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Sowing Seeds and Letting Go
25 Plays22 days ago
Welcome to Episode 11 of On the Ground Parenting. This week, host Sandy Inkster and co-host Samantha Ennest-Wallis welcome their first-ever guest, Ken Cole, to discuss the parallels between the autumn season and the parenting journey. Ken, also known in the community as the "Leaf Man," connects the spectacular transitions of fall colors to the "huge" transitions parents face as their children grow. Ken shares his personal experience as a pioneering stay-at-home dad and the emotional challenges of his young son reaching out for his mother upon her return. The hosts reflect on the powerful metaphor of "sowing seeds," where the investment made in building a strong relationship with a child when they are young comes to "fruition" when they are adults.
The episode delves into the bittersweet reality that "they will bloom and they will be gone," emphasizing that parenthood happens in the blink of an eye. The hosts share relatable stories about the last time they did something with a child, reinforcing the need to "look now" and cherish the current moment. The conversation concludes with the joy and inspiration that comes from seeing children (and grandchildren) become successful adults.
https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting
On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Today's episode of On the Ground Parenting is made possible by the generous donations of our listeners. To learn more, look in the show notes or listen to the end of the episode.
00:00:33
Speaker
Welcome to On the Ground Parenting. My name is Sandy and I'm joined with my parent ed colleague, Sam. So we're co-hosts this evening and for the first time ever, we have a guest and I would like to say hello to our guests and introduce Ken Cole and welcome you to this On the Ground Parenting podcast.
00:00:54
Speaker
Thank you. It's ah nice to be here. And I hope it's going to be a journey of discovery. It usually is.
00:01:05
Speaker
I think it will be, Ken. And just knowing um the adventures I've had with you, I think it will be great discovery. So we talk about what topics we want to have and sometimes we're influenced by events that happen in our lives. And the other day I happened to see a video and it was of my friend Ken.
00:01:25
Speaker
And he is involved in providing some very helpful information to people. And I'll let him describe that a little bit more. But before that, I've known Ken in the community for quite a few
Community Involvement and Leaf Reports
00:01:37
Speaker
years. And I'm going to let Ken just describe a little bit about what he's been up to, all the ways he's been involved in the community and what he's doing right now.
00:01:46
Speaker
So, yeah, it's important to be involved in our communities. And I take a lot of joy out of that experience. Right now, over the last couple of years in the autumn season, we have had leaf reports making the information ah available to people who love the changing colours.
00:02:10
Speaker
And we have a raft of people who help us along with that or will step in. And we were out today into Algonquin Park and it was spectacular.
00:02:23
Speaker
and ah Great word. It was because it was better than spectacular. It was speckletacular. And we just found ourselves oohing and aahing. Every time you went around the corner, you'd confront yourself with a tapestry of color and leaves.
00:02:48
Speaker
It was quite something. So that's what we're doing in the autumn season.
Transitions in Nature and Parenting
00:02:54
Speaker
And i do the report. And yeah, we have a lot of fun. We certainly had ah really great time today in the morning. And Ken, what's your name when you're in that role?
00:03:07
Speaker
Leafman. Leaf Man. That's right. Leaf Man. am the Leaf Man. yeah Yes, you are the Leaf Man. Every time I say it, a that song, the Beatles song pops into my head. I'm the Leaf Man. I'm the Leaf Man.
00:03:24
Speaker
You're the walrus. Cuckoo, ca-choo, cuckoo, ca-choo. Oh, that's great. That's fantastic. Yeah. I don't know if I had it right on, but.
00:03:36
Speaker
Close enough. So be it. It's improv. Yeah. And that that's also been a big part of your life as well, too. But I want to get into the reason why we wanted to invite you and connected with the whole Leaf Report, the Leaf Man, because you talked about the transitions. And in that split second, when I heard you talking about the transitions that we notice outside in autumn, my mind went to Yeah, you know, it's a word that applies to a lot of different things in life. And we often will talk about how our children are transitioning and the emphasis of how can we support our children to transition with toddlers? It's tough. So what can we do to support them? And then we talk about the transitions as we mature. And my mind then went to, and as a parent, wow.
Challenges of Being a Stay-at-Home Dad
00:04:26
Speaker
did I ever have to transition an awful lot as my children were growing? so Ken, years ago, you used to come into playgroup the Centennial Centre upstairs in Huntsville with your children.
00:04:39
Speaker
And your children are a lot older now. So what transitions have you witnessed in your life as a parent? Well, they're huge. And it was always so special for us to have that drop-in centre to go to.
