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Reign of Fire with Nick Offenbach - We're Sorry
24 Plays1 year ago
If you think this episode is bad, just watch this movie. Join Nick Offenbach and I as we discuss a futuristic dragon movie that was written in less time than it took us to do this episode. It's a rough movie, but we have a good time talking about it!
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Transcript
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00:01:21
Speaker
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you some breaking news. There's been reports all over the area of something crazy going on, something big. People's homes, their minds even, are being taken over by something called... What is it they're calling it? They're calling it Bad Movie of Age!
Jacob Babb's Return and Social Media Choices
00:01:39
Speaker
what up nerds welcome back to bad movie debate this is jacob babb here to do another fun traditional debate episode before we get into that i know i've been a little m i a on uh... episodes and on social media just been super busy um... had a lot going on with uh...
00:01:59
Speaker
weddings and bachelor parties and then I had a little bit of a medical thing that kept me out of commission for about a week, but we're back in the saddle again as they say. But not on TikTok. But not on TikTok, yeah. I tried to make TikTok and I, apparently you can get banned from a platform before you even post anything and they won't tell you why. Um, so hopefully TikTok gets banned, uh,
00:02:24
Speaker
Countrywide, and I don't have to worry about it. So yeah, you know, go ahead, just follow on Instagram. It's the only thing I'm gonna use. So that's fun. Was also kind of trying to figure that out too, instead of focusing on getting content out, but fuck it, we're here to do some content. Like I said, I'm Jacob Abb, y'all know, and with me today I have... Nick Offenbach. Yeah, y'all know Nick. He's been around. Everyone listens to this shit knows me.
00:02:51
Speaker
Yes, every single person that listens to the show, everybody that's been on the show knows you. Um, actually... No, I think every single person that's been on the show knows you. Hey, yeah. Cheers to that. I'll drink to that.
00:03:28
Speaker
let you know once I have them. Don't know. Right before. And I was like, all right, bet. And here we are. I wish that movie, Aragon, was as good as the books. I saw that one on a lot of lists and I was like, there's just no way. No, I refuse to see it. I remember reading the books when I was like four and the movie came out, I was really excited and it was going to be like PG.
00:03:32
Speaker
I'm writing down my dragon movies.
00:03:56
Speaker
I was like, they're not gonna do it the way it's supposed to be done. If it's PG. No, it needs to be at least PG-13. At least. Okay, I think I've... How about you share some of your, uh... No, I want to figure it out. I'm sorry. I'm letting you down right now. I just like, when I googled it, dragon movies. That's exactly what I did. I wasn't... I had some constraints in mind.
00:04:20
Speaker
So many dragon movies that I've never heard of yeah, there's a lot of shit in the dragon movie world apparently I don't think any of them are good Good, but like I mean one of the ones that I'm saying is arguably yeah, but that's not a movie though No, no one of I'm saying is arguably not good, but I love it because it's super fun and entertaining. I'm curious We'll get to it. You need fucking fun I've got four
00:04:45
Speaker
Get four and one of the I did say I'll give you a pass because one of the one dragon is in two movies. So Well You're gonna hate it. Oh, I'm just gonna cop
Dragon Movies and Reign of Fire Discussion
00:04:56
Speaker
out. All right, so I'll take it. They were dragon movies All right, Nick's top five dragon movies hit me with herb for question mark four So one of the the first one and that's in no particular order. Actually, this isn't an order the bottom of the list rain of fire. I
00:05:13
Speaker
It's one of the only dragon movies I've seen oh my god You read more about dragons and fantasy than you watch so I'll then I would go both the Game of Thrones That's my two. That's your two for like House of Dragon and then like actual Game of Thrones Yeah, that's my combo one. Well those are different dragons Well, they're dragon movies. Yeah, but they're different dragons. They're not the same dragon. Oh
00:05:38
Speaker
Yeah, it's the same world though. It's the same world. So I don't really count like count it, but I mean it's fine. I would say it would be my least favorite is what we're going to talk about. And then the Hobbit, although the Hobbit's pretty bad too. Hobbit's pretty shit. You, me and Luke walked out that one when we first went to go see it. I don't know what they did with it, but it looked like because it was all green screen. Yeah, it didn't look right. It wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't good. Yeah.
00:06:05
Speaker
Jackson was like, remember how everybody loves like Lord of the Rings? Cause it's all practical effects and minimal CGI. Let's just do the exact opposite and make one short book into three movies for money. Right? Like, and you get people, I don't blame them, but yeah, it was annoying that you like, you could have done so much better that he still got our money. Cause we left and then we went to go watch that. We walked into the like 10 minutes into like the Jack Reacher fucking, uh, see, I thought we, I thought it was reverse.
00:06:32
Speaker
No, we walked into Tom Cruise's Jack Reacher movie. And then we left to go see The Hobbit. No, no, no, no. We went to go see The Hobbit and we were all hype. You, me and Luke. We were like hype as fuck about it. And then we got in and we were like 20 minutes in and we were like, this is fuck.
00:06:47
Speaker
I don't want to watch this. And then the next closest theater was that Tom Cruise Jack Reacher movie. We were like, fuck it. It's gone. It'll be exciting and entertaining. And we got like, miss like the first 10 minutes and we were all like, Oh, this is pretty good. This isn't that bad. And then the third act started and we were like, and now it's just a Tom Cruise bad movie as always. Give me, give me your two real quick so we don't just rattle them all off.
00:07:11
Speaker
I still think it no. I've got I got my other two well I got my final one nah hit me with your final one final one yeah Shrek Almost put Shrek on mine Shrek is so good the dragon is so fierce and the dragon saves the day Those are my top five dragon. Oh, yeah She's a baddie too, dude like no doubt those are also like oh
00:07:38
Speaker
everything's showing this damsel with the stranger things girl oh yeah that's like really new that's like just horrible it looks terrible yeah to be honest all right yours all right so no particular order uh dragon heart
00:07:57
Speaker
From the 90s 96 with Dennis Quaid and Sean Connery voicing Draco the dragon and it's like this really weird like like kind of like Jim Henson puppet s kind of a dragon thing but also not at the same time It's it's a phenomenal movie, but it's not necessarily what would someone say is good. It's called Dragonheart. It's awesome
00:08:23
Speaker
It's on a few of the lists, it's like at the bottom. It's an awesome movie, it's a lot of fun, but it's like...
00:08:31
Speaker
not what one would consider quality, you know? But I like it. It's a cult classic. And then I got How to Train Your Dragon. See, I wanna see that. I've never seen it. I've heard it's good. Dude, all of them are really good, but you can live with just seeing the first one and being like, I love everything about this story. This is one of the best DreamWorks movie, like another DreamWorks, like Shrek. Like they made Shrek too. So, you know, it's really good. It's a lot of fun.
00:08:58
Speaker
Yeah, it's got 8.1 on IMDB. Yeah, it's a solid fucking movie. And then we got Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. There's very minimal dragons in terms of the whole overarching story, but that 20 to 30 minutes is pretty fucking sick with the dragons, so.
