Transcript
Speaker: You ready for a theme song? Hang tight. Twirl to belong. Hold up and keep your socks on. Get ready for the fork and theme song. All right. Pardon me, do you have to break the pond? Don't get ready for the fork and theme song. Can't remember if I left the oven hot. Get ready for the fork and theme song. No time to run, America. Gotta end them by the fork and theme song.
Speaker: Okay, we are L .I. V .E. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen, not binary, folks of all universes, known and unknown, and alternate dimensions. This is role players, and welcome back to the Forkers. It's not the Forkers, it's just Forkers. And we are back with Cass and Adrian and Justin playing Sasha Rocket, the other guys, what do they call it, Baxter and BxO5.
Speaker: And I hope you enjoyed last episode. We're going to do another one. Isn't that great? Justin, what happened in the last episode? Go. We fought capitalism and germs. Mm hmm. All in one false romance. Yeah, first the germs, then the ands, then the germans. We went to the janitor planet and there was a lady charging people for janitorial services. This is not something they normally did. And then we said, hey, stop that.
Speaker: And we determined that if you do capitalism, you get certain in the broken glass. If you have money in your hands. Oh yeah. There's a broken glass incident. Two people got thrown into that. Um, and then we killed a lady turned into a giant German. We evaporated it and I took a sample home with me. It's kind of in the specimen to study, but I was supposed to bet. And you called it. Oh man. If we go to Pokemon land, that's, he's gonna be my Pokemon.
Speaker: Spoiler alert, there might be a Pokemon inspired land on this map. Did we mention them all before we go to halftime anyways? That's fine.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, there's a couple. So I think that was everything. Yes, you guys disintegrated them with fire and cleaning supplies. Baxter went into weight mode or a BX went into weight mode for a little while, which was really funny. And then you guys taught them to carry me around. Actually carry you around. And you guys did take some level up. So I think just real quick, I think it would be good to let the audience know like what you guys have been doing with your characters.
Speaker: Um, so just real fast, uh, Adrian, what did you do to BX? What's something new that BX has on them? So in early level ups, I gave him like some more strength and some more fighting. So that later on, if you go to brawl tomorrow, that you can actually brawl some people. Yep.
Speaker: And also some like persuasion and the attractive edge because he's one handsome robot. He's a handsome robot. I think he got cleaned. I think, you know, he signed up for cleaning services. I called the last episode, I called the last episode clean up on BX5.
Speaker: Perfect. That would be so awesome. Yeah. I was quite proud of that one myself. Sasha Rocket, what did Sasha get up to? What kind of slow lumps did you get? Oh, well, since she's like, you know, famous now because she was like on stage with her saxophone skills, she's like so awesome. She's like famous now. So she took the fame edge. And then because everybody just kind of loves her, she also took the charismatic edge.
Speaker: She's a little more persuasive to fans and people who just think she's great. I'm back here. I've never played such a persuasive, heavy character before, but we're going to see what happens. Yeah, that's pretty much all I used to play. I'm usually the one that's quiet in the background and then just hits people or shoots people in the face. Let's get to try something new. Yeah, already.
Speaker: I'm excited. Justin, what did Baxter get? What little things did you add to yourself? I didn't take any exciting edges. I just raised my skills. But you made yourself more stealthy, I think. I'm more stealthy. You've been a little bit more of a sneaky monkey. I can hack, even though we never seen anything to hack. But once I do, you better believe I'm going to hack that shit. I can fight better. Oh, you're the smartest monkey. I'm a smart monkey.
Speaker: All right, so we got some we got some new edges and some new skills so you guys just completed your mission Do you guys think your characters have had some downtime before your next mission? Oh, yeah, for sure. All right, we workaholics No, that's that's good for you. Sorry Baxter. What would Baxter have been doing over the past? However long you've been well, well, well since I took a blob blob home in a little petri dish I'm going to study him
Speaker: in a study, blah, blah, studying style. All right. I think that's a chance with my science skill. Yeah, sure. I think that's a fair assessment. Yeah. A little germ thing in a little thing, you know, because we may have stopped it, but I want to know what the heck is that? Where did it come from? And what's the best way to hold one? What's the best way in? What's the best way out?
Speaker: Oh, I got 21 on my science. 21? Nice. Running around. Jesus, Louise. I got a little manuscript. I'm like, Oh, wow. The XDS is amazing. You must come and see this quick. He's like, Huh? What? I was just admiring myself in the mirror.
Speaker: I would tell Sasha, but she is, um, she would probably try to eat him. So I don't want to show him. You've had to eat your bananas again. Actually, I have not tried, I have not tried to see how he reacts to banana, but that will be next test. But look, what have I discovered? Let's find out. What did you discover? You have discovered, um, hang on, let me find my notes. Cause I do have a little bit, just a smidgen about him. Um,
Speaker: So you can kind of tell that I guess from your travels and from kind of what you've learned over your multi -dimensional multi -space travels that like this thing is definitely was not from there. You know, it has like kind of like these kind of energy readings from it from your little gizmos that you use that definitely was not of custodia origin.
Speaker: BX, do you see this gizmo? I do not know where its name is, but I know how to use it. There's only this. I kind of learned by doing, you know, this thing here, it says, that is not from custodial. It's extra, extra custodial. I can read that, but where does it come from? This is something I have not determined yet. At least as far as I know, let me wait for the man in my brain to tell me anything else. You think it could be like dangerous for you, like flashy people?
Speaker: I don't know BX because it came out of a lady, so I don't really understand much. So really, this is a lot to learn here. This is gonna be a lot of my time spent here. I might not even want to go to the next planet. Fuck this job. This is like, this is ass. It's a total episode. Yeah. It's a total episode, guys. That's all that takes place inside this ship. CSI space. Yeah, CSI space. It looks like
Speaker: You kind of can glean that this thing. You know what? It'll be funnier. I think this machine probably like kind of has some sort of voice that it talks to you. And so that way you're not just hearing me. I think that, you know, think of it kind of like like one of the like a Google Home or something that you can kind of talk to you and ask you questions and stuff. It asked me what kind of voice I wanted to use for this. And I was like, oh, I got a new chance. And I went, I whispered it really, really quietly. A very nice and friendly Morgan Freeman.
Speaker: there's a bit of a mess. Yay!
Speaker: Who is my friend? Well, big guy, you sure hold me really well. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Norman. His name is Norman. You should really install this in our ship. You're the best Norman I ever knew. Thank you. I really appreciate that. You're so kind. I love how your fur feels on my handle.
Speaker: So anyway, this thing is, this thing is certainly not from the original custodia. However, something that's quite odd is that, uh, um, I'm just distracted by just how brilliant you are. I'm so sorry. Um, I didn't tell you to have a voice that knew what to say half the time. So that's my bad. Uh, this thing comes from an alternate reality of custodia. It's quite weird. That's why my readings were a little off.
Speaker: Did you hear what the default voice on this thing said? And I am impressed that this machine can scan like that. Things are from multiple universes. All right. Well, I did some work here. I had to put the numbers and get everything calibrated correctly. You definitely did. I couldn't, you know, you loosen the jar. I just popped the lid off. Right.
Speaker: There is you know yet to feed the machine the stuff in order for to steal the art. Well, I mean the um, um, num, num, num, num. Yes, you know, yeah, it's all better. You know, I try my best feed me back there. I don't have any more information for you now. I'm sorry. Hey, that's all right. I still love you. It's okay. Thank you. Yeah, you're great. Booby Braille reading. Yeah.
Speaker: Make sure you put me in your back pocket. But, yeah, ultimately, like the little readings that you get are just like, you know, it's from like it. It wasn't exactly of custodia origins, but there is enough of a similar reading that like he concludes that it probably came from a different version of custodia. From a dark version. The arty version.
Speaker: I almost, I almost turned into, I got excited and I almost became Scottish for a second. It doesn't matter how you talk. I still think you're great. Thank you. We're going to hang out later for like some pizza or bananas. Yeah, I will eat banana banana beside you. Banana pizza. Yeah. Um.
Speaker: All right. So while he's doing that and learning about Blub Blub, uh, BX, since you're already talking, what's Blub, what's B, yeah, what's Blug, Blug X doing? Blug X is getting himself analyzed. I think BX like after getting inspired by like some people like liking how it looks and stuff. So he went onto the Space Net.
Speaker: and looked at some like robot youtubers and like looked at their like beauty tutorials and stuff like that
Speaker: Who's who's who's who's one of the who's one of the goo tubers that he watches? Do you do best that you watch this? I'm really bad of names. Tuber. How about how about how about Miss Henry Schmeckle? Henry Schmeckle. Mr. Perry. Mr. Perry. Mr. Perry on this one. Mr. Perry Schmeckle.
Speaker: Harry Schmeichel says, he goes, Hey, guys, what's up? Look, I know robots are supposed to be just little dirty word things, but there's nothing wrong to say we can't buff ourselves if the humans organic life will not. So here are some cool ideas. Mustache montage. And there's like a bunch of mustaches that kind of go through and like go.
Speaker: And then there's, and then there's another one where he's like, he's like, I'm, you know, um, no, that's Marion. And you know, sometimes you need to also put on some nice clothes. Why should only organics look dapper? Um, and then like, you see a montage.
Speaker: He's trying on like cool little vests and stuff and he's got like little belts on and shit that look really cool. Ones that have like his face and logo on it. He says, all right, guys, that is all the time we have for today. Don't forget to like, share and prescribe and go ahead and go to my link to buy all of these accessories with my logo on the vest at perishmickel .com forward slash store. Thank you. Bye bye now. And then you got to get the Schmeckel merchandise.
Speaker: You gotta get that Schmeckle merch in the next one. It's my money and I can do it if it were on. BX, do you want to order anything from Perry Schmeckle's website?
Speaker: You know what we should do? You know what we should do is we should have we should have the listeners like write in like fucking items in Mr. or Perry Schmeckel's store that like that fucking BX can order.
Speaker: We told you. What what are you going to order from Perry Schmickel? Yes. First, I'm going to order like the jacket, right? It's like his name on the back and then a T -shirt and some like sweatpants. All right. I'm going to say an umbrella, an umbrella. Oh, an umbrella. All right. Roll me. How about we just do this? Why don't you just roll like a just roll 2D 20s and we'll see how much money it'll cost. Maybe you get it on sale.
Speaker: 20 trainees 16 bucks. That's a fucking steal. Yeah, it's a steal. Yeah, man There was like a like a there was a grundle bundle going on
Speaker: And that's what Perry Schmeckle calls his sales as grundle bundles. And you got all that stuff. And the Glamazon people show up at your ship with the Chronosphere probably in about two hours. Yeah, real fast. Drop off your ship. Two -hour shipping's her. And they drop off your stuff. And you can put on whatever combination of clothes that you want.
Speaker: Um, but I'm going to say that I really like that, that you did that. That's fucking hilarious. So I'm going to give you an extra Benjamin to use with that. And I think you just get that because like you look super fucking good. And I feel like you'll get extra chances to like show your stuff. Cause people are just so loud that how good you look. Yeah. That's right. So I'll get you everywhere. That's, that's Perry Schmeckles famous line. Remember.
Speaker: I'll get you everywhere in robot life. Meet me. That's an inspiration. Yeah. OK, so that's what you're doing. You're spending your time online shopping from the Perry Perry Schmeckle store. What are you doing now? What's Lasha doing? Oh, she's like she's with Frank, like her stuffed unicorn and their Gwen on like a VR adventures together. Oh, that's nice. Does Frank also have a have a VR headset on?
