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83. Destroy What's Holding You Back
10 Plays1 day ago
The title basically says it all.
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Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
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Transcript
Recording Challenges
00:00:22
Speaker
What's up? What's up homies? Howdy doody. are here and it is the end of a long day. And oh i hate that that's always the case. Like I wish that we could just sort of record whenever, but it seems like we always have to just cram it in at the end of our long work days and we're both tired and bleh.
00:00:51
Speaker
Tired, stressed out, not in great moods. Blah, blah, blah. It's good. It's good. Y'all certainly don't get the best of us.
00:01:03
Speaker
But they get the rest of us. But I think all things considered, I feel like we do a decent... job at cutting through when we can when we yeah i mean we you know when we talk about stuff and just start bantering or whatever like we usually end up in a better mood so it's i think it's good yeah you know what i was thinking about what go ahead go ahead go I was just literally going to concur with that like particularly with the recent um music episode that we did where you were really not in a good mood and like almost wanted to like delay or postpone for another day and like I was like but you've said before that like recording tends to like make you feel better so let's maybe go ahead and then it worked and it was really good so but yeah what were you about to say
00:01:58
Speaker
I was going to say, like, earlier today, I was thinking about how we end up talking about the weather a lot. Oh, my God. Almost a single episode. I wonder how many people are sick of our shit.
00:02:12
Speaker
How many listeners are like, would you just shut the fuck up about the weather already? And guess what, friends? We never will. Maybe not. I don't know. At this point, it's too strong of a tide. We can't do anything about it.
00:02:26
Speaker
was going to say people should write in and tell us. If they're sick of hearing it, we need to know. write in and tell us what your weather is like. Oh, oh God.
00:02:39
Speaker
We will read it on air.
Weather & Hypermobility
00:02:42
Speaker
Today I got pissed off about the weather because it started out like relatively cold this morning. And I was just wearing leggings, which actually shouldn't be like oppressively hot, no matter what. But like...
00:02:56
Speaker
By the middle of the day, i just felt like I was going to explode from how hot I was. Ew. And i wish i just I wished that I wasn't wearing leggings the whole day. Because it got like it was cold in the morning, like I said. But it got up to like 55, 56 maybe. But like sunny. And so like it was warm. It felt good. It was good. It was good. I want it to be warm, to be clear. But like...
00:03:22
Speaker
I gotta start I gotta break out the dresses again like I gotta start wearing things that don't make me feel like my legs are sausage casings yeah yeah oh man that's probably why they were swollen Yeah, yeah, my ankles were pretty swollen. We had to delay delay starting our recording tonight because I needed, literally, I walked in the door. i as was like, I have to put my feet up. I have to. Like, it was getting physically painful. And so, like, I think, I like, I mean, I don't think that was the only reason, but I think that it was definitely a part of it. And I just like, I was frustrated.
00:04:01
Speaker
do you think that they got enough relief? Yeah, I think so. And I'm doing the belt thing again right now. Oh, that's good. ah I've got the belt tied around my knees so that my legs can fucking relax.
00:04:12
Speaker
Okay. Because I forgot to take it with me to the office. I think i was the other part. Aw. Because I didn't have that. And so, like, my legs were just like... my joints are all... Because that's what, like, that's what it means to be hypermobile. So since you started to do that, do you think it's helped?
00:04:29
Speaker
Oh, like, immediately. Immediately. Your lower back is better and stuff? Lower back is feeling better and pelvis is feeling better. And also generally my joints in general don't feel so bad. Wow. Like I have found like it's I'm still nowhere near where I would want to be ideally in terms of feeling physically capable and limber. But it but like eons better than usual.
00:04:56
Speaker
it's It's a noticeable difference when I do it versus when I don't. Mm hmm. like sitting at my desk all day which I try not to be just seated the whole time like I try to get up I try to like you know take a quick lap I try to you know go get a seltzer out of the fridge when I'm in the office um but like there's also just that like element of tension when I'm in the office I feel like I it's like it's almost like like masking a little yeah where like I have to be there and I have to be pleasant and I have to pretend like I love corporate America. And like you're not in pain.
00:05:33
Speaker
And like I'm not in pain. And so like but that just like makes my body more tense and more in pain. Yeah. And so like I mean on Monday I had brought the belt with me to the office and i like noticed I didn't have it on as much as I did like as I have when I've worked from home using it.
00:05:54
Speaker
but still i noticed a difference of like there's the difference being i'm i'm i shit you not the difference being like whether i get up from this chair groaning like a grandpa and then hobbling over away from my desk versus like getting up at a normal pace And walking like a normal person. Wow.
00:06:22
Speaker
I cannot believe how stark of a difference it it is. And that it's like a direct like effect from this belt. yeah So if you're leaving this in the episode, then you need to explain what the hell the belt situation is. Okay. The belt situation is this thing that we had seen. i had seen on TikTok and I shared it with Christina, but I've seen it a couple times before i shared it with Christina.
00:06:49
Speaker
For people who have hypermobility where their joints are just like flippity floppity and the muscles are trying to constantly compensate to like make up for that, like lack of like structure. um And it's, you know, most prominent in neurodivergent people. So, ah you know, if you are neurodivergent and you notice enormous amounts of body pain, you use this may be you. um Not medical professionals, but this may be you.
