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Jumper with Ashley Whitaker - Jumper? More Like Stinker?
24 Plays10 months ago
Join Ashley and I as we debate Jumper! This sci-fi action movie leaves a lot to be desired such as (but not limited to): exposition, good acting, a compelling protagonist, and, most importantly to me, lore! Ash thinks there's more than enough to place it in the good column, but you must listen to hear all our thoughts!
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Transcript
Introduction and New Segment
00:00:01
Speaker
um We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you some breaking news. There's been reports all over the area of something crazy going on, something big. People's homes, their minds even, are being taken over by something called... What is it they're calling it? They're calling it Bad Movie of Age!
Jacob's Return and Co-host Introduction
00:00:19
Speaker
What up, nerds? It's Bad Movie Debate. We're back with another debate episode. It's me, Jacob Babb. ah Been a little while since we've recorded, ah but that's because I was busy getting married and that's very distracting and takes up a lot of time. But now that that's all said and done, here we are. We can get back to putting out episodes more regularly, hopefully, now that all that is ah done. It was a great day. It was very fun, very happy. Yada, yada, yada. but it's very distracting to try to get other stuff done. Um, so it's me, Jacob Babb. And with me, I have Ashley Whitaker. Ashley say, what up? Hello. That's not what I told you to say, Ashley. You said hello. I said, say what up, but
00:01:04
Speaker
What up? OK, there you go. Just trying to get you into the mindset of like we're arguing.
Movie Discussion: 'Jumper'
00:01:10
Speaker
We're going to we're friends, but we're going to be arguing um about one hell of a movie. Let me tell you. Had you ever seen it before? Oh, I've seen this movie like 15 million times. OK, good, good, good. Yeah, I've seen this movie for sure. It's ah yeah, it's. Yeah, I've seen this movie a lot, actually, but I haven't seen it in a while. I haven't seen it in a while, but it is what it is. All right. The movie we're going to be doing is Jumper with Hayden Christensen, one of the only other movies he did after the prequels. This was not one of the best ones to go for, unfortunately. But we'll get into all that. We'll get into Jumper and all that. First, we're going to go over, I said
00:01:52
Speaker
sci-fi action is kind of the only really good way to put this it's hard to say thriller a lot of places said like it's a sci-fi action thriller but I took that off because it's not that thrilling in my opinion ah but there's a lot of action so we'll go with sci-fi action um so what are your top five sci-fi action movies actually that you uh you got on your little list there ah So I looked at some similar movies and for some reason like space movies and like alien movies kept coming up. Yeah, there's a lot of that when I googled sci-fi action movies. It's like mostly that. Yeah. Yeah. So Cloverfield Lane. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was my number one. Interstellar, of course. Arrival, I really liked that one. That was a great movie.
00:02:40
Speaker
And then alien and the thing just so kind of have to have to be there. Yeah. but oh yeah And then an honorable mention is a quiet place because it was it was just so good. Quiet place is really good. And i'm that's actually on my list because that's definitely like a sci-fi action thriller. That's good. That's really, really good. Yeah. So I agree with all of those. I've already said the thing and alien and interstellar for a bunch of other stuff. So I'm going to try to try to avoid some of those like repeats and do something a little different. So a quiet place is definitely on my list as well. But then I'm going to say the fifth element with Bruce Willis. You know that one.
00:03:21
Speaker
No, I've never seen that one. Oh, it's so freaking it's super fucking weird. It's super fucking weird, but it's really good. um That one's got a lot of law of action like gunfire, like shooting, chasing people and stuff like that. Yeah. um And then I'm going to say. um Where did it go? I just had it a second ago. Oh, ah Mad Max Fury Road. Hmm. For sure, dude. That one is so damn good. That's a good one. Love that movie. ah And then um Edge of Tomorrow, the Tom Cruise, ah Emily Blunt movie, where they like, it's like, it's like kind of a Groundhog Day movie where they like repeat the same day over and over again.
Critique of 'Jumper': Story and Acting
00:04:02
Speaker
They're like trying to beat these like robots or like aliens in robots or something like that.
00:04:07
Speaker
um That was surprisingly good. I remember watching that in college with, I think Kyle and Nick, Justin may have been there too. and We were all like, that was really good. like I thought that was going to not be that good, but it was really good. Tom Cruise, you never know. Exactly. It's very hit or miss with fucking Tom Cruise. So that was good. So that's my third one. And then I'm going to also throw in there. I think I could throw Blade Runner in on an action sci-fi action thriller Blade Runner. I'm going to say Blade Runner one and Blade Runner 2049. Both of them as one thing because they're they're really good watch back back to back if you have
00:04:48
Speaker
four and a half hours of being kind of bored until it gets really good. Cause it's like, they're both really good, but they're very boring for like a lot of it. But it's like, wow, it's so good. Once you get done watching it, it's like that type two fun that Nick's always talking about with like camping and backpacking and stuff. where it's not that fun while you're watching it, but then like it's really good once you're done. You're like, that was great. That was awesome. And then one more. I'm kind of doing this ah on the fly. Oh, that's a good one. um I forgot to write these down before, so I'm looking right now. But ah life, did you ever see life with ah Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds, Rebecca Ferguson? No. That one's really good too. I actually re-watched that one.
00:05:33
Speaker
not too long ago it's like they're in um they're like on the iss and they get some kind of like some kind of weird little like amoeba type alien thing they like discover and they're like oh shit this is the greatest scientific discovery of all and not of course shit goes but goes wrong from there. um But it's really, really good. ah Actually, Ryan Reynolds is not as... ryle he's He has a splash of himself in there, but he's like actually acting in this. ah And he's actually pretty good when he's actually trying and not just playing himself. yeah So that's always good. So that's my top five. So I think we're both off to a pretty good start.
00:06:13
Speaker
um you named like the All the five that you named are probably some of my favorite movies of all time, um if I'm being honest. So yeah, i think we I think we know what we're doing here, for sure. Hopefully so. And I looked up the director too, because I was like, I want to see oh yeah what he's directed before. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which is ah ah just a good action movie. That is a good action movie. i I don't know how to say this, but like the Bourne Identity movies, yeah yeah Yeah, he directed those two and he's also working on a Tom Cruise slash SpaceX project currently that isn't even titled yet. And I was like, I need to know what that is. Yeah. OK, so like Elon Musk is SpaceX. I don't know. It said so it was untitled Tom Cruise slash SpaceX project. It's interesting.
00:07:10
Speaker
Okay, well I guess we'll need to keep an eye on on him. For sure. That's really interesting. Yeah, we'll need to we'll need to come back to that. like like I need news about that like almost immediately. that's Wow, okay, that's wild. um But ah unfortunately, we're talking about a real stinker today with Jumper, which has a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. The critics score the tomato meter, if you will, and a 44% audience score, which is really bad when they both don't vibe on that. ah ah it'
00:07:47
Speaker
this is one of the worst ones i think this is one of the worst rated ones i've ever had on uh i've had on the show oh my god and i think it's so good like i i know you do i know you do and it's just It's just not. Even on the rewatch, I was like, you know what? This is good. um I stand by it. you know Was it one of those things where you were like kind of nervous, like, damn, maybe this isn't going to be as good as I remember it, but you're like, no, it's still it. it hold It held up for you. Just held up. Yeah.
00:08:20
Speaker
Okay, we'll see. um And then IMDB, of course, 6.1 out of 10, middle of the road, ah as always. um And then we have the um Metacritic 35 Metascore, um so extremely negative. And then the users gave it an 8.9 actually, which is very weird. I thought they i thought i would have been a lot lower. it was It's mostly positive ah on there, which is truly shocking um for Metacritic. They're usually like the meanest ah critics out of everybody.
00:09:01
Speaker
um And speaking of mean critics, there's only two good reviews on ah Rotten Tomatoes from top critics that are like actually people who get paid to write reviews, you know, and um there's only two good ones. So I'm going to go with ah this one. I thought this one was a little bit better. So it's um Mark Savlov, maybe. uh for the Austin Chronicle said quote jumper is pretty slick entertaining stuff well crafted by Lyman edited into a tight action packed bundle of nervousness or nervousness rather bundle of nervousness end quote so like he liked it he thought it was slick entertaining and edited well and action packed fun is what that guy said and i'm like okay
00:09:50
Speaker
I tend to agree more with ah Wesley Morris for the Boston Globe who said, quote, this movie should be playing on the CW between episodes of Reaper and One Tree Held. Okay. There were so many good, bad reviews, but that one really hit.
