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S2E16 - Who? An Intended Mother via Surrogacy & Baby Clara
76 Plays4 months ago
Meet Julie, mom to three beautiful children, as she shares her inspiring journey of expanding her family through surrogacy after carrying her two oldest children and facing significant fertility challenges as well as other health issues.
Julie’s story is one of trust and resilience, as she leaned on the expertise of medical professionals, trusted the process when working with her agency, and ended up matching with an easygoing surrogate who communicated effortlessly. A self-proclaimed "control freak," Julie reflects on the calmness and trust she felt throughout the journey and the overwhelming joy of finally holding her baby girl. She shares invaluable insights, including the surprise at her own relaxation and the immense love and gratitude she has for her surrogate.
Tune in to hear Julie's reflections and perspective as an intended parent who has carried her own children before, her advice for others considering surrogacy, and the profound appreciation she feels for the incredible gift given to her family. You also get to meet a surprise guest, baby Clara! This episode is a testament to the power of trust, community, and the remarkable journey of surrogacy.
Takeaways
-Choosing the right agency is crucial for a successful surrogacy journey, with clear communication and support being key factors.
-Building a strong relationship with the surrogate through open and honest communication is important.
-Surrogacy can be a calm and positive experience for intended parents.
-Building a supportive community and seeking advice from others who have gone through the same journey can alleviate fears and uncertainties.
-Trusting the process and the chosen surrogate is essential for a successful surrogacy journey.
-The joy and gratitude of finally holding the baby make all the challenges and struggles worthwhile.
-The bond between intended parents and their surrogate can be lifelong and filled with love and appreciation.
LINKS
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Transcript
Julie's Surrogacy Journey
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, everyone. On today's episode, I had the privilege of speaking with Julie and special guest, baby Clara. After overcoming fertility challenges and health issues, Julie was ultimately able to carry and deliver her eldest daughter and son. However, Julie and her husband were faced with the reality that to grow their family further surrogacy was going to be their choice. Julie reflects on her experience as an intended parent, the calmness she felt throughout the process after choosing to work with egg donor and surrogate solutions, the trust she had with her surrogate, and the importance of having a supportive community. You won't want to miss this heartwarming and inspiring story.
Introduction to Whitney Hall
00:00:49
Speaker
Me, you, and who?
00:00:52
Speaker
Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two-time Surrogate, now turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions. the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families.
Julie's Excitement About Surrogacy
00:01:23
Speaker
With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:45
Speaker
Julie and Clara. Hi baby Clara. Oh my goodness. I am so glad you both are here. Thank you so much. Thank you for having us. Oh my gosh. Of course, of course. I'm just, I'm so excited to see sweet baby Clara and just all of the fun, but here she is. But let's go like way back. I want to hear, we want to talk about you and your story, Julie. And I'm just so excited that you're going to be sharing. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So yeah. Tell me like, okay. You have three kiddos. Claire is not your own, but let's even like, let's go to just, okay. You are about to grow your family. What does that look like? How did surrogacy even come to be?
Health Challenges and Decision for Surrogacy
00:02:34
Speaker
me We had two kiddos and um I was blessed to do that through IVF. Yeah. And I started having, I'd always had some health challenges. I have rheumatoid arthritis. I've had it since I was, I don't know, it was 25 or 28. It was 2011 is when it started. And then I had severe food allergies with it. And so with all that, I just, I kind of knew to expect there'd be challenges. And I knew from family history, there'd be fertility challenges. So we did the IVF and everything was great. And we still had a couple embryos and I wanted to get another baby so badly. I never thought I'd want more than two kids. But like, if you'd told me that, you know, years ago, I would have said, no, I just want two. I'm done. No, after two, I looked at Declan when he was
00:03:28
Speaker
one and I just weaned them or whatever. I was like, I'm not done. Just not done. You just had that feeling. Yeah. And I was like, okay, everything's good. And my doctor was like, I don't, I don't like, I don't like things. And I started and I was like, well, I'll work on, you know, some stuff, try to get healthier. And I started having more and more problems with my stomach specifically and it started getting sure really bad and they, you know, I've done all tests. I've gone to, at this point, two different doctors and and two nutritionists and, um, but back then I'm doing a little bit better now, but I'm still, still having lots of issues, but I was like, you know, I kept going back to the doctor and she was like, You're not going to be able to grow a baby. You're not going to, it's not going to go well for you. There's going to be a lot of problems. Sure. This, I don't like this. I don't want you to have another baby. And I was like devastated. And so Troy and I spent probably a year talking about what to do.
