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A Breakup Survival Guide
53 Plays3 years ago
Another classic FDS post! Practical useful tips on how to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health after a breakup.
https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ffkux4/withdrawal_survival_guide/
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Transcript
Introduction and Absence
00:00:05
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:12
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:13
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:00:14
Speaker
And again, it's still just us.
00:00:16
Speaker
We're Savannah-less.
00:00:17
Speaker
I miss her so much.
00:00:19
Speaker
She's okay, though.
00:00:20
Speaker
She's fine.
00:00:20
Speaker
She's fine.
00:00:21
Speaker
She's just recovering.
00:00:22
Speaker
She's also recovering from surgery and also on a bit of a vacation.
00:00:25
Speaker
So it's like, treat yourself, you know, treat yourself well.
00:00:27
Speaker
So she's been on a break from podcast-related things for the past few weeks.
00:00:32
Speaker
There's so much content that we're kind of saving for when she gets back.
00:00:36
Speaker
We don't want to like, we want her input.
00:00:39
Speaker
Let me put it that way.
00:00:39
Speaker
There's some topics we want her input on and we're saving them for when she gets back.
00:00:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:43
Speaker
So we're doing another handbook post, but this time I want to say actually, you know, with the subreddit being shut, we're, you know, compiling the remaining handbook
FDS Handbook and Early Days
00:00:51
Speaker
posts.
00:00:51
Speaker
And it's sort of like a trip down memory lane for me, honestly, because early in my FDS days, this is like almost two years ago now, you know, reading these posts and like a lot of the FDS stuff I was hostile to at first actually.
00:01:03
Speaker
And then it sort of grew on me.
00:01:04
Speaker
And then I was like, Hey, actually they have a lot of good
00:01:06
Speaker
points.
00:01:07
Speaker
Me two years ago as a lip fed pigmy.
00:01:09
Speaker
You know, FDS actually has a lot of good points, you know?
00:01:11
Speaker
So this week we're reading The Breakup Survival Guide by Redbird Flies, one of the strategy coaches who was active on FDS, you know, a few years back.
00:01:21
Speaker
So what's great about this post is it gives practical advice of how to get over a breakup in a way that's not toxic to yourself and also help prepare you for the idea that you can move on and date someone else.
Breakup Survival Guide Introduction
00:01:34
Speaker
So we're going to read through a lot of the key points and great tips that are encompassed in this post to help you get past a breakup.
00:01:42
Speaker
What I like about this post is how it talks about self-care in a way that is mostly to do with not buying things.
00:01:48
Speaker
You know how in like LibFem media, they're like, oh, self-care, get yourself some bubble bath, you know, buy some wine, do this and this.
00:01:55
Speaker
This post actually says the opposite.
00:01:56
Speaker
It says avoid the following.
00:01:58
Speaker
Avoid online dating.
00:01:59
Speaker
Avoid dating in general.
00:02:01
Speaker
You know, like attracts like.
00:02:02
Speaker
If you're broken, you'll only attract the ones who's broken.
00:02:04
Speaker
So heal first.
00:02:05
Speaker
When you feel emotionally stable, you can start dating again.
00:02:08
Speaker
And then it says avoid alcohol and drugs.
00:02:10
Speaker
And I think this is a really important point because a lot of people, you know, use alcohol and drugs as a really unhealthy coping mechanism when they're going through heartbreak.
Healthy Coping Mechanisms
00:02:20
Speaker
And I think that that actually prolongs and extends your suffering.
00:02:23
Speaker
I really support now, you know, sobriety.
00:02:27
Speaker
Basically.
00:02:29
Speaker
That's such a cultural thing.
00:02:30
Speaker
Whenever you see people going through breakups or divorces on television, you always see them drowning their stars.
00:02:37
Speaker
They immediately drink a bottle of wine.
00:02:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:39
Speaker
Bottle of wine, tub of ice cream.
00:02:41
Speaker
I mean, I like ice cream, but there's got to be better mechanisms than that.
00:02:47
Speaker
Exactly right.
00:02:48
Speaker
She writes, not only are they unhealthy immune suppressants, they're also chemical depressants and lengthen your healing process.
00:02:54
Speaker
Sure, go out and have some cocktails with your girlfriends.
00:02:56
Speaker
Cry on your martini.
00:02:57
Speaker
Just don't make it a habit.
00:02:58
Speaker
Don't use it as a coping mechanism.
00:03:00
Speaker
And then, okay, here's another one that actually I felt personally attacked by when I first read this, I think.
00:03:05
Speaker
Pain shopping.
00:03:06
Speaker
Delete him from all social media.
00:03:07
Speaker
Delete his friends.
00:03:08
Speaker
Delete all your photos.
00:03:09
Speaker
Pain shopping will set you back in the healing process.
00:03:12
Speaker
Because this is something I actually used to fucking do whenever going through a breakup.
00:03:16
Speaker
I would like re-traumatize myself by like looking him up on social media or like looking at pictures of us together.
00:03:22
Speaker
And that would just, again, just prolongs your suffering, right?
00:03:26
Speaker
Prolongs the emotional attachment.
00:03:28
Speaker
And it's like, why was I doing this to myself?
00:03:30
Speaker
What?
00:03:30
Speaker
It's just causing myself unnecessary pain.
00:03:33
Speaker
It's so important to just reject and eliminate that sort of negativity from your mind, you know?
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:38
Speaker
And also it's like a self-respect thing, right?
00:03:41
Speaker
Because you're not, I think, fully respecting yourself if you are continuously prioritizing a person who's deprioritized you from their life.
00:03:50
Speaker
Right.
00:03:50
Speaker
Right.
00:03:50
Speaker
And the one thing I'll kind of respect about my exes and specifically one ex-boyfriend is that like, I was like Facebook and Instagram friends with a bunch of his friends.
00:03:59
Speaker
And then like, after we broke up, like his whole crew, like completely unfriended me and shit.
00:04:03
Speaker
And like, okay, I respect it.
00:04:05
Speaker
The relationship was over.
00:04:06
Speaker
Yeah, because men have strong boundaries.
00:04:07
Speaker
Men are raised to have strong boundaries, right?
00:04:10
Speaker
Exactly.
00:04:10
Speaker
And I think that's actually a power move.
00:04:12
Speaker
It's like, in fact, I do that all the time in real life.
00:04:15
Speaker
And even on my FDS Twitter is sometimes someone will like snarkily subtweet me and then I'll unfollow them.
00:04:21
Speaker
I won't block them.
00:04:21
Speaker
I'll just sort of soft block them.
00:04:23
Speaker
And then they're always come up to me like, why did you unfollow me?
Social Media and Friends
00:04:26
Speaker
And it's like, you know, it's like that is a good way of getting rid of toxic people or shit testing or just eliminating them from your life.
00:04:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:33
Speaker
And I feel like the only guys who would still be friends with me after I broke up with a guy are guys who are trying to be the next one.
00:04:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:40
Speaker
Is truthfully the other problem is that like, if you don't unfriend him and his friends or they don't unfriend you, unless you're like really interested in some other guy, that's part of his friend crew, which is messy.
00:04:51
Speaker
But, you know, we're not going to judge, I guess, on that one if he's better than the guy you were dating, but messy, but I'm great.
00:04:57
Speaker
Yeah, if it's an upgrade, I guess.
00:04:58
Speaker
But at the same time, understand that you're opening yourself up for drama the longer that you keep engaging on the internet with men, with the guy you're dating or used to date or in his friend group.
00:05:08
Speaker
I will say though, it would be pretty gangster if women started doing that same thing consistently.
00:05:13
Speaker
But women are always trying to keep the doors open.
Toxic Friendships
00:05:16
Speaker
And I think it's just a social media clout thing.
00:05:18
Speaker
If you break up with a guy and your bestie doesn't unfriend him with you, I'm not sure that's your bestie.
00:05:23
Speaker
Yeah, no, I agree.
00:05:24
Speaker
Like, in fact, that's an expectation that I have is if someone, you know, really hurts me or harms me and my friend like still keeps talking to them, I don't see her as like a real friend.
00:05:33
Speaker
I'm like, she gets downgraded to acquaintance, basically.
00:05:36
Speaker
Anyways, the poster goes on to say, you know, toxic people that pick Misha Fred dropper, that low value man you talk to for ego kibbles, block him.
00:05:43
Speaker
Yes.
00:05:44
Speaker
So the pick Misha friend, especially because your pick Misha friend is going to be the one that's going to tell you, that's going to give you extremely bad advice, first of all, about how to deal with a breakup and situation because she's in her own little pick Misha loop, but also probably won't defend you.
00:05:57
Speaker
Right.
00:05:57
Speaker
And that's the worst type of friend, the kind of friend you realize once a breakup happens that they were never really your friend.
00:06:02
Speaker
They were just around for clout.
00:06:04
Speaker
Yeah, or they'll try to, especially if the reason why you're breaking up is because the man was either being like abusive or just like not treating you right, is if you try to talk to your pick me friend about, oh, he was doing this and this like horrible thing, you know, she might jump in and, well, have you thought about, you know, why he might do that?
00:06:20
Speaker
Maybe he's emotionally repressed or, you know, we'll try to make excuses for his behavior or anything.
00:06:25
Speaker
Maybe he didn't mean it like that or try to make it seem like your standards are unreasonable.
