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Ep. 25: 5 Things I Wish Adults Knew About Teenagers - by a teenager
152 Plays4 years ago
This week on the Teenage Kicks podcast I have a rather exciting guest - and actual, real, live teenager!
Kk is a teen podcaster, and she reached out to me because she wanted parents to "understand what teens really think and feel" about things like bullying, friendships, and school. She talked to me about growing up with social media, and the impact it has on teenagers' mental health.
What teenagers wish parents knew about their kids
- Not everything needs to be academic
- We are going to experiment
- We need your support
- Being a teen is hard
- Lessons teens need to learn from their parents.
Listen to the episode to find out what Kk has to say about these points.
Ask a teenager
I also asked Kk the questions parents been burning to know the answers to:
- What's really going on in our teens' minds when they look unhappy to us, and why they sometimes shrug off our concerns
- How common is it to view porn, and does it put pressure on girls to have sex before they're ready?
- What impact does peer pressure really have on teens' drug and alcohol use?
- Are parents worrying too much about screen time?
Kk has some brilliant things to say to teenagers themselves about how to navigate a life that can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming. Have a listen to her episode on insecurities here.
More from Kk
Kk is a teen podcaster and host of the Insider Scoop podcast. She is also an aspiring talk show host, who shares her passion of entertaining and motivating others through her compelling stories and discussions on different topics. During Kk's free time she enjoys spending time with family and friends, along with staying active. You can find more from Kk on Instagram.
More teenage parenting tips:
There are lots more episodes of the Teenage Kicks podcast. You can email me on [email protected]. I’ve also got some posts on the blog that might help parents with other teenage parenting dilemmas, so do pop over to Actually Mummy if you fancy a read.
Thank you so much for listening! Subscribe now to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear all my new episodes. I'll be talking to some fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent, becoming a young carer, and being hospitalised with mental health problems - and how they overcame things to move on with their lives.
You can also find more from me on parenting teenagers on Instagram and Twitter @iamhelenwills.
For information on your data privacy please visit Podcast.co.
Please note that I am not a medical expert,
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Transcript
Introduction to Teenage Kicks Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast where we take the fear out of parenting or becoming a teenager. I'm Helen Wills and most weeks I talk to someone who went through a difficult time in their teenage years but who came out the other side in a good place. My hope is that these stories will inspire other families going through similar to see a light at the end of the tunnel and maybe even find some new insight into how they might cope and move forward.
Introduction of KK and Podcast Goals
00:00:35
Speaker
However, this week I have something rather special for you. A conversation with a real live teenager. KK is the host of the Insider Scoop podcast where she talks to other teenagers about the issues that affect them and answers questions on how they're all getting through this life.
00:00:57
Speaker
I've been inundated with questions for KK from other parents of tweens and teens and she's promised me that she's going to answer them honestly so that we can get a sense as to what's going on inside our own teenager's heads. This is going to be just wonderful.
00:01:16
Speaker
KK, welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast. Thank you so much for having me. I am so, so excited to be here. I'm excited to answer these questions, but at the same time, I'm scared teenagers are going to hate me after this.
00:01:32
Speaker
I'm just hoping that you're going to help us. Between you and me, we can pull all the threads together and everybody will meet in the middle and be one big happy bundle of parents and teenagers. What do you think? Exactly. Yes, I agree. I'm with you on that one. Well, we'll aim for that. We'll shoot for that goal, even if we miss, but we'll get some insights. Tell me, first of all, why you started your podcast.
00:01:59
Speaker
I started my podcast because I want to be a talk show host when I get older. And I was like, why not start now? I could start later and take a while to get to my goal, or I could start now and take that first step. And I already love talking. I love expressing my feelings. So I was like, I'll start a podcast. Plus, people don't have to see me. So let me start a podcast and I can talk about whatever I want and share it with the world.
00:02:28
Speaker
So that's exactly what I did. Plus I love motivating people. So I know I can do that through my podcast as well. That's amazing. And how brilliant to be confident enough to do that. So you do it anonymously, am I right? Yes, I do. I go by KK and that's what I've been calling myself for every podcast episode.
00:02:50
Speaker
Yeah, no, I think that's really sensible as well at your age. You know, you don't want to attract too much of the wrong kind of attention, but can I just say I've listened to a few episodes of your podcast and you're already super professional. How long have you been doing this? I started my podcast
00:03:09
Speaker
in August, actually, like the last day of August. Not long at all. And I think it's going great, honestly. And I'm so happy and lucky to say that I think I was just blessed with being able to public speak if I'm being completely honest with you, because I've been into acting. I love everything performing and entertaining. So I think it honestly just came naturally to me.
00:03:33
Speaker
Okay, that makes so much sense. Now you say that you've done acting because it is a nerve-wracking skill to learn, isn't
Encouragement for Youth Projects
00:03:40
Speaker
it? It definitely is, definitely is. I remember when I first started it, I was so scared. I kept redoing it thousands and thousands of times to the point where I was like, this is so annoying. But then I was like, why can't I just be me? I'm just going to go raw. If I mess up, everyone messes up. So I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
00:04:01
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And that's so true. And actually truth also is that the more frequently you do it, the more natural and easy it feels, right? Exactly. Exactly. And doing it now for maybe about two, three months now, which is kind of insane. The time is flying by. Um, I think I've gotten way better at it. I don't need to pause as much. Now, instead of doing like a bunch of different segments, recording each segment separately, I just do it all the way through. And it's an amazing thing, an amazing thing.
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah, it's lovely. What would you say to other kids or teenagers or young adults who feel like they'd like to do this or start a YouTube channel but just keep putting it off because they don't think they'll be good enough?
00:04:43
Speaker
Honestly, just start. I think that's the most important thing. You put so many things in front of your head and tell yourself, oh, I can't do it. Oh, I won't be good. Oh, people won't like it. But that's the thing. As long as you want to do it, just do it. Learn from YouTube videos. Talk to other people in the field. Make sure you have
00:05:04
Speaker
support from your family, you know, because that I think is super important and just start it. And you don't have to be amazing right when you start it because you start from somewhere. You're not going to be the best immediately. Everyone, you know, starts from the bottom and just build your way up and just start now.
00:05:22
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Brilliant advice. Right. Okay. I can't hold it off any longer. I'm too excited to start this conversation. Me too. So I think we're going to call the episode five things I wish adults knew about teenagers because this is what you said to me in our first email exchanges. And it's something I've had a blog post in the back of my mind for a long time.
00:05:47
Speaker
five, ten things that teenage girls wish their mothers knew about them and so we're not just talking about girls for this podcast but teenagers in general.
Understanding Teens and Parents' Worlds
00:05:58
Speaker
Start by telling me why you want to talk to adults about your life as a teenager.
