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00:00:01
Ang "Dating" Daan (in English, The Ways Of Dating )
140 Plays2 years ago
Una sa lahat-- Oo, alam namin. Korni ang title. HAHAHAHA
Join us in our kwentuhan/therapy session na mej balasubas pero may sense pa rin naman. :) Nag cameo din pala mga anak ni Kesh dito-- nag pprep na sila for their podcasting debut! (Stage mom, yarn?)
Anyway, so ayun nga nga. In this episode, we talk about dating, relationships, the pursuit of love, and ALL. THAT. JAZZ.
We also deconstructed what we were taught about relationships and dating (especially coming from traditional, conservative families), the misconceptions we had about it, and how we came to understand what it ACTUALLY is and what it entails.
In this episode, we also talk about the different types of dating that we've experienced and our thoughts about it, the red flags that we learn to pick up (or ignore), ghosting, catfishing, and MORE.
Daryll also talks about his experiences with online dating, his confusion between procreation and recreation (LOL), and his views on marriage, atbp. Kesh also shares her experiences with her dating and her what-ifs and what-nows.
We also share the lessons we learned so far about relationships, and what we would tell our younger selves if we could go back in time.
We really enjoyed this conversation! We hope y'all would too. :)
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
Are you ready? I'm ready!
00:00:22
Speaker
Anyway...
Introduction and Podcast Availability
00:00:49
Speaker
Hi guys! Today we are going to upload a new video. And today we are going to learn a lesson. Today we are going to learn a new lesson. Today we are going to record a new lesson and cover art. It's a podcast. Today we are going to play Amazon Music. Yay! Today we are going to play Amazon Music.
00:01:19
Speaker
Anyway, just in case, this is the first time you're listening to this podcast. And I'm Cash. And this is... Is this thing on? The podcast. Okay, so...
00:01:48
Speaker
Wait long. That wait long has to check for long. Can you pause it for a sec? I need just a minute. Hi Pikminik. Hi girls. Hi. Hi. Hi. How are you? Hi. You're going to school today? Yep.
00:02:09
Speaker
wow i heard you recorded the day bye bye i miss you okay you should restart recording
00:02:33
Speaker
I was in school a few days ago, I was in school a few days ago, I was in school a few days ago, I was in school a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days ago, a few days
00:03:10
Speaker
other than that no one should touch or see their private parts, their body parts.
00:03:22
Speaker
What will you do if a stranger comes to you? Touch my body part!
00:03:46
Speaker
Maria! I used to move. Oh no! It's so dark! I tried! Anyway... So I don't know about topic nothing, Aion. Strangers. Strangers touching our body parts.
00:04:18
Speaker
Well, technically.
Cultural Differences in Dating
00:04:23
Speaker
Our topic for today is about stranger things.
00:04:39
Speaker
I don't know how to say it. I don't know. I don't know. The topic for this episode is dating. Actually, in Japan, I fully get the concept of dating. It was very weird for me. I don't know. I don't know the concept of dating in the southwestern world compared to the alumni. I don't know.
00:05:07
Speaker
I don't know if you're interested in social, sorry mom or sir, with friends, with a group of friends, with an intimate other person, a stranger, some sort of general social activity of spending time with another person or persons.
00:05:31
Speaker
I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it.
00:05:44
Speaker
In the world. In the world. In the world. In the world. Dating per se, in a romantic point of view. Oh, oh.
00:06:05
Speaker
Before we were reborn again, again.
00:06:18
Speaker
like what we were thought about dating, not growing up. Because even when we were, when I was young, when I was a young girl, when I was growing up, what I was thought about dating was nothing. Like the concept of dating.
Dating vs. Courtship
00:06:47
Speaker
No, seriously, I wasn't like you concept because dating in my mind and also the way I understand it. It's very different from courting, but in the first generation.
00:07:15
Speaker
Dating was within the bounds of courtship Like what I what I was taught Is it illegal? It should be serious But it's not a joke
00:07:42
Speaker
From now on, from this point of the podcast, that person would want to...
