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MotWEU Ocu-lus Bravo 3-1: Wild Wild Pest
169 Plays3 years ago
This episode took me forever to edit, so I hope you enjoy it! Today, the gang wakes up in jail. While this may not be unusual for some, the time period change may be a bit jarring. Bravo team must seek out undead bandits and put them down for good. The humble western town of Spudluck Idaho depends on their success! Carlton plays the spoons, Slappy faces the music, Jim John changes his tune, and Lou becomes a DJ
Onixrobot/Daniel (Jim John) He has a twitter and other links to click! Do it!
Twitter: @Readysetroll20 https://readysetroll1.podbean.com/ https://thezeeteam.podbean.com/
Sero (Lou) She's alright, I guess. You can't keep her from the MotWEU!
Twitter for Sero: @seroRPG Twitter for Redgate and Wolf: @RedgateAndWolf Redgate and Wolf links: https://pod.link/1553894109
Rosi (Carlton) Rosi makes pretty PDF's and has ten thousand new character ideas. Check out his MotW supplement here! https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/323526/Grandmothers-Nursery
Justin (Slappy Pete) Twitter: @funinstallers
And me (Adam and every other character) @rollplayerswin
Also, if you wouldn't mind, go leave us a review if you actually give a shit! Leave a good one, please... not a bad one. https://www.podchaser.com/rollplayers
Fun hidden fact about Adam: He's not a fan of "like" buttons on social media platforms. He uses them once in a while because algorithms or whatever.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Role Players Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
you
00:00:47
Speaker
Boys, I don't even know anymore with you guys. You love us really? I do in ways that I can't love anyone else. Anyway, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. My name is Adam and everybody out there in the universe. This is Role Players and another episode of the Monster of the Week Extended Universe, hashtag M-O-T-W-E, motherfucking you.
Oculus Bravo Company: Setting the Scene
00:01:12
Speaker
And we are back with the Oculus Bravo company, folks.
00:01:17
Speaker
Which i'm sure you all love i'm almost positive i recorded the warning at the beginning of this episode already so here it is it's probably gonna be bad so stop here. But if you hear already about episode three of oculus you know you're getting into. Anyway without further to do let's introduce our players hey i'm sorry you wanna talk about who you are.
00:01:39
Speaker
Hi, I'm Sarah, a.k.a. Sarah, and I'm from Red Gate and Wolf, and today I will be playing Lou, not Louisa, but Lou, and she's the Initiate Playbook. Yeah, boy. Up next is my good old buddy who lives down yonder from me. Justin, who are you playing? Hey, I'm Slavic Pete. I'm from the... Also, I'm from the... You may not have heard of it, the Role Players podcast. I don't know if you've ever heard of them. You should try listening to them sometimes. They're all right. We're all right.
00:02:08
Speaker
And yeah, I'm slightly beaten or a dummy and such. This is true. All right. Up next, we've got, uh, Rosie. Rosie, who are you playing? Hey, how's it going? It's your boy, Rosie, AKA, uh, Rosenbaker. Uh, you can find me on Twitter at Rosenbaker underscore UTG. And of course I am playing your bully character to know you weather tonight. And last, but certainly not least, we got Dan, but not that Dan playing somebody. Who are you playing?
00:02:38
Speaker
Hey, I'm Dan. I'm playing Jim John Smith, the mundane, and I got a fucking crick in my neck, man. It's just like, fucking... You got a cricket in your neck?
00:02:48
Speaker
Yeah, it's like causing pain in my shoulder. And we've also got a laugh track here. So if you ever noticed the players are responding to things that you can't hear, it's because there's another person here who wishes to remain anonymous, just one
A Mysterious Jail Cell and Time Travel
00:03:08
Speaker
anonymous. Okay, so lady and gentle fellows, you guys are currently
00:03:17
Speaker
Kind of in like a sleep state. And you hear the noises of like clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop all around you. And as your vision comes back to you, the four of you are sitting, or laying I guess, on the cold stone floor of a jail cell. A big one. Four of you stuffed into a big old cage.
00:03:44
Speaker
Um, and you hear the sound of clippity clops all around you and you see what looks like, um, looks like an old timey sheriff. He's kind of asleep at his desk, not far from where you guys are. Oh, I had sweet relief. Oh, I was asleep. Pull me back. Pull me back in. That's right. Slappy don't sleep. This is like, I thought from what I thought I finally made it to the afterlife and it was nothing like I hoped. Damn it. Where the fuck are we?
00:04:15
Speaker
Adam, you've really been into this time travel stuff lately, haven't you? Well, I don't want to spoil anything, but I had this written before the other thing. This actually came first. I'm in the Wild West and I'm a fucking puppet. God damn it. I'm going to fucking six-shoot somebody though. I have a six-shooter. Jim Donne looks down at his clothes. What is he currently wearing? What you were wearing when you defeated the necromancer.
00:04:44
Speaker
Oh, thank God. Excuse me, sir. Oh, who's talking? Yes, yes, sir. It appears that we are locked in this cage.
00:05:02
Speaker
Yeah, of course you are and he gets up and walks around the desk and wipes the the eye boogers away He's got kind of like a five o'clock shadow. He's got kind of like a toy story like woody shirt on Like a like a red kerchief around his neck and of course the sheriff's badge you can't miss that and he's like So where in the hell did you all come from?
00:05:29
Speaker
I don't know. I don't recall drinking. Why? You didn't smell it. You didn't smell like alcohol when I found you. How far south are we, buddy? Jeez. You don't know where you are. Look into my dumb face and tell me if I know where I'm at. I mean, you are an interesting looking child, I tell you. But you don't know. You're in Spudlik, Idaho.
00:05:59
Speaker
What the fuck? How'd we get here from New Lola? I don't know what the hell New Lola is, but you are not near it. There's nothing new about this place. It's been around a while. Idaho? We're just in Nevada, now we're here. Nevada? What's that?
00:06:16
Speaker
Nevada, you mine, sir. You sound like you're from around here. I mean, Jim John's looking around. Does he still have his U.S. Marshall badge?
00:06:30
Speaker
I mean, you have whatever you had on you when, when, you know, when you were fighting. Yeah, including your flight. Well, you know, I mean, you don't have, you don't have like your guns and shit. Like you were clearly you're that have been very irresponsible of him. Jokes on him. My mouth is my gun. What about like collapsible stuff, which, you know, just any, any firearms or bludgeoning weapons or knives, anything that could be used as a weapon that he would be aware of, he has taken.
00:06:56
Speaker
It's time. I throw my voice. Guys, they didn't remove my jaw, so we're okay. Yeah, that's fine, Slap. Jim Jon's gonna, like, take, like, the pin
Sheriff Chuck Montgomery and the Bandit Threat
00:07:06
Speaker
where it's, like, in, like, the wallet thing of his US Marshal's badge and, like, pull it out and, like, show it to the guy. Sir, you do know you're holding a US Marshal inside of this cage. I'm gonna ask you to let me out. Uh...
00:07:23
Speaker
All of us, we're all U.S. Marshals, even the freaky looking child. Yeah, I don't know what kind of fuckery this is, but let me tell you, I saw that badge and I was curious about it, so I'm glad you brought it up. What Marshals are you with, son? Where? Okay, so he doesn't know about Novi. Well, gesture towards the whole, the federal, the United States, buddy.
00:07:52
Speaker
You don't know about the United States? I know, I know, jeez, I know people, the Hicks are dumb, but goddamn, Jim Jones is kinda smart. I'm sorry, Jim Jones. Real quick, Jim Jones is gonna kinda like, oh, your premonition kinda fucked up there, bud. Well, yeah, I was gonna address that when you're done, go ahead. So, I guess Jim Jones is trying to figure out, based on him not knowing about Nevada, as well as,
00:08:24
Speaker
us being in Idaho and it's a Western town. Can we see outside and see how old this building is? No, there's no windows where you're at. You can see the door a little ways ahead that leads outward, but it's kind of... Does this building look old-timey on the inside? Yes. I don't even mean to make it roll. Yes, it absolutely does. Any moron could see that. Right. I guess it's time we quit playing dumb, mate. Jim, John? I guess I'm trying to figure out what year it is.
00:08:53
Speaker
Based on the information given that there's no Nevada. While you're doing that real quick, I didn't say there's no Nevada. He just doesn't know about it. He doesn't know about it. I ain't never met nobody from Nevada. So Carlton rolled his premonitions roll, and he rolled a five. So that is an experience for Carlton. And on a miss, you get a vision of something bad happening to you, and the keeper holds three to be spent one for one as penalties to roll you make. Oh, fuck.
00:09:23
Speaker
Excellent. Actually, I can't help out on that, can I? I don't know how you would. Just the power of friendship of Jim John. Focus, focus on it. You can see it, I know you can. He's having a seizure. Oh no, I need to keep him from swallowing his tongue. Keep him from swallowing his tongue. Jim John will do that real quick. You know what? Fine. Okay, fine.
00:09:53
Speaker
So that's a seven. It's a seven. Yeah, it was an experience point though. Don't help me. Don't help me. Get the negatives you son of a bitch. Just let me go into the light. So you get a cloud of damages or something bad that has yet to happen. Um, okay. So in your vision, Carlton, you see, um, a lot of decrepit looking people with like, uh,
00:10:21
Speaker
rings around their neck and bandanas on their heads and around their faces on horseback with guns. You can just see that they're blasting all over town and then the vision fades away. They were personally blasting their horses or they're blasting guns all over town. You can't ask that question because it's not your vision, sir. Now, listen here, Sheriff. It's Montgomery. Chut Montgomery.
00:10:51
Speaker
Chuck Montgomery, Sheriff Montgomery. Sir, we are from Nevada. We are Nevada Marshals. We don't know exactly how we ended up here, or actually in this cell, to be rightfully honest, if you could refresh our memories on how we ended up in this cage.
00:11:09
Speaker
I'm not entirely sure how y'all got here. I just know that I found you outside the building all unconscious with a bunch of doodads and weapons and get-ups I'd never seen before. So I chucked your asses right in here, just like that naked guy I found. All sorts of weird occurrences in the past few days. I look around for a naked guy. It's the cat. Is it the cat alien, Adam?
00:11:43
Speaker
Oh, yeah, the cats not with you BT dubs. Okay. All right. No, you don't see a naked man. I'd like for you to let us out. We have done nothing wrong under any kind of laws that I can imagine. Except for carrying a weapon, which by God in these times,
00:12:07
Speaker
You want to survive in these times what sort of weird fucking way to talk is that son? Sir there is always banditos in such a round that we have to deal with on a daily basis We are you marshals. Yeah, I was walking it us waking up or Being in town with weapons is not something unheard of
00:12:31
Speaker
Well, that's not the issue. He picks up the little collapsible staff. He picks it up and starts swinging it and it expands a bit. He says, see, this ain't normal. I've never seen anything like this. These firearms, I've never seen anything made like this. Shotgun. They're also your pistol. That one's from China, the collapsible staff.
00:12:59
Speaker
Yeah, but none of these are dual action. I'm just, where did y'all come from? Where do you live? We came from fucking Nevada. Where are you? Are you not paying attention, Sheriff? They got the greatest guns over in Nevada. You should see them. Well, I don't know what Nevada is, but I mean, I'll have to take your word for it. It's a gun capital in the world. Oh, is that right?
00:13:25
Speaker
That's interesting. Well, I see we see any sooner prototypes and where we're from. Oh, well, I don't know what Nevada is. But I mean, I'm supposed to sounds like a cool country. But it is. Well, look, fine. Listen, since y'all are here, maybe you could help me out. I don't know why I feel like I need to tell you this. But there was this
00:13:50
Speaker
Y'all are going to think I'm crazy. He just pulls out his keys and unlocks the door. And he goes and sits. Hold on. Could I have squeezed out of the bars this whole time? No. Absolutely not. I was just going to squeeze through while I opened the door. Do you want to put your head in there and get your head stuck like a kid on a staircase? We'll just get the butter. We'll just pull them apart. We're just getting them back together. He sits down. He's like, I don't even. I mean, look at this little. I mean, what is that little person with you? I mean,
00:14:19
Speaker
His mouth don't sync up to the words he's saying. I don't, I've been seeing so much weird shit the past few days. Like I'm starting to just assume this is normal around here now. Perfect. He unlocks the door and he gestures to your things and he sits back and he says, we don't even care if you gotta kill me fine. I mean, I don't think I'm going to make it to the next couple of days anyway. I tap my pocket. Is my, is my stone still in my pocket? He never found your stone, no. I left board out. Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. I've missed you. How was your sleep?
00:14:50
Speaker
Okay, I tap it against my middle of my wood mouth clack. I make a kissing noise. Go back to sleep. Good night. If you had the rare prediction that we were going to kill you once you unlock that cage, you shouldn't have unlocked the cage. We're not going to kill you, though. We're going to help you. I'm waving my pistol around. Oh, yeah, we're not. Snappy. Gun discipline.
00:15:14
Speaker
What is going on with your friend there? It looks like he sees a burn victim anyway, continuing. No, your friend and the weird... I don't even know what... plaid? What is that? You say they would be plaid. Are you okay? Do you need to see the local doctor? Could it hurt? Now, you said you couldn't make it through the next few days. What do you mean by that?
00:15:44
Speaker
He puts his head in his hands and then starts to rub his temples and he's like, well.
00:15:56
Speaker
From finding the naked man, ever since I found that naked man, things have been getting all sorts of weird. Recently, me and a posse I put together went and took down this bandit group called the Nightmares. We even killed their leader, hung them all up, strung them all high. Charles Babies was the name of the leader, and he was a real so-and-so. Pardon my language. I'm sorry, ma'am.
00:16:25
Speaker
Oh, thank fuck. And he says, you know, we hung them all up. We finally took them down. They caused all this trouble. And a day ago, they returned shooting a place up.
00:16:45
Speaker
I was by myself. I was a coward I hid. I thought it was a nightmare. Just like their name. It's spelled differently than how nightmares are spelled. I just thought it was a crazy dream and I just tried to sleep it away as the sounds of hell rained around my town. I don't know what to think.
00:17:13
Speaker
That's the only thing we cannot we cannot explain Look at Carlton packing it on his back or something and we'll say where's that hideout buddy? We're gonna burn those suckers out right now
00:17:31
Speaker
We'll ride hard on him. We'll hide, guys. I hope I get out of here. I start pointing at the ceiling. Hey! We'll hide! Hey, come on now. Yeah. That's it, Scott. That's it. We're in a spaghetti wester. Give a little blast of flame. Oh, it's dear Lord. He hides here like ducks behind his desk. Please, God. The gods, they're coming for me. I'm sorry, the one God. The one God is coming for me.
00:18:01
Speaker
Lord have mercy. Alright, now, uh, what do you think about all this, honestly?