Character and Plot Analysis
00:10:11
Speaker
like The fact that he's like, this was a CW show, I was like, oh my God, that's that's what it is. It's a fucking CW show. I don't know that I can argue with that, but it's still good.
00:10:23
Speaker
Yeah, but if you like CW shows, that's like not that's not an insult. You know, that like I personally don't think I've ever watched anything on the CW that was good, except for when they aired reruns of that 70s show. But like none of their like original programming was very entertaining. Riverdale's like a pretty wild ride. I didn't finish it, but see that I don't finish any shows, though. Only. Yeah, but it nots fair. Pretty good, pretty good. yeah very wild if you say so um All right, so it' so now it's time to get into the actual our actual thoughts, and I'm gonna throw you a curve ball. You're saying you like it, and I'm saying I don't. what's What's one thing you did not like or don't like about the movie? And I'll say the one thing I do like it, which took me a minute to come up with my one thing I did like. so
00:11:17
Speaker
Hayden Christensen, or yeah, that's how you say that, he's just such like a little whiny bitch when he gets hit. Like every single time he gets hit, he just like makes it so much worse. I don't know what it is. Well, part of the problem with that is, I think, because because this was after, this was after at least ah Attack of the Clones, this was after Attack of the Clones. I don't know when revenge came out, but ah anyways, he was after those. And a lot of people would give gave him shit for his acting and would call him like mannequin anakin because he had like no emotion and he didn't have like any emotion in the Star Wars movies. And so I feel like maybe he opted a little bit in this one is what he was going for. He was like, I'm gonna really act hard on on this movie. And it all just kind of came out.
00:12:16
Speaker
when he got hit. Yeah. No. Did you notice that too? Was that just me? Yeah, 100%. Okay, good. No, because i wanted its I wanted my one thing going into it to be like, well, at least Hayden Christensen does a good job, you know because like people gave him shit, but I always thought he was great in Star Wars. like I always loved him like no matter what and stuff, but I was like, no, he really doesn't do that great in this movie. No. And like that I did have that thought of, like yeah, he really does not know how to take a hit, does he? No. bitching and moaning about it the entire time whining about it like a little baby which is hilarious
00:12:52
Speaker
I also, I didn't like like the the guy who was supposed to be kind of like the comedic relief. I think he didn't do that. like It was just kind of awkward. Yeah, the British dude who we like barely get his name. I think it's Griffin or Griffith, is his name, that guy. But like you barely get his name. like like like I couldn't remember anybody's name except for his, just because you asked. his that Hayden Christensen's David. That's his name. Samuel, Samuel Jackson's name is black guy with white hair.
00:13:28
Speaker
Cause I don't, I don't think they ever, if they give him a name. Okay. I was like, they refer to him as black guy with white hair more than his actual name. I'm pretty positive. And then Millie is the girl yeah or something like that. Yeah. And then there was bully guy who does have a name, but I can't remember it. Who calls him. What does he call him? He calls him something so stupid. his bully that threw the thing, the thing in the lake that made him get discover his powers. I can't remember what he calls them. He calls him some rice bowl or something. Yeah. Rice bowl liquor, like rice ball or something. Like, what does that mean? I don't know. And they don't explain it at all. No, there's no fucking context for why he calls them that. Like, no, it's just like we have to give the bully a name. So when we see him later, when they're grown up, he can call him that again and people will be like, oh, yeah, that's the bully. But like, just call him something.
00:14:22
Speaker
else, like literally any other word probably would have been better. But that's fine. I will say the thing that I did like, and then I'll continue to shred into it. um ah The only thing I really like is like the concept of the movie. like I like the idea of, like because it's based off of a comic book, um and I like the concept of like there's people who can teleport, and then there's paladins, as the bad guys are called, who are on a crusade to destroy them because only God should have that power or whatever. like that's That's a pretty cool premise.
00:15:00
Speaker
But it's just so poorly executed in this movie. I wonder if the comic is better. I hope it is. um It's got to be right. Like it has to be. I guess it could not be. But like that's the only thing I really liked is like the general concept of the movie is pretty rad. Have you seen Looper? Yes, it's been a while, but I've seen Looper. It's like very similar. Like even when I was trying to describe the movie to that I was going to do this, I was getting it confused with Looper because they're so similar. Well, I mean, they're literally called Looper and Jumper and like you jump through. You can jump through a loop or like jump a loop. So like that makes it even more fucking confusing. um I don't know. ah But yeah, the concept is cool.
00:15:45
Speaker
um But other than that, that's pretty much where I draw the line. I really hate one of the things I but wrote down that I hate. I hate when movies do this in general is um his narration like kind of explaining his whole thing. It's ah it's not very well written and he sounds like a complete and total douchebag, which I guess he is a kind of a douchebag at the beginning of the movie or like arguably throughout the entire movie, he's a douchebag. But ah
00:16:17
Speaker
So like I don't, didn't like it, but I also hate when movies narrate at the beginning and then don't really ever narrate again. Like there's like a narration to give us some exposition at the beginning. And then like there, I feel like I'm misremembering it. And there was a couple of narrations like in the middle somewhere, but like there's definitely not any narration at the end. The movie just ends whenever they're done and stuff. And I'm just like, if you're gut, you have to book end at the very least you have to book it. If you're going to narrate the beginning, you have to narrate at the end and they just, aht and they just don't do that.
00:16:52
Speaker
Like I'm, I'm almost positive. There's only narration at the beginning, which is a really cheap. Like it's like a lazy way. It's a lazy, cheap way to give us a bunch of exposition at the beginning of the movie, when we could have just made this hour and a half long movie. 10 minutes longer and had done it by showing instead of straight up telling and stuff like that's bad. Just from the get go. I don't like when things narrate. because it's like you're too dumb, the audience is either too dumb to figure it out by just the context of what they're watching in the movie or they're too lazy to figure out how to show it in a different way. Like I could have gotten that he jumps and he steals and that's how he's rich.
00:17:38
Speaker
cool like that's all that's all he really is explaining but then they're just showing his personality but his personality sucks in the narration at the beginning like i'm like this guy fucking blows like yes there was a few different lines that i wrote down that i was like what like come on did you really just say that what were they give me one at least This is as far as we go together. I'm like, she didn't ask for this. She did not ask for you to do this. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, that whole scene at the airport when he's like, you got to go like as far as I go, like, bitch, what we were in. She was like, I was at my job like.
00:18:22
Speaker
yesterday in fucking where Ann Arbor like ah where they're from. She's like, I was at my bartending job yesterday and now you're telling me to go home by myself from Rome because some fucked up shit's going on that you're not explaining to me and you have a fucking like so much cash in your backpack right now and you're clearly a criminal of some sort. That's insane. What's that? Yeah, it's just like what what is he talking about? And he's like kind of making it her fault. Yeah. And then ah when he goes, it was always you when oh my god she's like leaving and it's like, OK, OK, but you disappeared. Like she thought you died. You show up. You're doing all this crazy stuff. And then you're acting like it's her fault. Yeah. That she wants to go home when you just got in this major fight in front of her.
00:19:14
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. It's just wild. He's a complete and total piece of shit. Yeah, definitely Fuckboy vibes. Yeah, Fuckboy vibes. And again, why the CW quote is so apt. Like he's written like he's a... So I did the math because it's a... He's 15 when he disappears, like die, whatever. And then it says, it's then Roland is like, I've been looking for you for eight years. So that means he's 20. Uh, what is that? He's 23 years old. Yeah. He's 23 years old. And it's like, you're 23 years old and you're talking like you're still, you're still talking like you're 15.
00:19:53
Speaker
like Yeah, it's like, ugh. And just like one of the first things he does when he jumps, like when we catch up and they the there like the shitty narration is anything, he jumps over to London and just bangs a chick like immediately and just goes back home. He's experienced life. That's kind of what they're trying to convey. Yeah, he knows how to go to a bar and pick up some some blonde woman and stuff like, okay. He's mature. Yeah, he's super mature. Like, he knows what he's doing. Like, whatever. His apartment's cool as fuck. Like, is a place that he stays in nice as hell. That's true. Like, I would have been more interested to know, like, did he adopt a different identity? No, that's the crazy thing. He still goes by his fucking name. Like, that's... And he's just supposed to be dead? That doesn't make any sense. Legit.
