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EPISODE 126: THE WOODS ARE TERRIFYING!
3.5k Plays3 months ago
Who doesn’t enjoy a good ol’ hike in the woods? Well, you’ll enjoy it less so, knowing a killer is hunting you, ghosts are all around you, and wild animals are waiting to eat you… but we digress! Join us for another fun episode exploring the darker sides of real life!
HORROR IN THE MOVIES
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and THE FOREST have us pitching our tents, if you know what we mean 😏
WHATCHA BEEN WATCHIN’, BITCH?!
Listen in to hear what we’ve been watchin’... bitch!
–
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Transcript
Introduction & Podcast Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Fry Gay the 13th Horror Podcast is a proud, independent podcast. To learn more about the show, visit frygay13.com.
00:00:11
Speaker
Uh, another day, another hike through Lesbighay Falls and National Forest. Yeah, we we have been hiking a lot lately, haven't we? Oh my gosh, look at that! What is it? It's the rare rainbow tip mushroom.
00:00:27
Speaker
Oh, why is it rare? Because it contains a cool hallucinogenic toxin that will make you trip balls. Oh, that's kind of scary. We should probably put it back.
00:00:39
Speaker
home and You're good to be my grounding person, right? Oh
Theme Introduction: The Woods are Terrifying
00:00:45
Speaker
God, I can see the color of your soul We should we should head home. It's time to watch and experience episode 126 the woods are terrifying I Am the writing on the wall the whisper in the classroom I'm Marjorie Greene, and I approve this message to save America, stop socialism, and stop China. Thank you for having me on a team from Life to Desire! Woo-hoo! Power in real life. Doubters, the doomsday, the gloomsters, they are going to get it wrong. Power in memory. Where are you going to go? Where are you going to run? Where are you going to hide?
Cryptid Discussions: Bigfoot and Sasquatch
00:01:35
Speaker
Nowhere.
00:01:49
Speaker
I want you to know that the movement we started is only just beginning. sometimes but
00:02:15
Speaker
He and his wife and grandson first heard that howl when they were walking back to their car at the end of the trail along the Vermillion River, about 45 minutes from the town of Suluqout. Initially, Micas thought it was a moose or a bear, but the experienced hunter quickly realized that it was a sound he's not familiar with. Micas posted two videos on YouTube where they have since gone viral, racking up two million views.
Horror Movies in Forests: The Forest & Blair Witch Project
00:02:40
Speaker
Bigfoot Sasquatch, a wolf, Micas says we may never know.
00:02:44
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of Friday, the 13th Horror Podcast. My name is Matty and I'm Andrew. And if this is your first time with us on Friday, the 13th Horror Podcast, this is the podcast that talks all about horror, horror in the movies and in real life from a queer perspective. We are here today with our one hundred and twenty sixth episode all about the woods because friends, the woods, they're good for hikes, they're good for camping, but damn.
00:03:12
Speaker
They are pretty terrifying to be honest. They scary. And yeah, and we've got two movies today. One is an Oscar winner. and um It's called The Forest and came out in 2016.
Olympics Experiences and Reactions
00:03:22
Speaker
We'll tell you all about that later. And the other is the the truly I can't wait to talk about it today because I have had such a turnaround with this movie over the course of my horror career. Oh, interesting. Yes, I'm i'm i'm looking forward to talking about it. is ah It is, of course, the Blair Witch Project, which is just a seminal movie in the horror canon.
00:03:41
Speaker
So I know we're going to have a lot of fun talking about those. And in the meantime, we'll be talking a lot about the haunted forests. We'll be talking about some scary shit that you find in forests, all that kind of shit. But Andrew, first of all, um it's Olympics time right now, too. Are you watching the Olympics?
00:03:57
Speaker
Oh yeah, a big summer Olympics person here. ah So well, think about it. When we started this podcast, what was our first episode about winter Olympics? Yep. So yes, I've been watching a ton of Olympics where as of this recording, we're still in week one, I guess we're transitioning into that show. Um, so the, the, the, the kind of like, it changes. Has it only been a week?
00:04:21
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It changes a little bit for me because I'm not as into the track and field portion. Sure. But ah that first week was swimming, diving, gymnastics, all that stuff. I i can't get enough and and answering. I have peacock. I can watch four events at once. Oh, damn. Yeah, I am. I watch it over here on it's called a Euro sport. I mean, i I could also watch it on RTE e in in Ireland, of course. But like, I just I kind of hate watching RTE. To be honest, it' a it's cheesy. um And it's been so much fun. For for the opening ceremony, um i'm I'm dating this person right now and they came over to watch it. We did not know it was going to be literally five hours long.
00:05:05
Speaker
Oh, yeah, they're there. It was unconscionably long. And like I was thinking I was like, you know, I guess like ah this, it's the first Olympics where they're doing it, not in like an arena. So it's just it takes a lot more fucking time. Got to flow, baby. You know, but it was it was a wild one and got girl.
00:05:23
Speaker
When Celine Dion came on at the end, I was in tears, as you might guess. And she was, God, she was fucking amazing. She was so good. Yeah. And let's not let's not forget, of course, with any Olympics is going to be the the Christians getting crazy. they I'll tell you what, you know, what's terrifying, kooky Christians? We should just do an episode about that. So like these people are fucking they're nuts. If if it's not about that Imani Collef or Caliph, who's like,
00:05:50
Speaker
An actual woman boxing but they're saying that she's not or it's the like the the um the the they thought it was the last supper during the you mean the dinner of Dionysus and it's and like I remember like like some some like conservative asshole tweeted a picture of the guy that was all painted in blue and he was like does this look like Dionysus to you and I was like yeah, I Like, actually, yes, it does. as somebody knowology I thought the funniest thing about that whole thing is that they were deejaying in the rain and I was like, oh, please don't get electrocuted. Those sweet French people, God bless them, they were just going for it in the rain. like i i felt I felt so bad because I know that they had not had a lot of rehearsal time and that rain was not.
00:06:35
Speaker
was not the best news because they were doing a lot of breakdancing, a lot of stunts, a lot. Jesus, God almighty. You know what, though? It's just it's so inspirational. Like I cry at like every event that I watch. Oh, me too. I ah i mean, there's something. and How do they do it? You know, there's just something is like something about the Olympics. And you see like the Ukrainians there like <unk> I love them.
00:06:57
Speaker
God love it. And it's just like, it's insane to think like, this is like the world coming together for something good for a change, which like never happens. So yeah, I totally agree. it It's it's inspired. I'll tell you this quick little story that might restore your faith in humanity, Andrew. um It's i've I've been running a lot more lately. I've just I've had a goal in mind for this year.
00:07:17
Speaker
And so i'm I'm really pleased with like where I am right now, right? And so like part of the Olympics, that's gotten me inspired all this other shit. So yesterday I woke up and I was like, you know what? I've been i've been doing pretty good with training. and I think I can do a full 10 miles today. I haven't done it in years, but i I'm pretty sure I can do it.
00:07:34
Speaker
So I went out and I was doing it. I felt great pretty much the whole time. And it was about like mile 9.75. So like i'm know andm I'm almost home by now, right? And um I'm in Phoenix Park and I'm rounding the corner and I'm about to go down a decline that would like basically take me to my house and then I can like just walk the rest of the way. And so I, for whatever reason, I just kind of like reach down to like the side of my leg where my little zipper pocket is for my running shorts.
00:08:02
Speaker
And I feel it, and the zipper is open, and my keys are gone. And all all I can think is, and I so i like i stopped, i like my hands were on my head, and like I was like i was like in shock. This lady walked by, she was like, are you okay? I was like, I don't know. so All I could think was, okay, I'm almost, so I could go home, I could get my bike, i could I could get a cab, I don't know, I could go look for my keys. And I was like, no, dude, you got to turn around. You got to turn around and go find them. And so I was like, I cannot believe I have to go. I just ran 10 miles. I might have to run 20 miles right now. So I turn around, go back on the path that I was on.
00:08:42
Speaker
Less than a quarter mile away and a guy runs up to me and he says, are you looking for these? He has my keys in his hand. ah Can you believe it? That's pretty lucky. um And he's he said, you know, we we we saw him, we grabbed him, we tried to get you, but I had headphones and I couldn't hear them. And he ran after me to give me these keys.
00:09:02
Speaker
ah yeah um my god I gave him a hug. I gave his wife a hug. I it was like, I couldn't believe it. So if by any chance those people are listening, you're good human beings.
Tales of Haunted Forests
00:09:10
Speaker
any ah Andrew, on with the show. um Talking about haunted forests first. um that this is i just i I love this topic and I know that you do too. and You and I have spent a good deal of time in the woods together, frankly. i mean I grew up in the woods. like I did too. Like I think the woods are kind of just like part of of who we are almost, you know? Yeah, I grew up in ah an area most people don't know about, but it's called a Mesic, Michigan, and and it's the mushroom capital of the world. It's where we get all of our our our mushrooms, our morale mushrooms. and i yeah you know what Andrew, i didn't I didn't know that actually.
00:09:50
Speaker
Yeah, and morels, if you don't know, they're very rare mushrooms and they're very they used a lot in cooking. um And we used to do like mushroom hunts like we would go out in the woods and just look down at the ground and look for mushrooms. And then we would go sell them on the side of the road. And like the morels, like they have a very particular appearance to them. So like you weren't worried about those, I would imagine.
00:10:16
Speaker
No, there's only one other kind of mushroom that kind of looks like them that is poisonous. You have to be a little careful. um But you can you can look it up. It's all about the stem and how it like the I'm not going to go into it too much, but like it's it's you know, a morale when you see one. Well, what I do know is that we're both experts on mushroom heads. Do you know what I mean? You want to talk about deadliest mushrooms right up front? No, no, no. You didn't get that sexual innuendo joke. Oh,
00:10:44
Speaker
um I mean, yeah, like I grew up in the woods too, um not quite as deep as you. um But the the the backyard where I grew up ah in Hobart, Indiana um was sort of like a little like mini forest. And it was really cool growing up. I mean, it it it was really neat to hike around in it and play war with my friends and all that kind of shit.
00:11:03
Speaker
and war What were we thinking? yeah Exactly, right? now Now we just live it every day. um But it was it was ah a really good foundation, I think, for a kid to be around like an an outdoorsy thing like that. you know I think about kids who never get to experience shit like that because they're just they live in the city their whole lives or whatever. And you and I have gone camping quite a bit together, especially when you're camping, I think. That's when the woods really show their scary side. you know Yeah, nighttime.
00:11:30
Speaker
Oh, yeah mean like at night when you're in your tent, you hear anything and like your your brain amplifies it into something more than it is. you know like I hear a fucking like twig snap and I'm like, oh my God, there's a meth head waiting to kill me with a machete right now. you know like And that's that's just that's crazy talk, but it's like where your head goes. And you know we see that kind of play out today and and it in at least one of our movies.
00:11:55
Speaker
um But some forests out there in the world are definitely haunted. And Andrew, Conde Nast Traveler, listen, if they wrote it, then you know it's true. Conde Nast Traveler, they have put together a list of like 20 different haunted forests in the world. I'm not going to read them all. That's not going to happen. um But if you want to read the article, you can read it on Conde Nast Traveler online. The title of it is called These Haunted Forests Are As Eerie As It Gets. um And it's a lot of fun. because it's not just based in America, it's a little bit of all over the world. So the first one, Andrew, is called the Elphin Forest in California. um And the community of Elphin Forest sounds like it belongs in the world of Tolkien. I'm like, it sounds cute. I know, right? Even though it lies just southwest of Escondido in San Diego. ah How fitting, then, that it is crawling with tall tales, myths, and stories of haunted spirits and goblins.