00:06:30
Speaker
Because again, that's the problem with pick me is they have low standards for themselves.
00:06:33
Speaker
They expect other women to have low standards.
00:06:35
Speaker
And so if you try to go through your breakup being like, I don't have to put up with this shit.
00:06:39
Speaker
I'm better than this.
00:06:40
Speaker
I'm going to raise my standards or something.
00:06:42
Speaker
They'll be like a crab in the bucket trying to keep you down, right?
00:06:44
Speaker
And I've experienced this with women who I thought were my friends, but they were actually just groupies of the man I was dating and his friends.
00:06:52
Speaker
Ew, that's kind of gross.
00:06:53
Speaker
I know that's so gross, but those women exist.
00:06:55
Speaker
Those are the toxic pick-me's, especially when you're breaking up.
00:06:58
Speaker
Don't deal with them.
00:06:59
Speaker
It's sad being
Emotional Healing Practices
00:07:00
Speaker
groupies of men who aren't even famous.
00:07:02
Speaker
Some women just have very low self-esteem, which is sad.
00:07:05
Speaker
But I realized they weren't actually my friend.
00:07:07
Speaker
They just were my strategic political friend because of the fact that I was dealing with some guy in a crew they wanted to get with.
00:07:13
Speaker
I'm not in a fraternity or sorority or anything like that either, but you'll see different types of politics like that in groups like that.
00:07:19
Speaker
So if you are in a fraternity or sorority, if you have any type of professional group...
00:07:23
Speaker
I don't know.
00:07:23
Speaker
It's just like, even if it's like your rec center, like sports team, right?
00:07:26
Speaker
There's just like some women that just like want to be down with a guy so bad that they'll like, that they'll just befriend any girl they think is an in for them.
00:07:34
Speaker
And then you realize like later when you break up or you're no longer associated with that group, that girl's not actually your friend.
00:07:40
Speaker
She's actually just a groupie for that group of men.
00:07:42
Speaker
And she just wants to be attached to you because you're drawing their attention.
00:07:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:46
Speaker
Or just, you know, any woman that's like overly male identified.
00:07:50
Speaker
I know that like the word male identified is usually is used a little bit to refer to like all heterosexual women or women who date men in general by certain types of feminists.
00:07:58
Speaker
But in this case, I mean, male identified as in prioritizes men.
00:08:03
Speaker
And so there are women, yeah, who will throw women under the bus for male attention.
00:08:08
Speaker
And those are sorts of women that
00:08:09
Speaker
are a little bit dangerous and you need to separate themselves.
00:08:13
Speaker
You need to, if you are going to interact with pick me's, it needs to be when you're in a strong state.
00:08:18
Speaker
Don't be around pick me's when you're in a weakened state, like after a breakup, right?
00:08:21
Speaker
That's really what it comes down to.
00:08:23
Speaker
And same thing with the other point about talking to men that are low value, who give you ego kibbles.
00:08:28
Speaker
Those kinds of men are waiting for you to be vulnerable so that they can be the shoulder that you cry on and then will might take advantage of you when you're in an emotionally vulnerable state.
00:08:37
Speaker
So don't expose yourself to shady people when you're vulnerable, let's just say.
00:08:40
Speaker
Yes.
00:08:41
Speaker
So she continues, forget about up leveling for now.
00:08:44
Speaker
You need to heal first.
00:08:45
Speaker
You can't build on a weak foundation.
00:08:47
Speaker
Completely agree.
00:08:48
Speaker
Do as much of this as you can.
00:08:50
Speaker
One, make a list of the lies you believed about yourself and your relationship.
00:08:54
Speaker
Replace each lie with the truth.
00:08:56
Speaker
And when a painful thought pops in your head, replace it with the truth.
00:08:59
Speaker
I love visualization exercises like this.
00:09:02
Speaker
And I know they come across cheesy when people first suggest them, but sometimes just writing things out and having like a logical process to process your pain helps you feel like you have some kind of control over it and that you have the ability to reshape your thinking.
00:09:18
Speaker
And I know it just, it's hard to explain to people like how your brain starts to reset when you start to see your problem in front of you, like in a tangible writing.
00:09:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:27
Speaker
But it's really important to do.
00:09:28
Speaker
And I think if you're really, really, really stuck, sometimes just making the old school pros and cons list, like the T-chart with the pros and cons actually does help.
00:09:36
Speaker
So funny story.
00:09:37
Speaker
I actually, I've done that with a lot of breakups that I've had.
00:09:40
Speaker
Like there've been a lot of times where I'm in a relationship with the guy and like I'm noticing the problems and you know, the relationship still in my mind, I consider to be mostly good.
00:09:49
Speaker
I'm like, oh, but he's a good guy.
00:09:51
Speaker
You know, he hasn't done this and this, but you know, there's these problems, right?
00:09:53
Speaker
So I'll actually write out a pros and cons chart if I'm thinking about breaking up with him.
00:09:57
Speaker
And like, I remember one guy, the guy I was dating when I was like 17 or 18 and wrote a pros and cons list.
00:10:03
Speaker
And like on the pro, there was like maybe four or five pros, good qualities about him.
00:10:08
Speaker
On the cons list, there was like 20 cons.
00:10:10
Speaker
And just being able to like visually see like, oh, the things that I thought were good about him, I'd really magnified or inflated in my head on the pro side.
00:10:20
Speaker
When you see it physically written, like there's four or five things on the pro and like 20 things on the negative side.
00:10:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:27
Speaker
You know, you can't rationalize it at that point.
00:10:29
Speaker
It becomes crystal clear, right?
00:10:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:32
Speaker
It's hard to lie to yourself when you see the cold heart truth.
00:10:35
Speaker
Exactly right.
00:10:36
Speaker
So it might seem cheesy, but trust me, like just thinking about it isn't enough.
00:10:39
Speaker
You actually physically have to write it down.
00:10:41
Speaker
And it's so helpful.
00:10:43
Speaker
Yes.
00:10:43
Speaker
But what she said about replace each lie with the truth.
00:10:46
Speaker
And when a painful thought pops in your head, replace it with the truth.
00:10:48
Speaker
She's basically describing kind of like cognitive behavioral therapy.
00:10:52
Speaker
This is a type of therapy where they interrupt destructive thought patterns or thought loops.
00:10:56
Speaker
And so this often happens.
00:10:58
Speaker
This is a very common problem for people to have where, you know, something bad happens.
00:11:02
Speaker
They're like, I'm stupid or I'm worthless or no one likes me.
00:11:05
Speaker
And then it just sort of becomes this really negative feedback loop.
00:11:08
Speaker
And when you actually take a moment to stop and be like, hey, wait, that's not true.
00:11:11
Speaker
Like, I'm not...
00:11:12
Speaker
unlikable.
00:11:13
Speaker
There's actually lots of people who like me or, you know, I'm not worthless.
00:11:16
Speaker
I do this and this good stuff for my community, you know?
00:11:18
Speaker
So replacing those sorts of self-destructive thoughts with like a positive thought, a true positive thought is so helpful, right?
00:11:25
Speaker
Number two, pray for guidance and healing.
00:11:27
Speaker
Pray like hell.
00:11:28
Speaker
If you're not spiritual, skip the praying and meditate on accepting light and healing.
00:11:32
Speaker
I feel like manifesting is like the secular version of praying, if that makes sense, right?
00:11:37
Speaker
So I'll just light a candle and like manifest good fortune, you know?
00:11:40
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, there's definitely something in the brain that benefits from people doing some kind of meditation.
00:11:46
Speaker
And prayer is just a form of meditation, right?
00:11:48
Speaker
Buddhists have a form of meditation.
00:11:50
Speaker
So many of the different types of religions have some kind of meditation practice.
00:11:54
Speaker
I mean, it's like early human behavioral therapy, right?
00:11:57
Speaker
It's like clearing your thoughts.
00:11:59
Speaker
And this is going to sound really cheesy, like becoming one with your surroundings or the universe and realizing your own insignificance in a way.
00:12:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:07
Speaker
Helps you to prioritize your problems.
00:12:10
Speaker
It's like a lot of these things seem like they're life ending.
00:12:13
Speaker
And then you realize I'm just one little tiny little link in a long chain of humanity.
00:12:18
Speaker
And it puts your life in perspective and you realize like, oh, I can choose to not feel bad in this moment because of the fact that.
00:12:25
Speaker
Like it matters, but it doesn't, right?
00:12:27
Speaker
It doesn't ultimately matter that like the only thing that matters is here and now.
00:12:30
Speaker
And when you pray or you meditate, it centers yourself to be able to realize that you matter in the moments that you feel day to day matter and that you have the power to change that.
00:12:40
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like a lot of people, when they do that, they'd go the nihilistic route where they're like, I'm just one of eight billion people on a rock that's flying through space.
00:12:48
Speaker
I don't matter.
00:12:49
Speaker
Nothing matters.
00:12:50
Speaker
May as well just die.
00:12:52
Speaker
That kind of stuff.
00:12:52
Speaker
And I actually take the opposite approach.
00:12:54
Speaker
I'm like, wow, what are the chances that we as humans could exist in this
00:12:58
Speaker
extremely unlikely, you know, hostile universe, right?
00:13:02
Speaker
And yet we exist and we're so lucky that we get to exist and just focusing on being kind of like one with the universe, if that makes sense.
