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178. Insights From the Film ‘Meet Me Where I Am’ with Grant Garry
114 Plays2 months ago
Grant Garry is an award winning filmmaker, actor, and singer. He is the director of the documentary Meet Me Where I Am - now streaming on Amazon Prime Video and TUBI.
Grant recently starred as the “Beast” in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast at The San Luis Obispo Opera and as “Professor Callahan” in Legally Blonde: The Musical at the El Portal Theater in North Hollywood. Grant Graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelor’s Degree in Theatre Arts from Loyola Marymount University. He currently hosts The Where I Am Podcast available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music.
MEET ME WHERE I AM is the winner of The Audience Award for Best Documentary at Dances with Films. The film is now available on Prime Video, Apple TV, and a few other platforms.
Meet Me Where I Am features individual stories of love, loss, and hope. I was honored to sit down with some of the world’s most renowned grief experts, as well as artists, cultural figures, and everyday individuals to tackle this complex subject. The film features actor Anthony Rapp (Tony Award Winning "Best Musical" RENT, Star Trek: Discovery, Without You - New World Stages Hell’s Kitchen), acclaimed author and grief expert, David Kessler (author, Finding Meaning, ABC’s Good Morning America contributor), Ron Marasco Ph.D. (author, About Grief: Insights, Setbacks, Grace Notes, Taboos), Donna Schurmaan Ph.D. (Sr. Director of Advocacy & Training at The Dougy Center) and actor, brother of the late great comedian Chris Farley, John Farley, among others, to comprise a diverse roster of professionals who inspire us, through personal stories as well as researched-based insights, to move forward with our grief.
Watch MEET ME WHERE I AM (2024)
MEET ME WHERE I AM (2024) - Official Trailer
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest on the podcast https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/book-online
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Grief and Perspective
00:00:01
Speaker
That's why it's always so amazing to hear other people's stories because you can say, oh my gosh, I didn't, I never thought of it that way. That too is a major part of grief, which is kind of what I you know enjoy about the film. I want people to watch the film and say, walk out of the film and saying, oh, I didn't know I could do that to help someone. I didn't know that could be part of the grief experience. um It's interesting to hear what different people hold on to and what's what's important to them versus what's not.
00:00:41
Speaker
This
Exploring Grief in Life Changes
00:00:42
Speaker
podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and
00:00:58
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar
00:01:19
Speaker
Today I'm chatting with Grant
Interview with Grant Gary: Filmmaker and Educator
00:01:21
Speaker
Gary. He is an award-winning filmmaker, actor, and singer. He is the director of the documentary Meet Me Where I Am.
00:01:31
Speaker
which is all about grief, interviewing a lot of different people that have dealt with grief. And he is also a certified grief educator. So I'm excited to have you on the podcast grant and chat all things grief as well as all things your movie, which it was so good. My goodness, it was so good. i i would like i was sick I rarely take, I don't take notes while watching a movie, but this one I did because I wanted to make sure to make reference of some of the things that I had observed and kind of just talk about some of those things. So welcome, Grant. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. And that's glad I'm happy to hear you're taking notes.
Structure and Themes of the Documentary
00:02:11
Speaker
We kind of meant for the film to be something that you can use like as a tool rather than just simply watching it. So that's that's good to hear.
00:02:19
Speaker
It was so good. When I was watching it, I was like, then I turned to my husband. He didn't see it with me. He wasn't home, but I was telling him, I'm like, well, it was as if you've grabbed a whole bunch of pieces of interviews, like even in my podcast, right. And then I could just put it all by sections because each it was like chapters of a book within the film of these stories. And you would just kind of narrate, OK, now they're going to talk about this part of grief. And you would Do it that way and each one was titled. I didn't write which title each one of the sections had, but it was just so well done and organized. And just like you said, it was something like someone could pick up and watch and relate. And I did cry as well, which I was very surprised that I did because again, I have these conversations for the past five years and yet I still cried.
00:03:11
Speaker
i I cry every time I watch it. so Seriously, like and I've seen it a thousand times and i it's so it always like different parts too. yeah There are certain parts that I think I'm going to cry and then the next time I'm watching it, something else hits me a different way. It's an interesting type of crying too. It's a it's one that you really feel, I think.
00:03:33
Speaker
It's this and empathy is this empathy, but also where what you were saying in terms of you and just the title of the film of meet me where I am wherever you are in your own journey in that moment. And when you're watching the movie, then a different part of it's going to hit you differently.
