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Episode 4: 30 for 30: From Goth to Gronk
27 Plays5 days ago
What could be more stressful than asking a girl to go on a field trip with you? Probably your first day of football practice!
This is a fully improvised TTRPG campaign where we test the limits on how much flexibility our players can have.
Starring:
Tucker Dally Johnston as 'Alfie Towers'
Ivana Mendez as 'Chad Brewers'
Nate Valentine as 'Janet JC. Cromwell'
Paul Emrich as 'Game Master'.
Music provided by 'Rebel Kicks'.
Email us at BeatOurQuest@Gmail.com or find us on most social media @BeatOurQuest.
Join our Discord at: https://discord.gg/3GAJ8NPvvF
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Transcript
Welcome to 'Beat Our Quest'
00:00:00
Speaker
the ah
00:00:10
Speaker
This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Kids on Bikes system. And even though you can't see us, we are all wearing our helmets.
00:00:23
Speaker
Ivana Maria Mendez-Babu as Chad Boers. Tucker Dally Johnston as Alfie Towers. Nate Valentine as Janet Cromwell.
00:00:37
Speaker
Recently, our heroes um had quite the adventure. They ah returned to their class where they found out that Stuart Justice might actually be alive.
00:00:50
Speaker
While passing the blame onto a young Johnny Mellons, one of their classmates, they had a few fun classes. But the big, most exciting thing was that Alfie...
Alfie's Football Opportunity
00:00:59
Speaker
has been offered a slot to try out for the football team.
00:01:02
Speaker
Beyond that, the group has decided that their best bet to learn more about what's going on in the town is to set up a field trip to the WellView Research Lab. And they've also agreed that their best chance to getting in is to invite Jackie Swunch, whose dad works at the laboratory.
00:01:18
Speaker
um And then Alfie was a creepy weirdo and followed the girl he has a crush on to her house. Whoa! I brought my friends. Whoa, whoa. We are three creepy weirdos.
00:01:28
Speaker
I tried to get her attention before. It's true. It's true. I yelled and she was gone. i have one question because I know it's going to come up. What is the name of the teacher who teaches volcano dioramas that we said that ah his full name is Scissor Edwards hand? Yeah, Scissor Edwards Hands.
00:01:48
Speaker
I don't think we got the first name, but Mr. Edwards Hands is his name. I said see a lady. You called him Scissor at one point. Oh, you do say Scissor Edward Hands? God, you monster. Mr. Edward Hands. So you guys are now out. And Jackie Swunch was, I would say, little uncomfortable.
00:02:03
Speaker
um and She caught you guys outside of her home. ah Just a quick little recap. She has what looks like kind of that 50s era picket fence in front of her home. Beautiful bunch of flowers outside.
00:02:14
Speaker
But it just sort of stands out in a neighborhood that looks a little more modern and contemporary. And she's standing at the door with her her her hands on the knob, turning to see you guys pale as a sheep. Hey, Jackie. Hey, sorry. Real out of breath here.
00:02:29
Speaker
um you're You're pretty fast. i Sorry to barge in on you and your private home time. We just wanted to let you know we got the field trip. It's all set to go see the Wellview Research Lab on Friday.
00:02:45
Speaker
um ah ah Mr. Edwards' hands ah ah said that it'd be great. for us to go and we tried to tell you at school oh um thanks uh did you you couldn't wait till tomorrow did you did you did you all need to come tell me that or yes we did it was really important that we all did Yeah, we're just really excited, and we were biking together, and we, well, we thought we would catch you a lot sooner, actually, so it it was, you know, we we were going to try to grab you right before we left school, and then, you know, we're only, like, ah seven blocks from my house, so it kind of worked out, so.
Field Trip Planning and Mysterious Beeping
00:03:24
Speaker
Sorry to startle you. Oh, well, I, great, I'll, uh, I'll ah let my dad know that I'll see him. All right. Great. Also, also, Jackie, um Jackie, Professor Edward Hans said that we need to wear best clothes on Friday. And we came here to tell you and we know you haven't really been participating in Spirit Week. So we wanted to see what you were going to bring.
00:03:49
Speaker
Oh, did they said he said to wear my best clothes? Yeah. yeah Yeah, he um might be under the impression that we got him a an interview. That's not how we... That's not what we said. We did not say that. No. he he he We just asked for a field trip and he said, all right, I'm getting this job.
00:04:12
Speaker
And we're like, but as long as we get a field trip. Yeah, we're just going to dress nice for the field trip. ah you know, just think of it like ah kind of like a... presentation day or something you know school pride you dress dress dress little nice school yeah school pride represent us good when we all go mean you probably maybe know some of the people who work at the research laboratory because your dad but we don't so we just want to make a good first impression and want you to help us make a good first impression so that's all i i don't really know anyone besides my dad who's there but i'll see if i can get a get a hold of him to let him know we're coming
00:04:51
Speaker
Yeah, it would be pretty important, I think. So hopefully your dad is aware when we head there on Friday. Yeah, I'll let him know. Great. Thank you so much, Jackie. We really appreciate this. And we are going to back away. We're going to back away now. We're going to leave.
00:05:07
Speaker
We're going Chad, we're going to leave. do you have someone else say, Chad? Well, you have really nice fences. I just wanted to point that out from the first time I saw your house. I realized that they're just cut really well and they're very well painted. Thanks. and i we a They're new.
00:05:23
Speaker
You just got new fences? Yeah, well, but when we got the house, we we put everything up in the front. Oh, okay. yeah Okay, great. i might I might need like the number of the person who did it because my dad and I have been looking to do some renovations in our like front yard. and I'm going to back away now. Yeah, I'm walking away too.
00:05:41
Speaker
That's fine. Yeah. Okay. Bye, Alfie. but Bye, Jackie. um Bye. It's not always this weird. right. Bye. Bye, Jackie. We're going to all head back to my house, right, guys? Yes.
00:05:55
Speaker
Yeah. We got to go work on that egg drop. Yeah, work on that. the The project. The special special ah and extra credit assignment is the word I'm looking for. The extra credit assignment. With the bras.
