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37 Truths You Should Have Been Taught About Men, Part 3
55 Plays2 years ago
We continue our "truths about men" series with a focus on relationships.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Series
00:00:06
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:07
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:12
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:00:14
Speaker
All right, part three.
00:00:16
Speaker
Part three of the 37 truths we should have been told about men.
00:00:20
Speaker
When we last left our heroes, what number were we on?
00:00:22
Speaker
I think 21.
00:00:23
Speaker
We covered number
Recap and Stereotypes of Attractive Men
00:00:25
Speaker
20.
00:00:25
Speaker
So we left off the one that spoke about the idea that all attractive men are bad people slash womanizers is a cope that is primarily propagated by unattractive men who feel like they can't compete with said men.
00:00:39
Speaker
That was where we left off the last time.
Challenging Societal Norms on Relationships and Family
00:00:41
Speaker
So we will now be moving on to, I guess, relationship-based truths that we should have been taught about men.
00:00:48
Speaker
Yeah, the last episode was primarily about sex, and this one we'll talk about relationships.
00:00:53
Speaker
Relationships.
00:00:55
Speaker
So let's dive straight in to this meal.
00:00:58
Speaker
So truth number 21 is that women do not need to be in a relationship with a man to be happy.
Post-Divorce Realities for Women
00:01:04
Speaker
Yes!
00:01:06
Speaker
I feel like people say this, a lot of this is, I mean, this isn't a new truth, so to speak, but I wonder how many people actually believe it as well, that women can be fine just on their own and that if they are single, that doesn't mean that they're defective.
00:01:23
Speaker
I think that a lot of our culture revolves around the concept of family and finding romantic love.
00:01:30
Speaker
So people tend to think that women who don't obsess over that in particular have something wrong with them, right?
00:01:38
Speaker
And that their lives won't be complete or fulfilled without it.
00:01:41
Speaker
But as we've stated many times that really when it comes down to
00:01:46
Speaker
your long-term happiness, it's high value male or bust.
00:01:50
Speaker
Because if you are with a man who is not good for you, then you are certainly happier single than you are in relationships.
00:01:57
Speaker
And many women who have been married to men such as that will tell you that often they
00:02:01
Speaker
they quite literally fantasize about being single and are not so subtly jealous of their friends that don't have as many social obligations or relationship obligations on account of them being married.
00:02:13
Speaker
And that's what single moms have said as well.
00:02:14
Speaker
You know, so many of them say like, after I divorced my husband, you know, my life actually got easier because I didn't have to take care of an adult child in addition to actual children.
00:02:24
Speaker
Imagine that, right?
00:02:26
Speaker
I was just talking to someone on our Discord during our warm room about that, is that there's a lot of single moms who say exactly which is quite literally their lives are happier and easier not having an adult man in a house.
00:02:37
Speaker
And do you know how useless you gotta be as a man for a woman to prefer to be a single mother?
Critique of Societal Pressures on Marriage
00:02:44
Speaker
to be a single mum, especially knowing that oftentimes when these single mums go through divorce, they're taking a financial hit.
00:02:50
Speaker
They have the social stigma.
00:02:52
Speaker
They are risking potentially never finding a partner again because of that.
00:02:56
Speaker
And they would still prefer that to being with this man.
00:02:59
Speaker
I mean, that's kind of the rub.
00:03:00
Speaker
And there was some incel who was on my Twitter recently replying to my tweets who was spamming me with memes of like a feminist woman versus a woman who has a family and then like saying, oh, feminist women are going to be alone with wine and cats and dogs, etc.,
00:03:16
Speaker
And my response to him was like, listen, if having a family was a good value proposition and that if most men put up a good value proposition, it would sell itself, wouldn't it?
00:03:28
Speaker
Yeah, of course.
00:03:29
Speaker
Of course.
00:03:29
Speaker
But the thing is, is that so often women can tell that they won't be happier with that man.
00:03:35
Speaker
And so for men to convince women that families are better than being in a, quote, childless, like lonely...
00:03:41
Speaker
Not even childless.
00:03:42
Speaker
A lot of women are single with children, but being a cat lady feminist, like you have to convince us that being with a man would be of greater value than being able to have your own autonomy and your own money and live your own life as a single woman.
00:03:55
Speaker
And so many of them don't.
00:03:57
Speaker
They're not even trying to actually convince women of that.
00:03:59
Speaker
They're just saying like, you won't be happy with no actual evidence that that's the case, as well as like them trying to instill fear about dying alone.
00:04:08
Speaker
I'm like, if your entire enticement for women to buy into the family structure is fear rather than like benefit, then it's clearly not anything of value.
00:04:17
Speaker
Just like a high pressure salesman trying to offload of lemon, a shitty product.
00:04:22
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think these men really care about how they get women to comply.
00:04:27
Speaker
They only care about women complying.
00:04:29
Speaker
So if it's, you know, they've done it through force, they force them into marriages, they still do to this day, they've done it through threats of, you know, being a cat lady, dying alone, like, they don't really care about, you know, meeting us completely.
00:04:43
Speaker
an honest way, so to speak, and like having a dialogue.
00:04:45
Speaker
Because on the surface, actually being in a partnership is on the surface, you know, when you look at things like it's easier to get a mortgage, there's also a potential for a greater quality of life because two incomes is always better
The Financial Myths and Realities of Marriage for Men
00:04:58
Speaker
than one.
00:04:58
Speaker
And women are still choosing to opt out of that.
00:05:01
Speaker
That's a serious issue that isn't going to be resolved just by making threats.
00:05:05
Speaker
Yeah, they'd rather take that peasly, measly child support check than have you sitting around in the house.
00:05:10
Speaker
And Muslims don't even get the child support as well.
00:05:12
Speaker
They don't get it.
00:05:13
Speaker
True.
00:05:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:14
Speaker
Because these men will find ways around it.
00:05:16
Speaker
It's a real problem in the UK as well, where they deliberately, you know, not declare their income or say that they're not working, or they'll switch to cash and hand jobs so they don't have to pay child support.
00:05:25
Speaker
Or they'll go for custody so that they don't have to pay, but then they won't look after the child.
00:05:30
Speaker
Yep.
00:05:33
Speaker
All facts.
00:05:34
Speaker
Which brings us to our next point.
00:05:37
Speaker
Number 22, men benefit from being married more than women do.
00:05:40
Speaker
I think it's important for women to understand where the institution of marriage actually comes from.
00:05:47
Speaker
So I was doing some research into this and it comes from basically the idea that women were seen as property.
00:05:55
Speaker
So the marital certificate that you sign is literally, essentially a transfer of ownership from your dad to your husband.
00:06:02
Speaker
It's got very little to do with romance.
00:06:04
Speaker
And that had been the idea that marriage was about property persisted probably up until, I'd say maybe the early 20th century when we started to conflate it with romance.
00:06:15
Speaker
And, you know, whilst I'm not anti-marriage, especially if a woman wants to get married, I believe that is what she should look for.
