
Impact of Energy and Environment on Success
00:47:29
Speaker
I know for me, honestly, my first ever manager was a huge part of the reason why I accomplished what I've accomplished in my life.
00:47:37
Speaker
And also one of my co-workers who was a year older was always rooting for me. So I happened to get incredibly lucky, like so lucky. I genuinely don't know what my life would look like today if it hadn't been for their positive energy and their constant words of encouragement.
00:47:58
Speaker
And then otherwise, I think family, my mom was always very supportive, and friends to an extent, but when you're all 22, you all kind of have two brain cells at that point because you're so sleep deprived and trying to cobble together two cents to pay your rent.
00:48:17
Speaker
and this maybe gets into the woo-woo, but like, so you can feel, like there's even, you can feel when someone doesn't want the best for you. You can feel, like you don't even have to look at someone, but if they're like glaring at you, or there's a presence that's like ominous that like you don't buy with, that's just like a cloud. I can't even express it, like even thinking about that person who doesn't wish me well, I feel like, like I feel their, you know. It's like voodoo. It's like voodoo.
00:48:47
Speaker
And then I think the reverse is true. When you're surrounded by people who are just like, everyone on my team wants me to do well. And that's why people are like, oh, I like collaborative work environments. I love collaborative work environments. I thrive in them where it's like.
00:49:00
Speaker
Yes, I want you to win. It's not like me or them. When we all win, it just fosters this environment instead of secrecy. And if I get promoted, if I bring in a deal, then you don't or it looks bad on you. I think it's really nice to have an environment where we all root for each other. We collaborate. I share my notes. You share my notes. And then when you have that energy and your friends support you, your family supports you, you just feel this like you're floating.
00:49:30
Speaker
I can do this. And that's why, I don't know, some people thrive in competitive environments. I'm not one of those people. Me neither. I thrive in collaborative environments where I know we're all working together and I love supporting other people. And so I don't like it when it's like, and I see the benefit of having rankings to make people work harder. Some people are motivated by that.
00:49:54
Speaker
And as a manager, I guess I understand why some people want to instill that type of culture. It just depends. And that's why different teams. Yeah. I think it's hard to like exist as an evolved person in competitive environment cultures. Because if you are so motivated by being better than other people, then like there's a large part of you that is unhealed. And so it's hard to exist around them as a healed person. Yeah.
00:50:20
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard to find those teams, like to have an entire team of people that's like, we're gonna do this together we're gonna win together. It's hard, and you never you don't know until you're really there. Everyone says we have a collaborative supportive team, but like,
00:50:37
Speaker
You know, one bad egg, one person who's like, he really impacts the entire vibe. Like one sneaky person ruins kind of ruins the entire thing. Ruins trust for everyone and everyone feels like they have to be on their toes. Yeah.
00:50:52
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard in finance. I think it was like easy in tech. But yeah, finance when like attribution is like on a person by person basis. Yeah. And it depends on like what industry you're in. And like hedge funds are different than like, you know, VC is also is a little bit like
00:51:14
Speaker
Well, I mean, I think you can support, I think you can be pretty collaborative in VC within your team. Yeah. Like someone doing a deal doesn't necessarily mean like that that other person doesn't do a deal. I think you can be collaborative vertically, but not horizontally, if that makes sense. Perhaps. I mean, banking was tough. I've only ever been on one VC team. So like, that's all the experience that I have.
00:51:41
Speaker
Yeah, I mean investment banking was different because it's like there's literally buckets like yeah and you get like the rate like the ranges of salaries I've heard are from like I mean I don't even know I think since the pandemic people even got zero it's up to a hundred thousand zero to two hundred thousand dollars our wages.
00:52:01
Speaker
And it's like, oh, it's like real money. And then it's also status. Like you want to be top bucket, you don't want to be bottom bucket. Bottom bucket basically means like the team wants you to get like leave. Like you do not want it. That's their next way of saying like, you should start looking for another job.
Balancing Professional Relationships
00:52:17
Speaker
And yeah, so like that's one of those cultures. And like banking doesn't need to be competitive, but like they make it competitive. And I think it makes sense. It does drive people to do well and want to succeed, but you don't need to sabotage people to do that.