00:06:09
Speaker
Oh, I forgot about the bras.
00:06:14
Speaker
So you guys bike away from Jackie's house and you pull up to Janet's home on the other side of town. Yeah. So we walk in. I'm going to open the door and and kind of shout out like, Mom, Jeannie, anybody home? Your mother's working tonight.
00:06:29
Speaker
So but Jeannie's probably there. Been dropped off. OK, well, I'm shouting out to see if she's home. Jeannie, anybody home? Up here. how yeah how old is Jeannie? I really got to figure that out right quick. I hope she's not old enough that she got dropped off alone and she's like six.
00:06:43
Speaker
She's 10. Confident 10. 10's old enough to be a latchkey kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially in the 90s. Cool. Well, I'm going to go upstairs and you these guys can follow behind me and poke my head into her room and see what's up.
00:06:56
Speaker
Hey, Jeannie. She's there. She's at her little desk. She's probably doing some work or from school, some kind of coloring project that she's got. She's got a bunch of boy band posters on the wall. Tucker, what's one of the names of one of the boy bands that's really hot and trendy right now in the ninety s Yeah, one of the boy bands. um Oh, you know what? This is actually a ah band name that people thought that my band was back in high school. ah The Background Boys.
00:07:21
Speaker
Oh, the Background Boys. Nice. so The shot says background boys and it's four guys in a shot and there's just like nobody in the foreground. It's like an alleyway and there's like a trash and garbage bag and a raccoon and there's just four guys way in the back and like one like hanging off a fire escape.
00:07:40
Speaker
Their concerts are so dark. She goes, do you know when mom's getting home? ah Well, I think she's working really late tonight, so probably not till ah midnight or 1230, you know, regular night shift. Okay, because I think a smoke detector is going out or something like that and when in one of your room or her room. I just hear a beeping every now and then.
00:07:59
Speaker
Oh, um yeah, i'll I'll take a look at it, Jeannie. Don't worry about it. you You're doing some homework there, studying? Yeah, art project. Cool. Well, i have two two friends from ah high school, some some big kids here, and we're also going to do... Are they boys?
00:08:16
Speaker
ah They actually are, but it's just for... Yeah, it's firm yes very funny, Jeannie. it's just It's just for extra credit. Why is that funny? because Because you're teasing me. Because you're 10.
00:08:32
Speaker
And you're sometimes an annoying little snot. um Just kidding. um Yeah, so we're going to work on an extra credit assignment in my room. I'm going to close the door. Don't come in. Bye. And I'm going to close the door on her.
00:08:44
Speaker
Chad and Alfie are in the background of this, the conversation I'm assuming, um and Chad is going to turn to Alfie and say, ah so I know you're new to this whole thing by this whole thing. I mean, girls, but that Jackie switch girl, she's really weird.
00:09:04
Speaker
Like, why was she
Alfie's Football Success
00:09:05
Speaker
so confused for us being like, she's really weird. Well, we did show up unannounced on her property. Yeah, but like, I do that all the time.
00:09:16
Speaker
You do? Not at her property specifically, but other places. And they just, they they're okay with that? And they say, hey, Chad, come on in. Mom's got a roast.
00:09:30
Speaker
Yeah, I'm Chad. Oh, how do I explain this? Most people aren't Chad. ah oh
00:09:42
Speaker
You're going to try out for the football team, so you might be a Chad soon? oh Oh, I see. I feel like I'm in way over my head with that. And I'm i'm really regretting agreeing to that thing.
00:09:52
Speaker
And I should just keep my head down. And maybe I shouldn't go. What do you think about that? go be great. You're going to be great. You're going to be so good. You're going to so good. I'm going to be there. I'm going to cheer you on. going to support you.
00:10:04
Speaker
I'm going to throw you some easy balls. You're going to be just like all the other boys on the football team. alpha yeah Oh, yeah. yeah. Good for you. I'm getting a lot of differing tones and and opinions. And i'm I'm just trying to, you know, what we got to do is focus on figuring out this mystery.
00:10:26
Speaker
It's big mystery. And hey, did your sister say something about beeping coming from your room? Should we should we go check on that? Yes, your room on fire. There's only one way to find out. Immediately, rec clock there's a beep. You know exactly where it's coming from.
00:10:39
Speaker
And it's not as regular as a fire alarm beep. It's very soft. It's been muffled by the bra. Bras. Bras.
WellView Research Lab Visit
00:10:47
Speaker
and then But you do hear a soft beep.
00:10:50
Speaker
that kind of echoes from that closet every almost a minute or so. Chad, get it. What? Chad. Yeah, Chad, can you get it down? Yeah, I'll put my hands on a bragging.
00:11:06
Speaker
Great. They really let you into their houses? like that? it' like yeah
00:11:13
Speaker
You lower it, and as you take it down, the first thing you recognize is the lights in the room just dim a little bit. Oh. And then come up a little bit. i don't know if Janet has a personal computer in her room. If it was on, it turns off ah when the egg comes out. um But the lights do go back on.
00:11:26
Speaker
um And you do hear a very soft beep coming from the egg. I am going to hand this to you, Janet, just because you are good with computers, and you were really impressed us last time.
00:11:39
Speaker
I trust you with this. You're welcome. Thanks. um I'm going to hold it, kind of, you know, kind of turn, rotate it around. I'm trying to, can I try to determine the source of the beacon?
00:11:50
Speaker
Make a brains roll. ah We'll say it's a 10 to see if you can get any other information out of this egg that I haven't given you before. Good choice giving it to Janet. I'm going take the planned action, um and I have a D20 on brains, so I'll take the 10, and I will find the beep. You recognize that there's definitely these like electrical ports on the thing, and then you're checking it out as you're wandering around a moving out, you realize that it's slowly kind of just absorbing the ambient electricity.
00:12:18
Speaker
in your house. So as you move it closer to the light bulb, it's kind of draining the power from it a little bit. That's definitely what turned off your computer. So just over time, even though it was hidden in your closet and covered in clothed cloth, it was slowly absorbing the electricity in your home as things had been turned on.
