Welcome to Episode 14 of On the Ground Parenting, the second part of our special series with international best-selling author and Adlerian psychologist, Alyson Schafer! The conversation picks up where it left off, reinforcing that our children offer us an opportunity for personal growth. Alyson continues to offer insight into the Adlerian framework, challenging the idea that more parenting information always makes things easier.

Alyson introduces a vital Adlerian concept: goal-directed behaviour. She explains that a child's so-called misbehaviour is actually a "mistaken approach" —a creative, smart way for them to solve a problem and achieve a goal, like getting more attention or delaying bedtime. She stresses that children act this way at a pre-conscious level and are not being deliberately mischievous.

The hosts conclude with the realization that we cannot keep everyone happy all the time. Alyson offers a comforting reminder that the "thank you" you're looking for from your kids won't come in the moment, but rather in the quality of the relationship you've built over the longer game.

In This Episode

 * [04:12] The hurdle of overwhelming information and the need for an organizing framework.
 * [06:00] Using the Adlerian philosophy as a "periodic table" to discern information and avoid being overwhelmed.
 * [07:08] The differentiator: understanding children's behaviour as goal-directed.
 * [08:18] A child's "misbehaviour" is really a creative problem-solving effort to reach a goal.
 * [10:31] Why punishment doesn't work: children act at a pre-conscious level and often don't know why they do what they do.
 * [11:39] Well-behaved children tend to get ignored, and off-task behaviour gets engagement.
 * [13:38] The subjectivity of the child: two siblings can have the exact same experience but interpret it completely differently.
 * [16:36] The longer game: the thank you will come back in the quality of the relationship and their continued desire to spend time with you.

Connect with Us

Find Alyson's books, podcast, and free resources at alysonschafer.com [https://alysonschafer.com].

If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our hosts, visit the Central Hub at linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting [https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting].

On the Ground Parenting is a production of Muskoka Family Focus' Parent Education Program. The podcast is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio [https://www.redjuicestudio.com/].

The Long Game: Ain't Misbehavin' - Part 2 of our chat with Alyson Schafer 

Welcome to Episode 13 of On the Ground Parenting and the first part of our multi-episode run with our special guest, Alyson Schafer! Alyson is a celebrated family counselor, international author, and expert in Adlerian psychology. The hosts, Sandy Inkster and Samantha Ennest-Wallis, explore the core of effective parenting, challenging the notion that there's "no manual for raising kids".    

Alyson introduces Adlerian psychology as a "firm and friendly" parenting approach—a middle ground that respects both the child and the parent. She explains that this philosophy, pioneered by Alfred Adler, is evidence-based and counters the extremes of autocratic (firm without friendly) and permissive (friendly without firm) styles.      

The hosts share highly personal moments, discussing the challenge of overcoming shame and embarrassment when a child's behavior isn't ideal. Alyson shares her experience having children with 36 late-slips her first year of school, but explains that this was part of a long-term plan to teach her kids punctuality and responsibility. The episode reinforces that parenting is an opportunity for personal growth, pushing every button a parent has and revealing where they are most vulnerable. The conversation concludes with the hope that, through intentional practice, respectful parenting will become easier and more natural with each passing generation.

Connect with Us

Find Alyson's books, podcast, and free resources at alysonschafer.com [https://alysonschafer.com].

If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our hosts, visit the Central Hub at linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting [https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting].

On the Ground Parenting is a production of Muskoka Family Focus's Parent Education Program. The podcast is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio [https://www.redjuicestudio.com/].

Firm and Friendly Parenting: Ain't Misbehavin' With Guest Alyson Schafer, Part 1

Welcome to Episode 12 of On the Ground Parenting. This week, host Sandy, Sam and special guest Justin consider the phrase "There's no manual for raising kids". The conversation focuses on different parenting approaches and the essential human practice of making amends when things go wrong.

The hosts explore various parenting styles—like authoritarian ("brick wall"), permissive ("jellyfish"), and authoritative ("backbone") —but ultimately agree that intentionality and mindfulness are most important. Justin shares a relatable story about losing his cool when rushed in the morning, detailing the deep hug he received from his six-year-old daughter after he took responsibility for his agitation. Samantha recounts a similar experience with her son, who calmly reminded her, "It takes as long as it takes, Mom".

