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Ep. 38: How it Feels to go Through University With ADHD
132 Plays3 years ago
Episode 2 of the Teenage Kicks ADHD mini-series sees Helen Wills talk to Lacey Small about how it feels to be a University student with ADHD.
Lacey says she finds it difficult to talk to people about how she's feeling, because nobody really understands what she's dealing with.
Growing up, Lacey - like lots of children with ADHD - thought she was "stupid." She spelled words phonetically, and couldn't grasp times tables at junior school.
Lacey says “Discovering I had ADHD was like an epiphany, it’s like my own little super power that helps me see the world in a unique perspective.”
ADHD at University
Lacey struggled to move away from the comfort zone of home, as she finds it emotionally exhausting to engage with her peers.
Lacey also finds external stimuli distressing, so going to the pub, or being on a busy street has caused her to cry and melt down in social situations.
Regarding her studies, Lacey says that her ADHD tendency to think outside the box makes academic study difficult, even though it's great for creativity and problem solving.
ADHD during the pandemic
Lacey says that having to work remotely during Covid-19 has made her ADHD even more difficult to manage. Without the regular input of lectures and engagement with tutors, she has struggled to maintain focus, and her mental health has suffered.
She says we need to give more thought to supporting students who've felt isolated by remote learning.
Types of ADHD
Lacey described the 3 typical presentations of ADHD as she understands them:
- Attentive - these are the people who are good at masking and people-pleasing, and who try to fit in with others. This is more common in girls.
- Inattentive - people with inattentive ADHD are less aware of social boundaries and might be labelled 'naughty' at school.
- Combined - where sufferers know they don't react like others, but are confused as to why.
Why it's important to get an ADHD Diagnosis
Getting her diagnosis recently has helped Lacey's tutors and coursemates to understand where she's coming from, so it's been a huge relief.
She says that an earlier diagnosis of ADHD might have saved her a lot of stress, especially around friendships and exams.
Recommended support for students with ADHD
More teenage parenting tips from Helen Wills:
Helen wills is a teen mental health podcaster and blogger at Actually Mummy a resource for midlife parents of teens.
Thank you for listening! Subscribe to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear new episodes. If you have a suggestion for the podcast please email teenagekickspodcast@gmail.com.
There are already stories from fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent, becoming a young carer, and being
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Transcript
Realization and Exploration of ADHD
00:00:00
Speaker
one night we'd just come out of a pub and I just started crying out of nowhere and I don't know why so I went home and I just searched up why am I crying because the pub is too loud that was it that was when I realized okay maybe I do have ADHD
00:00:21
Speaker
Welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast where we take the fear out of parenting or becoming a teenager.
Introduction to Teenage Kicks Podcast
00:00:28
Speaker
I'm Helen Wills and every week I talk to somebody who had a difficult time in their teenage years but who came through the other side in a good place and has brilliant insight to offer to families going through similar.
New Series on ADHD
00:00:41
Speaker
Today I'm going to be starting the first in my series on ADHD.
00:00:47
Speaker
It's something I know nothing much about other than what I've heard in news stories and I briefly googled before I started talking to today's guest. But I suspect I'm like quite a lot of parents of neurotypical children who don't really understand it and don't get it and certainly don't understand how it might affect a teenager's life.
University Challenges During the Pandemic
00:01:09
Speaker
I'm really grateful today to be joined by Lacey Small, who I found via a BBC website news article when she was discussing how difficult she was going to find going back to university during the lockdown of the pandemic.
00:01:24
Speaker
Lacey, I'm so pleased to have you here. Thank you for having me. I'm as excited as you are to get started. I'm really excited to hear more, learn more and understand not only what it's like at university during a pandemic, which is tough in its own right, but as you said, what it's like to try and cope with a condition, a diagnosis, a thing that most other people presumably amongst your friendships don't have.
00:01:54
Speaker
Yeah, it's great to be here. Yeah, I am. I think I'm the only one of my friendship groups really that have this. I think it's difficult to talk to everyone around me about how I'm feeling when no one really understands.