00:12:33
Speaker
And it looks like it's activated some kind of a timer. Well, it's definitely on. it's It's turned on. i can't I can't figure out exactly what's going on here, but it it seems like it's turned into some sort of beacon or something.
00:12:47
Speaker
Are there any buttons? Great question. Should we press or not press the buttons? We should always press the buttons. Maybe don't press the buttons. Here you go, Chad. do You want to push some of the buttons? yeah Yes! Are you kidding me? Yeah?
00:13:00
Speaker
Yeah, which one? Which one am I allowed to press? You're sticking your fingers, but it's mostly the equivalent of like putting your finger in like the USB slot or like where the ah like the like electrical outlet goes. You're not going to like turn anything on. You're basically touching the ports where it would plug into something. Right. All buttons have been pressed.
00:13:19
Speaker
Yeah, and it doesn't look like it still doesn't really look like it's doing anything. It's just sending out some sort of signal into the void, into the town. Do the ports on it resemble standard American human electronic ports? Nothing you guys have ever seen before, even as a computer guy.
00:13:38
Speaker
This might be a dumb idea. ah Can we name it? Let's name it. I feel like we need to name it. It needs a name. That's the first step. Well, it looks like an egg and we've been calling it an egg. So egg?
00:13:50
Speaker
Can I just keep calling it the egg? Okay, but can we get like spicy with it? Can it be like omelet? or hard-boiled a ride, pouch over easy. How about omelet?
00:14:04
Speaker
i you know We're going to call this very ah ah intense futuristic looking device that we stole from a professor who was then murdered, we're just going to call it omelet? is that I just want to make sure I understand the general scenario of what's happening right now.
00:14:21
Speaker
I'm down with it. I'm great. it's Well, it's um as long as it's easy to say and not apparent if someone overhears this in the cafeteria or something. Oh, that makes sense. if If Chad shouts in the cafeteria again that it's not obvious that we're talking about...
00:14:38
Speaker
the thing that got stolen from the museum so i think that's the most important part and frankly if the egg isn't good enough then well it's just because egg if i say egg and someone knows about it they'll know we're talking about a thing with that shape but omelet is is like a real name Chad is weirdly stupid smart sometimes. I'm not going to lie.
00:15:06
Speaker
Okay. Well, my stupid idea, i don't know, you can tell me, is that I think maybe we should take it with us on the trip on Friday. Because, oh well, because we don't have things to put into it. You told me these are not buttons.
00:15:20
Speaker
So we need the right cables. And if there's going to be cables, it's going to be at that place. But isn't that the heart of the people we might need to keep it from? And then we're going to walk it in there and just what if they find it? What if they discover you saying you're afraid?
00:15:36
Speaker
Are you afraid? Yes, very much so. Very afraid. i i am also afraid. Janet. They are looking for this, and we would get in an incredible amount of trouble. ah DM, can you please remind us how large Omelette is? I actually kind of like the... Let's find a middle ground between like the football-sized thing and like a little bigger than a regular egg. So like more of like a baseball-sized.
00:15:59
Speaker
I'd say even closer to baseball-sized. Oh, okay. So much smaller. than I'm imagining something like ah slightly larger than a basketball. So like way harder to sneak in. I envision it as like a baseball-sized in that you wrapped it in the bra, and it was kind of like totally concealed in See, I was just imagining a huge bra, so way off base here. Okay, but what if we hide it?
00:16:18
Speaker
We bring it in, it. Is it gonna... It's been beeping. Oh, right. Yeah, it's a good that's a good call. That's that it's a great observation. outish I told you it was a dumb idea. Yeah, I mean, i do think you have a good idea, Chad, which is that we should keep an eye out for things that might plug into it.
00:16:38
Speaker
But if we do, and we have the opportunity, we should try to take them and bring them here. And I know that's just as risky, but we could come up with an excuse. Unlike if they catch us red-handed with omelet, they'll take them from us.
00:16:54
Speaker
and probably put us in jail or something. Oh, I don't know if it's jail. I feel like it's two to the chest and one to the head. Well, that's... That's... Wow. Wow, Alfie.
00:17:04
Speaker
Alfie, that's a lot. Well, you shot... Alfie, that's... There was a line. I think you crossed it. Let's dial it back. I don't think so. i I think we saw a man die and I am feeling those i'm feeling those emotions.
00:17:19
Speaker
I've written some things down in my journal. Okay, I got these thoughts. They gotta come out. All the more reason not to bring omelet.
00:17:29
Speaker
All right, fine. Fine, we don't bring omelet. That's okay. That's okay. I guess we leave him here. Maybe we we can put him back up on the shelf. Wait, why am I calling it him?
00:17:39
Speaker
We can put it back up on the shelf. And maybe here, have some of my extra throw pillows from my bed, Chad. And can you kind of cushion it to keep my sister from hearing that beep? Because she's I don't want her to poke around.
00:17:57
Speaker
And I'm actually going to start to lock my bedroom door so she doesn't snoop because sometimes she likes to go through my things. She read my diary once last year. Whoa, that's really invasive. Do you want me go no okay No? Okay. No. We we got had a huge fight about it. I screamed at her. She doesn't usually do that sort of stuff. but Right.
00:18:16
Speaker
I could dare her to like a push-up competition. but like Wasn't that like a big thing in the 90s? They had some fancy like electric diary that was only open for you. Yes, they did. It was actually really easy to open.
00:18:28
Speaker
I believe that. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I want to say my sister's had one of Was it like voice activated or am I maybe? I don't remember. Maybe. ah Well, then let's go to the tryouts
Meteor Collision Revelation
00:18:41
Speaker
of that morning before school. Alfie, how are you feeling before this tryout? Have you ever done anything like this? Have you ever had a sport rehearsal? I think as you put it.
00:18:50
Speaker
Sport audition. Uh, yeah, I, um, uh, I tried out for the spelling bee. that's That's sad that that was the sporting comparison that Alfie has had.
00:19:02
Speaker
We also tried out for the spelling bee. Isn't it like an open tournament? Did you... No, they wanted to pick the smartest from each ah English class um for the school to represent.