00:03:49
Speaker
ah Yes, exactly. Because as you saw, there were people that were in all different parts of their journey in that film. I mean, there were some people that were actually like very fresh into their grief that we interviewed. Some people had never talked about it before and then other people have been speaking about it for over 30 years. So there was just this giant spectrum of of grief experiences that was part of the goal too because I wanted people, I wanted the audience to see a variety of different people with different backgrounds and different stories because maybe, just maybe like one of those stories could resonate with you when you were watching it, you know, if not more than that. So I think, you know, I'm very proud of how how it came out. and It's beautiful. You know, the,
00:04:40
Speaker
The part of what you're saying of where everybody is in their grief, one thing too that I liked was that when you were asking, let's say, I'll just give an example, the aspect of the stages of grief. And David Kessler is one of the people in the documentary.
00:04:59
Speaker
and that not like how he explained it and then maybe you ask somebody else and they might see it completely different that the stages are not necessarily something that's beneficial for somebody that's going through grief and another person might say well actually it was something that helped me to know that maybe there was a process even if it didn't happen in that way so I loved that it was not biased let me put it this way it was not like okay I'm going to make sure to interview people and that they're all going to say that they agree on this part of grief. No, it was just like non-biased, just raw. Everyone shared their views and what they felt grief was. eight It was great. it was i don't i'm i' For a lack of a... but It was it was outstandingly done. So just congrats. Thank you. really Thank you. I would have been remiss if we didn't include or at least
00:05:51
Speaker
touch on the five stages in some way.
00:05:56
Speaker
there's, I think it's just, there's a tremendous misnomer about them. You know, I think oftentimes I've encountered people that have experienced their first sort of major grief in their life and they, they kind of go, Oh, well I've, I've heard about those five stages. Let me see if I can get through
Understanding the Stages of Grief
00:06:15
Speaker
those and then I'll be better. You know, and then they quickly find out that it's not, it's not that way. It's not. Yeah. And, and you know, even David,
00:06:24
Speaker
And Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, they even said like early on, like, you know, it's not a prescription. It's not something that you just take and then you're healed. It's it's something that is descriptive of what you might go through and in no particular order.
00:06:45
Speaker
Doesn't sometimes they can all happen at once. I mean, Dr. Ron Morasko always tells this joke. He said, I asked a guy, have you been through the five stages? He said, yes, this morning. So, you know, and that can be true for some people in grief to others can be very delayed. and And I'm always careful to talk about them because I don't want to, you know, I don't want to but make it sound like When you're grieving, you're you're within this box of the five stages. That's not how it is at all. No. Yeah. And what ah my understanding, even of why she wrote it, why it was in collaboration, it's collaboration with David Castle, right? That way, what did he read it? No, he should he adapted. Yeah, he adapted them later on and actually it added a ah sixth stage, which was meaning.
00:07:35
Speaker
Yes, and which is spoken in the movie as well. The the part ah like of what I understand is that it was more in the perspective of someone that is facing death, correct rather than the grievers. And that's actually touched upon in the movie too. It's not like the person that's grieving the death of someone or the ah grief that comes from something else is different than the person facing grief.
00:08:01
Speaker
that Sorry, facing death themselves and what they may observe. so And again, ah we there's just as it's very clear in the movie and it's clear of all the
Podcast Expansion on Grief Stories
00:08:11
Speaker
conversations I've had. And you have a podcast yourself too, which you recently launched based on this.
00:08:16
Speaker
Yes, but the where I am podcast, which is, you know, yeah, we did it to compliment to compliment the film so we can kind of get a little more um behind the scenes look at at what how we made it and some of the people I interviewed her in it. And, you know, and I'm thinking, you know, that's going to kind of.
00:08:36
Speaker
morph and adapt into something different as as we go on, but but but to begin it was, you know, to compliment. to For the film to have a little companion for people that wanted to listen a little more, learn a little bit more about some of the people that were in the film. Yeah, a little deeper into each of the stories rather than the fragments that we get in the movie of each of them.
00:08:56
Speaker
Now, I'm curious, what was the process of deciding who you were going to interview? And was that just organic? Was it people that you knew you are? There are several actors in the film. There are other people that are grief experts. There are parents that again are recent grievers. How did you decide who was going to be in the film? Well, we first started with let's see, going back to the beginning of 2021, the, um, the NK foundation, uh, founded by Lisa calls, who is featured in the film.
Origins and Development of the Documentary
00:09:38
Speaker
She, they approached me. She was in the midst of
00:09:44
Speaker
grief and she they knew I was a filmmaker so I think they wanted to somehow capture what grievers go through because they felt like people don't really know and then after you know a number of meetings, we kind of conclude. I said, I said, I think we can make a documentary that could potentially help other people know how to better deal with our friends and loved ones, how we can be there for them. And just to kind of show like what grievers go through and how it's not always linear and no grievers are alike. So it started there and they were tremendously helpful in introducing introducing us to a lot of people in their community.