Speaker: No, but he's like strapped to her, like her chest. And so, you know, he's going with her. Yeah. Right. OK, cool. Yeah. The the world materializes Frank on your chest as well. So what kind of adventure is Sasha going on? She's like going to go try to hug a dragon.
Speaker: I'm going to try to hug a dragon. How to hug your dragon. All right. You see kind of like a like a green dinosaur, like a like a fluffy green dinosaur. He's kind of chunky. He's got like some fur on him. He's like a furry chunky dinosaur. He's his door. Hi, little lady. What brings you to this mystical land?
Speaker: Oh, you know, I was just like, you know, wondering if like you needed a hug or anything because like, I always just like wanted to hug a dragon and such things. And like, you know, I thought I told my, my, my unicorn right here, Frank, that like, that he said that he didn't believe me that you would want to hug me. But I said, yes, of course you would want to hug because look at you. How would you not want to hug? Well, I'm not a dragon, but I'll happily take a hug.
Speaker: Oh, see, I told you, Frank, I told you you would want Frank. Come on in here, Frank. And he gives you a quick hug and you get you hear hug bonus times two. Oh, wow. Look at that. You got a hug bonus. See, I was a secret hug bonus. You found me. Now you have twice the chance to hug a dragon. Continue onward, friend. Yes, I am the bestest dragon finder ever.
Speaker: I roll a notice rule to see if you can find the dragon. OK. And this big mystical land of mountains and trees. Nope. You're on the three. Yeah, you walk around for a little while and then you hear. I think you lost it's. Then you you look down and you see you see Frank starts talking to you, you think you lost. Not lost, I'm just like, you know, I'm searching.
Speaker: No one's going to give us a hug. If you can't find them like it always hug you. I mean, that's fine. I don't hate hugs. I'm just saying we won't be able to find the dragon dog. Well, a good thing. There's lots of chances there, isn't it? Now let's see here. And she like tries to pull out like a virtual map.
Speaker: All right. You have to press E. E. No, you have to press M for your map. Sorry. E is for activate. Yeah. Your map comes up and like right in front of your face and it shows you your quest marker that you missed the first time. It's about, you're about 200 meters away from your quest marker. Ah, fuck this game. I'm going to start it later. She kicks the ground and exits the game.
Speaker: And then you take your headset off and it just says, do you want to save your progress? Ten, nine, eight. Yes. Or you'll say your progress. Get a job, little life. And then you leave. So you have to pick it up later, I suppose, and how to hug your dragon. Yep.
Speaker: I'm going to get that dragon. I'm going to hog that dragon. We need a shirt of Sasha sneaking up, hiding behind a rock that's clearly not big enough for her to hide behind even though she's wolf. She's just peering over this little rock and she's a big old dragon. She's like, I'm going to hog that dragon.
Speaker: with like hearts over her hands underneath her chin like you want to hug? Do you need a hug? And like, and like, Frank, Frank started with his hooves crossed. He's like, whatever. So, so you guys have your little downtime, you're all refreshed and you feel grid.
Speaker: And then you you know are you guys on the ship by the way you guys in the krona sphere? I guess you'd be in the krona sphere doing this stuff. Yeah What you guys haven't seen Darby and like fucking forever. He's just never there. He's always out and about doing something He always leaves like a note that says like out with GFB BRB or some shit like that so he's never there you guys pretty much run the show most of the time like Norman still around and
Speaker: But, you know, after Baxter yelled at him, he doesn't, yeah, after Baxter yelled at him, he doesn't really come around as much anymore. I don't even remember what happened. Yeah, you told him to fuck off and then you don't need him. You need to tell you guys what to do. So he's just like, all right, no taking. And then he just kind of fucks off. Yeah, he's probably hanging out with Don go, McLongo or McLong John or whatever you call that guy.
Speaker: Um, all right. So, um, I say, you know, Darby probably just left you guys like some pizzas to eat or something. Um, and, uh, you know, it's time to pick a new mission. What do you do? I pick the pizza up and smash it against my face. Oh, it looks great. And then, um, but you got a stain on your new clothes. But now you haven't had to worry about stains on your clothes before. No, it's just wasted.
Speaker: I want to try doing the human stuff. I think there is something seriously wrong with your wiring, buddy boy. Anyway, where are we going to go next? I think on the track, I'm just going to make this up on the fly here. We zipped that back and forth from where we were in space if we want to. We were last at Custodia, we can go right on the little track to plot land next on the hyperspace driveways.
Speaker: You know, that's such a good idea. How did you think of that? Um, you know, smart monkey. Oh, yeah. You know, smart monkey and head, pretty big brain and head, you know. That's my idea. You guys are plotting a course for for plotland. Oh, yes. That sounds like so much fun. And I would be killer over there because I'm like the bestest ever actor. Oh, I know.
Speaker: Did you ever know there was this one time that I was like this B movie actor and I was like the Bestest acting in the movie movie about Wow. Oh, it was about this one time that I went to this one guy and he said hey and he gave me this one thing and then like he took me to this other place and then Something happened. Oh, I think I saw that one. I mean
Speaker: Anyway, let's get on to the ship. Yeah, I got to get around to seeing that one myself. I'm going to call her the guy in the lab. Sasha in space. Sasha in space. What about the guy in the lab, Justin? I'm listening to call her the guy in the lab. Dongo McShlongo? Dongo McShlong -John? He's the weapon workshop guy. I'm going to call his X -Orc McShlup -Slup.
Speaker: You say zik zorp mik slop slop. Zik zorp. Zik zorp mik slop slop. I left a specimen in the locked containment cubby. Do not open it. It's questionable, safety -wise, all right?
Speaker: Exactly. Yes, exactly. Thank you for understanding completely. Yes, I love you too. Goodbye. Goodbye. That makes dialogue for me so much easier. Aliens, man. I don't know what they're saying. Okay. So you left a message with zork, zork, blah, blah, blah. I'm not blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: One of my favorite things that McJong ever said was, me, me, me, me, me. I didn't like it so much, but that's your opinion. It really stuck with me though. HR Shevin stuff. HR Shevin stuff. Okay, so you guys, so Chorgan Miniman is like, all right.
Speaker: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Speaker: plotting a course to plotland, where big motion pictures and stars are made. And then you guys start to see that you get onto the slip streams and you guys get on your way. And of course he lets you know your mission to remind your listeners as well. And then your mission, a very important movie is about to be made that changes the course of history on plotland and in other universes. It breaks all boundaries and thrusts the entertainment business into a new age of progress.
Speaker: However, there is an issue. The three main characters of the movie have disappeared into a time crack. Don't laugh. And they need the rolls filled immediately. The movie is called The Famished Event. You must go and restore order. Alright, we will fill this time crack.
Speaker: I mean, that's not funny. I'm sorry, Mormon, I was not even really listening. Go ahead, to the little plotland. I just heard time crack and fill in a hole. That's all I heard. Yes, that's right. We have to fill in the time crack. And you guys arrive at plotland and there's like big old signs like sticking off to the fucking planet.
Speaker: You can't say it, sir. Is there a Hollywood sign saying off the planet just plot land? Yeah, just a big old fucking lit up sign. It's just plot land and it's blinking. They must suck to live under the plot man sign. Oh my God. Yeah, I was going to say for like fucking whole continents are just eclipsed. You're very dark right underneath it and you're very bright anywhere else around it. Yeah. Yeah. And so is there anything that you would like to grab from your ship before you exit?
Speaker: new clothes to sustain my old ones. You got to do a changing montage. What are you what are you putting on? Putting on like a nice T -shirt and like a second word. And a what over it?
Speaker: I don't know clothes that well in English, but like this black check of it is like more of our formal occasions. Oh, yeah. Like like a sport coat. Yeah. Yeah, that's like a vest. Like like what Matt Mercer wears, like a vest over a t -shirt.
Speaker: Uh, what does your t -shirt say? Does it have any logos on it? Or does it just say? Oh my God, please tell me it says BX five on it. No, what it, yeah, what it says is what it, what it says on it is it's in a, one of those ironic t -shirt that says world's best grandfather or some shit on it. Grandmother, grandpa.
Speaker: Or it says, who's your daddy on it? Or I'm your daddy. I will be your daddy. Yeah, I will be your daddy. It's a quote from Perry Schmeckle. I will be your daddy, Perry Schmeckle. So, all right, Sasha Rocket, are you grabbing anything from ship? Oh, you know, I'm grabbing Frank along with me with my slingshot. And since we are going to plot lands, I'm going to be changing my outfits.
Speaker: Wardrobe change. Wardrobe change. And I'm going to put on like my bestest outfit ever because I will make it through the big time, boys. Got it. What's your outfit look like? What's your starter outfit? What's your first wardrobe change look like?
Speaker: Okay. So she's gonna, she's, she's like a half folk. She is going to like, just get down like with her, like, uh, like jeans and kind of like a t -shirt kind of thing with like a leather jacket. You know, she's going to kind of give herself like a little grungy like cut type look. She's going to look like the bad girl. She's got to, she wants the bad girl red. You know what I'm saying? Gotcha. Gotcha. Like Sandy at the end of Grease. Yes.
Speaker: Yes, exactly. But without like her hair all like poofed out everywhere. And then she's gonna put like her backpack like you know those. Okay, so you remember back in the 90s when those little tiny backpacks first came out?
Speaker: where the girls were like flipping out still a thing people Yeah, I still see those around. Yeah, I still have those. Holy fuck. Okay, so for sure. That's like how people were. It's like a purse for people now like they were that instead of having it. Anyway, so she's gonna have that on her back. But it's gonna be like, not Hello Kitty, but like a version of Hello Kitty, but like, like a different version, like a unicorn version.
Speaker: And then yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, PD. No, no, no, it's going to be like a unicorn instead of Hello Kitty. And then she's going to put her, her unicorn Frank in there so that it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a unicorny backpack. You've got a lot of unicorn paraphernalia on you.
Speaker: Unicorns are like the bestest things ever. I don't know what you're talking about. Like wouldn't you want to be a unicorn? Unicorns are like the coolest. You got like a horn, you got your defense, and you got your clippity cloppies. You could just run all over the place. I mean, look at it. They're amazing. I prefer opposable thumbs. I give her like two thumbs up. Move my thumbs around. Baxter, what are you - What are unicorns in space? They are definitely unicorns in space, but they're not called unicorns. They're called something much more devious. No.
Speaker: They're called Dick Horses. Dick Horses. Yes, I call them Richards. I'll call it for you. Baxter, while he's saying all that stuff, he's standing there in his little space underwear, waiting by the little machine. This damn suit washing machine take forever. Oh, dear, finally my suit is done. And then, mate, Mormon, she even asked me if I want my suit pressed.
Speaker: I was instructed to ask you if you want your suit pressed. No, I don't. Time for that more than human. Just pop it out. Okie dokie. What are you trying to be like a little monkey James Bond? Oh, it's my spacesuit. I clean it. I only have the wand. I clean it every time I wear it. Oh, I thought you meant your sport coat. No, I'm not. I do not buy any. I'm not wasting money on such frivolous things. Only banana. Maybe weapon. Oh, you get you get 20 % off. You use code Schmeckel at checkout.
