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The Fifth Element (1997) - "Negative, I am a meat popsicle"
106 Plays3 years ago
When rewatching a sci-fi movie from decades ago, it's often hilarious how the future and technology is assumed to evolve. 1997's "The Fifth Element" seems to intentionally lean into that hard, as the technology appears to have been developed by someone from the early 80's interpretation of what the future might be. Join us as we take a trip to planet Fhloston to save the universe and admire everything Ruby Rhod.
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Movie Details
Directed by Luc Besson, who co-wrote the screenplay with Robert Mark Kamen.
This film stars Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Mila Jovovich, Ian Holm, and Chris Tucker.
Budget of $90mil, made roughly $264mil in the box office
Currently a 7.7 on IMDb
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Ko-fi Break Shout Out - Macherie Bee - https://ko-fi.com/macheriebee - Currently going through a 100 days of painting exercise to hone their craft! Buy them a coffee to get a sketch of your favorite character
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Special Thanks to our friends for sharing their nostalgia with us!
Ye Olde Crime Podcast https://twitter.com/yeoldecrimepod
Ace Rumble - https://twitter.com/AceRumble
The Reel Cut - https://twitter.com/reelcutpod
Dionne Sanchez - https://twitter.com/Heartwarrior24
Rob Turner - https://twitter.com/ReynardCity
Will Poole - https://twitter.com/willpoole
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Our 1-Up Heroes!
Support us on Ko-fi and help us raise money for C.S. Mott Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan! We're on a mission to buy Nintendo Switch consoles and a ton of toys and activities for the kiddos there.
When this was recorded, the following people stepped up BIG TIME!
Rob Turner (again!) - https://twitter.com/ReynardCity
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Request a personalized shout out - https://ko-fi.com/movie
Commission a movie review of your choice! - https://ko-fi.com/movie/commissions
Check out all our episodes and subscribe – www.oswpodcast.com
Twitter – www.twitter.com/oswpodcast1
Facebook – www.facebook.com/oswpodcast
Instagram – www.instagram.com/oswpodcast
----------
Movie Details
Directed by Luc Besson, who co-wrote the screenplay with Robert Mark Kamen.
This film stars Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Mila Jovovich, Ian Holm, and Chris Tucker.
Budget of $90mil, made roughly $264mil in the box office
Currently a 7.7 on IMDb
----------
Ko-fi Break Shout Out - Macherie Bee - https://ko-fi.com/macheriebee - Currently going through a 100 days of painting exercise to hone their craft! Buy them a coffee to get a sketch of your favorite character
----------
Special Thanks to our friends for sharing their nostalgia with us!
Ye Olde Crime Podcast https://twitter.com/yeoldecrimepod
Ace Rumble - https://twitter.com/AceRumble
The Reel Cut - https://twitter.com/reelcutpod
Dionne Sanchez - https://twitter.com/Heartwarrior24
Rob Turner - https://twitter.com/ReynardCity
Will Poole - https://twitter.com/willpoole
----------
Our 1-Up Heroes!
Support us on Ko-fi and help us raise money for C.S. Mott Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan! We're on a mission to buy Nintendo Switch consoles and a ton of toys and activities for the kiddos there.
When this was recorded, the following people stepped up BIG TIME!
Rob Turner (again!) - https://twitter.com/ReynardCity
----------
Request a personalized shout out - https://ko-fi.com/movie
Commission a movie review of your choice! - https://ko-fi.com/movie/commissions
Check out all our episodes and subscribe – www.oswpodcast.com
Twitter – www.twitter.com/oswpodcast1
Facebook – www.facebook.com/oswpodcast
Instagram – www.instagram.com/oswpodcast
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
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Transcript
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Introduction to 'On Second Watch' Podcast
00:00:34
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Here he is, the one and only winner of the Gemini Crockett contest. This boy is fused like fire. So start melting, ladies, because the boy is hotter than hockey.
00:00:57
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15 million pair of ears out there! Poppy D man! Um... Hi. Unbelievable!
00:01:11
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In a world of big budget blockbusters, travel back in time to explore the epic and not so epic movies of yesteryear. Join Tim, Chris, Dana, Carrie, and Spaz on their adventures through nostalgia land. This is on Second Watch, a movie nostalgia podcast.
Exploring 'The Fifth Element' - A Sci-fi Classic
00:01:37
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Science fiction as a genre is a powerful way to demonstrate how humans' reliance on technology can be our downfall, where the machines may rise up against us such as movies Terminator or The Matrix, or take away every need to physically live our existence.
00:01:56
Speaker
But every so often, a sci-fi film comes out that's a little bit different, turning the mirror on humanity itself. It takes us on a wacky ride and gives us Chris Tucker in a leopard-print suit, and God knows what on his head. Unfortunately, there's only one such movie like that, but fortunately for us, it's the movie we're about to review, and that's 1997's English-language French science-fiction action film, The Fifth Element. And I had to call it an English-language French film because of
00:02:23
Speaker
the one and only Luc Besson. This was his baby. He started working on this film when he was 16 years old. He had the idea for it and started noodling on it for about 22 years before it came out. And he directed this film and co-wrote the screenplay with his writing partner and frequent collaborator, Robert Mark Cayman.
00:02:43
Speaker
And this film stars Bruce Willis that Dana hates, right? Yep. Dana has a love affair with Bruce Willis. She wants to have his babies. Definitely not. You don't want to have bad children? Oh boy.
00:03:12
Speaker
Yippee-ki-yay, chucklefucker. There it is. We got Gary Oldman, Mila Yohovitch. Did I say that right? Johovitch, Yohovitch. I've always pronounced it Johovitch, so. Yeah, Johovitch. Me too. Ian Holm and the aforementioned Chris Tucker.
00:03:39
Speaker
I'm sorry, people hated that role. Whatever. That's one of the best sci-fi characters of all time. I don't care. With a budget of 90 million, this film made roughly 264 in the box office and it sits with a 7.7 on IMDb.
00:03:58
Speaker
And it is another movie that has received both great and god-awful reviews from critics, but is generally well-liked by the moviegoers. I know it's definitely well-liked by our podcast for the most part, right? I think. Hell yeah. Carrie, have you seen it? Oh, we'll get that. I have seen it, but I saw it when it came out.
Nostalgia and Personal Reflections on 'The Fifth Element'
00:04:17
Speaker
And believe it or not, I haven't seen this ever since Despite My Love for Sci-Fi. Well, we'll have to get into that. I'm curious now.
00:04:28
Speaker
All right. So, did anyone else see this in theaters? No. What? No. I didn't start getting to seeing movies in theaters until I was much older.
00:04:41
Speaker
So, I mean, like, I'm trying to think, like, I would have been 12 when this movie came out, like, and like, I think context-wise and stuff, if we saw a trailer, I don't think it was something like, yeah, like, I mean, maybe I wanted to see it when I was 12. I have no idea, but it wasn't until I was older than I. Yeah, I think I was in high school when I first saw it. Yeah. I don't have a clue when I first saw it. I mean, yeah, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, I was just saying, it's just, you know, sci-fi films and,
00:05:10
Speaker
80s and 90s they mostly paint like a really dark picture for the future but this one is just full of color and wackiness and yeah it's got some uh the scummy futuristic views of how society can fall apart but there's a lot of color in this film so it's it's uh it's a lot of the costume the pageantry yes chris tucker's hair just chris tucker yeah everything uh but we'll we'll get into that um
00:05:39
Speaker
But, uh, before we dive into it, let's, let's have a go at our samadlibs. And, uh, this is a little bit of a long one, but I couldn't, I couldn't shrink the plot of this movie into just a couple of sentences. So I said, fuck it. Let's just go for it. Nice. Um, so just like last time, I need you guys to just randomly call out numbers one through five in any order. Three. Two. Four. One. And.
00:06:09
Speaker
That leaves five. All right, so I will start popping this in here while we get in here. Oh, this is gonna be interesting. All right, so I need an adjective to kick us off. Drab. Drab, I like it. That's a good first word. How about a verb ending in ing? Poking.
00:06:36
Speaker
It has begun. Oh, God. I'll take sexual connotations for 200, Alex. All right, how about just a verb? Wave. Now for a fun one. I need for Dana, Carrie, Chris, and Spaz to tell me an item that you will usually find in your possession. Beer.
00:07:08
Speaker
pocket. iPhone? I'm so embarrassed. A book? You can read! Well, how do you do that? It's called reading top to bottom, left to right, form a group of words into sentences. Oh, I thought you were supposed to go to right to left. Not in English. Oh, that's right. Okay.
00:07:36
Speaker
All right, I gotta work on it. Maybe that's your problem all along, dude. Not just that. Dan studying Hebrew. It's okay. I need a method of transportation. Airplane. You want to go crazy? No, airplane works. She got it first. Camel?
00:08:04
Speaker
No, I was thinking, what are those little scooters those kids push around? I was thinking the scuba-powered things. You know what? Maybe we shouldn't go with mine. You guys need to deal with these instead. What is those little scuba things called, Carrie? I'm totally blanking right now. I know what you're talking about, though. Yeah, they're amazing. Scuba.
