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176. Resilience and Remembrance: Staying Connected to Loved Ones Beyond with Liza Peterson
77 Plays4 months ago
Liza Peterson is a yoga teacher and reiki practitioner. She is the owner of Wings Of Resilience Healing where she supports her clients with yoga, reiki, and coaching support. She was inspired to open her business after the sudden loss of both of her parents. Liza is also a competitive ballroom dancer, and loves to perform on the stage. A proud mother of four amazing kids and a Puppy Mom to her cavapoo Penny Lane.
Previous episodes with Liza Peterson:
Contact Liza:
Instagram @wingsofresiliencehealing
Website wingsofresiliencehealing.com
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest on the podcast or for coaching:
https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Host's Personal Connection to Grief
00:00:01
Speaker
She was the most resilient woman I have ever met who, no matter what lu life through her, she found a way to literally and figuratively put one foot in front of the other, which is why it's never lost on me the irony of how she left this earth walking. So through my business is where I really feel connected to my parents.
00:00:35
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is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and
00:00:50
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I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar
00:01:10
Speaker
on the podcast
Guest Introduction: Liza Peterson's Background
00:01:12
Speaker
today. I'm chatting with my friend Liza Peterson. She is a yoga teacher, a Reiki practitioner. She is the owner of Wings of Resilience Healing, and she supports her clients through yoga, through Reiki, as well as coaching sessions.
00:01:28
Speaker
We actually have recorded two episodes prior to this conversation. So if you're just logging in, you're like, Hmm, let's see, should I listen to this one now? Or if you want to go and listen to the other first.
00:01:44
Speaker
two conversations and then come back or the other way around. However you want to do it as a listener, please do so. Those are episodes 17 and 104 with Liza Peterson. And we will be chatting today about what grief looks like.
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now for her. And this is mainly in regards to the passing of both her parents with just two year difference that they passed. And that's what we'll be chatting about. So hello, my friend. Hello, dear Kendra.
00:02:17
Speaker
Such a pleasure to see your gorgeous faces. We said only for the second time, but we've seen each other face to face. We've talked a lot over the years. yeahp Yeah, the first interview, I didn't have video at that time on this. And then, yeah, so this is the second time. And we live states and states apart. And I've only met because through the podcast and through a mutual mutual friends. Yep, NYU sorority sister.
00:02:42
Speaker
yeah You have two two of your friends were guests on my podcast at the beginning of stages. Oh yes, Valerie as well. That's right. Yes, exactly. So two of your friends were my guests and that's how we connected. So first off, let's just kind of fill people in. People are only listening to this. Where do you live right now and where did you grow up? That's my go-to start of conversation. You got it. I live in New York, in the suburbs of New York, in Westchester County, in a small
00:03:13
Speaker
suburb called Chacaucois, which ironically is the place that I grew up and moved back to. I haven't lived here the whole time. I lived in the city and the outer boroughs of of the city um for college, and then lived in Riverdale in the Bronx with my husband. And then we moved here when my oldest was starting kindergarten. And while we're there, I four kids. And now we have an amazing puppy that just turned a year old named Penny Lane. I can't believe so. Is it based on me it like the Beatles song? And also my older children, Mallory and Charlie, like me are theater girls like you, girls and boys, I should say, theater kids. And so we picked Penny Lane from the song for me. For them, Penny Lane in Almost Famous, the movie and the Broadway musical. And then also in Hairspray.
00:04:05
Speaker
There is a character named Penny. They wanted a theater name. A lot, a lot of they are a lot of different connections. Right. We both are theater, theater gals, theater gals. And one thing I
Exploring the Nature and Stages of Grief
00:04:18
Speaker
didn't mention too, is you're a ballroom dancer as well. And that has also played a part in your grief journey as well. yeah you incorporated And in competitive ballroom dance and performed ballroom on the stage and put lessons. And yeah, that's one of my great joys and of my life and a big healing tool as well for me. As well. Perfect. Okay. So let's ah just give a little tidbit of timeline in terms of when your mom passed and your dad and then the circumstances of both of their passings just briefly. And then we're going to talk about this grief journey. Cause as we've talked before, and I keep on saying on the podcast, it is a journey. It's not something,
00:05:03
Speaker
that is like certain stages per se, but there's different times in our lives ah it it within the grief and what it looks like might change, but in one year it could be extremely tough, the next one it could be mellow, or one day it could be tough, another day it could, one second it could be tough, another second it could be fine. So we will see what your chief grief journey looks like. So take us into the timeline.
00:05:29
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Okay. So my dad passed away on September 8th, 2017. And my mom passed away on October 4th, 2019.
00:05:43
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Your father had been from illness and your mom was an accident. Yes, my dad yeah had cancer and sadly from diagnosis to his passing was only 18 months. And my mom,
00:05:58
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Yes, was a tragic accident where she was walking her favorite thing to do in the whole world. And she was hit by somebody who was texting and sadly died on the spot. And one of the things we talked about in the last episode and episode one oh four, the last time we talked was the fact that the person that was responsible for her death was not passed away basically before any anything could be done in terms of justice component of it as well, correct? Yes, because when you have someone who dies suddenly, like my mom did, there's no closure. There's no ability to say goodbye. You couldn't prepare yourself like I could with my dad, even though it went all very quick.
00:06:49
Speaker
I had an opportunity to say goodbye to him. I had a sense that things were not going well with my mom. I did not. And so what I think I spoke about a lot in the last podcast is I looked to the court case that was surrounding this man's ah sentencing sentencing as a way to obtain closure. I felt that I would be able to have an opportunity to do what's called a victim impact statement.
00:07:15
Speaker
and possibly see him face to face and just give my mom's life through that experience. Meaning by just saying, this is who she was. This is what we missed about her. This is what we no longer get to experience within my mom and what she's missed out on. And, you know, tragically I never got a clear answer, but I do believe that he took his own life and through that happening was really where I had to allow the actual grief of losing my mom to come through because I was very distracted and very, it gave me some focus, this court case and what would happen in this man. And, you know, it was a felony. and Would he get jail time? And when that was taken away, it was like the veil was lifted. Like, oh, wow, I lost my mom. And what are the feelings that come with that? You know, which ultimately is the most important stuff to deal with.
00:08:13
Speaker
Okay. So let's talk then about that because of the first episode it had, there were certain things to, that one was really, really recent. It had only been yeah like six months or so after your mom's passing that we recorded that conversation. And then we talked a year later, and then you were also dealing with things like the sale of your childhood home and the things that are there, the things that represented connected you to them. So as you were mentioning, then you were feeling as if the things, the person responsible that these were the ways that you were going to find closure in her passing. Yet you had to find different ways. So so what were these ways after these veils, as you mentioned, were lifted that you started to really dig into your emotions and the grief.