Speaker: Well, here's the thing. A sale is not a sale if you're going to buy it anyway. I'm spending more money by going to buy sale than I would if I'd done it under a sale. I'm not going to buy it anyway. You don't understand fandom. Just get out of the air. You'll never understand the fandom of Perish Mekel. BX, I told you, don't let the ship watch videos with you. Yeah, it's so fun together. He's insufferable.
Speaker: All right. You like notice already that there's like posters of Perry Schmeckle like on the wall that weren't there when you guys were. A tentacle comes through the ship from the back and like puts a poster up. So then, all right, so you guys get your stuff and Chorgan Meman fucking chucks you guys down to the planet. As he's want to do and you guys land with a nice breaking action on the.
Speaker: on the, what do they call that, the walk of famous people where there's, instead of stars, it's horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons of people on the ground.
Speaker: What are you saying, Justin? I'll just say, I thought it'd be funny if you said, like, we landed in, like, a wild west town and then also we realized it was, like, a set. Oh, yeah. You hear, like, blazing saddles. You just landed fucking in, like, a fake fucking western town. Oh, this is a facade. Oh, this is this is a safe. Yeah, you're like, all right, move the cacti. Moving the cacti up. And they're like, fucking, you know, and they're pushing the cacti on wheels like,
Speaker: It was all fake. There's a scene in J and Silent Bob where they're trying to run away and they run into like a fucking scenery and they fucking bounce off. It's like, damn it, I hate how fake Hollywood is. Fucking hate how Hollywood is.
Speaker: So yes, you know what, you're in a Wild West town short, like, you know, you guys just slid off of the heart stars and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons walk of fame. And then you guys see that there's like a movie set that they're moving around. And then you see like a bunch of missing signs up of like, you know, like,
Speaker: three very famous actors that are on the pages. And you see a gal, she's got her hair pulled up in a bun. She's got a bright blonde hair. She's wearing a power suit. She's walking around. She's got some gold stripes, trims on her jacket.
Speaker: She's like, all right, all right, everybody places. We just have to get through this and we'll just fill in the scenes with, you know, everybody else. We're just assembling the death traps now. This is where the heroes are supposed to be put into danger. But I guess we'll just sub them in because we don't have time for new actors. And then you see like people are kind of like with a bunch of like white dots all over their bodies, like in green morph suits and shit, like running onto set.
Speaker: One guy's like, What am I just like, you're supposed to be the rick rack, you're supposed to be the thing that dies first. And so you just kind of see that there's a lady just kind of like orchestrating like this new movie set as they're building it around her. What do you do lady?
Speaker: I'm gonna do the acting. She pays you no attention. She's really yelling orders to everybody else. And you see a guy walks up, he's got like, he's like, he's like chewing on the end of his pen. He's, he's a, I don't know, I'd say he's probably a dwarven fellow. He's got like braids in his beard. Not braids, beads, sorry, beads in his beard. And he comes up and he's like, he's kind of like jingle jangle, like Jack Sparrow. He's like, aye, aye, aye, aye. Look, I'm trying to get into the business here.
Speaker: Hello. Hello. What's wrong with your voice? You don't ask people that. Why not? When you asked me that I told you to ask anyone else that.
Speaker: Yeah, sorry about that, guys. I was trying a new character just because I'm Gloria's assistant, so I don't really get to act because she has me waiting on her all day. I was just trying a new character voice. Anyway, what's up? What's going on?
Speaker: Did you like my pirate voice, though? Did you think it was? I thought you were about it. Yeah, I was very like convinced because I was very confused. You were like so beautiful. And then this voice came out and I was like, what? He kind of he puts his hand up real dramatically, kind of like that kind of chef's kiss, kind of like dramatic thing they do. And then he says, like, I said, let's see.
Speaker: Right? Right, guys? It was so great. It was so wonderful. You're going to have to teach me how to do that because you're not good at voices. Come on, stop. He's like, he's like, he's like playing with the beads like in his beard. He's like, he's like, he's just kind of like fiddling with it. Like, come on, stop it.
Speaker: You guys. So are you guys new around town or? And yeah, we just arrived here. Oh, wow. Uh, okay. Cool. Well, I mean, uh, are you looking to like, well, I mean, yeah, you can be on the set. Like, this isn't really a closed set. We're like in public. So people are technically allowed to be here. We're just kind of building certain parts around the city, you know? So, Hey, listen here. Uh, what's your name, pal? What's your name, pal? He has a name tag on what to say. Jingle.
Speaker: My name's Jingle. My name's Jingle, or Jink, or Jinge. You can call me whenever. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Like a U .N. Adrian fucking like after they say like a sentence, you're like, hello. Well, here's the thing, Jingle. Here's the thing, Jinger. We're here to save this whole damn production.
Speaker: Oh, really? Well, tell me more about that. Okay. Well, here's, I am big shot movie producer, agent or the talent agent. These two fuckers right here are two talent. And I need the third to fill this, the holes missing in this set. And guess what? Jingo, you're it. Well, I mean, that's, I don't know if you can make that decision. That's a Gloria decision. I can't hear what, um, uh, I just, sorry, watch my clipboard. I steal, like, I steal it off from this clipboard.
Speaker: All right, it's a fake one anyway. I was just going to the clipboard room. Whatever, shut up. Do you know who this is? Gloria doesn't have anything on this guy over here. Oh, who are you? I'm his talent. He's the talent. He does not talk. Be quiet, BX. Give your pretty little face just as it is. It's not silly. I mean, it is pretty. I love your shirt. Thanks. I like yours too.
Speaker: Stop it. Come on. And this is social rocket. Do you know if she was in B movie once where a guy did a thing and she went to a place with him and she did a thing and he told her something and then they said something? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I think I just peed a little. Are you serious? Yes. So when you were in that scene, you know, with the guy and then like you in that one room where he was like, hey, don't come in here. And then you did that. How did you get into character? Because that seemed like a hard scene.
Speaker: You know, it was like, it was like, I was the bestest ever. And it was like, I was just a natural. And you wouldn't never know that that was my first movie ever. You see, like, you see, like you put this hand over his mouth and you're like a little like some tears come down his face and goes, Oh, my God, I just just hearing that problem. Oh, my God, like you're
Speaker: That's so inspiring. He's like, he's like fanning his eyes to dry the music. Oh my God. Okay. Wow. Did you guys got to go talk to glory? I mean, who he looks back to you Baxter. So who are you?
Speaker: I am Bexter. Chimp. Don't worry. Here's all you got to do. Jingo, anything you're doing, even if you know how to do it or not, fake it till you make it, own it, and you'll get where you need to go. All right, watch me here. All right, I need that damn cactus out of this scene. This is not the cactus.
Speaker: as you spit jingle immediately pulls out like a kerchief and starts wiping it he's like okay i got it i got it i gotta do that give me that hacker chief
Speaker: Here you go. I whip it across. All right. You are a list actor now. Bingo. I guess roll persuasion to see if you can just fucking come on. I don't have good stats on any of this stuff. Oh, that's what you get for trying to do rolls, but you got a four. I mean, you see someone's like right away. Oh, yeah. We're already moving. We're moving the cacti. Where do you want them?
Speaker: Up your ass and back Tuesday, man, this is, this is a terrible. Where is, who says they're in charge around here. You've got a set without actors. This is bullshit. And you see, you see Gloria comes walking over and she's in her gold striped power suit and you know, she kind of walks up and she's, she's quite the, you know, quite the buxom gal. You know, like that is a very noticeable trait of hers. And she kind of walks up and she's like puffs her chest out.
Speaker: She's like, I'm sorry, who's trying to bark orders on my set? This isn't going to be a big throwback, but I'm trying to channel like Eddie Murphy and like ever the Hills Cop when he like does all those fucking bits where he pretends to like be somebody important and like. Yeah, yeah, he's he's undercover, so to speak.
Speaker: Listen here, I am Bexter from the head, top of the company here. They sent me down here, so this place is a wreck. They have no actors. They've got cattices and scenes with Rick -Rack. Get this place in shape. I am here. I've got BX5. Look at his crisp construction and his nice shirt. I have such a rocket here. The great actors who you may know from seeing where man does something.
Speaker: And I believe you know this, they are very mad about this up at the top offices. This gem of a man you have had here under your nose the whole time, not letting him be on screen once. Bingo here is great, amazing, and perfect in every way I've ever seen. So you're telling me that you were sent, you are one of the head executives of Bigwood and they sent you here to take over my set?
Speaker: I am not one of the other executives, lady. I am the other executives. Really? So you, you said you're from the thing with the place with the guy? Is that right? Yeah? You there, little girl? Yeah, I was there with the movie and the guy with the thing in the face and we did the thing and, you know, the thing.
Speaker: Yeah, well, you know, why don't you go ahead because I've never heard of you. Why don't you go ahead and do a scene? You know, I want you to do a scene here with your tall mechanical friend here. Just, you know, do like a 30 second scene and press me. Okay. Here we go. All right. You, you, you're the guy and you you're the girl with the face. Okay. Ready? Action. Go. Okay.
Speaker: Like, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to meet me at the hotel. My husband's gonna know about this and he can't. Your husband can't know about this because he won't be here when he's back. What do you mean? Are you going to kill my husband? He's going to hide behind the door and then I'm going to throw it out of the window.
Speaker: Well, I mean, I guess I do have life insurance on him, so I guess it'll be okay, right? You're rich. Yes, let's do it. Then we can go to the place.
Speaker: Okay, cut, cut. I mean - Bravo, bravo, bravo. I don't want to laugh. I start like, raise my hands around like, I look at everybody like, bravo, yeah, everybody like, yeah. You start to see a lot of like clap, clap, clap, like a lot of people. My god, don't be dry -eyed in the house.
Speaker: jingles jingles in tears he's wiping tears with the beads in his beard he's like oh my god oh fringle loves it even he can he's a he's a man of the art himself he can um so uh sasha and um bx would you please roll persuasion together because of that wondrous performance that's a five the five and a four that's still both successes
Speaker: um and then um Gloria just kind of like she she like pinches the bridge of her nose for a minute she's like you know what um
Speaker: I think that we're missing some actors. This is not how we typically do things, but if we have the head of Bigwood here saying that it's okay, then we still need one more person to be in the movie, but we are missing our big three. We don't know where they went. We're missing Sean Travolta. Heck.
Speaker: We're missing Melvin Presley. We can't find him anywhere. And we're missing Yennefer Florence. We can't find her either. I think I missed.
Speaker: So, I mean, we do need a female lead and we need two males. Um, so, I mean, I guess the robot will be fine. He has, he has a mustache and he got bingo. I mean, you put him in a suit. He looks like a man anyways. I mean, look at him. He's so cute. All right. You look, I'm already saying yes. You don't have to keep convincing me. I just need to finish this damn movie. Okay. You're going to be an actor.
Speaker: So what's the movie about? Okay. Oh, right. Shut up lady. Listen, we're going to bring it back. This is not like any of this. Why is that? Why is there a candy shop right next to a bookstore? That's not, I don't want that. Make that be a disco tech slash, um, directory. You have any snake people on deck? Oh my God.
Speaker: Yes, we just, we don't have time. We are on a time crunch here. Don't talk to me about time, lady. Time is relative. The business works, all right? The big leagues come down, lock everything up, and the movie hangs, all right?