00:18:09
Speaker
I Think you know we probably could have killed him even before we got out of the jail cell. I mean oh Sorry, but the nightmares the nightmares Well, it sounds like they're undead if he already killed them and they came back and shut the place up And then how did he'd like a cow? Yeah, so you you want us to kill them again I mean
00:18:37
Speaker
I don't know what else to think. I mean, yeah, I mean, they were, they're all supposed to be dead. I don't understand. Uh, I just don't understand pieces. They won't be able to get back up after that probably. See, but that's the problem. Especially, especially Charles. We, we, we put a, we put a lot of bullets into him and he was just kept getting back, back up. I just,
00:19:06
Speaker
I just don't know what to say. I feel like this is all just a terrible dream. You've never seen the walking dead, sir. Is that what I was looking at? Was walking dead? I mean, that's gotta be it, right? No, don't sound like no zombies or anything.
00:19:24
Speaker
Well, it's a zombie. How was they moving? Were they like, were they moving like normally while they were shooting the place up or were they like jerky? No, they, they, I mean, they weren't making a whole, the only one that seemed to still know words was, was, was Charles babies, but the rest of them were just, I mean, they were, I seem like they were alive. They just weren't saying words. Did this Chuck say anything?
00:19:53
Speaker
Yeah, Chuck was saying all sorts of stuff. He doesn't like to be called Chuck, by the way. Noted. Yeah, he doesn't like that his name would be Chuck Babies. He was yelling out things about getting his vengeance.
00:20:15
Speaker
Yeah, just saying I was going to get vengeance on the short one. I didn't know what that meant. But he was coming by and said it would be back again over the next few days until the short one showed up. Was one of your guys who went out there short? Are you short compared to the rest of your friends? I mean, I'm about five, six. That's pretty average, I think.
00:20:37
Speaker
Jim Johnston are like six foot one. Like y'all are giant. Except for you, little guy. Yeah, that's my boy. Yeah, I don't... I mean, will you guys help me defend the town? I mean, he's surely to back sometime today. He said he'd be back every day of the next few days until whoever the short one is. I mean, you're pretty short. Maybe he wants you.
00:21:04
Speaker
We could just toss them at you, Adam. Well, I mean, you could. I don't know. Just whatever it be. We tried. We tried using the the priest tried blessing the town. That didn't work. Anyway, well, you guys, I mean, you're welcome to go and check out the town and get any other supplies that you need. But we're going to need one, two, three horses and one miniature horse. And you're going to tell us where that behind on is. We're going to go look at that right first. Right, guys? Horses don't like me.
00:21:34
Speaker
Why not? We need a donkey for her. Donkeys neither. I can get you a mule. No. You need oxen perhaps? An oxen? No, I can't give you any oxen. Not much of an ass woman. No, all the oxen ain't free, huh? Dang it. Oxen ain't free unless you like ass. That's the closest thing we got.
00:21:57
Speaker
Ass and horses. I guess we can put Lou in the back of a wagon. You got a wagon we can ride out in? A wagon to drag in? Desperate times, I suppose. I could commission you a wagon if you needed it. Oh, cutie, I just love wagon raids. Are we sure we can trust Carlton around a horse? I don't know. He's in the catboys, not horse people. Well, maybe not. In a way. How far is your furryness going, Carlton?
00:22:25
Speaker
Play to find out. Alright, I'm gonna need a hat, a shirt, some pants, and boots. I'm wearing jean shorts. I'm wearing jean shorts right now. What's up? Hey, hey, ask if he's got any child sized hats. And if there's maybe a tailor that can stitch me like a little bandana or someone in my little vest. Yeah, you got got any of that?
00:22:55
Speaker
Yeah, I mean listen, you can you can put a tab up for for Chuck Montgomery if you go over to the store The local clothing store and just get whatever you need. Thanks, Chuck. By the way real quick So again, I'm Sheriff Chet. That's Chet Montgomery. I didn't get make any of y'all's acquaintances I'm so sorry. The times have gotten me all sorts of ill-mannered. My name's Lou. I'll see you later Goodbye My name's James John Sam
00:23:25
Speaker
So James, John, James, John, Sam, and the rest of y'all are named Lou. Fucking hell. Well, have you figured that Jim John had enough names for all of us? Well, that gentleman over there is named Louisa. Punch him in the nuts. He has nut protection. No, it broke, remember. You want me to row for it?
00:23:53
Speaker
The sheriff's like, hey, hey now, that is not a ladylike thing to do. You want me to punch you in the nuts? I will not stand for that, ma'am. I'm a sheriff. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to save this town. Yeah, and we're offering to help you, so don't say nothing about me being not ladylike or being a lady or whatever. Well, you shouldn't touch people there unless they ask.
00:24:20
Speaker
Some lady lack, and ungentlemanly at that point. I think I was asking for it with what I said. Yeah, he did. I don't understand, y'all. Why don't you just head to the store now? Do you know how to dynamic? Yeah, I'm going to head to... All right, so yeah, Jim John is going to head to the store to get some better wear to not scare the good folks of this town. And he sees you guys are leaving. You can hear the sound of water splashing as he takes water from a bucket and starts splashing into his face.
00:24:47
Speaker
You guys go into the store? Yeah. Yeah. I'm already in there like, yeah, if you can just stitch me like a little suit or like a little vest, I want to look the part. I always wanted to be in a Western.
Western Outfits and Historical Chaos
00:25:01
Speaker
I was originally going to make this dummy be a cowboy dummy, but then I thought, nah, I just make it be normal. There's a gentleman behind the counter who was frozen with shock looking at you. He doesn't understand. He's not wearing a gun belt, but he's reaching for it as if he has one.
00:25:24
Speaker
Is this the devil? I wasn't doing adultery. Whatever it is that you want, just please don't take my soul. Sir, this is all going on the sheriff's tab. I'll let you go. Are you the ones that came that Sheriff Montgomery was locking away? We're the ones who are going to be saving this town.
00:25:51
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Y'all, y'all snuck in real quiet. Like I was distracted by your little demon boy here. Yeah. You better do what he says. Otherwise he will take your soul. Uh, I'm from dead wood. Don't worry about it. I don't, I don't, I don't know where that is, son, but, uh, yeah, whatever you guys want. So yeah. Sweet. Uh, can I get a gun belt? They look real cool and just a hat for me. Thanks.
00:26:18
Speaker
Yeah, what else? What about you, guy in the plaid? Do you want a hat? Carlton's already put on a plaid hat. They just happened to have a great plaid hat and a bolo tie. You look like a snake oil salesman. Carlton is actually just super giddy right now because there's a place where they have spoons for sale and Carlton's kind of picked up on what's going on here.
00:26:46
Speaker
I understand the value of some of the set spoons. Sure, absolutely. Find some spoons. Yeah, what about you, Marshall? I believe the sheriff said you was a Marshall. So, Jim John is going to put on one of the shirts, a pair of pants, on some boots with some spurs.
00:27:10
Speaker
like right in the middle of the shop or. He's going to go to a change out or whatever. He's going to go to the back. He's going to go to the back to change.
00:27:23
Speaker
But he realizes that he doesn't like the sleeves of the shirt. He doesn't like how the pants are like cover in his calves and everything. So he takes his pocket knife and he cuts off to make the pants short. And he cuts off the sleeves to make it sleeveless and he has his hat on and everything and walks out.
00:27:44
Speaker
All right. Did you even change? Did you even change? Looks just like he would have walked in there. So now I have a nice. Another flannel shirt and cut off the jeans. Still wearing the same thing. Guys, am I the one that wants to get this? I have no idea. Oh, he's got spurs on. Any wearing chaps too? Oh yeah, I might need some chaps so I don't. You got to make them cut off chaps? Sure. It kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it? You've been going at him for a while.
00:28:14
Speaker
Yeah, it's going to be a little bit of a project to cut through the leather chest. All right. I might need a ramen instead of a pocket, no? So you're all rocking like so. So say again, let's go through what everybody has. Carlton, you're wearing what now? Standard plaid. What was the bow tie this time? What about you, Slabby Pete? Simple yellow again.
00:28:39
Speaker
I'm imagining that the only thing he had for me was like, I'm like Martin McFly when he went to the Wild West. I have like a stupid fucking yellow-ass shirt, fucking like a little kid's red hat. And I'm like, yes, I'm finally in a Western movie. All right. We already know. We were just told again what Jim John's wearing. And Lou, what are you wearing?
00:29:01
Speaker
Lewis wearing her standard ripped black jeans, random heavy metal band tank top, and of course her armor underneath, a nice gun belt on her, so she's got a gun on her hip, and a sweet hat. Sweet hat, Miranda. Can I update my book?
00:29:25
Speaker
Yeah, please update your look. I like to add a stopwatch. That's fine. A pocket watch. A little chain. Ah, nice. A little waistcoat. You played waistcoat. Then a monocle. Okay. And a monocle. And a monocle. Well, that was my last monocle, but yeah, okay, that's fine. It's pretty pricey for the rich folk when they come through, but I mean, it's good for it.
00:29:55
Speaker
Yeah, Trump makes a share of salary. I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll just write up a tab here. Y'all don't need to worry about the bill. Is there anything else I can help you with? And he's kind of like trying to avoid looking at Slappy. I'm like, yeah, what if we pick up some sundries around here? Fried fruit and little cans of beans. That would be at the general store, my man.
00:30:25
Speaker
What can I get a shave from my face? I'm just kidding. At the barber? Probably that carpenter. Yeah, I mean, there's a carpenter around. I don't know why you need a carpenter, but I mean, yeah, you can go. I run out and you hear me yelling from down the street, my mom. And then you're going, I run off the car. I'm curious, did the car follow along with us?
00:30:51
Speaker
Did the car, your little electric toaster? No, we get a horse instead. I was just curious if the car followed along. Yeah, the horses that you're probably going to procure are probably faster than the car you were driving. Maybe scare off the Banditos with this weird technology. Can't we? Listen to our car. Yeah, it's a DeLorean. That's how you guys got here. It's a time traveling toaster. Not much room in a DeLorean either, but yeah.
00:31:20
Speaker
No, all right, so what's your move ditch the dummy and go to the bar? I already ditched you guys. Yeah, I know. I'm not gonna tell him. Follow him or anything. So so what's our plan here? We're kind of stuck. It seems like we jumped ship in time and
00:31:44
Speaker
I'm not gonna lie. What if, what if Slappy killing that one fella, even though we kind of sealed them away, caused all this? Which one fella? I mean, I'm pretty sure he's killed a few fellas. The person we put on the cross. Oh, the necromancer. Yeah, Slappy shot him in the head. Yeah, I did see that. Can you hear me? That was rude. So, uh... And a lady's like, whoa!
00:32:13
Speaker
Did that you think maybe did something? Nah, it's probably something else I'm related that we'll find out later on down the road. Okay. Well, I got to admit I'm the first one in my family to time travel, so if we make it back, I'm going to rub that in my brother's faces. Right. Make a note of that for me in turn. All right, I'll make a damn note. That kid stole my boots. Experience.
00:32:43
Speaker
Time trap. I'm throwing it onto a roof. Oh my gosh. Slappy's just... Slappy's just causing chaos. Carlton, do you got any of your stuff? Hey kid, this is the bar. You know, I can't give stuff for you asking about. Your suitcase is full of the tech that we use to track ghosts and whatnot. If you didn't have it on your person, you don't have it. I didn't have it on my person, so I don't have it. So we just have the flamethrower. You have the flamethrower? In a piece, too. Just?
00:33:14
Speaker
I could try to see if our, I suppose headquarters may still be there. Uh, can I like angel wings out to where that place should be? Sure. This is the last known location. Well, you were, you're trying to go to, you're trying to go to Arizona's headquarters, uh, Oculus Arizona headquarters. Yeah.
00:33:40
Speaker
Oh, no, that won't work. Let me just do a quick Google of Arizona in 1871. Is he about to just teleport to the future Arizona and then just teleport back here in time? Yeah, they're there. That's big magic for that one. Oh, time travel is. Oh, God. Yeah, Oculus ain't there. Oh, dude.
00:34:05
Speaker
No, it certainly is not. It's like maybe like a decade old. Lose family line. Bloodline might be around somewhere, but not Oculus. Yeah, so you teleport to where the Oculus base was, or would be, in Arizona. And you actually land yourself in the middle of a massive battle, a war.
00:34:32
Speaker
As you teleport there, there are Native Americans fighting a bunch of bandits and hats and people of different races and cultures. They're all fighting each other with bows, arrows, guns, pistols. There's a whole thing going on and the natives are losing big time. They're dropping left and right as these guns are being fired and all these other people are moving in on them. But no Oculus headquarters here.
00:35:01
Speaker
Yeah, that plan makes you a big target, man. I have an urge to mess with the course of American history. Don't you fucking dare. Oh, boy. I'm so shocked I dropped the flamethrower. Oh, for the wrong flight, Mikey. How can you- A Native American's just flying grabs it. It's a flamethrower. It's strapped to your whole entire person. Yeah. He jumps big enough. Jackass. It is a blessing from the earth, God.
00:35:30
Speaker
Get your ass back here. We will burn the lightning.
00:35:37
Speaker
You could accidentally get Jim John un-existed. Now stop it. Jim John starts fading. You can't tell him that. He has a dark, he has impulse control problems. But he would literally have to take off the flamethrower to leave him. I mean, he could, he could. He might just leave it there because there's guns being fired and then one of the... Hey, somebody grab him.
00:36:00
Speaker
Some of the natives see him and they just start, they see him. He looks more like the other guys than he does them. There's arrows flinging past Carlton right now. Some of them got boom sticks and they're firing in that direction as well. Well, I suppose I wouldn't be able to drop the whole thing, but I would drop the head of it. It's fine. You can do whatever you want.
00:36:25
Speaker
Yeah, fuck it. Let's ruin history. I drop it. Okay. I then what? Because Carlton would know you definitely don't want to be wearing the person wearing the flamethrower around gunfire. It's an intelligent, it's an intelligent move. So there's people shooting back and forth and you're in the middle of it. Yeah, so take it off and get the fuck out. Are you going to prove back to the town?
00:36:53
Speaker
Well, it doesn't look like we'll be getting much help with this one in terms of technology. Yeah, no shit. Could've told you that. Oculus isn't that old. Carlton? Yes. You seem a little lighter than when you left. Well, I imagine I look a bit pale. I was in the middle of a battle.
00:37:19
Speaker
If it was crazy, you should have seen it. There were people on both sides fighting away. I saw the fair flying past. It was quite beautiful. What happened to the flamethrower? Well, I thought I left it here. Well, no. I took it off during the battle. There's no way you want to be wearing a flamethrower when there's gunfire. Colton, what the fuck? You've just fucked up with time. Can I go back and get it?
00:37:49
Speaker
There is three separate things I can think of about to happen here. One, the people on one side pick up the flamethrower accidentally kill themselves. Two, people on the other side pick up the flamethrower accidentally kill themselves. Three, somebody blows up the flamethrower kills a lot of people. Either way, this is probably not going to turn out well.
