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74. The Heart Opener
20 Plays12 days ago
This week we decided it was the right time to share a very special experience we got to have two years ago, and to discuss the enormously positive impact it has had on our relationship ever since. <3
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Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
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Transcript
Trying a New Recording Method
00:00:26
Speaker
this is I think this is the first time, actually, that we have ever recorded without being able to see each other. Yeah, probably is. Yeah, because even back when we were using Zoom, we were using Zoom and so we could see each other. Yeah. um Yeah. but We've had such technical difficulties in recent weeks that ah I figured we should try this and see if it makes it any easier to not like end up getting frozen and then kicked out of our sessions and having to restart so fingers crossed that we don't run into any issues um this time around as we record this honestly very special episode in my opinion yeah i was um i was thinking about this a little bit and i'm like this is gonna be probably a very interesting conversation honestly
00:01:21
Speaker
You think so? i think it'll have some yeah some uniqueness to it. Yeah, well, I know it's going to be interesting because it's it was an interesting experience that we're going to talk about. um But I've been excited because it was a very special
Planning a Special Episode
00:01:38
Speaker
thing. it was a very special experience for us. And like I know that in early episodes, particularly when we were recording the story of how we met,
00:01:51
Speaker
And like the experiences we've had getting to know each other. we alluded to this experience, but we didn't actually get into it. Right.
00:02:01
Speaker
And I think we alluded to it because we knew at some point we'd want to like just designate a whole episode to it. But we have never bothered to not bothered. That's not the right word. we've never We never decided to actually dive in and talk about it until today. Actually, literally today. Um, and it was funny because like you, you know, asked if I had any ideas for, um like what I would feel prepared to speak about today. And then I thought of that and then, and I, and I suggested it. And then after I suggested it is when I realized, oh, it's been almost exactly two years.
00:02:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Since we had that. So I think part of it too, because when we were recording um our early episodes and we alluded to this experience, um it was still only like six or yeah six or so months removed from when it happened.
00:02:59
Speaker
And even though like things were really good and it was a good experience, like I think maybe we still needed a little bit of distance and like time from it to be able to talk about it.
00:03:12
Speaker
huh You know? Yeah. So, Yeah. um shall we dispense with the vague like illusions and tell them what we're talking about now? Yeah. Yeah. It'd probably be good.
00:03:28
Speaker
Yeah. Do you want to describe the situation? Tell the story of how it um began? um if if, yeah, my, if memory kind of serves, I guess.
00:03:43
Speaker
Yeah.
Past Communication Issues
00:03:45
Speaker
I'll fill in where i where I can. Yeah, I feel like we were having some communication issues, which has been, you know not so much recently, but it had been a kind of ongoing theme. Yeah. Yeah.
00:03:57
Speaker
theme through our yeah ah yeah And it had gotten pretty rough over like the course think.
00:04:08
Speaker
yeah things were getting just harder and harder and we didn't really know what to do about it um Yeah. Go ahead. Sorry. okay um I don't remember the specific conversation that we had that was sort of like the actual catalyst. But what happened was i felt like,
00:04:31
Speaker
um
00:04:34
Speaker
well, I don't remember exactly. all ah Let me just finish what I'm trying to say first before you. Sure. Yeah. because You're good. I could tell you're, you're trying to, you're wanting to. I just want to be able to help if I can, but go ahead.
00:04:50
Speaker
We needed to talk like more than just through texting or phone call. Yeah. I think that you were like, you wanted to speak face to face. And I think my, my like idea was messenger or something like that where we could like see each other but i don't know yeah like facetime you were feeling a little self-conscious about doing it that way or i i don't really remember why you didn't want a video call with me but um well like i i in general don't like video calls right like but it was overall i know but even still like it's just one of those things where like i just feel i tend to feel um
00:05:36
Speaker
like cornered and not comfortable. And like, I tend to feel like I have to like sit a certain way and be a certain way. even if I don't technically, but it's just like that kind of thing. Like I even casual, like, you know, friendly social video calls, I feel like a little stiff and awkward, you know? um it's like, I reserve my video calls for like the telehealth, like therapy sessions that I have and things like that. um But like, I think that was my reason for the resistance. But there was also like, I felt like the distance, the literal distance was part of the problem, I think.
00:06:16
Speaker
okay You know? So I think that the idea of possibly driving to meet halfway came up at that point. Yeah, um we did talk about that. I don't remember, like, you know, I know it was this time of year, so it was like travel was probably going to be treacherous or dangerous. So yeah, or is at least very like impossible to predict like, you know, whether it was even going to be possible. Yeah. um
Face-to-Face Meetup
00:06:44
Speaker
With like weather and such. But yeah, so that was definitely discussed, but it was not like ideal. Right.
00:06:55
Speaker
um Yeah. So I think what ended up happening was i just thought, well, I had I think I had like a long weekend or something coming up I don't remember. I think it was I think it was Martin Luther King weekend.
00:07:09
Speaker
Okay. which is the weekend that we are literally about to enter right now as we record um i think it was i wouldn't yeah i i typically wouldn't consider doing something like this if i didn't have an extra like day day right yeah yeah because i just was like well why don't i just fly out there and we can just talk and yeah and you were like really was like yeah well yeah i mean what other option do we have right now right yeah and then you and then you found a flight for what like 70 or something i don't know like wasn't it crazy like a low low 100s or something it wasn't terrible yeah even like for for a i think is it was it was just a week out though it's the thing like for a week out it was incredibly cheap yeah um yeah but it was like
00:08:00
Speaker
like uh was it like frontier or something or spirit and so it was like very much like you just had to bring a purse yeah because i was only gonna be there for a weekend i only needed a backpack full of stuff and i was gonna be yeah right true yeah yeah exactly um but yeah i remember that very clearly just being like holy shit that's such a cheap i remember looking at that as like a little bit of a sign that like the universe was like trying to open the road for us to be able to like connect in person um especially on such short notice um and it like it honestly it from there it sort of like unfolded everything unfolded quite perfectly i think um we had had like so many issues and i think both in our bonus episodes and i think also we've probably talked about it in our public episodes um
00:08:59
Speaker
we've talked about how like one of the challenges of our relationship has been the fact that we had to get to know each other through messenger and through phone calls exclusively, almost exclusively.
00:09:13
Speaker
um and that like we had, because of who we are to each other, we had like made all these preconceived notions about like what kind of people we were and like how similar we thought we were when we actually weren't. Yeah. um And some of it also was like not as similar as like we had assumed we each were to each. Right. Exactly. Exactly. and I think, too, like some of it was also like us still needing to grow in our own self-awareness of like, who actually are we?