00:07:18
Speaker
um But it is like, particularly for people who can't sit normal, which is for sure me. um The suggestion was to sit down. and tie, like buckle a belt around, like just above your knees, like you you know the bottom of your thighs just above your knees, or you know take like a robe tie or ah like, what do they call it? Like tension band or what do they call it? The exercise bands?
00:07:53
Speaker
i can't remember what they call them. There's another word for it. But like one of those things that like, you know, it's like rubber. Yeah, I've only... Sorry. I've only known them as exercise bands. Yeah. Yeah. um Yeah. There's another word for them. I can't remember what it is, but people probably know what I mean. But like taking one of those. oh wait. Is it resistance band? Resistance band. That's the fucking word. Yeah. um Resistance band. But for me, I have like ah like a tie belt that came with my like big long winter coat, my overcoat.
00:08:31
Speaker
um that I have never used because I don't, it's like annoying. I don't know. I've never used it. So it's been like hanging up next to my door for a long time. And so I just went and grabbed it because i knew where it was. I knew that it was there and I could tie it around my knees.
00:08:48
Speaker
And so like you, you basically take your belt or your tie or your resistance band and you secure it around Like, yeah, lower thigh right above your knees at whatever feels like a comfortable tightness. It doesn't have to be like your knees don't have to be like completely together, but just like, you know, straight and like straight.
00:09:14
Speaker
I don't know. Normal. what I don't know what the hell I'm trying to explain. But point being, when you do that, you can release the muscles around your pelvis and your like thighs.
00:09:29
Speaker
And it will let you can like rest and let your legs just be. and
00:09:41
Speaker
It's like, it's so relieving. You wouldn't think that it would be comfortable, but it fucking is. Like, to not have to, like, feel, like, tense all through my hips and my legs because I'm trying to, like, sit straight in this desk chair is, like, it's such a relief.
00:10:03
Speaker
That's awesome. And to have to spend hours doing that every day, like that's, it's kind of no fucking wonder that I was in so much goddamn pain all the time. Yeah. And I still haven't tried it. Like I'm going to try probably to do it. um Yeah.
00:10:20
Speaker
But I don't know how weird it's going to be Like every time I have to get up out of the bus seat, it's going to be really hard to like, I would move the right with it i would i would say start using it like at home first. you know like When you're sitting sitting in that desk chair or sitting on the couch or whatever. like i've done this while I've been sitting on the couch watching TV too. you know yeah Where I just like sit and I'm able to like relax.
00:10:49
Speaker
oh It's so... good wow because it's like good cool everything is attached and so like yes it's like your hips and your legs that get the most relief immediately excuse your jar sorry is that olives or pickles olives
00:11:15
Speaker
Um, yeah, it's like the hips and the legs that get like the most immediate relief, but everything in your body is connected.
Physical Therapy & Arthritis
00:11:23
Speaker
And so like, I think over time, it probably tends to help like the rest of you as well. Yeah, I believe that.
00:11:31
Speaker
Yeah. So, so it's nice to sit here after a whole day of not being able to relax and sit here and have my legs be normal yeah and be relaxed yeah i feel like i even like sit up straighter when i have them tied like this i joked at jim i was like bondage was always the solution ah
00:12:03
Speaker
Funny girl. Yep, that's me. oh um But yeah, so that's not what we're talking about, though. No, but it is another TikTok, though.
00:12:15
Speaker
It is another TikTok. It's kind of funny how much we learn from TikTok. And how i i get a little annoyed at how, like, not seriously, a lot of people take that, like, take TikTok as a resource, like, deliberately, you know? Mm-hmm.
00:12:32
Speaker
like it's not like any other news sources particularly more trustworthy but like it's not like also i'm looking for like i don't know it's not like i'm doing research i'm just coming across people's experiences yeah you know these people who you know were suggesting the belt trick around the legs they were people who had tried it and had seen relief from it yeah i was like okay if it works for them, then for sure it seems like a worthy like suggestion.
00:13:07
Speaker
m And I can absolutely see how it would work, how it would help. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Cause like, I don't know, just particularly like when my, when I'm at my desk and especially at home, my legs, they just like to splay out.
00:13:26
Speaker
My hips just rotate out because like, yeah Because I have no like structure. yeah Do I have a skeleton? I'm not sure. um but like I found myself like struggling to keep my feet, like the bottoms of my feet, planted on the floor.
00:13:47
Speaker
without straining all of my muscles to do so and so i was just like letting them flop and like resting my feet on their sides which is so bad for your ankles um yeah and i'm like i don't want that's not comfortable i don't like it <unk> no and so like After having seen that suggestion and then realizing like this is getting on my last nerve to like, you know, struggle to position my legs and my feet.
00:14:17
Speaker
I just got up and grabbed the belt and I tried it and I was just like, fuck. Yeah.
00:14:26
Speaker
The ones, the one thing that I will say to, to caution people is ah do give yourself a break. Like, you know, take them off every hour or too because you don't want to fuck up your circulation um because it can feel pretty tight after a while but otherwise worthwhile worth trying what i was gonna say to it's kind of funny where you're talking about the hypermobility thing and i'm dealing with arthritis in my left hand and my th thumb
00:15:00
Speaker
Right. And um I'm going to therapy for that right now because ah the hand specialist wants me to. and like the last guy i saw, not today, but like Monday, arm was talking about how I have that, um you know how your fingers can pop backwards? Like, yeah. So my thumb can do that.