00:38:17
Speaker
unless Carlton gets the flamethrower back. Yep, go Carlton, go get it. Don't let it in the past. I've gone, I've gone back. All right, you're there, you're there and there's a couple of natives who were kind of standing over it and one of them's picked up the tank and the other one's picked up the gun and the other one pulls the trigger and the flames are coming out and so like one's holding the tank and the other one's holding the gun and they're like charging in.
00:38:47
Speaker
And there's people screaming bloody murder as they're being lit on fire. And some of the other guys with guns are running now. They're fleeing from the battle because they've never seen anything like this before. And so there's maybe two dozen of the Native Americans left. And they've chased off at least 50 to 60. Most of those guys are dispersed. There's only a few left that are still firing back at the other natives. But these guys have turned the tide of this battle already, just picking this thing up and running with it.
00:39:15
Speaker
Oh, Carl and the guy have to kill them all. Good job. So I just can I can I like angel wings right in front of the one who has the flamethrower and is running? Obviously not in the path of the flame. And just like, I want to pop up next to him and just like the last second touch him and bring him in the flamethrower with us.
00:39:38
Speaker
Well, you can prove to where you have been or to someone, you know, intimately. So you can prove to where you were when you dropped the gun and then left, but you'd have to run up to him. You couldn't prove in front of him because that's not how the move works. But you could run up to him and grab ahold of him and then try to take him with you. Sure. Yeah, I'm going to do that then. That would be a plus weird role if you're taking someone with you with angel wings. That's an 11. Well,
00:40:05
Speaker
Yeah, you grab a hold of while there's two of them. One of them has the gun and one of them has the has the tank. Well, I imagine I got the one with the tank, right? Because they're holding most of it. Yeah.
00:40:17
Speaker
All right, you grab this person and you blip back to your friends and he is standing, you guys are standing with your group and this person is looking crazily and he drops the tank and he's looking around and he's kind of in a bit of a panic and he's shouting in a language that you don't understand. And he's looking at you and he's kind of getting in like a defensive stance. He doesn't know what to do with himself, so he's bracing himself for an attack.
00:40:47
Speaker
Calvin! Whoa! Where does it go from? Calvin, what the fuck? You can't just bring your boyfriends in the middle of a mission.
00:40:58
Speaker
Yeah, so you just brought a Native American with you from Arizona here into Idaho. Probably not the best thing. Yeah, you see some people like, oh my, he's brought one of them with him. What sort of sorcery is this? And you see people start running into the nearby buildings and kind of locking up the doors. Kind of like when a high noon draw is about to happen, they're all getting in doors. It's the devil. We knew it was the devil.
00:41:28
Speaker
I push one guy into a water trough and then I come back and you guys go to the whole Native American here. What is this? What happened? Jim Jones already walked away. You think you're some sort of devil. Carlton's got to figure this one out. Carlton. I look at the Native American like, hello, I am Woodface. We mean you no harm. It goes to kick you. I'm liking it more and more already. I mean him. Sorry. I jump. I do a jump.
00:41:56
Speaker
I try to do a jump. All right. Real-world school. For act under pressure. Because you have startled this person. That is a niner. I want a 709. Mixed.
00:42:08
Speaker
Worst luck on hard choice of press pay. As you jump out of the way, if you want to avoid getting any sort of harm, he's going to grab a hold of your gun and get it as you tuck and roll. Either that or you're going to take a little bit of hurt as you jump away. It's a boot kick for cuts. I mean, I was like, yeah, I already have a minus one harm from my dummy physique, so yeah, I'll just get kicked. Okay. He just punched you across the way, but he doesn't kick you hard enough. It's going to be too difficult.
00:42:39
Speaker
He turns to you guys and he puts his fist up and he looks like he's getting ready to launch again. At least on her left. I guess Jim John walked away. Yeah, he's not dealing with any of this because otherwise he's maybe ordered to close the loop and he's not looking forward to that. Okay. Well, what do you do? Lou, what are you doing?
00:43:01
Speaker
No, uh, Lou has been kind of yelling at Carlton, but she's seen her intern walk off and she's kind of like, Carlton, no more boyfriends. Put him back where you found him. It's not my fault that people hear a piggy dead, but okay. Take him back. Okay. Angel wings to see if you can take him back. Well, first you have to try to grab him. So please act under pressure as you go to grab him. And he is currently in defensive stance. He doesn't want you guys to touch him.
00:43:31
Speaker
That's a big fat fiber. Not good. Yeah, he's going to punch you. He's going to punch you like right in the collarbone as you come up. He's going to pop you in the collarbone for two harm as he steps out the way. And he charges at Lou next since he's punched you. What do you do, Lou? This is going off the rails. We're trying to find zombie bandits and we'll find out.
00:44:01
Speaker
Who really wants to hit something, but she's a bit more mindful of the whole time thing, so she'll just try and grab him instead.
00:44:16
Speaker
to keep him from harming you because he's a coming. This is a sixth. Interns away. Yeah, I'm going to say he body checks you onto the ground and he starts like laying fists into your face. Another one on top of me. Great. I'm going to say that's one harm ignoring armor since he's punching you straight in the actual face.
00:44:46
Speaker
Oh, we didn't heal from last time, did we? No, you didn't. Shit, I'm unstable. Yeah, you guys didn't patch yourselves up because you didn't have time. Good turn! You were going to go to the hospital, but then you didn't. Can I walk over to the guy? Do whatever you want, man.
00:45:12
Speaker
I'm going to grab him by that hair, make him look at me. He's like, look in my eyes, damn it. Are you trying to do mental dominion? Hopefully mental dominion can cross language barriers. What does an eight mean? You get one thing? I got one order. I was going to give you a minus one, but it's still a seven, so it doesn't matter. So I'm going to say through some sort of weird ghostly magic, you're able to shift the gears in his mind to somewhere or the other. What do you want to tell him?
00:45:45
Speaker
Calm down. He looks at you, he doesn't quite understand the language, but he understands the feeling that's coming from you. And then he just kind of relaxes and then just stands up. Very confused looking at the two, at the three of you. Get this fucker the fuck out of here. Put this thing back where K-formers will help me. Carlton, do you take him? Take him to where?
00:46:09
Speaker
Yes, I do. I do. Roll weird again, please. I hope he gets back. He sees his friend who lost a flamethrower saying, buddy, buddy. You teleport him back. You roll the 10. You bring him right back where you found him. And a few moments have passed. And you see the whole troop of natives that are left are looking around, searching, trying to figure out where he went. And then he shows up.
00:46:36
Speaker
And they draw their bows onto you and a couple of them have a couple of rifles and they haven't trained on you, Carlton. I'm going to stick my hands up and just do like a little bit of a wave and then kind of, yeah.
00:46:52
Speaker
Get the fuck out of there. And teleport back. Yeah. Okie dokie. So, uh, Iso Carlton reappears with no Native American traveler with him. Man, the timeline is fucked, you guys. Yeah, no shit. No matter what we do.
00:47:11
Speaker
I just remember that I'm hurt. Yeah. I need to find a local woodworker. Lou's still lying on the ground on her back. Yeah, Jim John comes back. He's checking to make sure his shotgun's loaded and he walks up. All right, I'm ready to do this. I'm ready to send this guy back to pasture.
00:47:30
Speaker
Oh, he's gone. OK, we're good. We don't have to worry about that. What the hell happened? What did he walk away and pray to himself before he came back? Yeah, he had to really like weigh this on his conscience that this guy probably like was going to die. And just the timeline would be set right if the sacrifice was made, but it's all good now. All right. Yeah, that's it.
00:47:56
Speaker
So we got a few days, right? Let's go. Let's go to the town doctor. Yeah. Get patched up a bit. Give me a hint. We'll do, ma'am. That's an experience point. Take one. How do I heal, Adam? What did you say, Justin? How do I heal? Probably magically or woodworking. When you go to the hospital, you go to the carpenter.
00:48:23
Speaker
Pretty much. You go see Jesus. Fix my face, dummy. They're going to fix you with ramen. Yeah. You've seen the videos. Yes. I feel like to alleviate any sort of annoying situations. Can someone just carry me in there and I'll pretend I'm a real dummy and you're just getting your dummy fixed and you can patch me up. Tell them to be quick, though, because I don't want to sit there for like a day being silent. That's a real boring for me. Sure. Or I'll just walk in, I guess. Oh, I was going to pretend to be a fake dummy.
00:48:54
Speaker
Carleton, how are you feeling? You hurt any? I'm not feeling too terrible. I can drop him off if you have more pressing injuries. I mean, Lou's not looking too good. I'm gonna lie. I had that. What's your damage at, Lou?
00:49:14
Speaker
Uh, I have taken in total since this one in the last mystery, um, five. Holy fuck, you're two away from dying. But yeah. Wow. Wee. Wow. Wee. Okay. Yeah. She predicted someone's last mystery. Sorry. Sure did. Don't know who that was. You got a phantom dragon in you.
00:49:43
Speaker
Oh, shit, it's still in me? Oh, no, that's what happened. No, it's not still in me. What she said. Oh, God, it's still in me? Oh, God, it's still in me? Okay, so you guys are going to go see the local, the local medic, the local town doctor? Yeah. I got a feeling I'm going to be punching him. You're going to be punching the doctor? Why would you do that? Well, I got a feeling I'm not going to like how he's going to heal me.
00:50:10
Speaker
Well, okay, so Carlton's taken Slappy to a woodworker and you two are going to see the local physician. Is that right? So let's do you two first going to the doctor. It's really easy to find. It's a small town and most people have boarded up, locked up their doors because they saw like teleportation. Fucking random Native American appearing in the town and then disappearing again. And Slappy.
00:50:39
Speaker
And Slappy Pete has been terrorizing everybody since he got here. So you guys can find a local physician. And you can see a guy in a nice suit. I got a brown suit. And he's peering out through the blinds looking. And he sees you guys coming. And he shuts the shutters and you hear that, as the door locks. What do you do? You going to open the door, doctor?
00:51:09
Speaker
I mean i would do no harm but i'm very terrified right now that you are coming to kill me. Yeah you're a little more than just do no harm it's to help people who are.
00:51:28
Speaker
in injury, sir. You're a little friend, the little guy, and then the other guy with the engine. Yeah, I don't know what to do. They go and open the fucking door or we will kill you. The sheriff sent you, right? Yes.
00:51:55
Speaker
Okay, and he opens the door. And you see a guy, you see a guy wearing a brown suit and a red tie. Yeah, a little bit of a white bushy stash warming up his upper lip. Oh my lord, you, please have a seat. Let me get you a cold compress. Man, your lady is looking real. What happened to her?
00:52:24
Speaker
Well, there was a dragon and some undead dudes and a Native American. I don't know what any of that means. A dragon? Dragon what? Let's just say she got into scrap and got quite a few injuries and we need some pick me up and help. I ain't never seen a lady. Oh, my goodness. It looks like... Well, this is your lucky day and she takes a shirt off.
00:52:54
Speaker
Oh my, ma'am, I need to tell you... I got an amaron underneath. Yeah, I don't know what that is, but... That's pretty poor for this guy. I can't really address your injuries if... Yeah, they're kind of all over, so... and turn around.
00:53:11
Speaker
experience boy experience I level up so he kind of he takes out some gauze and some bandages and starts kind of patching you up a little bit he gets he's ma'am I'm gonna I'm gonna need to do a little bit of sewing and maybe some stitching
00:53:30
Speaker
Got some my body or my clothes that that's it's fine. Yeah, yes your skin I got some pills to help you deal with the pain But I mean, I don't want to put you completely to sleep for this. So I'm just gonna have to start this Patching you up the old-fashioned way. All right, and you got any of that beer Unfortunately, it's all back in the car in the cart
00:53:56
Speaker
I got some alcohol, don't worry. Some whiskey? Yeah, he poured some whiskey on the wounds. Fuck. Well, I got to clean it before I start sowing. You're going to get an infection. Trust me, you don't want to get an infection. I've seen very few people live after getting an internal infection like that.
00:54:20
Speaker
unless we saw it off a few things. We're not throwing anything off. Just stitch it up and clean as much as you need to. Okay. If you do anything afterward, I will punch you in your nuts. Ma'am, that is not ladylike. You shouldn't say things like that. I'm getting sick of being told what I should and shouldn't be doing.
00:54:46
Speaker
So, two hours late now. He's got a bunch of gauze and towels covered in your blood and he's got you have sewn up the best that he can get and got some patches on it to kind of, you know, he's wrapped some bandages around you in the appropriate places and he says, well, I mean, that's probably the best I can do, but you're going to need to rest for a while. I mean, these wounds ain't going to
00:55:11
Speaker
These wounds just ain't gonna disappear. You can't go, whatever it is that you were doing, you can't go do it again. Yeah, thanks for the advice, Dark, and for the patching up. She says she's putting her clothes back on. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, so that's two harm that you can remove. I'm still unstable, I know. I don't know. At the level just before it.
00:55:39
Speaker
Yeah. Cause like you only check that box if you have damage past it. So like if your damage is before it, then you can uncheck it. Um, so yeah, you were very kind and benevolent Cape. Got it. Yeah. You know, I just, you definitely not 100% healed because he literally just sewed you up. There's no way that your wounds are just going to disappear. Um, Jim, John, what's your damage at brother? I'm at three. Oh, we are now.
00:56:07
Speaker
Yeah, I'd say that he'd probably give you some painkillers and, uh, you know, just kind of gives you a couple of, you know, bandages to kind of patch up any wounds you got. And, um, yeah, you can heal to harm as well. You guys are good to go. Um, is there anything else that you want to do while you're with, with, with the doctor, the good doctor? You okay, Lou? I'll live. Okay. Well, uh, try not to throw yourself in front of me anymore like that. It's my job to protect you, not the
00:56:35
Speaker
I didn't throw myself in front of anyone. There was a Native American came running at me. Well, I meant for in the chapel earlier. Oh, well, you know, you're my longest lasting in tune. For some reason, I felt maybe grateful. I don't know. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the moment. I'll try not to act on it again. Thanks. I don't I'm not much of an intern if I don't have a boss to intern for. So, you know.
00:57:04
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Good. Good chat. Good chat. Good talkin', Ted. Tim John takes some of the whiskey and takes a shot of it and holds the bottle out to Lou. Sure, she'll take some too. My antiseptic. I was gonna use that for, you know what, it's fine. It's on the sheriff's tab. Oh, then here, have as much as you like. I'll tell him it was my best bottle.
00:57:34
Speaker
Tell him Dr. Dudads gave you three bottles of his finest stuff. Really? That's your real name, Dr. Dudads? Hey, it's just the name I was born with, man. Your first name's Doctor? Not the Doctor part. I had to earn that part, but Dudads is just... I had Daddy Dudads and Mama Dudads. Place fucking weird.