00:09:44
Speaker
You know, like putting certain pressures on ourselves to be like, I should be this way, you know, and it makes sense for me to be this way because you're this way. but I'm not actually, you know, and having to like realize and figure that stuff out on our own.
00:09:57
Speaker
and together um but like we were just having like communication breakdowns practically um we had i don't know it had been a challenge uh like and especially i felt like it was a challenge through 2023 where the only time that we saw each other that year was when we went to anaharas together for the first time yeah and i was feeling honestly like personally a little hurt because you in my opinion should have been the first person to be able to visit me and in my new condo which i bought in 2023 yeah um and like you know you you did have hopes of being able to travel out here during the week that i was closing on it and then like you know painting everything and setting everything up and actually moving yeah and just help but then it's just like with whatever
00:10:53
Speaker
Yeah. Then it was like just not coming together because of like childcare concerns and like things like that. It was just not going to work out. And I understood that for sure, but I really wanted you to be there. Like, like I wanted you to come like within the next like month or two, like at least after I got my couch, because then I was like, you can sleep on the couch, you know? um But like, that was one of the things that was just like mounting pressure. And then like all sorts of like, you know,
00:11:22
Speaker
personal issues on your end that were spilling over into like the stress of like everything that you expressed to me. Um, and like me feeling overwhelmed by that as well, but also just extremely worried for you and worried for your own like mental health in those regards. And like throughout the course of 2023, it just got like more and more intense. And so like around this time of year, 2024, when,
00:11:49
Speaker
um is when the pressure just sort of came to a head. um it seems. And like, we ended up like finally just sort of coming out with it being like, something is wrong with the way that we have been communicating or not communicating. And we have to figure out what's going on. Like we need to be able to like sit down and and speak face to face. And that's what I wanted. I like, it was, there was something really important to me about the in-person element needing to be ah a factor.
00:12:25
Speaker
yeah because like we just what we desperately needed was connection after years and years of sparse in-person connection and exclusive digital connection um yeah and where a lot of that digital connection was a lot of misunderstanding and it was hard to like get back you can't read messages right yeah so it was hard for us to get back to a place of of where we were at a just a general like norm like a healthy norm like a baseline yeah baseline that's the word yeah yeah um and so like that was the reason like that's the reason that i was like we got to figure out a way to be uh to be able to have these conversations in person and that's when you got the flight
00:13:19
Speaker
And i was like, so excited because a i was like stoked that you were going to be able to come and see my place. um But also ah because holy shit, we were actually going to try to pull this off, you know, um and be able to focus on each other exclusively and like,
00:13:39
Speaker
figure this stuff out, figure out our, our, um, miscommunications and our misunderstandings and like be able to potentially, ah air a lot of like concerns that we hadn't felt like we could express before.
00:13:55
Speaker
um or at least that was the hope. And so um, we through that week we were talking about like what we were going to do and basically, you know, had decided like, we're going to try to keep this like just the two of us. Like, you know, there had been like, I had a friend group that was, you know, planning a like vision board event or not event, but like just a gathering of like, let's get together and make some vision boards. And at first I think like you, I was planning on going to that originally before you were flying out here. um and then, uh,
00:14:31
Speaker
i basically had to put it on the back burner and basically say no i can't do that and you wanted to go but i was like i'm sorry like we have to be able to focus on just each other like you were going to be here for like 48 hours um and so like we just had to like deprioritize that um but then like i remembered the um I have a friend here who
Using Cacao to Enhance Communication
00:15:00
Speaker
is incredible. She is a ah Reiki practitioner and shaman ah who regularly, she offers these services like in general, she offers like shamanic Reiki massage. She hosts like um sound journeys like as events and I've gone to many of them and they are wonderful. And she's just this beautiful glowing human being who is just amazing.
00:15:28
Speaker
absolutely wonderful. um And she has also hosted many cacao ceremonies. And she is um a, like, she's descended from, you know, i believe Central American and indigenous ah lineages. And so she, you know, this, I don't know how closed of a practice cacao but I've,
00:15:53
Speaker
but i've you know, have always felt comfortable with like the ceremonies that she would facilitate and the, you know, actual cacao that she would administer. Excuse me. um and she, ah ah it ah it occurred to me that I might be able to ask her if she could brew some for you and i to take.
00:16:20
Speaker
during the weekend because the nature of cacao as like a spiritual um plant-based medicine is a heart opener. And I was like, if there's any, any time that we would need that, it would be now Yeah. um And so i reached out to her and I asked her how much ah she would charge if I were to ask for a batch of it for us to take. And she gave me a very, very reasonable price and said that she'd be able to have it ready for us on the day that you flew in, which I think was, I think it was like Saturday around noon or something like that, right? Or Saturday morning of that weekend.
00:17:08
Speaker
Yeah. So I remember ah picking you up from the airport and we also like placed an order for some lunch that we were able to pick up on the way. And we swung by her house.
00:17:23
Speaker
um Her name is Charlie, by the way. So we probably could just refer to her as Charlie. um We swung by her house ah to pick up the cacao and, you know, ended up actually sitting and talking to her for a little while because we were, you know, talking about you know i think we we told her a little bit about like our goals for the weekend and the intention behind the cacao um and you know just had some like really good conversations i think she told you ah a bit about her backstory and everything um yeah we we were at her house for a good couple hours yeah at least two yeah yeah we just sat and talked at her kitchen table she's fucking cool and easy to talk to and i really her a lot i was like oh gosh like i was happy to sit there all day i mean i do care i did care i like the reason why i was there obviously cared right yeah just like yeah yeah yeah she's yeah very cool she is wonderful and i think also she was talking about or or she made the suggestion about um a joint reiki session
00:18:33
Speaker
Um, and, you know, we had a little bit of concern about like potential pricing just because, you know, it's, it's, it's worth it It's worth the money.
Reiki Session for Healing
00:18:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:47
Speaker
Money, but it is not cheap. And so, you know, she, uh, after we left, she gave it a couple hours to think. And I think she gave us like ah like a sliding scale option that, you know, we were able to sort of like, to thought well yeah live we were able to deliberate between ourselves um and decide like how much we'd be able to afford if we split the cost.
00:19:13
Speaker
Right. um And we did decide to book that with her for the next day at her house. Yeah. in Reiki session. um But we brought, you know, the cacao home And we, I can't remember if we like did anything for dinner if we just sort of tried to like settle in and relax. And, you know, you got to like see the house and, you know, enjoy it. I think we got some carry out like Thai food or something. Oh, yeah, probably. Something like that. Yeah. And it was like kind of late by the time we actually like heated up the, you know, a serving of the, of the cacao.
