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S2E14 - Who? Parents via Egg Donation
118 Plays3 months ago
On today's episode, we get to hear the journeys of Liz and Brian, as well as of Brandon and Jake, as each couple navigated the path of egg donation to grow their families. They open up about their decision to pursue egg donation, sharing the emotional highs and lows they faced along the way. They each reflect on some of those pivotal moments, like the support they received throughout the process from their fertility clinic, from Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, and from their friends and family, as well as the process of choosing their perfect egg donor. Their stories are ones of resilience, love, and celebrating each success along the way.
Takeaways
-The decision to pursue egg donation can be a complex and emotional journey, requiring a blend of emotions and pragmatism.
-Choosing an agency and an egg donor involves personal preferences and a sense of connection.
-Having a supportive network, including the agency and other professionals, can provide guidance and advocacy throughout the process.
-Clear communication and a supportive coordinator can help navigate setbacks and delays.
-Investing in high-quality resources can greatly enhance the journey.
-The egg donation process can bring couples closer and strengthen their relationship.
-Connecting with a community of others going through similar experiences can provide valuable support.
-Embracing different paths to parenthood and taking one step at a time can alleviate concerns and uncertainties.
Links
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/createahappyfamily/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@createahappyfamily
Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7FXoqUgC2ao5jEr0lBnXRQ
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/SurrogateSolutions/
Vimeo - https://vimeo.com/user83704977
Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/me-you-who-creating-happy-families-via-egg-donation/id1655017371
Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/2qHPZay3shiMvbGb0EwBuO
Yelp - https://www.yelp.com/biz/egg-donor-and-surrogate-solutions-frisco-3
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/eggdonorandsurrogatesolutions/
Google - https://g.page/r/CYj7Ap5NC5RKEB0/review
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. On today's episode, we are talking to our amazing intended parents that are growing their families through egg donation. Liz and Brian live in Dallas with their so sweet dog, Lady Bird, and currently have a baby on the way. We also got to speak with Brandon. He and his husband Jake began their journey as parents through the foster system. And after many ups and downs and heartbreaking moments, they now have a beautiful baby girl and are growing their family further with egg donation and surrogacy. We are so grateful to Liz and Brian and Brandon for being vulnerable and sharing their story about their path to egg donation.
00:00:50
Speaker
and what their journey was like, as well as some beautiful words of wisdom to those who are thinking about this process or maybe going through it now. So please enjoy Liz, Brian, and Brandon. Me, you, and who? Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two-time Surrogate Now Turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:34
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day. Hi, everyone. I'm so glad you're here. Hello. Hello. Yeah, you guys thank you so much for giving your time and just coming here so we can chat and all of the things so I am so so so grateful.
00:02:23
Speaker
Just starting off, like let's just dive right in. What led you to egg donation even just being like the thing that we're going to do to grow our family?
00:02:37
Speaker
um So it's been a, I don't know, I think for some people it's probably a much longer road than for us to get to egg donor. Yeah. But for us it started right before our I turned 40. Yeah, about a year and a half ago. we We were just in a place where we've been married for 10 years and we love each other and enjoy our life. And I think for many years, I thought, if we have a kid, that's great. If we don't have a kid, that's that's also great. Yeah. And as I approached 40, I came to the realization that that was not true.
00:03:13
Speaker
having the kid would be great. that actually something That was really important to me was having a kid. And so I went to Brian and I just said, you know what, this, this is something important to me. Let's talk about it. And yeah, it ended up being a great conversation, but due to age, we went straight to see an RE. uh, reproductive and endocrinologist. And so, you know, she gave us options. And I think at that point, it just, I think when we do something, we're a hundred percent in, there's no dancing around. There's no, we're just in it and and understanding statistics and, and how it all works. We just decided to go straight to IVF. yeah So we ended up doing, um, you know, an egg retrieval.
00:04:02
Speaker
And then we got one ah normal embryo from that. We ended up doing a transfer. That transfer was unsuccessful. And so you know I found myself, then I'm 40 and we just we have a decision. Do we want to go back and do it again? do Or what do we want to do? And i it was a very, that moment was really tough because I think a lot of people maybe in our position come to choosing an egg donor because they've tried IVF. multiple times, right? multiple Multiple tries at an egg retrieval, and they haven't had success. And we only had tried it once. But again, thinking about age, thinking about time, just thinking about what we wanted for our life, knowing that when I have a kid, we decided to go ahead and pursue egg donor. um And so that's how that's how we came came to it. Yeah.