00:10:29
Speaker
And then I knew people on my end as well. And it just was kind of a snowball effect. You know, I knew there were some people that I definitely wanted in the film that I reached out to. And what I was ah happy to see was so many people were so so willing to share their stories with us, which was so wonderful because every other story can help, you know, each each one can help someone in some way. So yeah, it was just, it was kind of an organic thing, you know, we'd interview one person and then we'd say, they'd mentioned someone and then we'd be like, oh, do you, do you have their contact info? Do you think they'd want to speak in it too? And it would kind of just snowball.
00:11:11
Speaker
So it was amazing. We were able to connect people through the film that way. I'm, I'm, I'm assuming that the part of Adam Rapp with Cynthia, let me see. Oh, that was kind of that connection. Like one of them led to the other or vice versa. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So, so going back a little bit, Anthony had written a book.
00:11:34
Speaker
years ago, which was basically, you know, kind of the story he tells in the film chronicling his um ah time during the show Rent on Broadway and simultaneously losing his mother and and Jonathan Larson who had who hadd written the show. And Cynthia was there for him during during that time. And when i when I texted him and asked him if he'd be willing to um you know be in the film, he was so you know he was honored and and wanted to connect me with
00:12:11
Speaker
Cynthia and some other people as well so that was you know I was like well I just you know it was I was very grateful for that because I I was just you know asking you and then you had even better ideas to expand it further so that was really nice.
00:12:26
Speaker
Yeah, no, i I loved seeing them then, like he's being interviewed by himself, she's being interviewed by himself herself, and then there's times in which they're together. And the fact that, for example, I'll just give an example with her that she'd experienced grief by the death of several members of her family, close-knit family.
00:12:45
Speaker
Yet in that raw moment of the in documentary, she'd experienced one that she felt was one of the hardest ones she'd felt, which was the... Is it okay if I say this? Is it like a spoiler? Spoiler alert, there's a lot of people that die. Yes, but no, this is it spoiler if I say who it... what No, i we can we can we can talk about it.
00:13:08
Speaker
Um, that her dog had recently passed and then how that had really affected her differently because it was somebody, you know, that shared so much time with her. So I love that, that validation, especially for people watching, when you watch this, you're going to be validated in your grief and your own experience because everybody's story is unique and different and just how they say, how they share it. just Yeah.
00:13:37
Speaker
Yeah, i you know I fought really hard to have that story in there um because it's ah it's a grief that's not often talked about pet loss. and It's something where you know you may not have lost a spouse or a child, you may not have a spouse or a child, you may have a dog and that dog might be your whole whole world. And so I wanted something else in there too so people so people could see, you know, this is a part of grief.
Pet Loss and Expanding Grief's Spectrum
00:14:12
Speaker
It might not be your part of grief, but it it's certainly a part of grief.
00:14:17
Speaker
that we oftentimes write off as a society. and so It was very important for me to have have it in there that you know she was saying how this is like the hardest one, but which is fascinating because it was, you know I think humans oftentimes develop their own Pavlovian response to their dogs, whereas if someone's at the front door, you hear them run to the door, they bark or something like that. so You're you so right. It's so part of you. I'm just getting, because I've got two right now, so just even you saying that, that it's like, you're right. like Even when they're in the... hair salon and and I get home like I've just dropped them off their hair salon but the fact that I got home and I didn't hear their little footsteps of some one of them coming with their toy I'm like it kind of gets me off guard so you're absolutely right that yeah response of our ah of ourselves yes when they're when they are gone when they're not in the house if they're at daycare grooming or something there is a
00:15:22
Speaker
very apparent presence of their absence. you know it's It's a presence of their absence. You can feel that they're gone and that's that's really hard because they are with us you know every day.
00:15:38
Speaker
So yeah, it was just, it was really important for me to, to share that as well, to say, you know, grief is so many things. It's everything that we think, we feel it's all of our relationships, whether we think so or not. So it's just kind of reframing what our understanding is of it, I think too, and, and, and acknowledging that other people will have a different experience than us. So just allowing space for that, I think is important.
00:16:03
Speaker
Yes. Something I liked that Adam Rapp said in the film that I had not thought of in grief. and That's one that is so surprised again, because I've talked about this a lot, was the fact that when someone dies, not only, and let me actually read what I had written because this i think i know quote i think i yeah it's like you mourn who they were to you, but also who you were to them.
