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Redefining Relationships Az a Millennial Adult
90 Plays1 year ago
This is a special, and rather serious episode with our friend, Josh, who joins us and shares the story of his experiences that helped shape and redefine his perception of relationships as a Millenial adult.
In this episode, we talked about our own red flags, green flags, and ideals and expectations versus what we have now in relationships. We also talk about our personal paradigm shift from mononormativity (wow, big word) to now being open to other forms of relationships, such as polyamory. O diba, ang bibigat ng pinagusapan namin, di din namin kinaya. Ang dami na nga naming iniisip, nagawa pa talaga naming dagdagan! Chareng!
Deh, this was a very great episode, and we are happy to be able to share it with you guys!
Follow and listen to Josh's Podcast called STK ADVENTURES here: https://zencastr.com/STK-ADVENTURES
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Transcript
Introduction of the hosts and podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Are you ready? I'm ready. Hello, I'm Daryll. And I'm Cash. And you're listening to... Is this thing on? The podcast. We're here again, back at a random time or a week ago.
00:00:41
Speaker
Good morning and good morning. I'm perfect. I'm doing super well. Minus the Y. Minus the...
00:01:02
Speaker
Minus the breakdowns. Minus the breakdowns? Yeah, perfect. My skin is moisturized. But I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for asking.
Special guest Jungesna Tungen and her passion for coffee
00:01:15
Speaker
But yes, this episode is actually special. I love you guys. I know your keywords, guys. But if you're having special, it makes me not my guest.
00:01:25
Speaker
We have a regular guest. Yes, we have a special guest right now with us. Actually, Jungesna Tungen is a person very near to me
00:01:44
Speaker
Very near, literally. Because he lives right next door. No, not really next door. Next building. Next building. So there's this app where coffee grind enthusiasts. Ah, no. Coffee grinders are influencing us.
00:02:10
Speaker
I don't know, what do you think about him? He lives close to you. There was a ballet I went to Darla's place, you know, when he gave a visit. So we all three just hung out and we had a pretty awesome time together. And we thought of inviting him over to our podcast.
00:02:34
Speaker
And now he's here with us after X amount of weeks of invitation.
00:02:52
Speaker
How did you plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan
00:03:25
Speaker
It's fine. We're happy to have you. Thank you. I remember when you were doing the end. Oh no. I never asked them how much can we divulge. How much can we reveal?
00:03:46
Speaker
But I feel free to just speak your mind.
Character development and love bombing in relationships
00:04:00
Speaker
Anyway, it's actually Josh, I'm not sure what he said in the episode, but I think it's a good thing to talk about character development.
00:04:25
Speaker
at least in the lens of relationships
00:04:37
Speaker
We're very lucky to have someone like Josh to share with us how he views relationships. Actually, one of the main questions for him is, how do you contribute to Josh's relationship?
00:05:04
Speaker
Before I answered that, when you were going into the topic, you said, you have the credentials to actually answer these questions. Of course. Because your experiences are valid and they're yours. Yes. And it's your story to share. So you have all the credentials in the world to share your story. Yeah. So you can contribute to the relationship.
00:05:31
Speaker
I mean, haven't we all? We have a lot of people at some point aware. But what kind of contributions do you always have? Fuck-boyshit. Well, that's a good question. That's absolutely true. In any case, the man. I've been there since then. Okay, so I don't know how to say it. Except for my own comment. A full-blown relationship while being in another.
00:06:02
Speaker
So yeah, I think it's more of contributing in terms of manipulating the situation. I'm very idealistic before. I was very idealistic before. I was banking on the idea of a fairy tale love story.
00:06:32
Speaker
Oh, that's because of the idea. Scanner! Like, paint me a picture, but I don't know if they love story likes. It's one for the books, Scanner. Yes, the dates, the legal ones, content complications, then happily ever after.
00:06:53
Speaker
I grew up in watching a lot of stuff like Mattel de Novellas I grew up thinking or wanting to have something like that
00:07:22
Speaker
Siprin's Charming will ride off into the sunset on a white horse again. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. Like WHORES. My white horse did you mean that?