00:04:55
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. So while you're, I mean, it sounds like you guys were just so pragmatic about it. Was it still, I mean, no matter how long you're going through this journey, I think it's still that emotional roller coaster. Was it ever, did it ever feel like that? Or was it just, hey, we've got to get from point A to point B and we're going to get there no matter what? No, it's been it's been tough. I mean, it's been tough. Yeah. And I would love to to tell you a story about how we were positive the whole time and we always had, you know, face it when it worked out. And honestly, I didn't necessarily feel that way. I don't i don't know about you. I think we we knew we wanted to keep going. Yeah. So we talked
00:05:47
Speaker
back to, you know, an RE and it was like, okay, whatever remaining options. And it was a mosaic egg from a retrieval, but it had a specific mutation we just weren't comfortable with. yeah um Or, you know, do another round or to egg donor. And again, just very, very math driven. it It's like, okay, well, of all these things, like the the egg donor, you know, was was probably going to be the the best math best mathematical odds hands down. So like that's where I ended up probably quicker, but also um I wasn't going to necessarily have the same issues of like genetics that like Liz may have around that decision. Yeah. I think when you're talking about like being pragmatic versus having emotions, it's really a blend of both. And I think
00:06:42
Speaker
I think you have to bring every emotional and like logical tool you have to this challenge to separate what is what and to say, okay, I'm having a feeling like about this. I feel sad about potentially not having this genetic connection to my kid. However, what is our ultimate goal? Our ultimate goal is to have a kid and to have a family and to be healthy and happy. And so weighing all those things and letting yourself have the feelings. But again, at the end of the day, the biggest question is, are we do we still want to move forward? are we still ready to Do we still want to continue trying? And if the answer is yes, then you you do the next thing. um And I think what is hard
00:07:27
Speaker
And maybe some people that are listening to this will get this. but So there's not sometimes one right answer. yeah It's not like the clouds parted and a a voice spoke and said, you should do this. And this is what is the best path. um So at the we just had to make a choice. And i think we I do think we made those choices. We gave them a lot of thought. And in the moment trying to make the decision, it was really difficult. But once we committed, And then we moved forward. And now that we're here, I will say, I don't feel any regrets. It was a long process. And there were many low moments and many setbacks. So many one step forward, two steps back. Oh, yes, absolutely. I said that to a friend once. And they were like, yeah, but you're still one step ahead. And I was like, no, you didn't hear me. I said, one step forward. No, yeah, yeah, hold on. That math didn't math. But that.
00:08:26
Speaker
You know, the other thing I told myself in the middle of all this is that I don't have to feel happy to move forward. That I actually part of this whole process with working with, you know, an agency and having an egg donor and this whole process is like, I can be sad and or we can have a setback and I can feel down and we're still moving forward. So my feelings don't prevent us from getting things done. So, um, that's kind of a long answer, but but yeah, that's no andland the the feet the feelings and the, the progress. Cause we're always like yeah something I told myself because this is, it's so many.
00:09:11
Speaker
things you have to juggle and this happens. And then if this happens, then we do this. But if this other thing happens, then we do this. And yes, we have this date, but if this other thing doesn't work out, then we have to wait. So I, I really tried to keep it simple. I tried to learn as much as I needed to learn to make the next decision. And that was it. Sure. Do the next thing. And then when we get to that milestone, then we will do the next thing after that. And that really helped me. contain the the overwhelm or feeling kind of hopeless or like we were never gonna get there. Well, the overwhelm is so hard because like you said, you're you're presented with so many choices when you're doing this and it's choosing what makes sense in that moment, what makes sense for your family and you know and and all of that. And that can feel so overwhelming just in general, absolutely. Oh my gosh, yes, for sure. Brandon, what?
00:10:10
Speaker
What brought you to egg donation?