Choosing the Right Surrogacy Agency
00:04:25
Speaker
And I knew a friend, I knew two people that one that I went to high school with and one that I knew after college that had done surrogacy and were so happy. And I,
00:04:39
Speaker
was like, oh, I think we should look into it. So we started to look into it, interviewed several agencies and found the one that we really felt um resonated with us yeah and really, really was what what we needed. And, you know, it was a little bit scary at first. We were definitely very nervous and not sure what to expect. And, but seeing um my friend, him him and his wife, Dan and Amber, I was at their wedding years and years ago, seeing their experience with their two babies via surrogacy was like very, very uplifting. I was like, okay, we can do this. And you know, we took the leap and started signing up, started getting going. And we were really nervous when we got matched and it was
00:05:36
Speaker
It was, it was great. It was perfect. Yeah. It ended up just with all of the uncertainty. It ended up being so certain and perfect yeah and wonderful, but okay. To go back a little bit. how did you navigate like just your feelings and emotions of, I've carried, I've done this successfully. Yes, it was hard, but I have done it. And then this doctor over and over again saying to you, this just isn't the way that you're going to be able to grow your family. And then to switch and think, okay, I'm going to have someone else do this and navigating just being in that spot.
Emotional Aspects of Surrogacy
00:06:14
Speaker
How did you handle all of that?
00:06:16
Speaker
Uh, there were, it was tough. There was a lot of, you know, questioning myself and questioning everything. And I'm such a control beak and always trying to be so healthy. And so there was a lot I had to kind of, um, you know, hi I say putting God's hands and I was like, I know. You know, it with I can say it kind of even goes back to my first one. So my first one, they said, don't put one ah don't put an embryo in yet. The timing's not right. And I was like, yeah, go ahead. We've got plenty. Put one in. And she took. And the doctor was shocked. He didn't think it would work.
00:06:55
Speaker
And I was like, well, it's fine. We've got, we've got several. We're okay. And she worked. I just kind of knew I needed to. And I listened to my intuition as much as I can and questioned it as much as I can. um And then when she was about to be born, she started crashing in early labor and they were like, well, is a C-section going to be okay? And I was like, yes, I'm here for the baby. I'm not here for a birth experience. yeah i'm I'm here for her. And, and so I was like, yeah, let's get her out. And then when she got out, she wouldn't eat. And they're like, isn't it gonna be okay if we give her some formula? And I said, yeah, I'm here for the baby again. I'm not here for my experience. I'm here for a baby. And you know, I know it was, it's tough and it's a tough decision, but I just didn't question it. And later on I was able to breastfeed her and it was fine. And yeah, we supplemented some formula.
00:07:52
Speaker
but she was so healthy and perfect. I didn't really worry about it. I just, I knew that my goal was, was the baby and a healthy baby. And I just kind of always focused on that. So anytime like stuff came up or there were challenges, I was like, what's my goal? My goal is healthy baby, happy baby, which my kids, they were, they were so amazing and they're so crazy. I mean, I have i have every piece of furniture in our house and every room anchored to the wall because of these two. my brother are nuts. And the stories I could tell you like her brother, his school pictures, the back of his head, the oh my god, they tried so hard. They did and she did that year he didn't like pictures. It was just that year. I've got one of those. And I just knew in my heart, I was like, I need more of this. I love this so much. And my husband was like, okay, let's do this.