00:19:14
Speaker
And I got so nervous um that I forgot how to spell broccoli. Can you spell bar broccoli for us right now? Oh, yes, please. Sure. Can I get it used in a sentence? Uh...
00:19:27
Speaker
Alfie, if you don't eat your broccoli, I'm going to put it in your pillow and you're going to sleep on it tonight. B-R-O-C-C-O-L-I, broccoli. Yep, you got it. You put the heat under him and he really, he knows what's up. Yeah.
00:19:39
Speaker
I have nightmares about broccoli now. So it's as you make your way there, you see God, what is what was Chad's dad named again? Coach. Well, you also call them Daddy. daddy Yeah.
00:19:51
Speaker
You said Daddy. And then Ivana did say in the background at one point, his name's Brad. Brad. Also. It's Brad Brewers. Brad Brewers. Daddy. bra brewer Brad Brewers is an American dad name.
00:20:03
Speaker
That's honestly like it's more daddy than daddy. Brad Brewers. So there's there's Coach Brewers is out there and he's got a whole basin full of footballs and he's got a like ah a pad set up for people to tackle. And you see a few of the players out there ah besides ah Zeke the Meatball. Who's another player that's there? Obviously, John the Apostle. John the Apostle. What position does John the Apostle play?
00:20:28
Speaker
He's a running back. Great. Yeah. So John the Apostle's there and he's warming up and he's stretching. Alfie, I'm giving you three football activities that we're going to see how Alfie does.
00:20:40
Speaker
Oh, Make him tackle. Make him tackle. Make him tackle. Oh, yeah. you're gonna You're going to catch a ball. Don't make Alfie tackle. You're going to block a tackle and then you're going to make a tackle. Oh, God.
00:20:53
Speaker
Okay. Oh, no. Janet, did you show up early to support Alfie? Are you there? Did you know about this? Oh, sure did. Oh, yeah. what What is the sign you've made that say? say ah That's a great question. What's Alfie? It's ah Alfie Towers got the power. Wow.
00:21:10
Speaker
And um the entire cheerleading crew is I mean, we rehearse in the mornings anyways during like tryouts and whatever, you know, football practice.
00:21:21
Speaker
Rehearsal. During football rehearsal. But yeah, all the all the girls are there. And we I got one other sign for Rachel. And it says, Alfie, Alfie, he's our man.
00:21:35
Speaker
Catch the ball. We know you can. Aw. not very easy to read from far away, but, you know, we're we're right on the side. We are all right on the sidelines. Alfie, this is probably exciting. Like I said before, this is this maybe the first time in your life you haven't had a whole lot of paternal guidance, but also probably haven't had a whole lot of experience like a bunch of girls rooting and cheering for you. So this has got to feel exciting.
00:21:56
Speaker
So with that kind of contained enthusiasm, I'm going to give you an additional D6. That you can keep in the chamber. Nice. And roll to try to push your way over. Think of it as a bardic inspiration, for lack of a better word.
00:22:10
Speaker
Okay. Now before you... Can I use it after I roll? Yes. Chad. Yeah. I'm also going to let you kind of goose him up for one of these activities. I'm going to let you... one of them.
00:22:21
Speaker
help him in some way either you're gonna like you know and i'll let you tell me so alfie which of those three activities do you want to participate in first let's start with the one that's that might be possible for alfie to do which is catch alfie you're gonna make a flight roll of eight i got a four do you want to use anything or are you gonna just accept your four i'm going to accept the four. Great.
00:22:45
Speaker
So you're running, you're running, and you hear Chad go, Alfie! And you turn, and the ball just slams into your chest as you turn. Like, Chad, bullet pass, crushes it.
00:22:57
Speaker
Chad. Yeah. Do you want to do anything to help Alfie on this pass that maybe gets him there? I will also give you a D6 for one of these as well. Yeah. um I feel like Chad winked at Alfie before he threw the ball. but Well, he he it hit his chest, right? Hits it, slams him right in the chest. So if he gets four, if you roll four or higher.
00:23:17
Speaker
For what? For flight? On this roll. On a D6. No, not just a flat D6. Oh, on a D6. Okay. I roll four or higher. fifty fifty shot. That hit in the chest, and alie you're going to have one of the scrambling moments where you catch the ball.
00:23:32
Speaker
So you, bam, hits you in the chest. You definitely didn't have those chest pads on, right? This is going to leave a bruise, but it, bam, hits you the chest, catches in your arms, and Alfie, you have a flailing catch as you manage to catch the football.
00:23:46
Speaker
ah Football. That's my boy! That's my boy! That's my boy! He did it! We're going to run it right back. you got to pass. You passed one of these tests.
00:23:57
Speaker
The next one do you want to block or do you want to tackle? I guess I'll try to block. Great. You're blocking Zeke the meatball. Oh, Zeke the meat. Oh, God. Yes. He's towering over you. Giant figure of a man.
00:24:12
Speaker
He's got his eyes on Chad. Chad, in a way that I don't think you've ever really seen out of meat. This is a hostility. Can I go over to meet and whisper in his ear? take ticketes Take it easy on him and then slap him in the derriere. Oh, hey, hey, Chad.
00:24:29
Speaker
Yeah, it's thing thanks. so Don't touch anyone like that unless you have consent. You got it. but Walks away. Alfie, you're going to roll a grit roll of eight.
00:24:40
Speaker
What is Alfie's grit? I'm very curious. Twelve. Whoa. These are all possible. Okay. Respectable. I got a five on that. I'm going to roll my D6. Three or higher, and you successfully blocked Zeke the Meatball, Matowski.
00:24:58
Speaker
rolled a two. Okay. Can I use an adversity token? Yes. Yes! Okay, how do you stop Zeke the Meatball long enough? He's coming at you. Huge, towering guy. he's Both of his hands are coming to push. He looks like he could just knock you right over. Both of his hands are going to clamp down on your shoulders.
00:25:16
Speaker
And I'm i'm blocking his tackle. Okay. You're trying to delay him as long as possible so that Chad has a chance to throw the ball. Alfie does not know anything about football rules.