00:09:05
Speaker
Thanks Kendra. That's actually a very good reminder for me that yes, I was also distracted by the sale of their house. And though it was not the house I grew up in, it was the house that my parents moved to when I was in college. So it was still attached to my older childhood years. and So that in the court case really distracted me. And once those things were done and in some way, I had to really dig into my
The Duality of Joy and Grief in Family Milestones
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grief. And where I think we also left off, that's very fitting of that is I had started to work with a grief counselor who specifically dealt with grief. And it was really the first time Lisa, she's amazing. She's still in my life two years later. Specifically, yes, grief is not linear. There's no timeline.
00:09:47
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You can feel one way on a particular day and the next day, something else, or sometimes honestly in the same moment, like some, I can sometimes hear a song that reminds me of one or both of my parents and it can bring me to tears, but it also can like make me laugh depending upon what it is. And, you know, even sometimes, and I'm sure this is part of the process as well, it makes me angry.
00:10:10
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It makes me angry. What I heard myself say on the last podcast, and I think this is a feeling that will probably never go away, which is seeing people have what you no longer have and wishing you did. So when I see someone in my town, particularly if it was somebody who knew my parents of a similar age, of course, they would never want that person to experience what I have, but just seeing them sit there with their parents and their grandkids and in my town, the way that it was in my mind and heart the way it was supposed to be for me with my parents can both make me angry and make me sad.
00:10:49
Speaker
And that's also the case for you when you have any major life celebrations. Does that also come up and during those times? Like that part of like, I wish I had mom, daddy, or you were mentioning just recently you had a big family celebration for a bar mitzvah. for So explain how that feels and how are you in those moments at these moment that these emotions come up How are you navigating them? Absolutely. yeah When I also just kind of before I get into the family event that just happened, I realized in listening to the last podcast that that came out ironically for so I didn't tell you this before the call.
00:11:35
Speaker
I think it was April 11th, 2022, and we're recording this on April 10th, 2024. So it's it came out the podcast. I think we recorded it in January of that year, almost exactly two years to the day of today. So I must have had a sense that we needed to catch up Kendra, which I thought was funny. But when I did the math, I realized that that was also just a few months from my oldest child graduating from high school, Mallory.
00:12:00
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And not just any high school, my high school, and not just my high school, but 30 years to the day that I graduated that high school. And two years later, I still remember the deep, deep emotions I had that day. I mean, I had the regular emotions any parent would feel about their child graduating from high school and leaving the nest, but I literally could see images of my parents. It was on the high school football field.
00:12:27
Speaker
30 years ago of cheering me on, of having, like imagining them having the same emotions that I had about Mallory they had about me. And particularly my mom, you know, again, that anger, feeling anger that like she should have been at this graduation. There was no reason to have believed that my mother wouldn't have seen Mallory graduate from high school. Then you fast forward to two years later this past weekend, we had the Bar Mitzvah for my brother's son Aaron. And in just a little side note in the Jewish religion, the bar mitzvah is usually when the child turns 13th and 13. And it's the belief that it's like their entry either into manhood or womanhood. So my parents always loved a good party. They always loved family and celebration and nothing would have made them happier than to be at this event. and
00:13:18
Speaker
I really like, my brother had created this montage of like pictures and my parents were in it and I couldn't help but feel emotional about it. and And again, feel sad that they weren't there, but what came through that I wanted to add that I think is really an important part of where I am in the grief journey is now that it's been almost seven years for my dad and almost five years for my mom and the general pattern of aging. Now, looking at my friends.
00:13:47
Speaker
And even looking at my husband, who now thankfully still has his parents, what my brother and I have missed, and we talked about this in our sadness at the Bar Mitzvah, was having to deal with parents aging, parents getting sick and in very sad, extreme situations. I've seen a lot of people's parents get dementia, which to me is just talk about grief. Like, it's like people tell me it's as if you're, you know, your parent, the person is there, but they're not there. And to me, that has to be such a deep, deep sense of grief. And what it makes me think of, and I was talking to a friend today about this, it's even in the worst of situations, your podcast is about grief and gratitude, you can have gratitude. So I can still have gratitude that
00:14:40
Speaker
rather Ross and I did not have to contend with watching our parents age. We did not have to watch our parents lose the ability. I know of some of my friends' parents, ah friends, excuse me, um not be able to drive. Like we, i in particular, I have a friend of my mom's who's now developed some balance issues where she can no longer drive herself. And then I would start to think about my parents, like how difficult that would have been for them to lose their independence. So this is the flip side, right? My parents were in their 70s. I lost them earlier than some. Some lost it much earlier you know lost their parents much earlier. So it's one finding gratitude, even within the toughest situations. And I think it's also realizing, yes, this is what we had to contend with. This is, yes, this is what I'm still sitting in. But this is what I didn't have to deal with.
00:15:32
Speaker
You know, my husband's mom recently ah had gotten diagnosed with breast cancer and thankfully she's doing really well. but Again, it popped up, right? Like nobody's immune. Everybody's parents age. People always eventually lose the people they love. And so we know, that's why I would imagine one of the great services you're doing with these podcasts, Kendra, is teaching people how to navigate grief because none of us get to escape this, right? I think I also talked about how grief looks different for different people. Like grief isn't just somebody physically leaving this earth.
00:16:04
Speaker
It can be the loss of a job, a loss of a relationship. you know it takes It takes shape in many different in many different ways. It does indeed, even just what you were mentioning before, two years ago when Mallory graduated, there was grief there as well, a child growing up. you know it's like So it there's gonna be grief in the joyous moments as well, not just the side sad ones in our lives. And you've experienced all of those pretty much already at your young age as well as and and as a mom. And do you feel that one of the added
00:16:44
Speaker
grief components is not only experiencing your own grief, but what you feel your children are missing. Is that one of the things as a parent, explain how that is when you're not only grieving for yourself, but grieving for what others may be experiencing. Absolutely. So because my husband's parents live in Minnesota and sadly we don't get to see them very often.
00:17:13
Speaker
When my parents passed away, the close, you know, close in terms of distance, grandparents were both taken, you know, lost their lives. So my kids all of a sudden didn't have the grandparent role. And what, how it's really taken shape, whether it's the bar mitzvah on Saturday, whether it's Mallory's graduation, whether it's an Easter holiday or a Jewish holiday, it's like all of a sudden so small. It's either like,
00:17:42
Speaker
me, Matt, and our children and the puppy or even like the bar mitzvah was a lot more on my sister-in-law's side. It was literally like the table I sat at was again my immediate family and my aunt and uncle. That was it. like It was very um sobering. and You know, my kids have expressed it. I would imagine my my littlest one is actually, Thomas is actually the one who seems to talk about it the most. Talk about my parents talk about the things like he likes to wear my mom's jacket. We recently went in their jewelry box and he likes to look at all the jewelry. Now he took a bunch of my mom's jewelry to college and has my father's camera.