00:09:18
Speaker
nothing wrong
00:09:33
Speaker
It's a lot of fun, and I just love that movie. Very, very nostalgia pick right there. And then my final one is House of the Dragon, the TV show. Austin, I just finished it last week and I was like, this is some of the best dragon content I've ever seen. It's so fucking good, dude. I cannot wait for the next season of that. There was some really fucked up shit. There was some shit where Austin and I were straight up the episode ended and we looked over at each other and we were like, you want me to talk about some fucking tea, dude?
00:10:03
Speaker
It's just like, oh, it's so spicy. So good. I'm seeing here that there are a ton of Dragonheart. There's like a new series. Yeah. There's like Dragonheart 1 through 3, I think. Battle for Hearthstone. Yeah. Which is also the name of that. Oh, OK. Hearthstone's the name of that card game that Kyle plays. Yeah. Which is hilarious. I was like, wait, is that Dragonheart? Just three.
00:10:33
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Three. Yeah. Only the first one. Dragonheart vengeance. No, just just Dragonheart with Dennis Quaid and Sean Connery. A long time till they picked it back up. Ninety six and the next one was twenty seventeen. Yeah, they're trying to get that nostalgia money for sure. I refused. It was a bait and switch, I'm guessing. So as Nick already
00:10:59
Speaker
Not even alluded to, just straight up said, we're talking about rain of fire today. We're talking about rain of fire, Matthew McConaughey, Christian Bale. Sounds good, right? Yeah, and he just out the gate thoughts before we get to the scores and all that good stuff.
00:11:19
Speaker
I wanted it to be good so bad. I wanted it to be so much better. I was really rooting for it. I knew it wasn't going to be good. But the 6.3 on IMDB, I was like, I've seen some bangers rated at 6.3. Yeah, some straight up like 8 out of 10 for me personally. Yeah. With a 6.2.
00:11:35
Speaker
But it is a 6.2. Yeah. This is entertaining. It's worth watching. No. Eh. Like, kind of. On like a rainy, dreary day and you just want some action? Yeah, and you're sick. And you're sick. You gotta be sick. I feel like you really will help. The thing is that, like, I wouldn't... If we weren't doing this right after watching it... Yeah.
00:12:14
Speaker
Yeah, it would all been out of my brain. So this is good that we're doing it. And we'll get into it more deeply here in a second. So as always, scores real quick, Rotten Tomatoes, critic score, 42%. Pretty, pretty fair. What'd they say about it?
00:12:19
Speaker
I don't know if I would have paid attention to that movie.
00:12:30
Speaker
We'll get to it about 49% audience score, which is that's a rare That's a rarity where they're like in agreement. Yeah that that it's like mid as fuck like that's pretty rare IMDB 6.2 and then Metacritic their critic score 39% so Same ballpark same just three away and then their user score 6.2. So everybody is very mid on this movie It's
00:12:57
Speaker
And it's not, they're not wrong. It's not horrible. It's not horrible. There are definitely some key moments and like key like bits and like it's Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale. Like we, who does not like them? You know, like they're good. They have good scenes. Some of the lines are terrible, but they do a good job with them. You know, it's so stupid. Matthew McConaughey in this movie is fucking terribly stupid, but like I liked him, you know, like I was rooting for USA, baby.
00:13:26
Speaker
All right, so let's do some quotes real quick got the good quote here Tom Cog killed cock that Whatever for Seattle Times He said quote as the rich drama plays out rain and fire proves to be a thoroughly taught well-considered fable in the quote This guy loved it He thought it was taught
00:13:55
Speaker
So tight script, tight, good, all that good shit, drama. And as it plays out, and it's a well considered fable, do you think he was talking about specifically the Star Wars reenactment? That was up there for me. That was pretty dope. It was a fun little moment for sure. I don't like that he used the word fable to be honest.
00:14:23
Speaker
I feel like that's a little high class. Nothing got built up enough.
00:14:28
Speaker
to make you care about anything. Yeah, but it's thoroughly taught. It does move quick. Exactly. It's a tight, fast paced script, which I have problems with. And then we got the bad quote. I just love, I love these really short ones. Matt Wolf for the Associated Press, he said, quote, stupid futuristic nonsense, end quote.
00:14:53
Speaker
I love when they're only like two to five sittin's or words long and they're just like fuck this Yeah It is definitely futuristic nonsense. Oh, yeah for sure and it is stupid, but you know, it's kind of fun But to the credit of this movie. Yes is the CGI for 2002 was honestly the best thing the best thing about this movie was how weren't that far off the CGI was from 2002 and
00:15:20
Speaker
Well yeah, the dragons weren't really that far off from Game of Thrones. Yeah, I mean, they're more detailed now, you know, like you, cause they, they can take the time to like do closeups of them and stuff, but even when they did do closeups in this one, like it was good. But the flyby and the fire was solid. Yeah, like that was good. And then they did a really good job with like the practical effects of like the dead one that they come up and on and stuff like that looked good. You know, like it all looked good, you know, it had a decent,
00:15:44
Speaker
Yeah, I think it had like a relatively small budget for, you know, so millions of dollars. Let's find out. Can you check that for me, Jamie? Real quick, thanks. But it all looked good. I was very pleasantly surprised with the CGI, because some of the bad reviews were talking shit about the CGI, and I was like, this is a lot better than I thought. There's a lot of things you can talk shit about in this movie. That's why I didn't use any of those, because I was like, that's a cheap shot. You just didn't pay attention or didn't like it. I paid attention, and I
00:16:19
Speaker
You got it? It has a $60 million budget. Okay. It grossed $82 million. Okay. So it made profit. Yeah. Made profit. $60 million is relatively cheap for a big budget movie with, I mean, 2002, Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale. They're both pretty popular at that point. Christian Bale's what, like five years, six years, seven years away from becoming a Batman. Matthew McConaughey has been doing his thing since Dazed and Confused, like,
00:16:39
Speaker
Kinda liked it.
00:16:47
Speaker
Upon release, it received generally mixed reviews from critics and audiences and was a box office disappointment, grossing far less than expected. Only $82 million.
00:16:58
Speaker
No, yeah, see, but they put 60 million in, so they only got 22 out of it. They thought they were gonna get, like, at least the honey. Yeah, only $82 million on a 60 million budget. Yeah, so they were thinking they were getting a cool honey mill out of this, no doubt. Like, profit. I still feel like making $22 million is pretty good. Not in Hollywood, baby. That's show business, baby.