00:06:21
Speaker
But it's important to remember that marriage is not
00:06:24
Speaker
the default isn't, I mean, isn't automatically set up as some equal partnership between a man and a woman.
00:06:30
Speaker
It's not really in the woman's favor on the surface to get married because men benefit more from it.
00:06:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:36
Speaker
I mean, the deal that was struck in generations past was that women got to depend on men for financial support, quote, by the way, putting that in heavy quotation marks because women have always worked.
00:06:49
Speaker
It's just a matter of whether or not we've been compensated for said labor.
00:06:53
Speaker
And also, you know, in theory and times where there was less organized social structures, like you would be with a guy who would protect you from other men, essentially.
00:07:02
Speaker
But it's just like men don't have any of those inherent benefits anymore because obviously women are now
00:07:08
Speaker
closer to being fairly compensated for their work, not all the way there, but also because we also can own guns and we have a structured police force, you know what I mean?
00:07:17
Speaker
So like the idea of having a man around to like protect and provide, so to speak, is becoming less necessary because we have established social structures and because women can earn their own
00:07:30
Speaker
money and own property, etc.
00:07:32
Speaker
So with that, the benefit of having a wife for men is way higher than the benefit then of women having a husband, right?
00:07:41
Speaker
I mean, men always like reference the top 1% of men and saying like, marriage is so terrible for men, they're losing money.
00:07:47
Speaker
And like, you know, they'll talk about like divorce rate, like they have anything a woman would want in a divorce.
00:07:54
Speaker
Yeah, most of them don't have shit.
00:07:55
Speaker
That's what makes it so ironic.
00:07:56
Speaker
They're just like, they all in their minds have the same problems as like a professional athlete.
00:08:03
Speaker
Jeff Bezos.
00:08:04
Speaker
Jeff Bezos, right?
00:08:05
Speaker
They have Jeff Bezos problems.
00:08:06
Speaker
Elon Musk.
00:08:07
Speaker
Elon Musk problems.
00:08:09
Speaker
But they have neat income and neat capabilities.
00:08:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:13
Speaker
They have a neat bank account.
Domestic Responsibilities in Marriage
00:08:15
Speaker
Their bank account is on Broke by Broke, right?
00:08:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:19
Speaker
They're quite literally like turning their pants pockets inside out, collecting lint dust, right?
00:08:24
Speaker
But in their minds though, in their minds though, they're all going to be LeBron James someday and have to protect their assets, quote, which most of them don't have.
00:08:34
Speaker
They don't have so many assets that like these amount of women that would be in their tax bracket would be low, right?
00:08:40
Speaker
With pro athletes, part of it is like, there's not as many women that earn as much as them, but all these guys feel like
00:08:45
Speaker
Why make 50k a year as if there's not like a lot of women who also make that much money so that if they wanted to and didn't want to be like, you know, financially controlling or coerce or exert coercive control, they could just find a woman who makes similar money than them.
00:08:57
Speaker
But they don't want that.
00:08:58
Speaker
They want like a girl who's dependent on them because they want that power while they complain about said power.
00:09:03
Speaker
Right.
00:09:04
Speaker
I mean, just some quick straight facts about the way marriage is, about the ways in which women are disadvantaged in marriage.
00:09:12
Speaker
We'll drop the link in the show notes to these articles so you can peruse at your leisure.
00:09:16
Speaker
So a married man, they tend to live longer and earn more money.
00:09:20
Speaker
The reverse is true for married women.
00:09:23
Speaker
Married women tend to bear the brunt of the household and child rearing labour.
00:09:27
Speaker
So married women do more housework compared with women who aren't married.
00:09:32
Speaker
A husband is six times more likely to leave his wife, who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, within six months of the diagnosis than women as well.
00:09:41
Speaker
So you see all these discrepancies, people saying, oh, marriage, marriage, marriage.
00:09:45
Speaker
And it's like, well, actually, the stats overwhelmingly say that men benefit more from marriage than women do.
00:09:52
Speaker
And that's not a reason to not pursue marriage if that's what you want.
00:09:55
Speaker
But this is why we always say if you are going to be married, it's extremely important to vet for certain qualities that will ensure that your husband is actually capable of actually providing a marriage that is equitable to you because the default setup is not in your favor as a woman.
Men's Fear of Loneliness and Lack of Friendships
00:10:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:12
Speaker
And if you want to prioritize a man's earning capabilities above other things, because you think that's important for your future, the lifestyle you want to leave, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
00:10:24
Speaker
But it is amazing to me that men who make like, and I'm not kidding.
00:10:28
Speaker
I know a guy who was complaining about gold diggers when he made 47K a year, but he'd only date women who were like just fresh out of college who had no money.
00:10:37
Speaker
So I'm like, well,
00:10:38
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:40
Speaker
But then again, though, but the women that he, I guess the sort of women that he would want to not be a gold digger, women who earn more than him, for example, are not going to be interested in him.
00:10:51
Speaker
Yep, that's it.
00:10:52
Speaker
I mean, that's 100% it because you just so many things, so many things to say about that.
00:10:56
Speaker
But essentially, that's what it is.
00:10:57
Speaker
You date down on purpose because, you know, any woman who was making a dollar more than you wouldn't put up with your bullshit.
00:11:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:05
Speaker
Not for 47K a year.
00:11:06
Speaker
Hell no.
00:11:07
Speaker
No woman is going to be called a gold digger for $47,000.
00:11:12
Speaker
Well, no woman's going to sit around and watch some scrote talk about how women are trying to co-opt his wealth.
00:11:18
Speaker
And like divorce rape for 47K a year.
00:11:22
Speaker
Right.
00:11:23
Speaker
I'm like, you're one missed paycheck above poverty, right?
00:11:26
Speaker
Like, just stop.
00:11:29
Speaker
That leads on to choose 23 is that men fear being alone and single more than women.
00:11:36
Speaker
Now, this one is very interesting because men will have you believe that it's the opposite.
00:11:41
Speaker
Hence why you have things like the crazy cat lady trope or you're going to die alone in a nursing home.
00:11:47
Speaker
And actually, most of these guys are probably dying alone anyway.
00:11:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:51
Speaker
Think about the fact that incels are million strong and fem cells are like a small novelty that we tease from time to time.
00:11:58
Speaker
Like that just shows you how much more men need validation for women and fear being alone and single.
00:12:05
Speaker
Yeah, and that's the reason why things like male loneliness has been cropping up as societal problem.
00:12:13
Speaker
And so things like, for example, male loneliness has been cropping up.
00:12:16
Speaker
And I actually came across a really interesting stat, which is in the same article as the divorce stat, which I've shared.
00:12:22
Speaker
And apparently 15% of men in the US, they have no close friendships at all. 15%!
00:12:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:29
Speaker
I mean, I believe it.
00:12:30
Speaker
I think if they don't learn how to cultivate friendships in childhood, it obviously gets harder the older they get.
00:12:37
Speaker
But I also think it's really easy to go down these antisocial rabbit holes.
00:12:41
Speaker
And then if you can't cultivate male friendships that are productive, it's very difficult to cultivate it with women.