00:18:24
Speaker
or a camera remember actually if it was my father's camera, or camera my mom bought up for her. But like my kids have actually held on to the stuff, ironically, in a very healthy way. It's not like in place of the memories. It's not in place of who they were as people. But it's it's a way to keep them alive is something that I've learned from them. But yes, there there's definitely there definitely is a loss. And then even if I could go back to the graduation, I also realized that I really was in conflict with myself at that point because I wanted, and this happens a lot, I wanted that event to be solely about Mallory graduating. I wanted it to be a happy thing. She's moving forward. She's going to the college of her choice. She's a wonderful young woman, but I couldn't help but feel major grief that my parents weren't there.
00:19:13
Speaker
And so I really promised myself that like, whatever I was feeling, I wasn't going to discuss it with her. I wanted her to celebrate being a senior and be happy, but it was difficult. It was the same thing with my nephew on Saturday. It's a celebration. He's with his friends. He's having fun. He's on the
Children's Experience with Grief
00:19:29
Speaker
dance floor. But I knew, and I knew it from my brother Ross, because that's when he said to me, you know, how lucky we actually were to not have to contend with some of the issues that our friends are dealing with now with their aging parents.
00:19:42
Speaker
But I wouldn't have said that to Aaron because that's not what that day was for him. And it's it's a tough balance with children. You know, I know you lost your mom and and I'm sure in some capacity with your beautiful children and happy birthday, by the way, to your Mateo who on the day we' we're recording it, it's his 17th birthday. Unbelievable. Crazy.
00:20:05
Speaker
It's a balance. It's like you you want them to be loving, kind human beings. You want to acknowledge that they must have feelings about these losses as well, especially my moms because they were all older and it was traumatic. But you want them still to be kids. You want them to still be able to celebrate things and not have them have to be attached to grief. And even though they may be attached to grief, like my brother and I on Saturday,
00:20:32
Speaker
It wasn't for Erin and that's okay. Just like it wasn't for Mallory and that's okay because she's allowed to graduate from high school and celebrate and be happy. And PS, that's what my parents would have wanted for her and all of the grandkids.
00:20:48
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah, that that part of seeing those around, like you you can't necessarily project your own emotions onto them as children. It's like, oh, you should feel... But it's so interesting as you're pointing this out, because sometimes I'm like, okay, I want to make sure that if by chance certain emotions are coming up, that maybe I can still like bring them up in case they do giving them permission to feel. but Does that make sense? Like maybe sharing, okay, this is, this is how I'm feeling right now about today. I'm excited for your graduation or I'm excited for your bar mitzvah, but there's other emotions also showing up. And so by maybe sharing that, it gives our children
00:21:35
Speaker
permission if by chance they're also feeling that way to be able to share as well. Is that, is that something that? that Yeah, yes. A hundred percent. And I think it's important to not only give space for your children's emotions, but to let them know it's okay. As I said, for whatever reason, Thomas is the, and he he looks like my mom, so maybe that's why he is the one that's always like,
00:22:04
Speaker
He's already telling me, on your dad's birthday on June 4th, I think we should go to the cemetery and we should write him a card and we should go to this place we love in our town called Susan Lawrence and get a black and white cookie because that was always his favorite and like so tender and so sweet in those moments of, and I'm just like, absolutely, right? No matter what I think about that, it's obviously very sweet. I'm like, yes, let's do it. Let's do it.
00:22:28
Speaker
So it it it is a balancing act. And even honestly thinking about the Burmotsva, it got even deeper in the sense of my sister-in-law, her dad was having a lot of health challenges and he was at the Burmotsva. And so that feeling, and I'm sure she was holding that when she was giving me speeches to her son. So it's like how, you know, I'm sure she really struggled with how do I celebrate my son and still feel the feelings I feel right now? Like my dad is here physically, but he's not doing that well and and and how do I balance all those things? It's tough, right? They never said it was easy to be fair.
00:23:08
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's not easy navigating being a parent, period. But then with the added things that we are kind of thrown at, there's never a manual, right? And even if there were, it wouldn't fit for everybody either because everybody's life is going to look completely different and how it is that you approach life is going to be completely different. But it sounds like, yeah, how how each of your kids is even navigating is just so natural in the way that you're also allowing you know Thomas to be able to have these little memories and attachments you know and connections with them, even though he was the youngest, is just so beautiful. Let me ask you regarding connections, because I know that in our first
00:23:51
Speaker
episode we called it wings of a dove was that correct wings to dove something doves we morning doves morning doves okay it had and and the morning doves had a symbolism for you these little birds for you and how you connected with your parents because you had seen these little birds so before we had recorded the podcast Before we had recorded the positive. So if you can explain that and then I want to talk about that connecting. How do you feel this connection continue and this relationship of daughter and parents continue five, of seven years later? Yes. Well, interesting again that you bring this up because Thomas, though he was the youngest one, both of my parents died. He does seem to have, especially with my mom,
00:24:43
Speaker
deep memories about certain things that he'll share with me. And so he and I were talking about this this morning, but first, to the best of my memory, before we recorded the first podcast, which by the way, was also during the three month shutdown, we started to see these two doves in front of our house. And I don't often see doves in this area. And so every time I saw them and it was leading up to my recording this first podcast with you, I was like, oh my, I said to Matt, my husband, I said,
00:25:12
Speaker
That must be my parents in some way. And that really has continued. Like Thomas was reminding me actually this morning about things I hadn't even remembered, which like my mom was still alive. She had these candles that were not ones you like, but they were like switches. And there was one candle that would always go on by itself. And so she was like, I guess that's your dad, right?
00:25:38
Speaker
I had shared, I think in the first podcast about, I had said it was a love sign, but then Thomas, of course, through the mouth of babes corrected me. and He said, no, it said joy. And I said, love joy. It's all good. That would, even though the battery was not in it, would keep turning on by itself. And so that was my message to continue on with a sense of joy. And where I feel those connections, the deepest, if if I could make it a segue, the one thing that's different is my business.
00:26:08
Speaker
I owned a business called wings of resilience healing. And the word resilient is such a symbolism of both of my parents, but really my mom. She was the most resilient woman I have ever met who no matter what lu life through her, she found a way to literally and figuratively put one foot in front of the other, which is why it's never lost on me the irony of how she left this earth walking.