00:06:06
Speaker
I want to talk to adults about being a teenager because if I'm being honest, I feel like we're in two completely different worlds. We know nothing about the parent side. Parents know nothing about our side. And from hearing my parents' stories of how back in their day was, it's completely different now in our day and age.
00:06:28
Speaker
And teens these days are doing crazy things and hearing what my parents, like my parents, you know, teenagers back in their days did, it's completely different. So I think it's important that parents learn and know what's going on in today's teenage life so they are aware and know how they can help their child, you know, in situations of need. Yeah.
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah, you're so right. There has been such a dramatic change just in this last generation. I'm thinking specifically about social media, but we'll talk about that later on. But so many other things. The internet didn't exist when I was a teenager. That's how old I am. One of the things that you said in your five things that you wanted parents to know was not everything needs to be academic.
Balancing Academics and Extracurriculars
00:07:21
Speaker
Can you explain to us a bit about what you mean by that? Yes, so I think I'm happy it's not my parents because my parents you know understand that of course academics is extremely important. You know we need our education, we need to be smart to enter our world today.
00:07:41
Speaker
However, I think it's important that parents know we need to balance our academics with extracurriculars, whether those are sports, whether those are just like knitting, sewing, singing, whatever. I think it's important to have that balance because school is extremely stressful.
00:07:57
Speaker
especially if you're online during these times today, it's super important to have that balance. And yes, I understand parents want their children to be super successful, you know, they want them to be super smart, but I think it's also important for kids to have that break, you know, to spend time doing something that they actually enjoy.
00:08:18
Speaker
because school will just weigh them down. And as someone who enjoys having fun as well, I know if I was all in the academics, I think I would be miserable. I would be miserable because I need to do something that's not, you know, all in the books.
00:08:35
Speaker
So I think it's important for parents to know, yes, academics is important. Yes, we do care. However, we need that mental break. We need that time when we're not all in the books, when we're not studying, when we're not doing homework or anything just to have time for ourselves and to do something that we actually like and enjoy.
00:08:56
Speaker
Yeah, I'm so with you on it. I say this all the time to my kids and it's probably because of my own experiences. I was super academic and went into a career that landed in front of me because it was offered to me.
00:09:13
Speaker
And I had the qualifications for it and would be good at it But I really did not enjoy it and I did it I stuck it out for 12 years because that's what I thought I was good at and I was good at it But when I stopped I couldn't decide what to do with my life because all I knew how to do was be good at things all I knew how to do was be good at writing essays and passing exams and publishing papers and
00:09:40
Speaker
I really should have been an academic but it's because that's all I ever worked on and it's what I got praised for and I say to my kids all the time you must whatever you do because they're at the point now where they're choosing well one of them's choosing A levels which is the 16 plus study in the UK and the other will soon be choosing GCSEs which is the first set of qualifications middle school.
00:10:05
Speaker
And they're in a super academic school, which is amazing. And they're both doing really well. And the school, because they're so academic, push them into the classic stuff of science, history, maths, all of that. And that's great.
00:10:22
Speaker
But I really, really, really want my kids to do something with their life for the long term that they get out of bed every day and really want to do. Not just something that they're good at. Exactly. It's super important that you have that balance and that you find things that you enjoy and do it sometimes and make sure that you're just not always in
Importance of Mental Breaks
00:10:45
Speaker
the books.
00:10:45
Speaker
But I also wanna make sure parents aren't thinking that I'm saying academics is not important because it is, it's super important. Like you need to be smart. You need to know the things you learn in school. I'm just saying that make sure there's a balance. Make sure your child isn't always in the books, 20 for seven.
00:11:04
Speaker
unless that's what they enjoy, unless that's what they enjoy, but don't force it upon them. Even then, I think still to try and get them out of it, even if they're that kind of child, try and get them out of it. What would you say actually to parents of kids who really don't have any extracurricular stuff, who aren't outgoing like you, who I'm getting into the questions now, but what would you say to parents whose children
00:11:27
Speaker
do do all of the work and do well at it but like to spend their downtime on their Xboxes or on their phones? Honestly I think it's fine as long as they're not on it 24-7 you know. I know people like a lot of my friends they just like playing their video games and I think as long as your work is done first my parents always say this work before play
00:11:52
Speaker
Even though I don't do that all the time, if I'm being honest with you, um, as long as your work is done, you think, you know, your information, you're ready for your test, your quiz homework is done. Do whatever your heart desires, honestly. So if you want to play Xbox, go play Xbox, but at the same time, make sure that you're not on it 24 seven, you know, try to be active. If you can, even if you don't like it, maybe try to go on a walk outside, go on a run.
00:12:19
Speaker
do yoga, boxing. There's so many other ways to stay active because while you want to, you know, do something that you enjoy, you also don't want to be a couch potato. You know, you want to make sure that your heart rate is getting high. So, you know, just to stay active and it releases some stress as well.
00:12:36
Speaker
Yeah, that's so true. Definitely a need for exercise. I'm so glad you agree on that one. Yes. So just going to go on to your next thing that you want parents to know because it ties in nicely with hobbies and things that you do outside of work.
Teen Experimentation and Parental Support
00:12:52
Speaker
You said we are going to experiment.
00:12:56
Speaker
Yes, yes. Many teens these days, I'm realizing from meeting different teenagers, from talking to different teenagers, they do some pretty insane things. Things I would never do at my age because I just wouldn't want to, I wouldn't feel comfortable. However, I think it's important for parents to know.
00:13:19
Speaker
that kids, you know, that are teenagers, are going to do things that you don't want them to do. They're going to. And that's super heartbreaking, I think, to many parents. It's so hard.
00:13:32
Speaker
they're in that like experimenting phase. They're going to maybe, you know, stay up late. They're maybe going to sneak out the house. They might maybe drink something and you won't know about it. And it's probably heartbreaking to parents. It really is because you're like, oh my gosh, my baby is growing up. However,
00:13:51
Speaker
I personally believe at the same time, parents probably did it when they were younger as well. Why do you think we're so worried? I know, I know exactly. But at the same time, I think parents know their child. So I think parents who know their child is probably pure and everything knows their child won't get into it. However,
00:14:17
Speaker
Some kids are, some teenagers are just fast. And parents, I honestly don't think you can do anything in that phase other than say, maybe like, be careful. However, they're going to continue to experiment. They're going to. And it's just the phase. They'll get out of it. They'll learn their lessons for sure. However, they're going to try new things. They're going to do new things. Things that you wouldn't want them to do. However, just be prepared and don't think that they're not
00:14:46
Speaker
doing certain things because they probably maybe have, they maybe have. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a good wake-up call because we do all tend to think that our kids are, well, I think we're double-sided as parents. We think our kids are brilliant and great and won't do the wrong things, but we also, we don't trust them enough. And that's when the chasm opens up and they just don't tell us things. Actually, my daughter said to me the other day,
00:15:13
Speaker
She was telling me about something she'd done. It was schoolwork related, I think. And we were laughing over it and she kept telling me the story and I couldn't help myself but noticed that there was a lesson there and what I consider a teaching point. And I said something like, well, you know, there's a reason why you should do your homework on the day you get given it instead of leaving it till the last minute, that kind of lesson. And she said, mom,
00:15:40
Speaker
If you turn every conversation into an opportunity to lecture me, I'm gonna stop telling you things. Oh. But I thought, you know, all credit to her, that's a very fair point. I would actually rather hear the things that she's maybe made mistakes over.