00:12:47
Speaker
Because I feel like part of pro-social behavior is the ability to cultivate both same-sex and opposite-sex friendships.
00:12:54
Speaker
But these guys, if they are basically failing at both,
00:12:58
Speaker
If you can't relate well to your own sex, then I think that's just a shocking deficiency of social skills.
00:13:06
Speaker
Do you know what I mean?
00:13:07
Speaker
It should be easier to relate to your own sex, generally speaking, because you have the same experiences, you have possibly the same outlook, you have the same... You know, you basically have a lot more in common, but if you can't even cultivate that, then...
00:13:21
Speaker
like bare minimums respect from your peers, right?
00:13:24
Speaker
I know guys get bullied and it's not always fair, but you should be able to find like somebody to relate to and somebody to be friends with.
00:13:31
Speaker
But, you know, I think part of the thing too is, and this is kind of goes back to that episode we did about the 40 year old knee is that if you struggle when you're young and you don't actively work at it or you don't
00:13:43
Speaker
try to do anything to self-improve.
00:13:44
Speaker
It definitely gets harder as you get older.
00:13:46
Speaker
But for men in particular, nobody likes single men hanging around.
Social Struggles of Single Men
00:13:50
Speaker
And then people start to feel sorry for you past a certain age.
00:13:53
Speaker
So for example, there's always like the charity case man that people just kind of invite to social functions because they don't want him to off himself.
00:14:02
Speaker
Like in the
00:14:02
Speaker
This is like if you've ever had a man who has a friend group and then like there's at least one guy who's basically like a guy they feel weirdly loyal to, but he kind of isn't shit and he can never really get his life together.
00:14:13
Speaker
But like they don't want that guy around their kids, right?
00:14:15
Speaker
Like the whole game changes once you have children and once you have your own life to worry about and then suddenly you just have this single male friend who you don't really trust to just have around, right?
00:14:26
Speaker
Especially women don't trust like random men, right?
00:14:29
Speaker
So whereas like for women who are single,
00:14:32
Speaker
you know, they might have their own children, but they can also be like the cool wine aunt.
00:14:36
Speaker
Or if they have siblings that have children, they can form social groups of their single women that are productive.
00:14:42
Speaker
And also men will always still deal with them because men are very desperate and thirsty for female attention at any age.
00:14:47
Speaker
Don't let them fool you.
00:14:48
Speaker
Whereas like for men, if they haven't achieved anything, they haven't built relationships, like they really actually have nothing.
00:14:53
Speaker
So all the propaganda that women should fear dying alone is quite frankly, laughable in comparison to like how bad it is for men if they don't do it.
00:15:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's projection.
00:15:03
Speaker
Yeah, it's projection.
00:15:04
Speaker
As an older single woman, you can move a lot easier than an older single man can.
00:15:08
Speaker
In fact, if you've been watching TikTok, there's a lot of nursing home workers who have talked about just these guys that end up in nursing homes at like 50, like fairly young, but they don't take care of their health.
00:15:19
Speaker
Yeah, they piss off all their family, their friends, as well as like the people that work in homeless shelters, which you've talked about.
00:15:24
Speaker
Like there's just a lot of these guys, like they don't cultivate the type of pro-social relationships to keep
00:15:29
Speaker
women around and even if you're like a one percenter like a pro athlete like there was recently and if you guys know who Shaquille O'Neal is he was talking about how much he regrets screwing up his marriage with his first wife and how he lives in a mansion and like basically he's by himself I mean he's gotten old he's gotten fat I mean he's in pretty good shape actually I shouldn't say that he's pretty definitely in good shape for a man of his age yeah for his age oh that's interesting
00:15:54
Speaker
But he's talked about that.
00:15:55
Speaker
Like any woman that deals with him on some level is dealing with him because of his money.
00:15:59
Speaker
Right.
00:15:59
Speaker
But like he has a problem finding anyone who's genuine.
00:16:02
Speaker
And then, you know, at this point, it's harder for him to cultivate relationships because like where would you meet people?
00:16:09
Speaker
Right.
00:16:09
Speaker
Everybody else is kind of booed up with their husband or wife.
00:16:12
Speaker
So even he's struggling.
00:16:14
Speaker
I don't know how men who don't have nearly his wealth and connections are going to.
00:16:18
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:16:20
Speaker
And also the slight, I guess, partner disqualification is that he's a serial cheat as well.
00:16:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:16:25
Speaker
No, it's totally his fault.
00:16:27
Speaker
Like, let me back up and make that clear.
00:16:29
Speaker
It's totally his fault the way that things are the way they are.
00:16:32
Speaker
Let me back up over the corpse.
00:16:34
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:16:35
Speaker
He even talked about this.
00:16:36
Speaker
He cheated a lot on his wife.
00:16:39
Speaker
And so to the point where his like he there was a really infamous back and forth he had with his ex-wife, Shawnee O'Neill on Twitter.
The Depth of Male Friendships and Emotional Isolation
00:16:46
Speaker
No, no, it was on Instagram where she was getting engaged to someone else.
00:16:50
Speaker
And then he made some random comments like about wanting her back, et cetera.
00:16:54
Speaker
And like she basically laughed in his face.
00:16:56
Speaker
But, you know, it's because he cheated on her all the time.
00:16:59
Speaker
And it obviously ruined his relationship with her as well as strained his relationship with his children.
00:17:04
Speaker
So just be careful with that kind of stuff.
00:17:06
Speaker
Because like, I mean, this is just mostly like scrote cautionary tales.
00:17:09
Speaker
But it's just to illustrate that even men who have a lot of money, connections, resources,
00:17:14
Speaker
they can feel that kind of loneliness.
00:17:17
Speaker
I mean, look at like Mike Tyson and shit.
00:17:18
Speaker
Like it's just, you know what I mean?
00:17:20
Speaker
It's a thing that happens if you don't cultivate positive relationships.
00:17:24
Speaker
So 24, male friendships are often surface level.
00:17:27
Speaker
I mean, we touched on this previously in the episode, but this is why I feel like this male loneliness thing is really almost a euphemism for them basically saying like women need to pick up the emotional slack for men because they're not willing to do it for each other.
00:17:42
Speaker
And as we've just said, if you are unable to cultivate deep relationships with people of the same sex to you, then I don't see how you can cultivate a deep relationship with somebody of the opposite sex.
00:17:56
Speaker
Because that takes even greater social skill.
00:17:59
Speaker
You need more empathy.
00:18:00
Speaker
You need more understanding.
00:18:02
Speaker
You need to be able to recognise that the person is basically different to you.
00:18:08
Speaker
And a lot of men, especially when they don't have any friends or don't need to go outside very often, it reflects in how they speak to women because they just don't have any idea.
00:18:17
Speaker
Yeah, every guy knows that past a certain point, a man becomes a liability to be in their friend group.
00:18:25
Speaker
So a lot of men, they keep it surface level as to not have to invest in men they know that are otherwise shitty, right?
00:18:33
Speaker
They can be sneaky bars.
