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EP02: Lights ON? o Lights OFF?
188 Plays2 years ago
TW/CW:
Sex, Body shaming, body issues, fat phobia
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In this episode we discuss the very overworked question, "Lights ON or lights OFF" and try to do a deep dive analysis of our answers. chz.
Here, we also talk about our experiences with body shame (internalized and from others) and our "journey" towards body acceptance and self love.
NGL, we went bare and pretty deep with our insecurities and issuez in this episode.
Proceed with caution!
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Transcript
Season 2 Introduction
00:00:02
Speaker
Oh hey, good vibes. Anyways, this is our second episode.
00:00:25
Speaker
We ended our season 1 last week.
00:00:53
Speaker
My name is crazy! Season 1 break! Season 1 break! Gag! Season 1 break! Season 1 break!
Struggles of Recovery
00:01:05
Speaker
My name is Eddy. I want to recover. I don't know how to recover, but... Oh my god, I need to go home. It's so weird. And in fairness, I don't know how to recover. I don't know how to recover. I don't know why.
00:01:22
Speaker
You know what? I don't know. I'm listening to 30. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
00:01:37
Speaker
Oh my God, I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media! I'm so happy to be on social media!
00:02:05
Speaker
That's not a big shoutout! We're only listeners! We're only listeners!
Thanksgiving and Social Media Joy
00:02:32
Speaker
This is a Thanksgiving episode. This is a Thanksgiving episode. I know, but where will we pick up from the first month? It's 6pm at the record coming.
00:03:02
Speaker
And anyway, so this is the second episode. And this is...
Question of the Decade
00:03:32
Speaker
Is this thing on? The podcast. Oh, hi. So, basically, another clickbait topic is to answer the question of the decade. Question of the decade. Correct. Lenny or Bong Bong. Charing.
00:03:56
Speaker
I don't know how to say it. It's a question of the decade. But it's a favorite question. It's a fast talk conversation. It's a question of the day. I can't relate. Sorry, I can't relate. I can't talk.
00:04:22
Speaker
It's a very difficult question to answer.
Lights On or Off - A Humorous Debate
00:04:27
Speaker
It's a Miss Universe question. Lights on or lights off? Wow, that right. Lights on or lights off? Correct. I believe...
00:04:46
Speaker
Lights on or lights off?
00:04:59
Speaker
What's your name? I don't know, I don't know this time. What's your name? I don't know this time. What's your name? I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time. I don't know this time.
00:05:25
Speaker
I don't know what it is. Light or no light? Light off. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. Don't do that. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.
00:05:50
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
00:06:16
Speaker
Apparently, in this community, there's a lot of people who want to make it happen. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to do it again.
00:06:41
Speaker
I don't know why I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't say it on the episode, I didn't
00:07:08
Speaker
No, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
00:07:41
Speaker
Okay. Lights off. Can you not be on preference more before? No, on preference more before I light off. But I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. Okay. Now that we are in a college style, we are going to start with lights off at the end. We are going to start with a topic.
00:08:06
Speaker
So, lights off. What's your favorite part? Actually, I like the lights off. What's your favorite part? I don't know. What's your favorite part? Oh, I don't know. I like the lights off. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
00:08:27
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know.
Insecurities and Body Image
00:08:32
Speaker
As a very insecure person, I was actually insecure. But I was very insecure with my body. So I don't want the person to see me. I don't know why I'm blindfolded.
00:09:05
Speaker
I'm working on my way through that but before it was very very insecure and also as a person who has never gotten any proper sex education
00:09:22
Speaker
I had this perception that my body was very, very flawed. When I say sex education, I mean, not just sex education, like how the body works, how the body is and how it's supposed to be. But I can say the only, like for me, the only quote unquote education that I got about, you know, that topic was from shady websites.
00:09:58
Speaker
For example, for example, if you have a beauty standard, you have a beauty standard, it's a society. So you can sing it, you can play it.
00:10:09
Speaker
Even the concept of the word sexy meant you are like, but that's how it really translates to before, huh? But now we have already claimed the word sexy. But before, especially when I was like a teenager growing through my 19, my 20s, that still was my perception of things. Because my body is not the same as the ones I've seen in
00:10:36
Speaker
it's not social media and magazines and movies and billboards. I felt like my body was something that is... I was ashamed of my body. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. There were so many things that made me feel ashamed of my body. It goes so deep. Even in religion, I was taught that. Not the body image, but partly.