BBC Article and Pandemic Impact
00:02:07
Speaker
That's why I'm doing this. It's great. How did the BBC get hold of you or did you approach them? So the BBC work with my department at Aboriginal University and they ask lecturers to submit students who want to do articles. So I got chosen.
00:02:24
Speaker
Oh, that's brilliant. You came across really well in it. And I have to say, it's something that I had considered. Most of the people I know at university are children or friends of mine who are going into their first year. And so we talked about how difficult and how strange that was going to be during the pandemic. And then, of course, since then, they've all been in lockdown, they've all had isolations. Most of them actually had Covid.
00:02:49
Speaker
Well, you know, freshers, they were out and about. I know it's been quite a big deal in the universities. How is that for you? Because you're in your third year? Is it your final year? Yeah, final year. It's been hard mainly because I'm doing a film degree. So normally I'm on campus with the cameras and in the editing suites, but this year I haven't been able to do that. I've had to do everything from home, behind a computer.
00:03:13
Speaker
It's been strange to try and adjust to, it's been difficult, very difficult. It must feel very surreal and quite weird to try and learn filming when you're actually
Childhood Struggles and School Life
00:03:24
Speaker
just on your own behind four walls. You must have to get quite creative.
00:03:29
Speaker
Yeah, very creative. So one of my modules is experimental media production. So I'm mainly filming outside in my garden, in my bedroom and anywhere I can film really. I predict quite a lot of that kind of film coming in the next few years. Stuck in one room.
00:03:46
Speaker
It'd be interesting. I want to start by taking you right back to the beginning when you were, maybe when you were small, literally, and then how things were for you as you grew up, what your family was like, what school was like, and when all of this burst began to kick in. Growing up, I didn't have a very conventional childhood. I was constantly in and out of hospital because I have a leg deformity. I had so many operations as a kid.
00:04:16
Speaker
But looking back, all my memories of being in hospital are hacking. It was my favorite place, but I think it's because I didn't have to go to school. I got to lay in bed all day watching telly. Like it was, I know I had a lot of fun, but going back to school after being in hospital for so long was the difficult part.
Undiagnosed ADHD in School
00:04:35
Speaker
I struggled mainly with maths and science and reading and writing. They were the biggest difficulties in school for me.
00:04:44
Speaker
I had to have extra help because I spelt words the way they sound a lot. So I had extra help with that. I had extra help with my phonics because I didn't understand stuff like this.
00:04:55
Speaker
And I think even as a kid, even being like in year three, I thought I was just stupid because I didn't understand times tables. And like, why were all my friends around me getting the seven times table? But I was not grasping it at all. I just thought I was very stupid or just not understanding things correctly. So was this the ADHD, do you think? I think it was.
00:05:21
Speaker
But as a kid I believed it was because I was in and out of hospital so much I was missing lessons. But looking back that wasn't the case because I'd take school work with me and one of the nurses would sit and do school work with me in bed. So I wasn't missing out on any education.
00:05:38
Speaker
I was just obviously needing a little bit of extra help. I didn't know I needed it at the time. And when did it become
Understanding ADHD Types
00:05:44
Speaker
apparent? When did people notice that actually this was more than just you were a bit behind on your studies? I guess high school. So in primary school, I lived in Manchester, but as I got older, we moved to Wales and that's where I spent high school.
00:05:59
Speaker
And that's when my English teacher, I forgot her name, she started going, do you want to sit with me and get a bit of extra help with your reading and writing? So I took that. And I started doing a bit better with the extra help, but then.
00:06:15
Speaker
As exams got close, that's when things went really downhill. I'm just going to interject and ask you, if you can, to explain to us what ADHD is. And I've seen it referred to as ADD as well. And I've seen people talk about it interchangeably. Is there a difference? What actually is it as a diagnosis?
Daily Life with ADHD
00:06:37
Speaker
ADD is ADHD without hyperactivity. So ADHD is you have hyperactive impulses that are very hyperactive. So there's three different types of ADHD, what I know.