00:17:19
Speaker
so we already gave him some credit so usually you know there's a we have a pretty hard like you're saying it's good i'm saying it's bad we just watched it again if we didn't talk about it immediately it would be gone from both of our brains immediately because we'd be like i think i just want to rewatch house of the dragon instead like you know so it wasn't bad enough to
00:17:38
Speaker
I don't have a firm stance. I like to viscerally hate it. Exactly. And it'd be so bad that someone thought it was actually great. Exactly. So we're, we're just kind of talking through some points. So I had a good point, which is honestly, I think kind of the worst kind of movie. Exactly. And it's just, uh, it's like, I'm neutral about that. Like that's, that's not ideal in any way, but, um, so we said a good point. CGI was really good. What's a, what's a hard negative point for you?
00:18:05
Speaker
Oh, anytime they open their mouths. Yeah. Dialogue was awful. Absolutely fucking atrocious. And what's the quote you have from the... Oh my god, the magic hour thing? Yeah, this is my biggest thing. So, Matthew McConaughey goes on a whole fucking rant about how he definitely killed a dragon.
00:18:23
Speaker
And he's like, you know, he's like, yeah, this is how we did it. Like, you know, like I'm from Kentucky, you know, of course. Fucking mad at the guys. Of course he is. Their visions. Excellent during the day. Yeah. But not their vision is even better. Yeah. So what do they do? Apparently.
00:18:39
Speaker
at sunset, um, which in film, magic hour is the best time to shoot because everything's nice and pretty and golden and stuff for like two hours and stuff. Apparently that also coincidentally is the best time to kill dragons in this movie because they get confused as the sun is setting.
00:18:54
Speaker
Yeah, so this is like what, 17 minutes into the movie? They're setting the tone of when the battles are gonna happen. It's one of the first thing Matthew McConaughey says. Like it's his opening scene. And they didn't fight once. They didn't have a single fucking magic hour thing. I had written down... Not even when they killed the one at the end. Do you think the bull, yeah, like the guy, like the male one, like that's when it would have been. And like that's what I wrote down. I was like, wow, they are...
00:19:20
Speaker
Slapping us in the face being like you're too stupid to realize this about magic hour and filmmaking You're gonna be like wow what a beautiful scene and we're even gonna say the word magic hour You're like wow what a great scene and I'm like I already preemptively wrote down cool shots for that scene They do the final battle at like 10 a.m. On Sunday and it's fucking London's like old foggy London like and it's just fucking dreary It just looks like London
00:19:49
Speaker
It just looks like London, but you know, it's been destroyed by fire. Like, it's just like, it's just fucking so disappointing. That's the thing I'm the most mad about. I'll take the dialogue over that. Like, yeah, it's like, I was, I was ready for it. I was ready for it at sunset. They're going to come out during the day. I thought the whole like.
00:20:13
Speaker
The first time that was really stupid. He's like we're going to London It was like the big thing that like break up the camp and everything. Yeah, and they go like Three miles down the road. Yeah, apparently London is very close Yeah, and then the dragging on the stage drive and just kills everyone except for Matthew McConaughey And some girl in a helicopter. Yeah, but she was in the helicopter So I'll get on that but everyone but Matthew McConaughey because he hid under the tank and
00:20:40
Speaker
But it still showed the shots of fire going underneath the tank. And he's just like, wow, man, this is fucking crazy out here. And it's just like, all right, thank you, Matthew. Back in Austin. Yeah, back in Austin, you know.
Matthew McConaughey's Role in Apocalyptic Films
00:20:56
Speaker
Oh, God. God bless him. And then the other issue I have with it, and I just have this issue with pretty much any apocalyptic movie where they have the macho bald dude who comes in. And he's like, I'm mean and tough. I'm bald.
00:21:09
Speaker
That somehow is like smooth shade bald the entire time. The entire time. No hair bro. He makes me so mad. He takes time out of his day to shave his head every fucking morning. In the apocalypse. During the apocalypse. Yeah, it's just like come on. I already have long hair. I would I would not give a single until it became an actual problem. I would not be worrying about my hair or my facial hair or anything like that.
00:21:34
Speaker
No, they all look too clean every single Christian Bale looked a little raggedy. Gerard Butler looked like so straight out of like rom-com Gerard Butler. Yeah. Oh, and he got killed. His death scene. Nick, will you please describe his death scene and the disappointment of it?
00:21:52
Speaker
It's just in a hallway. It's just hilarious. We've got Christian Bale, the leader of this tribe. And then Matthew McConaughey, the American that shows up, is like, I can kill a dragon. And then there's the other star power, Jard Baller, and it's like, he's dying. Yeah, he's for sure. He's Christian Bale's second in command of this little castle that they've taken over. For sure he's done.
00:22:21
Speaker
It was so boring. He's like ran into a hallway and the dragon's coming and there's like, oh, there's fire coming down the hallway. All the kids are in the shelter. Christian Bale's like, I'm going to go put out the fires of the castle and Gerard Butler's like, no, I'll do it. You need to stay here. You're the leader. And he's like, okay, do it and do it, do it well or whatever. Bullshit.
00:22:39
Speaker
and then like probably the dialogue honestly literally off the dome like that could have been just like that and runs down the hallway fire starts coming he turns around goes oh and then fucking door slams as he bursts into flame christian bale has a panic attack in front of all of these kids i thought it was going to be more ceremonious it was going to be like
00:22:59
Speaker
like he's like he saves his life kind of thing like maybe he said like not even like he saves his life but like it'd be like I was expecting or like hoping for again star power here Christian Bale was on the come up here you hadn't been Batman yet but Gerard Butler had been around he'd been a bunch of stuff Christian Bale had done his chops and stuff and I thought was gonna be like
00:23:19
Speaker
draw butler like sacrifices himself and as he lays like charring and stuff they have a little like intense handshake thing and like Christian Bale is just weeping.