00:15:24
Speaker
Like it typically sits right. mine kind of does too yeah it typically sits like this where it's got a rounded joint yeah but i can pop it like that and this one is like getting to be that way just on its own now because there's no cartilage in this knuckle right down here and like down here either i guess but like this one is like automatically popping itself inward And he started, like, he was playing with my thumb and he was like, do you see how it does that? Mine doesn't do that. Blah, blah, blah. Like, yeah, I go you know, um or he said something about being hypermobile or hyperflexible or something like that.
00:16:04
Speaker
Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I go, I can do that pretty much with all my fingers. Like show them how, like, they'll just kind of do that. Yeah. um But anyway,
00:16:14
Speaker
He was making a point about it like it was some crazy thing. Like, don't know. It is a very, very typical thing for a neurodivergent person to have. Yeah. And like, he may not know that. And I never, I never brought into the neurodivergency aspect of it to, you know, to him. Well, in his line of work, he should, but you know, that's neither here nor there. Yeah. But the therapist today really railed me, dude. Like, oh my God, he was so, don't want to say rough, but he was extremely like firm to the point of pain. And I was just like, Cause like he was getting in there and massaging that muscle between the thumb and the hand. And then he was like, he got up into my, into my lower arm as well.
00:17:03
Speaker
call that forearm. ah yeah Yeah. So he was like digging down deep. in between the two bones, like pushing that muscle. And he was like, so, so firm that it was like, Oh, like question though, was he actually going that hard or is that just like how tense and tight your muscles are? Well, that he was going a lot harder than the previous two therapists that I've seen so far have done.
00:17:34
Speaker
yeah, but At one point he wasn't pushing. He's like, I'm not even pushing like that hard right now, but it was still like, it was on this part of my arm. Yeah. So like your I've had, I've had that experience before. Yeah. Like the first massage I ever, ever got in my entire life after 12 years of classical piano training ah I got a massage when I was like 17-ish. Yeah, I was in my senior your year. And masseuse
00:18:10
Speaker
like, she was working on my forearms and wasn't even working them that hard. And it hurt so bad.
00:18:22
Speaker
And she said, like, she said exactly that. She said, I'm not doing, I'm not pushing that hard. She went to another part of my body and she's like, this is the amount of pressure that I'm doing. And it wasn't a lot.
00:18:32
Speaker
And like, what is that? Why does that hurt so bad? And she mentioned like there's like a, I don't remember exactly what the word was that she used, but she mentioned that there that there's like a protein buildup.
00:18:45
Speaker
in the muscle from tension and you know overworking and like that you know she could she said she could physically feel it like melting away as she worked on my arms and then i noticed i felt like blood rushing to my hands oh yeah and i was like holy shit yeah it was crazy i know when i first started getting physical therapy on my pelvic, you know, low back yeah hip joints and all that stuff. yeah They, they were pushing that hard and it was like really painful.
00:19:25
Speaker
So yeah, I know. I know. But yeah, this guy today was way like 10 times firmer than like the guy I saw Saturday. He's a newer guy different location, whatever.
00:19:40
Speaker
um He was like, It felt really good. It was very relaxing. And I was just like, oh, that feels nice. You know, that it was just like, oh and he was like really grinding into these joints in my thumb that are like, really like, you know, they're painful when you grind the bones together, you know? Yeah. And he kept doing it And I was like,
00:20:05
Speaker
wow like why are you doing that don't do that you're not supposed to yeah rubbing them together like that no jesus so now i feel like i'm gonna have inflammation tomorrow i'm probably gonna have like more pain and swelling in this hand i don't know Anyway, let's move on. Moving on from our ailments.
Spirituality & Mental Health
00:20:28
Speaker
ah um But yeah, like we had alluded to, and I don't remember if we even specifically said, but what we actually wanted to talk about was something that also came from a TikTok that I had seen yeah and sent to Christina.
00:20:43
Speaker
um And as with many of our topics that we have had, I don't even have like a title for it or a specific word or phrase to like explain it ahead of explaining the concept. Like I don't have a word. There's not a label for it that I've thought of yet. Metaphysics be metaphysicaling.
00:21:12
Speaker
Okay. ah See, this is the thing, though, is like, oh God. I mean, we talk all the time about, or at least i to I do, both on podcast and off, like about how...
00:21:28
Speaker
entangled and intrinsically linked spirituality and metaphysics is with like mental health and like it has been for me for sure you know and that's mostly been due to my like literal experiences like the way that I was like meditating for my mental health, for my anxiety. And then through that experience, like had like the first real spiritual experience of my life.
00:22:01
Speaker
And so, like, that's the beginning of, like, my real true spiritual path, my spiritual journey. And it's been that way ever since. But, like, these things just keep coming up and coming up and coming up. And I see, like, evidence from other people and, like, continued evidence through my own life where it's, like, so goddamn clear, yeah.
00:22:23
Speaker
Spirituality and mental health are one in the same most of the time. Definitely fully connected all of the time. Yeah.
