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Ep. 220 – The Book of Mormon: Sup the Fruit and Mock Me Not, for the Rod Is Within My Grasp
231 Plays7 days ago
This week we’re headed back to the Book of Mormon to continue the story of Nephi and his naughty brothers! Draw your Salt Lake swords and read along with us in 1 Nephi chapters 5-9. Enjoy the show!
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Transcript
Body Image and Social Media Influence
00:00:00
Speaker
I'm not even a fat guy. I'm not a fat guy. And I look at my tits in the mirror every day and go, Oh, fuck you, dude. Right? Like it's fine. Same. It's just not who likes their body. If you like your body, you're a social media influencer and you deserve to die.
00:00:17
Speaker
It feels like something. Yeah.
00:00:22
Speaker
That is kind of true. like If you enjoy the way you look, then like we have to just um we have to conclude that you're a bad person. yeah That body dysmorphia you like the rest of us. I refuse to think that you like the way you look if I like you.
Introducing 'Growing Up Christian' and Burnout
00:00:57
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Growing Up Christian. I'm Casey. And I'm Sam. And we, uh... Do you ever experience burnout?
00:01:09
Speaker
ah Me? No. ah I barely do anything to get burnt out. I'm doing just fine. i I don't maybe I think the reason I don't experience burnout is I go I go from complete and total denial to ah complete and utter mental breakdown. That's I don't really do like the in between phases. So I'm I'm leaning heavily towards a full blown spiral right now.
00:01:33
Speaker
And I'll I think I can mask well for an episode of the podcast here and there. Yeah. but it's less of you like you're not looking forward to burnout it's more like spontaneous combustion yeah exactly but well uh i've so my free time i kind of oscillate between um comedy podcasts uh conspiracy stuff about you know how horrible the u.s government is to everyone around the world who and then you know a bizarre like uh you you know the term lol cow you familiar with that lol cow yeah i don't
00:02:24
Speaker
So a lolcow, my understanding of it, is that it's ah it's kind of like a a cartoonishly ridiculous person online. Like ah an online character that just continually like embarrasses themselves over and over again. It's kind of like Elon Musk. Like Elon Musk. If you didn't know, buddy.
00:02:43
Speaker
Yeah.
Elon Musk and Public Perceptions
00:02:48
Speaker
there's ah there's There's living the dream and then there's living the meme. and Oh my god. like Shut up, dude. God, I hate He's such a painful person.
00:02:58
Speaker
And it's funny because his ah his polls with it for like within like conservatives are like starting to plummet. Everyone's getting kind of sick of this guy.
00:03:08
Speaker
Yeah. um it's Can you overdose on ketamine? Because I feel like that's the only chance we've got. Yeah, I think the yeah and and then it what is recent like kerfuffle was um he put out that spreadsheet was like a fucking Excel spreadsheet. I don't even know if it was a real like it's not like there was anything hard on it. It was just like two columns probably with like a name and then numbers. And they're like, we saved fifty five billion dollars. And I think we're going to cut a check to the American people.
00:03:40
Speaker
ah for like 20% of all of the savings. And then you'll get this stimulus check with all the good we're doing. And would that's 55 billion. That's all good. I mean, a lot of that's coming back to you guys.
00:03:53
Speaker
And I love, i fucking love, dude, that we have Doge. where they're supposedly like tracking down where things are going wrong and sending that money back
Critique of Government Initiatives
00:04:03
Speaker
to the people. When this motherfucker, uh, Trump, sorry, switching motherfuckers for a second is the one who got rid of the consumer protection bureau, which legitimately gave people checks when there was like abuse from,
00:04:19
Speaker
ah Banks or whatever. Wells Fargo just fucking cheating people out of money again. Whatever. Wells Fargo gets a lawsuit slapped against him every fucking year and they just go, oops, we'll do better next time. Like, yeah.
00:04:33
Speaker
Oh, sorry, our mistake. We must have overlooked that while we were smuggling money for drug cartels. Yeah.
00:04:40
Speaker
And it's just so funny that they like they're like, Doge is there to like stop waste, fraud, and abuse in the government. And it's like, yeah, look... that's catchy because nobody doesn't believe that that needs to get a handle on. Like we know there's problems.
00:04:57
Speaker
um He's just not the one to fix it. And then he comes out with this Excel spreadsheet of like a $55 billion dollars savings and read it immediately. was like, bro, you saved $8.5 not And So one of it was mostly one of them was because he did. He said, ah Billy, he put a B instead of an M like, oh, yeah, 16 billion from this this contract.
00:05:23
Speaker
And it was actually 16 million. And then one of them was like he just had the wrong number completely. It was like half of what he said. So. Reddit got, ah you know, Reddit did Reddit's thing. It was like, it's actually 8.6 or 8.5 billion.
00:05:37
Speaker
And then the funniest part is, it's just like, if you look at it's like, it's not really savings. They literally just cut contracts with people. Like, it's not like those are necessarily, like there might be some waste involved in the contracts, but it's not like...
00:05:56
Speaker
That was just like $8.5 billion dollars that was thrown out the window towards studying the flow of ketchup. It was like these were contracts with outside agencies. You could determine whether or not they're necessary or not, but it's not like they're like illegitimate. You know what i mean?
00:06:14
Speaker
It's like yeah they might not be necessary, and that's okay if they're not, but it's just not... All I'm saying is nothing is what he says it is. And it's just getting
Workplace Inefficiencies and Surveillance
00:06:25
Speaker
tiring.
00:06:25
Speaker
Yeah, he can barely like hold up a like ah hold down ah ah like a public persona that doesn't make him look like a psychopath every time he's on stage. Yeah, he does something weird every time he gets a microphone.
00:06:41
Speaker
And we're supposed to think that he's going to save all this money and, you know, fix the government. I don't know. i I can't watch it. I literally kind of tuned out of like domestic stuff and all i um I listen to is like foreign policy crap because it's so dumb. And I get reminded constantly like people I work with get very excited about things like you know, uncle Uncle Elon told all the government employees to make a list of five things they accomplished last week. Fire emoji, fire emoji. And I'm like, dude, can you do that?
00:07:14
Speaker
Dude, do that to your employees. Please do that to them and then see how they respond. Because but over half of our... They will hate it. Well, yeah, I mean, and it's it's a worthless endeavor.
00:07:26
Speaker
that's That's why I don't do it with them now is because it's nonsense, and I don't want to read nonsense. The same as nobody is going to read all these emails of what people did, you know, last week or whatever.
00:07:38
Speaker
Like, it's it's absurd. It's just pageantry, and I'm glad everybody's having a great time. I hope one person writes a thorough email about, like, all the shits they took and how many times they jerked off on company time.
00:07:51
Speaker
That... I guarantee you that's going to be in there. It has be. That would be incredible. Nobody is going to read it. And I i do, it is... Oh, man, we're way off topic. But like it is hilarious that like we spend well over half of our annual budget on military spending.
00:08:10
Speaker
Yeah. and And we're just like perpetrating horrible things all over the planet. But, you know, where we're going to save the money is by cutting down on like employee slack time, you know? Yeah.
00:08:22
Speaker
By making a bunch of government employees write a write an email. When I worked for my previous company, ah which it's far enough from removed at this point, I don't, I can't imagine it matters. I worked for a company called the paper store.
00:08:40
Speaker
It's a, they're, they're pretty good size. They used to just be new England. They're popping up everywhere, but it's like, ah it's like a hallmark worrying name. It's hallmark type shit. Yeah, I know. It's boring as fuck.
00:08:53
Speaker
Um, knickknacks gifts book. It's just like everything. It's kind of a weird. Yeah. yeah um They
The Pros and Cons of Working from Home
00:09:00
Speaker
might. I mean, honestly, it's, uh, it's in that lane for sure.
00:09:04
Speaker
Uh, of like cheesy mom collectibles. Uh, And I was talking to one of my colleagues who had a a working relationship with one of our business partners. And she said that whenever like whenever people would say, oh, I don't i don't really don't think I have time for that,
00:09:24
Speaker
the business policy was that they would have somebody just sit in your cube with you all day to like monitor what you had, like what you were doing to decide if you had time for that or not. And I'm like,
00:09:38
Speaker
I think about that a lot now when um when I hear the shit that Elon's doing with this. Like, tell me what you do for your work. Because one, we all know, we all know, including Elon, you think Elon works 40 hours a week?
00:09:54
Speaker
Nah, that dude does not work 40 hours a week. ah his, I like nobody works 40 hours a week. You're on company time for 40 hours a week, 50 hours a week, whatever. But we'll just work with a normal 40. It's like, that's why office space is one of the most relatable movies of all time for people where it's just like, yeah,
Creative Burnout and Niche Content Creation
00:10:15
Speaker
you get in, you shoot the shit, you make a coffee, you check your email, you write a report. Like,
00:10:22
Speaker
I would kill myself if I had to work in an office. Nobody puts their nose to the grindstone and does 40 straight hours and goes home. like we Humans have to waste time at work. Otherwise, there will be no humans left to work. We'll all fucking kill ourselves.
00:10:40
Speaker
I had to sit through two days of ah of classes last week. think it was. And I, I almost lost it. I've just, I'm ruined for anything involving an office because I've been able to just kind of like, i just, I'm on the run all the time.
00:10:59
Speaker
That's all I do. I never, I'm never sitting for more than a couple hours at a time, like in, in that type of setting. So I, I just can't do have an office, right? At your office. hub Yeah, I just don't sit in there very much.
00:11:11
Speaker
Okay. I come in, i water my plants, and then I go leave, do something else. Do you ah do you get to work from home, or are you like working on the road and doing shit?
00:11:21
Speaker
I don't really work from home at all. Cause I can't work from home. Basically. If I'm, if I'm home, I'm going to be doing something else. Yeah. I hear dude. I feel that like working from home was when COVID hit and I was work from home. I mean, it was great because I hated my job and I hated going to work.
00:11:41
Speaker
Um, and it made, and then I got, Oh, holy shit. Like not having an hour and 10 minute commute every day. I was like, Oh, this is the best feeling. I didn't realize how much I didn't like my life until I stopped doing that every day. I was like, Oh, this is great.
00:11:57
Speaker
like you were experiencing a little burnout. I was. And then like you just get used to your own misery. So i real I was like, holy shit, I feel great. But then after a couple months of working from home, it was like just it almost made the rut worse because you're like, oh, I realize that I hate commuting to a place that I hate.
00:12:20
Speaker
But I still hate working here. So now I'm just like at home wishing I wasn't doing this instead of like resigned to the fact that I'm here. So I might as well just fucking do it.