00:12:51
Speaker
Legend has it that Romani people used to occupy Elphin Forest in the early 19th century until nearby townsfolk drove them out and slaughtered those that remained behind. Supposedly, they exacted revenge by cursing the forest and its surrounding lands.
00:13:10
Speaker
Today, people have claimed to see all kinds of eerie apparitions. Like a floating woman dressed in white, a cloaked spirit writing a black stallion, and mysterious footprints. So maybe a little trip to San Diego County is in is in the near future, who knows.
00:13:30
Speaker
the next one here is from romania it's the hoya bachu forest and this is from the moment a military technician captured a photograph of a ufo hello hovering over this forest in 1968 hoya bachu has gained paranormal notoriety around the world That area has become known as the Bermuda Triangle of Transylvania, but you didn't know that existed. but I didn't either until today, as some believe it to be a portal that causes visitors to disappear. Other people who have passed through the forest without being zapped into another realm, that is, reported rashes, nausea, and feelings of anxiety. Baby, that could just be poison ivium, just pointing that out. um The curved trees in some parts of the area further lend to the off-putting aura of Hoya Bachu. Let's continue in Europe and we'll go over to de schwarzald the Black Forest in Germany.
00:14:26
Speaker
you know one thing you know one thing Just like quicksand, I thought I would have to worry about triangles a lot more when I was a kid. Yes, a triangle. the Now this Romanian triangle. Anyway, anyway, I just just try to steer clear of of of like love triangles as much as I can now.
00:14:44
Speaker
um But over in Germany, the Black Forest, or the Schwarzvold, hardly any sunlight breaks through the dense fir trees of the Black Forest. And the myths surrounding these woods are more fantastical than paranormal. A headless horseman or riding on a great white steed. A king who kidnaps women to take them to his underwater lair, where he lives among the nymphs.
00:15:09
Speaker
friendly dwarves and lurking werewolves. Is it any wonder the Brothers Grimm set so many of their fairy tales here? um Also, if you've never been to the Black Forest before, you got to go. It's absolutely beautiful. We got some Black Forest cake laid around today. Oh, my God. That sounds so good right now. I'm not going to lie.
00:15:26
Speaker
Um, next one, let's go back to America to New Jersey. Now this will be new jerk. No, can we just but but and hear me out there here? Because this is going to be a little bit about of a legend that we've talked about before. And this is pine barons in New Jersey and the heavily forested pine barons spans over. I did not know this spans over 1 million acres and seven counties in New Jersey.
00:15:48
Speaker
I didn't even know there was a million acres in New Jersey. I don't think I did either. The area thrived during the colonial era, host of sawmills, paper mills and other industries. People eventually abandoned the mills and surrounding villages when coal was discovered to the west in Pennsylvania, leaving behind ghost towns. And some say a few supernatural wanderers. The most popular Pine Barrens resident without a doubt is the Jersey Devil.
00:16:16
Speaker
According to the legend, and what what was that movie that we watched before? Did we watch the Jersey Devil movie? We did. It was like a little documentary movie. I don't remember. and'm like you i i I'll look on the list, but we definitely watch something about this. So according to legend, the creature was born in 1735 to Deborah Leeds, her 13th child with leathery wings, a goat's head, and hooves. It flew up the Leeds' chimney and into the barons, and it has been killing livestock and creeping out south Jersey residents ever since.
00:16:49
Speaker
Now, I'm going to read two more for you. The first one comes from Oxfordshire in England, the Witchwood Forest. And this is yet another English creep fest. Witchwood Forest's air of mystery stems from the story of Amy Robesart, the wife of the Earl of Leicester. Robesart mysteriously broke her neck and died in 1560. Years later, her husband encountered her ghost in Witchwood while on a hunting trip.
00:17:16
Speaker
Her spirit told the Earl that he would join her in the afterlife in just a few days. As promised, he fell ill shortly after the encounter and quickly died. Local legend says that anyone who encounters the ghost of Amy in Witchwood Forest will befall the same fate as the dearly departed Earl of Leicester.
00:17:38
Speaker
um you know I've done a ah ah modicum of hiking in England. There's some really good hiking there and like really great like country walks where you have to go through a forest. it's really If you ever get a chance to do it, you should do it. It's really absolutely beautiful. And the final one I have is actually going to take us to one of our movies eventually that we're going to talk about too. And this is the Aoki Gahara forest in general.
00:18:00
Speaker
This seemingly serene forest at the foot of Mount Fuji has a tormented past. Colloquially known as Suicide Forest, Eyokigahara has had the world's second highest rate of suicides after the Golden Gate Bridge. For example, in 2010 alone, 247 people attempted to take their own lives there, and 54 of them were successful.
00:18:25
Speaker
Some blame this trend on the forest association with demons in Japanese mythology. Others point towards the density of the trees, which muffles sound and makes it easy to get lost. In fact, many hikers will mark their path with tape or string to make it easier to find their way back out again.
00:18:43
Speaker
The sprinkling of clothing and letters left throughout the labyrinthine woods give Aoki Gahara that extra touch that will leave you in a cold sweat. And by the way, if you are thinking about suicide trigger warning, there is a suicide prevention lifeline that you can call 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK.
00:19:03
Speaker
So, folks, those are some haunted and spooky forests. There are so many more, like I said, I'm just not gonna read them to you. um Go check out that article on Conde Nast Traveler. And if you've been to any of those places, won't you, dear listener, tell us about them? Won't you write us a message on social media, right? Or maybe leave a comment on the Spotify comment thing, or I don't know, just like talk to us about it, because we'd love to hear your stories, you know?
00:19:30
Speaker
You got any haunted woods in those Indiana's? Um, yeah, we absolutely do. I thought about talking about that specifically, but the one that I would think of right away is, um, and like, you know, there's always like a local legend or whatever. yeah of course Um, but, uh, in the, in Morgan Monroe state forest, which is adjacent to Hoosier national forest.
00:19:51
Speaker
And it's in Bloomington, Martinsville, that area in Indiana, just south of Indianapolis. That is where Step Cemetery is. Did we ever take you to Step Cemetery? No, I don't think so. You guys took me to that structure, that light house. The fire tower.
00:20:10
Speaker
yeah we Yeah, we had to have taken you to the cemetery, too, at some point, but I don't know. Maybe we didn't. Anyways, um Step Cemetery is in that forest. It's not far from the fire tower that you just mentioned, which is a really cool place to go. um But Step Cemetery is this cemetery just it's literally in the middle of fucking nowhere. And um you wouldn't you wouldn't know it was there if you didn't know how to get to it kind of thing, because like it's it's ah it's way off the side of the road in the middle of this dense forest. And if you don't know where it is, you're not going to find it.
00:20:40
Speaker
And I've been there many times, started going there my freshman year of college when I heard about the legends. And I've been there at all times of day. I've been there deep in the night. I've played Ouija board in the cemetery before, which was probably not a great idea.
00:20:55
Speaker
um And it's spooky as hell. And there's a bunch of stories about it. um What's interesting though is that when I was doing research for this episode, I i never knew the story of how the cemetery was um was also sort of like home to the sect of like really like random Christians called the Crabites, C-R-A-B-P-I-T-E-S. And they were devotees of this pastor, William Crabbe,
00:21:24
Speaker
um And he like just believed a lot of kooky stuff. And there's some there's some great news articles about how um like a funeral that they were doing, I forget what year this was, but it's a long time ago now, like a funeral that they were doing got interrupted because people were calling the the police on them. And like they wouldn't give up the body to the police because they said that they were gonna take the body to a special place where they would pray over her and she would come back to life.
00:21:51
Speaker
and so like the crabites had like just a lot of wild ideas and there's none of them left of course now but like apparently Steppe cemetery was like one of their like gathering areas for their rituals and then on top of that the the main story there is this tree stump Um, is apparently where like this woman, like they there used to be a house nearby and there was, she was waiting for her daughter to come back from prom. And and this is one of those like urban legends. Um, waiting for her daughter to come back from prom. She didn't come back. So she waited on the stump and like, she like died on that s stump at the same time or something, something like that. And so the legend is like her ghost haunts step cemetery. but but no So yeah, lots of little legends like that. There's a bunch more from like where I'm from too, but that's probably the one that sticks out the most.
00:22:38
Speaker
Yeah, where I went to college, we had the Ada Witch. Very similar kind of lore as like a Blair Witch type of thing. like um and there was Back in the woods, there was the like um not the facade, but like the what do you call like just like the bricks that made up like the house originally like the like like the frame kind of like the the yeah like the what you whatever you call like that that was the only thing that was left was like the stones that that used to be there but it's cut and like hollowed out almost. Yeah.
00:23:10
Speaker
Um, because like the wooden stuff at all like rushed away or collapsed or whatever, because so many people like tried to go visit this place and it just eventually crumbled in on itself. And so, um, there, it was this wood and there was a woman in white. It's always a woman in white, course yeah um, that people would see at certain times of the night. I want to say it was like,
00:23:32
Speaker
It was something weird. It was like you had to go there at like 11 46 or something. Like I i like it a very specific time. And and you know, yeah and of course, it's like rituals. You know, you take three steps forward, five steps back, all that stuff. So um who knows if it's actually true. But I do love those kind of little stories that we we ah we kind of pass along to yeah the the haunted, the haunted few that want to hear them. So.
00:24:01
Speaker
Yeah. And but it's always fun because like, it's yeah. And like those those specific things like, yeah, you have to go there at 11 46 at night and then you might see her. Like that's what draws you in. You know, like that's part of the mystique is like, Oh, I have to be there for this. And then I might experience it. And it it like primes your brain to get ready for it.
Dangers in the Woods: Animals and Plants
00:24:19
Speaker
Yeah, I love those kind of things. We should do an urban legend episode eventually. yeah All right, let's talk a little bit about what's dangerous in the woods. So these are the top five most dangerous animals you could encounter in the woods. First one is ah one that I think most people would think of would be on this list and that's bears.
00:24:43
Speaker
um There's not really like ah and a specific like tally for bear attacks in the US, but there were reports of about 44 people injured by grizzly bears since the um the ah Yellowstone National Park opened in 1979.
00:24:59
Speaker
and eight of them died, actually. um I do have a personal experience with bears. um My stepdad's niece, so I guess that would be my step-cousin, correct? I'm thinking right. She was actually a cross-country runner, and for people that don't know what cross-country is, it's track for people that don't have a budget. They just run in the woods.
00:25:24
Speaker
ah Um, that's a good way to put it. And so, uh, she was practicing. So she was running cause they live like right up back to a woods and in Northern Michigan. And then she, she was doing her practice and she was running through the woods and she encountered a black bear. Uh, not as crazy as a grizzly bear, but still pretty crazy. Um, and she was attacked.
00:25:44
Speaker
Um, she had some, some pretty nasty lacerations on her legs. she Um, thankfully she, you know, was able to get to the hospital and she's totally fine now just with some minor scarring. But, um, funniest thing about this is though, I, I knew this story and then I don't know if you, you're not much of a game show guy like I am, but like,
00:26:05
Speaker
I was watching, um, the new to tell the truth, which if you don't know to tell the truth, it's an old game that they revived with Anthony Anderson. okay Um, and it's three people go onto like a panel and then there are celebrity people that ask them questions. And then by the end you try to guess who's telling the truth. i say Okay. The other two people are lying and I'm watching the show and all of a sudden She's on there. like She's literally on there talking about the bear attack. And I call my mom and I'm like, why? Listen, my family is notorious for not good communication. let's just yeah So i'm I'm talking to my mom and I'm like, ah did you know that she was going to be on this show? And she's like, oh, yeah, it's no big deal. I'm like,
00:26:51
Speaker
she's on a show she's like she's like sixteen years old and she's on national television what are you talking about this is a huge deal but admit that that reminds me of a time that i asked my on my family text group about one of our cousins and my sister goes oh he died two years ago.