00:08:28
Speaker
I'm gonna look it up a lot. No, it's called a scuba-powered thing. Ow. Fine. All right, I need a kick-ass job title. I was waiting for Dan to say garbage man again. A kick-ass job. Cat wrangler. That's amazing. What happens if you hate cats, though? Well, they're gonna kick your ass, then. The bed. Dog wrangler.
00:08:58
Speaker
Everyone loves dogs. All right. How about a shitty job title? Cat Wrangler. A shitty job. A plumber. I was actually going with sewage treatment processor. All right. It's for the same page, Carrie. Yep.
Community Engagement and Fundraising Efforts
00:09:23
Speaker
All right. Verb ending in ING. Clanging.
00:09:26
Speaker
Not to be confused with banging. Clank. I'm not spaz. That is young. Alrighty. I need a music genre. Metal core.
00:09:45
Speaker
It's gonna be weird. Chris was gonna go into a forward genre. I know. Yes, I was. What, you guys don't appreciate Symphonic Swedish Deathcore? I do. Want me some Norwegian Black Metal? Oh boy. Someone listening's gonna appreciate that genre.
00:10:07
Speaker
It doesn't matter what country they're from, I still can't understand what they're saying. I don't have to listen, I don't care what they're saying, as long as their vocals match the music. They could be saying the ABCs for all, I care. All right, that's fair. All right, adjective. Plump. All right, another verb ending in ing. Drinking. How about an awkward job title?
00:10:33
Speaker
Like awkward? Wow. How awkward do we want this to be? Yeah, like how awkward will we get here? Make it uncomfortable. Uh. Wow. This is just slapping. I think it's not in my mind, but not one thing on the air. You got some there, champ?
00:11:23
Speaker
I don't know if this still happens or it used to happen, but in Vegas the showgirls, some lucky dude was
00:11:35
Speaker
Got to rub lotion and ice on the nipples. They said, awkward jab, that awesome jab. That's where his head went, ladies and gentlemen. That is so detailed. I know. I would love that if he watched that. I'm sorry, what are you? Oh, I'm a mammary chafing expert. I get to rub lotion on the skin.
00:12:07
Speaker
I never get the hose again. Because you're always ripping and ready to go. Yeah, alright. Gotta make him. Okay, so stop. Stop. Now it's awkward. This man wants to be a lotion engineer, I believe is what he's describing, and I will support that, I suppose.
00:12:28
Speaker
It's not a mammary chafing expert, it's a lotion. I like mammary chafing. I'm assuming that's what the lotion's for. It's a very dry heat out there.
00:12:48
Speaker
God, what's happening? It is, I guess. I'm gonna have to Google this afterwards, the same much they make. I love how that just immediately popped in his head. Like it was not even a question. Like, yeah, I mean, not only was it something generic, like ha ha, this or that, it was showgirl, like nipple lotion icer.
00:13:18
Speaker
Like, I didn't even know that was a thing, but apparently it's like they don't have time to do it themselves. It's like, hurry, go get spaz, and dance there with the luboderm in one hand and a pocket full of ice in the other. I'm going, which one? You need.
00:13:35
Speaker
which is disgusting. I am too. I'm just so mad at you that it's fucking hilarious. There's a dance in there with a fucking hotel bucket of ice dripping and ready to go. He didn't seem to work there. He didn't do it for free. He's not appearing. He's trying to help humanity, one nipple at a time. They pay me in drink money. It's Vegas. The drinks are free. Oh, well, win-win. Yeah.
00:14:03
Speaker
Oh my god. All right, let's move on. Animal. Dog. Oh, something more giant. Cheetah. Hippo. I'm sorry, what now? Hippo. Jerry said Cheetah first. After your dog. Lima. African Condor. What is a, am I like going crazy? What is a Lima again?
00:14:32
Speaker
And I don't know what ends in like, emo. I really, I can't, no, I lost it. I don't know what it's crossbred with. Well, this is dead. Let's go with an adjective. Repulsive. Wow. Fuck you, Taylor.
00:14:57
Speaker
I'm going to use that word again. Let's live his dreams. One lotion at a time. One ice cube at a time. God. Just don't mix the two. Do we want to use repulsive again? Yes. Oh, did I already do that? Yeah, you used it last time, I think. Oh, OK. Well, then let's let's use the word mammoth. Oh, yeah. Weird. Noun.
00:15:37
Speaker
all right i think uh i think that's everything well it's gonna be a bumpy ride yeah a little bit
00:15:47
Speaker
of mammoth proportions a little bit okay in the 23rd century a drab evil is poking the universe humanity's only hope is the fifth element who can wave mankind with the four stones of four elements iphone book pocket knife and beer that is a hobo drunk captive planet seriously
00:16:16
Speaker
Oh, God. When the scuba-powered thing carrying the fifth element is destroyed, scientists find and use its DNA to create the... Oh, shit. I forgot an adjective. Let's go with an adjective. Girthy. Perfect. God damn it. And two nouns. Two nouns? Yeah. Trunk. And brain. Idiot. Oh, sorry. And what now? Idiot. Sure.
00:16:47
Speaker
Okay, when the scuba-powered thing carrying the fifth element is destroyed, scientists find and use its DNA to create the girthy being called Dana. Well, while perfect in most every way, Dana needs a crash course in humanity by learning about trunks and idiots. She doesn't like what she sees.
00:17:12
Speaker
After escaping, Data runs into Spaz, a former cat wrangler turned plumber who is now tasked by the military for clanging the universe. They learn that the Stones are with the metal core singer Tim, a plump alien that is drinking at a hotel.
00:17:36
Speaker
Oh, here we go. They win a rigged contest hosted by The Carry, the flamboyant, mammary-chafing expert with a penchant. Always me. You will now be known as the mammary-chafing expert. I mean, don't ever call me that out loud. I'm kidding. I'm totally gonna call that out loud anytime I see you now.
00:18:06
Speaker
The flamboyant, mammary-chafing expert with the penchant for wearing hippo-cheetah hybrid print clothing and taking ladies to new heights. The two are relentlessly pursued by Chris, a mammoth little chucklefuck working for drama people.
00:18:36
Speaker
A mammoth little chucklefuck. That fits so perfectly. Change my name and work. There you go. You're welcome. Who will stop at nothing to retrieve the stones and to poke the universe? It's humanity's only hope is the fifth element. And seen. Good God. So that was quite the ride. It was something. Yes.
00:19:06
Speaker
So that jumps us into our Ko-fi break shout out. And like I said, every episode we do, I'm going to give a shout out to a fellow Ko-fi artist. This one takes us to the mockerybee, ko-fi.com slash mockerybee. And they're currently going through a 100 day exercise of painting
00:19:25
Speaker
to hone their craft so you can buy them a coffee and get a sketch of your favorite character. It could be a cartoon, video game, whatever you have in mind. But they're doing something to keep themselves honest and try to improve their painting skills. So give them a look on Ko-fi. Their link will be on our social media and our show notes as well. So...
00:19:49
Speaker
Let's take a look at some nostalgia shared by our friends.
Carrie's Conflicted Nostalgia
00:19:53
Speaker
I said we were going to be reviewing the fifth element. A lot of people had a lot to say, mostly about Zerg, everyone's favorite
00:20:02
Speaker
bad guy. But ye olde crime podcast said this is one of their all time favorite movies and there's too many one liners to quote, but they gave us some quotes anyway. So, Leeloo Dallas Multipass, my favorite, four stones, not one or two or three, but four, zero stones, zero crates.
00:20:24
Speaker
Ace Rumble says, Loves Gary Oldman as Zorg somehow managed to convincingly be a competent, bungling, strong, and pathetic all at the same time. A bunch of gifts. We have The Real Cut said, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say it's an easy 7. God damn like that movie, but it needs more Zorg. I could have watched a movie about that character all day.
00:20:48
Speaker
So we got Dionne Sanchez says that while the singer is doing her aria while the main chick is being a badass beating everyone up. We got Rob Turner saying super green. I love the fifth element such a unique wacky sci-fi action comedy. We got Will Pool saying it's an absolutely brilliant and it's I haven't watched
00:21:09
Speaker
This in a long time, it's such a fun film. And then finally, while at odds with Zorg, I thought everything about this movie was genius. So a lot of love for the Zorg. Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman's awesome. He's amazing. Something special for sure.
00:21:24
Speaker
All right, and then before we jump into our own thoughts on this film, I'm going to plug our little fundraising activity here. So if you go to our Ko-fi page, you can buy us a one-up. And that's going to help us raise some money for CS Mott Children's Hospital. What we're trying to do is raise enough money to buy a Nintendo Switch, some games, other activities and supplies that the kids need.
00:21:46
Speaker
while they're staying at this hospital. It's a fantastic hospital. They got great staff, just great kids that just need some smiles. So we're trying to raise some money between now and March 10th, which is Mario Day, where we'll be reviewing Super Mario Brothers. And that's when the cutoff of this fundraising is going to occur. So all the money that we raise between now and then, we're going to take and get all these supplies that they're asking for. So we're at 125 already.
00:22:14
Speaker
which is fantastic. And special shout out again to our friends, Rainard City, who threw some more one ups our way to help us out. So definitely check them out. They're a huge supporter of us and always participating for a great cause. We're trying to have some fun, raise some money for some kids and bring some smiles to people's faces. So our podcast certainly can't do that. So we might as well buy stuff for people. So
00:22:44
Speaker
Let's talk the fifth element. Let's see, do I want Kerry to go first? Yes. I mean, I can. Yeah, let's go, Kerry. What do you say?
