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The Gift of Connection: Meaning Over Money in the Holidays
32 Plays1 month ago
Welcome back to On the Ground Parenting for Episode 19! Hosts Sandy, Sam, and Kelly conclude their two-part discussion on navigating the stress, expense, and commercialism of the holiday season. The conversation shifts from what traditions to let go of, to what truly brings meaning and value to the family.
We talk through the idea that the best gifts are not expensive, but those that make the recipient feel seen, heard, and valued. They share creative, budget-friendly ideas that prioritize connection and utility over cost:
- The Gift of Time: Kelly is planning a few evenings with her nieces and nephews to help them make gifts for their parents.
- Secondhand and Practical: Sam shares how her family makes it a game to find useful gifts that truly reflect the recipient's interests. She notes her son was thrilled with his new toothbrush.
- Experiences and Humor: Sandy recounts the funny family memory of her sisters hanging up leotards instead of stockings , while Kelly shares a story about gifting a humorous, DIY Mountain Equipment Co-op membership kit.
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Transcript
Introduction and Support
00:00:00
Speaker
Today's episode of On the Ground Parenting is made possible by the generous donations of our listeners. To learn more, look in the show notes or listen to the end of the episode.
Meet the Hosts: Sandy, Sam, and Kelly
00:00:34
Speaker
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to On the Ground Parenting. This is a podcast brought to you by Muskoka Family Focus from the Parent Ed team. Joining you in this podcast is me, Sandy, Sam, and Kelly.
00:00:47
Speaker
Can you tell I stumble over that every time, everybody? I stumble over it every time. So I just want to put it out there. That's what I do. I stumble.
Celebrating Holidays: Faith-Based and Secular
00:00:55
Speaker
Well, we've been talking about holidays, what it means to get together, whether you're going to be celebrating with a big group or not. Is it faith-based for you? Is it not? And actually, last session, we talked about, i think, Samantha, you mentioned about Christmas trees. And I really wanted everyone to know that last year, i got my Christmas tree the end of November. And it's a real tree.
00:01:21
Speaker
And it was up until after St. Patrick's Day. The needles were petrified on the tree. They were crisp. They were hard. They were not falling off. So I set this little goal every year. And i have a Christmas tree for that length of time.
00:01:37
Speaker
And I love it. I think my neighbors think I'm on a little bit odd, but that's okay. I like the lights in my living room. Yeah, lights are great. When I was in college, we had a tree that we put up for Christmas and we left it up and redecorated it for every holiday because we
Unique Christmas Traditions: Creativity and Connection
00:01:53
Speaker
were in college. We didn't have any decor. There was nothing. So we just had this cute little tree in the corner with the lights on. And it's kind of, ah yeah, the tree always stays up for a long time in my house too. Like there are times is when...
00:02:06
Speaker
Yeah, I don't even want to tell you. i think, no, I'm not going to tell you how late the latest one was. It was late. and And Sam, you talked a little bit about getting the tree and how you had one year where you almost didn't have a tree. And some people actually even have a tradition around a tree.
00:02:24
Speaker
So that might even be an activity. What we've been talking about is Does it have to be surrounding the gift giving? Can there be a different intention? What's the meaning of this time together for you and your family? And especially most people right now are really aware of the cost of everything.
00:02:44
Speaker
And so if we can be a little more practical, a little more realistic, come down to what the deeper meaning is of what we're trying to achieve, then maybe we can let go of spending money that we might not even have or stressing out about not having the money to do the things that we think we want to do.
00:03:02
Speaker
How about you, Kelly? You know, as you were saying that, it's making me think about, I think presents are one of my love languages, but presents are a love language in that, do they make me feel seen and heard and valued? And so they're not expensive. They're not fantastical. i have a good friend who their Christmas Eve tradition is the adults in the house collect cardboard boxes squirrel them away in the garage. And on Christmas Eve, after the kids have gone to bed, the adults build fantastical forts or libraries or castles. The theme has varied over them the years. And so when the kids wake up on Christmas morning, they have this whole village built for them.
00:03:46
Speaker
And I love it because it's all made out of recycling. And when you're done with it, whether it outlashed your Christmas tree or not, it goes back in the recycling. And to me, that's a gift of connection and creativity and laughter, both for the adults and then the kids who are like, where did this come from? And as kids got older and were able to stay up later on Christmas Eve, they became part of the builders rather than the finders. Right.
00:04:14
Speaker
A lot of fun, a lot of fun in that capacity.
Gifting: Listening to Children and Valuing Experiences
00:04:17
Speaker
i think part of what you were exploring too was the difference between wants and needs and the importance of really deeply listening.
00:04:26
Speaker
Because we can discover that even though a child might be saying, I want this, I want this, I want this, over the course of the year, you have heard a whole other underlying story of what they're really interested in.
