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Ep. 217 – The Book of Mormon: Lusted, Thrusted, & Smote
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This week we continue our journey through the Book of Nephi! Chapters 3 & 4 find Nephi and his scumbag brothers (who God has appointed him to rule over because they are bad and he is so, so good) on a quest to obtain the sacred plates of brass on which is inscribed the history and genealogy of the Jewish people. However, the wealthy and powerful Laban isn’t exactly eager to give them up, and let me tell you, holy hijinks are bound to ensue… Join us on a magical journey as we slowly but surely convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!
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Transcript
Introduction and Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
Luluman and Lemuel did speak many hard words unto us. This all has so many like sexual overtones. He spoke many hard words unto us. They're younger brothers and they did- This explains why Joseph Smith took many wives. Oh, to add insult to injury or literally. And they did smite us even with a rod.
00:00:28
Speaker
Oh, God. Lusted, thrusted into a cavity and then smote them with their rod.
Podcast Goals and Avoiding Politics
00:00:57
Speaker
Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Growing Up Christian. I'm Sam. I'm Casey. And we have a goal tonight. It wasn't an official goal we talked about earlier, Casey.
00:01:09
Speaker
ah so and well I'm curious to see if anyone in the Discord maybe. keeps a tally on how well we do, but our goal is to avoid politics tonight. We are just burnt out like everybody else. This doesn't count as talking about politics. Talking about not talking about politics doesn't count as talking about politics.
00:01:30
Speaker
um But yeah, so last week was ah pretty heavy on it as it kind of needed to be, as that's what was on everybody's mind. Not that it's not, um but Casey and I were even talking about, we were talking about, we were trying to like just not consume so much so we don't crash our cars into the forest on our way to work. It's very depressing, things are obviously not great. So our goal, we're back in the Book of Mormon tonight.
Exploring Mormon Beliefs and College Memories
00:01:56
Speaker
We're seriously considered converting. um They have some great,
00:02:02
Speaker
ideology around like end times and stuff so we're not gonna get into the end times tonight but like it's they get some good shit you know I've seen the pamphlets the world that's coming next looks gorgeous if you're Mormon so I'm on the fence um but we'll see if ah reading through this together um it in in it's kind of representative of our of my old college Bible studies that I started um did you Did you ever do any Bible study stuff in college or were you did you avoid it?
00:02:33
Speaker
I may have gone to like one or two. I always felt like I should, but then I always like found a reason not to. Yeah. You had to jerk off or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. You had to do a over the shirt boob grab in the back of your truck behind Sonic, you know, something like that. Nobody will ever know the the level of of effort that went into finding places to park out of sight where you could make out like at Liberty. it Yeah.
00:03:02
Speaker
It took ingenuity and right when you fought thought that you had like found a good spot, somebody would roll up on you or you get like caught by security or the police would be like, Hey, what are you doing in here? It's like they were looking for it. Like they were just looking for people. They this they knew there was so much pent up sexual energy on campus. They're like.
00:03:23
Speaker
They just knew all they had to do is drive because and you we weren't good about it. Right. Like we're like, you know what we should do? We should go to the farthest corner in the darkest part of the parking lot and no one will see us. And it's like you just you can see the fogged up windows from like a mile away. Right. Like it's the the lights of the parking lot are bright enough to just cast a nice sheen over those fogged up windows. And they could they just would always roll up.
00:03:50
Speaker
And you think that you're, you're evading campus police, but it's more like, uh, one of those old movies, like the old werewolf movies where it turns out the whole town is werewolves all transform and come after you. Cause the minute you start having any sort of like, uh, uh, uh, romantic encounter.
00:04:11
Speaker
of even of the most benign sword everyone on campus is looking to spoil it they they want they want you so bad and if you ever saw like that was so funny that dude holy shit I actually forgot about how like ravenous and animalistic people were about ruining your time like if they saw they would come and pick kids people college students because they knew it was like forbidden and it was just so funny to fuck with that people would just come and like bang on windows and shit and try to interrupt and i forgot about that Every time every time somebody roll up
00:04:47
Speaker
What percentage of um of Liberty students do you think saw their first pair of tits under the blue hue glow of a Walmart sign?
Youthful Indiscretions and Liberty Students
00:04:58
Speaker
Oh, it's got to be high. It's got to be real high. Yeah, it's at least 60%. Yeah. So sweaty in there, and you can't afford gas, so it's not like you can just leave the car running with the AC on. No, you can't. You just crack the windows and sweat it out. It's like like like banging inside of a balloon in the microwave or something.
00:05:27
Speaker
coach ah What weird times, it's funny the stuff that comes back to you and you don't like, as soon as you start talking about it, all it takes is one person to bring up something that triggers like a flood of memories. Cause I was thinking about it, I actually was thinking about this tonight. um For whatever reason, it was like, oh, if I was going to be interviewed and I was going to try to come up with like stories to have on deck, I was like, you draw a blank. Like I couldn't think of like, I know there's so many funny ones, but like,
00:05:56
Speaker
If trying to think about them like ahead of time, it's like so much of it is like retriggered in context. And, uh, I, yeah, I couldn't think of, I really couldn't think of it like a single story when I was trying to. Yeah. It is funny how that works. Just blank out. I don't know. That was a weird place. There was a lot of funny things that happened there. Yeah. A lot of, uh, stress and, and worry over.
00:06:22
Speaker
the Just the most benign things in the world. Oh my god so much worry about an absolute nothingness ah but I mentioned Bible studies and ah and what we're doing here and it's funny because though I Obviously, I was like the goody two-shoes, right? Like and that was around friends that was like I always had that looming fear in the back of my mind that my friends were gonna be the ones to like Defect because they didn't go to church anymore or something like that I was like, oh I want to make sure i want I felt like I need to be like
Disney Channel, Parenting, and Nephi's Story
00:06:53
Speaker
the ringleader on like keeping my friends faith together for whatever narcissistic idiot reason I had and so I would I would suggest like starting Bible studies here and there and
00:07:07
Speaker
I remember doing one at a friend's apartment and it was funny because there was a couple kids that I was close to that lived there and one sometimes would just be like, yeah, I don't think I'm up for it. Like and he would either nap or just sit in his room and listen to music or something. And I was always like, that's a bad sign. Like this guy's.
00:07:25
Speaker
Like it's, it's here. You don't even have to go anywhere. You just have to leave your room and you can't even do it. Like I was so judgmental about it. Uh, funny thing now, uh, I'm not really friends with him anymore. Uh, I should say I'm not friends with him anymore. We have not talked. and Uh, at least a decade, but it was, um, my understanding from, from mutual friends is that like, he became like a missionary or some shit. And I was sort of surprised by that, but not, you need to pull the log out of your own eye. Yeah, I guess so on the twig out of his.
00:08:02
Speaker
But really all we would do is we would literally just like, oh, what book of the Bible do we wanna go through? We would like pick a book and we would just read it and like stop at points and talk about it. And when we whenever we go through stuff like this, it gives me flashbacks to when I would try to like lead or orchestrate like a Bible study in my Liberty days. And and a lot of the same things that happen, you know, oh oh, that's interesting. And then you talk about it and you go off on tangents. Only this time we're making fun of something instead of trying to take it seriously.
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah, which is turns out is way better. ah way I used to dread those situations though. like I never liked those close-knit study group sort of environments. like I remember there was a guy at our, there was a guy that went to my school that was like, ah I think he's still in ministry and he was always like the guy that would try to initiate like some sort of you know, ah emotional talk about faith sort of thing, you know, like he would come up to you and be like, be like, so, um so let me ask you, like, what is God doing in your life right now? You're just like, I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to do this. Please don't make me do this. yeah and I always avoid it. Because you had to make shit up. That's why you had to make shit up. Like we weren't in an environment where you could be like, I don't know.
00:09:27
Speaker
not I guess not much. They're like, no, brother, you're not you're just not listening. See, the Lord's always moving and working in your life. You just have to be open to it. And you're like then you just get like, sermon to, so you have to lie. And you think about like, the last good thing that, dude, I found a nickel on my way.
00:09:44
Speaker
And i think it and on it someone had there's a little scratch and that scratch kinda look like a cross and and then it got me thinking and then you just like go down this like you just try to make all these like weird loose ass connections just so you can look like you're invested in a spiritual life.
00:10:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it's like, ah it's well, it prepared me for my career because now I have to just like blow V8 about sales stuff now and then. Yeah. You're good off like you're good off the cuff with anything. like You could just kind of walk into a room. like Do you get like an anxiety when you're in front of people or do you just feel yourself? No, I don't really, not anymore. I've just done it so much. Like I speak in front of people like all the time. So I don't really, I don't really care about it anymore. It's like, if it, it depends on the subject though. Like if I have to speak about something that I'm not familiar with or like I have to, you know, learn a new presentation or something, I know I can get through it.
00:10:51
Speaker
But I worry that like, I'm not gonna, like I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna make my way through it in a cohesive way. But yeah, I usually can get through it. No problem.