00:20:40
Speaker
don't think I've written down the word stupid more than I read wrote wrote it down ah for these notes. so I wrote so many things like, this is stupid, that was stupid, this is stupid, that's stupid. I was so mad. um And like Austin watched it with me and she was like, like ah the trailer was kind of playing for us. She was like, I'm into it, like it could be cool. And by the end, she was like, yeah, that's pretty shit. She was like, that was so she like that was disappointing for me. And I was like, I told you it's not good. um I knew it was gonna be good when the hotel guy says no weird stuff and he like smirks and then it cuts. I was like, yes. yeah This is what I'm here for. God, just complete opposite ends of what we want in ah in a movie like this, I guess. um And then, um so once he like, his first
00:21:34
Speaker
bank job when he like first steals from the bank like two days after running away or whatever in the same town or New York I guess he goes to New York um Austin actually pointed it out when he goes in to rob the bank he goes in and is like is there a bathroom for customers He's clearly not a customer. First of all, we we know that he's 15, like it's 2008. So he's not a customer probably, or it's even before 2008 because the movie takes place in 2008. And then he, the security guard takes him down by the vault to go to the, what is supposed to be the public bathroom.
00:22:17
Speaker
That's not how banks work. Austin Lewis said, what bank is like that? What bank works like that? And I was like, none of them. None of them do. No, none of them do. Because he has to see the place he's going to before he goes. The only little bit of lore that they don't explain that they do show and not tell. Well, I guess they say it by the end of it. it's implied like you have to have been there before and then you can just see it like with your own eyes then you can jump wherever and stuff um or it's he has all those pictures of stuff like
00:22:51
Speaker
But then they talked to, they talked to Griffith about how he has jump sites in Tokyo. Why are we walking and stuff? And it's like, so do you have to physically go there first? Or like it, none of that is established, which is also driving me crazy as someone who needs answers. Like there's a way to give me those answers and not ruin the movie. Well, there was supposed to be a sequel. So like, uh, You don't give the lore in the second one. You have to give the lore and how the world works in the first movie. I mean, part of most of it. No, the second movie. We can leave out some stuff. There's going to be like some little nuggets in the second. If there's like new discoveries or whatever, sure. Like a new like.
00:23:37
Speaker
angle or something like that's fine but like the like basic parameters have to be set up and we don't know like how do they jump but because he looks at the picture of the of ah the empire state building and he accidentally jumps there because he's been there with his mom and then he goes to the bank sees the vault and then goes but then he has a bunch of pictures in his apartment of places but it's never really like fully established like yes or no like do you have to go or not which drives me crazy but going back to the bank thing so he goes he goes to do the bank he's like I'm gonna jump into the bank and like steal a bunch of money because I'm 15 and poor or whatever he jumps into it he has a ah fucking beanie on and a jacket with a hood and no mask on his face and he jumps straight into the vault takes it and then takes a bunch of money out and stuff like that and in what world
00:24:35
Speaker
is there a bank that has a vault that doesn't have security cameras on it
00:24:42
Speaker
well there's got to be security cameras in those bank faultts right like wouldn't it be on the outside of the bank bo I don't know. i I mean, I don't know how a fucking bank works, but like, I feel like they have them inside of the bank faults as well to make sure they do now. But maybe in like 2008, I mean, you want to make sure that you got to make sure that like, like the people who drop off, like, like, you know, like the, like, what are they called? Like the, like the armored vehicles and stuff who like take money and move money around and stuff. Like, you know what I mean? Like, like kind of make sure those people aren't pocketing anything. Like people aren't pocketing stuff.
00:25:15
Speaker
Like I get that there's some level of privacy because there's like those like security
Action Scenes and Cinematic Quality
00:25:20
Speaker
boxes in there. That's like people's price, priceless heirlooms or whatever. And like, they're like really important documentation about your secret family, you know, and like, you don't want that. Like you can't have that on camera. So maybe, mean maybe there's a level of like, there's like a level of like privacy once you're in the vault, like looking at your box or whatever, but like, I don't know. I just feel like. It would have been very easy to be like, yeah, it was that kid. Like that security guard would have been like, yeah, I recognize that kid. I let him go into the bathroom and stuff. Like give a full description. Like, this is what that kid looked like. Like, yeah, that I recognize him. like And they would have known how he did it too. Like that it appeared and he disappeared. And he accidentally jumped into the bathroom first.
00:26:05
Speaker
Oh yeah. He accidentally jumps into the ba- Okay, so actually that's a quite- Did he jump into the bathroom and then walk into the- No, he had to have jumped into the vault because it was locked. But like he accidentally jumps into the bathroom and destroys the bathroom. And then when Roland comes the next day to investigate, that no fucking comment about that. because oh Also, the bathroom was completely destroyed. Is that related? Completely unrelated. That man's bathroom blows up all the time, literally. I'm not talking people dropping nasty shit to blow up, but like it's literally exploded all the time. like No, that's stupid. It makes me so mad.
00:26:42
Speaker
um So I hate that. And that's, and that's the very beginning of the movie. That's like the first time he jumps. Yeah, but the fight scenes were good. Like that first fight scene, which, which which first fight scene, the one in Rome and the Coliseum or whatever. Uh, no, the one in the apartment, one of the apartment. Oh, with him and him and just Sam, Sam Jack. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Like, Well, because Samuel Jackson's a competent actor, you know what I mean? And I like Hayden, I like Hayden Christensen, but that's when the pain, like the weird pain moans start is in that scene. So, you know.
00:27:25
Speaker
Yeah, but like he's so cute, though, you know, I mean, yeah, I agree. But like, that's not that doesn't make the movie good. You know what I mean? Like, it helps. It helps. It doesn't hurt it. It doesn't hurt it by any means. Like, I'm not denying that. Like, it doesn't hurt. But it does not. It doesn't help. Enough is what I'm getting is what I'm getting into. um But you said, like, ah but talking about the jumping and like like you would have seen him just jump in there and like been like oh my god there's somebody who can teleport and stuff he jumps in front of so many people
00:28:06
Speaker
All the fucking time. And he's thinks he's the only one in the world who can do it. And like he jumps in like when he goes and steals like the surfing equipment to go surfing while he's in London and then like jump and then teleports to Aruba where the actual storm hit or whatever and stuff like he goes up to that little like like a surf shack and just teleports behind the front door and steals a bunch of stuff in his everyday clothes. And I know that place has fucking security cameras in it inside because what fucking place doesn't have security cameras in their fucking place of business? It did make me think it was older. Like I was like, maybe this movie is older than I thought up because they've had security but footage in buildings for decades. Exactly. I'm like,
00:28:56
Speaker
Maybe they just didn't use those as much as I thought. like I was starting to question that because... No. CCTV has been around since at least the 80s inside of buildings, inside of stores. like Like there's no fucking way. And then going off of that, when we finally meet Griffith and he's all like telling him he can't be so willy nilly about jumping and like, duh, duh, duh, needs to be careful. Cause like, there's these things called paladins who are going to come and kill us. He fucking steals a Mercedes Benz Corvette in Tokyo and then is driving down the street super fast, jumping the car what from one lane to another as they hit traffic.
00:29:40
Speaker
like just so blatant and obvious and stuff. And like, so this British dude's gonna yell at Hayden Christensen about how cavalier and nonchalant he is about jumping, right? But then we're going to immediately see him do something that's the most conspicuous thing you could ever do, which is steal a Mercedes Benz, again, a place that has security cameras. And then he's going to jump the car from one lane to another through traffic in front of
00:30:12
Speaker
They're in Tokyo. Thousands of people who are on the street. And that's totally fine and doesn't contradict what he just said. Fucking stupid. I'm so mad. I mean, crazy stuff happens in Tokyo like all the time probably. Like that's probably not even, they wouldn't even notice that. This isn't a Godzilla movie. They're gonna notice that. Like, you know what I mean? But you have to think too, if there's more of them, then maybe it's like less noticeable. Like if people are kind of disappearing all around you and like weird stuff is happening, maybe you kind of collectively as a society you are like, this happens sometimes and we just don't know why. No.
00:30:58
Speaker
but ah no i no no and like am i my i'm I'm not just going to say no, i'm goingnna I'm going to come with another point. Then why does Samuel Jackson have to go be like, I'm CIA, I'm FBI, I'm NSA, and lie and have all these fake credentials to like investigate what he thinks are jumpers? instead of just being like, I'm from the anti-jumper coalition. like it's ah It's attached to the United Nations. We have criminals who have superpowers and we need to stop them. Give me all of your stuff and information so I can track this jumper down. like You know what I mean? It's kind of like aliens. It's like, okay, we know it's a thing, but we're not going to come out and tell you it's a thing. And also he was an IRS agent at one point and that was just too much for me.