00:12:31
Speaker
Yeah, I'm home. I'd rather play video games. I'd rather talk to my, it was COVID. So my kids were home. My wife was home. It's like, I don't want to do shit I hate this. I hate this so much.
00:12:42
Speaker
It almost made it. the The job became worse after I did it from home because it was just, it ruined home and home is great.
00:12:54
Speaker
Well, um I came across a person experiencing a little bit of burnout, a creator, an artiste, And I'm going to read you this post, and then I'd like you to think about what you what you think this person might do as a creator.
00:13:12
Speaker
Okay? It's not our best friend, is it? No.
00:13:20
Speaker
Maybe not far off. Okay, so here's here's the post. All right. This is sad, all right? I feel like I'm losing my drive for making blank.
00:13:33
Speaker
I'm exhausted and have so little time to make stuff. And with what little time I have, it comes out ugly. I wanted the new year to be a fresh start, but maybe I should just put my energy into my job.
00:13:45
Speaker
Bills need to be paid after all. Dreams are for those who can afford it, and I am not one of them. It's pretty dark, huh? He's a glass blower that specializes in giant glass dildos.
00:13:59
Speaker
I mean, you're not you're not far from from the You will never guess. You'll never guess this. So it's not a musician.
00:14:10
Speaker
ah know are they Are they creating with their hands? Yes. All right. This is like guess who? I like this. All right. They're creating with their hands. is it ah Is I don't think it's paint.
00:14:25
Speaker
they don't They're not they're not artists in that sense. I don't think they're painting things. I think they're they might be mixing things. But not mastering things. Right.
00:14:36
Speaker
Okay, still outside the realm of music. They might be mixing things. Oh, dude, this guy, he is, this guy or girl. I don't know, actually. Is it, ah they they make ah those cool baking soda in vinegar volcanoes? Yeah. That that would actually would be cool. I'd be sad if you couldn't make your volcanoes. Nobody cares about them anymore or you can't afford the price of vinegar, whatever. All
00:15:06
Speaker
right. So this person, the YouTuber that makes slime for a living. Oh, what a weird, what a weird genre of content. The like slime and and like squish people yeah make like homemade floam and push on it.
00:15:25
Speaker
and Listen to the ASMR videos. It's just a crackling sound. yeah Those are so strange. Or like people just raking their hands through like, but you know, like bins of rocks.
00:15:39
Speaker
ah Like glass beads. This person is called Spoof the Pool Toy. Christ. Okay. They make inflatable rubber fetish suits.
00:15:58
Speaker
Dude, i was I was going to lean harder into the sex direction. After our episode last week with Bert, I was going to talk about rubber butt creators and how they've just, you know, run out of lanes to go in for the for the kind of butts that they make. is just Right.
00:16:15
Speaker
ah Big ones, small ones, some as round as your head. You know, you can only do... so many butts dude you could seriously like you could take it this it was like bad dragon that has like the weird anthropomorphic dildos and stuff yeah why is it like that but for butts dude one you gotta hold the tail while you while you pound oh yeah dude like a furry butt um I'm surprised they haven't made, a like, they make horse cock dildos. I'm surprised they haven't made, like, just animal butts.
00:16:52
Speaker
Animal rubber butts at this point.
Exploring Odd Internet Subcultures
00:16:55
Speaker
Unless I just have not come across that in my research. Right, which is a tough, I mean, we, even, we do have a line that we're, you know, not willing to cross at times. Like, I'm not going to, even for the sake of this podcast, I will not look that up.
00:17:13
Speaker
Yeah, nothing good can come from it. Like, why shouldn't watching all these YouTube videos about just, like, bizarre internet characters, a lot of them...
00:17:23
Speaker
and a lot of them are furries and it is, it's, I don't know if it's shocking really or not, or if it's just like absolutely expected 100%, but it is amazing how many of them are, are like actual zoo files.
00:17:38
Speaker
Yeah. and like, that's not even the worst thing. Then there's people who are like zoo sadists, which is really dark. I mean, it's dark enough. Like,
00:17:51
Speaker
You know, molesting a horse. Zoo sadists? Like, they want to get hurt by these animals. They want to hurt the animal. Oh, they want to hurt the animal. See, it's that's actually worse. Well, of course that's worse.
00:18:05
Speaker
ah But i it that's so much worse that my mind went towards they're looking for, like, an animal to dom them is what I was thinking that bad. Yeah, could all miss your hands with it.
00:18:18
Speaker
Yeah, Mr. Hands. That's a character in Cyberpunk 2077. Really? Yeah. Well, they know about that correlation, I'm sure. i also What does this person do other than like, what is it? ah They make basically like a big, like big pool toy looking suits that you get in and then they inflate and you're you're like in a big balloon.
00:18:43
Speaker
like and Is it like that um like that sumo suit, that inflatable sumo suit kind of shit you might wear? It's like that, but if your fan dies, you might die.
00:18:53
Speaker
like You are sealed in You're fucking in it. You are sweating your balls off and you know getting your rocks off. This guy watched Bubble Boy when he was 12 and then just got hard as fuck and figured out what he wanted to do for a living.
00:19:10
Speaker
His first ironic experience was with an air mattress. and This is a guy. He's never coming back. Like, you go, I don't know. This is a dude. If this is a woman, I'll kill myself.
00:19:23
Speaker
Spoof the inflatable rubber dragon. Latex hobbyist, 18 plus account. I found them through another account called Living Pool Toy. Jesus, dude.
00:19:33
Speaker
ah they like All they want to do is just be floated on for hours a day. Is that it? Oh, I think if that was if that was it, I think it would be like much lesser. It would be, well, I don't know.
00:19:47
Speaker
no that's I guess it depends on what they're doing inside there while you're It doesn't matter what they're doing inside it.
Crime Dramas and Family Reflections
00:19:52
Speaker
If they literally just felt comfort and peace by being a pool toy that people floated on for hours a day, and then they were like, whew, I got what I needed out of that. That's fucking weird.
00:20:04
Speaker
These things, dude, it's really, it's a weird lane. And like, I was watching some videos that the other guy made about, because I think he sells them, you know? And he was showing, like, there's emergency, like, exit measures built into the suit in case, like,
00:20:25
Speaker
you start to get lightheaded or your vent. I think it's got like a fan or something in it that keeps it inflated or something like that. Like you could die. You could die in this thing. Like if you couldn't get out of it, it's a like ah a step down from autoerotic asphyxiation or maybe a CSI episode or that CSI episode that I watched with my mom.
00:20:49
Speaker
when I was in high school where a woman, a guy liked to have a plus size prostitutes, excuse me, sex workers sit on his face. Um, and then that sex worker got so into it that she suffocated him with her vagina.
00:21:06
Speaker
I think that's a legitimate thing that happened. Cause it was on like, What's that, like 500 Ways to Die or something like that? Remember that show? Okay, i'm sure they I'm sure most of those episodes were like scrolling through those premises to make content dude That make seasons of CSI without...
00:21:27
Speaker
No. you you do Scouring for content. And it was always... That show was fucking weird. It was always... There was a formula, right? Where every... you After watching like 100 episodes, you go, oh, it's a person... Every time they interview somebody and it's just like...
00:21:44
Speaker
Oh yeah. Clearly they didn't do it. They were the ones who did it every five yeah time. It was so fucking obvious after a while, but it's so weird that I watched that show with my mom. There was so many weird episodes. There was one where I, likes dude I a woman ah just got R worded, not the R word that we wish we could say when we talk about Elon Musk, but like the other R word.
00:22:10
Speaker
And it's, and it She's being interviewed, and I don't remember what question she's asked, ah but she makes a comment where she's like, oh, what, do you think this gel in my hair?
00:22:28
Speaker
And I was like, I just watched that with my mom. ah That was weird. God. And then it was just like, and then I realized that they stole that from, uh, what's that? Uh, yeah, I know which I've never seen it, but I know Jim Carrey movie, Cameron Diaz, or a hair is just like slick straight up from him. Launching has come in the wrong direction. don't know, dude. I just like CSI was a weird show. They did weird shit all the time. Yeah.
00:22:56
Speaker
There's no point to that. i just i Every once in a while, things remind me of weird csia episode ah CSI episodes that I watched with my mom. And I go, why didn't we watch this show? I watched all of them.
00:23:07
Speaker
see i miami cci l a regularass CSI ass CSI. yeah and I watched crime dramas like a motherfucker with my mom. ah What was the other one? Because you love cops.
00:23:19
Speaker
I do love cops. you but If there's one thing about me, it's that I love cops. for Some missing persons one. There were some really good missing persons ones.
00:23:30
Speaker
um Yeah, i have I haven't watched this Gabby Petito documentary that everybody's talking about, but I heard it's like pretty dark. Oh, I don't even know about that one. I've shifted out of that genre.
00:23:43
Speaker
Unless British... I watch British crime dramas rule, dude. The Brits know to make crime drama. You know, we've ah we've joked before about the pregnant Sonic.
00:23:53
Speaker
Yeah. You know? So... he's Just today, I was watching one... April, I watching this video at dinner about this guy, J-Sonic.
00:24:05
Speaker
J-A-Sonic is what he goes by. and Jizz ass Sonic. Gotcha. You nailed it. Honestly, he described himself as a plush of file.
00:24:18
Speaker
no And he has a, like this 1993 edition plush toy of Sonic the Hedgehog that is hollowed out and thoroughly starched.
00:24:30
Speaker
No way. I had a friend who had a, uh, a Mickey mouse that he experimented on like that. Oh,
00:24:40
Speaker
But apparently there's a segment of people out there that not only are sexually attracted to Sonic, but that that they actually worship Sonic as like a deity. Oh my God. Why Sonic? I don't get it. Like what is Sonic? Like why him and not Pikachu?
00:24:57
Speaker
Like those have to exist, right? Probably. But what, what? What? What is happening, dude? What? Why is the sonic shit? What is? Is there something about the art style that's like this subconscious level of sexual for people? Like, what is fucking happening?
00:25:15
Speaker
I don't know. They're they're drawn to it in the same way that like ah like boomers are drawn to like Buddhism at some point.
Gen Z and Unconventional Beliefs
00:25:26
Speaker
Boomers and Buddhism.
00:25:28
Speaker
Well, maybe not boomers. I don't know. I lost that analogy somewhere in the middle. I got you. Gen Z definitely loves anything mystical.
00:25:39
Speaker
They want rocks to tell them what they should say to their parents when they're upset. It's like, my mom got a divorce and now she is making artisan bead curtains and selling them at the Ren Faire.
