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Umaasa O Umuusad?
157 Plays2 years ago
For this episode, we will share the story of our FIRST EVER letter sender, Ian, and the steps he shared about moving on from his ex. We also share our own experiences and our thoughts on the matter (waw hahaha). BASTA, YUN NA YUN, REZPEK OUR OPINION!! choz
Sa dami ng daldal namin, eto na ata ang first topic na natameme kami that we had to re-do the whole thing kasi puro dead air ang unang take--hence the weird episode number. KKLK!
In fernes, naka serious mode at napag-reflect kami dito. Sana kayo din. cheret.
DISCLAIMER: Everything we have shared in this episode is based on own personal experiences and opinions; we are NOT experts in the matter (kahit na tunog nagmamarunong kami), wag nyo kami awayin kung may iba kayong opinion, owkiee? If you agree or disagree, we'd love to hear you out and share it in our podcast, and so...
As promised, THE LINK BELOW is where you can reach out to us and share your stories or opinions or kahit ano na, basta kausapin nyo kami pleaassse *puppy eyes*
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Transcript
Frustrations and Redoing a Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
So this is actually another 8th take. I don't know how to make energy. 8th take. I'm 7th take. It's a long episode and we're deciding to redo the whole entire thing.
00:00:25
Speaker
I don't know what to say.
Listener Letters: Experiences of Moving On
00:00:37
Speaker
So, last week, we sent out letters from you guys, from our listeners to send in your experience or pie or what have you about moving on. Moving on. So, my letter sent me. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it or how to record it.
00:00:54
Speaker
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
00:01:06
Speaker
I am on the spot having a record. In fact, the previous take was 1 hour, 14 minutes, and 22 seconds. For the element of surprise. I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to reflect on the record. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything.
00:01:37
Speaker
It was bad.
00:01:40
Speaker
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
00:02:10
Speaker
But I don't know how to do it.
00:02:14
Speaker
It's not really bad guys! It's not really bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys! It's not bad guys!
Restarting with Controlled Emotions
00:02:46
Speaker
Is this thing on? The podcast. Yes, for the second time. This time with more controlled emotions, hopefully.
00:03:10
Speaker
But I think we're going to win. I'm excited about it. Anyway, it's a little bit of a challenge. To be honest, I'm taking it from the previous recording, Kanina. I think it's one of those episodes that, you know, I've never seen it before. I've never seen it before. I've never seen it before. I've never seen it before. I've never seen it before. I've never seen it before. I've never seen it before.
00:03:40
Speaker
thinking in my mind, Kanina, it was going to be a very happy discussion, but apparently... Apparently like the previous episodes.
00:03:49
Speaker
What we think, what we thought in a light topic long, it's always becoming heavy. And you know the reason why we also really want to give premium to this episode is because you know these are the topics, these are one of the so many topics that should be talked about and not just at the surface level.
Introducing Ian's Story
00:04:19
Speaker
So, are you ready, Daryll? Yeah, okay, for the second time. I think we are more ready this round. We are more ready this round. Are we? We're more composed at least. Okay, so again, let me read it. So this is from our letter sender. His name is Ian and this is his letter. Dear Daryll and Kesh, hello!
00:04:59
Speaker
Dear Daril and Keshe, I am not going to do anything with you. I am not going to do anything with you.
00:05:11
Speaker
I'm like, sorry, it's all right. That's why I'm here with the panelists. I'm an avid listener. I want to share a little bit about this episode. I want to share a little bit about it. I want to share a little bit about it. I love this topic. I love it. Ciao.
00:05:29
Speaker
It's one of the easiest steps to move on. It's a very structured channel. It's a very structured channel. It's a very structured channel. It's a very structured channel. It's a very structured channel. It's a very structured channel.
00:05:45
Speaker
Almost five years ago when my partner and I decided to break up the insulin reasons, mostly personal, at making elements of mental health. Pero, we are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends. We are still friends.
00:06:16
Speaker
My comments. Sorry. It was initially mutual, but I didn't know that I was willing to do anything. But I didn't know that I was ready. I didn't know that I was ready. But I didn't know that I was ready that time. So I didn't know that I was ready.