00:22:56
Speaker
I saw this movie, so it was, we didn't see it in theaters. We saw it like right after it came out. We got it from like Blockbuster, throwback, right? And we, I had rented it for my birthday party with several of our classmates who will not be named here, obviously. And I remember being so excited because I like sci-fi movies.
00:23:16
Speaker
and we watched this and you can imagine it's a difficult time to to be a girl obviously and uh feel rejection but none of them liked this movie and i loved it but it like kind of ruined it for me like a little bit um so i remember loving it and i could like quote it for years but i haven't seen it since then but i'm really looking forward to watching it again
00:23:45
Speaker
Well, there's an example where nostalgia can kill it for you. Yeah, totally. And that's why I was scared. But I'm super pumped now. It's been long enough to where it's not so much of an issue. That's unfortunate. Whatever, it's my birthday party. I do what I want. I think that's hard sometimes when you're super into something and you're trying to have other people enjoy it with you and they're just not into it. You're like, oh, no.
00:24:15
Speaker
Which is probably why I don't have Dana watch my Kung Fu movies, because I don't want her to destroy it for me. No, I chose not to watch those. I'll just watch them by myself. I chose not to watch those. I'm just gonna rephrase that one. Messing out. Kung Fu Hustle's amazing. Have you seen Kung Fu Hustle, Dana? Mm-hmm. I have had you watch that, haven't I? Mm-hmm. I love that movie. This was the best. The best. All right, whatever.
00:24:44
Speaker
Anyway, so hopefully Carrie, you can enjoy it again. I think you will. I'm so pumped. Spaz, what about you? Well, I am pumped to watch this movie again because it's been quite a few years. I don't remember really the last time I saw this movie, to be honest with you. It's been a while. I don't know if I... Chris, did we see this together or no? I can't remember.
00:25:11
Speaker
I mean, maybe one time. I've seen it multiple times. I think the first time I saw this movie was with Portray, because I don't think I was ever interested in watching it back then. I don't know why, because I did enjoy these types of movies.
00:25:27
Speaker
When I, I didn't realize, yeah, I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I first started it, but then it was like the first five minutes, it kind of sucks you in and you're hooked and you're like, damn, that was a good freaking movie. And then you watch it about 20 times after that.
00:25:46
Speaker
I think I might own this movie, but I don't think I do. But yeah, it was a good movie. I can't wait to watch it again. If you own it soon, it's cellophane. Again, movies are not in cellophane. Games, yes. When was the last time you watched it? God, I can't. It's been so long, man.
00:26:12
Speaker
Probably eight, ten years ago, maybe? If not longer? It's been a long time, man. I know it's long enough that I have forgotten a few things of it. You're brushing this off for a lot of people, it looks like. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait to watch it again, though. I do love this movie. I know that. Chris, what about you? Let's see. Probably a couple of years ago was the last time I saw it. Two, three, four years ago.
00:26:43
Speaker
Yeah. Is this something that you intentionally would just watch every few years or just when it's on, it's on type of thing? Oh, I try to throw it on once in a while. I want to get in the mood for it. I love this movie. I like Luke Besson as a director.
Luc Besson's Unique Directorial Style
00:26:57
Speaker
I enjoy his movies. And this to me is like pinnacle, deliberate, B-movie sci-fi. And it checks all the boxes just right in my opinion. Oh, it does.
00:27:14
Speaker
Dana, do you remember the last time you saw this movie? I actually don't. I can tell you. Oh, well, if you know, then why don't you answer for me?
00:27:26
Speaker
No, it was probably about eight, seven years ago. Yeah, I know it was before kids. I know we saw it since we've been married. I just didn't know, you know, exactly when, but I mean, it's always been an enjoyable movie for me. I, uh, surprise. I actually like a Hollywood actor. So, um, Derek called you out.
00:27:51
Speaker
It's all right. It's totally fine. But I love Bruce Willis, so I pretty much like most of his movies. So I mean, there's probably gonna go without saying that I was gonna like this one too. But being it's been so long, I'm actually really looking forward to rewatching it. I wonder what I'm gonna think now. I think you'll enjoy it more. Yep. But but we'll see. I saw I can always watch a movie with Bruce Willis. He
00:28:19
Speaker
more or less plays the same guy in his movies. But Gary Oldman, I can watch almost everything he's in and enjoy it. He's so good. He is. He is one of the best actors out there, I think. Did you guys see Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy? Yes. I could not stand that movie.
00:28:47
Speaker
I could, I just, I did not like it at all. It was just too slow for me. But like anything else with Gary Oldman, like the, what's that Denzel movie? The, it's not The Road, it's the Book of Eli. Book of Eli? Yeah. I still haven't seen that movie. Oh, you're killing me. No, that movie is fantastic. I know. I hear nothing but good things about it. I just, I always catch it at like, if it's on, it's always the end of the movie. So I'm like, I'm not going to watch it. It's almost done.
00:29:16
Speaker
But yeah, Gary Oldman just is amazing. It doesn't really matter what he's doing, but Chris Tucker is another fantastic actor. I like Brush Hour, all those movies, he's fantastic in it. Obviously this, he's great in things like Friday and stuff.
00:29:35
Speaker
Chris Tucker is Chris Tucker and he's just always seems like he's having a blast no matter what he's doing. And I think it like that kind of enthusiasm roams off on the audience. So I'm looking forward to watching this again, because it's it has been a while and it is certainly one of my favorite sci fi films because it's just they know what it is and they just go for it. They don't they don't try to oversell themselves and
00:30:01
Speaker
you know, take it to some ridiculous heights, but it's, it's just a, just a fun, funny action movie. So I think it'll be fun. I think we're all on the same page. So it's finally, we get to a movie that we haven't, none of us have seen in a while. I think Chris has seen it most recently, but, um, something that we're all looking forward to. So that could either bite us in the ass or, uh, I just don't know. Looking forward to this.
00:30:31
Speaker
How enthusiastically? Probably at least a six or a seven. You started this. I know. You joined, you joined us.
00:30:52
Speaker
I realistically, I joined you guys like 25 years ago. Like this, this was just bound to happen. We've been saying sorry ever since. Not me. I've been saying you're lucky. Tomato, tomato. Congratulations. Love you so much. Oh, I love you too. This is weird. Oh, she knows.
00:31:17
Speaker
Please don't start. You keep your chafing. Oh, no. So how about some scores? What do we think this movie is going to come out to be? We'll just go in the same order we gave our thoughts on. So I think, Kerry, why don't you?
00:31:41
Speaker
Oh, no. So I explained my bad first experience. So I'm going to give my score based on the nostalgia. You're fully expecting it to go way up after watching. And I'm going to give it a 6.5. We're gonna expect it much worse than that. Yeah, seriously.
00:32:02
Speaker
No, I was about to curse off our entire class for ruining this for you, but enthusiastic 6.5. I think I went the spas next. Yep. I'm going to give this a magically delicious 7.5. Catch them, Lucky Charms.
00:32:28
Speaker
They're magic. They're delicious. I never want to hear that again. That's going to haunt my dreams. Losers. Oh no. You have a problem, sir. Shit happens, man. Give me the cash. Chris, what about you? I'm going to give this a solid eight. Boom.
00:32:58
Speaker
Solidate. Dana? What was the adjective you used to describe my character? Girthy. Darn it, I can't use that. Oh, yes you can. You sure can. Yes, you can. No, I'm gonna- It's so girthy. A girthy age. Used force of the girth.
00:33:24
Speaker
You've heard of Groot. Meet his cousin, Girth. So it's a girthy eight. Yeah, it is. It's very strong, very proud in its size. Very much. Standing strong against all those haters. Girthier than Chris Tucker's hair.
00:33:53
Speaker
Alright, I so for my nostalgia, I'm coming in as an eight as well. It gets this is a great fun sci fi film. I think even you can even enjoy it if you don't care for sci fi unless you're our elementary class but a bunch of losers. But it's it's just a it's, this is fun. It's got a little bit of everything in it. And I was I was reading a lot of
00:34:19
Speaker
the critic reviews and they just thought Chris Tucker was obnoxious. And I thought he was hilarious. It was Rudy Rhodes. What's his name? Ruby.
00:34:34
Speaker
Rod? Yeah, Rod. Yeah, R-H-O-D. Yeah, I was way off. But he owns this DJ radio announcer role just through and through. He's hilarious. And I know he's supposed to be recording and doing basically a live stream the whole time, but sometimes I feel like he's just talking to himself. I know the feeling.
00:35:00
Speaker
Yeah, but he's, uh, I don't know the whole, his reactions, everything going out around him in the hotel and with the stones. It's just, it's just awesome. So I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be funny. I'm going to have fun for sure. Uh, so that brings us to an average of a 7.6, which is quite high. Hmm. Well, the movie deserves it. Even with, uh, Carrie's terrible experience. Hmm.
00:35:26
Speaker
And with the plan of the hers going up already, unless all of ours go down magically, which I really doubt. I don't really see that happening. Yeah.