00:07:48
Speaker
Yeah, so in a ways, having that kind of mindset, like if you're following a blueprint, it kind of leads you to kind of manipulate maybe directly or indirectly to influence the other person or the situation. Yeah, you're curating it.
00:08:14
Speaker
In the event, you would adjust into kind of doing something. In my case, I was guilty of love bombing in New York style. To influence the situation. Yes, that's very interesting. So, I think it's a relatively bad term because it's a relatively bad term before, but I don't know how to call it out. And you love bombing.
00:08:44
Speaker
Love bombing, it's when you like do extreme stuff in combat, showing affection, setting up your situation towards the other person. But I'm feeling I am getting his or her attention. In short, just to make the other person feel like they are loved.
00:09:11
Speaker
There's a difference. There's a difference, especially with love bombing and with sincere, you know, affection and love gestures. For love bombing, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like, it's more like
00:09:43
Speaker
This person wants to like grab the opportunity. Like early on, I love you. You are so... I don't think
Recognizing red flags and fostering mutual understanding
00:10:00
Speaker
that's love bombing in a sense. Okay, so that's not love bombing. Part of love bombing for me is an A.
00:10:07
Speaker
When I was reading about abuse, emotional abuse, there's a cycle going on. Like, you're doing something bad that shouldn't be called out and should be put to stop or you shouldn't be put to stop because you're a love-bombing victim. Don't forget. You know, you're manipulating that person's unknown. But it's not a fever.
00:10:33
Speaker
Anyway, enough about love, but enough about love bombing. It's not like certain behaviors that you thought were... Borderline contra b-bag. What do you think about red flags? I think so. I think so. As, well, on a regular... When we talk about red flags, it's always towards the other person, a new red flag.
00:11:03
Speaker
And when we were there in the situation, I would say...
00:11:19
Speaker
Almost immediate response go to drop everything when my significant other needed or wanted my attention. Even for the most irrelevant, insignificant share.
00:11:38
Speaker
Oh, I'm sweet, though. Yes. Come back here, you're building your world around that particular relationship. And sometimes we, I was, I expected that you can level with the amount of attention.
00:12:02
Speaker
and affection that I was giving them. Eventually, I think we had that time. So it's kind of a red flag, but that's true.
00:12:13
Speaker
Do you have a choice to express that love in your love language? The second point was that he expected that of his partner. Like if I drop everything, you should do the same thing. And if you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it.
00:12:40
Speaker
So young red flag I can be that he'll be the game. I'm going to miss a Hanya. Pero. They'll in expect my own the same thing in return. They're like, I think about it. Oh, I know. Can you switch the spotlight? No, no, no.
00:13:11
Speaker
So what? How do you feel? How do you feel? How do you feel? How do you feel? How do you feel?
00:13:23
Speaker
That's a good point of discussion. This is what I want to give to you. Like I can drop everything. As long as you start neglecting your own needs and your own time for yourself.
00:13:48
Speaker
Okay. For example, you would drop everything, even the pettiest of things for that person. How do you demand that back? Do you even demand it or do you just wait for it?
00:14:06
Speaker
Do you just expect them to do it? There's no demand. It's more of, as the relationship progresses, you wait and wait and see. And you end up, I ended up, I gave up, I tried to give that person everything. And then realizing,
00:14:34
Speaker
I don't want to receive anything on his side. Regular thing for him or for his previous experience. So completely oblivious. I don't want to go back to his point of comparison. Well, you're left with nothing. You're left exhausted because you tried to put in all the work.
00:14:59
Speaker
I'm so exhausted. And unloved, like I said, from the other end. That's a very... And when you look at it, when you're mature enough to actually realize it, you realize it. It's not something, it's not really healthy.
00:15:22
Speaker
I love how you transitioned that to my actual next question. My next question was going to be, if these were your expectations and behavior in relationships before, can I ask how that shifted from...
00:15:43
Speaker
You see, it's a common thing now for so many people. They think when, or we think when we try to give everything to someone, we end up, well, the other person ends up appreciating what you've done and eventually learn to love you back. But I think it's very conditional, because at any moment you screw up or can't maintain the level of everything, quote unquote, everything that you said,
00:16:14
Speaker
the other person notices. They start questioning or feel that you're being inconsistent. So that's in the first week. I realized that...