00:25:27
Speaker
So he's going to kind of duck down as much as he can, wrap as much of his arms around Zeke as possible, and just dead fish. Ah! You do that in a way that not only do you just trip him a little bit, but your your dead legs actually knock one of the other guys into Zeke, and that's enough to cause this domino-like effect of delaying this, concealing the tackle.
00:25:51
Speaker
You hear Brad Brew go, wow, Alfie, damn, kid, where'd it go? Last shot. This is going to be you tackling. You're going to try to have to stop. What was his name? John the Apostle? John the on the Apostle. Shredded little dude running back. You've never seen a kid with muscles like that. it like It looks like he's got that little baby face on like a grown man's body, but he's still only like 5'6". And this is your chance to try to stop him. He's just going be running full tilt, and this is your chance to tackle him down.
00:26:16
Speaker
gonna make a brawn roll of eight. hold they call them the They call him the jacked guinea pig. The jacked guinea pig. Yeah. He's got a really hairy back. Oh.
00:26:28
Speaker
I seem to have lost my d4, so let me real quick... Oh, shit, it's a d4. This gonna be a... So then it's four. It sure is. That's just... Then you exploded. That's what happens. Seems right.
00:26:38
Speaker
Fundamentally, I guess as long as you don't roll under a three, at least you don't have a bad thing happen. You don't die. From John the Apostle. This is this an and incredible chance to have you ace three of your three tests, which would be shocking.
00:26:56
Speaker
I got a three. Okay. And I needed to get an eight. And if I... I'm going to spend another adversity token... To make sure that I don't fail miserably. Yeah.
00:27:09
Speaker
Lose by five. That is the rule. Every interval of five, bad things happen. Of five, I would have probably given you some kind of an injury that maybe would have been amplified by the hit to the chest. But you do. you like You take your stands. You take your little football stop. John the Apostle's running. You you grind your feet in a little bit. Eventually, there's no stopping John the Apostle. He's a holy being.
00:27:26
Speaker
And he just plows past you into the end zone. And people are cheering. Here's the reason John's probably going to play state football. Right? But Coach Brewers comes up to you and goes, Alfie, I gotta say, kid, for somebody who's never played football, I'm mighty impressed. If you'd like a spot on the team, we'll give it to you.
00:27:42
Speaker
Oh, God. Um, um, I'm gonna say yes before my mouth does something worse. Pat's gonna run and tackle Alfie to the ground in a hug.
00:27:54
Speaker
One of us! One of us! Uh, uh, Chad, can you make a charm roll of, uh, nine? No, probably, probably can't, but I will try. wait a second. Wait a second.
00:28:09
Speaker
wait a second. That is 21. and that is a why Holy shit. Did you explode? So my charm is 10. I exploded twice. Wow.
00:28:24
Speaker
Oh my God. People are erupting. The cheerleaders are running from the stands. Alfie, people are carrying you their shoulders, raising you up in a way that you've never experienced before.
00:28:37
Speaker
You're all surveying. The only thing that you know, Chad, is everyone's leaving him. ah Zeke the Meatball is kind of standing on the outside. hes sort of seems a little reserved, uncomfortable about the attention that you're lavishing on Alfie.
00:28:50
Speaker
I feel like Meatball's gone through a supervillain arc, for sure. Oh, no. Alfie, how do you feel about this? This is... this is That's crazy. People actually called me by my name, and they didn't say,
00:29:03
Speaker
ah They didn't say Lil Sprout. yeah It was great. Because sometimes when I say Alfred or Alfie, they think of Alfalfa. And because I'm not the biggest guy, they think I'm a little sprout.
00:29:17
Speaker
um um We're going to flashback to ah the first time anybody ever called you Little Sprout. Alfie, Stephanie, eyes on your papers, okay? Get ready for your test.
00:29:31
Speaker
Oh, okay. Um, sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to. didn't mean to. I was asking Stephanie if she had an extra eraser. And I told you yesterday I don't.
00:29:41
Speaker
My mom only buys me one for the whole year. That's, I'm so i'm sorry. That's a little sad. I'll leave you alone, Steph. I'm so sorry about that. It's a big eraser. That's fair. That's fair. I can share it with you, just not during tests.
00:29:53
Speaker
I get it. I get it. I'll be fine. Hey, uh, Miss Allison, can you please send that little sprout in your classroom up to the principal's office? His dad needs to see him.
00:30:03
Speaker
Ding! Oh, I'm so sorry, Alpha, you heard that. I, um, i I'm so sorry. That's just a nickname that the teachers have for you, but I thought we were going to share it. ah But yes, can you please go up?
00:30:18
Speaker
It's fine. Little Sprout. Little Sprout. Okay, calm Sprout. Calm down. Why are you smiling while say that? It's hilarious.
00:30:29
Speaker
So it turns out teachers have been mean to Alfie since like elementary school. okay The Towers family is clearly anti-teachers union or something. There's got to be some deep reason. The bell rings to the end of class and you guys want to go confirm with Mr. Edward hands that you or guys have are going to set up that field trip.
00:30:47
Speaker
You go to his classroom again, the same thing. there's a lot of that cross traffic you see in this room. He looks around and he's like mopping up red lava slime that some kid has just like completely overpoured on a little diet. He's got little Play-Doh figures or whatever. can't use brands.
00:31:03
Speaker
um He's got a little figurines that are drowning in the stuff. And the kids seem like they had a lot of fun, but he's mopping it up and angrily muttering to himself. Hey, Mr. Edward Hans. How were the dioramas today?
00:31:13
Speaker
It's the same thing every day, Janet. Kids come in, make a mess, act like they've never done it before, and I go, wow, I'm so impressed by you. You poured one thing into another thing, and the same thing happened for 13 kids that day.
00:31:26
Speaker
But it was great. Somebody made a blue. Oh, wow. Oh, hey, that's points for creativity there, right? ah Look, I um one of you guys must have called or gotten contacted. They actually reached out to me and they have some kind of a student community thing or whatever. So I've set up a thing and we're going to go in tomorrow. And where I want to emphasize, guys, I want you to dress well and be on your best behavior. OK, I got I got five guest passes.