00:57:56
Speaker
Welcome to Spud, Luke. It's kind of charming in its own way, but yeah, very weird. Yeah. Okay. Well, we cut over to the wood shop where Carlton and Slappy are getting, well, I guess Slappy's getting worked on. Before we go in, I got to say to Carlton, first of all, give this guy's name for me because I'm going to fuck with him at night. Second of all, don't let him touch the rock in my pocket. Tell him that. Just leave it in there. And that's it. Okay, no worries, Betty.
00:58:28
Speaker
I walk in. Excuse me, excuse me, sir. There, what do we have here? I have, you see, I have this, uh, this here dummy that I, uh, as you can see, there's some scratches and stuff. And I've heard that, uh, you, this would be the place where I might be able to get him fixed. Uh, now what did you say your name was? Uh, Tal. I'm sorry, Tal.
00:58:57
Speaker
Tal, yes. I don't know why I gave it an accent. That's not my accent, it's Tal. Okay, well... It's short for Taliesin. I'm sorry, what? It's short for Taliesin. Okay, it's an interesting name. Yes, well, you know, it's the one my parents gave me, you know. As most names are. Indeed. So what is this thing? I've never seen anything quite like it before. It's very... unsightly.
00:59:27
Speaker
Well, yes, that's why we brought it to you. We were hoping you would be able to fix it up. Looked like the dogs picked it up and dragged it around town behind a horse or something. I mean, I'm sure I can do something with it, but it'll take a couple of hours. I mean, it's going to cost quite a bit of money to use the materials to fix something like this. Oh, no worries. We were told to put it on
00:59:54
Speaker
What's that guy's name? Sheriff McGunnery. Sheriff McGunnery's tab. Oh, Sheriff McGunnery told you that... Well, I mean, most people don't have the gall to say it's on the Sheriff's tab, so if he said it, that must be true. Oh, yes. He was such a nice man. We started talking. Oh, I must have been about four hours now. We were all sitting there. We were in a cell.
01:00:20
Speaker
He just kind of stares at you blankly for at least a solid half a minute. He's like, yes, well, let's get to work, shall we? And he takes Slappy and starts putting a bunch of different kind of glue and varnish and little chunks of wood or whatever.
01:00:35
Speaker
In a couple of hours, he looks kind of like Chucky did when Chucky got repaired in one of his movies with the stitchings and everything, but it's just more like stained, so part of his face is a little bit more of a less white than the other one. He's got some kind of stanky-ass glue that you can smell a mile away and he says,
01:00:56
Speaker
Well, I must say, you should probably let this thing outside for a few hours. The wood glue can be very, let's just say, intoxicating. Some of the teenage boys like to come and steal my glue and get whatever it is with it, but they like to sniff it, apparently. So do be careful, would you? Oh, yes. I can assure you, you will be quite fine.
01:01:23
Speaker
Well, all right. Well, I guess I'll just send the tab over to Sheriff Chuck Montgomery, and you guys have a good day now. Thank you. You too. Thanks, buddy. Did you? What? I'm on my shoulders, pal. This is my job. Say goodbye, Carlton. Yes. Do you not see now this is an adventure with some dummy?
01:01:51
Speaker
Yeah, sure. He starts smelling his hands. Yes, I'm going to go lay down now. Okay, so you guys exit probably around the same time that the other two fools exit. Is there anything else that you guys would like to do? It's still relatively early in the day. I guess you don't know what time it is because your clocks don't
01:02:15
Speaker
Yeah, I got
Saloon Shenanigans and Telepathy Tactics
01:02:17
Speaker
a question. The painkillers they got at the hospital and the varnish they used on Slappy, the same thing? Are the painkillers the same thing? No. No. No, they're not the same thing. Okay. What do I get back from that?
01:02:38
Speaker
and carlton you get to harm just because. Of the high you get from the. Cornish. Yeah you guys can see each other down the street as you guys exit roughly on the same time conveniently. What do you all want to do.
01:02:57
Speaker
Well, the sheriff said they're going to come here at some point, so I figured we could head up the saloon and chat up some of the punters and see if they could give us some more information. Let's just try not to get in any bar fights now, alright? Don't you tell me what to do either. I mean, who's the intern here? I am. Good for your plays. I'm just taking your health into consideration.
01:03:27
Speaker
Anyway, I'm more worried about Slapper Pete biting somebody's hand off. That's true. And don't- That guy told me I gotta stay outside anyway, so I guess I'll just leave me on the bench to see if Sonic talks to some old geezer or something. Like I said, I don't need you using your powers to fucking cheat at cards. Oh! Oh no, I'm going to see if they got a poker table. Put me in the card and put me in the poker table. Let's go. Alright. Sit her down. Sit her down. Oh no.
01:03:53
Speaker
When we get a drink. I'm buying it with Chuck's chips. So what, Carlton and Slappy are going to be sitting at the poker table and Slappy's going to mental to me. Well, I mean, this could go really in our favor or really out of our favor. It depends how long we're going to be there. We might need the money. Let's go get some questions.
01:04:29
Speaker
Answer non-copyright saloon music. Oh, that song's gonna get stuck in my head. You guys go in, it's a pretty busy afternoon at the saloon. A lot of people day drinking as they do. Most of these people don't seem to be aware that you guys have been in town because they've been drinking themselves into a stupor and listening to music the whole time.
01:04:52
Speaker
So it's pretty bustly. There's two floors, there's staircase in the back that leads up to a secondary balcony looking floor. And then there's the penis, there's the bar, there's a few tables around. There's definitely people playing cards, guys hitting on waitstaff and all that good stuff that you imagine in a Wild West saloon. What do you do? Lew goes straight for the prostitutes.
01:05:16
Speaker
Uh, yeah, you can see a gal and kind of like, uh, you know, a very tight corset, uh, in a blue dress with kind of white lining and bright blonde hair. And she, um, she's, she, she sees you coming over and she kind of cocks her head a bit. She's like, Oh, um, were you looking for a job, honey? Uh, no, but I've, uh, I could put something on, I can put something on the sheriff's tab if, uh, you know what I mean.
01:05:46
Speaker
She clutches the pearls and she's like, are you looking to hire? Is that what you're saying, honey? Yeah. Well, I mean, I've never tried it, but if you got the coin, I'll give it a whirl. Well, like I said on his tab.
01:06:18
Speaker
I mean I mean there's a there's a reason I'm still standing here sugar I'm not I'm not cheap yeah well you don't look cheap no I most certainly am NOT darling so if you got if you got the books and you got the greenbacks let's go up and make some use of them huh
01:06:42
Speaker
So is this tab not working here? Is that what you're trying to tell MeKeeper? What? Oh no, you don't have to call MeKeeper yet. I haven't got you in the room. Damn Adam. But yeah, you can... No, yeah, you can put it on Chuck's tab. Excuse me, Sheriff Montgomery's tab if you want. I'm just making sure that... I mean, that's what you want. Yeah. Come on, let's go. All right. Jump, jump. All right. Hippity hopped to the barbershop.
01:07:12
Speaker
and she grabs your hand and runs upstairs with you. Yeah, Lou will look over her shoulder and kind of wink at the guys. Well, it looks like... They pretty hopped at the barbershop, grab a sock. Lou's about to stop. What? You know what? You two girls play cards. I'm going to go get the info. Lou's getting info. She's getting all the info right now. Yeah. Yeah, Lou's getting... She's pumping this girl for info.
01:07:53
Speaker
Yeah, she will use the weasel snatch. She will snatch that weasel, yep.
01:08:00
Speaker
Yeah. Hey. Weasel that snitch. Hey, Lou, why? I know this is going to sound stupid, but I want you to role manipulate someone since that's kind of what's happening. Well, I mean, I've got money technically.
01:08:18
Speaker
I know. No, I mean like physically. I think he means how good you are. I just want to say that. More chat owes you, but yeah, I rolled a name. I just want to know how well you're doing, that's all. Would you like your intern to help? No, that's okay. I can make it a plus ten.
01:08:40
Speaker
Lou, it's a cluster of nerves. Oh, no. Up and under. I'm pretty sure Lou knows what she's doing here. Flick the bean, Lou. Okay, over to the card table. Over to the card table. Over to the card table. We've got Carlton. So, like a little kid getting put in his high chair, I imagine Carlton, like, over the back of the chair, drops me into his seat. Yep.
01:09:08
Speaker
My arms are up, my arms are up over my head. Yeah, you see a couple of people, probably like three dudes that are dealing cards. They just played around and they got a bunch of money sitting in the middle of the table. And the one guy, you know, and there's a gal kind of standing over his shoulder in like a nice green dress. And she's kind of like giving him like a little shoulder rub on his right shoulder as he's passing out the cards. And he's like, I don't, what in tarnation is that? What is that like a girl's baby doll?
01:09:37
Speaker
What's your name there, big fella? Hello, my name is Keratin Maryweather in this series, but a dummy. You see, I am a trappling ventriloquist. I did such a good job with my, I was actually talking, and I was trying to do a thing here. Okay. That was me. Oh, it was you? I was. Yeah, yeah, I'm really glad. Sorry, I put the bench focus on too high. Sorry. So what's your name there, fella?
01:10:06
Speaker
What in? I'm a little confused. We just rolled in town, you see, and we're looking to make some money. He picks up his class and he looks at it and puts it down and he's like, um, well, hey, you know what? I'm just going to roll with this because I'm about three sheets in anyway. Um, I'm sorry. What was your question? I was kind of taken aback by the fact that, uh, that, uh, that, uh, that a child with dead eyes is talking to me like a man.
01:10:35
Speaker
Oh, my friend. I'm just, I'm one of them little people you see. No, don't worry about that. What's your name, my friend? I'm Pete. You can call me Tex. Oh, take that as a hell of a name. It's a hell of a name. I picked it myself.
01:10:51
Speaker
I picked my name too. Yeah, the best of men pick their own names. They ain't victim to whatever the parents give them. Giving them names like Terence or Henry. What a sissy name. Well, let's not say that much, but Anyhoo.
01:11:10
Speaker
I would raise a drink to you, but I ain't got one. Oh, well, hey, hey, hey, listen. Hey, listen, hey, hey, why don't you go and get that? Hey, you know what? Hey, bartender, over here. Get one from my little friend here. I've never seen one of them before.
01:11:25
Speaker
And you see the guy's like, yeah, okay, Tex, okay. When I'm done with everybody else who's here before you. Yeah, that's fine, man. I know you're a hard worker. Anyways, I'd give you some of mine, but Carlton, was it? Did you want one? Yes, please. Yeah, so give him one. I actually swear off a drink a long time ago. It gives the demons in me a chance to get this. Oh man, I'm all about letting my demons out so a woman can exercise them.
01:12:04
Speaker
Oh man, it's 25 cents to get in if you got the coin. Oh gosh. I'm gonna pat my pockets here. I just have like 20 cents in my little pocket somewhere. You got a dime. A dime from modern America.
01:12:21
Speaker
I collect my fingers. Come on, give me another $0.50. Carlton pulls out one of those silver spoons from his shopping experience and just puts it on the table. Oh my. Where'd you get that? That is some pure silver? Dang, son, this game just got more interesting. You got more of that? It depends on what you have to offer, sir, but this would be enough for now.
01:12:50
Speaker
So we'll hack this up in each little pot, and I'll give you pieces of silver. How's that sound? Oh, my. You ain't getting a whole spoon unless you win it off me. All right. Let's do this, boys. And the other guy's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then he's dealing cards out to each of you. He deals out two cards to everybody at the table.
01:13:10
Speaker
He says, all right, let's get the river going. And he starts putting down three cards face down in the middle. Slide Pete starts singing, you gotta know when to hold. This is song I wrote by the way. Know when to fold. If you ever hear it, someone, oh, you're not gonna hear it, never mind. When to walk away. I've never heard that on the music boxes before. That's a bop. I don't know why I said that. No, yeah. What's a bop? Why'd I say that? That was weird.
01:13:41
Speaker
You're a weird man there, Texas. He did a guy's like, oh man, yeah, that song is fire. Is there a fire or whatever? So, yeah. We don't have to play that. I just, in retrospect, my guy died because he had a gambling problem. Oh, no. Did you see this much of a gamble?
01:14:02
Speaker
Okay, so you guys looking to cheat or you guys looking to play fair? I may try to apply for more information if we get good enough. Are we looking to cheat or are we looking to play fair? Well, with my latest level up, I picked up telepathy. I'm going to be cheating.
01:14:20
Speaker
Y'all are some dirty motherfuckers. Okay, Carlton, go ahead and fucking do that, I guess. You can read people's thoughts and put words in their mind. This can allow you to investigate a mystery and read a bad situation without needing to actually talk. You can also manipulate someone without speaking. You roll moves as normal like that, people will not expect the weirdness of your mental communication. So what are you exactly trying to do? So, seeds of doubt?
01:14:50
Speaker
and also hype people up when they have bad hands. So that would be manipulate someone but you don't have to talk to do it. Okie dokie. So obviously reading their thoughts to know their cards. Which one do you want to do? Do you want to manipulate what they think or do you want to read what their cards are? It says you can read people's thoughts and put words in their mind.
01:15:16
Speaker
Right. And so you can do your normal moves without having to talk. So you still have to pick a move to do. So it'd be read a bad situation. Oh, yeah. I would like to manipulate. Okay. So that would be plus charm unless you have a skill that lets you use something else. Wouldn't this be weird though? Or would it be? Because he's using the telepathy. No, it's just you still roll the moves as normal. It's just that you don't have to talk. There's one more move I need to pick up in order to be able to do that.
01:15:44
Speaker
That's an eight. Um, so you're trying to manipulate him into thinking his hand is good or what are you doing? So if he has good hands and yeah, I would like to manipulate him and thinking that it's not a good hand. So we can, but if it's bad, okay.
01:16:04
Speaker
Because you got an eight like you kind of get like mixed signals and like kind of wet where where his thoughts go and we're trying to make him feel but when you jump into his brain at first he was feeling you can sense he was feeling a little above average on his hand as The cards were starting to flip. Okay
01:16:21
Speaker
So you're trying to manipulate him. So I'm going to say that you're probably going to have to say something out loud or like, or, or put some other thought into his head. Like you need to do something that can bend some further that like, cause right now he's feeling kind of okay about what his hand is. I'm going to pull out another spoon. You got chips, man.
01:16:44
Speaker
I know we got chips, but how many chips did I get from the spoon? He liked the spoon earlier. He was excited. Yeah, he just liked the spoon. He just let the spoon sit. That's her chips. He just let the spoon sit. Carl will pick out a pretty good spoon. I'll have you know. Yeah. As you put the other spoon up, he's like, oh, damn. And he blurts out loud, damn. And he covers his mouth a bit with his cards.