00:23:34
Speaker
Like something like that like an intimate moment thing. Nope. He just gets fucking the entire community It's like fuck like this sucks. Yeah Yeah, and then immediately yeah, they go out Everyone dies except for Matthew McConaughey, then they come back We kill the other guy immediately and then after that it's just
00:23:56
Speaker
we're going to London. Yeah. After Christian Bale was like, you're not taking any of my men to London. And he's like, okay, fine. I won't. And he comes back and he's like, can we please take some of your men to London? Cause the bull is here now. Well, like the bull. So like the whole theory is like, like fish. So first of all, it's like, there's, uh, millions, millions of dragons at the very beginning. It's like, there's millions of dragons released and we were all like,
00:24:21
Speaker
and they all came out of this tunnel underground in London while digging in a subway. Yeah, some shit like that, but like, millions of them apparently. Apparently they were all female except for one, and they work like fish, where like, the women drop their eggs, and then homeboy comes, and he just does his business, and then fertilizes them, and that's why it's like, when you take down one, like, 10 more show up. Cause like, he's like, doing all that. And this is also like, explained in,
00:24:49
Speaker
15 seconds at a random part give or take and then barely mentioned again except for the fact They're just like okay, so we just got to take out the one dragon So that's how they get out of like there's millions of dragons races be like we only have to take out the one and the rest will just die off because they won't be able to reproduce and we and the women the like female ones are like much smaller and easier to take down than this one giant crazy bull like male one that's just like jerking off
00:25:17
Speaker
on all these eggs and stuff all over the world apparently but of course he's in London where it all started getting down the road from Christian Bale's castle if they're halfway through writing this and they're like we gotta figure out how they're gonna kill yeah they're like oh wait you're taking a you're taking 45 minutes off of the runtime fuck we gotta we gotta cut a lot of deeper explanation and stuff people know about fish yeah I like fish I still like fish I lay the eggs you know that's how fish reproduce everybody knows that's common knowledge that's easy perfect yeah they teach it in second third grade something like that it's fine it's fine
00:25:46
Speaker
It's PG-13, second graders can't even go. Everybody over the age of 13 knows how fish fuck. Like, okay, like, I'd like a little more, like it's still dumb. Cause what was Antene saying? She was kind of frustrated about, cause it's supposed to be post-apocalyptic. Was she mad that there was too much technology or not enough in her opinion for 18 years? Oh, also this takes place in 2020, which, uh, you know, there was
00:26:10
Speaker
a mild apocalyptic thing that was less exciting, but also just as bad. I don't know if it was just as bad as the dragons. Like there was no one left in the world. Yeah, true. And they'd use nuclear weapons on the drug. It was pretty rough for everybody, I think from top to bottom. But so that's just kind of funny coincidence. But yeah, so was she mad that there was not enough or too little? I can't remember what she said. She felt like it was too fast for them to go back to like being nuns. Yeah. Yeah. And like monks. I don't think it's fast though.
00:26:40
Speaker
I think it makes, again, millions of dragons. Like in five years, there's millions of them again. Yeah, the whole world ending was like a 30 second intro screen. And there also wasn't a single nod to 9-11.
00:26:59
Speaker
Yeah, I guess all happens in 2002. Yeah, and there's no like, well, I mean, it's technically it takes place in England. So who cares? Well, come on, everyone cared. I mean, yeah, but the Americans can build them out in this movie again. It's like, come on, figure it out.
00:27:16
Speaker
everything Matthew McConaughey does just makes you want to chant USA to be completely honest and he's really good at playing that kind of character but I don't want him to play that kind of character because he's a better actor than that you know but like but it was very entertaining at the same time but during the montage of like what happened and stuff and like firefighters like
00:27:36
Speaker
put out fires and stuff I swear to god some of that footage that they like they like make like 50% opaque and like just like kind of quickly like they definitely had that like classic shot unlike the cover of like for the half the building oh yeah I'm like there's like it's just dragons like I'm like there's definitely some 9-11 like recovery like footage going on in the background of this and they're just gonna gloss over it so fast so that was kind of
00:28:01
Speaker
weird but also bad but like yeah it's kind of weird i don't know but it was like it kept you in it it did keep you in it and here's part of why i think that was because we because like the movie came up and it was like a film by um
00:28:19
Speaker
Bauman Rob Bauman, I think it was yeah, or is it Bowman? Anyway, I was Nick was like do we recognize that name like who's this guy and I was like I think I actually do recognize that name and I looked it up and he was a producer on The X-Files back in the day and stuff and I was like, okay Yeah, I've definitely seen his name in like the opening credits not his finest word the X-Files watch X-Files instead, baby
00:28:41
Speaker
all day all day anything over or nothing over x-files honestly but uh anyway the fucking so I recognized his name and I was like okay so you worked on the x-files maybe there is some potential here and then as I was watching it I was like I'm seeing x-files type storytelling and x-files type like
00:29:11
Speaker
shooting and like just like shot like cinematography and like editing and stuff like that and for me it was kind of a false flag because I was like it's gonna get better because this is kind of how some of the bad episodes of the x-files go but by the end you're like man that was great fucking x-files what a fun monster of the week episode like it's not good but like it's it's still fun this one was
00:29:37
Speaker
Little disappointing throughout I had hopes it was bad, and it was bad, and it kept being bad Yeah, and I had hopes that like the end I was like alright would like we're going to London now. Yeah It's gonna get interesting and then they get off the plane or another plane the helicopter and Matthew McConaughey has like a like 13th century battle axe yeah
00:30:02
Speaker
I was just like, oh. And crossbows, baby. It's like, come on. Yeah, the cross, but they had the crossbows with like the C4 explosives on the front. Yeah, exactly. That was cool. We should have been using those way often. Is that the beginning scene where the dragon comes over and he's shooting a shotgun at it? Yeah, with when the bull first shows up on the way to London the first time. Yeah, and he's just like,
00:30:22
Speaker
Yeah, with like a sawed-off trendshot gun, shooting at the sky. Like, are you trying to get it to come to the entire convoy that you're standing in front of? What are you doing? It's like the weaponry choices just look cool while walking and wasn't practical at all for what he had. Yeah, it was impractical of what they were doing. Literally the fucking crossbows with the fucking C4 on the end of it made so much more sense.
00:30:47
Speaker
Like, and was like, honestly kind of fucking rad. Like, you know, um, cause like I did appreciate that. I thought they did, I know, I know Antene had her qualms with it, but I thought they did a decent job of like blending like a traditional, like, um, like I could see the vision of like a King Arthur, British dragon fantasy type story with like a more modern kind of a thing, you know, and like using the modern type of technology with
00:31:15
Speaker
like some old-school cuz like at the end like Christian Bale they obviously went like and everything Christian Bale he uses a he uses a bow and arrow no it was a crossbow the crossbow still I mean that's still middle they had the crossbow with the c4 on it yeah and he fucking shoots it down the fucking dragons throw it one shot easy as fuck which also is a whole but also the one that Matthew McConaughey got off on the tower before he basically just like
00:31:42
Speaker
Saka sui to himself. He literally saw you say it Second sui Saka sui you stab yourself in the stomach. Oh, it's a buku. It's a buku buku is when you like honor kill Saka sui from
00:31:56
Speaker
Sakasui sounds like a like a sushi restaurant. Probably got a halfway decent California rule. I don't know. Just write that down.
00:32:14
Speaker
his c4 thing did serious damage on it and he was like the only way you can hurt is if you hit it at the chest he did not do that no one hit it at the chest actually I guess if you like shoot it down the mouth Christian Bale hit it in the inside of the chest that'll work so I mean technically so that's even better but uh
00:32:32
Speaker
But so at one moment, so with Matthew McConaughey, uh, uh, yeeting himself off to try to like kill this thing off the, he also just suddenly was shirtless. I literally got up to like move something off the table. Took like 10 seconds. I turned around and he was shirtless. And like, after I was like, what happened? And they were like, one scene that you had a shirt on, they cut to Christian Bale, they cut back to him. It was off. Like that's all that happened. And I was like,
00:33:00
Speaker
Thought they'd at least try to have an explanation like maybe you got like it was on fire and you had to rip it off No, nope, they're like no, but apparently they're leaving that up to us to figure out I'm super fucking cut he is very cut this movie and he's got like all these crazy fucking like tattoos Which you know is a whole other thing but
00:33:28
Speaker
I don't know. I just feel like the entire thing moved too fast and also just like I feel like the entire thing moved too fast from Well, you say nothing like first of all the whole them going down and stealing food And then the dragons coming leave. Yeah. Yeah, also just like didn't really make a lot of sense. Yeah
00:33:54
Speaker
No, I mean, there was very little that made a lot of sense. This is like, oh, they're stealing food. Also, why is there suddenly a dragon here? Okay, if we're gonna start with, if we're gonna talk about things that don't make sense in this movie, let's go back to the very beginning of the movie when a young Quinn is at the construction site of his mom, who's an engineer, where they find the dragons in the first place, right? They're all wearing hard hats, all the adults are. He talks to his mom, who's the head engineer and has a hard hat on.