00:52:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's complicated. It's hard to have a perfect culture. So navigating relationships and egos, you can try and optimize to the degree that you can optimize being around folks that are supportive. And in your personal life, people you choose, because that is something that you choose who you give your time and energy to. Yeah, your friendships, you can choose to be around people who support you and want to see you win and you want to see them win. So pretty much.
00:53:02
Speaker
Maybe not in your job, but in your personal life, you can. Maybe you have a sibling or cousin that doesn't wish you well. Don't spend that much time with them. You don't have to. Just spend the holidays or be cordial. You don't have to, I don't know. Yeah, just be cordial. Yeah. Sometimes burning bridges isn't the solution, especially when you're in our industry too.
00:53:25
Speaker
Um, I don't think it's good to have bad vibes with people or someone who's. I wish it was easier to burn bridges with people in the industry. It's just like you almost are forced to maintain relationships. Like just because the what if is scarier than like the known reality of maintaining a shitty relationship with someone in the industry. Yeah. And I think some people like having enemies. I don't like having enemies. I don't think I have any.
00:53:55
Speaker
I don't think there's anyone that hates me, but there's a lot of people that I hate. But would you do anything to sabotage them or like? If I had the power to do it, yes. That's an honest answer. I would. Some people deserve it. Yeah.
Self-Protection and Authenticity
00:54:11
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. But really like, I think
00:54:17
Speaker
we are i i consider myself a girl's girl maybe too much i maybe a little too much but
00:54:27
Speaker
you know, not everyone is. I'm just trying to figure out who to give my time to and, you know. Yeah. Maybe thinking that I have this like evil eye that protects me is something, even if it's just like an earring. I think you're finding your balance. I think I am too. But yeah, you have your evil eye in a good spot. Yeah. Invisible spot. You want it to be here or like here.
00:54:54
Speaker
Oh, I know. I just think I always wear my same necklace. So where do you get your evil eye or if you're not going to keep it? No, I actually get this question all the time. But my mom got me this one for my birthday. My mom gets me most of them for like special occasions. I like that design more than the because sometimes you go to Greece and it's like those little blue beads. Those are like the two ones. Yeah, I don't know if I would wear like that around my wrist.
00:55:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's a bit much. Yeah, but no, it's true. Like sometimes, you know, I'm just going to say it. Like when you're successful and pretty and young and smart, people are going to be jealous of you. People are not going to wish you well. And we like to think that that's not the case. People, it doesn't matter. Even if you're like, it doesn't matter who you are. Someone's going to be jealous of something for you that you have, you know? And instead of being like, oh,
00:55:55
Speaker
like always giving people the benefit of the doubt like honestly cut the shit we're done we don't need to like pretend yeah yeah it's a hard lesson to learn but it's important yeah that's kind of it's kind of like a little bummer no but i think we're being real
00:56:14
Speaker
and we're figuring things out. And I think this is something I wish I would have told my younger self, being like, don't dim your shine for this fake-ass friend who doesn't wish you well. You do you, girl. Stop babying this little relationship and managing these egos. It is not your responsibility. It is OK. So on that note, maybe we should wrap things up. I don't know if you want any last thoughts.
00:56:43
Speaker
No, I think, yeah, no. Yeah.
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:56:48
Speaker
Do you want to sign us off? Yeah. I think this was a very deep conversation. I think friendships, they extend just your social life. Like they really impact every single component of like the energetics of everything. Like they really impact the opportunities that you feel that you can accept.
00:57:12
Speaker
They impact your self image. They impact like, I'll just call it like manifesting, like not to get too woo woo, but I think it's important to like curate it. And like that point that element mentioned earlier of like curating your board of directors from a young age is so, so important. And yeah, I think it was a lot of fun to get a little introspective today. So thank you guys so much for listening.
00:57:40
Speaker
Please rate us wherever you are listening. We're on Apple and Spotify. And you can find us at Pretty Invested Media on socials everywhere. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Stay pretty invested. And don't let anyone dim your shine. Yeah. period. OK.