00:19:54
Speaker
Cause she gave us a nice like big Mason jar of it. Yeah. And so we were able to portion some out for one evening and then we had some the next evening as well. But, you know, we were able to just,
00:20:08
Speaker
drink that and we were able to like we didn't end up immediately having conversations but we did just sort of like start to soften up I think a little bit in like an energetic kind of spiritual way at least like the way that it felt to me yeah and I'll be honest like I was nervous I was really nervous because I felt like you were gonna like verbally assault me no i thought you were gonna really dig into my shit and i was really nervous was like i don't know if i'm gonna get in trouble or what but i'm scared i don't know what kind of trouble i could like bestow upon you but i i do understand like i get it but that was like part of what
00:20:55
Speaker
I wanted to have the cacao for really, because like, I knew that, you know, i was like, I shouldn't say equally nervous, but like, I was also nervous because I knew that the conversations we were going to have, we're not going to be easy.
00:21:13
Speaker
And like, I knew that both of us would have to say things to each other that were like, not unkind but like just you know we'd have to like present uncomfortable truths to each other you know and i am the kind of person who doesn't take those kinds of comments well uh you know left to my own devices i tend to be a bit reactionary and at the very least i tend to be a bit um
00:21:48
Speaker
I take things personally and, you know, usually those kinds of comments are personal, um, cause they have to be, but like, I take them really hard. And, ah like even if I don't react, I tend to just really internalize and feel bad for a long time. And it like festers. Um, and I knew that like, I needed some sort of something to help me to not feel so like closed off and rigid yeah when receiving information that was not going to be comfortable um and like that was my hope for you too like not that i was like preparing to just like have it out with you but like knowing like
00:22:31
Speaker
We both were going to need that. um And like, ultimately, like I said, we didn't really end up having any like intense conversations that evening, but we were up a little late. um Cacao is a natural um mild stimulant. And so like, it's a little bit like having a cup of coffee yeah late at night.
00:22:53
Speaker
um And so we were up until it may be like one in the morning or something, um but just chilling, just relaxing. and ah talking in general casually and um we took it easy the next morning to ah i think we went to the muffin house probably right i don't remember i'm sorry i know it's like our favorite place so uh it was that would be the choice for breakfast if anything um
00:23:28
Speaker
But I do remember going to the crystal shop before we went over back over to Charlie's house. um I remember going because it was like it was a crystal shop that like had opened not too long before and I hadn't been yet. And so I was very excited to go. And that is the day that I got my giant chunk of jade. Yeah.
00:23:50
Speaker
That I love and that I keep on my coffee table now. um But yeah, like that was a very, very special piece of crystal to, ah to find on that day on a very special day, really.
00:24:04
Speaker
um But I remember that distinctly. um and then we went over to charlie's house and we had our joint reiki uh shamanic reiki session and oh it's always wonderful with her she always does such a good job but like there was something real real special about that session yeah like there was real real good energy yeah um it's it was really weird like i i didn't expect to have the reaction i had but like whatever happened made me just start sobbing yeah and i just like it was like a just an energetic release thing for me i think but yeah i sobbed for a while
00:24:53
Speaker
And, you know, she was, like, super professional, like, didn't bat an eyelash about it, you know? it was Yeah, she likely sees that a lot. Yeah. um I would imagine. ah But, yeah, like, she is, she's extremely professional, but she's also so just, like, full of compassion and, like,
00:25:12
Speaker
empathy and you know like in the times that I've had sessions with her because I've had like obviously I've gone to multiple of her ah open events like her group events and then I've had a lot of one-on-one sessions with her and she is like
00:25:33
Speaker
the phrase that comes to mind is laying on of hands she is a layer on of hands like she will use she does use her hands for literal like healing you know there are reiki practitioners who do not touch their clients and that's you know that yeah everybody's own volition like it's their own prerogative what they want to do and what they're comfortable with whether both like both the receiver or the giver of the reiki yeah But I have told her because like I'm sure that she probably does whatever her client's most comfortable with. I've told her like i i like to be touched.
00:26:10
Speaker
I'm that kind of a person, especially when it comes to like an intimate experience like Reiki and a shamanic journey.
00:26:21
Speaker
journey or a sound journey, things like that. Like I like the physical connection. um and she has, you know, she's worked with me accordingly and you can feel the love flowing through her when she touches you.
00:26:43
Speaker
Yeah. And like, that is something that stands out every time that i meet with her. Every time that I yeah interact with her. And it was very present on that day. For sure.
00:26:56
Speaker
oh so good. so yeah It was really interesting because... i you know I don't remember her basically like offering us offering to do that for us, but like i think that you guys may have been talking about planning something. and i i think she think she might have made the suggestion like in Messenger or something, and then we talked about it when we were there. but I don't know, but i was I just remember being like, I would love to get something while I'm here. And think she was like, well, I'm free tomorrow. was like, oh.
00:27:29
Speaker
yeah anyway that was just awesome i'm so glad we did that me too me too and it was a good long session it was like an at least 90 minute session i think right like yeah pretty sure yeah but it was lovely it was like early afternoon when we did that and so it was mid-afternoon like verging on actually sunset because of this time of year by the time that we were leaving and this was where things really just sort of there this was I feel the tipping point and I think that you know we can credit it to ourselves but And our, like, approach being so, like, willing and eager to remain open and keep our hearts open ah for the for the necessity of
Breakthrough at the Tavern
00:28:22
Speaker
communication. Yeah.
00:28:24
Speaker
I really do attribute it to like the decision to do that together. That's that Reiki session. um Because we left her house and we decided to go to one of my favorite taverns in the area, which happens to be in the town that she lives in. a town that I used to live in a few years ago, more than a few years ago now, holy shit, like seven, eight years ago now.
00:28:51
Speaker
that i lived there um but we went to this tavern for basically an early dinner and because we were hungry it was like time we needed something but we sat down and in this booth in this tavern and everything just spilled out yeah It was remarkable how naturally it all just came up.
00:29:24
Speaker
hu Like we did order food and we very slowly like ate. We were there for like three hours though. Yeah, we were there for a while. Like we were done with our food and we stayed for a while. And I think that we were kind of like looking around like what the hell is going on with them?