00:04:53
Speaker
I was ah operating in a relatively new role as a stay-at-home dad at that point in time. It was great for me to do that role with my son because I get that connection and my daughter, Sophia,
00:05:09
Speaker
We'd find ourselves there having a great time. You had a lot of knowledge about how you should approach coming into that environment with your kids.
00:05:21
Speaker
Yeah, I think I even used to read Dr. Seuss to the kids, which I loved. So it was a symbiotic relationship. I got to spend time with my son.
00:05:33
Speaker
i got to read to the kids and be a kid again. it was just very special. So being a stay-at-home dad that many years ago, not that any one of us is old or anything, but it was not typical, I would say. And it still isn't necessarily typical, but I think we have more...
00:05:51
Speaker
shift work or different work environments where we may see more opportunities when dads are caregivers or primary caregivers. But for you, that was relatively unfamiliar territory, I would say. Yeah. You know, it's difficult because really,
00:06:07
Speaker
The child wants to be with the mother. And it wasn't just a natural progression of, okay, I'm with dad today. I mean, there was a lot of emotion going on when Catherine was leaving the front door to go to work in the morning.
00:06:24
Speaker
There was tears to be spent. And I would be holding Jesse and he'd be reaching out. Then it's as soon as she was gone, he'd look at me like, okay, I guess...
00:06:39
Speaker
This is it, isn't it? Until Catherine came home after the store closed at five o'clock, I take Jesse to the door and he almost jumped out of my arms into Catherine's arms and then look at me and go, bang, you're dead.
00:07:02
Speaker
He didn't really mean that, but it just outlines there were challenges when you were a dad staying at home in this new, somewhat new role.
00:07:12
Speaker
Yeah, I was thinking about that. And so now let's just jump a little bit further. And so the transition, so that was what it was like when the children were young and you were a stay-at-home dad with them. And now what's it like? How are they reaching out to you now, all of these years later? What's the role reversal? Well, I think as we get aging and our kids grow up and start the adult life that they're going to live, Jesse, he wants to help me.
00:07:43
Speaker
He wants to be a part of that process. and And we're very close. And I love that. I mean, I love being a dad and I love spending time with my kids on that level.
00:07:56
Speaker
And I also feel like there's a real place for me that they come to me for advice or help. And that's a special feeling.
00:08:08
Speaker
And to have them be there for you, like Jesse, my son is coming back from ah Edmonton on Sunday. I'll pick him up and work that I had prior, the heavy lifting,
00:08:22
Speaker
is Now it's harder
Investing in Parent-Child Relationships
00:08:24
Speaker
for me. So he comes and it's a real help for him to help me close up the pool and clean the gutters, up ladders and down ladders and the ice damming of last winter.
00:08:38
Speaker
i just simply can't do those jobs. So now the seeds we've sown before with ah having our relationships with, in this instance, my son come to fruition and he's there.
00:08:52
Speaker
And we can connect on that level too. The conversations are much deeper, of course, than they were when he was three years old.
00:09:03
Speaker
Yeah, it's a pleasure for me to have that relationship with my child and see the fruits of our labors. We love to see that. And I know it doesn't happen with every parent. I mean, there's no guarantees that that relationship is going to flourish. So I feel lucky that it does. And hopefully as time goes on and the aging process carries on, that we'll still be able to maintain that.
00:09:32
Speaker
in our relationships. I think you really highlighted it, Ken, when you said that the investment that you put into building that relationship when they were younger has come to fruition. That was such a beautiful way of phrasing that.
00:09:44
Speaker
It really speaks to my heart because I think that's the goal as parents that we all have, we're caregivers, we want our children to feel comfortable and to be able to be friends when they're older. Like that's really what I would love is for me to want to spend time with my kiddos when they're older, which I think is part of the investment that we're putting in when they're younger. so Yeah, I think you're right, Sam. And that payoff is ah greater than pretty much anything. We do, as you said, invest our time and happily so to ah bring our kids up with the the ethics that we feel are important to survive in the world.
00:10:25
Speaker
And we have challenges as well with ah children. The relationship with my Daughter is a great relationship, but it's totally different than the relationship with my son.
00:10:41
Speaker
So you need switch gears on how you're approaching each child. We see them as, okay, these are our kids and they will do in unison all the things we think are right.
00:10:56
Speaker
It's not like that, is it? No. Yeah, they are little individual people who have differences and their own opinions, and those opinions will change. So I just love my kids, and I love anything that ah we have to do together.