00:34:23
Speaker
Doesn't make him put a hard hat on us. He's underground in this dangerous construction site. That's number one. Number two, some random guy who's apparently like a piece of shit working on. He's like a grunt. He's like, yeah, kid, you go into that weird hole. I don't want to go in there. Don't take a hard hat. Anyway, that's what the dragons are. And they first come out and then the dragon spit in the eye. It spits in his face. I was expecting like he was going to have like some like connection with the dragon. Yeah, exactly. We kind of thought that like that would honestly be more entertaining than what actually happened. But also like what in the dragon just fucking eat him or kill him. It's been starving for.
00:34:53
Speaker
or maybe i just like didn't know how to use it's fire yet because they've been asleep forever then why wouldn't it eat him if it's been laying there and sleep starving it's just confused maybe
00:35:04
Speaker
I'm very confused when I first wake up, but I know I'm fucking hungry when I wake up. You know what I mean? Nothing went well. I was hoping that we were going to see the mother's skeleton. To get back into London, they have to crawl through the tunnels that she was working on. He's like, I know some tunnels because that's where my mom died. I know the underground and I know the skies.
00:35:29
Speaker
They have to go right where her cage is, and it's like... It's just this eight-year-old's memory. He has a tiny little, like, panic, like, of, like, this is where my mom died in this cage and stuff. And I was like, damn, are they about to show this skeleton? No, of course not. And, uh, fucking, uh... It was probably burned. Probably. But, like, it's still a skeleton, you know? But, uh, no, she didn't get burned.
00:35:50
Speaker
I mean, maybe at this point. Yeah, that's what I'm saying at this point. Fair enough. Yeah, because he just kind of like shook the cage up and it's 18 years later, man. His mom had a hard hat on and it shook the fucking thing and it killed her, but it didn't kill him. And he didn't have a hard hat on. And he didn't have a fucking hard hat on.
00:36:03
Speaker
The government's just trying to hurt you, man. Fucking absurd. Yeah, Osha's bullshit. Do whatever you want on your job site. But, uh, but then, uh, what's his fate? I don't even... Are you seeing those, like... Sorry. Well, I was just saying, I don't even remember fucking Matthew McConaughey's name in the movie. Like Van... Van Fan? Van Flan? Uh, like Derek Van... Something. Yeah, like I... Derek Van Winkle, I don't know. Sure. Uh, it was Van Zand.
00:36:28
Speaker
Van's and Van's and but like a Christian Bale has like a little moment of being like this is where my mom died and he's like hey, uh Get over it like dragons coming. Yeah, but no, he says like no, he's like he's like use it. Use your pain Like that and he's like I was like, all right lead I follow. Yeah
00:36:50
Speaker
captain and a what what great dialogue that was the only character development the entire movie yeah and then but they got it through very quick action scenes and no actual talking and hanging out last time they saw each other they were in a fight where Van Zand was definitely gonna kill Christian Bale Matthew McConaughey was gonna kill Christian Bale
00:37:30
Speaker
but surviving together. I just lost my best friend. You want to be a new friend? Like, hey man, all my 200 military friends are all dead. 10 fucking seconds. But you know, you, me and this hot girl are definitely going to go save the world together, just the three of us. Yeah, my girlfriend and my girlfriend. Yeah.
00:37:38
Speaker
and then they leave, they get fucked, they come back, the bulls there, and then their best buds out of nowhere.
00:37:49
Speaker
Yeah, they obviously get together. Like as soon as she showed up when we were watching it, I was about to be like, there she is. There she is. That's what he ends up with at the end of the movie. And sure. And of course, and of course, she's an archangel. She's an archangel. That's what her designation is on the
00:38:09
Speaker
Which is supposed to be like these badass dragon slayers But then the like moment she actually has to do anything she was like freaking out Yeah, she gets out of the helicopter is on the ground and she goes full-on like damsel in distress damsel in distress. Yeah, like
00:38:27
Speaker
I'm so strong man. Oh, no, help me Christian Bay. I'm not supposed to be here. I shouldn't be here I thought I was gonna be in a helicopter, you know, like a safe way more dangerous with dragons She was flying the hell out of that thing, you know, she's good at flying it but like dragons, you know can fly better than Yeah, like I would assume and yeah how they got over to United States was miss misleading and
00:38:53
Speaker
or how they got from the United States. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, because I thought he said we came over on a two engine plane, like 10 tanks, four tanks, helicopter. You were like, no, he said that came over on a plane that only had two engines. And I was like, or two engines were out, two engines were out. So it's like, OK, so that means so I'm assuming it was one of those big honky motherfuckers. But also fuel was never an issue.
00:39:16
Speaker
it was an issue when he when matthew mcconaughey first showed up he's like we're here at your castle to get fuel and they're like literally play acting scenes from star wars and using candles as light and stuff and he's like yeah we got tons of gas yeah like so yeah we gotta have it and then get out of here and fill up your five tanks on the helicopter so you're not using generators to have actual lights like candles man you have a couple of lights that you actually use and that's it so for the sprinklers also
00:39:45
Speaker
Okay, actually, you know what? That actually does make sense that it might be for their sprinklers and stuff. Point the movie. Maybe we're swinging, maybe the pendulum is swinging back. And going right back to the bad side. Nick, as you pointed out.
00:40:02
Speaker
Christian Bale's got a horse. He's got one horse. He has a fucking horse. The random one horse after all the cars got blown up. And it's just like, it's like, Oh, don't worry. Come here. Bullseye. Yeah, exactly. Like, let's like, yeah. Hi-ho, silver away. That's like, cool. But like, aren't we like desperately short on food? Yeah, see the whole thing. How are you going to like a horse? You have a horse. Horses eat like a significant, they weigh a lot. Like grass. And they were just like living in a dirt field.
00:40:26
Speaker
Yeah. So I don't understand where the horse is being kept. Ashfield. Ashfield. They thrive off of the ash. That's what they eat. That's what they eat. He doesn't care about us. They also eat us. Like and stuff. Yes. Fucked up, dude.