00:06:53
Speaker
So there's attentive ADHD, inattentive ADHD and combined where you have a mixture of both, which is what I think I have and what my doctor has said it sounds like I have, definitely. So what's the difference then? Atentive ADHD you're more aware of your surroundings, you people please a lot to
00:07:15
Speaker
fit in with the social bubble around you. In attentive ADHD, you're not aware of those social boundaries as much. And when you have combined, it's like you're very confused about how to act in certain situations. That's one of the biggest things I've took from my research on ADHD. Do you know what? As you described that, that sounds a little bit like me sometimes, and a little bit like quite a lot of people, I imagine. Yeah.
00:07:42
Speaker
So is it just more extreme? Is that if you have the diagnosis? Yeah, basically, a lot of the symptoms that people have experienced, everyone else experiences, it's just the way we experience it, it's so drastic and it's emotionally exhausting to be interacting with people. Right, I was going to say, how does it actually affect you? So it's quite intense by the sound of it. How does it affect you? I can't make eye contact. I look
00:08:12
Speaker
in people's heads here mainly because if I make an eye contact, I'm just constantly, I fiddle with my hands having conversations, so constantly my hands are in my pocket. And another thing is if someone is like, oh, I'm feeling sad because of this reason, the way we take that is we will think of a situation that's happened to us as a way of showing this person we understand, but not everyone understands that we're trying to not make, but we're just trying to
00:08:40
Speaker
help in the way that we know. Gosh, I do that all the time. I'm constantly berating myself for turning someone else's problems into, oh, and that happened to me too. So honestly, it sounds like what you're describing is quite normal in a lot of people, but it's just way more intense. Like you say, drains you and exhausts you. Is that a fair summary? It is draining, especially because if you're spending the whole day talking to people and interacting with people, especially at school,
00:09:08
Speaker
By the end of the day, you just want to go to sleep.
Gender Disparities in ADHD Diagnosis
00:09:10
Speaker
Right. So it just takes a lot of effort to appear normal. And I'm doing that in air quotes because I don't want to say normal because the more I do these recordings, the more I learn and realise that there's not really any such thing as normal. No, there's no such thing. We're all a bit different in our own way. But as you were describing the not
00:09:28
Speaker
wanting eye contact and struggling and fiddling with things. I'm thinking of quite a lot of kids in primary school who really can't do that. And it's sort of, they learn those as societal norms over their life. It's actually not normal for any of us to want to look each other in the eye.
00:09:46
Speaker
and not fiddle with our hair, is it? It's just that we learn how to do that and we learn that it is supposedly, again, air quotes, the right way to behave. It's how we're supposed to act if we're doing interviews or talks or trying to impress somebody on a date, maybe.
00:10:04
Speaker
I'm thinking that all of what you're describing is just things that you haven't been able to learn as easily as no. That's basically it. It takes us so much longer to learn how to act normal. But from my research, what I found out is those with ADHD are
00:10:23
Speaker
more likely to mask their symptoms from a very young age to fit in with societal norms. So that's why girls don't get diagnosed as easily as young boys, is because we mask our symptoms.
00:10:36
Speaker
Right. That makes total sense. And actually the person who flagged your BBC interview to me, who is an ADHD coach, she's actually, she also coaches dyslexia and she's on another episode in the podcast. She has said exactly that to me that the difference between the genders is quite marked with all these diagnoses, all these non-neurotypical diagnoses
00:11:01
Speaker
It's quite, and girls do try to accommodate it for longer and more than boys might do. That's just true. That's just true of women.
ADHD Diagnosis Journey
00:11:13
Speaker
I go with a stereotype, but honestly, that's how it feels a lot of the time. So you are 21 now and you recently had a diagnosis, right? Last year, what happened was I'd been struggling at uni for a while with different things like why wasn't I able to do all this work by myself? Why wasn't I able to go on nights out with my friends without feeling so exalted 20 minutes in?
00:11:39
Speaker
So one night we'd just come out of a pub and I just started crying out of nowhere and I don't know why. So I went home and I just searched up, why am I crying? Cause the pub is too loud. And that was it. That was it. That was when I realized, okay, maybe I do have ADHD. Right. I think that's due to that immediately.
00:12:00
Speaker
Wow. So external stimulus. Yes. Hard to take. Yeah. So I'm in the process of buying earplugs now to help me with going out shopping and being out and about because cars, too many people being on a busy street, everything that makes me feel so anxious and I want to just close in and go home. Yeah. Are you an introvert?