Unconditional love and relationship dynamics
00:16:40
Speaker
I wouldn't call it coalface, relationship coalface. I don't think white horse. Okay, I'll show white because you have the purest of intentions.
00:16:59
Speaker
I was a white horse. I still ended up, you know, on the losing end. Every time I have this, I apply this mindset to the relationship. Eventually someone that I will encounter or date eventually can understand that level with the kind of love that I'm giving.
00:17:27
Speaker
Eventually Para Sabiko, after one too many guys that have been with him, doesn't look like a horse. You don't look like a horse. I don't look like a horse. Para Sabiko, you look like a horse. That's what I realized.
00:17:47
Speaker
It's a way to achieve it. For me, it's a way to share social media. It's a way to indicate your own blocking type or cut-out communications type before. It's a way to connect with others. They're happy now with someone or they're more successful now at work. It's a way for me to compare my experiences.
00:18:12
Speaker
What have I done these past few times? This has to stop.
00:18:32
Speaker
One of the things that I've learned, I thought was a green flag. It was very similar to yours, Josh. Growing up, I thought, don't look for the right person. Be the right person.
00:18:47
Speaker
Exactly. Okay, so I should be the right person. I should emulate all of these green flags then. I should be the best person I can be. But realistically speaking, Hindus are sustainable because we're also human and we also have our own sets of weaknesses and struggles and demons that we face.
00:19:10
Speaker
So stop saying that with the expectation. If I do this, they will know how it is to be loved, and they will love me in return. But apparently, I don't know. There's also a saying that, we actually hold on to that.
00:19:39
Speaker
thought so much you're saying something negative which is at a healthy stage of that saying accept the person for what they are but as a person you should also be aware of
00:20:06
Speaker
If you don't have toxicity, if you don't work on it, then why not? Because it's going to be less of an issue in the future during the current relationship. Let's say you don't have much money, so
00:20:30
Speaker
I'm not sure if this is politically correct, but in a situation where you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or you choose to go to a place like this, or
00:20:54
Speaker
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
00:21:24
Speaker
Well, it's not in the mind because your mind said, you know, they had that kind of attitude towards relationships. I was really expecting, just wrong, the more you show the other person, it comes to relationships that you'll take care of them.
00:21:45
Speaker
eventually along the way, at the same wavelength, they'll actually have interactions with some other people and then they'll realize, even during the relationship, which is kind of
00:22:22
Speaker
I'm the best there is. The intention is not Anuna.
00:22:39
Speaker
Dinesha Whitehorse. Dinesha, like, for the other person's good, purely, it's more on to show. That's actually very, that's a very brave statement to say, I think. A lot of people do that but won't admit it. Yeah, they would fight for itna. It is indeed of good intentions and nothing is wrong about it.
00:23:04
Speaker
I think I've been on both sides of the spectral relationships. The giver and the receiver. I've dated this particular person. I don't have any style, I love bombing them.
00:23:28
Speaker
We were talking recently about it. He was letting other people know the Gantu Shah.
00:23:45
Speaker
We have to advertise how he is in a relationship. And then, do you want to say something? No, no, no, no, no. Ah, excellent, excellent. It's quite recent to start a channel without content. I hope it doesn't, I hope it doesn't. Well, I know what I would like to say, something new.
00:24:14
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I like about him. I think it's just to get my point across. I think it's because he has a lot of content. He has a lot of reject or an E1. But based on our experience, I think that he has to realize that there are things that he has to work on.
00:24:39
Speaker
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the content, but I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
00:25:05
Speaker
are not self-aware of their own toxicity and red flags. I have a question on that note. It's a very hot seat question. It's related to what we were talking about. I don't know. I would hesitate to answer or I don't even know the answer to this. This is why I'm also asking not just to get your opinion, but
00:25:32
Speaker
to get a sense of what other people think. Does one have the right to call out other people's behavior if they have their own flaws or red flags? Do you have the right to call them out? Do you know them? Like the partner? Or like your neighbor? Let's say general... Okay, let's start with your partner. Okay. Let's start there.