00:27:07
Speaker
Oh my God. And I was like, are you fucking, you fucking weirdo? Why didn't you tell me that? you like What's wrong with you? but You know, oh my God. People please. All right. Number four, most dangerous animal. Uh, probably another one that people would expect to be on the list. Venomous steak, uh, snakes.
00:27:25
Speaker
Um, between 7,000 and 8,000 people are bitten by venomous snakes in the U S every year. wow Um, thankfully only about five of them die because we do have good anti-venoms and treatments for them. Wow. Um, but that is seven to 8,000 people are bitten by by snakes. That is terrifying. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. That's one of my worst fears is this sounds so weird and don't make fun of me, but I'm terrified of snakes in the toilet. Oh, yeah. So no one would get bitten there and especially by a snake. I come on. Yeah. All right. Number three, one that people probably don't think about ah it being one of the most dangerous, but that is ticks.
00:28:12
Speaker
i mean this it does yeah The CDC ah reports some 30,000 cases of Lyme disease every year. um And the researchers estimate the number of cases is closer to 300,000. And that's all comes from the dangerous little tick. Have you ever had a tick on you? um Honestly, I don't really remember. I think I've had scares of ticks before. like I did Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts and like they do teach you in that like you know always look for ticks after you go hiking, and always like oh yeah know but look at look at your friend or whatever. and I've always been pretty good about like wearing a hat if I go hiking kind of thing. so I have not had one that I know of. um Thank God. Have you?
00:28:55
Speaker
No, and I'm actually kind of surprised because like we used to have like these fields in like our in our in our backwoods where there would be like tons of ferns that would just grow like we would either mold them down or we would just like let them grow or whatever and And we would go back there and golf back there and climb trees and run through the forest. I'm kind of surprised they never have gotten a tick. I've gotten a leech before though. Not awful. Jesus. Which those are very similar, not as deadly. But whenever I think of Lyme disease, I always think of that girl that was on the real world, Seattle.
00:29:35
Speaker
who had Lyme disease. Oh, yeah. And she had to leave because of it. And then she told that one guy that he was gay and then he slapped her in the car. Do you remember this whole thing? Kind of. Although it it takes us back to our last episode, doesn't it? I know. It it was like a huge deal at the time. But anyway. um And then number two are bees, hornets and wasps. This obviously is because of allergies. A lot of people are. Thomas J. Thomas J.
00:30:01
Speaker
A lot of people are allergic to bee stings, and so that's kind of why that happens. um They've killed about a thousand people since 2000, which is insane to me. I've only been stung by a bee once in my entire life, and it was kind of my fault. So I've been stung a few times. I'm not allergic. Thank God. So like if ah if I ever do get sick, I'm not like super worried about it. um But in general, I just find with bees, like if you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone, too. Kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:31
Speaker
um And then finally, what do you think the number one most deadly animal is in the forest? Raccoons. Oh, I could see that. They got those little thumbs. um No, it is deer.
00:30:46
Speaker
And that the reason why they are so deadly is because they run into the road. Yeah. And people hit them. This accounts are about 120 deaths every year. um Most of them, like I said, car crashes. I thankfully have never hit a deer. I've come very close a couple of times, um but I've never actually hit one. um I did. and I did unfortunately have to put a deer out of its misery one time. Jesus.
00:31:17
Speaker
Yeah, it jumped so basically what happened is it jumped into a fence like a like not not like a not like a fence like what you think like a chain-length fence, but almost like chicken wire type. Okay. Yeah, sure sure and it got stuck in there and it it was thrashing so badly that it broke its own neck and just yeah, it was not good. Oh Bambi. Oh my god Yeah. um And then do you want to talk a little bit about ah kind of what we talked about earlier is some deadly mushrooms that you should be aware of. um So obviously the one that everyone I think probably knows about is the death cap mushroom.
00:31:55
Speaker
um These are much more prevalent in Europe, um so be careful out there. oh no um Within 6 to 12 hours after consumption, ah violent abdominal pains, vomiting, and bloody diarrhea appear.
00:32:10
Speaker
causing rapid loss of fluid from the tissues and intense thirst.
Human Impact on Nature and Critique of Tourist Behavior
00:32:14
Speaker
Signs of severe involvement of the liver, kidneys, and central nervous system soon follow, including a decrease in urinary output and the lowering of blood sugar. um This is ah most notable deaths of the death cat mushroom include ah Pope Clement VII,
00:32:33
Speaker
who died of an accidental death cap poisoning in 1534 and the Roman Emperor Claudius, possibly Claudius in 54 CE. I just imagine like somebody probably just didn't like that Pope. Oh for sure. like they like yeah Here have some have some more pasta Pope. yeah Um, and then the other mushroom that I pulled, they, you know, obviously there are a lot of poisonous mushrooms. I just pulled the most, uh, the most, uh, death having. Uh, and that's the, I'm going to say connoissee Bay, um, Polaris, and maybe it pronounced that not, that's not bad. I would imagine, um, the onset of gastrointestinal symptoms often occurs six to 24 hours after the mushrooms were consumed.
00:33:21
Speaker
Can you imagine like you don't even know what's going on and it's 24 hours later? Oh, I wouldn't even know what to do because it presents like the stomach flu. So, you know, i I did consider um getting ready for this episode. I considered ordering myself the book How to Stay Alive in the Woods, which I had her like in the Blair Witch Project. Yeah, she never which never reads. Yeah, we'll talk about that. She even has it with her regards.
00:33:49
Speaker
Um, but like, uh, I've thought about that. Like, I mean, like, like the world is in a weird place. You never know what might happen in the in the very near future. I was like, God, there might be a, there might not be a bad book to have like just in case, you know, I will say, do you want to know what the most dangerous animal in the woods is? What is humans?
00:34:09
Speaker
We are the worst violators of the woods. I don't know if you saw recently um in, I want to say it's somewhere in Arizona, one of those state parks, some family was like throwing rocks off of a cliff, like like ruining like the cliffside basically and causing further erosion of those cliffs.
00:34:32
Speaker
um This is like what we we are going to lose a lot of these national parks because of just people not being or I'm sorry, but people being assholes. Like, yeah, I know that we've lost a lot of the dunes um along the kind of Michigan and Indiana Lakeshore because of people just treading on them, even though there are many signs saying clearly on the dunes, not to not hike on those dunes, clearly marked.
00:35:00
Speaker
um I know that a lot of our our weather systems are getting a lot worse, so we're going to lose a lot of those dunes as well. um Last time I was up in Traverse City, we couldn't even go to Sleeping Bear Dunes because the the dunes were so severely wrecked by a recent storm. So there's just a lot of, you know what people,
00:35:19
Speaker
we Listen, you got your house, you got your driveway, you got your garage, you got your car, you got your highways, you got your work. You don't need to interrupt nature also. So just treat it with a little bit of respect. you know i think at um you know like um i've i've I've been doing a bit of traveling lately and ah there's that there's there's a big like, um what's the word I'm looking for? there's There's a big amount of like elitism around like tourists use spots. Do you know what I mean? And like, I'm really not into that shit. Like if if you're somebody who's like, oh, that's just so touristy. I'm like, you know what? You're a tourist. Like literally all of us are tourists.
00:36:01
Speaker
And so like where where am I getting with this? What I'm trying to say is this. I don't think being a tourist is bad. I don't think like being too risky is bad. I don't think like going to the big things to see or doing the big things to do, that's not bad. It's it's actually fucking awesome that you're going to experience all those things. But like do it with respect.
00:36:18
Speaker
you know like if If you're gonna go to um you know to Yellowstone, like don't fuck around. like Yellowstone is a fucking like volcano, dude. like there you will die You will die if you're not careful. And like the number of people, like I've been there before, the number of people who don't don't stay on the path around the hot pools, do you just think it's hot water? like It's fucking like acid, you fucking weirdo. You're going to fucking die. Or like, you know, like, like what you just said, throwing rocks off the cliff for what? Like, were you taking a funny video? Like, is it really worth it on Instagram to fucking do that? I just think that people just can't stop themselves. It's like here at like the cliffs of mower, for example.
00:37:01
Speaker
beautiful formation. Like the first time you see it, you'll absolutely, you'll, you'll go gaga for it it. It'll knock you out how beautiful it is. There are signs everywhere telling you how dangerous it is because it's absolutely dangerous. The wind is incredibly strong. Do you think people care? They just, they hop right over that fence to get that big photo for Instagram. And I'm just, every time I'm like, you're a fucking idiot. Like you're going to fall off that cliff and someone's going to have to go rescue you. You know what I mean? I think, I think of that time that we were camping and we hiked um up into those cliffs in Wisconsin and devil lake Devils Lake. I can't remember exactly. I think this is when we were at Governor Dodge. oh yeah yeah um And the amount of people that would go out on those like cliffs that are clearly marked as like not safe and then I remember getting home and like looking it up and like it was something like 300 people had died by like getting too close to the edge and like falling over and I was like, Jesus Christ, people, it's not that it's not worth it. Your life is not worth 300 likes.
00:38:06
Speaker
yeah like Anything for the gram though, dude? Anything for the gram? Anything for TikTok? Well, listen, Andrew, we could talk about this literally all day because there are many more woods to explore, but we have other things to explore in this episode.
What We've Been Watching: Film Reviews
00:38:19
Speaker
You know what I mean? Yeah. So what what are we doing next? What's next? So let's take a quick break and be right back with what you've been watching, bitch.
00:38:30
Speaker
Let's all go to the lobby Let's all go to the lobby Let's all go to the lobby To get ourselves a treat All right, it's that time again. It's time for what you've been watching, bitch. What you've been watching, you forest-hiking bitch? This is the part of the show where we literally talk about what we've been watching. It's right in the title, You Should Know By Now. And Maddie, tell me what you've been watching, you little Irish bitch. Oh my God. um The first thing I've been watching, ah yeah, first thing I watched was ah The Lord of the Flies.
00:39:09
Speaker
Um, and this is the, the, the, uh, version from the nineties. Um, so I'd watch this in school yeah and I haven't, I haven't watched it in ages. And it was just one of those nights where you're just looking for stuff to watch. And I was on, and I think it was on criterion. I'm pretty sure I don't really remember.
00:39:26
Speaker
um And I was like, you know what? I haven't watched this in a long time Let's watch it now and I'll tell you I'm glad I did cuz that movie is fucking amazing. It's so fucking good and like the main reason why it's good is Somehow I forget who directed it now, but somehow they got those boys to fucking act their hearts out in that movie like it is it's so incredibly real. It's so incredibly real that there's never a moment watching it.
00:40:00
Speaker
where I don't think every one of those boys in this movie is absolutely invested in it. And I mean, I'm talking like they are boys. Like theyre none of them are even teenagers from from what you can tell. And like maybe the oldest one was like 12, I would say. And like how they're doing it in like, and like truly in the jungle, figuring this stuff out, they are fierce and they are awful to each other. The script is well done. It clicks along at a fast pace. The ending is just, oh my God, the ending is so heartbreaking.
00:40:30
Speaker
It is a wild movie. If you've never seen The Lord of the Flies, um which there's probably many of you that haven't, I highly recommend it. And if you if, you know, if like Andrew, you haven't watched since you were like maybe in school or whatever, also highly recommend it is just, it's a, it's a fascinating look at human behavior. And like I said, just how on earth they got these boys to to act so well, I don't understand. It's, it's, it's a fantastic movie. Highly recommend Lord of the Flies.