00:11:02
Speaker
It's funny. yeah In my experience, it's normally like I get worried and I'm nervous the whole time, but ah i' and I'll be in my head about it. And then you notice every little like trip up. You're like you stutter for a second and you go back like all very normal human things that happen in everyday interactions. And you you get wicked in your head about it. And then like afterwards, people are like, yeah, that was good. Yeah. yeahre ah I was in my head about it. how was it like It was fine. like i don't know what you were There's nothing to not feel fine about. like i don't like The last time I had to present, I had to do a little like presentation. at ah When you work in a school, you have like PDs, professional developments, and it's not really professional development. it's just like
00:11:48
Speaker
we're gonna keep you late this day and make you miserable for an hour um and we're gonna tell you information that we think you need to know but you don't really need to know and you don't really do anything with and it's kind of our it's all arbitrary but i had to i had to present for one of them at one point for um one of the services a couple of the like ah services that we're connected with in our district that we'll do like referrals to and different ways it can help families stuff like that and I was like oh my god I was like so in my head about it and
00:12:25
Speaker
And it's funny cause like my school's not that big. Like I have, ah I have at least a working relationship with everybody there. And I still got like dry mouth and shit. I was nervous and I knew what I was talking about too. Like I was just like, and every time I like stepped over my words or something, I'm like, it would get like worse after that in my head. And then of course afterwards, everyone's just like, awesome. That was super helpful. Thanks for letting us know. like Super normal it's like more like talking it's like if you're just talking to a bunch of friends is like no one there is going to judge me no one's like This guy's a bad order. It's just like they I'm a guy they work with giving them information. They're not thinking really about They're not taking no one's taking it that seriously, but I so i still get that do I get like really in my head when I'm presenting information
00:13:15
Speaker
I feel like the the ultimate like test of mental gymnastics in those situations is like we do, so my company, we sell like automotive products. So you end up doing a lot of training with like service advisors and technicians and stuff. Some of which is like classroom training where you're presenting like a PowerPoint or something. But then we also do these like, uh, demonstrations. So we'll like.
00:13:41
Speaker
have test tubes and a torch and you like do these different things to kind of show how like products work and stuff. And like, there's nothing more like nerve wracking or nothing that'll shake you quite like working your way through one of these demonstrations and suddenly like realize that something's not right.
00:14:02
Speaker
yeah like You get to where you kind of have, a you kind of understand what things look like along the way. And like, when you see like the telltale sign that like, Oh, this is not going correct. Like I didn't do something correctly here. Like what, what exactly is wrong? So then you have to like, we're going to put the baking soda in the the volcano. It's pretty much it. Yeah. So then it's like.
00:14:29
Speaker
It's so difficult, but you have to like you have to make a decision right there, whether you draw attention to it and fix it, if you know what's wrong, or if you try to bluff your way through and act like everything's normal. and it's so like Today, I was working with a guy, and he's really good at those kinds of things, but you know we use ah sulfuric acid for some of the demonstrations.
00:14:56
Speaker
And it degrades over time. So when it's when you first get it, it's it's like a clear amber color and it's super strong. Like it'll burn through like shop rags and cardboard and stuff. No problem. Like in the blink of an eye. It's a liquid.
00:15:11
Speaker
Yeah, it's in like a little plastic dripper bottle. And and as so it burns through tons of shit, but plastic is fine. Well, it's like, it's like a breaking bad. You got to have the right kind of plastic. Okay. You know, you don't want to put it in your bathtub. Is that the kind of plastic that's just, that we're just micro dosed with throughout our entire bodies? I don't know. Maybe keeping all your acids in. Maybe it's good to have a little wall of that on your stomach.
00:15:38
Speaker
yeah
00:15:40
Speaker
But as it like as it deteriorates, it turns black. It's like oxidizes, it turns black, and then it it doesn't it's not as strong anymore. And eventually it just gets to a point where like it's basically benign. It doesn't really do much of anything. So like when somebody's doing demonstrations and they pull out a bottle of like black acid, like you're immediately kind of on watch like, oh, that doesn't look like it works well.
00:16:06
Speaker
Yeah, so the guy today we were talking through, you know, he was training and stuff. And, uh, if it were me and I used once and it didn't work right, I would bail on the rest. Like I wouldn't go into more demonstrations with that same thing because I know it doesn't work right. And dude, this guy just kept buckling down. He, like one of them, you'll start by like pulling a shop rag. You have somebody hold a shop rag and you'll like spray a big, you know, line of it on the rag and it eats through it. Like in their hands, you know, you can kind of just pull it apart like string cheese.
00:16:41
Speaker
And, uh, so he's like, has one of the guys holding it and he puts a big dollop of it on the middle of the rag and there's just, there's just nothing happening. And I know what's happening. So I'm just like nervous for him. And I'm like, do I, do I step in? Do I try to bail him out? Do I, you know, and like, he just kept rolling with it.
00:17:03
Speaker
And like when one rag didn't work, he like assumed it was the rag. So he kept pulling out more and more rags and doing the same thing. And it's like, yeah done rag like yeah the rags are the same. Nothing changed about the rag.
00:17:16
Speaker
And then, so like, he's got like four rags sitting there with big dollops of this black acid on them and nothing's happening. And then the owner of the group walks up and he's like, what do we got going on here? And he's like, well, let me show you. And he starts over again with another rag. I'm like, dude, it's not gonna work.
00:17:34
Speaker
but well yeah
00:17:39
Speaker
we could but like The ultimate bailout is dropping the test tube. That's that's the that's the the carpet term for like you bail on the demo. like You flip the table and run. serves you If you look down and suddenly you realize that nothing's happening in your test tube or it's not doing the right thing, you go, who and you smash it on the floor. and Then you get to start over.
00:18:05
Speaker
done I have done that before. You just go all Butterfingers, you like juggle it a little bit, like get real comical with it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, like ah like a Disney Channel show. I go all Gordo with it, like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:18:23
Speaker
ah oh gordo It's speaking at Disney Channel shows, so I don't obviously have any connection to anything on the Disney Channel anymore, but it's probably good. No, it's yeah, right. That's a red flag if you're a 36 year old man that watches Disney Channel shows. um But when we we had a ah a little big snow a couple weeks ago. And we decided to go to our friend's house that we're close to. They got kids. um Their daughter is really good friends with my daughter. And we were like, there are some of our best friends in the world. So we're like, ah okay, snow's coming. Let's just go over there.
00:19:06
Speaker
and we'll just get snowed in there and make a night of it, have play some games, have some fun. So that like the next day, when the kids got up the next day, they're all just, we're like, oh, you know, just wanted to watch TV and shit. So they put on, it was, some Ariana Grande, she had a show on Disney Channel, which I didn't even know that she was in a Disney Channel show. But when you, I don't, dude, I'm convinced, because I've tried to get my kids to rewatch some of the stuff that I watched when I was a kid. Like my next one is Even Stevens. I'm gonna sit down, I wanna sit down and watch Even Stevens with a kid. I wonder if that holds up.
00:19:46
Speaker
And ah my friends whose house we were at, they they re what they did that recently and they said it's it's good. ah It still is good. um So like I feel like we had some quality Disney shows um for a time. ah To me, people like people liked Drake and Josh, but I feel like that was the big fall off for Disney. I thought that was absolute garbage, just everything's way over acted, over scripted. It's all trashy and stupid. And the amount of joke, like they try to like do the sitcom like JPMs where they just like every, ah oh, if we have to go 10 seconds and then drop in a uproarious laugh track over like somebody tripping. Like it's just, it's awful.
00:20:29
Speaker
and they were they were watching the one I don't remember what the show is maybe listeners will know it but there's there's one that Ariana Grande was in and I didn't know that she started on Disney Channel um and now she's in Wicked so like good for her she's great like like huge recording artist and stuff yeah she's in and she has an incredible voice like she's and apparently I haven't seen Wicked but apparently she was incredible in it like when you watch her in this she plays like an airhead idiot and it is the cringy shit i've seen on television in the last twenty five years of my life i i could i couldn't stomach to be around i couldn't hear it without getting like kind of mad like it's so dumb it's it makes you kind of mad that like
00:21:12
Speaker
and what i hate is like when you see kids like try to like copy the humor they see in their modern day television shows and i'm like that's not you like that's not real you're you're copying that and it's forced and it's stupid you need to stop um if i had kids i'd only let them watch eric andre yeah And it's so funny because ah ah so our friend's daughter like my kids have messenger kids um And for people who don't know what that is. It's just whatever it's ah it's meta corrupting entire generations is what it is, but
00:21:46
Speaker
It's like my kids, I can see every message my kids send and receive. I can, like you have full control over their messaging abilities and you decide which friends they can add and can't. It's, it's cool. Like it's, and my friends have some, ah my kids have friends at school they love and they want to talk to and they get home and it's cute. Like we let them use it, but our, my kids are super responsible. Like with it, they'll, they always ask. They never just do it without permission. Like.
00:22:15
Speaker
it's where we have a pretty good lock on it. And um but our friends, ah their daughters a little bit more like she's a little bit more like ah conniving in ways, you know, so she's not so they won't let her use it they're just like no you don't you're not we don't trust you enough to have messenger kids and she's like what they get to have it why can't i have it oh my god their family's so much better than ours and she gets like so melodramatic about it and i was dying because i was like when they were watching this 88 show with ariana grande and i was like cringing inside the whole time i was like this is
00:22:57
Speaker
I was like, if you guys need something for later, when she gives you shit about stuff that we let our kids do that you don't let your kids do just room you can let her know that I refuse to let my children watch stuff like this. eight I will not be in the same room as it ah when my kids watch dumb shit. I go after like 10 minutes ago. Well, that's enough of that. I'm not listening to this. I hate it. And then it's making me angry. And my kids like, I can't what we can't watch it.
00:23:28
Speaker
Our friends get to watch it. I'm like, and there you go. Everyone's family's a different. I hate it so much. I won't let my kids watch really dumb shit. And with all the shade, not shade, but all the times we've talked about like what our parents would and wouldn't let us watch and stuff like that. Like I think about that a good bit because I i i watched Pokemon as a kid all the time. I loved Pokemon. And it, my kids have started watching it.
00:23:56
Speaker
And it's so dumb. it that That show is so fucking stupid. every Every line in it is dumb. um And it's also weird to watch because they're like, you know, this is my pet Pikachu, but I'm gonna like exhaust him to near death to fight a Pokemon so I can walk away with a little badge to pin on my fucking messenger bag. And- That's cool. It's like dog fighting. And it's so funny because my wife was like,
00:24:25
Speaker
had never really watched it. And when the kids are watching it, she goes to me, she's like, this shows, the show's basically dog fighting. This shows pretty fucked up. And I'm like, yeah, people have been criticizing it for that reason for the past 25 years. I don't know where you've been.