00:31:45
Speaker
That was horrifying. And of course he does it to his dad who's like his drunk and like, and like obviously not well off and stuff. So like, yeah, you gotta let him in. but You gotta let that guy in. It's dark outside. so the i i The IRS does not come at night and they contact you first through the mail. So yeah fun fact, if you ever get an email, or a phone call from somebody claiming they are from the IRS and you owe a bunch of money, it is a scam. They will contact you by the US s Postal Service first. So if you haven't gotten anything from the IRS through the mail, if somebody's calling you, emailing you, texting you that they're from the IRS, it is bullshit. And if it's not, guess what?
00:32:27
Speaker
They will eventually come knocking on your door and then you'll be like, well, I thought it was a scam, so I didn't do it, which is the right thing to do. So in summary, fuck the IRS and just ignore them as much as you can. um I please don't. I may have to edit that out, um but that's fine. I'm i'm leaving it. I'm a risk. I think it's a PSA, you know, people say like that's true. But like, I might to I might need to take out the fuck the IRS part. that's kind of a but don't want to anger them You know, no it's fine. It's fine. I'll let you all know if they come knocking. um But ah
00:33:06
Speaker
Anyway, yeah, so that that's my rebuttal to like, oh, you know, like people just, you know, it happens sometimes and people are kind of okay with it. Like, no, there would be like a ah united, like a branch of the United Nations that was the like anti jumper coalition or some stupid name like that. And they would be like, we're here to help you solve this crime because at this point it has to be a jumper because none of this makes any sense. So I disagree with that claim. I stand by it. I stand by it. I'm going to go and say it, though. That just makes it. If that's if that's the world that they all live in, that everybody in that world is stupid. Even the people just walking on the street, just like going to get lunch like you're just OK with that. You're not going to question that. Like, you're not going to find out more about that. You're not going to write your congressman about that. Why are people teleporting all the time? What the fuck is this? Like, please, somebody give me answers. Like, call a scientist. Like, I don't know something.
00:34:05
Speaker
um Yeah, I hate it. I hate it. And then one thing I do really dislike too about the beginning of the movie when his lazy ass ah sits on the couch and then jumps half like ah half a section over to get the amount that's on the other side of the couch. First of all, fuck you, dude. like That's so annoying. They spent all the money on like that effect that they could like the editing of that and stuff and the jumping does look good when they do it and stuff like that editing is really good i will say um they did a really good job with like the actual visualization of that uh in the movie um so good for them but
00:34:43
Speaker
he goes on the TV and he's like flipping through bullshit and then it's like oh all these people are stranded in a flood only a miracle could be able to get to them and stuff and it kind of teases like oh maybe he could use his powers for good and be like a superhero kind of a thing and he just goes huh anyway and then goes and fucks a woman in london and then there's no other mention about how he could do any anything for good except ah except for saving his girlfriend and that's it And like, it's like, okay, so we're just going to tease that he could be a superhero and then just not ever talk about it again, because why would he do that when he could just be stealing money and banging chicks? like Well, they kind of tease it again too, because he... win When? When he gets the wetsuit for surfing, because you're kind of like, oh, he's getting a wetsuit so he can go there and save those people. And then he just goes surfing.
00:35:37
Speaker
No, he goes surfing. And then those guys like, yeah, the storms aren't here, bro. They're supposed to. The swells are like 30 feet out in a ruble because that's what a storm actually hit. Then cut to him surfing those fucking righteous swells, dude, and fucking teleporting away, leaving his board in the ocean. yeah Littering in the ocean directly pissing me off. Oh, I did also have a it seems that he eats his lunch every day on the head of the Sphinx. That seems like were like he eats his lunch there almost every day. That's kind of the vibe I got. um There's two things wrong with that. One, the Sphinx and the pyramids are within eyesight of the metropolis that is Cairo today. Like you can see it is not in the middle of the desert. Cairo is right there. um So anybody looking out of their apartment,
00:36:34
Speaker
Uh, or any kind of hive advantage point could see that there is a person on the Sphinx, which is highly legal. And then too. When he jumps the, he accidentally jumps, or he jumps the ah the ah dude in Rome, one of the police guys, when his mom comes in and she's like, you have 30 seconds to leave, unlock yourself and leave. And then like an idiot, he doesn't unlock himself from the fucking chair and just runs after her. And then the guy comes back to grab him. He jumps him to the top of the Sphinx and his chair is still sitting there. So he leaves his chair there
00:37:12
Speaker
on the Sphinx because he goes back there regularly enough and you're telling me no one in the world noticed that.
Character Motivations and Relationships
00:37:21
Speaker
The Sphinx and the pyramids are some of the most like guarded places. They will see a fucking lawn chair sitting on top of the head of the Sphinx, which is the Let me remind you, out of those four massive like marvels of ancient architecture, that's the shortest one. so That's the easiest one to see that there's something on the top. ah You could see it from the ground about 100 yards away, you would be able to see there's a chair up there.
00:37:52
Speaker
ah on but wrong I I had that thought too. That's one of the only things I'm for sure about in this movie. Do bankfolds have cameras? Maybe, I don't know, but I know for a fact somebody would see that fucking chair. Yeah, that that you got me there. That one's true. I can't argue with that. I was like, I have to bring that up. like because i just I don't know. What do you got for me? I've been saying a lot of shit, and you've been mostly agreeing with me? I mean, okay, so here's the thing. But then saying that you still like the movie. I still like the movie. I still think that it has a good story.
00:38:35
Speaker
and You know, it's got it's a really cool concept. Like, I really like the idea of the jumping. Yes. And I do think it would have been better if they were like a part two, if it was one like and they didn't really do part two set often back then. I feel like it was like mainly sequels. So like if it would have had an opportunity for a part two, I think it would have kind of explained more. I mean, yeah. I mean, yeah, but but that's the thing, like,
00:39:07
Speaker
You can't like do a ah i don't know you can't like bank on there being a second movie. You know what I mean? Explain Dune Part 1. No. Okay. That was that was written with the intention of being exactly what I'm saying. If they and that was a thing back then. Okay. They would have done that. But it wasn't and they didn't need to. You know what I mean? Like, yeah.
00:39:41
Speaker
You're telling to me you want four and a half hours of Jumper, just the one movie? no There's no way. I want an hour and a half of a part one and an hour and a half of a part two. That's still three hours of fucking Jumper and that is way too much. well I just need like 30 more minutes for a little bit more like exposition and like world building. And I would be like, it's better now. Well, the mom storyline was interesting too, like the idea. So irrelevant. Honestly, no, well, they just didn't. It would have been in the part two. I knew you were going to say that, but like they kind of teased it. It really ended on like that there's going to be another one. And so I think that's why I liked it so much when I was younger, because of the anticipation of like the second movie. Mm hmm.
00:40:35
Speaker
But the fight scenes were good. I think the story was good. I do not think it deserves, what was it, like a 16%? 15. 15. I don't think it's that bad. I think it's definitely at least like a a good okay movie. So what would you give it percentage wise, if not a 15? If you say anything over 40 percent, I'm going to scream. I would say like maybe like a 56. Oh my God. Like it it it had all the it was at least visually pleasing. Again, they did a good job with the like jumping mechanic in the movie. Like that was that looked good and that worked. I'll give you that.
00:41:22
Speaker
um But yeah, if they would have screwed that up. Yeah. Yeah. But the writing, you know, which is arguably the second most important. The first thing you want is to make it look good. The second thing you want is the writing. ah If you're doing a big budget movie, if you're doing a small budget thing, if the story is good, it doesn't look that great. Well, at least the story was good, but that's neither here or there. um I do have a comment about the mom storyline first and foremost. So his sister is Kristen Stewart. Yes, there are so many people in this movie, like the girl from Bridge to Terabithia. I was like, what is going on? Wait, who's the girl from Bridge to Terabithia? Little Billie. Yeah, who? In this movie, Jumper and Jumper, who who is who is that girl? Millie, the little Millie. Oh, she's the girl from Bridge to Terabithia, really? I'm pretty sure. Yeah. No, there's no way. Hold up. We're going to live fact check. Hold up. I can't remember her name.