00:10:14
Speaker
Long story short, so i so i I've always wanted to be a dad. Ever since I was six years old, I remember telling my mom, I want to be a dad. We were in the playground and I was like, I want to be a dad. And she says, you have to get married and go to school and you have to do all these things. So my number one goal has always to be a dad. You know, yeah some people is like CEO or president of the United States. Mine is the dad. That's what it means. I love it. I love it. It made career day easy. Yeah. And, um, I had decided that I was going to, you know, go through the foster care system and here in Texas. And, uh, we, me and my partner had a little girl for about 14 months that we were going to adopt. And I'm sure it is the way it is in other States, but case workers are so overwhelmed. Mom had, had signed away her rights two months in. And when I went to finalize her adoption, that paperwork was nowhere to be found.
00:11:10
Speaker
And they asked mom to sign again. And mom said, no, this is God's way of saying she has a second chance. So I lost her. Long story short. And my partner never wanted to be a dad ever. I, I, I actually broke up with him and said, I want to be a dad. I'm almost 40. And this is the time for me to do it. You're in or you're out. And we broke up for a few months. Um, we ended up getting back together. We got her and then he fell absolutely in love with her. And he said, Oh my gosh, I didn't know I wanted to be a dad. And so
00:11:46
Speaker
until now, you know? And so we were obviously devastated after we lost her. So then we went to adoption, matched adoption and matched adoption was taking too long to get a, you know, to get matched. And during this whole time, we were a mourning of, you know, her loss and being left or gone back to mom. oh um yeah And so we we started looking at surrogacy and we thought, you know, this is the best way to go. At least they, there are so many unknowns, but at least this is kind of more, concrete, I guess you could say versus we may or may not keep the baby or, you know, it's it's always up to the transfer up to delivery. But after that, you know, it's kind of here. It's a different, it's it's a different kind of, of wavering, if you will. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. yeah So, you know, I was, I was going through, um, you know, I just kind of Googled
00:12:41
Speaker
egg egg donations and I remember being being on a plane one day and there's just so many databases for ah sure for eggs. and um You know, there's some crazy ones out there. I remember being embarrassed and I was sitting on the aisle road on and the the aisle row on a plane and swiping through all these women. And I was thinking, man, I'm sure that the person behind me is probably thinking like, I'm i'm looking for something else versus an egg. I have been right there with you as my wife handed me a laptop and been like, go to this catalog of women. This doesn't feel right. Yeah. I mean, and so you know and and some are very, very provocative and some are you know just like, okay. Some of those photos are, yeah, they're something. Absolutely. Yeah. So yeah, so that's kind of what
00:13:37
Speaker
Long story short broad as brought us here, but we just we just adopted a newborn baby. we've She's two months um as of yesterday. so Oh, congratulations. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Obviously I'm in all and um it's it's been great these past two months. Yeah, you're in all those dad feels for sure. Yeah, absolutely. now Now we're just ready for number two and three. There you go. I love it. We're moving forward. We can continue to move Yeah, absolutely.
00:14:15
Speaker
Okay. So it's so, it's funny. You said, you know, you're, you're Googling and then all of a sudden there's just all of these databases and now you're swiping through profiles. And I mean, boy, it's like, you know, it's an app that you never thought, you know, that kind of thing. It's definitely very overwhelming. What ultimately, well, first of all, what kind of led you to both of you to, to kind of choose between this idea of using an agency versus an egg bank. And then ultimately what led you guys to egg donor and surrogate solutions amongst the just so many options out there, especially going to Google.
00:14:58
Speaker
Uh, I think again, I really tried not to learn more than I needed to about anything. yeah So when I was talking with my fertility doctor, we And we said, I think we want to pursue egg donor. Can you tell us more about that? She, you know, she ran down cost, a couple other of other things. And she said, here's two, um, agency donor agencies that we work with. And she also talked about how you could do frozen, you know, eggs, but she just said the best chance, like statistically success with the transfer is from.
00:15:36
Speaker
use it you know having your donor go through IVF and then you get all the eggs, those become embryos, we freeze those embryos, like that's that's the highest. chance of success, and we were lucky but were lucky that we were in a place to that was financially an option. So again, we're we're just in this place where if we're doing this, we're going to give it our best shot. So that that seemed obvious. She handed me two agencies. I literally just went online and looked them up, both of them, created a profile. And honestly, it's because within a day, I didn't know this was going to happen. Someone texted or called me from the agency.