00:24:40
Speaker
like it's But it's just insane. it's so is I can't stomach stupid TV. ah So I was like, just put that one in your back pocket. Next time she wants to do something that my kids do that you don't want her to, just be like, tell her all the Disney Channel shows. I will not let my children watch because I hate it so much.
00:25:02
Speaker
Dude, so you want a, uh, uh, an interesting Disney channel fact, Disney channel, a decent fact that I learned this week. So April and I were talking about, uh, like those old shows and stuff. My sister and I watched Lizzie McGuire a lot. yeah Okay. And I had a big crush on Hillary Duff and I remember. did and She was kind of like the it girl at the time, I guess. Yeah. But I remember she, like, there was like tabloid stuff and everything about her dating, like one of the guys from Good Charlotte is Joel, Joel Madden. So I was always like, Oh, I hate Good Charlotte. yeah but done Good Charlotte stole my girl. So at the time, Joel Madden was 25 and she was 16.
00:25:52
Speaker
No way, dude. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? That's sick. and Not as in cool. That's sick as in fucked up. That's like gross. That's disgusting. Yeah, I don't know how she must have like dodged a lot of the the creepiness in Hollywood. ah April said she heard a she read a thing where they were talking about I forget which one which one of her movies it was. I don't think it was like the the Lizzie McGuire movie, but it was like another another one of those like teen love story ones or whatever. And April said that supposedly the director had her and the the love interest dude like practice making out in his his trailer.
00:26:36
Speaker
before they're like kiss scenes and stuff. Dude, I feel like there's so like with Disney Channel being almost exclusively pre-teen and early teen, mid-teen kind of shows, I feel like, I mean, obviously there's a documentary which had some uncutck uncorroborated a ah accusations on it. but um You talking about the Nickelodeon one oh Nickelodeon sorry but Nickelodeon Disney very similar when it comes to like what it was doing it that I mean how how many more years before the Disney documentary comes out about how pervy people were on Yeah, I mean it's a matter of time ah but dude that that is weird like that is very
00:27:22
Speaker
When I think of how annoyed I get with ah people yeah under the age of 20 even, you just go like, you're a 46-year-old man producing shows made entirely up of teenagers and they're your best friends. Like, you should kill yourself. like yeah There's something wrong. It gets weird. It's so weird.
00:27:47
Speaker
ah I lost my train of thought. I had something to say. Whatever. I did get called ah before I jump into the Book of Mormon. i ah did get i So many things that happen at my work make me just laugh so hard. And I think about them regularly. And today I was ah i was i was covering for someone who wasn't available because I had a meeting.
00:28:15
Speaker
And I really shouldn't be covering like, it's our it's like an intervention type class. It's like a sub separate kind of classroom. And I'm not a teacher. But when push comes to shove, you know, you just sit there and you read a book to some kids while they eat their lunch separate from their friends because they can't not hit their friends when they're eating lunch in the rest of the rest of them. And and so I'm reading a book to these kids today while they're eating lunch. And there's this boy who he was a talked over me the entire time one kids just like so fucking interested in this book and he's usually the one that's trying to start fights but he's like
00:28:56
Speaker
He couldn't wait to hear what happened. It's a book where you like, every several pages you make a choice for the character and then you get to like, it there's like nine different endings based on your choices. It's real it's a cool book and it deal like the whole idea is to like look talk to kids about how choices impact your day and stuff like that. But this kid was so locked in. I've never seen this kid more locked in on anything for more than five minutes in my entire time of knowing him.
00:29:23
Speaker
And but this other boy didn't give a shit. He was just talking over me the entire time. And he's just like finally he just I have a little pause ah while I'm waiting for the kids to choose what the character does next. And and he goes, do you know my name?
00:29:41
Speaker
And I was like, what? And he goes, do you know, do you know my name? I was like, I have literally said your name every time I've addressed you since you walked into this classroom 40 minutes ago. And he goes, bro, you're so sus. This kid's five. He's five. He's five.
00:29:57
Speaker
He's like, oh he goes oh my god, bro, you're so sus. I was like, are you so obsessed with me? They're the times where I'm like, what am I doing here? I'm just here arguing with five-year-olds. I don't know what this job even is. Yeah, you're basically damn what's his face from Nickelodeon. yeah
00:30:21
Speaker
you are You volunteering to help them tie their shoes a bunch, are you? not volunteering. That is something that I was like, might when I first started working in the school, ah close to three years ago. Oh, no, two like, like, just over two years ago, I guess. um You just all day long, kids are walking around with their shoes on tide. And I kept stopping. I was like,
00:30:46
Speaker
Can I tie your shoes for you? like You're always worried about these kids tripping. Can I tie your shoes? Every time I saw a kid in the hallway, their their shoes were untied and I would ask if I could tie them. That's like an Andy store for a pedophile with a foot fetish.
00:31:03
Speaker
Nobody's ever talked about that angle before. I think we got to start asking some questions. Always hosting boot camps. I don't, I haven't, I don't think I've tied shoes this year. I just am like, you know what? This is just part of like, these kids just walk around and you're always, you're always told like, I would get worried. I'm like, they're going to walk down the stairs. You're going to trip on their lasers. They're going to fall face first down the stairs. It's going to be a huge problem out of all the problems we have in this school. Uh, and what the kinds of kids I work with never once has any of them ever
00:31:36
Speaker
tripped or hurt themselves because their shoes are, they're more likely to get stabbed in the neck by a rogue child with a pencil than they are to trip on their laces, apparently. Cause we deal with that. We deal with kids getting stabbed with pencils, ah but we yeah i've never had to save a kid who, or pick up a kid who fell because they tripped on their shoelaces. Have you seen any horrific injuries since you've been there? Because I feel like that was always happening in school when I was younger. Like somebody would do a swan dive off of like the swings and break their arms or whatever. No, we i haven't.
00:32:12
Speaker
seen anything, um anything serious. I mean, there's been some kids, like I said, the pencil stuff when kids get mad and they want to poke someone with a pencil or whatever. But even then, no blood drawn. It's relatively safe. You know, I haven't seen anything crazy. ah I mean, we've had kids be taken away in an ambulance due to their ah theyre escalated behavior for long periods of time. um But, you know,
00:32:38
Speaker
nothing Yeah, I haven't seen anything. We have this one girl, she's a preschooler and it's crazy. She's got this like boot on her leg now. She's basically like Mr. Glass from ah from Unbreakable. like I guess her bones are crazy brittle and she like can break them super easily and that's terrifying. Juvenile onset osteoporosis. Something, dude. it's Cause I, I heard people talking about, I only found that out this week that like, yeah, she'll, she'll get that off. And, you know, in a few weeks, she'll probably have, have another cast or something. Like apparently it's a regular thing where she like falls and hurt and get, and, and fractures something. its
00:33:19
Speaker
That's awful. I wonder if anybody ever comes down with the opposite where they've got like super flexible bones, they got like jelly femurs. I thought you were about to just introduce the plot of Unbreakable, but you went with the Gumby syndrome. Yeah, more of a Mr. Fantastic sort of thing.
00:33:39
Speaker
ah I can't imagine that would be the case, but that'd be dope. I recently watched all the and the the the Unbreakable trilogy, or whatever you call it, because they're not all unbreakable, one, two, and three. Those movies are fucking ripped, dude. it's ah It was unbreakable. I was able to get into those. Unbreakable, and then the other one was ah split, and then the third one.
00:34:01
Speaker
The third one was with like the unbreakable in split cast. I forget what it was called. Glass, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was just called glass. That's right. ah It was cool. i Like when I first saw unbreakable, I didn't realize it was basically like super comic book superhero shit because it it subverted the genre really well. And as it went on, you were like, oh, my God, that this is this is superhero movie shit. And in such a cool way, I love that trilogy. I think it's fantastic.
00:34:31
Speaker
I kind of hate James McAvoy for some reason. I don't have a, I don't really have a solid reason for it. I just don't like him. That's okay. I feel like with actors, you can just, you can make those judgments based on faces and mannerisms. I yeah, there's so many actors that I just hate, uh, for, for no reason. Like I hate Tom Cruise. I hate him so much.
00:34:53
Speaker
Really? Yeah. i i I've never seen Top Gun. i will The only movie I remember being like, I don't hate him in was Collateral. And I felt like it was so outside of normal Tom Cruise. Like he was older. He was like a ruthless killer. I hate Diane Keaton. I hate everything about her. I can't actually think of a long running hatred. I have a problem with a lot of like older action stars is what I'm realizing.
00:35:21
Speaker
I mean, Mel Gibson for obvious reasons. Um, I kind of like Mel Gibson. I don't, even after his, uh, weird, uh, ice analogy, uh, ice caps, melting analogy on Rogan. Did you see that? Oh, I missed that. He's like, they, they say everything's going to overflow because the ice caps are melting, but you know, I filled a glass with ice and water and the ice melts and I've never seen the water overflow.
00:35:47
Speaker
Oh boy. Yeah. I guess that fixes it. And Rogan of course, Rogan in his new era of just yes. Anding. Everybody is just like, like whatever people have had their problems with Rogan. I don't, I think Rogan after Bernie lost the election, Rogan just like went kind of full MAGA. I feel he just like has people on and just goes, Oh, interesting. Tell me more about your idiot idea that nobody believes in science. Doesn't support.
00:36:17
Speaker
And then he just loves it. And he, like with people on all the time now, he's just like, Oh, that's a great point. It's like, you're telling Mel Gibson that that's a good point, dude. Just who even are you now? You used to like, Al, what's he supposed to do? He didn't, that's never been his role. Like he's, he's never been one to like argue with people. He hears people out. It's too much. He used to argue, dude. He used to argue a little bit.