00:15:57
Speaker
then have her not feel like she can tell me so I'm making a massive effort right now to to when I when I when that bell goes off in my head that says here's a learning opportunity Helen I try really hard to just shut my mouth and let her carry on talking
00:16:14
Speaker
I mean I will say I think yes it's super important to hear what your parents have to say but at the same time I guess it can get a little repetitive you know what I'm saying and it's super important my parents are like we've taught you everything we can teach you now it's now on you to you know incorporate them into your life
00:16:34
Speaker
So I think it's super important, you know, to tell us what you want us to do and then give us, you know, support us, give us advice. However, every single time we tell you something, I don't think we're looking for, you know, a response. Sometimes we just want to tell you something to vent because maybe we don't want to tell our friends, but we know we have you as our parent. We know you're my family. We know you're someone you can, we can trust and we can tell everything and anything to.
00:17:02
Speaker
And we just want to tell you just so we can get it off our chest, not always for a response. You know what I'm saying? I do. And my daughter said that to me as well. Sometimes, mom, I don't need your advice on this. I just want to vent exactly those words. And that's good advice. So you are going to experiment whether we know about it or not. Do you think we need to worry as much as we do? Oh, okay. Do you need to worry?
00:17:30
Speaker
I think parents should definitely be aware of the things that teenagers are doing these days. However, knowing the things that teenagers are doing these days, just tell them things they should and should not do, things they should be careful of, because you're gonna worry no matter what. But I think as long as you tell your child the things you want them to know in regards to the things that teens are getting themselves involved in these days,
00:17:59
Speaker
You shouldn't worry as much. Of course, you want your child to stay pure and a baby forever. But at the same time, you don't want to constantly worry because you're just going to stress yourself out while your child is living their life. But if your child comes to you all upset, crying like, oh my gosh, I messed up, be there for them.
00:18:16
Speaker
You know, be there for them, but don't constantly worry because they're most likely not worrying and you're just worrying yourself out. But as long as you share the information you want them to know, it's all in their hands. It's all in their hands. They'll receive the consequences if they do something crazy. But I wouldn't say worry about it. Just be aware of the things that teens are doing these days, you know?
00:18:39
Speaker
right well we're going to talk about that a bit more but you just said something that leads very nicely into your next point you wanted to make was that you said we need parents support
00:18:52
Speaker
Yes, it's super important, I think, to make sure that you have your parents' support. I know my mom and I, along with my dad, but since I'm a girl, my mom's a girl, I go to her for more things. And knowing that my mom is always there for me to talk to, and she's someone that will give me advice if I need it. She will also just let me vent to her. She will support me. It feels like I have a support system, and it feels like I'm never alone.
00:19:19
Speaker
For kids that don't have supportive parents, I think those are usually the kids that go in that trap of doing things, you know, that they get into that experience. They experiment way more because they don't have that support from their parents. And I think it's super important that you have that support. And as a parent, it might seem you might think we don't want your support or we don't care. But deep inside, we all want to know that you love us, that you'll have our back, that you'll support us.
00:19:48
Speaker
and we can trust you because that is super important if like think about it like if you didn't have that support as a teenager you would feel alone especially let's say you don't have many friends at school your family are the only people you can go to so it's super important that you have that support from your parents and whether that's you as a parent just being there to talk saying if you ever need to talk we can talk
00:20:10
Speaker
and you can trust me, I won't tell anybody. It's just gonna stay between me and you and just vent. Or let's go to the mall so we can just hang out together. Just show that you care. And you might be lost like, oh, I don't think my child wants to hear what I have to say, or I don't think my child wants to be around me. They most likely do, especially in a world where not everyone has that connection with their family or their parents. Students and kids will get jealous of that.
00:20:40
Speaker
Oh, they have parents that support them. I wish I had that, you know? So it's super important that you're just there for your child through thick and thin, have their support. You might not agree with what they were saying or what they're doing, but at the end of the day, you've taught them everything that you can teach them. It's now on them to incorporate those things into your life. And now, once they're at that teenage level, we just need your support. We need your love. We need, you know, we just need you. Just need you.
00:21:10
Speaker
Do you know what, that is really reassuring to hear because I do think a lot of parents of teenagers very often think that they're teenagers.
00:21:20
Speaker
just aren't interested in anything. Their parents either have to say, or do, or their parents' lives, their parents' lifestyles feel so far removed from their own, so they're not relevant, or just don't want to spend time around their moms and dads. And it is a very difficult time for a parent, as well as a teenager. And parents are always trying to do the right thing by their kids.
00:21:49
Speaker
We just very frequently don't feel like we're getting it right. So that is so reassuring to hear that you do, you do actually still want us around. We do, we do. And I think it's also important to know that support counts as support in our dreams and our goals.
00:22:07
Speaker
we're all different you might want us to let's say be a lawyer but that might not be what we want to do so support also goes in like that situation like i want to be in the entertainment business my parents are supporting me and i love that because they're motivating me they're they're giving me and helping me network with people you know that are in the same like field so i can learn more
00:22:30
Speaker
And that type of support is also amazing, because I know they want to help me achieve my dreams. And they're not forcing any job upon me or any career on me.
00:22:39
Speaker
So I guess I want to tell parents out there, if you want your child to be in a certain field and they don't want to do it, don't force it on them. Don't do that because you're not allowing them to be who they want to be. And that's not fair to them. Like you could, you were able to be who you want to be. And maybe your parents were those people that forced you into something. But if you know you didn't like that, why force it on your own child? Let them be who they want to be. Let them do what they want to do.
00:23:08
Speaker
I'm so with you on that completely. And I just want to move on to your next point, which was you want parents to know that being a teen is hard or adults to know that being a teen is hard because I think most parents do realise now that being a teenager is tough. It's extremely hard. I do think that teenagers get a bad rap from those who are adults that don't
00:23:35
Speaker
have recent experience of parenting in nature. I'd love to know how that shows up for you, KK.