00:16:31
Speaker
because we are different people with a different people and what they've witnessed you live is gone and that that's one of the parts that I was crying because when my sister died we're two years apart and two years apart and you know that the relationship we had we shared a bedroom nobody else had those memories of us sharing about only she and I. So yes, that nu the memories even of us together, certain things that we experienced together are gone. And then who I was to her is also gone. So I had not never thought of it that way. Yeah, that one, I quote that one often because think about it, just on the most basic level,
00:17:16
Speaker
you and your sister probably shared inside jokes, just the two of you, you know that no one else. And those are those are gone. like You don't have that version of you to share with her anymore. And and and and our identity as a you know husband or brother or sibling, you know that goes with them too, because they knew us as that. And we don't have them physically in our lives to share that with anymore and so it's a very hard part of it and I had never heard it spoken that that way the way he speaks about it.
00:17:54
Speaker
Yeah. Cause the loss of identity, that part I get, but I had never heard it just in that wording. And I was like, Oh yeah, that's true. Like that part of my identity, that specific little sliver of that version of me with that person is yeah gone too. yeah yeah And that just,
Grant Gary's Personal and Academic Journey
00:18:14
Speaker
yeah. Well, it just kinda.
00:18:16
Speaker
yeah Now, adam I'm adam Adam. Now I'm calling Adam because I just quoted him. Grant, what was your reason of sight? Okay, they reached out to you, but your own personal reason, because you're a certified grief educator, what which one came first, the movie or the certified grief as education? ah What was it and what even drove you to be into grief?
00:18:42
Speaker
Yes. So they were, they were kind of simultaneous. I got certified during right when we started like pre-production of the film, which by the way, it was like coming out of COVID lockdown, OG COVID. So it was like very, a lot of people were experiencing a lot of grief during that time. I think that was the first time that the whole world knew what collectively was experiencing grief in some form.
00:19:11
Speaker
But going back a little bit, I had studied it in college. I had studied grief. Dr. Morasco, who's in the film, was one of my college professors. And one of the courses I took with him was a course on grief. And that was just like a It was almost like a discussion court, like a like half lecture, half discussion course where, I mean, I think like the first day, it was almost like a support group looking back to, I mean, the first day he said, you know, does anyone want to talk about a recent loss? And um it just, it just opened, it was, ah grief has always been something that is,
00:19:50
Speaker
yeah I'm i'm like curious about just the way that humans interact with one another and the way humans experience it. It's always been fascinating to me. be um and so We read a number of books during that course, one of which was A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, which is like arguably one of the rawest, most straightforward grief book. and it's And it's a short book too. And it just kind of like is short and to the point. you know He says like within the first few pages, I think he says, I never thought, no one ever told me grief would be so much like fear, not that I'm afraid, but the feelings of being scared where your stomach is churning. And you know and so stuff I think he he he really captures it well.
00:20:41
Speaker
But yeah, to answer your question, it just was something that between between studying the subject extensively and then combining that with life experience, when the opportunity came up to do the film, I felt like I was the right person they came to, you know? What? Yes, no, I... i am
00:21:09
Speaker
As you're saying this, that part of like learning about it is one thing and then the other thing is living it. and But then also observing someone go through it. So in this film, as you're interviewing people, you're what you know listening to people's stories and anecdotes, was there something for you yourself that you lived in grief that then when they would share also you related to? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah easily. I mean, I
00:21:41
Speaker
I feel like during the, film during filming of a lot of these interviews, I was like very much in the middle of grieving the loss of a relationship. And, um, and thank you for mentioning that one. Cause that's another one that sometimes it's not, I did interview somebody regarding that one loss of relationships and friendships. It's it doesn't mean friendships or a romantic, whichever it's. Yeah. I mean, it can be, you know,
00:22:05
Speaker
Lost you know a marriage ending a friendship. I mean that That kind of stuff can be just as excruciating as as the death of a loved one sometimes Sometimes I you know, I'm always hesitant to say this but sometimes even more so because they're still out there in the world somewhere but they're not part of your world anymore and ah You also lose like the friends that you were like couples with, like other couples that you were friends with, so and you're single. So it's like you don't feel like you fit in, you're kind of just like, where do I fit in now that I'm not part of this marriage or relationship anymore? it's its a And especially you know if you're the one that didn't want it or ask for it too. it's and even And even if you were the one that wanted it or asked for it, there's still grief associated with the loss there.
00:22:55
Speaker
So um there were so many things that people said that people that had had different grief experiences than me, but what they were saying they experienced, I felt that I had also experienced too in some form. You know, there were people that would say, you know, they were face down on the floor and felt like they could never get up. And I remember a time in my life where I was doing that same thing and I felt the same thing as well.