00:08:50
Speaker
And I was like, you know, I can't grow a healthy baby. What, what, you know, it's okay. I need to put it in the hands of somebody that can. I can, I can accept that there's people that are better at other things than
Care for Parents and Surrogates
00:09:01
Speaker
I am. I did great the first few times, but things changed. And so that was like, it was okay. And you know, I had people question, are you sure about, you know, you can't control what she eats or what she does or this or that. And I was like, no, I can't, but I know that she will do a great job. I've seen she has, babies that have done well before and had no problems. And so she's I was like, she can do better than I can. And the goal is
00:09:32
Speaker
the healthy baby who is so healthy and precious. Yes. But you're right though because I mean things do change and at the end of the day and it seems like you always you always had that of the goal is healthy baby and it's just how we got there morphed and tweaked and now you had this beautiful experience. So okay you mentioned You were, you chose to work with an agency. You ended up working with a donor and surrogate solutions. And you said that you had interviewed a few agencies and you found the one that gave you your needs. What does that mean? You know, we needed a lot of really clear communication yeah and a nice upfront plan. And I really, it was very important to me to kind of look and see, I was able to see the, the,
00:10:27
Speaker
the results, the happy parents, but also the happy surrogates and the repeat surrogates and the repeat parents. I was like, you know, I want both sides to be very well taken care of. That was very important to me. I, you know, a lot of people are like, whoa, we'll go out of the country or whatever. Cause it's cheaper. and I'm like, but how do you know how they're taking care of? You know, like are they, are these, are these surrogates well cared for? That's important to me. And, um, seeing that and and it just, I could just, it just felt right. And I saw also, you know, having a friend that had been with you guys yeah made it even easier. Cause I was like, okay, they're a repeat. They're surrogates are repeats. And so they were,
00:11:07
Speaker
I was like, this is okay. This is what we need. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, I love that. I love that. So you navigate that aspect. You get to the matching process. What was that like for you guys? ah I was so nervous. I was panicking. Oh, is this the right decision? Is it? It should be. I don't know. I don't know. Oh gosh. There was a lot of panic at that point. Sure. Sure. Um, You know, cause it's hard here. At first you're, you're, you're picking off a profile and when you meet them, you're like, Oh, okay. This is, this is good. This is, this is, this is a real life person. This is the right direction. And you know, we were still kind of nervous and it was, it was great. And we got to know each other more and more through the process, but like, you know, just the upfront matching, it was, it was, it felt really, really quick, but it was good because you know, it's like,
00:12:05
Speaker
Well, the whole process isn't, you know, it's definitely over nine months. Yeah. So at the time it it felt quick. I was like, Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Are we doing this right? And then once, once we got going, I was like, yeah, we did the right thing. Yay. How did you know it was right? How did you know that it was the right thing? Oh gosh. Well, we met our surrogate and she was amazing. Yeah. And you know, we went through all the processes. Our doctors went through all the processes. There was, um, You know, just all the boxes were checked. So I was holding me really like that. We love to check a box. Yes. Love it. Love it. And then, you know, she just, I could tell she was just so wonderful and kind and easy going. And I was like, okay, this is great. And I was like, I just felt like she fit us. And you know, we, our, our level of communication was right for us. um You know, we had it.