00:25:54
Speaker
So... ah Yeah, that's ah that's a whole thing. Oh, and then one more thing on this. I don't know why I have so many notes on this sort of thing, but have you ever heard of frauterism?
00:26:08
Speaker
Frauter? Like fraught? As in it's fraught with problems? Or it is fraught with problems. F-R-O-T-T, eurism, like voyeurism or one of those.
00:26:20
Speaker
But so this is like people who are into... Basically like rubbing up against non consenting people and like rocks off that way. Yeah. Like in a crowded space, like in an elevator or a subway or something like that.
00:26:36
Speaker
They just like, they just like rub their knob on you until they spout. No, how can they do that? How can they do that? They must come so fast.
00:26:47
Speaker
Yeah. I don't ah don't know. I imagine it's, yeah, I don't see how it will work, but I don't see how you would finish. But I can totally imagine creeps just like like stuffing themselves in between people on the subway and just right like shivering like a hummingbird.
00:27:06
Speaker
Like, is it is it is it always is it always them rubbing accidentally, quote-unquote, accidentally on purpose, kind of rubbing their genitals?
00:27:19
Speaker
Or is it like, I walked by and my like hand graced your ass, but it was an accident? I would imagine it's both. but Yeah. I bet you it's both.
00:27:30
Speaker
Imagine seeking out crowded areas just to like find excuses. What?
Debate on Kink Shaming and Society
00:27:36
Speaker
how do you ok How do you think you get that way? Because, you know, we do live in a world that goes, we don't kink shame.
00:27:45
Speaker
That's obviously outside of that because it's non-consensual. Yeah. so even That whole idea needs to go away. Kink shaming plays an important for role in society, and I think it's appropriate to kink shame. Yeah, I will never stop.
00:27:59
Speaker
I mean, you want to let these Sonic people off the hook? No way. Don't kink shame this Sato. what these like love ah Are these people who just want to like fill all of their holes with these lovecrafty and rubber fucking dildos and shit? Whoa, what are we doing?
00:28:20
Speaker
that's not we don't have to we don't, as a society, have to move in that direction. There's a lot of kink shaming that it is necessary and and and important.
00:28:31
Speaker
Because if we stop doing it, these people might believe for a moment that their shit could be normalized and then we'll have to deal with it day to day. your kids Our kids might see it in schools. I'm going to use the kids excuse. going to go alt-right and just pretend that my my feelings about this is directly related to the kids, even though it is entirely about me and how much I hate these people.
00:28:57
Speaker
Gotta protect the children, you know. yeah the children! ah Yeah, no, kick-shaming, that's never going anywhere. i I remember there was a guy that I knew through ah all the, like, Comic-Con stuff and everything, that when...
00:29:16
Speaker
When the Jerry Falwell Jr. story broke about the pool boy and all of that in public knowledge and stuff. I remember this guy posted this status and he goes, there are plenty of things I'd like to say about Jerry Falwell Jr., but we don't kink shame.
00:29:34
Speaker
And I was like, well, in this case, we definitely kink shave. but Like I paid fines because I kissed a girl like my wife. Yeah.
00:29:46
Speaker
Like i don't care if he's kink shaved, like screw him. No, the amount that you can just like come after somebody. OK. So I did think of. um All right.
Body Image Obsession and Job Performance
00:29:58
Speaker
Should I throw an individual that we've had on this podcast under the bus or not? I don't know. Do I like them? No, you don't. Okay, go for it. All right, here we go. um So Christian Nightmares posted this video, this like AI picture of, um of oh my God, I'm so mad that I'm not remembering.
00:30:22
Speaker
It's Vance and somebody else. But it's like them sitting on a train together and they're fucking fat as shit. Like their faces are bloated as fuck.
00:30:34
Speaker
um And it was just I was like, oh, yeah, I laughed at it. I'm stalling for a time as I look it up while I talk.
00:30:46
Speaker
was going to say, I like Christian Nightmares, so I know it's not a hymn. I'm actually getting mad that I can't find it this quickly because I just wanted just to read the comments on it. um Here we go. Got it.
00:30:59
Speaker
All right. Oh, yeah. J.D. Vance and Charlie Kirk. So perfect.
00:31:08
Speaker
i I commented on it with our christian with our not with our growing up Christian page. it was like J.D. Vance is adult Kyle Rittenhouse. ah That's what he looks like fat to me.
00:31:21
Speaker
He does kind of resemble him in a way. But our our former guest Fire Tools ah commented that it was even that this was like a fake thing.
00:31:37
Speaker
It was wildly inappropriate. It was oh that comment might be gone now, actually. So. Looks like I'm just making shit up and I ah don't come after me. But it was just basically that stuff that it was actually what I expected to see because Christian Nightmares is a regular person who can post stuff like that and have a good time and no one really cares. And it's funny to see J.D. Vance and Charlie Kirk with just bloated ass faces being the worst. And...
00:32:04
Speaker
ah The comment was like, you you need to do better. I can't believe you would post this even though it's fake. Like, this is this is fat shaming, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I've made this point before.
00:32:17
Speaker
um But and I was texting with a friend about it ah because i i had said ah had made this point again to my friend. who was like, yeah, you can you can you can make fun of the way somebody looks or what they do in direct to port in direct proportion to how much of a fucking piece of shit they are in real life.
00:32:38
Speaker
Yeah. That's it. That's the rule. Like, i think that's a good rule. If you're just a big person or short or whatever, like, I'm not going to just, no one's going out of their way to like make fun, but it's just, once you're an asshole, your immediate thought is how can I ridicule? How can I denigrate? Like,
00:32:58
Speaker
I'm a pretty normal person. I would consider myself a normie, right? Just a regular ass dude. But if if I turned into an alt-right fascist fucking piece of shit, do you know how many things you could say about the way I look?
00:33:15
Speaker
You could just make fun of it endlessly and it's fine. Like you can make fun of things that don't matter simply because the person who's doing the thing you hate is a giant piece of shit and a public person.
00:33:30
Speaker
Like maybe don't do it to people on the subway who bother you. Like that's kind of fucked up maybe. ah But like J.D. Vance. Unless they're rubbing their bone on you. Like, yeah yeah, unless they're doing that. Like, I would argue J.D. Vance isn't even a bad looking dude.
00:33:45
Speaker
Like, he's a pretty. But you know what? I'll make fun of his mascara looking fucking loser eyes. You know why? Because I hate him. And if I liked him, that wouldn't bother me.
00:33:56
Speaker
it It does look like he's wearing mascara or like eyeliner or something. It's very. Yeah, eyeliner would be the right word. But ah appreciate that real time fact checking, Casey. You're on top of it.
00:34:09
Speaker
was it je And I didn't dislike fire tools as a person. I just wasn't crazy about her music. No, I know I'm fucking around, ah but I was surprised to see that comment. Cause it's just like, we're just at a point where when you're in a certain lane, you can't,
00:34:28
Speaker
you can't appreciate or be okay with certain, like, it I don't know, certain things. And it's just annoying. I think that's, those are the gripes that people have ah who gravitate towards an appreciation for comedy.
00:34:43
Speaker
ah Not to be like, I'm canceled because I said dumb stuff. Like if you're funny and tactful about it, who cares? Like no one's going to cancel you. If you're Andrew Tate about it, nobody thinks you're cool and everyone wishes a fucking,
00:34:57
Speaker
Acme anvil would fall on your head from the sky. Yeah. Yeah. ah I think like part of why it's it's like the the I think part of why that is like an annoying thing and also like why it's just fading out, like you just don't see it like you did, you know, five, six years ago is because like, to me at least, I just, I have a hard time believing that people really feel all that strongly about some of this stuff, you know?
00:35:28
Speaker
And, and maybe like with fat shaming, like, because it's, you know, you can, Like every, I mean, i I would imagine most of us have felt like uncomfortable or fat or out of shape or whatever around other people. And it's a bad feeling, you know?
00:35:43
Speaker
i mean, i like I'm not even a fat guy. I'm not a fat guy. And I look at my tits in the mirror every day and go, oh, fuck you, dude. Right. Like it's fine. Same.
00:35:54
Speaker
It's just not who likes their body. If you like your body, you're a social media influencer and you deserve to die. It feels like something, yeah.
00:36:07
Speaker
That is kind of true. like If you enjoy the way you look, then like we have to just um we have to conclude that you're a bad person. yeah That body dysmorphia like the rest of us. I refuse to think that you like the way you look if I like you.
00:36:25
Speaker
I'd like to seize some self-hatred. You gotta stay grounded. That's how I can, that's how I know I can trust you. um if If you're a guy if if I meet a dude and you get comfortable enough to the point where you can just make jokes about your dicks, if you don't make fun of your dick, I don't believe you're a person. I don't like, I know you're full of shit.
00:36:48
Speaker
It's like, name a dude who isn't going to make fun of their dick in some way, shape or form based on its shape or form. Yeah. I, um,
00:36:59
Speaker
and I don't know if I've ranted about this on the podcast or not, but like I've come to the conclusion after a couple of bad experiences that I will never hire somebody who's into bodybuilding again.
00:37:13
Speaker
i think if you're into bodybuilding, like you're a person who's like abnormally huge and and to the point where you you're like ah a person like you didn't exist 50 years ago.
00:37:25
Speaker
And like nobody hates their bodies more than bodybuilders. It's right. It's I've just come to the conclusion that like if you're that into yourself and you're that like focused on the way you look, because it's not it's not like physical strength. You're not training for a marathon. It's not anything like that. It's not practical strength by any means. No, I want my my shoulders to look like basketballs like ah you're not going to be good at your job.
00:37:54
Speaker
Like you're just not going to. And it's like proven to me over and over again. It's like, oh where is so and so? They should be working. oh they're at the gym. Great. You spent more hours at the gym this week than you did doing your job. And I've got GPS records here. I can see that that's the case.
00:38:12
Speaker
Is it true, though, that people who love their who like are obsessed with like having a fit body are attracted to sales positions? I feel like that's true.
00:38:24
Speaker
Maybe a segment of them, but not the type that I like. I feel like they're always trying to sell me something. Yeah, it's weird. What does it need to do? You need to go to the vitamin store and you need to pick up X, Y, and Z. Look, no, I'll show you, bro. I'll show you. Look, we'll go to the gym. I'll be your personal trainer.
00:38:41
Speaker
I'll give you like seven free sessions, bro. I it's, it's not, it's anyone can look like this. You see, you're just telling, I feel like you're just making excuses for yourself, bro. Like if you're, if you're out there making excuses for yourself like that, yeah, you're never going to look like this. You're never going look like me.