00:26:38
Speaker
So through my business is where I really feel connected to my parents and particularly because the very first couple I've been doing really, well I do yoga, but I've been doing more Reiki lately for whatever reason, that's been the interest in my clientele. I was blessed with two different friends who had lost their parents, both parents, also close together.
00:27:03
Speaker
And when I was holding space for them, I can't tell you not not only did I feel their parents, but I felt mine. I felt like they were like, see, you can go through terribly hard, painful things and make something beautiful.
Signs and Symbols: Connecting with Deceased Loved Ones
00:27:19
Speaker
You can use it to help as you are with this podcast. You can use this as a way to help other people. I mean, I felt profoundly grateful.
00:27:29
Speaker
that I get to sit with clients that have gone through similar things as me. And in this case, with these two women, women that I had already had an existing relationship with. And one of them who, I think she had met my parents. I knew her mom. She owns a store in our town. And through that, feeling so deeply connected to my parents. Because when I sit in the space that I now rent on a session, session by session based basis,
00:27:59
Speaker
I can feel them. I'm like, they're in every session I do. They're in every time I connect to someone about my story. When I listen to somebody to talk about their loss or their struggle, I've, I've had a client who lost her husband. So then, and she's young and she has young twin teenage daughters. It'll give me a connection to my parents and also again, a gratitude that like,
00:28:28
Speaker
I lost them when I did, but I have my spouse. My children have parents. my parents you know My children knew my parents for a period of time. They got to love and experience them you know more than some, more than some. so But i'm I'm always looking, Kendra, and for signs and and symbols of my parents. And living in the town that I grew grew up in, it's it's easy to like catch a glimpse of something that makes me think of them or connect to them. But I have clients ask me this sometimes, though, like, what if it's not obvious to me? what
00:29:09
Speaker
What if like I'm trying to feel it and I don't? And I'm like, that's when you're not going to feel it. It's like all things in life, when you're looking for it, you're not going to find it. It's like when you were looking for your glasses and then eventually you find they're on the top of your head. Or in front of you. Or in front of you. That's when you don't. If you just literally like open your heart and just ask, like mom and dad send me a sign, like it'll be there. I mean, I learned that from my wonderful therapist, Jane Greer of 25 years, who wrote a whole book about connecting with your loved ones. You know like you have to look for it. you know She used to always talk about lights going out with an out and explanation, the same picture dropping. like And you don't get it necessarily the first time, but when something keeps happening, you're like, oh, wait a minute. Is that you, mom? Is that you, dad? And and those are amazing. But like I said, for me personally, it's it's in my business. it's It's when my kids who also love the three or three of the four are on stage. And I miss them terribly.
00:30:07
Speaker
and i think like You're here. You're just in another place. You have a different venue. You know, that's what I thought at the Bar Mitzvah on Saturday. That's what I thought about Mallory's graduation two years ago, that there was no way that my parents were going to miss their oldest grandchild graduating from high school, my high school, Ross's high school. There's no way they loved Aaron. They always used to say, Aaron, my nephew was the sweetest kid you could ever meet. And he still is. There's no way that they would have missed a party or something so special for one of their grandchildren.
00:30:37
Speaker
So I know they were there and I'm sure if there wasn't so much going on at that event, it would have been an obvious sign. would have you know like My mom loved her martinis. For all I know, there could have been empty martini glass like sitting right next to me. like I'm still here, Liza. I got my drink. you know Yeah. And and those those connections are are fun for us too. They keep us as a room and They can be used as reminders. Sometimes we don't see them and it's okay too. It's okay not to see. Like you said, you you might have not seen the empty martinis if by chance there were any signs because you were in the moment. But that in itself is a gift. The fact that you were able to be present, even if you were missing your parents in that moment, that in itself is a gift of where you are now in your grief, that you're still able to enjoy
00:31:27
Speaker
these these moments that are joyous even amidst a little bit of the grief creeping up as well and the missing. Yeah, absolutely. and the you know The other milestone that I think is important to share because I think it shows people that even if you don't see a sign, there are ways to connect to the people you've loved and lost. I turned 50 this year, big, big milestone.
00:31:50
Speaker
I always missed my parents the most on birthdays because I felt like they're the reason that I'm here and it doesn't seem right that they're not here, but that one in particular was like, oh my goodness, I can't believe they're not here. Maybe you would have had a party and how could I be 50? And you
Lessons and Influence of Parents on Present Life
00:32:07
Speaker
know, everything's fine, but literally, you know, like the blood sugar started to creep up the cholesterol and I started to freak out that like my parents, again, weren't here to like get advice from, talk about family history. And, and and I realized again, you know,
00:32:20
Speaker
particularly going back to the strength and resilience of my mom, she was never somebody who stayed in a problem. She always looked his solution. So I would always say like, okay, Liza, connect to your inner inner Linda Warner, my mom, what would she do? And she she would have had gratitude that she was 50, that she was healthy, and that if the cholesterol or the blood sugar was an issue, she would have dealt with it. She would have, you know,
00:32:45
Speaker
pumped up the exercise, watched the blood sugar, watched what we ate, checked with a cardiologist. like she wouldn't have If she was physically here, she wouldn't have allowed me to sit in the fear of of all that could be and instead deal with what is. What can you do about what is actually here? I think I mentioned in another podcast, but it's worth repeating to honor my mom. She had a book for everything in her closet. like If I was dealing with anxiety, which I have in the past anxiety tax, she had a book on anxiety. Whatever my brother was dealing with, she had a book on that. So she probably would have just gotten a book about like, how do you use your diet to lower your cholesterol? You know, or she would have Googled it nowadays or you know, that's what what we all do. Right. So she, she had a book to be able to know how to be able to help you guys navigate whatever situation you guys were in. Yes. Basically.
00:33:39
Speaker
And that's also such a beautiful way to connect with the people that you've loved and lost. And realize that you haven't, I keep saying loved and lost, but you haven't really lost them. You've lost them in the, and that's a perspective I have gained over the years. you You've lost them in the physical sense, but whether it's the memories, whether it's like, okay, mom, in this mama, what would you have done? If you were sitting in front of me right now, dad, if I was sitting with you in our car, which is where he and I often talk What would you tell me to do as your daughter? What would you have done in this situation? I mean, they were my parents for over 40 years. I knew them really well. So even if they're not physically here, I could probably guess and be right about what they would have offered to me, what they would have said to my children, what they would have thought about something that was going on in the world. And in doing that, I not only honor who they were as humans, but it makes me realize that's how they're still here because they raised me.