00:23:24
Speaker
And so there were so many things that resonated with me from people that were experiencing different situations, different grief experiences, but also it was all, it was all grief. You know, it was all just how, and so there are, I do think, and Colin Campbell speaks about this too. Oh, you, you've, yes, I've interviewed Colin. We love Colin. I know, yeah, his story with Rudy and,
00:23:51
Speaker
Heart, yeah. Ruby and Heart, yeah. Ruby and Heart, yeah. And he's a he's amazing. he He talks about how he says, you know, I kind of think there is a way, there is kind of like a standard way that people grieve. I don't want to misquote him, but he he does talk about how like it's excruciating pain. It feels like it's never going to end. ah You feel like you're never going to stop crying. And then you kind of get to a place where you are living with the grief in a way that you didn't think you were going to be before. And even I think if David Kessler even says, he says, I've never, I think it's David that says I've never met someone who hasn't stopped crying. And that's, that doesn't mean that, that doesn't mean that, you know,
00:24:36
Speaker
ah You're not going to miss them or not going to have that grief. The grief is always going to be there. It just changes. It changes as you change. Yeah. One of the, one of the other quotes, and I've, again, it was that I i was Adam's quote again regarding the candle and
Nature of Grief and Personal Experiences
00:24:54
Speaker
the temp. And I think it was his brother. It's actually his brother's quote because it was his brother that yeah wrote it in the book.
00:25:02
Speaker
Yeah. So Adam's the brother, Adam's the brother. Oh, Adam. yeah And then it was Adam. Yeah. Adam's the one that uses this. so Okay. Okay. Anthony says it about Adam. Yeah. There you go. i If I'm kidding. The two A's. You guys just right or whatever. Just disregard whatever. if i I think I've already said Adam before and it was Anthony. So you guys get it. Anthony's the actor.
00:25:23
Speaker
and from right Adam's the right and Adam writes the place. Adam had the yeah the analogy of the candle. of Would you share it because i that was that's exactly what you just said about how we change or how it changes a little bit. Yes. He says grief doesn't ah expire like the like a candle or a beacon on a lighthouse. It simply changes temperature.
00:25:51
Speaker
And he knows that to be true. He says, and and it's, I, I believe that too. I'd never heard that before. And then I read it in the play and it just changes. You know, even even sigh says that she says, I can't promise you anything, but, um, a year from now you won't feel the same that you're feeling sitting in this chair right now. That's true. that she's like That's all like she can promise. Cause yes, we are not the same person.
00:26:18
Speaker
a year from now than we are today. So we cannot feel the same if we're not the same person, because we keep on changing and experiences around us change. So therefore it just sits with us differently or we navigate it differently.
00:26:34
Speaker
I was listening to your episode with Marissa Renee Lee and she was talking about, I had the pleasure of meeting her recently and chatting with her a bit and her book is great ah if yeah if people haven't read it, grief is love.
00:26:52
Speaker
And she was talking about, and I talk about this too, because I don't consider myself an expert. I just consider myself someone who, you know, wants to tell stories and, and if I can make someone feel just a little bit better in their day, that's, that's great. But expert is such an odd thing when it comes to grief because you can read as many books as you can, but, but the real,
00:27:19
Speaker
expert part I think is when you have the experience. you know I think she said she said she's written a book, she's had this experience, but she said if something happened to one of their loved ones tomorrow, all that would go out the window and I think that's true. Because no one's going to prepare you for your grief experience.
00:27:41
Speaker
at all It's kind of like it's kind of like like running a business like on a smaller scale. like You could go to business school and they can tell you all these things about business, but until you open your own store or run your own company, you're really not going to know exactly how it's going to be. You could hear about all these things, but then when you're in it, it's a totally different ballgame. Yeah. It's like my husband doing ah aviation on his on you know simulated yeah yeah yeah a pilot thing. He can't just hop on a plane and go fly it tomorrow. right Right. Now, you know, David Kessler himself even said it when his son died five years ago, that he was like, wait a minute. Is he's like, he felt that like I don't want to misquote, but it was kind of like, I don't know if what I even like coached or told others was true or not. yeah Like it was kind of like,
00:28:36
Speaker
I hope that what I said to them was because then he was feeling hit it differently himself. Yeah. So, and he's to quote unquote, what you'd consider an expert out there, but yes, you're only, you can't even be an expert on your own grief. Cause like you said, tomorrow a different, you have no idea. You have no, yeah. And that's why, you know, that's why I tell people, you know, I don't, if they think i'm a they think I'm an expert or something just because I made a film. I mean, I can talk to you about it, but I'd rather hear your thoughts on your experience. I'd rather say, tell me about what you're feeling, what you're going through, because that's gonna help you more than me quoting you know things, quoting a book or quoting some of the things that were in the film. So I always i always open it up to them and say, you know tell me about your experience.