00:04:40
Speaker
So that flash in the moment, you know, desire that they might have may not be the long lasting experience that you know, they really appreciate.
00:04:50
Speaker
Sam, how has that evolved for you? So I feel like every time we do a podcast, I have a somewhat funny Ryan story to tell. But when Ryan was quite young, it was so hard to get him to give any suggestions of what he might want for Christmas. In one year, he was determined that he wanted...
00:05:09
Speaker
a toy water bomber. And there was one other thing that he wanted that simply didn't exist on in this world, any other world, like it just was not a thing that existed. And it was heartbreaking for him, because he was still very much believed in all the magical parts of Christmas at that point. So then after that, never again did he ever have a suggestion of what he might want for Christmas, which broke my heart a little bit. But now it's become almost this little game between his dad and I and my husband now. So the three of us are all trying to win Christmas with Ryan. And I totally won last year with the toothbrush because you just, he teaches us so much with his just intrinsic desire not to participate in that whole, what I want is blah, to listen to him and observe him. So yeah, I won Christmas with a toothbrush and it's just this joke between the adults, but it really is. It is interesting to me how important it is for him to feel like he's being seen and heard, which is the same for everyone. But you can tell only in the slightest little smirk on his face that, oh, you you picked up on that. So nothing's very overt, but it just really, yeah, just that experience, despite how heartbreaking it was in the moment, really taught us to listen and see him more clearly, I think.
Homemade and Secondhand Gifts
00:06:33
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And I don't even know if I answered your question or not, but I just wanted to share that experience because now he knows that we are thinking of him and we're trying to find things that are useful, but also something that he will really like to have. So, and I mean, with my older son, he's always happy to provide me with a list of things that he needs that I could choose from if I wish to buy him Christmas presents or But we have started to try to normalize secondhand gifting and making things. I love love, love, love, love when somebody makes me something because it just lets you know that they really do value you enough to give up their time, not just put money into it, but to actually give up their time. I agree. i agree. And I think that with children as well, eliminating the whole experience of a Santa Claus, for example, experience where
00:07:25
Speaker
It's about me and what I want and being able to shift into what would I like to gift that person? So then the child shifts from me, me, me I want to really diving into a meaningful sharing or exchange or, you know, it's a real thrill to be able to find something and to offer to another person. And it doesn't have to be a gift that you've spent a lot of money on.
00:07:54
Speaker
And, you know, as you said that, it makes me think, and I can't think of the exact example, but there's been times where my kids have given me gifts and, And it speaks to all the things Sam has been saying about they've been paying attention. They have a particular lens and the gift wasn't necessarily expensive, but it's just like, oh, that's something that you've noticed about me that speaks to you. And then you gave me something to fill that need or to help me out or to whatever.
00:08:22
Speaker
And those are the gifts that bring tears to my eyes. Yeah. And this year I've been thinking about as an aunt, what's my role? And I have been thinking about taking my nieces and nephews and spending a couple of evenings with them in this season to help them prep gifts for the people in their lives. So they start to think about what could they make? What could we do together that could then be a surprise for their parents? I think that's a very generous offering of you. Like you are also thinking about other people. You're thinking about your nieces and nephews and and as well then it's about who else they may be in relationship with. And I i guess maybe what comes to mind for me as we're talking about this, I want to encourage listeners to go out into their community because I know that in our community here, I see that the public libraries, for example, are
00:09:15
Speaker
often have activities or experiences that you can join, that they offer, that you can make things. So keep your eyes open. If you're worried about missing it, go to the website for these different um offerings from the public libraries to see what you might be able to join, what your children might be able to join, all under the idea or the perspective that it will be an activity that you're engaged in together.
00:09:44
Speaker
And the outcome is that someone might have a little something that they can offer as a gift to another human being. Anything else that crops up in your minds about how families who might be looking at, you know, having a gift to give or... you know I even think about the different food banks in the community, that the offerings that are available there. I just know that people in communities are are struggling a bit right now.
00:10:08
Speaker
And if we can be an encouraging source to help people locate activities or so products, then that would be beneficial.
Fostering a Giving Spirit: Volunteering and Donations
00:10:17
Speaker
I mean, as you both know, I volunteer at a food bank here in Gravenhurst once a week. and there certainly are lots of opportunities to get involved with those sorts of organizations all year long. But the need is definitely higher, especially if you live in a climate where the weather gets worse in the wintertime. So, you know, ah there's more things to think about, more things to struggle with. I think a lovely family activity to potentially volunteer at a food bank. Or, you know, you can also, as a family, go through your outerwear and see what doesn't fit anymore that you could launder and then perhaps give to someone who needs it. So there's a lot of communities have coat drives and things like that. And that those sorts of things need to happen now because, as we know, it is getting chilly out. But what a wonderful way to set the tone with your family for what you want this whole season to look like. to To start it off with trying to find things in your home to donate to someone who might need them more. which i honest And as I'm saying that, my children see me do it every year, but I don't know that they...