00:08:10
Speaker
The numbers are a bit serious, love me. Thank you very much. I think I said it also. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
00:08:24
Speaker
I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.
00:08:47
Speaker
I don't know what to do with my boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't know what to do with my boyfriend. I don't know what to do with my boyfriend. I don't know what to do with my boyfriend. I don't know what to do with my boyfriend.
00:09:06
Speaker
Usually, because of patriarchy and misogyny and asshole men, it ends up like this. I don't know why. Oh my god. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why.
00:09:36
Speaker
I'm so sorry!
00:09:46
Speaker
And that was the idea. Before that was the ideal thing that was taught to me at least. And I'm pretty sure.
00:10:08
Speaker
I don't know if they are from their parents, not from traditional parents in your society actually. And how about, like, as a man? As a boy, okay, let's say that. When you were a boy, what were you taught about dating? Because I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure that my parents are not very good at dating.
00:10:33
Speaker
I don't know, I don't know how to say it, I don't know how to say it, I don't know how to say it, I don't know how to say it, I don't know how to say it, I don't know
00:10:53
Speaker
No, actually you have to date eventually because it's like God's command for you to like marry and make children. But if you can't, what do you mean? I don't know what to do with dating. I don't know what to do with dating and courtship. I don't know what to do with marriage. So I don't know what to do with marriage. I don't know what to do with dating.
00:11:17
Speaker
Like, you don't mess with other people's hearts. But you don't mess with other people's hearts. You don't mess with other people's hearts. You don't mess with other people's hearts. Also, you don't guide your heart. What does that even mean? Yeah, that was thought.
00:11:46
Speaker
um dating for leisure was damaging thou uh that was what i remember na it takes away a chip of you every time you experience a heartbreak also it is not being loyal to the one that god has intended for you to marry so you should not date around you should not be having a relationships
00:12:15
Speaker
that are not serious. It is damaging you and it is...
00:12:34
Speaker
It's keeping yourself pure. That was so twisted. Yes. When you date someone and then you break up, it's like it takes a part of your heart now that when you marry the person,
00:13:05
Speaker
And I kind of believed that because when I started dating, when I got out of that brainwashing phase of my life, and when I went to actual dating, that's not broken heart at all. But I was never the same again. I can't feel that this conversation had have a very different thing than what we have outlined.
00:13:40
Speaker
There was a whole campaign. It was a movement that was started within evangelical Christians. And they were teaching young people all over the world.
00:13:56
Speaker
This started in the States and it also, of course, went to the Philippines because, you know, missionaries. I was one of those young people who were taught that true
Impact of Purity Culture
00:14:07
Speaker
love waits. And in that camp, we were taught that basically it was a very big, what is that term? Abstinence. They were just teaching abstinence.
00:14:28
Speaker
The best way that you can keep yourself pure and abstain from premarital sex is for you to not date at all until you are ready. And when you are ready is when you are ready to marry me.
00:14:48
Speaker
Because that way you will keep yourself from temptation, right? So it's the whole abstinence culture, purity culture is actually what we call it. It gave me a very twisted perspective on what the relationships are and what they should be. But yeah, I have so much to say on that.
00:15:10
Speaker
I know, I know But yeah, that is actually a very separate topic from what we want to talk about now I think that can be saved for
00:15:38
Speaker
a whole different episode. So be prepared. There is so much to unpack with that actually. But what we really want to talk about is our experiences in dating. Sorry.
00:16:00
Speaker
podcasting therapy is not good enough. That's a whole different episode. Anyway, moving forward. So what were your experiences in dating? I want
00:16:25
Speaker
to ask you about your very first experience in dating. When we say dating, that's like relationships, right? Do you recall your very first? Oh my god, yeah. Your very first person on a date and got into a relationship with was during, I don't know, elementary, high school. Oh my god.