00:13:08
Speaker
So you're just being like, oh, I'm like, I'm just a bunch of atoms and like a million bajillion gazillion atoms, right?
00:13:14
Speaker
It's actually kind of poetic and beautiful in a way.
00:13:16
Speaker
It's like ego death, right?
00:13:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:19
Speaker
Ego death sounds scary, but it's about just taking yourself out of your own emotions and realizing that you actually, in some respects, have a choice.
00:13:28
Speaker
You can at least choose how to feel about a situation.
00:13:30
Speaker
Like obviously you can't if you're really being attacked or something and your adrenaline is rushing and you're having physical responses to stimuli.
00:13:37
Speaker
That's one thing.
00:13:38
Speaker
But also meditation helps you to, I think they've even said it actually creates chemical responses, like healing chemical responses in your brain.
00:13:46
Speaker
Yeah, like prayer and meditation, stuff like that, like yoga, prayer, meditation, that like your body's responses are a series of chemicals.
00:13:54
Speaker
And so your emotions help to actually release chemicals.
00:13:57
Speaker
So if you're stressed out, then you could flood your system with cortisol.
00:14:01
Speaker
And so something like meditation would help you like counteract that.
00:14:04
Speaker
Yeah, counteract your stress response so that you can lower your cortisol levels, which would make you feel better.
00:14:08
Speaker
So there's things like that where your mind does have an effect on the rest of your body.
Safe Spaces for Venting
00:14:13
Speaker
And so prayer meditation actually does help with that.
00:14:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:16
Speaker
Well, because your entire body is basically a giant if this, then that machine.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:21
Speaker
That's a great way to describe it.
00:14:24
Speaker
Every response that you have is like the result of a stimuli.
00:14:27
Speaker
And so things like, you know, having a fast paced heart or, you know, your heart is beating really fast.
00:14:32
Speaker
You're sweating.
00:14:32
Speaker
You're having that really like anxious, kind of like stressful response.
00:14:36
Speaker
There's like an input that's going into that, right?
00:14:38
Speaker
In this case, it's the heartbreak.
00:14:40
Speaker
And so the way that you want to create relaxed,
00:14:42
Speaker
mental and physical state is by having a different input, which would be, you know, in this case, like prayer, meditation, something like that.
00:14:49
Speaker
So then that would create a calming effect on the body, right?
00:14:52
Speaker
So anyways, point three, talk to your girlfriends, your empathic friends who give you comfort if you don't have close friends vent here.
00:14:59
Speaker
So we're meaning like the FDS subreddit.
00:15:00
Speaker
And so I want to say, actually, like one of the things with the FDS subreddit is in the early days, they were like savage in some ways, you know, especially savage towards men.
00:15:08
Speaker
But it was also a very great healing space to talk about, you know, problems with men and so on.
00:15:13
Speaker
It's like lately, the subreddit is low-key got taken over by like femcells.
00:15:16
Speaker
It's like someone would talk about her bad relationship.
00:15:19
Speaker
Well, stop dating men.
00:15:20
Speaker
You know, what are you doing dating men?
00:15:21
Speaker
Who are all these women wearing makeup?
00:15:22
Speaker
You know, they're appealing to the male gaze.
00:15:24
Speaker
It really started to pick up a different kind of user base and it became less and less of a safe place to vent.
00:15:30
Speaker
I don't know.
00:15:30
Speaker
No, I totally agree.
00:15:32
Speaker
And this is yet another frustration that we've had with the subreddit, which is why we ultimately decided it was just unsustainable there.
00:15:38
Speaker
And yeah, because it's Reddit and it's really hard to control.
00:15:42
Speaker
And Reddit attracts sad people.
00:15:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:46
Speaker
I didn't want to say it, but it's kind of true.
00:15:48
Speaker
Like it's designed to attract like disaffected, unhappy people, which is like, I just feel not a healing place.
00:15:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:54
Speaker
The Reddit algorithm rewards like the sad porn.
00:15:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:58
Speaker
Right.
00:15:58
Speaker
And the angry porn.
00:15:59
Speaker
And then furthermore, you can't really quarantine off that stuff in the way that we can on the website.
00:16:03
Speaker
So like on the website, we can actually quarantine the constant like sadness porn.
00:16:07
Speaker
Or categorize things.
00:16:09
Speaker
Or categorize things.
00:16:10
Speaker
And you can also put it behind badges.
00:16:12
Speaker
So then people, if you don't want to see it, you don't have to see it.
00:16:15
Speaker
So then essentially, you're helping people to don't want to just see constant sadness there on their feet all the time, but also need some place to vent.
00:16:24
Speaker
Put it somewhere in a safe space where they can vent.
00:16:26
Speaker
And also, it's not visible to the public.
00:16:28
Speaker
So if you're a verified member, for example.
00:16:30
Speaker
The other problem we had on the subreddit was when women would talk about serious issues and then they would just get a bunch of hate DMs from men.
00:16:37
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:16:37
Speaker
So like you're on the subreddit, you're talking about how your boyfriend abused you.
00:16:41
Speaker
And then like five guys are in your DMs.
00:16:42
Speaker
Men are masturbating to that.
00:16:44
Speaker
I guarantee it.
00:16:45
Speaker
Men are masturbating to that.
00:16:46
Speaker
And they're like, you deserved it.
00:16:47
Speaker
Or they're arguing with you that you were the problem, etc.
00:16:50
Speaker
And so a lot of women complain about that.
00:16:52
Speaker
So the difference in the website is obviously it's just the female
Managing Emotional Triggers
00:16:55
Speaker
user base.
00:16:55
Speaker
And like you can vent any secure private space.
00:16:59
Speaker
In a private space.
00:17:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:00
Speaker
And it doesn't have to be either on everyone else's feed if it's like really, really toxic, because obviously seeing a lot of that is very toxic, but also you don't have to dwell on it and you don't have to worry about being harassed by men.
00:17:11
Speaker
So that's yet another reason why we just think red is just not the place for FDS.
00:17:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:15
Speaker
So the next point, number four, remove as many triggers as possible.
00:17:18
Speaker
Change your playlist, your route home, your outfits, anything that triggers you to think of him.
00:17:22
Speaker
This is one actually I'm like, I have complicated feelings on this one because there's a few different strategies for dealing with these sorts of triggers, right?
00:17:30
Speaker
Some people do the avoidance route.
00:17:31
Speaker
I personally find that when I try to avoid things that trigger me, that actually makes me more kind of neurotic in a way.
00:17:38
Speaker
I actually find that does the opposite.
00:17:39
Speaker
I prefer to do the opposite, which is like a flooding or desensitization where I actually expose myself to it more, but in different contexts.
00:17:47
Speaker
So it doesn't have the same emotional reaction.
00:17:49
Speaker
So for example, there's like a song or something that I would always listen to when I was having problems with my relationship with a particular man I was dating is I'd listen to that just like doing other shit, just like gardening or just driving or looking out the window or whatever and starting to associate it with other things.
00:18:04
Speaker
And that way it doesn't have the same emotional reaction, but that's...
00:18:07
Speaker
For some women that might not work, maybe doing that, oh, now I'm just thinking of him constantly kind of thing, right?
00:18:11
Speaker
I would say like, yeah, don't deliberately like trigger yourself, obviously, but also be mindful that putting too much effort into avoiding the triggers can become its own sort of obsession.
00:18:21
Speaker
And it can actually be maybe not get you the best result depending on you.
00:18:24
Speaker
So that's really interesting because I've definitely I've been the person that was like, I just have to avoid the triggers.
00:18:29
Speaker
Again, I guess it depends on the severity of what happened and what the issue is.
00:18:33
Speaker
But I have learned in therapy from talking to therapists that eventually you do have to take your power back, so to speak.
00:18:40
Speaker
Right.
00:18:40
Speaker
Like when it's really sensitive.
00:18:41
Speaker
Confront your fears.
00:18:43
Speaker
Exactly.
00:18:43
Speaker
You confront your fears.
00:18:44
Speaker
Like when it's really raw and scary, that sometimes the best way for you to heal yourself is just to get away from the stimulus or the trigger that's making you feel bad.
00:18:52
Speaker
But part of the healing process is like, I think exactly what Lilith is doing is like re-exposing yourself to the things that scare you or that trigger you and then re-associating it with positive things.
00:19:02
Speaker
And that's what I got from actual therapists.
00:19:04
Speaker
Okay.
00:19:05
Speaker
Yeah, I got that advice from therapists.
00:19:06
Speaker
But again, I think maybe, you know, different people might have different ways of solving the same problem, right?
00:19:11
Speaker
So maybe kind of experiment, see which direction you kind of go in and then go whichever one gets you the best result.
00:19:16
Speaker
I mean, if you're breaking out in a cry fits every time you hear something, like it's time to just like cut it out of your life for a while, right?
00:19:22
Speaker
Yeah, for a while.
00:19:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:23
Speaker
You're not in a place where you're emotionally healed.
00:19:25
Speaker
Like, but I mean, it's like anything you have to get back on the horse eventually.
00:19:29
Speaker
Exactly.
00:19:30
Speaker
And so you don't want to avoid something forever that could bring you joy because of one asshole, right?
00:19:35
Speaker
You want to give him that kind of power to rob you of anything you might enjoy.