00:35:37
Speaker
This is one of our highest averages, honestly. I think it's been a handful of movies that we've actually gone lower on the second watch than we've had.
Reevaluation of 'The Fifth Element' and Other Films
00:35:44
Speaker
It's happened four times. The ones Chris picked. I hate you. Second of all, those were good movies and I didn't pick all of them. I picked just the fog.
00:35:57
Speaker
Um, so the fog was the only one big trouble in China. I didn't go down. That was all hinting. Oh, it didn't. That was a mutual decision in both our parts. Oh, that's true. It's such a good movie. Let me share the movies that, uh, that actually went down. So the first one to actually go down from our nostalgia is the matrix. Yep. Oh yeah. Yeah. Followed by Conair. Oh yeah.
00:36:25
Speaker
The other guys actually went down, and the fog. Netflix ruined the other guys. Just for clarity, I didn't go and pick all the John Carpenter movies. I just picked the fog. I mean, I totally knew we were doing Big Trouble Moon China. I was pumped. When we talked about doing this podcast, that was number four in our list of movies we came up with.
00:36:48
Speaker
We had to do it. Yes, we did. Oh, good. It's amazing. If I had been around, I'm just saying things would have gone very differently and more consistent with Dana's trend. Well, maybe you should watch it again. Very different perspective on it. Oh, God. No. The Pork Chop Express, Carrie. It's coming for you.
00:37:14
Speaker
Well, Kerry, I think there's like eight movies for you to catch up on. So if you want to watch them all, then you can give us your feedback. I mean, several of them are like fan favorites of mine, absolutely. So any time I can weigh in. But I think for like for you to really appreciate Home Alone, you need to have the aesthetic setting that we had when we recorded. So in that scenario, we'll talk further planning after COVID.
00:37:39
Speaker
It wasn't that bad. I haven't ended up sleeping on a couch by Dan after- Jesus Christ, fuck it. Portray, help me out. No. Yes. You broke your month alone there, Luther. Portray was ripping so much ass just like I was.
00:37:55
Speaker
You guys ruined my couch. You destroyed my couch. I had to throw it away. Yeah, that's bad. That's very, very, very clear here. Spass ruined your couch. Yeah, but yeah, I ruined your couch. Chris ruined his cotton. It's my shit. I don't give a rip. It's my stuff. I do what I want. And Terry's leg, because you probably fired on here a couple of times.
00:38:18
Speaker
Listen, I remember waking up that next day opening up my bedroom door and getting a whiff of whatever was happening out there and just wanting to die. It's a lot of alcohol and shitty foods. That's what happened. I couldn't get my deposit back on the apartment, which you did. You're welcome. I just lingers, stings them out.
00:38:43
Speaker
You can't you can't cover up sadness. He really can't. Yeah, you can light a candle. That's about the best you can do.
00:38:55
Speaker
I don't think, I don't think a lighting a candle would have helped. It would have blown that place. You needed an exorcism. It was so much in the air. Yeah. Yeah. You should have called a priest because yeah. Well, you didn't there. It was unholy. You helped. No, not over now. You were over there just going to town and the exorcists and it stirred your ass. You helped. It was a mariachi band playing. I'm not going to this. Hey, I had a great time. So.
00:39:24
Speaker
I enjoyed it. I'm sure you did. So this is all the demons heading up in your butt. They have to come out somehow. On a closed area with other people. On your own time. That was my own time. This is a disaster. It's good times. Yeah.
00:39:49
Speaker
But yeah, Kerry, maybe we'll do Home Alone 2 when you're in town one day, and we'll have the whole 4D experience. I'm so excited. We should watch all Home Alone 2. Just see how bad the clock is. No, I will only watch 1 and 2. Fuck all the other ones. Oh, no. 1 through 6, or how many there are nowadays. I will not do it. If Macaulay Cox is not in it, no thank you. I have heard from a lot of people the third one is actually good. Yeah.
00:40:18
Speaker
I mean, this isn't just like one person saying it over and over again. A lot of people say the third one's actually not as bad as we're making it. People make it out to be. So. I think I've seen the third one and it's not as bad as everyone. It's different, obviously. It's not Macaulay Culkin, you know. Right. But it's not the end of the world. You didn't see shit. Oh, OK. It's very mid 90s. Sure. You know, right up, you know, same with, you know, blank check and, you know, Dunston checks in and stuff.
00:40:48
Speaker
rich rich oh my god oh was that supposed to be praise i'm so confused i'm setting the bar for the quality of that movie i love those movies so do i but they're not good they're not good movies crying while laughing i just
00:41:09
Speaker
Oh, do you hate Dunston Jackson? Come on. When you say like 90, I was thinking, yeah, like the bad kids movies and I was thinking I had like Dunston Jackson. Like those are bad, but they're still enjoyable on a certain level. In that movie, freaking chimpanzee in it. It's an orangutan. Is Pee Wee in that movie? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oh, Paul Reuben? Yeah. Is he? No. Sure he is. Yeah. Wait, no. Is it Charles Groban in it?
00:41:39
Speaker
No. That's Beethoven. Yep. I don't like those movies. What's wrong with Beethoven? Oh, nevermind. We got into this before. Maybe it's because I didn't like how Charles Groban treated Beethoven and like for some reason that resonated with me and like I just like I hate that movie. Yeah, Paul Rubens. Oh, enough shit. Yeah, he was the guy going after Yuri Wangitein. I kind of want to watch Kiwi's Big Adventure now.
00:42:05
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Isn't Pee Wee's Playhouse all on Disney Plus? I think so. Oh my god, is it? I think it is. So is Fresh Prince. No, Fresh Prince is on HBO, excuse me. Correct. I don't know where Pee Wee is. I'm looking. Pretty sure it's on Disney Plus. I'm looking right now. Because I'm going to watch that.
00:42:24
Speaker
Well, I was thinking about having a category about like road trip movies and Peewee's Big Adventure was one of the movies I was thinking about. Heavy and the Pole. Oh, yes. I do not see it on Disney Plus. Oh, lame. Again, I think Dan has a problem with Peewee's Big Adventure. Why? I mean, put the surprise face on. Yeah. What? Yeah, the salt was brutal. What happened?
00:42:57
Speaker
Love you. I can confirm there's not a basement in the Elmo. I mean, there kind of is. There's not. It's a huge big adventure. Oh, God. Anyway. Oh, that's the fifth element. Andrew just went off, but we haven't gone off on a tangent in a while, but that's OK. Hey, I just want to make for clarity because we're wrapping it up. I just want to make very clear. We did not talk about food at all this episode.
00:43:23
Speaker
I was waiting and it just never came up. And I don't want it to devolve into talking about food. I just wanted to say, hey, look, we didn't talk about food this time. Pee Wee's Big Adventure is on HBO Max, by the way. There we go. And I also have these really delicious cookies my aunt made. Stop it. They got the sprinkles to get the fun, fatty cookies. So good. So good. Got a little sprinkles in them. Oh, man.
00:43:54
Speaker
I'll go back. Yeah, I'll go back over there tomorrow and get some. It'd be good. Eat them. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. No problem, man. I got you. I got you. Then I got some... Oh, man. I got some American salsa. It's going to get got... Right after the taco. Got me some tostitos. Got me some white cheddar cheeses. What? You are embracing the bachelor life, sir. Dana's going to go get some s'mores from the...
00:44:23
Speaker
Air fryer, right, Tim? Dana? Right, right? No, Dana's strict keto right now. She won't even break. Boo. I won't. Normally, I would, but not right now. I'd love to enjoy them for us. There's our food conversation, I guess. Hey, oh yeah, Kerry, what are you eating for dinner tonight? You're getting another one of those delicious cookies, ice cream cookies?
00:44:49
Speaker
I am beyond dinner. I am probably just going to have some dark chocolate and call it you've been now. Isn't it like 720 over there? It is. That's like dinner time. That's so late for me. Oh, that's like when I normally dinner is like seven, seven 30. I did like five. Yeah. But the second lunch. Yeah, I mean, I had the seafood linguine today. So good. From where? From Luigi's.
00:45:13
Speaker
I think the piece is really good. Oh, that was solid food right there. I just wish there was a little bit more heat, a little bit more spice, but. Add some slapping mama on it. I had our slap your mama seasoning fall on my head the other day. That was real fun. It truly did. Slap the mama. Literally. Literally, slap the mama.
00:45:43
Speaker
Uh, so I think we've got it all in there, right? Uh, I think we got it all. We talked about taking movies, make sure I'm in me a bit. Yeah, I got boobed in this time. So yeah. Chuckle fucks are in, so we're good. I think, uh, yeah, all the boxes have been checked. Oh yeah. I'm just going to watch this movie and, um, I hope it's a better experience for you, Kerry.
00:46:13
Speaker
Oh, it will be. Yeah, she's the place you're all losers. Shouldn't watch it with us, then. We actually enjoy this movie. So I'm still losers. You guys might be. It's gonna be fun. All right, let's sign off. Let's, let's check out this film and
00:46:36
Speaker
See what emotions it evokes. Spazz out, bitches. No, you're not a fucker. Man, I love that word. Chuckle fucker. Yes. Girthy Dana. Oh, no. Oh, Memory Chafing Expert Care. Yeah, there it is. Cat Wrangler Spazz. Oh, boo.