01:17:11
Speaker
Dang it. I fold But then there's still two other dudes that are still playing. They're like, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna raise and they throw in a couple more coins in the in the pot Slappy, how's your cards looking? Well, you know what I should do is I should fucking pull up the the cards that we can do in this goddamn thing and you could actually tell what your cards are Play actual token. I'm just gonna I just want you to go ahead and just roll
01:17:42
Speaker
Why don't you just roll a straight, uh, cool roll? Just to see how well you're doing with your cards. Uh, you're a stone face dummy, but we'll see if you're ready for your emotions to come out.
01:18:12
Speaker
Are you staying? Are you folding? Can I have one of the fellow people at the table? Sure. Let's go for it. But I hope that that's a niner. All right. So I would like to, the target is going to contract a disease. They're going to feel it in their bowels. Carlton's going to take his time with this decision.
01:18:38
Speaker
as Colton does. And so you see the one guy, he's like starting to fidget a bit, like you see him kind of like rocking back and forth cheek-to-cheek. I imagine I lived with Phil Carson, I was doing something like, you know, Phil and T1F partner. Oh, man, that jerky ain't sitting right with me, I guess.
01:19:00
Speaker
I mean, you know, the rules, if whoever's on the table, if you got to leave the table, that's on the table when you leave, my friend. No, I'm good. Let's just keep going. Carson, I don't even know if that's really the rule. I'm just making that shit up. Carlton's mid story. News was not my first time playing poker, but I was still new to it. Yeah.
01:19:28
Speaker
And he just like gets up and bolts he gets up and bolts to the back room All right. Well, what about your last guy? He's like he's like wafting. I mean, I mean what's your play? He's wafted like all the shit. He's like whoa Any other guy in that text is like God God dang Cletus fuck whoa The other guy's like yeah, fuck I fold and he just throws his cards in
01:19:53
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, hey, guys, guys, I put my little wooden arms, I keep on a metal, my little wooden arms, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click,
01:20:11
Speaker
Yeah, you can tell but you can tell but you can tell by Texas look like he's got like a nice bolo tie-on He's got a nice suit on like this dude's just dude You know, he's probably a fucking runner at the tables like he makes a lot of money now Text you strike me as a fellow fellow who knows something about something around his part. Oh, that would be I would be an understatement my man Well, yeah, I'm curious. I've been hearing a lot. We actually been as I came in here I've heard our friends don't run the word of name of the sheriff or
01:20:40
Speaker
trying to help the sheriff out. You could have been part of that policy that went out after them nightmare fellas. Oh, no, no, but one of my boys was, you know, Tex Jr. And, yeah. Your actual boy? Spraying for your loins? No, we didn't come from my loins, particularly, you know, he was, you know, he was- He was a spiritual son? Yeah, he was a spiritual son, you know, he was kind of working for me and I took him under my wing. Same with me and Carlton here.
01:21:10
Speaker
He's your son? Right, Karthon. He's my spiritual son. Oh. I carried him while he was a baby. Now he carries me. Oh. Well, that's interesting. He kind of, he kind of, he kind of, he kind of like adjusts his collar, but all right. Well, um.
01:21:29
Speaker
Yeah, that was such a strange day. My boy come back wounded on the brink of death and he's still not in a good state now, but I just couldn't stay there any longer. I needed to get out and stretch my legs and get a drink in me or two or three or four, you know? That's fair, my friend. Your boy, was he short? I mean, about average size, I guess, like about 5'5", 5'6", or something.
01:22:00
Speaker
Anybody in the posse was short. It wasn't too clear. Anybody in the posse was short. I mean, not really. I mean, we didn't have any kids with us or nothing. We're all full grown people. All right. Nobody name, nobody nicknamed shorty was out there. No, no, no shorties. No, we did have this one guy named Tiny, but he's a big boy. No, but we strung those fools up. I couldn't believe what, what had happened. It was, uh,
01:22:27
Speaker
I mean, now I know why they call themselves the nightmares, although they spell it like M-A-R-E's, the mares, and then there's a space where the night is, so it's like mares at night, I guess, I don't know. They're not particularly smart. They're trying to call female night horses? Essentially, yeah. That's not a very tough gang name. It sounds cool to you.
01:22:48
Speaker
Write it out on paper? Yeah, it's real stupid but I mean they're terrorizing the town and I know they're gonna be back and I think it's about that time that if they show up I'm just getting drunk and I'm gonna go out there and I'm just gonna lay into them until they stop moving. Well, you guys want to deal in again or? I think we took enough of your money, my friend. I was just trying to get some information, get to know the people of the town. You get yourself a good lay while you're here. It might be all of our last days alive anyway.
01:23:17
Speaker
Yeah, anything interesting to note about the nightmares before they became new starters? Well, I mean, they was dead. I mean, they were real pains in the necks all around towns, but I mean, we went out and got them. I mean, we put them down. I saw them die. We watched, we all watched, and it was something that everybody was looking forward to. It was like,
01:23:47
Speaker
It was like everybody's birthday that day. I can imagine. Just the surprise that they're back among the living. It's the weirdest thing. Indeed, Tex. Well, I'm done doing my accent, by the way. I was trying to... I don't know why I did anymore. Okay. Thanks for the information.
01:24:16
Speaker
Any new people coming to town before this happened? Any strangers? Except for the naked guy that the sheriff was mumbling about. He said he found some strange naked guy.
01:24:28
Speaker
But I mean, I don't know much about it. Other than that, you'd have to go talk to the grave keepers who shut excuse me. Sorry, we hang out outside of work. Sheriff Montgomery, you know, had a couple of boys go and go and bury the guy to give him a decent burial. But since we didn't know his name, we just, you know, buried him down by the river behind the graveyard. Oh, damn, the naked man was dead. That was a
01:24:54
Speaker
The sheriff left that part out. Oh, yeah. He fixated it on the naked part. Yeah, he had a bullet hole right in his head. I look up across and like slowly when I turn my head with my big dead white eyes. Oh, okay. Did they happen to know what kind of bullet went through his dough? No, I don't know. You'd have to talk to the coroner about that. I'm not particularly sure.
01:25:22
Speaker
You know what, now I'm looking at this table, I really do want to play some more cards, so let's roll them up. Alright. Alright, so we cut over to Jim John. Jim John, what are you doing in this wonderful bar? He's been floating around the room, trying to get people's... Oh my god, that guy is floating! ...gauge people's mannerisms and all that stuff.
01:25:51
Speaker
Are you looking for anybody in particular to talk to? Any sort of characters that you think would be jumping out at you? Anybody is hitting the drink a little harder than they should be.
01:26:02
Speaker
All the people that are hitting the drink super hard are the ones that are at the bar. That way they don't gotta wait that long for their drinks. Because understandably things freak people out and everything and they hit the drink afterwards, but some people hit the bottle a little harder if they've got something that they don't like about it or something they're not telling people.
01:26:22
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, there's definitely a few people who are definitely probably nine sheets to the wind over at the bar like just barely conscious. Just like rum mumbling to themselves or just belching really loudly like you can spot them a mile away. Yeah, you could take your pick whoever you want to talk to.
01:26:41
Speaker
So hot damn. Those hangings, I swear. Craziest shit I ever did see. This guy gets it. This guy gets it. The thing I don't understand is how the gang come back. You know, was the judge set the noose not right?
01:27:04
Speaker
See, oh, you weren't there. Oh, you probably weren't in the front room like I was. I heard the neck snap. I heard it snap and I clapped. And I think I might have even peed my pants a little at the time. Any of them throwing any curses or anything like that? Um, uh, fly shit. Nah, I mean, they was cursing a lot at everybody. If that's what you're talking about, but...
01:27:33
Speaker
Hey, buy me another drink and I'll, uh, I'll tell it we could talk some more. Huh? Pretty lady. Oh, Lord. Uh, sure. I'll buy you another drink there, uh, sir. Oh, it's, uh, my friends call me, my friends call me goobs. Well, goobs, you just keep feeding me information. I'll feed you a drink or two. Oh, man. I, I don't know, baby. I will feed you. Um,
01:28:00
Speaker
Yeah, how about another shot of whiskey as I'm kind of my pockets are a little empty at the moment. Yeah, no one. Yeah, go ahead and get him another whiskey. You got a guy.
01:28:14
Speaker
I'm so sorry about Goobs. He really has been hitting it hard. No, it's all fine and dandy. All right, here you go. And he puts a little glass of whiskey in front of Goobs, and Goobs takes it, and half of it goes in his mouth, and the rest of it goes down his beard and over his shirt. And he's like, yeah, that's the stuff. Let's keep talking. No one else wants to talk to me while I'm in here.
01:28:43
Speaker
I got house too. Now, was any of them really a religious sort? Oh, so to speak. What? The bandits? How? No, they were, they raped and killed and stole pieces of shit, made even the worst people here. Me, made me look like a goddamn saint. Any of them seem new. Not originally a part of the gang.
01:29:11
Speaker
Uh, nude? New. Like, not been a part of the gang before. New face. Oh, no. But you want to know something really weird, though? Is the...
01:29:26
Speaker
The guy, Chuck Babies. Oh, I'm not supposed to call him that. Charles. Charles was coming around. He used to holler and swear about a bunch of shit. He's some foreigner dickhead anyway.
01:29:44
Speaker
When he was coming back around shouting about curses and short people, some short guy, they hated. First of all, it's like crazy. It's Charles. Hang on. We're like Charles.
01:30:04
Speaker
And, like, drools, like, it's, like, wet. Like, just wet moisture just falling out of his mouth. And he's like, we're like, Charles, ain't no short people here. We're all average, like, five, five, five, six or something. Except for Tiny, who's, like, a fucking Goliath or whatever. And, like, he's like, I'm gonna kill the short guy when he shows up. So, it's like, I thought I was doing due diligence. I was looking for all the short people, thinking I would just hand them over.
01:30:32
Speaker
Get them off our backs, but ain't nobody short enough unless you're a kid. You know, kind of like that fella over there, that little kid. You hear a sleight of Pete? Yeah, another hand for sleight of Pete. Yeah, I don't know, but that's just deep. I don't know what that means, man, but can I be honest with you? Oh, by all means, go ahead. I've had a happy since you showed up.
01:31:01
Speaker
And I'm not trying to be too forward. I just felt like I needed to be honest for once in my life. And I'm sorry. Honestly, don't get you everywhere, friend. Anyway, have a good one, sir. You too, ma'am. Jim Johnson's gonna walk away from that. I like that he's a six foot toe woman, apparently. Six foot one. Six foot one, sir. And I'm gonna, you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna oops my way into something.
01:31:32
Speaker
You're going to oops your way into something? I'm going to oops my way into finding something important and useful. Is that something that you have to roll for? I forget. No.
01:31:40
Speaker
You just oops your way and you find something useful? It's one of the few useful abilities of the mundane. Just get to fucking do it. Love it. Actually, I'll tell you, as you're walking away from this conversation, you can see in the windows on the other side of the room, actually not far from where Slappy and Company are playing cards, you can see a guy in a hat who's
01:32:08
Speaker
not being particularly inconspicuous. He's kind of got like glowing, like you see like a faint glow of red in his eyes as like he's peering through the window and he looks like he's staring directly at Slappy Pete and then he looks up and he notices that like you're kind of looking at him and he bolts and he- Oh, fuck that. I'm charging into the immediate danger right after him. I'm using another ability already. What could go wrong?
01:32:33
Speaker
What is this move? Whenever you charge into immediate danger without hedging your bets, hold two. You may spend the hold one for one. Okay, go for it. So I get to hold two. The effects are inflict one harm, reduce someone's harm, suffer by one, or take plus two forward on an act under pressure roll. But yeah, I'm chasing after this motherfucker. So what are you trying to do? Are you going to use one of these holds? As I see this glowing eye guy, do I see him running?
01:33:04
Speaker
Yeah, are you going outside? You're kind of running out the door and trying to find him? Okay. Yeah, you see him. He's not particularly fast. He's faster than you think an undead bandit would be, but he's not particularly fast. And his neck's kind of wobbling back and forth as he's running. I take a horseshoe and I fling it to hit him in the ankle as he's running. So I'm just going to inflict a quick one harm to him.
01:33:30
Speaker
Yeah, he takes that one harm and he falls in the air. And he falls and his ankle breaks as he falls and you can hear it go. I'm going to keep chasing after him just. He starts kind of trying to crawl away like he's doing like a weird like one legged limp with his hands and he's trying to like do like a like a three like a tripod crawl. I'm gonna pin him to the ground. Okay, and he's like squirming like.
01:34:01
Speaker
Listen here, you son of a bitch. I could sense you a mile away. What are you? You're a zombie, aren't you? Dem John's gonna hog time. Okay, well, I'll act under pressure too. I see if you can do it safely. Well, I'll take that plus two forward that I just got. Nice.
01:34:29
Speaker
Appropriate hell of a good ability It is Monday's are pretty cool because like they can't do much else seven So was that a nine or do you roll the five plus the two? I rolled a five plus the two. Okay, so Act under pressure on a make success. All right, where's outcome hard choice or price to pay?
01:34:48
Speaker
Actually, I think I already know the price to pay. So yeah, so you hog tie him up and it's easy enough. He didn't know he was going to be seen and he ran. So you're hog tying him. But then as you're doing it, what are you picking him up, taking him to the bar? What are you doing with him? Oh yeah, I'm going to loosen up my own level of rope to drag him back to the bar.
Undead Showdown and Strategy
01:35:14
Speaker
Okay, and as you're doing that, another guy bumps into you as you're walking, and just keeps walking after that. You just go, and just keeps walking past you. What the fuck, another one? What did I lose? Jim John checks his pockets as he's been bumped into before, as he's been to New York City, and has had himself pickpocketed.
01:35:44
Speaker
You're asking what he took? Yeah, I'm curious. He took your multi-tool pocket knife. You motherfucker! Pull out my gun and point it at him. Freeze right there, U.S. Marshal! He freezes for a second and he goes, meh. He just keeps walking.
01:36:09
Speaker
I shoot him in the leg. Okay, roll kick some ass. Son of a bitch, what is wrong with you people?
01:36:20
Speaker
Oh, fuck. Nine. That's a niner. Yeah, he's, I mean, he can't fucking hurt you. He's so far away. There's no way he's gonna do anything to you. Rob's like... You shoot him in the leg and he goes... And he drops to the ground and like your knife falls out of his hands and he like, he looks up at you and his eyes are all red and glowy and his foam coming out of his mouth.
01:36:40
Speaker
What the hell is going on here? I pick up my knife and I just like point it, point the gun at him. I got two people now. He bites you in the leg as you go to pick up your knife. He bites you in the leg for two harm. No harm. Excellent. What do you have two armor now? Yes, I do.
01:37:01
Speaker
Do you have two leg armor? Yes, I do. I recall you cutting off the panel on your page. I know. But through recent times of getting punched in the balls, attacked by necromantic creatures, and all sorts of things, Jim Johnson found himself, his skin's kind of stronger now. Taking less harm than usual. I took Invincible. Oh, where is that? I don't see what I'm going to do. In The Chosen Book.