00:26:02
Speaker
if you're active or presently in a relationship with someone and you notice that your partner may not get into shit, then yeah, I think it's, you know, I think you're in the position of man to call out. But as the one calling out, you're not, that particular hindi mo, exclude you, Saridimo.
00:26:30
Speaker
and also calling out or being aware of what your flaws are. So, I think calling out is a healthy thing to do. Let's compare it to a word. If you belong in the same team and it's affecting your work, call outs are really healthy as long as you give positive
00:27:00
Speaker
in terms of relationships. I think it's okay as long as...
00:27:19
Speaker
Or you want to call out that you want to put yourself into a higher ground than the other person. Why do you call out the other person you're also aware of? Your own shit. And the motive to call out is to not just simply call out and say nah. When you're doing this wrong, I'm doing it right.
00:27:47
Speaker
But in the case of your neighbors, no. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's true. That's true, that's
00:28:10
Speaker
A lot of people are, you know, very inclined to say their opinion about something. For example, they are very hot and they are cheating. And they are very, they don't want to talk about cheating. Everybody gangs up on it. Like everybody's like, I don't want to cheat. But I understand of course where that's coming from.
00:28:30
Speaker
But sometimes people tend to be too much. I would go out when I read, you know, posts or comments. People just saying opinions about stuff like that.
00:28:47
Speaker
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
00:29:07
Speaker
for somebody you don't know. I try to stay away from that, especially on personal issues that was made public. Without them, without their content, I don't know. I'm not inclined to give your opinions.
00:29:35
Speaker
It wasn't meant to be publicized. You know how public shit like me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
00:30:04
Speaker
I know if I were to ask a question earlier you mentioned the idea picture of what a relationship would look like and those ideals may have changed but correct me if I'm wrong but I think we still have
00:30:29
Speaker
our reconstructed picture of what our ideals are right now. The ideals might have changed, but the ideal for us might have changed, but the ideal for us might have changed, but the ideal for us might have changed, but the ideal for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us might have changed for us
00:30:59
Speaker
What goes out to me and my partner goes about... My preferences. Me and my partner have been together for about three years now, going forward. If... I don't know...
00:31:19
Speaker
I mean, no offense to those who still have traditional views or norms when it comes to relationships, because that's their thing. And because as a culture, we were heavily influenced by religion in our country, and we grew up, we actually grew up on those beliefs, not in fault, but for some or a lot of people nowadays, especially
00:31:45
Speaker
I think we're slowly opening up to what feels more natural. I don't know if that's a politically correct thing to say. I think it's okay. That feels more natural. Because when that word comes up, it's kind of subjective. Like by feeling more natural, but what does that mean? So we have people who now engage in
00:32:12
Speaker
polyamorous relationships, some have open relationships now. And for most of them, it actually works. And a lot of them have been together longer than those who try to be the monogamous relationship, which is the traditional kind of relationship. And emphasis on try, you know, a lot of
00:32:36
Speaker
I'll be getting in a lot of trouble. Some of those who say or think that they are in a monogamous relationship have regular undercover encounters.
00:32:53
Speaker
very true but in any case i think it's not our place to judge those who have unconventional set of cinder nation shares because i know i did before talaga param
00:33:12
Speaker
I was really fascinated with how polyamorous relationships work. They have regular orgies.
00:33:33
Speaker
That's the shallow understanding of it. All they do is have sex in relationships because of the sex. It's not that at all.
00:33:50
Speaker
Exactly. It's not that shallow as majority or most people think that it is. Until I experienced it first
Exploring polyamorous relationships
00:34:00
Speaker
time. Really? It's amazing. So yeah, it's been quite recent, actually before the night that I cancelled.
00:34:12
Speaker
I was supposed to go on a podcast with that and Kesh for days then. I was really worried that we wouldn't be okay with it. That's wonderful.
00:34:34
Speaker
I mean, we're still working on it, but it has a good positive reception amount to both sides. That's wonderful. Thank you for Ano for sharing that a bit with us. It's a very intimate part of somebody's life and every time people or our friends come up here and you know.