00:47:06
Speaker
That's my favorite. It's not my favorite. I hate cats. Mammoth little chuckle fuck. We don't have anything for Tim. Yeah. Oh, what was I? Hold on. That is a good question. I don't even know. Was I even in this? No. Where was I? Wish I had paid attention to what I do here.
00:47:35
Speaker
Oh yeah, I was the metalcore singer. The plump alien. Plump drinking metalcore singer. Yeah. That checks out. Yeah. I feel the plumping part. Skinny. We're singing metalcore, but you know, hey. I hear some giggles and I can't stop thinking about damn wrangling cats. It's just never looking at a rocking horse with a little shoelace lasso trying to wrangle kittens. Yeah.
00:48:03
Speaker
That's how I imagine angels rocking away in a room with kittens and two lace lathos. Wearing stirrups and nothing else. Well, that wasn't in my mind and I hope it's not anymore than it is now. I'll just say assless chaps, but stirrups work too. I had an innocent image in my head and y'all went there with the assless chaps. Well, that's our podcast. Love you, Chris. That's pretty much our podcast in a nutshell, spazz and assless chaps.
00:48:32
Speaker
Oh, God. Let me get this wrangle on. I'm gonna get something on. Oh, no. Oh, no. Let's go watch this. Let's go watch the movie. What was that? It was bad. It had nothing. No fire, no energy, no nothing. You know I have a shoulder on you, you know? And it must pop, pop, pop! So tomorrow, from 5 to 7, will you please act like you have more than a two-word vocabulary. It must be green, okay? Okay?
Humor and Layers in 'The Fifth Element'
00:49:11
Speaker
All right, so we're back after rewatching The Fifth Element. And I'm just gonna start off and say I forgot how funny this movie really was. Like I knew some of the jokes and everything, you know, just because we joke about it all the time. But just rewatching this just I was laughing throughout the whole damn thing.
00:49:33
Speaker
It's just there's a lot to it. Yeah, it's great. I but I really gotta know, Carrie, you, you got a bad, you have a bad nostalgia with this movie.
00:49:45
Speaker
anything changed? Is it better? Yeah, I think I mean, obviously, now there's like not like catty people being like this socks and sitting right next to me. So sure. But yeah, it was it was good. But like, I think just now because there's been so many movies that kind of draw upon elements from this movie now, that some of this stuff is a little bit
00:50:06
Speaker
was a little bit tired for me, but I appreciate that this was kind of like one of the first ones that put it out there for us. But yeah, I loved it. I loved the theme of that. So yeah, much better experience this time. Good. That's good. I also love how on the nose it is like it's like all it's all futuristic yet everything is
00:50:27
Speaker
physical, like old, like 1980s buttons. Everything's a button. It's all practical effects. Yeah. It's all practical effects, even though it still had a gigantic budget for its digital apartment. Right. And just everything's just so not futuristic yet futuristic at the same time. It's very much that like, I mean, just like all the older stuff, like you said, like the eighties or even like, you know, the sixties, like this is what we think the future is going to be. It's like,
00:50:56
Speaker
buttons and tubes and lots of like colored like different colored like like wizard stuff it's like okay like I absolutely love like all the practical effects of this movie because it's just like it adds to like the campiness and to me it's just it makes the movie I appreciate all like the monster costume work and all that stuff that's that's some really detailed work they didn't have to do but it you know it's it's served a good purpose
00:51:24
Speaker
Well, from what I was reading, and the reason it is so I think deliberately cheesy, very bright color wise is like, uh, Luke even said that like he was sick and tired of like seeing like sci-fi space movies and like dark dimly like corridors or like in the, like obviously like the bleakness and blackness of space, which, so he tried to like purposely make it very bright and colorful.
00:51:49
Speaker
And I was like, I appreciate that. Cause you don't, you don't see that. I mean, even now it's all CGI. It's like, yeah, it's bright and flashy, but it's still dark and gritty. It's like, you don't, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, still they, they painted some of the stuff with like, just a lot of just dirtiness. Like I think it's just like.
00:52:10
Speaker
The city, the cities were just very dirty. Like even the airports like covered in just garbage. Sorry about the garbage. Right. But um, but I mean, like the hotel and just everything's just just very lots of color. Yep.
00:52:25
Speaker
And obviously, um, I don't know, we'll, we'll talk about the characters, but, um, I did want to say, uh, we'll look at the opening credits, Luke Perry's name comes across the screen, like for all of like four lines and four minutes of screen time. I was going to make a comment about that. Like he got like the last credit, like, no, the, and, and his name, which I know is always like a very.
00:52:50
Speaker
you know, important reserve space. And I was like, really? Luke Perry? Like, I mean, but it wasn't as, like, this was the 1997. So it was like, obviously he's not more famous than those that are in the movie, but it was during the heyday of what, like 90210 and shit. Yeah. And like, I get that part just trying to kind of draw that crowd like, Hey, check it out. Yeah. But yeah, I was like, you're in here for a total of like eight minutes and you said five things and waved a gun around.
00:53:19
Speaker
And tripped and then you just disappeared. Yeah. The end. And I thought it was funny. Yeah. Another question. So it's the very beginning we have. I see the lights. So there's kids there. Are there kids in this movie at all beyond that?
00:53:37
Speaker
No. No, I don't see him. I mean, yes, yes. The Japanese schoolgirls that want Ruby's auto. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it counts. Yeah. He just walks by with a paintbrush. He throws it in the end. I love it. Yeah.
00:53:53
Speaker
Good. That character, I, so I can imagine seeing that movie in theaters with him screaming all the time has got to be pretty piercing. Yeah. But my God, what a great character. Like the bomb part. I was like, he just kept, he just kept screaming. I was like, it's gonna blow out my speaker. I forgot that he just screams for like a minute straight. Right. I will go ahead.
00:54:16
Speaker
No, I was just gonna say, I love when we're like introduced to him and he's, he's talking and he swings around with his cane. You hear her tumbling down. It's just like, Oh, that's awesome.
00:54:29
Speaker
All the characters in this movie, and it's funny, because I know in the previous part of this podcast, we all really love Gary Oldman, and we still do. But I personally, he was the weakest of this in the movie, in my opinion, in this movie, and I was reading up on it, and I know why. He hates this movie.
00:54:47
Speaker
If you read about it, he did this as a favor. He didn't even read the script. He did it as a favor because he's close friends with Luke Besson. And I guess Luke partially funded his movie at the time, right in 1997. So he did it as a favor from Luke's help. He was in an interview in 2011. He goes, oh, no. He goes, I'm paraphrasing. I'm not using it. So he was basically like, oh, no, I really don't like this movie at all. I did it to pay back a debt.
00:55:18
Speaker
No. And yeah, like that's. Yep. I mean, I don't know. I forgot. I mean, I knew he was in it, but like when I was rewatching, I was like, yeah, he's kind of a weak Lincoln out of all of this. Like, I don't care much for his character. He got an awful lot of screen time too. He did. He did. Um, and it's funny because it's like, I chuckle because I'm thinking Ian Holm, I'm like super serious actor, you know.
00:55:43
Speaker
I've never seen him in a crazy role. I mean, I'm sure he's done them, but I'm like, and he pops up in this and I'm just like, Oh, I forgot. Yeah. I forgot Ian Holm was in this. And like, I mean, this is before he's, he did, you know, um, I'm gonna blank Lord of the rings and stuff. Yeah. Um, you know, and he's always done serious roles and this pops up and I'm thinking this is about, about as opposite of serious as it gets. It's, it's wacky across the board. Yeah.
00:56:09
Speaker
It's a very good way to describe it, and that's why I think I very much enjoy this. It's wacky. It's not, don't get me wrong, I mean, I love Alien, but it's not, you know, Alien, you know, dark, gritty, creepy, scary, you know, every space movie that's been out there, you know, this was just kind of like, what? I felt like every woman character was also like a stripper. Hey, you know, let me have this, all right? No. Yes, very much so. I was like, I want to go to McDonald's, apparently. Like, this whole little messaging is working very well.
00:56:38
Speaker
Have it your way. Yeah. I don't, I don't even know anymore. All I'm thinking is I forgot every outfit was just like, I mean, even the guys' outfits are crazy, but it's very obvious with the women cause it's all very sexualized. But even some of the guy's outfits are very sexualized too, but like, uh, but the women is very like in your face in a way. And I'm thinking.
00:57:04
Speaker
Uh, this is how they dress in the future. Just a lot, a lot of vinyl and, and, and, and, and cutouts and outfits. The one, I think there was one woman character that wasn't like, uh, with like a porn actress was, uh, that one soldier that was supposed to be his wife, according to the, uh, yeah, just that was it. It was just her, everyone else just like dressed for clubbing.
00:57:31
Speaker
Yep. The club. And that's a very good way of putting it. You know what? This movie very much screamed, you know, mid nineties, like kooky, you know, a cool style, like the bright colors, the crazy outfits. Like, yes, I could see that big. I could see them popping on some, maybe some dot rude afterwards.
00:57:51
Speaker
Hit a couple glow sticks. Yeah. There were quite a few glow sticks hanging in people's cars and stuff. I'm glad you picked up on that. I was like, those are glow sticks. There's dice. There's glow sticks. This is weird. I was like, I love this.