00:34:38
Speaker
because they spent their whole life creating a legacy, which is me and my brother, right? You and I have talked about legacy. That's one too that I feel like the longer that they're physically gone from this earth, their legacy becomes so evident. Like even hearing Thomas say, I remember this or or Mallory and Charlie, like all the kids, Nikki, they all say something. I remember when Pop Pop said this or my husband sometimes like your dad and I used to do whatever or We still have my mom's car, finding something in the car that sparks a memory. It's like, they're still here. They're still here. Like, they had very big personalities, so there was no way that they would fully leave our aura.
00:35:21
Speaker
What you're saying about legacy, ah you you hit the nail on the head. I'm horrible with sayings, right? Because I end up like translating from Spanish. But that one, did I say that one correctly? You hit the nail on the head. Is that correct? How it's saying it? You did. You go, girl. You did a really good job, Kendra. I'm proud of you. I usually end up like swapping them. It's like, they're like what was that? like I say it like how it sounds. Oh, you're the perfect hit the nail on the head. yeah but You hit the nail on the head with that part of the legacy that you and Ross are their legacy because you You do know what they would have done in those certain situations and so in those moments in which we do miss their advice. It is that part of just sitting in that moment and thinking okay what would my mom or might in your case your mom and your dad would have done in this situation.
00:36:13
Speaker
And or what would they have told me or what did they tell me in the past when I was navigating ah so you know a situation similar to this? Or what did I observe that they did in their lives in situations like this? And that in itself can be a way then of living that legacy.
00:36:32
Speaker
Sometimes it could be the other way around. Maybe we did have a we had a relationship with our parents that may have not looked the way. Maybe we don't want to do the same things or not. Who knows? like Everybody has different dynamics of what they would have done. But in in your case, that part of really tapping into that and even even asking her to give you some kind of guidance and and clarity for you to be able to make certain decisions and choices that I believe is very wise and it's a way again of connecting. And it and again, I always say this, it's like we're connecting or symbols and things like that.
00:37:15
Speaker
Like if some people may not believe any of this and that is perfectly okay absolutely okay. But for those of us that do, like if these things bring us comfort in our journey, then why not? That's what I say to clients too. You know, i I always say that I can offer to you from my life experience.
00:37:38
Speaker
What worked for me may or may not work for you, but you're going to as a means of survival and moving on find what does work for me. What does calm me down because the other thing that I have learned both about grief and just about healing period is like every client who shows up in my space is me at a different point in the road, for sure.
00:37:59
Speaker
whether the clients that have lost parents. I had another client recently who had a similar anxiety ah journey as I did, like having anxiety around health concerns. and that's when you realize, like, we're just trying to figure this out. And the best thing we can do is just be supportive of each other and give advice. I don't know if it's advice, but, you know, speaking from your life experience and then saying, this is what worked for me. This is how I got through it. This may work for you. It may not, but you will find, right? Because in order sort sort to survive, we're an amazing society. We find ways to survive the most
00:38:40
Speaker
tough, difficult situations that come on the other side. And I constantly say it, but it's the truth. that That is how I honor my parents because no matter what they did go through, they got through it. They did get through it. And you're right. Like a lot of times it is thinking about what they would say to me or what they would do, but it's all people. They weren't perfecting beings. So sometimes it's like, okay, my parents did X. I don't think I'm going to do that. You know, not that often.
00:39:05
Speaker
But I also hear myself saying, whether it's the clients or friends, things that my parents told me that I said that I would never do. But like one of my mom's best sayings was everybody has their stuff and nobody is all bad and all good. So that you should always give people the benefit of the doubt. And I constantly say that to my children, to my clients, to my friends, my brother and I talk about, my brother and I, Ross and I talk all the time about.
00:39:33
Speaker
what mom, usually it's my mom's stuff, but my dad's stuff too. It's just she had a stronger, you know, more forceful person out. And my dad, if he was here, he'd be the first one to say it. Like, do what Linda says, do what your mom says, you know? Like, he was just a daddy bear and so sweet. But he did stick up for what he believed in and he was just the best dad ever.
00:39:56
Speaker
though I would call them mom-isms or Linda-isms because her name is Linda, but they do stay with you. They do, and I
Creative Outlets in Grief Processing
00:40:02
Speaker
do find myself saying them to my children, and it makes sense. it it It's how you survive as a people. It's how you continue, and she did continue. They both did continue to learn and grow as humans and people. and Again, i you know resilient is my favorite word, resilience, because that's what you need to survive g grief. That's what you need to survive anything in life, right? Because we all get hit with stuff. I always say it may look different, but it's the same stuff, ultimately. We all have to find our way through it. And it's what you do with that story. I mean, nothing's more inspiring than listening to these podcasts, I think, and hearing somebody who struggled or went through a loss or a challenge.
00:40:45
Speaker
And they turned it into something that's a gift to others, whether it's a business, whether it's a book, whether it's an art project, you created a play. I mean, I've had different people over the years reach out to me. I had somebody reach out to me who wrote, I think a whole bunch of songs about their parents and their loss and grief and how you deal with grief. And I think that's beautiful. You know, I've shared about dance. I shared about how, I think in the last one, how I did a dance in the memory of my mom.
00:41:11
Speaker
that was the way for me to create closure and to get to say goodbye in a way that I didn't. And like, thank God for dance for me. Thank God I had that chance, you know? And had i didn't had I not gone through what I did and had I not had that beautiful modality of ballroom dancing and that community, I wouldn't be able to do it, but I had it. I had it. It's, you know, again, the gratitude in the middle of all of this pain.
00:41:39
Speaker
Yeah, the gratitude is not to minimize the pain. Absolutely not. It's not at all. And even that part when you were mentioning of always saying, putting things in perspective, it's like, OK, well, I'm not seeing them age right now. We're going through these other things that some of the people are going to mention. And again, it's not a way, again, of minimizing that you miss them and you wish they were here. It's just, again,
00:42:07
Speaker
shifting a little bit of that perspective because the reality is that they are physically not here. So therefore, how do you cope with that is by adding these little kind of reminders of gratitude and things like that in order to build up your resilience as well. ah and you're yeah it just It just helps because again, we are you human beings and we're we we are fragile yet we're strong. because we know we
00:42:39
Speaker
we are were yeah Resilience is its is the perfect word. Everyone needs to share this as I am resilient because it I always say to people, it's that pushback factor. It's like a rubber band. It's it's knowing you can be stretched and you can be challenged and life can throw you, pardon my French, so much shit, but you can rise up. You can pull that rubber band back up. You can put your shoulders back. You can put your feet, as Yogi i always say, firmly on the ground and still march forward. Now, mind you, it's not just that you you're not writing off the pain or how difficult it is because it is, but
00:43:18
Speaker
You also never forget them. i I can't remember right now her name, but I listened to her on, you know, one of the many grief podcasts that I listened to. And she would, had lost her husband and she kept saying, people kept saying to her, when is she going to move on? And she kept saying, I'm not moving on. I'm moving forward with my husband's memory. And then she ended up. Yeah. Nora. mercurny There you go. Amazing. And then she went on and married somebody else, but she said, even when I married somebody else, even when I had a child, my first husband was still with us. He was still there. So I'm not moving on, right? It was so impactful. I'm moving forward. So it's the same thing with my parents. I will never move on from having these amazing parents. They're going to come with us for the ride that we call life.