00:29:41
Speaker
Yeah, luckily, I mean, it didn't seem like they were trying to get us to get out of the table, luckily, because its it wasn't there was not. Yeah, it was not busy, even when it got closer to like actual dinnertime. It wasn't. crazy busy but um like they definitely were a little like why are they just sitting there but we like had to sit and talk we talked for so long because we just everything everything came up everything that needed to came up yep and like
00:30:14
Speaker
you you know like I had anticipated like a lot of it was just uncomfortable things things that I didn't like to hear about myself and the way I was being received you know like the way that like I was coming across was dramatically different than I understood myself to be which is you know a frequent experience when you're a just a human who you just you you really don't know yeah How you're going to come across ah to people outside of yourself. Right. How you're going to be perceived. And so like, you know, to to gain that perspective from you and to understand then better through that lens, like,
00:30:57
Speaker
why you were reacting the way you were or saying certain things because of like how you were receiving me, like everything just came a lot clearer after that. um And, you know, it was just like I had predicted and like we have talked about like so much of it was to do with the simple misunderstanding of being apart not being able to like read each other's energy in the moment in conversation
00:31:33
Speaker
um like because it it's tone is just like the very top like surface level of the issue like not being able to read tone and messages but like to be able to like feel the energy of the person who is speaking to you is like quintessential to understanding each other that that was Like, as weird as it sounds to say, like, 2024 was the beginning, which was, you know, just over eight years since we had met in person for the first time.
00:32:08
Speaker
And 2024 was the beginning of us being able to actually read and understand each other clearly without like any preconceived notion or bias yeah we started up yeah we really started to drive yeah yeah yeah and things just like it got so much easier after that i mean like i think too like anytime we have run into an issue like we know now how to handle
Podcast Beginnings and Improved Communication
00:32:37
Speaker
it.
00:32:37
Speaker
yeah um And then it's not just like, oh, we got to book a flight and we to have a conversation, but like that we can be like, okay, let's back up here. Here's what I'm understanding based on what you've just said, like the literal words that you've just said.
00:32:53
Speaker
But what did you actually mean? You know, and being able to have like those more direct conversations um where we are able to admit to each other that we're not understanding each other. Yeah. Because I think that was also part of the problem was like not feeling like we could admit that we didn't understand. Right.
00:33:13
Speaker
Like just feeling like that might feel like a failure on one of our ends, you know, to not understand. Right.
00:33:22
Speaker
And then, you know, six months later, we started recording her podcast. Yeah, because I think we finally were like at a place where we were understanding each other enough to yeah to do that. Yeah.
00:33:34
Speaker
And then like, i think, too, like the frequency and the deliberateness of us sitting down and recording. damn near every single week, um, has only lent itself to like easier communication overall.
00:33:54
Speaker
I believe like we've wanted to do podcast, this podcast for years and years and years, just based on the good conversations that we would have.
00:34:06
Speaker
because we did have so many good conversations all the time, like in spite of the moments where we had like a breakdown in communication. Yeah. um But like, I feel very strongly that like the, the cacao and the Reiki were the catalyst for us to like break down the walls finally. But this podcast has been,
00:34:33
Speaker
like a driving force behind us continuing to strengthen our communication skills and our relationship overall for sure yeah and like i am just i i'm just so fucking grateful dude i'm so goddamn grateful oh god Yeah. It was a very worthwhile trip for sure.
00:35:04
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. It was. It was worthwhile. And like, honestly, like, I feel like it strengthened my spirituality, Hmm. you know like not like it's like oh my spirituality is based upon like so ceremonial cacao experiences and reiki experiences exclusively but like it it it strengthened my like faith in myself and my own intuition and it strengthened my like faith in like
00:35:42
Speaker
you know, the use of certain tools and tactics or strategies or what have you, like to commune with the divine, oh you know, and, and it's because of the way that it like just really, everything fell into place so perfectly And it, everything, you know, afterward ah fell out, not like falling out like an argument, but like the events that fell out afterward unfolded in a way that like showed me this is,
00:36:23
Speaker
the way this is how we proceed um and it's not to say that everything has just been easy peasy lemon squeezy ever since but dear god it's been so much easier than it was before yeah Oh, my God. Yeah.
00:36:43
Speaker
Yep. Yeah.
Understanding Misinterpretations
00:36:48
Speaker
ah I mean, i I was going to talk about maybe like, what did we actually end up understanding about each other better? And yeah, I'm going to offer up like.
00:37:00
Speaker
The fact that i I can be overly dramatic sometimes when I'm like upset about something. And you thought that I was like, really having breakdowns and stuff. And I was like, no, like, once I get it out, I'm good. Like, you were like, totally, you thought that I was having mental breakdowns, like constantly. Yeah.
00:37:20
Speaker
Right. And that was part of the reason I was just so deeply concerned for you. Because I was just like, holy shit, like, are you like, about to go to a mental hospital? Like, are you good? When I'm upset, or something's going on that, like, I need to like, just kind of...
00:37:37
Speaker
like process or have a little freak out about like once i yeah do that i'm like okay like i'm all right you know yeah and i i am much the same way too and i feel like i also wasn't always being received that way like where like if i was freaking out about something you like would panic because you thought i was in like the worst distress ever it was just like no i am just a dramatic bitch yep and then other the other thing too i think was like when i'm sarcastic like you didn't quite understand my sarcasm and like yeah i didn't understand that you didn't understand it and so like yeah we kept kind of miscommunicating just based on that stuff Yeah, yeah. Which is like very typical, I think, for like sarcasm to be lost in messages, ah but also just for neurodivergent people to like really – –
00:38:34
Speaker
i i sarcasm feels like such a weird language that I just don't understand the purpose of a lot of the time um where like I will most of the time see it and understand it that it is sarcasm when it's being spoken or when it's happening but I'm just sort of like I then I just stare at it like i don't know what to do with this like you know And I run into that a lot with Jim, actually. we have conversations frequently where I'm just sort of like, I don't know how you're supposed to, what do you expect me to say to this? I don't get it. ah But that's just the neurodivergent in me. um
00:39:16
Speaker
But, you know, and we all, you know, Jim, myself and you are all neurodivergent. But, you know, there's different degrees, different layers to it. But like point being that particularly in you know, distance communication, especially messaging like tone, whether it's sarcasm or any other kind of tone, it gets lost.
00:39:39
Speaker
hmm. And, you know, you can only work on like you can only work with the words that you are reading in front of you. Yeah. And so like that's what I was doing because like you were giving me the words that were just extreme distress and just like, oh, my God, the world is ending. yeah And like I didn't know what else to do except for have like extreme Concern and almost like constant anxiety over like the situations you were dealing with and the, you know, stress that you were also dealing with as a result. And, you know,
00:40:20
Speaker
you know, just the overall impact and like what sort of ripple effects is this going to have? Is she going have a heart attack? Like, you know, like that kind of stuff, because all I got was the words that you wrote to me. And so like, I felt like frequently I wanted to try to just like shake you and be like, go back and read our conversations. Like, like, how do you think you're being perceived when these are the words that I'm reading and I don't get anything else? I don't get any other context. Yeah. I don't get any of the like, if there's anything positive that happens during the day, I don't hear about that because like, all that hear about is the negative. And, you know, so like that kind of stuff where I was just like, I don't know what else I was supposed to do with it. And so like being able to then like better understand
00:41:05
Speaker
For me, like that you just needed to get stuff out of your system most of the time. And for you to understand that like I needed more than just the drama to be able to accurately understand a picture of what your life was looking like at any given moment. Yeah. um Yeah. Like that was understandable like massive. It was really helpful to like understand that about each other, I think.