00:12:25
Speaker
I'd say yes, but my hyperactivity makes me an extrovert as well. So like me personally, I love being on my own, I love doing my own thing, but when I'm very hyperactive, I love being around people. Explain a little bit to us about how that shows up for you. Yeah, so my hyperactivity
00:12:45
Speaker
I'd say it's a lot of noises. I'll be on the boat with my friends and I'm just repeating thoughts in my head out loud. That's the main one. I do voices and accents all the time. My favourite one's a Yorkshire farmer. I don't know why I do it but...
00:13:00
Speaker
It'll just come out at random times. It even happens in lectures and my lectures absolutely laugh all the time when it happens. Yeah, it's little things like that and I'm constantly, my hands, happy hands I call them. So when I'm happy, my hands are just showing it. I jump up and I do this little run when I'm really happy. It's little things like that. It's when I'm very hyperactive, my body shows it more than my face. Okay. I'm just imagining you doing a Yorkshire farmer accent in your lectures.
00:13:30
Speaker
That's hilarious. But you're okay with that, because I can imagine some people might feel awkward and embarrassed when they do that. But how have you learned to, or have you always just... I've always been like that. So even in primary school, all the teachers loved me because I was, oh, Lacey is very talkative. She's lovely to have in class.
Coping with ADHD in University
00:13:50
Speaker
So I've always been like this. And I think being a drama film kid as well, kind of helps with that.
00:13:56
Speaker
Yes, I mean, a lot of drama film kids, I bet, are somewhere on that spectrum with something. Yes. No, I love that. I can totally picture you being that person. So actually, a lot of people, when I interviewed them for this podcast, have had bullying or friendship issues. Was that ever a thing for you? Were you always reasonably well?
00:14:15
Speaker
So bullying, I never had, I never had bullies in primary school. All the kids in my primary school knew that I was kid in the wheelchair with the foot problem. So I was never bullied for that. But when I moved to Wales, bullies tried to get me. They tried to be like, oh, you walk with a limp. That's so stupid. And why are you always so loud? Why are you so annoying? But it just went, it went right over my head. And I just went, why, why, why? Like,
00:14:41
Speaker
I've never really had a problem with bullies. I always just told them to go away. Just let it go over you. I love that. Gosh, and that's a coping strategy. Yeah, I guess it is. In this podcast everyone always says you know what and social media is good for it right now. I don't actually care about what you think of me. I'm happy we're on my own. Yeah, always. I think it's because
00:15:04
Speaker
I used to think I've gone through all this at hospital and your words aren't going to hurt me. Right. Yes. Makes you a bit of a superhero, I guess. Oh, I love that. That is so nice to hear. I'm really reassuring. It must have been weird then starting at university. I've talked about this on the podcast before that we big up everything about university. We tell our kids it's the start of their real lives. It's going to be amazing. And then.
00:15:30
Speaker
For some of us it is, but many of us get homesick or we feel lonely, we don't find the right friendship group immediately. We struggle with the studies perhaps or the change in lifestyle, having to be independent and do everything for ourselves for the first time.
00:15:45
Speaker
That must have been weird. I mean, that's weird in its own right and causes issues for a lot of 18, 19 year olds at uni. But how was it for you starting brand new with brand new people with ADHD on board? So the day I moved to uni, I was not upset at all. Well, I was, but on the way there, my best friend was in the car with me. She would cry in the whole time.
00:16:12
Speaker
And then the minute they all left and I waved and they turned around the corner, I just pulled my eyes out. I was crying for hours, but my flatmates were lovely. I'm really happy that I had nice flatmates. But that's when I first started realizing I'm having a problem functioning on my own. I'd forget to do my laundry. I'd forget to have a shower. I'd forget to eat sometimes. Like eating was...
00:16:38
Speaker
a big one, so I'd mainly get a takeaway because I'd forget and then it would be too late to cook in the kitchen. That's when I was like, okay, you really need to get down. So I made myself a calendar that lasted a week. Well, that's, yeah, I know that feeling.