00:11:24
Speaker
have really internalized that lesson. But maybe they have, because sometimes Ryan or John will say to me, i don't wear this anymore. Can you give it to someone who needs it? So I guess now that I've just worked through that in my little head here, they they probably do pick up on that. But I just think it sets the tone of giving and thinking of others, which I think is really important. And it's so necessary. For instance, right now Gravenhurst Against Poverty, where I spend my time volunteering, because I don't have a lot of hours for volunteering, and that's where I choose to put them. it's Socktober because we see a lot of folks coming in and they don't have socks.
00:12:00
Speaker
So people are donating socks. And when you think about it that way, like there's a lot of really basic needs that need to be met in our communities. And any opportunity you have to kind of show your children how to offer that kindness, I think is a huge present to give them this time of the year, any time of the year, really. So...
00:12:19
Speaker
You're reminding me with that story, Sam, is not so much for Christmas, but for birthdays. I struggled with a tiny little house when our kids were little, and I struggled with birthday parties because they had this influx of gifts, and we didn't have any place for them. And I also didn't want to get into the...
00:12:37
Speaker
but the The growing pressure, I think, to give gifts that are significant and whatever. So one year, we did a few things with the kids, but one year we had each of the kids bring a toonie and we went through the world.
00:12:50
Speaker
I can't remember. It's the World Vision, I think, catalog. And together, the group at the birthday party picked what gift they wanted to send a family across the world. And then my husband, as the party was carrying on, made them eat your certificate. Like, together, you bought a family, five chickens.
00:13:09
Speaker
And it was the best. We had no stuff in the house. We taught them a little bit about people who didn't have ah other things. And they all thought it was the bee's knees. Hey, mom, guess what I did today? I bought chickens. Yeah. That's amazing. I love that so much. We did that through Plan Canada. um And I think like looking locally, we were talking about this the other day that if only we had, so we've got the idea, we just need someone to give us the space or the social media vehicle by which we do this. But what could I give you from my house? Remember that conversation we had that it might be something that i don't need and maybe I don't want to sell. And I know people will say, Oh, you know, we've got the different groups in social media, but this is a lot more intentional and specific. It's almost like it's just a conduit of no longer serving a purpose here, but requiring to be a purpose somewhere else. And just so that we can you know make sure that there's no holding back of supporting other people. There's a practice called just like me in my mindfulness world. And I really appreciate that. And it's just like me, this person wants to have a full belly before they go to bed at night. And just like me, this person wants to have a bed with warm blankets. And just like me, this person wants to have warm boots and
00:14:29
Speaker
So how can we actually facilitate that? and And I guess I'm just encouraging everyone to reach out and express what it is that they might be needing or what they might have that they're willing to offer to someone else.
Thoughtful and Personalized Gifting Ideas
00:14:43
Speaker
It sort of supported what we were talking about, gifting and gifting in ways where we don't have any money, gifting in ways where you have a little bit of money, gifting in ways where it could be homemade gifts. We've been talking about that. And what else comes to mind for you you? know, I think it was at the earlier center and it might have been Susan years ago who shared the story of somebody she knew They had no money. And so the adults in the family would spend a couple hours with magazines and they would make a, if I had money, these are the things I'd like to buy you and why And even thinking about it, it still makes me teary because to me, that's the power of a gift. It's not the thing. It's not the money. It's the, oh, you saw how much I love to read. Oh, you saw how much my boots were wearing out. Like,
00:15:37
Speaker
Oh, you're paying attention to me. So even if you couldn't give it to me in real form, to give it to me as a series of images, at least for me, still fill some of that cup, a huge part of that cup. Another way of validating another human being.
00:15:52
Speaker
Yeah. Anything come to mind for you, Sam? I think we've covered a lot of things um already, but I think something that is kind of a neat idea if people are trying to do Christmas on a budget is perhaps plan a day to go to your local thrift store and maybe take turns going in so that you don't know what everybody else might have selected to to give as a gift. But There's certainly some gems to be found in thrift stores. And just because something's been loved and used before, it doesn't mean that it doesn't have lots of life and love left in it. So I think it's a great opportunity to, you know, keep things out of the landfill, which is an important thing in my brain. And also it teaches little like children or other people as well, adults.
00:16:38
Speaker
But I'm thinking as kids are little, if you give them some money, you know, there's some lessons there. Even if it's a couple of dollars, they can decide how they're going to spend it. So I just think there's some some good ways that way. If gift giving is super important in your family, then there are some ways to do it more economically. Yeah, I think secondhand gifting is such a great idea.