00:36:42
Speaker
like I don't remember him really ever doing that because that was like a criticism of people way back when it was but that's because he didn't say the things they wanted him to but I felt like he had more of like an established sense of who he was because he's shifted big like You can just watch compilation clips of like, Oh, I believe in universal health care. I believe in this. I think Trump's a psychopath and I would never support him. I think, and then like all these things that he made these major statements on four years ago, he's just kind of flipped on. Oh fuck. Fuck. We're talking about politics. Move on. Moving on.
00:37:20
Speaker
All right, let's jump into the Book of Mormon because ah we've we took a week off and- We need to get right with the Lord. We do. We got to tap into this.
00:37:32
Speaker
eternal wisdom here and continue the story of Nephi, servant of the Lord. I read ahead a little bit. You sent me a really, was it, you sent me a great stat on the amount of time certain things were used. Yeah, so we- Did you text that to me as you said it on Instagram? I think I texted it to you, but we talked about, you know, we were joking about how many times it says, and it came to pass in the book.
00:38:01
Speaker
Which we looked up on the podcast when we were, we were doing it the other day, it was like 1400 or 1700 times. But the really funny stat is that if you look at it in terms of word count and it came to pass accounts for two and a half percent of the book of Mormon.
00:38:18
Speaker
yeah it's so funny This book is so stupid.
00:38:27
Speaker
I'm trying to get, I want to get some, uh, some like legit Mormons on not at home and some like real ones to come on and like, you know, give us the spiel. I've never gotten the spiel on Mormonism. I would like to be, I'd like to hear the sales pitch.
00:38:44
Speaker
So if anyone knows of any Mormon accounts that are active, send them our way. I i mean, we i would I would love to. All the ones that have solicited me via knocks on the door and ah letters in the mail that I've checked in with have all just pushed out every time I've asked them to do my podcast, so. Yeah, it's a people back out usually. They like the idea at first and then they go, and wow like If you believe this so strongly and I'm giving you the opportunity to to share your beliefs with a much larger audience than you have access to, I would imagine that you'd love the opportunity given how unabashedly you just show up and ruin people's afternoons. yeah like This is just an easy sell. like i will i will weak I'll give you the downloads for the week and you can just tell tell your
00:39:43
Speaker
church, whatever, tell your whoever's in charge of your wasting your afternoons, I will let them know that that's how many doors you knocked on. Yeah. Think of think of the stories of their heart. There are dozens of souls listening to this right now. Yeah.
00:40:04
Speaker
So ah we started off, we went through the first two chapters of the book of Nephi and in it we learned that um There was ah an old man named Nehi. Nehi, Nephi, Levi, Shehi, Nehi. Yeah, so Lehi, or Lehi, yeah.
00:40:25
Speaker
Lehi was ah you know a faithful servant of the Lord. He saw a vision from God that he was going to destroy Jerusalem, and ah people didn't like hearing that. Can't imagine why. it does They wanted to kill him. I feel like I recently heard something about the Book of Mormon that Well, i like two weeks ago, I mentioned Dan McClellan, who I'm hoping to get on the podcast. I am now in touch with this publisher and we're working on scheduling a date. So if that works out, that'll be perfect. But, uh, I watched a video from him recently where he was talking about how, how much the, cause people ask him about this all the time now, like, Oh, you're critical of the Bible. Why don't you ever criticize the book of Mormon? And he goes, I don't think you understand. Like, first of all, he's like, first of all, all of my.
00:41:17
Speaker
my degrees are in religion like the study of religion and the study of the Bible. So like from like a ah really a religious standpoint, my critiques span the gamut of Christianity and their they subgroups. But he's like, I also do. I have plenty of videos where I've made I've talked about the Book of Mormon and and one of them he referenced he talked about how most a large portion of the Book of Mormon is kind of like rewritten parts of it's like a rewritten modern take
00:41:54
Speaker
and intended to be ah unique, but it's it's a modern it's it's it's taking passages from the Hebrew Bible and in basically like almost copying them. And there was a large percentage of of he of ah verses from the Hebrew Bible that have essentially been like copied and reworded into the Book of Mormon. So I thought that was cool too. Yeah, it's the spiritual equivalent of the Force Awakens.
00:42:21
Speaker
yeah Very familiar and that's why it's so nice. We love familiarity. so Uh, God tells Lehigh he's going to destroy Jerusalem and he commands him to up and go. They're supposed to leave their gold and their silver, take their tents and his family, his four sons and his wife it fourkin takeoff yes what double ah drupal four and Take off to America. i'm I'm assuming I don't want to lyn get ahead of myself, but yeah, we haven't gotten to that piece. yeah Honestly, that's the only part I care about. So let's rush through this.
00:43:00
Speaker
Yeah, so he's got four sons. He's got Lamon, Lemuel, Nephi, who's the hero of the story, and Sam. Now, Nephi is a faithful servant of God, chosen by him to rule over everybody because he's so good and God hates his brothers, his two older brothers, ah Lamon and Lemuel.
00:43:22
Speaker
are wicked and heart of heart and they don't obey the commandments of God, but his little brother Sam seems to be okay. Go figure, Sam's a suck up.
00:43:35
Speaker
So, kicking this off, he just gave a pretty big diatribe about how he's chosen by God because he's so good and his brothers suck and he will rule over them. God says that. That sounds a lot like the book of Samuel, right? Yeah, it's got similar vibes. I think we're gonna see a lot of comparisons there. Oh, by the way, I am reading from my own hard copy of the book of Mormon. Hold that up. Which I could not buy.
00:44:04
Speaker
Why is it that, no, let me see the thickness. Let me see the girth on that bad boy. It's it's pretty thick. That's pretty girthy, dude. Why is there that much? Is it is some of that commentary or is that just some Book of Mormon? The piece that I'm holding on my hand right now, that's all and it came to pass. Maybe maybe a little more.
00:44:25
Speaker
It's why and there's a lot here. I thought we, I was thinking it was more like a pamphlet and we'd be able to get through this whole thing. Do you think like, this is going to be like a couple year journey. ah Yeah, it could take some time. I wonder if he did any like annoying genealogy books in here. Like, did he try to copy that portion of it as well?
00:44:46
Speaker
I mean, it's a lot easier to do genealogies when you're making it up entirely. Well, I guess the Old Testament's not ah exempt from making up genealogies. They were doing a lot to try to tie people's lineages to things that mattered ah for the purpose of narrative. um Yeah, those are fun books. so Everyone had to go back to, to ah well, everything's a line of David, for one. Right.
00:45:15
Speaker
It all leads to Jesus. Of course. Okay, so it's chapter three. You want to guess how it starts? It came to pass. And it came to pass that I, Nephi, returned from speaking with the Lord to the tent of my father. And it came to pass that he spake unto me, saying, Behold, I have dreamed a dream, in which the Lord hath commanded that me that thou and thy brethren shall return to Jerusalem.
00:45:43
Speaker
For behold, Laban, who is some sort of ruler, governor, something or other in Jerusalem, maybe just a rich guy, I don't know, he's got some level of importance to him. For behold, Laban hath the record of the Jews, and also a genealogy of my forefathers, and they are a graven engraven upon plates of brass. To which April pointed out, it works really well for We are the plates of brass.
00:46:12
Speaker
bla but
00:46:18
Speaker
That's a deep cut. Give me the plates of brass or you'll feel God's wrath. Wherefore the Lord hath commanded me that thou and thy brothers should go unto the house of Laban and seek the records and bring them down hither into the wilderness. Down hither. Like that is not how I know he was trying to copy the King James language, but when you write a book that's connecting, like, I guess it just shows you the impact of the King James Bible is all. Yeah. Like they were like, this is what we have. This is how it's always been. This is how people, this is how they talked. It's holy nomenclature.
00:47:01
Speaker
There's some real gems of sentences in here. i There's one in here somewhere that I was like laughing at. It's so ridiculous. setting And now behold thy brother's murmur, saying it is a hard thing which I have required of them. But behold, I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord. This is honestly like, ah it with maybe like a 10% shift in sentence structure, this book was written by Yoda.
00:47:33
Speaker
in Yep. It closely resembles it.
00:47:40
Speaker
So even Papa Lehi is taking a dump on the two older brothers at this point. Therefore go my son and thou shalt be favored of the Lord because thou hast not murmured. And it came to pass that I Nephi said unto my father,
00:47:58
Speaker
Why did that have to come to pass? He just answers his dad's like sentence. and it's it But you have to start it off with it. And it came to pass. Nephi said unto my father. It makes it sound like he has the world's worst stutter. And it just took him forever to get to the answer.
00:48:17
Speaker
It's like the ancient version of, and then um you could just replace all of them with, and then, ah I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded. For I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commanded them. And there's a little redundant copy there. That was 45 words to say like,
00:48:44
Speaker
Six to to say like it could have been reduced to like six, six words. Yeah. He did the thing the Lord commanded him. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Yeah. Eight, eight words. And it came to pass that when my father had heard these words, he was exceedingly glad for he knew that I had been blessed of the Lord.
00:49:05
Speaker
And I Nephi and my brethren took our journey into the wilderness with our tents to go up to the land of Jerusalem. And it came to pass that when we had gone up to the land of Jerusalem, I and my brethren did consult one with another." And this is kind of a weird one because like he tells his sons to go. He clearly says that ne that Nephi is like the chosen one.
00:49:28
Speaker
You're the good son, not like your complaining wine and douchebag brothers, but then when they call it called to the Elijah Wood. yeah but No, no, no, it was reverse, right? Oh, did I get it wrong? Elijah Wood was the good one. and and wecole What a disturbing movie. Yeah, that was. What a good movie. Fantastic film. It was pretty good.