00:11:06
Speaker
The shame was very, you know, it was very deep. It was part of my foundation, so to speak. So I was very, very conscious about my figure. And like, if people know me, and I'm pretty sure the people who were, you know, listening to this podcast know me personally, if not know me personally, know what I look like. I'm a big girl, you know.
00:11:29
Speaker
I'm a big woman, I'm on the big side of things. And I remember growing up, I was the first one, Sagrupo Namitsa, like among friends. Entering $1 in tears, I was the bigger girl. I grew, I entered puberty earlier than the others. So I had the bigger front side, if you know what I mean.
00:11:55
Speaker
I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to explain it. But that has made me very...
00:12:06
Speaker
not just very, extremely conscious about what I look like and how I dress. And given that we are religious and conservative and everything, so I tried my best to cover up my body with as much clothes as possible. If you look at my pictures in high school, I would cover myself with so many things.
00:12:42
Speaker
But I didn't know what to do on my show because I was talking about my arms, my everything, my boobs, my... I was like, oh, like sleeveless was out of the... anything fitted, no. I was getting my wardrobe from my mom. And it was another problem because my mom is a small woman. I was big. So, hence the Sobran Dam recovery. So, I was very, very...
00:12:56
Speaker
Because I was not sure about you, Fadi.
00:13:10
Speaker
conscious about my body. I was ashamed of my body for such a very long time. And I have had to unlearn it in the process so long. And until now, I'm still learning it. Were you mindful about that back then? You know what I'm saying? But I don't know what happened at that college. But I had all the surface level lights on lights of preference. What do you prefer?
00:13:39
Speaker
I don't know how to say it, lights off but it was only until very recently as in recently recently when you talked about this with me a couple of months ago that it's been stemming on these kinds of issues and little did I realize now I was also insecure about my body the feeling of
00:14:04
Speaker
I think it's a bit of an excitement for me. Can you explain the episode a little bit?
Coffee Club Sensory Experience
00:14:14
Speaker
I don't know if you can explain it a little bit. I don't know if you can explain it a little bit. I don't know if you can explain it a little bit. I don't know if you can explain it a little bit. I don't know if you can explain it a little bit. I don't know if you can explain it a little bit.
00:14:36
Speaker
I don't know if it's a club or not, but I like coffee grinds. Coffee grinds, exactly. So clubs, I like coffee grinds. Usually you meet together, talk about coffee, drink coffee together. So every time we drink coffee together,
00:14:52
Speaker
So we have to like kill the light so that The sense of touch It's the same thing
00:15:21
Speaker
Yeah, I did not realize that I was very insecure also about my back. Yeah, I mean like my first experiences with, you know, doing the thing. Drinking coffee. Drinking coffee.
00:15:43
Speaker
Keep up, catch up! I didn't want my partner seeing me and I didn't want to see myself either because I felt like
00:16:01
Speaker
I mean like seeing Pádico was very, it was full of flabs, like skin moving everywhere and like you know dark spots everywhere and I'm like I felt like I was so ugly and the only way they would want to do this with me perhaps was like if I shut down the lights and if they don't see me like I couldn't imagine any other way.
00:16:25
Speaker
Yeah, I don't want to be seen. Which is very strange, because that's the most intimate thing that you can do with a person. And you still do not want to be seen, right? Yeah. I don't normally see it. But since I've been adding lights off, it's something taken lightly. I don't want to be seen. I mean, I don't want to be seen. I don't want to be seen.
00:16:54
Speaker
Oh, I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to tell
00:17:18
Speaker
But in the real world, other people could do it in the daylight, in the... They look perfect, quote unquote.
00:17:31
Speaker
or the spot I'm super confident in. One of the saddest parts about that, because for most people, if not some, I don't know, most proper sex education or like orientation, what the body actually looks like.
00:17:49
Speaker
It's never been really talked about, especially before. Like, you don't talk about what the private part looks like. The best you can get is like, you know, anatomical picture, Samara, I know, but that doesn't show the actual private part from the outside. And people did not just like, not talk about it. When people did talk about it, they were being shamed.