Social Media's Impact on Teen Mental Health
00:23:42
Speaker
For me, I think being a teen is hard because A, mental health. I struggle with anxiety. It's horrible. Like it's really bad, especially when things happen that stress me out.
00:23:55
Speaker
It weighs me down. I get scared. And I think many teens struggle with mental health. And whether that's, you know, anxiety, depression, eating disorder, you know, like there's so many different things. And I guess that kind of connects back to the support, like in the case of a mental health.
00:24:15
Speaker
We need your support. We know we need to know we want to talk to you to vent sometimes or maybe they need a therapist, you know, someone to help them with mental health. And another thing that, you know, ties into being for being it being hard to be a team would be social media and insecurities.
00:24:37
Speaker
I can't tell you the amount of times I've been scrolling through Instagram and I was like, I wish I had that body, you know? And that's all because of social media. Like you'll see all these people that have the best bodies or what society says is the amazing body. I actually just did an episode on this on my podcast talking about insecurities. Cause I think I've gotten better honestly at dealing with my insecurities.
00:25:04
Speaker
And I'm realizing as well that the only reason why I've ever had those really are because of what I see on Instagram and or TikTok.
00:25:14
Speaker
And then you'll want to do those fitness videos, but then you're like, okay, it's going to take forever to get there. You know, and it just ties into your insecurities. And if I'm being honest with you, parents, even though your child might not act like it, they most likely do have an insecurity, whether it's about their physical appearance, how they talk, their knowledge, whatever.
00:25:35
Speaker
they most likely have an insecurity as well. And make sure as a parent, you're not talking down on them or pointing out things that they might be insecure about because that's only tying into the people around them that are making them feel insecure as well. You know? Yeah, I do. And I think this is something that I'm just looking down at my paper because I know that the parents who asked me questions are
00:26:00
Speaker
are quite worried about social media apps and the insecurities that that brings to teenagers and even younger children. So one of my listeners said I'd like to understand screen time more from the perspective of teens
00:26:17
Speaker
It's a flash point in our house, the amount of time that's being spent on PlayStation by my son chatting to his friends and gaming, as well as scrolling through TikTok or messaging on WhatsApp and Instagram. I mean, we've already covered this, and then she moves on. She says, is this because we really just don't get it? Which I suspect for most of us it is. I do understand social media a bit better,
00:26:43
Speaker
than your average 53 year old. But I think a lot of people don't get it. Or do you see screen time as an issue or as a problem? Is it really just we don't understand because all these things are so new? And coupled up with that, and going back to what you were saying about social media apps, so many of the parents I talk to online worry
00:27:11
Speaker
especially the parents of younger kids who haven't yet made it onto TikTok and Instagram are
00:27:21
Speaker
really quite stress themselves about the prospect of their child having these social media apps and how they're going to control what their child sees and how they're going to control what other children show their child when they're not with them who has different restrictions and does it really lead to eating disorders or
00:27:44
Speaker
the bullying that we read about in the headlines every now and then when someone's sadly taken their own life because of threats. What's your take on all of that? Now, I'm sorry, I've moved you away from being a teen is hard, but as you've talked about the pressures of social media, I'd love to know your take on this.
00:28:03
Speaker
OK, so social media, I think, is an amazing thing. It really is. But at the same time, it's kind of a trap. It really is. Because I think you'll see these people, like I was saying, with the perfect bodies, and you're like, OK, now I need to starve myself to get there. But this is the thing. Parents should tell their children this.
00:28:23
Speaker
You're perfect just the way you are. And if people around you are like making you feel less than or making you feel ugly, they shouldn't be people you're around at all. But then at the same time, children and teens need to get to that point where they're comfortable in their own skin so no one can tear them down.
00:28:42
Speaker
the like the analogy i gave on my podcast was this think of your body as a castle right and you have the gate around the castle right that gate is your self-confidence and as long as your gate is you know strong and it's protecting your castle which is like your body and your mind no one can make you feel insecure so as long as your self-love and for yourself is strong and high and up there
00:29:09
Speaker
No one should be able to make you feel insecure. No social media platform, no celebrity, no TikToker, no YouTuber should make you feel insecure because you love yourself just the way you are. And yeah, you might want to change something about yourself, but don't ever let that reason be because of social media. Because I also talked about this, like social media's beauty standards change constantly.
00:29:34
Speaker
So if you're trying to constantly fit up with the beauty standards on social media, you're going to constantly change yourself because there was a picture of like Marilyn Monroe, which was the beauty standard back in the day. And now it's Kim Kardashian. So if you're really comparing the two, they're both beautiful ladies. However, their body types are completely different.
00:29:53
Speaker
So if you get to that point where you're fine with yourself, you'll be fine. And I think as long as you know that, social media will be fine. However, social media also talks about the news, which can get a little stressful at times as well, especially during the summer. There was all of these deaths, all of these celebrities passing away, all of these people passing away due to police brutality. And it started weighing me down.
00:30:21
Speaker
I was like, I might need to get rid of social media because this is making social media super boring. I don't want to even read it anymore because it's the same thing every single day. Yeah. Exactly. So at that point, maybe you just take a little break from social media. But I think for parents that are worried about what their child, their children are seeing on social media and how that affects them, just know that it's probably, you know, giving them insecurities. It really most likely is.
00:30:51
Speaker
But as long as, like I told you, you say you're beautiful just the way you are, make sure their self-love is high, they'll be fine. Honestly, they'll be fine. And as long as they know you support them, and as long as they surround themselves around people that, you know, will support them as well, they'll be fine as well.
00:31:12
Speaker
Yeah I really like that castle analogy. I'm gonna link to whichever episode you said that in because I love that. That's a brilliant analogy. It's very visual. You're so wise. Thank you so much. So just a quick question and I know you probably can't answer it in black or white but it's would you say that that parent who's really worried about allowing their child to step into social media that
00:31:37
Speaker
they shouldn't, that they should find a way to prevent them? No, I wouldn't. Because at the same time, while social media is probably detrimental to our mental health, I think it's important that teenagers are kind of in the loop, as horrible as that may sound. So many kids are on social media, not being on social media, you kind of feel left out. I didn't get
00:32:00
Speaker
Instagram until eighth grade and half of my friends and my peers already had it and I was like I want to know what's going on what are you all seeing like what are you what's going through your feet so then I finally got it but I think it's important to let your child out there because while you think you're preventing them from seeing the world you can't do that you can't protect them forever
00:32:21
Speaker
You'd rather them learn sooner than later when they're an adult than learn now so they're aware of the things that they're going to encounter in life. Like my parents told me they didn't think I was going to learn all of the things I learned so fast. You know, once I entered high school because middle school compared to high school, two completely different worlds, two completely different worlds. And you have to make sure you don't, you know,
00:32:45
Speaker
protect your child from the outside world or else it'll hit them like rocks, which ended up kind of happening to me. Like I didn't know how crazy and how horrible and how mean people can be until high school. And once I went to high school, I realized that, but it was only because I was at a sheltered middle school. You know, I wasn't able to experience the real world.