Speaker: Okay, I mean, I guess happy ending too. I don't care if you had a very cool meaningful ending where the guy like dies and is all very important and dramatic. I want the happy ending where everyone's happy and the audience goes home happy and they buy popcorn and they fornicate and make babies and then capitalism continues. You know how it works. I mean, yes, now we're talking the same language there, Mr. Executive that I can get behind.
Speaker: All right, and she kind of waves her hands around. She goes, all right, everyone, do as the chimp says. This is Baxter Champions on set. He's the executive of Big Wood. We're redoing the whole movie. Come on. My feet are not meant for pavement.
Speaker: You're meant to catch me in rugs. We smash cut to like two hours, three hours later. And like Baxter, like they have like, it's really fancy, like director's chair for you. And there's a woman, like two guys and a woman rubbing your feet and your shoulders. Um, you gotta, but you got a banana latte, um, Baxter, like people are polishing, you know, like they're doing a little bit of makeup on you and they're polishing you real good. There's like a couple people with like electric buffers.
Speaker: You mean BX? Right, BX is what I meant to say. Fuck you guys for having similar names.
Speaker: No, Baxter, you know what? No, they're buffing you too. I do have giant toenails and shit probably. Yeah, yeah, you know what? It's like in that scene in Dumb and Dumber where they take like that sander to their toenails. And then BX, you know, there's just somebody who's just giving you like, you know, even though you don't have any skin or muscles or somebody who's giving you a little massage on the shoulders. It's another goliath woman. She's got real big, like real thick hands and she's like,
Speaker: There you go there, big guy. You got this. Strangely familiar. Well, we've never met before, so don't get too attached. I'm here to work and then go home to my wife, okay? So like, no funny business. Okay, okay. She's like, you're cute though, but like, you know what? But cute and kind of like how a bunny's cute, not how like, oh, I want to fuck that robot cute, you know? I mean, why not? BX, stop talking to the hell.
Speaker: I've got, I've got like a cucumbers on my eye. He's got a fucking latte in one hand. Yeah. I was, uh, manicuring my nails the other hand. Yeah. They, they should blub blub blub down.
Speaker: Um, yeah. So, so you're doing, you're doing that, um, Sasha, like, you know, they're, they're putting you in your outfit. They're putting you in kind of like a, like a jumpsuit and, um, the Gloria is kind of like, okay, look, here's where you're supposed to do. All right. You're like the heroin of the movie. Okay. We were supposed to have this really big fight at the candy shop slash bookstore, but that's been a little bit reworked now. So you're going to be fighting in the, in the banana shop and the what?
Speaker: Disco to disco techa disco techa the director and banana latte place or whatever you said And she's like alright, so yeah the fights gonna take place there and so, you know This is the famished event. And so, you know, there are people there are creatures that are coming after you and your friends and You know you have to fight them off because we're trying to end civilization as we know it and you have to survive so that way you can Make sure that
Speaker: that people can have babies in fornicate and capitalism can continue. So you have to, your job is to vanquish the bad guys. Okay. And you know, there is some room for flexibility here. So, you know, it's going to feel real. The actors have been instructed to, you know, to really swing at you. They're not trying to actually hit you, but you got to make it look good.
Speaker: I got you know what you can hit the guys and like the stretching and like the shadow boxing and all that shit. We've got many extra on our sets already. We're fine. We were okay with it.
Speaker: Okay, yeah, they're all expendable. Is it okay if I accidentally punch somebody in the face? Like, I'm not gonna try to, but like, you know, if I get in the moment, I might ask. You can punch him for real in the face. Just punch him. Okay, okay. You gotta make it real. Right in the nose. Break him, if you can. Okay, okay, I'll do that. She starts doing the thumb to her nose on each side, like the boxer's doing.
Speaker: Right. Now, now you're going to see, you're going to see, you know, you have to kind of use your imagination here because most of these folks are going to be in like morph suits and they're going to have like a bunch of like little attachments on them that have like white balls on them. If you see somebody with a tennis ball hanging off of their head, you have to look at the tennis ball. That's where their head is in post. That's where we're going to edit in what they actually look like. So aim for the tennis balls if you're going to hit them in the face. Okay. Tennis ball.
Speaker: Yes. Who done, Gloria? Why did I think of this? We've got the chronosphere with all kinds of monstrosities locked up in time, Gail. We've got the Rick Racks up. What else do you need? We can send real shit. You can really have a good movie here. You actually have real... Oh my God. I don't know if we're legally allowed to do that.
Speaker: Let me just oh, let me just hack into the mainframe up there And I will be able to make the movie so much better. All right, go ahead and roll a hack I guess back to you fucking mad monkey Yeah, you fucking you all of a sudden you see like being being being being like a bunch of creatures are beaming down in like a little cage And she's like oh my
Speaker: I don't know if they know their lines or their direction. If their direction is to fight, they will do it. Don't worry. Just point the camera at them and the magic will happen. I'm going to kick them right back out of my eyes. Oh my God. Okay. You know what? You know what? You're the exec. You know what? Gloria, Gloria. As long as you think this is going to make us a bunch of money. Stop talking to me. I'm on an island off the coast of France right now.
Speaker: Uh, okay. And so, um, I guess Baxter, since you're there, you have to order everyone to set and do it. If you don't want Gloria to do it. She just, she can do it. She just can't talk to me. All right. She goes, all right, everybody on set. Um, Q scene, um, or D where you fight the, the, the fighting, the fighting happens. Okay. Okay. Here we go. And action.
Speaker: Um, and then, uh, they let the fucking Rick racks out the cage. They immediately jump on top of the fucking guys in the green suits and just start devouring these people off, say off camera. Um, uh, Sasha, what is a Rick rack look like? Uh, let's see. A Rick rack would look like, uh, kind of like, uh, kind of like a Murloc, but furry.
Speaker: Furry Murloc, okay. Yeah, Furry Murloc. So instead of scales, it's got a ton of fur.
Speaker: Gotcha. So, um, so you guys were positioned, um, at the banana cafe, I guess would have called it. Um, Sasha and me are in this scene right now, right? Yeah. And jingles in there too. And they kind of have him in like a buff suit where like he looks a little bigger than he actually has like muscular Lily. Um, and he's like a little dwarven fella and they took the beads out of his beard and they kind of have it rolled up in like a little roller. Uh, and they kind of painted some scars on his face and they kind of,
Speaker: Huh? A beard bun. A beard bun. Yeah. And they they kind of put like some blood on her shoulder and like some teeth marks. And he you see he's like he's like holding a piece of paper. You guys are like near like a little cafe table and he's holding like a script underneath like the table. And he goes. They they got me, but they didn't get my heart. And that's the best part of me. And he glares out the window with like a little bit of sun beaming in his eyes.
Speaker: Gotta get out of here, Chingos. They're coming for us. I'm not Jingle. I'm John Thrasher. John, you gotta get out of here. They're coming for us. Oh, yeah. You're right, Gordon. It's time for us to fight. I know you heard, but you gotta hurry. We can't run any longer. What do you think?
Speaker: Harris? I can do anything you put your mind to, don't you know? Yeah, that was an inspiring speech. Let's go put our minds to ending these monsters. Yeah, we can do it. Don't you know that we have the bestest muscles? Look at these muscles right here. And she's like pulling out her slingshot. And look at this magical slingshot I have. We got this.
Speaker: You see over on the other scenes, Gloria's flipping through, she's like, when the fuck did you get a slingshot? That wasn't in the movie up to now that it was a slingshot. Fire erupts from her fingers, and she's like, look, I got this, because she's all in the moment now. She's like, watch, I can obliterate this guy with just a piece of flame.
Speaker: and you hear you hear offset cue the rick racks and then like you see like people are like trying to shove these monsters towards you guys they're like they're like throwing stakes like over so they go chase after the stakes like over there Sasha's gonna shoot fire at them yeah Sasha's getting ready to shoot meanwhile on the side back so like someone's someone's refreshing your your cucumber water and your banana latte
Speaker: A guy that looks especially like Norman's like, I got your, got your latte, Mr. Mr. Chimp. Mr. Mr. Chimp. I guess he's not talking to me. I think we lost him.
Speaker: They will use Mr. Chimp. All right. Well, he's over there. Baxter's just not talking to him. He's napping. He's napping in his chair. Just so you guys are you guys are back at the at the what do you call it? The at the at the Banana Cafe. And you see that the Rick Racks are like running towards running towards the the cafe. They've clocked you now. And they're coming at you. They're coming. We will hold them off.
Speaker: We got this. He looks at his he looks at his script again. Yes, I certainly feel that if I were to get my hands on my axe, that I could do some damage. And then he looked and says, says wheels. It says axes on the table with. Where's where's.
Speaker: My ax will surely be, maybe it's behind the table and he just kind of like walks over or is behind the bar and he walks over towards the bar and he's like jumping his little dwarven legs up. He's like, where the hell is my ax?
Speaker: And you see there's like a guy, there's like a guy in a green suit, like, so he can be edited out and he's like sliding the axe, like, across the floor. Like, oh, yes, of course, it is on the floor where I put it. And he picks it up and he's like, it's time to, uh, axe them if they're ready.
Speaker: Oh, you're so funny, Joan. I know, Gordon. Thank you for the affirmation. I appreciate that we have a male bond that doesn't have to be questioned. Are you are you ready, Paris? I'm so ready. Don't you know I'm like the I'm the readiest. She's got a fist of cups up. OK, so they're. They're coming.
Speaker: In to attack you. What do you do? I shoot the beast. You shoot the beast with what? My weapons.
Speaker: What weapons do you have? Yeah, I have her blasters. Oh, you just brought like your actual weapons on set too. Of course, I always have them with me. Okay. So, you see again, like you pull out these fucking blasters and like off -couch, she's like, where the hell did he get those? That's not, that's not what, he's supposed to be the bow guy. Realism for real, realism, that's all it is. I'm just gonna let it flow from them.
Speaker: I just, okay, fine. You know what? There's room for improv. It's fine. I'm just happy to have our actors. Okay, go ahead.
Speaker: Um, and then, uh, okay. So you can shoot. There's, I don't know. Let's see. Let's see how many there are that they release. Um, there's two, there's only two that run apparently right now. All right. There's two, there's two Rick racks coming at you. And they're trying to break into the window. Um, and you shoot, roll your shoots. Yeah. I shoot at both of them once.
Speaker: Okay. One, one, one each. All right. Let's see your shooting role. That's a five. Five on one of them. And now one. But I use my Benny because I have a bunch of them. And you got three bennies might as well. All right, go ahead. See it again there, brother.
Speaker: That's a six. That's a six. All right. Roll your damage. You definitely shoot both of them. They're like, you know, the close enough to be shot. The five on one. And a four and a four on one. Yeah, you blast and you kind of see like your lasers kind of plink off of their their their fur because their scales underneath their fur. And so like you singe to fur and then like you see the scales underneath and you're black and plinks off of them. And they're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to be so really hardy.
Speaker: what do we do now and you see um you see uh jingles looks at the script again i think we have to go for the eyes can i do that again can i do that again i can do it better i can do it better i can do it better back up five seconds five minute back up the things are trying the things are trying to still break in she's like all right right yeah i'll either um the eyes don't look at the correct backward day water five seconds ago please
Speaker: you see there's like people show up with like tasers like push them back that's good piss them off so they're good to act really well then you see somebody gets their arm ripped off with their tasing good shot that's cinema
Speaker: You know, let's just cut that. That's good. All right. I can do it. I can do it. Here we go. Action. As you see, like Gloria, just like she's just like just really embarrassed. She just hates what's going on. And I just I say we go for the eyes. Right, Paris? Right. Let's do it. All right. You shoot them with your slink.