00:06:50
Speaker
I was very unstable because at that time and I really needed the space. There's more to the story but let's save it for another time.
00:07:18
Speaker
He's learning in the process. Let's just use the pronoun.
00:07:36
Speaker
Like, the occasional steps are actually very outline, very structured. But anyways, step one, social distancing.
00:07:56
Speaker
I left the place.
00:08:13
Speaker
The communication was helpful for me, because it reminds me about the reason why we broke up, but it also reminds me of the reason why we broke up, because it reminds me of the reason why we broke up, because it reminds me of the reason why we broke up, because it reminds me of the reason why we broke up, because it reminds me of the reason why we broke up,
00:08:41
Speaker
Okay, daddy, let me start with a step one, yeah? Actually, I'm going to tell you one. Effective bar and social distancing. For you. I'm going to tell you a little bit about the last line. Like, with the help of the blog, I'm going to tell you a little bit about it. I feel like at some point, it's healthy. But you know, when I move on, I feel like I'm accepting boundaries from what was and what is.
00:09:09
Speaker
And there are a lot of ways to do that. Pero is a somewhat important thing. Baga is a guru is to like, at least take the first baby step to choose not to communicate or not to block Pero to make the step to distance yourself.
00:09:29
Speaker
consciously distance yourself. For example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for example, for
00:09:49
Speaker
I think the steps of moving on.
00:10:11
Speaker
It's actually annoying. It's more than just blocking. It's so hard to get to that, to be able to do that.
00:10:46
Speaker
So this is a very important step.
00:10:53
Speaker
but also difficult, right? Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two. Okay, step two.
00:11:17
Speaker
Which is okay. Which is, I think, valid. It's a good, it's a good pile. Like, how can you move on if you don't stop talking to the person?
00:11:47
Speaker
I don't know if it's necessary for Bobo or not to do it. But I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not. I don't know if it's necessary or not.
00:12:19
Speaker
I think to some extent the friends will help you, you know, to keep from doing that.
00:12:54
Speaker
Because it's to provide space not just for the other person, but for you as well. For you to learn how to, or to unlearn rather,
00:13:09
Speaker
in the constant communication. Okay, step two. Step two. Step two. Step two. Magmask. He said. Now I isolated myself and we were together.
00:13:35
Speaker
He isolated himself when they were together. Maybe because of my personality, I realized it was not healthy.
Coping Mechanisms and Personal Growth
00:13:56
Speaker
So I tried dating. I really didn't want to. I couldn't grab any friends that time. It was too unhealthy. I would drink, go to bars and meet new friends there or date someone. Do more than drinking. It was more of me trying to cover the pain.
00:14:17
Speaker
Eventually, it took a toll on me, which made me realize. I drowned myself with the work, which also took a toll on my health. I realized that I still wanted to live, then ended up meeting random people from dating apps.
00:14:36
Speaker
So, the dominant option is turn around time. It depends on the time of the cycle. This is why we have to confront emotions in different ways. This is why we have to do this eventually. This is why it is necessary to step forward. This is why the requirements of a face shield. This is why we have to do this. I'll never conclude that this is a temporary patch.
00:15:02
Speaker
My two levels, I mean, my two comments, two points on this step two. This is where it gets difficult.
00:15:23
Speaker
I'm not going to judge him personally because it's because of his personality. I'm not going to judge him personally because it's because of his personality. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his personality. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extrovert. I'm not going to judge him because of his extro
00:15:47
Speaker
when this happens, when you have to end the relationship. And sometimes because of that, you have to look for other avenues to distract yourself or to make you forget. To cover the pain, Ilkana. And that's hard. How about you? When you were moving on, did you attempt to cover the pain? And if yes, how? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
00:16:17
Speaker
Yes, we would really try to cover the pain. I don't know how to say it in English, but I don't know how to say it. I love my friends because I have friends who listen to me. But I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it.
00:16:44
Speaker
I don't know how to say it, but I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.