00:33:08
Speaker
And I think social media is a big part of the real world. You know, you'll see people bullying each other, which is the real world. You need to know how to deal with that. It's going to hurt. But as long as you think of the lesson you can learn from those things that hurt you, you'll be fine as well. And once again, connects to the support. Teams will need their support if they're getting cyber bullied and et cetera.
00:33:29
Speaker
Do you know what? That's so refreshing to hear you say that because it's, you know, you come across so wise and really understanding of the parent's perspective as well and yet you still say it's not a one-sided teenage argument. You still say it's a good idea to be there and learn it and I take that view too. I've always said if my kids are asking for it then they're probably ready for it
00:33:56
Speaker
but they're ready for it with my guidance and you can only do that when they're younger. I think people who wait until their kids are 15, 16 and then unleash this world on them, you've lost them by that point and they're going to do, they're going to discover it on their own by themselves.
00:34:14
Speaker
Exactly. And you don't want that to happen because they'll get themselves stuck in something crazy. I'm not to share your opinion. You kids need to know whether that's like the talk. I know my mom gave me the talk when I on my birthday.
00:34:28
Speaker
when I was like turning 12, she gave me the whole talk and rundown, which honestly is a great thing because now when I hear about those things today, I'm aware of what they are versus hearing about them and not knowing what they are at all. I prefer to learn it from my parent than the world just teach it to me on their own, you know? Yeah, hearing it from a different source that's maybe more scary.
00:34:52
Speaker
Exactly. And as a parent, you need to feel comfortable and okay having those conversations with your children. Yes, they're growing up, but at the same time, you need to know they're growing up and entering a crazy world. So teach them the lessons.
00:35:07
Speaker
If something happens, they tell you something. If it's an important lesson, tell them. But if they're venting to you, maybe don't tell them at that time. But make sure that you're teaching them the important lessons. The world will constantly hurt you, but you need to rise up. Yeah.
00:35:24
Speaker
the world is hard you need to deal with it people aren't what you are going to expect at all but as long as you're a leader and you're tough inside you can deal with it you're fine there's like major lessons that i think parents should teach their kids as well yeah and that is your next point things that you wish parents would teach their kids tell me more
Life Lessons and Independence
00:35:47
Speaker
Yes, for sure. So I had a few of them down, actually. The first one I wanted to tell you all was something that my mom told me. And that was once someone shows you who they really are, believe it the first time.
00:35:59
Speaker
And that was a quote she got from Maya Angelou actually. And the quote I think is super important because, you know, you'll meet people, think they're your friends, but then once something happens, you know, they're completely different. It's as if they went from a nice dog to a whole lion, you know? But I think as long as your children know that, they won't think too high of the world.
00:36:21
Speaker
Because if they think too high of the world, they're going to be constantly let down because the world is horrible. Honestly, there's good parts of it. But at the same time, there's mean people. There's bad people. There's good people. But once someone shows you who they really are, believe it the first time because they'll do it again. People don't just change immediately. They might get better at it, but
00:36:43
Speaker
at the same time they're not going to become they're not going to change who they are deep deep inside you know what i'm saying i do they're not going to such a great quote i love it i'm gonna write that one down that's brilliant yeah thank you the other one would be don't expect too much from the people that you care about
00:37:02
Speaker
And I learned this kind of the hard way. Honestly, I was in a group of friends or people I thought were friends. Let's just say that. And something went down and people that I thought I was close with didn't have my back. And that really hurt me because I had their back through thick and thin, but they didn't have mine at all.
00:37:22
Speaker
So I think it's important for parents to teach their kids at a young age that you could sew so much into a friendship, into a relationship, but they might not do the same back to you because they're a follower.
00:37:35
Speaker
they don't feel the need to be a leader. And it hurts being on the outside, but if you constantly expect people to do what you do for them, you're going to be let down because some people just aren't like that. And that honestly led to the other one, which was be independent, be a leader. If you tell your child that, teach them young because my parents always tell me, KK, you're a leader.
00:38:01
Speaker
don't follow the crowd leaders are going to be lonely as well because you know people won't always follow them but at the same time you prefer to be a leader than to follow the crowd because being a follower you might follow people that don't support the thing same thing you want to support or you'll find yourself in situations that you don't want to be in so be independent be a leader don't let anyone else peer pressure you
00:38:27
Speaker
into doing something you don't want to do, especially in our day and age today, peer pressure is such a big thing, such a big thing. And if your kids know, I don't want to do that, I'm going to be the leader, I'm going to be the one that won't do that and won't get into something big. That's an amazing thing. And leaders, I think, are the perfect people, you know, to get to a point where they can just be by themselves and be awesome.
00:38:52
Speaker
don't follow like that's so important tell your children not to be a follower no matter how hard it is it's such a horrible position to be in and the time i was a follower and i've admitted this before when i was a follower was when i was not myself
00:39:09
Speaker
So being a follower, your child is most likely not being themselves. And you don't want that to happen either. Cause they'll change you for the worst. And that's exactly what happened to me. I was a follower and I completely changed who I was. People even told me, I didn't really like you. And I was like, Oh, I'm happy. I'm who I am now today. I'm happy. I left that toxic situation to be a leader and to be who I truly am. Then following the crowd, being someone who I'm really not.
00:39:36
Speaker
Yeah, tough though, right? Tough to do that. It's definitely tough and it's going to be painful at times, but once you get to that point where you are a leader and you're the leader of your own life, it's an amazing thing because no one can tell you otherwise. No one will be able to persuade you into doing something. They might say, oh, you should do this, you should do this. But no, I don't want to do that. I want to be who I want to be. I'm going to do what I want to do. So let me lead.
00:40:02
Speaker
That's great advice for kids actually. I'm hoping that sometimes teenagers listen to my podcast so that is lovely advice for them. Yes. I'm going to go on to what some of my audience asks. I've already asked some of these questions I know but I'm going to double up a couple of questions. Somebody asked what makes you happy.
00:40:23
Speaker
which I know looks like a simple question but I understand why it's been asked. My own kids often look so unhappy to me from the outside but swear to me that they're not and then I will do things for their birthday or plan things that I think will make them happy and it's probably outdated because I'm basing it on what used to make them happy and I've not realised yet that they've moved on
00:40:50
Speaker
And it falls completely flat. I think lots of mums are just clutching at straws to try and make their kids happy and it doesn't land particularly well. So I guess this really goes back to what you want from your parents but
00:41:09
Speaker
When you look disengaged, a bit unhappy, but you tell your parents that you're okay, you're fine, there's nothing wrong. Is that actually true? And if it's not, what would you like?