00:22:34
Speaker
I can see how you would make that ah yeah draw those parallels. Yeah. you will. Yeah. And like the interesting thing is the TikTok that I saw, i cannot even specifically say that like the thoughts that I've been having have been metaphysical in nature about it.
00:22:56
Speaker
It's been psychological. as a Yeah, psychological, mostly mental, emotional, like...
00:23:09
Speaker
but Those are like the impressions that were left for me rather than metaphysical. um
00:23:19
Speaker
Because, okay, so... To be clear. So the person who posted the TikTok, her name is Mystic, which if that's her legal name, that's fucking awesome. If that's just what she calls herself, that's also fucking awesome.
00:23:37
Speaker
I really like it. Her TikTok handle is at Mystic in the Matrix and Matrix has a Y instead of an Um... oh um And so her post was from, this was four days ago. So what is that?
00:23:56
Speaker
The 21st of March? o If anybody wants to like you know look it up and and reference it. At the very beginning of her video, she states that she fully believes that we can...
00:24:16
Speaker
like change change reality or so jump timelines or whatever it was that she said it had to do with like parallel realities parallel timelines and like jumping timelines she's like she's like I fully believe that i can that we can do that as easily as like walking across the kitchen um and I was like okay and I couldn't fully i don't know maybe maybe there's like further explanation later or elsewhere in her account about why she believes that yeah because the tiktok itself didn't really talk that much about she did that yeah she didn't like verbally tie it back to yeah the concept of jumping timelines but she stated that and i could see like i could maybe draw my own conclusions and parallels if i thought about it hard enough but that's i think why my mind took it more in enough
00:25:15
Speaker
psychological direction rather than a metaphysical direction ah the content of this video actually but that's what she that's her opening line and it was you know i'm i don't know how i feel about it i don't know how like you know i'm like i kind of sort of take it in stride when people say stuff like that um because i'm like i don't know My reality is just my reality. Yeah. And I don't know what alternate realities could be. And I don't care to think too much about it because I feel like I have enough to grapple with in my own actual reality. So exactly I don't think too hard about it. But what I will say is,
00:25:58
Speaker
She, oh, it was a really cool TikTok for a lot of reasons. Mostly like the fact that like she was having a realization in real time and confronting it in real time on video.
00:26:16
Speaker
And it was powerful to watch. It was really fucking cool. So basically what her video was was she had a mug that she loves. those She said it was her favorite mug and she uses it every day. She said she used it every day for like seven years.
00:26:38
Speaker
And she said there's a chip on the handle and she actually showed it. Just a crack. Yeah. correct like It's been there since she got it, she said. Right. That's what she said.
00:26:50
Speaker
that's what i yeah That's what I was saying. Yeah. um But she said, like, it's always been there because she got it secondhand even. So it wasn't like, you know, it was there when she bought it. And she uses it every day.
00:27:03
Speaker
But every single day she has like a visualization of the handle like breaking off. And the the mug just like breaking when she's using it because of that crack. Because of that like it's a chip or a crack. I don't know. She didn't really show it super close.
00:27:23
Speaker
um But she's like this is my favorite mug. Like you know she feels like very attached to it. And she realized through like a meditation that she had done. She got this download that basically said.
00:27:41
Speaker
what you're holding onto is holding you back. And for whatever reason, her hearing this, she connected it immediately to the mug.
00:27:52
Speaker
And the fact that like, it's plaguing her every time she uses it, that she feels like it's going to break, even though it is her favorite mug.
00:28:05
Speaker
And so what she decided to do on camera in the moment, impromptu, was to take a hammer and break it yeah so she literally on camera took a hammer to it she said she had to like restart the video like four different times because she like could not bring herself to do it but she you know obviously the one that she posted was the one where she successfully managed to break it she had wrapped it in like a tea towel and you know took a hammer and just shattered it she cried she cried
00:28:36
Speaker
afterward she was like oh clearly this is doing something like clearly this was this was something's happening so this i was on the right track you know yeah um and she just knew like something about the way that this mug even if it was her favorite It was like holding her back from something, not to mention just making her anxious every time she used it, h you know? And that was so impactful for me hearing that. Like, I just, I was like, God, I really want to find these things, these like cracked mugs in my own life.
00:29:27
Speaker
metaphorical
00:29:31
Speaker
and eliminate them because it's clear to me like there's just like there's so much writing on it and like i i even had a realization today as i was reflecting more on this because we decided to talk about it, like I realized, you know, the things that I know in my life are holding me back for sure are not material things. Like the the real problems are not material things, but how much is buried in the material things that I have amassed throughout my life
00:30:11
Speaker
That if I were to physically let them go and physically change my environment because I no longer possess them, like how much is going to lift and be able to either expose and or like eliminate the non-physical issues that are holding me back. Mm-hmm.
00:30:35
Speaker
And I thought about specifically, i thought about my clothes because I have too many and I have purged my closet more times than I can count in my adult life.
00:30:51
Speaker
And yet I never seem to actually get my wardrobe to a manageable level.
00:31:01
Speaker
Like it always is still like overflowing and I never have room for everything that I use or not even everything that I use. I just never have room in general because so much of what I don't use is taking up all the space. Yeah.
00:31:17
Speaker
And clothing is so volatile, especially with someone who like me has been has been like whose body has been a different size than I've wanted most of my life and who has held on to clothes that I've hoped that I would fit into again or held on to clothes that like maybe I was gifted that I had hoped I could someday fit into or that I purchased and not realized that they weren't going to fit and then was like, maybe I'll hang on to it. Like all of those things.