00:18:14
Speaker
Oh, there were always strict and negative messages about people's bodies, even women's bodies. Most especially with women's bodies. Yeah, most especially with women's bodies. And I think that's one of the reasons why we're sad and deranged people because it did something to our emotional
00:18:37
Speaker
Yeah, like to my point, we have
Commodification of Body Image
00:18:41
Speaker
no idea. Oh, this is normal. Yeah. Like what we only got was the pictures we see from the men, media, the videos, the sources that shouldn't be the actual sources. That's where we learn from things.
00:18:59
Speaker
I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know if it's normal or not.
00:19:27
Speaker
You all got ashy elbows and knees. Nobody really gives that much of a no before. That has always been the standard. It's so ironic now as much as people have been preventing
00:19:51
Speaker
kids or young young young people to see what it actually looks like you need your messaging that that sells the body it has become like a commodity already it sells they use the female body to sell something
00:20:08
Speaker
If you wanted to put a body next to it, you always see that in billboards and other stuff. Like, it has to be sexualized and usually it's the body of the woman that's used. I mean, real pictures of what the female body looks like.
00:20:29
Speaker
It's bombarded with a lot of billboards and shit. So where are you going to get here? I don't know. It's next to taboo. Because if you talk about it, it's like, I don't know. So growing opinion on the whole. But I am... That's in terms of sex. Or the body. But also face is Iranian. This is a sad girl because she's a bad girl.
00:20:59
Speaker
So I have on my face, I have the biggest insecurity and it's funny because you have not known about this until recently
00:21:22
Speaker
That's how insecure I was about it. I never really talked about it. I was very insecure about it. It was one of my deepest, darkest secrets. Not really a secret, because it's out there. It can be seen. What is it? My face. No, it's my cleft lip, because it's a upper lip to my nose.
00:21:51
Speaker
So, apparently for my friends, it's just like they don't see it as something that's standing out. I'm a binger. Yeah, I did not. You know, I know you have a cleft lip, but it's not something to be. Oh, I guess that's not a cleft lip. You know what I'm saying? Or really have to say it as like that.
00:22:12
Speaker
And I'm pushing her buttons. I mean, I didn't realize until it was said. I pointed it out. Yeah, because for me, it's something that is normal about you. It's quite a lot. It's a lot of fun. So let's get back to topics. Way back in 2021.
00:22:36
Speaker
2021, but uh-oh, but I want to go ahead and take a look at my videos, and I want to thank my bachelors.
00:22:45
Speaker
Well, I think we'll begin in full context. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok. This is TikTok.
00:23:13
Speaker
I think it was a very short video, but needless to say, it wasn't offensive, it wasn't taking buttons, it wasn't pushing buttons, it wasn't throwing.
00:23:34
Speaker
They know specifically what to point out. So they were pointing out that I had a cleft lip. Like negative comments.
00:23:55
Speaker
I eat negative comments for breakfast. He was used to it. That was my first time. So when I saw those comments, I couldn't. Oh, my God. I tried to not let it get to me, but it did because you know, you deepest, darkest insecurity call. And the reason why we talked about this is because I thought that it was, you know,
00:24:23
Speaker
for a normal troll comments again and again little have i known that it really hit you already yeah and to the point that it was very concerning oh oh because i couldn't take a selfie after that wow
00:24:39
Speaker
I know, I know. She couldn't take a selfie. Yes, that's how it hits us. So, oh my gosh, you can't take selfies anymore. I just have them all come home. Anyway, I go, I'm home.
00:25:08
Speaker
I'm sorry. You know, I was very... I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
00:25:36
Speaker
Sorry mama, I love you, I know you just meant the best for me and you didn't really know what you were doing, that it was harmful. But it was. It wasn't even highlighted in a negative way. Backsided compliments.
00:26:03
Speaker
I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.
00:26:29
Speaker
I have heard it enough times for it to actually get into my brain. Yeah. Yeah. No, not in bed. Okay. I have to. Because it's seen. It can be seen. Like, they're not talking about it, but it's seen. Yeah. But like with other kids, once or twice, once or twice, there's a lot of times when you're in a bad mood or when you're in a rough mood.