00:40:40
Speaker
It didn't make any sense. I don't know. We don't need to get too deep into, like, the wrong, the, like, wrongness of, like, the dragon lore stuff, because that's a, that's a long conversation. But we did watch it. They did do dragon lore bad. And there was, like, I guess the first, like, 30 minutes of the movie. I was like, please, there's good, but I'm trying to watch this. Yeah, there was hope here. And then it was like an hour and I was like,
00:41:08
Speaker
saying it we're done here yeah we might as well be done here like if you and me were just watching this for shits and gigs we would have definitely turned it off now we would have finished it but then we would have watched something good after oh what's the name of that movie it's not geostorm
Reign of Fire Recap and Critique
00:41:28
Speaker
Geostorm, that's a great movie. Geostorm is good. Chardella. Chardella. Yeah, exactly, man. He never misses. What's the one we did last time? Fuck it. What's up, the core? The core, that's what I was thinking. Hey, if you want to watch the game, I did get it in 4K. Let's see, it's a good movie, dude. I didn't even think they would take the time to put that movie on 4K, and it came in at work. Oh, that's an excellent film. It came in at work with some guy, hundreds of 4K movies all at once. I guess maybe somebody died.
00:41:56
Speaker
brought them all in and stuff but like i got a bunch out of there and i was like i can't believe they even made this in 4k i'm definitely buying it so if you ever want to rewatch it i got you bud because i had to get it of course but uh yeah i don't know man it's like
00:42:10
Speaker
What are we at? We're at 41 minutes. There's just not a lot in this movie. I feel like I want to like, it's like, okay, I've been taking a break. Like let's have a good like hour, 15 minute long episode at least. And I'm like, I don't know how we can do it. I really want to. I feel like there's other stuff I wanted to say, but like, we can give you like a rundown of how this movie goes. So you don't have to watch it.
00:42:34
Speaker
Do you want to do that? Do you want to kind of just like do a fun little quick like well, it's we've got how they wrote the movie where they're like Yeah, and then the kid goes and he doesn't have a hot hat I don't think the hard hat was like
00:42:46
Speaker
it was
00:43:07
Speaker
Bolts for his fucking yeah, like hospital the shotgun sawed off didn't work You're gonna get that close like and be that's gonna be the blowing strike. This isn't fucking Dungeons and Dragons It's not gonna work and even in Dungeons and Dragons people have fucking arrows and magic where they can blast they can go lightning bolt from like Like 60 feet away objects in your heart
00:43:29
Speaker
Nope, you know where it is. That sunset, baby. That sunset, baby. But we're never, we're not gonna do anything in the sunset for the rest of this movie. We'll never see it. All right, so, yeah, let's do, let's just do a quick, like, we can do, we can probably do this movie in 10 minutes, play by play. So, do you wanna take the first, the first moment, the inciting incident? Yeah, we have a kid who lost, who's got papers that he's afraid to show his mom. Yes. He goes down into this mine,
00:43:58
Speaker
through like all these people yes the first thing she asked this eight-year-old London yeah and the first thing she asked us like nine-year-old right would you say he's like nine yeah give attack is have you been smoking yeah cuz some guys made a quip about giving him cigarettes yeah on the way down he didn't say he was trying to quit yeah which is good which is good comeback that's right humor I'll give him that yeah and then she's like we're gonna lose $2,000 in scholarship money
00:44:25
Speaker
And it's like, hey, here's this hole in the wall, crawl in there. So he goes in there. And I know what you're thinking. What about this scholarship money? It doesn't matter. Yeah, it does. They literally talk about it for 30 seconds. It didn't seem like the $3,000 was going to hurt her that bad. Yeah, she seemed fine with it.
00:44:40
Speaker
Or she's trying to get rid of him like yes, I've done that whole like we can't afford this anyways He's like oh these look like scales This is cool, and then a dragon wakes up and like spits in his face, and then he gets out yeah runs to mom They're all like we gotta leave they get on the elevator to leave The dragon climbs up it somehow the mom is dead the kid is fine
00:45:06
Speaker
And then we're in a castle and then we cut to a quick little montage of like Christian Bale one million dragons. About one million dragons have taken over planet earth and we're in a post-apocalyptic setting now and that's what we're doing. Yada, yada, yada. And now it's 2020 baby. And Christian Bale is the leader of a like, I don't know, there's probably like maybe like 60 people, 60 to 80. And immediately someone's like, we've had it. We're leaving. Yeah. There's food out there.
00:45:35
Speaker
Yeah and he's like okay well fuck you I'm not letting you go I'm gonna take the keys and then he takes the keys and then of course cut to a dragon starts to come and they're like this random woman comes up and is like Quinn and he looks the field and he looks up at her and he just immediately knows this family went out into the goddamn field to steal the fucking food before they left and they stole the truck too.
00:45:59
Speaker
So the dragons come, kill them, but like they save some of them, they get back inside, they have a little bitch fit, and then Matthew McConaughey and a bunch of tanks show up, and then he lets them in and they're all like,
00:46:15
Speaker
Yeah, we just want your shit. And then the dragon comes and they're all like the Americans are like, we got this shit. Yeah. Easy. And they go out and they do take care of business. Yes. Christian Bale comes in as a substitute because one guy dies. Yeah.
00:46:31
Speaker
And then Matthew McConaughey with his horse and Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, that's where the horse came in Matthew McConaughey You have to imagine that because they don't tell us this that he's like, you know what? Maybe this queen guy ain't that bad Yeah, there we are to just assume that but then they kill the dragon and then even though there People going out into the cornfield earlier and during the day alerts the dragons. Yep. There's a million of them. Yeah, I
00:46:55
Speaker
They have fucking like searchlights going off around the building. They're blasting music big fire having a party really pass What playing Jimmy fucking Hendrix like sick fucking song fucking shred, but it's loud as fuck fucking yeah, yeah Search lights going on fire and the dragon see better at night, right? They're drawn towards ash lighten up their whole fucking thing. Yeah billowing smoke. Yeah others like
00:47:22
Speaker
We did it, we killed one dragon. Matthew McConaughey comes in and is like, y'all disgust me. Yeah, y'all are disgusted. We got one dragon. I got three, I got three men dead for one dragon. Yeah. Y'all go on and celebrate. Yeah, go ahead. And then Christian Pale's like, damn, he's right. He's right. And now, and then, you know what? Maybe that Van Zandt guy ain't that bad. Yeah, he's got what's going on. And then what happened after that? Then it's, uh,
00:47:52
Speaker
I feel like then it's hard. Oh yeah, then it's like we're going to London. Yeah, hard cut too. We're going to London and then the fish thing. The fish thing. And he's like, I need men. And Christian Bale is like, fuck you. You're going to bring it back. Yeah. Fuck you. You're hot. Y'all got to go. I don't want to go to London. You can't take any of my people. You're going to bring it back here. Y'all can suck it. There's that weird thing about the kid who's like, I'm going. Well, it's a.