00:42:22
Speaker
Where were we? Jumper... Fuck. I know I've seen her before, but I don't think it was that. Uh... Oh, it's just taking so long. Uh, let's see. Her name is... Is she Jamie Bell? That sounds right. No, she's Rachel... Rachel Billson. No, Rachel Bilson is older Millie. This is young Millie. Oh, the little girl Millie. OK, yeah, sure. I reckon I did recognize her, too, and I couldn't tell. That's what Austin said. She was like, Who's this? Who is that girl? Like, I recognize her and I didn't realize. OK, so, yeah, fair enough. um And then his mom is. His mom is I should have closed out that tab. ah His mom is fucking Diane Lane, right? Like, isn't that who that is? Or am I crazy?
00:43:13
Speaker
I think so. I know I've seen her in multiple other things. No, she's like a like a top good ass fucking actress. Let's see. Why is Kristen Stewart higher than her? Oh, fuck, what's his mom's name? No, it is Diane Lane. OK, there she is. Yeah. Mary Rice is their character's name. Oh, that's why he calls him Briceball, because his last name is Rice. ah Oh my gosh. Connecting the dots. You know what? I take back everything I said. This movie is amazing and there's nothing wrong with it now that I understand that his last name is Rice. Fun fact.
00:43:52
Speaker
Um, the only people to have last names in the movie are the rice family. Everybody else is just Griffin or Millie or Roland or young Millie or young David. So that's great. Um, that's so funny. Um, okay. So he calls him rice ball because he's his last name is rice, which is Such a terrible bully thing, but that's I'm not going to incur. I'm not going to give bullying notes on the show, um mostly because they'll get redirected back to me, probably. I give people good tips on how to tear someone down. um So his sister is Kristen Stewart, which is wild um and seems like so random and unnecessary. um She's literally in it. She says like five words and then leaves because at the end of the movie. But then.
00:44:43
Speaker
It drove me crazy with his mom because his mom is like, I had to leave because you turned five and you jumped and you don't remember it because you were five or whatever. And she's like, I either had to kill you or I had to leave. So I decided to leave. And he's like, OK, cool. And she's like, love you. And he's like, love you, too. And then she's like, well, because I love you, I'm going to give you a head start. And it's like, OK, so now that he's an adult, You're totally cool with hunting him down and killing him. I don't know. I took that to mean that she was like going to continue to protect him and that she was giving him a head start against the other people, like Samuel Jackson.
00:45:28
Speaker
But then what would the second movie be about? If you're so dead set on a second movie, like when the second movie about like him like running from his mom, because Roland Samuel Jackson was like the most like powerful one besides his mom, because it seems it seems implied to me that his mom is like in charge. Like she's like the head paladin. Which is why she's not like on the ground as much as Roland, like that's her like second in command, like it's the kind of the vibe I got. Again, I don't know because they did not explain it. Yeah, I mean, Roland knows now so it could kind of involve them both. and I mean, I guess Roland doesn't die. No, because he dropped he because he makes a big deal about not killing him. Yeah, he puts them in a cave like up in the Grand Canyon, like way up high. And it just implied that, yeah, he's either going to die there or someone's going to come find him somehow, which should probably be pretty easy to be found. Grand Canyon is pretty.
00:46:26
Speaker
popular ah destination. So someone would hear him screaming as they go down the river. um I mean, I don't know. I just feel like. ah Well, that's one of my bigger complaints, too, is I really wanted more. I wanted more lore and like info about the paladins, like why are they on this crusade? It's literally just like no one but God should have this power and then that's it. And then we get a little bit of Griffin being like ah being like they've been hunting jumpers since the middle ages and stuff hence why they have the name paladin because a paladin is a religious knight or like a or like a knight that has uh some kind of like very specific thing that they devote their life to to protect oh i didn't know the app
00:47:12
Speaker
um yes that's a kind of like a that's like the dnd uh explanation uh like definition of a paladin but like it's kind of what a paladin is a is a religious knight or a devote knight that is it could be to a concept but traditionally it was a religious thing you had like a deity that you were a knight for instead of just a knight for money or whatever um but like And like, I thought it was really cool. I was like, paladin's a great name for what they're doing. It's like, cool. They're on their crusade to like kill these people because they're an affront to God or whatever. But like, I still need a little bit more of like explanation because it's literally just like only God should be able to teleport. And or Samuel Jackson says, like, only God should be able to be everywhere at all times, which is a better way to put it. And like, not the worst line ever. um Definitely not the worst line in this movie.
00:48:04
Speaker
um but he i don't know i just like i wanted more more uh attention paid to them and like what their whole their whole thing is because like even if they they're just like those are the bad guys and they want to kill the good or they want to kill the protagonist and they're the antagonist because I'm not going to say that David is a good guy. He sucks. Yeah, he's not necessarily a good guy. Yeah, it's very it's a very Dune going back to Dune again, you know, fucking.
00:48:41
Speaker
fucking the little, little Paul. He's, he's not really a good guy. He's, it's just do the books about, you know? yeah so it is with a Spoiler alert. If you didn't know, Paul Atreides is a bad guy. He sucks. He is not an idol. You should not wear t-shirts with his face on it being like, I love him. He's the best. No, he is fucking Hitler. yeah just wait ah so just stop right now if you love him and he's your favorite character he is a really interesting character but do not idolize him because he is not good but that's fine um anyway wow ooh i just kind of blacked out for a second um but uh the dude effect yes the dude just uh it just takes over sometimes
00:49:22
Speaker
but, um, yeah, I just wanted more. I wanted more history and like more stuff about, uh, the paladins and stuff. Cause like, that's cool. Like that's a cool little thing, but like, what are we doing here guys? You know what I mean? Like, give me some more context and like, don't tell me they could do that in the second movie.
00:49:42
Speaker
Don't tell me that because I need it now because I'm watching this movie. But haven't we learned that people don't need much more than only God should be able to do this? I feel like we've learned that people don't need much more than that to like start a crusade. See, and i i I knew you were going to bring that up um because I literally had the thought of I was like, I was like, they're bad because of this one thing, like whatever. And like, my thought was like, Ashley is going to be like, going to be like, so what? Star Wars needs more depth to the Sith. Like, isn't the Sith just the bad guys and it's just a good versus evil kind of story? And I was like, yes, but that's Star Wars and is better than this movie is my rebuttal to that. Star Wars is a mythology that's about
00:50:33
Speaker
good versus evil. It's a retelling of a retelling of a retelling of a story. So it can be kind of surface level. That's the whole point. That's why they were written that way on purpose. This movie was not written that way. This movie is lazy. Well, Star Wars also has a bunch of them. Like if there were only one Star Wars, you would probably say I wish I had there was more. Like that there was more lore. I mean, that's literally why we have so much Star Wars today. Like the first movie was called Star Wars, not Star Wars, A New Hope. It was just called Star Wars. And that was it. And then they were like, holy shit, we made a bunch of money off of this. Let's make a bunch more. And then we'll sell it to Disney and we'll make a bunch of content that is mediocre at best, sometimes good. But here we are. And here we are. And I won't go any further than that.
00:51:24
Speaker
because we're not talking about Star Wars right now. and Good, I'm gonna have to black out again. I'm just trying to get you on like a Star Wars or Dune path so hard. No, no, please, I can't, I can't, I have, ah I can't just be talking into this microphone all night, because I will. But yeah, I don't know. And then the British dude, I hate him. Can I just say that I hate Griffin? Yeah, no, I agree with that. I think if they would have had like a more, ah just someone better at comedic timing. Not even the comedic timing part. Like that part, I was like, yeah, that sucks. But like he so he literally proves Samuel Jackson's point.
00:52:10
Speaker
about it.
00:52:13
Speaker
that point about five less than five minutes after he says that to hayden christians and he's like he's like what if i'm one of the good ones and he's like you all go bad eventually and no less than five minutes um He, Griffin, they have their big fight scene like at his hideout and Griffin teleport jumps, excuse me, jumps to ah London and then jumps back with a double decker bus that definitely had people on it and slams it. It tries to throw it into Samuel Jackson and crush him with it. And now those people are either dead from the crash or they are stuck in the middle of the desert and
00:52:55
Speaker
That's just the end of it. I highly doubt he took the time to tell everybody to get off of the bus because what we have seen from Griffin before is that he sucks and he only cares about himself. Okay. Didn't notice that. um Didn't notice the people. My bad. As I was watching it, there wasn't anybody in the bus, but I'm like, there's no fucking way he took the time to tell people to get the fuck off of the bus. Like there's no fucking way. like but Like in the shot, you don't see people on the bus. But the bus, he just teleports it back. He's not driving it. So at the very least, the driver is still there because when it goes, it falls onto the sand and it takes a hard right turn as if someone's turning the wheel. You know what I mean? Like he did not, ah there's no way he found a parked one because there was one coming at him. And then it cuts to that of day of it in the desert, like him, like trying to throw it at Samuel Jackson and stuff. There's no way he took people off that bus.