00:31:51
Speaker
And I really need to nail this. Right? Yeah, that sounds great. We talked but talked to Jackie yesterday after class with you. Yeah. and we're all going to wear our nicest clothes. Yes. And we're were all out to make a good impression. And, ah you know, we'll probably...
00:32:10
Speaker
even be happy to give you some extra time to talk one-on-one with the scientists and maybe we can go just kind of poke around and look at some of the different equipment and you know just just learn about science and and and kind of broaden our horizons in that way while you Talked to very capable employers over there at the lab.
00:32:31
Speaker
Pretty good at this, Janet. Do you mind if I ah maybe bring you in for that interview and have you help me on some stuff? Oh, God. ah Well, yeah, you know, i've I've never interviewed for an academic job, but all of the interviews I've ever been been on, they usually...
00:32:48
Speaker
want it to just be the candidate and the potential employer smart so you're saying if I brought you in they would think maybe it was like a dual interview and don't know and I'm trying to weigh out the options if I would look better than a child or or you would look more impressive than me here's here's what I think is it okay if I call you scissors Mr. Edward Hands I prefer while we're we're in the school I'm Mr. Edward Hands if I get that job you can call me scissors okay Mr. Edward Hands at deal. Here's what I think.
00:33:21
Speaker
We should all go in. You introduce us as some of your ah brightest students. Yes. Or, yes. Include, you know, just for the sake, we'll all be dressed nice.
00:33:34
Speaker
chad cha Chad will wear a shirt. Also, yes. If you have any questions, you can direct them at me or Alfie. And then we'll excuse ourselves so you can talk more about the specifics of the role.
00:33:51
Speaker
And I think that's probably what's going to look best for you. You are a clever girl. You are a clever girl. You don't want it to look like you need a 16-year-old by her side to ace an interview, right, Mr. Edward Hands?
00:34:02
Speaker
No, no, I don't need 16-year-old girl to tell me what to do anymore. I can do this. and Anymore? Anymore? I was a camp counselor before this, and it turns out that the meanest girls are the ones who are sent to emotional improvement camp. And they really pick on the things I am most self-conscious about. Like, it turns out, did you know having detached earlobes makes you weird?
00:34:26
Speaker
and That's what they all told me. And they... they I know. I found out. It turns out. It turns out. It turns out it makes you a monster. That they called me monster ears that whole summer. Professor Edward Hans...
00:34:43
Speaker
Uh, would you, would you like a mozzarella stick? Yeah. Great, here you go. You know, you know what, just keep, keep my tray. Just keep all of them. Have you been carrying this around since lunch, Chad? Well, yeah, because I, I like to eat about 20 mozzarella sticks a day.
00:35:00
Speaker
Just to keep my, to keep... Just to keep my bowels healthy. Toilet busy. Keep my stomach healthy. What goes in you can go out or maybe stays in. It depends on the day.
00:35:12
Speaker
ah But I'm kind of full. So you can have you can have the rest of these. Thank you, Chad. I think you two will keep an eye on Chad at the facility. We sure will. Yep. Absolutely. Mr. Edward Hans. We sure will.
00:35:25
Speaker
All right. And then I'll why don't I just meet you there. Or should I drive you kids? Do I have to drive you? No, no. We can get there. No. i mean No. No. No, it's okay.
00:35:37
Speaker
Yeah, we don't need to see the back of whatever is in your sedan. Yeah, we all know how to get there. We'll just bike. Is is and Jackie with you guys? No. No. Let's say no.
00:35:48
Speaker
So we can talk openly. No, she said she was going to meet us there. Yeah. Yeah, about omelet. Okay, guys, so you guys all remember the plan. We're going to have to spend a few minutes with Mr. Scissor, Mr. Edward Hans. Yeah.
00:36:03
Speaker
Well, he said we can call him Scissors today, so... He said if we get the job, so I think today we should be on our absolute best behavior and make him look good. Okay, fine. So that we can sneak away. How... What do we do with Jackie being there? Well...
00:36:18
Speaker
We did not think that part through, did we, Alfie? Well, we needed her to get into the building. I mean, I didn't just invite her willy-nilly for no reason. I mean, we we needed to get into the building. We needed her dad. so But I'm just saying, like, now that we're going to be there, what are we going to do about her being there? Because we can't have her be there. Alfie...
00:36:35
Speaker
I don't want to be the person to tell you this, but I think you're the only one who likes talking to Jackie. I can't say, at this point, I cannot stand her. What she's done to you, she doesn't want to give me the number of the people who did her offenses.
00:36:48
Speaker
This is, it's too much. they really don't like her, so. I don't know if she knows that. think maybe you can talk to her and keep her busy while we go search her out.
00:37:01
Speaker
Oh, um, yeah, i could keep her I can keep her busy. What do you mean you don't like what she's done to me? yeah maybe maybe you guys can go into, like, a closet. What? Why would we go into a closet?
00:37:14
Speaker
Play some seven Seven Minutes in Heaven? Ever played Alfie? don't know. No, I've never played that. are there Is there ah a printout of rules that I need? Yeah, she'll know.
00:37:25
Speaker
She'll definitely know. oh Oh, okay. I can ask her about that. Your eyebrows are doing weird things. Anyways, if we split up split up to two to a room, and it doesn't matter if it's Alfie and Jackie or you or me, what matters is that the other two people can go and investigate. So you guys...
00:37:51
Speaker
You bike your way up. You see Jackie Swanch is eagerly waiting. um She's got her bike locked up out front. ah You guys all pull up and you're waiting a second. And eventually in this total beater of a car, Mr. Scissorhands pulls up.
00:38:05
Speaker
There's one of those like plastic tarps is covering the Edward hand. Mr. e You see Mr. Edward hands pulls up as a plastic tarp covering one of the broken out windows in his car. He's he's sweating. He comes in. and He's looking. He goes like, oh, my God, kids.
00:38:18
Speaker
Oh, my pet weasel. It tore up my best jacket. So I have to wear this. And it's like black leather because I'm so glad you guys dressed up. You're wearing such nice, nice little outfits to show off.
00:38:30
Speaker
My dad said I wouldn't need this tuxedo, but I put it on anyways.