00:16:57
Speaker
You know, what comes to mind for me with your story, Sam, is Often when I would be out with my grandchildren, they would ah see something and they would say that they wanted it. You know, they would be, please, grandma, please, grandma. And I would just say, let's take a photograph of it. So we'll remember when it comes time later on. and then, of course, over the period of time, we would see how the interest was still, whether it was still present or not. And um and I think about you, Sam, mentioning about the thrift stores,
00:17:28
Speaker
If anyone has a phone, they could go in and they could take photos of X amount of things and come back out and say, these are things that I would be interested in from the store. So one thing from there, from this selection, would be something that I would be interested in. In case someone had no idea, for example, of what to get another person. i think that's a lovely idea because it's also time spent together, right? Like it's an adventure that you're going on together. It's an experience and the experience could be the whole gift. You know, you could have a time to go to a store and go in and take a picture of something that you would love to give to someone as well and explain to them,
00:18:05
Speaker
why that's something they would like, much like you were saying, Kelly, about the cutting things out of magazines, because then you're still spending time together, you're having an outing, and you're really thinking about the other people in your life. Those are, yeah, I love the idea of a selection of photos to choose from. But I also, yeah, I think there's lots of fun, neat ways to make that interesting. And for us, as we're talking about gift giving from thrift stores, we've also used that as the basis of we've purchased something from a thrift store and then added paint or did a little bit of visible mending or blah, blah, blah. And all of a sudden it's gone from like...
00:18:42
Speaker
We love a good bargain. My husband's family motto, I am certain, is it's not how much you spend, it's how much you save. So for him, if you add that to his present, like if it's on sale or you got it at a thrift store, that's an extra good present because you not only got him something, but you saved money doing it scores But it also can be this like, that's extra awesome because your little tweaks make it special and make it unique and make it really cool and make it custom made for that person.
00:19:14
Speaker
So let's wrap up this conversation with maybe a memory because there's something that's coming to mind actually that I want to share with you.
Humor and Traditions in Gift-Giving
00:19:24
Speaker
And so it was a tradition. It was something that started, I'll say out of my sister's greed at Christmas.
00:19:31
Speaker
So what they decided to do was in our family, we would hang up stockings. Well, in the sixties, those ingenious sisters of mine decided to hang up leotards and So can you imagine what my parents were faced with when when all of a sudden there were leotards? So yeah, you know, spaced out with fruit and things like that. So it's it's just one of those traditions that started in my family. And it didn't continue on with my children, but certainly all the way through for me, that's just a funny story that we have from my family about a tradition.
00:20:09
Speaker
How about you? That's very funny. I'm going to jump out of your your query here and just say um the idea of mending something, Kelly, has really resonated with me because it occurs to me that, so my children's grandmother, my former mother-in-law, passed away a number of years ago, but she was quite the quilt maker.
00:20:27
Speaker
And my older son's quilt has some serious need for repair. So I'm thinking that I'm going to make the time between now and Christmas to repair that quilt for him so that it's ready to be used again. So thank you for sticking that little bug in my ear. I appreciate that very much.
00:20:46
Speaker
And I couldn't think of a memory, Sandy, because I was too busy thinking about how I was going to fix the quilt. so That's wonderful, Sam. Something about that memory made me think of the gift of humor. And the quick little story I have is a friend of mine who's similar age to my parents asked me to buy some things on his behalf for Mountain Equipment Co-op. And this is at the time it was a co-op.
00:21:07
Speaker
And I said, I'm happy to do it. He's like, because I don't have a membership. said, well, I'm happy to do it, but you do know a membership's $5, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that year for Christmas, I took a a little cardboard box. i put i bought a $5 Mountain Equipment Co-op gift certificate, and I put a membership application in it and a pencil. And I wrote, do your make your own membership kit. Yeah. And his wife called and said, that was the best Christmas present. We could not stop laughing. And I think sometimes the best Christmas presents are the things that just tickle your funny bone. And they're just hysterical, whether that's wrapping something in a giant box that's little tiny.
00:21:52
Speaker
But yeah, I like laughter. That's my memory. Great way to end. So from us to you, we hope that however you celebrate, that you have great times together.
Holiday Wishes and Podcast Credits
00:22:02
Speaker
And if you are not together with anyone else, we encourage you to listen to another podcast because we will bring a smile to your face.
00:22:11
Speaker
See next time.
00:22:23
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is a production of Muskoka Family Focus's parent education program. It is made possible by the generous donations of listeners like you. If you'd like to make a donation, sponsor an episode, or just ask a question of one of our hosts, go to linktr.ee forward slash on the ground parenting.
00:22:41
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is produced and published by Red Juice Studios. To learn more, go to redjuicestudio.com. Thanks for listening.