00:26:56
Speaker
about my cleft lip. Being kids, being kids. To have friends or to make friends before, because of that, because I was like scared that they would see my lip
00:27:22
Speaker
And they'd be like, she ugly. I remember there was this one time I transferred school and one kid told me that I looked like a freak. And so I automatically assumed it was because of my, maybe I just looked freaky. But of course I automatically assumed it's because of my scar and my lip.
00:27:53
Speaker
So that also hit me. And then... I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
00:28:13
Speaker
Resurfacing the trauma. You're the back-sided compliment. I'm sorry, back-sided. Back-sided. Back-handed. Back-sided compliment.
00:28:37
Speaker
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
00:29:13
Speaker
Well for one I always look in the mirror and I always see it and I always compare my face to other faces and I'm always asking
00:29:28
Speaker
But I must be so ugly because I'm the only one who has this. It's an imperfection. It's a flaw. And it's right in my face. And I hated it for such a very long time. I felt ugly because of it for a very, very long time. And so when the trolls on TikTok
00:29:52
Speaker
Targeted that oh my god like I was like oh my god Triggered how did they know it triggered me so much because para? Yeah, I know a like I've never spoken about it. I know like and then you fear Kona one day Somebody's gonna come up to me and say oh my god that scar is ugly although I would in reality that's most likely not gonna happen among cuz like people are not
00:30:23
Speaker
jerks like that but it happened so like it was my biggest fear yeah damn trolls damn jerks yeah so i even downplayed it when it happened yeah i i didn't know that i think i mentioned this already but you know i did not know that it really hit you that hard because i never talked to you about it and you never did yeah it was never raced
00:30:52
Speaker
I'm afraid. Now once I bring it up to you, you'll be like... So I never dare bring it up.
00:31:07
Speaker
I never dare bring it up with... with... with anybody. Because what if they'd be like, oh shit, oh yeah, I noticed it. No. I noticed it, no. I never do the Omegle at some point. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle. I never do the Omegle.
00:31:37
Speaker
with random people whether they chat love and do not also chat love I never show my face because I'm very scared that once they see me they'll be like oh she ugly bye they skip but that's what people do in omega I know but it hits me so hard because you didn't go it's because of that yeah well we really hated ourselves
00:32:07
Speaker
What is your insecurity? I don't know, I don't know. Even up until now, subconsciously, the reason why I spent a huge chunk of my money is to solve that. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.
00:32:34
Speaker
I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one. I don't want to make an animation number one.
00:33:12
Speaker
Let's go back to your childhood Let's go deeper
00:33:18
Speaker
I remember whenever I see other people. Whenever I see other people. I remember whenever I see other people. Whenever I see other people. Whenever I see other people.
00:33:36
Speaker
Oh my god, I think I realized. But I despised a lot of men because they had, they were really sucky people. They were assholes. And it so happened that one thing I realized about them.
00:33:56
Speaker
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I don't mean to say that. I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that I don't mean to say that
00:34:22
Speaker
You body shame because it's something that you see in yourself and you hate it. So you project it towards others. Yeah, that's true. And that's how I processed information at that time.
00:34:37
Speaker
That's how I think I've processed information back to the point where I'm not going to do anything. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going to do anything about it.
00:35:07
Speaker
I think that human movies and shows are really important, even the shady websites that we refer to now really project the dominant societal ideals of
00:35:25
Speaker
beauty. And very recently, actually, here's a serious question.
Journey to Self-Love
00:35:32
Speaker
How did you arrive to that perspective of finally loving yourself, if not, or at least finally starting to love and accept yourself? I think social media had as ironic as it is.
00:35:54
Speaker
I think it started when I... It started when I dive deeper into feminism.
00:36:25
Speaker
Because if feminism is about empowering yourself and loving yourself, those are one of the things that you learn from it.
00:36:36
Speaker
So when I started to go into that, that's also where I got. And the avenues that I was able to go through, you know, communities who talk about these things for in social media. So what I did was I surrounded myself with those kinds of pages, groups. I joined groups where they talk about that. And so in other words, when other people started to talk about it,
00:37:06
Speaker
their own experiences. It helped to know, number one, you're not alone. Number two, this is a very widespread thing that almost everybody, if not everybody, has issues with their body. I learned that in joining those communities.