01:37:28
Speaker
Oh, you took the ch- fuck, you got a lot of skills. I count as always having two armor now. Excellent. As he gets bit in the leg, he's like, well, fuck you then. He just shoots this thing in the head and kills it. Okay. It stops moving, its head fucking blasts off. And the bar, I'm like, Carl, you think there's a normal Wild West gunshots, or you think there's something we should worry about? Judging by the sound, I do believe it may be one of ours.
01:37:59
Speaker
All right, well, I'm up, so you can go check on him. I need to stay in his hand. What are you-? Luke comes stumbling down the stairs, pulling her armor back on. She hasn't got her shirt, though, and her hands just need to be through the fly up. She's like, what the fuck is going on? Apparently, Luke got shaky legs. That lady must have done some good mouthwork.
01:38:20
Speaker
Oh my God. Apparently one of ours is getting shot at or something. She's a cunning linguist. She was a giver. Okay. Dragging another one back as I lift the other one on the street. Okay, and everybody's like, oh my God, he's murdered someone.
01:38:35
Speaker
And then you hear, you feel as you're dragging one of them back to the bar, towards the bar, you feel the ground like rumble underneath you. I grabbed my chips on the table like, no! And you hear somebody yell, oh god, it's Charles, he's back!
01:39:01
Speaker
You keep playing that damn piano. All right. Jesus. Jim John Smith's action. That's a cursed word, cursed saying, cursed saying. That's why I didn't add the first part in there.
01:39:22
Speaker
Yeah, so as you kind of get to the bar and you open up the door, you just feel like a stampede of like of horses and there's probably over well over a dozen boys on horseback with like these glowing eyes and kind of like wobbly necks. And they got like, you know, sorted.
01:39:41
Speaker
like, what's the word I'm looking for, like her chiefs and things like that on a sort of hats and rips in their garments. They all have like, if you look closely, you can see they all have some sort of like rings around their neck from where they got hanged. And then you see, and then you see a guy who kind of like comes up through through the rest of them. And he's got like,
01:40:02
Speaker
he's got like this kind of like big bushy stash that hangs down his uh like down around like handlebar mustache he's got like a like a pale like yellowish uh leather jacket on with like no shirt underneath um and he's got leather leather pants on and he looks down at you he's got kind of like like a stovetop hat on that like barely sits on his head um and he says i i remember you
01:40:32
Speaker
Where's the little one? Who have I met that has an Irish accent? First of all, it's Scottish. God, it's the grandma. You didn't take her to her appointment and she died. No. It's me. Are you a cowboy? No.
01:40:56
Speaker
Oh, uh, hello there. You might not remember me because I'm wearing a different face and apparently a stupid voice that comes with it. Fucking nickel. But where? Where is the little one so I can shoot him in his fucking head? Oh, you're that father figure, huh? Sure. I thought we sealed you up. Uh, no, you didn't.
01:41:26
Speaker
Well, sorry, friend, as I kick over the hog-tied person to the side. Um, hate to break it to you, but I don't know where he is. You're fucking lying. Yeah, am I?
01:41:46
Speaker
Why don't your role act under pressure? Delight or manipulate someone if you choose. Go for the manipulate. Because I'm quite the charmer. I'm not the sex. I'll just mark that experience because none of my friends are around. Three guys pull their guns and they all start laying bullets towards you. I'm a terrible liar. You get winged twice for a total of four harm.
01:42:13
Speaker
I'm going to say, Carl and watch my chips. I'm going out there and face my destiny. Jim, John jumps in his legs, got a shot, got the blood on it and everything his arm. Oh, shit. I pushed the bat wing doors. Don't do a slap. And there's they have to look real far down. I can walk down the bat wing doors.
01:42:42
Speaker
Chuck Babies, I heard you're looking for me. Oh, fuck. Oh, so you are here, you little bitch. I slowly stepped down the steps, not to be dramatic because I have to like, slowly walk down the steps. I'm taking three steps, first step. Well, we cleared a roadway and take this like two men, man to man. Why are you talking that way?
01:43:12
Speaker
Why are you talking that way? Because I'm in a different dead guy's body, okay? It's just what happened. Well, I'm living out a childhood dream, so let's just count what we say in depth. Aye, is that what we're doing, Henry? Living out your dream? Yes. Henry Spinkler. I already hate you. You don't gotta make me hate you more, fella. Oh, I've been waiting for this for two days. Oh, it feels like an eternity. Oh, he hops off his horse.
01:43:42
Speaker
Uh, puts his hand, puts his hand on his revolver. He's like, um, how, how, how injured is Jim? I only took two because it was four, but I'm not unstable yet, but I'm like, Oh, some bitches. I'm like kind of laying against the wall gun, ready to take some shots. I'm like, uh, now would you forget, will you let my, will you let my, uh, one friend bring my other friend here closer up to this room? Cause he's all bleeding and shit. Oh, didn't he dive into the, into the doors already? Yeah.
01:44:12
Speaker
Okay, nevermind. Nevermind. He's already over there. Where's the rest of your stupid friends? They're in the saloon there. I told him to watch my chips. They're gonna watch my chips. And we're gonna hash this out between us. I should I should have told Carfin. Everybody here is dying today anyways. It doesn't matter. Would you? What would you want me to roll if I want to try and throw my voice?
01:44:37
Speaker
You want a spooky ghost way to send Karl to the message? You want a ventriloquist something else to talk to Karl? I just want to throw my voice. You could try to use magic to do that. B plus weird. I guess that would be like do something beyond human limitation or that's a 14. Yeah, I mean you could...
01:45:02
Speaker
Do, yeah, you could do that or communicate with something you don't share a language with. I guess you could, I don't know. Sure. What are you trying to do? So as I'm squaring up on him in the road, I don't move my mouth at all. But like I send like, I throw my voice into the end of the saloon and I say, hey, Carlton, go down in the river and look for this guy's body and burn the shit out of it. I speak back in his mind. Sure thing, bud. Do you need any help out there?
01:45:34
Speaker
I'm not going to try and do that again. My friends just stay back in the bar, keep doing sales. Me and this fella are going to match it out. You can finish the conversation if you want. You already established this like a glink. I'm going to do this mano a mano, buddy. You got it. Excellent. On my way out of the saloon though, I would like to tune in to what's going on.
01:46:03
Speaker
go outside. To someone in particular? The monster. So to Levi or Charles, aka Charles. Yeah. Chuck babies. Chuck babies. Okay. Stand by the river. Yeah. So yeah. So role plus weird. You got it live in Hollywood. So what do you want to know? Who does it regard as the biggest threat?
01:46:31
Speaker
As the biggest threat, probably you and Slappy, because you guys did the most of a number on him when you guys were fighting him.
01:46:44
Speaker
Like you got in his head, you teleported in front of him, you cast a hex on him. Slappy put a bullet in his fucking brain and killed half of his zombies. Um, like, so he, he, he's very much one. You can feel like he very much wants to kill Slappy since Slappy ruthlessly murdered him when he was helpless. Um, but he also knows that you are of magic. Uh, and so it doesn't seem very happy that, you know, you're here as well, but probably also wants to kill you. What is it planning to do?
01:47:13
Speaker
right now. Kill Slappy. You can damn fry it, Parker. That's all he's thinking about. Now that he sees Slappy in front of him, he wants to mutilate the hell out of him. And my little yellow kid's shirt and my red hat. And then who is after Slappy? Who is it going to attack next?
01:47:36
Speaker
Whoever's nearby like if he you've like you can tell like his whole thought is I'm gonna kill Slappy and then everybody else after so whoever else is nearby Probably, you know disease is gonna mutilate the rest of the town The only reason he left everybody else alive was so that you guys would have someone to come to So he could assure that you were gonna be here. Well, okay. Yep It's just gonna go off on your own to down to the river. Well, I was gonna communicate to Lou
01:48:07
Speaker
Okay, you can go talk to Lou. Telepathy, to Lou. Okay, go ahead. It's basically walkie-talkie, the move. One-way walkie-talkie. It's a one-way walkie-talkie. I'm just telling Lou that I'm going to go down by the river. Are you doing this in character? I'm going to go down by the river.
01:48:33
Speaker
He sounded extra droopy on that one. I'm not happy about it. Get back on horse, I just got this new...
01:48:44
Speaker
It was a cute boat, huh? You know, my spoons are going to be jangling about. Yep. Lou's just like sort of darting. Look, her eyes around all over the fucking place. Like, what the fuck? Yeah. And so the girl that you know is Darla. That's why I really did a number on you. Yeah, Darla screams from up top of the stairs. She goes, just come back to bed, baby. We'll just, we'll just, we'll die in each other's embrace. Oh, fuck that. I'm going to go kick the shit out of this guy.
01:49:14
Speaker
She pulls out her shotgun. What in the fuck? How are you keeping that? You're going to go. You're going to go outside? Yeah, sure. I'm just guns blazing. And he loves sitting by the door with his legs bleeding. Have fun. I'll back you up. She's got no healing moves or nothing. She just kind of acknowledges there. And she just walks out. He's like, shove open the doors and boom. Good luck. She's going to shoot into the crowd.
01:49:44
Speaker
Well, I assume that, you know, shotgun, big blast, boom, missy. Okay. Roll, kick some ass. I see her come out like, no, my western. 11 bitches. Okay. What extra effect would you like?
01:50:09
Speaker
Now, how ancient are shotguns considered? Sorry. How ancient? Because I get that plus one for ancient. Sarah. Well, you have a modern one compared to here, so it'd be like a minus four because it's really a new weapon. Damn it. You wouldn't need a double barrel. Okay. Your shotgun does three, like two or three harm already. Three, three harm messy. Yeah, I will inflict terrible harm.
01:50:36
Speaker
So I just realized I've been muted this whole time. Why? What did I miss? I made a joke about how she's just going to blow up a horse along with the rider. Oh yeah, horses don't like her. Also, I said we caught you in your bedroom where? Yep. Oh, okay. She's only showing the armour at the moment. Yep. She's probably barefoot too, but she's got the pants on and the armour. That's enough.
01:51:05
Speaker
Okay, so you're shooting into the crowd of dudes on the horses? Yeah, the bad guys.
01:51:10
Speaker
Okay. I mean, they're all bad guys. Every single one of them. Yeah. Just going for it. I'm going to say that you take a horse out from underneath one of the guys and he falls and then another horse falls on top of him as another guy falls off his horse with chunks of their arms and torso's missing as you blast in. Two of them fall into a heap as you inflict terrible harm. But then a bunch of other guys do exactly what they did to Jim John and just fucking start laying bullets towards you.
01:51:39
Speaker
And that's going to be another three harm since you took out a couple of them. So one. So one harm if you have the armors. And Slappy Pete, if Lou just came outside and started shotgunning into the ground.
01:51:56
Speaker
You'll still have your- I'm not associated with her, Chuck. I did not want her to do that. We can have our man-to-man duel. Is it fucked now? It's fucked now, isn't it? If your friends are going to back down, we can do this the right way. He puts up an arm and all the other guys stop shooting. What did you say, Luz? I interrupt something. I thought he was planning to kill everyone, so I thought I'd beat him to the...
01:52:25
Speaker
I didn't run upstairs when you were banging the lady. Please don't run downstairs when I'm living out in West Benson. Thank you. I'm dead. This is the only thing I have. Sure. Slappy, I think Lou is going through what's called post-nut clarity. I just need to kill the enemies. Okay. Sure. I need a drink anyway, and she'll just turn around and walk back into the cemetery. Yeah. My hero has returned.
01:52:56
Speaker
I'm like, ah, you didn't really need to leave me, but okay. Don't, don't worry Slappy, I got your back, bud. Fucking damn. You're like fronting against the table with, and then someone's holding his leg. I got your damn leg. Uh, okay, Slappy Pete. Um, he says, so are we going to do this? I hit it. Oh, sorry. That's one of my boys. You don't have to do that. He's the only one that can kind of make people noises still.
01:53:26
Speaker
All right. Yeah get down from your horse Clear your voice back a little bit. I'm gonna do this thing. Well, I'm I'm already off my horse I know I don't might not look like cuz you're so short but Well, I guess I'm average for for this time period of like five six look at the wrong. Look at the wrong guy I'm sorry. I thought you were the other guy. Oh, no, I know I'm the one with the with the with this hideous mustache. I See you now. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I know I'm looking for all right that guy right there
01:53:56
Speaker
No, one more over. Oh, that is not being massaged. Damn. Did they like store someone off with like some fire or something when they were fighting you earlier? I don't want to talk about it, okay? I don't want to be in this body, but at least I get another chance to kill you. Let's fucking do this.
01:54:17
Speaker
All right. And he puts his hand on his revolver, or at least above his revolver, rather. And he says, I hover my hand over. All right, go ahead and roll kick some ass. I'm actually going to try and run out of it and bite him. Really? As he's pulling out his gun to aim where I'm just going to try to duck real low to the ground, scary. Okay, roll kick some ass with weird, I guess.
01:54:44
Speaker
I never said I was going to come over there and shoot you. I didn't say what kind of dude it was going to be. Oh my Christ. That's a five. Okay. Holy shit. I know how I'm going to help out this situation. You rolled double ones. Are you going to do a help out? Here's how the power of hearts kicking in this time. Jim John didn't hear him say we couldn't kill his minions.
01:55:10
Speaker
So Jim John lines up a shot to shoot one of the minions guns to shoot next to the dude. Okay. To like throw him off and distract him as Slappy's running up on him. Okay. And he flinches us and Slappy sinks his teeth into his leg, I guess. I don't know. You bastard. And he presses the gun like to your head and fires it. Oh God. Jesus.
01:55:40
Speaker
How much damage does that do? Does it even have a hit? That's three. It's wood varnish. Don't worry. I'm going to use mine. Punchable vitality. Okay. It works out like an again. I take two damage. Well, if you, it's on seven to nine, you heal one on a miss, your injuries worsen. So it's four now. Do you have any armor? You level up yet, buddy?
01:56:10
Speaker
No, I take three, so I'm at four, Davis. You don't have any armor? I thought you had at least- He's got his immortality. Yeah, but that takes up one, so yeah. So yeah, there's like a big old hole to blast from one end, and from your forehead into the back of your head, just leaves a big old gaping hole. I like twists towards my head up to him, and I look at him, I'm like, holy shit. Yeah, right?
01:56:35
Speaker
You're not dead yet? What the fuck? Get off of me, you son of a bitch! Uh, what are you doing? Um... Um... Metal Rock, shut up! I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
01:56:57
Speaker
You broke Sarah. I don't know why, but yes. I want to hold my hand up to his junk and I'm going to use my magic force. Stealing a loom move. I'm going to try and blast him. Hopefully my weird roll is ready.