00:41:23
Speaker
I'm gonna be honest with you. I think it depends on the teen or on the child like for me My parents will ask are you okay? I'll be like no and then I'll end up crying like 10 seconds later And then I'll go to them sometimes, you know, but I would also say I'm kind of an open book So if I'm sad, you'll know I'll tell you but for other teenagers that you know fake it till they make it Yeah, you know
00:41:47
Speaker
I think what they need is just space, if I'm being completely honest with you. Some teens just prefer to have no one. They prefer to just maybe talk to their friends or just be alone to think to themselves. And if they want to vent to you, they will. And like I said earlier, as long as teenagers know that you're there for their support and you're there to support them, they'll most likely feel comfortable coming to you as well, if you're someone they can trust as well.
00:42:16
Speaker
you just asked me what makes me happy and what makes teenagers happy. I think it also depends on the teenager, but I think for me, my friends make me happy, my family makes me happy, my phone, like YouTube, I'm kind of like really addicted to YouTube, TikTok sometimes. So I guess social media, but like the people around me I think also have a big impact on
00:42:41
Speaker
you know what makes me happy and I think honestly many teenagers would agree to that you know their friends their games you know like the xbox playstation makes them happy um but I honestly think it depends on the team like maybe their hobbies I know sports also make me happy yeah because I enjoy doing that um but it really depends on the child
00:43:02
Speaker
That's really fascinating, of course it does, which is why it's a difficult question to answer but it's fascinating that you say your phone makes you happy and because that is something that the vast majority of parents as we've already discussed are trying to reduce for their kids because we perceive it as
00:43:21
Speaker
a negative we perceive it as a bit brain numbing although you know a bit of brain numbing is important even everybody needs a bit of downtime like you've already said so that is interesting of course we know your friends make you happy definitely but that your phones are not just switch off mechanisms they're actually entertainment that make you happy I think we as parents probably don't realise that enough and need to sort of ask the questions and try and understand
00:43:50
Speaker
My dog is going to start barking because the doorbell is just wrong. I'm going to continue. No, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. I'm going to continue. But you also said space is what we need. Yes. Because I've also written down another question that I was asked.
00:44:08
Speaker
What do teenagers worry about them and what motivates them? And as you say, this is going to be different with every teenager. But sometimes as parents, we're just hovering, knowing something's not right, but our teenager won't tell us. And what you said about sometimes they just need space and time and maybe a conversation with someone that isn't their mum to solve a problem. And I think that's important for us to know.
00:44:35
Speaker
Yes, of course. I think things that teenagers worry about, honestly, like I was saying earlier, depends on the kid. For me, I'm someone that worries a lot and I have anxiety. So I worry about my friends, like, ditching me. But that probably is different for every person. I think most teenagers worry about that. Really? Yeah.
00:44:54
Speaker
Yeah, so I worry about that all the time and it's constantly a thought in my head that my closest friends will leave me. I worry about, you know, like sports. I worry about, you know, like, will I do well today? Will coach really like me?
00:45:09
Speaker
If they're a gamer, they'll probably worry about the game, if I'm being honest with you. I've been on FaceTime with my friend while he was playing FIFA, I think. And he just starts yelling at the game. I mean, gaming worries their kids probably as well. School.
00:45:25
Speaker
And then I think something else that really worries kids are their parents, if I'm being completely honest with you. The expectations that their parents have. They feel like they're letting their parents down. And I honestly had that conversation with one of my friends. She was like,
Parental Expectations and Stress
00:45:40
Speaker
My parents, I think, hold me to a high standard because of her brother, her older brother. You know, she has older siblings. So I think that is a constant stress for her. And I think that's important for parents to know. Don't hold all of your children to the same standard. If one of them was like really, really smart, had a high GPA, don't, obviously you want it for your other children as well, but don't constantly compare them because that's a stress for them because they feel less than.
00:46:07
Speaker
You know, so make sure that you don't do that. Don't compare, because that's, I think, a stress that many parents have. And I think that also, you know, is the same with comparing what you want your children to be versus what you were, you know? That's another worry. You know, you can't do that, because it's going to stress them out as well. That's just not healthy for them. Oh, God, it's minefield. Exactly. Another thing that worries, I'm trying to think. I don't know.
00:46:38
Speaker
Well, let me ask you this question. So you're basically saying teenagers worry about all the things in their life, which is exactly the same as adults. So we really as parents need to just know that whatever's going on in their lives, they worry in the same way that we do. And that's normal. And maybe the solution is not to try and stop them worrying, but to try and help them
00:46:59
Speaker
cope with, as you say, anxieties and worry and stresses, which we've talked about. And it leads into another question I was asked, which was, when we know that you're stressed and worried, do you generally, as teenagers, want us to ask you about that, or would you prefer us to wait for you to come to us?
00:47:25
Speaker
Because that's really hard. As parents, we've fixed our children's problems and now we find that we can't. That's interesting. For me, when I am stressed, I usually go to my parents because I know my dad has anxiety as well. My mom worries a lot from her family. So I go to them because they'll help calm me down. They're kind of like my therapist that I don't have to pay for.
00:47:54
Speaker
So I'll go to them when I'm really stressed, or if something is bothering me, or someone did something, I'll go to them. I'll be like, mom or dad, what should I do? What do you think is going on? Because I also tend to overthink. So I'll go to them. But I think it honestly depends on the child. If the child thinks that they have a strong relationship with you, they'll come to you. But if you don't have that strong relationship with your child, maybe you're constantly not with them. You're constantly ignoring them.
00:48:23
Speaker
You're always out of the house and never try to make time for them. They're not going to come to you because they don't have a relationship with you.
00:48:32
Speaker
I can see that. I can see that, of course, but there are a lot of really good parents who are trying really hard with their kids. And their kids just prefer to talk to other people at this point. They've just switched. Just as an example, I probably tried too hard. My daughter would say I tried too hard with her. But really what's happened is she's just, we have a great relationship, but she's just moved from,
00:48:58
Speaker
wanting to share everything with me to a lot of it being way too personal for her to want to share. I think, I'm not sure but I think that's why she prefers me not to ask her.
00:49:12
Speaker
I think some things, especially it goes back to like the experimenting thing I was saying, they don't feel comfortable going to parents because they don't know how their parents are going to react knowing that they probably got themselves into something they should not have. And now they don't want to go to you because they're scared of your response because they're scared. You're going to say something like, you should not have done that. You know, you're going to get mad at them.
00:49:35
Speaker
when all they want is just talk to you. If you're one of those parents that are constantly getting mad at your children for doing the smallest things, your children are not going to come to you. They're not because they know what your response is going to be, but they need your support. They really do. If you want them to come to you with their problems, you need to show them that you love them. You need to show them that you care for them.