00:37:25
Speaker
And number three, those things that we hate so much about our body are actually very, very normal. And we've been brainwashed. We've been programmed to think otherwise. We've been programmed to think, no, that's not how your body's supposed to be. I mean, even with just our complexion, right?
00:37:45
Speaker
Even most especially. The whole picture. Yeah. The whole picture. That's what we were surrounded with before. So that's where I learned that. You know what? That's not what
00:38:06
Speaker
It's simply a perception of how they make it look like. It looks like perfect, but it's all photoshopped. It's all manipulated. They're real life person. They look like human. They have saggy skin. They have bumps in their face. They have freckles. They have pimples. They have acne. They have stretch marks, cellulites, and the list goes on. And that just makes you human.
00:38:33
Speaker
Also, I've learned that you do not have to be beautiful to be loved.
00:38:39
Speaker
that perception. Oh, that's beautiful. Like your stretch marks are beautiful. You're like this, like that are beautiful. No, it's not beautiful. It's human. It's simply human. And it doesn't have to be quote unquote, beautiful for you to accept it. It's me learning that I am just human. And I am pretty much like everybody else. I have, you know, we're all built different, but we're all the same.
00:39:06
Speaker
Nah, you know, we have all these quote unquote flaws, but they're not really flaws. They're not, they're not really flaws. It makes our podcast human. I am so sorry. Like it is throwing a transform outside, just in case it's going to be heard on the podcast.
00:39:33
Speaker
Anyway, I realized, and it's not that easy. It's not the road to body acceptance. It's not linear. It just goes from this and then you're not okay. No, I still have a lot of days where I hate my body, but I try not to because I'm like, I'm learning not, at least I have this voice in my head now.
00:40:04
Speaker
at least i have this you know like another part of me is telling me no it's human no why would you hate your your postpartum belly when you literally carried carried two humans inside that that gave life you have your stretch marks because
00:40:22
Speaker
your body is so amazing it had stretch out for another life to form inside of it and that's a proof of you carrying your strength of carrying that those babies inside so why in the world would you be ashamed of something that your body did that is so freaking amazing amazing right like so i'm learning that now what i try to do is
00:40:49
Speaker
I try to take care of myself, along with the body acceptance and the body love.
00:40:56
Speaker
is learning also how to take care of myself or bettering myself. And let's say, because I tried working out right now, I kind of stuff, but with work out, my intention, my goal was to make myself stronger, you know, for my health to be better, not to lose weight. If losing weight comes with it, then sure, why not, right? That would be great. I would fit into clothes now. Thanks.
00:41:21
Speaker
Because any like finding clothes here in the Philippines that are for plus size has been very difficult before. Now you must do more than options for plus size clothes, which is very good. Pero, like I just want to take care of my body. Now I'm trying my best. It's hard. It's very difficult. Pero, we're getting there. We're getting there.
00:41:48
Speaker
How about you? Have you already arrived? Actually, I haven't. I haven't completely yet. As you said, it's not linear. And I was actually about to ask you that question.
00:42:13
Speaker
I have come to a point where I wouldn't have to make sure.
00:42:26
Speaker
I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function. I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function, or I don't think it's a function,
00:42:52
Speaker
The flaws? The flaws that we thought were flaws are not really flaws. They are just... Yeah, correct myself politically. Not really to correct. No, don't correct yourself politically. You have to say it because you have... We have to say it to yourself then. It's not being politically correct. You're correct.
00:43:22
Speaker
It's to unlearn and learn. It's a process. It's hard. It's super hard. But our bodies are amazing, guys.
00:43:56
Speaker
You haven't learned anything. I realized that
Celebrating Body Uniqueness
00:44:05
Speaker
We only have one body. We only have one body. And our bodies ain't going anywhere. Yeah. Well, I have choice.