00:38:57
Speaker
These people suck. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like there's definitely like a ah community of those people that exist in the sales world. But it seems like a lot of what those people do is just that they sell themselves rather than like a product or a service or whatever. Like because you can't you can't be good at like relationship based sales if like nobody feels comfortable around you.
00:39:24
Speaker
You know, like you have to be relatable and you have to connect with people like on a personal level to some extent if you're going to get anywhere because people deal with people that they like, you know, whereas if you're just a like a ah TikTok psychopath ranting about.
00:39:39
Speaker
car sales and telling people they're fired if they don't have a six pack for any of you who have seen the guy that I'm there's some of you know exactly the guy I'm talking about. He's from Oklahoma and he's been indicted on several counts of fraud related to cars. Oh, shocking.
00:39:54
Speaker
Like, I don't know. I just don't see how it works. Maybe it does in some circumstances, but to me, it seems more like this is like you selling yourself as the model to people who want to be good at sales.
00:40:07
Speaker
They'll pay you because you pretend to know what you're doing. And I also want to make a quick point to say that a lot of this bit is rooted in deep insecurity in the way that I look. That's right.
00:40:21
Speaker
But also I can think of five. I can probably think of five people right off the top my head that have phenomenal bods that aren't these fucking losers. Let's talk about our buddy in Florida.
00:40:34
Speaker
Yeah, it's i know he's he's awesome. He's the one that came to mind for me, too. and Yeah, like because but he's in great shape. He's not just he's not just but bodybuilding for the sake of it. He is truly into.
00:40:47
Speaker
um like peak physical performance. I mean, yeah. Death metal ninja, you know, it's for a purpose. Yeah. Like, like, uh, like death metal ninjas, you know, he's, he's bodybuilding for a reason, like to do things with it, not just to look a certain way. I think if you're obsessed with the way that you look, you're just probably not going to be somebody that I want to be around, you know? Exactly. Yeah. That's, that's the difference. It's, um,
00:41:19
Speaker
Josh Wagg. That's who it is. Josh Wagg. He is a brute. Oh my word, dude. And he's like so toned. He looks, I would, I, sometimes I, I go, I wish I could move to Florida just so he could be my personal trainer.
00:41:34
Speaker
Like I, There are people who are just in into peak physical condition performance. And I go, i look, I respect, I respect the fucking shit out of him. He can do cool things.
00:41:45
Speaker
But if your goal is to just like be someone who can't lift your hands over your head and touch your fingertips together, I'm not here for that. ah Yeah.
00:41:56
Speaker
and charlie please feel to make Enjoy your blood clots, dummy.
00:42:04
Speaker
uh so shift time shift time guys it's time we get back into the word and by the word it's been a while and i'm feeling i feel like i'm in a spiritual drought right now i'm in a season of drought it's dry in this desert you're trekking through the wilderness per se I would say.
The Book of Mormon: Nephi's Journey
00:42:28
Speaker
And that directly relates to what we're going to talk about today, because we're returning to the Book of Mormon, specifically to the first book of Nephi. h Now, couple weeks ago, we skipped an episode and it's not because we didn't record it. We did.
00:42:46
Speaker
We just concluded afterwards that it was not very fun or exciting. So we scrapped it. Yeah, so the technical difficulties they mentioned on the Instagram page was because we technically had difficulty making a good episode.
00:43:00
Speaker
That's exactly it No lie detected. So we we covered a couple of chapters in that episode, and I'm going to briefly skim over those just to make sure that nobody misses any important story beats going on here.
00:43:17
Speaker
So if you remember... Like that famous rock band in Doug. Oh, I was trying to think of where I knew that from. Doug. How funny. Killer tofu.
00:43:32
Speaker
Okay, so where we left off last, um ah Nephi's father Lehi had seen a vision from the Lord. It's never not funny. Dude, I'm going to read you. Nephi's father Nehi.
00:43:45
Speaker
It's so funny. I'm going to read you some of the most redundant passages you've ever heard here in a little while. But where we left off is Nephi's father, Lehi, had had a vision. And basically, like, he was told by God that he needed to go back to the city after they had ventured out into the wilderness and obtain these brass plates from ah this guy, Laman.
00:44:12
Speaker
I think his name was Laman. Something. Something. Whatever. Anyways, man he said no, called them thieves. They got chased out. They went back. Uh...
00:44:24
Speaker
with like, ah God's going to give us success here. He's going to get us these plates because he commanded us to do this, blah, blah, blah. They find Layman drunk in the street and they cut off his head, put on his clothes, trick one of his servants into thinking that they're him.
00:44:42
Speaker
he gets to look for them. I think maybe in the future. but they They escape the city with the brass plates. Master, your skin feels very loose tonight.
00:44:56
Speaker
me the The servant, which starts with a Z. I can't remember what his name is, but, oh, Zorov. Servant. Zoram decided he would rather follow the Lord with them than be murdered to to you know ensure that there was no witnesses. So Zoram's now in the crew.
00:45:13
Speaker
I would certainly convert if i knew if I truly knew that a God had it out for me. See, that's why you're never going to have a chapter in Jesus Freaks. Yeah.
00:45:24
Speaker
In the revised edition. Okay, so ah where we're so picking up here is chapter five. And I'm going to skim through some of this because it's very long and it doesn't say anything.
00:45:37
Speaker
But basically, ah they ah they get back from the wilderness. Their mother and father are rejoicing that they're back. He went into great detail explaining how his mother thought they were dead. him all over his body and on the tip of his peepee.
00:45:53
Speaker
Probably. i mean, she was rejoicing. You know? And so now they're happy and they're back in the hands of ah of their family. Right? um So starting off there, and after they had given thanks unto the Lord God of Israel, my father Lehi took the records which were engraven upon the price plates of grass.
00:46:14
Speaker
The plates of brass the grass. The plates of grass. Yeah. I have to remember it. Every time I read it, I think of it. We are the plates of brass. I did it. every i can't hear it now without that as well. And that's because this comes up every episode.
00:46:36
Speaker
There's a dead guy in the grass. really It did search them from the beginning. And he beheld that they did contain the five books of Moses, which give an account. All of them?
00:46:48
Speaker
ah All of them divided up into five books, too, which I don't know. ah Gave an account of the creation of the world and also of Adam and Eve, who were the first parents and also a record of the Jews from the beginning, even down to the commencement of the reign of Zedekiah, king of Judah.
00:47:07
Speaker
Incidentally, adam and Adam was the first person to have an experiment with bestiality. He did? It's possible. I mean, prior to creating Eve, the Lord said, i will make, he he made for him all the animals.
00:47:21
Speaker
And after a little while, he was like, I need to make this guy a human. I need to make for him a helper named Eve. And he named her Eve. And I'm, my only assumption is that he tried to fuck every animal on the planet. Yeah.
00:47:36
Speaker
And when it didn't work, he was like, I'm going to make him someone who looks like him. This is getting weird. God got so sick of watching bestiality porn day in and day out.
00:47:49
Speaker
And see, like all of us grew up thinking that Adam was just another family friendly furry, but it turns out he's a secret. good file
00:48:03
Speaker
And it came to pass that my father Lehi also found upon the plates of brass a genealogy of his father's, wherefore he knew that he was a descendant of Joseph. Yea, even that that Joseph, who was the son of Jacob, who was sold into Egypt, blah, blah, blah.
00:48:20
Speaker
And Laban also, the guy that they killed, right? And Laban also was a descendant of Joseph, wherefore he and his family fathers had kept the records. Which is crazy when you think about this guy is kind of their kinsman, their brother, their distant relation. He and his family underhook the responsibility of cated cataloging and keeping these historical records only for him to get his head cut off so that these guys could have it.
00:48:53
Speaker
God tells him all sorts of things. we notvisingly God eventually helps Joseph Smith translate said plates into a broken form of King James English, but That guy had to get his head cut off so that they could have these plates.
00:49:11
Speaker
It's not like God hadn't previously done plenty of horrific things to people who weren't the Jews throughout their first five books of the Bible. Look, I'm not saying that horrific things were not done to the Jews afterwards.
00:49:26
Speaker
I'm just saying... Throughout the first five books of the Bible, it was always like, everybody who's not us is the enemy. We should slaughter them all. We killed them all. We took them into slavery. We did all the things to them.
00:49:38
Speaker
You hear this? That's the sound of ah millions of drowning people banging on the side of your boat.
00:49:49
Speaker
it's ah Yeah, I mean, God does what God does. ah Is that good enough for you? It's good enough for me. Good enough for me. And now when my father saw all these things, he was filled with the spirit and began to prophesy concerning his seed that these plates of brass should go forth into all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people who were of his seed.
00:50:11
Speaker
Wherefore, he said that these plates of brass should never perish. Neither should they be dimmed anymore by time. And he prophesied many things concerning his seed.
00:50:22
Speaker
So where we're at, help me out here. um This dude is saying he has all these plates. Eventually, these plates are going to be dug up by Joseph Smith.
00:50:34
Speaker
These plates are not mentioned anywhere, anywhere in the Bible whatsoever. I think... that we're going to get some like translated version onto golden plates. That's going to end up being the ones that Joseph Smith found. But I don't know. I haven't gotten that far in the book yet, but so far it sounds like based on the information we're getting from the book of Mormon, which was given to us by,
00:51:02
Speaker
Joseph Smith. JoJo Seawith. yeah Under his eye, Joseph Smith. a He's making the assertion that he found these tablets that have been passed down since...
00:51:16
Speaker
olden times, biblical times, even though they're not mentioned anywhere. And he's just like, this is what all the tablets said. ah have all this information, but I also happen to be missing the tablets themselves.
00:51:32
Speaker
Yeah, but I guess, you know, ah in in his defense, it's hard to imagine a writer speaking so specifically about the very plates he's writing on at the time of writing them.
00:51:44
Speaker
Unless, it of course, it's in the Book of Nehi. Right. I could be i could imagine it'd be challenging to grapple with the source material and effectively communicate that to others. That does sound hard.
00:51:56
Speaker
the the The creators of the original Bible, you know the OG, didn't have the ah the forethought to write passages like, "...and wherefore are these plates on which I am writing good and to be preserved forever?" Actually, that's what this next part says. It says, and we had obtained the records which the Lord had commanded us and searched them and found that they were desirable.
00:52:19
Speaker
Yay, even of great worth unto us in so much that we could preserve the commandments of the Lord unto our children. i think it was sweet I challenge you in myself to talk to our wives sexually in bed in this language next time we engage in marital activities.
