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Intentional Gifting and The Golden Chalice
29 Plays30 days ago
Join hosts Sandy, Sam, Kelly, and Justin for Episode 21 of On the Ground Parenting as they tackle the holiday season's challenge: navigating gift-giving to minimize "toy clutter" and focus on intentional, meaningful exchanges.
We share experiences with the chaos and joy that holiday gifts bring:
- The Struggle with Noise and Space: A common theme is the "havoc" created by well-meaning relatives who choose noisy, battery-operated, or oversized toys. The stories include Kelly's father-in-law's desire to buy a drum, Sam's experience with a hand-me-down, child-sized accordion, and the frequent disappointment of remote-control cars.
- Prioritizing Thoughtful Exchange: Justin highlights his family's unique strategy of "re-gifting" their own toys to cousins, transforming the clutter challenge into a playful competition to pass along the biggest item. He also notes how his children place higher value on their handmade creations—such as scribbled cards presented "like they are handing you a golden chalice"—than on store-bought items. Sam shares a perfect example of genuine thoughtfulness: her son John's plan to buy his younger, blanket-obsessed brother a larger, fuzzier blanket.
A Call for Support:
This episode also serves as a special platform for the Muskoka Family Focus Parent Ed team to request support, either with a one-time donation or by signing up for our Patreon, https://patreon.com/OnTheGroundParenting. We need your financial support to ensure we can continue offering free educational programming and keep the podcast running. Donations over $20 are tax-deductible.
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Transcript
Introduction & Call for Support
00:00:00
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is a project of Muskoka Family Focus, a registered Canadian charity. They rely on your support to keep this show going and to continue their work helping families.
00:00:10
Speaker
To show your support and to make a donation, please visit tinyurl.com forward slash OGPDonate. Your support is greatly appreciated.
About the Podcast & Season Goals
00:00:45
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome to On the Ground Parenting. This is our podcast provided to you by Muskoka Family Focus Parent Ed. I'm joined with my colleagues, Sam, Kelly, and Justin.
00:01:01
Speaker
We're almost all together on this podcast. We're just looking for one more colleague to join us soon. We thought maybe we would open up talking about maybe the season where giving, gifting might be happening in your world.
00:01:18
Speaker
And we wanted to relate it to this podcast specifically. So while we thoroughly enjoy getting together and talking about parenting and bringing in some guests and relating it to what might be happening in your world, what we've experienced as parents or grandparents, we also wanted to talk about the other intention behind this podcast. And we're looking at generating some donations so that we have an opportunity to bring this podcast not only to more people, but also to expand the parenting program that we offer to many different people, whether in person or online.
Reflecting on Giving Tuesday & Free Programs
00:01:55
Speaker
Yesterday was a day that was known as Giving Tuesday. And we thought that this would be an opportune time for us to share what happens behind the scene for us at On the Ground Parenting.
00:02:06
Speaker
Sam, what would you like to share from your role as the supervisor? I just would like to share that we do offer a lot of free programming. All of the programs that we bring to parents, whether they're in person or online, are offered free of charge. Registration is required, but it is free. And we are constantly trying to find ways of being able to make a penny stretch. So we're really good at that and we can do a lot with a little donation.
00:02:34
Speaker
And really, this podcast is just one more way of us being able to get these messages out to you and engage you in conversations about parenting and other relationships in your lives.
Global Audience & Parenting Messages
00:02:46
Speaker
Thanks, Sam. ah yeah The podcast really helps us connect with people all around the world. We get to see, we know you're there in the UK. We know that you're there from the USA. We know that you're there from other parts of Canada and Asia.
00:03:02
Speaker
Thank you for joining us so that we can spread this word about our parenting podcast. What resonates for you about this idea of this program being a gift?
Kelly's Parenting Education Journey
00:03:14
Speaker
For me, I think it's been a gift that I first encountered when I was actually a parent and Muskoka Family Focus was offering their parent ed parallel to their drop-in situations. And i think we all come into parenting with some tools and some space in our toolbox for more tools. And I had an idea of some of the things I wanted my kids to have, like a sense of responsibility And a sense of like doing chores and ownership for things.
00:03:44
Speaker
And, you know, being able to be adults who could rely on themselves and problem solve. But I had no idea how to get there. And I think encountering some of the earlier parent ed folks who didn't.