00:13:04
Speaker
We had it pretty good cause you know, she's, she was a mom of five and a teacher and I'm a working mom of two. So we gave each other a little bit of space. It wasn't, but you know, I know other surrogates, it's like you want to be in touch every day. So I think she kind of liked us already having kids cause she knew I wasn't going to be checking in every minute. Well, there's that healthy, that healthy respect of we're living life together, but we're also living our lives and you can both meet each other. We're, where you're at and honored that. And that's beautiful that as part of that matching process, you could sort that out and knew that that was something that was important to you. Well, and it was just, I really hadn't thought about it till we got there. And I was just like, okay. And then we texted when we needed to. And so her responses were excellent. And, um, we, we, she was, she was, it was really easy to talk to her when we needed to. And,
00:13:59
Speaker
In between we all just kind of did our stuff and it was, I knew everything was great. And I was like, I just, that trust was stressed. It, no stress at all. It's just like, everything's great. We're just chugging along and getting to that point. And then, you know, a couple of months before I was like, I have to clean my house on that. a little bit not um that And, um, Then, you know, and then like two weeks before it felt like everything went real crazy. Cause I was like, Oh my gosh. guys Oh my gosh. Yes. No, you guys had some madness right before delivery day. Oh my gosh. What was it? It was like car. The house exploded g literally. Well, I mean, it's still intact. I mean, you're looking at it, but there was an explosion in the house. and Evidently there was a hole in the gas line.
00:14:52
Speaker
Oh my gosh. And we had tried to run the fireplace and there was a boom. And so i was going wow and I was like, Oh my gosh. It was terrifying. Fortunately, I do keep plenty of detectors and stuff around sure that's doing everything. And we got the guys out and I was like, what happened? What happened? They're like, well, this is, this line's very old. This is just normal. And I was like, Okay. But that's great. But I have a newborn coming home soon. So Oh, yeah. And then the kids were sick with something and then we were exposed to strep throat. And we had some family with some health issues. And I was like, it was nonstop.
00:15:31
Speaker
right before. Oh, and Declan had to have a whole bunch of crowns, the whole separate story. Yes, yes. There's all this stuff happening. And like, you're, you're sweet. Geez, I mean, it's you guys have created just that bond throughout. She was like the into your Yang as far as like, easy going. I know things are good. I mean, that must have just been so wonderful to just I don't have to, for lack of a better word, worry about that piece. No, it's true. And I told people, I would be like, oh my gosh, we need to get this and this and this and this. And they'd be like, it's going to be okay. And I was like, the baby's fine. The baby is great. We're going to get all this fixed. And then the baby's going to be here. He's doing good. She's so normal. Well, I'm having all this insanity. I was like, oh my gosh. I was like, well,
00:16:24
Speaker
at least I'm getting it all out of the way before she gets here. Yes. It's perfect. It's perfect. No, for sure. For sure. I love that. I love that. So what would you say, you know, how how do you, I mean, obviously you both, um, you know, had navigated or had like, you guys had your perfect relationship for each other. How did you grow that relationship just throughout this process? Um, we just, we would talk at all of the, you know, we really spent the most time together at the appointments. I was lucky we picked somebody close. So she was about two hours away, I think. And so I would go to the appointments. Um, I think there was a few I missed, but I got to go to a lot of them. They might've got to go to a few.
00:17:16
Speaker
And so we would spend time chatting at the appointments and getting to know each other.
Building a Relationship with the Surrogate
00:17:23
Speaker
And there was one where we brought the two kids to get to meet her and to get to see the baby on the screen. And they're four and six. So like the six-year-old kind of knew what was going on. The four-year-old, I'm not sure he cared what was going on. Sure, yeah, sure, sure, sure. He's like, whatever, that's fine. Yeah, and then she was good, but they got to meet her and talk about all that and so that that was that was really wonderful and
00:17:49
Speaker
And she's, she's so easy to talk to. She was so great. just Every, every appointment was great. Every communication was easy. And like, you know, if we were, if we sent a question or whatever, and once or twice, she couldn't get back to like the next day, I can't worry about it. I was like, it was urgent. She would contact me, right? Probably something going on. Teacher plus five kids. I mean, you don't get any busier than that. So I was like, you know, I didn't worry. I just like, yeah, Well, you're from her tomorrow. Yeah. And we always did. And it was just, she she made me feel so relaxed. I love that. And as a, you know, self-proclaimed control freak to, you know, being able to just give over that trust to something so big and beautiful. That's huge. And that's amazing. And I mean, and it just, it made the journey just so wonderful. Yeah, it made it. It made it so wonderful. it was
00:18:46
Speaker
I knew it was right. I just knew it. And the whole time I was like, this was the right thing to do. I'm going to keep working on getting my health improved and you know, to where I can function and take care of her. And so it was It was, it was the right thing for us. Yeah, absolutely. How did you, so how did you navigate kind of the, your family knowing about this process? Obviously having you go through, you had your own pregnancies and then you've decided to do this. How did you navigate friends and family and you know, talking about this and you know, just all of that.