00:16:14
Speaker
And I was like, oh, didn't know that was going to happen. And I talked to a real person. And she just said, what are you looking for? What are you interested in? and you know, we were, I'm sure some people start that process and they need to think about it for a long time. But by the time we had made that choice, we were ready. And so yeah um it was very, it was very helpful. And that's how we, that's how we ended up here. i I didn't look at another agency. I didn't talk to another group. Again, i I'm very much of like, if it's here, it's in front of me, it feels good.
00:16:47
Speaker
then let's do it. That's, that's all I need. I will say about picking a a donor, you know, Brian and I met online. and but I've joked, I've picked out every living thing in our family. about that we've adopted i love it When you're looking for a donor, there's something, and there's something even more personal and intimate about picking a donor versus even trying to find someone to date. Right. Tell me more. You're picking someone to be a member of your family. You know yeah you may never meet them. You may never know them, but you are bringing this person into your family in a way that's like very abrupt. um And again, in a weird way, it's not. There's no dating. It's just a you pick this person and then
00:17:37
Speaker
you know, there, there you're, there's a connection there that will last the rest of your life. Absolutely. And it's not a that wasn't a bad thing. It was just bizarre. It's just a it's just a very strange thing to do. And I to think I just, I went on, I hate to say vibes, but like kinda, like that's, you know, the kid, you know, vibes and things. No, I don't think we hate that. I don't think we hate that though, because I mean, you do, you go off that intuition. You go, cause I mean, you can read all day long, but ultimately it's, you know, it's a feeling, right?
00:18:15
Speaker
Yeah, and there's of course, you can filter people, but i the way I thought about it is I almost imagine our donor as like a cousin that lives in another state, and we talk about her sometimes, but she's not really here. Sure. So I just thought about like who who in this roster of people feels like they could be like a someone in my extended family. Or if we met for coffee, we would have a nice conversation, and it it would feel organic. And that was, that was, big you know, after I kind of narrowed it down based on some, some preferences, like that's, that was it. Just who do I feel an affinity to when I watch their video, when I read their writing? Um, and so that was it. Yeah, absolutely. Brandon, what about you?
00:19:06
Speaker
Um, so me and Jake, we split up the task. He researched one agency and I research totally completely different agency. And then we kind of compared notes and just kind of what we were looking for. But as far as picking out a, a donor, it was like, you pick your top five and I pick my top five and let's see which ones we pick together. You know, we both just sat down one day and went to separate rooms and came back about three or four times and. we kind of narrowed it down that way. And and and and at first it was like, okay, I want someone who I would normally date. like
00:19:44
Speaker
someone with dark hair or blonde hair or colored eye, you know like someone I was attracted to, someone that he was attracted to. And we both completely picked someone that we didn't think that we would pick, just based off their profile. And there's their this their likes, their dislikes, their genetic history, their education, their height, their weight. it's just It wasn't who we thought we were gonna pick at all, but we were both happy with with her. so How funny. yeah Oh my goodness. Yeah. I've, I've heard that process before where it was, you know, partners go into a separate room and look through it, you know, separately instead of, instead of together. So yeah, I've, and everyone I've heard, it sounds like that that, that has resulted in some sort of kismet where somehow everybody magically agrees on something.
00:20:35
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Oh my gosh, that's awesome. Well, so during all of this, what, you know, Brandon, you said it like you had just, I mean, you've received so much education and you know, whether it was from your coordinator and then Liz, I know you, you said you got a phone call within a day. you know, what has that support looked like, whether it was from the agency or your coordinator or make, you know, kind of the village around you, how, what was that support like while you're going through this? Because like you said, Liz, it's, you know, one step forward and two steps back. And you know, some of us are grieving throughout the process. I mean, Brandon, my gosh, you, you had everything going on with your family while you're doing this. I mean, you've got to have that village, right?