00:29:33
Speaker
Well, that's the holding thing space for someone else. That is the, and that's one of those aspects that was mentioned in the film as well. And that everybody that I've pretty much had on the podcast has said that someone holding space for you and your grief is the most important. So being able to do that for someone else, having, and being able to allow them to share their story, their thoughts, their feelings.
00:29:56
Speaker
and mention the name of the loved one as well is huge. Yeah. I think out of every, I talk about this a lot. The number one thing people said, you know, that, that was helpful were the people that were just there, the people that were simply just there and like created space.
Supporting Others Through Grief
00:30:16
Speaker
They didn't necessarily have to talk or fix anything as long as they were there, you know? And then that's, I think the first step.
00:30:25
Speaker
So I think that's, you know, incredibly helpful and saying their, their name is huge. I think for some reason we've got it in our heads that, Oh, I didn't want to say their name. I didn't want to make you sad. And it's like, they're, they're living with this, you know, they, they know.
00:30:43
Speaker
They want to hear their name. It's actually more awkward when you don't say their name, I think, because it's almost like they weren't here. They don't exist or, you know, and they very much exist in our lives. So most I've met very few people. I think almost 100% of the people who want their name to be so the name of their person to be said.
00:31:07
Speaker
Yeah, and there are some. Yeah, there might be some like there's some cultures. Yeah, there was somebody I interviewed in a culture in her culture when she was growing up like the day her sister died, like they already had cleared out the bedroom and like and she shared a bedroom with her sister and it was like she did got home and the bedroom was already like all the sisters things were gone and they stopped.
00:31:30
Speaker
mentioning her because in, in their culture, that was, it was just something they didn't do. And it was death by suicide. So it was even this other aspect of stigma that the family was living with that they just didn't. And it was not till she was, you know, came to the US and much, you know, older that she was able to start expressing. But so there are some that might be that case, but yes, you're right. In 99.9% of the people saying someone's name is part of their own great you know wanting to share a story about them. you know um and and And I think of certain situations too where they they might not want to when the person perhaps created a lot of turmoil and chaos in the family. And you know there's there's that component of grief too that we don't really talk about is what if it what if it was a horrible relationship with the person? you know That adds an extra element of
00:32:31
Speaker
navigating through that grief, whereas some people I think would just want it to, everyone wants, you know, I think a lot of grief experiences, you're like, oh man, if only it was this way, then I'd be able to grieve better. You know, if I could just miss them, but not be mad at them or something, you know, but it's just not the case. We can't, we can't control it. So like again, I can't stress enough how, how every grief experience is going to be different.
00:32:57
Speaker
Yeah. And then you feel this then is accompanied with the guilt, right? Then it's that aspect of like, Oh, well now it's like, wait, but I don't feel sad because they're gone because of what it is. And Jana, Jana mentioned that. And I, yeah, I was on her interviewed on her and she'll be on mine too. But she mentioned that, that that complex relationship can completely shift the way of how somebody grieves.
00:33:21
Speaker
Oh, yes. She talked about, I love Janna. Janna de Cristo Farrow at the Dougie Center. She's from Dougie Center, yeah. Yeah, she's great. And she's been such a great supporter of our film too, which I am just so grateful for. ah She said oftentimes, you know, she teaches in the in the classes there at at Dougie Center, in the groups, she says she asks about like if anyone's relieved or feel a sense of relief. I think she even felt it.
00:33:50
Speaker
after theirre losing. I think her grandmother, right? yeah Yeah. And she says every once in a while, you know a handle go up and another handle go up and acknowledging that it's okay that relief is a part of the grieving experience too.
00:34:06
Speaker
See again, this is why I don't claim to be an expert because there's so many different components that we don't think about in our own experiences. and it's just it's always That's why it's always so amazing to hear other people's stories because you can say, oh my gosh, I didn't i never thought of it that way. That too is a major part of grief, which is kind of what I you know enjoy about the film. I want people to watch the film and say,
00:34:32
Speaker
walk out of the film and saying, oh, I didn't know I could do that to help someone. I didn't know that could be part of the grief experience. It's interesting to hear what different people hold on to and what's what's important to them versus what's not. So yeah, again, just allowing that space.