00:41:32
Speaker
u hu Yeah. Yeah. I really, you know, I was used to myself. So when I would go back and read those like things, I'm just like, I don't understand what the problem is. I don't understand why you're so upset. i don't get it But like, you know, after a while it started to become more clear that it was like, okay, I'm having like more freak outs than anything else and like that is you know ah upsetting to her yeah yeah so yeah naturally and like to it's to be completely fair like you were dealing with an inordinate amount of stressful shit like yeah it was that summer was bad it was 2023 was like one of the worst summers i've had
00:42:20
Speaker
Yeah, it was really rough. Most of the freakout was very warranted. But it was also just like, you know, that was the reason. I was just like, oh my god, everything is awful for her. Yeah, just to put it in context, it was like um the two things that were so were stressful in a bad way-ish were like school.
00:42:45
Speaker
Yeah. um And Really bad way was my mom and like the crap that she's been doing, you know, with her. I don't know if I talked about this much on the podcast, but she's been talking to random strangers and thinking that they're boyfriends and that she's in love and they're rich and they're going to come rescue her. And so then they have been actually scammers. They've manipulated her into sending them money and yeah she won't listen to anybody about it. yeah Like the first one that she told me about, i was able to prove to her within a couple of hours because I was just hanging out at her house. yeah and it was like it was like a frequent like people were talking about it on forums and stuff like right it was like a frequent literally the character situation yeah that she was speaking to you could google that guy's name and there were all these different like articles written like reddit posts and youtube posts and whatever's um and i was able to find the guy the real guy on facebook and And play her video of him talking because she's like, we've talked on the phone and he sounds Italian and he's this and that. And I was like, okay, so then I found the guy on Facebook and he had a video of himself and he's just a normal blonde California dude who had a normal American accent. yeah And I go, is this what he sounded like? And she was like, no. And I mean, like her face just dropped. It was just terrible. So yeah based on the fact that I was able to prove it to her from the very first one, I never thought she would fall for that shit again. Or at least she would listen to me if I said, no, mom, that's a scam, that she would at least believe me and like, listen. Yeah. She has literally fought me tooth and nail ever since then and gotten worse and worse about it over the last three years. Yeah. So the stress that was going on was like when I thought that she had gotten the clue the first time around, I had found out it on Mother's Day that year that she was talking to another one.
00:44:46
Speaker
And yeah she absolutely would not believe me. And there was nothing I could do to get her to listen to me. And was stressing me out so fucking bad. Like my blood pressure was out of control. i felt like I was going to have a heart attack numerous times. I was just like really stressed. Yeah. So there was that there was school and my bestie was moving up from Florida. And so she was going through a lot with like trying to find a place to live up here. And I was trying to help her shop for a place. yeah And so that was going on. Plus, then once we found the place, she needed help getting up here. So we were planning, like, how are we going to, you know, coordinate all this stuff. Like, I was going fly down and I was going to help, you know, drive her moving truck back up and blah, blah, blah. So it was like, there was a lot going on on my shoulders all at once. And that was literally...
00:45:36
Speaker
like i was at a breaking point yeah and that was all within that yeah that one season like yeah and so like my own fears about like might you have a heart attack we're not unfounded right and i thought i was at some points i was like oh god this is not good yeah um and so like yeah to need not be overstated the fact that like You had every right to be freaking out and I had every right to be concerned, but it was still just like an overload. And I think I don't I don't remember at this point, but I think at this point you hadn't ah you were not still seeing a therapist. And so that was another point of contention. I mean, I hadn't been. And I think I started to that October.
00:46:23
Speaker
it was to i It was October 2022 that you started to because I remember you talking about the first couple of sessions while you were here for your birthday. um so it you i know you had been seeing a therapist that therapist, but I don't know if you were still seeing her at that point in that summer because of the fact that like all of this was like spilling out. Or if you were, it was like not sufficient for what you were dealing with. I don't think I was getting enough help.
00:46:53
Speaker
like yeah in general but um i think i took a break from her after a year of seeing her or something like that and then i yeah and i was finishing up school and stuff or i was finishing up that year that's you know that christmas semester and i and i think i said you know i needed to like take a break you know finals and shit were going on um so i took a break from her because i had homework and tests and that crap Right. But I ended up going back again for a while. And, you know, there were some things that she helped me with. But overall, I didn't feel like I was getting enough help.
00:47:33
Speaker
But I did start figuring things out for myself a little bit better. Yeah. yeah It's like there's there is only so much that a therapist can do in certain situations to like help you like learn how to.
Respecting Boundaries and Growth
00:47:46
Speaker
deal with your yeah i just feel like she wasn't your like enough she wasn't she was listening to me more than she was saying anything at all yeah like there's certain like levels of like proactiveness that sometimes people need out of a therapist meant you just like weren't connecting in that way yeah or like matching up in that way i guess Um, but even still, like, it was the kind of thing where I was just like, how are you in therapy? And still, like, all of this is spilling over onto our conversations. And like, our, it felt like our whole relationship had just devolved into me fielding all of the like,
00:48:25
Speaker
drama and and the like all everything that you were coping with uh at any given moment um and like i'm just very glad that we became so more self-aware about it and that we that we ultimately like decided to take action to change things um through all of that rather than just sort of let it break the whole relationship down yeah because it had every like risk of that happening for sure so yeah yeah yeah and now here we are
00:49:15
Speaker
i Two years later from that experience and a year and a half later from beginning the podcast. um And you're like one of my goddamn best friends. And like, I've always felt that way for sure Like I've always felt like that's who you're meant to be. Even if I didn't feel like we could communicate like best friends for a long time.
00:49:41
Speaker
But like now, like it's without question. um And it feels really goddamn good. Yeah.
00:49:53
Speaker
Yeah. And that was such a good fucking weekend overall. Like, we had that, you know, long conversation at the restaurant. And then we came home and on very treacherous roads, which I was like, after that, I was like really grateful that we didn't try to drive like, you know, halfway meet somewhere in like upstate New York in January, because just trying to get home through Massachusetts was like a mess.