00:53:53
Speaker
those people are dead or are going to die in the middle of the desert, whatever desert it may be ah and stuff, which proves Samuel Jackson's point that these guys kind of suck. Well, it's an hour and 27 minute long movie, you know, like they got to get to it. i Again, and that's part of my problem. That's why a lot of these movies that we debate here is like, It's a lot of stuff from like 2010 and before because movies used to be a lot shorter people. They've realized people can handle a two and a half hour long movie in the theaters. Like I've seen in the past few years, like there's been like three hour movies that come out in theaters and I sit there and I watch the entire thing. No problem. I wish there could be like an intermittent. They go back to doing intermissions or like they did like a place like quick little intermission so you could like get a refill or like go to the bathroom or something. But like.
00:54:47
Speaker
I'll sit in the theater for four hours and watch a four hour movie, no problem. And like, they were starting to realize people can do that and want to do that. Because some of the best content that's been out there is TV shows and like people will sit and watch every single episode of a net of a Netflix drop of whatever it is like, at once as much as they can at one time. um So attention spans aren't the problem. ah But back in the day, they were like, it's got to be less than two hours can't be longer than two hours. Like, there's no way and like, a lot of these movies ah that we talked about are like, not even two hours. And I feel like it comes up a lot like, if we had like 15 to 30 more minutes to give a little bit more explanation or like a little bit more detail about the world we're in or like world building or like
00:55:32
Speaker
ah like plot development or like just character development or like anything like like that like it would add a lot to some of these movies like jumper would be a pretty good movie if it was like I would say if it was two hours that extra 30 minutes maybe in two hours and 15 minutes You got a little bit more about the paladin stuff. You got his mom in more than just two scenes. Um, and like stuff like that, the movie would flow a lot better. Um, cause it would make, and it would make just more sense. And then like Millie is like, you know, his, is the love interest and stuff. And she's like barely in the movie.
00:56:13
Speaker
it feels like. Like she's so un, like, memorable. but Yeah, she's a slayer to kind of like tag along almost. She's the only thing that gives him any kind of a, ah like, moral compass. or any any kind of like thinking about somebody besides himself kind of a thing and it's like well she should be featured more and I want to know her better because I don't like her I'm like she's whiny and annoying and it's like is she supposed to be the literal representation of his annoying conscious that's finally coming to him because if so she did a great job her character is great but if she's supposed to be a love interest and be like a full person she sucks like
00:56:56
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like they kind of, she's just there to make him likable in a way. Because without her, I don't know that he would be likable. But he's not likable. I mean, even with her there. He's more likable than he would be if she wasn't there. I mean, I guess, yeah, because he'd still just be you know doing whatever the fuck he felt like, but like
Soundtrack Appreciation
00:57:20
Speaker
I don't fucking know. And why does he seek her out in the first place? That kind of is confusing to me. like He's just randomly like eight years later, okay, now that all this bad stuff is happening, now I'm going to go seek her out. Yeah, like that's kind of fucked up. I didn't even think about it like that. like Everything's going great.
00:57:38
Speaker
he's banging people left and right got all this money this dope pad and then shit starts to go bad and he's like well he's finally he's being hunted like literally and then he's like I'm gonna go reconnect with my 15 year old crush and bring her into this world that when she was living a perfectly normal happy life ah but working as a bartender had her own place like probably just you know doing her thing no big deal like why why why did he
00:58:10
Speaker
Why did he rope her into this? Oh my god, I hate ah hate this movie so much. He's such a dick, dude. I do not like him at any moment in this movie, I think. You know, now that you say that, I don't know that there's a moment that I particularly like him either. Yep. But it's still it's I would still sit down and watch it, and I have multiple times. Again, i before to ah the other night when I watched this movie, I had seen this movie no less than five times. Why? I have no idea. like I have seen it like at least five times, like six now. like I watched it over and over again when it first came out. i like There's just something about it. like
00:58:57
Speaker
I don't know, I just like, I like seeing, haitden I like Hayden Christensen. Like as a person, he deserves support. like And I feel like at the time, it was a, like at the time I know it's got bad ratings and everything, but it was like a good movie to sit down and watch. Cause it was easy. um Like there's not a lot to think about because none of it really makes sense. So you're just sitting there and you're like, okay, this is happening. Was that, was that a defense for the movie? Yes, that was for the movie. Okay. I thought you'd come to my side because I was like, yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. it's it doesn' it You don't need to pay attention because it doesn't make any sense. Exactly. That kind of sucks. I don't like that. No, that's nice because you just don't have to like figure out a plot hole. in The plots that you do need to follow, like the mom, they just lay it out there. They're like, this is his mom and someone's got up with her. We'll tell you about it in a minute.
00:59:54
Speaker
And then they do. At the very end, and then she's gone, and then because your precious little sequel never happened, you never get any more. You know what I mean? like i I do not think this is the defense you think it is, Ashley. Coming into this, I was like, you know what? This is a good movie and I'm going to be able to defend it, but you've got some good points, unfortunately. like Well, the um and you know what? i' all credits I'll get credit to where credit is due. i don't have It's not me that have these good points. It's the movie. The movie made it very easy for me to find a bunch of shit that was annoying or dumb. Here's another good one. Here's a little fun one that I love.
01:00:36
Speaker
um after he like a fucking douchebag idiot, punches his bully in the face at the bar when he's trying to reconnect Millie, they get into a fight, he jumps him to the vault, that he yeah like and says the and shows him, I have this fucking power, and then he leaves him there, and then he jumps back, and then like which that that and that he wasn't even what i was the point that I'm trying to make, or the thing that I thought that was stupid, ah but funny. um He does that, which is stupid, but then he comes back,
01:01:08
Speaker
And she's like, oh, where's whatever his name is? And she's like, oh, he ran off and then ah it cuts to her again. And um she's like, you're bleeding. And then it cuts to him. And I have never seen a smaller amount of blood on a person in a movie where someone has said you're bleeding to them. It is the tiniest bit of blood on his like eyelid or something. like you like If you look if like you look at it real quick, it's like that's just a freckle. like That's just like a freckle he has right there. like It is the tiniest amount of blood I've ever seen to to give like the like
01:01:48
Speaker
wounded soldier like, Oh, I'm gonna take care of you like that little moment in movies and shows that they do, you know, we're like the girls taking care of the guy because he's hurt. yeah Like the tiniest injury I've ever seen. And like, which just goes into your whole thing of like he really can't take a hit, huh? like He's just a little baby. He's just a little baby, apparently. And I'm just like, I hate him so much. I hate this character. I just had to bring that up, too, because I was like, I have the smallest amount of blood I've ever seen. Uh, after someone says you're bleeding, like this truly to take care of him, you know, I get it. We all do. Oh, also, it was such a blast from the past when
01:02:35
Speaker
I'm We got to the chorus, and we were both like, fuck yeah, man, the fray. The fray is so good. And then we were like, oh yeah, the movie's still on. I guess we gotta pay attention, because they're done fucking. So we gotta watch them do whatever they're doing next. um That was my favorite part of the movie, is that they had the fray in there. I'm gonna retroactively say that now. That was my favorite part, is they had the fray in the soundtrack, and the fray rocks to this day. um So fucking funny. Also, this is- What were you gonna say?
01:03:23
Speaker
What were you gonna say? I was gonna say, I don't think I knew that song. Like I didn't recognize it. The fray? When they yeah fuck? No, I was, I did not know the song. Do you not know the fray? Not apparently. Apparently I didn't know your favorite, your favorite part of the movie and I didn't even know it. That's crazy. That's absolutely insane. Um, it's fine. Um, that's a good song. You'd you I feel like you know, you did hear it because you watched the movie um and you heard of them. um I had something I was going to say, but I can't remember what it was. We busy talking about the fray, supposed to go on a fray blackout and talk about the fray. um Something about they were fucking and like, yeah, that's great.