00:16:54
Speaker
So one of the problems with ADHD is you have no structure, you struggle big time. So I was trying to create a structure that I didn't know how to make. So when lectures actually started, that structure started happening and slowly came out and I was doing okay for a little bit, but it was missing home that was the big one for me. It was so hard, especially because I missed my siblings as well.
00:17:20
Speaker
Right. What do you have at home with this assistant? I have a younger sister and two younger brothers. Right. Oh, so big family then. Yeah, very big family. And do any of your siblings have the same issues as you? Well, my youngest brother has Dwayne syndrome and some other learning difficulties. So me and him got on very well. And that's, I think the hardest thing leaving home was leaving him. But he's doing, he's doing great now. He's doing his GCSEs now. So he's doing well.
00:17:48
Speaker
We suspect my sister might have ADHD. I've told her, you know, we are so similar in so many ways, but she just doesn't want to hear it. Well, no, because no kid, no teenager wants to be different, especially as a teenager. That's the point at which you just want to morph into all your friends and be exactly the same as everybody else, as long as they're the popular kids, I guess.
00:18:12
Speaker
No one wants to stand out as different, so I can really understand that. So in terms of getting your diagnosis, your parents were, I'm assuming, not aware that you had ADHD? No, not aware. So the day I went to the GUP, I took a booking with me with all of my things written down, so I didn't forget. And I sat there, almost in tears, trying to read this out to the doctor, and he's like, it's OK.
00:18:39
Speaker
It does sound like it's true. You do most likely have ADHD, but I'm so sorry. The waiting list is five years long. You said that. I can't believe that's horrendous. I haven't been put on the waiting list yet because Covid happened straight away after and I couldn't go back to be put on the waiting list. But the day after I told my parents and they were like, really?
00:19:03
Speaker
you and i was like yeah i do okay so had you coped basically getting through exams and things like that i didn't do very well okay i did well in my english but that's because i enjoyed english but science maths i failed miserably right i still need to pass my maths gc c and i don't think it's ever going to happen
00:19:27
Speaker
Because you have to have that to go through most college courses, don't you think you retake it? So thankfully doing a film course, you don't need maths. And I did the scholarship exam to get into the uni, so that was a big help as well. So you have a scholarship?
00:19:43
Speaker
Yeah, not the money one. Are there any money ones on these days? Does that happen? Okay, I'm digressing quite a lot here, but I really like to make that point that just because you don't do the academic, you don't do well in the traditionally demanded academic studies,
00:20:05
Speaker
does not mean that there is not a course and a path for you in life. You can always find your path further down the line. And it sounds like you found the right thing for you. And it was available to you. It was available. And, you know, when I got my results from my GCSEs, I was like, I'm never going to go to college. I'm never going to go to uni. And my head teacher, not my head teacher, my head of house said to me, it's not the end of the world.
Education System and Creativity
00:20:31
Speaker
It's really not the end of the world. He said he didn't get his English and he's a teacher. Excellent. I've heard people say this before as well. Even if you did need maths, it doesn't stop you from doing the thing you want to do. If that is really and truly the thing you want to do, you just have to work hard for that thing, but you will find a way to do it. Some of the most famous and successful people that don't have a GCSE
00:20:56
Speaker
O level, whatever, A level to their name. It's just about how you tackle it. And I'm imagining, I don't know if this is right and correct me if I'm wrong, because I know that I must stereotype conditions and things that I don't understand, as we all do when we don't understand them. And I'm well up for being corrected. But I'm imagining that you may be, Lacey, have a bit of a thinking outside the box way of going about things. Definitely. Yeah, my thinking is very outside the box.
00:21:26
Speaker
And that will come into its own. It's handy in certain areas. It's just not handy when it comes down to stuff like exams because there's only one set way to do exams. I'm doing that in quotes again. But no, I think very outside the box, but it does come in handy, especially in life.
00:21:45
Speaker
It's very handy. Yeah, I often think that the whole school process, whilst it's getting better, is very geared to stereotypical, neurotypical, standard child, and also lots of people have said to me, it knocks creativity and individuality out of kids because you're taught to perform
00:22:06
Speaker
to a particular academic level and that that is all that counts and it is if you want to go on to do A levels, it is if you want to get into the university of choice. But along the way it's not necessarily doing you any good personality and ambition wise because it's narrowing your ambition to a very academic end point when actually
00:22:29
Speaker
There are so many other avenues you can take and I do always want to stress that to families with kids who are not doing brilliantly in exams and academic studies. Whilst it seems like the be all and end all until you're at least 18, it really, really doesn't have to be, right? No, it's not the end of the world at all. Like I'm doing so well now and I'm enjoying the life I have and I'm enjoying my uni course.