00:31:55
Speaker
And also, who In recent years, like as I have gained more weight recently, like the things that I've held on to and been afraid to even like pull them out of the closet and like confront the fact that they don't fit me anymore, those things are weighing me down.
00:32:14
Speaker
And it's like, I don't even want to hold on to anything in the hopes of maybe someday fitting into them again anymore. I don't. Like... I, I'm sick of it. And like, I want to just with this, like, it feels like I have new eyes to look at these things for what they are and what they're doing to me without even like touching them and looking at them and, and be able to go through everything and just get rid of what I haven't ever worn or haven't worn for years and not feel any sort of remorse or regret.
00:32:54
Speaker
That like, you know, oh, it was my favorite or oh, I, you know, wanted this so badly and I spent money on this or blah, blah, blah. Like, I feel like I'm not going to have any of that noise holding me back.
00:33:11
Speaker
m and That's awesome. That's awesome. And I hope that that's the the case when it comes down to it. I just, god damn, I wish...
00:33:24
Speaker
I wish I didn't have to fucking work all the time and I could just like do this tomorrow rather than have to wait until the weekend. Yeah. um Because like, goddamn. But like, it really, i don't know, this this really shifted that perspective for me. It really shifted how I'm thinking about the things that I possess, the things that I own, where I'm just like, oh, I'm holding on to this because somebody gave that gave it to me. Or like, you know, i like holding on to it for whatever reason that isn't because it serves a real purpose. Mm-hmm.
00:34:03
Speaker
You know, whether that purpose is I love it and it's enjoyable or like it functions in my life, daily life, you know, like it's it's not just a matter of sparking joy or or like, don't know, like.
00:34:23
Speaker
Like I'm not trying to, it's, it, this is different than ah the like Marie Kondo process. It's very much like a, this is clearly holding me back in ways that I had not even been aware of.
00:34:38
Speaker
What's that noise? Probably a motorcycle. Oh, really loud. call Okay. It sounded really spooky through this, through the headphones, but I figured it had to be a vehicle. So. Yeah. It was not even super close. It didn't come down my street. It came down like the perpendicular. It's just a loud one.
00:34:58
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Super loud. We love those. ah Anyway. Yeah. Like. i just I just don't want it. And also, like, because I was talking to my um food and body therapist about this specific thing, particularly the clothes wardrobe thing.
00:35:24
Speaker
Like, she made the very good point of how, like, ADHD comes with decision fatigue. Yeah. And when you're overwhelmed with too many options, most of which don't actually work for you anymore, like, goddamn, it's really hard. It makes everything a lot harder. And I'm like, fuck, you're right. Goddamn.
00:35:53
Speaker
So, yeah. Yeah. i I was... I came into this conversation feeling like ah equipped to start making snarky comments about the video.
00:36:08
Speaker
know And I don't want to necessarily be like that because I understand that it's a catalyst, catalytic, catalistic, whatever the fuck word yeah um towards,
Letting Go of Constraints
00:36:20
Speaker
you know, potentially like breaking yourself free from having things around you that basically,
00:36:27
Speaker
um trap you into feeling certain things or trap you into not being yeah able to take you know, action on stuff or whatever it is. And especially when it's entangled with feelings of like actually liking the object.
00:36:45
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I was going to say stuff to the effect of like, there's nothing wrong with liking an object and being attached to it. Like there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. And like, that was a perfectly good bug. And it didn't want to die because the first time she hit it, it didn't crack.
00:37:06
Speaker
ah like It didn't want to die. it wasn't meant to be broken. Yeah. Well, you know what, though? I fully thought of you and all the mugs that you've broken and been so sad about.
00:37:18
Speaker
Mugs and glasses. And oh yeah, tons of drinkware in general. um and yeah Because they're the pretty ones that I have and somebody else breaks them and I get really angry about it because i i actually spent money on collecting specific things I liked.
00:37:36
Speaker
and or buying buying things that i that i enjoyed because they brought me joy and then somebody else fucking you know broke them and so i get pissed about it yeah yes eventually i get over it but yeah like i feel like also like you could save yourself a lot of grief by not feeling so attached like that's that's that was what i thought So if you buy yourself a set of drinkware that you really think is pretty and you like it and you enjoy using it like...
00:38:11
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with that. And then to have somebody else break, breaking your shit. I'm not saying there's nothing. It's not necessarily a bad thing to be upset about. God damn. I'm just saying it's like, you know, I've always been more careful with my stuff. So when other people are being clumsy and stupid and breaking my stuff, it makes me angry. Sure. But this is a different situation because this was causing her anxiety every goddamn day of her life.
00:38:41
Speaker
Yeah, if it was that bad, you know. Right. And it's like, yeah, the mug did need to die.
00:38:48
Speaker
So you're you're wrong on that count. o It needed to. It was holding her back.