00:49:52
Speaker
um And we cast lots. Who of us should go in unto the house of Laban? And it came to pass that the lot fell upon Laman. And I'm calling him Laman because Laban and Laman is just too close. ah So I'm calling him Laman.
00:50:10
Speaker
And Lamon went in unto the house of Laban and he talked with him as he sat in his house. It's just weird that like, you know, Lehi's like, Nephi, you're the good son that's chosen of God. And then they get there and they're like, oh, I don't want to talk to him. Do you want it to? No, I don't want to talk. to All right. Well, let's draw straws and whoever loses has to go.
00:50:37
Speaker
And he desired of Laban the records which were engraved upon the plates of brass, which contained the genealogy of my father. And behold, it came to pass that Laban was angry, and thrust him out from his presence, and would not that and he would not that he should have the records. Wherefore, he said unto him, Behold thou art a robber, and I will slay thee." Cool. I think that This narrative is in incredibly hard to follow. It is struggling to keep up. ah Lamon got the short straw, so he had to go talk to Laban, this like wealthy guy. Like this would be the worst audio book of all time.
00:51:22
Speaker
like just listen just Like with you reading it, like you, you're able to get an idea, like you have a good idea of like, it's, it's easier when you're reading it to keep the narrative straight. Uh, but the way that it's written for you to just hear it audibly, it, I think that it came to passes are so distracting too, that I get hung up on that every time it's uttered.
00:51:43
Speaker
Yeah, it is a twisted mess. But basically, I mean, if you were thinking, this seems like this, ah Laban guy, I would assume that like these plates are like a family heirloom, right? It's kind of like the family photo album or their, you know, your, your grandma's ancestry dot.com password. Do we know what the plates are yet? They're a genealogy. So they're just like a record of the family. And, you know, I don't know how detailed, but
00:52:21
Speaker
whatever, they're like a family heirloom that's obviously like pretty important to this guy. Suddenly, Douchebag shows up and he's like, my dad talked to God and he said, give him to me. I mean, that's not entirely out of the realm of something that would have happened and in the Bible. like You get a lot of that. like Well, God said this, so I'm in charge now. It's true. I guess we still see that. I guess that's a tale as old as time.
00:52:50
Speaker
Well, it's funny when you look at like these stories where like Lehi is set aside, he's designated like a good faithful servant of God and he's basically just in the street screaming that everyone's going to die. Like sometimes you look at it and you're like, what makes this guy a good servant of God? Like what is he doing that everybody else isn't? Right. a No, it's it goes back to ah a lot of it's It's very tied to its era, the time that it was written, because so much of the past few hundred years of human history has just been, I believe the right things, therefore I'm good. Right. But it's like, so everybody else must have not believed that. Yeah, it was just about whether or not you believe, yeah. it's not And this isn't even something consequential. It's not like, I believe that
00:53:45
Speaker
ah you know People deserve to be treated fairly, therefore, im it's like I believe in the right genealogy and you don't, therefore, you're actually human garbage and you should be our slaves. Yeah, because I always thought of it as like you're checking all the Levitical boxes you know when they talk about like one of the Hebrews that was holy and everybody else wasn't. but I gotta imagine that was probably like a cultural thing at the time. I mean, everybody was going through the motions of, you know, drent, draping farm animal blood over the, you know, like colon or whatever holiness as far as I know. Um, but we're not a scholarly podcast. So don't quote me. You can Google it. Uh, but as far as I know, it matters anyways, you can think whatever. Yeah. yeah Everything's fair game now. No, but as far as I know,
00:54:39
Speaker
ah like The holiness just had to do with your how how closely you followed the law. you know It wasn't about like, wow, that's a true man. The only thing that designated you as a true man of God was how closely you followed the like the letter of the law.
00:54:56
Speaker
It's like your neighbors got to die in a firestorm because they ate shrimp or whatever. Yeah. Or if you get in a fight with your neighbor and your wife just grabs his nutsack, you have to cut her arm off. And that is the whole. Now he's the holiest man in the city because he followed through. He's not a bitch.
00:55:12
Speaker
i've really not question yeah
00:55:17
Speaker
Okay, so ah Laban is angry and he said, Behold thou art a robber and I will slay thee. But Laman fled out of his presence and told the things which Laban had done unto us. And we began to be exceedingly sorrowful. and we began to be exceedingly sorrowful They began to be.
00:55:37
Speaker
weren weren't quite exceedingly sorrowful, but they were on their way. Everything's a journey, and I think that's the point of this, is that life's a journey, guys. You're never gonna just be there, but you have to begin to be there. Yeah, life is a highway, and you gotta ride it all night.
00:55:56
Speaker
And my brethren were about to return unto my father in the wilderness. But behold, I said unto them that as the Lord liveth and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us.
00:56:13
Speaker
Wherefore let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord Therefore let us go down to the land of our father's inheritance for behold He left gold and silver and all manner of riches and all that this ah He hath done because of the commandments of the Lord for he knew that Jerusalem must be destroyed because of the wickedness of the people and Just repeats over and over again for behold they have rejected the words of the prophets wherefore if my father should dwell in the land after He hath been commanded to flee out of the land. Behold, he would also perish, wherefore it must needs be that he flee out of the land. That's the sentence. That's the one that I saw earlier. I'm like, that's a good one. Wherefore it must needs be. I can't wait to use that in real life and see how people react.
00:57:01
Speaker
You know, ipso facto, wherefore it must needs be that he flee out of the land. Therefore ergo. So basically when God told him to flee, he said to leave all your gold and silver and you know valuables behind. So they left them wherever. I don't know if they buried them in a hole or if they just... you know, locked the shed or what? Yeah, and it came to pass that no one ever found them and there's no archaeological evidence whatsoever. but Luckily it was like, what what last time it was, it said they were like walking in the desert for like three days or something before they set up camp, wasn't it? I mean, they they didn't hardly leave the area. Yeah, they just wandered in circles. I mean, when you don't have a compass, it's easy in the desert.
00:57:52
Speaker
they wandered what They wandered outside the township where the taxes were lower.
00:58:02
Speaker
Okay, and behold, it is wisdom in God that we should obtain these records, that we may preserve unto our children the language of our fathers, and also that we may preserve unto them the words which have been spoken by the mouth of all the holy prophets, which have been delivered unto them by the spirit of and power of God since this world began, even down unto this present time. So the goal is preservation of the documents.
00:58:29
Speaker
Yep. You got to see the documents. Show me the documents. and I got the documents right here. that The Book of Mormon is just Alex Jones. Yep. Yeah, Nehi's basically Alex ah leading us all out of the wilderness. And it came to pass after this manner of language did I persuade my brethren that they might be faithful in keeping the commandments of God.
00:58:59
Speaker
And it came to pass, we went down onto the land of our inheritance and we did gather together our gold and our silver and our precious things. And after we had gathered these things together, we went up again onto the House of Laban. So gonna do a little bit of a bribe here and see if we can't buy these tablets.
00:59:17
Speaker
And it came to pass that we went in unto Laban, and desired him that he would give unto us the records which were engraved upon the plates of brass, for which we would give unto him our gold, and our silver, and all our precious things." So I don't know, what what what do you think would fall into the precious things category? You think they had like a Discman or something like that? Ancient sex toys for sure. Very rare, very hard to come by.
00:59:44
Speaker
I feel like brass is not a good idea for sex toys, though, because it corrodes. It does. It's going to turn your butthole lips green. Yeah, I was just going to say the same thing. It's better than copper still. Your wiener is going to have that metallic smell to it. It's going to smell like pennies. It's going to distinctly resemble the Statue of Liberty.
01:00:16
Speaker
ah Okay, and it came to pass that when Laban saw our property that it was exceedingly great He did lust after it in so much that he thrust he he lusted and thrusted he he bused and thrusted us out And sent his servants to slay us that he might obtain our property. Oh, it's so funny ah I feel like that's not even shit that was ever in the the Bible. It was just like, no one was like, I want that. And they're like, you can't. They're like, all right, we're gonna kill you for, we're just gonna come kill you. Like, yeah, we, there were nations fighting against nations, but this whole like idea of they really wanted it and we said no. So they like formulated a mob to come kill us and take it. I mean, maybe the last time that happened is when like, um was when several sodomites wanted to rape an angel or something, but.
01:01:10
Speaker
Yeah, you know, classic Craigslist caper. yeah
01:01:18
Speaker
ah It's like, uh, yeah, you wanted to buy this 32 inch flat screen, but, uh, how about I get the flat screen and the money and I don't stab you. How about that? Uh, so they, you know, laban chase, laban servants chase them into the wilderness and, uh,
01:01:38
Speaker
A pretty clever escape plan here. Um, see if you can follow this and it came doug well, close. ah We fled into the wilderness and the servants of Laban did not overtake us and we hit ourselves in the cavity of a rock. Okay. He lusted and thrusted and now they're stuffed into a cavity and it came to pass that layman was angry with me.
01:02:02
Speaker
Lamon, my bad. And also with my father, and also was Lemuel, for he hearkened unto the words of Lamon. Wherefore Lamon hulamon and Lemuel did speak many hard words unto us. This all has so many like sexual overtones. all He spoke many hard words unto us.
01:02:26
Speaker
They're younger brothers, and they did- This explains why Joseph Smith took many wives. Oh, to add insult to injury, or literally. And they did smite us even with a rod. Oh, God. Lusted, thrusted into a cavity, and then smote them with their rod.
01:02:49
Speaker
i think So dumb.
01:02:55
Speaker
like you Get over how dumb this is.
01:03:02
Speaker
it like There are times where you it's just hard to even joke about because it's just it's all out in the open. like this The joke is repeating what you just read at times. it Seriously, it says everything four times. like Every chapter has to read. It's it's basically like ah Simon says.