00:16:56
Speaker
I would literally go also to, if not alcohol, to bars, you know, to dating apps so that I could talk to like friends and to new friends or date new friends.
00:17:15
Speaker
But when I judge myself, I don't want to judge myself. I don't want to judge myself. I don't want to judge myself. I don't want to judge myself. I don't want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself. I want to judge myself.
00:17:35
Speaker
Because there were times, not all the times, there were times that I did not want to tell them the stories that they knew already. I did not want to burden them even if they told me that they were always there for me. Yeah.
00:17:53
Speaker
I don't know how to cope with sex alcohol and dating and so many other unhealthy stuff but that's how I tried to cover the pain before I don't know how to cope with it I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why
00:18:24
Speaker
I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why
00:18:52
Speaker
I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with the record. I don't know what to do with the record. I don't know what to do with the record. I don't know what to do with the record. I don't know what to do with the record. I don't know what to do with the record. I don't know what to do with the record.
00:19:20
Speaker
I was just living in the past and maybe sometimes fantasizing a future that will never happen.
00:20:00
Speaker
It was a very long process that I had to learn the hard way. I tried to move on by finally opening my doors to dating, but I wasn't able to date around because I eventually just dated one person.
00:20:14
Speaker
Shit, that still hurts.
00:20:26
Speaker
When you say dated one person... He became my husband?
00:20:36
Speaker
So I wasn't able to do it alone. Yeah, it was efficient, yes. It was efficient. I know. And then we came back again. I don't know how to say it, but it's been a long time since I've watched the previous episodes, but it's been a long time since I've watched it. But it's been a long time since I've watched it. But to cut the story short,
00:21:03
Speaker
we had to get married even though we were we were both not ready for it and we were both not really we were not yet long into the relationship so fast forward fast forward fast forward fast forward fast forward fast forward
00:21:32
Speaker
But it's not easy for me, because it's very stressful for me. Stressful for me. It's very difficult for me.
00:21:42
Speaker
It wasn't a healthy pace at all. And my husband and I both know that. We've talked about this. It resulted to unresolved feelings and emotions that I had to deal with later on. And it actually also affected my marriage, like on top of the very wobbly foundation that my marriage was sitting on when it started.
00:22:11
Speaker
It was very difficult. But now it has already been resolved. The process was very long and it was very painful. And it also involved my husband, Nasi, we were already married. But it has already been resolved. The unresolved feelings has now been resolved. Okay, close. Let's just say that.
00:22:40
Speaker
Yeah, actually, I know. You know, step three is happening in the end, and I'm going to do it beforehand, because it's going to be nice, and I'm going to do it again. So step three, rise through the ashes, just like a phoenix. But on Covid-themed related social distancing with masks, Harry Potter. Would you read it or should I? You should.
00:23:08
Speaker
I should. Okay, step three. Rise through the ashes. Just like a phoenix. I eventually met a kind soul and a friend about the ex and told me that I should date. Not because I'm trying to replace my ex, but because you want to know yourself more.
00:23:39
Speaker
The kind soul also mentioned that I have dark knowledge that some dates are going to be messy for your ego. I dated as much as I can, but I kept comparing the kind of relationship I had with my ex.
00:23:56
Speaker
I know it's unfair, but it highlights the fact that I may not have moved on. You need to understand that you can love again and be in another relationship. You either stay with me or stay hung up with your ex.
00:24:26
Speaker
This is how you are going to be. You are moving on not to find a rebound person, but also for you to learn.
00:24:39
Speaker
more about yourself about your likes and dislikes i love that part i love that part because say before we're so like we are so um obsessed with the thought of finding someone else so that they can love you is always um more on you feeling more
00:25:04
Speaker
to love you. When, in fact, it doesn't have to be that way, it also can be seen as this, like you're dating so that you can learn more about yourself. It's exploring yourself, too. And I realized that I don't have a lot of friends. But again, he was my first relationship after I moved on. So I never really knew what I wanted or liked or disliked.
00:25:33
Speaker
So I also learned a lot about myself. But this time it was more difficult. This is not working. It's more complicated than that. So the process was we have to talk about those differences and really make it work.