Speaker: And she shoots her slingshot with a firebolt.
Speaker: With a firebolt. Come on. That's your catchphrase. It's going to be all over the merchandise. It's it's it's S .L .I .I .I .N .G. shot shot. It's true. That's a five. I mean, that's a hit. Roll your damage on your screenshot.
Speaker: Nine. Nine here, that's pretty good. Yeah, you shake one up, you fucking blast one of them in the fucking dome. And he kind of reels backwards and hold on to his face and like the fur that's on his little murloc copycat face is like all singed off. And you definitely shook that particular one. He's laying on the ground kind of holding your face. So and then Jingboz is like, it's my turn to shine. Give me a hand out the window, Gordon.
Speaker: Do you give my hand, BX? All right, I forgot that I was Gordon. You're Gordon. She's like, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Read that line again. Come on. Come on. Come on, Mr. BX. Mr. Five, was it? And he has me on board here. Mr. Five, OK. And take her from the top or take her from that line. Action. Help me out the window, Gordon. Sure.
Speaker: So what do you have on the window? So how do you help him? Do you just grab his hand or what do you do?
Speaker: I pick him up and, like, hold him out of the window. You hold him out the window and you just kind of dangle him there like a fucking mer - or little, uh, a rick rack, so like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
Speaker: Oh my god, he's eating my axe. Okay. Okay. Pull it back inside. You pull it back inside and Murloc's got a hold of his foot. He's like, I don't think and then Gloria looks over at you Baxter and she's like, are we supposed like, are these things trained? Like, did you train these like horses or like what's going on? They know they're not supposed to do that.
Speaker: No, they were in prison because they are violent, horrible monstrosities. What do you... What? No, no. This is... You wanted the real thing. I brought you the real... You asked for this, Gloria. You asked for all of this. I mean, the real... But I thought they were trained. I signed your name on every document that has been here. You mean they're not trained in them? Oh, my God. She's like, we have to call Cut. We have to pull the plug in this. We can't let this go on. No, Gloria. I think Skipper's on my ass. I was like, you did not know, Gloria, that it was a fourth actor in this scene. If my, um...
Speaker: Um, uh, fishing boy, did you get my suit of armor that I requested? Yeah, sure did. And to your measurements and everything. Excellent. Put the, um, the scalamandric scale armor on me, please. Applying scalamandric armor. Thank you. All right. All right. And here we go. Action. And, and, and you hear Gloria else enter.
Speaker: the unknown chimp character, go. And then, so what do you do? I do a sick jump onto a street light post and hang off it like sort of like Batman would do or something with my two feet on it. My left hand hold onto my molecular sword. I ejected. The reinforcements have arrived.
Speaker: Let me walk back down. And like Jingle's like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, he's got all of it. I look at the camera guy and point him like, are you ready? We're good? And he gives you a thumbs up. All right, all right. All right. Action. I get one of the posts. It's time to get chipped. And I jump off. And I got to stab my molecular sword. Roll a fighting with your molecular sword, I guess. To the head of the 1 -8. That's an 8. Wow. That is.
Speaker: Oh my gosh. BX, Gordon, you walked on his line. Can you do that again, Mr. Chairman? Damn it, BX!
Speaker: Um, that is technically an ace. Hell yeah, you get damage. Damn.
Speaker: Where's my molecular sword? Yeah, they're pretty easy to hit. They're just hard to prove. And a four. I guess I got the bonus damage. That is the bonus damage. So that's 12. So, yeah, you fucking you slay this thing as you drive your sword into it. You shook it and you hurt it. And so, yeah, he's down. You just kind of like twiggle my sword like I'm staring like a ship as it goes down, like, there you go. Down you go. Oh, my God.
Speaker: Which one did you attack? The one that was on the ground or the one that had a hold of... Jingle? Oh yeah, the one that was the most epic for me to come in and save the day. Oh yeah, that would be the one that had Jingle. Yeah, like you fucking drive into him, you take him down in one hit. Oh my god, okay. Compose yourself. Compose yourself, Jingle. Come on, buddy. Oh, you saved us. Who are you? Wow, who are you? I was never given a game. I was only in the toad that I must kill.
Speaker: And like you see jingle jingle looks at you Sasha and he's like, I don't know what to say. That's nothing in the script about this. She's shrugging going on. This is it. I'm not. What? What do you see about you see as you turn to talk to Baxter like the one that was on the ground, like the Murloc jumps up on the ground. See, let's do he probably has like a D4.
Speaker: He doesn't do shit. He sucks. He goes over and kicks him. And then, uh, yeah, we'll just say he disintegrates.
Speaker: That was easy. You trip them any blinks out of existence. It's really weird. And so and then you hear Gloria yells, all right, cut. And people run in and like with mops and buckets and like fucking, you know, sweeps, sweeps, brooms, what they're called, not sweeps. And they come and they just start like, you know, viscera clean up crew, fucking picking up all the all the gourd shit. And she's like, OK. And Gloria walks over like, can I talk to you, Mr. Chimp?
Speaker: Can I just I think that was a damn good scene of everybody. We did fucking good work for that. Look at the guy who's like missing an army. Good job there, Jeremy. Good fucking job. You did a whole scene together. What's what's what's up?
Speaker: We can't, Gloria, first of all, thank you. Oh, right, whatever. We can't keep using these live creatures. That's the last of them, right? No, that's, do you see how, that was, did you see how, that was, it was cinema at its finest. That was filmmaking right there. Do you see when Jerry got his armbit off? You can't fake that. Of course you can't, because it was real. Yeah, you can't, you can't do that with like anything. Like, no CGI or props will make you look as good as that. All right.
Speaker: All right. Where's my Gordon? Uh, where's my Paris? Where's my, um, where's my John Thrasher? And the name was, you know, uh, that's me. And the name was came in as mysteriously as he was there. He was gone. Whenever I leave that is, I'm not going to, I'm still going to be in the movie list. Like she takes her glasses off and she's just like rubbing her eyes a bunch. She's like, okay. Um, so, uh, I'm going, I'm here. A little bit of feedback. Um, Gordon, uh, Mr. Five, um,
Speaker: It's good, but I know this is going to be hard for you, but I need you to emote more. Okay. Okay. I need you to really like. His performance was fan fucking tastic. All right. What I need is for you to give, um, jingo here, a real damn weapon. He was out there. That was garbage. It was that rubber.
Speaker: No, it was foam actually, but you think we're bashing off of like it's stuntmen's heads No, we're hitting the real one. We need the real things here What why did you not bring we're weapons onto the set if I didn't know? Because I didn't know you actually wanted to hurt the animals you brought here. You are lucky that I brought I came down here Ripped apart by these Rick racks if you I didn't bring your weapons here today I mean he needs to have an axe that axe got eaten. So I guess we could give him whatever I don't have Let me
Speaker: That is the Ethereal Axe of Planet ZibZab, and it's pretty damn good there. You better enjoy that.
Speaker: Uh, okay. And he walks over and he picks up the, the aerial acts of planet jib jam. Um, and he holds it up into the air and you see, he grows like six feet tall and like fucking like has like a purple aura around him. He's like, there's a tomorrow that I'm ready on the racks is time. We'll just have like a scene of dialogue where we just explain that. He got this ethereal acts is life changing acts off screen.
Speaker: And then as you guys are seeing that you see like
Speaker: All of a sudden, she stops moving. And then everybody around you stops moving. Guys are in the middle of sweeping, mopping, doing their jobs, grabbing things. Jingles himself is frozen. And then you see kind of like through. I pretend I'm frozen, too. You pretend you're frozen, too? OK, roll a stealth roll. See how good. You know what? No, make it performance. I take it back. Make it a performance order. See how well you are, since we are on set, after all.
Speaker: You know, let's see performance role. So yeah, you look like you're also frozen in time. And the other two of you who aren't pretending to be frozen, you see there's like a yellow, like,
Speaker: It kind of looks like a break in reality. There's like, like, it kind of looks like a windshield slowly cracking. And you see that, like, all of a sudden kind of like a, I don't want to call it a vortex, but like a, like kind of like a vacuum like feel starts coming into it. And you see some of the guys that were cleaning up a viscera get pulled into it.
Speaker: and then you see out climbs these these bipedal probably like six foot tall maybe a little taller lizard looking creatures that have really long scaly tails and you know they're kind of outfitted with like adorned different spikes and stuff they kind of like they're not wearing any clothes per se but like the decorations on their body kind of look like
Speaker: They are like adornments, like there's different spikes in different parts of their body. There's different red and red or green streaks across their body, stuff like that. Some of them are holding blasters. Some of them are wielding large swords. And there's probably, I'd say probably a half a dozen of them.
Speaker: Holy, they all kind of jump out of this thing. And, and you notice as you look at them a little bit closer, like some of them have like metallic parts on them, like some of them have like, metallic legs, some of them look they have like metallic chest pieces on metallic spines, things like that. And one of them kind of steps in front and kind of points their sword at you. And you hear
Speaker: As they point their sword at you. I run over one of the cameras, I turn it. I elbow the guy like, don't get a damn job. Sasha's gonna look at the lady and go, is this like part of the movie? Because this isn't like, not what I signed up for.
Speaker: And you hear as like they start walking closer to you and you're like, just one second. Go back and do the pointing thing again. We didn't get on camera. This come on stuff. And then.
Speaker: And then you guys are all of a sudden under fire because like the several that have blasters start shooting like this yellow, these yellow globs. It looks like
Speaker: Um, I don't really know how to describe what it looks like. It's just like big splashes of this yellow goo that's kind of coming out. Um, and like, it starts splattering on the ground. They're kind of arcing their shots and it's splattering closer to you. And some of the splatter gets on like one of the camera guys in the camera and like one of the legs of the camera immediately starts to disintegrate and the camera falls while the other guys legs also disintegrates. Um, guys, I think we need to run. Let's go.
Speaker: He takes off running. So I'm supposed to run. BX. Hello. Hello BX. Yes. Like I don't move. Yes. Yes. What are you doing? I'm being frozen. Are we going to kill these guys or what? Yes. They're walking all over our sit. They chopped off that guy's leg. Didn't get his name. That's bad.
Speaker: I want to shoot like I want to well into existence so that there's like heavy lights above them above the enemies. I'm sorry you want to will into existence that there are heavy lights above the enemies.
Speaker: You guys go on a set. Set lights, buddy. Oh, you're you're saying you want to imagine that they've been there this whole time. Yes. As opposed to you're just like thinking really hard in lights of beer. I see. OK, as I hear like I'm BX five and I can will things into existence now.
Speaker: I think really hard and a light appears above your head. Bing dong, you son of a bitch. So okay, so you're saying that there are like, I mean, there's probably some sort of light fixtures around shore, like there's probably not these, you guys are filming outside. So like, so there's not going to be like giant fucking overhead lights. But yeah, there's probably like some lights that they have fixed that kind of light your face is better. Sure.