Youth Film Festival Aspirations
00:22:56
Speaker
And I don't have all my GCSEs, I don't have all my A levels, but that's okay. It's really not the end of the world. That's brilliant to hear. Out of interest, do you have a plan for what you're going to do? Yeah, so my plan is to get training to open up my own Youth Film Festival because I did that for most of my teenage years volunteering for Youth Film Festival.
00:23:19
Speaker
That's what I want to do. Oh, amazing. That sounds fascinating and brilliant for other kids that want to do something that's a bit more creative. Because when you think of film students, everyone's like, oh, I want to be this big time director. I want to make the next Oscar winning film. I just want to write some scripts, which is a big passion of mine, but also have a film festival and go around
00:23:44
Speaker
with the kids in this area and just help them figure out that if that film is an option and the creative industries are an option too. Oh that sounds like a brilliant career choice and actually quite lucrative I would imagine because people are as things like this become more known about more understood and parents want to provide other things for their kids
00:24:10
Speaker
who aren't necessarily interested in the academic system. You know, savvy, savvy decision. I can see that working really well for you later. Thank you. Oh, that's great. So just going back to you starting at university with your ADHD and all the things you've described about yourself because of it,
Acceptance and Understanding of ADHD
00:24:30
Speaker
How did you build that in to your friendships, your flatmates, your lecturers? How did you get to the point where you could be a Yorkshire farmer in your lectures and your tutors would just laugh and understand where it came from? So before I realised I had ADHD, I just thought I was a very happy, high practised person.
00:24:56
Speaker
And from the get go, I've always got on with my teachers and in high school line, I always had a really close relationship. So when I got to uni, I knew I was going to be the same with my lecturers. So slowly, my personality started coming out and they just loved me for it. And then when I realized that ADHD is what I have, I told most of them and they were like, yeah, that's fine. It's understandable why you're the way you are.
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah, we love you, you are, so it was nice. God, I'm so happy. Yeah. They're all very nice. This is such a happy story. I wasn't expecting it all to be happy, but it's lovely. I'm sure it hasn't all been happy. No. I had lots of struggles. So tell us a bit about what that diagnosis means, apart from the fact that you now have to wait for COVID to end before you can get on a five-year waiting list.
Importance of Early Diagnosis
00:25:47
Speaker
What does it mean now
00:25:50
Speaker
in terms of how you can, what does the diagnosis do to change things now you've got it? So the diagnosis for me was more of a relief to know that there is a reason why I do everything. I did struggle with friendships for a very long time, mainly because I feel like I annoyed people because of my hyperactive alpha bursts, but I slowly got used to the fact that it happens and I just explained to people, look,
00:26:19
Speaker
I get very hyperactive when I'm happy and it just means that I'm happy and comfortable around you to be myself. So all my friends now understand and they don't have a problem with it. But I just wish I knew from a very young age that I had ADHD so I could have had that extra help going through high school.
00:26:40
Speaker
So maybe my exams would have gone a bit better just because at the time I felt like it was the end of the world.
Recognizing ADHD Signs in Children
00:26:47
Speaker
And I felt like I could have avoided that feeling, but it's okay. That's a really good point, actually. So on that, what would you say to parents who are just a little bit suspicious that maybe something's not right, not normal, or maybe their child is struggling in something at school? What would you say to look out for?
00:27:09
Speaker
So I'd look out for what's their attention span like? Are they constantly looking out the window? Are they not focusing on tasks? Are they not getting the homework they've been given? Are they struggling to make friends or are they struggling with hyper-activeness and cloud outbursts and not being able to sit still? But it's not the end of the world. If anything, ADHD is a special superpower which makes your child see the world in a very different view.