00:26:03
Speaker
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
00:26:32
Speaker
unfair bus apart. I think it depends on the opinion of the people. I think it depends on the relationship. While that is ideal, and I agree with you, I agree with you, but I think it depends especially on
00:27:19
Speaker
That kind of relationship, especially a relationship that long.
00:27:23
Speaker
in Ian's case. He has been in a relationship for seven years. Seven years.
00:27:28
Speaker
It would live with you, eh? It's something that you cannot really erase from your memory. So if moving on for some people means...
00:27:44
Speaker
What I think is unfair is for us to demand our partners to completely forget or erase their past. When that has probably contributed to who they are now.
00:28:00
Speaker
Like the person that you love now, that you like now, is a product of the previous relationship that they've been. Like they've probably grown from that relationship because of that relationship. So for you to completely erase.
00:28:23
Speaker
For us, it's not unfair, because it's not invalidating our relationship with our partner, with their ex, regardless of whatever happened in that relationship. For you to expect that we're not going to do anything, we're not going to do anything, we're not going to do anything. It will stay with you. I think it's not fair to say that we're not going to do anything.
00:28:49
Speaker
I think it's important for us to know that we are all part of the world. We are all part of the world. We are all part of the world. We are all part of the world. We are all part of the world. We are all part of the world.
00:29:12
Speaker
And that's okay. More like it's coming from a place of gratitude. Like, I'm glad that you happened in my life. I'm glad that I've shared this
00:29:32
Speaker
part of my life with you, but that chapter has already ended and it's closed.
Gratitude and Embracing New Love
00:29:38
Speaker
This is a new relationship. I love this person now. I still love you, but in a different form. It's not like how it was.
00:30:00
Speaker
I don't know if it's unfair or not. I don't know if it's unfair or not. I don't know if it's unfair. I don't know if it's unfair or not. I don't know if it's unfair or not. I don't know if it's unfair or not.
00:30:12
Speaker
Oh, it's an Indian-Kurgan partner, right? Oh, it's an affair. It's an Indian-Kurgan relationship. In my opinion, it's a relationship. In my opinion, it's a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It's just a relationship. It
00:30:38
Speaker
At surface level, it's just human to really love your exes. Especially if they've been really great relationships, right? Yeah, there are good relationships and even the shitty ones.
00:30:57
Speaker
And that's okay, that's what makes us human. That's how the mind and the heart works. And again, it's different for every person.
00:31:19
Speaker
They still hold a place in that person's heart. But that doesn't mean invalidated. Yeah, yeah.
00:31:47
Speaker
That's it, it's all for now, it's all for now. See you next time.
00:32:04
Speaker
Well, the last episode of the episode is the last episode of the last episode of the last episode of the last episode of the last episode of the last episode of the last episode of the last episode of the last episode.
00:32:28
Speaker
We have a mask, a baguette, a baguette, but we have a cigarette, a cigarette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette, a baguette.
00:32:45
Speaker
I don't know if I can move on, but eventually, I won't be able to move on for 3 years. Congrats! Thank you!
00:32:59
Speaker
I'm sorry, I'm not going to talk to you, I'm not going to talk to you, I'm not going to talk to you, I'm not going to talk to you, I'm not going to talk to you, I'm not going to talk to you
00:33:17
Speaker
But I want to know more about it. True, me too. Tabinga in another letter. But it must be a sign, at some point, Hindi manakom fully moved on sexko for seven years, uma asa, pero, uma usad. Oh, shit. Listening to other people's stories helped me move on. Kaya, I thought of sharing this story too. Sana makatulong.
00:33:46
Speaker
I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore.
00:34:08
Speaker
For me, to tell you honestly, I don't want to emphasize that it's not just me and you. I've been listening to other people's stories to help me move on. I thought of sharing this story too. When we read this the first time earlier, it helped us a lot. I want to share this story. Yeah, it's a very intimate letter. We felt it so much that we had to record again.