00:40:58
Speaker
Yeah, I remember being really obsessed with that book when I was a kid. That and um Where the Red Fern Grows were like my two favorite books. Yeah, sure. um Cool. um My first one is on Hulu. ah this I talked about the first season many years back. I think this was delayed because of the pandemic. pandemic, but it's a finally back. This is actually a BBC show, so you should be able to find it. OK, it is called Rec. The first season was all about this kid who um he gets himself hired onto a cruise ship under ah circumstances because his sister worked on that cruise ship previously and she went missing and is is feared dead. is feared dead
00:41:42
Speaker
Um, and it's all about him going on that ship to kind of figure out like what happened to his sister. Yeah. And the second season is all about kind of trying to take down the company that like ran the cruise ships. Okay. Um, and they now have like a ah new like wellness retreat out in the woods. Um, kind of like mid summary, you know what I mean? Like kind of like, uh, like health and wellness ret retreat. Sure. Yeah. And it's all about him infiltrating that with his new friends and trying to figure out like how to take down the the larger company at large. And this show, it's so it's so fun. Each season is only six episodes, so you can get through it pretty quick. um And there's a lot of queer representation. Our main character is a gay man with nice that that has that has gay kisses and has gay sex. And it's it's like
00:42:33
Speaker
ah that you know There's non-binary people, there's a transgender woman in the cast. So it's just like a very affirming show for like queer representation, but it's also like a pretty good mystery too. So I highly recommend Rec season two.
00:42:49
Speaker
Cool. ah My next one is called The Founder. um Andrew, have you seen The Founder before? No, I don't know what that is. So The Founder came out in 2016. It's from John Lee Hancock. It stars Michael Keaton and a bunch of other people like Nick Offerman is in this, BJ Novak. Who's the main woman in it? I forget. Patrick Wilson is in it.
00:43:11
Speaker
I mean, that it's a it's a cast of fucking stars anyways. um It is about Ray Kroc, who is the founder of McDonald's. um and So I just i I knew it had come out a long time ago and I just never watched it for whatever reason. um Another one of those things where I just didn't have anything to watch and was like, I'll just finally watch this, I guess it's on Netflix for me right now. And I think it's on Amazon, too. like you You can watch it in a number of different places. Anyways, it is the story of Ray Kroc. And Ray Kroc is just one of the most successful businessmen in American history, in global history, quite frankly. And what this movie does really well is I think it juggles the really, um it juggles the good and the bad about him. And there's there's equal parts on both sides. It juggles the visionary aspects of him that were um in in, not in opposition to, but like,
00:44:05
Speaker
the the visionary aspects of him that that wouldn't be possible with just without deite capitalism like that's just But like i really ah I knew a little bit about the story of McDonald's, but I didn't fully know it. And like of course, this tells one side, but like it's it was it's highly interesting. like Ray Kroc was a milkshake fucking machine salesman.
00:44:30
Speaker
And like he was doing okay, actually, he was doing pretty well. yeah He lived in Illinois. And one day he gets this big order from a company in California that he had never heard of before called McDonald's. And so he tells the secretary like, no, they have to be wrong. Like there's no way that they're ordering this many milkshake things because like no one had ever made an order that big before.
00:44:52
Speaker
So he calls the place and he's like, did you really do this? And they're like, actually, we think we need more. And so instantly he's like, I got to go fucking see this place not drives out to California, to San Bernardino. And he sees the very first McDonald's and he goes in and like they show him around and like they show him how they built this basically like that. No one had ever done this before. Like they they figured out a way to make things timely, to get them done right, to add that. Everything looked the same, tasted the same. The temperatures were right. This was right. Everything was just calibrated correctly.
00:45:22
Speaker
And these two brothers, the McDonald brothers, they figured it all out. That's just where their brains were. Ray Kroc saw it, and he just like instantly had the vision of like this is going to be in every single city in America, and I'm going to make it happen.
00:45:37
Speaker
And so it's the story of him and these two brothers and how they really didn't get along um and the story behind it and the story of how he founded a fucking empire around the world. It's it's it's an insane story of something that should have never happened and somehow it did. And so like if you're into business at all um or just like thinking about like how businesses really got started, this is one that you might really enjoy. I i really enjoyed it. I had a good time watching it. It taught me you know more about what that business was really like.
00:46:06
Speaker
And like I said, it's not like it's all rosy. It definitely showed you the dark side here too, but I really enjoyed it. The founder. Cool. Yeah. I, I did know a little bit about this story just because I, I kind of fell down ah a hole one day and was watching a lot of the show called the food that made us, you know, the show. I've heard of it. I've never watched it though. Yeah. It's on either. I can't remember if it's discovery or the history channel. One of the two.
00:46:31
Speaker
Um, and it literally like takes like, um, I don't know, like Dunkin Donuts versus Krispy Kreme or like, you know, McDonald's versus Burger King or like, and it kind of just like shows like the history of how how these things came to be. So I can see where that movie would be pretty fascinating. So yeah cool.
00:46:48
Speaker
I will look for that. That sounds interesting. um My next one is on Max as of last weekend. It is Ghostbusters Frozen Empire. This is the continuation of the Paul Rudd kind of in Flynn Wolfhard, I think is his name. OK, from Stranger Things.
00:47:06
Speaker
um And so the continuation of that story, they're back in New York City, they're back in the Ghostbusters Firehouse, and they're kind of like reinvigorating, you know, kind of what Ghostbusters is in New York City. um And, you know, it's, it's okay. I wasn't like, blown away by the movie, I think what I didn't like about the movie is it just takes a little too long to get into like what the main big bad of the movie's gonna be. Sure. um It's just, there's, listen, I don't think people are going into the fifth iteration of Ghostbusters, not knowing what Ghostbusters is. Yeah, like we know. You don't have to like over explain what Ghostbusters is every time, you know what I mean? Like we get it, you're busting ghosts. We get it. Don't be afraid of no ghost. Who are you going to call? We know what to do of already. like We've known. I think the movie is close to two hours and I don't few hours yeah and i don't think we get like our big bad until like the last 20 minutes. so would say Two hours is too long.
00:48:08
Speaker
So like i I liked it because it's nostalgic and Dan Aykroyd and you know, some of those guys are that Bill Murray and the the you know kind that's the other guy that's still alive is is yeah and they're all there and that they all are in it. And so that's fun and nostalgic and stuff. But like if I had to like grade it, I'd probably give it like a B minus, you know what I mean? like But I mean, to still watch it. It's Ghostbusters. You're going to have fun no matter what. And you get a lot of little marshmallow little guys that are fun. So cool.
00:48:38
Speaker
um My next one is a little precious movie called In a Violent Nature. um This is a shutter release. and I saw it in the theater. And I gotta tell you, it's a wild fucking movie.
00:48:56
Speaker
And it's already green lit number two. I know. Yeah. Have you seen it yet? This one? No, I, I, I decided on this one. I was just going to wait for it to go to shutter. So I'm kind of just fair enough to appear there. Um, ah the only, the only thing is that I saw it at Cine World and I was on a date and he very graciously bought the tickets. He's like, Oh, it's at Cine World. And I was like, Oh, fuck, I hate that theater. Um, because it's, it's got that theater is just, if if anyone on Cine World is listening to this somehow,
00:49:23
Speaker
your theater in Dublin is a disgrace. You need to fix it. It's very, very bad. Anyways, In a Violent Nature was not bad. um it's it is It's definitely lopsided this film. um And what I mean by that is that the script It is just it the script is just weird it's written very very strangely um it's a canadian movie um it's a bunch of people that i do not know any of them ride barrett andrea pavlovich cameron lane reese pressley leon leon charlotte kregan i don't know any of these people um it's directed by chris nash and um it is a movie that just really is pretty fucking wild it's in my opinion like
00:50:05
Speaker
This is like the new camp slasher. I mean like camping camp not like gaming. I mean that sounds like fun. Oh it's so much fun and like it's it's it's it plays out a bit like a video game and like it is it's basically all POV from like right behind the killer the entire time for the whole movie.
00:50:26
Speaker
And they just do a fantastic job of setting the scene, getting the atmosphere deadly correct, and like really doing some insane fucking kills. So this movie's got a little bit of everything you could possibly want in a camp slasher from like ah a curse to a killer to, um you know, sex to this thing to that thing. It is very fucking cool. I really enjoyed it. i you know I feel like people are really polarized about it. You either like this or you hate it, I would say. And I'm definitely in in the like. I just thought it was really clever, really well done. Like I said, the script definitely needs some work. So I hope for part two, they don't do the same things.
00:51:10
Speaker
um But damn, this movie is, it's fucking, it it'll take you on a trip, dude. It really will. So, in a violent nature. Yeah, I'm looking forward to watching it. um I mean, I get it. um The only thing that may might not work for me is, are there any characters to root for other than the killer? But, no you know, there are, yeah. Okay, so, um I mean like,
00:51:35
Speaker
I don't want to ruin anything. i i have You don't have to. I will watch it. I would say definitely there are for sure. Okay. Cool. All right. My last one, uh, I'm sorry. My last one, before we get onto the one that we share on the list, uh, is Abigail. Have you seen this yet? No, i've I've somebody was talking about this last night though, actually.
00:51:55
Speaker
It's currently on peacock for free. I know you can rent it other places, um but if you're in the US and you have peacock, you can watch it on there. um This is the story about a group of ah vigilantes that their plan is to steal a billionaire's child and then hold them for ransom, like basically to get like to get money from this idea. yeah and and And what they don't know is there's something very peculiar about their little person that they they stole. um This movie is by the same guys that did Ready or Not and the most recent screams. um So if you liked those, it's it's very similar in nature. It's got Dan Stevens. It's got um Barrera. What's her first name? Melissa Barrera. Melissa Barrera. Yeah.
00:52:43
Speaker
um It's got a bunch of people. You you recognize all these faces, including, unfortunately, um the one guy that was in Euphoria who tragically died. Oh, how sad. Oh, my God. But this is a crazy movie. And so I don't want to give anything away, especially if you don't know. Unfortunately, like, unfortunately, I think most people know by now what the twist is. But like, ah because the Internet's a wild and crazy place that no one cares about support or anything anymore.
00:53:12
Speaker
Um, but, uh, I loved it. I thought it was so much fun. Uh, a lot of twists and turns, a lot of like crazy gore and like, you know, these people, I'll tell you what, and this is not spoiling anything. These, at these directors, they love exploding people. and so god Jesus. So if you like that portion of ready or not, you're going to love but Abigail.
00:53:36
Speaker
Cool. um So, Andrew, let's talk about the one that we share on this list, which is Twisters. um This, of course, is the sequel to Twister, which came out in 1997, right? I'm pretty sure. I thought it was like 94. 94. It was in the 90s. It was in the mid to late 90s. Twister is like, I think for our generation that grew up in that time, just like an utter classic. Seminole movie. Seminole, like how can you not love Twister? like when i When I think of Twister, I put it right up in their caliber of like Jurassic Park. i like that Without a doubt. and but But instead of dinosaurs, it was tornadoes like for real. And like especially at that time, like the special effects were just unheard of at that time. And like I don't know, like the the cast was incredible. I mean, you not you've got Bill Paxton, you've got, oh, what's her name?
00:54:32
Speaker
but' her name heen heen holland hunt du helen phillips seymour hoffman love and And a bunch of other people like an incredible cast a fun movie a really great soundtrack and a ah Wonderful compelling story and like it's just it's a movie that you can't help but not love um And so for me going and going into twisters like I was very Very excited. I was hyped. oh Oh, my God. I was freaking out. I got got to the theater early to make sure I got the seat that I wanted. I watched Twisters like that that morning. a Twister just to get like ready for it again and like was was ready for like, you know, the movie that I wanted it to be. I think maybe for me, i maybe I just had too many expectations for it. I don't know. Like I liked Twisters. Don't get me wrong. But there are some things that I was like,
00:55:21
Speaker
Really? Like you're not going to say at the end of the movie in memory of Bill Paxton, for example, you're not going to have Helen Hunt in the movie. You're not going to have some minor spoilers ahead for Twisters. Well, yeah, i fair enough. But hopefully they've seen it by now. Anyways, we' we've said it now. But like, you know what I mean? I just I just felt a little bit like that's weird. I think there was no harkening at all to the first one.