00:19:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:39
Speaker
Because especially if it's like a good song, that's actually like, that gets played all the time in like clubs or, you know, something like, do you really want to go through life just having that kind of sad?
00:19:47
Speaker
Imagine the song comes on, you're like dancing and all of a sudden you're just like, oh, I made myself sad, right?
00:19:53
Speaker
It's almost good to try to associate with other things that no longer has that sad reaction, you know?
00:19:58
Speaker
And you can also go, you can turn sadness into like, fuck that motherfucker.
00:20:03
Speaker
It doesn't have to be like... You don't have to go down bad though.
00:20:09
Speaker
Yeah, you don't have to go down bad.
00:20:10
Speaker
You can just...
00:20:12
Speaker
You know what I mean, though?
00:20:14
Speaker
Like if a guy really treats you like shit, he cheats on you.
00:20:17
Speaker
He's emotionally toxic.
00:20:19
Speaker
Sometimes like at first, you're like, every time you hear this song, it reminds me of my emotionally toxic boyfriend.
00:20:23
Speaker
But I'm like, I feel like healing is the time where you can go to the club, throw back a bottle and be like, man, fuck him.
Journaling and Hobbies
00:20:29
Speaker
And then keep dancing on different guys, right?
00:20:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:33
Speaker
No, I agree.
00:20:34
Speaker
So number five, number five, journal.
00:20:36
Speaker
Journal like your life depends on it.
00:20:38
Speaker
Get your thoughts out and onto paper.
00:20:39
Speaker
It's cathartic.
00:20:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:41
Speaker
So for the journal thing, as for journaling, I'm a big journaler and I have both physical like notebooks as well as digital journals, stuff like Google Keep, et cetera.
00:20:51
Speaker
So what I found is when I read them back years later, and there's a few I've just trashed because I'm like the secondhand cringe is so insane.
00:21:00
Speaker
No, I do the same thing.
00:21:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:03
Speaker
I hate so many of my old journals.
00:21:06
Speaker
You're like, none of this shit I was complaining about actually mattered, right?
00:21:10
Speaker
There's people who I've like, I was so sure that this person was a bane of my existence.
00:21:16
Speaker
And then I read it later and I'm like, I can't even remember their face completely.
00:21:21
Speaker
Like, especially like old coworkers who I was like, this person is such a toxic piece of shit.
00:21:25
Speaker
I hate them.
00:21:26
Speaker
And then I go get a different job and I'm like, oh yeah, that person didn't matter at all.
00:21:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:31
Speaker
Right.
00:21:32
Speaker
They gave me I gave them so much more power than they deserve.
00:21:34
Speaker
So having journals helps you put in perspective later on in your life and you're looking back at it and you start to realize, like, oh, I was sweating things that didn't matter.
00:21:43
Speaker
That's actually so true.
00:21:44
Speaker
I'm glad you brought that up, actually, because I had a writing teacher, actually, at university.
00:21:49
Speaker
I took like a writing course from like an actual like author.
00:21:53
Speaker
Basically, he spent the whole class just dragging other types of writers.
00:21:57
Speaker
And one of the types of writers that he used to make fun of are people who write about their problems in their journal, but they actually take it seriously, like pour their heart out, all their angsty teen...
00:22:10
Speaker
oh my gosh, my parents just don't get me or, you know, my shitty boyfriend, you know, just like petty problems as if that's like the biggest problem ever.
00:22:17
Speaker
And like, they don't learn from that.
00:22:20
Speaker
He's like the purpose of journaling.
00:22:22
Speaker
He's like, you know, journal, like write about your problems, you know, that kind of stuff.
00:22:25
Speaker
It's like therapy, but never publish it.
00:22:27
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:28
Speaker
Unless it's like really good, but never publish that shit.
00:22:30
Speaker
People don't want to read it.
00:22:32
Speaker
It's boring.
00:22:33
Speaker
It makes you seem like petty, like you're making a big deal out of like petty problems.
00:22:37
Speaker
And yeah, it's boring and no one wants to read that.
00:22:40
Speaker
I feel like this is why blogs and live journal and stuff like that fell out of fashion because eventually all the trauma porn just gets like very navel gazey.
00:22:48
Speaker
A bit much.
00:22:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:49
Speaker
You just see so many of the same people with the same problems.
00:22:52
Speaker
You're like, maybe everyone here should form a community and like talk about
Exercise and Self-Care
00:22:56
Speaker
it.
00:22:56
Speaker
So I feel like social media replaced the early internet where constant streams of consciousness coming from people on their personal live journals and blogs.
00:23:04
Speaker
And that's not to like talk down on people who have problems with their coworkers and so on.
00:23:08
Speaker
Because I get it like in the moment and I do the same thing where like I'll read journals from years ago and like cringe at like how important I thought these petty problems were and how it gives me some perspective that like, oh, now, you know, the problems that I'm facing now, you know, five, 10 years from now.
00:23:22
Speaker
are not going to be a big deal, right?
00:23:24
Speaker
It really kind of takes the pressure off.
00:23:25
Speaker
It really actually is kind of soothing mentally in a way to realize like, oh, all of these things that seem really stressful and really painful to me right now, that's going to be history, you know, in the past at some point, and it's not going to matter.
00:23:37
Speaker
So, you know, it makes it a lot easier to heal.
00:23:39
Speaker
Number six, exercise, do yoga.
00:23:41
Speaker
Yoga's poses and sequences are designed to release stagnant energy and to leave you feeling grounded and centered.
00:23:47
Speaker
Find a teacher that you love and go as often as possible.
00:23:50
Speaker
If you can or won't do yoga, find some other physical exercise that you like and do it as often as you can.
00:23:56
Speaker
Yes, any type of exercise is always good.
00:23:58
Speaker
Again, healing chemicals.
00:24:00
Speaker
There's so much science behind this that we can't even go into.
00:24:03
Speaker
But I mean, just as simple as like helping your body, helping your immune system, boosting your immune system, helping your body get rid of old cell tissue.
00:24:11
Speaker
Like there's just a million things that exercise does.
00:24:14
Speaker
Yeah, this is why being perpetually online is like not a good thing.
00:24:17
Speaker
Like sometimes I'll meet someone and it's like very clearly they don't like go outside and touch grass.
00:24:22
Speaker
Like they're just very perpetually online.
00:24:23
Speaker
They don't exercise or anything.
00:24:24
Speaker
It's like, well, maybe that's why you're so fucking depressed.
00:24:27
Speaker
Maybe you should go outside, you know, go for a run, go for a walk, do some weightlifting, do some yoga.
00:24:31
Speaker
All of these are...
00:24:33
Speaker
really great you know things they release endorphins it's like i read a quote somewhere i can't remember who said it but it was like you know if there was a drug that could do everything that exercise does for our body that would make like millions of dollars right it would be the most valuable drug in the world and exercise is something you can do for free you don't need to buy a drug to get those effects you can just exercise it's free
00:24:54
Speaker
I mean, having pets also puts it in perspective to me.
00:24:57
Speaker
And I think having a pet is also good because you start to realize like you have to care and feed for them and you have to put that on your mental roster to do.
00:25:04
Speaker
And you start to realize, oh, I need to do this for myself as well.
00:25:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:07
Speaker
Same.
00:25:08
Speaker
Right.
00:25:08
Speaker
Like exactly.
00:25:09
Speaker
So you just get the idea.
00:25:11
Speaker
Just even just going out, taking your dog for a walk.
00:25:13
Speaker
You know, that's why I think dog people are superior breed.
00:25:16
Speaker
No, I'm kidding.
00:25:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:17
Speaker
I'm kidding.
00:25:17
Speaker
You're going to start a fight in here.
00:25:19
Speaker
No, we're both dog people, bro.
00:25:20
Speaker
So that's why we get along.
00:25:22
Speaker
But anyways, so no, no, but taking your dog out, you know, seeing how it makes them so happy to run around and like the, the way that dogs also will like go a little bit like crazy and destroy shit when you haven't taken them out or if they haven't been properly exercised.
00:25:37
Speaker
You know, I have a friend who had a husky and had a husky.
00:25:42
Speaker
She ended up finding a new home for the husky, actually, because she couldn't care for him properly.
00:25:51
Speaker
She basically got the dog because she thought he was pretty, as people tend to do, and just didn't run him.
00:26:00
Speaker
Huskies need a breed that need to run two, three, four hours a day minimum.
Self-Guided Therapy
00:26:05
Speaker
And she just wasn't doing that.
00:26:07
Speaker
And so the husky kept like destroying shit, right?
00:26:10
Speaker
She's like, I need to get rid of this thing, blah, blah, blah.
00:26:11
Speaker
Kind of like, well, dumb bitch.
00:26:14
Speaker
Like, why would you get a husky and not exercise him, you know?
00:26:16
Speaker
Like, even the best behaved dogs need at least 30 minutes a day.
00:26:20
Speaker
So, yeah, you don't always have to factor that in.
00:26:24
Speaker
And humans are like that, too.
00:26:25
Speaker
If you don't exercise...
00:26:26
Speaker
Dogs and humans were both animals.
00:26:28
Speaker
You know, if you don't get exercise, you got a little bit crazy.
00:26:30
Speaker
You got to get physically and mentally stimulated.
00:26:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:32
Speaker
Number seven, meditate.