Speaker: Because I wanted to like shoot and like that. Let's drop on them. Sure. Well, you know what? Let's let's try to make that happen for you. BX five. Why don't we make that into a shooting role against the lights? And I will say that it's going to be a little bit of a harder shot because again, they're not these giant lights and you are trying to knock them precisely onto somebody. And this is probably a minus one, not too hard, but a little bit more challenging than it should be.
Speaker: Let's see. Oh damn. Hot damn. Uh, yeah, you do that. And your two didn't do so well, but your 12, you shot up there, you hit one of the light fixtures that was like kind of hanging over like a little dolly or some shit. Um, and it falls on top of one of them for, I don't know, let's, let's call it, let's call it a D eight. Why not?
Speaker: I rolled a 1. I didn't hurt him at all. I just got to just dump his toe. I want to use a Benny. You can't use a Benny on damage. You only use Benny's on roll on your... Only Baxter can tell me what to do. Baxter, can you roll a Benny on damage? No. No?
Speaker: Well, I was going to let him. He said no. I mean, you called my bluff. I mean, I'm not the director. So I'm not the head of I'm not the head of Bigwood Productions. So as you do that, we are going to draw some cards. Fucking Sasha runs away, though. So she was like, fuck this. I did not. Took off. I'm still going to draw you in for you to take your turns in between their turns. OK.
Speaker: I got a jack. Jack ass. All right. So, Baxter with a jack, Sasha with a six, BX5 with a three, and the bad guys with an eight. Baxter, you are up, my friend. All righty. I am...
Speaker: I've got the cameras point of the fight scene. I'm going to run from behind the camera now, and I'm going to go for the head guy who is pointing a sword and going to us to head dubstep man. I'm going to, I'm going to try and stab him right in his tum tum. All right. Do a tum tum roll. Sometimes that role. And if I can success, uh, that's a five. Let me double check. I think that is a heat. Um,
Speaker: It sure is. You get it. You got him. I'm going to try and slash upwards and cut him from crotch to cranium. I got an 11 damage. 11 damage. That is a shake and a wound. Yeah, you do that. Yep. You cut from crotch to cranium. I look right at the camera and I say,
Speaker: Not the time to go into pieces. Okay. Um, uh, so that is your action and you moved. Um, so you run up and you got a guy. You do that. Good job. I was surprised that you're cool.
Speaker: I didn't put anything down for their, for their, um, or their whack weapons for their hero. Very mysterious. All right. So this next one is going to, uh, there's another one that was beside him and he points at you and he goes,
Speaker: And he also has a little sword that he's going to start swinging around and he's going to try to hit you with it, Baxter. Whoa there, fella. Yeah, he's going to do it. All these guys get a turn. They're beside him all.
Speaker: Uh, he rolled a three, but I'm going to use a Benjamin for him. Uh, well, there's a collective scene amount that they get, um, for like the little dudes. Uh, and it's based off of how many people are in the scene. So they have that is bullshit. So he rolled a, he rolled a five to hit you with his sword. And it goes against my Perry. Yes. Nice. My little monkey ass juke. I jump out. I jump away. I'm going to do another Benny.
Speaker: Uh, no, I'm just kidding. All right. He swells at you and he slashes down and you jump out of the way and he goes, um, and, uh, then his other buddy is going to shoot a glob, a bugger gun at you. You're the only one that's there because BX hasn't moved. BX is still holding still. Like if I can, is my scalamandric armor, is it, it's essentially said, all right. Yeah, it's just said armor. Yeah, it's just foam rubber.
Speaker: So this other one is going to try to shoot you with his little blaster, his little booger blaster, and see if he can get you. Oh, that's a fucking eight. Damn, he did double what he needs to do to hit you. Can I roll a Benjamin to like make him miss me or something? You can you can roll a Benjamin on the damage to soak, yes. Oh, yeah, OK. So depending on how well he does, I mean, he might not do enough damage for you to even need to do that. Let's see this little boy bring it on.
Speaker: Yeah, bring it on, that is to say, like the donkey kong. He rolls 14 damage. He gets the ace, so he does get... Oh, he rolled four damage, excuse me. He does get the bonus damage because he aced on the roll, so he rolls 18 total. So you can choose to roll a soak roll. Is an ace of a double sure? No, it's not. No, an ace you get to roll an extra d6, but the d6 can also ace.
Speaker: I'm sorry, a raise. He rolled a raise on you. And then because he got a raise, he gets the extra bonus dice and the bonus dice aced twice. That's what I meant to say. Sorry. Oh, I soak damage because I'm going to be deader than dead. So there's actually there's a button for you to push for soak. You have to use a Benny to do it. Nice. And you can you can do more than one, but you have to take whichever role was the most recent one. This better not suck. Come on, baby. Sick.
Speaker: Wow. That's fucking nice. You absorbed almost all of it. Um, so you absorbed 16 of the 18 and that's not enough for him to hurt you with the two that's left over. So just as that booger gun's about to fucking disintegrate your ass, you fucking, it, you know what, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're,
Speaker: There's two more left because you killed one of them. So another one's going to also try to booger gun you. You know, just to take the heat off you, I think they see Sasha running. I think they're going to try to shoot at Sasha as she's going to shoot at them, too, though. I mean, you know, before they showed up, he froze himself and is doing a great performance, looking like he's not. I was. So we just got it was like.
Speaker: So yeah, one's going to try to hit Sasha. She is in the middle of running. And I'm going to say a little bit of a harder shot. So I'm going to do a shooting roll against you. And that was a seven minus one or an eight minus one, which is still a seven. Does that hit? Well, that definitely hits you. And so he doesn't get a four, but he doesn't get the boner damage. So that's good. So he rolls seven damage to hurt you, Sasha Rocket. Does that hurt you?
Speaker: Uh, how do I tell again? I can't remember. If it matches your toughness, it shakes you. If it goes four above your toughness, it shakes you and wins you. It just goes one above my toughness. All right. So you have been shaken. So you cannot take any main actions aside from running away unless you roll a spirit roll on your turn to unshake. All right. So he gets you a little bit with it. Uh, you know, it kind of melts away a little bit at your, um, at your little one piece suit that they gave you to go fight in. Um, so you're okay.
Speaker: And then this other one, um, I think is going to try to use his blade against, um, our boy Baxter. And I'm very sorry about that. You're the only one that's there. Bring it on. This is the greatest role of my life. You rolled the five and he doesn't have a wild die. He only has a two. So you rolled the two and he's a Benny. Uh, fuck him. He only rolled the five again. I'm not going to do it again. They only have one. I jumped over the sword.
Speaker: So, yeah, you know what? I tried to hurt you two times and I still can't. So they're just not doing a good job and they start yelling. I mean, they got our tech domain character. Right. OK, so that's all their turns. There's one down. There's five left into the Sasha Rockets turn. Sasha, you are fleeing the scene. All right. Well, when she gets hit in the back with that and she's shaking, she's just kind of going to lay there and. Oh,
Speaker: Is there is there a way that she's able to like, like, I'm trying to think of how I want to do this. Is she able to like, use like a watch calm or something to like call Norman Meman and be like, I need a band aid.
Speaker: I don't know how I feel about the fact that you can call your ship in to be a healer for you guys. I just want to band -aid so that I can do my spirit role. Yeah, you know what? You hear...
Speaker: in like a fucking one in a package, like get you in the back of the head. So I can roll a spirit, roll the unshake. Yeah, sure. Yeah. You know what? It was a, it was a, it was a band, like literally just one band and just like wadded up in a ball and just hit you in the head. That was my way of like trying to play my way out of getting unshaken. Yeah. Frankie, Frankie got, yeah, you got Frankie.
Speaker: Frank, yes, anything unicorn. Yeah, go ahead and roll your shake. You got a five. You are unshaken. All right. And now you can take an action aside from shaking or unshaking. What do you want to do? So now that she's unshaken, she's going to like stand there for a second with her hands on her knees and just kind of shake her head for a minute. She's going to look at them and go, that was so rude. And she's going to pull out her slingshot again and she's going to try to shoot at one of them.
Speaker: OK, roll for shooties. OK. Or I meant to hit. Did you want shooting or spellcasting? I mean, spellcasting is fine if that's what your thing is, is spellcasting. It is. Yeah, that's a four. I was going to add a penalty to it, but I forgot to. So it's fine. A four hits. OK. It is a nine. A nine or a yeah, you definitely wound that guy or you you shake that guy, whatever one you fuck. Which are you shooting at one with a booger gun? The one that shot you? Yes, the one that shot me.
Speaker: Alright, yeah, you shoot him back with a flamey ball of flame. And he does not like that. He looks very hurt as he's got like a little goop dripping from his body. Revenge is not cold. Okay, it's hot. Just like my fireball in your face. She's still talking shit. She don't give a shit.
Speaker: And so BX5, it is your turn at last, the statue man, what are you doing? Plot twist, I wasn't frozen. Oh no, wow, what a surprise. And I turn around and I shoot at a guy with a gun who's not damaged yet. Okay, sounds good. Are you doing both shots on him or just one? Both.
Speaker: Um, that's still an extra action technically though, but he just doesn't have a penalty for it. Um, so, but if you guys want to be like, Oh, I want to attack that guy twice or if I, or I want to tackle them and then stab them, like that's two actions, it would be a minus two to each one, but you can do more than one thing on a turn. Um, you just have to announce it before you do it. Um, all right. So that's a five and a seven on shooting. Those are both hits from the range that you're at, especially since you're surprising them.
Speaker: both shots on that guy.
Speaker: Um, you know what, I'm going to give you, you know what, I'm going to give you the drop on that. So not only are you fucking going to ACE on those shots, uh, or raise on those shots, but you are also going to get, uh, an extra four damage on each one of your guys.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure that's how that goes. If not, that's what I'm doing for now, because I don't want to look at it. That's a free and 11. All right. So your three is a seven. Oh, no, that's your damage. I'm sorry. So, yeah. So your three is now a seven damage plus your eight, nine. And then because you get the bonus damage because you raised and then your eleven plus eight bonus damage, which is nineteen plus four, which is twenty three plus your nine, which is
Speaker: 32 damage. So you just wouldn't fucking just like, just melt this fucking dude and like, you know, his arms just get shot right the fuck off and he just like flails around and just drops to the goddamn ground right they can paint until he stops moving.
Speaker: You blow your gun? Your gun goes, oh yeah, daddy. Oh, you blow on it. You blow on your gun. You let some exhaust out of your face. It was very cool. Baxter, did you get that on camera? Was that on the shot? I'm looking back every five seconds to make sure it's... The red light's on. We're good. Yeah, the red light's on. You're good.
Speaker: Um, and so, uh, yeah, you do that. That was very cool. Very good job. Um, all right. So we're going to do another round of cards real quick. Baxter's got a three. Sasha's got a five BX has a nine and the baddies have a seven. So BX, you get another turn. Nice. So there's, there's one that got wounded by a, by a firebolt. Um, and there's a couple that are tussling. There are three that I think are testing with Baxter right now.
Speaker: How many guns are left? There's only one with a gun. I want to shoot the one with the gun. The one with the gun is the one that Sasha hurt. OK, go ahead. I'm going to say that there's no penalty on this one either, just because like he's already fucking hurt. He's not like in a dodging kind of mood. Yeah. I think I want to shoot like once at that guy and then once at another guy. All right. So one at him and then one another fellow. OK. Got it. All right. So this one's for fire guy.