00:50:22
Speaker
um But like, We did make it home after like an hour and a half, it felt like. And we just chilled at home and we had more cacao and we stayed up and we talked more and we...
00:50:37
Speaker
I think like the the biggest portions of like the heavy conversations all happened at the restaurant and like anything else that was said afterward wasn't nearly as like intense.
00:50:48
Speaker
Right. um But it was still really good. And then I think it was like super early in the morning that I had to take you to the airport. Yeah. On that Monday morning. um So we were still up late, but like.
00:51:02
Speaker
Not too late, I think. Yeah. But it was just, it was so good and it was so needed. Yeah. It was ah was an awesome visit.
00:51:15
Speaker
Yeah. Fuck yeah. because i'm so glad that we got to talk about it we got it into a habit after that where if there was any question at all like if we were not understanding something we would just stop and be like okay hold on you gotta like explain to me what is happening here specifically so i don't like you gotta tell me exactly what's happening and not just the drama of it Yeah. or like also like you got to tell me what you mean by this thing that you said because like I feel like I'm not understanding what you actually meant. Yeah. You know because what I'm receiving is like
00:51:54
Speaker
not good you know um and but being able to just like be so upfront about it rather than like feeling like confused quietly yes uh it's so much better to just be able to say like straight up like hey you're not making sense right Yeah. And and be to be able to like fall back on that and and um know that we had that open, much wider open line of communication now ah was also just like a great establishing of trust, really. Yeah. And the and the also the thing that was another major like...
00:52:44
Speaker
um I don't know, change, I guess, that we made um was you had a boundary that I continuously crossed and didn't realize that I was doing it or didn't realize in what ways I was doing it. And I kept doing it. And that was another thing that was like problematic. And then i finally started to figure it out. And that was one thing that my therapist helped me with.
00:53:12
Speaker
for sure and that was me just continuously throwing out random advice all the time whenever i felt like you needed it and regardless of if i very specifically said like don't give me advice right now yeah like which i'm that kind of person who just i don't want advice yeah so my My whole thing and like it's all in my birth chart so it's like really truly part of who I am is like I want to be helpful and I want to help people as much as I possibly can because I i think I was trying to be for people what I needed from people.
00:53:53
Speaker
Yeah, because I didn't get that from anybody. And like, I was just trying like, in my way, it was like, in my own way, it was like me begging for somebody to help me through my problems. So I was always trying to help them. And like, I've never had anybody.
00:54:09
Speaker
Except for John in his own sarcastic way, like, you know, being mean to me about how I, how I would like throw out random advice, but like you were just like mad about it. And i couldn't understand why. really yeah Like it was, it was the kind of thing where it was just like, it wasn't just, it wasn't just that it was annoying. It was that it was like, it like graded on my like soul. Yeah. And I never understood why i didn't understand it. Like, and And then once I finally did understand that, yeah well, even if I didn't completely understand, it was the fact that this was a boundary for you and I finally learned how to not cross it. You know what i mean? Yeah.
00:54:53
Speaker
It took me a while. Even if you didn't understand it. Like, was the kind of thing where it's like, even like, and that's the thing about boundaries in general is just like,
00:55:02
Speaker
you gotta respect them even if you don't understand them or why like the person has laid it down like and I thought that like by just being able to say that to you that you'd like get it and be like okay even if I don't understand this I gotta just let it be um but like you are that kind of inquisitive mind that you do need to understand things yes and i and I do get that and I do get that, but it like i've i've you know what I wanted and what I needed was for the
00:55:36
Speaker
like ah what's the word that I'm looking for? The respect and understanding. i don't know. Yeah, I was going to say sanctity of the relationship to take precedence over the understanding. Okay. Okay. Like, but I don't think sanctity is the right word, but like, you know, the, the like the respect, but just like the desire, the desire for,
00:56:01
Speaker
i like my wellbeing to be to, to, to take that, to take priority. Yeah. ah You know, just like if I express that I need it's not for no reason. And that like, you know, I needed you to trust me on it. um And I think that was part of what was so hard is that like you weren't understanding and therefore not respecting the boundary. And then it continued to feel like you didn't trust me from like expressing my own needs.
00:56:38
Speaker
hmm. um which just sort of compounded the problem overall um but like when you did finally start to get it like even before you understood it like from how i felt like when you did start to get the concept of like this boundary has to be respected even if you don't understand it intellectually um is like a lot of pressure was relieved in that instant yeah yeah i'm sorry it took me so long and i know that there's moments when i look where i'm like pushing that limit a little with you i'm sure but i try to like i think i can catch myself sometimes and stop it like when i'm feeling like i'm doing something to yeah like you know
00:57:32
Speaker
uh line stepping if you will yeah yeah i get you i get you and like sometimes maybe a little bit but like i've also gotten a little better at letting it roll off and if i'm really and not in a place of being able to receive advice giving but you're doing it anyway i just ignore it to be totally honest oh that's totally fine yeah but yeah it's it's gotten a lot better overall and i'm grateful that like i said i am grateful for
00:58:15
Speaker
be opportunity that we took to work through these things and grateful that we were so connected to our intuition in facing all of it to the point that it has had such a massive impact now ever since in our continued relationship.
00:58:42
Speaker
So yeah. Yeah.
00:58:48
Speaker
That That's our story. That's the that's our cacao story. ah i love it. I'm so glad that we took the time to talk about this and reflect because, yeah, it's crazy that it is literally is like exactly two years.
00:59:10
Speaker
Martin Luther King weekend 2024. yeah, to anybody who and yeah to anybody who has wondered if Reiki or cacao or sound journeys, shaman, shamanistic, I don't know what the word is. Shamanistic sir ah services ah might be beneficial for them in certain situations or overall with their own spiritual journeys or mental health.
00:59:42
Speaker
um I'd say if you're considering it, it's worth the try based solely on this experience, which I already had, you know, previous experience with these things. And like, that was, I guess, part of the reason that i turned to it for this specific situation. but like damn it really solidified my like like i said my trust in myself and my own intuition and my trust in these tools uh for like the moving forward of my own internal life and my relationships so yeah
01:00:28
Speaker
well yeah and literally like i've said before you know i attribute so much of my personal growth to having you back in my life honestly because if it wasn't for you dude i wouldn't have had any reason to like look deeper inside of myself for like my own issues to to fix and change or alter or whatever you know because i didn't have i mean why like honestly that's why i said
01:01:00
Speaker
I wasn't, I didn't understand your boundary because I never had anybody say to me, like, you're, you're doing too much. You're saying too much. You need to shut up, keep your opinions yourself or keep your advice to yourself. Nobody has ever done that for me with me. So I was just like, did not understand how come this was offending you so much. and Like never offended anybody else that I knew. And, you know, literally, i don't know.