00:16:53
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember her. Yes. Do you remember? Yeah, okay. Yes, I remember her. So this was a girl, yeah, she was a girl that studied with me in elementary. Hi! Hi! We may see you. How was it? How was it?
00:17:23
Speaker
Well, I don't know why, but I don't know why, because you have to be a serious person. So your motives were really serious. The intentions were serious. When you were elementary. Yeah, like... You already thought that you were serious. Yes, because we've heard stories of how best friends and children friends when they grow up, they eventually married. Does that sound familiar, Kesh? But yeah, right?
00:18:13
Speaker
I didn't even know how humans reproduce but all I knew was like I wanted to love this person
00:18:27
Speaker
So that was your first pop love relationship?
00:18:47
Speaker
I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it.
00:19:09
Speaker
And I was like, okay, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
00:19:35
Speaker
Oh yeah, but anyways... I would want to eventually settle with the people I date or be in a relationship with. It just so happened. I think a lot of people know like my schoolmates.
00:19:54
Speaker
No, no. Like, I'm more than one, two relationships in one of the islands of college. But on the side, like when I'm off a relationship, I really maximize the power of online dating. Mmm, online dating. For two types of purposes. One is to be a rabbit. No, you have to be specific.
00:20:18
Speaker
What do you mean to be a rabbit? One is for, like, um... Wait, it's 8am. It's 9am. I need to help me with the words. What? I don't even know. I lost the record. What are you trying to say? Rep- reproduction, procreation. Procreation. But you can't procreate your game. Sexually. No, that's reproduction. For sexual purposes.
00:20:46
Speaker
I don't know what it is. Reproduction. But you were dating thrice. Fornication. What was that? Wait, what did you say? Fornication, you were dating men. I don't know what it is. What is it? What is it? What is it?
00:21:34
Speaker
You know, second, to be in the hopes of finding that serious person also for me. But you know, we all know it doesn't work that way very easily. So Para Anasha, when you were on dating apps, it was like, if I find that person, I find that person. If I don't, that's fine.
00:21:48
Speaker
The second one, the second one, the second one.
00:21:56
Speaker
Yeah, at all. I don't have a face, but the goal every time I open it is to find that person. If I don't, it has to be that serious. But I think it's even more effortful, if there's a word. Really? How?
00:22:16
Speaker
Because you'll have to engage with five, three people at a time, and check on their intentions, check for red flags, engage with small talk, get to know them. What's the time for? Inefficient. Actually, I don't have time for this, but I'm going to go next. I'm going to select collect, collect, and then select.
00:22:50
Speaker
You don't just swipe right and then settle on that person. If it doesn't work, go to the homepage and then swipe again. So you just swipe, swipe, swipe. And so far, what were the red flags for you when you were in an ongoing conversation with those who interacted with you?
00:23:17
Speaker
Give us a few. Yeah, so on the top of my mind, I love you on the first day or on the second day. I love you on the first day. So you mean to say, when they say, I love you too soon.
00:23:43
Speaker
Yeah, one day I'll love you too soon. It's not meant or it's just the spur of the moment. When people ask for money from you. I'm curious. Give me the story.
00:24:12
Speaker
I'm engaged with small talk to the point that I'm very invested emotionally. And then a crisis comes in to ask you for money. It has happened to me multiple times. Oh my god. Yeah, it does. Believe it or not, it does. And then I'm in a college where
00:24:35
Speaker
Do they still continue to talk with you or do they stop there?
Ghosting Ethics and Experiences
00:25:01
Speaker
They would better usually not turn off. So I don't know that I was nothing. Ghosting. In a more non-ghosting way. So you chat with. Oh my God. Call me an ethical or what?
00:25:25
Speaker
I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it unethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though. I don't find it ethical, though
00:25:56
Speaker
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
00:26:26
Speaker
You let it die a natural death.
00:26:38
Speaker
Correct. And eventually, what I appreciate about that gesture is they get the message. Most of the time, they do get the message. Okay, this person's not interested anymore. So move on to the next person, then on. The signal was weak on my end. I didn't get the message before. Sorry. I was one persistent bitch. Yeah, they are also like...