Speaker: the four. All right, that's still a hit on this remind the audience fours in this game or our hits. And so it's all about the penalties you add to make it harder for someone to hit something if they're in cover or if they're really far away or if they're moving very quickly. But typically, if you can shoot and get a four, that's pretty much what you need to shoot people in this game. Yeah. So and that's a seven for your second shot on the other guy. Okay.
Speaker: That's 10 damage. 10 damage. I mean, 8 damage. 8 damage? Damn, son. It's a shame that you didn't get that bonus damage because you rolled 17. It was, yeah. It's a shame you don't got that. It's still pretty good, though. So you have successfully... Actually, no. You killed the other guy. Yeah, you killed the one Sasha shot. So he's all like...
Speaker: And then just fucking you fucking shoot the rest of his dome off. The second guy, one of the guys with the blades, you wound him pretty, I mean, you don't wound him, but you shake him, you almost wounded him. Yeah. But you you fucking knock him off his game and he drops his sword. He's like, I got you partner. And then that's a good turn. Do you want to move anywhere?
Speaker: Uh, just kind of standing there amongst a bunch of people who are frozen in time. Yes. So do you want to go anywhere? Close the gap behind the building? Yeah, go up to Baxter. You run up to Baxter. Okay. So you can get like the protector. Okay, cool. All righty, all nighty. That goes to the baddie. So there's.
Speaker: One that's wounded, and two that are still very angy. And one of them, as you run up, I'm gonna have him do a little un -shake because he's all like, oh, son of a bitch, you son of a bitch, you're a son of a bitch, you know that? You don't know that he's saying that. He rolls a five on a spirit roll, so he is good to go. So that one that you just kind of shot, he picks a sword back up and he charges you and you hear. And he's angy at you.
Speaker: Angie. Angie. He rolls a... Boy, he doesn't have a wild die. It's a good thing, too. Yeah. He rolls a four against your fight or against your parry. That doesn't... I have a six in parry. Okay. And then I'm going to say that the other two are still angry at Baxter. They're upset with him. So they're going to both go do a little wacky at you, Bax. Wearing it. One rolls an 11 to hit you. Yikes. So that hits... What's your parry?
Speaker: Seven. So that is a raise because he has eleven. Focus. Oh, he rolled very poorly on his damage. She rolled two plus one. So three. So you're fine. And then he lets out the.
Speaker: drop the beat as this like thing like it's just kind of grazes past my like spacesuit with like the melted foam stuff all over it i'm i i acted up like i'm like
Speaker: Or you do that wins for like, or like when they always did the scene where the guys take off a shirt and the girl has to tend to his wounds because when she pours the alcohol. All right. And the other one's also going to try to do a whack at you Baxter. And he rolls a five to hit you. And this one, I, I just, as I'm falling backwards from the first one, I pretend to hit me for the camera. I just, I just sort of like lean back and dodge it.
Speaker: Yep. And you hear a lot of. And he's very upset, you can tell. I can hear that. You can very. Yeah, it's it's upsetting. All right. So that makes Sasha Rocket. You're up. There's three dudes left. The one dude coming at me that shot me first that I hit. No, you killed him. I didn't know a BX killed him.
Speaker: Oh, BX killed him. Okay. I wasn't sure if that was what I need to get. Okay. So she's gonna go, hmm. Let's see. He backs the, uh, which one you want me to get? Cause like, there's like too many of them for me to choose from. I'm like, I'm like not hurt at all. But I look back and I'm like,
Speaker: We're fighting for our lives. Just do whatever you want to do. I thought you were like the director. So like, that's why I'm asking you, numbskool. I'm like, no. I'm like, can do like a cut across my throat. Like, no, no, no, no. We're acting right now. Come on. Just in character. Oh, sorry. I'm going to say, edit this out. Edit this out. She goes, oh, three. Puts her hands on her hips in like a superhero pose. And she's like.
Speaker: i will come to save you don't you worry boys and then she starts she takes like two steps forward like she's all like stomping yeah and then pulls out her slingshot again and shoots uh two fire bolts does she say it
Speaker: Which is to say what? Her cash. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot. Slingshot
Speaker: So you're going to shoot two. Yes, going to shoot two. All right. So that's going to be a minus two to both. So your eight is a six, but that's still a hit. And then your next one will be also at a minus two. So whatever you roll, it'll be minus two. So it's a two. So your second one misses, but your first one hits. OK. Are you shooting? I think it's just blade guys now. So just either one you want to shoot at, they're all fine. OK. The middle guy, whichever one's in the middle.
Speaker: All right, that's the one that that's the one that that Baxter first like feigned to be hurt by is like, oh, yeah. So that's six dermage on that particular fella. And that shakes him up real good. You fucking singe him again as he's like going to swing. I'm going to say you fucking disarm him. I'm going to say you fucking shoot his his his blade out of his hand. He's like. As you fucking shoot out of his hand, he looks real upset.
Speaker: You don't mess with this show. I should rock it. OK, I'm just saying I keep picturing like Sasha like in an anime, you know how like how the camera they always make the camera spin around the character usually when like when like fucking Ash Ketchum like turning his hat backwards or like he's getting ready to poke a ball out and you're like and she's like slinging and she like that's when she starts to pull the like the slingshots pointed at the ground and she's like pulling back like the stretchy part and she kind of like does like a big dramatic circle like slinging and it pointed at the target shot.
Speaker: Yeah, but then she does like a little hop like Stuart.
Speaker: Yeah. And then like fucking like it in like the like the comic book cut where like it's like a little triangle like kind of cuts across the screen and you just see like her eyes and she's like squinting over her slingshot as she fires it. Yeah. So if anybody's listening to this, I can draw. I'll draw that, please. Please. So. So, yeah, you fire that slingshot, you disarm. I'm just like, this is good shit. Yeah.
Speaker: Wub wub that, bitch. Baxter, chimp, you're up.
Speaker: OK, so paint paint to me what what I was left and who's all happening right now. All right. So imagine if you will, that you're a little chimpanzee in a space suit already there. All right. And you're looking and right now around you to your left as you know, well, if we're looking for the stage on the right side of Baxter, like from the audience's point of view, stage left technically is what that. Oh, no. But that'd be stage right. That's stage right. So on stage right.
Speaker: All right, so we're looking at your monkey over here, over the shoulder of Baxter. There's a guy in combat with BX -5 with a blade directly in front of you. The guy that just tried to hit you the first time you feigned getting hit by, he just lost his sword and he's like right directly in front of you. And then slightly behind that guy is a guy that just got shot in the face by a fireball.
Speaker: Um, there is a guy near, um, near BX, right?
Speaker: No, I'm sorry. I take it back. That was the one that got disarmed, was the one that got shot. Then there's a guy to Baxter's right, which is just another fellow who you're also in combat with who swung and missed terribly. Okay, so the guy closest in front of me is disarmed? Yes. The guy a little bit behind him who hasn't really got hurt yet is? He's fine. He's got a sword and then there's another one with a sword that's fighting BX. Okay.
Speaker: I'm going to fail these, but I'm going to try and do two things. I'm going to try and throw my molecular sword into the chest of the guy who's further behind the guy in front of me. And then after I do that and fail or not on that, I'm going to jump onto the shoulders of the guy in front of me. And we're going to say he has a head, neck, and shoulders. It's more mechanical than the rest of them. I'm going to try and rip his head off of his. You're going to try to throw your sword at one and then jump up on somebody else and try to rip his head off. Yeah.
Speaker: Gotcha. I forgot earlier. I'm going to award you a Benjamin as well. Nice one. Although I think. I have two because I used one already. Right. You just have to kind of keep track of your round. I'm just going to put it there for fun.
Speaker: Um, so I'm going to give you one earlier because I really liked your, kind of like your commute, your commitment to the camera bit and the overacting and shit. I think that's hilarious. Um, and good content. I think it's great. Um, and, uh, so that's good. Uh, Sasha, you haven't used any of yours yet, right? Cause you still have that extra one that you start with as a half float, right? Okay.
Speaker: Um, okay. So you're going to try to do a flip or a monkey throw from your sword and a jump in a monkey jump. All right. Monkey twist normal throw in a monkey twist. Okay. So that'll be a minus two to both actions. I'm going to say that your monkey throw, let's just call that like, um, what the fuck's that main stat that you guys all have? Um, throw yourself athletics. Let's call it, um,
Speaker: Yeah, that's enough damage to wound and to shake and kill him.
Speaker: I lay on the guy's shoulders and my little monkey feet and I twist and twist and twist. That's that's going to be strength. If nothing else, that's going to be strength for sure. Okay. Yeah, you're trying to rip someone's head off. Benjamin go again.
Speaker: I was like, click the pull down for like 15. Is that counting? Nice. 15 minus two is 13. That still counts. Yep. Get your head ripped off. I don't know what to call that kind of damage. You are definitely ripping his head off though. I'm going to whip it against the wall into a trash can and I'm going to look at the camera and say, time to take out the trash.
Speaker: You know what? Roll, roll quick for me. Roll athletics to see if you get it in the trash or how many takes you have to do. Five. Five. First take in the trash can.
Speaker: So you have significantly decreased the amount of the eyes to one. There is one guy here. Nice. I don't know if I should bother doing cards or not at this point. I mean, you guys got them outnumbered three to one. So you get to shoot first. So you get to shoot first. All right, sure. Last shot.
Speaker: All right, five for for you, an ace for Sasha, a king for BX and a fucking three for them. So they certainly aren't going to say that BX and Adrian is my king. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, that works. Yeah, he's the he's our king of spades. He's our kunigan.
Speaker: No, he's our kunig actually. Kunig is good. He's our kunig. But I mean, again, you're our kunig again. You're our kunig again. Sasha Rocket, you get the honor of trying to kill him first. We don't know if you had it this year. All right. So she's going to like, she's going to do that thing where she does the uh uh uh.
Speaker: and with her finger and she's gonna try to do like a two more bolts. Two more bolts. Two more bolts.
Speaker: Gambling it paid off very well for me. So yeah She's like the bestest like slingshot thrower in the whole world. You're gonna shoot to Adam Yeah, that's a that's a one for the first one. Yeah, you do have Benjamin's I have like I'm gonna use two Benjamin's you might as well I'm going to shut
Speaker: It's just no don't just just reroll it Just a rocket uses a Bennett All right, then you have to roll for the other one too, that's a minus two so that's a five but it's still a hit
Speaker: second one misses again that's okay she's like she's like overconfident and she's delusional like her hindrance is delusional so it's perfect so she's always like she's like yeah i'm gonna like i'm gonna kick yo ass and she's gonna get the two bolts in her slingshot she's gonna like okay so roll your damage for your first one all right
Speaker: And the other one goes off kilter and hits somebody else. Wow. Jesus Christ. Fucking you fire a slingshot through the chest of this fool. I'm the best slingshot in the world. Didn't they know?
Speaker: Um, and, uh, yeah, it fucking drops to the ground with a big hole in its, in its chest. And, um, as it does that, um, you see, everybody goes, and action. Wait, what? I, I fall in, I fall into BX. I'm like, uh, BX. I mean.
Speaker: I was wounded terribly in this battle. Oh, no, the mysterious hero is vanquished. But he did something really cool. I mean, he must go on to stop the famine. I already know you for like a couple of minutes. But if you like a brother, you can't die like this.
Speaker: You're like a brother to me. That's amazing. I reached my hand out towards Sasha, he was like farther down the street and I'm like, we could have been something special. And I die in BX's arms and Gordon's arms.