00:34:54
Speaker
are ready to share stuff. We are so thankful that, you know, we're willing to talk about it. But if I may ask more questions, is that okay? No, you mean not. Sure thing, I have to check first. Give it to me. Okay, so since you've been starting or have started in the
00:35:14
Speaker
the relationship in a polyamorous set up. What are the key things that you've learned now? This is kind of like the foundation of our relationship and we have to make this right. Good question. So you go first, I would like to share a deep open sereno idea. There was one time, I was also in Thailand.
00:35:42
Speaker
five or six years ago. And I was in a relationship with someone. And then, I went to Banco for a business trip. And also very adventurous. I tried to immerse in the whole tour.
00:36:05
Speaker
As long as we don't have a lot of time, it's also my thing to go out alone. I don't have time for myself and having those adventures. So there was this one night that I went to explore the gay life of Valujo. It's a red light bar.
00:36:35
Speaker
Yes, we were checked in really close to the Red Lake Distant and there was this street there. It's full of gay bars and a lot of shampoos since it's a tourism capital. Look at Marami foreigners, white, all races.
00:37:05
Speaker
And I managed, well, it wasn't really my intention to have this thing happen to me, but I hung out in a bar. So, fun fact, I'm in a bar or most bars in America.
00:37:23
Speaker
So you have like the streets though. They position the tables and the seats. So you have the opposite sides facing together. So that was the set up. So I was in one of them and then I had the table for myself. I ordered the beer and then
00:37:53
Speaker
there was this European guy who sat next to me. So I was going through my mind. I was really, oh shit, I'm going to get picked up tonight. Am I ready for this? But knowing myself, no man. So I took the opportunity to make a deep conversation.
00:38:22
Speaker
with a stranger so yeah but we we we got into a conversation of very open Shah with his you know with how he is in terms of his sexuality number one he's a submissive bottom
00:38:43
Speaker
He mentioned that he cooks up three to four times a day. Wow, a very high sex drive. Yeah, and he does this regularly when he's in the country. So I was fascinated by that, you know. So how does that work? Does your partner know?
00:39:11
Speaker
My partner is aware of what I'm doing. They don't necessarily have to talk about it deliberately. They just have the understanding. I'm doing my own thing. You're allowed to do your own shit.
00:39:40
Speaker
Why do you have that kind of pattern? Is your partner not enough? Are you having trouble with him? All of this is in English too. You're the guy like my own friend. European guy. Parang made me something but in the video you say, oh, that you're looking for.
00:40:07
Speaker
the people you help with. But he's just naturally that way. You have a problem. You're both having a problem with each other. No, it's the other way around, actually. We love each other. I love the life that we built together.
00:40:35
Speaker
So that really stuck with me. That was the moment that maybe love and sex and having these sexual encounters aren't really that
00:40:50
Speaker
tightly knitted together as opposed to what we're brought up with. Thought of when we were young. So going back to that, when it happened to me personally, I was really courting this guy, which was a very toxic guy.
00:41:16
Speaker
Apparently. When you're courting someone, you're developing feelings. I was allowed to satisfy myself with other people. It's single comparison.
00:41:48
Speaker
But to me, I have feelings for this guy. I was allowing myself to have sexual relations with other people. And when I was doing that, I was really young.
00:42:25
Speaker
That's really great. I was thinking while you were talking about it, a lot of people, when they hear that kind of setup, they automatically say, a so open relationship.
00:42:39
Speaker
No, that's always their follow-up question. So as an open relationship, Kiono, I just wanted to ask you, what's the difference between polyamorous relationships and open relationships, if you've already encountered that? I think I am totally sure.
00:42:59
Speaker
Open relationships are a part of the more broader term, no polyamory. No polyamory, because it is part of your developing feelings for relationships. More than one person. But an open relationships demand, it's kind of a set up between you
Open vs Polyamorous relationships explained
00:43:20
Speaker
and your partner where you're allowed to actually, you know, have sex.
00:43:27
Speaker
So by definition, when I am Chiguro, when I am currently in an open relationship, I am also...
00:43:38
Speaker
I get a lot of questions like that and I try to explain it's not being in a polyamorous relationship. I've learned is like kind of a mindset now your love is infinite, infinite in a sense. There's no bounds to how many people you can love and with polyamorous relationships and they build connections and they build relationships out of multiple people and it doesn't have to be sexual. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be romantic.