00:55:48
Speaker
And i that disconnection, I gotta tell you, it just didn't work for me. And it's not like I wanted it to be like, oh, these are their kids or something or you know something wild like that. But like they even have like Dorothy in the back of the truck, right? like They didn't talk about that at all. And I just, I don't know. I just thought that was kind of bizarre. How did you feel about it?
00:56:09
Speaker
So listen, for the most part, I really liked the movie, yeah like the the action sequences and the special effects. Come on. Great. and and And everyone in it does a great job, like for the most part. Yeah. Like, ah listen, I'm starting to feel like a little bit Glenn Powell out, but I'm not there yet. So fair now let let's ride this train a little bit longer. um But he's just like literally in everything now. It's so strange. Like, yeah.
00:56:37
Speaker
um But um for the most part, I really liked it. um I thought the opening sequence, I was like, whoa, what the fuck just happened to me? Yeah, like yeah it was crazy. um What I don't think works is I don't love that it's like one long country music music video. like Yeah.
00:56:56
Speaker
Like that's like the the first movie you actually had like an incredible score and like had like these like little music notes when you knew like a tornado was coming or like yeah you we're going to be in danger. And like that's like what made it atmospheric. And in this movie, they just kind of replaced it with just like random country music. And I was like, read I don't get this. Like, what is this? Like, i I get that. I get we're in Oklahoma, but like it's not just all just or maybe it is just country music 24 seven. I don't know. Yeah, but but I mean it's really not like I mean like it's it's like go back to the first twister like like there's country music on there and you know who else is on there fucking Tori Amos is on that yeah, yeah, mean which was of the time and I think like they just were trying to like appeal like to that really heavy Americana audience
00:57:43
Speaker
And i just didn't get that i just i was like that is kinda silly i also just sort of like i. I am i'm a little bit tired of tv shows and movies doing this they they essentially become ah vessels for like big money in music.
00:58:00
Speaker
And so the soundtracks become canned after a while. And so what you just said there makes perfect sense to me. It's like it's like a nonstop country music video. It's like, okay, we get it. Like enough with the songs. Like you just said there, bring back the score, man. yeah We don't constantly need a fucking song.
00:58:17
Speaker
And then the only other thing I will say about it that I was like severely disappointed and you kind of alluded to it and you know that like I said that minor spoilers for for a movie about twisters but ah that Helen Hunt makes no appearance yeah like it's even very strange because like we get like this like.
00:58:35
Speaker
Like this really eerie like thing about her like being on the phone with her mom and then like telling like people oh we can have barbecue at my mom's place afterwards like there's this bill there's this big build up like who is her mom and then like.
00:58:50
Speaker
She even like comes out from the shadows in the house like during the totally yeah during the part. So you're like expecting, oh, this is going to be Helen Hunt. And then it's not. And it's, you know, it's a great actress that I really like an actress from our. But like, what are we doing? Like, well, it's it's her from our not doing a great job, if I'm being honest, like she she is a weak link in this movie.
00:59:13
Speaker
But I just like don't understand like why they built all that up just to not not do it. I don't. get it does It doesn't make any sense. and i And I and once again, like I'm sorry if it's a spoiler, folks, but like there is no call out to Bill Paxton in this movie at all. And like he's he is ah he and Helen Hunt. They are the heroes of Twister.
00:59:34
Speaker
And I just I think it is absolutely bizarre knowing that the genuine cult love that people have for Twister, that they didn't put anything in for him or frankly, for Philip Seymour Hoffman. I thought that was far weird, very weird, literally or literally. anybody from the cast. It's a huge cast. Like, yeah, like why didn't like, why wasn't like Helen Hunt her boss or something at the, at the, ah the, the weather channel or whatever she works at at the beginning or like at the end when she like, you know, they have that huge moment where they, you know, the big thing happens. Why didn't Helen Hunt come in and be like, congratulations, welcome to the team or you know like something just something. The only thing is that Bill Paxton's real son is in the movie, James Paxton.
01:00:19
Speaker
And still I forget even what role he plays, but it's really small. And like he's he it's he's not like a big like feature role in this. And like that's nice to know, but still it doesn't do the call out that I think fans like you and me really wanted to have that connection to it. And I just i thought that was a missed opportunity. So You know, like obviously it was fun. you know it's You had a good time. I had a good time watching it. i just Listen, it made even better that's all it made a buttload of money, especially for a movie in these times. um So maybe they have plans for that for the next one. I don't know, but it just felt like if you're going to make this movie, you kind of have to connect it to the other one. I don't know. It's the most opportunity.
01:01:02
Speaker
And listen, there could have been a great story with with like what's once again, it's their kids, right? Helen Hunt is the mom. Bill Paxton died in some like storm or something like that. Or if you don't want to do that, then like maybe these these researching young people at this university, they like really look up to this team of storm chasers. Were they based their research on their stuff? or like I don't know. Could have been it could have been it could have been literally anything. But clearly you can see that we are fans, people. um So we're we're going to love it in a very different way. But Twisters is in the theater. I think both you and I would recommend that people see it on a big screen if you can. Don't I want to go see it in 40 X now. Yeah. And I would love to see that the drive in to like just for
In-Depth: The Blair Witch Project
01:01:47
Speaker
fun. They are scary to me. Yeah, it is, though.
01:01:50
Speaker
So, Andrew, that is ah another great edition of what you've been watching, bitch. And you, my friend, in addition to Twisters that we both just talked about, brought us Wreck Season 2. You can get that on Hulu. ah Ghostbusters Frozen Empire. You watched that on Max and Abigail, which you watched on Peacock.
01:02:09
Speaker
And Maddie brought us Lord of the Flies on the Criterion Collection, the founder currently on Netflix and In a Violent Nature, which I think is coming to shutter soon. It will. It still is in the atas. So that does it for what you've been watching, bitch. We'll be right back with our first movie of the episode, The Blair Witch Project. This is my home, which I am leaving the comforts of for the weekend to explore the Blair Witch.
01:02:43
Speaker
I can see you. I'm really excited about this. Thank you for the opportunity. I'm very glad. This area's been haunted by that old woman from here. I don't know why you have to have a re-conversation on video. Because we're making a documentary. Not about us getting lost. We're making a documentary about a witch. I know. We're lost. Admit that first. I know we're not lost. It's all over the place. Well, how do we know it was people? Well, even if it wasn't, I'm not going to play with that either.
01:03:10
Speaker
And it's not because of me that we're here now. Hungry. And cold. And hunted. I did just want to apologize to Mike's mom and Josh's mom and my mom. Tell me where you are, Josh!
01:03:33
Speaker
Pause.
01:03:39
Speaker
Some people have seen her and she was covered in horse hair ah according to Mary from Burkett'sville. And we're talking of course about the Blair Witch motherfucker. So Andrew, tell us all about the classic The Blair Witch Project.
01:03:53
Speaker
The scariest movie of all time is a true story. In October of 1994, three student filmmakers disappeared in the woods near Birketsville, Maryland while shooting documentary. A year later, their footage was found. Directed by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez, written by Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sanchez, and Heather Donahue.
01:04:18
Speaker
ah Production and distribution were handled by Haxson Films and art Artisan Entertainment. Heather is played by Heather Donahue, Josh is played by Joshua Leonard, and Mike is played by Michael C. Williams. This is rated R. It comes in at 81 minutes. Can't we get back to that, people? Yes, please. It was it was ah filmed in and around Seneca Creek State Park in Gathersburg, Maryland.
01:04:44
Speaker
Uh, it was released on July 14th of 1999 and the budget was around 500,000. Yeah. Just really quick on that. Like there's, there's a lot of like differing ideas on what the budget actually was. I just want to talk about this for just a second.
01:05:00
Speaker
The actual shooting of the movie only took about $35,000. But when you, when you got to the post production and everything else, then the budget went up to they, and no one knows for sure between 200 and 500,000. So I just went with the high end. So if I will, and probably the viral marketing campaign too. exactly So, yeah um, but this, this little film, this one hour and 21 minute film brought in 249 million dollars in 1999. It is insane the most successful independent film of all time.
01:05:36
Speaker
Yeah. Crazy. Um, so Maddie, tell me, have you seen, i I know, I know you have, but just tell me, have you seen the Blair Witch Project before? I have, I have indeed. Um, the Blair Witch Project for people of our generation is just a seminal moment in movie history because it was the first one to really have a viral marketing campaign before we really even knew what that was. You know,
01:06:04
Speaker
It was still like the beginning of the internet really. like Completely. And that's why like, you know, I think back on this and I was a young person. I i wasn't even 18 yet for God's sake. but I think I was still maybe 16 when this came out or maybe 17. No, I would have been 16 when this came out. So I was still young.
01:06:22
Speaker
and like very impressionable, obviously. And I don't even remember how like it got to me. I think it was because um the trailer for it, they very, very wisely played that trailer before the Phantom Menace. And that would have been the new Star Wars. but That was like Star Wars Episode I or whatever.
01:06:42
Speaker
so like obviously all of us were going to see Star Wars and we all saw that trailer and we were all like holy shit what's going on and like the trailer was like it was huge like we really thought it was real and then the website was suddenly there Blairwitch.com and like and you know I got really into that I didn't even have a computer at home yet like I was looking at it at it at at school and like the website back then it looked like a real investigation website like like we didn't know the difference then which i know probably so stupid like young people now but like no i'll talk about it too go ahead we really did not understand that like oh this is this is real and so i thought this was actually real truly thought it was real and um i saw it in the theater like i think the day it came out.
01:07:31
Speaker
I went to go see it with my friends. I was not super versed in horror movies then. I just knew that I you know liked to seeing them with my with my friends basically and i had a good time. And so like i I do remember like getting into an argument with one of my friends, Jeremy, which is such a funny name for North East Indiana.
01:07:47
Speaker
um And like he was like, it's not real. I was like, yes, it is. It's absolutely real. And like we had like an actual fight about this like back in the day. And so I think like I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder that like I was hoping like this movie was going to prove that it was real. And so when I when i watched it and I was like, well, it's clearly not real. um I was like, oh, fuck, no, I'm the wrong one. think Do you know what I mean? And so I think for a little while when I was young, I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder about the movie and I didn't like it.
01:08:15
Speaker
And like over the years, I've watched it, I've seen it may many, many times. I'm sure you have too. The more that I have watched it over the years and now that I'm i'm no longer a 16-year-old, I am now almost 42, I love this movie. I actually like i adore this movie now. And I just think that these three people and we know whatever crew they had on hand created something so incredibly special and understated and really fucking cool. And it's just wild that they had the i idea in the first place. And it's wild that they executed it so damn near perfectly and that it just worked. And I think like, you know, God has came out in 99. It's, you know, it's 25 years ago now that this came out um actually last last month, right? So it's 25 years. It's app that we're doing this right now.