00:21:27
Speaker
I think for us, we were so uneducated or so confused that it kind of scared us to move forward. Every step forward, we're like, do we want to take this step? Because we still don't know the step prior. We still don't understand that process yet. And I think through the agency, you guys, attorneys, everyone.
00:21:55
Speaker
my coordinator was awesome. you know She educated us on every single thing and kept and you know sent emails with every single process, which is awesome. Like, hey, you know next Monday, your you know we're doing this. And then next Tuesday, we're doing this. And she you know ah ah a lot of people say those things, hey, I'm going to I'm going to be there through step one through 100 at this point and and update you. and and And she did. She was wonderful. like we We knew things were moving forward just because of the emails that we were getting. you know
00:22:29
Speaker
No one wants to sign up with, with the egg donor bank or, or an agency and just, it's, it's completely silenced and until you reach out and for you guys, you know, she reached out at every process. And then she always, she also kind of just kind of gave us tips, you know, us being a same sex couple, you know, so a lot of clinics don't have, I guess, um, their fees, you know, for, you know, for same sex couples as far as whatever that process looks like. But, you know, she- Sure. Yeah. They don't match up always. They're separate ways for, yeah, for you're using two different types of sperm and all kinds of things. Right. Exactly. It's madness. Absolutely. Yes. And that we had no clue. So, you know, she would just give us a heads up like, hey, ask your clinic about this. You know, some clinics are just a little bit behind and, you know, and I just want to make sure that you're not paying more than what you need.
00:23:24
Speaker
I'm so glad that you felt cared for, but that you also felt advocated for. Um, cause I mean, you're you're right. Unfortunately not all clinics are kind of up to date on what should be just for all people in general. And so I love that. Um, that you felt advocated for during that process. What about you guys? I, uh, again, I w I don't think it would have even occurred to me to try to do this without an agency. o and And I think everyone's different and thinks about it differently. and But I think if you can't, for me, if there is you have the money, there are certain things that it does not make sense to me to cut corners. I love that. Yeah.
00:24:12
Speaker
I value, like I learned when I was very young to never dye my own hair. so This is a good thing. Yes. I pay someone money for their expertise there, right? Yes, we all have talents. This is an area of um choosing an egg donor and navigating the legal and medical framework of that. That is so far outside of my domain of expertise that it is worth hiring an agency that not only helps you find the egg donor, but then walks with you every step of the way. And I, I, we were so lucky. Our fertility clinic is also amazing, like like truly top tier and really cares and really knows what they're doing. And so I feel
00:24:58
Speaker
Any, every setback we had, it had nothing to do with the ball getting dropped. You know, I had nothing to do with someone forgetting to do something or not getting back to us or, or something falling through the cracks. And so, yeah you know, I felt very. cared for and and also kind of going back to my just do the next thing. It was always very, very clear to me what is the next thing. And if it wasn't there, I could send an email. Can you remind me what's that next thing I need to do? Or am I, are we waiting on you guys? Oh, we are. Okay, that's great. And Amanda, our our coordinator is awesome. She's checking in on me. She emailed me today just to ask
00:25:34
Speaker
I love it. And how things were going. And so, you know, I feel like, yes, it's a job for people, but that they really do care. And again, the knowledge y'all know, because you've walked with so many people down this road, you know, all the ins and outs of the process. And that's also really nice too. You know, we, we have some print friends that knew what we're going on. And They were great, but I really think unless you've walked this road, and you can't entirely understand it of the timing of things, how you have to, how you can miss a window for something by a day. And then that means you have to wait a whole menstrual cycle for something to happen. Or there's this, you know, this, oh, sorry, you have to have a hysteroscopy. So you're not going to do this. It's going to be two more months. you know Yes.
00:26:23
Speaker
So all those little things um that add up and then, so like friends care, like I've had friends, I remember they would check in and then I know they feel like they waited a long time, but they maybe waited three weeks to check in. And I'm like, I don't have anything new for you. Cause it's still, we're still waiting, you know? And and so it's just. um And I think having that like guide that was right information, right time. Mm, I love that. like ah ah A scary little delay popped up in ah in a chain of a lot of delays and knows, hey, we've had delays before, and that's annoying. So like here's here's the right information at the right time. So hey, this happened. But here's what's happened before. Here's what's going to happen in the next. This is you know not that big of a deal. It's just immensely helpful. like It's just so nice to like have somebody that, like because like we've never done this, and we're never going to do it again.