00:38:37
Speaker
Chad, are you in a full tuxedo? Full tuxedo. Correct. Clufflings and all. Wow, Chad, you, um, I need to not stand next to you during any point in time in this tour.
00:38:49
Speaker
You look a lot better than me. Oh, it's okay, Mr. Edward Hands. Yeah, Chad, why don't, Chad, why don't you stand in the back and kind of, you know, you like to stand guard and stuff. That's probably really useful right now. feel like you're making a lot of assumptions about me, Janet. Um, but yeah, I do like to do that. so I'm going to do that.
00:39:04
Speaker
I put on my blackest button down for you, Mr. Edward Hands. You you look the like it's like the opposite of a lab coat. It looks like what you're wearing. yeah So he makes his way up A woman with big curly hair frantically comes out. She's got a little clipboard, very expect exactly like you expect her to. And she introduces herself as Martha Alaska. She's sort of. Sorry? Martha.
00:39:27
Speaker
more lot of A's. Hello, y'all. I was told this morning that you are going to be participating in our tour protocol. know. It just showed up on my calendar this morning. I'm very confused.
00:39:41
Speaker
um ah We have ah guest passes for the five of you. And I'm here to just answer any questions and show you around and and let you see some of the very exciting things that we're working on inside of this facility. Okay.
00:39:56
Speaker
Great. It's really great to meet you, Mrs. Alaska. Or Miss Alaska? Wouldn't you like to know? Are you hitting on Miss Alaska?
00:40:07
Speaker
I'm a 16-year-old girl, so... Actually, I was Miss Arkansas. Oh, I thought, um... Is, uh... Are we gonna see, um... Dr. Swunch?
00:40:19
Speaker
Dr. Swunch. ah She looks you like, that's ah and an unfamiliar name, but maybe, you know, maybe maybe it goes by something else. Let's go check it out and we'll see if there's a room or something that we would have him listen in the, I didn't, Dr. Swatch. She said, Dr. Dr. Swatch. I lean over. I'm like, Jackie, is your, is your dad, but I thought he was a ah professor or a scientist here. Is he not a doctor? Did I, I'm sorry. I don't want to.
00:40:43
Speaker
She, she looks weird, uncomfortable. goes, he told me he works here. Ooh. You've never been to visit him before? No, he doesn't want me coming in here. But I told him was for a project.
00:40:54
Speaker
Does Jackie seem kind of, she seems disturbed? Upset, if anything. She seems upset. I'm going to, emboldened by his, uh... Don't you gasp. Emboldened.
00:41:09
Speaker
embold Emboldened by his the fact that he made the team and people cheered for him and he he has this swelling of confidence and he wrote a really good poem about the darkness inside of him last night.
00:41:22
Speaker
um He is going to hesitantly, as boldly hesitantly as he can, take Jackie Swanch's hand in his hand and like give it a squeeze and go like, Hey, it's it's going to be okay.
00:41:37
Speaker
Uh, she, she is surprised for a second, but doesn't reach away. And she, she does. She like puts her hands and gives you a little squeeze and he goes, promise. Yeah. Yeah. Promise. Let's go.
00:41:48
Speaker
Let's go have a fun science field trip. Cool. Super cool. She gives it a little squeeze again. goth footballer. Chad's going to whisper to Janet. He might be poisoned now.
00:41:59
Speaker
She might poisoned him. I think Alfie's poisoned. He's, He's probably just doing what we talked about and he's distracting her so you and i can go. Okay, fine. I just like to protect my teammates.
00:42:12
Speaker
That's right. Oh, I keep forgetting he's a football player now. What you mean? We cheered for him. We had such a celebration yesterday. Yeah, and you're right. That's a Nate comment, not a Janet comment.
00:42:23
Speaker
It's a Nate comment. I thought Janet. I mean, I was saying it as Janet and I was, didn't make sense. I thought Janet was just like, I just forgot, whatever.
00:42:33
Speaker
ah you You enter into the facility, you go through a magnetometer, you guys don't have anything suspicious on you, you go through your bags or whatever. Jackie Swunch constantly has her eyes out. It's like she's looking for someone she sees, recognizes anything she knows.
00:42:49
Speaker
it's It's clearly something about finding out her dad isn't on that name is really shook her a little bit. um Martha's giving you a tour. She's like, well, we got a lot of very interesting facilities inside of the Wellview Research Lab. We're mostly well known for investigating any kind of encroaching space materials. We have a very interesting asteroid department and other space meteorological sightings and things like that. We also have a very fancy advanced robotics lab that I can't really show you beyond a simple little project that we've got working on now. And she opens up a little wall and you see a guy standing in front of like what looks like a skeletal robot.
00:43:27
Speaker
And it's kind of got that very generic mouth and it's moving pretty well, but it's kind of got like an odd stilted turn effect as it still doesn't seem to move very naturally. Yeah. ah She goes, we have a few other things, but I understand that your teacher had some questions he wanted to ask me. goes, yeah, I was i was told that maybe I could have an opportunity talking with management or administrative. And she goes I think I can set you up with the admin department. Why don't you follow me right now?
00:43:52
Speaker
ah Can I have you guys all roll a flight check of six um to see how stealthily you guys managed to sneak away? like I have a flight of 12. Can I just take half as a prepared action?
00:44:05
Speaker
yeah I'll roll it. No, I think that's fine. You guys were going to sneak out. You're waiting for an opportunity. I'm wearing all black. And I hit a seven. ah Seven plus one on my flight is eight. Do you sneak away with Jackie Swans? Do you pull her aside with you?
00:44:22
Speaker
Yes. The four of you guys sneak away. You're making your way down passageways and things like that. You find looking through various like, I don't know, I didn't have one of those ma mall you are here maps. What am I fucking kidding me?
00:44:36
Speaker
But you do see along the ceiling a few signs that catch your attention. ah There are four. You see astronomical history, containment units, power sources, and autonomous division.
00:44:50
Speaker
Hey, Jackie, do you know what um what department your dad said he worked in? Maybe, maybe you know, they just maybe she's new. Maybe Mrs. is myisticus is says Alaska's new.