00:58:06
Speaker
And then you also have another reference to being able to put something in a microwave and two seconds later get this full meal and back to the future too is like, man, I want this technology. I'm waiting for this. I live in the future. It's what? 2021. Where is half this shit? Like cool. We got sweet laptops and cell phones and smartphones and this. I just want to be able to pop some tablets into my microwave and pull out a 20 pound chicken. All right. I'm not asking for a lot here. Okay.
00:58:37
Speaker
That's the technology you would choose out of everything possible. I'm setting the bar low carry, all right? There's plenty more that I want, but at this point in time of my life, I'm thinking shake and bake, literally, and give you some chicken. Teleportation, healing. There's so many options here, and you want to just be able to microwave yourself a chicken. I'm talking small steps. Obviously, for healing, I'm still waiting for my, like,
00:59:04
Speaker
My cyber implants or nanobite technology where you can inject a bunch of cyberbots that are just going to heal you from the inside out. I'm waiting for that shit. But obviously we're not there yet because I'm just constantly disappointed that I can't inject myself full of nanobites.
00:59:21
Speaker
But in the meantime, I just want a two-second pizza. In the meantime, I just want a goddamn deep-dish pizza that I can yank out of my comically oversized microwave to accommodate the size of the deep dish within five minutes, all right? Like, I just want to get fat, okay? What a dream. What a dream.
00:59:43
Speaker
Like I said, setting the bar pretty low. Teleportation, I've seen space balls. I don't want to be staring at my ass. It can go sideways. I know what happens. Why did anyone tell me my ass was this big?
01:00:04
Speaker
The pros and kinds of teleportation. Right. Well, but this is optimized technology. By that same token, you could think you're microwaving yourself a chicken and you could get something else that's just absolutely disgusting, too. Mike, don't ruin this for me, Carrie. It's not an optimized technology. I want my teleportation. I want my multi-pass.
01:00:28
Speaker
I mean, look, yeah, I mean, I don't know. I mean, we just, there's different things. I just, I felt like this was a very common trend in older movies. Like Tim was saying, like the magical food thing, you know, the days of making food, you just pop it, you know, pills or, you know, it's formed out of thin air, you know, that kind of stuff. Yeah. I mean, everyone's got their interpretation of what the future is going to be like, but I think what everyone can agree on is we all want two second food and we want it now. Hot pockets don't count. No.
01:00:59
Speaker
Not at all. Dana, with Bruce Willis being your guy, it's been a while since you've seen this. What do you think? She loves a sweet blonde hair. No. You can take us back to Earth, Dana. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I guess when I was younger, I liked this movie a lot more than I do now. Oh, wow.
01:01:29
Speaker
I mean, I appreciate a lot of the things you guys are saying. Don't get me wrong, but it just didn't hold up for me overall. I kind of... I didn't see you too much of big trouble in the middle of China. I get it. Actually, I did almost say that out loud after watching it. But the thing was was that I actually liked this movie quite a bit when I was younger and I saw it.
01:01:54
Speaker
And I'm not going to say it was all bad or anything, but I definitely didn't like it as much. That's for sure. It just didn't hold my attention as well. And the oldness of the movie really, really was hard to get past for me.
01:02:14
Speaker
I think that's what I'm getting at too, Dana. And you and I usually agree, so I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. But that's kind of what I say. Some of it was just kind of tired, you know? Yeah, I get it. I think you used the right way to describe it. Some of it was like, it's like, okay, this has all been done since then again, too. And I don't know. I mean,
01:02:37
Speaker
It didn't drop down drastically in the sense of, okay, that was the worst movie I ever saw. That was never not what I'm going with. It just didn't get me the same way, I guess. I don't know. I will guess, just agree to disagree.
01:02:58
Speaker
I can see your point. I'm trying to take it back to the fact this was this was 97. I feel like it was very intentional to look like a lot of the interiors and technology was like
01:03:15
Speaker
If this was filmed in the 80s, this is what they think the future would look like. I think that long ago. Yeah, it's still it's still leaning on this. This is what they thought it looked like back in the 80s. But, you know, then again, he started writing this when he was a kid. So maybe he just decided I'm just going to stick with it. Well, I think that was it, too. I think it was like he when he thought of that as a 16 year old and star like as a kid and stuff like that's what he grew up on. So again, his head that's
01:03:44
Speaker
That's what he want, you know, wanted to represent. I think he's an older, you know, like we said, like, you know, 60s, 70s, you know, you know, the dryer duck tubing and, and, and, you know, giant buttons to make things look cool. Um, I don't know. Yeah. Spaz, what about you? Did you, I'm assuming you watched this today or. Yes, I watched it today. I did. Um, I think, uh, Dana's crazy.
01:04:13
Speaker
And I guess that means I think Carrie's crazy too. But no, I'm with Chris. I want my food two seconds after I put it in a microwave. That was awesome. I want my flying cars. I want my bed that makes itself after I push a button. I want my shower to clean itself after hitting a button.
01:04:42
Speaker
That's awesome. I want my financially-clad fast food servers, apparently. I want my Chinese food to come to my back window so I don't have to go out and get it. I want these things. And I wouldn't mind... I mean, yeah, it was a good movie. I enjoyed it. It's funny. The production and designs were... I thought were awesome. I think it was good. I mean, it's a...
01:05:12
Speaker
Perfect late 90s action flick with Bruce Willis, typical Bruce Willis. He bleeds in this movie. He doesn't bleed, it's not a Bruce Willis movie.
01:05:23
Speaker
It's funny speaking about how campy and cheesy it is. I just looked it up. I want to double check. Uh, the movie event horizon with Sam Neil came out the same year. Talk about like a complete opposite end of the spectrum. Like it was supposed to be like super, you know, futuristic looking, like a shit ton of CGI. Um, you know, very dark, very serious, obviously different to horror movie versus an action movie, but still.
01:05:50
Speaker
Just interesting how different they looked.
01:05:55
Speaker
I do got to say that the CGI that was used in this film, like the, the recreation of Leeloo, like that was actually really well done for 97. Yeah. Well, I think you mentioned that they had an eight, it was an $80 million budget and most of it went to, um, the digital team. And if I remember reading what I read earlier, maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think this was the most expensive movie outside of Hollywood that was made that year of all time up until then. Yeah.
01:06:22
Speaker
Uh, so yeah, I mean, that was funny. The amount of practical effects they had, but like, yeah, the digital effects I thought held up. There was only one time where I was like, it's really showing its age. And that was with him, them flying the ship out of the explosion. Yeah. But like, I thought for the moment, like, yeah, you could tell it's fake. They should have blown up in an explosion, but whatever.
01:06:43
Speaker
But here's my thing. So you guys are saying that the effects are really, really good for its time for 1997 here. But you were like ragging on Jurassic Park, which was 1994. And I thought we had better effects. And 93, but whatever. Yeah, sure. Whatever. But my point being right. I actually thought like, I was on the Jurassic Park.
01:07:07
Speaker
Well, not you. I was going to say. I think Chris was, if I remember correctly. Well, don't worry. Chris said Gary Oldman wasn't that good in this movie. He's an idiot. Gary Oldman was awesome. He was great. He did not annoy me. He was perfect for this movie. I'd say he was not perfect. You guys said he was the weakest on the planet. Oh, shoot you in a nut sack. I swear to God. I don't even know how he got to this point in time, Spad. He just escalated it past several different situations.
01:07:35
Speaker
I don't care. You don't talk dirty about Gary Oldman. Only he can talk dirty about himself. Does he talk dirty about himself to you on a Florida night? I wish. Gary Oldman's the man and everything he does. I enjoy his acting very much so. Everything he does. Oh my God.
01:07:57
Speaker
I do got to say, when Zorg is choking at his desk, and he's hitting all the buttons, trying to figure out something that can help him, why does he have a button to make that weird Dr. Seuss animal? I don't know. Technically, I think it's supposed to suck whatever he's choking on out. Why does he have a hot button on his desk for it? That's the reason for the creature. Why is he, later on, just holding it like a baby?
01:08:25
Speaker
Because this probably is his baby. I don't know. I feel like they were just like, we need something weird. And they're just like, god. Yeah, it was. Wait, wait, wait. That's what you guys think was weird. There was so much weird about this movie before that. What, you mean like, turning it into the beginning of the movie? I feel like everything for the most part had its place except for the random snuffle offigus in the dust. No, I agree with Chris. That had no place to find weird.
01:08:57
Speaker
I mean at first I'm seeing this desk and all of a sudden a life preserver comes out and I'm like, what? And all of a sudden this drawer at his desk opens up and there's this thing and I'm like, wait, what the fuck is Ed for? Ed is just staring at him. And then like 20 minutes later in the movie, he's just holding it like a baby. I was like, I don't understand what's going on here.
01:09:19
Speaker
Maybe I don't want to know what that thing is for. Right. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you don't want to know whatever it is. It's supposed to help them to stop choking on whatever he's choking on. So maybe just help his hair. Yep. Well, that's, but yeah. Yep. All right. Just forgive it of that. I honestly don't feel, I feel like it had a bigger role and then there's like, just leave it.