01:57:20
Speaker
All right, that's weird your kicks of ass. Oh you ran twice Hey, what do you know I shoot the other guy he does the same thing Okay, so that's a tense I repeat I'm just a terrible person. What did you what do you want? What do you want is your? Your extra effect
01:57:45
Speaker
I'm going to blast him enough for one harm is my base damage and I want him to flap his feet upwards and fly backwards. So you want to put him where you want him? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, he flies up and bounces off his horse and lands behind the horse. Oh, God. I felt all of that. Oh, my God.
01:58:06
Speaker
And he kind of stands up and you see that his shoulder is kind of out of place and it just starts popping back in. He says, oh, so you're hard to kill. I'm hard to kill. It's going to be a long day.
01:58:20
Speaker
I suppose I could just exercise you. I don't have my phone. Oh shit, I don't have my phone. I knew I was forgetting something. While I distract him, I bite his gun hand. That's weird, I guess. That's another 10. I don't have to help this time. You bite his gun hand and rip it right off. Oh yeah, what's your extra effect? What do you want?
01:58:48
Speaker
Can I ad-lib one and say I like grabbed a gun out of his dead hand? I imagine it's probably better than mine.
01:58:57
Speaker
Uh, that would be maybe force his hand where you want it. Okay. Okay. I'm going to force his hand to be left in my mouth and hopefully the rigor mortis is holding the gun. Okay. Uh, yeah, as you go to do that, he jumps on top of you, uh, and starts like pressing your, pressing your face into the dirt. And he's like, he's like ripping chunks of your head from the back, trying to like rip more of your, of your head open.
01:59:23
Speaker
I want to try and bang my face off the ground and shoot the gun up at him. Wait, you're going to bang your face through the gun, put the gun through the hole? I want to smack the gun off the ground. I hope it goes off and shoots him. Okay. I guess I'd be acting under pressure. The percentage of this actually happening is actually very low. Hey, it's a game. And he's a dummy possessed by a ghost.
01:59:51
Speaker
Nine! Man, wouldn't you know it, that gun actually still goes off. How do you help? These old-timey guns work fuckin' uh... As he uh... As he slaps the gun against the ground, Jim John's gonna shoot the hammer.
02:00:07
Speaker
I was gonna say, do you just shoot the guy and make me think I shot him? Please just, please just say you shot the guy and I think that it shot him. Oh no, I just help out automatically. So Jim Jones got some pre-natural bullshit for lunch. So you're gonna shoot the hammer of a pistol with your shotgun? No, with my pistol. In the mouth of a dummy that's underneath a man. Power of heart, baby. You know what? If you want to say it doesn't hit the whole fucking shit off my gun. He's trying to sit off a gun.
02:00:37
Speaker
All right. Yeah. You shoot another hole through his. Yeah, Jim John over here. His chest. And he falls, he falls. I knew that would work backwards. Great slappy. In the middle of this fight, we cut over to Carlton Merryweather, who was apparently on his way to the river. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Are you on a horse? I am on a horse.
02:01:06
Speaker
looking for the what I assume is the only dead body by the river. Yeah, I'd say about a time that you get to the river. You can see that there's like a freshly, you know, dug grave that's got like fresh dirt still on top of it. It's only been there a couple of days. It's still kind of wet because there's water splashing all over it. But yeah, it's very clear. It's very easy to see whoever the sheriff hired to do that like just did like the bare minimum and then left.
02:01:29
Speaker
I Carlton just smiles a little bit and just starts laughing out loud. She's just like a ridiculously loud for a long time. He reaches into his pocket and he says, I'm glad I brought my spoons.
02:01:49
Speaker
I saw that coming. You're gonna dig out the grave with Silver's Foods. Yeah, Slappy's gonna die. This is gonna take a while.
02:02:05
Speaker
Oh, it's either that or the flamethrower. Oh, my God. That's a funny as fucking thing. Your hair is a bigger than spoons. It's totally, totally a character. And I'm not going to get this sort of dirt underneath my spoons. Oh, my God. Would you please roll kick some ass on the dirt with the spoons?
02:02:31
Speaker
Please be whammy. Spoon some dirt into the roll. Yeah, spoon some dirt. If you just wouldn't mind spooning some, spooning some ass, that'd be great. This is tough? It'd be plus tough, please. I just want to give you a chance to get experience point. So you get a free experience point, but you're still digging. Nothing bad happens. You're just digging a lot of digging up. It's just taking a really long time. Spoon beans. These spoons are not exactly meant to dig for dirt.
02:03:13
Speaker
Lewis just kind of watching while taking a sip of a drink. He'd be so often maybe pouring powder the drink on her latest injuries and wincing, watching the whole thing. Can I investigate a mystery to find out if I know how to kill this thing? What can hurt it? Sure. You can certainly do that with a sharp roll as Darla kind of gives you some shoulder rubs.
02:03:23
Speaker
You know what? I'm happy.
02:03:40
Speaker
That's a niner. You get one. What can hurt it? Is that your question? What can hurt it? Yeah. Well, this is a type of possession you can assume. The best way is to burn the bodies. I say plural because you need to burn both. You need to burn. That's what you know from your experience in Oculus and Ghosts. I'll be like- Pretty standard burn the body situation.
02:04:11
Speaker
In turn, I think we're gonna need a lot more alcohol and some matches. I see where you're going with this, and don't worry, Slappy's flame retardant.
02:04:27
Speaker
Oh, I didn't even think about that. I thought you said that. Yeah, baby. Fucking Jim John glimpse over to the bar. I'm going to need some high proof, my friend. Actually, fuck it. We got those two bottles from the dock. You did. Oh, also, real quick, Lou, you also know that in situations like this, that salt works pretty well for disrupting the ghost within the body that it's in. Yeah, but fire's fun.
02:04:52
Speaker
Yeah, fire would kill it. Fire would kill it if they're weak enough, but salt is another good way just to disrupt it. Also, holy water if you got it. So we got some salt and some accelerant. Yeah, salt, accelerant, and matches. We about to go supernatural on these bitches. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, so Jim John's actually going to go get the salt while Lou preps the bottles for maltaving. Okay. Sure.
02:05:21
Speaker
Okay, cool. While you guys are doing that and getting your supplies, we go back to Slappy Pete. He was currently still tussling with our friend Levi, aka Chuck Babies. What are you doing now, Slappy? He's on your back right now, and he's picking apart the wood from your head.
02:05:41
Speaker
I'm going to drop his hand and I'm going to turn and spin my head around and I'm going to bite his throat. Oh shit. Okay, that's a kick some ass roll if I've ever heard one. Oh, I got an 11. How much direction would you like? Bite his head off, force it where you want it. Can I force his head where I want it?
02:06:06
Speaker
I guess. Yeah, I'll do that, though. Okay. I fucking bite clean through. I just wrench it. I guess his neck's already snapped, so I just like wrench the dead old skin. I'm like... Yeah, and the head rolls off, and he says, ah, damn it. Not again. And his body starts reaching for the head. With one hand, because he still hasn't got the other hand back. Yep. Can you kick his head? Can I ever kick his head? Sure, yeah. Roll... Act under pressure, please.
02:06:35
Speaker
as he's also reaching trying to get his head before you do. He's like, no, over here, you stupid hand, come on, come on, hurry, hurry.
02:06:51
Speaker
I'm aware of the name, so yes. I'm going to say you kick the head and it flies a bit of a ways down the dirt road. But as you do that, a couple of his boys jump off their horses on top of you and start pinning you to the ground. Hey, it's still a duel, you damn sons of bitches. Yeah, you're right. There's two of them. That's a duel. Come get me, stupid body. Someone pick me up.
02:07:19
Speaker
And he's, as like these two dudes are pinning you down, you see some of the other bandits are like running across the street going to get him. I want to go for the duels off. Okay. Uh, Lou, uh, you're back in the, you're getting what making Molotov cocktail. So they made you, I'll put down on it as well.
02:07:47
Speaker
All right, you want to roll back under pressure with a plus one since Darla's helping to see how quickly and efficiently you can make your cocktails. And Jim John's getting the salt. Yep, sorry. Nine. What do you need my salt for? It's a niner. Yeah, I'd say it takes you a few more minutes, but it's quicker than you thought it would be with Darla's help and you got at least I'd say a good two. She's surprisingly good at putting things in bottles.
02:08:16
Speaker
And you have two, almost three. I knew how I could help out in this situation too. Oh shucks, using your OP move. No, just show her how to finger the bottle to put the rag in better. I think that Lou already showed her that. That was good with a tight hole. When they're done, Lou's just gonna light and start lobbing.
02:08:45
Speaker
Okay Jim John you're going to get salt. Where are you getting salt from from the fucking storage of the bar? Okay Yeah, they probably got some you know that they use for their margaritas and things To salt their meats salt their meats and their meats and margaritas. That's the name of the saloon and I'm gonna take that salt outside and I'm just gonna start pouring it all over those two guys in the body and
02:09:12
Speaker
Oh, so it's you and Slappy Pete again. So you're pouring salt all over. Yeah, I'm just pouring it all over them and everything. I heard the dual's off, Slappy. Here you go. They're like the two guys that are on top of you are convulsing from the salt.
02:09:31
Speaker
Can I wriggle free? Yes, you can wiggle free. And at this point, you can see that two of the other boys were dragging the body and the hand and the head back over to each other. And they're kind of like reattaching it Deadpool style. And you kind of hear a bunch of bones snapping and cracking says, all right, I suppose it's war now, is it? You're a bunch of cheaters. Nearly his pistol behind.
02:09:58
Speaker
Yeah, yep, this is not there Yeah, you're a cheater pal. You lost your head and then all of a sudden the doors off Get your boys on me is bullshit. I pulled my gun. I shoot at him. Okay roll kick some ass I'm gonna miss but without weird. That's a six Do you want the level? Pocket salt yeah
02:10:25
Speaker
You're gonna throw salt across the way. I get it in his eyes. And he said like black goop comes out of him. And he lays a shot. How much damage would you do too? Alright, and as you do that to his boys, lay into you. Slice your feet.
02:10:49
Speaker
Yeah, there's still quite a few other zombies out here. There's still, I mean, he had a lot of boys when I ran out. So yeah, he shoots you. They shoot you probably collectively for another two harm across the way. A lot of them miss because they suck. Oh, I'm just going to take the one and not risk killing myself. Okay. We cut to real quickly. Over to Carleton. Everywhere there. Digging up. He's sweating profusely and he probably took his jacket off by now.
02:11:19
Speaker
Carlton singing the song from Holes as he digs. What's that sound like with Carlton singing it? I don't know. I don't even remember what the song from Holes is. I just remember that they sang a song while they dug it. So anyway, as I'm digging, I'm thinking too, just really annoyed with this guy. So would it be too far fetched for me to jinx him from here?
02:11:46
Speaker
to jinx Charles babies. Yeah. Juking babies. I would say the only way, the only way that I could say you could do that because you're quite a ways away from now is if you angel winged back there to do it and then back there. Or if you found the body and jinxed him through his own body.
02:12:09
Speaker
Yeah, because you need some kind of line of sight on him, something with him to do that. Then I would have to do some magic to get digging faster.
02:12:19
Speaker
Okay, you're going to do something beyond human limitations, that what you're shooting for? Yeah. I'm going to turn it to like a speech spooner. All right, pick your effect and pick your glitch, that's a seven. All right, how many effects, let's see. Afflict a harm and chant a weapon. Do one thing beyond human limitations, bar of place. I'd like to do one thing beyond human limitations. And what would that be? So Carlton's going to roll up his sleeves.
02:12:49
Speaker
and just go ham with these spoons? Well, I was thinking you could just rear back and punch into the ground, and then somehow pull the body out of the ground. Okay, what do you want your glitch to be? The effect is weekend, the effect is short duration, you take one harm, ignore armor, magic draws attention, or it has a problematic side effect. I would say that the effect is of short duration.
Supernatural Battles and Victory
02:13:14
Speaker
Yeah, okay, you get one you get one good stab into the earth And you feel the spoon dig into flesh as you as you puncture it into the ground So you you have struck the treasure you're looking for I'm gonna pull it out Then the strength leaves you So it's Never pull out Now that I feel like a connection with it
02:13:40
Speaker
Uh-huh. Are you going to jinx it? Go for it. That's an eight, which gives you what? One? Yep. All right. What do you want to do? What's your jinx? The target loses something that you will soon find. He's a naked guy. What the fuck is he going to lose? Um.
02:14:07
Speaker
Okay, how about this? You cast this jinx and it kind of transfers. Oh, here's one for you. Okay. You see an image. It's working a little bit differently because I have something, this is probably a lot more valuable. As you see a brief image as you stab this spoon into him and you cast this hex.
02:14:33
Speaker
The find is that you see a vision of a guy who's got long rubber gloves on and he's kind of ragged and kind of like a five o'clock shadow. You can see an image of him and you can see he's taking all of these clothes and items off of Levi's body, finding them in the middle of the desert.
02:15:00
Speaker
And he finds the phone. You see that he finds this cellular device and he holds it in his hand and he starts just tinkering with it to understand it. And then he also picks up a medallion.
02:15:14
Speaker
green glowing medallion and as he holds these two things in his hands you see it like this big circular wormhole open up into into reality and he steps through it so that's that I'm gonna give that as the find that you have do it that what you will
02:15:31
Speaker
Back to Slappy Pete and Lou and the other guy, Jim John. Yes, I'm the other guy, not that guy, the Jim John. The other guy, the other guy, Jim John guy. The other guy. All right, Lou, you guys just made your Molotovs. They're beautiful. There's three of them, three good ones. And Jim John's poured a bunch of salt all over the Zambis and he's outside with Slappy Pete and there's gunfire going on. Lou, what do you do?
02:15:59
Speaker
I cradle them in one arm, light a match, hold it to the first one, and then lob it towards the guy that's in charge. Still not certain what's going on here, but she's wanting to kill things.
02:16:21
Speaker
Okay, could you please first roll me and act under pressure since you're holding a bunch of glass bottles with fuel on them and fire, and there's a bunch of gunfire going on outside that you're about to be in the middle of? Just to see how well you do or don't do. Oh, that's a four. I can't fucking help. I'll spend a lot. Are you sure? What do you mean, are you sure? I'm just asking if you're sure. Do you want me to fail?
02:16:51
Speaker
I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. I just have plans that may make things a lot worse for you if you use a lock, that's all.
02:17:03
Speaker
But I could blow up and be set on fire if I don't use a lock. I just want to make sure that you're doing what you think is the best thing to do. So you're using that lock to make it 12? Yeah, I'm using that lock. I've clicked it. You've seen it. OK, excellent. Perfect. Let me just write something down just real fast.
02:17:25
Speaker
Okie dokie. All right, cool. That'll be fun for later. Okay, so you blob, you run out, you keep all the bombs intact. Dodging gunfire as you make your way within tossing range of these Molotovs. And now roll kick some ass so you can chuck one over at them. Good old Chuck Babies, aka Father Levi. Five, entered.