00:27:15
Speaker
You know, ideally one of one. And then, you know, so like having somebody that's had those swings at the bat and, and, and walked that road before, whatever metaphor you want to use there, like it, again, immensely helpful, not just to spend any time in life that you can get those resources. So yeah, lucky we're at a point that we could spend that extra money and and pay for high quality resources there, but worth every penny and more so. I think it was just, you know, it it was it was definitely the follow-up and just the education that you guys provided that made us feel a lot more comfortable in going it through this process because I mean, just like you guys said, I mean, it is a lot of money and you you want to make sure that you aren't cutting corners and that you're getting, you know,
00:27:58
Speaker
what you want. And I mean, just that, that follow-up was amazing from the time that I inquired about, you know, the the first donor to, you know, to the very last one. So it, it was great. Yeah. Oh, I love that. But, and and you're so right. You're so right. It's, you know, whenever you are overwhelmed with all of the possibilities and you just want to know the next thing, to be able to have that person holding your hand every step of the way. And and whenever those bumps do come up and you're like, oh my gosh, is this a big deal? Hey, it's okay. It's okay. We've got this. All good. We're gonna, you know, here's point A, point B, plan A, plan C, you know, whatever it may be. So, oh, I'm so glad you guys had such a wonderful experience and had that education because it is huge. Education I feel like is more knowledge, more power, right?
00:28:52
Speaker
yeah What do you feel like was maybe the biggest surprise whenever you were going through this whole experience?
00:29:07
Speaker
You can go ahead, Liz. I'll go. This is not specifically about the egg donor and the process, but I think It's going to, maybe this sounds overly sentimental, but I think Brian and I are closer now. and Oh, I love that. It is really, um, it's been really hard, but through all those difficult things, we worked really well together as a team. And I think there's just something so nice about having someone to share the grief with. Uh, like by nice, I mean, beautiful. Um, there's something really absolutely.
00:29:47
Speaker
about that. And that I feel like we're, we're working. We've gotten even clearer on our communication. Just, you know, there's things we're keeping up with. And then you're starting to think about having a kid and like wanting to hone and sharpen that and just having tough conversations and sitting with difficult things. um I really think it's made our relationship stronger. And it's made me really I think I'm seeing glimpses of the dad that he's going to be and that, and yeah, that's where I'll get really emotional, but I'm just really excited. And the way I felt supported by him in this process, you know, I just, again, I think it's hints of things to common that makes me, that makes me really excited.
00:30:31
Speaker
the les biggest My biggest surprise has been the amount of other people in my life that have gone through this journey or something very similar and just not talked about it. And in whatever way, like I'm chatty with my friends about things. I'm bad at keeping secrets. So there's a certain people say, hey, why are you bummed out? It's like, well, okay, you want to know why I bummed out today? It's like, because all this happened. ah And I have found the more that I've opened up with people and shared the the hurdles and just that we've been going through it.
00:31:03
Speaker
um All kinds of my friends have come out of the woodwork and they've they've gone through it. Uh, one of them's going through this right now. Um, and you know, it's just been really, really nice to like, you know, put a, put a little bit of vulnerability out there to kind of share some difficulty and like really be rewarded with like connection to a lot of people and just kind of like people don't talk about it as much. I think they should. So yeah that's what I'm going to take with me, uh, going forward on this. Oh, I love that. I love that so much. I mean, and you're so right. I, I feel as though, you know, I, I kind of, I hang out in surrogacy land and I feel like that surrogacy kind of, for lack of a better word, doesn't necessarily feel as taboo. Like, I mean, granted, you know, Lifetime movies and people magazine definitely take it and run with it, but you know, like it it seems a little more as people talk about it a little more.