01:03:24
Speaker
yeah Like they retrace their steps over and over again until Joseph Smith forgot and just like started a new book. What does it say about ah what Joseph Smith believed about his audience's ability to understand things without hearing it four times in a row?
01:03:40
Speaker
ah You knew that repetition was his friend. Yeah. And he's like, Oh, okay. I'm who, who am I, who am I talking to the lowest common denominator of people at this point? Because if I say it once, people will go, but like, if I say it four times, the dumbest people will be like, now I'm starting to get it. And they'll just roll with it. Like, you know, what you said it once and I didn't believe it, but the more you say it, the more it makes sense. You know, it's like a Fox news, the, the religion.
01:04:10
Speaker
Yeah. He's basically i like, you just need to insert MS 13 in here about 1500 times. And it's just a daily script.
01:04:22
Speaker
Okay. So this is where, you know, at some point. You have to wonder, like, boy, are these brothers? Are they just morons? Like, how do they not just fall in line here? Because it says, and it came to pass as they smote us with a rod. Behold, an angel of the Lord came and stood before them, and he spake unto them, saying,
01:04:42
Speaker
Why do ye smite your younger brother with a rod? Know ye not that the Lord hath chosen him to be a ruler over you, and this because of your iniquities? Behold, ye shall go up to Jerusalem again, and the Lord will deliver laant Laban into your hands.
01:04:58
Speaker
Which is funny because they're, it you know, Lamon and Lemuel are beating Nephi and Sam with Rods, but the angel only takes issue with them beating Nephi. Right, because he's a... smoke other than one Yeah, he's not like, why are you beating your brothers? He says, why are you beating your younger brother singular? Yeah.
01:05:22
Speaker
It just beats camp. The Lord continues to pick favorites, I see. He's very blatant with it. And after the angel had spoken unto us, he departed, and after the angel had departed, Lamon and Lemuel again began to murmur, saying, how is it possible that the Lord will deliver Laban into our hands? Behold, he is a mighty man, and he can command 50. Yea, even he can slay 50. Then why not us? That's not a lot.
01:05:51
Speaker
Commanding 50 is not a biblical number by any stretch. No. Like, commanding 50 is just like, you're you're a middle manager, dude. Like, that's, at best, your middle management. Yeah, that's a high school band. How many do you command, Casey? 12.
01:06:10
Speaker
yeah And i'm ah I'm out of my depth already.
01:06:18
Speaker
Oh boy. It is funny to think about like, you know, like you put yourself in their shoes and you're just, you're so angry at your little brother. You're beating him with a stick and a supernatural being ah appears in front of you and like rips into you for doing that. And he's like, go back and do the thing that I told you to ask the guy for the plates again. And even after that.
01:06:44
Speaker
You're like, I don't know what the heck we're supposed to do here. It's not like he's going to give us the plates. I mean, it's like you would think after that level of intervention, like anybody would probably be like, uh, I don't know what's happening anymore. So, okay, I'll do it.
01:07:00
Speaker
it's ah So they they need the plates. The plates weren't, were the plates theirs? Did they sell did they sell the plates and now they want them back? Is it some seller's remorse? whats It doesn't even say that they're related to this Laban guy. Like i don't I don't see that anywhere in here. It's just like he's a guy that holds onto these plates that has like the record of the Jewish people on them and they want them.
01:07:26
Speaker
Okay. I mean, are they supposed to be the only record of the Jewish people? Like, is that the deal? Because it seems like the the the regular Bible has some records. It's a lot of records. I mean, it's basically that the ah their their version of the history of their entire their entire thing.
01:07:48
Speaker
God can like can like ah lift up a rock and show Joseph Smith like some magical plates out of nowhere. It seems like they could do the same thing here. Do right because they obviously they're obviously going to get their hands on the plates and then bring them to North America and Joseph Smith is going to find them.
01:08:05
Speaker
What I would love to know, it's going to take us a very long time to get there unless we get choosy. is ah We might have to get choosy. What like what does he find on these plates? Do we find out what's on these plates ah in the end? It says a record of the Jewish people in the genealogy. and I'm assuming that these are the plates that Joseph Smith claimed to find. Sure.
01:08:32
Speaker
but he He's really, it's a self-insert. Right, but he- Leslie Headland with it. What I don't know is if Joseph, if towards the end we get an idea of what's on the plates. Like, does this cover, are we in biblical times and then we get all the way up into the modern day commentary of Joseph Smith? I mean, maybe so. I don't know. I guess we're on this journey together, brother. We're in 600 BC right now. It came to pass that we were on this journey together.
01:09:04
Speaker
All right, so this is where things start to happen. I haven't read this part yet, so pardon me if I struggle a bit. And it came to pass that I spake unto my brethren saying, let us go up again unto Jerusalem and let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord. For behold, he is mightier than all the earth. Then why not mightier than Laban and his 50, yea, even then his tens of thousands. Oh, and they're like, you just said that.
01:09:33
Speaker
The 50 his 50 yea even his tens of thousands is it his 50 thousands even his tens of thousands or is it his 50 or even his tens of thousands his 50 yea or even even then his tens of thousands i' cool Therefore let us go up let us be strong like unto Moses for he truly spake into the waters of the Red Sea and they divided hither and thither hither and thither My God. And our fathers came through out of the captivity on dry ground. He's taking up words. And the armies of Pharaoh did follow and were drowned in the waters of the Red Sea.
01:10:16
Speaker
Now behold, ye know that this is true, and ye also know that an angel hath spoken unto you. Wherefore can ye doubt? did That's what I said. Let us go up. The Lord is able to deliver us even as our fathers, and to destroy Laban even as the Egyptians.
01:10:34
Speaker
now when he had Now when I had spoken these words, they were yet wrath and did still continue to murmur. Nevertheless, did they did follow me up until we came and without the walls of Jerusalem. They never stop murmuring. People just can't... If there's anything that's relatable to this, it's that people just keep saying shit behind your back. Yeah, a bunch of negative Nelsons here. They just don't trust the word of the Lord coming through a person that nobody likes. It's crazy.
01:11:02
Speaker
It's just that friend that complains about everything, no matter where you go or how good things are. Oh, are you talking about me?
01:11:12
Speaker
I wasn't, but I could be. That's my favorite pastime, it just being a bitch about everything. And it was by night, then I caused that they should hide themselves without the walls. And after they had hid themselves, I Nephi crept into the city and went forth towards the house of Laban. And I was led by the spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." So he's like clearly ah trying to establish that what is about to happen and was not premeditated.
01:11:46
Speaker
Nevertheless, I went forth, and as I came near unto the house of Laban, I beheld a man, and he had fallen to the earth before me, for he was drunken with wine. And when I came to him, I found that it was Laban, and I beheld his sword, and I drew it forth from the sheath thereof. How providential. He just drunkenly, with full armor, just drunkenly stumbled into the man that wants to take the tablets.
01:12:13
Speaker
Where is he? He fell down the stairs in front of him.
01:12:21
Speaker
And I beheld a man and that he had fallen to the earth before me for he was drunken with wine. Fallen to the earth makes it sound like he came crashing down like a comet. Like he fell off like the like the little like bridge up above the street level or something. He's just a mangled pile. Smashed into the dirt.
01:12:42
Speaker
He's wishing he had jelly femurs.
01:12:46
Speaker
And I beheld his sword, and I drew it forth from the sheath thereof, and the hilt thereof was of pure gold, and the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine. And I saw that the blade thereof was of the most precious steel, which is there steel at this point?
01:13:04
Speaker
Great question. I don't know like the brass age or whatever. I don't know. That's a good question. I also i imagine ah his information about the ah metal ages was not exactly. He may not have been at the top of his class when it came to to knowing. No, no, that's a.
01:13:29
Speaker
Oh man, there's some funny stories about that. Cause there was some sort of Egyptian relic that the the Mormon church bought because like one of them, I don't know if it was a, it wasn't Joseph Smith. It was the guy that came after it. Brigham Young, if I remember right, Brigham Young decided that like this traveling like carpet bag or salesman had stumbled across like the diary of Joseph.
01:13:55
Speaker
and Okay. And it was written in Egyptian and he was like, oh my God, this is Joseph's diary and buy it and I'm going to translate it. It may have been Joseph Smith. I don't remember, but anyways, they bought this thing off this carpet bagger, dude. He translated it, quote unquot unquote, unquote.
01:14:12
Speaker
and wrote the book and whatnot. But then later when scientists like uncovered, archaeologists uncovered the Rosetta Stone, you know, and they could actually like transpose Egyptian hieroglyphics or whatever into yeah English. It was not that. It was totally wrong. dude Imagine buying that and being like, I'm going to translate it knowing nothing about this language. I'm just going to look. I'm going to look at the pictures and tell you what this means.
01:14:43
Speaker
Yeah, well, and like like didn't God give you the last diary that you stumbled across? like Why do you have to buy it from like this snake oil salesman? Right, you should have just waited for him to crash into the dirt in front of you and you could have taken it for free.
01:14:58
Speaker
beheld his sword. I like that he goes into a description about the sword. like like We've already been told that the guy who has it fell in front of him and he's like, but in case you weren't sure, like I think it's like one it's like that classic case of the the number one way to tell somebody he's lying is too much detail.