00:44:05
Speaker
I have to be kinder to myself. I have dear friends who seem to hate their body so much. And I just see beauty. Like, your body's beautiful. Like, what are you talking about? And I told them, I try my best to like,
00:44:23
Speaker
Remind them not know you are not ugly. Your body is not ugly like so again a slight Mozilla Yeah, I do see that like yeah, that's that's true when when you said that you were insecure about your cliff I said
00:44:55
Speaker
I saw what you said. When I saw, when you released that... I did not care about my plate, you asshole. I was not able to even mention. I said... Should I be? No. Oh my god, it's not gonna happen. I'm gonna edit this out.
00:45:19
Speaker
When I said I was... When you said that you had a cleft lip and you said you were insecure about it, I was not just shocked, I was, you know, but what are you talking about? I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.
00:45:46
Speaker
You're actually beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful.
00:46:17
Speaker
and ourselves too that they are beautiful they are human and it's normal
00:46:26
Speaker
Yeah. And it's normal. Why I thought that it was not good to like myself. Because when I was kid, yeah, that vanity is a sin that you shouldn't be... You should be humble. A close-knit episode.
00:46:58
Speaker
But I've learned to like myself because some days I have to force it just so that it would stay. Some days are bad than others. Yeah, that's okay. That's okay. Also because I have a daughter and a son too. Mostly my daughter because we know that society's more cruel to girls.
00:47:23
Speaker
I have a daughter and I do not want to see her hating on herself. I want her to look in the mirror and see what I see and that she is beautiful. That there is nothing wrong with her because there isn't. Even society will tell her that there is. I want to start it now. And she knows that
00:47:52
Speaker
She knows, she will know even during the bad days where people will make her the ugliest and there will be. I want her to have that core inside of her. I want Anna to have that foundation in herself that she knows she is beautiful. It's not just the face value. I tell her
00:48:18
Speaker
every time I can and we have this affirmation where we we say to each other she repeats after me that I am strong I am beautiful I am kind I am brave and she does it she does it and and you know what now every time she looks in the mirror she says mommy I'm so beautiful and I cry because I was like I wish I had that when I was I wish I was able to look in the mirror and say I'm beautiful
00:48:47
Speaker
because I never had that before when I was a kid. I would always look in the mirror before and I would say I'm so ugly and it scarred me and it led me to decisions like you know self-esteem really wrecks me in another way. So now it's funny because she tells me I'm beautiful and it's so different coming from somebody else. So different coming from a kid because you know they're so pure.
00:49:16
Speaker
mind conditioning, brainwashing. No, she would tell me at random times during the day like, mommy, you're so beautiful. And I'm like, the first time she did that, I cried.
00:49:33
Speaker
Good girl. Good girl. No, like I cried. It hit different. So yeah, that's my goal. And the reason why I also love myself is not just for myself, but for my child, for my children to see and to do that for themselves too, for them to learn how to love themselves too, when the whole world hates you.
00:49:58
Speaker
tells you you're fucking ugly. For reasons that you do not know. For reasons that you do not know. For reasons that you do not know. For reasons that you do not know. For reasons that you do not know. For reasons that you do not know. For reasons that you do not know. For reasons that you do not know.
00:50:17
Speaker
gaslight yourself and say that you are beautiful because you are. I think all people are, regardless. But I don't know if I can say that I'm an ugly person. Sorry, I don't know if I'm an ugly person. I don't know if I'm an ugly person. I don't know if I'm an ugly person. I don't know if I'm an ugly person. I don't know if I'm an ugly person. I don't know if I'm an ugly person. I don't know if I'm an ugly person.
00:51:02
Speaker
So this has been a very great episode in my opinion. It has been.
00:51:12
Speaker
I think we should publish it. Yeah, I would have to edit it. And yeah, there are so many things that we still can talk about that. But unfortunately, we don't got no time. That is expensive, bitches.
00:51:28
Speaker
So we do it here. Thank you for sticking with us. Yeah, thank you for, we hope now you would still like, we would like this episode and do let us know if you guys have any other ideas that you'd like us to talk about. We would love to hear from you. So yeah.
00:51:48
Speaker
On a different note, please also follow us on social media, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. They are on the show notes. I'm sorry, the description of the episode on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts. You can see our links there. Please follow us so we can get updated.
00:52:12
Speaker
But yeah, we're trying our best to make it out. They were still getting the hang of it. I love the gig excuse. But yeah, thank you. We hope to keep this up. And this is... Is this thing on? The podcast.