00:52:39
Speaker
Wherefore, wherefore I engage you sexually. Behold, my wife, I have found thee quite comely in thy countenance.
00:52:52
Speaker
Hitherto dost thou pull out thy breasts. Ha ha ha ha ha!
00:53:00
Speaker
So they're going to carry the plates into the wilderness towards the land of promise, which I think is a pretty key term in Mormonism. They like to call, I don't know, Missouri, the land of promise. Missouri. It was like, you everything was all about like a certain geographical location for most of the Bible.
00:53:21
Speaker
And they're like, nah, you guys got that wrong. It's the Midwest of America's baby. The promised land, Little Rock, Arkansas.
00:53:35
Speaker
Okay. This shit's nuts, dude. So this is an important chapter and it's a very short one, but I think that I find this very funny the way it's written because this is, this is, you think about like in the Bible, how seldom things are written in the first person and it kind of makes all this even funnier, like to read it this way, you know? Yeah.
00:54:00
Speaker
ah It says, and now I, Nephi, do not give the genealogy of my fathers in this part of my record, neither at any time shall I give it after upon these plates which I am writing, for it is given in the record which has been kept by my fathers, wherefore I do not write it in this work.
00:54:20
Speaker
For it sufficeth me to say that we are descendants of Joseph, and it mattereth not to me that I am particular to give a full account of all the things of my father, for they cannot be written upon these plates, for I desire the room that I mewrate the things of God.
00:54:35
Speaker
Dude.
00:54:39
Speaker
i need you I need you to put a pin in that and save that for when we talk to our boy in a couple of weeks. Oh, man. I wonder if he... Oh, yeah, because he's Mormon, right? Yeah, yeah.
00:54:51
Speaker
Oh, man. I've got to have so many questions. Because I have... I mean, I refuse to tell you though all the facts about the thing because I know that you should just believe me because I swear to you that they are true.
00:55:03
Speaker
It's not that I couldn't write down a genealogy. I'm choosing not to because I need tablet space. And I'm running out of ink. My plates are small and my words are long.
00:55:17
Speaker
For the fullness of mine intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob and be saved. Another like very strange term for the Old Testament.
00:55:29
Speaker
Wherefore, the things which are pleasing unto the world, I do not write like genealogies, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world.
00:55:40
Speaker
Wherefore, I shall give commandment unto my seed that they shall not occupy these plates with things which are not worth unto the children of men. That was thought.
00:55:50
Speaker
That was a lot of words. Yeah, that was like the longest form of yada, yada, yada you've I've ever heard.
00:56:01
Speaker
Okay, so that covers the two chapters that we talked about. the other That was two whole chapters. Okay. Yeah, that was a short chapter where he just said, I'm not saying everything because, you know.
00:56:12
Speaker
I don't want to be wordy. Yeah, he would hate to be wordy.
00:56:18
Speaker
So um what how are how how much percent of the Book of Mormon is it came to pass? Two and a half percent. That's a lot. A lot of percent.
00:56:30
Speaker
We're about to read about 0.3 percent of it. Um, so at this point, God talks to Levi Lehi and tells him like, he should not take his family into the wilderness alone, but that his son should take daughters to wife that they might raise up seed unto the Lord in the land of promise.
00:56:51
Speaker
This guy loves daughters to wife, take daughters to wife, someone else's daughters, Ishmael to be exact. Um, so he tells me, not the Ishmael, of the Bible.
00:57:04
Speaker
Well, I don't know. I mean, this this is kind of the Bible and he's in it, right? Ishmael is a cool name. I found out that I'm having a name.
00:57:16
Speaker
ah Oh, ah well, okay. You changed the direction of where I was going to go. I found out I'm having a boy. And for a second, I thought Ishmael would be a cool name until you said that he would grow up to be a cult leader. So I changed my mind quickly.
00:57:29
Speaker
It's kind of cool to be a cult leader. It's not not cool. Yeah. I mean, at least we know that everybody will watch a Netflix documentary about them.
00:57:39
Speaker
Yeah. Raise him up in the way of Kenneth Copeland. o COVID-19!
00:57:49
Speaker
ah blow! yeah What did he do? He like blew into the microphone and... Yeah. I blow away! COVID-19! What was it? The wind of God? The wind of God.
00:58:03
Speaker
You got to open your mouth really big when you say God and and you have to say it from like your God. The bottom of your throat. It's so guttural. it's from your God.
00:58:17
Speaker
My God is a wrathful God. a vengeful God.
00:58:24
Speaker
ah Okay. and it And it came to pass that the Lord commanded him that I, Nephi, and my brethren should again return unto the land of Jerusalem and bring down Ishmael and his family into the wilderness.
00:58:37
Speaker
And this is going to work out momentarily, but not for very It'll work out momentarily.
00:58:44
Speaker
Yeah. and it came to pass that i nephi did again with my brethren go forth into the wilderness we came into the house of ishmiel did speak unto him the words of the lord and it came to pass that the lord did soften the heart of ishmael and also his household insomuch that they took their journey with us down into the wilderness to the tent of our father And it came to pass that as we journeyed in the wilderness, behold, Laman and Lemuel, the bad brothers, if you remember, because Nephi and Seth are the good brothers.
00:59:17
Speaker
No, Nephi and Sam are the good brothers. And Lemuel and Laman are the bad brothers. That's right. This makes me want to see the Book of Mormon play from the Creators of South Park.
00:59:32
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it would probably be fun. ah feel like there is also like a full fledged movie of all of this on YouTube. Wait, what do you mean of ah movie of all of it?
00:59:45
Speaker
They have like basically a movie of the entire Book of of Mormon on YouTube that you can watch. Like produced high production value produced by the Church of Jesus Christ.
00:59:58
Speaker
Oh, okay. So it's not from an outsider. It's like legit trying to communicate their truths. Right. Yeah, they spent some money on it. For sure. Dude, have a Mormon temple so close. I have a Mormon temple like 15 minutes from my house.
01:00:13
Speaker
And it says visitors welcome on the sign. i Sure, they would love to welcome you. I want you about this show. I don't. I never think to go, but I really need to.
01:00:27
Speaker
Hmm. Well, it came to pass that as we journeyed in the wilderness, behold, Laman and Lemuel and two of the daughters of Ishmael and the two sons of Ishmael and their families did rebel against us.
01:00:40
Speaker
Yea, against me, Nephi, and Sam, and their father Ishmael, and his wife, and his three other daughters. And it came to pass in which, in in the witch rebe- Dude, it's so terrible.
01:00:55
Speaker
And it came to pass in the witch rebellion, they were desirous to return unto the land of Jerusalem. Uh, And Nephi appeals to them and says, behold, you are mine elder brethren. And how it it how is it that you are so hard in your hearts and so blind in your minds that you have need that i your younger brother, should speak unto you, yea, ah set an example for you.
Interpreting Prophetic Dreams with Modern Parallels
01:01:22
Speaker
And he kind of goes on with the rebuke for quite some time. ah And dude, it's like 400 words like, why Yeah.
01:01:32
Speaker
why are you bad And why don't you listen to me? It says, now behold, I say to you that if you will return unto Jerusalem, you shall also perish with them.
01:01:43
Speaker
Okay. Now the threats come into play. And it came to pass that when I, Nephi, had spoken these words unto my brethren, they were angry with me. I want to know how many times the the words I so-and-so are uttered.
01:02:00
Speaker
Like, how many times do you reintroduce who's speaking? That's got to be one and a half percent. It's got to be a lot. I, Nephi, I so-and-so, it's constant.
01:02:13
Speaker
Uh, so they were angry with me and it came to pass that they did lay their hands upon me for behold, they were exceedingly wroth and they did bind me with cords for they sought to take away my life that they might leave me in the wilderness to be devoured by wild beasts.
01:02:30
Speaker
And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying, O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren? Yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound.
01:02:44
Speaker
And it came to pass that when I had said these words, behold, the bands were loosened from off my hands and feet, and I stood before my brethren and spake unto them again." What do you think the significance is of the fact that he asked for strength to break the bonds, but instead God just made them fall off?
01:03:04
Speaker
That's some dumb shit right there. That's what that is. Yeah, that is God being like, I know you want to be strong for a minute, but I'm going to make you such a pussy, and you're going to say, thank you, Daddy God. Thank you. He's like, I don't want you to be strong and self-sufficient.
01:03:22
Speaker
Don't be like one of those meatheads who's trying to get into sales, sell you some vitamin supplements. Be one of those real toned dudes, those real hard-working guys who try to be strong for Jesus.
01:03:38
Speaker
This guy's such a weak pud that like i almost wonder if they did even tie him up or if he just like put his head through the wrong hole of his tunic and got tangled. they put a couple they They locked his fingers between a couple of Chinese finger traps.
01:03:54
Speaker
He's like, oh, God's going to be so mad at you.
01:04:00
Speaker
And it came to pass that they were angry with me again and sought to lay hands on me. But behold, one of the daughters of Ishmael, yay, and also her mother and one of the sons of Ishmael did plead with my brethren in so much that they did soften their homes and cease striving to take away my life.
01:04:16
Speaker
This has like bigger bitch ass Joseph and the Code of Minute Colors vibes. Yeah, like that's such a better story. I told you guys about a dream I had where you guys all are my servants.
01:04:28
Speaker
And then they're like, we're going to kill you. And then they throw them in a pit. And this has those vibes. And I don't. like It's like we get it. We get why everyone hates you.
01:04:39
Speaker
Like it's crazy to listen to a narcissist tell their story when they're like, again, let's go back to Elon Musk. Like this is this is if Elon Musk starts a religion. It's like a narcissist tells their story.
01:04:53
Speaker
And they're like, this is good shit. And everyone else is like, we hate you for it. We're going to kill you. And then you just transcribe it and hope that a thousand years later, people who don't know you as the world's worst fucking person go.
01:05:07
Speaker
That seems pretty relatable as someone with main character syndrome. Yeah. Yeah. i this is but this book this This book, the way it is written, is basically like if Elon Musk, over the next four years, trucks in like millions of tons of rock to Western South Dakota in order to make himself a part of Mount Rushmore, like giving bunny ears to Abraham Lincoln.
01:05:38
Speaker
He's got his dark MAGA hat on. ah Dude, I hate that that is more plausible than the Book of Mormon.
01:05:46
Speaker
There's a pretty good chance. There's more than two and a half percent chance that that'll happen.
01:05:53
Speaker
So they plead for this life, and it came to pass that they were sorrowful because of their wickedness, insomuch that they did bow down before me and did plead with me that I would forgive them of the thing that they had done against me.