The episode reinforces that accepting accountability is vital to the parent-child relationship. The hosts share practical strategies for repair, including using open-ended questions like "How can I help you?" , focusing on self-care to be a "well" parent , and exercising restraint in difficult moments.

Send us messages! https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting

The Long Haul: Making Amends and the Myth of the Manual

Welcome to Episode 11 of On the Ground Parenting [https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting]. This week, host Sandy Inkster and co-host Samantha Ennest-Wallis welcome their first-ever guest, Ken Cole, to discuss the parallels between the autumn season and the parenting journey. Ken, also known in the community as the "Leaf Man," connects the spectacular transitions of fall colors to the "huge" transitions parents face as their children grow. Ken shares his personal experience as a pioneering stay-at-home dad and the emotional challenges of his young son reaching out for his mother upon her return. The hosts reflect on the powerful metaphor of "sowing seeds," where the investment made in building a strong relationship with a child when they are young comes to "fruition" when they are adults.

The episode delves into the bittersweet reality that "they will bloom and they will be gone," emphasizing that parenthood happens in the blink of an eye. The hosts share relatable stories about the last time they did something with a child, reinforcing the need to "look now" and cherish the current moment. The conversation concludes with the joy and inspiration that comes from seeing children (and grandchildren) become successful adults.

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On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio [https://redjuicestudio.com/] 

Sowing Seeds and Letting Go

Sandy, Sam, and exciting guest host Justin explore the joys and challenges of seasonal family gatherings like Thanksgiving. The conversation opens with reflections on the September transition and the different ways each family approaches holiday gatherings, noting that the goal is always "togetherness".

The discussion delves into the pressures that can arise during these events, from balancing multiple families to the historical complexities of the Thanksgiving holiday. The hosts emphasize the importance of flexibility and being able to respect a child’s needs, especially when dealing with neurodivergence or anxiety. Sam shares a personal story about avoiding large gatherings and finding a way for her son to participate on his own terms. Justin discusses how holidays can be an "inflection point" for resolving difficult family dynamics, and a chance to offer children dignity and agency. The episode concludes with a heartwarming "love fest" as the hosts share their gratitude for each other and the opportunity to share their parenting journeys with the world.

The Gift of Gratitude and Flexibility

Welcome to Episode 9 of On the Ground Parenting. This week, host Sandy Inkster is joined by fellow parenting educator Samantha Ennest-Wallis and special guest Justin, to tackle the ever-present challenge of household chores. The episode delves into the deeper meaning behind chores, emphasizing that they instill a sense of belonging and are part of a shared family goal. The hosts reflect on their own childhood experiences with chores and how that influenced their parenting styles. Justin shares a poignant reflection on how children spell love as "T-I-M-E", and that a parent's investment in their children is necessary before they can expect them to contribute. Practical advice is also offered, such as using a laminated, step-by-step instruction sheet for complex tasks like laundry. 

Do you have a parenting question? We want to hear from you! Send us a message at https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting or an email at parented@muskokafamilyfocus.ca

The Rhythm of Chores: Reclaiming Routine After Summer

This week on On the Ground Parenting, hosts Sandy, Sam, and Kelly get into the emotional challenges that arise during new beginnings like the "September New Year." The conversation begins with a discussion on how children's behavior, like a "kick the cat mood," can signal an underlying emotional struggle. The hosts then share different ways to connect, including Sandy’s bedtime chats and Kelly's use of a journal to communicate with her children. Sam also introduces the use of text messaging as a tool for "neurodiverse" families to express feelings without verbal confrontation.

They share the value of tools like an emotions wheel to develop a richer vocabulary for feelings. They also reflect on the role of parent education, mentorship, and reading parenting books, highlighting programs like "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen". The hosts conclude with a reminder that parenting is an ever-evolving journey, and being "on the ground" means there will be days of slogging through the mud as well as gaining firm ground.They also reflect on the role of parent education, mentorship, and reading parenting books, highlighting programs like "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen". 

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On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio [https://redjuicestudio.com/]. 



From Quicksand to Firm Ground: An Emotional Guide to Parenting

This week on On the Ground Parenting, hosts Sandy, Sam, and Kelly  discuss the "September New Year" and the pressure and excitement that come with new beginnings. The hosts share personal experiences navigating transitions, from early school jitters and a new parent's anxiety over packing, to the monumental transition of a child going to university. Samantha notes the shift from being a parent driven by anxiety and external pressure to a more confident, at-ease advocate for her children.