00:32:02
Speaker
But egg donation still seems so abstract, so bizarre, like you said, Liz. And you know and and people don't know how to talk about it. And you're so right. the more The more you talk about it, the more you make it less taboo, the more people, it just becomes commonplace, right? like People are doing it. They're just not talking about it. Yeah. Brandon, what were you going to say? ye I was going to say, I can relate to both. I was going to say that, you know, ah all of my friends who have kids have done surrogacy. And so, you know, we've kind of briefed through the topic every now and then, but and I was like,
00:32:42
Speaker
acting like I understood what they were saying. sure I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So now, you know, now, you know, I'm going back to them and asking them questions. And so that that's gotten us closer. Um, and to Liz's point, you know, me and Jake have been, we've connected on a whole new level. Uh, you know, probably this past year that Like, like no other. I mean, when, when, when people ask how, how we're doing, I'm like, man, we are on the same page. We are communicating great. And I think to Liz's point, it was just, big it's doing know this process gets, you know, it makes you guys closer, ah you know,
00:33:19
Speaker
To the point where I got we got engaged and we got married last year It's it's it's just crazy when you're just you know working on on on on a goal like this And then just looking towards the future, if you know when that go actually happens um But yeah, I think I think um to lose this point that that was my biggest surprise too was Just how well we connected because we weren't connecting very well before that
00:33:47
Speaker
Absolutely. Oh, I love that. I love that. So to any other, and you know, intended parents out there, what would be the biggest advice that you would want to maybe give to them? Or maybe what would you want to say to yourself, you know, on day one of this?
00:34:11
Speaker
I think I would say you don't have to know everything. um from from day one. This is going to be a slow process for as far as on the educational side of it. know get Get to understand one process before the other. If you choose Egg Donor Solutions, i mean they're going to walk you through every step of the way, every process, they're going to educate you. um and I think that you know looking at egg donor profile, just be open. You may be going into wanting a certain you know demographic or height or weight, but you know those videos, the videos that are actually on Darryl's website, those really speak to you. you know i There were several that I i wanted as as as as our donor, and but they were already taken. So I would just say you know there's no rush.
00:35:10
Speaker
I'm going to go through those um those profiles and um it could be ah a week, two weeks, a month, but just definitely take your time and pick in whomever you like. Yeah, absolutely. absolutely i could pro I should have thought about this more and I won't you know spend 30 minutes with all my advice. but i I think the just do the next thing is a piece of advice. Try not to get overwhelmed and and and ask yourself, is the information I'm trying to learn helpful and do I need it right now? And if the answer to one of those questions is no, then then maybe don't bring that in yet and you know take in what's useful. um I would also say, think about the difference between feelings and data.
00:36:05
Speaker
And they're both that's they're both really important pieces of information, but but don't confuse the two and try to bring them both in when you're making your decisions. um And also I would just say, you know if you're feeling a little strange about pursuing egg donor or a little worried about it or a little sad about it, I think those are all really normal feelings. And I think it would actually be strange if you didn't have some sort of mixed feeling there is somewhere in there. um And so, and I think as I've gone along, you know, all my concerns, I think they're very normal. And so I'm not worried that I have concerns, but even as we're going along in this process, and the closer we get to actually having a kid, I am finding some of those fears falling away, some of those concerns about will I connect? um Because I, I do really feel like
00:37:05
Speaker
you know, I'm contributing here. i love them The longer I'm pregnant, the more I'm like, oh, I'm doing a lot of work here. Oh, you think so? So as we go along in this process, I feel like some of those concerns are are falling away. And I think in the end, we will have a baby and then a child. That's who they are. And once they're here, I I don't, I won't imagine it any other way. And that's so that, that will erase some of the, again, on the front end, before you have the good thing, like the kid on the other side, it's just concerns and you're not yet, you're not yet to the the place that you're arriving to. That sounds very ah esoteric, but, but you're, you're with the waiting. You're not in the being yet, I guess. And so when you're finally doing it and living your life, I think some of those,
00:38:05
Speaker
concerns will fall away. and And if not, get a good therapist. Work it out. Love therapy. Everybody should do it. Bye-bye. Yes. I would i would just say, don't you know don't don't be afraid to voice your concerns and give your feedback. you know Because some of mine were, I'm being selfish or I'm feeling insecure. And I was afraid to talk to my spouse about that. Um, but, but once, but, but once we did, you know, it was, it was great conversation and I could move on to the next insecurity that I had. Yeah. Well, I mean, that speaks to of what Brian said about vulnerability and you know, that's with your, with your spouse and your tribe around you. I'm sorry, Brian i interrupted you. No, it's just like, I agree. I think, uh, talking it out is the best policy for all.