01:06:07
Speaker
And it came to pass that I did frankly forgive them all that they had done. What a good question. i Frankly is a weird word. I don't think I've seen the word frankly in the Testament. that would be new here.
01:06:21
Speaker
And it came to pass that, you know, ah frankly, I forgave him.
01:06:28
Speaker
So, yes, he ah he forgives them and exhorts them to praise God and to ask him for forgiveness. And then they continue to trek towards home and offer sacrifices.
01:06:40
Speaker
So this is a weird chapter here. um This outlines a very intricate dream that ah Lehi has about his family and where their destiny lies.
01:06:56
Speaker
So some this is some real Joseph in the Cotamani color shit now. Yep. Get ready for a thousand allegories all at once. Oh God. Behold, I have dreamed. Okay, wait, wait. And it came to pass that while my father tarried in the wilderness, he spake unto us saying, behold, I have dreamed a dream.
01:07:15
Speaker
Or in other words, I have seen a vision. What's the difference? Just wants to make sure everybody's following along. And behold, because of the thing which I have seen, I have reason to rejoice in the Lord because of Nephi and also of Sam.
01:07:31
Speaker
For I have reason to suppose that they and also many of their seed will be saved. Not a good start for Laman and Lemuel. But behold, Laman and Lemuel, I fear exceedingly because of you. For behold, methought I saw you in my dream, a dark and dreary wilderness.
01:07:50
Speaker
And it came to pass that I saw a man, and he was dressed in a white robe, and he came and stood before me. And it came to pass that he spake unto me. He came to pass and stood before him?
01:08:01
Speaker
i Yeah, sure. I think so. Yeah. He came hard and said before him. He came passively. This is the most bullshit dream ever. You know what's funny about ah pose dating your dreams is that you can make them up completely. Yeah, exactly. It is like everybody's had a friend at some point that wants to tell them about their dream that they had. And it always sounds made up.
01:08:30
Speaker
I think the only thing that started, the only thing and that I can think of that started with I had a dream that worked was her boy MLK. Otherwise, you're making that shit up.
01:08:44
Speaker
because you know what i had a dream is i had a vision of a world that was better than the one we have this one's always like i had a vision and everyone was subservient to me in some way shape or form and it made me a better person and i'm the still the hero of the story and everyone else sucks it is that funny that like at every opportunity somebody singles out layman and lemuel and is like God said you suck.
01:09:08
Speaker
it like It's every chapter. It's a it's a subplot in like it's God spoke to me and said I was good, but he said you guys are turds. It's real like stepkid vibes.
01:09:23
Speaker
OK, man in a white robe. And it came to pass that he spake unto me and all follow him. You can only assume that. And it came to pass that as I followed him, I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste.
01:09:37
Speaker
And I began to pray to the unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me according to the multitude of his tender mercies. And it came to pass after I had prayed unto the Lord, I beheld a large and spacious field.
01:09:50
Speaker
And it came to pass that I beheld a tree whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. What kind of fruit you think it is? He says it's white on avocado. That's where your mind goes. Avocado.
01:10:02
Speaker
That's a fruit, right? I honestly don't know, but it grows on a tree. gotta be a fruit, right? I feel really stupid that I don't know.
01:10:15
Speaker
And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof. And I beheld that it was most sweet above all that I have ever tasted. Not avocado. Dragon fruit. Yeah, that kind of rules. i have He just takes a big bite out of avocado, like skin and everything. And he's like, o thank you, lord He would.
01:10:37
Speaker
He would do that. It's a Carolina Reaper pepper. yeah
01:10:43
Speaker
Oh! Praise be unto him! they That would explain all the bizarre visions he has. My tongue burneth in thy tenderness. Above all that I have ever tasted, yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all whiteness I had ever seen. Of course it was!
01:11:05
Speaker
oh
01:11:08
Speaker
good cleaning and white This eating of the fruit turned into a clan meeting real fast. The man in the white gown gave me a white fruit that was exceedingly white and pretty and beautiful, unlike those dark white fruits.
01:11:22
Speaker
Oh, God. And I partook of the fruit thereof. It filled my soul with exceedingly great joy. Wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also, for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.
01:11:37
Speaker
This some Eve shit, dude. You don't learn your lessons from the Bible. You have all the Bible on the tablets, you fucking loser. This gets real strange here. And it's like such a setting the table for like Joseph Smith's like persecution complex, yeah which turned into a reality.
01:11:55
Speaker
It did. Okay. But, you know, for good reason, for good reason. like let let look Let's be clear. like We talked about not kink shaming people, right?
01:12:09
Speaker
And how it's actually kind of fine. like You should do that definitely sometimes when shit gets off the rails. Like, It's just funny. like People like Joseph Smith live in a world where they think nobody should ever be persecuted for anything, and that's just not true.
01:12:25
Speaker
He only thinks he shouldn't be persecuted. If your ideas are really, really stupid, you should be persecuted. Like marrying 12-year-olds, you deserve some persecution. It's a bad look.
01:12:37
Speaker
No, it did get a little wild back then. Like those 2001 Al-Qaeda hunting permits that people would put on the back of their Dodge Dakota. They had those, but like for Mormons.
01:12:48
Speaker
um That's not nice. But still... And as I cast my eyes round about that perhaps I might discover my family also, I beheld a river of water and it ran along and it was near the tree of which I was partaking the fruit.
01:13:03
Speaker
And I looked to behold from whence it came. Stop, stop. This is stupid. He so he's eating fruit and he goes, I, I looked around and saw my family and then I looked at the water that was running by the tree from which the fruit I was eating.
01:13:19
Speaker
Well, he said he wants to summon his family. But then he noticed the water and it's running alongside of the tree. Noticed it just doing watery things.
01:13:31
Speaker
Yeah. His socks were wet. He was so distracted by that scrumptious white fruit. and He didn't even notice his chucks were filling with with moisture. Yeah.
01:13:42
Speaker
to say that his shoes were soaked.
01:13:46
Speaker
And behold, and I looked to behold from whence it came and I saw the head thereof a little way off. And at the head thereof, I beheld your mother, Saria and Sam and Nephi.
01:13:57
Speaker
And they stood as if they knew not whither they should go. And it came to pass I beckoned them unto them, and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me and partake of the fruit, which was desirable above all other fruit.
01:14:13
Speaker
And it came to pass that they did come unto me and partake of the fruit also. And it came to pass that I was desirous that Laman and Lemuel should come and partake of the fruit also.
01:14:26
Speaker
where a Wherefore, I cast my eyes towards the head of the river that i perhaps I might see them. And it came to pass that I saw them, but they would not come unto me and partake of the fruit.
01:14:41
Speaker
What is that? Your thing popping? Sorry, I'm trying to fix my microphone and that spring is just clapping. Yeah. I thought it was a guitar at first.
01:14:51
Speaker
It does sound like someone's strumming out of tune guitar. That's true. ah And so he sees them. Okay. And beckons unto them.
01:15:04
Speaker
But layman and Lemuel, the bad brothers won't come partake of the fruit. And I beheld a rod of iron, and it extended along the bank of the river and led to the tree by which I stood.
01:15:16
Speaker
Where did the rod of iron come from? it's It's extending along the river now. he just It just showed up. He just had it. He extended it.
01:15:27
Speaker
And what does he do with it? ah Carry on. I'm just trying to stay on track. It's a dream, you know? This is the point at which he realizes he's not wearing pants at the grocery store. Yeah. Maybe this is a real dream because I know every time I've tried to be like, guys, I had this crazy dream last night and I started explaining it and I realized how none of it makes sense. And I sound like a psychopath.
01:15:49
Speaker
You're like, oh, that's how dreams work. you Nothing makes sense. You like you can have ah the most bizarre traumatizing experience and then wake up on a go-kart track.
01:16:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, go-karts are inevitably a part of most dreams. Yeah, of course. It's like, now I have to build a go-kart with my third grade neighbor, Kevin. Out of gopher wood that's four cubits long.
01:16:19
Speaker
And I also beheld a straight and narrow path which came along by the rod of iron, even to the tree by which I stood, and it also led by the head of the fountain unto a large and spacious field, as if it had been a world.
01:16:34
Speaker
And I saw numberless concourses of people, many of whom were pressing forward that they might obtain the path which led unto the tree by which I stood. And it came to pass the day did come forth and commence in the path which led to the tree.
01:16:47
Speaker
And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness, yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness. yeah God, he's fluffing word count.
01:16:59
Speaker
It's crazy how much, how redundant he is. It was a mist of darkness. Yay, even a mist of darkness. There's one that we have to close on in here somewhere. Like, I think it's the next chapter, but there's one paragraph that I read to April and I'm just like, ah that was the most unbelievably stupid thing i've ever read.
01:17:21
Speaker
What is a mist of darkness anyway? yeah I don't know. Fog? I'm not sure. You know, it's a mist of exceedingly great darkness.
01:17:33
Speaker
There's no clarification on any of this. In so much that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost. Hmm.
01:17:45
Speaker
And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward and they came forward. They came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron. And they did. It's just more that like that weird shit where you rub a up against people on the subway. Is that what we're talking about? Frauderism.
01:18:00
Speaker
This is just yeah we're a big line of frauderists. Yeah, we're back there. This came full circle. We started with frauderism and ended it with frauderism. This ah this is beautiful.
01:18:11
Speaker
And behold, they were Mormons, and they did frauderize too near the daycare center.
01:18:19
Speaker
but ah So they caught hold of the rod of iron, and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree.
01:18:33
Speaker
Now here's where it gets even more... Oh my god, dude, what is... Stop, what is the mist of darkness? is... Well, it's just hard to see where you're going unless you're holding the rod of iron that's next to the stream that goes to the tree and beyond it there's the head and then the big field.
01:18:48
Speaker
So it's just supposed to be like a confusing fog that comes through and they're all... Holding on to each other's rods of iron as they walk towards the tree to partake of its fruit.
01:18:59
Speaker
Also more sexualized metaphors. that But the the the fruit that to partake of the fruit of the tree they were already eating at before the fog rolled in. Are they on their way? ah They're trying to join Nephi at the tree.
01:19:12
Speaker
And this is just multitudes of people. Okay. So the entire universe, except for layman and Lemuel. Okay. Yeah. So Nephi's there and he's like, I wish my family was here. And then we jumped, we do like cut scene to the family and they're enveloped in dark, evil fog and they need to get to that white, nice fruit.