00:27:38
Speaker
And it's actually a really nice view of the world to have. Yeah. Oh, no, I can completely see that. But to your point in terms of just making life a little bit easier for them, if that's what's happening, I'm imagining that a lot of parents would look at that picture you've painted and think, well, we'll just wait for him to grow out of it. And he probably will. Because I've seen elements of that in both my kids. I think you see elements of it, as I was saying earlier, in all kids.
00:28:06
Speaker
And just assume, well, you know, that's just kids and eventually they grow out of it. I assume then going to the GP, if it seems to be something that they're not growing out of, that is extending into secondary school, maybe, because secondary school is probably where most kids do start to settle down, hoe the line, stick to the rules, complete the homework. And I'm hating myself for even saying it, but that is currently, whether it's right or wrong, the way to succeed as a teenager in school.
00:28:36
Speaker
The GP would be the first move. Definitely. The GP, speak to your GP. And as well as that, there's plenty of online material.
Accessing ADHD Medication
00:28:45
Speaker
There's plenty of, I've got an email that comes through once a month with ADHD materials that I can read and they help me figure out how I can go through life and focus on day-to-day tasks.
00:28:58
Speaker
There's lots of material out there, but your DP is the way to start. Right. Thank goodness for the internet, right? It's great. I'm going to ask you, when we finish recording, I'm going to ask you to tell me what all of those resources are so that I can include links in the episode notes. For anybody who thinks they might, A, like you did, need to Google some symptoms and see if it lands on that as a diagnosis. Self diagnosis is a great tool sometimes.
00:29:23
Speaker
and B, know that this is an issue for their child and want to help them. So then what happens next when you do make it through that waiting list? Gosh, you'll be in such a different place anyway by then. But what then happens? What do you get as a result of that? So I'm guessing for kids the waiting list will be a lot less. I think mine's five years long because I'm now an adult. I guess next your doctor would start talking about maybe medication.
00:29:50
Speaker
which is what I'm waiting for and I really really want to try because it calms down the noise in your head and helps your focus. That makes total sense and why can't you get that now? Because I'd need to see a psychiatrist and I'd need to see
00:30:08
Speaker
another specialist doctor, and if I want to push myself forward on the waiting list, it's like £500 to do so. Gosh.
Pandemic's Impact on ADHD
00:30:17
Speaker
Oh, right. Okay. Do you know what all that tells me is that this is a massive thing that affects a lot of people.
00:30:25
Speaker
So I'm pleased that I've been, it's been suggested to me that I do a whole series on ADHD, not just one episode, but yet like everything kind of, as again, air quotes, mental health related, it's so far down the list, isn't it? And yet coming with every episode I do more and more obvious that it needs to be as high on the list as things like cancer and diabetes and all of those things. It is so, so, so important.
00:30:52
Speaker
Well, it affects every second of your life. It affects how you function. It affects how you talk to people. It affects your relationships.
00:31:00
Speaker
it's difficult when you don't know what's happening in there. And even when you do it sounds like it's difficult to use all those coping strategies when there could be an alternative. What is the medication do you know out of interest? I don't know and I think there's two different types in the UK depending on how much you struggle they give you a certain one. I haven't looked much into the medication because
00:31:24
Speaker
I knew that won't be coming to me for a long time. No. No. And in the meantime, it's just exhausting, as you say. You look like you're coping very well with it to me, but then I understand that after this episode's finished, you may have to go and have a nap, potentially. I might as well, to be fair, being 53 is quite a similar from that point.
00:31:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's exhausting. Just before we finish, well, two things before we finish. I'll put a link to the BBC article that you did, which talks specifically about why coronavirus has made things worse for you at university with ADHD. Can you explain a little bit about that? When coronavirus happened, obviously it was very nerve wracking and it was very
00:32:10
Speaker
It was, it was difficult. It was stressful, but then we got the email that uni would be going online and I knew, I just knew I would not be able to cope.