00:44:05
Speaker
You just acknowledge that this relationship is something that you want to keep in your life as something as a constant Kumbaga. And again, there are variances with the setups, with multiple setups. The point is, it's a relationship that you're not afraid to build or to put a label on or to not put a label on. You just, like you said, Kenina, it's what feels natural.
00:44:32
Speaker
It's difficult to get into specifics, the Korean setup that we have. But we both made it clear that your relationship will be exclusive in terms of your commitment. I don't know what you're talking about, but in terms of your love and support, I think it's a serious relationship.
00:45:01
Speaker
Because it's never going to happen. So it's not exclusive in terms of that. But we're allowing each other to have relationships that are not as high up as what we have.
00:45:26
Speaker
What are your other limits though? We can do this but not do that. I think it's more about the preference of the other person. Do you do your thing but the moment that you
00:45:51
Speaker
feel Hindi can have this relationship nothing then just tell me and you know you're free to go but everything else as long as you're being safe and you know you practice healthy measures and doing what you want to do then go ahead but for me
00:46:20
Speaker
No, personally, I'll see a tight little person sexually and be able to enjoy whether I'm a top or the bottom. Oh, interesting.
00:46:33
Speaker
I told him this, I wish I did. I really wish I did. When I watch 30 movies, I feel like, I want to do that, I want to do this. But when I'm actually doing it, it doesn't feel questionable whether I'm the top or the bottom. When I'm doing this, I feel like I'm a new one. Yes.
00:46:56
Speaker
But there's too much work to put out before, during, and after. I see. So, Komega, first it's the pleasure that I'm getting from it.
00:47:10
Speaker
But I've tried it and it was fun, it was pleasurable but not as compared to the downsides that I personally have towards it. So how do you get pleasure sexually then? There's this new term inside but we have top bottom, power top, power bottom.
00:47:35
Speaker
Versa. So there's this new thing called being aside. So it's when you do, you know, just for play. I see. That's fast. Yeah. That's it. Things I learned today. Yeah, it's very a new term. Actually, no, I don't know.
00:48:08
Speaker
I love that. I love how we have acknowledged the existence of things, of preferences. I love it so much.
00:48:23
Speaker
It's not my thing. But if it's your thing, then for me, it's not going to happen.
00:48:42
Speaker
That's perfect. That's wonderful. I love how you guys are open to communicating, you know, your limits and your boundaries. I'm not sure if it's natural for other people as well to feel or to have this kind of... When I make sense of it.
00:49:23
Speaker
versus now on like feed their own lines that they have, in standards that they have. More like, I don't know, those standards that you talk about, it's kind of like, it's what society has established for us. The blueprint came from them, you know? So Barangayon, you do have your ideas, but it's more of following what you actually want. Like you get to define your ideas. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Exactly.
00:49:28
Speaker
I think I do.
00:49:52
Speaker
So, every time he talks for me, we sleep beside together, but I don't feel like this is human stuff, good stuff. Without the judgment, open communication, I really do love this person.
00:50:21
Speaker
That's great. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. If there were people listening to this podcast are struggling in shifting from that traditional blueprint to how they would want to naturally feel and express their love with their partner, what would you tell them? What would you tell them? What would you tell them? What would you tell them?
00:50:55
Speaker
For starters, especially when you're single and actively looking, don't actively look for a relationship. As much as you can, try to experience everything when you are single.
00:51:11
Speaker
explore your sexuality, go ahead and meet a lot of people, get to know them. During the process,
00:51:31
Speaker
How are you towards them? I really get to know yourself first, you know, really important. Because before I met my partner, I was really, you know, I've experienced a lot. I've been on the both sides of the spectrum, losing and winning and being a fuck boy, wanting to be in a really serious relationship.
00:52:01
Speaker
I know that unknowingly, at a pinpoint point, I can tell you that I am a good guy. And I can tell you that I am a good guy. I can tell you that I am good.