Parenting as a Learning Journey
00:11:18
Speaker
I find a great deal of joy in it. Thanks. Ken, you mentioned that you were sowing seeds. And I really like that metaphor of the role that we have as parents and just seeing how similar to the trees, like we're growing this plant.
00:11:35
Speaker
Is there anything in particular that you think about the seeds that you were sowing in your children? I have to keep in mind that I was learning just as much as they were learning. They're starting to have that process of figuring out how ah life will look. And I was the same. I remember in those early days, I worked at Deerhurst as a waiter in one of the outlets there.
00:12:02
Speaker
And I remember serving some people. And as I left the table, After I took their orders, I had this panic attack that I was going to have a child, not just me, Catherine and I, of course, but...
00:12:19
Speaker
I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. And it was just ah so frightening. And I think every parent has to go through that process.
00:12:33
Speaker
Or if you're looking for a deep connection, every parent has to take a leap of faith and you're going to have to give up quite a bit. to get to where you want to be with your kids. And in reference, Sandy, to the the leaves, that's the end of a cycle and they drop and the acorns drop and it's a changing environment that happens to us every year. That's an integral part of how we are in this world.
00:13:06
Speaker
Sam, did you want to reference anything about the seeds that we sow in our children? I love that metaphor. It really does highlight what we're doing is we're putting the time in, we're teaching them the things that we're teaching them.
00:13:18
Speaker
And I think that watching them grow and change is just such a delight. And we have this one memory that is a core memory in our family. of my youngest son's kindergarten graduation photo, which is the scowliest photo that you ever have seen. I should send it to Jess and James, our producers, and see if they could use it in a promo for this show, because now he'll get his photo taken at school, and he doesn't usually smile or anything, but it's not the same level of complete disgruntled snarl.
00:13:49
Speaker
And the best part about it was how excited his kindergarten teacher was that he acquiesced to even having his photo taken at school because it was literally the first time that that had happened. So now he can do it quite willingly.
00:14:02
Speaker
For me, thinking about sowing seeds, I think about even the fact that I really didn't even like kids. I'm sorry to say that out loud before I had my own children.
00:14:14
Speaker
I liked my nieces and nephews, but I was not the babysitting type. But when I became pregnant with my son, i was just so amazed with his whole experience. And when my children, when he was born and then when my daughter was born, i was impressed with how huge this role of being a parent, of being a mother was, and that I felt that I had a very short time when they were young, to instill my own values, morals, ethics, principles. I just wanted to influence them so that they had that grounding, the place in which they were growing, their seeds were sprouting, that it was secure, that it was founded in something that was valuable.
00:15:00
Speaker
So that's what was relevant for me. Yeah, our jobs in life changed dramatically as things happen. I came late to parenting relatively.
00:15:13
Speaker
I always was the favorite uncle of my siblings' children because I traveled a lot and I spent a lot of time in other cultures.
00:15:24
Speaker
um Catherine and I met and we were married quickly and we both wanted kids. So consequently, I'm quite a bit older than I don't know a normal dad would be.
00:15:39
Speaker
yeah i don't think it's really affected my parenting negatively. I think the way my kids look at me now, it's been affected somewhat.
00:15:52
Speaker
You know, hey, that's what it was and I can't change it now. Right. Embrace it. Well, as we wrap up, I want to just bring forward something that you shared with me in our conversation the other day.
00:16:06
Speaker
you were definitely referencing your role as leaf man and providing a leaf report. And you were saying to me you know, you can't wait.
00:16:16
Speaker
You have to look now. They will bloom and be gone. And I'm wondering how you would use that statement, those statements to reflect on your your role of dad being a parent.
Longing for Grandchildren and Family Stories
00:16:33
Speaker
Well, yeah, it's well put, Sandy. They will bloom and they will be gone. And the timeframes are different, but there certainly are some similarities.
00:16:44
Speaker
They just grow up so fast. I remember I used to carry my kids on my shoulders and And hold their hand walking across the road. I think, I wonder when the last time I'll be able to lift my child up and put them on my shoulder and walk down the street.
00:17:05
Speaker
It happens in the blink of an eye, almost like those leaves falling down. Before we know it, the barren trees are looking at us right in the face. And before we know it, our kids have grown up and on their way to their own successful lives and families as well.
00:17:25
Speaker
The other thing I find is I really, at this point, am craving a grandchild. And my brother, who started earlier than me, has got three grandkids now, and he's five years younger than me.