In This Episode

[01:21] The "September New Year" and dealing with a new schedule.

[02:42] Shifting from parental anxiety to at-ease advocacy.

[04:19] The idea of being a "sturdy parent" and setting intentional boundaries.

[06:01] Managing the guilt of external pressures, especially for parents of neurodivergent children.

[07:46] Adjusting to new routines and the importance of parental self-care.

[11:38] The relief of passing packing responsibilities to kids.

[14:19] De-escalating tense moments by taking a pause.

[16:42] The importance of a parent's words matching their body language.

[21:56] Final takeaways on ownership, awareness, and staying grounded.

Connect with Us

If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our hosts, visit the Central Hub at linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting

On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio. To learn more, visit redjuicestudio.com



The September New Year: Navigating Transitions - Episode 7 

The last week of our summer series! This time on On the Ground Parenting, hosts Sandy, Sam, and Kelly get into the art of preparing children for outdoor adventures, a crucial life skill. They discuss the concept of "division of responsibility" where parents empower kids to be more capable and self-sustaining by gradually transferring some of the planning and packing duties. The discussion also touches on the importance of parental preparedness, including the lesson of always remembering underwear for a post-beach outing. Sam reflects on her own journey, from being "shell-shocked" as a new parent to developing mental checklists and routines. The hosts agree that these planning skills are a form of leadership that kids can carry throughout their lives, citing an example of a high school student who used her outdoor skills to organize a school-wide picnic. The episode concludes with advice for parents on how to handle frustration and "muddy" moments.

In This Episode

[01:04] What is the "division of responsibility"?[01:56] Using lists and pictures to help kids pack.

[02:47] Learning from the consequences of forgetting to pack.

[04:28] Samantha's journey from "shell-shocked" parent to a master of mental lists.

[07:33] Why packing and planning are valuable life and leadership skills.

[11:05] Giving kids a sense of agency with lists and check-ins.

[14:10] Strategies for parents to cope with frustration and "muddy" moments.

[19:02] The balance of "roots and wings" in parenting.Connect with Us!

If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our hosts, visit the Central Hub at https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting

On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio [https://www.redjuicestudio.com/] 

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The Art of Preparing Kids for Adventure: Summer Series - On The Ground Parenting Podcast Episode 6

Bear down...at the end of the driveway!? On the Ground Parenting this week goes Outdoors At Night! Sandy, Sam, and Kelly explore the unique experience of getting outdoors after dark. I read that bears are attracted to the smell of people who don't subscribe to our podcast...just saying.

They dive into the anxiety associated with nighttime, from spooky sounds to a fear of bears. The hosts offer books like "Just a Walk" and "Wake Up Night" and practical advice to help both children - and parents! - get over their fears. 

The episode provides actionable ideas for making night exploration fun and safe, from using flashlights and laying on a trampoline to stargaze to the appeal of food cooked over a fire. The hosts discuss the importance of involving children in the cooking process, building patience and providing opportunities for important safety conversations. They close with a reminder that these nighttime adventures create lasting memories and build a strong relationship with the outdoors.

In This Episode

[01:01] Books that help with worries about getting outdoors.

[02:05] Overcoming fears of the dark for both kids and adults.

[05:18] Humorous encounters with nighttime wildlife.

[08:48] Helping children through their outdoor worries.

[11:50] Fun activities for nighttime, like trampolining and hammocks.

[13:43] The enticing nature of cooking food outdoors at night.

[18:22] Using natural consequences to teach life lessons.

[19:22] Why nighttime outdoor adventures create lasting memories.

Connect with Us

If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our hosts, visit the Central Hub at

https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting

On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio. To learn more, visit

https://www.redjuicestudio.com/



 Outdoors At Night: Summer Series - On The Ground Parenting Podcast Episode 5

On the Ground Parenting is a resource for parents, grandparents, and caregivers across all stages of family life. Sandy, Sam, and Kelly bring unique perspectives – from navigating neurodiversity to grassroots family care and seasoned grandmother wisdom - in this nonjudgmental conversation. Each episode, approximately 25 minutes in length, offers practical insights, relatable experiences, and expert guidance from our diverse team of parenting educators at Muskoka Family Focus [https://muskokafamilyfocus.ca/].

Subscribe for a new podcast every Wednesday! Have a question, suggestion, or want to tax-deductibly sponsor an episode of On The Ground Parenting? Send us a message here 👇https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting

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