00:52:16
Speaker
Kaya nagpindi nagigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigig
00:52:45
Speaker
apprehensive or merons and silan hesitation into you know experiencing things that they think has to happen in a relationship so yeah that's one that's one thing that you would tell them I think can help you
00:53:08
Speaker
be open when the conversation comes up, when you're already in a relationship. But to those who are already in a relationship, I think it's best to get to know each other, build a really strong foundation before you open that, especially, he's really the one for you.
00:53:40
Speaker
If you open it that way, you know. But I'm not saying the way we started.
00:53:58
Speaker
We were fuckbodies before. So it was a sexual relationship now. So from the get-go, I have this kind of needs. I don't know how long I've been here, but I've been here for a long time.
00:54:24
Speaker
So yeah, I'm aware of what can happen. So, eventually, I accepted him for that. So, I build a strong foundation in a relationship. We're both pretty confident that
00:54:53
Speaker
No matter who we hang out with, we have these encounters with. We're pretty confident that he'll result into something that could potentially shake up our relationship. Yes, that's true.
00:55:24
Speaker
But I'm interested in that. But in general, what's your take on this topic?
00:55:37
Speaker
I think one thing that society should learn from this episode is that people don't get to dictate how relationships should work on other people and that
00:55:56
Speaker
As adults, as consenting adults, we get to define ours. And we shouldn't pattern our relationships to the standards of other people, especially if it compromises our own.
00:56:15
Speaker
I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.
00:56:49
Speaker
We've grown and evolved so much and I love how we are more open to
00:57:03
Speaker
you know, talking about these things and experiencing these things and talking about those experiences, which, you know, makes us vulnerable at some point. But I love that we have started to come out of our shell, little by little, and these things have been talked about. I have been dying to talk about polyamory. We have been dying, actually, to talk about polyamory for a very long time.
00:57:31
Speaker
As much as Dayal and I have been learning a lot about polyamory, we've also noticed that not a lot of people talk about this, not a lot of people know about this. And it's kind of sad. There's this whole group or subset of people whose, you know, perception of relationships are perfectly valid and, you know, resonates. At the same time, Hidisi Lab,
00:58:00
Speaker
It's not understood because it's not being talked about more. So my takeaway is, let's keep talking about these things. This is how we learn and
Josh's new podcast, 'SDK Adventures'
00:58:20
Speaker
let's be open to listening to other people.
00:58:22
Speaker
You know, stories, you know, we open and how they see it. It doesn't even matter if you agree with it or not, but just be open and learning about it. And that helps a lot, actually. So I'm really, really grateful now.
00:58:38
Speaker
Can I super-delay the recording session? Nothing, Josh! That you still, I know, gave us the honor of guesting and talking about your personal and very intimate story. And being vulnerable in our podcast, it means a lot.
00:58:54
Speaker
I am pretty sure that there are some listeners or a lot of our listeners would learn more about this and hopefully that would open the floodgates for them to be more curious and not to get the conversation going out there.
00:59:09
Speaker
Speaking of conversation going out there, actually, Josh just started his own podcast. If you guys want to listen to him, you can search for his show. It's called SDK Adventures. We'll be posting his show link.
00:59:28
Speaker
Give it a listen, guys. Yes. Pretty soon, I'll be having both of you. It's not bad. Yeah. It's going to be me doing the grilling. Yeah, let's do that sometime. And I grill really hard. Wow. That sounds so hot. What's your podcast about, Josh?
00:59:56
Speaker
Well, I have actually done this a lot with my personal conversations with friends. And I think it would be a good idea to put it out so that a lot of people would learn. So what I'm doing is breaking down their
01:00:32
Speaker
So, if you guys want to give it a listen, it's called SDK Adventures. We'll post his show link to Samin's show notes. So, give it a listen. And if you also want to learn more about our show, just follow us on social media.
01:00:47
Speaker
What brought them to do the actions they've done?
01:00:51
Speaker
and unique handles. So if you want to follow our show on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts and even on Amazon Music. Thank you so much, Josh, for joining us again. And we hope to have you back. Maybe a continuation of this topic or even other topics.
01:01:13
Speaker
Yeah, I'll be up for that. Thank you so much for having me. And thank you as well to our listeners. Thank you for patiently waiting. And we hope to be back sooner with another episode next time. So we'll catch you later. And this is... Is this thing on? The podcast. And cut. That was good.