00:18:34
Speaker
Like, I remember my sister, she had a friend who had a younger brother, and this younger brother, partly because of his parents, but they basically gassed him up and made him think, like, he was, like, you know, Emperor Cusco of his school.
00:18:47
Speaker
Like, he was so smart, he's going to do so well, whatever.
00:18:50
Speaker
And this, like, guy, let's call him Jay, he had a group of, you know, friends, so to speak, in quotation marks, at his school.
00:18:56
Speaker
And the friendship broke down when Jay basically found out that his group of friends planned a holiday and didn't invite him.
00:19:04
Speaker
And Jay asked one of them why, and they basically said, well, we find you quite arrogant and don't really like you that much, basically.
00:19:13
Speaker
But they're still friends.
00:19:14
Speaker
That's the funny part about it.
00:19:15
Speaker
They'd be like, yeah, we don't like you.
00:19:16
Speaker
They were still like hanging out during the day, but when it came to like planning trips and stuff, they just excluded him.
00:19:22
Speaker
And he only found out in passing.
00:19:24
Speaker
So they were just keeping him around, like you were saying, just to be polite.
00:19:28
Speaker
But they were freezing him out at the same time because they couldn't actually come to him and say, listen, I don't like your attitude or I'm not feeling this friendship.
Men's Ulterior Motives in Friendships with Women
00:19:35
Speaker
They just froze him out.
00:19:36
Speaker
Especially if he's the kind of guy to, quote, scare the hoes.
00:19:41
Speaker
Okay, so sometimes there's a man who is so bad at interacting with women that he becomes a liability to hang out with the rest of men.
00:19:49
Speaker
So they start to exclude him from social groups and social interactions because then they won't get laid because their friend is a fucking creep.
00:19:59
Speaker
Sorry, that's another Twitter euphemism.
00:20:01
Speaker
But that completely makes sense, though, because ultimately men, generally speaking, they value their ability to get with women a lot more than their supposed loyalty to other men, generally speaking.
00:20:14
Speaker
Yeah, the only time you see men like really hold the line is if they're all men that can get sex pretty easily, then it becomes all this bros before hoes, et cetera, et cetera.
00:20:22
Speaker
We talked about this in our exploiting cracks in male solidarity episode, but a lot of male friendships, there's cracks in that area because a lot of men, especially if they're on the precipice, if they're right in the medium ugly range where it's not necessarily easy for them to get women, like they don't want men around them that's going to make it even harder, right?
00:20:39
Speaker
That's going to make it even worse, yeah.
00:20:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:41
Speaker
If it's easy for them to get a certain amount of women, then it's a different dynamic.
00:20:45
Speaker
But for those guys right on the cusp, then yeah, you don't want the bridge troll coming out and like chasing all the princesses away.
00:20:51
Speaker
Like, you know, so...
00:20:54
Speaker
Yeah, you know, this is controversial to say, I think, but even when it comes to the way men have friendships with women, I think it's totally different to when, you know, women have friendships with other women.
00:21:06
Speaker
And whilst I think it's possible for men and women to be friends, but what I always say is that just be mindful of the fact that he might, you know, one day make an advance or make a move on you and you have to
00:21:20
Speaker
ask yourself if you would be okay with that but a lot of women wouldn't be because obviously and perhaps rightfully so they see the whole friendship then as some sort of betrayal because again like what shitty men would do it happens one of my friends one of my best friends is that she was dating a guy he was basically like your stereotypical chad like he was tall athlete whatever he was a piece of shit as well but anyway and her male friends would often like
00:21:42
Speaker
bitch about him to her basically trying to to break them up not for her own benefit so that they had a chance because the minute they split up a lot of them just basically just swooped right in there to try and get with her it's really shitty behavior actually and even though they were right about the guy but they weren't doing it out of concern for her they were doing it to get into her knickers basically
00:22:04
Speaker
I don't know that we've ever talked about this, but there are a lot of guys who are, they will definitely go behind their friends back to try to be with you.
00:22:13
Speaker
Yeah, a hundred percent.
00:22:14
Speaker
And they're not doing it out of concern again for the woman.
00:22:17
Speaker
They're just doing it because they want her.
00:22:18
Speaker
So men can be pick me's too.
00:22:20
Speaker
But then the only thing with men is like, it's less like they necessarily want to be in relationship with you, more so they want to sleep with you.
00:22:26
Speaker
They just want to sleep with you.
00:22:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:29
Speaker
So it's a little bit different than women when they try to mate poach when it's generally because they want that guy.
00:22:35
Speaker
Not all the time.
00:22:36
Speaker
Sometimes they just don't want another woman to have him.
00:22:38
Speaker
But that's just a whole, we can talk about those women in another episode.
00:22:41
Speaker
Men will actually openly admit that they would only be friends with women that they find attractive, which is interesting and interesting development.
00:22:48
Speaker
Not only will they only be friends with women like that, they only talk to women like that.
00:22:52
Speaker
And I've seen that dynamic, unfortunately, play out at work.
00:22:55
Speaker
So to validate the femcels, there is like a tendency for men to be totally, almost like act like women who aren't attracted to them don't exist.
00:23:04
Speaker
I noticed this when I lost a lot of weight.
00:23:06
Speaker
Like, I didn't think people treated me badly before, but I noticed how, especially men, would go out of their way to talk to me.
00:23:13
Speaker
To the point where I found it quite annoying, because I don't really want to talk to you, but they would, like, literally go out of their way to say, hi, can I carry your bag?
00:23:21
Speaker
Like, they'll go out of their way to talk to me at the most random places, and I'm just like, go away.
00:23:25
Speaker
It's amazing how men suddenly become Boy Scouts when they think you're attractive, right?
00:23:30
Speaker
Like they'll push a little old lady out the way.
00:23:31
Speaker
They'll facepalm an old lady into the street to help you across the street if they think you're attractive.
00:23:37
Speaker
That literally happened to me.
00:23:38
Speaker
Like when I was out with one of my friends and this guy was drunk as well, he literally came like bounding across the street, basically like body checked her out of the way.
00:23:47
Speaker
And he was like, oh my gosh, you're so attractive.
00:23:49
Speaker
Oof, oof, you need help, lady.
00:23:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:52
Speaker
Like, literally, he was like, oh my gosh, you're so beautiful.
00:23:54
Speaker
And I was just so horrified.
00:23:55
Speaker
I didn't even know what to say.
00:23:56
Speaker
Because he literally just, like, bodied her out of the way to come and speak to me.
00:24:00
Speaker
I'm like, that's not acceptable.
00:24:03
Speaker
Elbowing people in the face on the way out.
00:24:05
Speaker
Like, elbowing...
00:24:07
Speaker
punching
Parenting Responsibilities and Irresponsible Behaviors
00:24:08
Speaker
kids in the back of the head so clear away for you yeah so another episode another time but even that is very low value and not helpful in so many ways yeah yes it's not flattering behavior this is why i guess was i a fem cell i can see the fems outside but i can also see when people say pretty privilege doesn't exist but even though i think it does
00:24:30
Speaker
But men still treat, oftentimes like when, you know, men are nicer to women who are deemed more conventionally attractive, it's not coming from a place of being genuine.