00:03:59
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really helped me think about what 18 year old do I want to graduate from my house? And then what are all the little skills that add up to a whole bunch of adult behaviors?
00:04:10
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And the joke is, if anybody's done parent ed with me in this role as a facilitator, that the back of my bathroom door was full of all these tips and tricks so I could constantly work on my skills. And as it turns out, these same skills are actually leadership skills. So I'm thrilled to be in the role of hosting some of these conversations for parents and caregivers. And I think when you take these same skills to your workplace, It's called leadership and excellence in that realm. Thanks, Kelly, for that reflection of what it's like to be able to find a source to reach out to support you in your parenting journey.
Justin's Insights on Parent Ed Program
00:04:48
Speaker
Justin, I'm curious about the significance for you thinking about being a facilitator in the Muskoka Family Focus Parent Ed Program and also what it's like to give. The gift for me to be involved with the parent ed, I guess it's been over three years now that we've been doing this together, folks.
00:05:09
Speaker
And I have two young kids, nine and six. So that's a good portion of their lives that I've been immersed in this educational journey, working with you folks, learning as a team and having materials and experiences and anecdotes and research to share with program participants and community members that join us in the programs that we facilitate. And the gift has been that kinship to be surrounded by other folks that are stepping forward with similar priorities, even for that evening.
00:05:44
Speaker
And for us, you know, a longer span is we've dedicated quite a bit of our time to proliferating these messages about intentional and on the ground parenting around Muskoka and other communities. So for me to have ah companions other than my partner and who I co-parent with,
00:06:01
Speaker
to To go through those experiences and to reflect with and to share and commiserate with has been significant, as you said, Sandy.
Encouragement for Donations
00:06:10
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Thanks, Justin. um i also want to talk about not only this connection that we have that we're wanting to offer to everyone, but even the notion that for ah a donation, it doesn't have to be a lot of money. So, for example, if you've got $5 that you would like to share and gift, we welcome that because it all adds up and it contributes to the grand pot that we have to share with others.
00:06:34
Speaker
If you're interested in knowing how to donate, definitely take a look in the notes below. you will see the link. There will be an opportunity for you to contribute there. And we also welcome any comments that you would like to make um in connection with what you've been receiving from us, maybe some suggestions questions for things that you would like us to address topics you want us to dip our toes in, and just recognizing that this is a gift that we want to give to you, and we're looking for support so that we can continue to offer this gift to you.
00:07:10
Speaker
Thanks, everyone. We appreciate your generosity. I want to keep going with this idea of the season of Gift giving, gift receiving, looking for
Community Sharing Events
00:07:23
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that gift. You know, a couple of weeks ago on a previous podcast, we talked about how it might be that people may not have the means to buy something new or you might want to be saving a few dollars here or there. And we put out the idea that maybe we could share what we have with others. And I know in a community close by, that's happening.
00:07:49
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There are some events where people can bring in what they have that they no longer want, that's in great condition. And other people can come on another day and they can walk around and they can shop without spending any money.
00:08:05
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It's like this great gift exchange that's occurring. And I think it's that to me is the magical time of the season. So we were just talking about before we got online and it included, you know, those gifts that may be well-meaning relatives or maybe relatives with that little devious, you know, that twinkle in their eye. They're looking to create a little bit of havoc in your home. You know, the ones where,
00:08:34
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They might be giving you the noisy toys. They might be giving you the battery operated toys. What's happened in your home either in the past or maybe something that your children are interested in right now that might be a little bit of a challenge for you?
Humorous Gift Giving Anecdotes
00:08:51
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What's happening, Kelly? Well, your introduction made me think actually about my father-in-law. When my husband was little, his mom brought him a drum.
00:09:02
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And so my father-in-law has been waiting for grandkids so that he could buy them a drum. And that sounds great, except for I did nothing to deserve to be the mother of the drum player.
00:09:15
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So I countered with that's an excellent gift to live at grandpa's house. So you can drum for grandpa because he loves drumming. That's one way to get out of that one. Justin, how about you? Similarly, creativity has been something that has colored our gift giving as a family. My partner has a sister that has two children of almost the same age as our two kids. And what the two mothers that our sisters have come up with is this idea of gifting the children stuff we already have. So we go around and they get a chance to select a bunch of things to give them that are like new to them and are also very congruent with their interests.