00:26:34
Speaker
I'm going to list two healing and centering meditation practices you can use at the end of this list.
00:26:38
Speaker
Yeah, prayer and meditation, I think, are pretty much the same genre of self-care, in my opinion.
00:26:43
Speaker
But every time you think of him, say, cancel, cancel, or brain override oxytocin.
00:26:49
Speaker
So this works.
00:26:51
Speaker
So not necessarily this, but you almost have to give yourself a safe word of some kind or like a word that overrides any type of negative word.
00:27:00
Speaker
memory we have?
00:27:00
Speaker
Because I've had this before where I feel like everyone's had this.
00:27:03
Speaker
You're just lying in bed and randomly you'll think of something when you were 14 that was like massively embarrassing.
00:27:08
Speaker
And you're like, why is my brain making me relive this?
00:27:11
Speaker
So then I just think, why is my brain re-traumatizing me?
00:27:15
Speaker
I'll literally think of myself, I'll imagine the memory in a balloon and then pop it in my mind.
00:27:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:21
Speaker
That's how I like, but it's, again, this is like, these are old tricks that trick your brain into not re-triggering itself.
00:27:29
Speaker
Like one of the things I learned about voodoo dolls is that voodoo dolls are often like thought of as like evil or whatever, but it was actually an early form of like cognitive therapy for people to do things like that.
00:27:38
Speaker
Where like your brain sometimes needs to like kill memories or not necessarily kill memories or like stimulus things.
00:27:44
Speaker
Some kind of physical stimulus to help your brain to like get over certain types of memories.
00:27:48
Speaker
So it's like the voodoo doll is actually a stress doll, like an early ancient stress doll.
00:27:53
Speaker
So like that kind of stuff really does work like visualizing, getting rid of bad memories.
00:27:58
Speaker
You know, ancient people.
00:27:59
Speaker
will just be like, oh, we're getting rid of bad spirits or we're getting rid of evil spirits.
00:28:02
Speaker
Or like there's even nowadays people like, oh, there's demons in you or something like that.
00:28:06
Speaker
And so now, you know, you don't have to think of it in terms of demons.
00:28:09
Speaker
I'll just be like, oh, it's my oxytocin that's tricking me into thinking that I'm still attached to this abusive person.
00:28:15
Speaker
And I'm not kidding.
00:28:16
Speaker
Like I just, whenever I have a fond memory of a toxic or abusive person from my past, I'll be like, that's just oxytocin trying to trick me into breeding pretty much usually like that.
00:28:28
Speaker
You know, especially if it's like a toxic or like abusive ex.
00:28:32
Speaker
I'm like, that feeling of love that I have for him, that's just my brain trying to trick me into making babies.
00:28:39
Speaker
And that's just illogical.
00:28:40
Speaker
And I don't want babies.
00:28:41
Speaker
So I'm just going to ignore that thought.
00:28:43
Speaker
So find a good therapist who's trained in cognitive behavioral therapy.
00:28:47
Speaker
If you can't afford therapy, get the Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns and devote at least 20 minutes a day to it.
00:28:53
Speaker
You'll become skilled at replacing negative thoughts about yourself with positive thoughts.
00:28:57
Speaker
This skill is particularly useful for those who grew up in toxic households.
00:29:00
Speaker
I felt seen by that.
00:29:03
Speaker
The hardest thing in the world is in the United States, we don't have a good health care system.
00:29:08
Speaker
So that definitely includes things like therapy.
00:29:11
Speaker
So a lot of people can't afford therapy.
00:29:13
Speaker
Well, the beauty of cognitive behavioral therapy is that you can actually do it yourself.
00:29:16
Speaker
There's like little handbooks and like worksheets and stuff.
00:29:20
Speaker
Sometimes going to therapy is just a waste of money because they'll just give you the worksheets, like a substitute teacher who's like, oh, just do fill out this, you know, booklet or whatever.
Creative Growth Post-Breakup
00:29:29
Speaker
You know, you're doing the work yourself anyways, right?
00:29:31
Speaker
So why pay extra to have a professional tell you to do the work?
00:29:35
Speaker
It is true.
00:29:35
Speaker
If you can't afford therapy, there are a lot of resources online for cheaper that are helpful as well as participating in forums with like-minded women.
00:29:46
Speaker
A lot of people have pointed to FDS as a form of therapy because they just get validated in a lot of things of experience and explained in a way.
00:29:53
Speaker
maybe they haven't thought of before.
00:29:54
Speaker
And like I said, life sometimes is a matter of perspective and cognitive behavioral therapy helps you to gain better perspective or more healthy perspective.
00:30:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:03
Speaker
So number 10, find something you love and do it.
00:30:05
Speaker
Take classes.
00:30:06
Speaker
You'll learn something new and you'll meet new people who have similar interests.
00:30:10
Speaker
Yeah, just get off, you know, get back on the horse.
00:30:12
Speaker
Do something that you enjoy.
00:30:13
Speaker
Yeah, instead of being on the internet talking about things you hate or stalking your shitty ex or, you know, looking at pictures of unrealistic body images on Instagram making you feel shit about yourself.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yeah, go outside.
00:30:24
Speaker
Like, here's actually an underrated thing is, like, go...
00:30:27
Speaker
to your local community or rec center and take a cooking class or something like that.
00:30:32
Speaker
This is something that I took a cooking class as a couple thing before.
00:30:38
Speaker
First of all, it's super cute.
00:30:39
Speaker
Date idea actually is learning to cook something together.
00:30:41
Speaker
And especially if you're not very good at cooking.
00:30:44
Speaker
I am good at cooking, but my boyfriend at the time was not.
00:30:46
Speaker
And so this is a sort of way...
00:30:48
Speaker
Just to kind of get them to be a better sous chef, so to speak.
00:30:53
Speaker
Meeting other couples, meeting other people.
00:30:55
Speaker
It's like, you know, you can do this as a single person as well.
00:30:57
Speaker
And actually, I'd say it's better to do it as a single person because you'll meet more people that way.
00:31:02
Speaker
This could apply to any class, like any class that you're interested in.
00:31:05
Speaker
Just try to absorb knowledge, any kind of knowledge, wherever you can.
00:31:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:08
Speaker
Number 11, do something creative.
00:31:10
Speaker
Even if you think you're not creative, follow.
00:31:12
Speaker
Find something with your hands, go on Pinterest, find crafts.
00:31:14
Speaker
If you always wanted to learn how to paint and crochet, so whatever, now's the time to do it.
00:31:19
Speaker
It keeps your mind busy and creativity can be a healing experience for your heart.
00:31:24
Speaker
This is why it's so important not to drop your hobbies when you're in a relationship because...
00:31:28
Speaker
These kinds of things are actually helping to protect you mentally and emotionally.
00:31:32
Speaker
Like you feel more grounded in yourself, whatever you enjoy doing.
00:31:35
Speaker
It doesn't have to be arts and crafts because I know some people just are not artsy.
00:31:38
Speaker
They like sports.
00:31:39
Speaker
They like some people are math leads debate, whatever it is that you do that makes you feel alive.
00:31:45
Speaker
Keep doing it.
00:31:46
Speaker
You know what I find actually, I know someone tweeted about this on and how like the way that men deal with, you know, trauma is by like, you know, going out and like harassing women and like hating women and stuff.
00:31:57
Speaker
Like that's how men deal with like dating trauma is by just like hating women.
00:32:02
Speaker
With women, I've noticed a lot of women being like, I just went through a really terrible abusive breakup.
00:32:06
Speaker
So I'm going to learn like crochet or I'm going to learn how to knit or
00:32:10
Speaker
or I'm going to learn scrapbooking or, you know, just literally any like craft.
00:32:13
Speaker
I'm going to do embroidery to get over my trauma.
00:32:15
Speaker
Right.
00:32:15
Speaker
I feel like women, I just have a much more like constructive way of dealing with trauma, or at least like, you know, these kinds of crafts are more, you know, maybe who knows, maybe if men were willing to step outside of their repressive gender stereotypes, maybe they would actually seek some, uh, you know, therapy or whatever from these things.
00:32:33
Speaker
Instead, they're like, I'm just going to go hate women and
00:32:36
Speaker
They have woodworking.
00:32:37
Speaker
They have like learning, you know, mechanics or whatever.
00:32:39
Speaker
They have man hobbies.
00:32:41
Speaker
And I would say sports.
00:32:42
Speaker
The healthier men I know just do sports.
00:32:46
Speaker
The unhealthy men, they have to do other coping mechanisms because they don't have any physical
Critique of Toxic Productivity
00:32:52
Speaker
outlet.
00:32:52
Speaker
So that's where you get the drinking.
00:32:54
Speaker
Although, I mean, men, even men who do sports will drink and stuff like that.
00:32:56
Speaker
But like, and the like perpetually online.
00:32:59
Speaker
The perpetually online scrotes are too useless to take up fucking woodworking or sports.
00:33:03
Speaker
Consumerism, coumarism, drown themselves in porn.
00:33:07
Speaker
Like there's so many things.
00:33:09
Speaker
I think it's also that there's so many consumer products for men that are toxic because like that or like treat women like objects.
00:33:15
Speaker
So like endless amounts of porn.
00:33:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:18
Speaker
Like with.
00:33:18
Speaker
FDS, we draw kind of a line between like creative hobbies versus like consumer hobbies.