00:34:36
Speaker
to be able to compose our thoughts. And yeah, I would say, this is something that I've also realized. I deserve to be in this pain for so long. I have to let go of this pain eventually, but
00:35:05
Speaker
For you to get there, for you to be able to do that. You have to acknowledge first the pain. You have to acknowledge its existence for you to be able to move on from it. That's the only way that you can get through. And you don't just acknowledge it, you also forgive.
00:35:29
Speaker
yes forgive the person forgive the past forgive the past forgive yourself as well what if i did this what if i did that that also holds us back um getting stuck with the what ifs and for me personally yeah i got stuck there for a very long time and it made me very unhappy
00:35:56
Speaker
That's also true. So when I realized that, you know what, I will not allow this to have power over me. I have to forgive myself for all the mistakes I've done, the decisions that I had to do, and move on and be happy with what I have now, and currently seek happiness within myself, for myself. And I think that was the key.
00:36:23
Speaker
I think it's very intense feelings. I didn't realize anything about it. So I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it. I didn't realize anything about it
00:36:49
Speaker
I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is. I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what the situation is, but I don't know what
00:37:17
Speaker
In terms of moving on, I'd like to ask you, what helped you move on? Stories of others, like other people, telling their stories about moving on helped him. How about you, aside from distracting yourself with alcohol and dating and what have you, what are the other things that you found that are effective on helping you move on?
00:37:47
Speaker
So, let's go to the next panel.
00:37:54
Speaker
Aside from the alcohol, right? Aside from distracting yourself. It doesn't really help you move forward. It just masks it. It's temporary. It's a temporary patch. Eventually, you'll realize when
00:38:18
Speaker
When you see yourself not moving, okay, I need to find another effective reason how I could move on. So what helped you move on?
The Role of Friends and Communication
00:38:32
Speaker
What helped me move on actually was
00:38:36
Speaker
dealing with it. And I was privileged and fortunate enough to have friends that helped me go through the process. I hope it disregards your contributions of alcohol and partying. That really helped not just mask the pain, but it also helped me deal with it.
00:38:59
Speaker
Like when drinking alcohol, if I were sober. And you know, bonding times then with friends really got me
00:39:15
Speaker
starting to talk about it and realizing that, you know, Hindi natto fantasy has to get real. And usually after after I got away with my ex,
00:39:38
Speaker
So the more that I held on to those fantasies of what could be, I had to go through a process of understanding the reality and not just, you know, when going back through the memories. Good parts and leaving all the bad parts, but also to really just acknowledge and deal with it.
00:40:08
Speaker
How did I move on? Same as you, when I started to realize how it was impacting my current relationship
00:40:20
Speaker
and how it was also making me unhappy, because I would constantly compare. And sometimes, Yuma's point of comparison was, if not imagined, very cherry-picked. Very, very cherry-picked.
00:40:39
Speaker
So I didn't realize that it has to be a conscious effort. It had to be a conscious effort on my part too. I snapped myself back to reality. And it was hard for me because the reality wasn't very appealing as well. But it was hard for me because the reality wasn't very appealing as well.
00:41:03
Speaker
I don't want to divulge too much, but let's just say, as I've mentioned earlier, my husband and I, although bless his heart, he has grown a lot through the years.
00:41:18
Speaker
Our first series was very, very rocky. We were throttled into the world of marriage too early, not just for the both of us, but for us individually. It was something that we were unprepared for. So that was the reality for me when I was in a marriage that I wasn't ready for.
00:41:44
Speaker
And so, since, of course, that is always a recipe for a kind of a disaster. So what I did to cope back then was to yawn, was to live in the past and like compare. Now, if this was with this person, this wouldn't happen. And in that, I compare with a previous person.
00:42:10
Speaker
And of course, the comparison is always... The relationship with both those people was very different.
00:42:24
Speaker
And ideally, it was an ideal setting, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, for me, it was, I realized it was an unfair, an unfair, you know, parcel had not how it was. And I was basically painting an imagination, you know, I was living in a past that maybe didn't even exist.