00:44:11
Speaker
That's, that distinction. Thank you for remembering. Yes, you're right. Nora, it's so important because I don't want anybody to ever think, Oh, I passed it. I figured it all out. No more worrying about losing my, no, it kills me inside. There's no way not to. I had amazing parents. My mom died tragically. My dad died quickly. Life is difficult. I'll never get over it, but it's, how do I cope? How do I help other people who are suffering?
00:44:39
Speaker
How do I guide my children so that they can be successful, wonderful human beings? And then what they do, they also honor their grandmother, their grandfather because of those memories or because of like, well, Manny used to say, you know, my mom used to say X or my, or Papa told me, or or my husband sharing a memory of my dad. Like they were very close. Like it makes me so happy.
00:45:10
Speaker
So as you were mentioning then, we move forward with them, not move on. And i love a
Personal Growth and Resilience Post-Loss
00:45:17
Speaker
yes, I do love that distinction. And that again, the distinction of even holding emotions at the same time, either the joy and the grief, the joy and the grief and the love, the you know grief and anger, as you were saying as well, that is all of these can be held at the same time simultaneously.
00:45:39
Speaker
and it's totally normal and it's okay to you know feel those things. Now, what are some of the tools you mentioned? Dance for you. the The fact that you do yoga, what are other ways that you feel have helped you build up your resilience and now and move through you know your grief? Well, I also mentioned that I had just started two years ago, grief counseling. and that is tremendously helpful. Like right now, Lisa, my grief counselor, she actually had a beautiful baby a couple of months ago. So she's on maternity leave. And actually it's been a really good opportunity while we've had to pause a little bit for me to take out the tools that she taught me to make me also realize how capable I am, how I can handle these moments because you taught, you mentioned
00:46:30
Speaker
my talking about anger and I think that and that feels kind of new to me because I'm a person generally who's not angry who even though it's very healthy to be angry I don't allow that to come up in me and what I have noticed in the last couple years like sometimes I'll go to the cemetery my kids like to go pay the respects to my parents and I'll find when I come back I'm just feel angry and I'll have to really you know lean into that emotion which is not comfortable for realize it doesn't like to be angry. And it's like, I have to say to myself, it's okay to be angry. You can still be angry all these years later that your parents died. You can still be angry that that man was texting and killed my mom instantly. You can still be angry that your kids have to go to a cemetery instead of going to Connecticut to see your parents. I mean, anger is a very real normal emotion, but i I've struggled with it.
00:47:24
Speaker
so I would also say that, and I've said, he said it before is now working with clients and seeing other people going through grief at different stages and being able for me Wiza to reflect upon what I've learned, how I've gotten through it, what I can offer them to help them. That has been so healing for me because I'll sit there sometimes and I'll be like, that was me, but it's not me now, which means I've grown.
00:47:53
Speaker
It means I'm just a little bit further down the road. But then sometimes, like I said, with the anger, I'll have like a breakdown and I'll be like, this stinks. Like I really am sad or angry or hurt or miss my parents or wish it was, you know, different. And and honestly, there are days because I'm always honest here.
00:48:10
Speaker
I still sometimes I'm like, I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't, I don't want to feel grief anymore. I don't want to have to keep going through this or talking about it for like a moment, right? Well, how about like, like we're kids, we stop like, no, I don't want to do this. You know, like little tears i realize that part of my, my personality too. I don't know if you're familiar with, there's a lot of versions, Willy Wonka that just came out or Charlie and the chocolate factories, the books.
00:48:35
Speaker
There's a character named Baruchka. Baruchka. I'm a lot of ways at Baruchka. I want it now. Daddy. I want this. I want that. Not in a bratty way. You're not Baruchka. No, but just like, you know I have a lot of joy and a lot of energy and a lot of passion. And I do think, like we talked about this too, like after my mom passed away, it was like I learned, don't wait. Don't wait. You want to do something and you can do it time-wise financially, do it.
00:49:05
Speaker
don If you want to tell somebody how you feel, if you want to mend a relationship, don't wait. Well, that's how I relate to Veruca. It's like that instant gratification. It's like, I want it now. I want it now. I want it to be this way. I want it now. But I have that in my personality. you know And I have it even in my grief sometimes, which is like that stomping of the foot. like I don't want to feel this anymore.
00:49:27
Speaker
I don't want to have to go through this. Why was I chosen as the one that had to lose their parents, you know, this way? And then I'll turn towards my clients and I'll be like, this is why. This is why you're being called to be the one to listen to these people, to hold space for your clients, to offer your life experience. And had you not gone through this, you wouldn't be able to, you know? and It's humbling in those moments. It's humbling that I get to listen to people's stories and I get to support them and hold space for them. And had I not had these losses, I maybe never would have started doing yoga. I maybe never would have become a Reiki practitioner. I would have continued to dance just for joy and there's nothing wrong with it, but I wouldn't have used it as a healing modality. Um,
00:50:19
Speaker
You know, I've started, I guess another way I can add it is I've gone back to music and within the theater. or You'll appreciate this. So for many years I was in local theater. I took a big break to have children and I'm feeling the itch to go back to the theater, but I haven't quite been brave enough to go do an audition. But I decided to take like a baby step, which is good friends in the theater who actually were also part of the wedding band for our wedding 20, almost 24 years ago. she Carol, she has a woman's choir. It's called Westchester Women's Choir.
00:50:49
Speaker
I joined that choir of probably 80 to 90 women, many of whom I was in the theater with over the years and many of whom I have other connections like when we went to our church and a past teacher colleague. And I started to sing and I started and started to like really connect back to music and the power of music and healing for grief, for gratitude, for joy, to feel, you know, which I did start to feel around the time that like I created that dance for my mom. But this, this is like opening your mouth. Hear it like, I, you know, I can sing. I had forgotten that. That is a gift that God has given me and it's time to use it. And and it's also time to do something that I know gave my parents joy. Like they loved watching me perform. You know, I still remember one of my favorite roles with Adelaide and Guys and Dolls and
00:51:47
Speaker
when my dad came to see it and my, I remember my mom saying, dad doesn't usually say that much. And he said, when he saw you in that role, he said that he really wished that his mom was there. And so I feel like it's also by going back to the theater, by going back to singing and music and that kind of passion within me. And also again, connecting back to my parents because they love to hear me sing. They love to see me perform and my kids do it and they've been doing it.