01:09:08
Speaker
And in 25 years, this movie has continued to evolve and mature. And you know what? It still rocks. It's still good. it's not It's not like other movies where like it doesn't last or it's it's suddenly like cheesy or whatever. For me, it's still it still clicks. It still gets me a little scared. It still gets me thinking about the woods. um It makes me want to like it makes you want to go back in time to when I was that kid thinking it was real and like have fun with that kid about it. you know And I think the cast is fantastic. I think the directors did a great job. I could go on and on. In fact, we will, because it's our podcast. Generally, that's how I felt about it. And this time around, this time around, I just really tried to focus more on the relationships among the three of them um when I was watching it. And I was trying to like, I was trying to, to really be mindful of like,
01:10:01
Speaker
what they were setting up in the very beginnings of the story. like I was really interested in like Heather, of course, because she set so much of the tone. like Was she overdoing it at any point with Josh or Mike? Was she giving it away too much? And like the answer is no for me. like she She keeps her cool. They don't do a thing that we would say in acting, which is playing the end.
01:10:24
Speaker
which is, you know, basically giving it all away before the the audience has a chance to actually just like discover the story. It's like if you see Romeo and Juliet, it kind of sucks if like Romeo knows the whole time that Juliet's gonna kill herself. You know what I mean? like it's It's not gonna be good. You want to discover that with him.
01:10:42
Speaker
And I think watching this again for the umpteenth time, it was fun yet again. Not fun, but I think you know what I mean here. It was fun to discover this whole story yet again with this trio that we have. Beyond that too, I think all the towns people that they talked to and like the official town. We'll talk all about that. Oh my God, just so good. And you know, there's lots of stories out there because I don't know exactly how it was all done, but like a lot of that was on the fly. Like they wouldn't talk to people and it was just like, they just fucking did it. Like no script needed. And some of it was real. absolutely incredible how they got that footage. So Blair Witch Project continues to be a seminal part of horror movie history. It's a fantastic story. So well done. We could go on and on and we will. But Andrew, give us your take first.
01:11:30
Speaker
Yeah, so listen, I too was a young child when this movie came out. ah My grandma took me to go see it, but you were probably 14 for this. Yeah, that sounds about right. Thirteen, 14. And I was ride or die that this was real. I were the same girl. This was real because Well, it it not only the movie, but the marketing campaign with the missing posters and like all this stuff. And then on top of it, they show on Syfy channel, the curse of the Blair Witch and that, which is a documentary all about the actual like, you know, Ruston Parr and like the the the the the Coffin Rock and like all that stuff. So I went into this movie heading having already seen that documentary. So in my little brain,
01:12:22
Speaker
This was real, like this was real, this was scary, and until, this is so stupid, but i was I had many arguments that this was real, and then I'm watching a little a little thing called the MTV Movie Awards, and who walks out on stage for the first time since this movie comes out?
01:12:44
Speaker
is our three, Heather, Josh and Mike, they come out to accept the award or I think they were there to present an award or something for the MTV Movie Awards. And I was gabbed. I was yeah like, were you devastated? I was. ah Yeah.
01:13:01
Speaker
um Listen, I have a lot of fun with this movie. I love that they just fucking made this up. They made up this lore that like could last ah like forever. like it's it's this the the The whole writing of this movie, I mean, you can say what you want about the acting and you know some of the choices that they they kind of do when they get into their manic stages. but when you think about just like the imagination of like putting this all together and making up all those stories about Coffin Rock, about Rustin Parr, about like, um you know, just like even feeding people the lines in the beginning of the movie to make them tell you a story is just like, it's incredible. Like, yeah I don't know, like, I feel like this is like,
01:13:47
Speaker
I don't want to say one of the last, but like one of the last like original ideas, I don't know, like taking yeah towns taking a town's urban legend. but that you made up and like doing this, I think it's pretty cool. um well And and like like you said, doing that before the real age of the internet. like right There wasn't YouTube then, you know what I mean? like That wasn't a thing yet. And even if it was, it wasn't it was nowhere near what it is now where you can get a video on anything.
01:14:18
Speaker
so that they managed to create that in such a way. It just blows my mind. And I'm sorry, but when you first see this movie, especially if you're lucky enough to see it in the theaters, and you heard those branch snaps and those voices and everything in the middle of the night, and you are not freaking out, you are not a person. I don't know what to tell you. Totally agree.
01:14:40
Speaker
um Yeah, so like those sequences, they still creep me out, especially now that we have like more HD versions of this movie with better sound and like more sa surround sound. It's even more eerie. um And then you think about how this was made, which was like, it was kind of just an outline and they kind of just like went with it.
01:15:03
Speaker
It's kind of insane when you think about how you make movies. And so like I give this movie a lot of credit. um I do think that there are some parts that are not like as ah effective as others, and we can talk about it. Of course. But overall, I think that this one still holds up. And you know what? I'm going to say it. I even like the sequels. I know you don't, but I do. Not a huge fan of it. Yeah. But I mean, like, look, i i I guess the reason why I'm not a big fan of the sequels is I just think they just they they lose the mystique too quickly. And like listen, i I don't know if you remember this and we can talk about it very briefly and then we'll go back. Yeah. But there was a feature on Blair Witch to the Book of Shadows that was called The Secret of S River. And if you had the VHS tape,
01:15:50
Speaker
You watched until after the credits and there was this whole thing about like there is a secret message embedded in this movie and you have to go back and find it. Oh, my God. And I was um obsessed with finding the secret of that is cool.
01:16:05
Speaker
And so and go and do a little like research into that. It's pretty fun. I think it will make you like that movie more. But anyway, no one but one one of the interesting things about talking about this now, too, was that it is 25 years later. And i i think it would be I think we would be remiss if we didn't talk about like the current controversy with it right now. yeah um And so i I did go to Variety and I got what I think is probably the best article about this. So i'll just I'll give people the highlights here in case they don't know about it. um And i I won't read the slope. I'm going to go through it kind of quickly. But um after this got screened at Sundance in 1989, Artisan acquired the film.
01:16:43
Speaker
and they put together a distribution strategy. It was created by Steven Rothenberg. And the film's trailer was leaked on the website Ain't It Cool News, which was a big thing back then, um on that right April 2nd, 1999. The film was screened at 40 colleges in the US s to build word of mouth, very smart idea. And then a third, like I mentioned earlier, 42nd trailer was shown before Star Wars, episode one, The Phantom Menace in June.
01:17:11
Speaker
So in 2024, Donahue, Leonard, and Williams told Variety that they were never paid for their work. Let's think back to how much money this made. $249 million, dollars they never got paid.
01:17:29
Speaker
um In 2000, they sued and eventually received a small settlement. The terms of the settlement prohibited Artisan and Lionsgate from profiting on the actor's likenesses, but according to to them, the studio still has a license to use it. In the summer of 99, Heather Donahue, Michael C. Williams, and Joshua Leonard were trapped in a strange sort of limbo. The Blair Witch Project,
01:17:53
Speaker
which was of course their debut feature, had exploded out of the Sundance Film Festival that January to become one of the most influential horror movies of the past 25 years, and with a $35,000 budget, one of the most profitable indie films ever made. And yet Donahue was still puttering to her temp job in a 1984 Toyota Celica, before it broke down right underneath a billboard with her face on it.
01:18:20
Speaker
Williams's boss kept asking him why he was still moving furniture in Westchester, New York when he was on the cover of Newsweek. And Leonard found himself serving food to his agent at a catering gig days before he appeared on The Tonight Show.
01:18:37
Speaker
Writer-directors Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez had trained the actors all in their early 20s to operate the cameras and sound equipment and then drop them off into the woods with a series of story prompts from which they improvised the entire film, but they couldn't talk about it.
01:18:52
Speaker
Instead, the actors spent months laying low to preserve the fabricated conceit that the movie consists of footage shot by student filmmakers before they disappear without a trace into the Maryland woods. Artisan Entertainment, which acquired the film at Sundance for $1.1 million, took maintaining that illusion so seriously that the actors were barred from appearing at its Cannes Film Festival in May. Donahue had hired a publicist who was then prohibited from booking interviews, and after Leonard was cast in an independent film, he was admonished. He wasn't supposed to reveal that he was an actor, let alone that he was alive. For months, the three endured these indignities because they thought that, given how much they'd contributed to the movie's success, the Blair Witch windfall would eventually arrive. Instead, to commemorate the film breaking 100 million at the domestic box office, artisans sent each actor a fruit basket.
01:19:44
Speaker
ah That was when it became clear that, wow, we were not going to get anything, Donahue said. We were being cut out of something that we were intimately involved with creating. Is that not just fucking wild? That's insane. it i mean None of this would be possible without them and they didn't get anything. and it was i just I had to bring it up because like I said, it's 25 years later. they're They're really trying to get this out in the zeitgeist talking about it and I think that we should too.
01:20:10
Speaker
Yeah, well, it's and it's another thing, too, is like none of these actors because of what they had to do for the Blair Witch really got their flowers like as far as like ah as far as like a career, even like I know Heather Donohue did a couple of other things, but like never really became the star that she maybe could have agreed for this project. So there is some controversy. Listen, is it going to stop me from enjoying it?
01:20:35
Speaker
No, of course not. But I do feel bad for those actors um that that sucks. um Everyone should. but Everyone that that's so stupid, like just pay them. Like that's so dumb. I mean, especially now, just like because they're all so rich in that in that company. Like just give each of them fucking like 50 million bucks. Like I'm serious. It's like give them a bunch of money so that they can go live a happy life and like in gratitude for this amazing gift that they gave us. Like I'm so grateful that they did it. My God.
01:21:05
Speaker
Now I want to talk a little bit about some of the the points of the movie. Yes. The beginning is my favorite. Yeah. I love when they're going around the town and they're asking people, you know, do you know the Blair Witch? Especially, you know, we get kind of like to stand out characters, in my opinion. Obviously, we get Mary Brown. That is going without saying I wish. The part where she pulls up to Mary Brown's trailer and Heather goes, and this is Mary Brown's gate. I don't know how to open this to her telling the story about the hairy woman. I do know a little bit about that woman is that she made a lot of that up on the spot, which is insane. And then the other person that is really stand out to me is the, you know, like kind of like I would say like
01:21:58
Speaker
yeah What is she like suburban? like Yeah, she's probably like 35 and like she's so good like a newer mom and she has her son or daughter with with them and She tells the story. But what's so funny is that the little kid is like no, no, no, no, no, no, don't talk about it which is like had to have been an improvised moment, but it's just so brilliant with like a little kid and not wanting to be scared. And like, I don't know, there's just something very charming about the beginning of this movie. um And then, you know, obviously we have our night moments, which I think are all pretty scary, um especially as things escalate and you start to hear voices of like children and stuff, which is for it pretty freaky.
01:22:40
Speaker
Yeah, um I like all the hits that they do to like, you know talking about coffin rock and all those like little stories um What I do what I think that like maybe this movie Gets people a little bit sometimes is like obviously it's filmed very amateurly because it's that's like that that's the scope of like what we're working with it's supposed to be footage and so some people I think get a little turned off by that and And then you know there are some parts where like especially not I'm not calling anybody out here, but like especially Mike, he gets a little like over the top some of the time. like When he's rocking back and forth, I'm like, okay, Mike, like you've been out here for four days. like we're not We're not out here for a year. So I do think that there are parts like that that maybe our go a little bit too far.
01:23:28
Speaker
um But overall, i i and i didn't there was one thing that happened this time that I had never saw ah like kind of put two and two together before is when they're doing the opening slate um in in the graveyard. And um Josh is like, we should all prick our fingers and put our blood on it. yeah's like ah He's like a little bloodletting on the slate. And it's it's a blink and you'll miss it moment. But Heather goes, no, let's save that for later.