00:27:09
Speaker
Like me? There are other people. Keep fighting, guys. I'm going to edit that shit now, of course. I don't know. They always talk about their ex. They always talk about their ex. They always talk about their ex.
00:27:38
Speaker
But I grew up to realize that it's a red flag. What do you think about red flags? What do you think about them? I think online dating has a lot of information, such as, for example, their pictures. So, like, I don't know how to say it, but it's a profile picture.
00:28:04
Speaker
That was a metaverse search. It was a google search. It was a metaverse search. It was a metaverse search. How do you mean catfishing? Oh yeah, that one. That one also. Believe it or not, I got into a very serious long-term relationship with a person who catfished me. Really? You have? I did not know that. I know you didn't know that. Well, I'll tell you the leader story.
Catfishing to Connection
00:28:30
Speaker
This person was a good person, but... Holy shit, come on! You inhaled this story from me? I know! Your best friend and co-host? I know, I know. Okay, so let's know the personal intravation, of course. Pero, tell me about this story.
00:28:58
Speaker
Of course, like, if you are in the LGBT community and, you know, in the midst of a patriarchal, homophobic society, are disguised, if not discreetly hidden? So you really have to get into the discussion. You know, you really have to engage first before getting their actual picture.
00:29:26
Speaker
So I don't want to post pictures to hide their identities or mostly not their pictures. I don't want to do that. I want to do it online and then I want to do it out. I want to do it. Eventually, I want to do something that had a very poggy profile picture and then I want to do it. I want to do it super invested emotionally. I want to do it online dating scene.
00:29:56
Speaker
We wanted to try to be exclusive, but it's not super. It's not a reveal, it's a bomb.
00:30:09
Speaker
But because I did not know that that was a red flag before, I realized, nah. So you continued it. Yeah, so I put a blind eye on that red flag and then went into that serious relationship.
00:30:27
Speaker
I didn't think I had to share it with you guys because it was a happy relationship. It was. We ended it happily. It was one of the long relationships. But anyways, I'll be right back.
00:30:42
Speaker
If there was a red flag, I guess I don't know if there was a red flag or not. Actually, a red flag in general, but when that happened to me, I had no regrets. And I think that was the most lucky thing I had. Anyways, enough for the morning tea. I don't know if it was a red flag or not.
00:31:25
Speaker
I don't know, actually, I don't know how to say red flags, but I don't know why I love you, because I love you the second day. You just become aware. You become aware of your boundaries, of your motives, of your expectations, but that doesn't mean that they're entirely bad people. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it.
00:31:33
Speaker
some people they don't intend naman to how do you
00:31:53
Speaker
There are certain red flags that will be fixed red flags. What are your non-negotiables? I think what you were saying about the
00:32:21
Speaker
I love you, agat aga joon, aga I love you too soon. I, hindisha necessarily red flag saiba. So I would call that a turn off rather than a red flag. Oh, it's a red flag. For you, it's a red flag. Okay.
00:32:36
Speaker
He stands by what he says. Subjective Naman. Subjective. So we call it a turn off because some might be okay or even elated with the fact that somebody's already in love with them right away, right? Because for some people love comes easily or you know they just fall in love right away. Some people are made of that. And that would apply the same with
00:33:03
Speaker
I know with other red flags. Like if a person asks you for money upfront, some people would happily give it. Yeah, I guess. It depends on their economic status. Yes. But yeah, yeah. Red flags are a spectrum. I guess. I don't know.
00:33:33
Speaker
It's a very specific question. It's a non-negotiable to the point that you would say it on a podcast and ask men or women not to do it to you.
00:34:10
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.
00:34:10
Speaker
I'll give you an example.
00:34:46
Speaker
Yeah, I never... Like I said, like I mentioned earlier, for a very long time, a very long period of my adolescent years, until the last, until 20, 20, 20, I'm not sure. Was...