01:01:27
Speaker
It's a generational thing. I don't know what it is, but like I'm friends with people who are older than me, mostly. And not too many people younger than me. And so like communication styles and just all that stuff, you know.
01:01:44
Speaker
i just not been around anybody who first of all didn't understand me because i always felt like i was a clear communicator and like a bill like able to like express myself well and all that and so just all of the issues that we had had i just could not understand why the fuck we kept having them i don't understand this yeah but also like i don't really think that many Many, if any, of your other ah relationships that you'd ever experienced were all so, you know, remote.
01:02:19
Speaker
Right. That was another issue. um Yeah. like i do Like I think that was just a really, really, really big factor. um I was used to having like long distance friends, you know, a lot of internet friends, like people that some to this day I've never met in person. um But like, you know, people that like I would communicate with, but not like as nearly much on like a regular basis, but still like you know getting close with some of these people like i was used to having that kind of friendship but it wasn't those there was like way lower stakes with those people yeah it felt like because they were not who you are to me right
01:03:09
Speaker
um But I don't think you ever really had that. So like, I think that like, that's part of why like, there was such a difference to um with but like between us, where like so much of your interaction, usually with other people has been in person. And so you probably had, you were less misunderstood because people could like be in front of you and understand what you mean. um But I didn't have that opportunity ah most of the time, like of the time.
01:03:43
Speaker
um and so like I think almost too that like ever since then, anytime we have seen each other in person, it has been, we've we've almost taken like a more um intentional approach to our time spent in person together as well.
01:04:05
Speaker
um And like, you know, not to say that we were super just like blah, whatever, whenever we were together, because we were always like together and just having so much fun all the time. But like,
01:04:17
Speaker
We just we looked at it it with different eyes now because it was just like, OK, now is our opportunity to actually read each other h and like really solidify our understanding of who each other is. yeah um And.
01:04:37
Speaker
yeah and I think that's been really good, too, like and we've seen each other slightly more often since. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. um Like twice a year, it seems. Yeah. Anahata's attributed to that, though. like ah Yeah, Anahata's contributes to that because it's like it's not exactly halfway, but like it is like a meeting point for us. But also like our gatherings with our Anahata's friends has also been a part of that.
01:05:09
Speaker
like But also, you came out here for Thanksgiving. So you came out here well you you came out here twice, and then we saw each other at Anahata's 2024. And then come out here 2025?
01:05:22
Speaker
You didn't.
01:05:25
Speaker
did you come out here in twenty twenty five you didn't I think it was only we we saw each other for solstice and we saw each other for Anahatas. Yeah. So I don't think you've come out here since Thanksgiving of 2024. Right. um Which now I'm just like, God, like as stupid as it sounds, like the next time you do fly out here, I'm going to be like, what? Three times last year because it was solstice, Anahatas, and then Thanksgiving. Yeah.
01:05:53
Speaker
yeah but i went to you for thanksgiving yeah but you still didn't come out here right what i mean right um but what i'm trying to say is that like the next time you do fly out here i'm gonna be like i'm gonna have so much anxiety driving to the airport Oh, God. no you're not. No, you're Yeah, I will. I literally will.
01:06:18
Speaker
Oh, my God. But it's fine. It's fine. Maybe you instead of flying, you'll just drive out here. I don't know. We'll have to see about that.
01:06:30
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. We'll have to see. a lot of times it has to do with um flight costs, but yeah literally Branson is like.
01:06:42
Speaker
The same distance. There's no direct flight to Springfield. Which is like the closest airport to there. Which is still like 45 minutes away.
01:06:54
Speaker
Yeah. It's like, there's no direct flight there. So I would have to be dealing with like layovers and shit. Right. um And then um there are direct flights to Kansas city, Missouri, but then that's a four hour drive to Branson. Right.
01:07:09
Speaker
And so it was like, it just made more sense to drive there just because on top of it, we would have our own vehicle to get around. And no, I, I know, i know. Right. But I'm just saying like, you don't have to necessarily pay for a flight to Boston.
01:07:24
Speaker
And you could just drive out here if you wanted. But my point is that there is direct flights to Boston and I can usually find them cheap. So true. It's like, I'm just trying to get out of having to drive to the airport. That's what I'm trying to say.
01:07:39
Speaker
Oh my God. Oh, it has nothing to do with the airport. I literally was having car troubles before I even like got to the interstate when I was going to pick you up for Thanksgiving. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
01:07:51
Speaker
Like that was your alternator. That is not going to happen again for as long as you have that vehicle. So don't worry. Yeah. No, i know. know Still, it was scary. It was freaky. I'd never had a car like do that to me, you know? Yeah.