00:09:59
Speaker
And so that has morphed into a challenge between the two mothers and sisters for who can get rid of the toy that takes up the most space in in the current house. So it could be a...
00:10:13
Speaker
It could be a castle or a big house or a play table has even happened before. So it's almost like putting a Christmas present at the end of your driveway for someone else to pick up. Those instead go to someone else's home. Oh, I love it, Justin.
00:10:30
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I love it. I have to admit that the mischievous sister in me would garage sale in the preceding summer to find the big gift to then give it out of my house.
00:10:42
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not Sam, what's happened in your home?
Thoughtful Approach to Gifts
00:10:46
Speaker
I mentioned before we started recording that my stepfather, bless him, anyways, his daughter, who was my age and had a developmental disability, loved musical instruments.
00:10:57
Speaker
She passed away a few years ago, and he, in his divine wisdom... thought it would be a really good idea to give these musical instruments to me for my grandchildren to play with when they come to visit, which I thought was really mean because I never did that to him. But um just this week, we were purging things out of the house and I came across this child-sized accordion that I've decided needs to be donated somewhere because it really, nobody's playing with it in my house. But I do recall my one grandson having a really good time with that one day. It was very loud. it was very poorly received by the other inhabitants of the house, including the dogs. There was some howling that went on. Like, it was a whole thing. So, yeah, have to say the accordion probably wins.
00:11:45
Speaker
I think any musical instrument is really one that causes everyone to sort of wince when they see it being unwrapped. I remember when my kids were young that the gift that most kids thought that they wanted was the car on the racetrack. You know, it had the little wire and you would put it in the trough and and away it would go. But how long did it ever actually function? Yeah.
00:12:10
Speaker
Like maybe three laps or the wire would get bent or the cars could never make it around the curve. And those kinds of toys and even the remote control cars that I think they had a lot of curb appeal.
00:12:25
Speaker
But when you got to play with it, it was sort of like lunch bag letdown. Like, you know, wah, wah. So... Those are some of the disappointing toys that had occurred within my kids' lives.
00:12:38
Speaker
I want to talk about an event that I was involved in. and the idea was to make it an affordable shopping time for kids. and And so I created this event that older students would take the younger students around to help them shop. They had a little bit of money and all the vendors were asked to keep the items priced, you know, between one and $5, maybe six or $7. So that children would come in with a ah list, the young children, and then the older students would also help wrap.
00:13:09
Speaker
And Santa Claus was not on site, was not talked about. And I want to tell you that that intention of not having Santa Claus meant that every child always thought about someone else.
00:13:26
Speaker
They were so thrilled and excited about finding that gift for another person that they weren't even thinking about themselves. And it was a beautiful process to see all of that unfold.
00:13:38
Speaker
Have you experienced your children going out shopping or have they talked about, you know, wanting to do something special for that and another person? I think it was a theme that we really tried to cultivate is not just our kids getting gifts, but our kids giving gifts and gifts.
00:13:56
Speaker
My girls are in particular really spend a lot of time thinking about people and sometimes their gifts are so thoughtful because I think they've cultivated this for a long time. We have never talked about volume or price, but what's something little and thoughtful that means I see you, i noticed you like this, it's you know it's particularly funny, just some some element of that. And I think that's brought so much joy some mornings that they're more excited to see other people open their doors the presents that they produced more than the presents that they receive. And this Christmas, and I can't tell you guys until after Christmas, there's a ah pretty special one for their little brother. Woohoo!
00:14:37
Speaker
We're looking forward to hearing that story after. Yeah, now I want to know. yeah This is where you find out about our inability to have delayed gratification. That's right.