Acting and Grief's Emotional Connection
00:34:49
Speaker
Thank you for creating that. Now, curious as an actor, what do you feel grief like and even just now knowing about grief and interviewing all these different people as well in this film? How has that added?
00:35:08
Speaker
to your life as an actor and have you, have you played any roles recently since you released the film? I'm just curious. yeah I studied theater myself. So just yeah that's my major. So just kind of seeing where that, where that sits with you now. I was recently in Beauty and the Beast up in San Luis Obispo at the San Luis Opera and
00:35:38
Speaker
I always try and incorporate some elements of grief into my character or at least let the audience know that the character is grieving and in some way. And there's a scene in the show where he realizes, the beast realizes that, you know, he's had Bell and captivity essentially this whole time. But then he realizes that like, he hasn't, she's not been the prisoner because he's grown, he's he's grown so much love for her. And it's when he, it's the scene where it's a very emotional scene. Like I, I would never seen the play. I've only seen, I've only seen the sure the movie.
00:36:24
Speaker
It's a it's a very emotional scene. Like I like when we would when we would do it even in rehearsals, I'd get like choked up. But he shows her the magic mirror. She says, I wish I could see my father. And he said, there is a way this mirror will show you anything, anything you wish to see. And she sees her father and he's in trouble. And she's like, I need to. And he finishes her sentence and she said, you should go to him.
00:36:49
Speaker
you should go to him." And she says, what do you mean? And and he has this realization where he says, you're not my prisoner any anymore. You haven't been for a long time. And he says, take this with you, take the mirror with you so you always have a way to look back and remember me. And it's a hard thing for him to do because he's someone that's been in control of his whole life for so long that suddenly there's something that is out of his control that he realizes he has to let let go of.
00:37:17
Speaker
So he lets her go and and she says, I could never forget you. And as she's walking out, see, it's like i I get emotional just talking about it now. And he's trying to tell her that he he loves her and he just can't do it because he's not there yet. Like he's not. He's grown so much, but he's not to that point, but he wants to tell her so bad. And and he's like, Bill. And she's like, yes. And he's just and he's just says, go.
00:37:44
Speaker
go And then, and then that part goes into he sings a reprise of a song that he sang before. And it was just like every night I sang that I was like, I was like, it's so heartbreaking that he's realized that like,
00:38:02
Speaker
he kind of like everything makes sense to him now like everything that has led up to this point all the decisions he's made and now he's lost the one person that he actually truly loved but it's heartbreaking so I always look for the grief in the in the show when I'm on stage because I had an acting class with I'm going to name drop here. I had an acting class with Jason Alexander and I took, I took class with him for a while actually. And he said, he said, I don't, I don't care what the actors feeling on stage. I care what I'm feeling it in the audience. And so every time I get up on stage now, I try and make you guys feel something, you know, I try and make the audience feel something. And so I take that with me each, each show that I do now.
00:38:55
Speaker
Now, on the flip side of that, I was recently in Legally Blonde, the music goal. and There was, you know, you can, you can find elements of grief in that show too, even though it's a big fun comedy. My character, not so much. Cause I was the, I was the bad guy. I played it. I played professor Callahan, but yeah, you know, there are ways I think to let it go into your acting and performing too. And I think that's a beautiful thing. I think oftentimes actors that have experienced a major grief are are oftentimes
00:39:28
Speaker
more ah in tune with that part of their themselves when they go on stage. Yeah, well, even just like when Anthony, you know what I'm saying, was saying even just that aspect of him living grief and that rent when Brent went on, you know, the fact that the I'm like i escaping and the author's name. I'm so sorry, because that's the movie that and Andrew Garfield did on him. um Tick, tick, boom. Jonathan Larson. Jonathan, so and jonathan that Jonathan, the author of it had died as well. And then they're here performing and it took a whole other different meaning for them to perform that play in honor of the screen or the playwright as well as the
00:40:13
Speaker
feelings that they themselves were but you know going through. And what you said regarding the audience, what the audience feels, it's so interesting that you said that and that that that Jason Alexander said that to you in the class, because it's when I was writing my application for to go to, I applied to UCLA and CSUN. I didn't get into UCLA, but I got a CSUN.
00:40:38
Speaker
that went regarding why it is I wanted to be an actor. It was in order to make people feel and reflect and it was based on an experience I had had as like a little kid seeing my dad on the stage in rehearsal for Man of La Mancha in rehearsal. It wasn't even like it was rehearsal and they're like yeah throwing him down the stairs and I was six years old and I was just ball like my sister and I were just like crying and we're like, you know, um our dad's being hurt and the emotions that we felt were raw and real because of what we were seeing on stage was so raw and real to us.