00:49:58
Speaker
you need to just let them know that you are there and that you'll be someone that they can, you'll listen to them. Not will you always give a response, but you'll listen. And those type of parents, I think kids feel comfortable going to. Like I know my parents, they know when I just need to talk and I don't want to hear what they have to say, if that makes sense. So they'll just let me talk and I'll tell them what I need them to know. And then I'll probably end up asking them, what should I do?
00:50:26
Speaker
But I know I can do that because they'll listen to me. They won't give me advice if I don't want it.
00:50:32
Speaker
They are just people I know I can vent to if I ever need to, and they'll support me. And I highly encourage you parents out there to do that for your children as well. If you think that you've already messed up as a parent, sit down with your child. Say, I apologize, I realize I was probably way harder on you. I was trying to treat you how my parents treated me, and I feel like I've messed up.
00:50:57
Speaker
So please forgive me. I hope we can build like a stronger relationship. I do love you. I want you to know that you can trust me. I have your back always. If you want to just come and vent to me, feel free. And I won't give you any feedback or response. I'll just let you vent. Just think of me as a pillow. Just talk to me. Just talk to me, you know? And those type of things are so important. I'm feeling a bit emotional actually. I might come to you for therapy, KK. How did you get this wise?
00:51:27
Speaker
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, that was harsh to hear because we've always had a really strong relationship, me and my daughter and I feel like, gosh, it's hard to hear that maybe she doesn't want to tell me stuff because of how I've handled things before rather than because
00:51:50
Speaker
She just doesn't want to talk to other people. That's hard to hear actually and I think it'll be hard for a lot of parents to hear but I also like that you've given it a caveat of there is hope and there's a light and I can rescue that. That's really nice advice, thank you. Of course, of course.
00:52:13
Speaker
we're going to talk about how I've kind of saved all this this bit to last we're going to talk about online porn okay okay and thank you listeners you should know that I didn't just throw this at Keiko I did let her know that the question was coming and gave her the option not to answer it but one of the questions I was asked was
00:52:37
Speaker
How prevalent do you think viewing porn is amongst your age group? She said it, she thinks it's hidden from parents. Parents don't realise it's happening, although they probably are aware that it must be. But yeah, first question, how prevalent is it?
00:52:59
Speaker
I would say it really, I think it depends. It really does. I know like some kids that I know, they have older friends. So their older friends showed it to them first, you know, because their older friends kind of influenced them. So that's how they saw it. Other kids I think are just experimenting, you know, and they're just kind of curious. And you definitely don't want your child watching it because that's like horrible. Like that's weird. It's really weird. I don't watch it personally. I don't.
00:53:28
Speaker
but I think you should know your child might may have and if they were peer pressured if they're one of those people that
00:53:37
Speaker
are easily peer pressured into doing things, they probably seen it as well. But at the same time, I don't think it's as, I think it really depends. Like if your child is, you know, experimenting or wants to know, they might watch it. But know that they're not, maybe they're just watching it for their own entertainment versus just watching it just because they're curious, you know? There's a difference, I think. Some kids are just curious because people talk about it.
00:54:05
Speaker
yes people do talk about it um but maybe i don't know that's like a hard one honestly i think just always expect that your child has probably heard of it maybe even watched it like i said um i think it depends on the child um depends on who they associate themselves with if they have older friends or older sibling they've probably seen it yeah because
00:54:32
Speaker
Well it sounds like you're saying that there's a difference between regularly watching it because that's what they want to do or they've watched it because people have talked about it and they, as you say, they're curious. They want to know what it actually looks like. Exactly. As a parent I would say
00:54:53
Speaker
Obviously, you don't want your child watching it. You definitely don't. But just think that they are and make sure that they're not influenced by what they're watching to go and do it themselves. But at the same time, I think my mom had a conversation with me. And this might sound like crazy to some parents, but she was like, if you ever feel the need to do something, come and talk to me first. And I think that's a great conversation to have with your child, honestly.
00:55:19
Speaker
if they see you know watch porn or whatnot make sure that they know the consequences make sure that they're aware of the things that can happen if they are influenced by what they're watching yeah make sure that like they have you have that conversation with them just like my mom did even though she knows i won't be doing any of that anytime soon um she made it
00:55:40
Speaker
like known to me if you ever ever want to do it or feel the need to come and have that conversation with me first and although i don't know what she's going to say i can only assume she'll tell me
00:55:54
Speaker
I don't want you to do it, but if you feel the need to do it, make sure that you do these things. Just make sure that they're aware of the consequences and the things that can happen from their possible poor choice. I think a really good thing for a parent to say even before a child gets tempted to look
00:56:14
Speaker
is to say you just need to know that if you are going to look at that I'm not going to judge you for it but I need you to know that that is not real sex that is not what you should expect when this happens for you that is not how it's going to be because those are actors and actresses performing a role
00:56:38
Speaker
for an extreme purpose and often because they are being made to do it for money because they're, you know, sadly, they need the money. Yeah. And just look at it with that in mind rather than thinking that that is real sex and that's what you experience one day because it's not. I think that's a tough conversation for a parent to have with a young teenager, but I think it is important
00:57:03
Speaker
It definitely is. I think it is super important to have that conversation with your child. So both, it takes stress off of you as the parent, but then at the same time, your child is learning a lesson, you know? Like you'll, if you have that conversation with your child, you probably won't be as stressed as you would have been in front of that they watched it, you know, without you even knowing. And most likely, honestly too, if you're a parent,
00:57:28
Speaker
they probably aren't going to tell you if they've done it anyway. Of course not. They're definitely not. So probably have that conversation with them early on. Yes. And just so they're aware of the things that happen in our world. Yeah, I totally agree. Like you were saying earlier that there's stuff out there in the world that isn't so great. One of the questions that the moms then went on to ask was, do girls feel under pressure because of
00:57:56
Speaker
boys watching porn and someone else said That she'd heard gosh, she said that she'd heard that because boys sometimes watch porn they think it's okay This is what we were saying about it not being real They think it's okay to go straight to sex and the kissing and the build-up and the romance is not important Do you know amongst your friends? Is that an experience that they've had?
00:58:19
Speaker
No, I don't think it's an experience that my friends have had at all, or people that I know in general. I do think that girls, especially in relationships, might feel under pressure sometimes. I know I just had a conversation with someone, conversation with someone, and she felt as if her boyfriend was forcing her to do something she didn't want to do. Right?
00:58:44
Speaker
And it wasn't porn related, but it was other things that involved, you know, like virtual stuff. And I told her this, and parents, tell your children this as well.