00:52:12
Speaker
And they are excited. Like, mommy's going back to the theater. Mommy's singing. We want to go see mommy in a show. She comes and sees us in shows. So I am super excited to do that. Like, I i felt the pull. Carol's had this group for many years, and she was so surprised when I called her, but so happy. And it's just, again, it's been connection. And and talk about Greek. It always shows up.
00:52:36
Speaker
So one of the ladies in the group, I was in the musical suite charity when I was in high school and she was charity. And she shared with me the other night that last year she lost her husband suddenly. And she told me the whole story of how he went for a walk, how something happened with his heart, that basically he passed away when nobody was home and how he had just retired. So it reminded me of my parents. And I thought she was a cool name, a real name's Arlene, but her name is Ozzy.
00:53:06
Speaker
And I was like, I remember like being a couple of years older than me in that show, just like looking up to Ozzy and feeling so much love and and gratitude for being able to perform and for her talent. And here I meet her all these years later, back in the feeder, back sharing our joint passion, but she's sharing with me her losses. And so then I told her in the line for the bathroom, I told her about my parents and I told her about the story of my mom. And she just was like,
00:53:33
Speaker
I'm so sorry, Liza, you've been through that. And I said, Ozzy, I'm so sorry, you've been through that. And that's when you realize grief is universal. It doesn't matter whether you're in with people in the theater, in dancing, clients, walking, yoga, whatever you're cooking, walking our dogs. Fine. That way to come together with people because everyone goes through it. And so that was very humbling to me to see somebody that I hadn't seen in like 30 years and have it be at a point where they had recently lost a spouse and, and suddenly that's my mom. I mean, it was just like, and again, I had gratitude because I was like, what was my spouse? And it didn't just happen. So I'm, I'm not a year. I think it was about a year ago. I'm not a year into it. Right. Cause I think you've said to me very lovingly that
00:54:27
Speaker
It's not that it becomes easier. It's just over time and distance. It's not as charged. So I can have a grief moment. I can cry. I can feel legitimate pain, but it's not as like out of control because, and it's not as scary because it's familiar. I used to be very scared of my grief, very scared of feeling my feelings.
00:54:53
Speaker
But now it's like, I know, and lose some of the grief counselor very much like taught me this, that your body will only go to places and feel emotions that it feels safe to feel and is able to feel. So you don't need to worry that emotionally you will go to a place that you can't get out of, particularly with a counselor, particularly with you know people and support. So that that has definitely changed. I know you said that too. I think with distance and experience and support,
00:55:24
Speaker
you're not as afraid of these wrongs. And I'd like to think, I give myself more permission to feel it. You know, my again, I said it, I heard of this video, I guess, but it's it's such an important motto, which is you have to feel it to heal it. You have to feel it to heal it. There's no shortcuts, there's no way through it, but through it, right? Those kinds of things. It's the truth. You're not gonna lose somebody and be able to shut it off and just kind of brush it under the rug and move on. You may think that,
00:55:52
Speaker
But eventually those emotions come up. And maybe in a circumstance you don't want so the best thing you can do for yourself is to support get support from friends from grief, I mean I'm a huge proponent now of grief counseling I mean I was before but I don't think that I was brave enough, and everything kind of aligned with we say I was telling that story.
00:56:12
Speaker
made such a difference. And I think my pause with Lisa while she has her baby and enjoys her little boy is realizing these are the tools that I have. These are the things I can do for myself, myself, right? Because we're only ultimately with ourselves all the time. So you need to not only again, going back to the last one, realize that you are your own home, but you are also your best source of support and inspiration. And in those trying times, you are the one that's going to get you through like Yes, Liza, you can feel sad. Yes, you can be angry that your parents aren't at your brother's graduation, but you're also not going to stay there because they would be very angry at me if they thought I went to that graduation and all I did was cry. All I did was feel sad that they weren't there.
00:56:55
Speaker
No, I was like, oh my God, like so did I just cry about Mallory and Reggie? My baby girl, she's leaving home.
00:57:05
Speaker
Yeah, no you've said so much in these last few words that you've mentioned, and it it is it is true. We can access those emotions and know that we'll be able to get out of them. are Our mind will be able to get out of it But again, we have to allow allow ourselves to feel, and you you were saying that our body will not not let us go somewhere, that your therapist was saying this, yes? That it will not let us go to an emotion unless it has the tools to relieve and... Unless you're ready to handle it. Yeah, ready to handle it, navigate. So don't be afraid of emotions.
00:57:49
Speaker
and tapping into them and if you need again someone to hold space for you as you're going through through something like that, finding a grief coach or grief counselor or friend, a family member, someone that can hold space for you as you navigate, that that can also be very helpful if by chance you need that accompaniment in that journey. So as we're wrapping up, Liza, because it's been such a joy, of course, hearing you talk and you always... Always an honor, my friend. No, you just have you just have such a light it within you that just shines in your words as well. Is there anything I have not asked you that you want to share with the listeners and then afterwards, Bull?
00:58:34
Speaker
share a little how they can get a hold of you, especially if they live near your air. Well, I think it's a perfect place to end, which is five years out, seven years out, almost for my dad. If I really was to encapsulate where I am is I have really figured out who I am without my parents here. And really that's about who want who is Liza, right? What makes me tick?
00:59:03
Speaker
What do I love? What am I passionate about? And it's made me become fiercely independent because I had no choice, right? I think I talked about having amazing parents who did a lot for me, probably more than they should have. And that feeling of, and somewhat of what I just said, knowing that I can handle things, that I'm so much more capable than I thought I was, that has been a huge, huge, beautiful lesson and grief because when we are forced to be strong, when we are forced to deal with life changing situations, we find ourselves. We find who you are. So, you know, that's what I can happily say. Like me, Liza, at 50, I've never been more clear on who I am, what I believe in, how I feel, how I can best help people. And I think that that puts me in a
00:59:56
Speaker
really beautiful position to be in the seat of the person listening, the person holding space. Cause I said, I've been blessed with so many and support is so important to people who have supported me and they still do, but it's also been nice to step back and be like, I can hold space for people. I can support them. And I have so much to share over the last seven years of this grief journey and within my life. And so that's what I would really tell people.