01:19:33
Speaker
There's so many different, like ridiculous allegories going on in here. It's like, it's like, I keep saying this. It's like ah a lunatic was reading this out of a hat.
01:19:44
Speaker
Yeah. This is making it up as he goes. It's religious mad libs. That's all it is. Okay, so these people cling to the rod of iron even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree. Now, here's ah here we just take another right turn, okay?
01:20:02
Speaker
And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree, they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed. Okay. With the tree naked. Did have a nice pair of tits?
01:20:16
Speaker
Oh, my God. And I also cast my eyes roundabout and beheld on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building.
01:20:27
Speaker
And it stood, as it were, in the air, high above the earth. And it was filled with people. Are you talking a brick shithouse? I think so. Ain't no fruit in there. I know that much.
01:20:40
Speaker
And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female. And their manner of dress was exceedingly fine. And they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at come at and were partaking of the fruit.
01:20:57
Speaker
oh All right. So... This building of people is laughing in point that look great. By the way, they are just, it's a building full of people just stuffed to the brim with people looking great. They are capital in the hunger game stuffed in there. Like they are fraud rising hard.
01:21:16
Speaker
yeah they are pointing giggling and and grinding and they are pointing and laughing at all of us ridiculous fucks eating fruit like bitches and we do we know what the point of this fruit is the story is killing me it's just good and it's white and it's like so white it's not brown this is a white fruit okay this Yeah, this is a fruit equivalent of a clan meeting.
01:21:43
Speaker
And after they had tasted of the fruit, they were ashamed because of those that were scoffing at them. Hey, don't be ashamed of being white. This is 2025 and Musk is here for us.
01:21:54
Speaker
Yeah, ah white guilt's out. Yeah, we're done with that shit. White power!
01:22:01
Speaker
Don't take that of context, please. this ah oh Well, if i i I don't think you could be canceled anymore. He Roman saluted so hard when he said that to him. He almost punched his janky microphone stand.
01:22:15
Speaker
Oh, Christ. So they were ashamed because of those that were scoffing at them, and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost.
01:22:27
Speaker
And now I, Nephi, do not speak all the words of my father. I just went on the analogy there. One, the clarification of is helpful because sometimes I forget who is writing this book.
01:22:41
Speaker
And two, I just appreciate that he doesn't waste our time with tons of words. When it comes to things that actually matter, you know? Yeah.
01:22:52
Speaker
Wordy as fuck to talk about his dream. But when it comes to things that like he just needs you to take at face value, he's like, I don't need to say all that. So I assume the fruit that they're eating represents God's grace and forgiveness.
01:23:10
Speaker
But some people obtain that grace and forgiveness, but then they're made to feel ashamed because people are mocking them. And they're obviously not true workmen. So they just wander off into the dark, probably drown in the river.
01:23:24
Speaker
Just get made fun of to death by people in that tall building that are fraud arising. And now I, Nephi, do not speak all the words of my father, but to be short in writing. ah Yeah.
01:23:38
Speaker
yeah
01:23:41
Speaker
Cool. Appreciate that now. It took us a while, but thank you. Yeah, it's very concise. Thank you, Nephi. Now's a good time to stop doing what you've been doing for 12 chapters.
01:23:54
Speaker
But to be short in writing, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward, and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron, and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree.
01:24:12
Speaker
And he also saw other multitudes feeling their way towards that great and spacious building. And it came to pass that many were drowned in the depths of the fountain, and many were lost from his view, wandering in strange roads.
01:24:25
Speaker
And great was the multitude that did not enter into the strange building. And after they did enter into the building, they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also, but we heeded them not.
01:24:39
Speaker
They went to the... The great building is the bad place where you make fun of people eating fruit. But they went there after eating the fruit. Yeah, some of them.
01:24:51
Speaker
I think some people went straight to the building because they thought that looked cooler than fruit. Okay, so the people who went bar the people who went there were the bad people who turned their back on the fruit.
01:25:03
Speaker
Yes, and it sounds like maybe some people partook of the fruit but then were ashamed, and so they went to laugh with the fratrought fraternizers. Oh, they were ashamed? Yeah.
01:25:14
Speaker
Oh, that's like when I brought my Bible to driver's ed class. I was a shit.
01:25:21
Speaker
Exactly.
01:25:24
Speaker
You live your faith out loud. That's what I like about you. I Mandy Moore'd that shit, and I got sad and scared that people wouldn't want to be friends with Took frot to remember.
01:25:38
Speaker
These are the words of my father, for as many as heeded them had fallen away. And Laman and Lemuel partook not of the fruit, said my father. Dad said that they didn't eat it.
01:25:51
Speaker
Dad said? i i wish I wish more than anything that my brothers Laman and Lemuel would have just have humbled themselves before the Lord and bowed to me and ate my fruit.
01:26:04
Speaker
Those haughty foxes. My precious blossom. They're so haughty. It's sick. it Honestly, that kind of bombastic that way of life is just sickening to me.
01:26:16
Speaker
The people in the building? Yeah, all of them. I mean, anyone that's not of God. Basically, you only screw with people who who eat fruit. I love fruit. I only eat fruit.
01:26:28
Speaker
what what Is there a word for people who only... Can you only eat fruit? Is that a thing? I don't know. I mean, I think you might die eventually, but not of scurvy.
01:26:39
Speaker
But of diabetes, probably. Probably.
01:26:45
Speaker
ah And it came to pass after my father had spoken all the words of his dream or vision, which were many, he said unto us- They sure were many. Which he saw in a vision.
01:26:56
Speaker
He exceedingly feared for Laman and Lemuel. yeah he didn't care about them. Dude, he- All lay poor layman and Lemuel all they get cares just continually every single day told that they're bad and they suck.
01:27:10
Speaker
They're they're the Kenny of South Park.
01:27:15
Speaker
ah Yay. He feared lest they should be cast off from the presence of the Lord. And he did exhort them with all the feeling of a tender parent that they would hearken to his words that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them and not cast them off.
Nephi's Records and Purpose
01:27:32
Speaker
Yea, my father did preach unto them. And after he had preached unto them and also prophesied unto them many things, he bade them to keep the commandments of the Lord and he did cease speaking unto them.
01:27:45
Speaker
Okay. So he just ghosted his children. It's very hard to tell if he if he just stopped talking to them that day. Like he just quit preaching at their hands.
01:27:56
Speaker
yeah, yeah. Or if he was cutting them off. I'm done! Like that. He's like, you two, you're a toxic presence, and I have to, for the sake of my mental health, I have to disassociate with you.
01:28:11
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Please don't poke me on Facebook. yeah Dude, poking on Facebook. i forgot. like What a wild thing. good What a way to flirt.
01:28:23
Speaker
That is very that is like Christian flirting for sure. i used it. He poked me. What do you think that means? I poked April for sure. And the Lord blessed you.
01:28:37
Speaker
That's right. Many, many fruits and seeds. um Okay, so this is where so that was chapter eight. ah Chapter nine is where we're going to end off for today.
01:28:49
Speaker
And I think this is where that that paragraph is I was telling you about. And all these things did my father see and hear and speak as he dwelt in a tent in the valley of Lemuel, and also a great many more things which cannot be written upon these plates.
01:29:08
Speaker
him And now as I have spoken concerning these plates, behold, they are not the plates upon which I make a full account of the history of my people, For the plates upon which I make a full account of my people, I have given the name of Nephi.
01:29:23
Speaker
Wherefore, they are called the plates of Nephi, after mine own name. And these plates are also called the plates of Nephi. my god! The redundancy.
01:29:35
Speaker
e but Just to be clear, these plates we're talking about, they're not the important plates. You'll know which ones are important because I put my name on those.
01:29:46
Speaker
I love that so much. I have given the plates upon which I make a full account of my people. I have given the name of Nephi. Wherefore, they're called the plates of Nephi. After my own name. don't say.
01:29:58
Speaker
And these plates also called the plates of Nephi.
01:30:04
Speaker
Nevertheless, how many plate he's going to is like there's 100 plates and he has to introduce each one of them. And this is another plate. This is plate number one, the plate of Nehi. And this is plate number two.
01:30:16
Speaker
Also the plate of Nehi. We do have plate number three, which is also the plate of Nehi. All the plates so far have been the plate of Nehi, but we do have another plate and it is a fourth plate. And the fourth plate we will also call the fourth plate of Nehi.
01:30:30
Speaker
This plate, which I do hold in my hand, is not a plate of Nephi. This is a commemorative plate dedicated to the Carter administration that my grandmother did purchase from Royal Dalton Outlet.
01:30:44
Speaker
And you can get a one of these in your own personal collection for two payments of $29.99. Did you ever have to go to a Royal Dalton store?
01:30:56
Speaker
and No, I don't even know what that is. My mom would go through like stages where she would get really into something and like kind of obsess over it, which is where I get it. Sense. Yeah, I was going to say. Because I definitely do that.
01:31:10
Speaker
That apple, or should i say white fruit, didn't fall too far from the iron rod. This fruit's sour, boy. But yeah, Royal Dalton was like a it was like a China store.
01:31:25
Speaker
And they just had like all sorts of fancy plates and things. And my mom really liked to go to the Royal Dalton outlet because she collected the flower of the month plate set.
01:31:39
Speaker
That's nice. Flower of the month. That's a good way to get you lots of plates. It gets you at least 12. So yeah, I did. but I did go to the Royal Dalton outlet many, many times.
01:31:53
Speaker
All So this last little section here that we'll close on, this is like this feels like an important lore addendum that he cut out in the book, like in the official player's guide. This would be like a poll quote section explaining some little, you know, ah yeah idiosyncrasy in the in the game plot or whatever.
01:32:12
Speaker
ah Nevertheless, I have received a commandment of the Lord that I should make these plates for the special purpose that there should be an account engraven on the the ministry of my people.
01:32:23
Speaker
Upon the other plates should be engraven an account of the reign of the kings and the wars and the contentions of my people. Wherefore, these plates are for the most part for the more part of the ministry and the other plates are for the more part of the reign of kings and ah and the wars and the contentions of my people.
01:32:43
Speaker
ah Wherefore the Lord hath commanded me to make these plates for a wise purpose in him, which purpose I know not. The Lord hath with all things from the beginning.
01:32:55
Speaker
Wherefore he prepareth in a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men. For behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of his words. And thus it is.
01:33:07
Speaker
Amen. Amen and amen. So the question is... Oh, go ahead. Yeah. yeah I just love that. He's like, i have all this to say and I'm writing it all down. And that's the word of the Lord whose agenda. I do not know.