00:33:23
Speaker
So like, yeah, media consumption, porn consumption, creating video games.
00:33:27
Speaker
Like if you were to design a video game, that's, I consider that a creative pursuit.
00:33:32
Speaker
But just like playing a video game is a lot more like passive.
00:33:35
Speaker
You're just kind of going along with a story that someone...
00:33:37
Speaker
else created you know writing is another great creative pursuit any kind of craft woodworking all of these are creative pursuits I think there's you know gardening is a great one that I that I love um it's really good for the soul honestly just working with your hands even if you're not particularly handy just pick up something anything
00:33:56
Speaker
So five stages of grief, learn them, understand that you'll fluctuate and go back and forth through them.
00:34:01
Speaker
Understand the process is beneficial to your healing.
00:34:05
Speaker
We could do a whole episode on that alone.
00:34:06
Speaker
So yeah, I mean, the five stages of grief, people are aware of what that is.
00:34:10
Speaker
Yeah, we could do a whole episode on that.
00:34:12
Speaker
I actually agree.
00:34:13
Speaker
And then she goes on to say like, yeah, like point three is like, yeah, dark chocolate, you know, creates pleasurable feelings and acts as an antidepressant.
00:34:19
Speaker
Same thing with like, yeah, taking a hot bubble bath.
00:34:22
Speaker
I know earlier we were like, buy our bubble bath, but like you can just take a bubble bath.
00:34:26
Speaker
And it's like not that much money, but it's still like important.
00:34:29
Speaker
But I think all the other forms of self-care, the mental care are a lot more important.
00:34:34
Speaker
But 14, get lots of rest, drink plenty of water, never lose sleep over man.
00:34:38
Speaker
Lack of sleep accelerates the aging process.
00:34:40
Speaker
If you have trouble sleeping, find a guided meditation on YouTube.
00:34:43
Speaker
There's thousands and they are free.
00:34:45
Speaker
I agree completely.
00:34:46
Speaker
I need to get like minimum eight hours of sleep or else I'm a horrible person.
00:34:50
Speaker
Some might say I'm already a horrible person.
00:34:52
Speaker
No, I'm kidding.
00:34:52
Speaker
But...
00:34:54
Speaker
but I think, yeah, get at least eight hours of sleep or else physically and mentally you won't be at your peak.
00:34:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:00
Speaker
I feel like the rest of this list is along the lines of how to force yourself to do the things that make you feel good.
00:35:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:07
Speaker
Right.
00:35:07
Speaker
So this is one of them.
00:35:08
Speaker
Like sleep is so important.
00:35:10
Speaker
It took me a while to realize like how different of a person I am when I don't sleep enough.
00:35:14
Speaker
And like, I think I was in denial for a while, like I don't need sleep.
00:35:17
Speaker
And then I realized like both my mental and physical health would just deteriorate.
00:35:22
Speaker
And my ability to deal with people was like so low.
00:35:25
Speaker
I didn't sleep enough.
00:35:26
Speaker
So yes.
00:35:27
Speaker
Yes.
00:35:27
Speaker
I feel like in a hyper-capitalistic society, there's like this pressure to be the person who can like survive, like not eating, not sleeping, not like taking care of yourself.
00:35:36
Speaker
And like, oh, all the top performers, you know, they get four hours of sleep at night.
00:35:40
Speaker
They get up at five in the morning and they're working till midnight.
00:35:42
Speaker
This sort of toxic productivity culture kind of thing.
00:35:46
Speaker
I think that that's, first of all, it's a lie because the actual people who are in charge of millionaires and billionaires, they definitely get eight to nine hours of sleep a night.
00:35:53
Speaker
minimum because they have servants and shit to do all their other work for them.
00:35:57
Speaker
Right.
00:35:57
Speaker
So this whole, like, you know, the way to be succeed or like be an alpha or, you know, this and that is to work crazy amounts of hours and be maximally productive and schedule every minute of your day as a lie.
00:36:09
Speaker
That's not how you become successful.
00:36:11
Speaker
Successful people aren't like that.
00:36:13
Speaker
I'm not going to lie.
00:36:14
Speaker
That's just like my default personality.
Emotional Release Importance
00:36:16
Speaker
And it's not like I think what happens sometimes I'm dead serious.
00:36:19
Speaker
Like nobody really had to like coax me into it.
00:36:22
Speaker
But I also realized like that's not a lifestyle that that a lot of people like and that is always healthy.
00:36:27
Speaker
And even for people.
00:36:28
Speaker
people who are like that, it's not good for you.
00:36:30
Speaker
Right.
00:36:30
Speaker
So to me, like, well, I had to maximize my health productivity.
00:36:33
Speaker
Like I had to change the way I thought about it instead of it just being like productivity.
00:36:37
Speaker
So how I tricked my brain into like pushing myself out of the toxic productivity mindset was like, I had to look at my life more holistically.
00:36:45
Speaker
So I still have this like optimize everything mindset, but I just look at it like, okay, how can I optimize my sleep?
00:36:52
Speaker
Right.
00:36:53
Speaker
How am I getting, how am I going to make sure my sleep is the
00:36:55
Speaker
Well, because sleep will help you optimize other things, right?
00:36:58
Speaker
Right.
00:37:00
Speaker
I want to absolutely conquer sleep.
00:37:02
Speaker
I want to be the best at sleeping.
00:37:04
Speaker
I want to dominate sleep.
00:37:05
Speaker
I'm going to get a gold medal in the Sleeping Olympics.
00:37:08
Speaker
Yes.
00:37:10
Speaker
Exactly.
00:37:10
Speaker
So even if you're a person that like to be engaged all of the time, you can still be maximally engaged in your health.
00:37:16
Speaker
Right.
00:37:16
Speaker
And like, I know we make fun of the toxic.
00:37:18
Speaker
I know we make fun of the productivity gurus, but like, I think some of those people, like that's just their default personality.
00:37:23
Speaker
They wake up every day trying to make confidence their bitch.
00:37:25
Speaker
And that's just the way that they are.
00:37:27
Speaker
It's not to make other people feel bad, but it's just the way their mind works.
00:37:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:32
Speaker
But it's not necessarily good for them though, right?
00:37:35
Speaker
Even for them, like it just makes them a little crazy.
00:37:38
Speaker
It can be.
00:37:38
Speaker
It's like anything.
00:37:39
Speaker
It can be extreme, right?
00:37:40
Speaker
It's like some of the people that are like the extreme veganism, for example, like some of the people that have the extreme restrictive eating because they think everything's a toxic and everything's going to have toxins in it.
00:37:52
Speaker
And then they end up looking really haggard because they're not getting enough nutrients.
00:37:55
Speaker
Like you can definitely go to extremes with your productivity or your desire to optimize.
00:38:00
Speaker
I
00:38:00
Speaker
I'm just saying for people who are like that, it's not necessarily because they're trying to make people feel bad.
00:38:04
Speaker
It's just like, I get that.
00:38:06
Speaker
That's just some way that some people are.
00:38:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:10
Speaker
Fair enough.
00:38:11
Speaker
Okay.
00:38:11
Speaker
So number 15.
00:38:12
Speaker
So number 14, I guess, like I said, something that made you feel personally attacked.
00:38:16
Speaker
Number 15 made me feel personally attacked.
00:38:21
Speaker
So let's get into that.
00:38:23
Speaker
Number 15 is cry a lot.
00:38:24
Speaker
Find something to induce the tears if you have to.
00:38:26
Speaker
I find videos of soldiers returning from deployment surprising their children.
00:38:30
Speaker
Gets me every time.
00:38:31
Speaker
Crying is hugely cathartic.
00:38:33
Speaker
Okay, that made me feel really personally attacked because I do the same shit.
00:38:36
Speaker
Like sometimes if I'm just feeling sad about things in general, but I just want to like get it out of my system, I will like look up videos of like father really proud of his daughter or like a dog getting like adopted from a shelter or something like that.
00:38:49
Speaker
Or like...
00:38:50
Speaker
It's usually animals, actually, like animals being reunited with their owners after years of like being a stray or something like that.
00:38:56
Speaker
Those videos make me cry fucking buckets like nothing else in my own actual life.
00:39:01
Speaker
Right.
00:39:02
Speaker
And so sometimes I just like I just want to cry and I just get that out of my system and it makes me feel better.
Balanced Lifestyle
00:39:07
Speaker
Yeah, especially on my period.
00:39:08
Speaker
Like I found exercise or like exercising enough where I'm exhausted forces me to cry.
00:39:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:14
Speaker
I feel so good.
00:39:15
Speaker
And I think crying is another way your body actually gets rid of stress hormones.
00:39:19
Speaker
So, I mean, it's again, physical, chemical responses.
00:39:22
Speaker
These things are all like, you know, input in and put out.
00:39:24
Speaker
What did you say?
00:39:25
Speaker
Your body's a giant, if this, then that machine.
00:39:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:29
Speaker
If,
00:39:29
Speaker
this than that machine.
00:39:30
Speaker
So this is another thing like inducing yourself to cry helps you to release a lot of the stress hormones and they track that.
00:39:36
Speaker
So it's important, I think, especially on your period or if you're just going through something to just like physically exhaust yourself or physically stimulate yourself in some way to force yourself to cry.
00:39:45
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with it.