00:38:56
Speaker
and i want more too I actually went and looked at a couple of videos that she like posted like as responses to some of the comments on that first video and she did talk about how like when she bought the mug ah it was in a period of time when she had like she didn't get into specifics but she said she had like made some sort of mistake and she ended up getting fired from a job and like had like really just felt awful through that time. And like, she bought the mug in a moment of like, just needing to feel a little better. and you know, it did this, it served that purpose of like, I found this, it's cheap, it's at a thrift store. So like, I'm going to get it. And it's, it makes me feel better in the moment. um
00:39:43
Speaker
But like, she said that like, since then, she did like a lot of work to like, forgive herself for the mistake that she had made that led to that. moment of like difficulty and like struggle and she felt like by holding on to the mug that was purchased in that time that was like sort of a direct correspond like correlation um to what had happened that yeah and it's like a reminder able like yeah it was a reminder and she felt like it was like even if she had forgiven herself like she hadn't fully let it go yeah and so like there was the like
00:40:20
Speaker
Anxiety over potentially it breaking every time she used it and like having it be attached to a time in her life that was hard that she had to forgive herself for.
00:40:33
Speaker
And that being like the final step of forgiveness effectively. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense.
00:40:44
Speaker
stories and and histories and things reasonings behind people deciding that they need to get rid of or destroy anything um but it's like yeah for just like keeping and having something that's pretty that you like and you know taking good care of it and wanting other people to take good care of it yes that's perfectly fine but also like What else is there in your life? And I'm not saying you answer this right now, but like, it's like the thoughts that I've been having. like like i just like wonder like what else is out there in your life that like could be holding you back in ways that you don't even fully understand.
00:41:27
Speaker
know it makes perfect sense and it makes perfect sense and where you went with it with the clothing makes perfect sense too yeah no i'm not saying that that doesn't at all yeah and you know what the fuck else i had ah as in terms of a realization with like the wardrobe specifically is having the realization Of beyond, like, whether the clothes fit or not, having the, like, scarcity mindset around, like, oh, what if I get rid of this? And then down the line, I don't have the money or the resources to replace it or get something similar. like
00:42:08
Speaker
you know when you need it whatever yeah like what if i get rid of it and then i realize i needed it and i don't have the money to replace it and blah blah blah like what sort of fucking message is that sending to the universe yeah that i'm planning i'm banking not ever having enough money so i have to hang on to every scrap of clothing that i've ever owned I have thongs from when I was 18 years old. Good Lord. Are you serious? Yeah. I don't care them. know that. I understand that. I would not assume that.
00:42:45
Speaker
It's crazy. Throw them away tonight. Even if there's no holes in them, like even if there's like you know even if they still are are like whole and functional, like I should not still have them. Yeah, you should throw them away tonight.
00:43:02
Speaker
Just the garbage. I'm going to go to sleep tonight. I'm not not doing it. I'm not staying up to do this right now. But like it's going to be a part of the process where I throw things away that are still functional.
00:43:15
Speaker
Because why the fuck do I still have it? yeah And I'm not just going to hold on to it because like, oh my God, what if I can't afford running shorts in three years? I don't you know.
00:43:25
Speaker
I don't think people want to buy those kind of things from thrift stores. So I think they should just go straight in the garbage. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm not saying I'm going to donate them. I know that.
00:43:37
Speaker
I'm just saying. Oh, God. That's why I said to throw them away, donate them. And also, thrift stores don't accept undergarments. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. But, hey, makes sense. No. In general, they do not accept undergarments. Oh, my And think, in general, they might not even accept lot of, like, pajama wear.
00:43:56
Speaker
Oh, interesting. For it being like a little more, you know, on the less, i don't know. i mean Yeah, I don't know about that. But I think that there's, I mean, for sure, there's a lot a lot of my pajama wear I've certainly worn the wheels off of, so to speak. um No matter what the item of clothing like donation centers and thrift stores like don't keep things that are worn out yeah so like there's a lot i mean but this is the other thing there's a lot of items of clothing that i do have and still wear that like i'm like okay i'm only wearing this at home because there's a big old hole in the butt in like a pair of leggings for example
00:44:46
Speaker
I have a couple of old t-shirts that I will only wear to sleep in because they've got giant holes in the armpits. Like the seams came apart. You know what I mean? Yeah. um And there are a couple of items that I'm like, okay, I like this enough that I would rather have it be repaired.
00:45:09
Speaker
But like, that's kind of the point. Like is, is to have and keep the things that you'd rather repair and take care of rather than just like keep as much as you can because you feel like you're never gonna have enough or that you might always like run out yeah um like i've even thought like the leggings that i mentioned that have the hole in the butt i want the i want that hole patched up because they're good pair of leggings and i like them they're they're like the most comfortable
00:45:44
Speaker
um And I have another pair of like exercise, like effectively athleisure, but like leggings, basically running leggings that like ripped along the seam. There's like a, there's a whole lot of seams cause they're really interestingly designed. And one of the seams like near like the knee just like ripped open. ah um And I would want that to be, to be patched up because I really like those leggings.
00:46:12
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Um, so like things like that, I'm like, man, it's worthwhile to just get those repaired rather than try to figure out how to replace them. Yeah. Or hold on to them because I'm scared about not having money to replace them, but I don't want to get rid of the whole, like the, the damaged item. Like, it's just, like I said, like point being like, what sort of message is that sending the universe? Hmm.
00:46:41
Speaker
Certainly it's the opposite of manifestation. Right. so like to to hold on to things because I'm afraid of not being able to replace them is like literally a hoarder mindset.