00:41:17
Speaker
so That is just the power of you know of acting is the power of music is the power of a film. It's a power that you have in your hands to be able to give an audience that experience, whether it is something that's going to make them laugh, whether it's something that's going to make them cry.
00:41:38
Speaker
Whatever it is, it's an emotion that we're living as audience as an audience member. That is just so important because it's part of who we are as human beings, right?
00:41:50
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. It's funny you said that about rehearsal too. is's like Sometimes like I'll be at a rehearsal and that's even more emotional than when I'm actually on. I'm like, how is this happening right now? We're just rehearsing. We're in like our workout clothes. We're not even in costume or anything. it says but right make What makes you feel? the words The words move you, the music moves you. like That can happen. And that's okay. and No, it's yeah, it is okay. So back to the movie as we wrap up, let's tell people how they're able to
Accessing the Film and Final Thoughts
00:42:23
Speaker
watch it. I know I was able to watch it for free but because I have Amazon Prime, but yeah, share. Well, people can watch it.
00:42:31
Speaker
Yes, so as of just yeah as of just this last week, it's free on Amazon Prime now, which is amazing. It's also free on Tubi, which is really cool. which Quick plug for Tubi. They're not paying me to say this, but Tubi is one of the best underdog like streaming sites there is. It's free. You don't need a subscription. It has great content on there.
00:42:54
Speaker
My film meet me where I am is on there. And where do you, is it on TV or do you have to see it on, uh, on a laptop or a computer? Yeah. So you it's an app. You can download the app on, on your TV, however you get, you know, I mean, there's, an you can get the app on your phone. You can, it's just like all the other streaming apps. Okay. Download it on, download it on the TV or on your phone or on the computer. But yeah, it's so easy. I think and you don't have to create like a probe. I don't, I think you just signed in with like an email and then all of a sudden there's all these great films on there. So that's that's my plug for Tubi. You can also, you can also get it on. Let's tell them you said, you said their name in this podcast. and Exactly. um So you can. Yeah. So Amazon Prime for free to be for free. Sling TV for free um app. You can get it on Apple TV. I think like but I think there's one that was it was five ninety nine. I think before when I think yeah we was going to have to pay for it, I think it was like still really. Yeah, you can rent it. Yeah, you can rent it on. Yeah. For I think like five ninety nine or something. You can also buy the DVD on Amazon if people still like hard copies.
00:44:01
Speaker
And I think it's available on like spectrum on demand. The link in the bio on our on our Instagram has all the watch options on there. So I think even on YouTube, I think you can rent it. And it said, OK, if I put it in the show notes, the link that you'd sent me, oh, adding the link there. yeah Yes. OK, that would be great. And that way people can just go straight to to see it.
00:44:24
Speaker
Now, I always like to ask my guests if there's something I have not asked you that you want to make sure that you share with the listeners. Oh, give me a second. I know, I know dead air is hard on podcasts.
00:44:49
Speaker
I think one of the most important things, um, when having a grief experience is, um, whatever you feel is right in that moment that you're feeling it is honestly, it's right for you. You know, who am I to say that you can't punch a hole in the wall? You know, I mean,
00:45:15
Speaker
break an old photo, ah you know shatter something. smoke a cigarette, might not be good to do that, some of these things long-term, but if you need to do that right then, grieve how you have to. Otherwise, it's gonna find you. you know It doesn't go away. So when those grief moments like come up, really just allow space for it. Now, with that said, I know how challenging it can be to be at like work and in a public place, and if you need to just,
00:45:50
Speaker
get up and walk away, go to the bathroom and like let it out somehow, do it. you know Just find find those ways to allow the space for it because it's going to happen. It's going to come up. and If we try and push it away, that's that's only going to make it worse. and and It can manifest in more negative ways down the line. so as As hard as it is,
00:46:12
Speaker
it, it really is helpful to allow it to come out because it's going to be there. So that was, that was kind of the first thing that I, that I thought of to answer that question. Thank you. I know I throw these questions without you knowing what's coming up. But that's life. Life is that way. We do not know what's coming next. Yeah, absolutely. Same with this podcast. You do not know what you're going to be asked. So thank you for riding along here as yeah as we navigated this conversation. And I would keep going and talking and giving more examples. But I want to make sure people go and watch the movie again. Meet Me Where I Am is the name of the film. And this was
00:46:55
Speaker
Grant Gary here on the podcast and very, very, very excited that you were on. And I love this conversation so much. So thank yeah you once again. Thank you so much. This was great.
00:47:11
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:47:40
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.