00:24:40
Speaker
They still just want to fuck her.
00:24:41
Speaker
Oh, they want something for that.
00:24:42
Speaker
They're not being nice because they're just going to do it.
00:24:45
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:24:46
Speaker
It isn't like organic, you know, niceness.
00:24:48
Speaker
They still want their pound of flesh from her.
00:24:51
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:24:52
Speaker
All right.
00:24:53
Speaker
So number 25, a man wanting kids does not mean he is prepared and willing to be a father.
00:25:01
Speaker
Preach on this.
00:25:03
Speaker
Okay, so personally, I think it's a really big red flag if a guy says, I want like 10 children, purely because I don't think he understands the impact that is going to have on the woman.
00:25:13
Speaker
He's not considering that.
00:25:14
Speaker
I actually think it's not red flag, maybe an orange flag, because I question if he's actually sat down and thought about, okay, I want 10 kids, but this woman is going to have to be, you know, carry and birth the children, probably do most of the childcare.
00:25:29
Speaker
Her career is going to take a hit and they just don't seem to think about that.
00:25:32
Speaker
So that's why I think it's dodgy when they want like loads and loads of kids.
00:25:35
Speaker
I mean, yeah, there's just so many guys who are basically Nick Cannon without even Nick Cannon money.
00:25:41
Speaker
But you know how so many people are defending Nick Cannon and saying, well, doesn't matter how many kids he has, he's a good dad until like several of his baby mamas, including Mariah Carey, said he doesn't spend any time with his kids.
00:25:52
Speaker
I mean, it's literally impossible.
00:25:54
Speaker
It's to the point where you want to have Neil deGrasse Tyson calculate how much time it would take Nick Cannon to visit all his children in a single night.
00:26:02
Speaker
It's impossible, right?
00:26:03
Speaker
Exactly.
00:26:03
Speaker
I mean, if you had it with one woman, that's different.
00:26:06
Speaker
But having multiple households, there's no way he's spending anywhere near enough time with each of his kids because they're dispersed.
00:26:16
Speaker
The reason I mentioned Neil deGrasse Tyson is because he does this bit every year where he talks about how it's impossible for Santa to visit all of the children in all of the world every Christmas Eve.
00:26:28
Speaker
And so I'm like, yeah, I wonder if he could figure out like mathematically if it's even possible for Nick Cannon to visit all his children in a single day.
00:26:37
Speaker
Probably not.
00:26:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:40
Speaker
I don't know where he lives, but I mean, unless they all live in the same neighborhood.
00:26:44
Speaker
I don't think that's like, I mean, think about like Mariah Carey is not going to live in the same neighborhood as one of his other baby brothers.
00:26:51
Speaker
Yeah, I think Mariah lives in Atlanta and then she was in New York.
00:26:54
Speaker
I think she's got property both in Atlanta and in New York.
00:26:57
Speaker
She's got properties everywhere.
00:26:59
Speaker
And I think some of his other baby mamas are in L.A.
00:27:01
Speaker
So quite they're literally in three different states.
00:27:03
Speaker
They're dispersed as well.
00:27:05
Speaker
So there's no way he couldn't take a red eye flight and visit all his kids.
00:27:09
Speaker
No.
00:27:10
Speaker
Which is nuts.
00:27:11
Speaker
And they don't really, you know, men like that don't really seem, you know, the need to.
00:27:15
Speaker
Because I remember seeing an interesting take on Twitter is that a man, especially if he's got like multiple baby mamas, he sort of ties the amount of effort he's willing to put into the kid to his relationship with the mum.
00:27:28
Speaker
So if he doesn't have a relationship with the mum, he won't, you know, by extension, he won't see that he has to put in any effort with the child.
00:27:36
Speaker
as opposed to seeing his role as a father as being completely independent of his relationship with the mom.
00:27:41
Speaker
Do you know what I mean?
00:27:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:43
Speaker
I mean, I'm trying to remember who said this, but it was a celebrity figure who said something very explicitly along the lines that a lot of men feel like if they don't love the mother, then they don't have to take care of the kid.
00:27:55
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:27:56
Speaker
Yeah, period.
00:27:57
Speaker
Like the amount of parenting they put in is a reflection of how they feel about the mother rather than the desire to make sure their children grow up, you know.
00:28:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:07
Speaker
And I think just like going back to the topic of a man wanting kids is that, again, it's about, I think a lot of men want kids, I mean, not even men, but people more generally, but I'm going to zone in on men here, is that they want kids, they'll say like, to pass on my legacy.
00:28:23
Speaker
to, you know, for basically quite superficial reasons.
00:28:26
Speaker
And it's really important if you do want to have children with a man is to make sure that he's actually willing to be a father and a parent and to be an active father and an active parent as well.
00:28:36
Speaker
Because again, if we look at the dynamics of, you know, raising a child and even childbirth, that's disproportionately weighted against the woman.
Marriage Within Social Classes and Hypergamy
00:28:45
Speaker
So you just have to make sure that if he wants children, that he has the qualities needed to be a good and present dad as well.
00:28:53
Speaker
So in a way, if you do want to be with a man and to have children, you have to double vet.
00:28:58
Speaker
You not only have to vet him as a partner, but also as a potential dad.
00:29:01
Speaker
And I feel like too many women, they only vet for the partner.
00:29:04
Speaker
They do that badly.
00:29:06
Speaker
And then when that doesn't work out, their jaws are dropping when the guy turns out to be a shit dad.
00:29:11
Speaker
And it's not possible for a guy who's a bad partner to be a good dad.
00:29:17
Speaker
It's not possible for a guy who's a bad partner to be a good dad.
00:29:21
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I think the attempt to try to validate the idea that you could be a shitty husband and a great dad is cope, quite frankly.
00:29:30
Speaker
I just don't see how it's possible, especially even if he's okay with the kids.
00:29:34
Speaker
The fact he thinks it's okay to treat you badly in front of those kids and knowing that his poor treatment of you is going to impact the way you relate to the world and especially to your kids.
00:29:45
Speaker
But he can't be a good, he's not a good parent.
00:29:48
Speaker
Yeah, but you know, the bar for men is really low.
00:29:50
Speaker
So they think, oh, I brought pambers once or twice.
00:29:53
Speaker
So next, 26.
00:29:55
Speaker
Men tend to date and marry within their own social class.
00:29:58
Speaker
This is called assortive mating.
00:30:00
Speaker
Let's talk about it because we don't talk about how much men are...
00:30:06
Speaker
I would say gold diggers, meaning like they want to marry up in social class if they can, but also that men prefer to marry within their own social class and then just cheat if they want to date women who are outside of that.