00:46:54
Speaker
You know? Yeah. Yep. I get it. Like, yeah, I had that realization and I was just like, fuck. Okay. But yeah, like primarily, you know, it's the issue of like feeling like this fear hanging over me of not wanting to confront stuff that doesn't fit because of how I feel about the fact that they don't fit you know yeah I got you because that's been like my big giant dark cloud of a monster yeah of like mental health for years and years and years um
00:47:35
Speaker
And it's like I even resolved to go through this process and like not even just not even try things on in the hopes that they might fit because the point is to not put myself through that pain.
00:47:49
Speaker
ah It's like I either know it fits and I keep it if I like it or I'm not sure if it fits and I get rid of it rather than let it have any more power over me.
00:48:03
Speaker
You know? Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:06
Speaker
And it'll be fine. It'll be fine. So.
00:48:13
Speaker
Yeah. um
00:48:17
Speaker
It's a lot. And I know, and this is this is kind of where I was like going with this. I know there is other shit that will come out of the woodwork when I start to clear away this physical clutter.
00:48:37
Speaker
But also like similarly having this feeling of like wanting to improve my life and like become a better person, a different person, a person who doesn't hold on to underwear with holes in it.
00:48:56
Speaker
because I'm afraid of not being able to replace it. Like to become that person, i have to physically become that person. I have to get rid of the holy underwear. Yep.
00:49:07
Speaker
The holy underwear. oh b not the holy kind that the Mormons wear. No, no. The opposite. The ratchet type of thing.
00:49:22
Speaker
the ratchet slutty underwear butt floss gross but yeah like it starts no matter how i feel on the inside because it's like okay i clearly don't feel like the kind of person who deserves like clothes that fit and are functional because of how i've been living my life But also, how am I supposed to stop feeling that way when I am trapped in this mental cycle with the presence of all these clothes that don't fit and are not comfortable?
00:50:05
Speaker
you know ye Meanwhile, they're clogging up your space and yeah making things less functional. Right, exactly. And so the point being...
00:50:16
Speaker
Even if I don't feel like that person, that new person yet, like I have to get rid of it. And then I get to start being that person.
00:50:28
Speaker
Yep. I think this, this discussion has helped prompt me into moving forward with some of my clutter.
00:50:40
Speaker
i i'm glad that's good because it needs to happen yeah yeah and it's the important thing too is to also remember and this is as much a reminder for myself as it is for you but it's like not the kind of thing that can or should happen overnight right it's the kind of thing that has to be worked at and like for sure like it will take a while and it may even be like an ongoing, like through my life kind of situation, but also like, if it means taking steps toward being the kind of person I want to be, the kind of person who feels like she deserves to be comfortable in her own skin and in her own clothes every day
00:51:31
Speaker
Like I'd rather I'd rather do that work h rather than sit in this familiar discomfort for any more time.
00:51:43
Speaker
That's awesome. Yeah. I'm sick of like, I feel like not like I feel like I've wasted my life, but like, fuck where have the years of my life gone that i've just been like letting this rule over me you know yeah i'm right there with you dude i'm older than you been living with that same shit longer but like point being
00:52:07
Speaker
and i'm just like i don't know if i don't start now never right Like, I might as well start now. And then like, even if it's like, okay, I can't guarantee I'm going to have a complete handle on it this time next year.
00:52:27
Speaker
But like, at least it'll be like, better and more manageable this time next year. Even if it's only fractionally. Yeah. yeah you know, I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's like, it doesn't matter about like trying to set a goal and then like freak out and stress out and like avoid and just, you know, procrastinate and delay because I have a deadline that I don't like, you know, to just like, oh my God, like,
00:53:01
Speaker
I don't know like this year I turned 34 next year I turned 35 it's like oh my god am I gonna still be this miserable when I'm 35 I don't want to but I don't want to put a like timeline on it and like just you know i just just like okay what if I just like start now and then like oh by the time I turn 35 I might feel just better about myself in general you know yeah
00:53:28
Speaker
Let's do it, Molly. ah Yeah, but it's like, but it's also like, it's so just intensely personal for me and for you.
00:53:41
Speaker
hu And so it's like, let's do it. But also this podcast isn't becoming a progress report on our lives. Right. You know, but like, like that's why I wanted to talk about this is because I feel so strongly that this is like meant that message was meant to find me because of how intensely I've been thinking about it.
00:54:07
Speaker
And if anybody else who's listening, resonates with it like god what else you know what what what out there in your life can you destroy so that it doesn't hold you back anymore yeah yeah torific yeah there's a lot of things that we stay like
00:54:39
Speaker
i don't want to say the word drowning but like just like stuck in that holds us back that we don't even realize it, you know? Right. And that's exactly like the reason why this struck me so hard and why wanted to talk about it and why, yeah why I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It's like, holy shit.
00:55:05
Speaker
You know, cause like when I get through dealing with my clothes,
00:55:11
Speaker
Like, what else am I going to realize is holding me back in other ways? m yeah And I'm not saying, oh, I'm about to, like, just go through every material possession I own and, like, throw it the fire.
00:55:24
Speaker
But, like, you know, it just...