00:14:50
Speaker
we' would all fail the marshmallow test. Anyone else, Justin or Sam, have you, is there anything that you have heard from your children thinking about others that they're not getting lost in what they want themselves, but they're really thinking about what they could gift to someone else? i think it's interesting for me because we have my son's girlfriend who lives with us. And to hear him talk about things he would like to give to his girlfriend is lovely because he's really thinking about it. He's really paying attention and watching to see what she's interested in and things like that. So it is really nice to see that. And it's expanded this year because my younger son has this, he sleeps with the same blanket every night, which is fine. Most of us do. It is too small for him. It does not cover him from shoulders to toe tips because he's quite a tall fellow now, but he won't use any other blanket. So John just kind of casually questioned him about that a little bit. And so he came to me today and said, I just want you to know what I'm trying to find for Ryan for Christmas. And I said, okay. And he said, it's the fuzziness of the blanket that he likes. So I'm looking for a bigger fuzzy blanket for him. I said, that is delightful and thoughtful. If I can help you find a bigger fuzzy blanket for him, I will. It's okay, mom. I just didn't want you to go and get that for him. Like, it's okay, buddy. You can win Christmas this year.
00:16:19
Speaker
Ryan is pretty... It's a niche to make surprise him and for him to be happy with something. Like, he's just so meh-meh about many things that... It is kind of this ongoing competition amongst the whole family to see who wins Christmas for Ryan. But I think that John's plan to get him a big fuzzy blanket will definitely win Christmas this year. So, and I can say that out loud because I know my kids are not going to listen to this podcast. um Certainly not Ryan. We are not scientific enough for him.
00:16:52
Speaker
Anything from you, Justin? Yeah, an interesting wrinkle at my house is that belief in the mystical aside, whether it's Santa Claus or or what have you, we have somehow been able to pull off through some alchemy and luck, I'm sure, mostly luck. this belief within both of our kids that what they create with their hands is far more valuable than anything at the store. And they actually believe it. They will, they will present a card with scribbles on it, but that if they believe they put that time into it, which they did, they will present it like they are handing you a golden chalice.
00:17:32
Speaker
That it's the greatest gift that you've ever gotten. And so they really embody that and think about what they could create, how they could do it, and how they could make it personal when they create something for somebody else more than spending money, which they would rather spend on themselves. Yeah. um yeah Yeah, I want to just add on to that, Justin.
00:17:58
Speaker
Today, i was, you know, sort of going through some things to, you know, pass on and the artwork. that I found from my kids, my grandkids, and I'm trying to figure out how I can display it, you know, kind of frame. And my mind actually went into the time that the parents invested in with their kids to either have the materials and to maybe support them through it. And so I just want to you know, say thanks to my, my son and my daughter-in-law and my daughter and my son-in-law, because
00:18:33
Speaker
Those are definitely are the things that I'm cherishing. And as I decorate my Christmas tree, I see these handmade ornaments and it just, yeah, it makes me all twinkly inside and, you know, yeah, heart swells and all that jazz. You know, Sandy, they have services now where you can send off in the mail all that artwork and they will send you like a beautiful book with all of it in it. And then you can keep that instead of, you know, eventually purging. The wall. Well, no, the wall is great. The wall is great. But once you run out of space, it becomes a drawer and then a box and then a bag.
00:19:14
Speaker
Yes. Yes, that's, that's great. I know that my kids would say, Mom, why do you have much more artwork from our kids than from us? Well, you know, time passes by. But yeah, thanks for that, Justin.
Conclusion & Final Thoughts on Gifting
00:19:28
Speaker
So there you have it, everyone. We're talking about gifting. We're talking about if you happen to have a little bit of money extra this year, we would love to receive a donation to continue to support On the Ground Parenting podcast. You can see all the information to make a donation in the link below. and as well, it seems to me that... When we were talking about gifting within our families, what we offer, what we notice our kids derive most pleasure, it's from that thought, that process, that understanding of who that person is. And it might be something that we create on our own or they create on their own, or it might be something that it might be beyond them, like making a fuzzy blanket that they definitely have to go out and purchase. So wishing all of you heartless,
00:20:22
Speaker
heartwarming and connecting time as you contemplate all of your gifts, whether you're creating or shopping. All the best, everybody. And we will see you again on the Ground Parenting Podcast.
00:20:48
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is a production of Muskoka Family Focus's parent education program. It is made possible by the generous donations of listeners like you. If you'd like to make a donation, sponsor an episode, or just ask a question of one of our hosts, go to linktr.ee forward slash on the ground parenting.
00:21:06
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is produced and published by Red Juice Studios. To learn more, go to redjuicestudio.com. Thanks for listening.