00:30:18
Speaker
But the fairy tale of a man who has a lot of money
00:30:21
Speaker
marrying a working class girl or a woman who doesn't come from anything is just that in most cases a fairy tale and I think this is so important to talk about because like and this is why we don't do the like among a lot of different things so we don't do like the femininity training and like the gold digger stuff because first of all there's just a ton of that on the internet and most of it's like a pipe dream quite frankly yeah I was gonna touch on that that whole idea that you can basically finesse your way into a rich man who will take care of you it's all bollocks
00:30:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:51
Speaker
And it's really important to talk about this with working class girls, because I feel like they're most often the victim of this kind of scam thinking.
00:30:59
Speaker
I always think of like, think of any type of period piece that you've ever seen ever.
00:31:04
Speaker
I mean, we talk about Bridgerton here, but there's like Game of Thrones, etc., where they talk about like men trying to secure their legacy.
00:31:11
Speaker
And what they tend to do is they always have to marry the acceptable wife, the one who is socially acceptable, and then they'll just cheat with other women.
00:31:18
Speaker
Prince Charles and Diana?
00:31:20
Speaker
Yeah, perfect example.
00:31:21
Speaker
Prince Charles and Diana.
00:31:23
Speaker
So I think a lot of times these femininity coaches go to women and say like, oh, if you just look like you're of a certain class or you hang out the right spaces in the right bars, etc.
00:31:33
Speaker
The sad part is like a lot of times like they try to make these girls look classy, but they look like nouveau riche trash.
00:31:39
Speaker
Well, they're still going to look out of place, right?
00:31:41
Speaker
Because especially the men they're trying to attract, these rich men, they've been around wealth their whole life.
00:31:47
Speaker
Like, I see it on various subreddits, I'm not going to name one, but one in particular that is basically advising, you know, women to go to places like Davos, the World Economic Forum, to try and pick up these men like that.
00:31:59
Speaker
They're going to know, like, if you are a 21-year-old girl from Atlanta, they're going to know that you don't belong there.
00:32:05
Speaker
That's just the way it is.
00:32:06
Speaker
I'm not sure about the US so much, but especially in countries like the UK and, I guess, even politics or in tech, there is a very clearly defined, almost like social class system, right?
00:32:20
Speaker
So...
00:32:21
Speaker
Somebody like Mark Zuckerberg is going to know that somebody is a junior tech developer, for example, even if you dress up like you are, even if you're outfitted in like head to toe from in designer clothes, which by the way, most rich people don't dress in head to toe designer all the time.
00:32:37
Speaker
That's one of the biggest giveaways that somebody probably isn't as wealthy as they present is that they dress in designer clothes, weirdly enough, because rich people don't do that every day.
00:32:47
Speaker
I say like even a junior tech has a lot more of a chance than a lot of the girls who are super into the femininity training who are generally like working class.
00:32:55
Speaker
Like, so you're talking about administrative assistants, women who work at like retail, et cetera.
00:33:00
Speaker
I feel like those are the women they always target with that, like, oh, just look pretty, et cetera.
00:33:05
Speaker
Just show up at these rich places.
00:33:08
Speaker
And yeah, they call it freestyling.
00:33:10
Speaker
And they'll be there with like a ball going on and shit and like looking like really out of place.
00:33:16
Speaker
And it's because that's kind of the sad part about it.
00:33:18
Speaker
So I want to say that not because like it just to like to dispel the myth that hypergamy is an
00:33:26
Speaker
easy thing to achieve or something that most women who train themselves in the art of femininity are going to achieve.
00:33:33
Speaker
To be blunt, if you don't have like the social circle, you're more than likely, if you're not in the social circles already by virtue of your own network, you won't be led into the most exclusive ones, right?
00:33:43
Speaker
It's really hard to get in them if you don't have like a, I mean, just the cost alone, right?
00:33:47
Speaker
Like some of these networks or professional organizations, like dues are hundreds of dollars a year.
00:33:52
Speaker
Sometimes thousands, like even, cause you know, like the dog pound gym,
00:33:56
Speaker
It's like $40,000 a year.
00:33:59
Speaker
You know, that famous Insta celebrity gym.
00:34:01
Speaker
I would say, yeah, like even the price alone is deliberately meant to be a screening tactic, basically.
00:34:06
Speaker
And this is also what I think, this is what I like about FDS, is that if a woman wants to be hypergamous, her best bet is to level up herself, as opposed to trying these underhanded backdoor, I'm just gonna just appear here and then a guy is gonna want me and spend loads of money on me tactics.
00:34:22
Speaker
Because I read the sugar baby forums and like some of the stuff that they're doing, I'm just thinking you'd actually be better off going to school, getting a good career.
00:34:31
Speaker
It would actually take you a lot less effort and you would have more money so you can access the places that you're going to easier, more authentically than trying to get in through the back door.
00:34:41
Speaker
And you're wasting years of your life trying to get this when it's just a complete scam for these women and they don't realise that they're being basically set up to fail.
00:34:51
Speaker
And the thing is, let's say they do achieve it.
00:34:53
Speaker
The other side of the Cinderella story is that now you marry into a family where they have all the power and you have none, which can be scary if you need to leave for some reason, if he turns out to be abusive or horrible or just for your own sanity.
00:35:06
Speaker
I mean, like just even I don't necessarily think Meghan is outside the social class of Harry, even though that might be arguable for some of our UK people.
00:35:15
Speaker
No, she is.
00:35:15
Speaker
I mean, according to the British, like she's way out of it.
00:35:19
Speaker
Hundred percent.
00:35:20
Speaker
I don't give a shit about your hoity-toity.
00:35:26
Speaker
Sorry.
00:35:26
Speaker
Sorry, America.
00:35:27
Speaker
But I mean, I do.
00:35:28
Speaker
I am on team Megan.
00:35:29
Speaker
But yeah, she is.
00:35:30
Speaker
She would be out of it.
00:35:31
Speaker
But even her, like she has money.
00:35:33
Speaker
She had connections.
00:35:34
Speaker
She's obviously not like, she wasn't an A-list actress, but she has millions of dollars.
00:35:38
Speaker
She has like friends in high places, et cetera.
00:35:40
Speaker
Like she has a network.
00:35:41
Speaker
And quite frankly, when they left the British royal family, most of what they were relying on was her network.
00:35:47
Speaker
But when you look at it, it's like even she married into the royal family as an outsider and like everyone abused the shit out of her.
00:35:54
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:35:55
Speaker
So like that's the flip side of if you are high Pergamos and you quote marry up
00:36:00
Speaker
by marrying something like the British Guarantanamo family or any other type of, you know, higher social class, quote, heavy on the sarcasm, then if they turn on you, you're kind of stuck.
00:36:11
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:36:12
Speaker
And you don't have like your own resources, your own network.
00:36:15
Speaker
Like the reason why, you know, even with Megan, like she at least has like, she could come back home to America and she has friends here and people that can support her and people that have clout.
00:36:23
Speaker
Yeah, she was lucky that Americans aren't up the royal's arse.
00:36:26
Speaker
And I think that was probably why they chose America, because it's independent.
00:36:31
Speaker
They're not really about this royalty stuff.
00:36:34
Speaker
And celebrities there aren't really, like, they could probably see through what the press was doing to Meghan.