00:38:59
Speaker
If you're going through this as a couple, talk it out. If you're going through this as an individual, find, find somebody in your trust tree that you can talk these things out with because it is just like decisions you are going to have to make purely on statistics and guts. And Hey, we made a, you know, like there, there's three data points ever for this thing yeah ever in the history out of science. Make a good decision y'all. Um, so you're just going to have to. be okay with making some gut choices. And I think being a couple, like talking it out and talking out the weirdness because like it's the, it's the only way and you'll, you'll get it out. And I think you'll find the other person's going through the same weirdness or their own version of it too. I thought I want more. think Go for it. And advice to maybe even myself or, you know, cause I was talking about how it can feel weird or you might be sad, but I think there's, I truly believe that there's all kinds of ways to have a family.
00:39:57
Speaker
and family looks different for lots of different people. And we have, we are, we have never lived in a better time for that. Um, and so I take a lot of comfort knowing that yes, will everybody, my child knows, will this be the like typical? No, but there are more going to be more kids out there like them than ever before and more resources for talking about it and, and, and Again, it's, you know, just because you're not like all the other people right next to you doesn't mean there aren't people out there like you. It doesn't mean there's other people out there aren't different. And so I'm, I'm hopeful that this, you know, cultivates an opportunity for empathy and compassion and and understanding that there are all types of ways to be a family. is is who Yeah. I, I've always said it's amazing how we as adults, we tend to make things way more complicated than those kids ever do.
00:40:54
Speaker
yeah Um, yeah, I just, I mean, it was so funny even talking to my kids, you know, I'm um' i'm a surrogate. And so they've, you know, I've gone to many a school function where I'm pregnant and it's not their brother or sister. And you know, they, they just, you know, their friends are like, you know, Oh, you're getting another, you know, you're you're getting another sibling. Nope. Someone else's and they just go on.
00:41:19
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love that. You guys are so, Oh my gosh. Well, okay. My final, my final question. This is a fun one. So for anyone who knows me, they know that I have a very codependent relationship on coffee and this may or may not be decaf. We'll, you know, we'll see. We'll find out. But, uh, at, um, I love to always ask what filled your cup this morning, literally or figuratively, what filled your cup?
00:41:52
Speaker
Somebody had to sit in traffic and go to the doctor's office for a blood. Oh, I was going to say, well, my answer is not, it's not like very poetic. It was, I just, I had some really good breakfast tacos this morning. You know what? That feels right. Yeah. Breakfast tacos can really fill one cup. Absolutely. Yep. It was nice. Uh, I gave somebody a promotion yesterday at a meeting today where that person just like rocked out and was like a great, lead after getting that promotion. And you could just feel he was like headwind in his sails. So oh, that makes you feel good. As a as a manager, I always take joy when I see things like that. Absolutely. Oh, I love that.
00:42:36
Speaker
and And for me, it's my daughter. I mean, I wake up every morning feeling blessed and great. And even in the middle of the night when she's up at three in the morning, you know, I'm not complaining about it because this is what I wanted. And my my husband's been gone on, and you know, for work out of state all this week. And so it's just been me, her. But every morning I'd see those blue eyes and she wakes up and And we just have a great day. So she's she's pulling my cup. I love that. I love that. Well, thank you guys again for you know, just giving your time and being willing to share your story and being vulnerable and you know, just a help to
00:43:18
Speaker
any of those you know listeners we have ah out there who are wanting to educate themselves more, I am just, I'm so grateful to you and sending all the the good vibes to you, Liz, with you know all of the upcoming fun for Liz and Brian and you know Brandon, give you know our love to to Jake as well as you guys go on to you know the next part of your adventure and your growing families. So thank you guys so, so, so much. Thank you. Thank you. Congratulations, Brandon. Thank you. Appreciate it. Good luck, guys. Thank you. All right. Bye-bye. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of me, you, and who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today.
00:44:02
Speaker
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00:44:55
Speaker
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