00:48:21
Speaker
Matthew McConaughey is outside like trying to like get beat. Oh, I know you're right He's like I'm going and he's like, no, you're not and then jar I butlers like we got to go outside because he's trying to recruit people Yeah, then they were recruiting people and nobody signed Christian Bale doesn't let anybody go because after they get into a fistfight And then they and then the convoy rolls out. No, no British people just the Americans that showed up and
00:48:44
Speaker
all of them die except for Matthew McConaughey and the blonde girl absolutely absurd way uh yeah everyone died except for the highest-paid actors yes and then um they come back like you were right you were right no no no the bull gets there first yeah yeah he goes in and kills getting attacked and then they lose your color yeah and then hot girl and um oh yeah they're trapped in the room and then yeah
00:49:09
Speaker
Yeah, and they're really like they're like that they do the What is Arnold Schwarzenegger? Fucking handshake in their minds and they're all good and then we're going to London We're going to London and just but just three of them. Yeah, and apparently there's no and then he there's only children only children and Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale and this woman. Yeah, so then they get in their helicopter and they go to
00:49:37
Speaker
Just fly to London then, no problems at all with the millions of dragons. Absolutely no fucking problems. They get to London and they're staking it out from across the River Thames. For a second. A second. And then there's literally, like you know like in the opening of the old OG Scooby Doo, Where Are You, where they go up like the opening, like the Scooby Dooby Doo, Where Are You kind of thing. And like the bats come out of the house and stuff, like there's like hundreds of bats that come and then the song starts. That happens but with dragons.
00:50:06
Speaker
just flying out towards them and stuff, but then they see that the bull, the male, eats one of the female ones and they're like, they must be desperate. They're eating their own. They're hungry, they're starving. They're eating their own. Oh yeah, and I guess from this whole thing we forgot to point out that Christian Bale's whole philosophy is that we're just gonna outlast the dragons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not about attacking them, it's defense, the best offense is a good defense, kind of a thing, you know, basketball. But then he's like,
00:50:33
Speaker
I've had enough defense. I can't do this. Yeah, and they go out Matthew McConaughey ends up shirtless and like jumps off like The woman gets scared. Yeah, she is scared out of the helicopter. Yeah She's like completely switches character you completely switches from like a badass to suddenly like I need you Yeah to be like I can't do this alone. Please save me strong man Which is absurd and infuriating in its own right especially when with
00:51:00
Speaker
how we got here exactly with how we got here it was like she was the opposite the entire time the entire time she was like in the last 15 minutes like in like stone cold and like let's go she's like shit i'm gonna need a husband here yeah like i can't it looks like things are turning up pretty bad like she's like everything's gonna be just fine i can see and christian bale is hot so you know i gotta i gotta be all desperate and weak because you know like
00:51:25
Speaker
And then McConaughey jumps off a building with an axe trying to kill the dragon. After he unsuccessfully killed it by shooting it directly in the chest like he told them to do. But it didn't work. Yeah, and then Christian Bale was like, I'm gonna shoot it too. And then he's like, oh, fuck, I forgot my arrows. He loses his arrows somehow. So an extra, you know, minute. That adds an extra couple minutes, yeah. He gets the arrow. Yeah. And then he shoots the dragon down the throat. And then it's a happy ending. We haven't seen him in three months. The French are on the radio. Three months later, they're making a signal. And then the kid...
00:51:53
Speaker
The kid takes over. Yeah, comes up and is like, we got a signal. He's like, okay, what's the problem? And he's like, he's like, well, they're speaking French. And he's like, well, I don't speak fucking French. So, uh, whatever. And he's like, well, they want to talk to the leader. And he's like, well, that's you kid. Fucking keep him on the line. And like, maybe we'll get some good wine out of it. We haven't seen dragons in three months. I'm getting laid. I don't give a fuck about anything anymore. And very slow fade to black.
00:52:20
Speaker
and that's it and then some like intense like like kind of like what is it like finger 11 type song yeah if you're listening to this you're like okay
00:52:35
Speaker
That was probably a horrible description of the movie and I'm gonna tell you that that description is Just as good as the movie there was the only thing that we did different than the three writers that made this screenplay that wrote the screenplay is They had a third person there to shout out a couple ideas and things that we might have missed just now and
00:53:01
Speaker
That was the movie. That's how bad the movie is, is that we just... I wanted it to be good. That guy has 10 more minutes. I really wanted it to be good. I really did too, man. Like you said it and I was like, I like was like, you know, getting the quotes and stuff this morning and I was like, I don't know, man, like...
00:53:18
Speaker
like seems like it'll be fun like it seems like it's like worth the worst kind of movie cuz like it wasn't horrible but it wasn't bad enough to like laugh at it being bad geostorm is better than this baby geostorm is a better watch than this awesome
00:53:37
Speaker
You're talking about geostorm or the core. I'm talking about geostorm. I think geostorm is great. Okay, the core is better than the end. The core is better than geostorm. We can take out our enemies any way you want. There's like some thought into the plot. I mean, yeah, but okay, so there's a difference between good thought and bad thought and stuff like that.
00:53:59
Speaker
Some time in the near future maybe Geostorm because I have some strong opinions about why geostorm is not good is but it is more fun than this guy that and we wouldn't Yeah, and we wouldn't be able to Go over the entire movie in 10 minutes. It's more. It's more complex. There's a lot more moving pieces But I just don't think two brothers should have that kind of a relationship outside of certain websites
00:54:26
Speaker
Wait, what? Two brothers? Yeah, Geostorm, Dry Butler, and his younger brother, they have a very intense, emotional relationship. There was one moment in the movie when you and I were watching it and we were like, they're motherfucking kids, they're motherfucking kids, and they're straight up brothers. And I was like, we were like, and I was like, okay. Just step brothers. Did one of them get stuck in a dryer? Is that what's happening?
00:54:55
Speaker
We'll talk about that one another time anyways, but yeah anyway rain of fire sucks I think that was pretty apparent from even before we started watching it Like you were like you were like I got my top five dragon movies Like no particular actually yes particular order this first one. I'm gonna say is the worst one Like that it's phenomenal watch more dragon movies I
00:55:19
Speaker
I want to watch more dragon movies too because the issue though is that this is like a highly rated dragon movie I mean it's on like every like top 10 or top 20 list I saw it was on there as like yeah you got to watch this movie it's fucking awesome and I'm like it's not even good bet it's not even geostorm like good bad
00:55:39
Speaker
like bad good like it's not even that it's just straight up bad it has it because there's nothing really fun about it it toes the line between being just good enough to be like it's like if you just did a little bit more work it could have been like actually honestly if you added 20 minutes you can make it better and that's a big thing and like i've been saying that for a while uh like i mean i'm saying for a really long time in general but like also on the show like people
00:56:03
Speaker
have longer attention spans than Hollywood things. Like we will watch a movie. I will. I would go watch a four hour movie in theaters if I could get like a 15 minute intermission to go to the bathroom, get a refill on snacks or like a drink or something. I would totally go to a theater and watch a four hour movie. No problem. And have absolutely no issue with it and be like focused the entire time. You don't need to cut
00:56:27
Speaker
Explanation and so many things like like you don't like I need I want that like you need to make it make sense And if you need I didn't care about any character exactly like even if it's as simple as fucking character development Like I don't care. I we literally had like it took us like a minute to figure out what the fuck Matthew McConaughey's name was and I'm only like 80% sure we're right. I don't know the first one, but it was Van Zandt and her name
00:56:54
Speaker
like the girl's name? I don't know. No, gun to my head. Just, just. And then Quinn. Quinn. And then Gerard Butler was Creedy. Creedy. Everybody else did not have names. Yeah. Or if they did, they died immediately, so. And there was the, uh, oh, Eddie. Uh, Joffrey Baratheon.