01:04:13
Speaker
um I don't fucking know. All I know is this movie is not good. um Oh, here's one electricity. How does that stop him? Could you give me any kind of explanation? Like he said it's hard to jump when there's electricity volts going through your brain or something. So I think it's like a concentration thing. Well that which is very D and&D which is pretty dope because you can if you get hit you lose concentration on Concentration spells which is dope, but that's neither here or there so I mean a couple D and&D things in here Which is cool, but still I just like okay. I don't know Like right like I guess Like here's one for the nerds Yeah, well. I like that part too. I guess um I guess I also just didn't like that like I
01:05:05
Speaker
I just really hated him because he's such a cocky asshole like when they break into the Colosseum, and he has just like such a like a douchebag energy about breaking into the Colosseum, and she just eats it up, and she just loves it. You know what I mean? And they're just like, are you kidding me? it's a so that he's never really got he's never had to Like he's never not gotten what he wanted. He's gotten everything he wants just because he's been able to just jump and and get whatever he needs. And so this one situation where she's not able to jump, it's kind of showing his frustration ah with normal life, I guess.
01:05:43
Speaker
Yeah, it's like he's not he's never had to know when or anything has ever been able to say no to him ever since he started like honing his jumping. It's like you can't like there is no door he can't get through so he can do whatever he wants. Like, sure. I mean, that makes explains like the kind of the reason that the what are they called again? The paladins, the paladins, why the paladins have such a problem with them.
01:06:10
Speaker
Well, yeah, you could do like a whole George RR Martin like prequel like house of the dragon type book where it's like the history of the paladins and stuff like give me that yeah like I want that I need a little bit of that in this movie and that's what I mean by like the world building and like stuff like that that I'm like why is there not more of like that besides it's really paladins bad David good and like in a mood in this kind of a movie
01:06:44
Speaker
I don't think that works, you know? Yeah, like you need a little bit more. I feel like they did try. They did try and like those little moments where they're like, OK, you see how much he sucks and that they suck. So that's exactly why the paladins are doing all this, because this power kind of makes you a douchebag. But again, why have they been doing it since the Middle Ages, man? You know, like I just need. I love lore. And I want to know how she had a son that jumped, because I would think that that would be somewhat genetic. See, yeah. And that's another thing. Yeah, exactly. Like what? What? How does it work? Is it like the X-Men? Like where it's just like there's mutants again, it comes from a comic book. So like, is it just like.
01:07:34
Speaker
where just like some people just have a mutation with like the gene in them and stuff but if they did have the gene in them and she was a paladin wouldn't you think they'd be able to track it and she would just be like cool I'm gonna get my I'm just gonna get my ah tubes tied and never have a kid because I could produce one and I don't want to have to deal with that yeah like wouldn't they be able to like notice like there's got to be some kind of a marker that I would think the paladins if they've been working on eradicating them for that long some kind of a blood test where you could like check and like see um but again we don't get the lore for it and it's fine um I also have a question about um
01:08:15
Speaker
So he has all this money in his backpack all the time. How does he get that through airport security without someone being like, why do you have all this cash when he goes when he does have to go on a plane? Yeah. And how does he have a passport? I just don't. Yeah. Why would he even have a passport? Why would he even have one? unless Again, unless he has to go to the places physically first and then he can jump thereafter. You know, not problem because he has all the money in the world because he can just rob it from a bank. But like, How does this work? And then also him leaving the notes and being like, I owe you. Yeah. What the fuck? That's so fucking stupid. That's so fucking stupid. I want to know his plan for paying it back. Like he was just going to say that he was never going to do that because he's fucking douchebag. There's a douchebag thing to do. Also, just like the. What's it called?
01:09:15
Speaker
the um when he's like a oh my god what am i trains ah oh The foreshadowing of like, Oh, this guy tried to jump a building and he died. You can't jump something that big. And it's like, so he's going to jump a building. for sure. David's gonna for sure jump the building by the end of this movie. He jumps her entire apartment into the river that he first fell into, and then they jumped from there into the library that he second jumped into after he accidentally fell into the river. Wow. That's dope. So fucking cool.
Speculative Theories and Book Comparison
01:09:51
Speaker
God. And then also, how did Samuel Jackson get into the library after that? He can't jump. How did he just appear?
01:10:00
Speaker
ah machine for the crat that was under the scar that was that was the machine that was underwater and probably not functioning at that point because it was in a lake or like a river or whatever. maybe that and you can't just like and you can't just like maybe don't say it don't say it don't fucking say it i know yeah exactly what you're that's absolutely not yeah that no that actually makes it better i so i'm tripling down on this movie based on that so you're pitching that
01:10:39
Speaker
Samuel Jackson's character, Roland, is so devout of a paladin because he's self-loathing because he's actually a jumper. Yes. 100 percent. That is what I'm saying. OK, but besides anything except for OK. where where Give me one more example of where that's pop like we get any indication that that could be possible. like he He appears in the library somehow at the end. Okay, so maybe he jumped there. Any other moment in the movie and I'll consider it. Okay, little British guy. Yes. He talks about how he hasn't been able to catch him for years and he doesn't know why. So that in combination with him just showing up in the library,
01:11:26
Speaker
No, that's not good enough. That's not when you think about all the other, like, I've been thinking a lot of explanations. It works. I'm furious. I'm furious about that. I cannot believe that you're legitimately throwing that as a as a ah theory right now. I think it's a good if it came up, it'd be great for the second movie, but also It's just one of those things that's like the ending of a story is not supposed to leave questions. If you want a sequel or a follow up story or the story to continue, you have to leave it off on a cliffhanger. That's like, what's the example? It's like your hero is bat is on the way back to their village from the mission that they completely accomplished and everything is completely tied up, wrapped up in a nice bow, no loose ends. But then they come back.
01:12:27
Speaker
and their village is being burned to the ground. And so it's like everything in the story you just witnessed is answered, but their village is being burned to the down. So what is ah and it? It can end right there and not go forward and be like, so what was the point? If he was like, Oh, like, is it like, there, it's like a thematic reason you could have the village burned down. That's the end. Or it could be like, well, now they got to figure out what's going on with the village. Not is this person also a superhero? Is this person also a thing that could happen? Because if it's like if the next movie opened with Roland jumping to in front of him, being like, you thought I was going to die up in that cave, I would walk out of the movie. I would be so mad. I mean, it's pretty safe to like actually end the story, you know? like They're just experimenting with story.
01:13:22
Speaker
They're experimenting with story. Yes, that is what I'm going with. They are live experimenting with... We need to see the director's cut. That's what we need. If there is a director's cut out there, I would love to watch it. I would legitimately watch that. and See, that tells me that this is a good movie since it at least got you to that point. No, but I'm also still so mad at you and will never forgive you for he's a jumper and he hates himself, and that's why he's so good at being a paladin. I will never forgive you. No, that's like a classic trope. That's definitely- Yeah. That has no basis in the reality of this fucking movie. That doesn't stop it from being true.
01:14:14
Speaker
I understand that it's now I'm gonna read the books to find out. Honestly, if you legitimately text me in a couple days, like They're like, whenever, if you get the comics, I will get the comics and we we should both read them and see what's up. And then we'll you bring you back on for a little bonus episode. That's like, all right, well, now we have more context. and Now that we understand. and We understand the entire world as is laid out in the comics. And I promise you, it's still going to suck this movie. The comics might be good, but the movie is still going to fucking blow because they would, because now it's going to be like, they ruined an amazing story and they fucked it all up. Like.
01:14:54
Speaker
Oh, we'll see. We'll see about that. Yeah. Is it comics or is it a book? Why did I think it was a book? I'm pretty sure it's a comic. Let me double check. But I think it's a comic. Let's see. Where's the buttons? Jumper. ah um ah Click, click, click.
01:15:22
Speaker
That is not how you spell words, okay. There we go.
01:15:30
Speaker
Comic jumper? What? Is there a jumper comic? Nope, that can't be right. Oh, that can't be right at all. That cannot be right. Okay, let me try book.
01:15:51
Speaker
Jumper novel. Okay.
01:15:57
Speaker
Uh, uh, yep. Okay. It is a book, not a comic book. I was, I was wrong. Um, the cover looks like a comic book. Uh, but yeah, it is a, um, Oh damn. Oh shit. The plot on Wikipedia, just the very first sentence is the, okay. So the book is already a lot harder hitting. Uh, so you know how he, uh, jumps because he falls into the river. yeah That's the first time David jumps. Also, apparently he's David Davey, right? So apparently he's called Davey a lot more, uh, which is weird. Uh, he is being physically abused by his father oh god when he jumps, when he jumps for the first time. Uh, but he does jump to the library. So they kept that part. Um, weird.