01:23:55
Speaker
And I was like, oh, that's kind of creepy considering what happens to them later in the movie. um So there are like little moments like that that if you watch this movie enough times, you kind of pick up on. I will say um every time I watch this movie, I am like, I want to get like up to the screen as close as I can get because I am convinced I'm going to see something. I'm convinced I'm going to like catch like a little foot or like a little face or something. I never do, but it never stops me from wanting to. so i think I think it's really interesting. It's like the the movie stays alive for you Yeah, and I and I think for a lot of fans out there I mean I i i've I've never thought of it that way, but I suppose I kind of do the same thing It's it's like you're watching the whole screen Waiting to see what you've missed before even though you've watched it. i mean
01:24:41
Speaker
I don't know you and I have probably watched it you probably watched it way more than I have but I've watched it at least 15 20 times I would say yeah and you know there there is that that almost that hope in you that you're going to see something else and like that's that's the fun the fun of this is like you you get to go on this adventure with them you get to go on this trip with them and And like, you know, yeah, like you just said, it's like, yeah, you've only been in the the woods for four days, dude. like Like, you know, you got to calm down. You do have water right there, by the way, and you can probably find some food if you really needed to. But like the reality is that most of us would freak out if you're that lost and you don't have any processed food or things that are ready to go. And you are thinking about your girlfriend or your boyfriend or your job or whatever. And like you, like yeah after a while, you're like, how on earth have we not found this car yet?
01:25:32
Speaker
You know, like that how that is it actually possible? That is the other thing about like that. I do like about the movie is that it's two men and one woman. And there is nothing sexual about nothing. There's like it's it's not even like mentioned at all, yeah which I really appreciate. So I totally appreciate that. I think, you know, what the three of them managed to do is they managed to keep a really tight, cohesive, like, I don't know, like, like look on everything around them and like they they never once break it.
01:26:02
Speaker
and Like you said, like maybe Mike goes a little bit over the top here and there, but I don't think like wildly so. And like I think that the paranoia that they have for each other and for the woods simultaneously is just so well done. And the way that they balance trust out and the way that they kind of also ebb and flow with that, like they they they come back together.
01:26:23
Speaker
And they kinda drift apart and they come back to together again and it's like a real group of friends. um And in this they're not even, they they had just met each other too. And like somehow they even managed to get that across. Like they know each other but they don't know each other super intimately well. But by the end of this, well you know before God knows what happened,
01:26:43
Speaker
um you know yeah it's it They certainly do know each other very, very well. um it's just it's It's a really incredible exercise in playing with human dynamics. I think it's super interesting how they do it, and they just do a really fantastic job. I think Heather, by far, for me, is probably just like bang on the best. Yeah, the stand out for sure. and she I think she has more work to do than anybody, too, and she does it really well.
01:27:11
Speaker
I think she could have easily gone into hysteria even with like the sort of like um uh like like take it on like I have to be the captain kind of role that she had she could have played this in a really different way and she chose to play it the smart way and I think that's really admirable um I think Josh is really fantastic too he plays sort of like the like hippie, down-to-earth dude. that likes very like Very earnest performance. Yeah, very earnest. He just does it so, so well. And I think that Mike does too. yeah and yeah you've You've got these three very different personalities coming together to make this thing happen. And it's three personalities that really work together. They're all so different. um And you know without without any of the others, that three-legged stool might fall. But because they're all there together, I think it just it just hits right on. It really does. Yeah.
01:28:00
Speaker
And I would be remiss to say, brilliantly parried parodied in Scary Movie by Sherry Oteri. Yes, of course. And then also, maybe not as brilliantly, but I have to bring it up because I bought this movie. yeah um I don't know if you know about this whole series, but I i bought a movie called The Blair Thumb.
01:28:19
Speaker
What is this? it's It's a it's a recreation of the Blair Witch Project, but on thumbs. So I'm sure that is wow. andrew But there was like a series of these movies. There was like Frank and Thumb. There was a Titanic one like there was like this guy just did all these movies with like googly eyes on thumbs and it's hilarious. Oh my God. Oh my God.
01:28:43
Speaker
But anyway, um yeah, so Maddie, what do you give the Blair Witch Project out of seven stripes for the seven stripes of the gay old rainbow? I give it a six. And I think that the more I've watched it over the years, the more I've really come to adore it. I'm a huge fan now. And I only wish the owners of the franchise had stopped after the first entry. ah Groundbreaking filmmaking and a deda and a dedication from the cast to make something really incredible.
01:29:08
Speaker
Yeah, I gave it a five and a half and I said, I mean, to find a whole genre as far as like phone footage goes, uh, and the Laura's something I could totally get swept up in. Um, the loose script and sometimes overacting is the only negative that I'll kind of give this little, little film. Cool. Well, that does it for the Blair Witch Project. Hold your hats and we'll be right back with the next film in our episode, the forest.
01:29:37
Speaker
My sister, Jess, and I, we're identical twins.
Critique: The Forest Film
01:29:43
Speaker
When something happens to one of us, the other one can tell. It's hard to explain, but I can just feel it. Your sister went into the forest. It's where lost people go to commit suicide. She's in trouble and she needs me.
01:30:03
Speaker
I'm looking for my sister. She came here and disappeared.
01:30:10
Speaker
The forest is dangerous. People sometimes see things if you see anything that is not there. Yes! At night, people see bad things. I'm sorry. It's in your head. I'm sorry. It's in your head.
01:30:34
Speaker
um
01:30:46
Speaker
Do you have early childhood trauma that you haven't dealt with? Well, maybe the forest is for you. Maddie, tell us all about the forest. Everyone comes here looking for a way out. Set in the Aoki Gahara Forest, a real life place in Japan where people go to end their lives. Against this backdrop, a young American woman comes in search of her twin sister who has mysteriously disappeared.
01:31:12
Speaker
The Forest was directed by Jason Zata, or maybe Zeta, written by Ben Katai, Nick Antoska, and Sarah Cornwell, produced by Lava Bear Films, distributed by Focus ah Features. ah Sarah and Jess, played by Natalie Dormer, their twin sisters. ah Rob, played by Owen Macon. Aidan, played by Taylor Kinney, and Michi, played by Yuki Yoshiozawa. There are other people, but those are the four main people that you need to worry about.
01:31:39
Speaker
ah The film was rated R. It's 97 minutes. It's a product of USA, Germany, and Canada. Released January 8th of 2016. It's filmed in Serbia, Japan, and the UK. Wild. ah The budget ah was a staggering $10 million dollars um and it made $39 million. dollars so Andrew, this was a first watch for me. um I think it was for you too. um Tell me what you thought.
01:32:06
Speaker
So I actually did see this once before, but I didn't remember literally anything about it except for like the, except for like the main, you know, we're going to the woods, you know what I mean? Like yeah sure the kind of a thing. Um, and so it was like watching it new again. Um, listen, I I think this movie looks really good. and I'll say that, like okay yeah the actual like filming of it looks good. um And I think the actors do what they can with what they have, if I'm if i'm saying anything. um you know I think especially you know Natalie Dormer is asked to do a lot in this movie. um I don't think she's always successful, unfortunately. Yeah.
01:32:49
Speaker
Um, listen, I don't have a lot. I don't have a lot of good things to say about this movie just because like I just I i don't know like what ah we'll get into it. I don't know what the filmmakers are trying to say here if I'm being if I'm being honest yeah with this whole movie. um But listen.
01:33:06
Speaker
I think it's got some good little spooky moments. I think that one little a Japanese schoolgirl who shows up every couple times is real creepy. um And I think that we do get some good, some pretty good decent jump scares in the movie.
01:33:21
Speaker
But overall, narratively, I just don't know what this is. Like, I don't know like what we're supposed to get away, like what we're supposed to get from the meaning of this movie. So that's kind of where I'm at to begin with. We can get into details, but I want to get your your your kind of like thoughts on it as well. so Yeah. What do you think? I think I think I think we're pretty similar in this. I think um it's it's the first time for me watching it. I didn't know really anything about this movie. um I did. i yeah I did not know that Natalie Dormer was in the movie, for example.
01:33:49
Speaker
And um it just like it just doesn't work really well, does it? And ah it's it's a movie where you just...
01:34:01
Speaker
You just don't care about the people, I'll be honest. Like, I think you said it right. We'll just start with Natalie Dormer, right? Natalie Dormer is is an accomplished actress. is There's a lot to do. And um i when I saw her, I was honestly surprised. I quite like Natalie Dormer. I really loved her in ah Game of Thrones, for example.
01:34:20
Speaker
And she's been good in other films and stuff that I've seen. She's been in a lot of really good stuff. um So I was actually really disappointed with her performance in this. And the performance is just, it's just weird. I don't know how else to say it. Like from the very beginning when she starts talking, it is clear she doesn't know what she's doing.
01:34:42
Speaker
And it's very clunky. Yeah, I don't think that's necessarily her fault here. like Yeah, actors have a job to do. they They need to make sense of a story for us on screen. They need to play the story out as it's happening. They are not the storyteller, though. The storyteller is a director. And like I think the director had no idea what they were doing with this. And I don't know Jason Zeta. I don't know if you've seen other movies by him.
01:35:06
Speaker
he doesn't he hasn't done a lot i'm looking on letterbox right now he only has three other films and i have never heard of any of them one is a concert film about 21 pilots one is called take this lollipop doesn't sound so maybe this director was the wrong choice for a movie like this i don't know but all i do know is that is is what i can watch what i can observe and from the very first lines that natalie dormer speaks they're just awkward like they literally just sound awkward like she doesn't know what she's really supposed to say here or like maybe they should have done another take on that or i don't know but but the word you use clunky is is certainly correct it just feels like
01:35:47
Speaker
People are moving boxes around, but they don't know how to store them. Really. Yeah. It's like even like the exposition that you get around, like how to explain like what's happening in the movie is done through like weird like um flashbacks. But like, but they're also like you're also seeing in like the modern time and flashbacks. And it's a new movie that you are unfamiliar with these characters. So like these flashbacks don't make sense to have right in the beginning of the movie. They don't mean anything.
01:36:15
Speaker
And like that's what I mean about the movie is like so like there is a lot of lore and a lot of stuff about this haunted forest um That they I think that they you know It's that's the interesting part is like when they're talking about like oh when there was no food You know the elderly would go out here You know to end their lives or whatever to like give more chance for like the younger yeah generation to survive like that's interesting to me but like then we weave in this story about like I don't know, this like weird twin situation. And then like we talk a little bit about childhood trauma, which is done very strangely because they do this weird flashback. ah yeah and it's And the flashback is so stark in comparison to the rest of the movie yeah that it doesn't it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. And then like
01:37:03
Speaker
ah the here Okay, so for instance, there is a really good scare where that you know our our character Sarah, she finds a viewfinder in a cave and she kind of puts it up to her eyes and she starts to see her memories.
01:37:19
Speaker
And like that part's pretty cool. But like because the the the because like the the way that they shot those flashbacks is such in stark contrast to what the movie we're watching, it feels like she's watching something, not like she's living reliving something. and so Agreed. There's just something really awkward about that to a watcher. And also like clear like it's supposed to be a metaphor. because it's not I don't think it's supposed to be real. like she's Maybe she's like imagining picking up the viewfinder kind of thing. But like it's done in a way that is actually real. And I'm like, why is there a fucking viewfinder here? like like yeah Literally, what is the like what is the point of this besides you just thought it would look cool to have a viewfinder and have these like scenes from a childhood trauma like pop up in that viewfinder? Which, like yeah, don't get me wrong, it looks cool.
01:38:10
Speaker
but there's no reason for it. There's no reason for that happening. It's not like we had like a MacGuffin earlier in the movie about a viewfinder. You know what I mean? like it but but Let's think about another film where childhood trauma really does work or not not childhood trauma but like where trauma really really works for sure.