01:15:18
Speaker
yeah like Yeah. Like this sword was so sweet. and at what that like i If I learned anything from watching a bunch of crime dramas and with my mom when I was in high school,
01:15:30
Speaker
It was that like, they always, every one of those shows, all 17,000 CSIs, Law and Orders, they always had an episode where they were like, they assumed they were lying because of the amount of detail that they that they gave up. And it's like, ah that's this. way That's what this is. It's like, he fell in front of me, he ah God delivered him, ah but let me just,
01:15:57
Speaker
Overdue the detail of the sword so that way you you know that I'm telling the truth because only this guy would have a sword this sick It does seem like a ah hilt like a sword hilt made out of pure gold would be a bad idea cuz this isn't gold a ship or so so Heavy and it's heavy as fuck. It's not only the softest metal of one of the softest metals It's one of the heaviest Well, Lavin's sword wasn't exactly for like warfare. It was mostly for falling down the stairs onto. He tripped over it. He just tripped over his sword. Being a drunken, like rich yuppie back in the day and tripping over your sword had to be like the most humiliating thing. That's like giving a speech with your barn door open or something.
01:16:47
Speaker
That is a euphemism for he tripped over his dick. It was so big. He just fell down the stairs.
01:16:54
Speaker
And it came to pass that I was constrained by the spirit that I should kill Laban. oh But I said in my heart, never at any time have I shed the blood of man and I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.
01:17:11
Speaker
And this so he was like pretty sheepish about it, didn't want to do it. He wasn't thinking about it at all when God told him to. and says in He got shrinkage and he refused to follow through. To manhandle the hilt.
01:17:27
Speaker
e And the spirit said unto me, again, Behold, the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. Yea, and I also knew that he had sought to take away not mine own life. Yea. He's a puddle in front of you. He's like, this guy might kill me. I should kill him. for that is Dude, this guy was born to be a fucking cop.
01:17:52
Speaker
Yeah, this is a really heroic story. I feared for my life, so I shot him 17 times while he was laying on the floor.
01:18:01
Speaker
And he would not harken unto the commandments of the Lord. And all he also had taken away our property. What were the commandments of the Lord that he wouldn't harken unto? Oh, you know, Brother Lemuel or whatever said that God told him to give him his stuff.
01:18:17
Speaker
It is funny when you list it, cause it's like, we got to build a case against him because he's tipped over drunk and you're about to cut his head off. Right. Like, you know, I mean, when you think about it, he did try to kill me and he took my stuff and yeah, he didn't obey God. So he kind of had it coming. He deserved it. And it came to pass that the spirit said unto me again, slay him for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands.
01:18:48
Speaker
Behold, the Lord- That's the God we serve. Hell yeah. Behold, the Lord slayeth the wicked to bring forth his righteous purposes. If God wants him dead so bad, why didn't he just have him die when he fell on the stairs? Yeah, I mean, this is... God's gonna put that on him. There's a historical through line here for the Jewish people, I think.
01:19:11
Speaker
It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief. I think that was pulled directly from a Hitler speech. You sure it wasn't Netanyahu?
01:19:24
Speaker
but
01:19:29
Speaker
And now when I, Nephi, had heard these words, I remembered the words of the Lord which he spake unto me in the wilderness, saying that inasmuch as thy seed shall keep my commandments, they shall prosper in the land of promise." ah AKA New Jersey.
01:19:47
Speaker
Yay. And I also thought that they should not, they could not keep the commandments of the Lord. According to the law of Moses saved. They should have the law. And I also knew that the law was engraved upon the plates of brass. So there you go. Okay. It's the laws of Moses is on there too. It's a Bible. Yeah, dude. And what are they made of gold? What are they made of? Do we know what they're made of? Brass. Brass. They're made of brass. They are the plates. Oh, that's right. I'll, I'll never forget that
The Story of Nephi and Laban
01:20:15
Speaker
going forward. Uh, they,
01:20:17
Speaker
I can't, um brass plates I imagine take up a decent amount of room. And this guy fell down the stairs with all of them on his person? ah Well, okay, I think there's more to the story here. so okay He's just kind of going through the justifications. He's like, ah also, I'm supposed to obey God and my seed is supposed to obey God. And how can my little Siemens obey God if they don't have the prophet's words and stuff on tablets? Right. God's begging me to kill this motherfucker.
01:20:47
Speaker
And again, I knew that the Lord had delivered Laban into my hands for this cause, that I might obtain the records according to his commandments.
Language and Style in Scriptures
01:20:56
Speaker
Therefore, I did obey the voice of the Spirit, and I took Laban by the hair of the head, and I smote off his head with his own sword.
01:21:04
Speaker
And after I had smitten off his head with his own sword, I took the environment. I don't even know if that's the correct language. I had smitten it off. You smote it off. Now you've smitten it off. We get it. But like, I don't know if anyone ever talked like that. I would like to see. I mean, God was guiding Joseph Smith's hands here, so. I'm going to just give the word smote and smitten a quick goog. Ooh, this is where we get into the, uh, the real, um,
01:21:32
Speaker
The real genius. oh This is where it goes all Italian job. Smote is a strike with a firm blow. So if you smitten it off, you firm blow the shit out of his head.
01:21:45
Speaker
I firm blowed his head right off. See what I can do. Here's the news with me and Joseph Smith is when I'm proven wrong, I can just go, oh, my
Humor in Lengthy Justifications
01:21:54
Speaker
bad. yeah You don't have to like concoct a whole nother book of like divine prophecy around it. Keep yourself like relevant. Exactly.
01:22:03
Speaker
I took the garments of Laban and put them upon my own body. Yay, even every wit, even every wit. And I did gird on his armor about my loins. ah come on dude stop He's girded on every wit. And after I had done this, I went forth into the treasury of Laban. Did he consult Kamala Harris on the writing here?
01:22:31
Speaker
and Fucking word salad shit and wherefore the Lord said hast thou just fallen off the coconut tree This is literally I mean we are for work this is we're a good like thousand words into this chapter and All that's happened is he walked up and the guy was drunk and he cut his head off yeah that's it This is just a long list of justifications for cutting What page are we on? What page are we on?
01:23:01
Speaker
Oh, we're on nine. Page nine. yeah How many pages are there in this little, little buck? Oh Well, this is the glossary. That's a thick ass glossary, dude. Well, there's a lot to keep track of. A lot to ah not just keep track of, but a lot to try to keep straight. A lot to explain away on how it makes sense.
Nephi's Disguise and Plan Execution
01:23:27
Speaker
The final page of the book of Moroni is on 531. We have like 12 years of content.
01:23:40
Speaker
ah And after I had done this, I went forth into the treasury of Laban. And as I went forth towards the treasury of Laban, behold, I saw the servant of Laban who had the keys of the treasury. And I commanded him in the voice of Laban that he should go with me into the treasury. He threw his voice.
01:24:01
Speaker
Yeah, like he's he put on his clothes and mimicked his voice and he is fooling like the servant of this guy into like opening the the vault for him.
01:24:13
Speaker
And he supposed me to be his master Laban, for he beheld the garments and also the sword girded about my loins. And he spake unto me concerning to the the elders of the Jews, he knowing that his master Laban had been out by night among them. And I spake unto him as if it had been Laban." He went full Frank Caliendo. That's exactly it, yeah.
01:24:41
Speaker
ah And I also spake unto him that I should carry the engravings which were upon the plates of brass to my elder brethren who were without the walls. And I also bade that he should follow me, and he, supposing that I spake of the brethren of the church and that I was truly the laban whom i had so truly that Laban whom I had slain, wherefore he did follow me.
Character Voices and Pop Culture
01:25:08
Speaker
And he's speaking to me. but That Laban, who is in case there was another Laban, he needed to clarify that this is the one that he maevany killed. Very common name. Dude, what do you suppose his Laban voice impression sounded like? I think it was like a Laban was a low a low register. Or open the treasury.
01:25:28
Speaker
I feel like it was like a Frank Coulier doing the Tasmanian devil. yeah i think just the grab the das yeah I like to think of Laban as sounding like Ray Romano. Yeah. You think you could open it? I forgot my keys. You think you could open the treasury for me? Boy, I hate my wife, Deborah.
01:25:55
Speaker
That show sucks. I hate that show so much. It is so bleak and depressing. They all hate each other. They're all awful. like It's like one of those at first glance where you're like, oh, this is passive entertainment, I guess. And the more you watch it, the more you're like, I would kill myself if I lived in this house. I hate these people. it's ah I watched a lot of that when I was a kid because it was like a family show, right? and Yeah.
01:26:26
Speaker
What's the older brother's name? Robert? Was it Rob? Was it something like that? Robert, yeah. And he was just like, just the hated one. Like nobody liked him.
01:26:38
Speaker
I always like to hit with ah yeah was that the night at the museum he was the Tiki tort or the like the Tiki call like the head from Easter Island or whatever. Of course, dumb dumb you give me a voice for that. but The thing that's most relatable to me about that show, though, is um My wife's grandparents were exactly were so much like Frank and
Family Dynamics and Sitcom Realities
01:27:04
Speaker
Marie. like the The way that her grandfather would berate her grandmother in front of the whole family constantly. it was just like And her grandmother is a lot like Marie, actually, in that self-absorbed, what was me.
01:27:19
Speaker
like I'm right, you're wrong. You can never, ever, ever tell me anything different than what I already perceived the situation to be. it was It's bizarre. the it The parallels between those two and my wife's grandparents is it's it's uncanny.
01:27:37
Speaker
um And now her grandfather has dementia now and he's, it's only gotten worse. Like the things that he flips out about now is just like, like, we're like, I don't know. Like we talk about going over, but we always take like, we'll go over to see them, but we always take like two separate cars because we're like, we don't know how he's going to be. And we're like, if he starts getting like, ality I'll just take the kids home. He starts dropping slurs. yeah It's not quite that bad.
01:28:08
Speaker
But it's just like him yelling at her about how stupid she is. And you're like, Jesus Christ, dude, like, I don't need my kids here in this shit. It's awful. Oh, yeah. You know, the guy that played Frank, I mean, that he's not even a real person in that show. That's a Jeff Dunham puppet.