00:42:55
Speaker
I was trapped back then. And then I realized, yeah, it just made me unhappy. And I wanted to be happy. And this imagined past and imagined future with this person that will never happen, will never happen. So what the fuck is keeping you from moving on? So I acknowledge those feelings.
00:43:23
Speaker
I told my husband about it. Actually, he confronted me. He confronted me. He was very understanding about it, regardless on how hurt he was. He was there. He listened. He was very understanding. And because I had a partner who was listening to me,
00:43:51
Speaker
I was lucky enough to have him not be like other people. He wasn't like that. He was just there listening to me calmly. And he actually was the one who told me, you should tell that other person that you still have unresolved feelings for him.
00:44:15
Speaker
Actually, he even offered Nashana Dao. I was like, no, no, no, I have no plans. I have no plans of telling him. But if I would tell him, it would be coming from me, not from you. And so I told the other person.
00:44:37
Speaker
And then, for me, it's not that close, it's that close. Like, all the imagination I had that helped me cope back then was simply just... I don't know if it was an imagination, but... It's like... It was like looking through a rose-colored glass. Is that how they see it?
00:45:09
Speaker
I don't know, Cass. Yeah, like everything seems beautiful when you look through it through rose colored dots or whatever. I forgot to say. But it was kind of distorted, let's just say that. It was distorted in my mind. But when I was able to, you know, tell the other person about it,
00:45:34
Speaker
And he was also gracious enough to like, say, huh? So I was like, okay. This is not like the person
00:46:01
Speaker
How do we refer to him? The person from the past, as much as we were dear to each other, but it wasn't that kind of love that we had. And I realized that then
Love Changes and Self-Love
00:46:20
Speaker
after contracting him, this doesn't even make it less.
00:46:30
Speaker
I still love that person so much, but it's not that kind of love anymore. It just changed its form. It's not lower. You don't have to be in a romantic relationship with anybody to love them. I know this would differ with other people.
00:46:56
Speaker
It doesn't stop with romantic relationships, like expressing your love to another person. It can be a form of friendship. Friendship is one of the biggest forms of love, so it was better. It was actually better for me.
00:47:14
Speaker
So I think communication was a very big part of how I processed it. I didn't keep it to myself like before. I never talked to anybody about it.
00:47:44
Speaker
But when I got to talk about it, with no judgement from the people that mattered most, that's not the process. That's done. Let's move on.
00:48:03
Speaker
If I were to lift something that I learned from that letter in Ian, part of moving on is also not forgetting to love yourself.
00:48:20
Speaker
And the moment that you start realizing, I don't want to be sad anymore. Like you acknowledge that you declare that to yourself. You don't want to be sad anymore. You want to be happy. You want to love you.
00:48:36
Speaker
If I were to get something that I learned, it's not forgetting to love myself. And some people might take that for granted, that statement for granted.
00:48:51
Speaker
When we say you love yourself, Kase, is that we understand ourselves more accurately. We empathize with our feelings and ourselves and we forgive you. And out of everything that we've talked about, Kanina, this is the hardest, for me, this is the hardest things to do. Especially
00:49:18
Speaker
If you're in that state of vulnerability and you're still in the process of wondering whether you're still worthy of love or whether you'll find anyone like your ex, the answer done is not that.
00:49:38
Speaker
Our happiness and our love for ourselves should not be dependent on other people, but on ourselves. We are responsible for making ourselves happy, for loving ourselves. It is not others' responsibility to do that. They can be a part of it, but they're not responsible for it. Correct.
00:50:11
Speaker
I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.
00:50:33
Speaker
But if you don't know what's going on, I'm going to move on. I'm not going to move on anymore. But I'm going to be there for you. I'm going to be there for you. But I'm going to be happy. You'll get there. You'll get there. We promise. We also want to remind ourselves, even me, that things are getting better every day. Although sometimes it doesn't seem like it. There will always be ups and downs, but it's always better every day.