02:17:54
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Shit. As she chucks the maltose, Jim John chucks the bag of salt, kind of like to intercept him in the air. You're chucking up all the bags? Yeah, to knock him on course. Oh my gosh. And he's gonna... He's doing physics, he's like... I've done this before.
02:18:34
Speaker
Okay, you chuck the firebomb over at these guys. And yeah, you definitely catch those two boys on fire, and you catch his boots on fire, and he starts to like dance back and forth. Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no, I didn't anticipate that they would use fire. I don't know why I hate this, but I hate this so much, I can feel everything. And he's like bouncing back and forth, he's really uncomfortable. What happened to your Scottish, what happened to your Scottish accent, dude?
02:18:44
Speaker
I've knocked a frisbee out of the air with another frisbee. Don't think I can't do this.
02:19:02
Speaker
I am losing it the more I take damage. Speaking of which, a bunch more bullets come flying at you, Lou. Let's look at your harm to see if I'm going to kill you right now. Probably. Wow, you have a lot.
02:19:22
Speaker
Oh, hey, by the way, you know that luck point that you used? Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know how it fucks with your covenant a little bit? Well, it fucks with my seat. No, not really. A covenant is just a sect with less negative energy around it, or vice versa, rather. Yes, I'm saying.
02:19:45
Speaker
Yeah, so when you spend like something goes wrong for your second on advice project or disastrous operation. So yeah, so as you're taking all of these bullets, you I'm going to say that you take to harm. So you're probably fine, right? To have Yeah, that's negated by my to Emma.
02:20:05
Speaker
Perfect. But then you start to forget things. As you're kind of getting riddled with these bullets and they're bouncing off of your armor and it's kind of rattling you all over the place, you've made some changes in time. You've tempted fate with luck.
02:20:24
Speaker
things have changed somewhere in the past and you don't know why you don't know what but you're losing it now you're losing a step all of a sudden like after you've gotten hit so many times you find that you're not so aware anymore like you're kind of starting to panic a bit in the middle of this battle you're getting rid of my moves
02:20:47
Speaker
You're getting rid of my battlefield awareness? I take it back. You're not a kind of benevolent keeper, I take it back.
02:21:01
Speaker
Is that after I took a bit home though? Yes, it's after. Okay, thank you. See, so I am nice. I was going to do it before and just like put you in a coma. But yeah, so your battlefield awareness is not going to click in for the remainder of this mystery because something happened. You don't know what, but something happened. Not sure.
02:21:25
Speaker
could be something that Carlton did when he went to Arizona. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, it could have been. Fuck you, Carlton. Not literally. Carlton didn't do anything. Slappy Pete, you're up as you see this person on fire and his boys on fire. What do you do? And you see Jimmy John just apparently fucking knocked a bottle back on course with a bag of salt.
02:21:55
Speaker
The middle of the air. What do you do? Apparently Slappy Pete doesn't know what he's doing. Let's go over to Jimmy John then. Jimmy John, go ahead. This is an audio only podcast. Go ahead. Slappy, I know what you want to do. You want to go buy their balls, don't you? There's fire over there. There's fire over there. You're flame. I didn't know you guys was bringing fire. Slappy, you're flame retardant, man.
02:22:26
Speaker
Remember we put the sealant on you You recall that you were just covered in a bunch of fucking like wood glue it's actually highly flammable I just put a bunch of horse glue on me. I'm I'm like you smell me. I'm fuming here slappy I believe in you
02:22:50
Speaker
I'm channeling like Danny DeVito and it's always Sonny like, ahh. Guys, please don't make me kill you in this mystery. You guys are so close. I'm gonna manipulate Slappy to go bite this guy. No, you don't have to. Slappy looks at you bleeding, he looks at Lou bleeding, and she looks like she's frazzled. Ah, my life's useless anyway.
02:23:15
Speaker
Slappy beat the last action hero! I'm running Adam! I'm running towards him! I leap through the air! I got my teeth out! Kickass with weird, you crazy bastard!
02:23:34
Speaker
Right through which would be I guess you want to do there. There are literally effects listed on the damage Special beam cannon are you trying to do like Goku when he punches through piccolo? Maybe I'm maybe I just bite into his stomach and I'm like halfway and I'd say that you could bite a whole clean through if you want I
02:24:02
Speaker
He drops to the ground, he drops to the ground to a knee and he starts to go more in flames as the flames, like he's like, oh no, I forgot, no! He falls more into flames and is starting to catch onto his undead body. He's starting to go up in flames and he grabs ahold of you, Slappy, as his body goes up. And he catches you on fire as well. The fire, no! He's starting to catch Slappy Pete on fire. I'm gonna protect Slappy Pete. Okay, we'll protect someone with tough.
02:24:29
Speaker
Splash me with water! Splash me! Slap you definitely caught fire. There's no he's trying to like he's got fumes coming off him. His legs on fire right now. So I take plus one harm from fire. I have two h's. I have two h's. As I run up, take Slappy Pete from the guy's arms and hold him tightly to put the fire out on myself.
02:24:53
Speaker
I'm going to take all the harm Slappy Pete would have took. So you get like all this wood glue varnish fumes and stuff all over your body and you ignite into flames, uh, covering up Slappy Pete instead. Um, gosh, let me see what fucking Jimmy John's got going on.
02:25:16
Speaker
Or I'll be fine, Slappy. Do you want to protect the protector? Yeah. Alright, roll plus tough. And nine. Okay, so what she'll do is she'll see what's going on. She's like, God damn it, Intern. She'll drop the Molotovs, go running out to them, flying tackle them both into a water trough.
02:25:38
Speaker
Oh, is that what you're going to do? Okay. Yeah. So as you do that, since your old protects someone and you got a seven plus, you protect them okay, but you'll suffer some or all of the harm they were going to get. Yeah. So I'm kind of in the middle of the flames. So how much damage was Slappy taking from the fire? Oh, it's a sandwich instead of an Eiffel Tower.
02:26:01
Speaker
Yeah. Oh my God. Why is Jim John in the middle of this? So Slappy was going to take three, which would have killed him by the way. He would have died. I know. So then that three was going to be transferred to you. It would have been four actually for Slappy because he's extra vulnerable to fire. So you would have taken the three, but since she is taking the brunt of your damage,
02:26:27
Speaker
She will take three damage, but it won't be
02:26:33
Speaker
Because of how? Yes, it'll be it'll be it'll be minus one as like you feel scorched because like, you know, these flames were like chemical eyes like you fucking put alcohol through them. So it's not just a little fire with like wood. So it quickly spreads to Lou and just her arms and her chest, you know, her neck area and her face are all singed and burned as she tackles you guys into the water trough. And then you hear the sounds. Wow. Wow. Wow.
02:27:02
Speaker
Behind you as like all the other zombies are kind of like standing there confused as they watch Chuck babies burned to a crisp behind you And that's that's happening. We cut over to Carlton Merryweather who is dug up Levi's body Don't forget to mark experience Lou because you protected Jim John. That's right as a special skill from good old Jim John Yeah, so it was at the bottom of the cereal box
02:27:32
Speaker
You find guts in feces?
02:27:38
Speaker
and other delicious things. But yeah, you find the naked body of Father Levi looks just like the guy from the chapel. And you can see that the body is still relatively undecayed. It's only been a couple of days. But yeah, he's got all the wounds you guys inflicted on him, all the magical burns, but he has nothing that he had on him. I feel like I'm kind of investigating here.
02:28:06
Speaker
Oh, you want to investigate a mystery? Yeah. Go for it. What would you like to know if you if you succeed in this? That's a five. I mean, I don't I don't think I get to know anything on that. And you get an experience point. I do level up. Noice. Yeah, you Yeah, I mean, there's not a whole lot to see other than just what what you see. Like he's just a naked dude in a hole. That's a shallow grave by the river. Interesting.
02:28:35
Speaker
And he has a wound in his gut from where you stabbed a silver spoon into it. And you see he's starting to writhe a little bit, like his body kind of wiggles a little bit kind of convulsally, but then stops moving again. And every so many seconds it starts to writhe, but his eyes never open. He's just writhing back and forth in the hole. I feel like what must be done involves the flamethrower somehow.
02:29:02
Speaker
Yeah, I would say that's a pretty solid yes. Pretty hard to miss. Yeah, so I do that. I burn him on fire. All right, what's your role? It stinks. Would you kick some dead ass, please? I'm just curious. Okay, it's a big fat 11 with expert precision into that whole, you cover that whole entire body. No rush fires.
02:29:25
Speaker
What's that? I said point blank with a flamethrower. Point blank with a flamethrower. Hard to miss.
02:29:33
Speaker
And yeah, you put him you you you engulf him in flames you baptize his body by fire and it It just sent just to a crisp and you kind of you see you feel like like a loud You don't feel allowed you feel you feel a shaking in the ground like a quake Then you hear like a loud scream somewhere off in the distance of town toward the direction of town and What's that?
02:30:03
Speaker
Is it a Scottish scream? No, actually, it sounds like Levi's real voice as he screams really loudly, like damning, damning hell. And then you guys back in town, it's like you're putting yourselves out in the water trough. You guys see like this kind of purple ish, like a
02:30:24
Speaker
A green and purple swirling gate, this oval-like window opens up, probably like maybe seven or eight feet tall, near where the body of
02:30:39
Speaker
of Chuck Babies is. And Carlton, you just heard that really loud scream. You're a magic user. You feel like the deed has been done. You've vanquished the spirit that was residing here in the Wild West. Well, I suppose I should meet up with my friends. Are you poofing back? Poofing back to Slappy Pete, Joe, and Jim Jones. Lou, Lou, now you're doing it. Lou, whoa, goddamn.
02:31:09
Speaker
All right, so as the only unharmed person here, you show up to a bloodbath, quite literally in a bath. These three are tattered and broken and you see zombies, just like all the zombies on the other end of the portal, just kind of collapse off of their horses and fall into a heap.
02:31:31
Speaker
And you see just what the rest of these you see like a large roughly eight foot Doorway that's purple with green swirls kind of jutting in and out of it like little serpents What do y'all do? What the hell is that thing? Might be our way out either which way I can't handle more this. Oh, maybe Either way we got to do something Lou Lou How are you?
02:32:02
Speaker
Are you like kicking that? Are you at seven, six? I'm like pretty close to dying. Keeper, can I use magic and try and pass my unquenchable vitality ability and give her a little bit of a boost if I succeed? Because one of the things is heal one harm for her.
Escape from the Wild West and Time Travel Consequences
02:32:27
Speaker
Yeah, you can heal one harm if you use magic. You can heal one harm with magic. Sure, if you want to try it. Just give her some flavor as to how I can do it. Yeah, go for it. Don't kill me. Submit that magic. Whoa. Yeah, so you hear one harm from an injury or cure disease or neutralize a poison. So yeah, you give her a little bit of a boost in her vitality and she feels a little less closer to the death door. We're getting out of this damn hellhole. I hate the Wild West. This is stupid. Why would I ever like to sit?
02:32:56
Speaker
Yeah, Jim John's gonna lift up Lou and Carlton is that our way home? I'm not entirely sure, but it is a way out. Shit. Jim John's gonna read a bad situation. Okay, real flesh, sir. No, he's doing his bets.
02:33:20
Speaker
Not hedging. Yeah, he's not he's gonna not not hedging his best. No, he's definitely hedging his best John that's a 10. What do you want to know brother? What's my best way in out dangers threat vulnerable protective? What's my best way out? In regards to the Wild West
02:33:41
Speaker
Like, to get back home, basically, out of the past. What's my best way out here? Is it... You mean out of the trough? Just step out of the trough. He's already stepped out. Well, there's two answers I can give you to that, but one would be if Carlton shares what he saw. If he doesn't, then there's only one answer I can give you. Okay. So Carlton, do you share what you saw when you plunged the spoon into Levi's body?
02:34:10
Speaker
Yeah, do you want me to, uh, Carlton, explain it or just say, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Carlton can explain it. So, so as Carlton explains, everyone, I saw a guy with a phone. Carlton, you sound kind of sick. Such a peculiar medallion. It was a warning. All right, Carlton, speed up. What else? Was there a portal? Is that relevant? I'm getting to that part. Hold on.
02:34:40
Speaker
Who is bleeding the death in his water trough? That's the best way to protect the victims. Who is currently in the arms of an intern? Not bleeding to death in the water trough, just bleeding to death in the arms of an intern. Why am I still in a water trough? So you guys, you see...
02:35:00
Speaker
I was like, er, wet her. To answer your first question better, Jim John, based on what Carlton has told you, the only lead that you have is this. This matches a description of what he saw when he was exhuming Levi. This is the only way that you know that could possibly be a way home, unless you guys know how to time travel. As far as how to protect the victims is concerned,
02:35:28
Speaker
I guess that depends on how much longer you want to stay in a possibly undead ridden wild west. But you know that they have kind of primitive – you saw the way that they try to heal people and you don't think that you – well, Lou especially is going to bounce back super quickly from all the wounds that she's gotten. She just needs to rest. You need to get her somewhere where she can rest. Slappy, you're leaving that money for the sheriff, by the way.
02:35:55
Speaker
I kind of forgot about it. Thanks for reminding me. Now I'm hook broken. Yeah, I can't take that money with us. And we ran up a tab on the sheriff's stuff. So that'll pay be our payment back so we don't fuck up the timeline.
02:36:07
Speaker
Take my little hat off and my little shirt off and throw it on the ground. Yeah, Jim John takes his shirt off and keeps his pants on, but leaves the chaps in the boots. Okay. This is an interesting move while still holding the load, but yeah, sure. He's very talented. Obviously, he's off to me for a second. I don't work. Slap, he's like... Nothing keeps his stuff. Of course he would.
02:36:36
Speaker
Is that poor impulse control? You want to keep the hat? Sure. All right. So I guess this is our leap of faith, huh? We stick our hands out. I mean, I'll go through together. Carlton puts his hands out. Someone has to put me on there. Someone has to hold me up. Hop on my back. No, it's in front of you. It's like a big door. Hop on my back, Slappy.
02:37:06
Speaker
All right. Carlton, you're riding piggyback. We're all going together. In we go! It's like that Austin Powers time trample. As you walk through the wormhole, it feels as if you simply walk through a normal doorway.
02:37:35
Speaker
Your eyes get a bit hazy as you set foot on new ground. Your ears are alerted by a cacophony of explosions clanging metal and guttural roars.
02:37:46
Speaker
Your vision returns to see a battle filled with bodies strewn about. You see a war. You see an army of skeletons brandishing armor and steel battling a smaller opposition comprised of humanoids of all different sizes and races. While your mind adjusts to all the chaos in front of you, a voice pierces through the noise and shouts, fall back! Fall back! They've got a goddamn dragon!
02:38:55
Speaker
Doesn't look good already.