01:28:25
Speaker
but Do what's so funny. ah My father in law just said this the other day, like they had friends that grew up on the like across the street from them and um My father-in-law still knows him like just because they're all town people, right?
01:28:40
Speaker
and yeah he He ran into the guy that he grew up across the street from not too long ago and he was like dude it was crazy growing up across the street from you guys because we could hear your dad yelling at your mom like we would just hear him yelling and about shit all the time and We all were like these people are getting divorced like for
Nephi's Escape and Zoram's Oath
01:29:00
Speaker
sure. They're getting divorced He's like my parent I never watched my parents fight a day in their life And of course, it's my parents that are divorced and your parents are still together somehow
01:29:12
Speaker
That's funny. Yeah, it's like ah they they grow accustomed to misery. Sort of, yeah. I don't know what it was that was compatible, but... Like, ah it's a level of like, he's that way and he just says a thing and he found the right person to stay with him because like, his wife is just like, oh, that's just him. Like, just shrugged it off in a lot of ways. Like, I'm sure it bothered her to be serious. Yeah. Like even now when he does it, she's just like, oh, he's getting like this again. Like he just, okay. I don't know how you dealt with that.
01:29:47
Speaker
Okay, so, and he spake unto me many times concerning the elders of the Jews as I went forth unto my brethren who were without the walls. And it came to pass that when Laman saw me, he was exceedingly frightened.
01:30:03
Speaker
Lamon, my bad, and also Lemuel and Sam, and they fled from before my presence, for they supposed it was Laban, and that he had slain me and had sought to take away their lives also. And it came to pass that I called after them, and they did hear me, wherefore they did cease to flee from my presence." So, give him a spook. They're like, oh no, it's actually him. He must have been a really convincing Laban.
01:30:31
Speaker
So they were spooked not at who he really was, but they thought that he was Laban the whole time. He tricked him. He tricked them too. He was so good at it. They never, they were never like, yeah, we'll just listen to that. dis They were like, they just listened to a distant voice and weren't like at any point, like show yourself.
01:30:50
Speaker
There must have been more to this outfit. Like, do you think that he skinned his face and like wore it like a Hannibal Lecter style or whatever? Like Dwight with the CPR dummy? What a good episode. That was a great episode. And it came to pass that when the servant of Laban beheld my brethren, he began to tremble and was about to flee from before me and returned to the city of Jerusalem.
01:31:18
Speaker
Oh boy. All right, let's but's see. are Is he going to murder the guy that he just had him that he just forced to carry these plates out of the city? I hope so. And now I Nephi being a man large in stature and also having received much strength of the Lord Therefore I did seize upon the servant of Laban and held him that he should not flee and it came to pass that I spoke unto him I spake unto him my bed That it was not right dude that If he would hearken unto my words as the Lord liveth and as I live even so that if he would hearken unto our words We would spare his life
01:31:57
Speaker
And I spake unto him, even with an oath, that he need not fear, that he should be a free man, like unto us, if he would go down in the wilderness with us. And I also spake unto him, saying, surely the Lord hath commanded us to do these things, and shall we not be and shall we not be diligent in keeping the commandments of the Lord? Therefore, if thou wilt go down into the wilderness of my father,
01:32:23
Speaker
thou shalt have place with us. And it came to pass that Zoram did take courage at the words which I spake. ah Now Zoram was the name of the servant, and he promised that he would go down into the wilderness unto our father. Yea, and he also made an oath unto us that he would tarry with us from that time forward." So basically they they took a hostage.
01:32:46
Speaker
yeah He more or less told him like, God told me to do this. Are you going to be cool or am I going to have to cut your head off? Like Laban.
01:32:57
Speaker
yeah
01:33:00
Speaker
Alright, I think we're on we're on the final stretch of this chapter. Alright. There's only a couple verses left. Alright. Stretch us out. Now we were desirous that he should tarry with us for this cause, that the Jews might not know concerning our flight into the wilderness, lest they should pursue us and destroy us. And it came to pass that when Zoram had made an oath unto us, our fears did cease concerning him.
01:33:25
Speaker
And it came to pass- Just the oath. The oath was good enough. Yeah, like they're they're like, okay. No, I promise. Oh, this guy's all right. Don't make me kill you in the spirit of the Lord. And it came to pass that we took the plates of brass and the servant of Laban and we departed unto the wilderness and journeyed unto the tent of our
Reflections and Internal Dialogues
01:33:48
Speaker
father. Thus closing chapter four. All right.
01:33:53
Speaker
only about 300 more to go, let's do it. ah So in summary. Uh, God told him to go get this, these plates. The brothers whined a lot about it. Uh, they cast lots. Lamon got the short end of the stick. So he had to go ask for him first. The guy chased him out, threatened to kill him. They come back with a bunch of money and stuff that they had left stashed in their old home. Yeah. Under their mattress. How about if I keep the plates and I take your money and maybe kill you and they ran away. And that's when Nephi decide, you know,
01:34:27
Speaker
Got a message from the Lord to go cut his head off and and wear his skin. What a wild book. What so many words to say so little. it Yeah, it's amazing. i don't I mean, I know the Bible's like a little redundant, but it's not like this. No, no, not at all. i This is ah a lot of interesting.
01:34:51
Speaker
i find i I've said it before, I find the Bible still a very interesting, fascinating book that tells you a lot about a lot. um It glazes over like huge subjects in like one line. It's like, ah it'll be like, and then they smote them and among them numbered 434,000 million men. Right, right. Yeah, they they'll just like, if they don't feel like ah spending a lot of time on something that they find irrelevant or
01:35:22
Speaker
Uh, not worth the time. They just, yeah. Oh, yeah. We went in and we killed all these people and then we won. that That would that some of those subjects that are covered in one verse in the Bible would pretty much potentially equal the entire book of Mormon. If, uh, they expounded the way that Joseph Smith did.
01:35:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You're really like on a journey with these characters. They have to, they have to expound every thought to you multiple times. Every thought they had too. It's just like, and I thought to myself and it's just cool. 17 verses on all of the thoughts that ran through your head. Like I don't want to know all the thoughts that run through anybody's head. No, I get tired of the thoughts that run through my head. Yeah.
01:36:09
Speaker
ever Do you ever have one of those days where you just like, you kind of have an epiphany or like, I'm so sick of like my own internal like voice. Yeah. I'm tired of hearing what I think about this stuff.
01:36:24
Speaker
Usually when I'm like mad about something I'm like am I still I'm doing this still it's been three hours and I'm still like playing I'm still like oh like thinking through my head oh what I could have said this oh I could have said that like you just like get in your head about like all the things that like and you replay arguments in your head and you're like you you in a way that you're like Reliving it, but you're just changing what you said and then imagining how they'd respond and it's like why why am I doing this? I'm
Dealing with Conflict and Humor
01:36:57
Speaker
over. This is so much brainpower to go nowhere It had none of those like Last weekend. I had one of those situations and it kept me up like most of an of of an evening and made me really angry, but I
01:37:12
Speaker
Uh, this guy, he's like, uh, he's like an embittered ex employee that I, we let him go because his last week on the job, he worked 15 hours. Like I looked at his GPS records and I'm like, dude, what, what, ah what am I supposed to do with this? Like, right. I mean, you would think that of all things, like of all people, this guy would be able to be like, okay, I get it. You know?
01:37:41
Speaker
But of course, you know, ever we're all the worst for firing him or whatever. And he occasionally like sounds off on Facebook, like on somebody's post, one of my one of my guys or whatever. And he he went off on so one of the sales guys and then singled out April and I and like made some nasty comments about us. And it was like totally out of the blue.
01:38:08
Speaker
And the person deleted it before, you know, like they didn't, they didn't want me to see it, but then somebody sent me a screenshot of it after the fact. But it was like, I couldn't comment back and just like tear the guy a new one. And it just drove me crazy for like one night, the next day, no big deal is all gone. But like one evening, it just like ruined my sleep. And yeah i I will hate him forever now. You should just text him, dude.
01:38:36
Speaker
o Text in the screenshot and then just say what you want to say. Just sound off. Be like, brother, you better stay sober because the next time you tip over drunk, I'm going to cut your head off.
01:38:51
Speaker
I'm going to slice you open and wear your skin and make your children call me daddy. Yeah, and then I'm going to i going to copy your voice and raise your children in the ways of me.
01:39:05
Speaker
Everything that you hold dear, everything that's important to you, I'll make sure your children never grow up to believe. I will throw my voice and they will never question it because the spirit of the Lord has come upon me. I could really stick it to him and be like, I'm going to raise your kids to be Democrats.
01:39:23
Speaker
They're to be liberals.
01:39:27
Speaker
Gives a big Darth Vader no at the end. You freckled goiter of a man.
01:39:38
Speaker
he Anywho. Yeah. Thanks for listening, everybody. I hope you're all enriched. Yeah, I think ah ah I do think like I originally the idea of just reading through this sounded great, but after four chapters,
01:39:55
Speaker
I think I'm going to start putting together some cliff notes and only read the dumbest of the dumb verses. ah Get your highlighter out, dude. cause And yeah you have to be selective because there's a lot that you could highlight. and There's a lot of dumb shit. But yeah, some cliff notes in a highlighter might might do us well. Wherefore it must needs be that he flee out of the land. That's my favorite sentence of the Book of Mormon. Wherefore must needs be.
01:40:27
Speaker
I want to use that so I want to say it and just look look at the way people ah respond I want to see their facial features change while like they're while I'm saying that I want to see them go from like ah a slight grain of interest to like own he's having a seizure I just say yeah you smell toast right now yeah just get I want to make sure you're okay you good dude Well, thanks everybody for listening.
Farewells and Humorous Advice
01:40:59
Speaker
Uh, don't swallow your tongue between now and next week and yeah, have a good, uh, have a good week. We'll talk to you later.