00:32:19
Speaker
I spent like this is my bedroom and uni room and where I do all my revision and it's hard it's hard trying to do it all yourself and now you can't go to your lectures and be like hi I'm struggling can we sit down and do it together you have to email them and wait and they will come back to you if they're good but you can't get an answer to your problem in the moment
00:32:41
Speaker
No, and it's hard trying to stay on top of everything when it's behind the computer. I can see that and I can imagine it because my kids are teenagers now and they've been through really good online lessons with their school, really good. But there must be a ton of kids, I hadn't even thought about it, there must be a ton of kids who are really struggling to engage with those online sessions and then can't stick their hand up and ask for the answer in the moment to the problem that they've got right there and then. It's difficult and I think I struggle with most
00:33:11
Speaker
is all your friends are on the screen in front of you, you're not with them. And that's really different. And the worst part is it's our final year.
Encouragement for Students with ADHD
00:33:20
Speaker
Most of my friends in my course will be gone next year.
00:33:25
Speaker
So like, if we're all laughing on the screen, it's great in the moment, but then you sit and think, wait, these people are in their bedrooms and you're on your own here. That's hard. It's surreal, isn't it? I mean, at least you're at home with a family, whether you're getting on well with them or not. So you've got a real physical person in the room with you. You're right. And then those friendships, I mean, hopefully your friendships
00:33:46
Speaker
I'm still friends 30 years later with the people I went to university with and you have at least had those couple of real years before the Covid years. I really hope that you will manage to stay together in some format once this comes down. Thank you.
00:34:01
Speaker
All right, is there anything else that you'd like to say, Lacey, to parents or kids who are just dealing with this right now? You've given us the practical advice, but is there anything you'd say if you were to go back with hindsight to, as you say, that girl who was struggling with her maths and thinking she was stupid? What would you say to her?
00:34:22
Speaker
I'd say it's okay. You're not stupid. You just need help figuring things out more than your friends do. And just because you're in bottomset maths and all your friends are at the top, it doesn't mean that it's the end of the world. You now are at uni and it's fantastic. And I'd say to parents, talk to your kids, ask them how they are at school.
00:34:44
Speaker
That's all you need to do. They will tell you how they're feeling at school. No, you're right. And actually, if they won't, then push them to eventually and use those tactics that I sometimes talk about, take them out for a walk or put them in the back of the car and drive them. That's when my kids talk to me the most that they're forced to.
00:35:01
Speaker
Yeah, I like that that, you know, just because you're struggling with this does not mean you're stupid. Because I do think that must happen to quite a lot of kids and they just think they're not worthy. And that's such a terrible, sad thing. And that the vast majority...
00:35:18
Speaker
will get to a point where they're able to manage what's going on and have opportunities like they're seeing their friends have right now. They will get their opportunity at the right time for them. Yeah, they
Final Advice and Social Media Connection
00:35:29
Speaker
will. Lovely. Thank you, Lacey. Is there anything else you want to say? Are you online where people can find you if they want to or keep up to date with your film future production?
00:35:42
Speaker
Yeah, so when I brought out the BBC article, a lot of people found me on Facebook and they sent me messages and was telling me, thank you, you know, thank you for highlighting this problem. So if you find me on Facebook, drop me a message, I will always reply. Amazing. That's brilliant to know. And as you say, having a community of people who get you is really, really important.
00:36:04
Speaker
I'll get you to give me a link to your Facebook as well. I will. And direct people there in the show notes. Go down to the show notes when you finish listening. There's all sorts of helpful links there.
00:36:15
Speaker
Thank you, Lacey. It was okay to chat to you today and I understand a little bit more. I can't claim to know enough to talk properly about it yet and I will continue to make mistakes, but to future episodes where I will be taught and will learn much, much more and hopefully be a better parent and a better advocate for people. Thank you very much for having me. It was nice to talk to you. You too. Have a great day.
00:36:40
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening. If you like the podcast, please hit the subscribe button and if you think this episode might help someone else that you know, please do share it with them. There are lots more episodes of the Teenage Kicks podcast. Do have a browse and see if I've covered anything else you might find useful.
00:37:01
Speaker
And if you have a suggestion of something you'd like to see talked about on the podcast, please do email me on teenagekickspodcast at gmail.com or send me a message on Instagram or Twitter at I am Helen Wills. I love to hear from my listeners and I'm always keen to hear how I can help more families cope with what can be some of the most complicated, but also the most wonderful years of parenting.
00:37:29
Speaker
Bye for now and see you next week.