00:57:12
Speaker
Oh yeah, Joffrey shows up for like a cool five seconds. He's like the size of a beer can. Yeah, exactly He's got his big old when I say I was like, I recognize that square-headed blue-eyed motherfucker anyway Yeah, we're all like, wait a minute. Yeah, we're like, hold up, hold up. Love him. He honestly like in his
00:57:30
Speaker
Honestly, his 20 seconds of screen time was the most emotion in the entire movie. There have been a lot of people who died in this movie. This movie helped get him Game of Thrones. No doubt in my mind, because he's incredible in his 20 second, no dialogue, uncredited role in this movie. The only reason he was on IMDB on there is because it's him.
00:57:54
Speaker
and what he did after and they're like yeah he's in this movie like that is him like we'll put it on there now like unknown it says uncredited it's and his name was kid that kid it was uncredited uncredited it like so like in the credits he's not there when it first came out but then this fucking uh uh gleason i can't remember his first name and it's just it's just him like fucking lit as hell uh yeah so this movie fucking blows man like don't watch it don't watch it literally just like
00:58:23
Speaker
listen to this episode we gave you all the goods and stuff and like honestly it's kind of even fucking crazy too it's like cuz like oh yeah let's force this like relationship into it and they don't even fucking kiss no don't even kiss at the end they walk away holding hands
00:58:40
Speaker
And that's the most emotional, like, physical touch. And it's like, it's PG-13, guys. Let's tell the line a little bit. Let them have an intense, like, in London when they're having the battle, and she's like, there's the arrow that you lost, you fucking moron. And he's like, I'm gonna go get it. You stay here. I'll be back. Give me a little quick impassionate kiss right there. Yeah, just like, we might die. I honestly, like, usually hate that kind of a shit, but this movie needed it.
00:59:04
Speaker
Would've been better like they wrote the movie to need it and then didn't do it and again the magic hour thing I will never magic I really does I ruin it like I literally like to drop that kind of line to drop where they did that expectation Yeah, right in the beginning like first 20 minutes, but this is gonna be a beautiful sunset fucking kill of this No only made cloudy 10 a.m. On a Sunday. It's foggy old London town looks like shit. I
00:59:33
Speaker
That's all I got. I know, I wish. I don't know, maybe there's something about King Arthur in there that they were trying to go for when they modernized it away and stuff. It doesn't deserve that much thought because again, I'm thinking about it more than the writers did.
00:59:49
Speaker
Oh yeah, we've done more than they didn't write in this movie, outside of the actual typing. Yeah, we're about just now, at an hour, so we've probably spent, I'm gonna say- 30 minutes too much time talking about this. Yeah, 15 to 30 minutes more than they did, I'm saying 15 to 30 minutes more than they did when they wrote it.
01:00:09
Speaker
then they just hashed out the details. They pitched the plot and they were like, but it's got dragons. And they were like, cool, here's 60 million dollars. We expect a hundred mil back. Yeah. Like, no, 22. Here's
Final Thoughts on Reign of Fire
01:00:20
Speaker
22. How's 22 work for you? Oh God. Yeah. So this movie sucks. Um,
01:00:26
Speaker
Sorry, sorry for wasting everybody's time, including my own and Nick's. But this is just one of those ones because Nick texted me out of the blue, was like, hey, we're going to do Rain and Fire next time we do an episode because I got like 20 minutes in and he's like, and I got busy and had to stop and he's like, it's like, there's potential there. It's like, it's like, it's pretty shit so far, but like I could see it being all right. Yeah. Like 30 minutes in, you're like, all right, this could get good.
01:00:53
Speaker
all right cool no no the 40 30 minutes in you're like all right bet I'm here for it let's take the ride 45 minutes in you're like I wish I had done something else I wish I'd never signed up so yeah just uh if you're ever like what's that movie about again go to the like
01:01:10
Speaker
40 minute mark in this episode and just play that and you'll know everything you need to know about this movie. So congratulations. Nobody wins because we both knew it sucked from the beginning. Everybody loses. Everybody lost on this episode. We should do Geostorm. Cause like this whole podcast kind of came to, came to me. The first movie I thought about was when we watched Geostorm and we were like, are these brothers about to fucking kiss right now?
01:01:38
Speaker
I do remember that part. This is a lot like this is really into they're really close some passion dude They're like five years apart or something like they're not even like a couple years apart brothers So like there's enough distance to where it's like, why are you that close? Why are you that close? You know, like maybe there's a plot point. I don't know. I don't remember. I've only seen it the once have you seen that movie since It's fine
01:02:01
Speaker
No, neither. I'm going to watch over the antenna at some point because I was like, yeah, we got to watch this movie. The fact that you don't remember it's good for my camp of it's not good because it's not worth remembering. I remember the geo storm. I was begging and the brothers almost fucking more than my actual love interest.
01:02:20
Speaker
What? We gotta do this on another one. Yeah, we're in a sort of whole new one here. Anyway, all right. Um, so yeah, watch out for that. We'll do that sometime in the near future. That will be a much more entertaining episode. Let's go put it on now. Um, yeah, you know, Instagram, not TikTok at bad movie debate, all one word, all lowercase. Follow me on there. I'm gonna start posting some more shit. Um,
01:02:40
Speaker
And talking about some stuff, I'm actually going to go see a movie tomorrow. And depending on how it is, I might do an episode talking about that. I've heard it's pretty good and know very little about it. So we'll see. And it's got a hot ticket actress in it. So we'll see if that's any good. So be on the lookout for that. Yeah, that's really all I got to say, y'all. Nick, any charities you want people to donate to or anything like that? I don't know. Anything you want to say to anybody about anything?
01:03:10
Speaker
My Venmo is Nick Dash Offenbach. Yeah, hi. What is it? The Matthew McConaughey and Nick Offenbach Baldman Association. Yeah, like donate to that. Donate to my hair plugs. Yeah, sorry. Only $50 minimum on that. So yeah, check that out. That would be dope. So it's a real problem in this country. We need to address it. So we'll take care of that. All right, yeah. That's the video. We'll see you next time.