01:09:43
Speaker
I mean, I feel like I read something actually. And I want to say it was that creature, but like it wasn't utilizing the movie. I have to, I have to go through the IMDB, but there was a talk of like some creature with like long noses, like that thing. And it was supposed to be a part of the movie. And I don't know if it got utilized. And I wonder if they like made the creature and were like, well, shit, we made it. I want to showcase it one way or another. Here, put it in his desk.
01:10:08
Speaker
Don't explain it. Just put the goddamn thing in the desk and call it a day. I mean, I was laughing at him when he was choking, so that was pretty funny. It's true. I got a chuckle out of it. It's just weird. The other piece of technology I thought was hilarious was when they decide, I don't know how timeline this matches up, but they decide, okay, we're going to go infiltrate the president and see what they're doing. There's a cockroach with an antenna on his back. I'm like, wait a minute. Of all things,
01:10:36
Speaker
They were bugging the office. God damn it. That's what, literally, I bet you that was the joke. I've seen this shit before, where it's like, we're going to bug the office, and they use a real bug. Get it? It's a little played out. I know. The dude was 16 years old when you wrote this. He wanted a cockroach with a satellite on his back. And they didn't want anyone to take any, they wanted to leave, they didn't want to change the script, so.
01:11:16
Speaker
super crazy like it's one of those things where it's like I'm glad it wasn't made kind of like the gladiator sequel you know when he goes through time you know I'm glad it was wait what now yeah you never heard about that no Russell Crowe movie yeah there is I don't know how true it is maybe sure one of the listeners is like Chris is full of shit like that was all like it just made up but I swear at one point in time
01:11:28
Speaker
that's what you get.
01:11:41
Speaker
There was a leaked copy or synopsis of a sequel to Gladiator and he was supposed to be like some like time traveling warrior whatever. And yeah. And I would have thought about whoever wrote that and I would have murdered him. It is a mention on IMDb. I just have to throw it out there. I can't believe this. This is breaking my heart.
01:12:08
Speaker
Yeah, here it is, I found it, gladiator sequel time travel, yeah. It was reported back on the day in BBC. What a bunch of numb nuts out there, just running stupid shit like that. Musician Nick K. wrote a time travel saga in which Maximus is not a gladiator and Emperor Lomensa's lightning struck giraffe. What? I don't know, but now I kind of want it.
01:12:33
Speaker
No. No. I think it's funny. Here's Gladiator, you know, one of the most, you know, one of the best movies, you know, uh, out there. And it's like, then I, like, here it is, like, oh, 20 years later, there's an article like, yeah, did you guys know there was a sequel and he's supposed to be a time traveler. And it's like, what?
Fashion and Casting Choices in 'The Fifth Element'
01:12:51
Speaker
Like there's immediately Bill and Ted's excellent gladiatorial battle. There it is. Yeah. Bill and Ted come and then he just veers off and does his own thing. There you go. Got it. Yeah. Are you, are you not entertained?
01:13:02
Speaker
I hope that's the tagline. It's him doing that motion outside of the like the phone booth. He will get his vengeance in this life for the next. Oh God, please no. Starring Rob Schneider. Oh no. Okay. No, I'm not. Yes, but so yeah, the sequel is supposed to be like off the rails for this more so than what this movie was.
01:13:30
Speaker
But I feel like this movie had a beginning, start, end, and to milk it for a sequel would have ruined it, in my opinion. Well, let's throw it on Kickstarter and do a graphic novel called Today. I think there was a graphic novel at some point. Yeah, maybe. Maybe, I don't know. Goddamn, Spam. Someone sounded like a morse code there with your microphone there. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, he's saying he doesn't know where the mute button is. I thought it was muted.
01:14:01
Speaker
That would have gotten real awkward. So let me ask before we jump into our final scores here, did you guys enjoy the Chris Tucker character? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Like, I know a lot of people hate him. Yeah. But put it this way, in my opinion, if this was a different kind of movie than what this movie was, I don't think you would have fit at all. At all. No.
01:14:33
Speaker
Just because everyone is so over the top once they get to like that cruise ship, you know, like, Oh, what's the, you know, the, the deaf guy Ray, you know, wearing the dress, you know, everyone's so crazy. Like it just fits so well, in my opinion, but I know, I do know, like, I think that's where you're going at. It's like a lot of people did not like the character at all. It was one of the critics, biggest hangup was that he was just too much.
01:14:58
Speaker
But I don't know, I just I laughed almost every single line he said. It was interesting, you know, like, it was just something, you know, a little flavor of different bringing in comedy and stuff. So I enjoyed his character for that reason.
01:15:15
Speaker
And I could be wrong. I mean, I don't remember a ton of films around 97 at that time. And I'm sure someone's like, oh, there was a character similar to his character in this movie. But it was very, I don't think I really saw a movie with a character like that at that time. But after seeing The Fifth Element several times, to me, it's so much a part of this movie that I couldn't imagine it not having him.
01:15:41
Speaker
Yeah. And I read that Prince was actually supposed to play the role, but the character to Prince was too effeminate for him to take that role. Oh, I didn't read that part. I just read it was like, uh, yeah, Chris Tucker kind of mirrored Prince and Michael Jackson, uh, into that character in a way. I didn't know like Prince was actually offered the role. Yeah. I don't know how much of it's true. That's just, I read that several locations that said Prince turned it down because the character was just way too
01:16:11
Speaker
what it was. I like, I don't know. One of the reasons I like this movie too is like, it's like the style and stuff for everybody. There is no defined roles. It was such a, as far as clothing and articles, like, like the, like almost like gender bending, like, you know, he's got like a dress on with roses. Like everyone looks like they stumbled out of a rave. Like it didn't matter. It was just off the wall, crazy shit. And like,
01:16:38
Speaker
Even like the uniforms, like McDonald's was crazy, but like the police officer stuff, like it's just so off the wall that I absolutely loved it because it was just like, they were just like, yeah, let's just make these guys wear garbage bags and make it cool looking. It's like, that's awesome. Yeah, it looks like I saw a lot of character designs from like Destiny, the game. And I'm like, yeah, that looks familiar. Yup. Maybe they pulled some of that from there as ideas.
01:17:08
Speaker
But all right, let's jump into our final score of this movie. Let's put this
Final Scores and Nostalgia's Impact
01:17:12
Speaker
to bed.
01:17:14
Speaker
I'm sorry to hear, Dana, that you didn't like it as much, but let's see. So starting with our lowest nostalgia rating was Carrie, who gave it a 6.5. Where are you today? So obviously I didn't have a bunch of naysayers, so that was good. My score is going up a little bit, but for the same things I said earlier, maybe not by as much as I thought it was going to jump. I will go up to like a...
01:17:41
Speaker
I'm going to say a 7.5. Enthusiastic. Just a solid seven, like a medium 7.5, you know? I don't know what that means, but okay. I don't have a carry spectrum in front of me to know where that lands. You know? It's a solid raider. Would you make one for us and send it out?
01:18:07
Speaker
I need a rubric. Yeah, I do. I need a carry spectrum. I need to know where a salad lands. I'll make this for all of us, just in case. I appreciate it. Thank you. All right. Spaz, you came in with a 7.5 originally. And we're probably just going to keep it right there too. It's a good movie. Gary Oldman should have wanted to ask for it.
01:18:45
Speaker
No, it's uh, it's done. It's just this movie. I, you know, I feel happy. So yeah, it's exciting movie. So it's, yeah, just keep it at 7.5. No need to change it. All right.
01:19:03
Speaker
Fair enough. Dana, you came in with an eight. Flying high in that nostalgia. What happened? I'm going to put it at a six. Fucker. Wow. It's a just a free zone here, Spaz. Oh, sorry. I thought I was muted again. Love you, Dana. Yeah, you sure you do.
01:19:34
Speaker
Like I said, I just don't feel like it held up for me. But it wasn't like, I mean, I didn't like hate the movie or anything. So I mean, you just expected something and then it just kind of fell flat.
01:19:46
Speaker
Yeah, it just didn't happen. So I don't think a six is bad. I think I was really flying high on nostalgia, though. Wow. It happens. More markers. Oh, it happens. There
Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman's Performances
01:19:58
Speaker
were no markers involved in that episode. No markers were still wrapped in the making of this podcast. I'm just saying. Not this time. Not up in here.
01:20:15
Speaker
Um, well, Chris, you also had an eight. So I watched this and I, it's been a little bit of time since I've seen this. I forget how much I do. I just, I like this movie through and through. I like the goofball, like practical effects, the campiness, like, so if I gave it a solid eight, I'm cranking it up to a nine.
01:20:40
Speaker
Wow. Yeah, like I've always had a special place for like this movie. I've always loved it. And it's been a minute since I've seen it. So now that I watched it again, it's like, yep, this is one of those movies like is the acting good? No.
01:20:53
Speaker
But like, I could watch this movie again and again and again, and probably not get bored with it. Very much like, you know, focus, focus and stuff. If anything, like it inspired me to go and see if I can find Farscape and watch the whole series, uh, because I never finished it. And Farscape reminds me so much of the fifth element with the campy characters and practical effects and stuff. So. Oh.