00:35:07
Speaker
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:35:15
Speaker
When you're out looking for a relationship, it should be the relationship that you are going to be settling with. Like, you date to marry. That's how it was for me before. How did that turn out? Terrible. I will explain in a few minutes why it was terrible, okay? Let's not jump into conclusions. But...
00:35:43
Speaker
So with that being said, I haven't even experienced dating apps. I haven't even experienced dating apps. I haven't even experienced dating apps. I haven't even experienced dating apps.
00:36:14
Speaker
So I never really got to try dating apps. What I did try though was Omegel.
00:36:22
Speaker
Omegle. Omegle. I don't know how you pronounce it. It's not a dating app. It's just a video chat site where you can chat to random strangers. And if you want to bring the conversation outside, you can exchange information if you want. If not, that's fine too. So that's the only thing I was able to try before. And that's where I met my husband.
00:36:49
Speaker
So since I was also a very insecure person, I wasn't really fond of...
Self-Discovery Through Dating
00:36:57
Speaker
No, because I was a very insecure person. I had this notion in my head. I should be grateful for it and I shouldn't be picky. So I didn't have any red flags before. That was my personal red flag. I didn't have any red flags. I wasn't very cautious because I didn't know. My husband
00:37:26
Speaker
When we got into our relationship, I've mentioned this in my in the previous episodes that we have, he was my first boyfriend. So I never really got the experience or had the experience outside of that, of having a relationship I didn't date.
00:37:42
Speaker
When I already got married, I didn't realize the downside of just not being able to date around or not being able to get into relationships or try relationships with other people. Hence why I said it turned out terrible for me.
00:38:05
Speaker
I realized when I was already married. And what other way that you can learn about yourself and about people that you want to be with is by going into relationships with people. Because I was taught over and over again when I was young.
00:38:37
Speaker
That's a bad thing. You're a whore. You shouldn't be dating around. You should stick to one person and that's it.
00:39:02
Speaker
A very personal concrete experience.
00:39:10
Speaker
I have learned eventually that I am not a very clingy person. I am not a very affectionate person. In a sense, affection can be shown in many different forms, right?
00:39:38
Speaker
It should be like that. It should be natural, right?
00:39:49
Speaker
We were just still starting out. He was my boyfriend, first boyfriend. What I thought was, I changed myself to fit into the girlfriend type of person. I didn't know, you're not supposed to change yourself when you're going into a relationship. You should be yourself.
00:40:11
Speaker
and go into that relationship and find if you are compatible find if they like that version of you or not even that version of you they like you they like the real you and not just some kind of version that you made up so that you would fit into the quote unquote the ideal girlfriend type.
00:40:37
Speaker
And I told him, no, actually, it's a hole.
00:40:49
Speaker
I don't know how to say it, best foot forward. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it.
00:41:08
Speaker
So, I was able to find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place where I could find a place
00:41:28
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:41:48
Speaker
So we had to go through a very long process of learning about ourselves and the other person to fully understand who that person is, who the person I marry is.
00:42:05
Speaker
and who I am too. I've learned so many things about myself that I didn't even realize until I was already married. I also found out that I was bisexual when I was already married and I had a kid.
00:42:20
Speaker
Like, you must find out that's when I acknowledge the truth that I was bisexual and attracted to women. But voila, that ship has long gone because I'm already married. So that's another part of me I will never get to exploring. Right now, that's fine.
00:42:40
Speaker
But that means what if you don't know what
Personal Growth and Growing Apart
00:42:44
Speaker
to do. So what I think is very important is among very important things on dating. And that's what I tell my younger brother.
00:42:58
Speaker
It's okay if you want to date. Just enjoy it. Just make sure that you have good intentions. But if it doesn't work out, that's fine. It's okay. It doesn't have to be the one that you actually want to marry. If you want to, that's fine too, right? But you also have to consider it now.