00:19:24
Speaker
Um, you know, I, once we, when we kind of got started, we said we were looking and they were like, Oh my gosh, are you sure what you're doing? There's a lot of questions sure and sure some that I was like, no, that's not how science works. You know, oh go yes is she can't get any of the circuits DNA. No, that's this's not how it works. But, um, you know, so I would, I would answer the questions and they'd be like, Okay. and You know, I could tell everybody else was really, really nervous. And I was like, I know what I'm doing. And I just, I just kept going forward. And then once, once we kind of got in there and she got implanted and everything, everybody else kind of started to feel more calm and, and, and you could tell it was like, okay, this is happening. This is great. And then I think when we got,
00:20:20
Speaker
A little over halfway there, we got the book about the kangaroo pouch. Yes, yes. And told them about it. And they were excited that they were getting a sibling. And their responses were hilarious. Like, Thea was so excited. She was super, she's just my sweetheart. Yeah. And she's sick. So, you know, she was ready to help out. She kind of had that understanding, yeah. Oh, yeah. Now Declan, he was like, so where's my brother? I said, well, sorry buddy. Let's name our fire truck. No. Fire truck. Yeah. So, but he was still excited, but he just kind of is all over the place. So I was just like, that's good response by him. Yeah, that was good.
00:21:07
Speaker
kind of explained it to them. And because they had kids in their class, that their moms were pregnant at the time, sure. So trying to explain to them that somebody else is growing our baby for us, you know, that was important to make sure that they felt comfortable with it. And I think they were good. And, you know, they when they got to meet her, that was wonderful. And yeah, then of course meet the baby. That de she is that was most exciting moment. That was the big thing for sure. So, okay. Yeah. Let's talk about delivery day. You had had a whirlwind of crazy and then delivery day comes. How are you feeling? What did that look like?
The Delivery Day Experience
00:21:48
Speaker
It was great. So generally I'm an overpacker. Love it. With the exception of going to the hospital.
00:21:57
Speaker
stop. Nope. I'm like, they have everything there. I'm not, I don't need anything. I don't need anything. It's fine. Yeah. So I, you know, I, with the, with the, and Declan, I brought their take home outfits and some of those, uh, trampoline part socks that are non, you know, yeah, absolutely. And then what I was going to wear home and that's it. I'm bringing anything else. I was like, well, my toothbrush, you know, but I mean, I didn't bring extra clothes. I'm bringing extra anything. I just was like, no, we're good. And the house was closed. I was like, umll i'll I'll send Troy to get whatever we need. And he was like, yeah. So, and she was only two hours away and I had people asking, Oh, have you packed your bags yet? And I was like, no, it's Oklahoma in March. I don't know if it's going to be 78 degrees or 38 degrees. Sure. Absolutely. So I don't know what to pack and there could be a tornado anytime. So I was like,
00:22:50
Speaker
Again, only two hours away. So that made my life a little, like a lot easier. And that was something that Troy was a big advocate for. And I was closer, closer, closer. So I was really glad he thought of that. And, um, so he, we, you know, when it got to be like the weekend, of I was like, I think it was the day before I packed. Cause I was like, again, I was like, hospital has everything the baby needs there. I just have to have stuff for me, which I was like, well, going to come home and see about the kids because we don't want them to be stressed out overnight. Yeah. And so I was like, you can bring me stuff that I needed if that, if you know, she comes early or something. So I wasn't worried. And that was, I finally calmed down at that point.