01:16:50
Speaker
Interesting. Okay. Oh, and he meets Millie at a play when he's 21. Okay. Interesting. This is already wildly different. Yeah, this is so different. Oh, and then Mark, who's the bully was actually her ex boyfriend, not just a bully. Okay. Yeah. See, this is already hitting a lot better. All right. How long is the book? Let's see. It's 344 pages. Easy. That's nothing. Yeah. I'll probably read that now. That's easy. Yeah. We should both read the book. Like it already sounds so much more interesting to be honest. Like it already sounds like a much better story. Uh, like the, kind like, the like, especially like Millie being, um, Millie being a girl, he meets when he's already like an established jumper instead of like, cause cause like, yeah, they're like, why are you bringing this girl in?
01:17:49
Speaker
to this mess yeah that you're in right now. um All right, we're both gonna read the book and then we'll we'll talk about it even further. um I don't think I have any more things to shit on about this movie. like i feel like I feel like I've done everything I can at this point to talk shit about this movie. I mean, okay, hold on. Apparently, it's at least when other people have theorized this Roland thing What? That's a like, that's not just the off the dome Ashley. No bullshit argument. That's like an actual theory that people have been talking about. What if that's what he is in the book? I don't know.
01:18:37
Speaker
I don't know. I'll have to look at it. I'll have to I'll have to sit with that. But I will stand by either way. If you send me, honestly, if you could, if you like no shit, ah send me a like a recap of your deep dive on that theory. I would be so happy. Yes, I can do that. Like that would be don oh, wait, there is a. There is a sequel to the book. Yeah. Called Reflex. Interesting. 10 years after the conclusion of Jumper. All right. But the movie was so bad that they never made another one, which is fine. And that makes sense. um And I'm okay with that. um Yeah, I don't have anything else to say ah to shit on this movie. Do you have anything else to change my mind? You know, no.
01:19:30
Speaker
Good points. I will say, I think we can both agree that if the movie was just a little bit longer or had a sequel, that it could it could have potential to be a good movie. I do have one more thing. And again, this goes to your sequel theory. You're like, this is why they needed a sequel. He throws Griffin in the power lines after they jump around the world while they fight, you know? Um, cause of the bomb or whatever, which was like not a useful plot device in, in the entire movie at all. Like it was, uh, it was like, Oh my God, there's a bomb. They're fighting over the detonator. And then it was just like, okay, well, bombs gone, whatever. It doesn't matter. Um, he throws them into power lines. So he's getting electrocuted and then.
01:20:16
Speaker
That's it. And that's the last time we see Griffin. So is he dead? Does someone come and get him out? Does he get out on his own and comes to hunt him down? Cause he's mad at him now. Like what's, what's going on? Like what, like that, like that was a, that's a pretty big unresolved. Thing in my opinion like just doesn't care like he just kid put him in there and He's like fuck you I'm gonna go I'm gonna go save the love of my life She was always the one I'm gonna go save her now like great Awesome, and this dude just fucked now like he's in an active war zone like I
01:20:52
Speaker
Cause that's like the last place they transport is an active war zone and he like just throws them in some power lines and he's just like getting electrocuted and just like not being able to jump. And also like that will eventually kill him. Someone's going to have to get him out of there pretty soon. Yeah. Like, so you gotta assume like he's probably dead. Roland might still be alive, but Griffin's probably dead. You know what I mean? Yeah. There was just no character development for, for Hayden. Like he would just, or David, whatever. No. No, I hate him. if i hate They just needed to develop, like he just needed to improve a tiny bit. He just goes back to being a complete and total badass. The only difference is he only slays one girl now, dude. He's monogamous as hell once he's got his baddie with him forever. ah fuck it Fuck him. I hate him so much. He cute though.
01:21:48
Speaker
Yeah, he's cute, but that's, again, besides the point. It helps, but it's not enough. It helps, but it's not enough. It's all I can say about him being cute or not, yeah um which he is. um So, I don't know. That's all I got to say about that. um ah i I'm still very much in the camp that it's bad. you can I can win, or we can let the people decide, and I can put up the... put up the roof the the poll on Insta and the people can decide and then we'll know for sure, but I can't i cannot in good conscience revert to it is good now. I mean, I don't think I can fully revert to it is bad because I had some pretty good theories like my Samuel L. Jackson is actually a jumper um right and just hates himself. likeking um I think that's a pretty big plot twist that I'm going to stick with.
01:22:47
Speaker
okay Okay All right, please again do the deep dive and send me the info and then we're both gonna read this book I'll see if I can find it if I could find this book at work and get two copies. I will mail you a copy so you can have for free um I Will I need to I'll set a reminder as soon as we get off I'll set a reminder because I get to work after work tomorrow So like I'll check see if see if I can find it yeah when it work And if there is, I will, I'll send you the first copy and then I'll wait for the second copy. Um, I can't imagine it was a super popular, but you the so like, that means we either have a bunch of it or we have none of it. So there's no in between for this kind of a book. Like we either have a bunch of them because everybody hated it or no, everybody's kept on, kept them because they like it. Um, but we shall see.
01:23:39
Speaker
All right, well, I guess we're going to let the people decide on this one. Some very compelling arguments from yours truly. Some interesting bullshit theories from Ashley, which would make the movie a lot more interesting if there was any evidence to back it up, which Ashley will report back to me, um hopefully. like Just like do a little Google search and be like, yep. There it is. Here's the article. Here's the article I read that said like, I'll happy to read it. Uh, and then we're maybe going to both read the book and we'll go from there. Um, but yeah, I, I'm saying it's bad. She's, you, you sticking with, you sticking with good and, uh, hey, Christian being cute yeah ah is top. Like that's one of the most important things. is I think that was your most important argument or your most reverted back to argument.
01:24:31
Speaker
at least, which is fine. that's a but Again, not you can't dispute that one, you know? And again, it's, it's, it is. Yeah. You can't disagree on that. I will even say you're wrong about that one. Uh, cause it's just a fact. He is. Um, all right. Well, I guess we'll see what happens.
Social Media Plug and Recommendations
01:24:47
Speaker
Um, I'll put that poll out on, uh, Insta, um, that's at bad movie debate all one word all lowercase on Instagram. That's the only social media I use. So hit me up there. If you want to get in on that. um If you want to make Ashley right by default by voting for her and so and voting against me, which is fine. um Do whatever you do. um Follow me on there for that. And um
01:25:16
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I have anything. I don't think I have anything else. Actually, is there anything you want to plug or anything you want to tell people to watch or anything like that? Asia reverted last episode Asia was like, yes, everybody needs to be paying attention to the Drake and ah Kendrick beef because it's the most important thing happening in pop culture and in hip hop right now. Do you have anything that you want people to be paying attention to? Like whether it's pop culture or not related anything at all? Uh, no, my only thing would be Bridgerton. And i I don't think that's a thing for the dudes. So ladies, also watch ri and don't think you need to plug that. Cause most of the people that I know that listen to this show that would watch that show.
01:25:59
Speaker
already watch exactly for sure. Austin watched the entire show and the movies in less than a week, I think, um which is crazy for her. That's a very fast phase, ah fast pace for her to watch an entire three seasons and a movie um of a show. ah So Yeah, I guess watch Bridgerton if you're not already on that. You think you would like historical romance regency where the drama is them watching each other dance and whispering behind each other's backs. That's pretty accurate. Yeah, that was really good. I came in one night from work and Austin was watching a scene and it was a ah orchestral version of wrecking ball playing while they were dancing.
01:26:43
Speaker
It was cutting to the people dancing. I don't know anything about the show. So I don't even ask me who or what or anything. I only know that that was the song playing. um And they were dancing and it was cutting to people talking and talking and then like cutting to people like in other spaces while this was happening and the music was playing. And I was like, what the fuck is going ah ah going on right now? And Austin was like, shut up. This is super intense. And I was like, they're literally just dancing and whispering to each other. And she was like, yeah, you don't understand. And I was like, all right, I'm just going to make some food and let you finish your episode. So if you're into stuff like that, Bridgerton all day, baby. yeah
01:27:21
Speaker
All right. Well, fair enough. That sounds good. ah Do not let me know what you think about Bridgerton. Anybody out there, I do not care. If you like it, great. I will not watch it, um but Ashley recommends it. So you should watch it if you think it's right for you. um All right. Well, that's the end of that. So um good night and goodbye, everybody. Ash will talk to you soon. Okay, cool. All right. Bye. me