00:45:02
Speaker
I'm going to have her roll a brains roll to see if she knows. She rolled a one. Oh, no. i i have I don't really listen. My dad doesn't like to talk about work. Maybe Chad's on to something. That's okay.
00:45:13
Speaker
That's okay. What one of these things are you most interested in? I really like, um you know, the stars stuff. If you want to check out the astronomical signs. But if you're into something else, you know, we could check them all out eventually. Yeah, let's do that. Let's check out the space stuff.
00:45:30
Speaker
All right, let's go. Jackie and I are going to head to the space. station All right, guys, we're going to we're going to go check this out. um Chad's going to give Jackie the stink eye as they leave. ah Where do you two sneak off to?
00:45:41
Speaker
Chad. Yeah, Chad. I think we should go to the power. Power. was this? Power strips. power Power sources, because that's... we We're looking for something that we can, I guess, plug into Omelette. Let's start there and just see what we find. And you're so right, the reverse button.
00:46:00
Speaker
Because you press a button, the reverse button, you unpress... It makes sense in chat's brain. It's fine. You guys pull open up to this thing and it comes into an office. And this item inside this office, there's cabinets and filing things and notebooks and stuff like that.
00:46:14
Speaker
And as you look in, there does seem to be like a containment room that looks like it's sealed off by some kind of a, ah like ah a pin code system. Janet, we got to get in there. Yeah.
00:46:25
Speaker
And Jackie apparently is, to to use your words maybe, actually proving to be kind of useless because her dad's not even here. Thank you. oh Maybe we can figure out this pin code.
00:46:38
Speaker
Why don't you each roll a brains roll of eight as you're investigating this desk? It's not going to go well. Okay. I can take 10 on brains. um Because you snuck in, I think I'm going to have to make you like, this is not a ah planned.
00:46:52
Speaker
I can spend an an adversity token to take it and be cool under pressure. Great. I rolled a two. Janet, you're you're like checking this thing out. And immediately you kind of tune into that moment. and You're like, I've been in these kind of places. I know what it's like to work in a bureaucratic thing where they have, I know exactly. And you look over and there is. 16 year old, got it. Which is more like, you probably worked at a campsite where they had a pin system where you like, this is what it is to get into the thing. So you know that they always just get lazy and they write that shit down. And you look over and there's a there's a sticky note underneath a book. And you lift up the book and you see the pin code.
00:47:28
Speaker
to get in. You see ah you see a four-digit code. And what is it? I don't know. 80086969. Whatever's funnier than that. i don't know. Okay, so type it in.
00:47:41
Speaker
Let's go. Plink in the four-digit code in the door. Opens up. ah You're pawing around. You see things like a Tesla coil that's lit up. There's all kinds of things. And eventually, there's something that you catch out of the corner eye. You see this little dock.
00:47:53
Speaker
It's maybe like ah like the size of an upside-down Frisbee. And immediately, you recognize that there's a port that looks like it's been built at the bottom of the egg or omelet. Thank you. Right inside of.
00:48:05
Speaker
And you think you found exactly like the object that you're looking for that would be the power source for... This looks like the right thing, Chad, right? That looks like the reverse buttons that you saw. Oh, oh, oh yeah.
00:48:17
Speaker
That's obviously it. Yeah. Uh, think we have to take it. Yeah. I think maybe we can fit it in your backpack you have on the back of your tuxedo. Yeah. Or I can put it in my pants.
00:48:30
Speaker
Uh, you know, I'm go to leave it up to you. However you want to carry it. Okay. Let me see if it fits. Can you turn it around? Yeah. Sure, yeah. I definitely will turn around. For the first time in his life, Chad is suddenly self-conscious about being naked. where As you tuck this away, we're going to cut to Jackie and Alfie wandering this room. There's all these like weird astral figures and things like that.
00:48:51
Speaker
um There's this video, there's a hologram thing that's replaying this thing. And there's a video of what looks like an asteroid that's colliding with some kind of an object. And it's tracking the...
00:49:02
Speaker
ah collision of the object as it comes down from this meteor and slams into whatever the WellView research lab. This is all like computer generated in your ah your eyes, but you see it repeating. And the more you think about it, like this might have been the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.
00:49:17
Speaker
And some kind of a thing was struck in when that meteor came in, and part of the remnants of that slammed into the planet. And that looks like, as you're like checking out the maps and the icons, that's where this research facility was built.
00:49:31
Speaker
ah In Colorado. So at some point in time when they were digging things up. In the 1800s. They must have found weird metallic substances. And they literally built this research facility around some things.
00:49:50
Speaker
Collided with the meteor that just killed the dinosaurs. If you believe scientists. But this is a Christian podcast. Surprise. Hard right turn.
00:50:04
Speaker
Oh. So a meteor hit. The meteor that killed the dinosaurs hit something else on its way to killing the dinosaurs? That's what it looks like. I can't. I don't understand what it would She thinks for a second, and she gets really quiet, and she reaches for your hand again, really nervous. I grab it.
00:50:22
Speaker
um Hey, what what is it? something Something your dad said or something? I'm really sorry, Alfie. And you feel a buzz in your neck, and she stuns you and knocks you unconscious.
00:50:39
Speaker
do I didn't even get to know the rules of seven minutes in heaven.
00:50:55
Speaker
Thanks for listening to this episode. Oh, bet you didn't see that one coming. ah Is that okay? Can I use that for this episode? I don't know. I just sort of do these all at the same time, and I'm pretty sure that something crazy happens by the end, and we leave you on a cliffhanger.
00:51:10
Speaker
Bam! I'm good at writing stuff. Anyway, we just wanted to take this time to thank you again for listening. As always, our fabulous Game Master is Paul Emrich, and that rockin' music that you hear is by The Rebel Kicks.
00:51:25
Speaker
They've got a new album, Looking for Singles in Your Area, out now. Check them out. As always, if you like this episode, please leave a review and a like, a comment, wherever they give you a chance to just vomit your thoughts.
00:51:39
Speaker
Do that, because it helps the algorithm like us more. They like vomit. Word vomit. Thanks, bye. think in
00:51:49
Speaker
mind.