00:23:35
Speaker
So then, you know, the night before I did pack and it was exactly what I needed. And I, you know, I, I don't think I had him bring me anything except some like food and snacks. Cause I stayed with the baby. We were near a very short time period. This hospital was efficient. I think we were there for like literally one night. We started at six in the morning one day and then left at 6 PM the next. I love it. So and the baby was doing so well that they were like, okay, you can go. That's fantastic. That's the dream. ah Oh yeah. And you know, so I had her take home outfit, lots of pictures. Of course. and hour just we We were good. it was
00:24:18
Speaker
going to the hospital was easy. I drove up first. It was the circuit, Reba and I, we drove, we both got there at like six in the morning and our husbands both took our kids to school. And then they showed up later and fortunately he went to the wrong hospital. Oh no, poor Troy. Yeah, in the wrong city. Troy! Oh no! He was like, get of the hospital. And I said, weird This is not, I don't know. ah Because she'd been going to some monitoring and in a different city and some in her hometown. And Wes Hart, yeah, he's an engineer. And if you don't have the instructions written out somewhere with reminders, it's just not happening. You know what, if that's the only hiccup, we'll take it, right? Yeah, it was hilarious. And he made it and everything was great.
00:25:15
Speaker
her family came and we made sure that she got time with them. And, um, cause you can only have so many people in the room and all. And you know, when she got the epidural, we had her husband be in there with her cause we'd agreed on, on stuff. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable. If there was a C-section, I wanted her husband to be in there with her. Yeah. I'm also a fainter, so. So that was a good choice for y'all. Yeah. Everybody all around, much better if I was outside the door, but she didn't end up having to have one. And it was funny at birth, they said, you know, where you ready to go? And I said, yeah. And they said, what's wrong? Why aren't you excited? And I was like, I'm a fainter. And they were like, oh gosh. They had me like way up by her shoulder and made sure I did not see too much. Perfect. Perfect.
00:26:03
Speaker
i I can't help it. I can't. And I was like, well, you know, I know my limits. And you know, I got to see baby the minute she was pulled out. That was perfect. Yes. You know, there was, I was trying to make sure the surrogate was comfortable. I was like, do you need any water? Do you need ice? No, I'm good. She's so easy going. And then they came in and said, do you, are you going to do an epidural? And she looked at me and she said, is that all right? And I was like, yes, you don't need to suffer. you just get all the painkillers you need to for this. Let's just make this easier. I'm sure baby will be happy too. Cause I'm getting squished. Doesn't sound fun. And I was like, I mean, I wouldn't want her to have to do anything I wouldn't do. And I was, you know, of course, I just, but going back to that, we're here for the baby. We're here for happy, healthy baby. And happy, healthy baby is not delivering person suffering if she wants to have the epidural. So that's great. And just the aspect of it.
00:27:00
Speaker
I wanted her to be happy and comfortable. And you know, at one point they said, Oh, she's had too much epidural and she can't push. So then they, they turned rebus epidural down. And so then she was pushing better. But then after a little bit, I was like, Oh, it sounds like she's hurting. Uh, so I started asking her, so I was like, can we turn it back up? I think she's, I think it's down enough. Can we, can we please turn it back? and Okay. Cause I knew, okay. Even if she got through the last few pushes, there's still more after that. Right. Yes. Yes. I was like, she needs it for that. So I was like, trying to make sure I could, anything I could do, which, you know, I wish I could have done more cause she was just amazing. And, um, and, oh, and it was hilarious. Baby came out cord wrapped around her neck three times, seeing the doctor, but the thing was about three foot cord or something. It was crazy long. Oh my goodness. Her color was great.