00:36:41
Speaker
So she had that going for her in that America is somewhat a lot more neutral slash pro-Meghan there because of location and cultural differences.
00:36:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:52
Speaker
So that's the thing.
00:36:53
Speaker
If you do marry outside your social class and you don't have your own network, you could be in a place where you're really stuck or you have no power and that might get old really quickly.
00:37:02
Speaker
But that's why a lot of these men, especially, they are drawn to these sorts of sugar baby relationships.
00:37:07
Speaker
It's not about helping a woman out.
00:37:09
Speaker
It's about having power and control over her.
00:37:12
Speaker
I was reading a story in one of the forums where a sugar daddy gifted his sugar baby a car.
00:37:18
Speaker
But what she didn't know is that he installed a tracking device in said car.
00:37:21
Speaker
So he basically tracked her everywhere.
00:37:24
Speaker
And it's just bullshit like that.
00:37:25
Speaker
Like, it's just...
00:37:27
Speaker
It's not so much about, you know, wanting to give you a leg up as it is about giving, you know, the guy control and him believing that he has the right to treat you anyhow because he pulled you out from the gutter sort of thing.
00:37:39
Speaker
I mean, that's the whole mail order bride scam, right?
00:37:42
Speaker
They try to get women who are in financially desperate situations and then exert all the power.
00:37:47
Speaker
And then, I mean, sometimes the women are able to flip it around.
00:37:51
Speaker
And I feel like most of the times, I mean, there's an episode where Lilith talks about that situation with her own father.
00:37:57
Speaker
But like a lot of that is because like these guys tend to be kind of scrote.
00:38:01
Speaker
So they don't really have...
00:38:02
Speaker
They're not really powerful if they're getting overseas brides, but like, let's say for some reason they were, it becomes really, really hard for that woman to get out of that situation.
Abusive Behaviors and Societal Excuses
00:38:10
Speaker
Yeah, they can make her life really difficult.
00:38:13
Speaker
So I think that some, some maybe older FDSs are into hypergamy, which is fine, but just be aware of the potential pitfalls.
00:38:22
Speaker
And ultimately, as I've said before, it's always worth
00:38:26
Speaker
investing in yourself and your own development, you know, whatever that might look like.
00:38:30
Speaker
I'm not saying everybody has to be an executive earning over 200k a year, whatever that looks like for you to be your best self so that when, you know, you meet a guy, you can stand in your own power and confidence as opposed to relying on him to rescue you from, you know, whatever hellscape that you're in.
00:38:46
Speaker
Yeah, you don't have to be 100% of what he has, but maybe like 70%, 60% at least.
00:38:51
Speaker
So then you're just not, yeah.
00:38:53
Speaker
Abusive men do not change because they benefit from being abusive.
00:38:57
Speaker
It is not because they cannot help it, in quotation marks.
00:39:00
Speaker
Again, this is something that is said a lot of the time, but I don't think many people believe it because the minute a guy has demonstrated being abusive...
00:39:09
Speaker
people instantly jump to making, you know, mitigating circumstances and excuses for him.
00:39:15
Speaker
Sometimes even going as far as to make excuses for him that the guy himself is not making.
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:20
Speaker
And women infer that because they want to believe someone wouldn't do the things that they're doing to them or it wouldn't be as cruel.
00:39:27
Speaker
And like women tend to project our own empathy levels and compassion onto other people.
00:39:32
Speaker
And it's dangerous when we do that for men, especially.
00:39:34
Speaker
And I think part
00:39:35
Speaker
Part of that is, just like Rose said, it's an unwillingness to accept that some men behave in ways because they just genuinely don't care.
00:39:43
Speaker
They don't care that they are hurting us.
00:39:45
Speaker
They don't have any empathy or sympathy for how we're feeling.
00:39:49
Speaker
And obviously, people who have empathy, which tends to be higher in women generally, they can't fathom that, that somebody would hurt somebody and not care that they've done it.
00:39:58
Speaker
And there's benefits to being abusive as well.
00:40:01
Speaker
And this is also why we say, and we touched on this in the Lindy Bancroft episode last year, is that one of the ways in which we can take action against abusive men is to make it more socially costly for men to be abusive.
00:40:15
Speaker
Now, I'm not even just talking about council culture per se, and I'm not talking about the legal system either, because obviously that is just basically shit for women.
00:40:24
Speaker
But it's just making it more socially costly.
00:40:26
Speaker
So, you know, publicly shaming them, for example.
00:40:29
Speaker
I'm all about that.
00:40:30
Speaker
In an ideal world, a woman wouldn't date a guy who has been accused of being a sex offender or any type of abuser.
00:40:37
Speaker
But unfortunately, we know that women do.
00:40:39
Speaker
But that would be a start as well.
00:40:41
Speaker
So just basically ostracizing them socially.
00:40:44
Speaker
We can do that.
00:40:45
Speaker
Yes.
00:40:46
Speaker
I mean, the biggest thing with abusive men is it's not just that it's personally beneficial for them.
00:40:52
Speaker
You know, it's socially and as a society beneficial for men to control women.
00:40:55
Speaker
And so they have a lot of structures that reinforce their behavior.
00:40:59
Speaker
So reinforce and excuse their behavior.
00:41:02
Speaker
If there's I mean, if we've learned anything from the Megan Thee Stallion trial, it's that you can literally, you know,
00:41:08
Speaker
shoot a woman in both her feet, have multiple gun charges, have a history of flying off the handle and getting in fights with people, and they'll still find a way to make some convoluted magic bullet theory to blame the woman in that situation.
00:41:22
Speaker
Yes.
00:41:25
Speaker
Yeah, we're going to do a whole episode on that one, on that bullshit.
00:41:27
Speaker
We're going to do an episode on that one.
00:41:29
Speaker
But yeah, that's just a perfect example of the entire hip hop community rallying around a scrote who isn't clearly fucking abusive.
00:41:37
Speaker
But since it like benefits his ego to be this macho person, as well as like to denigrate a woman who they feel is a little bit too confident, you know, there's obviously social benefits to maintaining that hierarchy.
00:41:49
Speaker
So it's personally beneficial, but just socially beneficial as well.
00:41:53
Speaker
Wanted to make that distinction.
00:41:54
Speaker
So yeah, I think a lot of the discourse around abusive relationships really skips out what abusive men say about why they abuse when they're being honest.
00:42:04
Speaker
And if you speak to offenders, you'll often find that there's a huge sense
Loyalty and Hardships in Relationships
00:42:09
Speaker
of entitlement, a huge sense of feeling like they are owed respect and power for not really...
00:42:16
Speaker
doing anything and a huge lack of remorse as well and a lot of premeditation as well so when people say things like he was pushed to do it or you know it was a crime of passion so to speak in every single situation of abuse you'll often find it was premeditated because the abuse often happens in places you know where there are no witnesses or if there is a witness the abuser knows that they will get away with it
00:42:41
Speaker
All right, so our last one.
00:42:43
Speaker
Yes, so 28.