Empowering Others Through Shared Grief Experiences
01:00:22
Speaker
You know, you said we can do hard things, loved one and Doyle, like best book ever. And she inspires people every day. And it's the truth. You can, we can withstand so much more than we think we can. Unfortunately, you know, should we have to know, you know, it breaks my heart for myself and for others to see people go through great pain. But unfortunately, through great pain comes great lessons, comes strength and resilience within them there that you need to sustain life, to enjoy life.
01:00:52
Speaker
and to grow as humans. Oh, perfect. And it's so empowering for you then to now realize, wow, I am capable of doing XYZ that I thought I was always dependent on my parents to do. him like it's a you know you've yeah As you said, you know who you are. You're empowered within yourself and the grief has yeah empowered you and empowered you to now also be that person that holds space for someone else because you could have not necessarily opened wings of resilience. you know You didn't have to do that, but yeah that was what you were called to do and be able to navigate your grief that way as well as empower others in their grief journey and hold space for them. Absolutely.
01:01:39
Speaker
And I think one last important message too, with my turning 50, when I was really like struggling with my parents not being here and what it meant to be 50, I realized that actually Going into a new decade for me, Liza and leaving the decade behind between 40 and 50 when I lost both of them and went through that pain was also so freeing and so empowering and such a big part of how I sit in front of you today, Kendra, because I was like, again, I can do hard things. I can go through like gut wrenching horrible things and I will never forget my parents. It will never be easy. It will never not be painful.
01:02:19
Speaker
But I can leave that decade behind and say, I made it through it. I got through it. I was able to sustain. And now, yes, I could have not opened this business. I could have decided not to hold space for other people and gone up and do something else, which would have been OK. But it just felt so right that I should support people the way I'd been supported. And that by doing that, I would honor the memory of my amazing parents.
01:02:46
Speaker
It is so wonderful to hear you in this other light, kind of, I do, a few years later. And it is different. You do sound different. It's like when I hear you talk now in this interview, because I'm like, when you approach me, like, oh, can I be on your podcast again? And I'm like, sure, or like, let's do it. And at the same time, like, OK, what are we going to talk about? Well, let's talk about what grief looks like now. And seeing this really,
01:03:16
Speaker
you know, growth within you and the the all it's, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. Thank you. Well, that was my hope was by showing up every once in a while, giving people hope and knowing that the first time we spoke, you know, it was in a fog and rightfully so. It only been six months and COVID happened. We were all in a fog. Then I went through all the trauma of the house.
01:03:41
Speaker
and everything that was surrounding the court case. And now two years later, this is me. And this is where I am. And this is what I learned. And and this is how you can take you know painful, difficult situations and find the goal.
01:03:59
Speaker
Yeah, transform them. Okay, now let's talk about how people can get a hold of you. Do
Guest's Services and Continuous Learning
01:04:05
Speaker
you only work with people locally in your studio or do you also work with people remotely and share what kind of offerings you have? Yes. I also work with people remotely. I work with people in person as well through either yoga, individual sessions, again, can be on Zoom, small group.
01:04:26
Speaker
Reiki can be distance Reiki. So it can be on zoom or you can come into the office, you know, and be on that beautiful massage, you know, the heated massage table. I also, you know, I don't claim to be a life coach. I always believe in like, you know, the certifications and stuff. But when I say coaching, it's this speaking from my life experience, offering you words of wisdom from things that I have been through. And the way that you can find me is I have a website I'm very proud of.
01:04:57
Speaker
wings of resilience healing.com or my Instagram handle that also has that connection, which is wings of resilience healing. And on my Instagram, I often not as much now I'll get back on, but I, there's a lot of videos about how I've gotten through certain things and a lot about my story and my journey and dance and, and, and all of that joy. And, you know, I'm always like learning and growing.
01:05:26
Speaker
um I'm looking to do some different, whether it be yoga certifications, I still would like to do my Reiki Master Ship, which is the one piece that I don't have. So I hope the next time we speak, I can add those to my resume that I'm like now at Reiki Master and I've done some additional trainings because I always believe in learning and growing. That's why we're here.
01:05:47
Speaker
Because like Linda Warner, there's always another book you can learn from. So just like they like dot yeah like your mother, you are constantly learning. So here you are. And I chuckle. Yes, thank you. Because we always say, oh i don i don't want I'm not going to be like my mom. And then sometimes I'll open open my mouth and I'm like, I sound just like my mom.
01:06:11
Speaker
When you were saying before that you would say something, the little sayings that your mom would say, and they did like, oh, wait, I never thought I'd say that. It makes me realize, and I may be this, the ah for you to having teenagers or even just the kids now, I was like, oh, wait, they actually are listening because here I am repeating everything my mom used to tell me, right? Yes. yeah As much as, you know, we fight against it because we want to be our own people.
01:06:39
Speaker
you They do influence you in the most beautiful ways. to and just as you know i hope I hope that it's all bad things that my kids remember about me. Hopefully they remember the good stuff, the nuggets. you know and you know Thomas has been really the one that has come along for the ride with me, but like my daughter too, she's done a little bit of yoga. I'm doing an event coming up when she gets home from college and, you know, hopefully I can do, you know, bring them in to my world in a way that works for them. And ah I can give them some tools because, you know, we don't know. My daughter's in her second year of college. My son's a junior in high school. Yeah. We know your son's 17 today. Everybody grows up and hopefully goes into the world and makes their own contribution in their own way.
01:07:22
Speaker
in their own way and their own and that that that is important there in their own way and we never want to i I say this to the listeners just because someone that you've heard has done something with their grief in a way that maybe is public per se like a podcast or like you having your your business it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to go and do the same thing It just gives you an idea of what grief can look like for others and what people do with their grief.
Unique Expressions of Grief and Closing Remarks
01:07:51
Speaker
you're You can, as an individual listening to this, you could probably be just baking cakes in honor of your loved one you know and nobody may know. And it's okay. it's That is absolutely okay. It never has to be an outward expression. There's no cookie cutter way. No cookie cutter. thing i mean
01:08:10
Speaker
we're all needed our contributions are all needed and they all look different like and even somebody who's a yoga teacher like I am or a reiki practitioner or no two right because I'm not the same as somebody else We're all uniquely ourselves. We're not going to even be doing the same thing the same way, if that makes sense. So yes, I always say do you. Do you. Do you and be proud. Okay, so with that, we will end this podcast, this conversation again with Liza Peterson. Be you, be yourself. and Do you, be you, be yourself.
01:08:43
Speaker
for you and in that way, you will also be a shining light for others just by being true in alignment with who you are. So thank you, my dear. Thank you, my dear friend. It was an honor to be here again with you. An honor to have you.
01:09:06
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
01:09:34
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.