00:27:58
Speaker
And they had her push really quickly at the end. And so there was like, there was, there was like, not a big deal. And I read that because my mom was all freaking out because you have to run. She looked fine. Right. Nothing wrong. And you guys were released the day after. Like, I think we're fine. Yeah. Yeah. yeah And um you know, ah but I looked it up and I yeah evidently that's like 20% or some crazy high number is it happens. It just doesn't always tighten up and it's not, it's not always a problem. It's very rarely a problem and they know what to do and how to, I'm like, that's why you go to the hospital and that's why there's doctors. You know, if you think that there's a high risk, you know, then you've got it covered. I have a cousin that
00:28:40
Speaker
She did hers at like birthing centers, but she wasn't high risk and didn't have any problems. So it's like, you know what you need. You figure it out. Yeah. You do what works best for you. How was that feeling as you're trying not to faint and all of a sudden sweet Clara is bored and you see her for that
Meeting Baby Clara
00:28:57
Speaker
first time. What was after you've been fussing on, you know, do you have enough ice chips and asking about the epidural? And then all of a sudden she's here. Oh, I'm so excited. I was tearing up. And I was just, I couldn't believe it. Jordan, I was so excited to see her and to touch her and to hold her. and And we had brought her back. I opted to do skin to skin without washing her because it's better for her to wait to bathe for bath. Come on, let's just let's do that skin to skin. now Let me hold her. So I couldn't wait and it was just magical.
00:29:31
Speaker
And I just was in love. And she just was so happy to be somewhere, posing even out even though birth wasn't fun, burgers not fun for the baby. it's it's Yeah, it's a big whirlwind for them for sure. And then she just went from one cozy place to the next cozy place. So you get a nice cozy place. And so then, you know, we got her all cozy, got her skin to skin for a while, got her fed. So she was very happy. and She likes being swaddled so we swaddled her up just coming back and forth like that. And you were just you're just staring at her. Oh, I couldn't take my eyes off her. And I took a million pictures. And yeah, yeah, we just were in love. We were completely in love. Oh, I believe it. So looking back,
00:30:22
Speaker
on just the journey as a whole, you know, now that you're holding that sweet squishy angel girl and you're just looking back on the whole thing, what would you say were maybe, maybe your biggest surprise as an intended parent? And what was something maybe that you struggled with that maybe is resolved? Um, I think my biggest surprise was how calm I was through the process. Like once she was like implanted and everything, I was like, she's going to be fine. And I didn't worry about it anymore. And I was worried that I would be fretting over it and fretting over, you know, what's the surrogate doing? What's she eating? What's, what's going on? And I, I, I didn't, I didn't anymore. I was like, she knows what she's doing and this baby's going to be healthier than I could have done. And that's what I told people. I was like, I couldn't do that.
00:31:17
Speaker
So you know finding finding somebody that can is just so special. And so to kind of let that go and let that stress go, it was shocking. i but That surprised the heck out of me because I am a very high stone person.
00:31:39
Speaker
And I was like, no, this is great. And I had some people like, well, what if she's, what if she's eating a lot of sugar or something? I was like, no, though. She's a really calm person. This baby's not getting very much cortisol. That totally makes up for that.
00:31:55
Speaker
And so, you know, I was like, I just totally relaxed. I was, I was definitely panicked in the beginning. And then I just knew it was good. Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love that. What was something that was a struggle or for you? And maybe from that struggle advice that you would give to future intended parents or gestational carriers from the perspective of an intended parent? Um, I think
00:32:32
Speaker
Well, there was there was a couple things because it was, you know, trying to decide if surrogacy was right for my husband and I. And we spent a lot of time talking through it. And, you know, talking to other people, I did, you know, that made made a big difference. Because I also had another friend, I almost forgot here locally that um use the surrogate and you know we talked to them and just just having that that chance for me to talk questions and and just different stuff that made a huge difference it made it seem like even knowing I knew people and stuff like that it made it
00:33:19
Speaker
a lot less scary, a lot a lot more like, oh, is this is this is great. And you know he was telling me about his journey and what they did and everyone's different and um you know his surrogates and stuff. And so it just, that made a huge difference. I recommend that if you can talk to somebody at all one-on-one that's done it, it's that's that's a big game changer right there. a And I definitely felt a lot more comfortable. like I knew I was headed that direction. I think I still would have done it, but that made a huge difference. And then um the other thing was I was panicking when I came to choosing a surrogate. And and you know I was like, oh, are these the right fit for us? I don't know.