00:39:45
Speaker
It's a healthy response.
00:39:46
Speaker
You're
00:39:48
Speaker
And the number 16 is laugh.
00:39:49
Speaker
You know, it might seem like I feel like a lot of men who are trying to find flaws in FDS would look at this and be like, number 15, they say you should cry because that's good for you.
00:39:56
Speaker
And the number 16, they say you should laugh because that's also good for you.
00:39:59
Speaker
But crying and laughing are opposite emotions.
00:40:01
Speaker
So why would they say that?
00:40:02
Speaker
Therefore, FDS is wrong.
00:40:03
Speaker
Like, yeah, they're mental.
00:40:06
Speaker
I've seen like these kinds of lists for men where they're like, these two things are the opposites and therefore they are lying.
00:40:11
Speaker
Like, you know, so when it's like, okay, both are true, right?
00:40:16
Speaker
You should cry and you should laugh.
00:40:17
Speaker
Both of these are feelings.
00:40:19
Speaker
You fucking robot.
00:40:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:22
Speaker
I have a playlist on YouTube of videos that just make me fall the fuck out.
00:40:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:28
Speaker
It's what I do when I'm feeling bad.
00:40:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:32
Speaker
So find funny videos, you know, hang out with your goofy friends, laugh as hard as you can as often as possible.
00:40:36
Speaker
She writes, uh, number 17, when you feel overcome by grief, remind yourself that it's only trigger.
00:40:41
Speaker
It will pass, breathe, let it go.
00:40:43
Speaker
This too shall pass.
00:40:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:45
Speaker
It all, same thing with the journaling.
00:40:47
Speaker
You know, if you write about your problems, you realize, Hey, this is only temporary kind of thing.
00:40:52
Speaker
So 18, make a vision board and load it with pictures of the life that you want.
00:40:57
Speaker
Mine has a picture of my dream home, a beautiful picture of my children laughing, pictures of places I want to travel and of the car that I want to name a few.
00:41:04
Speaker
I have it hung over my dresser and I look at it several times a day to remind myself that where I am in life isn't permanent.
00:41:10
Speaker
Bigger and better things await.
00:41:11
Speaker
I'm too lazy to do this.
00:41:12
Speaker
So I have a Pinterest.
00:41:14
Speaker
Pinterest basically serves the same purpose.
00:41:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:19
Speaker
Because I tried to do a vision board and then I was like, this is a lot of work.
00:41:22
Speaker
I got to find all the magazines and then print out all the photos.
00:41:25
Speaker
But Pinterest is what I do when I have vision.
00:41:28
Speaker
See, I'm into like scrapbooking and like laminating things.
00:41:31
Speaker
That's a weird hobby that I have is I like scrapbooking things and I like laminating things.
00:41:35
Speaker
I love making vision boards.
00:41:37
Speaker
This is the difference between people who are like naturally creative like that and then other people were.
00:41:42
Speaker
This is not, I could do this so much more efficiently in a digital version.
00:41:46
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:41:48
Speaker
Exactly.
00:41:48
Speaker
I'm like, I'm fine with quote unquote wasting my time as long as I enjoy it in rows.
00:41:51
Speaker
Just like,
00:41:52
Speaker
This is a waste of time and I don't enjoy wasting time.
00:41:54
Speaker
I will do this digitally to be more efficient.
00:41:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:57
Speaker
I'm like, I just want the picture somewhere where I can remind myself and stimulate my brain to release endorphins and be happy.
00:42:02
Speaker
So I'm going to put it on a Pinterest board and then same difference.
00:42:05
Speaker
Same thing.
00:42:06
Speaker
Same result.
00:42:07
Speaker
Moving along.
00:42:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:10
Speaker
I actually do love Pinterest as well.
00:42:11
Speaker
It is like a digital scrapbook in a way, but you can like add and remove things, you know, with actual scrapbook.
00:42:16
Speaker
It's like sometimes you'll make it.
00:42:17
Speaker
I made a mistake.
00:42:18
Speaker
But you enjoy the process.
00:42:20
Speaker
Yeah, it's the process of making it.
00:42:21
Speaker
That is the point with a scrapbook.
00:42:23
Speaker
I will say I did have a boy band scrapbook in junior high.
00:42:26
Speaker
So.
00:42:28
Speaker
back when like you had to buy the little teen magazines and you would just cut out the little boy band pictures and then glue it to your notebook.
00:42:34
Speaker
You didn't have a digital version?
00:42:36
Speaker
I didn't have a digital version back then.
00:42:37
Speaker
It takes so long for the pictures to load, so.
00:42:39
Speaker
Yeah, back in the dark ages when I was a child.
00:42:42
Speaker
Yeah, dial up.
00:42:44
Speaker
Yep, exactly.
00:42:45
Speaker
Okay, okay.
00:42:45
Speaker
So...
00:42:47
Speaker
19.
00:42:47
Speaker
Pamper yourself, do your nails, put sheet masks on your face, you know, do at-home facials, buy yourself something nice, take long salt baths, Epsom salt baths, replace so much mineral magnesium, which is highly beneficial to healing and releasing negative energy.
00:42:58
Speaker
I don't know about that claim, but I do know that magnesium is high in a lot of foods, especially leafy greens.
00:43:03
Speaker
So I would add if you need, and magnesium is important, especially for women.
00:43:06
Speaker
So take, you know, definitely get your magnesium.
00:43:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:09
Speaker
Number 20, eat healthy, take supplements, avoid junk food.
00:43:12
Speaker
Don't use food as a coping mechanism.
00:43:14
Speaker
So this is where the productivity super health gurus come in, man.
00:43:18
Speaker
Like this is what I'm saying.
00:43:18
Speaker
You need those people.
00:43:20
Speaker
We do need those people because they're the ones that like go in and figure out exactly what types of things will help you with anything you're trying to accomplish physically or like things that make you feel better.
00:43:29
Speaker
But there's a lot of information out there.
00:43:31
Speaker
Obviously, some of it's junk science.
00:43:33
Speaker
But like if you start to see a lot of the same ideas repeated, it's probably OK.
00:43:36
Speaker
But about how different supplements will help you with different things.
00:43:40
Speaker
I've done something like I eat like pumpkin seeds around my period and stuff.
00:43:43
Speaker
And like, it just makes me feel better.
00:43:44
Speaker
Cause I know there's, there's probably, yeah, it's high in magnesium.
00:43:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:47
Speaker
There's a bunch of, exactly.
00:43:48
Speaker
So that's something I learned on the internet, right?
00:43:50
Speaker
Like it's something I learned.
00:43:51
Speaker
That's like a physical response that I could control that before I would just feel like shit.
00:43:55
Speaker
And then like, I'm like, oh, I can eat pumpkin seeds and that makes me feel better.
00:43:58
Speaker
But that's something that people figured out, right?
00:44:00
Speaker
Like, yeah, I like to make pumpkin seed muffins or like a pumpkin loaf with like pumpkin seeds on top, you know,
00:44:07
Speaker
Like nutritionists, right, is what I'm saying.
00:44:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:09
Speaker
So nutritionists figure out this kind of thing for you.
Avoiding Backsliding and Rituals
00:44:12
Speaker
So like maybe you can even see.
00:44:13
Speaker
And I think that's different from like a dietician.
00:44:16
Speaker
One of them is like a fake title and the other one is a real title.
00:44:18
Speaker
But there's people that are actually certified and looking at nutrition and how nutrition can affect your mood, your health, etc.
00:44:25
Speaker
So don't undercount nutrition and your overall well-being.
00:44:28
Speaker
Again, yeah.
00:44:28
Speaker
the human body is a giant if this then that machine if you put in good inputs you know beneficial inputs that are nutrient dense that have lots of folate magnesium and potassium and so on like leafy greens like fruits and vegetables things that are high protein and don't underestimate protein okay like you know a lot of people think that if they want to be healthy they have to go on a vegan diet and like while you can get enough protein on a vegan diet a lot of people do struggle to get enough protein on a vegan diet
00:44:52
Speaker
And so eggs, for example, are like nature's multivitamin, pretty much just the yolks in the eggs and they got protein too.
00:44:59
Speaker
So I love eggs anyways.
00:45:01
Speaker
But I also, I also have a tendency to use food as a coping mechanism.
00:45:04
Speaker
Actually, that's one of the things that I struggle with all the time.
00:45:07
Speaker
Yeah, me too.
00:45:07
Speaker
too yeah because like comfort eating you know I used to be like overweight and so comfort eating it's really hard not to comfort eat actually it was one of the main ways that as a child here's actually the kind of fucked up thing is like my parents would do something really messed up or like abusive and then they'd take us out to like a restaurant after and so sort of like mentally conditioned me from like a young age to think of like food is like a reward for enduring hardship so yeah it's kind of fucked up
00:45:31
Speaker
Something I'm struggling with to this day with therapy.
00:45:34
Speaker
But yeah, anyways, sorry to trauma dump.
00:45:35
Speaker
But anyways, 21, get a vibrator.
00:45:37
Speaker
It'll take the edge off and will help you if you're in danger of backsliding and texting him because you need a sexual release.
00:45:43
Speaker
Yeah, honestly.
00:45:44
Speaker
If you think of texting your ex, just masturbate.
00:45:47
Speaker
Get some post-nut clarity.