00:43:15
Speaker
You are still growing, you're still changing, you're still learning about yourself. And the picture might change in a few months, in a few years. So sometimes you're in a relationship with one person and you intend the best for each other. But after a few years, you have to change your picture, you have to change what you want in that picture. It's no longer the same as that person. And that's okay. That's okay.
00:43:46
Speaker
never marry. And I think that I would marry for the sake of spiting the system. If ever legal, I would do it for spite, but for the intention to get locked with a person forever, I wouldn't.
00:44:05
Speaker
We grow, we evolve every day. And if things don't work out, then there should be a healthy exit, a healthy legal exit. And the safest way to do that right now is like to literally not marry each other. I mean, like, that's why there should be divorce. Yeah. Yes.
00:44:28
Speaker
If things don't work out, we should acknowledge that it's a part of the human experience. It's a part of being human. To be able to get out of something that doesn't work. To look for another person.
00:44:45
Speaker
painful to stay in a relationship that is no longer working. And that ends up to someone cheating or one partner or both of them becoming resentful of each other and it becomes a toxic relationship eventually.
00:45:07
Speaker
Or even worse, like my papa tai nyun iba. Oh my goodness, yes. A lot of women get abused in the household because of this freaking social institution of marriage. So Parang, if I were to be an influencer and convince people to do something, the action point is, don't marry.
Marriage and Freedom
00:45:28
Speaker
But some people are, they are lucky enough to find that person. I know. That, you know, they are lucky to find each other that would want to stay married and be happy. And that's great. And that doesn't mean, disclaimer laha. Yeah, disclaimer laha. Like for my friends who chose to marry, I am very happy for you. You all know that. And I think you all, you also know my stance.
00:45:53
Speaker
Nice tense and then ever since marriage is something that's not supposed to be a cage where
00:46:15
Speaker
You lock another person. One or both are trapped into something that they can never get out of when they wish to. It's not like that. If somebody wants to get out, you know, to end it. Yeah, like the relationship will be like non-consensual anymore. Yeah. Divide. But it's not my divorce.
00:46:40
Speaker
It's still going to stay that kind of belief that marriage should never end. My divorce, my stigma, but mostly against divorced women. I'm not insecure about it. I'm not in favor of divorce. I'm not in our lives to get out of something. I'm not in the past.
00:47:07
Speaker
Like if it's legal to like leave your companies as an employee, if it's legal to opt out of a social contract, it should apply them some marriage. Anyways, you know, two cents.
00:47:24
Speaker
I don't know how fast forward it is. But I think it's important to remember that there is nothing wrong with online dating. I think it's important to remember that there is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating. There is nothing wrong with online dating.
00:47:52
Speaker
I met him on Tinder or on Grindr or wherever. It's not wrong to try to find love or sex online. It's okay as long as it's consensual, as long as the intention is not to fool other people.
00:48:17
Speaker
to get to your own interests it's like it's okay and it's also okay to opt out like we should live in a society where saying no can be that comfortable that we don't have to ghost people
00:48:40
Speaker
We should live in a society that it's okay to opt in and to opt out and to end things
00:48:49
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know so you're one of the many on top of my head keep takeaways go on my dating life But oh, yeah in Coba since you've mentioned a very short long dating period say you went straight to marriage What did you learn from that very short period of time?
00:49:05
Speaker
I would say it in a format if I could talk to my younger self. If I could talk to my younger self and go back in time and tell her the things that she should know. It's okay to not have a boyfriend, to not have a partner because my sense of self-worth was very tied to finding someone to love me or to like me because I didn't like myself.
00:49:36
Speaker
So if I could go back, it would start there. What I would say would start there. It's okay to not find anyone at all. It's okay to find happiness in your friends, in your family, in yourself, most importantly.
Advice on Self-Worth and Love
00:49:55
Speaker
And once you've got those things figured out, you found happiness with yourself. Yeah, the pieces would fall into place.
00:50:05
Speaker
Because now that you know what you want, now that you know what you deserve.