00:51:03
Speaker
as long as you move forward. And you should be proud of yourself. Yes. For, you know, getting to work on getting rid of the past and getting rid of your emotional baggages, big or small. And you should be proud of yourself for being brave to, you know, live every day stronger and healthier than the last. Just like how Ian did in his case. So who does
00:51:32
Speaker
to you for having made it even to this day and getting to listen to this very delayed episode. Yes. Ian, we are very proud of you. Proud of you for moving on, moving forward rather. You are moving on. You're still in the process of moving on.
00:51:49
Speaker
Sending this letter is part of, I hope it helps. I hope it helps not getting it out there. I really think that helps. I personally think it helps. You're not, you're able to get it out there. It helps knowing that you are heard. It helps to know now you're not alone in experiencing this. I say, I hope before, but I don't know.
00:52:14
Speaker
I wasn't able to talk to anybody about it. So I was alone in processing everything and apparently processing it alone is not effective for me because it becomes convoluted into some kind of something else.
00:52:36
Speaker
Yeah, and I'm very proud of you for having reached this far.
00:52:50
Speaker
There could be days when our emotions could still make us feel the sting. But I'm proud of you. And if we don't have enough time, we don't have enough time. We don't have enough time. We don't have enough time. We don't have enough time. We don't have enough time.
00:53:20
Speaker
Try to be more compassionate or more empathetic. In trying to help them move on, we try to downplay the hurt that they're feeling.
00:53:44
Speaker
It just makes your friend keep it from you. And if you really love your friend and you want to support them in ways that would actually help them, always lend
00:54:05
Speaker
a non-judgmental ear. Sometimes we tend to give them advice that was helpful for us, but not necessarily going to be helpful for them. So the best thing we can do sometimes is just listen and be there and hug them if they need a hug.
00:54:25
Speaker
So yeah, that's what I want to say.
Podcast as a Safe Space
00:54:35
Speaker
And our space is also a safe space. Our page is open for messages. If you guys want to share your messages, you want us to share it with the other listeners.
00:54:46
Speaker
let us know if not if you just want somebody to talk to we are here to listen and if you want advice we will try we will try we will try but one thing's for sure we will listen with no judgment at all and we will be here with you and we'll support you all the way and also
00:55:11
Speaker
We wouldn't because the champagne didn't come experts on these kinds of issues, more so on even more so on mental health, which are serious issues, serious concerns. We're dropping a list of hotlines on our show notes and other avenues that you could reach out to just in case you would need it.
00:55:37
Speaker
If it's affecting your mental health and you really think you need professional help for that, we support that. Please do get some professional help. There is no... It's pulling you down, down, downward into that downward spiral.
00:56:04
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I'd write nothing. Plug in collage, I'd write nothing, guys. The sign of my gig was accessible and mental health services, so bonsai. Amen. Anyways, so I yawn. Um, me neither. By the way, but let's see what's also another episode. So I'm going to make a big topic for us all. Um,
00:56:30
Speaker
I think it's a rollercoaster with emotions and things like that. But I think it's a good idea to do that.
00:56:41
Speaker
Ah, yes. Because for our next episode, we are planning to make an episode about our most embarrassing experiences, you know, most embarrassing moments of our lives. So if you would like to share yours, if you think...
00:57:04
Speaker
Please send it to us. We will keep it anonymous. We will find a way for you guys to send us letters and it will be anonymous even as we wouldn't know who you are. But yeah, send it. We'd love to hear it.
00:57:18
Speaker
It's also very embarrassing if we won't get any. Yeah, that's going to be our next embarrassing moment. We'll really make it anonymous. Yes, and I'm very happy that you shared this most embarrassing experience with the supporting documentation. I'm going to post it on Instagram.
00:57:47
Speaker
Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
00:58:30
Speaker
It's a picture and a video.
00:58:36
Speaker
Let's see Lexi! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
00:58:52
Speaker
But I think it's one of the most embarrassing moments in my life, and I don't know how to move on from your next stories. Of course, your letter in the end is the first letter, but it will definitely not be the last.
00:59:12
Speaker
We'd really love to hear your story, so send those over. Lastly, follow us on social media, on Facebook, on Instagram, on Grindr, on Twitter, and we'll leave those on the show notes. And this is... Is this thing on?
00:59:42
Speaker
podcast.