00:17:43
Speaker
So I take a lot of abuse for that. Yeah, just putting it out there, right? A little inspiration for your kids. Yeah, I try not to push it too hard because that's just not fair. But boy, I will be happy when a grandchild comes if it comes.
00:18:02
Speaker
Mm hmm. And Sam, do you want to have any reflections on that statement about have to look now they will bloom and be gone? And it's so true. And I have previously created a blog post about that very thing, because when you're having experiences with your children and as they're getting older, you never know when the last time you're going to do something with them is the last time you're going to do something with them.
00:18:25
Speaker
So I remember people who know me well know that there was a lot of co-sleeping going on in my life. And my youngest was quite old by the time he stopped wandering in at night to have a snuggle.
00:18:36
Speaker
um And I honestly, I don't remember when the last time was. And that's a little bit heartbreaking that I didn't know to take more note of that, Not that he doesn't occasionally still want a hug or anything, but it's just not the same level of of need, which is perfect. That's as it should be.
00:18:53
Speaker
But I think it's important to acknowledge and and maybe even grieve those moments a little bit as a parent, because we do treasure our time with our children and you want them to grow up. But then when you realize how quickly it's going, sometimes you'd like to just pump the brakes just a smidge. Yeah.
00:19:07
Speaker
Where did it go? It happened so fast. Mm hmm. but I find myself thinking, how did I miss this bit that bit? Life gets busy and we do miss some things. But I think generally a parent, if they're keeping their eyes on the prize, get most of it as as time goes on.
00:19:31
Speaker
And those stories that we tell, ah Later on, as they grow into adults, they're a foundation for our relationship with our kids. There was one funny story where I had these brownie chocolates and it was in the winter and I had to go and shovel our truck out.
00:19:55
Speaker
And I said to Jesse, don't eat any of those brownies. Don't do it. I'll be back in a second. I had to run out. I ran out, started the car, and ran back in. And there was Jesse with the chocolate over his all over his face.
00:20:13
Speaker
And he looked at me and said, Dad, I didn't eat the brownies.
00:20:21
Speaker
That's delightful. Yeah. We tell that story now. And he's like, i I know he enjoys it. But in the beginning, he's like, Oh, no, not this one again.
00:20:33
Speaker
yeah. yeah I loved having my children grow up. And Such a different role, being a child myself, you know, I wanted to go see
Gratitude for Family Gatherings
00:20:44
Speaker
the world. I wanted to go explore. I wanted to have my own adventures and my parents were there and I just thought they were always there, but I was on my own path and I try and remember that. So as a parent,
00:20:55
Speaker
to not try and hang on too tightly, but oh my gosh, I cherish it. So now with my children and their spouses and my grandkids, I'm sorry to tell you, Ken, I'm just, I'm just delightful.
00:21:09
Speaker
I love it. I love, I love being together with my family. i laugh. I'm inspired. I'm dazzled by the brilliance and the thinking and, oh, I like being with those people.
00:21:23
Speaker
Yeah, I feel the same way ah when we get together for Thanksgivings or Christmases or what have you. I find myself thinking exactly that. I like being together with these people. I like sitting down and talking with them.
00:21:40
Speaker
and doing things like that. So there you go. Have to look now, have to be there now. They will bloom and be gone. It's been a real treat, Ken, having you and your leaf man. Maybe we need to know, what's the report of the leaf's color right now?
00:21:57
Speaker
Well, it looks like about 75% Algonquin Highlands, a little bit higher than Huntsville. And about 40% leaf droppage. But it's speckletacular out there in Algonquin ah Park now. It's just so beautiful.
00:22:18
Speaker
ah You know, pay attention. We need to pay attention and enjoy them. They're here. They tell us our stories about what's happening in our environment. And, yeah, I just like having fun with it.
00:22:32
Speaker
I think that's a great way to wrap up and encourage everyone to come visit us here in Canada. Those listeners who are elsewhere in the world.
Closing Remarks
00:22:41
Speaker
ah We have incredible color happening right now.
00:22:45
Speaker
Thank you very much, Ken Cole, for being our very first guest on On the Ground Parenting. Thank you, Sandy. Nice meeting you, Sam. You as well. And join us the next podcast, everyone.
00:22:58
Speaker
Thanks very much.
00:23:17
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is production of Muskoka Family Focus Parent Education Program. If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our hosts, visit the Central Hub at linktr.ee forward slash on the ground parenting.
00:23:34
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio. To learn more, visit redjuicestudio.com forward slash nonprofits. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next Wednesday On the Ground Parenting.