01:33:22
Speaker
it is It is so unbiblical sounding, the way that this crap is strung together. like There's no part of the Old Testament that sounds like that's written from this perspective and uses this type of language or these little caveats to things. like They're like, oh you know I don't know why he told me to do this, but he did.
01:33:45
Speaker
Or the New Testament, for that matter. Like, this is it not reminiscent of anything that was written in the first 4,000 years of human history. Right. Unread. Why do you think? Because i I have to imagine, and maybe it's an obvious thing that I'm just not seeing, but, like, I have to imagine that there was a reason he decided to specify that the plates which he's reading from basically out of the hat to the guy Yeah.
01:34:15
Speaker
nephi obtained from ah yeah what are we getting into here i don't even ah i'm having a hard time following that like so the plates that are being discussed aren't the ones that are found by joseph smith later I don't know.
01:34:30
Speaker
i don't know. But like the brass plates that they've spent like this first nine chapters acquiring and they cut off the guy's head to get and stuff. I think what he's saying is these are not the plates that are significant.
01:34:46
Speaker
The plates which are significant. are plates I call Nephi. Oh, so he's got those plates, and they matter. They matter, but they're not the most significant, and the ones that he has will come to pass.
01:34:59
Speaker
Yeah, and, like, I don't know, why would Joseph Smith need to differentiate between the two? Like, why have that section explaining that the plates we've been talking about are not the plates that I'm working with? And the only thing that I could, the only thing that pops out to me is, like,
01:35:14
Speaker
The plates that he supposedly found in the whatever golden plates. were golden plate I believe. I mean, I've always heard them called golden plates.
01:35:25
Speaker
Right. Whereas these are the pos that are brass. Oh, so we're these are the precursor plates there. There's it's it's in there's something about it that's important for us to know about, but they're not the golden plates.
01:35:39
Speaker
But for some reason, he has all of the knowledge in the history around how these brass plates. This is what I'm interested in, because he's writing this history. of how the plates were found.
01:35:51
Speaker
And then eventually, I guess we get into the plates that were found and what's on them. But the plates themselves do not contain the history of how the plates became, how the plates came into the possession of Nephi.
01:36:06
Speaker
So how does he know all of this? Is it all just a revelation of God? i I think what we're reading now is supposed to be a an account straight from Nephi.
01:36:19
Speaker
Right, but where where did he where did Joseph Smith – but if that account was straight from Nephi, that would have to have been found by Joseph Smith. is Is the account that's straight from Nephi on these brass tablets?
01:36:33
Speaker
No, the brass tablets are basically like footnotes. that they gone it That were like the original Bible. They're saying they're, yeah, like the the so is it Pentateuch or the Torah or whatever. Yeah, the Torah.
01:36:47
Speaker
Yeah, so that's what's on the brass plates. Actually, the Pentateuch is the first five books of the Bible. ah Okay, yeah. So the Pentateuch is what they found on the brass plates.
01:36:59
Speaker
But I guess what we're reading right now is Nephi's plates that he wrote cataloging their experiences and stuff like that. So I guess it does make sense in a way. It's like...
01:37:12
Speaker
Joseph Smith didn't find plates with the Old Testament on them. He found plates of the account of Nephi and whoever else is coming down the road here. So I don't know.
01:37:23
Speaker
i do I don't. None of this makes sense. Why does Joseph Smith have this information about the history and why? Why did God, like, why did he write all of this?
01:37:35
Speaker
This is what's going to, this is what I'm interested in finding out. How many more chapters we have to go? Like a hundred? Oh my God, dude. This is, this is a tiny, tiny piece of it. That's crazy. That's it so far.
01:37:47
Speaker
Well, in between, we're only, we're we're nine chapters in and Nephi, let's see, first Nephi, cause there's two. This is nuts. has 22, think. All right. Well, here's at least we know that in between our guest interviews, we'll probably be able to do this for the next five or six years just on the Book of Mormon. Yeah.
01:38:12
Speaker
It's a big undertaking. We might have read more of the Book of Mormon at this point than most Mormons have. Yeah.
01:38:21
Speaker
Right, because if you do read this much, it doesn't make sense to be a Mormon. Right. Yeah, it would kind of talk you out of it, you would think. Yeah, pretty fast. But CliffsNotes version makes it a little bit more believable.
01:38:36
Speaker
Yeah, it is fun, though. It um feels fun to dissect something that's claiming to be the Bible. And like this is the first time really seeing any of it. So it's like you I don't know. There's just you don't get that experience with anything scriptural, you know, when you grew up around it, and memorized it, and all that stuff. Like now you're coming into it as an adult with a critical look.
01:39:00
Speaker
it is ah It's fun. i I remember trying to read the Book of Mormon. Dude, this is so funny, thinking back on it. This is how dumb I was when I was like 21 years old. 22. I was probably about 22.
01:39:14
Speaker
I remember i was like, I'm going to read the Book of Mormon because I'm curious. I got to know. um You got to know what's out there to defend yourself against it, really. um Which is funny because I do remember...
01:39:29
Speaker
a colleague of mine when I worked at Liberty being like people who people in the who work for the government that whose job it is is to people detect counterfeit bills. right There's so many counterfeits.
01:39:45
Speaker
There's so many ways to counterfeit that you don't you don't You don't learn all the ways you could counterfeit a bill. You just learn the way the ah true American dollar is made.
01:39:59
Speaker
I remember this analogy. detect the counterfeits Yeah, I mentioned it probably a couple of years ago on the podcast. its and says I mentioned this a while back. So the idea being that like you don't need to know how counterfeits work. You just need to know the one true thing.
01:40:13
Speaker
Yeah. So I went against that analogy and I was like, I'm going to read the Book of Mormon. And I remember as a 22 year old reading it being like, I think one of the most unsettling things about it is how much is it, how much it tries to craft its language as though it's like the Bible. It's like a real intentional misdirect.
01:40:33
Speaker
And I don't know why I was thinking when I was 22, because I hear this now as a 36 year old man and go this is the epitome of dog shit writing. Like this is like this is like five year old read Shakespeare and then tried to imitate it with the language that they had had at that time.
01:40:56
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's it's like ah given your your upbringing and stuff, at the time reading something like ah you know the the Satanic Bible, it has like this ominous sense of legitimacy about it. You know like you believe it's dangerous, but like you read it now and you're like, oh, this is just this is just the ramblings of a moron trying to sound scriptural and legitimate.
01:41:24
Speaker
I've never actually read the book of Satan or whatever, but but it can't be good. it's It's kind of written a proverbial sense, like our like the proverb. It's just like X, Y, and Z, so then x Y, and Z. Like...
01:41:40
Speaker
It's just like rules for living kind of shit. Wisdom for living. It's like, but it is weird that people who write these kinds of books are trying to do it in a way that resembles something more ancient instead of just being like, I have these ideas.
01:41:58
Speaker
And here's why. And they're either true or based on truth to to some degree, regardless of the way like regardless of the way they're written.
01:42:09
Speaker
They don't need to be written as though they're ancient to be relevant. And that's so weird. that's Why are we doing that across the board? It makes it very funny now.
01:42:20
Speaker
But yeah, I don't know. If you're a real devil worshiper, you should be reading the Necronomicon. oh so evil. You want to try worshiping Satan?
01:42:31
Speaker
like I would want to be so scared still. I think of've i don't know if I'd do it either. i I think i'm in I've shed a lot of shit, but I think I'm still a little scared to be like, Lord Satan! And then ask something for real.
01:42:49
Speaker
I used to watch all those ghost hunter shows, you know, like ghost adventures and stuff with that tools, Zach,
Exploring Paranormal and Eerie Topics
01:42:56
Speaker
whatever. And I remember, I remember telling somebody about them at one point and being like, you know, it's a, it's pretty unsettling, but like, dude, all of the like really violent ones that they encounter, like they all have to do with like Satanism.
01:43:13
Speaker
e Great points. Yeah. It's, ah profound stuff. I wouldn't, that would be a fun, that would be a fun guest. Um, ah an actual, not just like a Satanist, but like someone who, ah ghost hunter truly.
01:43:28
Speaker
Yeah. That would be sick too. I tried finding one. There's a, I see this car around my town. That's like a central mass ghost hunters car. It's like, graffitied the fuck up like they just spray painted the shit out of their car with like their website and stuff in it i can't find them i can't find them um but i was looking for them because i thought it'd be fun to talk to at real life ghost hunters um ghost hunters would be cool but also someone who like truly does claim
01:44:00
Speaker
To worship Satan, not in the devil, not in like the Satanist sense, but in the biblical God Satan paradigm sense. Like actually trying to appeal to some sort of evil otherworldly being.
01:44:14
Speaker
Right. That is somehow not as evil as like, they're like, well, Satan's actually not the evil one. Like God is the bad one. Satan is here for humanism and power and shit. Like, I'd be very curious to talk to a say ah ah Satanist in the sense that they do believe that they worship.
01:44:33
Speaker
Or like a vampire familiar. The antagonist to the God of the Bible. Did you see Nosferatu? I haven't. I do need to watch that. It's awesome.
01:44:44
Speaker
I've heard it's fucking great. really liked it. But like the guy that's like the familiar in that, he might be my favorite part of the whole movie. Providence! Providence!
01:44:55
Speaker
i'll be I'll be watching that as soon as I can. I don't know why. I just haven't gotten to it yet. I cannot wait to watch it but all right All right, folks. ah If you know any ghost hunters, I know some of you people are into strange things.
01:45:10
Speaker
Or vampires. Imagine you're a burlesque downs if you're a but burlesque dancer, you probably know a ghost hunter. So, you know, if any of those streams cross, I guess just send us a message and give us a referral to ah a real-life ghost adventurer, and we'll talk to them.
01:45:29
Speaker
maybe do some spirit recordings or whatever. Oh, sense. i would We should find a medium too. Maybe we could get our fortunes told live on this like on this podcast.
01:45:41
Speaker
Yeah, plumb the depths of of your psyche. That'd be cool. I sense much fear in you. Fear leads to anger. They just start talking. yeah
01:45:56
Speaker
You're just like a brooding Anakin Skywalker. My kids have been watching Star Wars for the past three days. They're on episode seven now. There we go.
01:46:08
Speaker
It's got to be fun with kids. It's fine. I mean, once you get past the Jar Jar Binks shit, it's fine. Now it's too late in the episode to start bringing up that. But yeah, let's get out of here. Really the best one.
01:46:23
Speaker
And on that note, thanks for listening, everybody. Got cool guests coming up. So stay tuned and yeah we will you next time.