01:21:22
Speaker
All right. So for me, I also came in at an eight. And while you said the, you know, the acting wasn't good, I thought Mila Yohovitch, I'm gonna keep saying her name. I thought she was fantastic. I mean, not only did she, you know, have to practice, she basically learned that language that Lupuson, you know, created.
01:21:44
Speaker
Um, which resulted in them getting a little bit more, uh, involved with each other than, uh, did they start out to be, Oh yeah. They, um, their relationship from this movie, I think ended in him getting a divorce and spending quite some time with her.
01:22:01
Speaker
Yeah. But I thought she killed it in this role. Just not only just acting like a totally out of body when she finally... They take her DNA and create this being. She's acted like an expected animal, just totally out of body, just craziness and just trying to learn the language and everything. So I thought she was great.
01:22:26
Speaker
Chris Tucker just was being Chris Tucker in all the right ways. Still watching Gary Oldman play Zorg, I had a hard time seeing Gary Oldman in this character at all. It didn't look like him, it didn't sound like him until he was getting really intense and angry. He was like, okay, there he is.
01:22:46
Speaker
Um, but it's a character I thought, you know, could, I could definitely see like a web series on that guy and his, his day to day, like, like the office, but just Zord. Yeah. What do you do? Like, what's your job? How do you have all this, this power? What do you just say you do here? Exactly.
01:23:06
Speaker
I'm a people person. That's what I do. I talk to the people, silly. Developers, you know, I can't remember what that's, what he talks about. So they don't have to. I'm a people person, God damn it. It's my job to conclusions, Matt. Like, what's crazy about this movie, because I always forget, like, you're talking about Mia Jobovich, like, this is the first role I think I remember her, like seeing her, her end. Yeah, this is a movie you fell in love with her.
01:23:36
Speaker
Probably. Sure. I mean, I'm not disagreeing. Like I forgot, like she was in days and confused, which actually came out before this. Like, what was it? Ninety-four. Ninety-three. You sure? I think so. But anyways, like, like it's crazy. Like this was 97, right? And this was like, and I mean, she was kind of popular, but not super popular. The resident evil was 1999, I believe.
01:24:07
Speaker
Something like that. So it's like, yeah, she did this. And then started filming, I think in 98 or whatever, like Resident Evil. Cause, and I want to say, I'm not a hundred percent, but it didn't like, uh, was it Paul, Wes Anderson, direct Resident Evil. And that's how she met him and married him. So married like for the past 20 years or something like that. And she's got a thing
Video Game Movie Adaptations Critique
01:24:33
Speaker
for directors.
01:24:35
Speaker
Oh, excuse me. It was 2002 is when that movie came out. And it was Paul W. W.S. Anderson, yeah, who is married to be a Jovovich since 2009. Got it. But anyways, I mean, it's not that far away. You're talking what, five years? Right, man. Talk about a film franchise that is universally just hated and thought just be trash movies, but they keep making a fortune.
01:25:00
Speaker
There's like, you know, someone made a very good point about that movie. I know we're off topic here, but like, if you were to remove the name Resident Evil from those, that movie series and call it something else, it would be more well received. Cause it'd be like, all right, generic zombie, whatever movie, la da da da da. Like just don't like, don't embarrass like that game series.
01:25:23
Speaker
I thought the first movie was fun. Yeah, the first movie was great. That soundtrack was amazing. Manson knocked it out of the park. That was fantastic. And then Resident Evil 2 happened, or whatever. And I don't even remember that one that well. I remember it was really shitty. And the third one was some crazy, didn't even relate to the RE storyline, or barely. It was in the desert, I think. Yeah, they went all over it. Was it Resident 3 Apocalypse or some shit like that?
01:25:53
Speaker
All I know is I stopped after there was like 8,000 clones of her. And I was like, I don't understand what's going on. I'm confused and I'm scared.
01:26:04
Speaker
I don't know. God damn. We should do a whole episode of shitty video game movies. Oh. Well, we're gonna do one of them. That doesn't even count. That movie's in the air. I was like, oh, kids like these video games. I heard there's one called Mario. Let's get Dennis Hopper on the phone.
01:26:26
Speaker
God damn it. It's so bad. Everything about that movie I hate, but also somehow I love. Like, I don't know how to describe it. Like, it's not like it's bad. Like, it's not like it's like Mortal Kombat Annihilation. Right.
01:26:44
Speaker
Oh, well, we'll talk about that movie a bit later. It's, I, Nintendo basically said, yeah, guys, just here it is. Just do whatever you want. Instead of trying to rein them in, they're like, nope, just go for it. And, uh, ooh, boy, they, uh, Ed Solomon really went for it. Everything. Like you look back at that and like, you know what, you should have stuck with making like a full feature length, like animated film. You know, maybe, I don't know. I feel like it would be better suited that way.
01:27:13
Speaker
But now we have this wonderful... This gem, if you will, this time capsule of 1992, I think? I don't even know. I don't know. I don't know. So my rating, the fifth element, I came in with an eight. I'm going to go up a little bit to an 8.5 because it's so much
01:27:38
Speaker
It's so much funnier than I remember it being as a younger person. I can appreciate it more so for what it is now. Just seeing how weird it is and its approach to the future.
01:27:58
Speaker
Yeah, just like I said, it's it looks like they kept it in the mentality of this is what they thought the future looked like in the 80s instead of what the future might look like in 1997. And I, I enjoy that. And Chris Tucker is, I don't know, I cannot watch almost anything with him in it. He's just he's a funny dude. And so I'm gonna have to watch Rush Hour. Because I love that film. Have you you've never watched Farscape? Have you?
01:28:24
Speaker
I think I've seen bits and pieces. Like, it's crazier and shit, and I love it for that. But like, if you liked this, I feel like you would enjoy it. Like, out of the group here, you might like it. You should give it a shot. Yeah, I'll probably see it and be like, Oh, yeah, I've seen this before. It's also a Henson production too, because all the muppets or all the characters are all they are done like, you know, muppets and stuff. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, yeah.
01:28:53
Speaker
I'll have to give it a go. So with that, our rewatch rating comes to a 7.7, which is actually 0.1 higher than our nostalgia, thanks to Chris and I. Hey, Carrie. I went up. Yeah. Carrie, Carrie went up. No, thanks to Dana. That's what happens when we go back and watch our movies, like get Matrix slaughtered me and this had the same effect to you. That's okay.
01:29:22
Speaker
I think we all felt that way about Matrix. Yeah. Then I went and watched the sequel. I didn't make it to the other one. Heck no. I watched the second one and I stopped after that and I was like, that's enough. I don't need to go back and watch the third one. I dodged that bullet. I'm so glad I wasn't around for that one. Oh, do you really just say that? Yep. Just for you. God. Oh, these puns are...
01:29:51
Speaker
Anyway, our rewatch at a 7.7 actually matches IMDB. Yet again, so we agree with the crowd. Does that mean we're just part of the regular general demographic for the most part? Kind of feel like that. Some of these, yes. Some of them, no. I'm okay with that. I feel like
Closing Remarks and Future Content Teasers
01:30:11
Speaker
those that rank these movies a lot of times are like our age demographic for the most part.
01:30:16
Speaker
Yeah, but I'd rather be more aligned with IMDB than your snooty movie critics. Oh, absolutely. I'm not going to look for some very hidden meaning within the fifth element. I'm sure there is some meaning behind it, but I'm not going to sit here and analyze it eight ways from Sunday or try to be real analytical about this and that. If I enjoy the movie.
01:30:41
Speaker
I want to sit on my couch and eat some popcorn and laugh and have fun. I mean, I'd love to spend a couple hours talking about the deep philosophical meetings behind, you know, Big Trouble in Little China. If anyone's interested. God, no. Just like the thoughts of the Pork Chop Express. I feel like Spasket sits there for hours and just ponders those life lessons. What? I wanted to see if you were paying attention. I got my answer.
01:31:11
Speaker
Oh my god. You said too many words in that sentence. I know. All right, so that'll do it for the fifth element. Nice. There you have it. Onward to other crazy things like Enchanted. Oh my god. That's going to be a trip. Yeah, I've never seen that. Apparently, I'm in for
01:31:37
Speaker
I don't know what I'm in for, to be honest with you. Gary's going to have a whole lot to say about that. So instead of watching the channel, I'm going to watch Bubble Hotel? No. Spaz, watch both, but use the audio from Enchanted while you watch Bubble Hotel. I can do what happened. Don't patronize me. That'll be a trip. Let us know how that goes.
01:32:03
Speaker
But all right, well, thanks for listening. Check us out, oswpodcast.com, to see what we got going on. Mostly follow us on Twitter to see all the crazy stuff we have, because we have some things coming up that's going to be quite interesting. So make sure to follow us. But yeah, thanks for listening, guys. Any closing remarks? Hopefully not from your butt. Yeah, it's better. Is Ian a toot as a jingle? Eat my moldy bass.
01:32:32
Speaker
Wow. Wow. Spaz out. I think we should cut that out. Yeah, it's gonna, yep. Okay, Ruby, see you tomorrow at five. How was it? Oh! Oh! Why? Just absolutely so great. It was just so sexy. Swing like what? Oh, a crystal ring. A crystal ring. And it's kind of like any ring you like. Just like three rings. A little green in the green. Green in the green. Green in the green. Yes!