00:45:49
Speaker
Yeah, post-nut clarity.
00:45:52
Speaker
I know Savannah still doesn't think it exists, but post-nut clarity to me is very much a thing.
00:45:57
Speaker
I can only speak for myself.
00:45:58
Speaker
Speaking for myself.
00:46:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:01
Speaker
Number 22, make a daily ritual and a monthly ritual.
00:46:04
Speaker
My daily ritual is morning meditation and yoga followed by coffee.
00:46:07
Speaker
My monthly ritual is saging my home, writing down whatever it is I want to manifest in my life.
00:46:12
Speaker
I do this on the night of the new moon.
00:46:14
Speaker
Your rituals can be anything you want as long as it's healing and healthy.
00:46:17
Speaker
Again, like this is sort of like prayer and kind of like the spiritual aspect, right?
00:46:21
Speaker
I like to play with crystals.
00:46:22
Speaker
That's actually my spiritual thing.
00:46:23
Speaker
I don't like believe that crystals can like literally cure diseases or anything like that.
00:46:27
Speaker
I just think they're really pretty and I like to touch them and play with them.
00:46:30
Speaker
And that just makes me happy when I look at them.
00:46:32
Speaker
So that's my ritual.
00:46:33
Speaker
Number 23, take yourself out, go to dinner, the library, shopping, coffee, whatever it is.
00:46:38
Speaker
At least spoil yourself.
00:46:39
Speaker
If you can't afford to spoil yourself, find free things to do.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yeah, just going for a hike, honestly.
00:46:43
Speaker
Hiking is such a good way to spoil yourself.
00:46:46
Speaker
Yeah, an outdoor picnic, a hike, whatever makes you happy.
00:46:48
Speaker
Number 24, remember this is only temporary and one day you'll wake up and remember why you're so sad over someone so unworthy of your energy.
00:46:56
Speaker
You will heal.
00:46:57
Speaker
You're worthy.
00:46:58
Speaker
You're enough.
00:46:58
Speaker
You're perfect just as you are.
00:47:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:00
Speaker
So that's the thing.
00:47:02
Speaker
All of these things help you get perspective on your life and also put enough ifs in your body that the that's are all good outputs, I think is what I've translated.
00:47:13
Speaker
Put all of the good inputs so you can have good outputs.
00:47:16
Speaker
Exactly.
00:47:16
Speaker
So 25, I know it stings a little bit now because the subreddit is closed, but it says keep coming to the subreddit.
00:47:22
Speaker
Go to the website instead.
00:47:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:24
Speaker
Go to the website.
00:47:24
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:47:26
Speaker
Go to the website.
00:47:27
Speaker
Yeah, just cross that out and go to the website.
00:47:29
Speaker
Because the subreddit, like we said earlier... The subreddit is on Reddit, which is trash.
00:47:33
Speaker
And it's deteriorating in quality because of the inability to control the influx.
00:47:39
Speaker
It's not even about the inability to control.
00:47:41
Speaker
It's just the nature of Reddit and social media, honestly.
00:47:43
Speaker
It's not even a problem that just FDS is having.
00:47:45
Speaker
This is a Reddit-wide problem or just like a social media-wide problem where, you know...
00:47:51
Speaker
I think it's their algorithms though.
00:47:52
Speaker
I think it's, I mean, we don't have that on the website, but I definitely think specifically they're all into the toxic, keeping people engaged in the toxic negativity.
00:48:01
Speaker
Cause like their algorithm is what pushes stuff to the top, right.
00:48:04
Speaker
And put stuff on your feet.
00:48:06
Speaker
So for me, this is a problem actually specific to FDS, what I'm about to say, which is that like, you know, with FDS, we encourage women to, you know, level up and, you know, improve themselves and so on.
00:48:16
Speaker
And I'll be honest, I feel like not using Reddit is part of that level up journey.
00:48:22
Speaker
We've had this problem with FDS where like the really great women who, you know, they do level up, they, you know, improve their lives, they get financially secure, they get
00:48:29
Speaker
you know, a wide variety of hobbies and interests and so on, they come to Reddit less and less.
00:48:33
Speaker
Like they leave, they leave, like they stop using Reddit because Reddit is trash and people who have really awesome lives, like they weigh their time in a way, or they value their time in a certain way where they go, you know, Oh, my, my time is better spent doing these other things and not using Reddit.
00:48:48
Speaker
And so we had this problem where like the people who stuck around were the people who didn't level up.
00:48:53
Speaker
And these are the people who were kind of taking over the subreddit and writing content.
00:48:56
Speaker
And, you know, we didn't want to like diss them too much, like in the Brexit episode, because it was mainly because of Reddit misogyny and so on.
00:49:04
Speaker
It was part of our sort of cost benefit analysis of staying on FTS.
00:49:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:08
Speaker
Was that like the benefit that it previously had just wasn't there because all the really high quality women were leaving because they leveled up.
00:49:14
Speaker
Right.
00:49:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:16
Speaker
And people were noting that, right?
00:49:18
Speaker
They were saying, well, new FDS isn't like the original FDS.
00:49:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:21
Speaker
It just got more and more negative, more and more toxic, more and more fun-cell-y.
00:49:24
Speaker
It's like, once again, our pitch for moving to the website and then creating content is because we want to, once again, attract those women to stay.
00:49:32
Speaker
The women who are actually leveling up know how to level up, value their time.
00:49:37
Speaker
And they appropriately value their time.
00:49:38
Speaker
And I think they want to help, but nothing... They don't want to be a Redditor.
00:49:41
Speaker
They don't have endless amounts of time to martyr themselves.
00:49:44
Speaker
They don't want to be a Redditor and they don't necessarily have endless amounts of times to martyr themselves.
00:49:47
Speaker
Because we tell women to set boundaries on their time.
00:49:49
Speaker
You know, women are not a public utility, right?
00:49:52
Speaker
We say value your time, be maximally beneficial to yourself.
00:49:56
Speaker
I feel like, you know, the subreddit was a great starting point and so on.
00:49:59
Speaker
I say was a great starting point in the early days, especially.
00:50:02
Speaker
But lately, you know, they'll blame the podcast for decline of the subreddit, which I find it's actually the themselves who were the cause of the decline of the subreddit because it's just not the support
00:50:12
Speaker
If anything, it's brain drain because we don't really post on the subreddit anymore, right?
00:50:17
Speaker
So all of the people, like we said, who were the brains behind the operation, as well as like the high value women, just stopped doing it.
00:50:25
Speaker
So we have to incentivize them to come back somehow.
FDS Community Engagement
00:50:28
Speaker
By the way, the author of this post wrote this two years ago.
00:50:31
Speaker
It hasn't been on FDS in 10 months, right?
00:50:34
Speaker
So again, like a lot of their best quality contributors, just again, they have kids.
00:50:40
Speaker
The woman has kids, right?
00:50:41
Speaker
She's got really important things to do with her time, right?
00:50:44
Speaker
And that's not to say that, you know, women who are active on the subreddit are have no life or that they don't have things that are important in their lives and so on.
00:50:50
Speaker
It's just that like, maybe they're just at the beginning of their journey.
00:50:53
Speaker
But anyways, back to the post.
00:50:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:54
Speaker
You know, she talks about some breathing and meditation practices.
00:50:57
Speaker
And so, you know, I recommend breathing into those.
00:51:00
Speaker
And yeah, there's so many different techniques.
00:51:02
Speaker
At the very end, she says, this guide is nowhere near as comprehensive as it can be.
00:51:05
Speaker
Please feel free to add the techniques that helped you.
00:51:07
Speaker
I wish you all the peace, light, love, and speedy recovery.
00:51:10
Speaker
And so I'm like, no, that's nice.
00:51:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:13
Speaker
And so this would be another thing that I think we would love to put in the newsletter is different techniques from different women as far as meditation and how they clear their mind after breakup.
00:51:23
Speaker
These kinds of things are great group source knowledge as well as personal knowledge.
00:51:28
Speaker
So if we do the newsletter right, we'll be able to give these types of tips and things out.
00:51:32
Speaker
Curate this kind of content.
00:51:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:34
Speaker
maybe some really good products along with it.
00:51:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:36
Speaker
Curate this kind of content.
00:51:37
Speaker
So once again, a plug for FDS, the brand, check us out on the female dating strategy.com as well as our Twitter at Femme.Strat as well as our Patreon with weekly bonus content, as well as the newly unveiled war room, which we're doing twice a month on the queen tier, where we talk about a lot of problems or issues that you're having or just want to come talk to us and discuss life.
00:52:01
Speaker
It's a live Q&A with the hosts here.
00:52:03
Speaker
And, you know, we strategize as a group how to solve your problems.
00:52:06
Speaker
Exactly.
00:52:06
Speaker
So check that out on patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:52:10
Speaker
Also on Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
00:52:14
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:52:15
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, we left Reddit.
00:52:17
Speaker
Why are you still following us?
00:52:18
Speaker
Why are you so obsessed with us?
00:52:20
Speaker
Honestly, it's gross.
00:52:21
Speaker
Why are you so obsessed with me?
00:52:24
Speaker
Anyways, okay.
00:52:26
Speaker
It's terrible.
00:52:28
Speaker
Okay, bye.
00:52:29
Speaker
See you next week.
00:52:29
Speaker
Bye.
00:52:32
Speaker
you