00:55:30
Speaker
just if it's so clear to me now even if i don't have all of the like specifics of like exactly what it is that is holding me back and how it's holding me back and what i'm not getting to do or be because of it even if i don't have those specifics it's so like the system is clear the pattern is clear the template is there and I can work with the template
00:56:03
Speaker
and I can apply it what anywhere really now that I understand it. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's our show. say Keep dwelling on that, you know, keep not just dwelling, but like keep ruminating in it in, in a way that's like going to help cement it in your brain. Yeah, it's going to be in perpetuity. I feel like it's this is like a rest of my life type of thing, you know? Mm-hmm.
00:56:35
Speaker
Yeah. Yes, ma'am. Mm-hmm. So, yeah.
Conclusion & Banter
00:56:44
Speaker
Anyway, we hope that you have enjoyed this program.
00:56:49
Speaker
Hey, I got to ask you, what's on your sweatshirt? Probably stains. No, I mean on your arm the sleeve. Oh, just Carhartt.
00:57:00
Speaker
Oh, okay. I was like, I was trying to make out if it was like Hershey's or something because of the color. It's brown. That's cool. It's not on this one. It's only way on this side. Gotcha. Yeah. But it made me think, I think I would like Hershey's sweatshirt if they make them.
00:57:21
Speaker
sure that they do because capitalism exists. Because I don't really love the color brown, but if it was like the design of the Hershey's wrapper, I would love it. Oh, that'd be kind of cute. Yeah.
00:57:34
Speaker
I'm sure you could find that. Yeah. I'm going to look for it now. i could Add to your clutter. I add to my clutter. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Thank you for listening, everybody who's listening.
00:57:50
Speaker
We're so grateful for you. ah We are, this is our last episode of March and then we're into April and then it's going to start to really, even though it's actually spring now, it's going start to feel like spring because it's going to be April.
00:58:04
Speaker
Dude, it's supposed to get into the mid to upper 60s tomorrow. And then here to Friday, 40, 40 for a high.
00:58:15
Speaker
forty for a high Fuck that bitch. Also, we're talking about weather again. I know. I know because you brought up spring and I was going to tell you, but like it's whiplashing bad over here. he just Let me just tell you. Oh, fuck.
00:58:32
Speaker
See, okay. Tomorrow our weather is supposed to get up to the high 65. Mm-hmm. h And then I had seen earlier in the day, and I don't know if was just because I checked it while I was at my office. And for some reason, like the 40 minute commute to my office makes such a huge dramatic difference in terms of weather predictions, but whatever. that i had seen I had seen that on April 2nd, which is really far out in in fairness, it's really far out. But on April 2nd, it was telling me there was going to be a high of 70. And I was just like, but
00:59:04
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's... so It doesn't say that anymore, but it did. two A week? Eight days? A week from tomorrow, actually. so yeah but it's It's still far out, but not not quite as far. but yeah Point being, God damn it, I really, really, really, really cannot wait for warmer weather.
00:59:26
Speaker
i hear that. Yeah, I'm going to relish the 65 degree weather tomorrow. You know, las year at the end of summer i bought like a new swimsuit and a whole bunch of swimsuit cover-ups and i was just like god damn it if i'm not gonna spend a lot more days in the pool this this summer you know i really really really want to do that so yeah you absolutely should
00:59:57
Speaker
Yeah. You abso-fucking-lutely should. Yeah. Yes. um Yeah. I told Jim last night, i was like, hey, just a heads up.
01:00:09
Speaker
I know it's not going to be 100% possible, but ideally, I would like to not pay for any heat in the month of April. o I was like, I know it's not going to be possible. I know we're going to have to turn on the heat at some point overnight.
01:00:26
Speaker
Some nights. But I want to minimize it as much as possible. Yeah. Because I like to have in these like in between months between the extremes, I like to have at least a couple of months where neither of my bills, electric or gas, are super, super high. Yep.
01:00:44
Speaker
I hear that. And he got it. He understood. So and he just happened to happen to get like a new duvet cover on his bed or like a new duvet cover.
01:00:56
Speaker
Duvet. Yeah. It's a duvet cover, isn't it? Well, the cover is just for covering the duvet. Right. It's like a bed covers. It's the covers of the bed. Okay. But it's also a duvet. It's the same word for the same two words for the same thing. Okay.
01:01:16
Speaker
But his parents had brought it over because they found it, I guess, because it was like, you know, twin size. They were like, Jim can use this. here I was like ah this wouldve would have been helpful at the beginning of the winter but yeah no fucking doubt oh my god such a goddamn cold winter if I don't want to put on the heat overnight so you know yep anyway point being I'm sick of it I don't want to pay for heat anymore but alas what are we going to do
01:01:55
Speaker
Yep. Just got a roll with it. Yeah. But yeah, that's our show. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for listening, coming back every week. And yeah, we'll be back again next week in April. And I hope everybody is very excited for April just as much as we are.
01:02:15
Speaker
Even though 100% we're not going to see green on the trees for another month. but whatever I won't. I don't know about you, Christina. don't know. we don't i like look out what's it Once April hits, i'm like constantly watching the trees. just like do I see is there a hint of green do we get a little green but last year and the year before it was like pretty fucking late in the month before I started to see green in the month and green in the trees so we'll see we've been getting a lot of rain so I'm hopeful that they might bud a little earlier yeah alright we gotta go alright peace out we love ya