Speaker: And you hear you hear Gloria goes come on BX you really got to come on mr. Five you really got to sell it come on This is the final seed you really got to sell it wait. I thought he said he went good Really sell it really sell it he stands up. I'm hanging like my arms are hanging down
Speaker: I will kill the best that killed you. I will arrange you. And she's like, um, yeah. And then, uh, and then, uh, in comes, in comes, uh, John Thrasher. And then here comes fucking, um, giant fucking jingles.
Speaker: And he touches his axe to Baxter, and he says, I revive you. And then you come back to life. And then he looks up and goes, it's supposed to be a happy ending, right? And then confetti all around, the music plays, all of the creatures around you. I say Gloria, I'm like, and then you edit in over there, over the screen goes black Gloria, and it says, the mysterious Chimpiro will return.
Speaker: The feminine. The feminine, too. And then they, tons of people, you know, we fast forward time skips, literally time skips. We're going to like those, like those showings and stuff. Yeah, the big red carpet event, the premiere. Thousands of people show up there. You know, you use the interviews for us all to show up at your finest outfits. Oh, my God.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: I'm like the best de facto. What do you what is what is Sasha Rocket wearing? Oh, you know, she's like totally going to slut it up and she's going to wear like the nice black dress and she's got like the the the knee high, like high heels that do the strappies around all of it. And she she looks like one of those
Speaker: I don't want to say the actual BN name, so hold on a second. The bad cat dwells and then, you know, she looks like one of those guys and she's like, I'm looking hot. Thank you very much. Nice. What's BX5 wearing to the premiere?
Speaker: He's keeping a classy for black suit Okay, so you and you guys you're dressed up and you're black all right So you guys get out of the the stretch limo and I was like, oh my god teaching teaching teaching They're taking pictures and everything and then like you get to the red carpet and You see I'm trying to think of who would be who would be interviewing you? You see you see
Speaker: For intergalactic... Phone Lake. Phone Lake. Yeah, John Rivers. Phone Lake.
Speaker: Umm... Hey! Such a rocket! Oh my god! You did so! You were beautiful in the movie! Who are you wearing tonight? Oh, you know, I'm wearing that fior. He's wonderful. Oh my god, yes, he's... Oh my god, it's so good! So how are you feeling tonight about your... Are you feeling any butterflies in your tummy?
Speaker: Fawn, I am the greatest actress of all time. Don't you even get it? I am the greatest. You heard it here first, folks. She's the greatest.
Speaker: i don't remember what she sounds like so i'm just kind of going with what what my brain's telling me to do it was the first person i could think of like red carpet interview come on like that's the first person i almost did check white does he like
Speaker: But, you know, I decided not to do that. So then like a phone, phone Jackson, would you say? Yes. So so she says, All right, well, I hope you enjoy the premiere, sweetheart. You earned all of the accolades. I hear that you're up for a whammy.
Speaker: I am. Don't you even know it? I'm so excited. I forget which one it is. You don't want me for whatever you want to be. I'm here for a pig out this year. You know it.
Speaker: Um, and then she says, Oh my God. Oh my God. BX five. You're even taller in person. Um, and like, Oh my God, I would buff you all day. If you let me have, uh, she's kind of, she's like good for you. Who are you wearing today?
Speaker: That sort of crushes and confuses me. Who am I wearing today? Who are you wearing today? Like just from an English standpoint. Usually it's like if they're like really famous, like people that make outfits or famous companies that make outfits, oftentimes it's like, who are you wearing? Like, oh, I'm wearing Vera Wang. I think that's a wedding dressmaker though. Typically it's like a brand name.
Speaker: Yeah, like a brand name or a person's name that makes it like Calvin Klein. I'm wearing Calvin Klein, you know, shit like that. It's really stupid, but that's kind of like what used to be like the norm. I don't know if it's still the way it is now. Oh, yeah, they still do it. Yeah. So who are you wearing, BX5? I'm wearing myself because you got up a leaf in yourself. Oh, that is so good. I see you're a fan of a very Schmeichel. Oh, yeah. How could you tell?
Speaker: He's quite assured it says some savage. He's got a Schmeckle pin on. It's like on a suit made by Perry Schmeckle. Yeah, Perry Schmeckle. And she's like, I hear that he's in the building for the premiere today. Yes, I will try to get an autogram from him. Oh my god. I can't believe it. You're so attractive. Has anybody ever told you that before?
Speaker: My acting wasn't good, but I had to face for the movies He will enjoy your time in there big guy you earned everything you were just that that faked that fake out death scene with the mysterious hero Oh my god, I cried. I am just when I saw oh my god. I'm so excited for you I'm really glad that you like the movie
Speaker: They have and that's what got me here today.
Speaker: Oh my god, I'm just... And then she says, oh my god, look here, look who it is. It's Baxter Chimp, the mysterious hero director. I jump on BX and I'm like, I pretend I'm mine, like I'm ripping his head off. Hello! Everybody starts clapping and the crowd's going like fucking nuts. And she says, oh Baxter, who are you wearing?
Speaker: This is a protective spacesuit designed by Chronosphere. I had them print me one out in black from their printer that they have in there. This bow tie is actually Calvin Klein.
Speaker: I've been holding my arm out like a fucking turd, like there's like a giant robot standing to my right. I've been holding my arm up like I'm fucking like my fucking triceps are tired. What the fuck? I was playing with a fake bow tie just now. So like, oh, Calvin Klein and Chronosphere, you heard it here, folks, maybe a new partnership. So, hey, listen, when you get that death scene, oh, my God, how did you prepare for that?
Speaker: Listen, literally all of my scenes were improv. Wrap your head around that for a second. Oh my, how do you even do it? Praise wrap to Jesus that I can stand in the presence of someone like you.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, it's really, it's a gift here. You're born when you really cannot like learn it. People going to acting school, they are chumps and hex. I'm pretty glad that Sean Travolta got sucked into an acting school. I went to like space Juilliard and like, you got to, you know, it comes from the spirit, from the heart, you know, and my spirit is a D4, but my heart is D6 bigger.
Speaker: Did you say my spirit is a d4 but my heart is d6? That's his shirt right there. That's a pretty good line. My spirit is a d4 but my heart is a d6.
Speaker: Ah, fuck. Okay. You guys right there. You guys go into your movie premiere. It's a fucking smash shit. It's a movie. It's a movie. It needed to be to change the landscape of the whole world and multiple worlds adjacent. It makes no sense. There's no connectivity to any of the scenes. But you know what? People love it just because it was over. It was campy. It was overactive. You know, people think the special effects were like bar none, but like it was real. The explosions were top notch. The explosions were top notch.
Speaker: 10 reasons why the CGI in this movie would look terrible. You could just... One star on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah, there's always that one guy that has a review vomit. And he had everything about us, and everyone's like, oh my god, it's the best ever!
Speaker: You guys get showered with cryptocurrency that you can exchange for Darby Bucks. So please roll 6D100 for your money. Let's see how this shit coin translates into... Holy shit. Oops, not my keyboard on.
Speaker: At first, I thought, Adrian, you rolled 19. I was like, how the fuck did you do that? I was finally wrong. I was finally rolled 19. Jesus Christ. So it's 232 Derby bucks for Smoses.
Speaker: She did not do that right. There's 235 for Sasha Rocket. No, you can just roll slash roll. There you go. 192 for Baxter. You know, he was kind of like the favorite. A lot of people, you know, he came in late, you know, he's a monkey. People love monkeys. They love the monkey. They love the mystery.
Speaker: Yeah. And, you know, and he made some extra cash off of like the bumper sticker sales and like the T -shirt merch of my heart to D4. You know, the people really love that at the red carpet. It's it was it went viral on the Internet. Yeah.
Speaker: So you guys made a bunch of money and you guys have, you know, posters everywhere, you know, and you're already being asked to come back for a sequel and signing contracts to do the sequel. And you guys complete your mission at plot land. Congratulations. You did it.
Speaker: um me good job jesus that was a fucking hoot my chest hurts from all the way um so uh well hey listen listeners if you liked that fucking tell us because that was a fucking hoot we can return to plotland if you really enjoyed it there's plenty more things to do there i'm sure there's a sequel
Speaker: if you guys have any suggestions for future future places that the forkers can visit certainly please let us know you can let us know the best way to do it's on our website you know go to our website let us know in like a note or in a voicemail say hey I really like that can you try this here's an idea and again if what did I say earlier that they should do like any sort of like
Speaker: character ideas you want us to do or places that you want them to visit or the merch store that you want BX to buy some new shit from. If we get some really good ones, I may give them some stat bonuses. So, you know, if you have some good ideas, let us know. Yeah. And, you know, I think that could be a really fun addition to the game was like just him having like a place you guys to buy shit online because we don't really have a store for you guys to spend your money at. So I just kind of led up to you how you want to spend it.
Speaker: I'd love like interactive store of like the community. Yeah, that'd be really cool. So if you like it, certainly send us some ideas. So I'm just going to go get all the candy. Yeah, get all the candy. It'll be a rare candy. It'll level her up when she eats it.
Speaker: OK, so that's pretty much it. Also, you know, again, if you can review the show, if you haven't, it really helps us out a ton for your character. Yes, Dixon. Thank you for the character picture. We'll post it on the social medias. I really love your man mail. Please keep sending it.
Speaker: Um, and, uh, and of course, you know, you can review us for free if you already haven't, if you go to podchaser .com slash role players, you can actually review individual episodes, which is really fucking great. So, uh, if you can do that, that would mean a lot to us. Uh, and of course, um, if you, uh,
Speaker: You know, if if you like what you're hearing, you know, fucking get somebody to come and check it out. They can start anywhere where there's an episode one. You don't have to start as long as it says one dash one on it or one dot one. You can start there and you don't need to have listened to anything else previously. That's what makes our show wonderful, I think, aside from also the spectacular cast that makes it inviting for everyone. You can you can start anywhere that you see one dot one. It's a fresh story. So Forkers is a great place to start the Phony Express. A lot of people got on board there.
Speaker: Dungeon World has three seasons if you want to start all the way back there. There's a ton of fun stuff and a bunch of one shots we have as well. Okay, so to end out, I believe Adrian, you picked our question of the day to answer, right? Exactly. Yeah. Let's fucking hear it, bruh. I have the question. What is the plural of Jesus?
Speaker: What is the plural of Jesus? Like more than one Jesus? Yes. Is it Jesus? Jesus? Jesus? Jesus? Jesus? Jesus? Jesus? Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
Speaker: or later on the question got edited. Well, sure, that's all they want Jesus now. But writing a story that she gets cloned and I need to know how to pluralize it. So Jesus kind of shows up and he goes, hey, listen, guys, I know you're looking for one Jesus at the party, but how about to just like an American dad or he's all like doing the finger trick. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Uh, yeah, I'm going to say it's what if it's like Jazuzu's? That's a vehicle company, Jazuzu. Oh yeah, Jazuzu. Yeah, they're very safe vehicles, Jazuzu. Buy a Jazuzu today.
Speaker: It'd be enraptured in the giggle. And I think a shoe prank would be Jeezy's. Jeezy's? Yeah, Jeezy's. Isn't that a singer? I'm like a pop singer. Hey, listen, all I know is that my spirit is a D4, but my heart is a D6. That's all I'm saying. Wise words.
Speaker: it look good already?