00:58:54
Speaker
You can't let anyone force you to do something that they don't you don't want to do like if you break Let someone break that or peer pressure you you're gonna feel bad because you're gonna feel like maybe you like Disrespected your parents or you'll regret doing something but at the end of the day You need to make sure that you're comfortable doing it first. No one can force you. No guy can force you
00:59:17
Speaker
No one. You can't let that happen to you at all.
Setting Boundaries and Handling Peer Pressure
00:59:21
Speaker
And guys watching porn, that might influence them to do something with girls, but girls, we need to be strong. You need to say, I don't want to do that. And if they're not someone that will understand that, they might not be for you. Because I think these days also, which is so sad to say,
00:59:39
Speaker
People in relationships, especially teenagers, they're so focused on like the sexual things that come with it They've forgotten that there's like love involved, you know, there's support and I think which is honestly really sad if I'm being honest with you like I feel like people pay so much attention to the sexual stuff that they forget and
01:00:01
Speaker
i think that's important to tell your child as well you know make sure if you want to get in a relationship make sure it's for the right reasons make sure it's not just because you want to do something sexual all the time because that's not what a real relationship is like a real relationship consists of you know supporting each other you know having a friend exactly being a friend yeah not all the sexual things and no one can force you to do something you don't want to do
01:00:27
Speaker
yeah so maybe as a parent of a son maybe you have that conversation with your child saying don't force anything onto your girl because how would you feel if a girl forced something onto you or how would you feel if your girl forced you to do something that you didn't even want to do how would you feel afterwards you know think about i always think say like think about like the bigger picture
01:00:50
Speaker
like think of those steps you know that you take and think about it at the end like if you're someone is peer-pressing you into doing something think about the consequence for you if you do it now like think about that first and then if you're like i don't like that bigger picture i don't like what this could turn into don't do it
01:01:08
Speaker
just simply don't do it. And if it happens, then as you say, that person isn't the right person for you. You need to walk away from that. Exactly. Exactly. And people are so focused on the wrong things these days. It's really sad. But as long as you know your boundaries and you voice your boundaries and don't let anyone force you to do something that you want to do, don't want to do.
01:01:27
Speaker
You're okay. And I guess that connects to the leader. Don't follow. Don't follow. Be a leader for your own life. Be a leader for your own life. Yeah. I mean, someone else asked about peer pressure around drugs and alcohol. And it's the same thing, isn't it? It's just... It is. I guess it all comes back to what you were saying about teach your kids
01:01:47
Speaker
talk to your kids as early as you can don't put it off exactly it's too late and they're not listening anymore talk to exactly about what they might encounter in the world and yes deal with it when they when they come across it not if because they're likely to come across it that i know i mean i'm pretty confident kids today
Good Decision-Making and Trusting Teens
01:02:08
Speaker
um your age are likely to come across drugs it's not um it's not it's not uh oh maybe if you come across it you like you are very highly likely to become across drugs whereas i never saw them i've never seen drugs in my life
01:02:22
Speaker
Yes, I know. Drugs, drinking, vaping are all things that are popular amongst teens these days. And one, at least once, your teen is probably going to be around someone that does it. I know I was around someone that was vaping. And I felt extremely uncomfortable because I'm not one of those people. I think they were like, you should try. I was like, no, that's y'all's thing. Y'all go do that. I don't want to do this. I don't want to doubt myself for the rest of my life. Because at the same time, I was thinking,
01:02:52
Speaker
My parents, if they ever found this out, I would feel like I disappointed my parents. I could never do this. I could never do this. That was what was going through my head. I was like, I cannot do that. Y'all go do your thing. I'll stay over here and do mine, because I don't want to be involved in that at all. So just making sure, once again, you're the leader of your own life. Yeah, yeah.
01:03:12
Speaker
Yeah oh goodness that is such a brilliant point and I'm going to quote that when I push this episode out being the leader of your own life and teaching your kids to be the leader of your own life and I also want to say thank you KK because there's such a lot in there although you've told me some harsh lessons there's also such a lot in this conversation about
01:03:37
Speaker
that tells parents that we don't maybe need to worry about every tiny thing that we are worrying about and teens guys you need to know that as your parents if you know that we love you you know you need to know that we're worrying about you all the time because our prime goal in life is always to get you to a place where you're happy and safe and well
01:03:59
Speaker
um but that maybe as KK has just said we need to just chill out a little bit more because we don't our kids have got this a little bit we don't need to worry about every little thing yes we do and just start young honestly start young when they can start learning these lessons yeah and so they are aware once they encounter them in the real world because i know no parent wants their child to experience certain things before they tell them about it you know
01:04:26
Speaker
So make sure that you're the first. That's why my mom had the conversation with me when I turned like 12.
Conclusion and Podcast Promotion
01:04:33
Speaker
But at least I was aware of the things that were going on, you know? Super important. And build that relationship with your kids. Please build that relationship.
01:04:42
Speaker
So good. Thank you so much. Honestly, I feel completely privileged that you've spoken to us today and been so honest. Thank you. Where can people find your podcast or anything else that you want to promote? You can listen to my podcast, Insider Scoop, on Apple Podcast, Spotify, Pandora, on many different platforms. And you can also follow our Instagram at official insider scoop on Instagram.
01:05:09
Speaker
Ah, perfect. Everybody go and listen, go and follow, go and listen to KK's thoughts because she's brilliant. Thank you again. Thank you. Of course. Thank you so much for having me. I had so much fun.
01:05:22
Speaker
Wow, isn't Keke amazing? I just want to know how she got to be so wise at such a young age. She's just incredible. Do go and have a look at her Instagram account and listen to that episode. I'll put the link in the show notes where she mentioned about being the leader of your own life and seeing yourself as a castle. Gosh, just such brilliant analogies I think we could all do with listening to.
01:05:47
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode I'd love you to come back next week. I'll be talking to another brilliant guest about the ups and downs of teenage life. Do go and subscribe in your podcast app too if you'd like to stay updated of new episodes and if you have a suggestion of something you'd like to see talked about on the podcast please do email me on teenagekickspodcast at gmail.com.
01:06:14
Speaker
I love to hear from you and I'm always up for new ideas of what needs covering on this podcast. There are lots more episodes already on the Teenage Kicks podcast. Do have a browse and see if I've covered anything else you might find useful. As always, nothing we talk about on the Teenage Kicks podcast is intended as medical advice. If you're worried about a young person, I'd always recommend you get advice from a medical professional.
01:06:42
Speaker
I have loads more fabulous guests coming up to help families navigate some of the most complicated but wonderful years of parenting. I've also got some posts on the blog that might help parents with other teenage parenting dilemmas, so do pop over to Actually Mommy if you like a read. In the meantime, I hope you all have a great week and I'll see you back here next week.