01:38:28
Speaker
Midsummer, right? And why does that work? Because the film literally opens with the fucking shit happening, right? Like, think about when that suicide fucking happens in fucking Midsummer, you are like, what the fuck movie am I going into right now? What is happening? And like, it just, it sets the scene. It gets you, it gets you worried about the sister. It gets you, it it gets you going. And with this, ah you're just thrown into things and no one tells you if it's east or west. And you're like, am I going north or south? Like, you know, for it just doesn't work. For instance, the whole character of Aiden like God. So so wait a minute. This woman is supposedly happily either married or happily with her boyfriend. There is no um if and or buts about it. He even gets on a plane to come look for her. yeah They are. They are clearly in a healthy, happy relationship. And what happens? Oh, Taylor Kinney comes in and they start flirting. And then all of a sudden there's like a will they won't they
01:39:26
Speaker
could take the situation going on. And I'm like, wait a minute. I thought you were like happily with your boyfriend or whatever. Like what's, what's going on here? And then added onto that layer is like a mystery about does Aiden know Jess does is the forest playing tricks on Sarah to make her think that he, like you, and then guess what? You're never going to know because the movie never tells you. we like know And so like even like the the ah minor mysteries of the movie are never solved, and then we even get the ending where Sarah dies for no reason. yeah like the The forest tricks her into killing herself, and then we get the the wicked, wicked reveal that Jess is still alive and just sitting in the forest.
01:40:14
Speaker
like yeah it's not like she I thought that maybe she was like in one of those caves or something like accidentally fell into a cave and couldn't get out and like that's like how we were gonna like you know stumble upon her eventually and save her but no she's just like sitting by a campfire in the middle of the night and then is running through the woods for some reason and it's just it's all so bizarre and I think that like If they just would have taken a second look at the script or a second look at what they filmed, they maybe could have had a pretty good movie in here because I do think they're i agree there are some like good ideas. However, the execution is just so sloppily done. I don't know what i don't know why they released this the way they did. I don't i just don't get it. It's just amazing how people can spend 10 million dollars like it's nothing.
01:41:01
Speaker
And one that's what happened here too. And you know i I've said this for many other films that we've talked about before on the show. like I really hate lazy filmmaking. And this is lazy filmmaking on so many levels. like This is ah of a film that relies on a bunch of horror motifs to feel scary. like yeah like It's like, oh, we're going to have like little kids that whisper shit. And we're going to have like songs off in the distance that sound like children are singing them. We're going to do jump scares because everyone loves a jump scare. like If that's how you're building a story, I think that's fucking weird. right If you're going to do a movie like this, at least have Taylor Kenny take his shirt off for God's sake. I mean just i mean i but you know like i know you're you're half joking there, but like it's kind of true. like
01:41:49
Speaker
Be what you're gonna be but don't shovel some shit in my face and tell me it's a steak cuz it ain't you know what I mean? And I just I don't appreciate that and like there watches a lot of films and you do too and our audience does too We contribute to the movie industry on a very regular basis. All that I asked from the creators is, look, I might not like your film, but I will at least respect it. Right. And I what I can't respect is this kind of shit that we're talking about now, we're like, Jason Zeta, you didn't even think about this. Like you made a fucking movie about 21 pilots and kind of fucking concert film. And they're like, I'll do a horror movie. yeah Let's do it in Japan. Like, fuck off, dude. This is some bullshit. What do you just mean? Yeah.
01:42:30
Speaker
There's not even there's not even like a modern meditation on suicide in this movie like exactly. And it's like very heavy topic that means a lot to people. Maybe you should. I mean, this is I mean, this is the reason why Logan Paul went into the forest and did all that bullshit. right like it's I mean, it's fine i I don't appreciate like, you know, it but have you heard of the book A Little Life before?
01:42:54
Speaker
I just that does sound familiar. actually Very, yeah very popular book. Hanya Yanagi Hara wrote it. And um i've I've read it a bunch of but many of my friends have read. I'm sure a lot of yours have, too. It's a big gay book. um I read it and I was like, oh, my God, this is so good. And then I listened to an interview with her.
01:43:12
Speaker
And in the course of that interview, I learned because the movie is all about childhood trauma, abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, you fucking name it. And the interviewer was like, Oh, so look tell me about the research that you did on like, you know, childhood abuse and all that other stuff. And she's like, Oh, I didn't do any.
01:43:28
Speaker
And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? You didn't do any research for this? And instantly my respect for the book and for her dropped to zero. I was like, you you just basically decided you were going to make a torture porn book and not do any actual research on on the impact on the lives of real people. And I can't respect you for that. And it's kind of the same with this one too, when it comes to suicide.
01:43:53
Speaker
Yeah. And I just like, and like I said, you know, we get at the end of the movie that she's tricked into suicide, but it doesn't really mean anything because she was not the at risk person. exactly Right. It was Jess. Like that's who we're supposed to be like. So it's not suicide then. It's actually murder by the forest. like Yeah.
01:44:11
Speaker
you can't be tricked into suicide you know i will say you know um i i've met taylor kenny in real life he's happy really yeah he his his um i don't give too much way but his uh talent manager uh had a lung transplant at the hospital i work for And he came to the press conference. So I got to meet him. He's oh that's really cool. Very cool. But like, I just feel bad that he got nothing to do in this movie because like they pretty much told him like act sexy but kind of creepy and then just go with it. I don't know. Like, like.
01:44:46
Speaker
yeah I don't really know what you want to do, but I think it's the same for Natalie Dormer too. Like, I mean, what a great talent. And you just wasted on this. Like, doesn't make any sense. Come on. We'll say her phone battery is crazy great because she's always using that that flashlight throughout the entire movie and it never goes dead. Where the fuck you charging that motherfucker in that suicide forest, honey? Yeah. And I just think that although it isn't it is Japan. Maybe like all their forces have like wireless charging. You know what I mean? Like you just walk.
01:45:14
Speaker
I will say like, so I think that like at the end of the day, I think that this movie is a series of kind of successful jump scares in a narrative that makes no fucking sense. So like that's kind of that's kind of because like I think the one scene of her like having maggots in her cut and like it getting down on her wrist like that's creepy. That's scary. Like, but like yeah it doesn't mean anything because it's not it's not enough to make it a good movie.
01:45:38
Speaker
Yeah, that' I agree. yeah if If you don't have a good story and a good basis of everything, a good foundation on which to work, you can put every horror thing in there and do it successfully. And it still is going to fall flat. It still won't work. It doesn't matter what your effects are. It doesn't matter how good you didn't know your kills are. I'm sorry. the man The man that they find in the wood who has hung himself is stalking her later in the movie. Does it mean anything? No, because it's never nothing ever comes of it. like it's just I don't know. I just feel like this is like a movie of ideas and and not a movie of like substance. I don't know. um Andrew, you know that I love to look at the letterbox reviews. there are You might guess there are some great ones for this one. um So wait, let me pull me pull this up really quick. Where is it? It's a really funny one.
01:46:25
Speaker
um Viggo says, but with one star, wet fart noises. The next one from Kirk who gave it one and a half stars says, actual shit from a butt.
01:46:39
Speaker
World Peace 2024 gave it half a star and said, worst movie ever? Two and a half stars from Becca who says, I watch this because I fancy Natalie Dormer and I like trees. um And a finally one from Sam who gave it no stars but said, I've seen worse. So um just some funny, some funny ones out there.
01:47:02
Speaker
Yeah. So listen, i I don't want to beat this movie up too much because i yeah I don't like I don't like to do that. And I don't like that already. Yeah. But like, listen, I've said what I liked about the movie, but it's not too much. What do you read it? Yeah, I gave it. i I put the wrong score on the sheet. on I apologize. OK. I gave it also a three. um I think it's a clunky narrative and jump scare fest. I said
Game Segment: Queer Reimaginings of Films
01:47:28
Speaker
it. I'm not really sure what they were going for here.
01:47:30
Speaker
Yeah, same for me. It's a three. And I just said bad writing, poor acting, lack of coherent direction and cheap horror motifs, whispers, songs, jumps that can't save it. An unenjoyable experience. So hopefully, you know, for us to come down. Well, that does it for our horror in the movies. We'll take a quick break and be right back with ah Queer Eye for the Horror Guy.
01:48:13
Speaker
You came into my life And the world never looked so bright It's true You bring out the best in me When you are arrived Oh yeah Things keep getting better And that does it for episode 126 of Friday the 13th Horror Podcast. But before we let you go, as always, we have a game ready for you. And the game, Andrew, is what? Tell us all about it. This is Queer Eye for the Horror Guy. This is our segment where we take the movies that we just got done watching and make them just a little more gay.
01:48:53
Speaker
So Maddie, here I ask you the age-old question, what would make the Blair Witch Project more gay? Okay, so first off, Heather is gay, and then so is Mary Brown. And the whole time in the forest, and what you hear going on is actually Mary Brown just picking flowers for Heather the whole time so that she can have a pretty bouquet by the end. Giving her little gifts. Uh-huh. And unfortunately, tragically, um Mary Brown, just like because she's just a little bit wild, you know, she's a little bit crazy. um She just can't find them. And like somehow the magic of love in in the forest also keeps them in the forest that Mary can find her because Mary is actually a witch. She's a gay witch. And um and that's why they're stuck. Unfortunately, the boys get stuck too, but they don't really matter to Mary.
01:49:44
Speaker
And Heather, at the very end of it, actually joins the witch cult with Mary Brown. And you don't know it, but they live happily ever after in Burkettsville in the basement of Mary's weird trailer. And it has a basement, yes. That's the end. Thank you. Cool. I like it. I like it. All right. So then I'm going to go ahead and make the forest a little more gay. Good luck. And I'm going to make it a little more interesting because of so. Yeah, I think this could probably be a better run of the movie.
01:50:11
Speaker
So in my version of the forest, um Taylor Kinney and Michi are actually lovers, and that's why they um go out into the woods together to make sweet, sweet love together. um And then when it's revealed that um that i Sarah thinks that he's behind Jess's disappearance, he can be like, girl, you are crazy. I am gay. Like, I don't even know like how you could even come to that conclusion. like Me and Michi be getting it on behind the forest over there like So I don't know what you're talking about and it makes her even look more Hysteric so that's how I make the forest Andrew we should be filmmakers Yeah, write these down people if somebody somebody make these movies
01:50:54
Speaker
um Folks, that was episode 126. Thank you, as always, for joining us and for our newbies. Thank you for joining us for the first time. Before we let you go, a couple ways that you can support our little proud, independent podcast. The first is this. You can go to our website, www.frygay13.com slash support, where you can become a patron on Patreon and you can buy merch. So once again, w www.frygay13.com slash support.
01:51:22
Speaker
Yeah, and a big thanks to all of our patrons that have been actively in the chat. um For those that don't know, Patreon has a new function where you can create little chats about each episode. And we have a pretty consistent amount of people that are like chiming in on on either episodes or they're chiming in with questions that are chiming in with even like tattoos that they've gotten that are horror related, or they just have like questions about the show or questions about the movies. So that sounds like something you'd be interested in.
01:51:50
Speaker
Sorry, you got to give it a dollar. I got to make money somehow. So go give that one dollar of your money. ah You get two episodes a month plus all of that content over there. um You can also leave us review, which is totally free. um You should leave a review at this point. You've been listening for this long. Why wouldn't you would leave a review that's so Billy. Come on, review us. Don't be a silly little Billy Willie. Go over there to the the podcast player of your choice and leave us a review so that we can keep going. Because if we don't have any reach or any new reviews, what's the point? I was just talking into microphones for two hours. Yeah, basically.
01:52:30
Speaker
But ah well that would that will do it for episode 126. We are so thankful that we do have the that little audience that we do, and we hope that you'll interact with us on social media by searching you know our handle at Friday 13 on kind of all of your your major your major areas um of that social media hellscape that we talk so much about. yeah But Maddie, I think at the end of the day, well, we just need to tell all these little boys, girls, binary, non-binary people that they should go ahead and get slayed.