00:34:07
Speaker
And I think it's important to try to trust the process. And that's what that's a hard thing to say. and It's a hard thing to do. And you know, I consulted my sister for one, I said, What do you think trying to really like this surrogate? What do you think? And yeah, she's like, Well, I like this and this and this. I think she's a good, good option. And so having somebody else kind of be like, Yeah, I think you're doing the right thing that kind of makes you feel good, too. Sure. Just like, youfo that yeah, that made a difference. So I did that because you want someone that's going to be supportive and that's going to make you, you know, like, yeah, this is, this is good. You're going to, it cause then, you know, when we did meet her, I was like, oh yeah, this was right. So, cause it is, you're, you're picking somebody on paper at first. They pick you on paper. You're picking them on paper. That part was terrifying. And then she was perfect. The Reva was amazing.
00:34:58
Speaker
Yes. Oh, she was and she is and oh my goodness. And then here we are with sweet Clara. I have to admit I, I didn't expect to be there. I was like, Oh, you're going to be friends and stuff like that. And and she and I still keep in touch a little bit, but you know what? She's always going to be in my heart forever. Yeah. I didn't, yeah I didn't anticipate that as much. And so I was just like, Oh, she's amazing. Hmm. I love that. And now you have sweet, sweet little Calera. There she is. Look at so precious and wonderful. Oh my goodness. Well, okay. My final question to you, Julie.
Reflecting on the Surrogacy Journey
00:35:43
Speaker
Um, for anyone who knows me, they know that I have a very codependent relationship on coffee. Now I did switch it up today and I'm drinking tea. So, but all of that to say, I love to ask what filled your cup today. What was the thing that just brought you joy? Oh, I don't literally or figuratively everything. I just, it was wonderful to talk about the whole process you get to get the answer questions about, you know, the stuff I don't think about is like, you know, what, got me here, what motivated me and like what our challenges were and talking about Reva and how calming that was. i safe He's happy. It's going to be great. And everything was going, going crazy. And, you know, just having getting to talk about
00:36:33
Speaker
getting to have her, her birth experience, just all of it. Just all of it. Yes. No, it's beautiful to reflect on it because life doesn't stop. You all of a sudden have this newborn and you've got two kids with anchored furniture and you know, you don't, you don't always get time to reflect on everything that's happened. But here you guys are sweet only a five. We just, we just couldn't be happier. She's just been the best, sweetest little baby, c Clara Scarlett. Clara Scarlett, sweet angel girl. Well, Julie, I am I'm so grateful to you for, you know, just giving some of your precious time so that we can talk about Clara's sweet story and just your journey to to get here and throughout and
00:37:23
Speaker
I am just so grateful that you were able to be vulnerable and share. And I know that I'm just so happy for you and your family. This is just so wonderful. Thank you. It's wonderful to share. And I do try to tell anybody that asks me you know any questions about the process because I think that makes it seem less intimidating. Absolutely. To get to talk about it and you know it just It was perfect. We knew. We knew. And then when she was here, we were like, yep, this is exactly what we needed. Absolutely. She's And she's been the sweetest little baby. we We're her way too blessed. No, don't ever say that. She's perfect. Yeah, she's everything you needed. Hi, Angel. Oh my goodness. Well, thank you, Julie, so much. Thanks for being here, Clara.
00:38:24
Speaker
She did the chill baby all day. She did the chill baby. Oh my goodness. Oh, I'm so grateful. Thank you, Julie. Thank you. so Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today. As we wrap, we would like to remind you of some of the ways that you can stay connected with us and be part of the me, you, and who podcast community. Firstly, if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform. Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode and can stay up to date with our latest content. But that's not all. We also have an exciting YouTube channel where we share some bonus content behind the scenes, glimpses, and video versions of our episodes.
00:39:13
Speaker
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