01:08:07
Speaker
So yeah, I'm glad that it was like an actual like diagnosable prop, like doesn't even need to go to the like it you looked up the problem uh before it even got to the shop and so like i had a feeling i knew what it was but i just wanted to like look it up and make sure that i was yeah right based on what you're um what you're what you described as was happening so i was looking it up and i was like you know basically diagnosing the issue for you and like yeah and so i was relieved to know that it was like that common of a
01:08:42
Speaker
thing that could happen yeah and not just like a freak like oh my god my car is like permanently dead older your car gets the more likely your alternator is gonna go out and then oddly enough john's went out like a few months after that right here um but like you're both your cars are super old how old is yours 2009 okay so it's not super old but like john it is pretty old is like a john's older though four yeah yeah And, um but I just, you know, I guess I, I guess I feel kind of,
01:09:16
Speaker
grateful in a way that you know being having this job for so long i've learned quite a few things that i just take right about vehicles yeah i feel like people know this stuff and i'm like i keep running into issues with people with cars that are like oh it's this or that or don't worry or it's like you know i don't know like i don't freak out about it and i can also usually understand what's going on and like you right have an idea of how to fix it or what what it will take to fix it or you know whatever. right but um yeah so you were you were hugely helpful for me to like stay
01:09:54
Speaker
like sane and calm throughout that weekend for sure yeah i was like look and they're just gonna look at it and they're gonna tell you it's this or that and this is about the price range it's gonna be to fix it and then they're gonna be able to do that for you within a day or so it's not you know it's not the end of the world blah blah but like um it's really funny because like in my flex right now The back door that my kid goes in, you know, the door behind me, um it's the hinge is really, really like, like stiff. Okay. It's like, yeah, it's like the. the hinges are really like dry basically because they've run out of lubricant yeah and it's hard to pull that door open. It's really hard. And there's like a can of WD-40 in my house and my kids suggested it and my husband suggested it. And in the back of my mind, I'm like, I know that's probably not the right thing to use. And I couldn't really tell you why I felt that, but it was like, in the back of my mind it was one of those little nuggets of information that you just kind of like, remember you pick up over the years and you kind of remember and like, yeah, no, there's something I know that's not a good thing to use on that. and I know there's like a heavy duty thick grease that that's what they put on it in the, you know, factories when they're, you know, building the cars and stuff. But like, why isn't WD-40 a good idea? Well, I finally Googled it and it was like,
01:11:25
Speaker
Yeah, because it repels the grease that you need to have in that joint. So like if you put it on there and then you try to put grease on that, then the grease ain't going to stick on really well. But besides that, the WD-40 attracts dirt really bad. So then you're going to end up having a worse problem. Probably the problem worse. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. So cakes up and turns into like thick ass mud that you can't get of there. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. gritty, gritty mud, you know? Yeah. the thick, heavy grease that you need is like, you can find it in one of these auto places. And I found something that would, you know, it wasn't the number one thing that this one person had like suggested to use, but I found what most people were suggesting. It's like white lithium grease or something. It's a weird name. Interesting. but i found a small tube because i'm like probably not going to need a shit ton of this stuff yeah just for one door but i'm still gonna like lube up all of my doors and the hatch door just you know because it's better to have them lubed up and they're easier open and close anyways yeah after that and then i'll have john use it in his car too and stuff but anyway it was like i knew there was something about wd-40 that was like no you don't use that on metal joints like in cars like i just knew you know yeah so anyway was right and i i feel like vindicated about it even though i didn't tell john or my son exactly why i didn't do that i just knew i didn't want to and i knew there was a reason yeah yeah anyway yeah yeah
01:13:08
Speaker
So he anyway, I'm glad that I was able to help you with that situation. But yeah, like not only with like the logistics of like knowing or figuring out what the actual problem was and how much it's going to cost, but just also just like basically literally and metaphorically holding my hand through like the just dealing with the logistical stress of it all too. So like it was really helpful.
01:13:32
Speaker
yeah yeah but also i i felt compelled to look up all of the you know the google information to talk you through all of that because i couldn't deal with you being like that the whole time i was there yeah i would have i would have been pulling my hair out like chill the fuck out like it's going to be okay i promise yeah i was like trying to do what i could to get you to chill about it and Yeah, I wanted to not be stressed. Like, believe me, anytime I am stressed, I'm like, the last thing I want to be feeling right now is the stress that I'm feeling. But like, it was yeah I have such and I've I'm sure I've expressed this before. But like, I have such a like, emotional attachment to my car as like my mode of like transportation, transportation being literal, like freedom, like my literal ability to get to work, or to like, you know, manage my own life, and get around like, I need my car. And I did not and nor do I still have the money to just drop on a new one if this one were to just shit the bed. Exactly. So like it was the kind of thing where it was just like, what if this is the end? You know, like, what if this is about to put me into way worse financial straits trying to go into debt to buy a new car?
01:14:53
Speaker
You know, like, that was what I was up against, even though i didn't know for sure. But it's the kind of thing where it's like, when I don't know for sure, my nervous system is always preparing for the worst.
01:15:03
Speaker
Right. And so like, that was the reason for that. And I didn't want it to be that way, but I like couldn't get it to stop being that way. So that's all. But yeah, I'm like, it really, like I said, it was really helpful for you to like, be there to ease me out of that because it would have been a miserable weekend regardless. I mean, like whether or not you were going to be there ah that weekend,
01:15:33
Speaker
that That would happen to my car anyway. So you were there and I didn't have to deal with it alone. Yeah. So that was a huge blessing for sure.
01:15:44
Speaker
Yeah, I'm glad. Yeah. So. Yeah, me too.
01:15:51
Speaker
And that's our show. That's our episode. oh What a good one. What a good one. Thank you so much for being here, friends and listening. I hope that this was at the very least an interesting ah episode to listen to, but also I hope that it I hope that it reached somebody, you know, i had, I have a feeling I had had a feeling and I have a feeling.
01:16:19
Speaker
Did I say the same thing? I had a feeling and I have a feeling still about the past the very strong potential, the possibility that somebody out there might've needed to hear about this experience.
01:16:35
Speaker
So I'm glad that we've finally sat down to talk about it and tell our our soul squad about it. Yeah. Yeah. It's good.
01:16:47
Speaker
and And I have to be honest. I... It's kind of weird. Like we've been having a hard time picking topics to talk about lately. Yeah. And I think that there's a weird for me anyway, like an avoidance thing. i just haven't felt like I wanted to do a deep topic. lately i don't know if i've just not had the energy to do that or what but i do want to say and like publicly apologize for like if we've done done too many fluff pieces lately it's my fault probably and i mean i also have felt a little bit like i you know i mentioned this in our bonus episode i haven't mentioned it yet today because this is the first time we're recording a regular episode since i got sick i've been sick um and so this week in particular i was just like i really
01:17:37
Speaker
do not have it in me to try to figure out what to do. um And that's why, you know, it's like so late in the week that we're recording and, ah you know, that we...
01:17:48
Speaker
once again, put it off to decide until just a couple hours before we sat down to record. um But also, you know, this is like a deeper topic, but it also is like an easier one to talk about because it was just, it's us talking about our experience and not so much like trying to like be prepared with notes or anything like that. And so we kind of got the best of both worlds a little bit.
01:18:12
Speaker
uh in this this particular episode yeah so uh i think it worked out yeah it did yeah um and i'm hoping to you know have a little bit of a clearer idea for like what to talk about for you know upcoming episodes and maybe dive into a couple books maybe um maybe i know we do still have where we've got that um the power of women's anger book that we have touched on a couple times uh like i've had it in the back of my mind to maybe go through the next chunk of that okay um but you know we'll we'll figure it out but i feel good about
01:19:04
Speaker
Today, and I also like think that sometimes episodes just or episodes podcasts just go through phases sometimes, and we've had to go through a little bit of a lighter phase. It is wintertime, and our like general human nervous systems are just lower energy in general. So I think we can give ourselves a little grace.
01:19:30
Speaker
yeah um and it's okay but yeah uh it's it's been rough because winter but it's still good ever yeah yes oh anyway that's our show we love you guys seriously thank you for being here and for Supporting us and follow us in our socials and all of our links below and go subscribe to our Patreon and give us a rating and give us a review and give us a thumbs up or whatever you do. i don't know.
01:20:09
Speaker
Push this podcast on your friends. yeah tell uh tell all of your friends tell your family to listen to us because we're starting a cult just kidding oh god we gotta go we gotta get out of here thank you so much ah we love you and we will see you guys