00:50:11
Speaker
you are most likely to end up with someone who loves you even more or will give you what you deserve. You would know what to ask for and you know what to give, what you can give, what you can offer into the relationship that would be helpful for your growth and for that other person's growth. Your goal when going into a relationship is supposed to be
00:50:37
Speaker
It should be your growth in that other person's growth. And if you grow out of, you know, if you grow bigger than the relationship and your goals eventually change because you have both grown and evolved, that's okay. You think each other and part ways. And that's fine. That's what I would teach my younger self or tell my younger self, because nobody,
00:51:05
Speaker
Nobody really told me that. Others would just say... Nobody tells a shit. Yeah, nobody really told me that. You know what? It's okay. You are lovable and you do not need a partner to feel worthy of love.
00:51:26
Speaker
You are for a bit of love and you are enough on your own. It's good if I started there, things would have had a very, very different turn out. But of course, because we cannot turn back time, we cannot go back in time. I share this to other people who might be listening. I always, when I get the chance to talk to younger ones,
00:51:49
Speaker
who are experiencing what I experienced before. I always tell them the things that I wish I knew when I was in their place. That you are fine. You are worthy of love and you do not need another person to prove that.
00:52:06
Speaker
You just need to find that within yourself. And sometimes it's so hard and self-love is so, so hard. I am not saying you should not be going into relationships if you don't love yourself. I'm not saying that. That's an entirely different conversation. But yeah, since it's an entirely different conversation, I'm going to end that now. But yeah.
00:52:34
Speaker
I don't know what to say from those statements alone. And I fully agree if I were to talk to my younger self. I wish I've heard those statements. Instead of the saying, you become whole when you find another person. I wish I've heard a different set of statements. But yeah, as you said, I can't turn back time. No regrets.
00:52:58
Speaker
My podcast is like we're trying to talk about how we navigate through.
Daniel Sloss's Relationship Insights
00:53:04
Speaker
By the way, we would like to plug something that we just we watch. We have already watched this before, but we watched it again like the last weekend. Daniel's loss on Netflix, guys.
00:53:19
Speaker
If you guys have Netflix, watch Daniel Sloss. That's S-L-O-S-S. On Netflix, he has two episodes. He's actually a stand-up comedian, but he has very, very wise insights on these things.
00:53:39
Speaker
The second episode is called Jigsaw. Actually, both of the episodes are great, but the second one talks particularly about relationships. He's very... It's a smart comedy, I love it. And it makes you really think. And yeah, if you guys can check that out, if you want more stuff. It's a very awesome show. Yeah, I should watch that. Oh, yeah. Anyway... I don't know if you guys can check that out. It's very awesome.
00:54:08
Speaker
Anyways, I don't think that's the focus for now. I don't even know for now. Yeah, let's put that in the parking lot. So we're ending this topic now, but I don't know if you guys have any suggestions or if you guys have any topics, let us know because we will do that for you.
Engagement and Subscription Encouragement
00:54:33
Speaker
We do anything for CloudChalet.
00:54:37
Speaker
such as plugging in our social media accounts, so please follow us because we're like attention hearts like that. Follow us on Facebook, on Instagram, and on Twitter. If you want to learn more about social media handles, go ahead. Actually, go ahead, guys.
00:54:55
Speaker
You look bad. Yes. You look bad. You look bad. You look bad. We're now also streaming on Amazon Music. So, hey, you look bad. You look bad. You look bad. You look bad. If you do, check us out there. This has been a very great episode.
Closing and Listener Appreciation
00:55:20
Speaker
Thank you so much for sharing your stories, Dadil. Well, yes. Well, yes.
00:55:32
Speaker
Anyway, so yeah, again, this is Cash. Again, my name is Dariel. And I'm Cash. And this is
00:55:48
Speaker
It's a f**k and this is. And this is. And this is. Wait, wait, wait. One, two, alright. One, two, three. And this is. Is this thing on? The podcast. On the bar. Hi, my name is Karat. And my name is Patek. And you listen to. Is this thing on?
00:56:17
Speaker
support us please follow us and subscribe bye