00:42:44
Speaker
Doing ride or die for a man and suffering for love only leads to more suffering.
00:42:50
Speaker
Your relationship with a man should not feel like a battleground where you are fighting to get basic respect and consideration.
00:42:56
Speaker
I feel like there is a conflation between working on a relationship and suffering.
00:43:01
Speaker
Generally speaking, working on something, so an example which I saw that was quite good is a degree, for example.
00:43:09
Speaker
So there are times when your degree is more challenging.
00:43:12
Speaker
There are times when it stretches you more.
00:43:15
Speaker
There are times where you might feel like, I don't know what I'm doing.
00:43:17
Speaker
But on the whole, the benefits of studying generally outweigh the cons of studying, right?
00:43:22
Speaker
So...
00:43:23
Speaker
Even if your degree is, you know, hard work, that you know that will pay off with, you know, graduation and like a higher paid job.
00:43:31
Speaker
But in relationships, if we then apply that same logic to relationships, we see that basically gritting your teeth and bearing it through relationships is,
00:43:40
Speaker
isn't really worth it because a we don't know if all that suffering is going to pay off nine times out of ten it doesn't because the guy gets used to you suffering and sacrificing and giving so when you ask him to step up they don't feel a need to do that because that you've been stepping up all this time and i think there is a difference between working out problems and trying to fight to get basic respect and consideration and
00:44:04
Speaker
Yeah, that definition of what constitutes a loyal woman is basically a slave.
00:44:10
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:44:11
Speaker
And men keep expanding that definition larger and larger as the years go by, right?
00:44:16
Speaker
A ride or die woman or woman who, you know, is with you through sickness and then health is supposed to be a person who would ride with you when, you know, circumstances beyond your control are
00:44:27
Speaker
happen because life happens, right?
00:44:28
Speaker
Or even if you make mistakes, but you are doing it out of, you know, just misinformation or but you're trying your best.
00:44:34
Speaker
Otherwise, let's say like you try really hard for a promotion and you don't get that promotion or something like even the Obamas where Barack for years was basically a failed politician before he was a successful politician.
00:44:46
Speaker
That's like one thing.
00:44:47
Speaker
where you're trying to build your brand, you're trying to do something like that, and you vow to support each other through your ups and your downs.
00:44:54
Speaker
But what they're starting to define as a ride or die woman is a woman who puts up with like abject stupidity, stuff that like nobody with a lick of scent should put up with, right?
00:45:04
Speaker
Stuff like holding criminal charges for their man.
00:45:07
Speaker
Stuff like staying with him through cheating, through outside babies.
00:45:10
Speaker
I mean, they're actually telling women now that you have to be loyal to men who have children outside of your relationship, right?
00:45:16
Speaker
Like, oh, you can work through it, et cetera.
00:45:19
Speaker
Like, it's stuff that's like so hugely disrespectful to who you are that like, it's them trying to get a better deal for themselves at your expense by guilting you into being this ride or die woman.
00:45:30
Speaker
But like, it clearly doesn't benefit you.
00:45:32
Speaker
And men will not return the same fave.
00:45:34
Speaker
Like, look at the way they speak about single mums, even though they're the parent that stayed.
00:45:38
Speaker
You know, if all women, say, had a child for another man, even then, I mean, men might grit their teeth and bear it, but they would never accept it or they would never say, you know, we have to step up and be dads to these.
00:45:49
Speaker
Actually, there's a tribe in, I think, like the Amazon where, like, all the men the women have stepped with are seen as the dad of the kid.
00:45:56
Speaker
So maybe they'll be all right with it.
00:45:57
Speaker
But generally speaking, they're not going to be cool with that.
00:46:00
Speaker
And this is something that women need to recognise as well, is that what these men are asking of you, they would never give back to you.
00:46:05
Speaker
So they are trying to make you sleepwalk into an unequal relationship, you know, when they're saying all of this.
00:46:11
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:46:13
Speaker
I mean, they would never sit through similarly unfavorable conditions.
00:46:17
Speaker
And it's weird because like, what do you win by being a ride or die?
00:46:20
Speaker
It's just like, I don't even know that like they get that much respect from the men.
00:46:24
Speaker
Like a lot of men will try to give lip service to, they'll do that long embarrassing post on Instagram where they talk about like, she's been through me.
00:46:30
Speaker
She held me down through thick and thin and do this and this and that.
00:46:34
Speaker
But I get the distinct impression that other men also don't respect the ride or die chick as much as like they try to pretend like, oh, the ride or die chick is like the aspirational woman to be.
00:46:43
Speaker
Right.
00:46:43
Speaker
So like even if you are the ride or die chick and you think like, oh, it's going to give me power within this patriarchal structure, that's often still not the case.
00:46:51
Speaker
So this is why like pick me's go out sad so many times.
00:46:54
Speaker
They're always going out fucking sad because like they think that they've won and they think like, oh, I've garnered a level of respect.
00:47:01
Speaker
And so often it's so precarious, right?
00:47:04
Speaker
Like you step out of line once and it's over for you.
00:47:07
Speaker
And I've seen this over and over with like, you've seen this over and over with like, with celebrities and their wives, especially like athletes and their wives, right?
00:47:15
Speaker
Because there's this like idea that any woman that's attached to an athlete just needs to like shut up and be happy for her position and like absolutely defend every single thing that a man does.
00:47:23
Speaker
Like they like to give lip service to the idea that a woman who's very supportive of her husband, etc.
00:47:28
Speaker
But like if you take a picture on Instagram, they don't like then they're all over you saying like, oh, you're not a good wife, etc.
00:47:34
Speaker
So like,
00:47:34
Speaker
You don't really like build equity or build points or respect in a patriarchal structure.
00:47:39
Speaker
You can only lose it.
00:47:40
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:47:41
Speaker
So you think you like all this work you've put in to build your brand as a writer-to-eye chick is going to pay off and then doesn't.
00:47:48
Speaker
It just
Conclusion and Encouragement for Women's Happiness
00:47:49
Speaker
doesn't.
00:47:49
Speaker
You can lose it just like that.
00:47:50
Speaker
So that's why it's just not a good thing to invest in.
00:47:53
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:47:54
Speaker
Prioritize yourself, queens, and your happiness always.
00:47:58
Speaker
Yes.
00:47:59
Speaker
All right.
00:48:00
Speaker
So that was part three of 37 truths you should have been taught about men, their relationship files.
00:48:05
Speaker
You can discuss this episode on our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
00:48:10
Speaker
Also on our Twitter at fem.strat.
00:48:12
Speaker
and our Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy and check out our Patreon for weekly bonus content.
00:48:18
Speaker
That's patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy and talk to us about it on Discord if you're on the Patreon.
00:48:24
Speaker
And that's it.
00:48:25
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:48:27
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, we're not falling for your propaganda.
00:48:30
Speaker
You're gonna die alone and die mad.
00:48:33
Speaker
You're the one who gonna die alone.
00:48:35
Speaker
So die mad.
00:48:37
Speaker
See you next week.